ABUSEAWARENESS

DAY2004

WHERE IS THE LOVE?

God’s Word says•Dear friends, let us love one

another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:7,8 NIV

•Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:7,8 NIV

Why has the church been Why has the church been reluctant to talk about abuse?reluctant to talk about abuse?

• Acknowledging that there are hurting people Acknowledging that there are hurting people in the church seems to deny that God is ablein the church seems to deny that God is able

• SecrecySecrecy• Hard to accept the sins Hard to accept the sins

of the world are also of the world are also the sins of the churchthe sins of the church

• Easier to deal with Easier to deal with the pain of strangers the pain of strangers than the pain of those we knowthan the pain of those we know

• Legal aspect of abuseLegal aspect of abuse

What is abuse?What is abuse?Abuse or domestic violence is when one Abuse or domestic violence is when one person uses violent or intimidating person uses violent or intimidating behavior to control or dominate the other behavior to control or dominate the other person, which results in physical, sexual person, which results in physical, sexual and or psychological damage, forced social and or psychological damage, forced social isolation or economic deprivation, or isolation or economic deprivation, or behavior which leaves the victim living in behavior which leaves the victim living in fear. Abuse is more than just an argument fear. Abuse is more than just an argument or disagreement. It includes fear, control, or disagreement. It includes fear, control, domination, victimization and harm. domination, victimization and harm. Someone is being hurt.Someone is being hurt.

Types of abuseTypes of abuse

• PhysicalPhysical – actions which cause – actions which cause humiliation, physical pain or injury, humiliation, physical pain or injury, such as kicking, pushing, or punchingsuch as kicking, pushing, or punching

• Psychological/EmotionalPsychological/Emotional – actions – actions which cause loss of self-esteem, which cause loss of self-esteem, and/or loss of self-determination, and/or loss of self-determination, such as name calling, isolation, or such as name calling, isolation, or criticizingcriticizing

• SexualSexual – actions of a sexual nature – actions of a sexual nature that are unwelcome, uncomfortable, or that are unwelcome, uncomfortable, or forced; this includes rapeforced; this includes rape

• Neglect -Neglect - not providing basic needs such not providing basic needs such as food and clothing for a dependent eg a as food and clothing for a dependent eg a child or elderly person, and abandonmentchild or elderly person, and abandonment

• SpiritualSpiritual – using the Scriptures to create – using the Scriptures to create guilt or fear to make people do what we guilt or fear to make people do what we want them to dowant them to do

More types of AbuseMore types of Abuse

General Abuse IndicatorsGeneral Abuse Indicators

• Social isolationSocial isolation• Low self-esteemLow self-esteem• DepressionDepression• Physical injuries Physical injuries

for which for which explanations explanations seem seem inadequateinadequate

• Minimizing personal feelings and needsMinimizing personal feelings and needs• Acceptance of responsibilityAcceptance of responsibility for maltreatment, i.e. self blame, for maltreatment, i.e. self blame,

expressions of guiltexpressions of guilt• High defensiveness about High defensiveness about

traditional male-female rolestraditional male-female roles• Unrealistic hopes that changeUnrealistic hopes that change is imminentis imminent• Drug and alcohol abuse Drug and alcohol abuse

and/or other self-destructive behaviorsand/or other self-destructive behaviors

Child Abuse IndicatorsChild Abuse Indicators• Sadness, fear, depression, Sadness, fear, depression,

anxietyanxiety• Aggressive, disruptive, Aggressive, disruptive,

and/or destructive behaviorand/or destructive behavior• Passive, compliant behaviorPassive, compliant behavior• WithdrawalWithdrawal• Drug and alcohol abuse Drug and alcohol abuse

and/or other self-and/or other self-destructive behaviorsdestructive behaviors

Indicators of Child Sexual Indicators of Child Sexual AbuseAbuse

• Breast or genital irritation, pain or injuryBreast or genital irritation, pain or injury• Torn or stained underclothingTorn or stained underclothing• Difficulty sleeping, bed-wetting, Difficulty sleeping, bed-wetting,

nightmares, fear of the darknightmares, fear of the dark• Unusual interest in or knowledge of Unusual interest in or knowledge of

sexual matterssexual matters• Sexual acting outSexual acting out• Expressing affection in ways which Expressing affection in ways which

should be beyond the child‘s should be beyond the child‘s experience and understandingexperience and understanding

So what can we do?So what can we do?• Accept the fact that abuse Accept the fact that abuse

and family violence exist and family violence exist in the churchin the church

• Break the silence on abuseBreak the silence on abuse• Understand that abuse and Understand that abuse and

domestic violence are domestic violence are about power and controlabout power and control

• Listen to the abused and Listen to the abused and accept their feelings accept their feelings without judging without judging

• Treat seriously all reports of Treat seriously all reports of incidences of physical, emotional or incidences of physical, emotional or sexual abusesexual abuse

• Respect a victim’s right to make Respect a victim’s right to make decisions about how they will respond decisions about how they will respond to their situationto their situation

• Protect the victim – find them a safe Protect the victim – find them a safe placeplace

• Help family members get professional Help family members get professional helphelp

• Assure the victim that abuse is never Assure the victim that abuse is never their faulttheir fault

• Maintain confidentialityMaintain confidentiality

• Hold the abuser Hold the abuser accountable for accountable for their actionstheir actions

• Provide a supportive Provide a supportive networknetwork

• Report abusive and Report abusive and violent incidentsviolent incidents

““I will exalt and I will exalt and rejoice in your rejoice in your steadfast love, steadfast love, because you because you have seen my have seen my affliction; you affliction; you have taken have taken heed of my heed of my adversities.”adversities.”

Psalm Psalm 31:731:7

““The eyes of the LORD The eyes of the LORD are open to their are open to their cry…cry…

The righteous cry and The righteous cry and the LORD hears, and the LORD hears, and delivers them out of delivers them out of all their troubles. all their troubles.

The LORD is near to The LORD is near to the brokenhearted, the brokenhearted, and saves those who and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 34:15-Psalm 34:15-1818