Adult Child and Parent Relationships:The Separation Problem in Russia

08.06.2011

Child – Parent Relationships

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Child-Parent RelationshipsChild-Parent Relationships

The central role in a person’s ontogenesis

Mostly childhood and teenage period till 1970s-80s

Adult children were not the focus

1970s - present1970s - presentmid 19th century – mid 20th centurymid 19th century – mid 20th century

Child-parent relationships matter at any age

Interest in adult child-parent relationships increased

Various studies on adult children and their parents

Current Research

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Sociological aspects (e.g. Rossi&Rossi; Bengston;

Lye)

Sociological aspects (e.g. Rossi&Rossi; Bengston;

Lye)

Frequency of contact

Material help

Research on Adult Child – Parent RelationshipsResearch on Adult Child – Parent Relationships

Psychological aspects (e.g. Cicirelli, Troll,

Fingerman)

Psychological aspects (e.g. Cicirelli, Troll,

Fingerman)

Influence on each other (e.g. Pillmer, Knoester)

Influence on each other (e.g. Pillmer, Knoester)

Geographical distance

Level of attachment

Feelings

Attitude

Mental Health

Psychological distress

Views, values etc.

Issue №1

What contributes to the core changes in Adult Child and Parent Relationships ?

- High level of dependence and merging with parents especially mother - Attachment bonds are being established (necessary conditions for mental health of the future adult (e.g. Bowlby)

Changes with age: moving towards independence and separation

- New status acquisition which reflect the core changes- Sharing roles of adults, becoming “partners”- Structural and emotional separation

The Evolution of Child-Parent Relationships

When the child is born the emotional and physical ties with parents are very strong

From merging to separationFrom merging to separation

- The separation process in mythology as a way of creation of new entities - The process of initiation as a way to be “reborn” as an adult in ancient societies - Separation from parents as a way to individuation (e.g. Hollis) and differentiation (e.g. Bowen).

Reflections in myths, folklore and literature

- The myths of creation, the Odyssey, the Return of the Prodigal Son, the idea of marriage as dying and being reborn in a new family

- The plays: S. Eisenhandler points out to the central moment in a play when “parents and children must face each other without recourse to roles – when they must come to terms with fidelity and treachery, love and contempt, the strong and weak moral qualities of

the people they have all become”.

The Evolution of Child-Parent Relationships

The separation act gives “birth” to a new personality

Separation and personal developmentSeparation and personal development

Issue №2

What happens when the separation act fails and what are the reasons for this failure?

Classical Family CycleClassical Family Cycle Russian Family CycleRussian Family Cycle

Adult Child and Parent Relationships in Russia

1 stage. Monad2 stage. Romantic relationships3 stage. Dyad (marriage)4 stage. First child5 stage. Second child6 stage. School years7 stage. Teenage period and separation8 stage. Again dyad9 stage. Monad

1 stage. Enmeshed multigenerational family2 stage. Partner is added to the enmeshed family3 stage. First child4 stage. Second child5 stage. Grandparents in the focus6 stage. Family with adult children

Basic differences in the family life cycles (A.Y.Varga)

- Accommodation problem (up to 3 generations may share a flat) - Traumatic experience of 2nd World war and Stalin’s repressions led to higher integration between mother and children (A.Y. Varga)

Cultural level

- Strong feminine figure in Russian culture (folklore, fairy tales etc.) and weak status of men (A.Y. Varga) - Collectivistic culture (Orthodoxy, Autocracy and Nationality)

Reasons of the separation failure

Economical, Historical and Social level

Psychological level- Low differentiation - Dysfunctional families

- Young woman Anna (28 years old) lives with father and mother, never had romantic relationships, has very low self-esteem and unsatisfaction with her life- Enmeshed family with central figures of the mother and grandmother - No physical and emotional separation (e.g. “We want it”, “It is very important to Us”, “My mother

won’t like this man”)

Case Studies

Case study №1. Private life failure

Case study №2. Professional failure - Young man Dima (32 years old) lives with his wife and 4 year old child, is unhappy with his

profession which is his family job. All his life is trying to prove his father he is a good son- The feeling of doing the wrong job results in periodical distress - Physical separation without emotional separation (“I want Him to except me as I am”)

Case Studies

25

28

2

28

4

35

50 46

2230

5456

30

7 4

48

70

54

Case study №3. Family pattern transmission

- Young woman Nadia (25 years old) lives with her husband, 2 year old child and her mother - After birth of the child got problems with her husband - Strongly influenced by her mother (“Reproduces mothers pattern “After birth of the child I

Mother not a Woman or a Wife”)

To give more opportunities for younger generation ( e.g. good conditions for the mortgage)

What changes can be made as a solution?

Improvement of psychological education (through socialization process)

Psychological culture development (e.g. festivals, free consultations, mass media)

Macro level: Social policy and cultural norms changesMicro level: Social work with dysfunctional families

Macro level: Social policy and cultural norms changesMicro level: Social work with dysfunctional families

THANK YOU!