Centerstage 2013

ALADDIN

by Paul Hendy

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List of Scenes

ACT ONE

PROLOGUE: Beneath the Great Pyramids of Egypt

SCENE 1: The Market Place in Old Peking

SCENE 2: The Street of a Thousand Goldfish

SCENE 3: Widow Twankey’s Laundry

SCENE 4: In the Midst of the Mysterious Mountains

SCENE 5: Inside the Cave

SCENE 6: The Cave of Jewels

ACT TWO

SCENE 7: The Market Place in Old Peking

SCENE 8: Outside Aladdin’s Palace

SCENE 9: The Garden of Aladdin’s Palace

SCENE 10: The Street of a Thousand Goldfish

SCENE 11: Night Flight to Cairo

SCENE 12: Beneath the Great Pyramids of Egypt

SCENE 12(a): Abanazar’s Palace in Egypt

SCENE 14: Songsheet

SCENE 15: The Pagoda of Perpetual Bliss

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SONGS: ACT ONE – use lyrics as re-written ins cript

Welcome to the City Page 8SPIRIT/ABANAZAR/ENSEMBLE/JUVEShttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-L0i5pnDxs

Good Old Fashioned Loverboy Page 20ALADDIN/JASMINE/ENSEMBLEhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkr9V41_e40

Not Even The King Page 26JASMINE http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahsFa6AYRaQ

500 miles Page 43TWANKEY/PONGO/ALADDIN/JASMINE/ENSEMBLE/JUVEShttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZ4Ib-7fJqY

Price Tag Page 53GENIE/SPRIT/ALADDIN/ENSEMBLE/JUVEShttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLEAMpzQLTc

ACT TWO

Old Macdonald (Kid participation) Page 88PONGO/ALADDIN

Prince Ali Page 57SPIRIT/GENIE/ENSEMBLE/JUVEShttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEryAoLfnAA

The Twelve Days of Christmas (Splosh Scene) Page 63ALADDIN/ENSEMBLE 1/PONGO

Defying Gravity Page 76SPIRIT/ALADDINhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlMBcTGJ4YM

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (Ghost Gag Bench) Page 79ALADDIN/PONGO/TWANKEY/ENSEMBLE/JUVES

If You’re Looking For Trouble Page 81ABANAZAR, JUVES, ENSEMBLEhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yg-1qW2xAU4

Think Page 86SPIRIT/GENIE/ALLhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsL9UL9qbv8

Pantomime (Pom Poms) Page 90ALLhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHitulGaS9k

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ACT ONE

PROLOGUE - BENEATH THE GREAT PYRAMIDS OF EGYPT

MUSIC CUE: OvertureLX CUE: House lights to half

LX CUE: House lights outFLY CUE: Show cloth out

MUSIC CUE: ABANAZAR Motif and underscore.

ABANAZAR is discovered on, leaning over a burning brazier, incanting a spell

ABANAZAR: …fair is foul and foul is fair. (Suddenly he turns and looks upwards)… Behold! Here, in the pyramids of Egypt, beneath the cavernous tomb of Ramses II… I, Abanazar, Greatest Sorcerer in the World, purveyor of all things evil…

Underscore stops and ABANAZAR looks at the audience

....and leading thespian of my generation…

Underscore re-starts

…shall learn the secret of omnipotent power. On this dark, iniquitous night, the Ancient Pharaohs have decreed that I could be the supreme ruler of the universe with the help of this: The Ring of Tutankhamen! (over-dramatically) But how... how do I unleash its malevolent power?

Music stops and ABANAZAR, almost disappointedly, addresses the audience

Ahem… it’s strange but the Ancient Pharaohs mentioned that, at this juncture, there might be some sort of audience participation. I’ll try again...

Music starts

(over-dramatically again) How?... How do I unleash its malevolent power?

PLANT in AUDIENCE shouts ‘Rub the ring’

(encouraging audience) I beg your pardon?

AUDIENCE shout ‘Rub the ring’

4

You want me to rub Tutankhamen’s ring? An unusual concept but it might just work.

ABANAZAR rubs the ring

PYRO CUE: DSRSND FX CUE: Thunder

MUSIC CUE: Spirit motif

The SPIRIT OF THE RING enters DSR. She is a vision of beauty and ABANAZAR drops to his knees in subservience

ABANAZAR: Ah, beautiful apparition; I beg thee to impart thy vast knowledge upon me. Speak... speak in what I’m sure are delicate, whispering tones like soft, silver bells tinkling on a light summer breeze.

SPIRIT: (in a very annoying accent) Al-wight buddeeeeee! How’s it goin’? Hahahahahahahahahaha…

She has a ridiculously long and comedic laugh with one of those annoying snorts at the end

ABANAZAR: I beg your pardon?

SPIRIT: I said... Hahahahahahahaaaaaa…

She snorts again

ABANAZAR: Stop that ridiculous laughing. You are the Spirit of the Ring, a supreme being. You must tell me what you know!

SPIRIT: (returning to a serious Spirit-like pose and voice) I do know one very important thing.

ABANAZAR: Tell me, powerful spirit…tell me what you know!

Beat

SPIRIT: I know how to dance ‘Gangnam Style’… hit it… two, three, four…

MUSIC CUE: Gangnam Style (8 bars)

SPIRIT does a very comedic ‘Gangnam Style’ routine

ABANAZAR: Stop... stop... stop! What are you doing… what’s all this? (he attempts to dance ‘Gangnam Style’!) Right... Let’s get a couple of things straight here. Who is your master?

5

SPIRIT: (returning to a serious Spirit-like pose and voice) I serve the wearer of Tutankhamen’s Ring.

ABANAZAR: Ha! Then you serve me! I have three wishes and as my slave you must grant them. One: to have supreme omnipotent power.

SPIRIT: (bowing) I can help you, O Master.

ABANAZAR: Two: To rule the entire universe.

SPIRIT: (bowing) I can help you, O Master.

ABANAZER: Three: To be the greatest Shakespearian actor that ever lived!

Pause

SPIRIT: Hahahahahahaha! Shut upppppppppp!

ABANAZAR: What?

SPIRIT: I’m a Spirit, not a miracle worker! Look, if you want to rule the universe and be a successful Shakespearian actor (she sniggers), you need a more powerful Spirit than me. You need the Genie from... (in a deep and dramatic voice with echo) ‘The Ancient Lamp of The Orient!’

MUSIC CUE: Dramatic Chord

ABANAZAR: Not… (in a deep and dramatic voice with echo) The Ancient Lamp of The Orient?

MUSIC CUE: Dramatic Chord

So how do I find this lamp?

SPIRIT: The Ancient Lamp lies at the bottom of The Cave of Jewels in far off China. It may only be retrieved by an innocent young boy, pure of heart and generous in spirit.

ABANAZAR: Young boy? Bah… (to the audience) I hate children! What do I need the help of a young boy for? Surely I’m young enough to get the lamp myself… (aside to the audience) I can still play juvenile lead!

SPIRIT: If you enter the cave it will mean certain death. The only person who can bring you the lamp is a boy called Aladdin and even he, once inside the cave, will only have thirty seconds to retrieve it.

ABANAZAR: Aladdin? Where will I find this Aladdin?

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SPIRIT: He is the son of Widow Twankey and you can’t miss her, she’s a fat guy in a dress! You’ll find her in the Rainier Beach district of Old Peking.

ABANAZAR: Old Peking in far-off China, eh? Can you take me there?

SPIRIT: In the blink of an eye O’ master...

MUSIC CUE: ‘Welcome to the City’ SPIRIT OF THE RING, ABANAZAR and ENSEMBLE

She indicates for the temple to disappear and we are magically transported to a busy marketplace in Old Peking

LX CUE: Bright State for Song

The ENSEMBLE and JUVENILES enter from all sides

SCENE ONE - THE MARKET PLACE IN OLD PEKING

MUSIC CUE: ‘Welcome to the City’ SPIRIT OF THE RING, ABANAZAR and ENSEMBLE

There is a busy marketplace... the ENSEMBLE and JUVENILES enter from all sides

SPIRIT: (over intro) Welcome to the City of Old Peking.

ABANAZAR: Very clever, Spirit. Come on, let’s find the boy, Aladdin.

SPIRIT: Hold your horses, guy, we’ve got to do a bit of sight-seeing first... Hello everyone!

ENSEMBLE: (smiling and waving) Hello!!!

During the song, SPIRIT tries to show ABANAZAR the sights of PEKING. He isn’t that keen...

SPIRIT: Ay ayWell done, welcome to the cityYou'll become number oneWith a witty mindYou will spellbindFollow me, Set me free, do whateverHit the wall, get the callAnd I have to say's no other way

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Throw your penniesIn a wishing wellMight get heavenAnd you might get hellThunder, lightningAin't that kinda frightening

Saints and sinnersOn the road to fameAin't no winner'Til we know your name

ABANAZAR (spoken) Abanazar!!GENIE Black white, flashlight

Show me what you got

SPIRIT/ENSEMBLE: Have a good bite out of the cityTake a long cold look at the worldYou might crash, burnEither way you'll learnGood bite out of the city

(Ahh, ahh, ahh)

SPIRIT: Free your mind, your behind's gonna followDo the crime, do the timeWhen tomorrow comesWe're the pretty ones

ABANAZAR Very true, let’s review, find the cave, rub the lampWhat I take, what I getMy prerogativeThat's how I live

SPIRIT: Throw your penniesIn a wishing wellMight get heavenAnd you might get hellBlack white, flashlightShow me what you got

SPIRIT/ENSEMBLE: Have a good bite out of the cityTake a long cold look at the worldYou might crash, burnEither way you'll learnGood bite out of the city

The way you want it or won't, yeahYeah, yeah

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ABANAZAR: Show and prove, do or dieWe won't sleep, we won't cry

SPIRIT: No no, we don't cryBOTH: Hit 'em low, hit 'em high

Take an eye for an eye

Evil music vamps –

ABANAZAR: (over music) Bah, I’ve had enough of this singing and dancing nonsense; we didn’t do this in the park with Greenstage, or even at Renton Civic.... Look, we must find the boy, Aladdin. He will retrieve the lamp for me and when he does, tremble fools, for I shall rule the world and finally be recognised as the major acting talent that I am! Follow me, Spirit...

ABANAZAR exits SL. SPIRIT goes to follow him and then decides to ignore him

SPIRIT/ENSEMBLE: Yeah!Have a good bite out of the cityTake a long cold look at the world(Oh yeah)You might crash, burnEither way you'll learnGood bite out of the city

(speaks) Ladies and Gentleman boys and girls, let’s hear it for Aladdin!

ENSEMBLE cheer. SPIRIT exits. ALADDIN enters

ALADDIN: Well done, welcome to the pantoYou'll become number oneWith a witty tongueWe praise the youngPanto time is sublime do whateverHiss or boo, up to youAnd I have to say's no other way

ENSEMBLE: Have a good time out at our pantoTake a long lovely look at the world(Oh yeah)You might laugh, shoutEither way you'll learn:Good time out at the panto

LX CUE: Bright state for scene

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At the end of song ENSEMBLE stay on

ALADDIN: Hello! (audience react) Oh come on, you can do better than that… Hello! (audience react) Are you friendly? My name’s Aladdin and I live here in Peking with my mom, Widow Twankey! Now, here in Old Peking, I’ve got my own gang… watch this: (to ensemble) Hiya gang!

ENSEMBLE: (stepping forward and waving in a very obvious manner) Hiya Aladdin!

ALADDIN: Hey, seeing as you’re so friendly, you can be in my gang if you want… do want to be in my gang? (audience react) Here’s what you do: Every time I come on, I’m gonna shout ‘Hiya gang’ and, at the tops of your voices, you have to shout… ‘Hiya Aladdin!’ Do you think you can do that? Let’s have a go. ‘Hiya gang’ (audience react) Brilliant.

VILLAGER 1: Hey, Aladdin, why don’t we have a competition to see who’s the loudest?

ALADDIN: Good idea, Unnamed Villager Number One… that’s what he’s called in the script! Yes, we’ll have a little bit of audience patronisation... I mean participation! Who’s going to be the loudest?... Will it be the boys and girls, will it be the mums and the wrinkly grannies... or will it be the dads and grumpy grandads? Let’s find out shall we? All the boys and girls first... come on boys and girls, don’t let me down... ‘Hiya kids!’ (boys and girls react). (To Aladdin) That was very good... (Aladdin agrees) OK, mums and wrinkly grannies next... Now, boys and girls, if your mum doesn’t shout out it means she doesn’t love you! Come on, mums... ‘Hiya mums!’(mums react) What do you think, gang?

The VILLAGERS agree that they were good

ALADDIN: Yes, but now it’s time for ones we’ve all been waiting for… the dads and the grumpy grandads... This will be good. Come on dads, pretend you want to be here... ‘Hiya dads!’ (Dads react –ALADDIN imitates them) I’d rather be watching the Seahawks! Now, in my gang, we have got a secret signal and the secret signal is this… (he does the secret signal).

MUSIC CUE: Cow bell

Let’s see everyone doing the secret signal (audience do secret signal) So whenever I come on I’m going to shout ‘Hiya gang’ and you shout ‘Hiya Aladdin’ and we all do… (secret signal)

MUSIC CUE: Cow bell

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This guy on the front row wasn’t joining in at all… so we’re going to get him to do it all on his own! (he gets man on front row - who, for the purposes of this script will be called ‘John’ to stand up, he asks him his name and gets him to shout on his own) Now John, If you shout ‘Hiya Aladdin’ and do the secret signal really loud, I guarantee all these people will go crazy with applause just for you, and let me tell you why: because they’re all very glad it’s not them who has to do it. ‘Hiya John’ (John reacts and does secret sign) Give John a great big round of applause (audience applause) So, you’re all in my gang now and you all know the secret signal…

AUDIENCE AND ENSEMBLE react

SFX CUE: Police siren.

PONGO: (offstage) Clear the streets, clear the streets!

ALADDIN: Oh no, it’s the police!

LX: Flashing light

MUSIC CUE: Chinese-style ‘Bad Boys’ play on

ALADDIN and VILLAGERS run to the sides as PC PONGO enters USR in a RIDICULOUSLY SMALL ELECTRIC POLICE CAR.

PONGO: Hello… (audience react) Oh, come on, my costume’s louder than that! Hello! (audience react) I am PC Pingu Pongo Ping-Pong of the Old Peking Police - Party Pooper Patrol! I have to admit that’s not easy to say in this totally authentic Chinese accent. I should have been here sooner but I was using the latest Police technology… it’s a Bonnie Tyler GPS.

He holds up a SAT NAV

ALADDIN: A Bonnie Tyler GPS?

PONGO: Yes, it’s useless… It keeps telling you to turn around and every now and then it falls apart! (to a VILLAGER) Would you park that for me?... Make sure you lock it, this is Federal Way!

VILLAGER takes CAR off

ALADDIN: Is the crime rate bad at the moment, Pongo?

PONGO: Oh yes. We have a lot of theft. Only we don’t call it theft in Peking.

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ALADDIN Oh really? What DO you call it?

PONGO: Chinese takeaway.

MUSIC CUE: Ba-dum-tish!

And you can’t trust anyone these days. I caught the cashier at my local supermarket taking money from the cash register.

ALADDIN: Why would she do such a stupid thing?

PONGO: She thought the change would do her good.!

Ba-dum-tish!

Now, what are you up to, Aladdin? You look to me like a lazy layabout who larks around looking for a laugh.

ALADDIN: I’m not lazy! I work for my mom at the laundry, we’re opening a Mobile Chinese Takeaway and I’ve got a job at the bowling alley.

PONGO: The bowling alley?

ALADDIN: Yes, the bowling alley.

PONGO: Tenpin?

ALADDIN: No, it’s permanent!

MUSIC CUE: Ba-dum-tish!

PONGO: Well look, you’ve got to clear the streets... They’re proceeding with precipitation through the precinct in a precise procession.

ALADDIN: Who are?

PONGO: The Emperor and his daughter, the beautiful Princess Jasmine…

ALADDIN: Princess Jasmine?

Aladdin’s legs go wobbly

MUSIC CUE: Percussion coconut ‘knock’

PONGO: Oooooo!!! (to the audience) Did you see that? Aladdin’s got Coconut Knee! A terrible infliction but you can get cream for it.

ALADDIN: No, it’s not that… (to the audience) Listen, can you lot keep a secret? (audience react) I’m in love with Princess Jasmine (audience react) Oh, come on, I’m more in love than that!

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(audience react) I love her but she doesn’t even know who I am because I’m just a humble laundry boy but one day... I’m going to be more that that... you’ll help me won’t you, guys?

PONGO: Well, you need to make sure you’re not here when the Emperor and Princess arrive. You know what you get if you’re caught looking at the Princess, the penalty is...

In a completely over the top manner, PONGO mimes the actions to his own soundtrack of running, screaming, having his throat cut, hanging, machine gun, stabbing, strangling, hand grenade, and every other imaginable death intercut with ‘and now the end is near’… ‘Tell Laura I Love Her’ and ‘Who Wants to Live Forever’. He ends up on the floor

ALADDIN: You don’t mean we get...

PONGO: (sitting up) Yes, a night out in Fife!

MUSIC CUE: Chinese Fanfare into drum roll

Oh no, this must be the Princess Jasmine now... (to ensemble) Right, you lot, on your knees and avert your eyes from her beautiful looks and stunning figure...

ALADDIN and ENSEMBLE drop to knees and bow as MALE ENSEMBLE enter carrying a ROYAL SEDAN CHAIR

(to audience) Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, bow your heads and show due reverence to the most beautiful lady in the whole of China...

Drum roll stops.

WIDOW TWANKEY steps out of the Sedan Chair

TWANKEY: Hello, Federal Way!

MUSIC CUE: Short burst of Chinese ‘Nothing Like a Dame’

ENSEMBLE exit SL and SR, disappointed

PONGO: Widow Twankey, it’s you!

TWANKEY: Yes. Thank goodness I’m here. I’ve been shopping at Target! (French pronunciation) Oh it was terrible!

PONGO: I thought you liked Target.

TWANKEY: I do. But a blind person came in with a seeing-eye dog.

13

PONGO: There’s nothing wrong with that.

TWANKEY: No. But he picked up the leash and started swinging the dog around his head...

She demonstrates

PONGO: And no-one stopped him?

TWANKEY: Well, I asked him what he was doing and he said: “Oh, just looking around.”

MUSIC CUE: Ba-dum –tish!

PONGO: We thought you were the Princess Jasmine.

TWANKEY: Well, I can understand your confusion; we’re both young, slim and extremely beautiful! The only difference is... I’m a widow (audience react)… Is that it? I’d hate to break an arm in front of you lot! Come on... I’m a widow (audience react)... Better! I lost my first husband... what a card game that was! Actually, he died when he fell into a jar of coffee.

ALADDIN/PONGO: A jar of coffee?

TWANKEY: Yes... at least it was instant!

MUSIC CUE: Ba-dum-tish!

So what are you up to, Aladdin?

ALADDIN: I’ve been talking to all these people. They’re lovely… (indicating the man in the front row) ‘John’s’ hard work!

TWANKEY: Ooh, I can see ‘John’ checking me out, though... Hello ‘John’!... He’s looking at me thinking I don’t stand a chance with that red hot sexy mama... But you do, John, you do! Where would you be without a laugh, eh?

PONGO: (indicating the man in the front row) Sitting in the front row with ‘John’! Are you enjoying yourself, John? (John reacts) Could you tell your face about it?! (to TWANKEY) Now then, what’s this about you Twankeys opening a mobile Chinese Takeaway?

TWANKEY: Oh... the mobile Chinese Takeaway? (she shouts) Bring on the mobile Chinese Takeaway!

14

An ENSEMBLE MEMBER brings forward a cart with the sign ‘TWANKEY’S MOBILE CHINESE TAKEAWAY’

Here it is now, look... you’ve heard of cordon bleu?

PONGO: Yes.

TWANKEY: This should be cordoned off!

ALADDIN: I’ll have you know, Pongo, this is the best food in China.

PONGO: How can you be sure?

ALADDIN: A million flies can’t be wrong!

PONGO What will you take off for cash?

TWANKEY Everything except my earrings.

PONGO Have you no scruples?

TWANKEY No, but I could order you some.

PONGO: What are those things on sticks?

TWANKEY: They’re senior citizens! (to the audience) Hello to all the seniors! (audience react)

PONGO: Look at that, it’s like a Depends convention! Three cheers for the pensioners… hip hip… replacement! Tell me, Widow Twankey, do you have Prawn Balls?

ALADDIN: No it’s just the way he walks!

TWANKEY}PONGO} She!

ALADDIN: Sorry, she!

PONGO: Do you do soup?

TWANKEY: Of course we do soup! Aladdin, tell him what soup we have.

ALADDIN: We have (he does chicken impression) buckkk buckkkkk buckkkk!

PONGO: Chicken?

ALADDIN: Mushroom!

PONGO: Why did you do an impression of a chicken?

15

ALADDIN: Because I can’t do an impression of a mushroom!

From the back of the cart, PONGO picks up a PLATE FULL OF MARSHMALLOWS

PONGO: What are these marshmallows doing here?

TWANKEY: Ah, you’ll love this, Pongo. We can teach you to be a magician.

PONGO: Oh, I’ve always wanted to be a magician.

ALADDIN: What you have to do is close your eyes, wave your hand over the plate, say the magic word ‘abracadabra’ and all the marshmallows will magically disappear.

PONGO: OK, I’ll give it a go... I close my eyes, wave my hand over the plate...

As he closes his eyes, ALADDIN and TWANKEY take the marshmallows and shove them in their mouths

...say the magic words ‘abracadabra’ and all the marshmallows will disappear...

He opens his eyes to see the empty plate. He is very excited by his new-found talent

That is amazing! I didn’t know I could do magic. I’m so good I think I’ll try it again but this time with… (in a very knowing manner) twice as many marshmallows!

He brings out another PLATE WITH TWICE AS MANY MARSHMALLOWS. TWANKEYS react

... you didn’t see that coming, did you? (he looks into the wings) And there seem to be more marshmallows than usual! Good luck! Right, I close my eyes, wave my hand over the plate...

He closes his eyes. ALADDIN and TWANKEY take the marshmallows and shove them in their mouths. Their mouths are full of marshmallows!

...say the magic words ‘abracadabra’ and all the marshmallows will disappear...

He opens his eyes and sees the empty plate

This is brilliant. I can see a whole new career as a magician! I’ll try it again but this time… with two donuts!

16

He brings out TWO DONUTS. TWANKEYS react (their mouths are still full of marshmallows). They look at each other and shake their heads

I’m looking forward to this, boys and girls! I close my eyes, wave my hand over the plate...

He closes his eyes. ALADDIN and TWANKEY take the donuts and shove them into their (already full) mouths.

...say the magic words ‘abracadabra’ and the donuts will disappear...

He opens his eyes and sees the empty plate

This is brilliant. I can’t believe it! I tell you what boys and girls, I’m so good at this, this time I’m going to make all the food magically re-appear!

TWANKEYS shake their heads

Shall we make the food come back, boys and girls? (Audience react). Right, let’s all count from five to zero and when we get to zero, all the food will magically re-appear! Ready… Five… four…

PONGO closes his eyes and counts. THE TWANKEYS panic. ALADDIN has an idea. He and TWANKEY remove PONGO’S helmet. They go behind the cart and act as if they are spitting the food into the helmet. They actually do a swap and bring out an ‘IDENTICAL’ HEMET WITH A HOLE IN THE TOP which is filled with SHAVING FOAM

Right, here we go... ‘abracadabra!’ (Nothing happens) Oh no, it hasn’t worked…

TWANKEY/ALADDIN: Oh yes it has!

ALADDIN puts the ‘IDENTICAL’ HELMET ON PONGO’S head and foam shoots out the top!

MUSIC CUE: Comedy sting

PONGO: Why I oughta…

PONGO exits DSL in a comedic fashion

TWANKEY That’s got rid of him! Come on Aladdin, we’d better get out of here. The Emperor’s on his way.

17

ALADDIN: I think I'll stay, mum; I may get a cheeky glimpse of the Princess.

TWANKEY: Oh, he’s just like his father...

ALADDIN: What, brave?

TWANKEY: No, drunk!

ALADDIN: I didn’t know my father, did I?

TWANKEY: I didn’t know him very well myself!

ALADDIN: How long were you together?

TWANKEY: About twenty minutes!… He never even took his hat off… And I was eating chips at the time! Listen, son, I’d better go; I don’t want to be late for my over-acting class which starts in…

TWANKEY looks at her watch. She totally overacts in a very exaggerated manner and then just as suddenly she stops

… five minutes! I’ll see you back at the Laundry. Exit Widow Twankey downstage right to a massive round of applause. Thank you, thank you...

TWANKEY exits DSR

ALADDIN: There's got to be more to life than washing other people's sheets... I know I just have to believe in myself and something positive will happen...

MUSIC CUE: Gong and Fanfare and marching drums

That sounds like the Emperor's procession... (To the audience) What do you think? Shall I stay and see the Princess? (audience react) Shall I risk it? (audience react) Right! They're getting close - I'd better find somewhere to hide...

ALADDIN hides at the top of the treads DSL. The EMPEROR enters USR

EMPEROR: Left right, left right, left right... Come along, Jasmine! Stop lagging behind!

PRINCESS JASMINE enters USR

JASMINE: Oh, Father, why do you insist on marching everywhere?

EMPEROR: Emperors are always preceded by mighty armies.

18

JASMINE: But you haven't got any armies…

EMPEROR: Yes I have… they’re up my sleevies!!

MUSIC CUE: Ba-dum tish!

JASMINE: Why don't we stop pretending and let everyone know we're poor?

EMPEROR: We’re not ‘poor’. (at speed) It’s purely a passing interlude of monetary mortification, a temporary period of financial embarrassment and a transitory phase of economic humiliation.

JASMINE: We’re broke!

EMPEROR: Alright, we’re broke! But not for very much longer; in two days time, the Chinese billionaire, Cha-Ching will arrive and if he finds you acceptable then he'll marry you and our money troubles will be over.

JASMINE: Father, I refuse to marry Cha-Ching!... He’s ninety years old.EMPEROR: …Eighty three to be precise…JASMINE: …He weighs four hundred pounds!EMPEROR: …A tad over weight perhaps...JASMINE: …And he dribbles when he talks!EMPEROR: BUT HE’S VERY RICH!

JASMINE: I don't care how rich he is, Father, I won’t marry him!

EMPEROR: Excuse me, Miss Impertinence! I may be in somewhat straitened circumstances but I am still The Emperor of China, and if I tell you to marry Cha-Ching, you will marry Cha-Ching!

JASMINE: But Father -

EMPEROR: Silence! We shall proceed with our Royal procession... By the left - quick march!

MUSIC CUE: Fanfare and marching drums

The EMPEROR exits DSL

JASMINE: Father!… Oh, what's the point?! I'm never allowed to meet anyone of my own age. I'm sure there must be a boy somewhere out there who'd love me for who I am and not just because I'm the Princess of China...

ALADDIN emerges from hiding. MUSIC CUE: Intro Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy

ALADDIN: This could be your lucky day...

19

I can dim the lights and sing you songs full of sad things We can do the tango just for two I can serenade and gently play on your heart strings Be your Valentino just for you

JASM/ALADDIN Ooh love - ooh loverboy JASMINE What're you doin' tonight, hey boy ALADDIN Set my alarm, turn on my charm

That's because I'm a good old-fashioned lover boy

Ooh let me feel your heartbeat ENSEMBLE (Grow faster, faster) ALADDIN Ooh ooh can you feel my love heat

Come on and sit on my hot-seat of love And tell me how do you feel right after-all I'd like for you and I to go romancing Say the word - your wish is my command

BOTH Ooh love - ooh loverboy What're you doin' tonight,

JASMINE hey boy Write my letter Feel much better

ALADDIN And use my fancy patter on the telephone

BOTH When I'm not with you I’ll think of you always

ENSEMBLE (They’ll miss those long hot summer nights) BOTH When I'm not with you

Think of me always Love you - love you

JASMINE Hey boy where do you get it from Hey boy where did you go?

ALADDIN I learned my passion in the good old Fashioned school of loverboys

They Dance

ALADDIN Dining at the Ritz we'll meet at nine precisely ENSEMBLE One two three four five six seven eight nine o' clock ALADDIN I will pay the bill, you taste the wine

Driving back in style, a palace room will do quite nicely JASMINE Just take me to the takeaway would be fine

(Come on and get it)

Ooh love, ALL (There he goes again just like a good old-fashioned lover boy)

Ooh loverboy What're you doin' tonight, hey boy Everything's all right

20

Just hold on tight That's because I'm a good old-fashioned fashioned lover boy

JASMINE: Oh! We can’t talk like this! Don’t you know that it is forbidden to look at me and that by staying here you could be in serious trouble.

ALADDIN: I’m willing to take that risk.

JASMINE: Really? What's your name?

ALADDIN: Aladdin, Your Highness, I’m one of your loyal subjects. I might just do lowly jobs at the moment but I'm ambitious and I'm determined to make a success of my life.

JASMINE: Why are you telling me this?

ALADDIN: Because... because when I'm rich, maybe then I’ll be able to ask for your hand in marriage!

JASMINE: What nonsense you talk; money’s not important to me. (looking around) Look, you must go - and keep it a secret that you’ve seen me; if my father finds out he will have you killed!

ALADDIN: I’m not scared of your father…

EMPEROR (OFF): JASMINE!

ALADDIN: It would be worth dying just to know that I’ve spent these few moments in your presence.

The EMPEROR enters USL

EMPEROR: JASMINE! (He spots Aladdin.) - What- who- when- how-…PC Pongo! PC PONGO!

PONGO enters

Pongo… where have you been?

PONGO: Alright I suppose. I just pulled over a man for speeding. I said “Sir – I couldn’t help but notice that your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”

EMPEROR: What did he say?”

PONGO: “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice that your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating donuts?”

MUSIC CUE: Ba-dum-tish

21

EMPEROR: Arrest him, Pongo… do you hear me? Arrest him…

PONGO grabs ALADDIN

PONGO: I’m sorry about this, Aladdin but I hope you appreciate that for perusing the Princess you must pay the perilous penalty of personal palpable pain?

JASMINE: Don't be ridiculous, he meant me no harm.

ALADDIN: Indeed not, sir. In fact, one day, I intend to marry your daughter.

EMPEROR: You? Marry my daughter? Jasmine is going to marry a millionaire, not a pauper like you!

ALADDIN: I may be a pauper now sir but if I need to be a millionaire to marry your daughter, then I promise you that one day I will be.

EMPEROR: Nonsense boy. You will suffer for this… (he calls) CALL FOR THE EVIL EXECUTIONER!

PONGO: CALL FOR THE EVIL EXECUTIONER!

ENSEMBLE (OFF): CALL FOR THE EVIL EXECUTIONER!

ENSEMBLE (OFF): HERE COMES THE EVIL EXECUTIONER!

PONGO: HERE COMES THE EVIL EXECUTIONER!

MUSIC CUE: Percussion on footsteps

THE SMALLEST JUVENILE with a BIG AXE enters dressed as EXECUTIONER

EMPEROR: Ah, this is the Evil Executioner… Nee Hi! Drum roll, please…

MUSIC CUE: Dramatic drum roll

Aladdin, do you have any last requests?

ALADDIN: Only for the Princess to know that I love her.

JASMINE: Oh, Aladdin...

ALADDIN: Do you believe in me, Princess?

JASMINE: I believe in you.

ALADDIN: Then that’s enough for me.

EMPEROR: The impudence of the boy!

22

JASMINE: Father, you can’t do this... I forbid it!

EMPEROR: Nonsense! Off with his head!

PONGO: Aladdin, prepare to meet your death!

The DRUM ROLL increases the tension

THE EVIL EXECUTIONER lifts the AXE. He brings it down on the back of ALADDIN’S neck.

There is a pause. The drum roll stops. Everyone looks DSR

There is a long, embarrassing pause and it is obvious that somebody should have entered

TWANKEY enters DSR. She is out of breath and she’s obviously missed her cue

TWANKEY: STOP!!!!!! (to the audience) I nearly missed that!

PONGO: That could have been a very short show!

TWANKEY: Hey, what are you doing with my son?

EMPEROR: He is about to have his head chopped off.

TWANKEY: You can’t do that. He’ll have nowhere to keep his hat!

EMPEROR: Enough of this! Start the proceedings!

TWANKEY throws herself at the EMPEROR’S feet in an completely over the top manner

TWANKEY: Oh no, take me take me take me…

EMPEROR: Very well…

The EXECUTIONER raises his axe

TWANKEY: (Scampering away SR quickly) ...To Disneyland! Good grief… let me finish!

EMPEROR: YOU’RE WASTING MY TIME! Off with his head.

TWANKEY: No, wait… Would you permit a condemned man one last meal?

EMPEROR: I don’t see why not, what is your request?

23

TWANKEY: Would it be possible for my little boy to have one of his mother’s custard pies?

EMPEROR: A custard pie? Do you want a custard pie, boy?

ALADDIN: Oh, erm... I’d love a custard pie, sir!

EMPEROR: Well, I don’t see what damage can be done with a custard pie. Very well.

TWANKEY: Pongo, get the people from the village to bring it on the custard pie!

PONGO: (he shouts) Could the people from the village bring on the custard pie!

MUSIC CUE: ‘YMCA’ play on

4 members of the ENSEMBLE enter DSR. They stand next to TWANKEY. One is wearing an INDIAN CHIEF’S OUTFIT; one is wearing A COWBOY OUTFIT; one is wearing a SAILORS UNIFORM; one is wearing an AMERICAN COP’S UNIFORM. They all have handlebar moustaches! One of them is holding a CUSTARD PIE.

PONGO: I said the people from the village... not the Village People! Get off!

The VILLAGE people look dejected and exit DSR

MUSIC CUE: ‘YMCA’ play off

TWANKEY: Now, boys and girls, if you want to find out what that joke was all about, you need to speak to your favourite Uncle who lives with his special ‘friend’!

TWANKEY: (to Aladdin) Now, you do want these custard pies, don’t you, son?

TWANKEY has CUSTARD PIE

ALADDIN: Oh, yes please mum!

TWANKEY: (in a very obvious manner) Now, you won’t move out of the way, will you? Because we don’t want to hit PC Pongo in the face with a custard pie, do we boys and girls?

Audience react

TWANKEY: Shall I? Shall I? Three, two, one

24

ALADDIN ducks as TWANKEY pushes custard pie into PONGO’S face. TWANKEY turns around and kisses the EMPEROR on the cheek and he recoils in horror. Amid the chaos, ALADDIN AND JASMINE make their escape into auditorium…

ALADDIN: Come on, Princess Jasmine!

EMPEROR: PC Pongo… after them!

PONGO blows his whistle and chase begins

MUSIC CUE: ‘Misirlou’ (Chase Music)

PONGO and EMPEROR chase ALADDIN, JASMINE, TWANKEY, THE VILLAGE PEOPLE (who have come back on) and JUVES around auditorium. The sequence ends with everyone exiting in all directions. ALADDIN and JASMINE return to stage laughing and breathless

ALADDIN: We seem to have lost them…

JASMINE: This is so much fun!

ALADDIN: We have to be careful though, the guards will be looking for us.

JASMINE: But it’s so exciting, I’ve never felt so free!

Beat

ALADDIN: And I’ve never felt so in love.

JASMINE: Really, Aladdin?

ALADDIN: Really, Princess Jasmine. When I woke up this morning I knew this was going to be the most exciting day of my life…

JASMINE: And is it?

ALADDIN: Yes, because today’s the day I finally met the girl of my dreams…

JASMINE: (teasing him) And who would that be?

ALADDIN: (taking hold of Jasmine’s hand) You, of course. Listen, you’d better get back to the Palace.

JASMINE: But will I see you again?

ALADDIN: Oh definitely, but next time you do, I’m going to be rich enough to ask you to marry me.

25

MUSIC CUE: ‘Not Even The King’ – JASMINE

JASMINE: You don’t have to change what you are just to please me. I like being with you; I like the way you make me feel about myself. You wouldn’t have to be rich, Aladdin. Listen...

Money...Some people so poor; all that they've got is money...Oh, and diamonds...Some people waste their life counting their thousands...

I don't care what they're offering...How much gold they bring.They can't afford what we've got,Not even the king...They can't afford what we've got,Not even the king...

Oh, castles...Some people so lonely; what good is a castleSurrounded by people?But ain't got a friend that's not on the payroll...

Oh, and I don't care what they bring;They can have everything...They can't afford what we've got,Not even the king...They can't afford what we've got,Not even the king...

All the king's horses and all the king's menCame charging to get what we got...They offered the crown and they offered the throne;I already got all that I want...

All the king's horses and all the king's men;They came marching through...They offered the world just to have what we got,But I found the world in you...I found the world in you...

So darling, listen:Your arms around me worth more than a kingdom...Yeah, believe thatThe trust that we feel the kings never felt that...

Yeah, this is the song we sing...We don't need anything...They can't afford this;This is priceless...

26

Can't afford what we've got,Not even the king...Can't afford what we've got,Not even the king...

LX CUE: BlackoutFLY CUE: Street Front Cloth In

SCENE TWO - THE STREET OF A THOUSAND GOLDFISH

LX CUE: Bright stateMUSIC CUE: ABANAZAR entrance motif

ABANAZAR enters DSL dramatically (carrying an ACTOR’S SUITCASE)

ABANAZAR: ‘Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more,’Shakespeare’s Henry V, Act III, Scene I. No please, hold your applause… (Beat. He looks around) Oh, you are! Well, here we are and finally I am within touching distance of the most powerful object in the known universe... The Ancient Lamp of the Orient!

MUSIC CUE: Dramatic chord

(He gives the band a withering look. He calls) Spirit!... Spirit!

SPIRIT enters DSR

ABANAZAR: Ah, there you are, Spirit. Now, where is this boy, Aladdin?

SPIRIT: Oh, he lives very close to here in the district of Old Peking known as Wan Long Poo.

ABANAZAR: Wan long Poo?

SPIRIT: Yes,

ABANAZAR: What a dump! So, this is Cathay is it?

SPIRIT: Well it's not Enumclaw. This is the Street of The Thousand Goldfish in the City of Old Peking, oh great Avabanana…

ABANAZER: My name is Abanazar. Don’t ever call me that.

SPIRIT: Oh sorry.

ABANAZAR: I am a respected Shakespearian thespian…That name.

27

SPIRIT: What name?

ABANAZAR: That name you just called me.

SPIRIT: Avabanana?

ABANAZAR: Argggghhh! Right... Let’s get this cleared up straight away. I am not called Avabanana. I have established a long and successful career as a respected Shakespearian thespian and part-time criminal mastermind whose name spreads fear and terror throughout the world. I AM ABANAZAR!

SPIRIT: Wait a minute. Aren’t you the dude in Preparation H commercial?

ABANAZAR: Silence! So now we’re in Peking, how do I find the lamp?

SPIRIT: Which lamp?

ABANAZAR: The Ancient Lamp of the Orient!

MUSIC CUE: Dramatic chords

ABANAZAR: (indicating the band) Are they going to play that every time I say those words?

SPIRIT: Which words?

ABANAZAR: The Ancient Lamp of the Ohhhhhh-... (he realizes what she is trying to do) I see what you did there, you tried to get me to say it again... Are you trying to wind me up?

SPIRIT: No, but if was, I know where I’d stick the key! Look, we have to find the boy Aladdin first. He lives with his mother, Widow Twankey – you can’t miss her, she’s a fat guy in a dress!

ABANAZAR: How do we get to her laundry?

SPIRIT: Well, you go out of here, first left, second right, straight over the roundabout and right at the traffic lights. You then do a left and you come to that new Chinese restaurant where they throw the silverware out of the window

ABANAZAR: They throw the silverware out of the window?

SPIRIT: Yes, you’ll see a fork in the road! You take that, go down the hill, second on the left and the laundry is just past DQ

ABANAZAR: Is there a DQ in Peking?

SPIRIT: No but there is a P and a K!

28

MUSIC CUE: Ba-dum-tish!

ABANAZAR: Enough of this! If you are not careful I will confine you in this ring forever! Now, lead me to Widow Twankey.

SPIRIT: Yes, O’ Master.

ABANAZAR: Take me there in the blink of an eye.

SPIRIT: Yes, O’ Master.

ABANAZAR And carry my bags for me!

SPIRIT: Don’t push your luck… Avabanana!

The SPIRIT OF THE RING exits DSL

ABANAZAR: So, the plan is... (at speed) Go to the laundry, charm Widow Twankey, persuade Aladdin to go to the cave of jewels and once there, he will get for me... The Ancient Lamp of the Orient!

MUSIC CUE: Dramatic chord

(to the band) Ahem... Excuse me, gentlemen, you’re giving me a slight migraine. Would you mind not playing that every time I say those words?

BAND: Which words?

ABANAZAR: The Ancient Lamp of the Orient!

MUSIC CUE: Dramatic chords

(losing his temper with the band) Enough... enough! Do that again and you’re in serious trouble. OK?

The band don’t answer

OK?

BAND: Sorry, Avanbana!

ABANAZAR: DON’T CALL ME THAT NAME! Right... this is my dramatic bit.

He goes down on one knee

Could I have the lighting down to a dark and mysterious state, please...?

LX CUE: Snap Blackout

29

Not quite that dark and mysterious.

The lights come up slightly

LX CUE: Mysterious state

Thank you…

MUSIC CUE: Abanazar underscore

My hour of triumph now draws near,With Aladdin's help I've nought to fear;The greatest actor in the Universe,You can boo if you like but you’ve seen a lot worse!Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

MUSIC CUE: Abanazar’s motif

ABANAZAR exits dramatically DSL. After a couple of beats, he returns somewhat sheepishly. He has forgotten his SUITCASE

Erm... I’ll just get the old suitcase and then we’ll... erm...we’ll carry on...

He walks across the stage, picks up the SUITCASE from DSR and returns to DSL. Just before he exits, he attempts a half-hearted evil laugh

Hahahahahahahahahah.... ha ha... Oh what’s the point!

He exits DSL

MUSIC CUE: Abanazar’s evil motif into Twankey’s ‘Dame’ motif

FLY CUE: Street Front Cloth OutLX CUE: Bright state for Laundry

SCENE THREE - WIDOW TWANKEY'S LAUNDRY

TWANKEY is found on holding a LARGE PAIR OF KNICKERS

TWANKEY: (she sings to the tune of ‘Wouldn’t it be Lovely’) All I want are some knickers like these, keeps me warm from my neck to my knees! Hello, boys and girls, mums and dads and alternative family units! Welcome to Widow Twankey’s laundry... I’ve got some really sad news: Our pet leopard, Tiddles, died this morning in the washing machine (audience react). Still, at least he came out spotless!

30

Enter ALADDIN and PRINCESS JASMINE through door. JASMINE is carrying a BALL OF WASHING

ALADDIN: Hiya gang! (audience react – secret signal)

TWANKEY: Hello, son. Hey, what are you doing with the Princess Jasmine? If the Emperor finds out, he’ll have us all killed.

JASMINE: I promise I won’t let that happen, Widow Twankey. Oh, by the way, seeing as I’m here, I thought you could do my laundry for me.

JASMINE hands TWANKEY a basket of laundry. She pulls out a colorful sock

TWANKEY: Of course, dear. Oh what a lovely sock! Do you have a match for it?

JASMINE: Why? Are you going to set it on fire?

MUSIC CUE: Ba-dum-tish!

TWANKEY Not much of a laugh for that one, dear. Let’s try it again. Oh what a lovely sock! Do you have a match for it?

JASMINE: Why? Are you going to set it on fire?

MUSIC CUE: Ba-dum-tish!

TWANKEY shakes out the socks

TWANKEY: Right, to wash your socks, here’s what we need to do… Hit it!

MUSIC CUE: Rap-style backbeat

TWANKEY puts the socks into a LARGE BOWL (already set) TWANKEY start to rap. ALADDIN and JASMINE dance in a comedically cool way

TWANKEY: Into the water, out of the water, Up to the light, nice and bright, Across the nose… (backbeat stops) smells like a rose!

There is a pause

TWANKEY: Ah, there goes the doorbell...

SFX CUE: Door bell

ALADDIN: How does he do that?

31

TWANKEY/JASMINE: She!

ALADDIN: Sorry… she!

JASMINE: (looking through the door) It’s PC Pongo!

ALADDIN: (to the Princess) He’d better not find us together...

TWANKEY: Don’t worry, son. Princess, you get in the Tumbly drier; Aladdin, you hide in the laundry basket.

ALADDIN takes JASMINE by the hand

ALADDIN: Princess Jasmine, I promise you that, soon, I’ll have enough money that you won’t be ashamed to be seen with me.

JASMINE: I’m not ashamed now, Aladdin. You love me for who I am, not what I am and that means more to me than all the money in the world…

TWANKEY: (interrupting them) HURRY UP! Oh, don’t they go on…

TWANKEY helps PRINCESS into TUMBLE DRIER and ALADDIN hides in the LAUNDRY BASKET. TWANKEY goes to the door

Come in...

PC PONGO enters through door (with BASKET of WASHING)

PONGO: Ah, Widow Twankey, I am in search of the Princess who was last seen promenading in your son’s presence; do you have any idea of her proximity?

TWANKEY: (in a very obvious manner) No, we haven’t seen her, have we, boys and girls?

PONGO: (examining his notepad) Well, seeing as I’m here, we’ve had a phone call from one of your customers making a complaint about this laundry… A Miss So-Shy from Shelton.

TWANKEY: Miss So-Shy from Shelton?

PONGO: Yes, she’s a seashell shifter.

TWANKEY: Miss So-Shy, the seashell shifter from Shelton? What did she say?

32

PONGO: She said she’s a shirt short.

TWANKEY: She said she’s a shirt short?

PONGO: She said she’s shaken, shocked and shattered that she’s a shirt short.

TWANKEY: She’s shaken, shocked and shattered that she’s a shirt short. What sort of shirt is Miss So-Shy from Shelton short of?

PONGO: A short chiffon shirt!

TWANKEY: Miss So-Shy said she’s short of a short chiffon shirt?

PONGO: Yes and a sheepskin sheet.

TWANKEY (cod crackup etc.) A Sheeps…that’s not in the script!

PONGO A sheepskin sheet.

TWANKEY: A sheepskin sheet? Is there such a thing as a sheepskin sheet?

PONGO: Yes. Miss So-Shy said she can’t seem to sleep a peep since she’s short of a sheepskin sheet.

TWANKEY: Let me get this straight…

PONGO: Good luck!

TWANKEY: Thank you! Miss So-Shy the seashell shifter from Shelton is shaken, shocked and shattered that she’s a short chiffon shirt short and she can’t seem to sleep a peep since she’s short of a sheepskin sheet.

She waits for the applause

What did you tell her?

PONGO: I told her she’d got the wrong number!

They both laugh

Here, Twankey, will you wash these for me?

MUSIC CUE: Theme from Rocky

LX CUE: Boxing match

TWO MALE ENSEMBLE wearing SHORTS and BOXING GLOVES jump on DSR and begin boxing.

33

Music stops

TWANKEY: What are they?

PONGO: A pair of boxers!

MUSIC CUE: Ba-dum-tish!

This is very subtle stuff, ladies and gentlemen!

TWANKEY: Come on you two, in you get! (She pushes the BOXERS towards the WASHING MACHINE) He’s got a lot of make-up on for a boxer!

PONGO: (grabbing one of the BOXERS and helping him into the machine) This is Cal, Ladies and Gentlemen… go on, Cal… in you go, Cal...

Boxers gets into the WASHING Machine

Cal is in the washing machine and he’s totally disappeared… We like to put him in there because… ‘washing machines last longer with Cal gone!’ I thank you! Actually, if you’re doing my boxers you might as well do my other laundry…

He hands her A BALL of WASHING TWANKEY: (sarcastically) Oh, deep joy…. Right, what have we got here?

TWANKEY pulls out a LARGE VEST

PONGO: Oh, that’s what I catch criminals with.

TWANKEY: That’s what you catch criminals with?

PONGO: Yes, I put it over their heads and say ‘You’re under a vest!’

MUSIC CUE: Ba-dum-tish!

TWANKEY/PONGO: Under a vest!...

Beat

TWANKEY: Pongo, you’re very funny!

PONGO: (looking into the audience) If only the people of Federal Way agreed! You see, Widow Twankey, can I let you into a secret? I don’t like working for the Emperor; in fact, I’d love to be in Aladdin’s gang... I’ve even learned the secret signal!

34

He does the secret signal. WIDOW TWANKEY does it back at him

MUSIC CUE: Cow Bell

TWANKEY: Brilliant! Boys and girls, PC Pongo’s in the gang! (audience react) Now, seeing as you’re in the gang, I’ll wash your vest for you… this is what we have to do... hit it!

TWANKEY puts the vest into the LARGE BOWL

MUSIC CUE: Rap-style backbeat

TWANKEY raps. PONGO dances in a comedically cool way

TWANKEY: Into the water, out of the water, Up to the light, nice and bright,

Across the nose… (backbeat stops) smells like a rose!

And now we need to put the vest through the mangle… I tell you what, you look like you need a bit of mangling yourself (giving him the VEST). Hold that and get through there.

She helps PONGO through the mangle. As she does so, JASMINE immediately re-enters through the TUMBLE DRIER and ALADDIN comes out of the BASKET

JASMINE: Widow Twankey, it’s getting very hot in there.

ALADDIN: Hiya gang! (secret signal)

MUSIC CUE: Cow bell

(running to Jasmine) Princess, are you OK?

JASMINE: I’m fine, Aladdin. Where’s Pongo?

TWANKEY: It’s alright, he’s in your gang now but I’ve just put him through the mangle. Here, watch this…

She turns the handle and a FLAT PONGO (LARGE PHOTOGRAPH OF PONGO) comes out of the mangle. ALADDIN grabs it and comes downstage

ALADDIN: Look at that, not only is he in my gang, he’s now my flatmate!

TWANKEY: I always said he wasn’t ‘cut out’ to be a policeman! Are we facing the right way?

JASMINE: Lets put him in the washing machine, maybe we can puff him up.

35

TWANKEY: (putting the cut out in the washing machine) Puff him up?

JASMINE: Yes.

TWANKEY: I’m saying nothing! Oh, there goes the doorbell…

SFX: Doorbell

ALADDIN: How does he do that?

TWANKEY/JASMINE: She!

ALADDIN: Sorry, she! (looking through the door). It’s the Emperor!

TWANKEY: Quick, Princess, back in the tumbly drier, Aladdin, back in the basket!

JASMINE quickly exits into TUMBLE DRIER. ALADDIN rushes back into the BASKET

Come in!

EMPEROR enters just as the others disappear

EMPEROR: Ah, there you are, Widow Twankey. My daughter, the Princess, was last seen in your son’s presence? Have you seen them?

TWANKEY: (in a very obvious manner) No, we haven’t seen them, have we boys and girls? (audience react)

EMPEROR: (Handing TWANKEY A BASKET OF WASHING) Well, seeing as I’m here, you can do my laundry for me.

TWANKEY: Funny that… What have you got for me?

TWANKEY pulls out a LARGE PAIR OF Y-FRONTS – they are very dirty!

EMPEROR: Ah, those are my Y Fronts.

TWANKEY: Oh, lovely... (he shows them the audience) Look at the state of those… (TWANKEY smells them and they obviously don’t smell too good. TWANKEY comedically retches…) You’re not a Star Trek fan, are you?

EMPEROR: Why?

TWANKEY: I think you’ve got a couple of Klingons!...

MUSIC CUE: Ba-dum-tish!

36

Still, at least it’s not the Captain’s log! Right, here we go…

She puts the pants into the bowl and starts to rap. The EMPEROR dances in a comedically cool way

MUSIC CUE: Rap style back beat

(raps) Into the water, out of the water,Up to the light, nice and bright,

Across the nose… (backbeat stops)

They obviously aren’t clean! She immediately raps again:

(backbeat starts again) Into the water … out of the water… (backbeat stops again)

TWANKEY: Let’s forget that. Look, I think the best thing is if we put all your clothes in the washing machine... I tell you what, to save time, why don’t you just get in yourself…

EMPEROR: Oh, very well, Widow Twankey.

TWANKEY helps the EMPEROR into WASHING MACHINE

TWANKEY: So that’s Aladdin in the smelly sox box, the Princess in the tumbly drier, and Pongo, the Emperor and the boxers in the washing machine… Oh, I do miss my days touring with the Pussycat Dolls! Life was so much simpler then…

WIDOW TWANKEY bends over with her bottom facing the audience and busies herself with A BASKET OF WASHING.

MUSIC CUE: Abanazar entrance motif

ABANAZAR enters USR (through door)

ABANAZAR: At last - Widow Twankey's laundry! To get Aladdin on my side I'll need his mother’s help. (He notices Twankey) Arghhhhh! Look at the state of that. This will have to be my finest performance to date! Behold! T’is the east, and Widow Twankey is the sun. (TWANKEY wipes her cheek) See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O’ that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!

TWANKEY scratches her bottom

MUSIC CUE: Scratching

Urggghhh! Now to use my charm...

37

ABANAZAR gooses WIDOW TWANKEY

MUSIC CUE: Honk

TWANKEY: Three pints please, milkman. [She turns around and sees ABANAZAR] Arghh! Avabanana!

ABANAZAR: Don’t call me that name! Allow me to introduce myself, ma'am: T’is I…

TWANKEY: Hello Mr T’is I.

ABANAZAR: No, T’is I… Abanazar – all powerful supreme sorcerer and part-time thespian. (to the audience) All legitimate offers considered!... (From his sleeve he produces A BOUQUET OF FLOWERS) Pour toi!

TWANKEY: How touching. I haven't been so touched in years.

ABANAZAR: I'm not surprised! I have travelled from a far-off land of mystery and romance…

TWANKEY: Not... Spanaway?

ABANAZAR: No! Egypt! You must know, Widow Twankey…

TWANKEY: I do know her, it’s me…

ABANAZAR: You must know, Widow Twankey, that I am strangely attracted to you. Do you like to be wooed?

TWANKEY I love to be ‘wooed’. If you want I can be ‘weally weally wooed!’

ABANAZAR: I have something very important to ask you, Widow Twankey

He goes down on one knee, grabs Twankey’s hand, rolls her in and sits her on his knee

TWANKEY: You don’t mean…ABANAZAR: I might…TWANKEY: You can’t…ABANAZAR: I can…TWANKEY: I don’t…ABANAZAR: You do…TWANKEY: But why…ABANAZAR: I will…TWANKEY: You won’t...ABANAZAR: I want...TWANKEY: You want?...

38

ABANAZAR: I want you to get off my leg...

TWANKEY stands up and ABANAZAR tries to get some life back into his leg

TWANKEY: (to Abanazar) Tell me, do you really find me attractive?… You don’t think I’m too tubby?

ABANAZAR: Tubby?

TWANKEY: Yes, tubby.

ABANAZAR: Tubby or not tubby? Fat is the question!

MUSIC CUE: Ba-dum-tish!

They get worse… Tell me, Madame, would you like to join me for dinner this evening?

TWANKEY: I can’t this evening, Cabella’s has a half-price sale on all their camping equipment.

ABANAZAR: Oh, yes I had heard that now is the winter of their discount tents!

MUSIC CUE: Ba-dum-ba-dum-ba dum- tish!

You were warned! Widow Twankey... do you have a son, Aladdin?

TWANKEY: I do. Why do you ask?

ABANAZAR: Because I am his long-lost uncle! Do you not see the likeness between your late husband and myself?

TWANKEY: I'm afraid not!

ABANAZAR produces a money-bag and jingles the coins

ABANAZAR: Ahh… what a pity, I had hoped to repay some money he lent me…

TWANKEY: (grabbing the money-bag) Now you come to mention it, you do look familiar!

ABANAZAR: (grabbing TWANKEY) Widow Twankey, have you loved many men in your life?

TWANKEY: Oh no, just the one.

ABANAZAR: Just the one?

39

TWANKEY: No, I tell a lie – forty seven, I'd forgotten that pajama party in Puyallup!

They go to kiss… as they do, JASMINE enters from TUMBLE DRIER, ALADDIN enters from BASKET

ALADDIN: Hiya gang!… (Audience react – secret signal)

MUSIC CUE: Cow Bell

JASMINE: Aladdin!

ALADDIN: Jasmine!

PONGO enters from WASHING MACINEJASMINE/ALADDIN: Pongo!

TWANKEY: It’s alright… remember, he’s in the gang!

PONGO does the SECRET SIGN and the ALADDIN, JASMIME and TWANKEY do it in return

MUSIC CUE: Cow Bell

ALADDIN: Pongo’s in the gang!

They all cheer

TWANKEY: Aladdin, this is your long-lost uncle!

ALADDIN: I didn’t know I had an Uncle Avabanana!

ABANAZAR: Don’t call me that name!

TWANKEY: No, son; this is your Uncle Ebeneezer!

ABANAZAR: Abanazar!

ALADDIN/TWANKEY/PONGO/JASMINE: } Bless you!

TWANKEY: This is PC Pongo, this is Aladdin and this is…

ABANAZAR pushes PONGO and JASMINE out of the way. He puts his arm around ALADDIN and brings him CS. The others gather around

40

ABANAZAR: Ah, Aladdin, my dear nephew, I have travelled far in search of you; I am here to make you rich.

ALADDIN: Rich? That's wonderful! What do I have to do?

ABANAZAR: High in the mountains above Peking there is a cave full of golden jewels and precious stones… a secret cave known only to me - I will take you there and you will achieve great wealth. What do you say, Aladdin? Are you up for the challenge?

ALADDIN: (to Jasmine) I’ll do it for you, Jasmine! (to Abanazar) Most definitely, sir.

MUSIC CUE: Dramatic underscoreLX CUE: Darkens to a mysterious state

ABANAZAR: Then an hour before daybreak, leave the city by the Great Gate, take the treacherous path to the peak of Hell Mountain and I shall meet you on the edge of the yawning chasm known as… ‘THE VALLEY OF DEATH!’

Music stops

PONGO: Is that the one opposite McDonalds?

ABANAZAR: That’s the one.

LX CUE: restore

ALADDIN: I'll be there, Uncle Abercrombie!

ABANAZAR: Abanazar!

TWANKEY:ALADDIN: } Bless you!PONGO:JASMINE

ABANAZAR: Until tomorrow… (hammy) ‘Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.’

TWANKEY: }ALADDIN: } Get off!PONGO: }JASMINE: }

MUSIC CUE: Abanazar exit motif

ABANAZAR exits through door

JASMINE: I’m not sure about him.

41

PONGO: Me neither, for another ten bucks a week, we could have had Bob Barnett!

ALADDIN: Isn’t it wonderful? This could be my one chance of proving to your father that I’m worthy of you.

JASMINE: You are worthy of me, Aladdin.

ALADDIN: Oh, Princess.

JASMINE: Oh, Aladdin.

TWANKEY/PONGO: Oh, lordy!

TWANKEY: Come on, Aladdin, you’ve got to go to the peak of Hell Mountain. By the way, how far is it?

ALADDIN: About 500 miles.TWANKEY: 500 miles? How are you going to travel 500 miles?ALADDIN: I’m going to walk.JASMINE: You’re going to walk 500 miles?ALADDIN: I’m going to walk 500 miles!

PONGO: Can you see where this is leading, boys and girls?

MUSIC CUE: ‘500 miles’ TWANKEY, ALADDIN, PONGO, JASMINE and ENSEMBLE

TWANKEY: (over intro) Well, I’ve got about 500 sheets to iron here.

JASMINE: Well don’t worry about that Widow Twankey, we’ll help you, won’t we, boys?…

PONGO/ALADDIN: YES!

ALADDIN: (he sings) WHEN YOU’RE IRONING, WELL YOU KNOW I'M GONNA BEI'M GONNA BE YOUR SON WHO’S IRONING NEXT TO YOU

PONGO: (at the MANGLE) WHEN YOU’RE MANGLING, YEAH YOU KNOW I'M GONNA BEI'M GONNA BE THE ONE WHO’S MANGLING NEXT TO YOU

JASMINE: AND IF YOU’RE FOLDING, HEY, YOU KNOW I'M GONNA BEI'M GONNA BE THE ONE WHO'S FOLDING NEXT TO YOU

42

TWANKEY: IF I’M SCRUBBING, WELL YOU KNOW I'M GONNA BEI'M GONNA BE THE SCRUBBER SCRUBBING NEXT TO YOU

ALADDIN: BUT I WILL WALK 500 MILESTWANKEY: AND I WILL WASH 500 PANTSALL: WANNA BE THE ONE WHO IRONS A THOUSAND SHIRTS

AND SOCKS AND VESTS AND PANTS

ENSEMBLE enter from both sides with IRONING BOARDS and IRONS

JUVES enter with BUCKETS and SCRUBBING BRUSHES

ALL: DA DA DA (DA DA DA)DA DA DA (DA DA DA)

DA DA DA (DA DA DA)DA DA DA (DA DA DA)

PONGO: Hey Widow Twankey, we’ve got all the happy, smiling villagers who sing and dance for no apparent reason to help us... come on guys!

TWANKEY: AND IF I’M CLEANING, WELL I KNOW I'M GONNA BEI'M GONNA BE THE MUM WHO'S CLEANING PANTS FOR YOU

ALADDIN: WHEN I COME HOME

TWANKEY/PONGO/JASMINE:(WHEN YOU COME HOME),

ALADDIN: WELL I KNOW I'M GONNA BEI'M GONNA BE THE SON WHO COMES BACK HOME TO YOUI'M GONNA BE THE SON WHO’S COMING HOME TO YOU

ALADDIN: BUT I WILL WALK 500 MILESTWANKEY: AND I WILL WASH 500 PANTS

TWANKEY/PONGO/ALADDIN/JASMINE: WANNA BE THE ONE WHO IRONS A THOUSAND SHIRTS

AND SOCKS AND VESTS AND PANTS

During the instrumental break, PONGO brings on a MICROPHONE and does BEAT BOX

SFX CUE: Beat Box

43

JASMINE brings on the end of the MICROPHONE LEAD which obviously isn’t plugged in. PONGO stops the beatboxing but the sound continues

The ENSEMBLE do a STOMP-STYLE tap dance which develops using the METAL BUCKETS

ALL: DA DA DA (DA DA DA)DA DA DA (DA DA DA)

DA DA DA (DA DA DA)DA DA DA (DA DA DA)

DA DA DA (DA DA DA)DA DA DA (DA DA DA)

DA DA DA (DA DA DA)DA DA DA (DA DA DA)

ALADDIN: BUT I WILL WALK 500 MILESTWANKEY: AND I WILL WASH 500 PANTSALL: WANNA BE THE ONE WHO IRONS A THOUSAND SHIRTS

AND SOCKS AND VESTS AND BRAS AND PANTS

LX CUE: Fade to blackFLY CUE: ‘Mysterious Mountain’ front cloth in

SCENE FOUR – IN THE MIDST OF THE MYSTERIOUS MOUNTAINS

MUSIC CUE: Abanazar’s evil motifSFX: Howling wind

ABANAZAR is found on CS.

ABANAZAR: Hahahahahah! Blow wind, blow and crack thy cheeks! King Lear, Act III, Scene II… not just a pantomime but also an education! Here we are on Hell Mountain and all I have to do is find the Cave of Jewels; once I’ve found that, the lamp will be mine.

SPIRIT OF THE RING enters DSR

Ah, there you are, Spirit... where have you been?

SPIRIT: I’ve just handed in my notice at the Helium factory.

ABANAZAR: You’ve handed in your notice at the Helium factory?

SPIRIT: Yeah... I’m not having them talk to me like that!

44

ABANAZAR: Stop doing these ridiculous jokes! Now where is this Cave of Jewels?

SPIRIT: It’s just behind that rock.

There is a LARGE BOULDER (centre of the cloth)

ABANAZAR: Boulder!

SPIRIT: (Boldly) IT’S JUST BEHIND THAT ROCK!

ABANAZAR: (approaching the boulder) Ah, so close and yet so far! Do I really need the boy to get the lamp for me?

SPIRIT: Yes, and remember that once the cave is open, he only has thirty seconds to retrieve it! Once the time is up, the cave will be sealed forever!

ABANAZAR: Thirty seconds... right! Ah, here comes Aladdin now. He seems to have run all the way up the mountain…

ALADDIN enters SR. He is jogging and out of breath

Is this a jogger I see before me?

ALADDIN: Phew, that was quite a climb (spotting the SPIRIT) Just a minute, where did you come from?

SPIRIT: Just behind that rock.

ABANAZAR: Boulder!

SPIRIT: (Boldly) JUST BEHIND THAT ROCK! (to the audience) It gets funnier the more times you say it!

ABANAZAR: You may leave us now, Spirit.

ALADDIN: A Spirit?

ABANAZAR: A term of affection, Aladdin, that’s all. Go on, get off!SPIRIT: Mm?ABANAZAR: GET OFF!SPIRIT: Alright... easy, tiger.ABANAZAR: Do not call me ‘tiger’, call me sir.SPIRIT: Pardon?ABANAZAR: Call me sir.SPIRIT: Eh?ABANAZAR: CALL ME SIR, IDIOT!

SPIRIT: Alright, Sir Idiot!

45

SPIRIT exits DSR

ALADDIN: (looking around) Is this it, Uncle? I can’t see any treasure.

ABANAZAR: This boulder conceals the entrance to a cave full of jewels, my boy, jewels to make you rich beyond your wildest dreams!

ALADDIN: That sounds brilliant… Just a minute, what’s in it for you?

ABANAZAR: There is something rather special inside this cave, which you alone can get for me – something very close to my heart!

ALADDIN: Your pancreas?

ABANAZAR: No! (nonchalantly) No... it’s a lamp... just an old lamp; get it for me and all the jewels shall be yours.

ALADDIN: How can I be sure you won't trick me? I need a sign of your good faith.

ABANAZAR: What do you mean?

ALADDIN: Well I quite like that ring you're wearing.

ABANAZAR: You don't want this, you silly boy - it's just tacky theatrical diamante.

ALADDIN: But it would make a wonderful present for Princess Jasmine... so, either you give me that ring, or the lamp stays where it is!

ABANAZAR: (Aside) I can’t bear to part with the ring but I must have that lamp! (hammy) T’is the cause, t’is the cause, my soul... (to Aladdin) Oh very well, take it.

He hands Aladdin the ring

ALADDIN: Thanks, Uncle.

ABANAZAR: Now boy, move that rock.

ALADDIN: Boulder!

ABANAZAR: (boldly) MOVE THAT ROCK!... Bah, she’s got me doing it now!

ALADDIN: Right... (he tries to move the rock) It's no use, Uncle - I can't shift it.

ABANAZAR: Stand back boy…

ALADDIN: What are you doing, Uncle?

46

ABANAZAR: There's no use being a wizard if you don't have the occasional ‘wiz’! Abracadabra - Abracadee! The magic words are… Open Sesame!

LX CUE: Lightening FlickerSFX CUE: Thunder and boulder movingSMOKE CUE: Smoke from behind the cloth

The BOULDER moves

LXCUE: Mysterious light from behind cloth

ALADDIN: That’s very impressive, Uncle, but it looks pretty scary in there...

ABANAZAR: Nonsense, dear boy, t’is but a cave! You will be perfectly safe as long as you are quick, very quick…. in fact, in and out within thirty seconds. Look, tie this rope around you and I will hold the other end.

ALADDIN ties ROPE around himself and goes into the cave. ABANAZAR ties the other end around himself

ALADDIN: Wish me luck... Right... I'm in!

MUSIC CUE: Swannee Whistle going in the cave

ABANAZAR: He's in! He's in!

ALADDIN jumps out again

MUSIC CUE: Swannee Whistle

ALADDIN: I'm out! I'm out!

ABANAZAR: Get in the cave!

ALADDIN exitsMUSIC CUE: Swannee Whistle

ALADDIN: I'm in again!

ABANAZAR: He's in again!

ALADDIN comes out again

MUSIC CUE: Swannee Whistle

ALADDIN: I'm out again!

ABANAZAR: He's out again!

47

ALADDIN: I'm not sure I can trust you, Uncle (To the audience) Shall I trust him? (audience react) Shall I go into the cave? (audience react)

ABANAZAR: (To the audience) Silence! Remember, Aladdin - the jewels within this cave will make you rich! Rich enough to marry the Princess Jasmine...

ALADDIN: You’re right... I'll do it for her!

ALADDIN disappears into the cave

LX CUE: Reduce to just Abanazar

MUSIC CUE: Abanazar underscoring

ABANAZAR: Hahahahaha! Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under 't! At last! At last...Aladdin’s in the cave, which, once he's found the lamp, will also be his grave!Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

MUSIC CUE: Evil motif into held note for Aladdin entrance

FLY CUE: ‘Mysterious Mountain’ cloth outLX CUE: Fade to black

SCENE FIVE – INSIDE THE CAVE

ALADDIN is seen dropping in the last few feet on a ROPE...

LX CUE: Dark Cave state. A shaft of light highlights Aladdin as he descends

SFX CUE: Cave ambience (dripping water etc...)

ALADDIN: Uncle?... Uncle!... I can’t see a thing... don’t let go of that rope will you, uncle?

ABANAZAR (off): The lamp, boy! Can you see the lamp?

ALADDIN: It's no use, Uncle - there's nothing here. No jewels, no lamp, no nothing…

ABANAZAR(off): You only have thirty seconds... FIND ME THE LAMP!

ALADDIN: (To the audience) Boys and girls, should I get him the lamp? (audience react) Should I?… They say not to Uncle, I’m coming out...

ABANAZAR (off): You stupid boy, there’s no time for that...

48

SFX: Thunder and the sound of a large moving boulderLX CUE: Flicker

No!... the rock is sealing the cave... No, no, I need the lamp... the lamp! You stupid boy you will be locked in there forever!!!

SFX: There is a long echo on ‘forever’

LX CUE: The light in the cave is reduced

ALADDIN: Uncle, let me out!... I can’t be locked in here... Uncle? UNCLE?! It’s no good, he’s gone. Now I’m trapped and I’ll never see Princess Jasmine again. If only there was a ray of light so I could see what I was doing….

MUSIC CUE: ‘Ting’

LX CUE: A shaft of light hits the LAMP

ALADDIN: That’s convenient!... (he sees the lamp) Hey, that must be the lamp that Abanazar was talking about. It doesn’t look that special to me... (he picks it up) It’s very rusty; it looks like it needs a good clean. What should I do with it, guys? (audience react) What should I do? (audience react) Rub it? Well, I’ll give it a go.

He rubs the lamp.

PYRO CUE: DSR

MUSIC CUE: ‘Mr Gee’ play on (‘You sexy thing’)

The GENIE OF THE LAMP appears SR. He has a BIG personality! He is dressed in 1970’s outfit (Afro, shades, flares, large collar, medallion and a GOLDEN SUIT)

GENIE: Heyyyyyyyyyyyy! Wow, I’m saying... ‘wow’, it is cramped in that thing… (He indicates the lamp) It ain’t no tardis, you know what I’m saying, dude?

ALADDIN: Who are you?

GENIE: Some people call me the Genie of the Lamp but my friends call me ‘Mr Gee!’

ALADDIN: Does that stand for Genie?

GENIE: No, it stands for ‘Gorgeous’! (he licks his finger and touches his butt… he is hot!) Tssssttttttt! I think the ladies know what

49

I’m saying… Let me hear the ladies scream (ladies scream)… I said, let me hear the ladies scream… (ladies scream louder).

ALADDIN: You’re really a Genie?

GENIE: Right on dude! You’ve just released the coolest Genie in the world! I’ve been stuck in that thing since the most fashionable decade in history... the Seventies!

ALADDIN: The Seventies?

GENIE: Yes, I’m the Genie of the Lava Lamp! Let me tell you, there ain’t no room to dance in there… And ladies, Mr Gee loves to dance!... Let’s boogie on down!

MUSIC CUE: Disco beat

The band plays 8 bars of disco music and the GENIE shows us his moves. He ends on an impressive disco pose.

ALADDIN: That’s all very impressive but what do you do exactly?

GENIE: What? Apart from having the coolest ‘fro in the world?

ALADDIN: Yes, apart from having the coolest ‘fro in the world.

GENIE: Well I serve ‘whoever owns the lamp’ - in this case, dude, it’s you!

ALADDIN: You serve me?…

GENIE: Yeah, and by the look of it, you also got the Spirit of the Ring.

ALADDIN: The Spirit of the Ring?

GENIE: Yeah, that ring you’re wearing has the Spirit in it. I haven’t seen her in a thousand years….

ALADDIN: But how do I get her out?

GENIE: Same way you got me, my friend (he indicates for the audience to tell ALADDIN what to do) What should he do?…

AUDIENCE shout

ALADDIN: What?... Oh…

He rubs the ring

PYRO CUE:

50

SPIRIT OF THE RING enters DSL

SPIRIT: Your wish is my command O’ Master… Mister Gee! Wassup dude?

GENIE: Bam! What it is! What it is! You scrub up pretty good baby.

SPIRIT: You’re looking pretty fine yourself, Mr. Gee!

ALADDIN: Ahem…

SPIRIT: Oh, sorry… You have three wishes, Aladdin... use them wisely.

ALADDIN: Three wishes?...Well... erm... What would you wish for?

SPIRIT: I think we’d probably ask for our freedom; but let’s be honest... who’d waste one of their wishes on a couple of Genies?

ALADDIN: Well, if you two help me, I promise I’ll help you. Right, first wish... Can you get me out of this cave and take me back to Old Peking?

GENIE: You’re in luck, my friend… As well as being the most handsome man in the universe (he licks his finger and touches his backside – he is hotter!) Sssssst! Owww….(to Aladdin) Mr Gee is the most powerful spirit of all. Peking is not a problem, dude.

ALADDIN: Oh, that’s wonderful. And there’s another thing... you see... (He gabbles at speed) I’m in love with a Princess and I think she loves me too but her father, the Emperor, doesn’t like me because I’m just a poor laundry boy so it would really help if I could have a little bit of money...

GENIE: Woah... woah... woah... could you cut to the chase, dude, the fro’ is starting to wilt.

ALADDIN: Can you make me rich?

SPIRIT: You don’t have to waste a wish on that, Aladdin. The jewels of this cave already belong to you.

ALADDIN: Jewels? I can't see any jewels.

SPIRIT: Confined within this cavern is a wealth of precious jewels.

MUSIC CUE: ‘Price Tag’– GENIE, SPIRIT, ALADDIN, ENSEMBLE

The ENSEMBLE enter carrying JEWELLED BOXES, they parade around ALADDIN

51

ALADDIN: (over intro) You mean I’m rich?

GENIE: Beyond your wildest dreams, my friend. But remember Aladdin, it’s not all about material possessions; Princess Jasmine loves you for who you are, not what you are… it’s what’s on the inside that counts… let’s get down…

GENIE: SEEMS LIKE EVERYBODY'S GOT A PRICEI WONDER HOW THEY SLEEP AT NIGHTWHEN THE SALE COMES FIRST AND THE TRUTH COMES SECONDJUST STOP FOR A MINUTE AND SMILE

SPIRIT: WHY IS EVERYBODY SO SERIOUS?ACTING ALL SO MYSTERIOUSCAN WE ALL SLOW DOWN AND ENJOY RIGHT NOWGUARANTEE WE'LL BE FEELIN' ALRIGHT

GENIE: EVERYBODY LOOK TO THEIR LEFTSPIRIT: EVERYBODY LOOK TO THEIR RIGHTBOTH: CAN YOU FEEL THAT? ALADDIN: YEAHBOTH: WE'LL PAY THEM WITH LOVE TONIGHT

ALL: IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY, MONEY, MONEYWE DON'T NEED YOUR MONEY, MONEY, MONEYWE JUST WANNA MAKE THE WORLD DANCEFORGET ABOUT THE PRICE TAGAIN'T ABOUT THE… CHA-CHING, CHA-CHINGAIN'T ABOUT THE… BA-BLING, BA-BLINGWANNA MAKE THE WORLD DANCEFORGET ABOUT THE PRICE TAG

LX CUE: Down to a spot on GENIE

(As the focus is on the GENIE, ALADDIN exits)

GENIE: (RAPS) YEAH, YEAH, WELL, KEEP THE PRICE TAG AND TAKE THE CASH BACKHEAR THE LADIES SCREAMAT MY SIX PACK(TAKE A) MAGIC CARPET RIDEWHERE I’M YOUR GUIDEGROW A GREAT BIG FRO SO YOU CAN BE MY BRO(AND GUESS WHAT), IN 30 SECONDS WE’RE GO TO PEKINGYOU’LL SEE THE PRINCESS, AND SHOW HER YOUR BLINGI’LL ESCAPE THE LAMP, (indicating the Spirit) SHE’LL ESCAPE THE RING

52

SO BRING BACK THE BEAT AND THEN EVERYBODY SING…

LX CUE: restore

ALL: IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY, MONEY, MONEYWE DON'T NEED YOUR MONEY, MONEY, MONEYWE JUST WANNA MAKE THE WORLD DANCEFORGET ABOUT THE PRICE TAGAIN'T ABOUT THE CHA-CHING, CHA-CHINGAIN'T ABOUT THE BA-BLING, BA-BLINGWANNA MAKE THE WORLD DANCEFORGET ABOUT THE PRICE TAG

GENIE: (spoken) All this wealth cannot buy you happiness but if you think it will help you on your path, there is an old seventies expression… ‘You ain’t seen nuthin’ yet!’… Behold…

As the MUSIC BUILDS, the ENSEMBLE turn the PERIACTOIDS and the set transforms into THE JEWLELLED GARDEN

SCENE SIX - THE JEWELLED GARDEN

GENIE: (spoken) And now Aladdin, this is the moment. It is time to turn your rags into riches...

DRUM ROLL

ALADDIN appears upstage in Jewelled Costume. He comes DS. Everyone cheers

ALADDIN: Is all this really mine?

SPIRIT: It’s all yours, Aladdin but remember one very important thing…

ALL: IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY, MONEY, MONEYWE DON'T NEED YOUR MONEY, MONEY, MONEYWE JUST WANNA MAKE THE WORLD DANCEFORGET ABOUT THE PRICE TAGAIN'T ABOUT THE CHA-CHING, CHA-CHINGAIN'T ABOUT THE BA-BLING, BA-BLINGWANNA MAKE THE WORLD DANCEFORGET ABOUT THE PRICE TAG

END OF ACT ONE

53

ACT TWO

“PRE ENTR’ACTE”-KIDS ONSTAGE

ALADDIN steps forward as cloth flies in behind. Kids in audience have had a lottery when they enter. Numbers are drawn and six kids come up onstage.

ALADDIN: Hiya, gang! (audience react – secret signal) Well, what about that for a story, eh? I’m going to marry the Princess and Mom’s going to marry the Emperor. Now then, we do have some people to say hello to, and to help me do that please give a great big cheer and a great big round of applause to the one and only… PC Pongo!

PONGO enters DSL

PONGO and ALADDIN do secret signal. They then read out Parties and Birthdays

MUSIC CUE: Happy Birthday

PONGO: Now, do you fancy a sing song? (audience react) I said, do you fancy a sing-song?

(audience react)

Go on then!... Oh you don’t know the words yet do you. Well, here’s a song that you can all join in with. Take it away Uncle David...

MUSIC CUE: ‘Old McDonald’s Farm’ – ALADDIN and PONGO

ALADDIN and PONGO sing song and gets audience join in.

FOUR CHILDREN come up on stage. ALADDIN and PONGO chat to them. They sing through the song getting the children to do the animal noises

SPIRIT brings on GOODY BAGS and the children leave the stage

ALADDIN and PONGO sings one more time with the audience and exit DSL and DSR

54

ENTR’ACTE:

MUSIC CUE: Entr’acte ending with Genie and Spirit’s play on

PYRO CUE: DSL and DSR

Enter GENIE OF THE LAMP DSR and the SPIRIT OF THE RING DSL

SPIRIT: OK just a minute … just a minute… it’s usual when Genies appear, that all the kids AND moms and dads should give us a great big cheer!

(The audience react)

What do you think, Mr Gee?

GENIE: I think there were a couple of ladies not screaming - and Mr Gee loves it when the ladies scream… (if a lady screams) Wait for it!

SPIRIT: Shall we do it again?

GENIE: I think we should (to MD) One more time with feeling…

MUSIC CUE: Gene Genie

They exit DSL and DSR and come back on again to huge cheers

GENIE: Thank you, thank you! You’re so sincere… and so spontaneous!

SPIRIT: Now, Aladdin has released us from the Lamp and Ringto announce his arrival back in Old Peking.

GENIE: Yeah... This guy is rich now, I’m talking seriously loaded.

SPIRIT Let’s start the procession, a joyous rally,As we welcome the one and only… Prince Ali!

MUSIC CUE: ‘Prince Ali’ – GENIE, SPIRIT, ENSEMBLE and JUVES,

GENIE: (over intro) Is this the bit where we sing?

SPIRIT: This is the bit where we sing…

GENIE I’ve been looking forward to this… Ladies and Gentlemen… boys and girls….

55

SCENE SEVEN – THE MARKET PLACE IN OLD PEKING

ENSEMBLE, JUVES enter with BANNERS, PARASOLS and RIBBONS. They dance in a long, never ending procession. As soon as they leave the stage they go back to the other side and start again

ALL: MAKE WAY FOR PRINCE ALISAY HEY! IT'S PRINCE ALI

SPIRIT: HEY! CLEAR THE WAY IN THE OLD BAZAARGENIE: HEY YOU! LET US THROUGH!

IT'S A BRIGHT NEW STAR!SPIRIT: OH COME!

BE THE FIRST ON YOUR BLOCK TO MEET HIS EYE!

GENIE: MAKE WAY!HERE HE COMES!RING BELLS! BANG THE DRUMS!

SPIRIT: ARE YOU GONNA LOVE THIS GUY!

BOTH: PRINCE ALI! FABULOUS HE!ALI ABABWA

GENIE: GENUFLECT, SHOW SOME RESPECTDOWN ON ONE KNEE!

SPIRIT: NOW, TRY YOUR BEST TO STAY CALMBRUSH UP YOUR SUNDAY SALAAMTHEN COME AND MEET HIS SPECTACULAR COTERIE

GENIE: PRINCE ALI! MIGHTY IS HE! ALI ABABWASTRONG AS TEN REGULAR MEN, DEFINITELY!

SPIRIT: HE FACED THE GALLOPING HORDESA HUNDRED BAD GUYS WITH SWORDSWHO SENT THOSE GOONS TO THEIR LORDS?

ALL WHY, PRINCE ALI

Drum break with Chinese cymbols

GENIE: PRINCE ALI! HANDSOME IS HE, ALI ABABWASPIRIT: THAT PHYSIQUE! HOW CAN I SPEAK

WEAK AT THE KNEEGENIE: WELL, GET ON OUT IN THAT SQUARESPIRIT: ADJUST YOUR VEIL AND PREPARE

TO GAWK AND GROVEL AND STARE AT PRINCE ALI!

TWO GENIES exit USL and USR

Music vamps

TWANKEY enters DSL, PONGO enters DSR

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TWANKEY: Here, Pongo... what’s going on?

PONGO: You won’t believe this, Widow Twankey- Aladdin’s back and he's rolling in it!

TWANKEY: Rolling in it? Urrgggh!!

PONGO: No! He's rolling in money! He just told me all about it.

TWANKEY: What happened exactly?

PONGO: You want to know what happened exactly?

TWANKEY: Yes, I want to know what happened exactly.

PONGO: Well...

ENSEMBLE freeze

MUSIC CUE: Vamp stopsLX CUE: ‘Freeze’

(PONGO talks very quickly without pausing for breath) … He met his Uncle Aberystwyth at the peak of Hell Mountain and he made him get into the cave he said I’m in I’m in, he said I’m out I’m out, he said I’m in I’m in, he said I’m out I’m out, Uncle Avabanana made him go in the cave and locked him in there and it was pitch black and he couldn’t see a thing apart from a rusty old lamp but he didn’t know what to do with it but the audience who were very clever or had just seen this before said rub it he said what they said rub it he said what they said rub so he did and puff out popped a Genie called Mr Gee who makes all the ladies scream at him like this ‘arggggggg!’ Mr Gee and The Spirit of the Ring said you’re going to be rich and then they burst into song which they seem to do a lot lately, the curtain came in and everybody bought some ice cream apart from the dads who went to the bar to get drunk and they all said isn’t Widow Twankey wonderful and isn’t the young lad playing Pongo extremely talented, he’s from St Albans apparently, is he really? Yes he is. Then everyone came back to their seats, the curtain went up, they sang another song, well there’s a surprise, then you entered downstage left, asked me what had happened exactly, I said what happened exactly? You said yes, what happened exactly, and I started talking like this!

Applause

TWANKEY: Pardon? I don’t believe Aladdin’s rich.

PONGO: Well, he’ll prove it himself, here he comes now...

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MUSIC CUE: Drum roll into Reprise

ALL: PRINCE ALI!AMOROUS HE! ALI ABABWA

PONGO: (HE) KNOWS THE PRINCESS IS A SIGHT LOVELY TO SEEAND THAT, GOOD PEOPLE, IS WHY HE GOT DOLLED UP AND DROPPED BY

ALL: WITH SIXTY ELEPHANTS, CAMELS GALOREWITH HIS BEARS AND LIONSA BRASS BAND AND MOREWITH HIS FORTY FAKIRS, HIS COOKS, HIS BAKERSHIS BIRDS THAT WARBLE ON KEY

ALADDIN enters, being pulled in a RICKSHAW

MAKE WAY FOR PRINCE ALI!

ALADDIN: Hiya Gang! (audience react – PONGO, TWANKEY, ENSEMBLE and AUDIENCE all give the secret signal) Thank you... you can have the rest of the afternoon off on full pay!

ENSEMBLE exit in all directions, cheering

Hi, Mom!

TWANKEY: Oh, son... you’re all blinged up! Hey, you haven’t been ram-raiding in Bellevue, have you?

ALADDIN: No mom, we’ve made our fortune. We’re rich... look at this ring that Abanazar gave me.

He passes the ring to PONGO

PONGO: Hey, we can take this to Cash for Gold! No, wait… it’s got an inscription on it...

TWANKEY: What does it say?

PONGO: (slowly turning the ring and reading the inside of it) Love will conquer all...

TWANKEY: That’s nice…

PONGO: (continuing to read)… Love is the answer...

TWANKEY: … well you can’t argue with that…

PONGO: (still continuing to read) Happiness is true love… the greatest gift is to love and be loved in return, no matter where you are or

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what you are doing, if you have love in your heart you will find happiness and that happiness will never desert you as long as you have true love... I believe that children are the future, treat them well and let them lead the way...

TWANKEY: Is that it?

PONGO: No, there’s one more bit... Made in Everett!

TWANKEY: That’s very nice, but it’s just tacky theatrical diamante.

ALADDIN: No, it isn’t, mum. It’s got a Spirit inside…

TWANKEY/PONGO: A Spirit?

ALADDIN: Yes, and this has got a Genie…

He produces the lampTWANKEY/PONGO: A Genie?

TWANKEY: That’s just a dusty old lamp?

ALADDIN: It’s more than that, mum (to the audience) What do I have to do with it, gang? (audience react) Rub it?... Right… watch this.

ALADDIN rubs the lamp

PYRO CUE: DSRMUSIC CUE: Sexy ‘Genie of the Lamp’ play on

The GENIE enters DSR, strikes a pose and waits for the screams

GENIE: You summoned me, oh master?

WIDOW TWANKEY and PONGO throw themselves to the ground and bow three times

TWANKEY: Salaam! Salaam!! Salaam!!!

GENIE: Close the shades dude, there’s no need for Salaam!

TWANKEY/PONGO: False Alarm! False Alarm! False Alarm!

PONGO: That’s my favourite one in the whole show!

ALADDIN: Mum, PC Pongo… this is Mr Gee.

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TWANKEY: Wow... he is gorgeous!

GENIE: Hold on a minute, here.

He clicks his fingers. TWANKEY AND PONGO freeze

MUSIC CUE: ‘Ting’LX CUE: Freeze special

GENIE: Boss? (he pulls Aladdin to one side) Is that your mama?

ALADDIN: Yes...

GENIE: Well I’m sorry to tell you your mama is ugly.

ALADDIN: Sorry?

GENIE: She’s ugly...

ALADDIN: Ugly?

GENIE: Your mama is ugly, she is ugly with a capital Ug!

ALADDIN: Don’t call her ugly.

GENIE: Why doesn’t she know?

ALADDIN: Say you’re sorry.

GENIE: I’m sorry your mama is ugly! Actually she is not the ugliest person in the world.

ALADDIN: Thank you

GENIE: But she don’t half look like her!

ALADDIN: Look I’d appreciate it if you could make my mum feel good about herself.

GENIE: OK... trust me, I’ll give her a little of the old ‘Mr Gee Charm’.

He clicks his fingers and everyone unfreezes. Slow, sexy music starts and the lights dim to a romantic state. He walks over to TWANKEY in a slow, sexy fashion

MUSIC CUE: Sexy 70’s style musicLX CUE: Romantic state

GENIE : Widow T... You are one sexy mama...

TWANKEY: You can’t mean me... surely I’m too fat.

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GENIE: You’re not too fat.

TWANKEY: Surely I’m too old.

GENIE: You’re not too old.

TWANKEY: Surely I’m too ugly.

GENIE: You’re not too old!

LX CUE: Restore

ALADDIN: Mum, Pongo, as relations of the richest man in Peking, I think you need more suitable clothing. Mister Gee, shower my mum and the people of Peking with gifts and give them whatever they desire!

GENIE: Master, I obey! Widow Twankey… walk this way.

MUSIC CUE: Sexy muisc

GENIE exits DSR in a sexy manner

TWANKEY: If I walked that way I wouldn’t need the Vaseline!

TWANKEY exits DSR in an over the top sexy manner

MUSIC CUE: Sexy music

ALADDIN: You know, Pongo, thanks to this lamp I’ve got almost everything I’ve ever wanted ... All I need now is the girl of my dreams. The problem is that the Emperor won’t let me anywhere near her…

PONGO: I know, why don’t you invite Princess Jasmine and The Emperor to your Palace but don’t tell them it’s actually yours.

ALADDIN: Good idea, Pongo; we’ll tell them they’ve been invited by the mysterious ‘Prince Ali’. Now to impress the Emperor, I think we need to lay a new road to the palace…

PONGO: Good idea, Aladdin…

2 MALE ENSEMBLE bring on SLOSH SHEET and lay it on the floor

(to the audience) Can you guess what’s coming up? Boys and girls, The Unnamed Villagers are not laying a new road, are they? They’re laying a tarpaulin especially designed for horrible and messy and gooey theatrical scenes! (he points the audience at the back of the auditorium) Back ten rows… Safe! (he

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points the audience in the front row) Front ten rows… Not safe!!!

ALADDIN: Thanks guys (Ensemble exit)… Pongo, go and get yourself some gifts from the Genies.

PONGO: Oh, thank you very much, Aladdin!

PONGO gives ALADDIN the secret signal and exits DSR

ALADDIN: See you later, Pongo. The Genies are great; they keep giving everyone all these wonderful presents but the problem is they occasionally make a mistake...

FLY CUE: Palace Cloth In

SCENE EIGHT – OUTSIDE ALADDIN’S PALACE

LX CUE: Bright

MUSIC CUE: ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’ –ALADDIN, ENSEMBLE 1 and PONGO

From the DSR wings, ALADDIN brings on a BRA THAT WAS MADE TO HOLD THREE. He stands DSR

ALADDIN: On the first day of Christmas, the Genie gave to me…A bra that was made to hold three...

PONGO enters DSR with TWO FOOTBALL SHIRTS. He stands next to PONGO, DSR

PONGO: On the second day of Christmas, the Genie gave to me…Two Football shirts...

ALADDIN: And a bra that was made to hold three...

ENSEMBLE 1 enters DSR with THREE JUGGLING BALLS. She stands next to PONGO, DSR

ENSEMBLE 1: On the third day of Christmas, the Genie gave to me…Three Juggling Balls...

PONGO: Two Football Shirts...ALADDIN: And a bra that was made to hold three...

ALADDIN runs to the DSL wings for FOUR POTS and PANS. He returns to DSR

ALADDIN: On the fourth day of Christmas, the Genie gave to me…Four Pots and Pans...

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ENSEMBLE 1: Three Juggling Balls...PONGO: Two Football Shirts...ALADDIN: And a bra that was made to hold three...

PONGO runs to the DSL wings and gets a TROLLEY FULL OF THIRTY FIVE CUSTARD PIES. He returns to CS

PONGO: On the fifth day of Christmas, the Genie gave to me…Five custard pies!

Counting as they do it, ENSEMBLE 1 and PONGO push FIVE CUSTARD PIES into PONGO’S face

ALADDIN: (to the audience) From now on gang, whenever we get to ‘five custard pies’ and the ‘bra that was made to hold three’ we want you to join in… will you do that?

Audience react

I said, will you do that? Here we go...

ALL: Five custard pies!ALADDIN: Four Pots and Pans...ENSEMBLE 1: Three Juggling Balls...PONGO: Two Football Shirts...ALL: And a bra that was made to hold three...

ENSEMBLE 1 goes to DSL wings for SIX PAIRS OF PANTS

ENSEMBLE 1: On the sixth day of Christmas, the Genie gave to me…Six Pairs of Pants...

ALL: Five custard pies!

Counting as they do it, ENSEMBLE 1 and ALADDIN push FIVE CUSTARD PIES in PONGO’S face

ALADDIN: Four Pots and Pans...ENSEMBLE 1: Three Juggling Balls...PONGO: Two Football Shirts...ALL: And a bra that was made to hold three...

ALADDIN goes to DSL wings for SEVEN SMELLY SOCKS

ALADDIN: On the seventh day of Christmas, the Genie gave to me…Seven Smelly Socks...

ENSEMBLE 1: Six Pairs of Pants...ALL: Five custard pies!

Counting as they do it, ENSEMBLE 1 and ALADDIN push FIVE CUSTARD PIES in PONGO’S face

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ALADDIN: Four Pots and Pans...ENSEMBLE 1: Three Juggling Balls...PONGO: Two Football Shirts...ALL: And a bra that was made to hold three...

PONGO goes to DSL wings for EIGHT TOILET ROLLS

PONGO: On the eighth day of Christmas, the Genie gave to me…Eight Toilet Rolls...

ALADDIN: Seven Smelly Socks...ENSEMBLE 1: Six Pairs of Pants...ALL: Five custard pies!

ENSEMBLE 1 and ALADDIN push FIVE CUSTARD PIES in PONGO’S face

ALADDIN: Four Pots and Pans...ENSEMBLE 1: Three Juggling Balls...PONGO: Two Football Shirts...ALL: And a bra that was made to hold three...

ENSEMBLE 1 goes to wings to get NINE TATTY FROCKS

ENSEMBLE 1: On the ninth day of Christmas, the Genie gave to me…Nine Tatty Frocks...

PONGO: Eight Toilet Rolls...ALADDIN: Seven Smelly Socks...ENSEMBLE 1: Six Pairs of Pants...ALL: Five custard pies!

ENSEMBLE 1 and ALADDIN push FIVE CUSTARD PIES in PONGO’S face

ALADDIN: Four Pots and Pans...ENSEMBLE 1: Three Juggling Balls...PONGO: Two Football Shirts...ALL: And a bra that was made to hold three...

They forget who’s turn it is. MUSIC vamps

ALADDIN: It’s you!

PONGO: No, it’s not… it’s you!

ALADDIN: What? Oh sorry...

ALADDIN goes to DSL wings for TEN CUDDLY TOYS

On the tenth day of Christmas, the Genie gave to me…Ten Cuddly Toys...

ENSEMBLE 1: Nine Tatty Frocks...

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PONGO: Eight Toilet Rolls...ALADDIN: Seven Smelly Socks...ENSEMBLE 1: Six Pairs of Pants...ALL: Five custard pies!

ENSEMBLE 1 and ALADDIN push FIVE CUSTARD PIES in PONGO’S face

ALADDIN: Four Pots and Pans...ENSEMBLE 1: Three Juggling Balls...PONGO: Two Football Shirts...ALL: And a bra that was made to hold three...

PONGO goes to DSL wings for ELEVEN RUBBER CHICKENS

PONGO: On the eleventh day of Christmas, the Genie gave to me…Eleven Rubber Chickens...

ALADDIN: Ten Cuddly Toys...ENSEMBLE 1: Nine Tatty Frocks...PONGO: Eight Toilet Rolls...ALADDIN: Seven Smelly Socks...ENSEMBLE 1: Six Pairs of Pants...ALL: Five custard pies!

ENSEMBLE 1 and ALADDIN push FIVE CUSTARD PIES in PONGO’S face

ALADDIN: Four Pots and Pans...ENSEMBLE 1: Three Juggling Balls...PONGO: Two Football Shirts...ALL: And a bra that was made to hold three...

They are all exhausted. PONGO stops the music.

ALADDIN: Are you alright there, Pongo?

PONGO: (he is covered in CUSTARD PIE FOAM) You can go off some people, can’t you? (to the audience) We have to do this three times on a Saturday....

ENSEMBLE 1: (sings) On the twelfth day of Christmas, the Genie gave to YOU…Twelve Gallons of Water.

ENSEMBLE 1 is passed a LARGE WATER PISTOL. She passes two more LARGE WATER PISTOLS to ALADDIN and PONGO. They go into the audience with them and ‘get’ the audience.

They come back to the stage.

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ENSEMBLE 1: Let’s sing it one last time… but this time… Double time.

PONGO/ALADDIN: Double time?

ENSEMBLE 1: Double time!

They pick up their props as they go

ENSEMBLE 1: Twelve Gallons of WaterPONGO: Eleven Rubber Chickens...ALADDIN: Ten Cuddly Toys...ENSEMBLE 1: Nine Tatty Frocks...PONGO: Eight Toilet Rolls...ALADDIN: Seven Smelly Socks...ENSEMBLE 1: Six Pairs of Pants...ALL: Five custard pies!

ENSEMBLE 1 and PONGO push FIVE CUSTARD PIES in PONGO’S face

ALADDIN: Four Pots and Pans...ENSEMBLE 1: Three Juggling Balls...PONGO: Two Football Shirts...ALL: And a bra that was made to hold three..

They exit SR with the props, waving as they go

LX CUE: Reduce to BlackoutFLY CUE: Street cloth out to reveal…

SCENE NINE - THE GARDEN OF ALADDIN'S PALACE

LX CUE: Warm, ‘rich’ state

The MAGIC LAMP stands on a plinth USR

The EMPEROR and PRINCESS JASMINE are found on

EMPEROR: Look at this: wealth beyond a man’s wildest dreams. One thing’s for sure, Jasmine, whoever this mysterious ‘Prince Ali’ is, you shall have to marry him.

JASMINE: I’ve told you father, I’m not marrying anyone unless they really love me. And so far, only one man has proved that he does.

ALADDIN enters USL, unseen by the EMPEROR and JASMINE

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EMPEROR: But this man is obviously extremely rich.

JASMINE: I don’t care if he’s the richest man in the world. I promised I’d wait for Aladdin and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

EMPEROR: (furious) Aladdin? That young rapscallion from the backstreets of Peking?

JASMINE: If I have to wait a lifetime for Aladdin, then so be it.

EMPEROR: (more furious) Aladdin? That lazy good for nothing laundry boy!

JASMINE: I love Aladdin, father and Aladdin loves me!

EMPEROR: (even more furious) ALADDIN!!!… THAT…(suddenly turning and noticing Aladdin) … extremely talented young man who I always said would make something of himself.

JASMINE: (she runs to him) Oh, Aladdin is it really you?

ALADDIN: Did you really love me before I had all this?

JASMINE: Of course I did.

EMPEROR: I always said you’d do well for yourself, my boy. Good man, good man…

JASMINE: Aladdin, where did all this come from?

ALADDIN: Princess Jasmine, I have so much to tell you...

SUM TING-WONG (Juve) enters USR

SUM TING-WONG: Oh, great Aladdin.

ALADDIN: Ah, this is my servant, Sum Ting-Wong. Is there something wrong, Sum Ting-Wong?

SUM TING-WONG: Oh great one, you have visitors!

ALADDIN: Bid them enter.

SUM TING-WONG: (calling) Worthy visitors, please enter the Palace of Prince Aladdin!

MUSIC CUE: Chinese fanfare

COURTIERS (ENSEMBLE) enter from all sides

One visitor has asked to be announced, Your Royal Regalness.

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ALADDIN: Very well...

SUM TING-WONG: My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome The Devastatingly Delightful and Dauntingly Delectable Dowager - Duchess Twankey.

MUSIC CUE: Chinese Fanfare

WIDOW TWANKEY enters DSR – dressed in GLAMOROUS OUTFIT

ALADDIN: Mum - you look magnificent!

TWANKEY: Thank you, son! I’m so rich even the bags under my eyes are Gucci!

ALADDIN: Emperor, I believe you’ve already met my mother, Widow Twankey.

EMPEROR: Duchess Twankey - I'm delighted to meet you again, ma'am. Tell me, what did your ex-husband do?

TWANKEY: He was in oil.

EMPEROR: Was he a Sheik?

TWANKEY: No, he was a sardine!

MUSIC CUE: Ba-dum-tish!

ALADDIN: Emperor, Mum - Jasmine and I have an announcement to make - we're engaged to be married!

ALL cheer and clap

EMPEROR: Congratulations, my dears; and when's the happy day?

JASMINE: We haven't decided yet.

EMPEROR: How about tomorrow? The sooner the marriage contract is signed the better! Widow Twankey, we’re going to be seeing a lot of each other and I’m so pleased. Your beauty is overwhelming; you have the face of a film star.

TWANKEY: Jennifer Lopez?

EMPEROR: No, Shrek! (Getting flirty) Widow Twankey, you are a very special woman.

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TWANKEY: A woman? He may be the Emperor of China but he doesn’t know everything, does he, boys and girls?!

EMPEROR: You have that extra little thing that no other woman has.

TWANKEY: You can say that again!

EMPEROR: I just can’t put my finger on it.

TWANKEY: You do and you’ll get a punch on the nose! It’s lovely chatting to you Emp but I’m afraid I must be going… I’ve got to finish writing my international best seller, all about a man who dresses as a woman but has problems with his five o’clock shadow.

EMPEROR: A man who dresses as a woman but has problems with his five o’clock shadow?

TWANKEY: Yes.

EMPEROR: What’s it called?

TWANKEY: Fifty Shaves a Day!

MUSIC CUE: Ba-dum-tish!

See you later, boys and girls!

TWANKEY exits DSL

ALADDIN: Jasmine, I’ll go and sort out the marriage licence... (to ensemble) Come on, guys I’ll show you around the Palace. (To audience) We’ll see you later, gang!

ALADDIN, SUM TING WONG and ENSEMBLE give the secret signal and then exit USL

EMPEROR: Ah, well done, Jasmine; I'm so glad you grabbed Aladdin before some dreadful fortune-hunter did.

JASMINE: Father, money's not important to me! (dreamily) Oh, Aladdin’s so romantic, he always says things like….

ABANAZAR(offstage): New lamps for old!...

EMPEROR: New lamps for old?… that doesn’t sound very romantic.

MUSIC CUE: Evil underscore

Enter ABANAZAR USL - dressed as an old peddler and carrying a LARGE STICK WITH VARIOUS NEW LAMPS hanging from it.

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JASMINE: That wasn’t me Father, it was that old peddler.

ABANAZAR is relishing his role as the peddler

ABANAZAR: New lamps for old! New lamps for old! (to the audience) This cunning disguise will show my true versatility as an actor. Nobody… and I mean absolutely nobody will recognise me.

EMPEROR: Hello, Avabanana!

ABANAZAR: DON’T CALL ME THAT NAME!! … ahem…I am not Avabanana…I am just an old peddler who is giving things away.

EMPEROR: Well, I’m afraid you’re going to have to leave immediat... giving things away? What sort of things?

ABANAZAR: A bright, shiny, new lamp - in exchange for an old one. Would you happen to have an old lamp, my lord?

EMPEROR: No, I’m afraid I haven’t...

ABANAZAR: Not even one? (He winks very deliberately towards the magic lamp)

EMPEROR: I’m sorry?

ABANAZAR: Not even one? (even more deliberate winking)

EMPEROR: Do you have something in your eye?

ABANAZAR: (coughs) Lamp…

EMPEROR: I beg your pardon?

ABANAZAR: (coughs) Lamp...

EMPEROR: Lamp... where?

ABANAZAR: (coughs) Behind you!

EMPEROR: What?... Oh, what a stroke of luck, there just happens to be an old lamp here.

ABANAZAR: What a surprise!

JASMINE: Father, that lamp belongs to Aladdin. I don't think you should give it away. (To audience) Do you, boys and girls...?

The AUDIENCE react

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EMPEROR: Nonsense, my dear; they don't know a bargain when they see one! Here you are, my good man...

The EMPEROR offers ABANAZAR the lamp

MUSIC CUE: Cymbal roll

The lamp is withdrawn

JASMINE: Please, Father, don't! He shouldn’t do it, should he, boys and girls?

EMPEROR: Why not, my dear? If Aladdin values this old thing he must be mad!

ABANAZAR: Quite right, your highness; may I take it?

MUSIC CUE: Cymbal roll…

EMPEROR: There you go, my man…

The EMPEROR offers ABANAZAR the lamp. ABANAZAR seizes it and throws off his disguise

MUSIC CUE: …cymbal roll into Abanazar motif

ABANAZAR: Aha! At last - all the power is mine!

ABANAZAR rubs the lamp

PYRO CUE: DSR

MUSIC CUE: ‘Genie of the Lamp’ play on

The GENIE OF THE LAMP enters DSR. He is dancing as he listens to some disco music on an i-pod

SFX CUE: Muffled ‘tsssstsstsss tssstsss’ i-pod disco tune

GENIE: (sings) I GOT THE MOVES LIKE JAGGER, I GOT THE MOVES LIKE JAGGER, I GOT THE MOOOOOOOOOO-VES LIKE JAGGER!…

He removes the ear-phones and notices Abanazar

Whoah... what happened to the cool dude, Aladdin?

ABANAZAR: I have the lamp now and you will do as I say.

GENIE: (to the audience) I don’t like the sound of this but... (he adopts a Genie-like pose) Speak and I shall obey.

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ABANAZAR: Take Aladdin's riches through the airTo beneath the pyramids in Egypt, whereThis beautiful Princess by my side,Shall tomorrow become... ABANAZAR'S BRIDE!

ABANAZAR grabs PRINCESS JASMINE by the wrist

GENIE: Well, I ain’t too happy about this but I guess you are the man! Master - it is done!

The GENIE starts to blow

SFX CUE: The sound of a tornado MUSIC CUE: Cymbal rolls and crashesLX CUE: Tornado!

COURTIERS (ENSEMBLE and JUVES) enter from all sides

JASMINE: Father - help! (she grabs The EMPEROR)

EMPEROR: Help!!

ENSEMBLE: Help!!

ABANAZAR, JASMINE, EMPEROR, ENSEMBLE and JUVES whirl around the stage doing really impressive ‘tornado’ acting and then exit in all directions

ALADDIN twirls in DSL (now dressed in POOR CLOTHES).

FLY CUE: ‘Street of a Thousand Goldfish’ cloth in

SCENE TEN– THE STREET OF A THOUSAND GOLDFISH

ALADDIN: No... no...! Genie?

GENIE: I’m sorry, Aladdin...

GENIE exits DSR

ALADDIN: Hiya gang (audience react- secret signal) My Princess gone! All my riches too?! (shouting) Abanazar - I know it's you!!!

ABANAZAR: (off) Don’t you just love me!

The sound of the WIDOW TWANKEY and PONGO (now dressed in POOR CLOTHES) twirl in DSL tornado fades

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PONGO: Hey, Aladdin... what's happened to all your posh clothes?

ALADDIN: Our clothes aren't important! Abanazar's stolen the lamp, the Palace, all the people of Peking and, worst of all, my Princess! We’re back in the streets with absolutely nothing. If only there was something I could do… if only there was something ‘close to hand’.

TWANKEY/PONGO: (stroking their chins in a very obvious manner) Close to

hand...

Audience tell Aladdin to rub the ring

ALADDIN: What’s that, gang?

AUDIENCE react

Right here we go….

ALADDIN rubs the ring... nothing happens

TWANKEY: Nothing’s happened... Try again.

ALADDIN rubs the ring again

PYRO CUE: DSR MUSIC CUE: Spirit of the Ring motif

The SPIRIT OF THE RING enters DSR

SPIRIT: Sorry, I was just listening to Radio Hankook, It’s SO Federal Way! Anyways, I didn't think you'd need me now you've got Mister Gee to serve you!

ALADDIN: That's just what I haven't got! Abanazar's stolen the lamp and carried Princess Jasmine away! Where’s he taken her?

SPIRIT: One moment whilst I go into a trance like state...

MUSIC CUE: Trance stateLX CUE: ‘Trance’

The SPIRIT OF THE RING goes into a trance like state. She places her fingers on her temples and starts to hum

TWANKEY: Oh, maybe I could help with my hypnotic powers.

PONGO: Are you a medium?

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TWANKEY: No I’ve always been an extra large!

They all laugh hysterically. PONGO strikes TWANKEY

What did you so that for?

PONGO: I always like to strike a happy medium!

They all go into a trance. They place their fingers on their temples and starts to hum and sway

ALADDIN: Can you see them, Spirit?

SPIRIT: They're... they're... on 320th St..

ALL: 320th Street?

SPIRIT: Yes! And now they’ve gone into the Big Lots. I don’t blame them, everything’s so cheap! (she gasps) OMG… I don’t believe it, they’re now flying through the air and landing at The Ancient Pyramids of Egypt!

MUSIC CUE: Dramatic chord

ALADDIN: I have to save Jasmine! Can you fly us there?

SPIRIT: Not all of you, I’m afraid, but I’ve got just the thing for you, Aladdin. Take this magic flying carpet...

They all gesture SR. A FLYING CARPET is thrown in from wings SL

ALADDIN: A magic flying carpet? Wow, thanks Spirit. See you in Egypt, guys, I’m off to rescue Princess Jasmine.

MUSIC CUE: Chinese-style ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’

ALADDIN gives the secret signal and then exits heroically DSL

TWANKEY: (to the Spirit) Oi Beyonce! I can’t let my son go to Egypt on his own. We need to go as well.

SPIRIT: I don't have a carpet big enough for you two.

TWANKEY/PONGO: Charming!

PONGO: Hey, we could go in one of those vans which sleeps up to four people!

TWANKEY/:

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SPIRIT: Camper?

PONGO: (in a really camp voice) We could go in one of those vans which sleeps up to four people!

TWANKEY: Come on, we’ll get the bus.

PONGO: See you later, guys!

WIDOW TWANKEY, PONGO and PONGO exit DSL

SPIRIT: Now, with the carpet, Aladdin’s equippedTo make his journey to far-off Egypt.I hope he finds what he’s looking forBut he must be wary, for there’s trouble in storeSo now Aladdin, it’s time to fly,And surf the stars way up high

SPIRIT breaks far DSR

FLY CUE: Street Cloth out to reveal...

SCENE ELEVEN – NIGHT FLIGHT TO CAIRO

MUSIC CUE: ‘Defying Gravity’ ALADDIN and SPIRIT

LX CUE: For flying

ALADDIN is on the FLYING CARPET. He starts to fly

SPIRIT: SO IF YOU CARE TO FIND HIMLOOK TO THE EASTERN SKY!AS SOMEONE TOLD ME LATELY:"EV'RYONE DESERVES THE CHANCE TO FLY!"AND IF YOU’RE FLYING SOLOAT LEAST YOU’RE FLYING FREEIF ABANAZAR DOUBTS METAKE A MESSAGE BACK FROM METELL HIM HOW YOU’RE DEFYING GRAVITYYOU’RE FLYING HIGH, DEFYING GRAVITYAND SOON YOU'LL MEET HIM IN CAIRO

ALADDIN: ABANAZAR WILL NOT STOP MY FLIGHTFOR JASMINES HAND I’LL STAND AND FIGHT

SPIRIT: HE’S NEVER GONNA BRING YOU DOWN!

ALL (B/V): ALADDIN TO THE RESCUE

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LX CUE: Blackout

FLY CUE: Pyramid Front Cloth in

SCENE TWELVE – BENEATH THE GREAT PYRAMIDS OF EGYPT

MUSIC CUE: Spooky Egyptian music

PONGO enters DSL

PONGO: Hiya boys and girls! (audience react) Wow, look at this... We’re beneath the famous pyramids in Egypt, and Abanazar’s used his evil powers to turn the Citizens of Peking into Egyptian mummies. It sounds ridiculous but it’s pantomime so it must be true!

ALADDIN enters DSR

ALADDIN: Pongo!

PONGO: Aladdin!

They do the secret signal

ALADDIN: Hey, I’ve just seen Abanazar in his hideout. He was acting suspiciously.

PONGO: That doesn’t surprise me; his acting was very suspicious in The Turn of the Screw!

ALADDIN: My Princess is locked in Abanazar’s hideout until she agrees to marry him! We've got to rescue her and the people of Peking!

PONGO: But the palace is bristling with guards - all armed to the teeth!

ALADDIN: Armed to the teeth?

PONGO: Yes, they’ve got machine gums!

SFX CUE: Scary ‘mummy’ sound

ALADDIN: Did you hear that?

PONGO: Did it go ‘ohhhhhhhh!’

ALADDIN: Yes.

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PONGO: I didn’t hear a thing!

ALADDIN: I don’t like this place I think it may be haunted.

PONGO: Don’t be silly, Aladdin, you know the rules. A place is only haunted if there’s a fat guy pretending to be a woman and wearing a ridiculous costume.

TWANKEY enters DSR wearing PEKING WOK ‘NOODLE BOX’ dress

TWANKEY: Hello, boys and girls. Did anyone order a Chinese Takeaway? (to the audience) Peking Wok, ladies and gentlemen, Federal Way’s finest Chinese Restaurant!

She looks into the wings and sticks her thumb up

PONGO: Widow Twankey, we think this place might be haunted! What do you think we should do?

Beat

TWANKEY: Peking Wok!

She looks into the wings and mimes ‘two’

PONGO: What?

TWANKEY: Peking Wok... A Taste of the Orient!

She looks into the wings and mimes ‘three’

ALADDIN: Just a minute, mom... Has somebody paid you to wear that costume and keep mentioning their name?

TWANKEY: Pardon?

ALADDIN: Has somebody paid you to wear that costume and keep mentioning their name?

TWANKEY: Which name?

ALADDIN: Peking Wok!

TWANKEY: (looking into the wings) That’s got to be worth a bonus.

SFX CUE: Ohhhhhhhhhh

ALADDIN: There’s that noise again. This is Egypt, I bet it’s full of scary mummies.

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TWANKEY: There’s one or two scary mummies in the front row!

PONGO: Look, all we have to do is sit on that conveniently placed bench, sing a song and it will keep the scary mummies away.

PONGO gets BENCH from wings (SL)

ALADDIN: Are you sure it will work?

PONGO: It has done for the last seven years!

ALADDIN: Now, gang, if you see anything will you shout out and warn us? (react) Will you shout louder than that? And join in with this song.

TWANKEY: Thank you Uncle David...

MUSIC CUE: ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life!'LX CUE: Mysterious

ALL: Always look on the bright side of lifeDe dum, de dum de dum de dum.(Swinging right arm) Yeah!

1 MUMMY enters SL and stands behind them

ALL: Always look on the bright side of lifeDe dum, de dum de dum de dum.(Swinging right arm) Yeah!

MUMMY exits SL

ALADDIN: (Rising from the bench) What was it?AUDIENCE: A MUMMYALL: A MUMMY?AUDIENCE: Yes!ALL: Was it?AUDIENCE: Yes!ALL: Well, we’ll have to sing it again then won’t we – woops! (swing

right arm and kick right leg)

ALL: Always look on the bright side of lifeDe dum, de dum de dum de dum.

2 MUMMIES enter SR and stays behind the bench(Swinging right arm) Yeah

ALL: Always look on the bright side of lifeDe dum, de dum de dum de dum.(Swinging right arm) Yeah!

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PONGO: Where is it? Behind us… come on we’ll have a look.

They circle the bench clock wise, MUMMIES follow and then exit

TWANKEY: There’s no sign of him, what was it?AUDIENCE: MUMMIES!ALL: MUMMIES?AUDIENCE: Yes!ALL: Was it?AUDIENCE: Yes!ALL: Well, we’ll have to sing it again then won’t we – woops! (swing

right arm and kick right leg)

ALL: Always look on the bright side of lifeDe dum, de dum de dum de dum.(Swinging right arm) Yeah!

2 MUMMIES enter, tap ALADDIN on shoulder and chase him off

BOTH: Always look on the bright side of lifeDe dum, de dum de dum de dum.(Swinging right arm) Yeah!

TWANKEY: Sing up, Aladdin. (realising he has gone) Where’s Aladdin gone?

PONGO: (Rising from the bench) What was it?AUDIENCE: MUMMIES!BOTH: MUMMIES?AUDIENCE: Yes!BOTH: Was it?AUDIENCE: Yes!BOTH: Well, we’ll have to sing it again then won’t we – woops! (swing

right arm and kick right leg)

BOTH: Always look on the bright side of lifeDe dum, de dum de dum de dum.(Swinging right arm) Yeah! 2 MUMMIES enter, tap PONGO on shoulder and chase him off

Always look on the bright side of lifeDe dum, de dum de dum de dum.(Swinging right arm) Yeah!

TWANKEY: Sing up, Pongo (realising he has gone) (Rising from the bench) What was it?

AUDIENCE: MUMMIES!

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TWANKEY: A what?AUDIENCE: MUMMIES!TWANKEY: MUMMIES?AUDIENCE: Yes!TWANKEY: Was it?AUDIENCE: Yes!TWANKEY: Well, I’ll have to sing it again then, won’t I– woops! (swing

right arm and kick right leg)

Always look on the bright side of lifeDe dum, de dum de dum de dum.(Swinging right arm) Yeah!

2 MUMMIES enter and sit next to TWANKEY. They join in with the hand jive

Always look on the bright side of lifeDe dum, de dum de dum de dum.(Swinging right arm) Yeah!

Slowly TWANKEY stops and turns to face the MUMMIES.

TWANKEY: Hello there!

The MUMMIES scream and exits SR and SL.

Peking Wok!

LX CUE: BLACK OUT.

MUSIC CUE: Comedy play off

(TWANKEY exits during BLACKOUT taking bench with her)

FLY CUE: Cloth out

LX CUE: Lights up to reveal…

SCENE TWELVE (a) – ABANAZAR’S PALACE IN EGYPT

MUSIC CUE: ‘Trouble’ ABANAZAR, ENSEMBLE and JUVES (MUMMIES)

The scene starts with ABANAZAR (wearing shades) emerging from behind 4 MUMMIES (Juves) and eventually we see more and more enter until there are 8 MUMMIES (Juves and Ensemble) on stage

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ABANAZAR: IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR TROUBLEYOU CAME TO THE RIGHT PLACEIF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR TROUBLEJUST LOOK RIGHT IN MY FACEI WAS BORN STANDING UPAND TALKING BACKMY DADDY WAS A GREEN-EYED MOUNTAIN JACKBECAUSE I'M EVIL, MY MIDDLE NAME IS MISERY(spoken) My parents had a funny sense of humour!WELL I'M EVIL, SO DON'T YOU MESS AROUND WITH ME

I'VE NEVER LOOKED FOR TROUBLEBUT I'VE NEVER RANI DON'T TAKE NO ORDERSFROM NO KIND OF MANI'M ONLY MADE OUTOF FLESH, BLOOD AND BONEBUT IF YOU'RE GONNA START A RUMBLEDON'T YOU TRY IT ON ALONEBECAUSE I'M EVIL, MY MIDDLE NAME IS MISERYAbanazar Misery Elizabeth Smith!WELL I'M EVIL, SO DON'T YOU MESS AROUND WITH MEI'M EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, AS CAN BEI'M EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, AS CAN BESO DON'T MESS AROUND DON'T MESS AROUND DON'T MESS AROUND WITH MEI'M EVIL, I'M EVIL, EVIL, EVILSO DON'T MESS AROUND, DON'T MESS AROUND WITH MEI'M EVIL, I TELL YOU I'M EVILSO DON'T MESS AROUND WITH ME

ABANAZAR: Thank you... thank you... Isn’t this wonderful? I’ve put a curse on the people of Peking and turned them into my very own army of yummy mummies… hahahahahahaha! Now, bring the prisoners to me!

MUMMIES: Yes, Avabanana!

ABANAZAR: DON’T CALL ME THAT NAME!

Mummies exit in all directions

I have everything I’ve ever desired; the only thing now is for Princess Jasmine to agree to be my bride! Hahhahaha!

TWO MUMMIES return SL with PRINCESS JASMINE and EMPEROR

Ah, my Princess - how beautiful you look tonight!

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JASMINE: Don't you dare touch me!

ABANAZAR: So beautiful and yet so cold! Either you consent to marry me or there will be some very painful consequences.

JASMINE: (turning on Abanazar) Your threats do not frighten me, Abanazar; I would rather die than become your bride!

ABANAZAR: Oh I don’t intend to harm a hair of your beautiful head…EMPEROR: …What did I tell you? ABANAZAR: …it is your father who will suffer!EMPEROR: … he's got a heart of … .WHAT?!

ABANAZAR: If you do not accept my proposal, your father will be taken to the dungeons where he will endure a long and lingering demise - Death by a Thousand Cuts!!

EMPEROR: A thousand cuts?… (to the audience) Sounds like the budget for the Federal Way School District!

JASMINE I will never marry you Abanazar, you are a cruel, hideous creature and... oh, by the way... I hate you!

ABANAZAR: Do not provoke me, girl! Marry me or you’ll never see your father again!

ALADDIN jumps on SL. PONGO and TWANKEY jump on SR

ALADDIN: (Taking the lamp) And you’ll never see the lamp again!

ABANAZAR: Aladdin!

ALADDIN: Mum, catch!!

ALADDIN throws the lamp to TWANKEY

PONGO: KUNG FU FIGHT!

SFX: Chinese Voice Over

We are suddenly in a bad Chinese-Kung-Fu-Enter-the-Dragon-type movie. ALADDIN’S and ABANAZAR’S mouths move far too quickly for the words we are hearing (as if it is a badly dubbed foreign film).

ABANAZAR: (VO) Now is the time to meet your doom, Aladdin

ALADDIN: (VO) No, now is the time to meet your doom... Avabanana!

ABANAZAR: (VO) Don’t call me that name!

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ALADDIN: (VO) Which name?

ABANAZAR: (VO) Avabanana! Arggggghhhhhhhhh!

A comedic KUNG FU FIGHT ensues

MUSIC CUE: Chinese-style fight music (with Kung Fu-style cymbals)SFX CUE: Comedy punches etcLX CUE: Stylised Kung Fu fight

ALADDIN defeats ABANAZAR

EMPEROR: What are we going to do with this villain?

TWANKEY: Make him do The Sound of Music at Tacoma Musical Playhouse!

ABANAZAR: No… anything but that!

ALADDIN: What shall we do with him, boys and girls?

Audience react. Some small children will invariably shout ‘kill him’

PONGO: There’s a little boy over here - about six years old - shouting ‘kill him kill him! (to his parents) You must be very proud! We’ll see him on Jerry Springer in a couple of years!

ALADDIN: The Genies will sort him out; mom, you rub the lamp, I’ll rub the ring.

TWANKEY: Will do, Aladdin!

ALADDIN and TWANKEY rub the LAMP and RING

PYRO CUE: DSL and DSR

The GENIE OF THE LAMP enters DSR and the SPIRIT OF THE RING enters DSL

MUSIC CUE: Genies play on

GENIE/SPIRIT: (very serious) What is your command, O’ master...?

SPIRIT: (realising it is Aladdin) Aladdin!

GENIE: How’s it hangin’ dude?... it’s good to see you!

ALADDIN: Genies... Can you make this monster lovable?

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GENIES As our master wishes...

SPIRIT: (To Abanazar) Now, by our spell you'll be beguiled...

GENIE: As weak and helpless - as a child!

MUSIC CUE: Spell Zap

ABANAZAR becomes like a five year-old child

ABANAZAR: (he cries) I want to watch Sesame Street! (he sings) I love Elmo!! (he sings) Sweepin' the clouds away, On my way to where the air is sweet, Can you tell me how to get, How to get to Sesame Street! (To Jasmine) It's not fair - everyone picks on me! Make them stop - they're hurting me!

JASMINE: Get off! You big cry-baby!

ABANAZAR: I want my mummy! I want my mummy!

A MUMMY (male ensemble) enters DSR

ABANAZAR: Mummy!

MUSIC CUE: “Mammy”

The Mummy picks ABANAZAR into his arms. ABANAZAR bursts into song (Al Jolson-style). He sings as they exit, with the MUMMY kicking his legs in time to the music

ABANAZAR: ‘I’D WALK A MILLION MILES FOR ONE OF YOUR SMILES, MY MUMMY!’

They exit DSR

JASMINE: Aladdin, the people of Peking are still trapped as mummies

ALADDIN: Genies, can you release them?

GENIE: Are there any pretty ladies?

PONGO: Oh, yes, there are lots of pretty ladies!

SPIRIT: Are there any really big butch men?

Beat

PONGO: There are lots of pretty ladies!

GENIE: Master it is done!

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The PEOPLE of PEKING (JUVENILES/ENSEMBLE) enter cheering

ALADDIN: I have one more thing to ask of you, Genies.... can you transport us all back to Peking where Princess Jasmine and I are going to be married.

TWANKEY: Make it a double wedding, the Emperor’s just proposed to me!

EMPEROR: Have I?

TWANKEY: We’re the family with all the money!

EMPEROR: My darling wife…!

ALADDIN: Hey, you’re all invited to the wedding!

ALL: Hooray!

GENIES: Master, it will be done!

ALADDIN: I wish you'd both stop calling me ‘master’ - my name's Aladdin!

SPIRIT: But if you own the lamp and ring, you own us!

ALADDIN: Then I give the lamp and the ring to you!

GENIE: I don’t get it.

ALADDIN: Well, I have everything I’ve ever dreamed of; I don’t need anything else. If you own the lamp and ring, you serve yourselves... My final wish is to set you free! Spirit, your ring...

ALADDIN hands her the ring

Mr Gee, your lamp!

ALADDIN hands him the lamp

GENIE: Free?...

SPIRIT: Shaaaattt apppppppppp!…What? After all these years we’re finally free? Are you sure, Aladdin?

ALADDIN: Of course I’m sure.

GENIES: We’re free!

ALL: Hooray!

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MUSIC CUE: ‘Think!’ - GENIE, SPIRIT, ALADDIN, TWANKEY, PONGO, JASMINE, EMPEROR,ENSEMBLE & JUVES

SPIRIT: YOU’D BETTER THINK! ALL: THINK SPIRIT: THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO GIVE TO ME

THINK! ALL: THINK THINK SPIRIT: YOU’RE LETTING ME GO, LETTING ME BE FREE

LET’S GO BACK, LET’S GO BACK, LET’S GO WAY OVER WAY BACK WHENI DIDN’T EVEN KNOW YOU WHEN YOU FIRST RUBBED THE RING BACK THENI AIN'T NO PSYCHIATRIST, AIN'T NO GENIE WITH A DEGREE IT DON'T TAKE TOO MUCH HIGH IQ'S TO SEE WHAT YOU'RE GIVING ME(BUT) YOU’D BETTER THINK!

ALL: (THINK) SPIRIT: THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO GIVE TO ME

THINK! ALL: THINK THINK

YOU’RE LETTING ME GO, LETTING ME BE FREEFREEDOM, FREEDOM, FREEDOM, FREEDOMFREEDOM, FREEDOM, FREEDOM, FREEDOM

SPIRIT: YEAH - THINK ABOUT IT, OOH - THINK ABOUT IT

GENIE: I’VE BEEN STUCK INSIDE THAT LAMP GRANTING WISHES TO ONE AND ALLNOW YOU’VE OFFERED ME ONE LAST WISH AND IT’S MY GREATEST WISH OF ALLYOU’D BETTER THINK!

ALL: THINKGENIE: THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO GIVE TO ME

THINK! ALL: THINK THINK! GENIE: YOU’RE LETTING ME GO, LETTING ME BE FREE

GIVING US OUR FREEDOM IS THE BEST THING YOU COULD DO

SPIRIT: WE’LL ACCEPT YOUR OFFER IF YOU’RE SURE YOU’VE THOUGHT IT THROUGH

BOTH: YOU’D BETTER THINK! ALL: THINK BOTH: THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO GIVE TO ME

THINK! ALL: THINK THINK! BOTH: YOU’RE LETTING ME GO, LETTING ME BE FREESPIRIT YOU NEED MEGENIE: AND I NEED YOU

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BOTH: WITHOUT EACH OTHER THERE AIN’T NOTHING WE CAN DOFREEDOM, FREEDOM, FREEDOM, FREEDOMFREEDOM, FREEDOM, FREEDOM, FREEDOM

FLY CUE: Palace gates cloth in

SCENE FOURTEEN - THE PAGODA OF PERPETUAL BLISS

MUSIC CUE: Walkdown - ‘Bring Me Sunshine’

JUVENILESENSEMBLEEMPERORSPIRITGENIEWIDOW TWANKEYPONGOABANAZAR

PONGO: Ladies and gentlemen, three cheers for Aladdin and Princess Jasmine… Hip hip… Hip hip… hip hip…

Enter ALADDIN AND JASMINE

Music stops

EMPEROR: And so our story’s over and now it’s time to go.

PONGO: So just one final question... have you all enjoyed the show?

SPIRIT: We’ve made Abanazar good – so now, he’s quite a charmer...

ABANAZAR: (in best stage English) So if you see me in the street - you may call be Avabanana!

TWANKEY: I’m getting quite emotional - I think I need a hanky....

GENIE: I never thought I’d say this, I’m in love with Widow Twankey!

JASMINE: Before you all leave for home – we’ll ask for one more cheer...

ALADDIN: ...and a promise to come back to our pantomime next year!

(ALL cheer)

MUSIC CUE: ‘Pantomime’ (‘Pom Poms) – FULL COMPANY

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(David assigns lyrics as he sees fit)

More to love when your hands are freeBaby got your pantomime from meCome on shake it up 123Baby got your pantomime from me

Yeah they come from miles awayJust to see how we get downFeels like an earthquakeEvery time you come aroundYou hear ‘em saying yeah (yeah)Every time feels like a revival (glory)So get up, right nowWe’re coming for the title

More to love when your hands are freeBaby get your pantomime from meCome on shake it up 123Baby got your pantomime from meWhen you move I fall to my kneesBaby got your pantomime from meCome on shake it up 543Baby got your pantomime from me

I want you on my teamWant you like kid just wants a milkshakeAnd I won’t let it go to waste if I get a tasteI’m gonna drink the whole thingYou hear ‘em saying yeah (yeah)Every time feels like a revival (glory)So get up, right nowWe’re coming for the title

More to love when your hands are freeBaby got your pantomime from meCome on shake it up 123Baby got your pantomime from meWhen you move I fall to my kneesBaby got your pantomime from meCome on shake it up 543Baby got your pantomime from me

Ladies to the left, fellas to the right

If you like to see me in my pantomimeThen sing it to me baby sing it right nowNa na na na na na, yeah yeah If you like to see me in my pantomime

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Then sing it to me baby sing it right nowNa na na na na na, yeah yeah

More to love when your hands are freeBaby got your pantomime from meCome on shake it up 123Baby got your pantomime from meWhen you move I fall to my kneesBaby got your pantomime from meCome on shake it up 543Baby got your pantomime from me

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