WITNESSA JOURNAL OF SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY

Witness: A Journal of Social Responsibi l i ty is a forum committed to broadening and deepening the conversation about global responsibi l i ty, social justice, and

cit izenship. By encouraging story tel l ing, art ist ic expression, ref lection and crit ical dialogue, and by serving as a nexus of resources for meaningful social action, we intend to serve the Boston College community and beyond. We hope to open eyes and hearts and to foster a spirit of sol idarity as cit izens of the world walking with

our brothers and sisters in need. Here, al l are one.

We seek to challenge. To inspire. To testify. To witness.

ArtAndrew Sexton

LayoutJaime CrowleyAmanda DugganSpencer KimLore Zeledon

Social MediaThomas Belton

PublicityCara CondonPaul ina GarciaJennifer Woo

Colleen Vecchione

Communications DirectorDavid Wil lner

LaunchMacLean Cadman

Teaching AssistantsSuzannah Lutz

Sarah Wood

Faculty AdvisorKathleen Hirsch

Staff ContributorsJenny ChoiBrett GierasMara Renold

S tudent j ou rna ls come in a l l s t r ipes - - as showcases o f in te l l ec tua l endeavor, a r t i s t i c express ion , humor, and cu t t ing-edge rebe l l i on . Wi tness i s d i f fe ren t . I t s a im i s to c rea te a d ia logue fo r those in the Bos ton Co l lege communi t y who want to g row beyond the pa le o f p r i v i l ege , who want to wres t le w i th p rob lems no t eas i l y remed ied , and who ask wha t i t m igh t mean fo r us to l i ve soc ia l l y and sp i r i tua l l y respons ib le l i ves as Amer icans today. Th is year ’s Wi tness s ta f f has journeyed to p laces w i th in themse lves and beyond the campus wa l l s to ask hard ques t ions . They have g rapp led w i th wha t i t means to g round in te l l ec tua l r igo r in soc ia l p resence and e f f i cacy. Combin ing week l y research and re f lec t ion w i th f i e ld work , they lea rned to look a round the edges o f academic d isc ip l ine to engage o ther ways o f knowing the wor ld : to syn thes i ze in te l l ec tua l and sp i r i tua l g rowth . The resu l t ing d iscourse , wh ich tack les p ress ing top ics no t o f ten d iscussed in the c lass room: domest ic v io lence , subs tance abuse , the d reams o f Th i rd Wor ld o rphans , o f fe rs a un ique vo ice in a un i ve rs i t y se t t ing – se l f - re f lec t i ve and “o ther-d i rec ted ,” in te l l ec tua l l y sound and e th ica l l y a l i ve . In many ways , the work o f fe red th i s year admi rab l y re f lec ts the Co l lege ’s mot to , “Men and Women fo r O thers . ” I n th i s second i ssue o f Wi tness : A Journa l o f Soc ia l Re-spons ib i l i t y, we p resen t wha t can bes t be charac te r i zed as in-s tances o f “w i tness ing” – wr i t i ngs , a r twork , pho tog raphs tha t a re ac ts o f consc ience and consc iousness . You w i l l f i nd s to r ies about the human iz ing work be ing done in Pennsy l van ia p r i sons , a un ique f r i endsh ip fo rmed in a Bos ton homeless she l te r, and campus movements – inc lud ing one here a t Bos ton Co l lege – to obs t ruc t access to the p rec ious meta ls in our ce l l phones , the sa le o f wh ich i s fue l ing hor r i f i c v io lence in A f r i ca . Take a look . Pass i t a round. As obser vers , wr i te rs , a r t i s t s , and s tudents , we want to open eyes and hear ts . We hope to ga l van i ze change. Wi th the sma l l ac ts o f w i tness p resen ted here , we hope to fos te r fe l l owsh ip w i th our b ro thers and s i s te rs in need.

Kathleen Hirsch

Faculty AdvisorPulse Program

Copyright 2011 by Witness JournalCourtesy of Eagle Print

TABLE OF CONTENTS

POETRY

FEATURES

REFLECTIONS

ENCOUNTERS

INTERVIEW

4. THE SKY GAVE ME ITS HEART - RABI’A AL-BRASRI

19. SHUFFLING TO IFRANE - KATHERINE CURLEY

20. VISIONS FROM IMPRISONMENT - AMANDA DUGGAN

32. ON THEIR OWN - JAIME CROWLEY

35. WHEN I GROW UP - NICOLE SHIRLEY

38. MIRROR MADE IN CHINA - SAMUEL CHO

39. UNAVAILABLE - THOMAS BELTON

41. ANTHEM FOR MY MOTHER - JENNIFER WOO

6. SHELTER IN EACH OTHER - ANALORENA ZELEDON

14. FIGHTING TO BE HEARD - SUZANNAH LUTZ

26. SAFE AMONG SURVIVORS - THOMAS BELTON

29. NI & WO - SPENCER KIM

44. PRAYER FOR THE RAIN - SAMUEL CHO

11. “TIL WE’VE SEEN THIS JOURNEY THROUGH” - PAULINA GARCIA

8. THE DARK SECRET IN YOUR POCKET - DAVID WILLNER

THE SKY GAVE ME ITS HEARTBECAUSE IT KNEW MINE WAS NOT

LARGE ENOUGH TO CAREFOR THE EARTH THE WAY

IT DID.WHY IS IT WE THINK OF GOD

SO MUCH?WHY IS THERE SO MUCH TALK

ABOUT LOVE?WHEN AN ANIMAL IS WOUNDED

NO ONE HAS TO TELL IT, “YOU NEED TO HEAL”;

SO NATURALLY IT WILL NURSE ITSELF THE BEST IT CAN.

MY EYE KEPT TELLING ME,“SOMETHING IS MISSING FROM

ALL I SEE.”SO IT WENT IN SEARCH OF THE CURE.

THE CURE FOR ME WAS HIS BEAUTY;

THE REMEDY WAS FOR ME WAS TO LOVE.

THE SKY GAVE ME ITS HEART

by Rabi’a al-Brasri

5

“Burning Leaves” - Ngoc Doan

“Home” - Ngoc Doan

S t rugg l ing to f ind my n iche , ra i se my GPA, and f in i sh my core , I f i gu red tha t PULSE was the per fec t oppor tun i t y to k i l l two b i rds—phi losophy and theo logy—wi th one s tone . Le t ’s face i t I was no t a lone . And so , equ ipped w i th my low expec ta t ions and nar row-minded a t t i tude , I f ound myse l f wa lk ing in to Ros ie ’s P lace fo r the f i r s t t ime. S tepp ing th rough the doors a t Ros ie ’s P lace was qu i te an unner v ing exper ience . Des t i tu te women f rom var ious backgrounds , e thn ic i t i es , and mindse ts sur rounded me. Overwhe lmed, I s ta r ted my sh i f t , suspec t ing tha t I had a ted ious n igh t o f k i t chen du ty ahead o f me. By the end , I was exhaus ted and we igh ing down my peers ’ ea rs w i th my compla in ts o f fee l ing d i r t y and be ing too t i red to s tudy. Un t i l now, my on l y in te rac t ion w i th the homeless had been to pu t co ins in the i r cups and to dona te to char i t i es here and there . Bu t never d id I rea l l y engage them in conversa t ions o r l ook them in the eyes as I p laced mea ls in to the i r hands . I was above i t a l l and they were jus t par t o f the scener y. Oh yes , I f o rgo t to ment ion- I re fe r red to these peop le as them, as o thers who weren ’ t a par t o f my wor ld . And now, I was expec ted to p repare the i r d inner, se r ve them soup, cha t w i th them, and c lean up a f te r them. Months passed be fo re I even a t tempted to in te rac t w i th the women. N igh t l y, I ’d f ind myse l f wa tch ing f rom the s ide l ines , too in t im ida ted to ven tu re ou t in to the game. I was a lways in the s to rage room ge t t ing supp l ies o r busy ing myse l f w i th p repar ing d inner. And then someth ing in me changed. I don ’ t know wha t i t was , nor do I remember when exac t l y I dec ided to cha l lenge myse l f , bu t one par t i cu la r even ing I wa lked ou t o f my comfor t zone , sa t down w i th one o f the women, and engaged her in a conversa t ion .

Her name was Mar ia . She sa t to the fa r r igh t s ide o f the d in ing ha l l , c lose to the emergency ex i t and near l y a t the ch i ld ren ’s a rea , comple te l y i so la ted f rom the res t o f the women. Focused in ten t l y on her c lus te r o f napk ins , she bare l y no t i ced me as I approached her. Wi th w isps o f g rey ha i r fa l l i ng in to her eyes , she wro te . I s ta red in amazement a t her concent ra t ion , as she never l e t the pen leave the

rough paper. Hes i tan t l y, I sa t down nex t to her. On l y when I was leve l w i th her eyes d id she look up and smi le . “Ya lo te rminé ,” she sa id a loud ind ica t ing she was done wr i t i ng . I smi led , and be fo re she cou ld t rans la te I asked , “Que es tabas escr ib iendo?” Her smi le w idened and her eyes beamed w i th happ iness . I , t oo , spoke Span ish . “Cómo te l l amas? Que haces aqu í en Ros ie ’s? How o ld a re you? Are you s tudy ing? What a re you s tudy ing? Do you l i ke schoo l?” She f i red the ques t ions a t me, bare l y g i v ing herse l f t ime to b rea the . She seemed th r i l l ed fo r the company and even con f ided tha t she had been s ta r v ing fo r conversa t ion and “una amiga” . I reassured her, and a t l as t she a l l o t ted me enough t ime to g i ve her answers . I asked her to te l l me about herse l f and about her l i f e , ca re fu l o f no t p rodd ing too fa r, cau t ious o f no t scar ing her away. She vanqu ished a l l my fears by be ing comple te l y hones t and open ing up who le-hear ted l y. S t range as i t was , I f e l t an immed ia te connec t ion w i th her. Tha t n igh t , I l ea rned about the woman who sa t a t the same corner ever y n igh t , s i l en t l y ea t ing her mea l , smi l ing a t the vo lun teers , and wr i t i ng on sc raps o f paper. I l ea rned tha t she was f rom Mede l l i n , Co lombia . She had t rave led to Puer to R ico in search o f a be t te r educa t ion . A f te r g radua t ing w i th honors f rom the Un ive rs i t y o f Puer to R ico , she came to the Un i ted S ta tes despera te l y seek ing more l i t e ra r y mate r ia l to indu lge her mind . A f te r years o f s tudy ing and tak ing ou t l oans , she found herse l f a t a c ross roads—she cou ldn ’ t a f f o rd to s tay in schoo l ye t she wasn’ t qu i te ready to go home. So she found a teach ing pos i t i on a t Bunker H i l l Communi t y Co l lege and began “squa t t ing” in the houses o f f r i ends and re la t i ves un t i l they s low ly k icked her ou t . By the t ime tha t Mar ia found herse l f on the s t ree ts , she was job less and in her l a te th i r t i es . Ye t , perseveran t as she was , she d idn ’ t want to go back to Co lombia . She wanted to s tay here and lea rn more , ( I t was unbe l ievab le tha t here I was , a s tudent a t a p res t ig ious un ive rs i t y tak ing courses fo r g ran ted speak ing to a woman who cou ldn ’ t poss ib l y quench her th i r s t f o r knowledge ) and so she s tayed . Some peop le may th ink tha t her behav io r was s t range ; why wou ld she s tay in a fo re ign land w i thou t her fami l y, s imp l y to l ea rn? Was she menta l l y i l l ? To the bes t o f my knowledge she was hea l thy and sane . I be l i eve she s tayed fo r the same reasons tha t mos t i l l ega l immig ran ts s tay—the chance fo r a be t te r l i f e .

SHELTER IN EACH OTHERby Analorena Zeledon (A&S 2011)

Tha t n igh t we par ted w i th a hug , and as she he ld me c lose , she thanked me fo r shar ing my t ime w i th her and fo r l i s ten ing . The day I met Mar ia , she was 60 years o ld , l i v ing in a nearby church tha t was th rea ten ing to ev ic t her, wash ing d ishes dur ing the day, and sneak ing d iscarded cand les in to her c lose t -s i zed room a t n igh t so tha t she cou ld expand her mind w i th wha tever books she cou ld ge t her hands on . As the weeks went by, Mar ia and I became c loser. Our re la t i onsh ip was d i f fe ren t f rom any I had ever known—she was my pro fessor and I he r s tudent , ye t she was a lso a ch i ld and I was the o lder s ib l ing who taught her about the wor ld . O f ten t imes , our conversa t ions jumped a l l ove r the p lace and we found ourse l ves d iscuss ing the hea l ing powers o f j a lapeños , our dys func t iona l and rowdy La t in Amer ican fami l i es , and our romant ic re la t i onsh ips . “When I was f i f t een and rebe l l i ous , I snuck ou t o f my house in to the baker y a round the b lock and met up w i th the baker ’s son—a ch i ldhood f r i end . Tha t day, I f i na l l y go t the courage to te l l h im tha t I l i ked h im and he k i ssed me! I t was the sweetes t f i r s t k i ss and the shor tes t . Un fo r tuna te l y my ver y t rad i t i ona l fa ther f ound us and I rece i ved the wors t sco ld ing ever. ” I nodded, iden t i f y ing w i th her teenage exper ience . One day she b rought up my Russ ian L i te ra tu re c lass : “What au thors a re you s tudy ing? Do you l i ke them? What do they wr i te about? Can I read your favor i te book?” I f ound myse l f teach ing her o f a fo re ign cu l tu re and lend ing her my books . O ther t imes , I admi red her poe t r y and asked her wha t insp i red her, soak ing in the beauty o f the words and the su f fe r ing they t ransmi t ted . Ever y n igh t , she b rought me a new poem and asked me wha t I f e l t when I read i t as we l l as how I had in te rp re ted i t . I f I caught wha t she meant to cap tu re , she wou ld show me ano ther one ; however, she was more de l igh ted when I d idn ’ t unders tand her work . She wou ld then spend the res t o f the n igh t , ask ing me how I had come upon tha t in te rp re ta t ion and te l l i ng me wha t she had meant by cer ta in words . I somet imes b rought her my own wr i t i ngs , wh ich she thanked me fo r, knowing tha t I was le t t ing her see a ve r y p r i va te s ide o f me. Wi th t ime, Mar ia became my fami l y away f rom home—the g randmother f igure who was a lways ask ing me to be care fu l and remind ing me to ea t my vege tab les . I i n tu rn b rought her choco la te—the k ind she loved—as we l l as books and poems tha t I knew she wou ld en joy. I l ooked fo rward to see ing her tw ice ever y week and somet imes when I cou ld , th ree o r f our t imes . Dur ing these months , Mar ia and I kep t in touch v ia ce l l phone , and when she cou ldn ’ t make i t on my norma l sh i f t day, I wou ld reques t a change in schedu le o r s imp l y sk ip a c lass and come the fo l l ow ing day. I f eve r I m issed a week , wh ich o f ten happened dur ing ho l idays , she wou ld ca l l me and upda te me on her l i f e ; i f she missed one o f our d inners , I ’d ca l l he r and f igure ou t when we cou ld meet

aga in . A long the way, we bo th rea l i zed tha t we’d become each o ther ’s “hogar” o r home, as she pu t i t . As the t ime passed, I f ound myse l f d read ing summer vaca t ion because I knew tha t we wou ld be separa ted fo r th ree who le months . The mere fac t tha t I was d read ing go ing back home was a de f in i te s ign tha t I had changed. My a t t i tude towards o ther th ings had a lso changed dras t i ca l l y. I f ound myse l f d i sconnec ted f rom my peers and no longer want ing the same th ings they des i red . I was now more in te res ted in the Peace Corps than campus par t i es and spor ts games. Apr i l a r r i ved and as the las t few weeks reared the i r ug l y heads , I became v io len t l y i l l . I was hosp i ta l i zed fo r the rema inder o f the month , l ead ing me to miss my sh i f t s a t Ros ie ’s and caus ing me to fa l l beh ind in my c lasses . I t was dur ing th i s t ime tha t Mar ia ca l l ed me da i l y, ask ing me how I was fee l ing and wha t my cond i t i on was . Each t ime, I spoke f rank l y, te l l i ng her o f my exams and the i r resu l t s ; a lways p romis ing her tha t I ’d re tu rn to hug her goodbye . Un fo r tuna te l y, fa te had o ther p lans fo r me. Upon my hosp i ta l re lease , I f ound myse l f f l y ing to N icaragua fo r my be loved g randfa ther ’s funera l , l eav ing ever y th ing open ended. Fear ing the wors t , I s ta r ted my jun io r year. I was anx ious to v i s i t Ros ie ’s so I cou ld f ind Mar ia and exp la in wha t had happened. Ye t , when I a r r i ved , I l ea rned tha t she had been ev ic ted f rom the church over the summer and hadn’ t been back s ince . Hear tb roken , I l e f t Ros ie ’s tha t day and have ye t to re tu rn . Mar ia had made Ros ie ’s my home, and w i thou t her, i t j us t d idn ’ t seem r igh t anymore . Two years have gone by and I am jus t rea l i z ing wha t an impac t Mar ia had on my l i f e and how much I owe her f o r becoming who I am today. I never had the oppor tun i t y to thank her f o r l ov ing me enough so tha t I cou ld lea rn to l ove o thers . I was unab le to thank her f o r teach ing me about the beauty o f the wor ld and ever yone who i s a par t o f i t . A l though I am no t ve r y re l ig ious , I f ee l l i ke tha t year I wasn ’ t jus t convers ing w i th a f r i end , I was spend ing t ime w i th God. I changed so much dur ing the t ime I spen t w i th Mar ia . I owe i t a l l t o her, ye t never had the chance to thank her, so…

Thank you fo r mot i va t ing me to be a be t te r pe rson .

Thank you fo r in t roduc ing me to the wor ld o f se r v ing o thers .

Thank you fo r t rus t ing me w i th your memor ies , secre ts , and s to r ies .

Thank you fo r g i v ing my l i f e purpose and fo r g i v ing me the s t reng th to seek a d i f fe ren t pa th in l i f e—one tha t embraced soc ia l se r v ice w i th success .

And a l though you may never read th i s , I want to say,

Thank you Mar ia .

7

by David Willner (A&S 2012)

THE DARK SECRET IN

YOUR POCKET

I t i s no t o f ten we cons ider the o r ig ins o f th ings we use ever yday. Do you know where your ce l l phone was made? Where the par ts came f rom? Who was invo l ved in the p rocess o f ge t t ing your phone to you? Your phone i s ab le to v ib ra te because i t con ta ins the e lement tungs ten . Tan ta lum is the minera l tha t s to res the e lec t r i c i t y in mos t consumer e lec t ron ics ; w i thou t i t your dev ice wou ld no t tu rn on . Tin i s a l so p resen t in many e lec t ron ics , used as a so lder on va r ious c i rcu i t boards . Go ld i s used to coa t e lec t r i ca l w i r ing . These minera ls , known as the th ree Ts , and go ld , a re found in many p laces a round the wor ld . Bu t there i s one s ign i f i can t p lace where they share a s im i la r o r ig in : the Democra t i c Repub l i c o f Congo (DRC) . In the DRC, i l l ega l m in ing o f these minera ls funds severa l a rmed g roups who a re commi t t ing some o f the wors t a t roc i t i es in the wor ld today. These minera ls , known as “con f l i c t m inera ls ,” a re be ing smugg led ou t o f the count r y, and used in our phones , l ap tops , and v ideo game sys tems. The DRC now hos ts the dead l ies t con f l i c t s ince WWI I in te rms o f c i v i l i an casua l t i es , and i s the s i te o f the wors t sexua l v io lence in the wor ld . Th is has begun to ca tch the a t ten t ion o f consumers in the Un i ted S ta tes . L ike the movement to end the sa le and t rade o f “b lood d iamonds” (d iamonds tha t o r ig ina te in con f l i c t a reas and a re a l so used to fund a t roc i t i es ) , a new campa ign has emerged, par t i cu la r l y on co l l ege campuses , to p ressure e lec t ron ics compan ies to iden t i f y where the i r m inera ls come f rom. The cur ren t con f l i c t began in the a f te rmath o f the Rwandan genoc ide , when the Hutu mi l i t i as respons ib le fo r the s laughte r f l ed to eas te rn DRC. F rom there , the mi l i t i as con t inued to car r y ou t a t tacks in Rwanda, caus ing the Rwandan a rmy to invade the DRC. A f te r the over th row o f the DRC pres iden t , Mobutu Sese Seko , the count r y was d i v ided up in to severa l reg ions con t ro l l ed by va r ious rebe l and a rmed g roups . Though severa l peace ag reements have been s igned, v io lence con t inues on an enormous sca le . C i v i l i ans , par t i cu la r l y women, have su f fe red the most f rom the con f l i c t i n the DRC. Rape and sexua l v io lence have become commonp lace , w i th a rmed g roups us ing them as a means o f demora l i z ing the i r enemy and po l lu t ing the i r b lood l ines . Rape i s so rampant in the DRC tha t advocacy g roups have deemed i t the “wors t p lace in the wor ld to be a woman.” 1 In add i t i on to the ex t reme bod i l y harm and menta l angu ish rape b r ings to women, i t a l so tea rs fami l i es apar t . Husbands o f ten leave the i r w ives due to soc ia l s t igmas and the i r inab i l i t y to cope w i th the a f te rmath o f the rape . The va r ious a rmed g roups in the DRC have a mu l t i tude o f reasons fo r ge t t ing invo l ved in the con f l i c t . Some want power, some want to p ro tec t the i r own land and peop le , and o thers s imp l y w ish to have a vo ice among the thousands o f o thers in the DRC. However, economic incen t i ves a re inc reas ing l y becoming a reason fo r invo l vement , in the fo rm o f con f l i c t m inera ls . Whenever an a rmed g roup takes con t ro l o f an a rea tha t con ta ins these va luab le minera ls , the g roup con t ro l s the t rade . The money earned f rom min ing , smugg l ing , and t rad ing con f l i c t m inera ls i s luc ra t i ve enough to fund

each g roup’s war e f fo r t . I t i s es t ima ted tha t these p ro f i t s exceed $180 mi l l i on per year.

A repor t by the g roup G loba l Wi tness was la rge l y respons ib le fo r b r ing ing the i ssue to l i gh t in ear l y 2009. The repor t , ca l l ed “Faced Wi th a Gun, Wha t Can You Do?” , de ta i l s the invo l vement o f g loba l compan ies who, knowing l y o r no t , a re fue l ing the con f l i c t i n the DRC. G loba l Wi tness t races the journey o f the minera ls in the i r repor t . F rom i l l ega l m ines in the DRC, minera ls a re smugg led in to ne ighbor ing count r ies such as Uganda. F rom there , they a re so ld and sen t to sme l t ing compan ies in As ia tha t p rocess the minera ls . The minera ls a re then sh ipped to e lec t ron ics compan ies a l l a round the wor ld tha t make the phone in your pocke t . G loba l Wi tness and o ther advocacy g roups , such as The Enough Pro jec t , a re tak ing a lead ro le in e f fo r t s to in fo rm consumers about the l i nk be tween e lec t ron ics compan ies and the hor ro rs o f the con f l i c t i n the DRC. The Enough Pro jec t and STAND: A S tudent An t i -Genoc ide Coa l i t i on , a re cur ren t l y runn ing campa igns d i rec ted a t these compan ies . In the pas t year, they have o rgan i zed p ro tes ts ou ts ide App le s to res and have sen t l e t te rs to e lec t ron ics compan ies ask ing them to iden t i f y where the i r m inera ls come f rom. The ma in p rob lem, accord ing to advocacy g roups , i s the lack o f t ransparency tha t mos t compan ies cur ren t l y ma in ta in about the ways they ob ta in the minera ls . Un t i l

now, there has been l i t t l e impetus to inves t iga te how minera ls ge t to marke ts in the count r ies ne ighbor ing the DRC. Compan ies l i ke App le have c la imed tha t i t i s near l y imposs ib le to t race where the i r m inera ls come f rom. In a w ide l y c i rcu la ted ema i l exchange, a cus tomer ema i led App le CEO S teve Jobs ask ing h im i f App le has made any e f fo r t to source the i r m inera ls . Jobs ’ rep l y read :

Yes . We requ i re a l l o f our supp l ie rs to ce r t i f y in wr i t i ng tha t they use con f l i c t f ree mater ia l s . Bu t hones t l y the re i s no way fo r them to be sure . Un t i l someone inven ts a way to chemica l l y t race minera ls f rom the source mine , i t ’s a ve r y d i f f i cu l t p rob lem. 2

There i s p recedent f o r t rac ing minera ls in the d iamond indus t r y. Dur ing the 1990s and ear l y 2000s, the in te rna t iona l communi t y passed the K imber ley Process Cer t i f i ca t ion Scheme requ i r ing bus inesses and count r ies to ce r t i f y the expor t and impor t o f a l l d iamonds .

The DRC now hosts the deadliest conflict since

WWII in terms of civilian casualities, and is the

site of the worst sexual violence in the world.

9

Tak ing the i r l ead f rom th is success fu l mode l , advoca tes f rom g roups l i ke The Enough Pro jec t and STAND led the push fo r a measure to be passed in Congress in Ju l y 2010. The Wa l l S t ree t re fo rm b i l l was p r imar i l y des igned to address the causes o f the recen t f inanc ia l recess ion . Unknown to many, the b i l l a l so inc luded a passage focused on con f l i c t m inera ls and the p rob lems w i th t rack ing them. The passage , in t roduced by Sena to r Sam Brownback (R-Kansas ) in the “Misce l l aneous Prov is ions” sec t ion , requ i res compan ies to take s teps to make sure they a re no t us ing con f l i c t m inera ls f rom the Democra t i c Repub l i c o f Congo. Th is l aw app l ies to thousands o f compan ies tha t se l l l ap tops , ce l l phones , and v ideo game sys tems. 3 Today, advocacy g roups have taken the i ssue a s tep fu r ther. The Enough Pro jec t i s cur ren t l y runn ing a campa ign ca l l ed Conf l i c t -F ree Campus, wh ich works to p ressure compan ies to adopt a sys tem o f t ransparency based on th ree s teps : t race , aud i t , ce r t i f y. Trac ing minera ls means f ind ing ou t exac t l y where a company ’s minera ls come f rom. Aud i t ing invo l ves mak ing sure tha t m inera ls do no t come f rom conf l i c t m ines and tha t no i l l ega l taxes o r b r ibes a re invo l ved in

the t rad ing o f m inera ls . F ina l l y, m inera ls must be cer t i f i ed in a p rocess s im i la r to the K imber ley Scheme used fo r b lood d iamonds . Th is ensures tha t consumers know exac t l y where the i r m inera ls a re coming f rom. The Conf l i c t -F ree Campus in i t i a t i ve i s bu i l t a round the leadersh ip and ac t i v i sm o f co l l ege s tudents . They a re encouraged to p ressure un ive rs i t y o f f i c ia l s and shareho lders to take one o f the fo l l ow ing s teps 4:

1 ) Adopt a reso lu t ion express ing the un ive rs i t y ’s in ten t to purchase on l y con f l i c t f ree e lec t ron ics .

2 ) Adopt a reso lu t ion express ing the un ive rs i t y ’s in ten t to suppor t any shareho lder reso lu t ions to t race the supp l y cha in o f m inera ls used in the i r p roduc ts .

3 ) I ssue a genera l s ta tement suppor t ing the i ssue o f t rac ing minera ls .

S tan fo rd Un ive rs i t y was the f i r s t un i ve rs i t y to take one o f these s teps . In spr ing 2010, S tan fo rd ’s Board o f Trus tees passed a p roxy vo t ing gu ide l ine regard ing the i r inves tment po l i cy. The gu ide l ine says tha t S tan fo rd w i l l , “ vo te in favor o f we l l -wr i t ten and reasonab le shareho lder

reso lu t ions tha t ask compan ies fo r repor ts on the i r po l i c ies and e f fo r ts regard ing the i r avo idance o f con f l i c t m inera ls and con f l i c t m inera l der i va t i ves . ” 5 S tan fo rd ’s ac t ions have insp i red o ther campuses to ge t invo l ved . There a re now over th i r t y schoo ls invo l ved w i th the Conf l i c t -F ree Campus in i t i a t i ve , inc lud ing Ya le Un ive rs i t y and Westmins te r Co l lege in Missour i . 6 Bos ton Co l lege recen t l y began i t s own con f l i c t m inera ls campa ign , l ed by the campus g roup Amer icans fo r In fo rmed Democracy (A ID ) . Even i f the e lec t ron ics compan ies dec ide to s top buy ing con f l i c t m inera ls f rom armed g roups invo l ved w i th i l l ega l m in ing , the con f l i c t w i l l no t be over. As The Enough Pro jec t represen ta t i ves o f ten say, the re i s no “s i l ve r bu l l e t ” tha t w i l l end the con f l i c t i n the DRC. An end to v io lence must invo l ve a re fo rm o f DRC ins t i tu t i ons and address the concerns o f rebe l g roups . However, the re i s no doubt tha t end ing the t rade o f con f l i c t m inera ls w i l l send a s t rong message to g roups par t i c ipa t ing in the v io lence . The i r pocke tbooks w i l l be h i t ha rd and they w i l l have to l ook fo r o ther sources o f fund ing . A ban on con f l i c t m inera ls wou ld s ign i f i can t l y impede the war e f fo r t . And on the o ther s ide o f the wor ld , consumers can

fee l be t te r knowing they a re no longer suppor t ing the wor ld ’s wors t con f l i c t .

I f you wou ld l i ke to f ind ou t more about con f l i c t m inera ls and wha t e lec t ron ics compan ies a re do ing to address the p rob lem, p lease v i s i t h t tp : / /www.enoughpro jec t .o rg /con f l i c t -minera ls .

I f you wou ld l i ke to ge t invo l ved in BC’s own campa ign , p lease ema i l bc fo rcongo@gmai l . com.

Endnotes :1 . h t tp : / /www.enoughpro jec t .o rg /con f l i c t_areas/eas te rn_congo/ roo ts-c r i s i s2 . h t tp : / /www.wi red .com/gadget lab/2010/06/s teve- jobs- iphone4/3 . h t tp : / /www.wash ing tonpos t .com/wp-dyn/con ten t /a r t i c le /2010/07/20/AR2010072006212.h tml4 . h t tp : / /www.ra isehopefo rcongo.o rg /s i tes /de fau l t / f i l es /Roadmap.pd f5 . h t tp : / /www.s tan fo rd .edu/g roup/s tand/cg i -b in /s tandwp/?page_ id=4636. h t tp : / /humanr igh ts .change.o rg /b log/v iew/us_s tudents_demand_e lec t ron ics_tha t_dont_ fund_ war?ue=dun

I n te r v iew w i th Dr. Kwas i Sarkod ie-Mensah

D r. Kwas i Sarkod ie-Mensah smi les as he we lcomes me in to h is o f f i ce in the O’Ne i l l L ib ra r y. Sarkod ie-Mensah, a na t i ve o f Ghana, i s the Manager o f Ins t ruc t iona l Ser v ices a t Bos ton Co l lege . Bu t h i s in f luence on campus ex tends we l l beyond h is academic spec ia l t y. The work he has done in the a rea o f se r v ice has touched many s tudents , bo th those who have worked d i rec t l y w i th h im and those who have heard h is s to r ies . A na tu ra l s to r y- te l l e r, Sarkod ie-Mensah ag reed to spend t ime w i th Wi tness , to ta lk about h i s na t i ve Ghana and to d i scuss the t r ips to A f r i ca , w i th Bos ton Co l lege s tudents , tha t have enab led h im to “g i ve back” some o f the b less ings tha t he remembers hav ing rece i ved there as a boy.

What are your foundat ions in serv ice?

My founda t ions s ta r ted a t home. Back in Ghana my dad and my mom were ve r y ac t i ve in the communi t y. Growing up , I wa i ted beh ind my dad ’s bedroom l i s ten ing fo r the BBC on the c lock rad io . A t 6 o ’c lock I ran to r ing the church be l l f o r the who le town. My paren ts were ve r y ac t i ve , no t on l y in church bu t in ever y th ing . My mom kept say ing she was keep ing food in the house fo r ghos ts tha t came in the midd le o f the n igh t to ea t , bu t we d idn ’ t know tha t she was ac tua l l y keep ing the food fo r ch i ld ren who had no th ing to ea t . She wou ld sneak ou t , g i ve the food to them, and we’d wake up in the morn ing th ink ing the ghos t had come home to ea t the food .

In the o ld days , mos t Ca tho l i c churches in Ghana d idn ’ t have p r ies ts . The p r ies ts came once a month o r once ever y two months . I was lucky because I a lways

go t ve r y c lose to the p r ies ts and go t to do work w i th them. When I was about 12 o r 13 years o ld , we went to the cap i ta l o f my s ta te and I ran in to th i s Bro ther – I d idn ’ t even know who he was – th i s wh i te person w i th a long robe and ever y th ing . I wa lked up to h im and sa id ‘Dominus vob iscum’ [ ‘The Lord be w i th you ’ ] because I thought ever y p r ies t spoke La t in . He to ld me he wasn’ t a p r ies t , he was a Bro ther. Bu t th i s person tu rned ou t to be the p r inc ipa l o f the h igh schoo l se t up by the Ho l y Cross Bro thers in Ghana. So I ta l ked to h im and then he came to my schoo l l ook ing fo r me. I was jus t a l i t t l e t i ny boy ! And I was so con fused because my dad , who was the p r inc ipa l o f the schoo l I a t tended, ca l l ed ever ybody to we lcome th is Bro ther, and I ended up go ing to the Ho l y Cross H igh Schoo l , wh ich was 200 mi les away f rom my home, fo r seven years .

These Bro thers wou ld come to the U .S . , use the i r vaca t ion t ime to co l l ec t th ings l i ke t -sh i r t s . They co l l ec ted ever y th ing , and when they re tu rned , they gave them to peop le . In h igh schoo l , we had a cho ice to e i the r p lay in the band o r work in the in f i rmar y. I chose to work in the in f i rmar y c lean ing peop le ’s scars a t the end o f ever y day fo r seven years . A few o f us chose to do tha t ins tead o f p lay ing the band—doing th ings tha t nobody wanted to do . Peop le came in w i th cu ts f rom snakeb i tes and ever y th ing . I th ink tha t ’s wha t must have s ta r ted my ser v ice . Tha t was a long t ime ago , l i ke in 1968.

How was i t that you came to the Uni ted States?

I f i n i shed co l l ege in Ghana th rough the p rog ram o f na t iona l se r v ice—tha t i s f ree educa t ion pa id by the government . Then, I went to N iger ia f o r two years to save

“TIL WE’VE SEEN THIS JOURNEY

THROUGH”by Paulina Garcia (A&S 2012)

11

money. A t tha t t ime, in the E igh t ies , the on l y way to go anywhere was to work in a p lace l i ke N iger ia where they had o i l . I saved money and began app l y ing to un i ve rs i t i es in the Un i ted S ta tes . I came to C la r ion , Pennsy l van ia , in 1982. I d id my maste rs , and then a f te r tha t I went to Un ive rs i t y o f I l l i no i s a t U rbana-Champa ign to do my Ph .D [ in L ib ra r y and In fo rmat ion Sc ience ] . So I came to the U .S . to ge t my pos tg radua te educa t ion .

I began work ing in the l i b ra r y o f Nor theas te rn Un ive rs i t y and f rom there I came to BC many years ago .

What sparked your interest in leading a serv ice t r ip to Ghana?

My f i r s t t r ip was to Be l i ze . I went to Be l i ze tw ice , then to Jama ica , and then to the Domin ican Repub l i c . Then, on December 26, 2001, I remember th i s so we l l , I woke up a t 3 o ’c lock in the morn ing and I asked myse l f why I was go ing to o ther peop le ’s count r ies and no t to Ghana? I go t up and a t 3 :15 I ema i led a lmos t ever ybody I knew a t BC and asked them to suppor t me to go to Ghana and ho ld a computer camp fo r the ch i ld ren there .

I rece i ved some d isappo in t ing responses . Tha t was k ind o f hard . I t r i ed to no t be d isa rmed by some answers tha t I rece i ved and began ta lk ing to peop le who knew there were o ther op t ions a t BC. Then I reached ou t to peop le in the depar tment o f A r ts and Sc iences and they were in te res ted in suppor t ing my t r ip . I t was hard a t the beg inn ing to s tay s t rong , bu t I am g lad I d id .

The f i r s t year I went w i th one lap top , and one desk top , p rov ided by BC. My b ro ther, my dad , and my mom met me and the f i f t een s tudents and we he ld a computer l i t e racy camp fo r the ch i ld ren ou t o f my b ro ther ’s backyard . S ince then I have taken f i f t een s tudents on each t r ip , exc lud ing las t year, when I took ten because o f economic reasons .

I d idn ’ t want to do wha t we d id in Be l i ze o r Jama ica ; I wanted to do someth ing ve r y d i f fe ren t . I n the o ther t r ips , we taught ch i ld ren wr i t i ng and math . I wanted the ch i ld ren in Ghana to be ve r y 21s t cen tu r y - - f o r them to be l i t e ra te in computers , because ever ybody in the wor ld i s us ing computers . I wanted them to acqu i re sk i l l s tha t were go ing to he lp them in the fu tu re .

The ch i ld ren we taught were among the f i r s t ch i ld ren in Ghana to lea rn bas ic computer sk i l l s . I t was ve r y fun fo r the ch i ld ren to do hands on-work w i th the computers BC gave us to take . I d id no t want to go and ta lk about Mic roso f t Word and then to no t be ab le to ge t the i r hands on ac tua l computers . So , they t yped someth ing , p r in ted i t ou t , and ac tua l l y saw wha t they p roduced. The k ids and the o lder peop le were ve r y exc i ted about tha t .

Do you feel l ike teaching computer l i teracy ski l ls in Ghana is very important? Is that something that the people there lack and need resources to develop?

I don ’ t know why I go t up and found computers coming to my mind , because most p laces in Ghana don ’ t even have computers . I ’m no t be ing nega t i ve , bu t they don ’ t have any th ing . Peop le go 20 mi les f rom where they a re to ge t to an In te rne t ca fé . Par t o f my p lan was to ge t the ch i ld ren to know about computers , to use bas ic computer sk i l l s , and to ge t them exc i ted about l ea rn ing how to use computers . The in te res t ing th ing i s tha t even though we d id i t f o r the ch i ld ren , we found a lo t o f in te res t f rom a l l the o lder peop le in the town: po l i ce o f f i ce rs , p r ies ts , s i s te rs , peop le who work in the law cour ts . They asked us to have a p rog ram fo r them. So , in add i t i on to teach ing the ch i ld ren we ended up teach ing the o lder peop le in the communi t y. Tha t was good, because I th ink they were a l l scared . The teachers d idn ’ t want the s tudents coming in to the i r c lass room knowing more than they d id . So teach ing bo th , the younger and o lder peop le , has been work ing ve r y we l l f o r us .

What is i t that you want students to get out of being part of your serv ice t r ip?

When we s ta r t o r ien ta t ion , I usua l l y encourage peop le to rea l l y s ta r t open ing up the i r m inds . I a lways te l l them to have a l l o f the i r an tennae – l i ke FM and AM and ever y th ing – w ide open. Even though we go there to se r ve the ch i ld ren and the communi t y I hope tha t ever ybody comes back w i th someth ing tha t they lea rned f rom the ch i ld ren . You look a t the ch i ld ren , the communi t y, and the church on a Sunday—th is i s a communi t y tha t has no th ing . Ye t the peop le a re ve r y upbea t , ve r y pos i t i ve , and ve r y happy. S tudents lea rn about wha t makes peop le who have no th ing so g ra te fu l f o r wha t they do have . I a lways hope and pray tha t we br ing someth ing back tha t s tays w i th us fo r the res t o f our l i ves .

I t i s so easy to th ink , “Oh we went there to he lp these poor k ids . ” And i t ’s t rue . Bu t I th ink the ch i ld ren g i ve us so much more . Wha t they g i ve us I don ’ t th ink we can ever g i ve back to them, and I a lways look a t the perspec t i ve o f my h igh schoo l exper ience . I ’ ve been t r y ing hard to g i ve back wha t the Bro thers gave me in those seven years . I have no t even been ab le to g i ve even a teaspoonfu l because they gave us so much. Ever y t ime I do one l i t t l e th ing I remember 2 ,000 o ther l i t t l e th ings they d id fo r me.

When I go w i th BC s tudents to Ghana, th ings a re ve r y hard fo r me because I remember l i v ing tha t same way. S tudents do a l l they have to do . They take the ch i ld ren to the i r houses . They ea t w i th them, and they do ever y th ing w i th them. Nobody i s p re tend ing ; they a re jus t be ing themse lves be ing par t o f the communi t y. I th ink go ing to a p lace in A f r i ca w i l l g i ve s tudents a be t te r perspec t i ve on how th ings in tha t par t o f the wor ld work .

With a l l my ser v ice t r ips , ever y s ing le year, my respec t f o r young peop le goes way up . I ’ ve never seen any g roup o f peop le so se l f l ess and so g i v ing . Peop le a re qu ie t about the nob le th ings they do , and tha t makes me ver y happy and p roud o f peop le .

Do you have any p lan to reach out to other countr ies with th is computer-based approach to educat ion?

We a re go ing to do i t . I ’m go ing to be work ing w i th the paramount ch ie f o f E j i su (a town in Ghana ) on a new computer p rog ram. I am no t tak ing a t r ip th i s summer because I am go ing to use my energy to work on the new computer cen te r.

Ever y town in Ghana has a ch ie f . The ch ie f i s the person in charge o f the peop le . He makes sure tha t ch i ld ren go to schoo l and peop le a re fed . For tuna te l y, th i s t rad i t i on has never changed in Ghana. Ever y ch ie f i s s t i l l i n charge o f the needs o f the peop le o f the i r town. The paramount ch ie f o f E j i su wants the ch i ld ren and the who le communi t y to p rog ress . I th ink we have been fo r tuna te .

A lso , wha t I ’ ve been t r y ing to do i s connec t w i th many o f my f r i ends here in the US, the UK, and Germany to see wha t they can do to bene f i t the p laces where they g rew up .

I t ’s so easy to come here – to the Un i ted S ta tes . We don’ t have ever y th ing , bu t we have the bas ic th ings . I am happy and g ra te fu l f o r wha t I have . Bu t I a lways fee l tha t we have to g i ve someth ing back . We have to t ra in peop le to take care o f themse lves . I t ’s a s t rugg le fo r me because some peop le who I ta lk to about g i v ing back to the i r home count r ies a re no t l i s ten ing to wha t I am say ing . They don ’ t th ink i t ’s an ob l iga t ion on the i r par t to he lp , and tha t i s ve r y f rus t ra t ing . When we go to Ghana, the Bos ton Co l lege books to re g i ves me t -sh i r t s . A lo t o f peop le in Ghana th ink tha t we shou ld be charg ing the ch i ld ren fo r wha t we g i ve them, bu t I don ’ t be l i eve tha t . I th ink a lo t o f peop le pu t money va lue to th ings . So i f the re i s no money va lue to them in he lp ing , they migh t no t want to do i t . Tha t migh t be one o f the reasons why peop le don ’ t want to he lp . When peop le mig ra te to a p lace where they f ind comfor t , they don ’ t fee l an ob l iga t ion to g i ve back to where we come f rom. I ’ ve t r i ed hard , bu t i t ’s no t go ing anywhere .

What is your best advice for students in cont inuing serv ice and incorporat ing i t into their l ives?

One o f the th ings tha t we d id in our l as t t r ip on a regu la r bas is was to cha l lenge peop le to wr i te down f i ve th ings they w i l l do a f te r the t r ip , based on the i r exper ience in Ghana. I th ink tha t th rough re f lec t ion peop le a re cha l lenged to th ink . I t seems to work . Severa l peop le f rom my t r ips have gone on to do the Peace Corps , and Teach For Amer ica . Or they come back and become more ac t i ve in the i r communi t y. I t i s eas ie r to say than to do ,

because when we come back we a re so busy.

I t i s a tough th ing to ge t peop le to con t inue do ing ser v ice a f te r they come back f rom a ser v ice t r ip . Peop le see pover t y and su f fe r ing in d i f fe ren t count r ies and when they come back they a re so angr y w i th themse lves about how much they have here . They ge t k ind o f f rozen and don ’ t rea l l y fee l l i ke do ing any th ing fo r anybody in th i s communi t y. There i s so much we can do in our own backyard . I know i t i s hard , bu t I th ink tha t i s someth ing we have to keep work ing on .

BC s tudents a re so good about se r v ice . I ’ ve seen peop le c r y because they ’ve been re jec ted f rom ser v ice t r ips . Bu t I a lways have to remind peop le tha t they don ’ t have to be on the p lane to Ghana to do tha t . I a lways fee l l i ke I shou ld a l so take care o f the needs o f the peop le in my own communi t y. On campus, I ’ ve been do ing C leansweep fo r 17 years now. We p ick up ever y th ing peop le leave beh ind in the dorms and g i ve them to homeless she l te rs and renewa l p laces . I t reminds me o f the need tha t we have here too . I l ove the work in Ghana bu t I can never f o rge t about he lp ing peop le in the Bos ton a rea . The need i s ever ywhere , wh ich i s why I th ink tha t con t inu i t y i s so impor tan t . As fo r dona t ions to Ghana, the good th ing i s tha t ever y th ing tha t we ge t , i t cou ld be a s tap le r, a pen , o r a penc i l , I g i ve to my bro ther and the par i sh p r ies t they g i ve i t to the peop le who need them. Once you do ser v ice i t becomes par t o f your l i f e . Ser v ice never l eaves you . I f ee l so lucky to be here . I l ove my work in the l i b ra r y, bu t I a l so love my voca t ion o f be ing ab le to g i ve the l i t t l e tha t I have back . I a lways say tha t s ince I have a l l o f th i s energy I w i l l keep some o f tha t energy fo r do ing ser v ice as g ra te fu lness to God. And so fa r God has been good.

Dr. Kwasi Sarkodie-Mensah is cont inuously welcoming donat ions for Ghana. I f you would l ike to make a donat ion, p lease contact Paul ina Garcia at garc iapd@bc.edu or Dr. Kwasi Sarkodie-Mensah at sarkodik@bc.edu. Any donat ions are a lso welcome to be dropped of f at Dr. Sarkodie-Mensah’s of f ice in O’Nei l l L ibrary.

“ I w i l l weep when you a re weep ing .When you laugh, I ’ l l l augh w i th you .

I w i l l share your j oy and sor rowTi l we ’ve seen th i s j ou rney th rough.”

-F rom “The Ser van t Song” , Dr. Kwas i Sarkod ie-Mensah’s e-ma i l s igna tu re

13

FIGHTING TO BE HEARD

by Suzannah Lutz (A&S-2011)

(A G l impse in to Turner E lementa r y Schoo l )

V io lenceWhat happens in my l i f e

I s no t rea l l y n iceI w ish i t wou ld s topI th ink i t ’s a d reamBut when I wake up

I ’m rea l l y ou t o f luckI t happens so fas t

I t happens l i ke a f l ashBut I ’m no t the on l y one

Who can s top i tO ther peop le can to

So make i t s top NOW!

From a th i rd g rade s tudent

* * * O ld pos te rs p las te r ing the wa l l read , “Why do peop le show k indness?” and “Why do we he lp o thers even when there a re r i sks?” I saac , a sma l l b lack boy, p lays moto rcyc les and cars w i th h is penc i l s , d r i v ing them around and a round the penc i l box and squ ish ing two b lue penc i l g r ips be tween h is f ingers . They l i ve in the penc i l box , he says . M iss Montana hears the jumb l ing and ca l l s h im, “ I saac , ge t to work . ” “ I ’m f i n i shed ,” he ca l l s back . “Oh, you ’ re f i n i shed , I saac?” She r ips the b lank workshee t ou t f rom under h i s penc i l box . “Hey, why a re you tak ing my penc i l box?” “You need to ge t some work done . We’ re in schoo l here . ” Mouth gap ing and s lamming h is f i s t s on the desk , Derek , ano ther boy who s i t s on the fa r s ide f rom Isaac , i s ye l l i ng a t the teach ing ass is tan t . “S top look ing a t me!” He pokes her on the shou lder. She rubs the spo t w i th her hand and yawns. On the o ther s ide o f her, Je remiah Wi l son has h is head down. She taps h im gent l y. “Wake up ,” she smi les . He doesn ’ t budge. The g i r l s a re c lamor ing on the o ther s ide o f the c lass room. I s i s wh ispers to Jovanna and s ings Mar iah Carey. Why you so obsessed w i th me? Boy, I wanna know—ly in ’ tha t you ’ re sex in ’ me. She f l i ps a co in and the r ing resona tes . Je remiah Wi l son l i f t s up h is head, eyes w ide open. “Man, I ha te th i s c lass . I m iss Ms. San tos ’ c lass . Tha t was the BEST c lass . She misses me the most ‘cause I ’m her favor i te . ” “Naw man, Ms. San tos misses me the most ,” Mi les in te r rup ts . “Psh , she ha ted you and Kenny.” “You ’ re a l i a r,” M i les f rowns and h is eyes w iden . The two g row la rger and la rger in the sma l l c lass room. Mr. Be l l i s dea l ing w i th I saac , who a f te r be ing re l i eved o f h i s penc i l box , th rew h is p las t i c cubby on the g round. Papers a re sca t te red a l l ove r the f l oo r and he s i t s on them, howl ing , as Miss Montana c leans up . He te l l s the boy to go ou ts ide , bu t he wa i l s and cur l s up in to a ba l l . “You don ’ t know no th ing !” Mi les sp i t s a t Je remiah . Po in t ing a t h imse l f w i th a ques t ion ing look ,

Je remiah laughs h igh p i tched . I s i s perks up and cack les , “You laugh l i ke a g i r l ! ” “Shut up , you b ig nosed dummy!” “You go t some ha i r y l i ps . Why don ’ t you shave em?!” she sc reams. Mr. Be l l hears th i s over I saac ’s wa i l s , and h is vo ice i s thunder. M i les ge ts the f ina l word be fo re the l i gh tn ing s t r i kes . “You ’ re the faggo t l augh ing l i ke a g i r l ! ” Je remiah ’s face tenses up and he pounds h is f i s t i n to h i s o ther hand, “You don ’ t wanna say tha t man. You don ’ t . ” “Jeremiah , go ou t in the ha l lway,” Mr. Be l l shou ts . Je remiah ignores h im. He sw ings p lay fu l l y a t M i les , tes t ing h is ner ve . When Mi les dodges h is f i s t , he smi les teas ing l y. “JEREMIAH, now,” Mr. Be l l be l l ows , and he pu l l s Je remiah by the shou lder ou ts ide the door. “You ’ re a l l t a l k ,” Mi les ye l l s as the door s lams shu t . “Why you go t ta add more to the po t , man? Shut your mouth !” Mr. Be l l ye l l s . “The behav io r i s ou t o f con t ro l r igh t now, and you don ’ t need to be s t i r r ing the po t ! I want s i l ence r igh t now, and no th ing e lse . ” Je remiah t r i es to open the door, and Mr. Be l l ca tches i t qu ick l y, shu t t ing the door. M i les ye l l s , “S tay ou t there ! ” The door burs ts open aga ins t Mr. Be l l . “Shut up o r I ’ l l smack the tas te ou t o f your mouth !”

* * * Mr. Be l l spends h is days t r y ing to ge t th rough the days a t Turner E lementa r y Schoo l . H is c lass room is home to twe lve s tudents o f in teg ra ted ab i l i t i es , mean ing spec ia l educa t ion s tudents a re inc luded w i th the o ther s tudents and the ind i v idua l sk i l l s o f the s tudents a re d i f fe ren t . Mr. Be l l has had I saac in h i s c lass room fo r two years . I saac i s an A f r i can Amer ican boy w i th au t i sm. “He ’s made a lo t o f improvement in the pas t year o r so . I mean, he wasn’ t even ta lk ing las t year. He ’s rea l l y improved w i th h is ve rba l sk i l l s . Now I can ’ t ge t h im to be qu ie t ,” he laughs . Wh i le Mr. Be l l goes over a read ing workshee t , he asks i f ever yone has the answer. I saac shouts , “WAIT !” and Derek , an A f r i can Amer ican boy w i th Asperger ’s , s i t s o f f s ide Mr. Be l l . “Wha t ’s the cap i ta l o f P i t t sburgh?” he shouts , l i sp ing on the t ( s ) . He taps the tab le , d rumming the books and penc i l s . “Now why does ever ybody go t someth ing to say when I ask a s imp le yes-or-no ques t ion? You go t ta keep qu ie t so I can th ink and ever ybody e lse can th ink ,” he says s te rn l y. “Somet imes I j us t want to ge t a tape recorder and le t peop le l i s ten to a l l the no ise tha t ’s go ing on . You can ’ t l ea rn l i ke th i s . ”

* * * “ I d idn ’ t k iss Jason , Miss Montana !” I s i s g la res a t the teacher. “Mmm okay then , tha t ’s jus t wha t a l l the k ids a t recess were te l l i ng me.” Miss Montana c leans her co f fee cup , b rown soapy waves sw i r l i ng down the d ra in . “We l l , I d idn ’ t . ”

15

Je remiah Wi l son w igg les back and fo r th , g r inn ing teas ing l y, “ I s i s , pa- lease , we a l l know you l i ke Jason .” “See ! I t ’s you peop le and your s tup id rumors ! ” “You l i i i ke Jason !” “He ’s UGLY! He ’s UGLY!” Miss Montana po in ts her f inger a t the g i r l , “ I s i s you need to s top bo ther ing w i th wha t o ther peop le have to say about you and ca lm yourse l f down in th i s c lass room—” “BUT my bro ther ’s gonna f ind ou t , then my fa ther ’s gonna f ind ou t , and I ’m gonna ge t in SO much t roub le ! ” She f rowns and pounds a f i s t on to the tab le . “DANG, man.” She i s qu ie t wh i le Mr. Be l l t e l l s them to ge t ou t the i r wr i t i ng fo lders . They a re f in i sh ing f i ve parag raph essays , wr i t i ng about wha t they wou ld w ish fo r i f a gen ie gave them th ree w ishes . I s i s s i t s a t her tab le w i th a d r y e rase board tha t the read ing spec ia l i s t uses . She d raws two s t i ck f igures w i th the dy ing red marker. One i s ho ld ing someth ing and looks angr y. The o ther has a sad face . She wr i tes , “ I go to ge t in t roub le by Dad then . . . ”

* * *I t hurts, but I never show this pain you’l l never know

If only you could see just how lonely and how coldAnd frostbit I ’ve become, my back’s against the wall

When push come to shove, I just stand up and scream “Fuck ‘em all”

Lyr ics f rom L i l ’ Wayne “Drop the Wor ld ,” f ound in a four th g rade c lass room

“You can ’ t be rag ing in my c lass , I s i s . You need to go to Mr. Romero i f you ’ re go ing to be lash ing ou t a t ever yone .” I s i s f rowns a t h im and taps the tab le , s ing ing to herse l f . “Ge t to work ,” Mr. Be l l says , hand ing her a penc i l and a p ink e raser top . He s ta r ts hand ing them out to the res t o f the c lass . “ I want purp le ! Cay la , wha t do you have?” Cay la ho lds up a purp le e raser top . Cay la pou ts , ra i s ing her eyebrows. Cay la shakes her head. “Jovaun, you wanna t rade?” I s i s jumps ou t o f her sea t and hovers over Jovaun, a qu ie t boy who l i kes I ron Man and o f ten p lays w i th Mr. Be l l ’s puppets . He looks up a t her th rough th ick g lasses and shakes h is head. She g rabs the e raser cap ou t o f h i s hand. Mr. Be l l tu rns a round and opens the door. “Ge t ou t , go f ind Mr. Romero and ask h im i f you can do someth ing fo r h im.” I s i s ignores h im and goes back to her sea t w i th the e raser cap . She leans back in her cha i r. A ca lendar o f Barack Obama hangs on the wa l l nex t to a pos te r about respec t . Respec t i s t rea t ing o thers the way you want to be t rea ted , showing k indness and cons idera t ion , l i k ing yourse l f enough to be yourse l f , and accept ing o thers fo r

who they a re . * * *

Je remiah Wi l son comes in a t n ine most days . He i s th i r teen , and he i s repea t ing the four th g rade fo r the th i rd t ime nex t year. Today he i s wear ing co f fee co lo red sk inny jeans low around h is rear, p ink A i r Jo rdans , and a sh i r t tha t says , “Top Ten Reasons I Wear P ink . ” Reason number ten i s tough guys wear p ink . “Oh, you go t my shoes , Moses ,” Je remiah says , po in t ing to the b lack and b lue A i r Jo rdans . “ I t ’s okay. I ’ l l l e t you bor row them fo r now. Mi les go t the Wa l -Mar t spec ia l . ” “So wha t? ! ” he ye l l s . “ I t don ’ t ma t te r wha t k ind o f shoes I go t on my fee t . A l l you care about i s you wear ing .” “ I t ’s okay, M i les , maybe Moses w i l l l e t you bor row h is . ” They sn icker and Miss Montana g i ves them the i r computer ass ignment . They a re f in i sh ing the Power Po in ts o f h i s to r i ca l f i gu res : Thomas Je f fe rson , George Wash ing ton , Thomas Pa ine , Andrew Jackson, and Ph i l l i s Whea t ley. A four th g rade g i r l f rom ano ther c lass i s in computer l ab today p r in t ing a paper and she s ta res a t Je remiah as he wa lks ac ross the c lass room. “What a re you look in ’ a t? I know I ’m sexy,” he smi rks , danc ing across the l i no leum. “ I th ink you shou ld pu l l your pan ts up .” “ I th ink you shou ld shu t up and pu t a cock in tha t mouth .”

* * * They go ou ts ide regard less o f the wea ther, s tay ing under the enormous s tone awn ing even when i t i s ra in ing o r snowing . Today I s i s and Cay la , two o f the th ree g i r l s in Mr. Be l l ’s c lass , a re chas ing Moses , a round faced A f r i can Amer ican boy, and Omar, a s tou t H ispan ic boy f rom New Or leans . Omar pu l l s a t h i s j eans as he t ro ts , keep ing them up jus t be low h is wa is t . Moses spr in ts fa r ahead. I s i s and Jovanna run w i th the i r a rms ou ts t re tched, the i r sc reams echo ing across the p lay a rea . The pursu i t r ipp les th rough a foo tba l l game d i rec ted by the gym teacher, Coach Dan. He th rows the ba l l f a r o f f to one o f the younger k ids , and I s i s dodges h im, t r ipp ing and fa l l i ng f l a t on the co ld pavement . Moses and Omar po in t a t her l augh ing , and she b rushes her knees o f f as she s tomps over to them. Words f l y. Faces s t re tch . I s i s ’ sc ream bounces severa l t imes o f f the s tone wa l l s p ie rc ing ears and tu rn ing ever y th ing in to s low mot ion . She s i t s c ross legged on the g round and sobs in to her pa lms. Cay la ca tches up to I s i s . The two a re toge ther, bu t I s i s doesn ’ t acknowledge Cay la . Coach Dan ca l l s over Moses and Omar. A l i ne fo rms on the teacher ’s f o rehead. They shrug the i r shou lders . “She a in ’ t c r y ing l i ke tha t cause o f no th ing , so you be t te r te l l me wha t happened be fo re I ca l l your mother. ” A f te r mumbl ing someth ing to Coach Dan, Omar approaches I s i s . He says “ I ’m sor r y” l i ke an accusa t ion . I s i s j e rks back up and ho lds up her a rms de fens i ve l y. “ I don ’ t want your so r r y—ca l l i n ’ me a b i tch

and a ho fo r no reason .” She sc reams a t Omar. He backs away qu ick l y, j o in ing Moses on the o ther s ide o f the p layg round. I s i s l eans aga ins t the wa l l . The baske tba l l the second g raders a re p lay ing w i th h i t s her on the foo t , and she sna tches i t . She wa lks ou ts ide the p lay a rea , bounc ing the ba l l ha rd aga ins t the g round. A l i t t l e boy runs up to her, ho ld ing up h is hands . “Hey, g i ve i t he re ! ” I s i s f rowns and tu rns a round. “Come on , g i ve i t back .” The sma l l boy comes c loser to her and she jo l t s back . “NO.” “ I t ’s no t even yours ! ” “ I t ’s m ine now.” “G ive i t back !” She leans over l i ke a hawk, sc reech ing , “ I t ’s M INE!” The sma l l boy c rumples .

* * *“ I want a go ld f i sh because i t i s go ld and i t sw ims and i t needs to be fed and i t l i ves in a tank somet imes i t has o ther co lo rs l i ke b lack and wh i te and I w ish I had a go ld f i sh the tank was 11 inches .”

Wr i t ing sample f rom Jovaun’s word p rocessor.

* * *

“D id you hear about F r iday w i th I s i s?” “No, I wasn ’ t here ,” Miss Montana te l l s Mr. Be l l . “We l l , I s i s ’ fa ther came in because I s i s had been roaming a round the ha l l s f o r an hour o r so . By then , she had come back to the c lass , and he takes her jus t ou ts ide

the door way. He s ta r ts ye l l i ng a t her, r igh t? And she mouths o f f r igh t back to h im. Then—get th i s—he s laps her—r igh t ac ross the face .” “No!” “Yeah, and the k ids a l l see i t . They ’ re ta lk ing about i t the res t o f the day. Oh I s i s , go t s lapped by her daddy. I ’m s t i l l expec t ing phone ca l l s f rom paren ts .” “They won’ t ca re . ” “But I cou ldn ’ t hand le i t . I went down to Mr. Romero , and I ’m l i ke I go t ta repor t th i s man , and he jus t l aughs—he laughs ! Th is i s my l i cense on the l i ne , too , so I say i f you ’ re no t gonna repor t i t , I w i l l . I mean, i f he ’s gonna s lap her ac ross the face in a c lass room fu l l o f k ids , jus t imag ine wha t he ’s gonna do when they ge t home! My s tomach was tu rn ing a l l weekend.” “Ch i ld P ro tec t i ve Ser v ices wou ld p robab l y jus t come and check up on ‘em, bu t I s t i l l can ’ t be l i eve tha t . ” “And he wou ldn ’ t repor t . Imag ine i f FOX go t a ho ld o f tha t . ” “We l l , somet imes I th ink i t makes ‘em harder. Bu t de f in i te l y no t in pub l i c . Tha t ’s jus t ou t o f p lace . You do tha t a t home.” “But you know, i t doesn ’ t work—hi t t ing . I t doesn ’ t teach them how to ac t . I t j us t g i ves ‘em a l im i t to work w i th . And I can ’ t dea l w i th tha t here . She ’s rag ing a t a l l the o ther k ids , and a t home, Dad’ l l j us t s lap her ac ross the face , bu t he ’s gonna have to keep do ing tha t the res t o f her l i f e because she doesn ’ t know wha t ’s the r igh t behav io r. They jus t l ea rn how to ge t h i t , you know, so i t ’s no t as bad as the las t t ime. They take i t i n a l l th i s h i t t i ng and i t ’s gonna come ou t somewhere . Usua l l y, tha t ’s here , and i t messes w i th the o ther k ids . ”

* * *

17

MR. BELL- LET ’S GET THE V INEGAR SO MISS MONTANA AND I CAN MAKE THE VOLCANO.

—DEREK

A no te Mr. Be l l keeps in h i s sh i r t pocke t . He says , “ I t ’s th ings l i ke th i s tha t keep me go ing .”

* * *

Turner E lementa r y h i red a new mus ic teacher in the las t few months , and severa l o f the four th g rade c lass rooms have been inv i ted to take the e lec t i ve , inc lud ing Mr. Be l l ’s c lass . Mus ic i s he ld in the aud i to r ium, near the en t rance o f the schoo l , oppos i te Mr. Be l l ’s c lass room. “GET IN L INE , IS IS ! S top ac t in ’ a f oo l ! ” Her nose up in the a i r, she nods her head as she ambles s low ly in to l i ne . “ I ’m no t gonna wa i t here a l l day. . . ” Mr. Be l l says . A s tack o f newspapers s i t s ou ts ide the aud i to r ium door, and the boys , Je remiah Wi l son , Omar, and Moses , shu f f l e th rough them, open ing the papers w ide and p re tend ing to read them wi th puzz led express ions . I ’ l l s ing the f i r s t ve rse fo r you . So l i s ten to the words .” “Jus t ge t go ing , and t r y no t to s top .” He takes a sea t nex t to Je remiah Wi l son . I s i s i s l ean ing back in her sea t and s ta r ing up a t the ce i l i ng . “You , you there ! ” She says , l ean ing ou t to I s i s . “What ’s her name?” “ I s i s , s i t up s t ra igh t . ” Mr. Be l l says . She sucks her tee th . “ I thought we’d s ta r t w i th a song about—excuse me ! ” Derek i s b low ing raspber r ies , h i s a rms c rossed . I saac smi rks a t h im dev i l i sh l y. “You can not be sp i t t i ng in to my face ; tha t ’s rude !” the mus ic teacher sc reeches . “Damn, ca lm down,” Jeremiah Wi l son in te r rup ts , “He does tha t to ever ybody.” “Jeremiah , I know you don ’ t want me to take away jun io r coach today. S tay ou t o f o ther peop le ’s bus iness .” “Damn , you ’ re fo rc in ’ i t I was jus t t r y ing to te l l he r—“ “ I th ink you shou ld jus t keep mov ing .” Mr. Be l l says to her, shak ing h is head. She s t rums a few chords on her gu i ta r. “Okay, then . We l l I thought we’d do a song about Har r ie t Tubman. I ’ l l s ing the f i r s t ve rse fo r you . So l i s ten to the words .”

One n igh t I d reamed I was in s laver y‘Bout 1850 was the t imeSor row was the on l y s ignNoth ing a round to ease my mind .Out o f the n igh t appeared a ladyLead ing a d is tan t P i lg r im band“F i rs t ma te” she ye l l ed , po in t ing her hand.“Make room aboard fo r th i s young woman”

The k ids g igg le and make faces wh i le the mus ic teacher h i t s the h igher no tes .

Oh s ing ing ’ come on up , uh-huh huh, I go t a l i f e - l i ne . Come on up to th i s t ra in o f m ine . Come on up , uh-huh huh, I go t a l i f e l i neCome on up to th i s t ra in o f m ineShe sa id her name was Har r ie t Tubman, And she d rove fo r the Underg round Ra i l road .

I s i s s ta r ts danc ing a long in her sea t , snapp ing her f ingers jok ing l y. “A l r igh t , now ever yone s ings a long , too . ” She s t rums the chords aga in , and goes back in to the ve rse . The boys look a round a t each o ther, smi l ing . They s i t back in the i r sea ts w i th the i r a rms c rossed . None o f them open the i r mouths to s ing , excep t Je remiah Wi l son , who i s be l l ow ing a t the top o f h i s lungs the wrong no tes and the wrong l y r i cs . He pu ts on a show fo r h i s f r i ends . On the o ther hand, I s i s and Jovanna s ta r t s ing ing the h igh no tes , c lapp ing a long to the rhy thm. The mus ic teacher smi les , and teaches them the res t o f the words . By the end , I s i s has a l l o f the words memor i zed , and she i s danc ing in her sea t , c lapp ing a long , and tapp ing on the cha i r. Un fazed by the boys , I s i s c loses her eyes and s ings , her a rms ou ts t re tched above her, reach ing .

*A l l names have been changed.

She didn’t ask my nameShe didn’t speak my languageShe didn’t say anythingShe just offered me cinnamon sugar pecansShe was deliciously nutty

Her eyes sparkled more Than my favorite pair of earrings I wore On the plane to ensure their safety

Wouldn’t it be great if my eyes were diamonds? That spread wealth past the scratched plastic windows itching to overflow Into the heaps of garbage—They call homeAlas, the scratches are only from suitcase—Diamonds artificial only made to be in transition

I walk out of the trainThe air is cleaner

Yet,The man with a suitcase adds his can to the garbage on the ground

SHUFFLING TO IFRANEby Katherine Curley (LSOE 2011)

19

VISIONS FROM

by Amanda Duggan (A&S 2012)

IMPRISONMENT

A sma l l boy in an overs i zed baseba l l j e rsey g r ips the cha in- l ink fence w i th one hand and ho lds a toy te lephone in the o ther, s t ra in ing to see th rough to the ya rd o f the p r i son . Through the layers o f barbed w i re , he bare l y makes ou t the shape o f a b lack man in an o range su i t , f l anked by two wh i te men in un i fo rm. F rom the t i t l e o f the p iece , we can read the boy ’s mind : “Where i s Daddy?” Separa t ion f rom the i r fami l i es i s jus t one o f the many hardsh ips endured by p r i son inmates . Once you a re conv ic ted o f a c r ime, ever y sc rap o f d ign i t y and human i t y i s taken away f rom you . You cannot make any dec is ions fo r yourse l f : wha t you ea t , where you go , who you can ta lk to , and when you can s leep a re a l l d ic ta ted by rou t ine . Ever y th ing f rom phone ca l l s to t ime spent ou ts ide i s super v i sed , t imed, and con f ined . L i fe i s res t r i c ted to the bas ics , and you can no longer en joy any o f the th ings tha t make you human. As ou ts iders , we a re ob l i v ious to those cond i t i ons . We tend to see c r im ina ls as on l y c r im ina ls and no th ing e lse . We ignore tha t , l i ke us , they have paren ts , f r i ends , s ib l ings , a husband o r w i fe , and ch i ld ren . They, too , en joy spor ts and mus ic . Sur rounded by cement , i ron , and

darkness , they become dehuman ized . Se l f -express ion i s a huge par t o f wha t d i s t ingu ishes us f rom o ther an ima ls . Language, symbo l i sm, soc ia l o rgan i za t ion , and a r t a re among the many ways tha t we express our human i t y. When these th ings a re taken away f rom us , we lose s igh t o f wha t makes us human. There a re a number o f e f fo r t s today to re tu rn some human i t y to p r i son inmates across the count r y. These e f fo r t s can p rov ide inmates w i th a way to express the i r emot ions , the i r v i s ion o f l i f e , the i r hopes and d reams, and share them wi th o thers . One example i s an o rgan i za t ion ca l l ed Ar t f o r Jus t i ce . The pa in t ing o f the boy was done by p r i soner Dan ie l Gwynn and i s d i sp layed by Ar t f o r Jus t i ce , a g rass roo ts non-pro f i t tha t uses a r twork c rea ted by inmates to encourage pub l i c d ia logue about the c r im ina l jus t i ce sys tem and combat the dehuman iza t ion they exper ience . Through Ar t f o r Jus t i ce , 16 pr i soners in the Gra te r fo rd Pr i son and Greene SC I in sou theas te rn Pennsy l van ia have been us ing a r t as a c rea t i ve ou t le t f o r years , se l l i ng the i r works and us ing the p ro f i t s to buy more supp l ies . A r t f o r Jus t i ce p rov ides a venue fo r the

men to d isp lay the i r work and share the i r s to r ies w i th a w ider aud ience th rough exh ib i t s , p resen ta t ions , and the Ar t f o r Jus t i ce webs i te Based in Har leysv i l l e , A r t f o r Jus t i ce has i t s o r ig ins in a loca l schoo l bene f i t even t . Inmates f rom the loca l p r i son dona ted the i r a r twork to be so ld a t the bene f i t , w i th a l l p roceeds go ing to the schoo l . Th is i s where Anne Mar ie K i rk f i r s t encounte red the work o f Char les Lawson. She bought h i s pa in t ing o f a young g i r l i n a re fugee camp, and wro te to Lawson to thank h im fo r the pa in t ing . She a lso to ld h im tha t she be l i eved “h is work , and the work o f o ther inmates , cou ld be used to p romote Soc ia l Jus t i ce , to g i ve back to the i r communi t i es someth ing o f va lue tha t in some sma l l measure may a tone fo r the wrongs tha t were done .” Toge ther, K i rk and Lawson co- founded Ar t f o r Jus t i ce to do jus t tha t . The opera t ion , K i rk says , i s ma in l y an ind i v idua l e f fo r t “ to make a d i f fe rence in a s i tua t ion wh ich I cons ider a g rea t mat te r o f in jus t i ce in th i s count r y. ” She be f r iended Lawson and h is fami l y, and began v i s i t i ng h im a t Gra te r fo rd SC I . S ince then Lawson has become a c lose f r i end , and K i rk has con tac ted severa l o ther p r i soners . To th i s day, K i rk v i s i t s Lawson as a p r i va te c i t i zen , and

cor responds w i th the o thers th rough le t te rs , d i scuss ing the i r a r t , the i r hardsh ips , and the i r l i ves . S ince i t s c rea t ion , the o rgan i za t ion has g rown to inc lude 16 inmates , and a suppor t i ve Board o f D i rec to rs tha t keep i t runn ing . Outs ide o f the p r i son , K i rk b r ings the i ssue to peop le ac ross the s ta te . S ince 1997, she has pu t toge ther many exh ib i t s o f the a r twork , inc lud ing as much inpu t as she can f rom the a r t i s t s themse lves . Co l lec t i ve l y, these exh ib i t s have been hos ted in fo r t y -e igh t venues across the s ta te , bo th as a par t o f l a rger exh ib i t i ons and as an exh ib i t on i t s own. “Assembl ing the works fo r exh ib i t a l so g i ves g rea te r mean ing and power to the work , de l i ve r ing a message to a l l the peop le who see i t ,” says K i rk on her webs i te . The exh ib i t s and p resen ta t ions a lways inc lude an in fo rmat i ve p rog ram about the c r im ina l jus t i ce sys tem as a way to ra i se awareness and p romote d iscuss ion o f p r i son- re la ted i ssues . I n add i t i on , A r t f o r Jus t i ce ho lds workshops fo r you th ca l l ed Road Map fo r L i fe . In th i s workshop, he ld f i ve t imes so fa r, h igh- r i sk you th a re encouraged to “ iden t i f y the i r s t reng ths , unders tand the lega l consequences o f h igh r i sk behav io rs , and lea rn to

“Thanks to you who have seen my art and been touched in one way or another and al lowing me to express

my deepest feel ings with you.”

21

make cho ices tha t l ead to cons t ruc t i ve l i f es ty les” th rough the work o f Char les Lawson. Lawson h imse l f has had a la rge in f luence in bu i ld ing the you th p rog ram, wh ich h igh l igh ts someth ing spec ia l about Ar t f o r Jus t i ce : the p r i soners have some con t ro l . The webs i te p rov ides in fo rmat ion about many o ther sma l l o rgan i za t ions tha t a re work ing fo r more humane t rea tment o f p r i soners , bu t Ar t f o r Jus t i ce i s t ru l y un ique in i t s approach . The hear t o f the o rgan i za t ion l i es w i th the p r i soners themse lves . They p lay a key ro le in des ign ing the exh ib i t s , wr i t i ng fo r p resen ta t ions , and c rea t ing the educa t iona l p rog rams. They a re empowered to use the i r own vo ice to en l igh ten the pub l i c . Wi th K i rk ’s he lp , they can reach beyond the wa l l s tha t con ta in them. In essence , they a re mak ing the ca l l f o r jus t i ce . The scene in Dan ie l Gwynn’s pa in t ing “Where i s Daddy?” showing a boy g rowing up essen t ia l l y fa ther less i s no t uncommon in rea l i t y (The Na t iona l Resource Cente r o f Ch i ld ren and Fami l i es o f the Incarcera ted es t ima te tha t 2 mi l l i on ch i ld ren in the U .S . have a t l eas t once paren t in j a i l ) . Ano ther o f Gwynn’s works fea tu res a pa i r o f handcuf fs w i th a man s i t t i ng on the f l oo r o f a ce l l i ns ide one cu f f and a woman, p resumab ly h i s w i fe o r g i r l f r i end , ho ld ing a ch i ld in the o ther. These p ieces te l l the s to r y o f fami l i es ac ross the count r y, to rn apar t by meta l bars . George Lopez , an a r t i s t a t Greene SC I , uses car toons to te l l h i s s to r y. Lopez was a r res ted and conv ic ted o f a c r ime he con tends he d id no t commi t , and con t inues to f igh t f o r h i s innocence and hopefu l l y h i s

re lease . In the meant ime, he expresses h is f rus t ra t ion , anger, and fa i th th rough h is ca r toon o f E rn ie , an impr i soned dog who ma in ta ins h is c la im o f innocence and never g i ves up hope tha t one day he w i l l be ab le to p rove i t . I n one d rawing , E rn ie , in ta t te red c lo thes and ho ld ing a sack , despera te l y asks , “God, where a re You now?” A second shows Ern ie w i th a fe l l ow pr i soner in the i r j a i l un i f o rms, smi l ing , w i th the cap t ion , “Re fus ing to qu i t . ” Desp i te the ba l l and cha ins a round the i r ank les , they, l i ke Lopez , c l ing to the hope tha t one day they w i l l p rove the i r innocence so tha t they can re tu rn to the i r fami l i es . Lopez ’s a r t i s the veh ic le th rough wh ich he copes w i th h is pa in . The s ta tement tha t accompan ies h is a r t does no t por t ray ou t rage o r resen tment regard ing h is s i tua t ion . Ins tead , Lopez mere l y says , “Thanks to you who have seen my a r t and been touched in one way o r ano ther and a l l ow ing me to express my deepes t fee l ings w i th you .” No t on l y has a r t become an ou t le t f o r h im, bu t a l so i t p rov ided a connec t ion to a suppor te r ou ts ide h is ce l l wa l l s . H is ca r toons were p r in ted in Gra te r f r i ends , the p r i son newspaper, wh ich K i rk saw in the lobby. Knowing he had no con tac t w i th fami l y o r f r i ends , she wro te to h im. The f r i endsh ip i s comple te l y based on le t te rs . Lopez says o f K i rk , “She shown me a hope tha t I have never come across and gave such uncond i t i ona l f r i endsh ip , tha t… I cons ider her more l i ke a s i s te r than a f r i end .” The i r co r respondence , insp i red by Lopez ’s a r t , has p rov ided h im w i th a fundamenta l human need: f r i endsh ip . K i rk i s a compass iona te rea l i s t . “ I unders tood tha t there a re ind i v idua ls who must be locked up fo r the i r own sa fe ty and the sa fe ty o f o thers ,” she says . “ I a l so unders tood tha t soc ie ty must be v ig i l an t about who we “ lock up” and why.” Regard less o f a p r i soner ’s innocence o r gu i l t , A r t f o r Jus t i ce s t r i ves to p rov ide them wi th the human i t y they deser ve . “Lega l r igh ts must be s tead fas t l y adhered to , cond i t i ons o f con f inement must be humane, and there must be accountab i l i t y f o r the p rog rams w i th in the locked se t t ing ,” she asser ts . Perhaps represen ta t ion o f the i r pa in and s t rugg le i s the most power fu l resource p r i soners have . They do no t have to re l y so le l y on the compass ion o f o thers to speak fo r them. Ins tead , w i th he lp f rom organ i za t ions l i ke Ar t f o r Jus t i ce , they can express themse lves . Though bars c lose these men o f f f rom soc ie ty, we hear the i r vo ices th rough the i r a r twork . Re in t roduc ing a r t in to the l i ves o f p r i soners g i ves them a chance to be human aga in . And tha t i s a fee l ing tha t ever y l i v ing person deser ves .

The nex t Ar t f o r Jus t i ce exh ib i t w i l l be he ld in Sep tember o f 2011 a t Widener Un ive rs i t y in Ches te r, PA. For more in fo rmat ion , v i s i t the webs i te a t www.ar t f o r jus t i ce .o rg .

SERVICE & IMMERSIONTRIP CALENDAR

BOSTON COLLEGE

Every year, Boston College sends nearly 1,000 students on service trips across the nation and around the globe. But where do they go and what are they doing?

Campus MinistryArrupe International ProgramThe Ar rupe p rog ram sends about 120 vo lun teers to d i f fe ren t count r ies in La t in Amer ica where they lea rn about the rea l i t i es , hopes and s t rugg les o f those l i v ing in s i tua t ions o f economic , po l i t i ca l o r soc ia l marg ina l i za t ion . Des t ina t ions inc lude Ecuador ; Agua Pr ie ta , Mex ico ; E l Sa l vador ; Gua tema la ; Pueb la , Mex ico ; Noga les , Mex ico ; N ica ragua, Be l i ze .

Contac t : Ke l l y Sardon-Gar r i t y a t a r rupqs t@bc.edu

Campus MinistryUrban Immersion: Boston, MAOver w in te r b reak , about 25 underg radua tes spend seven days l i v ing in a Bos ton hos te l , l ea rn ing about and par t i c ipa t ing in the l i ves o f those most a f fec ted by the complex soc ia l i ssues o f sys temic pover t y and homelessness .

Contac t : F r. Don MacMi l l an a t macmi l ld@bc.edu

Intersections ProgramGulf Coast Service TripEach w in te r, the In te rsec t ions Prog ram sends ou t about 15 s tudents , who have par t i c ipa ted in Ha l f -t ime, to vo lun teer in a reas o f the Gu l f Coas t tha t a re s t i l l s t rugg l ing to recover f rom the e f fec ts o f Hur r i cane Ka t r ina .

Contac t : B rendan Sage a t b rendan.sage .1@bc.edu

Lynch School of EducationNatchez Service TripThe par t i c ipan ts on th i s t r ip meet and in te rac t w i th s tudents , teachers , and admin is t ra to rs o f the Ho l y Fami l y Ca tho l i c Schoo l . Par t i c ipan ts a l so assess the mater ia l needs o f the schoo l ; he lp improve the schoo l ’s phys ica l cond i t i on ; and make dona t ions .

Contac t : Tracy E isenhauer a t e i senha t@bc.edu

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School of Arts and SciencesUganda Service ExperienceAbout 12 A&S s tudents spend two weeks l i v ing a t Sab ina Pr imar y Board ing Schoo l f o r Orphans in Uganda each w in te r. There , they make v i s i t s to communi t y o rgan i za t ions and lea rn about the Ugandan cu l tu re . He ld ever y o ther year.

Contac t : Dr. R icco S iasoco a t r i cco .s iasoco@bc.edu

Volunteer and Service Learning CenterJemez Pueblo Service & Immersion ProgramI n the fa l l , s tudents and s ta f f f rom the Jemez and Z ia Pueb los t rave l to BC fo r a week . In Januar y, a g roup o f BC s tudents t rave l to Jemez Pueb lo and ser ve the communi t y.

Contac t : Dr. Thomas Kap lan-Max f ie ld a t Thomas.kap lan-

max f ie ld@bc.edu

School of Arts and SciencesIsrael/Palestine ProgramTh is fa l l course i s des igned to p repare s tudents to be t -te r unders tand the I s rae l i /Pa les t in ian con f l i c t . The course inc ludes a s tudy / immers ion t r ip in Januar y to I s rae l /Pa les t ine , in o rder to bear w i tness to the su f fe r ings and s t reng ths o f occup ied communi t i es . Taken toge ther, the seminar, s tudy t r ip , and p ro jec t shou ld a l l ow s tudents to tes t the i r capac i t y f o r us ing the i r educa t ion to se r ve the wor ld .

Contac t : Dr. Eve Spang le r a t eve .spang le r@bc.edu

Carroll School of ManagementHonors Service Trip to New OrleansF i f teen members o f the CSOM Honors Prog rams t rave l to New Or leans , Lou is iana . In con junc t ion w i th the S t . Ber-nard Pro jec t , these s tudents he lp the v ic t ims o f Hur r i cane Ka t r ina . The s tudents a re a l so g i ven the oppor tun i t y to exp lo re the r i ch and d i ve rse cu l tu re o f New Or leans .

Contac t : E r i ca Gar f a t e r i ca .gar f@bc.edu

AHANA Leadership Council Volunteer Corps

Mississippi Service TripThe Vo lun teer Corps i s a s tudent- run o rgan i za t ion under The AHANA Leadersh ip Counc i l o f Bos ton Co l lege . Th is o rgan i za t ion sponsors an annua l se r v ice t r ip dur ing w in-te r b reak to the Miss iss ipp i De l ta reg ion th rough Teach fo r Amer ica .

Contac t : a lcvo lun teercorps@gmai l . com

Campus MinistryAppalachia VolunteersEver y year, 36 s tudent l ed t r ips – made up o f over 600 s tudents – a re sen t ou t to the Appa lach ian Reg ion fo r spr ing b reak . Wh i le on the i r t r ips , s tudents par t i c ipa te in e i the r a Hab i ta t f o r Human i t y p rog ram or communi t y -o r ien ted ser v ice p ro jec t and engage in n igh t l y re f l ec t ions .Des t ina t ions inc lude West V i rg in ia , V i rg in ia , New York , Pennsy l van ia , Sou th Caro l ina , Nor th Caro l ina , Oh io , New Or leans , and Miss iss ipp i .

Contac t : Tamera L idde l l a t appa lach ia@bc.edu

Campus MinistryDominican Republic Service TripPar t i c ipan ts o f th i s t r ip , about 10 s tudents and 1 Jesu i t , exp lo re fa i th wh i le work ing a t a home es tab l i shed fo r d i s -ab led ch i ld ren in the Domincan Repub l i c .

Contac t : F r. F rank Her rmann, S .J . a t her rmanf@bc.edu

Connell School of NursingNicaragua Service TripThe Schoo l o f Nurs ing sends 10 vo lun teers to N icaragua each spr ing where they spend 12 days work ing a t a com-mun i t y c l in i c and tour ing hea l thcare re la ted s i tes .

Contac t : Ronna Krozy and Joyce Pu lc in i at ronna.krozy.71@bc.edu

Lynch School of EducationJamaica Mustard Seed TripOver spr ing b reak , 15 BC s tudents engage in a “min is t r y o f p resence” in Jama ica and s imp l y o f fe r the i r t ime and ab i l i t i es to the communi t y.

Contac t : Dr. A lec Peck a t peck@bc.edu

Lynch School of EducationDominican Republic Service & Immersion TripOn th is t r ip , 10-12 s tudents t rave l to San to Domingo to s tudy the schoo ls in the Domin ican sys tem and in te rac t w i th the communi t y.

Contac t : Tracy E isenhauer a t e i senha t@bc.edu

Lynch School of EducationEl SalvadorOver the summer, s tudents t rave l to E l Sa l vador to l ea rn about the economic and po l i t i ca l rea l i t i es o f the a rea and , more spec i f i ca l l y, to exp lo re the cha l lenges fac ing Sa lvadoran you th .

Contac t : Tracy E isenhauer a t e i senha t@bc.edu

School of Arts and SciencesGhana Service Immersion TripFor a few weeks ever y o ther summer, BC s tudents t rave l to Ghana where they ass is t teachers a t a computer camp and lea rn about the Ghana ian cu l tu re and communi t y.

Contac t In fo : Dr. Kwas i Sarkod ie-Mensah a t kwas i . sa r-

kod ie-mensah@bc.edu

Volunteer and Service Learning Center

Facu l t y and s ta f f on th i s t r ip exp lo re g loba l jus t i ce i ssues to fos te r the i r unders tand ing o f how fa i th and jus t i ce a re assoc ia ted w i th the Jesu i t m iss ion in h igher educa t ion .

Contac t : Dan ie l Ponse t to a t ponsetto@bc.edu

School of Arts and SciencesService Immersion Trip: NicaraguaThe A&S Soc io logy Depar tment sends about 12 s tudents to San Juan de l Sur each spr ing . Par t i c ipan ts work ma in-l y a t l oca l p re-schoo ls , e lementa r y schoo ls and hea l th c l in i cs .

Contac t : Dr. M ike Ma lec a t m ichae l .ma lec@bc.edu

Intersections ProgramJamaica Summer TripThe In te rsec t ions Prog ram sends a g roup o f BC s tudents to Jama ica each summer where they teach bas ic read-ing , g rammar, math , a r ts & c ra f t s and spor ts to Jama ican ch i ld ren in Annot to Bay.

Contac t : j ama icasummer@bc.edu

Campus MinistriesSummer Arrupe Program Cuernavaca, MexicoI n th i s summer Ar rupe p rog ram, s tudents lea rn about the rea l i t i es , hopes and s t rugg les o f those l i v ing in s i tua t ions o f economic , po l i t i ca l o r soc ia l marg ina l i za t ion .

Contac t : F r. Don MacMi l l an a t macmi l ld@bc.edu

Connell School of NursingHaiti Service TripThe schoo l o f nurs ing sends vo lun teers on a med ica l m iss ion t r ip to Ha i t i . The vo lun teers w i l l se t up a c l in ic to se r ve the communi t y.

Contac t : Donna Cu l l i nan a t donna.cu l l i nan@bc.edu

InterVarsity Asian Christian FellowshipKatrina Relief Urban PlungeDur ing spr ing b reak , vo lun teers w i l l be sen t to New Or leans to rebu i ld homes w i th we l l es tab l i shed g roups l i ke Hab i ta t f o r Human i t y and S t . Bernard ’s P ro jec t . The t r ip a l so inc ludes g roup d iscuss ions and gues t speakers to exp lo re the in te rsec t ion o f Chr i s t i an fa i th and ser v ice .

Contac t : bc . i v.ac f@gmai l . com

N i ca ra g u a Fa c u l t y / S t a f f Immersion Trip

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I t ’s 6 :00. I t ’s t ime to ge t se r ious ; t ime to le t i t a l l ou t . Jokes a re fo r f i ve minu tes ago ; sma l l ta l k i s to be saved fo r two hours . Th is i s impor tan t . The we l l -be ing o f th i r t y - two misunders tood , underpr i v i l eged women i s a t s take . Though they range f rom teenagers to s i x t y year-o ld g randmothers , they a l l share the same a t t i tude r igh t now. “My name i s Dako ta , and I ’m an a lcoho l i c . ” Dako ta i s a l eader. She i s f i gh t ing to ge t her k ids back . The peanut ga l l e r y murmurs , “H i , Dako ta . ” “ I ’m Sam, I ’m an add ic t . ” Same response . Sam has been d iagnosed w i th b i -po la r d i so rder. She s t rugg les migh t i l y in cop ing w i th her add ic t ion . “H i ever ybody, I ’m Cyn th ia , and I ’m a sur v i vo r. ” “H i , Cyn th ia . ” Cyn th ia i s a sen io r res iden t . She i s scared , and a lways asks a ma le to wa lk anywhere w i th her. A l l the t rash- ta lk ing , a l l the d rama, and a l l the ob-s tac les tha t the c rue l ou ts ide wor ld has th rown the i r way a re now i r re levan t . They ’ re sa fe in th i s par t i cu la r Women and Ch i ld ren Cente r con fe rence room. They ’ re sa fe in one o f the roughes t u rban ne ighborhoods in the count r y. Un-cer ta in ty may ru le the res t o f the i r l i ves l i ke a t y ran t , bu t i t has no power here . The Communi t y Meet ing a t th i s par t i cu la r p rog ram takes p lace ever y Thursday a t 6 :00 p .m. One o f e igh teen p rog rams run by the o rgan i za t ion , th i s p rog ram is a harm-reduc t ion t rea tment cen te r f o r th i r t y - two women recover-ing f rom add ic t ion . Bas ica l l y, ha rm-reduc t ion t rea tment p rog rams dea l w i th women “where they ’ re a t ” in the i r recover y. There a re no d rug- tes ts a t the house , bu t d rugs a re obv ious l y f o rb idden. Re lapse i s on l y the beg inn ing o f the i r wor r ies , and the Communi t y Meet ing covers i ssues rang ing f rom hea t ing b i l l s to war ran ts and ever y th ing in be tween. John, the Prog ram D i rec to r a t The Shepherd House , runs the f i r s t por t i on o f the meet ing . Desp i te the

wr ink les on h is face and the th inn ing o f h i s ha i r, John i s young and spr i te l y. Wi th pass ion exceeded on l y by h is l eadersh ip , John br ings up an impor tan t i ssue : fund ing . Wi th vo t ing r igh t a round the corner in the fa l l , John men-t ions Ques t ion 1 : the repea l o f taxes on a lcoho l . Th is tax i s one o f the most impor tan t sources o f “non-dona t ion” fund ing . John asks i f anyone w i l l be ava i l ab le to ho ld up s igns suppor t ing “No to Ques t ion 1” a t the po l l s on vo t -ing day. Expec ta t ions and s te reo types o f add ic ts wou ld lead peop le to be l i eve tha t Joe i s about to ge t l aughed a t . Mos t peop le be l i eve tha t add ic ts a re lazy. Mos t peop le don ’ t th ink “se l f l ess” i s par t o f an add ic t ’s vocabu la r y. Bu t ton igh t there i s overwhe lming suppor t f o r h i s reques t . I f the re ’s one th ing to take away f rom these meet ings i t ’s tha t expec ta t ions a re bes t checked a t the door. Fund ing a t The Shepherd House i s cons is ten t l y be-low where i t needs to be . Each woman admi t ted to one o f the p rog ram’s th ree houses e i ther has an income or i s on we l fa re . Wh i le in res idence , they owe a cer ta in amount o f money fo r f ood and ren t ever y month . The food i s usua l l y pa id fo r by the i r f ood-s tamps, bu t they ’ re on the i r own fo r ren t . We l fa re i s p rob lemat ic f o r the women and t rekk ing to and f rom the o f f i ce o f ten cos ts more than the we l fa re i t se l f ; espec ia l l y because there a re a few women who fa i l t o rece i ve the i r checks . The house goes to a spec ia l f ood d r i ve ca l l ed TJ ’s to ge t the i r g rocer ies and i t shares one ma in tenance worker w i th the res t o f the e igh teen houses tha t a re par t o f a l a rger o rgan i za t ion th roughout a l l o f Bos ton . Forge t about any luxur ies ; they s t rugg le to a f fo rd fu rn i tu re and wash ing mach ines . Mov ing fo rward , John, sma l l i n s ta tu re , ment ions upcoming even ts . The 35th annua l Gra t i tude D inner w i l l be he ld a t a l oca l ha l l the Monday be fo re Thanksg iv ing . Hands shoo t up be fo re he can f in i sh . “Can we br ing our fami l y?” one woman asks . “What i f we have work?” ano ther in te r rup ts . John’s pa t ience en t i ces you to roo t f o r h im. H is

SAFE AMONG SURVIVORSby Thomas Belton (A&S 2013)

conc ise answers make you want to emula te h im. He re-sponds , “Lad ies , tha t i s a l l f o r you and your counse lo rs to f igure ou t on your own. Ever y l ady i s d i f fe ren t . We have ind i v idua l i zed t rea tment p lans . Wha t ’s bes t f o r one o f you may no t be the bes t f o r a l l o f you .” Th is p rog ram has th i r t y - two de f in i t i ons o f an add ic t a t any g i ven t ime. The ma jo r i t y o f the wor ld has one , nega t i ve . A un ique aspec t o f th i s g roup t rea tment i s i t s ab i l -i t y to combine g roup therapy w i th care fo r the ind i v idua l . A t th i s house , there a re d i f fe ren t l eve ls o f f reedom, con-t ingent upon each c l i en t ’s p rog ress and p re fe rences . When f i r s t b rought to the house ( f rom de tox i f i ca t ion , p r i son , the s t ree ts , o r the i r own home) , the women l i ve in e i the r house 22 o r 24. They do no t l eave the house fo r the i r f i r s t seven days . F rom there , they work on acqu i r ing wha t i s ca l l ed “s t ruc tu red t ime.” Th is cou ld come in the fo rm o f schoo l ing , vo lun teer work , a j ob , o r an In tens i ve Outpa-t ien t P rog ram, a da i l y s i x -hour day t ime prog ram wi th man-da to r y a t tendance tha t he lps recover ing add ic ts ma in ta in a busy schedu le . S t ruc tu red t ime a l l ows fo r more f reedom, the poss ib i l i t y o f an “overn igh t pass” and a la te r cur few. I t i s then the counse lo r ’s cho ice to dec ide when the i r c l i en ts a re ready to move to the g radua te house , house 26. Th is i s when c l i en ts become sen io r res iden ts . The i r respons ib i l i t y g rows because they a re a t the las t s tage o f the p rog ram. Sen io rs search fo r fu tu re hous ing op t ions , so

tha t when they comple te the i r f our to s i x month s tay they p rog ress to ano ther sober house o r t rans i t i on back in to soc ie ty on the i r own. The women are requ i red to a t tend f i ve ou ts ide AA o r NA meet ings ever y week , hea l th permi t t ing . There a re be tween e igh t and ten sen io r res iden ts who dec ide wh ich meet ings to a t tend , usua l l y p rov id ing two op t ions ever y n igh t . Th is pas t week , there were be tween twe lve and f i f -teen women s tay ing a t the house ever y n igh t , many more than usua l . I t ’s 6 :20. Eyes a re s ta r t ing to wander ; peop le a re s ta r t ing to l ose pa t ience . Obser vers a re d read ing 7 :00. The i r wor lds a re about to be f l i pped ups ide-down. Mean-wh i le , John has moved on . A f te r a few precaut ions about sav ing on the hea t ing b i l l and tu rn ing o f f a l l l i gh ts when no one i s in the room, he d rops a bombshe l l . John te l l s the women tha t s ince the sen io r res iden ts a re no t tak ing the o ther women to ou ts ide meet ings , no one i s a l l owed to a t tend ou ts ide meet ings un t i l the sys tem is f i xed . To some, l i ke Ka th leen* , who l imps due to a miss ing h ip , th i s does no t mat te r. To o thers , l i ke “B” , who goes to seven ou ts ide meet ings a week , th i s i s devas ta t ing . “Th is i s a communi t y. I t i sn ’ t fa i r to those who cannot go to meet ings by themse lves to no t be p resen ted w i th favorab le op t ions .” John te l l s them.

The suspens ion w i l l be in e f fec t un t i l nex t Thurs-day n igh t . Ever yone assumes tha t by tha t t ime, B i s l i ke l y to be back on the s t ree ts . By tha t t ime, f o r a l l they know, she migh t have g i ven up . They ’ re a l l wor r ied . The i r sa fe ty i s about to be ye t aga in in j eopardy. A t about 6 :40, John tu rns i t over to the PULSE s tudents f rom Bos ton Co l lege . Wi th l i t t l e conv ic t i on in the i r vo ices and t im id body language, the ado lescents p resen t a fun game to l i gh ten the sp i r i t s be fo re the mad-ness tha t i s twenty minu tes away ensues . They p resen t a con tes t , b reak ing the women up in to four teams. A f te r equa l l y d i s t r ibu t ing twe lve ro l l s o f to i l e t paper, the s tu-dents te l l each team to se lec t a cand ida te . Each team is to d ress the i r cand ida te in a wedd ing d ress compr ised o f these th ree ro l l s o f to i l e t paper. F i f teen minu tes to con-s t ruc t , then f i ve minu tes to judge . Then the fun ’s over. Laughte r conquers even the g r immest c l i en ts , and they have a ba l l work ing in teams. Rose l le w ins because o f her ve i l , wh ich was in t r i ca te l y made by Yaya , a rguab l y the c ra f t i es t o f the bunch. The p r i ze fo r them is candy. The p r i ze fo r the s ta f f i s see ing the c l i en ts work th rough ad-vers i t y and have a laugh. They know tha t f o r now, they ’ re sa fe . Kay la , B ’s counse lo r, pu l l s B as ide . Kay la was im-pressed by B ’s ab i l i t y to b lock ou t the bad news and en joy the fun par t o f the meet ing . She has g i ven her ind i v idua l

permiss ion to a t tend ou ts ide meet ings . She d id th i s be-cause dur ing in take , the f i r s t th ing c l i en ts do a f te r be ing admi t ted , B s t ressed the impor tance o f ou ts ide meet ings to her recover y. B must have sa id tha t hav ing a cons t ruc-t i ve p lace to go ever y n igh t kep t her ou t o f t roub le . She must have sa id she needed tha t s t ruc tu re in o rder to ma in ta in focus on sobr ie t y. John w ishes the women a sa fe res t o f the n igh t . He and the res t o f the s ta f f go back across the s t ree t to the i r o f f i ces in the houses . One o f the counse lo rs i s on the overn igh t sh i f t ; a l l o ther s ta f f i s about to l eave . The PULSE s tudents s tay. A f te r a b r ie f c igare t te b reak , i t ’s t ime. The second por t i on o f the communi t y meet ing i s run by sen io r res iden ts . Somet imes there a re commi t -ments ; o ther add ic ts who have g radua ted s im i la r p rog rams who come in to te l l the i r s to r ies . Commi tments have been less f requent as o f l a te , so the sen io r res iden ts e lec t someone to te l l the i r own s to r y. One o f the lad ies i s about to te l l he r l i f e s to r y, bu t f i r s t the mass bands toge ther to vo ice a genera l concern . Be fo re commi tment ge ts un-der way, the ma jo r i t y o f the g roup vo ices concern over the even ts o f the pas t weekend. Th is pas t weekend was an abso lu te joke . Lad ies who weren ’ t supposed to leave the house le f t , l ad ies came back h igh , g i r l s were shoo t -

Uncertainty may rule the rest of their lives like a tyrant, but it has no power here.

If there’s one thing to take away from these meetings it’s that expectations are best checked at the door.

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i ng up in the ba th room. I t i s tough when the ma jo r i t y o f th i s house can ’ t escape the i r pas t and accompl i sh wha t they se t ou t to do because the minor i t y ru in i t f o r them. I t was ex t reme ly d i f f i cu l t f o r some women to s tay sober th i s weekend. Be ing a round drugs o r peop le on d rugs i s an in tense t r igger f o r mos t recover ing add ic ts . There a re no manda to r y d rug tes ts a t th i s p ro-g ram. Harm-reduc t ion g i ves c l i en ts f reedom tha t i s sa id to be hea l thy fo r c l i en ts . Because the s ta f f i s no t susp ic ious o f them, c lose re la t i onsh ips w i th counse lo rs a re more p roper l y f o rmed. The downfa l l i s tha t many g i r l s abuse th i s p r i v i l ege , and re lapse i s con tag ious . Ba th room mi r-ro rs a re somet imes b lood ied as a resu l t o f someone us ing hero in , the re i s occas iona l l y l a te-n igh t snor t ing o f c rack in the house , a lo t o f mar i juana i s consumed, and peop le somet imes ge t h igh dur ing the day ins tead o f honor ing the i r s t ruc tu red t ime. The ma jo r i t y o f the women enro l l i n the p rog ram to make an hones t e f fo r t to ge t c lean a f te r a l i f e l aced w i th d rugs . The minor i t y o f women who a re manda ted here can in fec t the ma jo r i t y, and somet imes fa i lu re ensues . On occas ion , a f te r a weekend such as las t weekend (Ha l loween ) , the s ta f f hears o f the misbehav-io r and p repares to c lean house . They ev ic t up to twe lve women a t a t ime. Ner ves a re h igh when th i s t ime comes. The women are scared ; unsure i f the i r sa fe ty ne t i s about to be d ropped f rom under them. Cynth ia ca lms ever yone down. She ’s reser ved , qu ie t , a lmos t a mother f igure . She a lways i s ou ts ide smok ing c igare t tes w i th ever yone , and responds to the i r p rob lems w i th wha t i s a lmos t ce r ta in l y a word- fo r-word re fe rence to a Narco t i cs Anonymous book . She i s aged. By look ing a t her, you know she ’s te r r i f i ed . “My name’s Cyn th ia , and I ’m a sur v i vo r,” she s ta r ts . “H i , Cyn th ia ,” the o thers respond. “A l r igh t , I ’ l l make th i s shor t . I was born in Croa t ia to two paren ts . I don ’ t l i ke te l l i ng s to r ies about my l i f e there . I was mo les ted by my dad f rom the age o f f our un t i l I was f i f t een . I gave b i r th to a k id dur ing tha t t ime. She l i ves in F lo r ida , and I t r y to send her money as o f ten as I can .” Cyn th ia i s on a l l so r ts o f we l fa re . She i s a lways la te on ren t . “ I moved away f rom Croa t ia and came here . I met a charming guy, and we s ta r ted da t ing . He was the f i r s t pos i t i ve ma le in my l i f e…for a shor t t ime. We bo th s ta r ted to tu rn to d rugs , and tha t ’s when i t go t v io len t . He fo rced me to work fo r h im as a d rug dea le r, and I wou ld se l l and smugg le d rugs ever y wh ich way. A t n igh t , he wou ld bea t me sense less . One n igh t i t was w i th a two-by- four. One o f the g rea tes t days o f my l i f e was when we bo th go t a r-res ted . I was f ina l l y f ree f rom h im when I was in j a i l . Then we bo th go t ou t . My husband poured a tub o f ho t g rease a l l ove r me, and I ran away. The nex t t ime I saw h im I bea t h im w i th a weapon, and went to j a i l f o r i t . He v i s i ted me in ja i l t o te l l me tha t our son had been bru ta l l y murdered .” Tear ing up , she con t inues , “He p romised me tha t the when I go t ou t o f j a i l he ’d k i l l me. I can ’ t wa lk anywhere w i thou t some sor t o f bodyguard anymore . I t ’s r id icu lous . Re lapse i s a wor r y o f m ine , bu t fea r o f murder i s a lways on my mind .”

I t ’s been a long n igh t . Cyn th ia f in i shes her s to r y. She i s about to g radua te , and w i l l con t inue to th r i ve , con-t ra r y to the labe l pu t on a lcoho l i cs and d rug-add ic ts . Hugs a re shared . Tears a re shed. I t ’s your average Thursday a t th i s recover y home. Wor r ies about who made a mess in the k i t chen a re bes t saved fo r l a te r. Fo r now, ever yone i s sa fe . Fo r now, they pos i t i ve l y demonst ra te g roup recover y. Fo r now, they ’ re a l l su r v i vo rs .

*A l l names have been changed.

Take a journey w i th me.Th is j ou rney i s about 9 ,754 mi les f rom home.Home i s Tor rance , Ca l i f o rn ia . 9 ,754 mi les away i s Q ingdao , Ch ina . Th is i s a l so home. Home i s a s ing le-s to r y b lue house on the busy s t ree t o f Hawthorne Bou levard . Home i s Sarang House (House o f Love ) , an o rphanage

on the ou tsk i r t s o f Q ingdao , Ch ina . You pass a bunch o f t rees , tu rn le f t a t tha t co rner, make a r igh t a t the nex t co rner, take the b r idge over some murky wa te r, and you shou ld be in the v ic in i t y—somewhat . Home i s where my fami l y i s—my mom, my dad , and my l i t t l e s i s te r.Home i s where my fami l y i s—my l i t t l e b ro thers and s i s te rs , a l l th i r t y - f i ve o f them.

Le t me in t roduce you to one o f them, h is name i s Zhang Je i M ing .

Zhang Je i M ing i s h i s l ega l name, g i ven to h im by h is paren ts . Hunte r i s h i s Amer ican name, g i ven to h im by vo lun teers . Zhang Je i M ing has a mother, bu t no longer a fa ther. Hunte r i s my l i t t l e b ro ther, a b ro ther I ge t to see two ( th ree i f I ’m lucky ) weeks ou t o f the year. Zhang Je i M ing i s a son , a son who sees h is mother once a year, a t bes t .

Four years ago , I met Hunte r f o r the f i r s t t ime.

Summer o f 2007

Dr i v ing th rough the open ga tes o f Sarang House , we’ re g ree ted by ch i ld ren wav ing w i th a l l the i r m igh t . Some k ids a re accompan ied by adu l t s , some are in whee lcha i rs , some are on c ru tches , and some are jump ing up and down. Some are here because the i r paren ts cou ldn ’ t a f f o rd to take care o f them; some are here because the i r paren ts abandoned them; some were found on the s t ree ts ; some were d ropped o f f he re . Bu t as we dr i ve in , they ’ re a l l smi l ing and wav ing f ran t i ca l l y. I t ’s as i f they ’ re t r y ing to f i t i n a year ’s wor th o f “he l l os” in to one moment .

I ’m par t o f a g roup o f f i f t een f rom a Los Ange les church , here to l ove and ser ve th i s o rphanage. I wonder i f I w i l l be ab le to connec t w i th these k ids . Wi l l they l i ke me? Wi l l I be ab le to communica te w i th them? The bus comes to a s top and k ids f l ock the door. As our g roup f i l es ou t , you can te l l who’s been here and who hasn ’ t . The k ids remember ever yone who’s been here be fo re , j oyous l y ye l l i ng ou t the i r names. For the nex t two weeks , we w i l l i nves t in the l i ves o f the th i r t y k ids who ca l l th i s p lace home. F rom the hour the roos te r c rows (usua l l y a round 7 A .M. ) to when the k ids shu f f l e to the i r rooms to s leep , we w i l l be w i th them, mak ing the most o f ever y p rec ious minu te we have .

I t ’s one th i r t y in the a f te rnoon, “Eng l i sh t ime,” when we pa i r up w i th the k ids to tu to r them in Eng l i sh . I ’m s i t t i ng there , t r y ing to seem occup ied bu t rea l l y l ook ing to see i f any o f the k ids need a tu to r. N ine-year-o ld Hunte r i s s i t t i ng o f f to the s ide w i th h is ta t te red g reen Mead no tebook . I approach . In the most te r r ib le Ch inese he ’s p robab l y ever heard , I say, “N i Hao , N i de mingz i?”—“Hi , wha t ’s your name?” I a l ready know h is name, bu t tha t ’s a l l I remember in Ch inese . “Wo de mingz i Spencer”—“My name i s Spencer,” I remember how to say tha t in Ch inese

NI & WOby Spencer Kim (LSOE 2013)

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too . And then , tha t ’s i t . I rever t to Eng l i sh . I hones t l y don ’ t remember how we communica ted , bu t we d id . I t r i ed to teach h im an assor tment o f bas ic words us ing d rawings o r po in t ing ou t ob jec ts . Fo r “ t ree ,” I d rew a t ree . For “app le ,” I d rew an app le . Fo r “ha i r,” I po in ted to h i s ha i r. You ge t the idea . Throughout the two weeks , I cons tan t l y l ooked fo rward to those two hours dur ing the day when I wou ld s i t down w i th Je i -Ming and h is no tebook . S tumbl ing over the p ronunc ia t ion o f the “u-a- r-y” in “Januar y,” the “e-p- t ” in “September,” and be ing ab le to say “hung-hao !”—“good job” a t the end .Th is was the s ta r t o f a ve r y fu l f i l l i ng re la t i onsh ip w i th n ine-year-o ld Zhang Je i -Ming , who s tud ied Eng l i sh ever y day w i th me. Hunte r was smar t—so smar t . He soaked in Eng l i sh words much fas te r than h is peers . He loved bugs , as d id a l l the k ids , g i r l s and boys a l i ke . They loved ca tch ing c icadas , snapp ing o f f the t ips o f the i r w ings so they cou ldn ’ t f l y away, and jus t ho ld ing them in the i r hands o r c l ipp ing them onto the i r c lo thes . Somet imes , they wou ld ge t adven tu rous and th row those mass i ve bugs on to us . I t aught Hunte r S t i cks , a game you p lay w i th your f ingers . I t aught h im how to have a thumb war. I t aught h im how to p lay va r ious ve rs ions o f rock-paper-sc issors . Wha tever fun and easy ac t i v i t y I cou ld teach w i thou t ac tua l l y ve rba l i z ing the ru les , I passed on to h im. I t ’s t ime to say goodbye . He hands me a b race le t he made dur ing one o f our c ra f t sess ions . Goodbye . I hope to see you aga in . Summer o f 2008

I t i s so good to see Hunte r aga in . He i s a l i t t l e ta l l e r.H is ha i r i s shor te r. He i s ten now. He s t i l l l oves to p lay S t i cks . He s t i l l l oves to p lay rock-paper-sc issors . He s t i l l l oves a good thumb war.

I l ea rn tha t h i s mother, a devou t Chr i s t i an , had b rought Zhang Je i -Ming to the o rphanage in the hopes tha t he wou ld be ra i sed in a Chr i s t i an env i ronment . Had he s tayed home, h is g randfa ther, a w i tch doc to r o f so r ts in the v i l l age , wou ld have passed h is pos i t i on down to Hunte r, h i s on l y he i r. I l ea rn tha t Hunte r i s one o f the top s tudents a t h i s schoo l , exce l l i ng in a lmos t a l l o f h i s sub jec ts . I am so p roud. Had I tu to red h im dur ing the schoo l year? No . Had I he lped h im w i th homework? No. Bu t , I am proud. I am g lad tha t he i s exce l l i ng aga ins t such g rea t odds .

I con t inue to tu to r h im in Eng l i sh . I ’m t r y ing to be more in te rac t i ve and c rea t i ve th i s t ime w i th f l ashcards . On one s ide o f the f l ashcard i s the Eng l i sh word and on the o ther s ide i s a p ic tu re o f i t . The ob jec t i ve o f th i s educa t iona l game i s to l ook a t the image and say wha t i t i s in Eng l i sh—br i l l i an t , no? He ’s smar t as ever, p ick ing up words l i ke i t ’s nobody ’s bus iness . I l ove my t ime here a t the o rphanage. The two weeks I

spend here , I f ee l so u t te r l y con ten t and a t ease—ever y s ing le day, ever y s ing le moment i s so fu l f i l l i ng and wor thwh i le . Yes , i t i s swe l te r ing ho t and I ’m shower ing in my swea t . Yes , the c icadas w i l l no t be qu ie t . Yes , the squa t te rs and the showers here a re no t the most conven ien t . Bu t the k ids , the k ids make ever y th ing so wor thwh i le . Be ing ab le to inves t in the l i f e o f Hunte r i s such an inc red ib le b less ing . I t i s an inc red ib le fee l ing to come back one year l a te r and have a l l the k ids remember your name, to come back one year l a te r and know tha t they a re wa i t ing fo r you .I s imp l y o f fe r my t ime and company and the k ids respond w i th such en thus iasm and love . Whether i t be ca tch ing bugs w i th them, ea t ing w i th them, push ing them on the sw ings , wash ing the i r d i shes , o r even jus t fa l l i ng as leep on the f l oo r o f the mu l t i -purpose room wi th them, ever y s ing le moment i s so wor thwh i le . Bu t , I w ish I cou ld go deeper. I w ish I cou ld ta lk to Hunte r about more ser ious mat te rs . I w ish I cou ld ask h im about h i s s t rugg les . I w ish I cou ld unders tand when he rambles to me in Ch inese . I t ’s t ime to say goodbye . He hands me a card w i th foam le t te r s t i ckers s tuck on to i t . These s t i ckers a re f rom a c ra f t we d id dur ing our s tay. The le t te rs spe l l ou t “H-U-N-E-R.” I ’m guess ing he los t the le t te r “T. ” Undernea th h is a t tempt a t wr i t i ng h is name, he has wr i t ten , “ I l oyes you .” I ’m guess ing he t r i ed to spe l l “ I l ove you ,” bu t made the l i ne on h is “v” a l i t t l e too long and added an “s . ” I t ake o f f a robo t keycha in f rom my backpack and g i ve i t to h im. Two weeks have never fe l t so shor t . Summer o f 2009

I am home aga in .The sound o f these k ids t r y ing to say my name, “Spancer,” i s such a we lcoming sound.Hunte r l ooks as sk inny as ever.H is ha i r i s l onger. He i s e leven now.I te l l h im to cu t h i s ha i r and he g i ves me the usua l g r in and an “Oh nooooo .”

He s t i cks ou t two f ingers , in i t i a t ing a game o f S t i cks . He loves th i s game.I purpose l y l ose fo r h im and he t r iumphant l y th rows h is hands up in the a i r.“Oh! I w in ! Yes ! Spencer, oh yes-s-s-s ! ” Joy so s imp l y f ound.

I l ea rn tha t Hunte r has no t been do ing as we l l as he can in h i s s tud ies . I wor r y. Hunte r has to succeed in schoo l . A l ready a t a d i sadvantage as an o rphan, Hunte r needs to exce l . I w ish I cou ld exp la in to h im the impor tance o f educa t ion , bu t a las , a l l I can say to h im i s “he l l o , wha t ’s your name,” “p re t t y,” “good,” and o ther bas ic te rms. So I p ray. I p ray tha t God w i l l g i ve h im w isdom and gu idance . I t ook Ch inese 1 dur ing my sen io r year o f h igh schoo l , i n the hopes o f fu r ther deve lop ing my non-ex is ten t Ch inese

sk i l l s . I t . I s . So . D i f f i cu l t . I t r i ed , I rea l l y d id . Tack l ing a new language a long w i th the e f fec t o f “sen io r i t i s ” was no good. I came ou t w i th a few new words , bu t ho ld ing a conversa t ion was s t i l l j us t d reams.

I w ish I cou ld ta lk to h im. I w ish I cou ld o f fe r more than s imp le conversa t ion .

I t f rus t ra tes me.

I l ove my t ime here a t th i s o rphanage, bu t the g loss to th i s p lace seems to be fad ing , o r maybe I ’m jus t f i na l l y fac ing rea l i t y. The o rphanage i s no t as comfor t ing as i t used to be , even jus t a year ago . The k ids a re go ing th rough tha t awkward phase—puber ty. They a re be ing rebe l l i ous and quar re l some.

I can ’ t see i t when I ’m here , bu t I hear i t f rom the D i rec to r. She says even Hunte r has been ac t ing up . I can ’ t even imag ine .

But , th i s i s rea l i t y.

Wha t i s l i f e l i ke fo r these k ids when we leave? Who pushes them to s tudy? Who i s g i v ing them the a t ten t ion and love they so despera te l y need and deser ve?

The D i rec to r and the teachers a re here , bu t how much can they rea l l y p rov ide? The D i rec to r i s busy tak ing care o f the o rphanage as a who le . The teachers a re mos t l y ass igned to tak ing care o f the hand icapped k ids . Th is l eaves the res t o f the k ids , k ids l i ke Hunte r, a lone .

I t e l l Hunte r to s tudy Eng l i sh ever y n igh t . I w ish I cou ld exp la in myse l f .

He takes me to h is room, pu l l s open h is d rawer, and pu l l s ou t the robo t keycha in I gave h im las t year. I t i s t ime to say goodbye . He hands me a le t te r f o lded up l i ke o r igami . I t i s wr i t ten in Korean . He must have asked Grace , one o f our t rans la to rs , f o r he lp s ince she knows Ch inese and Korean . I t says , “Spencer. A l though the t ime we had toge ther here was shor t , you have taught me a lo t . I th ink I w i l l m iss you a lo t when you leave , teacher. I rea l l y hope tha t you can come back nex t year. Hunte r. ” Summer o f 2010

What i s go ing on?Hunte r, a long w i th mos t o f the o ther k ids , i s so much b igger than las t year. They look so much o lder. Growth spur ts . I can ’ t be l i eve how much Hunte r has g rown in a year. H is ha i r i s s t i l l l ong . He i s twe lve now. He looks so much o lder.I t h i t s me tha t he i s g row ing , and he w i l l con t inue to g row.I t wor r ies me. He i s g row ing too fas t .

I l ea rn tha t h i s s tud ies have no t been improv ing .

Th is l ack o f e f fo r t seems to be a w idespread p rob lem among the k ids in the o rphanage. Dear God, no , p lease no . Hunte r needs to go to co l l ege . He needs to make i t th rough.

Eng l i sh t ime i s more advanced th i s year. I ’m teach ing h im a song, “Happy Day” by Tim Hughes . Go ing l i ne by l i ne , we go over the chorus o f the song. Then, we rec i te the l i nes , word fo r word . A f te r a few runs th rough the chorus , I tu rn on the mus ic and we s ing a long . S ing ing i s de f in i te l y no t Hunte r ’s f o r te , bu t i t i s a beaut i fu l sound nonethe less .

He s t i l l l oves the game S t i cks .I t ’s inc red ib le how many t imes in a row he can p lay i t and no t ge t bored .

I l ea rn tha t in Ch ina , f o r a s tudent to go f rom midd le schoo l to h igh schoo l , they need to take a tes t . I f they fa i l tha t tes t , then they a re re jec ted f rom a t tend ing h igh schoo l , un less they have money. Money i s power.

A l l the o lder k ids who had been prepar ing fo r th i s tes t l as t year fa i l ed . Some o f them were no longer a t the o rphanage. I don ’ t know where they went o r wha t they a re do ing . The idea o f these re la t i onsh ips be ing here one summer and gone the nex t i s scar y.

I f Hunte r does no t pass th i s exam, he w i l l mos t l i ke l y no t be go ing to h igh schoo l , wh ich means , he w i l l p robab l y no t be go ing to co l l ege . Tha t cannot , abso lu te l y cannot happen. Hunte r needs to make i t ou t o f here w i th good founda t ions . He needs to be equ ipped w i th the sk i l l s necessar y to se i ze the wor ld and make i t h i s .

I may on l y see Hunte r two weeks a year bu t , I wor r y about h im th roughout the year. I hope fo r the bes t .

I wor r y about Hunte r, bu t there i s a l so Gunther, Hong-hong, Yang-yang, Sam, Tommy, Mike , Teddy, Wa l te r, M imi , the l i s t goes on…

I go back ever y year to share l i f e w i th these k ids . To p rov ide f r i endsh ip and wha tever he lp I can dur ing those two weeks . When I ’m back in the S ta tes , I th ink about them. Are they do ing we l l i n schoo l? Are they l i s ten ing to the D i rec to r? Are they s ick? Are they lea rn ing? Are they hang ing ou t w i th good peop le? I hope so . I ea rnes t l y hope so . I p ray fo r them. I hope fo r them. When the go ing ge ts hard fo r me, I f i nd my s t reng th in the l i t t l e b ro thers and s i s te rs I have abroad . These k ids who have so l i t t l e have pushed me to expec t so much more ou t o f l i f e . As much as I l i ve fo r myse l f , I l i ve fo r them as we l l . They push me to d ream b ig , to l i ve bo ld l y, and to love bo ld l y.

And perhaps , somewhere down the l i ne , I ’ l l be ab le to d ream wi th them.

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ON THEIR OWN: SINGLE MOTHERS SPEAK

We were a l l wa i t ing in l i ne to c lock-ou t f rom a long day o f work ing re ta i l a t the c rowded ma l l on a F r iday n igh t . Sudden l y, someone ment ioned Car l y ’s* baby. “You have a baby? ! How o ld a re you?” We cou ld a l l hear the judgment in her vo ice . Even I fe l t angr y. Car l y ca lmly rep l i ed , “O ld enough.” Car l y i s e igh teen and has a f i ve month o ld son . She i s one o f the 9 .8 mi l l i on s ing le mothers in Amer ica today. The da i l y s t rugg les o f these women are la rge l y ignored . No one pays a t ten t ion to the reasons why they a re s ing le mothers , the dec is ions they face , the sacr i f i ces they a re fo rced to make. The l i f e o f a s ing le mother i s even more d i f f i cu l t when she i s younger than twenty- f i ve ( the average age fo r a woman to g i ve b i r th to her f i r s t ch i ld ) and i s s t i l l l ea rn ing and g rowing . These women do no t deser ve to be ignored . They do no t deser ve to be judged. They do no t deser ve to be demora l i zed and humi l i a ted . Here i s a se t o f snapshots f rom the l i ves o f f i ve women whose cha l lenges and d i f f i cu l t i es may p rompt us to pause be fo re we judge them.

HANNAH As we s i t i n her l i v ing room to d iscuss her f i r s t p regnancy, Hannah’s face reddens as she p repares to te l l he r s to r y. She tu rns to face me as she says , “ I m iscar r ied th ree o r f our t imes . The f i r s t t ime, I was s i x teen . I f ound ou t I was p regnant and I was too scared to te l l my dad and

my s tepmother. So I to ld my s teps is te r, who has a huge mouth , because I knew she wou ld te l l them. She to ld them and when I go t home, they f reaked ou t . They locked me in the house and took ou t a l l o f the phones so I cou ldn ’ t ca l l my mother o r the fa ther o f the baby. They were gonna send me to some teen p regnancy home.” Trea ted l i ke a p r i soner by her own fami l y, Hannah needed an escape . “ I asked to ca l l my aunt and they le t me, so I [went to l i ve w i th her ] . ” Un fo r tuna te l y, th i s change was no t much be t te r. Ever y adu l t i n her l i f e was t r y ing to make dec is ions fo r her. She fe l t power less . “ I ca l l ed [my boy f r i end ] once and was c r y ing and then [my aunt ] wou ldn ’ t l e t me ca l l h im anymore . I was a f ra id [my aunt ] wou ldn ’ t even le t me keep my baby because I wanted to move in w i th my boy f r i end . . . I was underage so she cou ld do wha tever she wanted to me. I had no con t ro l over any th ing . She cou ld say I wasn ’ t tak ing care o f my baby o r send me back to DSS.” No t on l y was Hannah ashamed, bu t she a lso d id no t even have con t ro l o f the s i tua t ion . Then unexpec ted l y, Hannah had a miscar r iage . “ I expec ted my l i f e to go in a d i f fe ren t d i rec t ion .” The p lan was fo r Hannah to d rop ou t o f h igh schoo l and ra i se her ch i ld w i th the he lp (o r more accura te l y, under the con t ro l o f ) he r aun t . Wi thou t the respons ib i l i t y o f motherhood, Hannah no longer needed to be dependent on her fami l y. She was ab le to f in i sh h igh

by Jaime Crowley (A&S 2011)

schoo l and rega in con t ro l o f her l i f e .

MARIA Mos t s to r ies do no t end l i ke Hannah’s , because the young women usua l l y do end up w i th a baby—and tha t means p lans must be made. Mar ia i s a n ine teen-year-o ld Domin ican-Amer ican g i r l , p regnant w i th a baby g i r l . Her p ro t rud ing s tomach looks l i ke i t i s about to pop . Ye t , she s t i l l has her usua l huge g r in on her face . When Mar ia ’s fami l y l ea rned about her p regnancy, they were “shocked and d isappo in ted ,” she admi ts , “Espec ia l l y because I ’m the on l y g i r l . ” Desp i te the i r d i sappo in tment , Mar ia ’s fami l y ag reed to he lp her in ra i s ing her daughte r. Wi th the i r he lp , Mar ia expec ts to f in i sh h igh schoo l th i s year and con t inue work ing par t - t ime. As fo r the baby ’s fa ther, “He ’s there and no t there a t the same t ime. I f tha t makes any sense . He ’s l i ke my uno f f i c ia l boy f r i end . He ’s f ine and he lps me ou t . He g i ves me money to go shopp ing . He p lans on be ing there because he had bad exper iences w i th h is fa ther and he wants to be there fo r h i s baby.” When I ask whether she fee ls judged, Mar ia says , “Nobody can say any th ing to me. They can ’ t because they know I ’m mature . They a l l had bab ies when they were s i x teen so they can ’ t say any th ing to me because I ’m n ine teen .” I n her subcu l tu re , where motherhood usua l l y comes c lose on the hee ls o f ea r l y ado lescence and where fami l y i s ava i l ab le to l end suppor t , Mar ia ’s s to r y doesn ’ t so much represen t a scanda l as i t does a way o f l i f e . I t wou ld be n ice to be l i eve tha t peop le d id no t judge Mar ia because they apprec ia te the cha l lenges she faces . Bu t even her fami l y i s d i sappo in ted tha t she d idn ’ t manage to b reak the cyc le .

LUCY

Few s ing le mothers ac tua l l y p lan to ra i se a ch i ld on the i r own. Today, a t twenty-seven years o f age , Lucy ’s l i f e w i th her daughte r i s f i na l l y on t rack . They have a home, Lucy i s the co-manager o f a woman’s c lo th ing s to re , and she has a lov ing f i ancé . Bu t i t was no t a lways th i s way. You wou ld never guess look ing a t her sma l l Cambod ian f rame tha t she had su f fe red so much in her l i f e . Lucy had ever y reason to expec t to have a fami l y w i th her daughte r ’s fa ther, bu t tha t i s no t wha t happened. She says , “ I don ’ t want any th ing f rom h im [o r ] to be invo l ved w i th h im. I don ’ t want h im to see her. I k ind o f fee l bad tha t he doesn ’ t see her. Bu t I don ’ t want her to be a round h im because when I was w i th h im, he was ve r y abus i ve . We le f t h im when she was two months o ld . He choked me when I was p regnant un t i l I was th row ing up b lood . And in the hosp i ta l , when she was on l y one day o ld , he choked me. She was r igh t nex t to me. He came in w i th beer and I to ld h im he cou ldn ’ t have beer in the hosp i ta l . ” Lucy ’s dec is ion to l eave her boy f r i end was p robab l y one tha t saved bo th her l i f e and the l i f e o f her daughte r.

Today Lucy says , “ [My daughte r ] ca l l s my [ f i ancé ] daddy because tha t ’s the on l y man she ’s known as a dad . He ’s the one tha t ’s d r i v ing us a round and f inanc ia l l y [he he lps us ] too . ” Fo r years , be fo re she met her f i ancé , Lucy had to ra i se her daughte r by herse l f . Even w i th a l l those years o f s t rugg l ing by herse l f , Lucy says a ch i ld “ i s wor th i t because they ’ re your company” .

NICKY

A f te r the p lan o f a t rad i t i ona l , nuc lear fami l y fa l l s th rough, a s ing le mother must f igure ou t how to hand le ever yday fami l y l i f e on her own. Wi th a seven-year-o ld daughte r and a four-year-o ld son , N icky i s perhaps the bus ies t s ing le mother tha t I spoke to . Exp la in ing a day in the l i f e , N icky says , “Wake up . My daughte r i s p re t t y independent , she ge ts herse l f d ressed . Ge t h im dressed . Pu t them on the bus . Go to work . Ge t home. Ge t her to do her homework . I have to te l l he r l i ke f i ve t imes because he messes w i th her and she messes w i th h im. He wa tches TV. I t r y to cook someth ing . We ea t d inner. I g i ve them a ba th and pu t them to bed a round 8 :30 o r 9 . ” Jus t descr ib ing a norma l day leaves N icky ou t o f b rea th . Usua l l y, he r ta l l , A f r i can-Amer ican body exudes con f idence and composure . Bu t s imp l y d i scuss ing motherhood leaves N icky fee l ing s t ressed . When asked who he lps her f inanc ia l l y, N icky rep l i es , “No one . Tha t ’s why I have two jobs . I ’m about to go to the cour ts th i s week so [my ex ] doesn ’ t g i ve me t roub le . ” She was in a re la t i onsh ip w i th the fa ther o f her two k ids fo r ten years . However, she says , “Me and my boy f r i end a l ready had p rob lems [be fo re the ch i ld ren a r r i ved ] . I t ’s been a rough ten years . A lways f igh t ing . I j us t had to move on .” N icky ’s ex does wa tch h is ch i ld ren on weekends somet imes , bu t h i s invo l vement i s no t cons is ten t . Wi thou t h im, N icky depends on her paren ts to babys i t wh i le she works on the weekends . When i t comes to da t ing , i t i s impor tan t to N icky to f ind someone who i s good to her k ids . She says , “ I ’m no t gonna be w i th someone who’s no t gonna t rea t my k ids l i ke he t rea ts me.” N icky, ta lk ing about her cur ren t boy f r i end says , “N ice . He rea l l y ca res about [my k ids ] . He ’ l l he lp my daughte r w i th her homework and p lay w i th my son . Occupy them wh i le I ’m cook ing .” Even w i th the boy f r i ends , N icky has been ra i s ing her ch i ld ren on her own. She says , “ [Motherhood’s ] na tu ra l , you ge t used to i t ” . Bu t hav ing a second ch i ld d id make th ings harder f o r N icky. “The second t ime I thought I was c razy. Wha t am I do ing hav ing a second k id?” Tak ing i t one day a t a t ime, N icky has been hand l ing a l l the respons ib i l i t i es and d i f f i cu l t i es o f be ing a s ing le mother.

33

When asked wha t peop le th ink about her be ing a s ing le mother, she says , “They a re p roud o f me, do ing i t on my own.”

CARLY

Car l y i s s t i l l wa i t ing fo r the k ind o f suppor t and apprec ia t ion tha t N icky has rece i ved .“Peop le be judg ing ,” she says , as we s i t on fo ld ing cha i rs in the d i r t y b reak room o f our re ta i l j ob , “They don ’ t say i t , bu t you can te l l they th ink i t . They judge and c r i t i c i ze peop le . When I was p regnant , I was fee l ing judged and embar rassed . Be fo re , I was so emot iona l . I wou ld c r y. ” The shame even ex tends to Car l y ’s fami l y. “ I ’m a f ra id to te l l the o ther s ide o f my fami l y in F lo r ida ,” she admi ts , “They s t i l l don ’ t rea l l y know.” However, Car l y has matured f rom her exper iences as a young, s ing le mother. Car l y exp la ins , “ I go t s t ronger. I t ’s my l i f e . I have to dea l w i th i t and the consequences .” She rea l i zes tha t no mat te r wha t peop le th ink , she i s a mother and tha t i s her own respons ib i l i t y. The dec is ion to keep the baby, however, was no t comple te l y her own. Tears began fo rming in Car l y ’s eyes as she to ld me, “ I was gonna ge t an abor t i on , bu t my mom doesn ’ t be l i eve in tha t . She to ld me to keep i t and she wou ld he lp me.” Car l y ’s mother d id keep her p romise , so Car l y cou ld f in i sh h igh schoo l and con t inue to work par t - t ime. On a norma l weekday, Car l y says , “ [My son ] s leeps w i th me, so a round s i x my mom takes h im downsta i rs and I ge t ready. Then I don ’ t see h im a l l day so I t r y to go home s t ra igh t . On weekdays when I work , I ba re l y see h im. When I ge t home I ’m mad t i red , bu t when I see h im I ge t exc i ted .” Perhaps w i thou t schoo l o r work , Car l y wou ld be ab le to be home w i th her son , bu t g i v ing up e i ther o f those i s no t an op t ion fo r Car l y. When I ask who suppor ts her son f inanc ia l l y, she answers , “Pre t t y much me because I ha te hav ing to ask fo r th ings .” Car l y says , “ [The fa ther ] buys d iapers and c lo thes somet imes . I ha te i t because I shou ldn ’ t have to ask .” As fo r schoo l , Car l y says , “Peop le to ld me to d rop ou t o r ge t my GED, bu t a GED means no th ing to me. I ’m s t i l l young. And I need to be a ro le mode l f o r my son .” The c r i t i c i sms tha t Car l y rece i ved rea l l y s tuck w i th her. “They to ld me, ‘How cou ld tha t happen?’” “Th ings happen.How can they judge me l i ke tha t?” she asks . She th inks tha t s tudents shou ld be taught no t to be so judgmenta l , espec ia l l y concern ing young paren ts . “We shou ld have someth ing a t my schoo l where peop le w i th k ids come ta lk to the s tudents . Some schoo ls have i t , bu t my schoo l doesn ’ t . I wou ld want to do tha t because peop le judge .” Car l y rea l i zes tha t she was no t fu l l y p repared to be a mother. “ I t s t i l l hasn ’ t sunk in tha t I ’m a mother. E igh teen

i s s t i l l young. I ’m s t i l l a ch i ld . A t home I s t i l l ac t l i ke a ch i ld , I ge t wha t I want . ” Even i f she sees herse l f as a ch i ld , Car l y i s adu l t enough to rea l i ze tha t her s i tua t ion cou ld be worse . “ I am lucky somewhat . My o ther f r i end , her baby ’s daddy i s no t a round. Her son i s two and he ’s never seen h is fa ther. ” Car l y may no t have a t rad i t i ona l fami l y, bu t her son ’s fa ther has no t comple te l y abandoned them, and fo r tha t , she fee ls lucky. “ I was in a re la t i onsh ip bu t then we found ou t [ tha t the re la t i onsh ip ] wasn ’ t go ing we l l . We s t i l l ge t a long , bu t we want our own space . We g rew up too qu ick . He sees the baby ever y weekend. We a l l ge t a long . We

t r y no t to pu t the baby in the midd le when we go ing a t i t [ a rgu ing ] . ” As we s tand to leave , Car l y opened her t iny a rms to hug me. She tears up aga in as she says , “Th is has been l i ke therapy fo r me.” I am shocked. Ever y weekend when I see Car l y a t work , she i s so t i red tha t her eyes a re b loodsho t . Ye t she never ta lks about a l l tha t she dea ls w i th . I d id no t expec t her to be so open w i th me. I t seems tha t a l l Car l y, Hannah, Mar ia , Lucy, and N icky wanted was fo r someone to l i s ten to the i r s to r ies , to va lue them as peop le in the i r own r igh t , w i thou t judg ing . *A l l names have been changed.

Amer ica ,L i s ten to the vo ice o f your ch i ld ren .

Thomas i s a four th g rader w i th a pass ion fo r d raw ing and car toon mons te rs . A lmos t ever y t ime I wa lk in to the Commonwea l th Tenants Assoc ia t ion he has a new drawing and exc i ted l y runs to p ick i t up to show me. The f i r s t t ime I saw h is a r twork , I was amazed by h is p rec is ion and a t ten t ion to de ta i l . I o f fe red to he lp h im w i th h is homework where-upon he took ou t h i s tex tbook and go t to work w i th no hes i ta t i on . “So do you know wha t you want to be when you g row up?” I asked when he was done . He pu t h i s head down, thought about i t f o r a few seconds and rep l i ed , “A f i re f igh te r ! ” w i th g rea t exc i tement . “Because they a re b rave and the i r j ob i s to save peop le . I want to save peop le . ” Wi th more p rob ing , he to ld me about a f i re tha t k i l l ed a re la t i ve , and when I asked h im wha t caused the f i re , he responded, “The bu i ld ing was jus t too o ld . ” He le t ou t a s igh and p roceeded to d raw a new mons te r on a b lank p iece o f paper.

* * *

L indsey i s an obser van t f our th g rader who spends a lo t o f her t ime wr i t i ng in her j ou rna l , wh ich i s covered w i th Winn ie the Pooh s t i ckers , p ink s ta rs and red hear ts . She i s a lways inves ted in wha tever she i s wr i t i ng , so you a re lucky i f you can ge t a word o r two ou t o f her. She a lso never a l l ows anyone to read her j ou rna l and keeps a lock on i t to ensure tha t ever y th ing she wr i tes in i t i s kep t

secre t .

Tuesday a f te rnoon she wro te has t i l y in her j ou rna l as i f someth ing impor tan t had happened tha t she had to ge t down be fo re she fo rgo t any spec i f i c de ta i l s . F in i shed , she s lammed i t shu t , pu t her l ock on i t , and d ropped i t i n to her backpack . I hur r ied over to ta lk to her be fo re the 3 p .m. “G i r l s ’ T ime” ac t i v i t i es tha t she wou ld no t dare miss . She tu rned to me as soon as I pu l l ed up a cha i r as i f she had expec ted my a r r i va l . “Hey, wha t do you wr i te about in your j ou rna l?” I i nqu i red . “Noth ing…jus t s tu f f ,” she answered . “What k ind o f s tu f f?” I asked . “Jus t th ings tha t happen th roughout my day. Or any th ing on my mind tha t I want to ge t o f f my mind . My teacher sa id i t ’s a good way to improve your wr i t i ng wh i le ge t t ing your thoughts down on paper. ” “ In te res t ing . I f i nd tha t keep ing a journa l i s a l so bene f i c ia l f o r me. Espec ia l l y when I need to re l i eve some s t ress ,” I responded. “Do you know tha t there a re many ways to incorpora te wr i t i ng in to a career?” I con t inued.

WHEN I GROW UPby Nicole Shirley (A&S 2012)

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“Yes ,” she rep l i ed . “ I want to be an au thor. Have you ever heard o f Amy Tan? She wro te The Joy Luck C lub . I read i t i n c lass th i s year. ” Be fo re I cou ld rep l y, she con t inued, “Her mom doesn ’ t speak good Eng l i sh . L ike my mother. My mother on l y speaks Span ish . Anyway, wr i t i ng he lped Amy Tan become be t te r a t speak ing and read ing Eng l i sh . I want to improve my Eng l i sh too . ” I pondered a response bu t she had a l ready s ta r ted aga in . “ I want to he lp my mother speak be t te r Eng l i sh too . I t ’s hard to do any th ing when you don ’ t speak good Eng l i sh . ” “L ike wha t?” I asked . “Uhm…l ike ge t a good job ,” she sa id immed ia te l y.

* * * Damien i s a shy f i f th g rader who ra re l y ta lks un less spoken to and spends most o f h i s t ime read ing . He i s one o f the few ch i ld ren who does h is work be fo re be ing to ld to and reads fo r over an hour ins tead o f the requ i red twenty minu tes . He i s a ve r y de te rmined s tudent andrece ives excep t iona l g rades fo r h i s hard work . S t i l l , he compla ins about how much he doesn ’ t l i ke h is schoo l . Dur ing snack t ime, he sa t a t the tab le bes ide me and minded h is bus iness as a l l o f the o ther ch i ld ren spoke , so I went up to h im to see wha t he fe l t h i s fu tu re he ld in s to re fo r h im. “H i Damien !” “Hey,” he responded back w i th ve r y l i t t l e en thus iasm. “What were you read ing over there?” I asked . “Char lo t te ’s Web,” he responded. “ I used to love tha t book when I was younger,” I sa id . “You know read ing i s impor tan t a t any s tage o f your l i f e ! ” “Yeah I know! My teacher Mr. Smi th used to te l l me tha t . ” “We l l wha t do you want to be when you g row up?” I asked . “ I want to be a teacher l i ke Mr. Smi th . He was the bes t teacher ever ! ” “How so?” I rep l i ed . “He made ever yone en joy lea rn ing . I l oved go ing to schoo l when I was in h i s c lass . Bu t my teachers now aren ’ t as good as h im. One o f them to ld the c lass , ‘ I don ’ t have to be here he lp ing you . I cou ld jus t s i t he re and s t i l l ge t pa id . ’ ” “So d id Mr. Smi th insp i re you to want to become a teacher?” I asked . “Yes . I want to change s tudents ’ l i ves and teach them to va lue educa t ion l i ke he taught me,” he responded. He f in i shed o f f h i s snack and went back to read ing .

* * * The Commonwea l th Tenants Assoc ia t ion ’s You th Prog ram works to e l im ina te i ssues o f pover t y, underemployment , a l ack o f pos i t i ve ro le mode ls , schoo l fa i lu re , and ear l y paren thood. The t ime tha t I have spent w i th these ch i ld ren as a tu to r as we l l as the ind i v idua l conversa t ions tha t I have had w i th my d i rec t mentee has opened my eyes to the rea l i t i es tha t these ch i ld ren face

and more spec i f i ca l l y wha t they perce i ve the i r fu tu res to be l i ke . The i r keen unders tand ing o f the wor ld a round them is mind-bogg l ing . Never have I met a g roup o f such g rown-up ch i ld ren w i th the menta l capac i t y to take on the wor ld . L i s ten ing to these s tudents sparked my in te res t in wha t they be l i eved the fu tu re he ld in s to re fo r them. Damien ’s remarks re f lec ted h is con f l i c ted perspec t i ve due to h i s idea l i s t i c bu t a l so rea l i s t i c unders tand ing o f h i s s i tua t ion . These ch i ld ren a re a p roduc t o f the c i t y ’s pub l i c schoo ls .

* * * B ianca i s an ou tspoken f i f th g rader who can usua l l y be found a rgu ing w i th someone o r co r rec t ing peop le when they a re wrong. She a lways s tands up fo r the ch i ld ren who ge t p icked on and i s f r i ends w i th a lmos t a l l the k ids a t the CTA. She can be a l i t t l e in t im ida t ing , even to someone tw ice her age . She demands respec t bu t a l so g i ves respec t where i t i s due . I went to the CTA ear l y one Monday as she i s usua l l y one o f the f i r s t s tudents to ge t there a f te r schoo l . As expec ted , she was s i t t i ng by herse l f , wa i t ing fo r her f r i ends to wa lk in . “H i N ico le ! ” she exc la imed soon as I wa lked in . I sa id he l l o back and immed ia te l y askedher i f she wou ld mind i f I i n te r v iewed her. “What f o r?” she asked. I exp la ined tha t I was wr i t i ng about wha t the s tudents a t the CTA asp i re to be when they g row up . “Sure ,” she rep l i ed . “So wha t do you want to be when you g row up?” I asked . “ I want to be a lawyer. I l i ke to deba te . And my mother sa id tha t i f I go to l aw schoo l , I ’ l lmake a lo t o f money. I want to be ab le to suppor t my fami l y when I ge t o lder. ” “ I s there any th ing e lse tha t makes you want to pursue a career in l aw o ther than your l i k ing to deba te?” I asked . “ “We l l yes . My cous in V ick i to ld me tha t in o rder to conquer soc ia l i n jus t i ce , you have to change the sys tems in p lace…you have to change the law. She go t a fu l l scho la rsh ip to a board ing schoo l and sa id tha t her educa t ion there was a lo t be t te r than the one she rece i ved a t home. I don ’ t th ink i t ’s fa i r tha t some s tudents ge t to go to g rea t schoo ls because they can a f fo rd i t bu t o thers s tudents can ’ t . I f I became a lawyer, I cou ld work towards chang ing tha t . I wanted to go to p r i va te schoo l , bu t I cou ldn ’ t . And I th ink ever yone shou ld have equa l oppor tun i t i es in Amer ica . I f peop le were g i ven the same oppor tun i t i es , the re wou ldn ’ t be as much pover t y and uneduca ted peop le . I t j us t i sn ’ t fa i r. ” “We l l , I th ink you ’d be a g rea t l awyer. And you ’ re r igh t . There a re a lo t o f th ings tha t need to change in our soc ie ty,” I sa id . “ I j us t hope tha t I can be a par t o f tha t change,” she responded. Ryan sees ano ther s ide o f th i s hard rea l i t y. He i s a th i rd g rade boy who o f ten i s seen danc ing a round the CTA and loves to make peop le laugh. He a lways has a knock-knock joke o r some s i l l y r idd le ready fo r me. He ’s a charming k id and a lways seems to be in an up l i f ted mood.

Monday a f te rnoon a f te r he shared one o f h i s r idd les w i th me, I t o ld h im he shou ld be a comed ian when he g rew up . He shook h is head no and sa id , “ I ’m go ing to be a doc to r ! ” “Why do you want to be a doc to r?” I asked . “My mother i s a lways s ick . She has d iabe tes . Bu t she hasn ’ t been ab le to see a doc to r. I want her to be sa fe and l i ve long . D iabe tes runs in my fami l y, and I ’m scared I m igh t ge t i t t oo . Bu t I ’m no t wor r ied about me. I ’m more wor r ied about her. I want her to s tay hea l thy. And I want to become a doc to r so I can t rea t her and he lp her s tay hea l thy. I a l so want to p ro tec t my s i s te r and b ro ther f rom ge t t ing d iabe tes . ” “We l l , I th ink pursu ing a career in med ic ine i s a g rea t idea ! You can he lp your fami l y, the communi t y, and the wor ld a t l a rge .” “ I know. And I want to he lp take care o f my s ick f r i ends a t the CTA and a t schoo l . I f ee ll i ke someone’s a lways s ick . I t ’s no t good fo r germs to spread l i ke tha t . ” “How o f ten do you go to the doc to r?” I asked h im. “My mom a lways te l l s me I don ’ t go as o f ten as I need to and tha t i t ’s no t good fo r my hea l th . ” “We l l , i n the meant ime, there a re some th ings you can do to s tay hea l thy l i ke d r ink a lo to f wa te r, ea t hea l thy foods l i ke f ru i t and vege tab les , and ge t a good amount o f res t . ” “ I know, bu t some th ings , no mat te r how hea l thy you a re , you can ’ t p reven t . And somet imes there ’s no one to take care o f you . L ike my mother. She ’s been s ick fo r a l ong t ime, and she t r i es to take care o f herse l f , bu t she s t i l l needs to see a doc to r. I w ish she cou ld . ” L ike Ryan , Theresa ’s long ing fo r her mother in f luences the way she env is ions her fu tu re . Theresa i s an ex t reme ly a t ten t i ve th i rd g rader who asks a lo t o f ques t ions so I knew she wou ldn ’ t m ind ta lk ing to me about where she env is ioned herse l f be ing in her adu l t l i f e . Tuesday a f te rnoon she and I p layed four rounds o f Connec t Four be fo re I asked her, “So wha t do you want to be when you g row up?” “A che f ! ” she rep l i ed w i th exc i tement . “ I l ove to he lp my g randma cook !” she f in i shed w i th a b ig smi le on her face . “We l l wha t k inds o f th ings do you he lp your g randmother make?” I asked . “Ar roz con po l l o , baca lao…” she hes i ta ted fo r a moment . “And some o ther s tu f f I can ’ t remember r igh t now.” “Do you ever he lp your mother cook?” I i nqu i red . “No . I don ’ t l i ve w i th my mother. I on l y see her somet imes . The on l y t ime I he lp her cook i s on Thanksg iv ing Day,” she sa id . “Thanksg iv ing i s my favor i te ho l iday ! ” I exc la imed. “Mine too !” she ag reed . “ I t ’s the on l y t ime my who le fami l y ge ts toge ther and I ge t to see my mommy…tha t ’s why I want to be a che f . . . so I can make b ig mea ls fo r the who le fami l y to come toge ther. ” “Tha t ’s a g rea t idea ,” I t o ld her, and we s ta r ted to p lay a f i f th round o f Connec t Four.

* * * F ina l l y, the re ’s Kenneth , w i th h is b ig , genu ine hear t , bo rn o f hard exper iences . Kenneth i s a b ig f i f th g rader who comes to the CTA ever y s ing le day dur ing the week . He to ld me once tha t he l i kes be ing there more than he does be ing a t home because there ’s a lo t more to do and he a lso ge ts to spend t ime w i th h is f r i ends . He i s ve r y mature fo r h i s age and doesn ’ t g i ve anyone a hard t ime. He a lso w i l l t a l k about a lmos t any th ing to anyone and s ta r t up a conversa t ion w i th you i f you ’ re s i t t i ng by yourse l f . I hadn’ t in tended on in te r v iew ing h im, bu t he wa lked up to me on Monday and to ld me he wanted me to in te r v iew h im too . So I d id . “So wha t do you want to be when you g row up?” I asked h im. “ I want to be a po l i ce o f f i ce r,” he answered back . “And why ’s tha t?” I asked . “Because I want to p ro tec t innocent peop le f rom dy ing . I used to l i ve in Roxbur y, bu t my mom sa id we had to move because innocent peop le were a lways ge t t ing invo l ved in s t ree t v io lence . A lo t o f peop le in my fami l y knew some guys who go t sho t because they were a t thewrong p lace a t the wrong t ime. I th ink someth ing needs to be done to change tha t . Bu t the cops don ’ t rea l l y ca re about peop le in Roxbur y because they assume you ’ re up to no good. I f I became a cop , I wou ld do my bes t to p ro tec t ever yone and t r y to b r ing the communi t y toge ther. I f I were to be a cop , I cou ld be a good ro le mode l to a l l o f the k ids who don ’ t have anyone to look up to . And I have fami l y and f r i ends in Roxbur y so they wou ld a l l respec t me and know tha t I was there to he lp them and no t hur t them. My mother sa id someone needs to do someth ing now to he lp the communi t y be fo re i t ge ts worse . I want to be tha t person to s tep up and do someth ing .” “Po l i ce o f f i ce rs de f in i te l y have an honorab le job , bu t there i s a l so a lo t o f r i sk invo l ved ,” I sa id . “Yeah, bu t I ’m w i l l i ng to r i sk my l i f e to save someone e lse ’s ,” he rep l i ed .

* * * The s tudents who go to the CTA come f rom fami l i es tha t a re immig ran ts , uneduca ted ,unemployed , a lcoho l i cs o r d rug add ic ts . Desp i te these harsh rea l i t i es , these sma l l ch i ld ren rema in op t im is t i c about a l l the fu tu re ho lds in s to re fo r them. The Commonwea l th Hous ing Deve lopment he lps them hang on to the i r d reams. I t makes me wonder how we can work as a soc ie ty to ensure tha t the i r d reams are rea l i zed and ac tua l i zed . Maybe tha t ’s where we g row up .

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I began my f i r s t p lacement in the PULSE prog ram a t the As ian Amer ican C iv ic Assoc ia t ion in Bos ton ’s Ch ina town. Look ing back a t one o f the en t r ies in my PULSE re f lec t ion journa l I no t i ced tha t I s te reo type the woman I am work ing w i th . I v iew her as weak ; I am ashamed o f her. Why? Because she i s an immig ran t . She i s one o f those nameless , face less , word less peop le whom the S ta tue o f L iber t y supposed l y we lcomes w i th w ide-open wh i te a rms. She cannot speak Eng l i sh- she does no t know how to be coo l in the Weste rn sense ; ever y th ing she does seems exaggera ted o r ou t o f con tex t , as i f he r body and b ra in a re no t in synch . I j udge her. I j udge her because she i s Ch inese and because she i s As ian . I j udge her because she seems so uncoo l , and i t makes me want to l ook down upon her and v iew her as someth ing less than she ought to be . I j udge her because she represen ts wha t I have s t rugg led aga ins t my en t i re l i f e ; the aber ra t ion o f be ing a sp lo tch o f unga in l y ye l l ow pa in t on an enormous wh i te canvas . She reminds me o f my paren ts who cannot o rder a t a Burger K ing d r i ve th ru o r unders tand wha t te lemarke te rs a re say ing . She reminds me o f the lone As ian boy wa lk ing home f rom schoo l be ing h i t by a s lush ie tha t f l i es ou t o f a pass ing car fu l l o f j ee r ing , non-As ian boys . She reminds me o f how weak I can be , and i t f r i gh tens me. Ever y t ime I wa lk the damned s t ree ts o f Ch ina town and see the shu f f l i ng and squ in t ing eyes and sme l l the f r y ing o i l and hear the shor t , qu ick “Yes” “What?” “No thank you” “Ok” , i t makes me acu te l y aware o f how my pas t , race , e thn ic i t y, and b lood have made me who I am today. I see non-As ian peop le g i ve inc red ib l y d i r t y l ooks to the Ch inese as they ta lk l oud l y in the i r na t i ve tongue. They nar row the i r eyes and cur l the i r l i ps w i th d isda in , and I can a lmos t hear them ye l l i ng , “SPEAK ENGL ISH!” I see the s t rugg les tha t immig ran ts have to face when they come to th i s f o re ign p romised land o f m i l k and honey. How w i l l they ge t a j ob when they cannot f i l l ou t a s imp le ques t ionna i re in a language so a l i en to them? How wi l l they know how to f i l l ou t we l fa re fo rms fo r themse lves and ge t reduced lunches fo r the i r ch i ld ren? How wi l l they know tha t they have in t r ins ic d ign i t y and can l i f t the i r heads up H IGH when they ta lk in pub l i c? They won’ t . They don ’ t . We au tomat ica l l y accept a ro le o f ex t reme meekness and de fe rence because o f the Confuc ian p r inc ip les we car r y over f rom the mother land . Th is a t t i tude i s re in fo rced and expounded by be ing in a fo re ign count r y where we do no t speak the language. In no way am I say ing tha t the ma jo r i t y o f Amer icans a re p re jud iced . Bu t there a re enough fo r me to no t i ce . Tha t i s fa r too many. I guess the in jus t i ces here a re twofo ld- one c lea re r than the o ther. The f i r s t i n jus t i ce i s the v iew ing o f immig ran t As ian Amer icans as 2nd ra te because o f the i r i nab i l i t y to speak Eng l i sh . I rea l i ze th i s a r i ses f rom ignorance and a lack o f exposure to d i f fe ren t peop les , bu t there i s no excuse fo r c rue l t y and in jus t i ce . The o ther in jus t i ce , s l i gh t l y g raver, i s my buy ing in to the f i r s t v iew. Le t ’s go back to the p resen t . She s i t s there , no t speak ing , no t l ook ing , and occas iona l l y tw i tch ing . I want to g rab a ho ld o f her and shake her and te l l he r to s top IT. By IT I mean be ing t im id and power less . I want to te l l he r she doesn ’ t have to be ashamed. Bu t how can I te l l he r tha t when I am the one who i s mos t ashamed? How can I te l l he r tha t when I am the one who i s l eas t con f iden t in myse l f? She has a reason fo r th i s t im id i t y ; I do no t . And in the mids t o f th i s se l f - re f lec t ion I thought to myse l f how much happ ie r I wou ld ’ve been fo r the las t 19 years i f I j us t rea l i zed how good i t was to be ME. I f I rea l i zed tha t God c rea ted a l l men equa l l y and wonder fu l l y ; i f I rea l i zed a l l peop le have in t r ins ic wor th tha t cannot ever be de te rmined by any ou ts ide fac to r ; i f I rea l i zed tha t be ing As ian i s someth ing beaut i fu l and power fu l ; then , w i th those rea l i za t ions , I cou ld have in i t i a l l y v iewed th i s woman in f ron t o f me as a human be ing . AACA i s run by many Caucas ian and As ian vo lun teers and workers who ded ica te the i r l i ves to improv ing the lo t o f the i r fe l l ow human be ings , no t f o r some reward o r pay bu t ra ther jus t because they a re human and deser ve to have d ign i f i ed l i ves . And f ina l l y I rea l i ze . By g i v ing o thers wor th , I f i nd mine .

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Read ing words about someone’s own exper iences i s much more power fu l than read ing those o f a spec ta to r. Rea l emot ion i s hard to t rans la te in to words when i t i s no t your own. B ig words a ren ’ t e f fec t i ve i f they don ’ t cap tu re the essence o f the moment . Wi th tha t in mind , I t r i ed to ge t an in te r v iew w i th a recover ing d rug-add ic t f rom my PULSE p lacement . I wanted to show peop le the s t ress and advers i t y faced on the journey to sobr ie t y. I wanted to ge t in con tac t w i th them and ge t a f i r s t -hand account o f a success s to r y, a fee l -good, happy-end ing fa i r y - ta le . I wanted to hear the i r own ta les o f hero ism, courage , g race and res i l i ence ; a l l the qua l i t i es I saw las t year wh i le vo lun teer ing a t a sober-house in Dorches te r. There were more than 200 women who came and went dur ing the course o f the year. I had a few par t i cu la rs in mind . There were about seven tha t s tood above the res t . The i r f r i end l iness was spec ia l , the i r fu tu res were b r igh t , and the i r s to r ies were appea l ing . When I re tu rned to con t inue my work th i s year, my super v i so r, Joe , was s t i l l the re . So were a l l o f h i s counse lo rs and the house ma in tenance workers . Bu t when I asked fo r Ka te , Tor y, and and Ka th leen , none were “ava i l ab le fo r con tac t” . Bas ica l l y, none o f them were s t i l l c lean . Wha t was the purpose o f my ser v ice las t year?

I knew tha t the house in wh ich I worked was success fu l . So why was there no th ing to show fo r i t ? I was so con f iden t in the sobr ie t y o f these women when they g radua ted the p rog ram las t year. How had i t gone wrong? Ka te had two s t in ts a t The Shepherd House , one in Oc tober o f 2009, and the second in Apr i l o f 2010. Un l i ke the res t o f the women who reappear a t the house , her re tu rn was no t a resu l t o f a re lapse . Ka te had had an i ssue w i th hous ing pos t -comple t ion and had asked to s tay fo r a coup le weeks . Ka te cou ld no t a f fo rd ren t o f the apar tment she wanted , so she p lanned to s tay un t i l she found ano ther p lace . The s ta f f o f the house adored her, and fo r good reason . Ka te was jus t as much a mento r to the o ther women as the counse lo rs were . A lways ca lm, coo l and co l l ec ted , she was the f i r s t person to reach ou t and in t roduce herse l f to a new res iden t . No susp ic ion , no resen tment , and no ma l i ce ; jus t k indness . She had someth ing tha t was miss ing w i th a lo t o f the o ther c l i en ts : the ab i l i t y to b lock ou t the bad . Her d i sab i l i t y check f rom the we l fa re o f f i ce must have been cu t o f f a t l eas t tw ice , bu t she was ca lm enough to f ind a way to f i x the p rob lem. Tha t Ka te tha t I speak o f ; the ta len ted , ange l i c Ka te , was “unava i lab le to speak .” My super v i so r was d is tu rb ing l y vague w i th h is response . I knew i t wasn ’ t good news because i t pa ined h im to te l l me. I wanted to assume the bes t , bu t i f she was s t i l l on the r igh t t rack , she wou ld have been the obv ious in te r v iew. I knew tha t . So d id my super v i so r. A few weeks la te r, a s ta f f member to ld me la te r about her re lapse . The de ta i l s a ren ’ t un ique ; Ka te re tu rned

UNAVAILABLEby Thomas Belton (A&S 2013)

“I knew that the house in which I worked was successful. So why was there no one to show for it? I was so confident in the sobriety of these women when they graduated the

program last year. How had it gone wrong?”

39

to the house and was on severe med ica t ion because o f back surger y she had rece i ved a few months ear l i e r. She s ta r ted abus ing her med ica t ion , un t i l s ta f f , desp i te how much i t pa ined them, had to ask her to l eave . Ka th leen was ano ther obv ious cho ice . She rea l l y educa ted me about the many under l y ing i ssues tha t add ic ted women face . She had been on d rugs s ince ado lescence . Now an ag ing woman who looked decades o lder than her years , Ka th leen had ga ined a sense o f w isdom. Ever y t ime a p rob lem arose w i th one o f her peers , Ka th leen was sure to have some inpu t f rom a book on recover y. She was a lso a car ing f r i end . She d id the n ices t th ing anyone ever d id fo r me a t tha t house . Ha l loween weekend, a f te r one o f my f r i end ’s dads d ied sudden l y, I a r r i ved a t the Shepherd House . Immed ia te l y she knew I was d is t raught . A f te r p r y ing the sad news ou t o f me, she l imped ups ta i rs w i th her cane and re tu rned a coup le minu tes la te r w i th a p rayer book . She gave i t to me to ma i l to my f r i end , exp la in ing tha t i t was such a he lp ge t t ing her th rough the dea th o f her son . Th is i s Ka th leen , th rough and th rough. Desp i te the fac t tha t I was “he lp ing” her, she le f t a l as t ing impress ion on me. Se l f i sh l y, I was sad when she “g radua ted” f rom the p rog ram, because I wou ld no longer see her and wa tch her p rog ress . Apparen t l y her p rog ress was impeded. I f the nega t i ve response f rom my super v i so r about Ka te was surpr i s ing , th i s was unse t t l i ng . I have ye t to hear f rom her. I hope fo r the bes t , bu t cannot he lp bu t wor r y. The on l y pos i t i ve I took away f rom my super v i so r ’s imprec ise answer was tha t i f he r news was rea l l y bad , t rag ica l l y bad , he wou ld have fe l t ob l iga ted to te l l me. I f she was dead, he wou ld have in fo rmed me. Tor y was a lso on the shor t - l i s t . She was energe t i c and impress i ve dur ing her recover y. The four- to-s i x -month inpa t ien t p rog ram is no t the t ype o f schedu le to make peop le joyous , bu t she seemed re l i eved to check herse l f i n . Maybe i t was because o f her p romise to her husband. He enro l l ed a t a s im i la r p rog ram to ge t c lean . They bo th p romised to recover toge ther, and s ta r t a new l i f e a f te r comple t ion . See ing them in ac t ion a t an annua l d inner o f recover ing add ic ts was ve r y touch ing . She was a spark-p lug . Tor y cou ld ge t energy ou t o f the most l e tharg ic c l i en ts . She was unava i l ab le fo r con tac t as we l l . Un fo r tuna te l y, i n her case the de ta i l s o f th i s s to r y a re pa in fu l l y c lea r : Tor y ’s dead. Her husband s t rang led her. I t ’s hard to imag ine . I know my eyes d idn ’ t dece ive me; the i r happ iness tha t n igh t was rea l . Now i t i s no more . I n i t i a l l y I thought tha t my en t i re work f rom las t year was wor th less . I f I can ’ t con tac t one woman I met , then how can i t no t be? For s ta r te rs , I th ink tha t I went in w i th expec ta t ions tha t were too h igh . Accord ing to Ad i Ja f fe , a l ead ing researcher in subs tance abuse a t UCLA, the success o f overcoming add ic t ion w i th p roper t rea tment i s we l l under 25%. Many o f those success s to r ies re lapse be fo re s tay ing c lean . I t i s ra re fo r someone to overcoming add ic t ion w i thou t re laps ing . The p rob lem is I hones t l y thought tha t I was go ing to vo lun teer f o r a p rog ram tw ice a week and so l ve ever y th ing . I was d isappo in ted tha t I d id no t succeed w i th any o f these women, bu t I ’d l i ke to hope tha t I had made an impac t tha t w i l l he lp them wi th fu tu re endeavors . We’ re a l l works in p rog ress , p romis ing to do be t te r nex t t ime. The mer i t s o f se r v ice i s no t gauged by a success ra te . I t s essence i s no t cap tu red by a s ta t . Mos t impor tan t l y, se r v ice i s no t about g i v ing up . I t i s g rave l y d i sappo in t ing tha t these women were unab le to ma in ta in sobr ie t y, espec ia l l y when they g radua ted the p rog ram on such a h igh-no te , bu t the i r subsequent se t -backs shou ld no t re f l ec t poor l y on the sober house p rog ram. The se tbacks do no t nega te wha t we accompl i shed toge ther. I spen t a l l o f l as t year, bu i ld ing and improv ing re la t i onsh ips w i th more than 200 women s t rugg l ing w i th add ic t ion . We made prog ress toge ther ; they he lped me lea rn and I t r i ed to l i s ten to the i r p rob lems. I can hones t l y say tha t my ser v ice there has made a concre te d i f fe rence in my l i f e , so I was d isappo in ted to no t see read i l y apparen t resu l t s . I f the re i s one th ing tha t I l ea rned f rom my ser v ice las t year, i t ’s tha t the women I met have the res i l i ence to keep t r y ing , and they have the ab i l i t y to ge t c lean…even i f i t m igh t take more than one t r y.

*A l l names have been changed

S t range l y enough, as I pee l back the layers o f my ch i ldhood, there i s one scene in par t i cu la r tha t per vades my memor y. I t i s ne i ther po ignant nor symbo l i c . Jus t a sn ippe t tha t I can remember qu i te v i v id l y. I am about e igh t years o ld , my s tomach pressed f l a t aga ins t the d i r t y l i no leum f loo r, mos t l i ke l y busy read ing a s to r y about a fa ther and son who br i l l i an t l y thwar t a fou l , wea l thy man o r d rawing a p ic tu re o f a ten-s to r y house . Out o f the corner o f my eye , I no t i ced a huge bug c rawl ing i t s way across the f l oo r towards the shade o f the o ld wooden tab le . I t was a cockroach and i t had a cur ious lump a t tached to i t s rear end , an egg sac ! The sac took up about ha l f the s i ze o f the mother cockroach . I wondered how she was ab le to ca r r y such a burden. As soon as she reached the comfor t ing darkness o f the shade, she d ropped the egg sac and in a f l ash –hundreds o f t i ny baby roaches emerged! A l though I cou ld bare l y tea r my eyes f rom the rap id l y g row ing and expand ing mass , I l ooked to see where the mother had gone . She had d ragged her body a few inches away f rom her egg sac and was mot ion less , her body c rumpled and con to r ted . I thought , how un fa i r tha t the mother had to d ie so tha t her ch i ld ren cou ld l i ve . Even a t tha t young s tage , I rea l i zed : L i fe i s un fa i r.

A Not-So American Dream When I was younger, I asked my mom how she and my fa ther met and fe l l i n l ove . She was busy as

usua l and no t to be bo thered , bu t I was pers i s ten t w i th my ques t ions . A f te r my b i l l i on th ques t ion , she s topped and looked a t me w i th eyes tha t cou ld ho ld a l l o f the laughte r in the wor ld and s t i l l… there was a lways a t inge o f sad long ing ; i t was as i f she su f fe red f rom the chron ic d i sease known as reg re t , wh ich may lay dormant in the sou l f o r qu i te some t ime, perhaps even years , bu t wh ich , w i th the nosy p rodd ing o f a ch i ld , can be t r iggered in to pa in fu l ac t i v i t y. To my ch i ld l i ke na ï ve té , I wanted despera te l y to hear a romant ic s to r y o f the i r sweep ing cour tsh ip and pass iona te un ion . I ns tead , wha t I heard was an un fo r tuna te s to r y about a young woman’s c rushed dreams. My mom has a lways been an independent f ree-sp i r i t . As a l i t t l e g i r l , she was ab le to escape the bus t l i ng a tmosphere o f redeve lopment Sou th Korea by p lung ing herse l f i n to wes te rn nove ls and mov ies . Throughout her you th , she fash ioned a ra ther romant ic image o f the wes t , par t i cu la r l y Amer ica , as a l im i t l ess p la t fo rm o f oppor tun i t i es where d reams were eas i l y sowed and reaped. She found her home count r y to be too s t i f l i ng and paroch ia l , no t a t a l l the idea l env i ronment fo r a p rog ress i ve-minded woman. I t was se t t l ed : She wou ld have to f ind some way to even tua l l y move to the S ta tes . Her d ream wou ld soon become rea l i zed when a t the age o f 18, she mar r ied my fa ther. He was handsome, ou tgo ing and, wors t o f a l l , a smooth ta lke r. Used-car-sa lesman smooth . He lav i shed her w i th g i f t s and sweet-no th ings and a year l a te r, my mother gave b i r th to my

ANTHEM FOR MY MOTHER

by Jennifer Woo (CSOM 2011)

41

o ldes t s i s te r. One n igh t , as she was c rad l ing a s lumber ing baby in her a rms, my fa ther barged th rough the door, h i s c lo thes heavy w i th the scen t o f wh iskey and c igare t tes . He looked a t her and asked, in h i s mi l k -and-honey-coa ted vo ice , where her purse was . He had los t a l o t o f money in a round o f poker and thought he cou ld w in i t back , bu t he needed more cash . When she f l a t l y re fused to g i ve h im any, he cursed and shouted a t her. There was no mi lk and honey in h i s vo ice th i s t ime. My s i s te r, s t i l l i n my mother ’s a rms, heard a l l o f the ruckus coming f rom my fa ther and began to wa i l and th rash about w i ld l y. My mom, d ra ined o f any energy, f i na l l y re len ted and gave h im a l l o f the money in her purse , wh ich she had p lanned on us ing to buy the week ’s g rocer ies . Whenever my mom conf ron ted h im about h i s need to gamble , he mere l y b rushed her as ide , in fo rming

her tha t i t was an innocent rec rea t ion . Ano ther year passed and my fa ther ’s gambl ing add ic t ion became worse . She dec ided tha t enough was enough and to ld h im tha t she was leav ing h im and tak ing the i r daughte r w i th her. Despera te , he lu red her back in to h is t rap w i th a mar ve lous p lan to move to Amer ica , the land o f new beg inn ings . She succumbed to h is g lossy sweet vo ice and they embarked on the i r j ou rney. Hav ing l i t t l e money, they se t t l ed in P ioneer C i t y, a poor and rough suburban ne ighborhood near Ba l t imore . The apar tments were so c rammed toge ther tha t i t c rea ted an uncomfor tab le , su f foca t ing sensa t ion , wh ich no doubt had made an impac t on the da i l y l i ves o f i t s res iden ts . As soon as they were se t t l ed in the i r new home, my mom dec ided tha t she needed to enro l l i n ESL c lasses . My dad qu ick l y squashed tha t idea . Any th ing tha t wou ld d imin ish her dependence on h im and inc rease her mob i l i t y was fo rb idden. I t wou ld take a fu l l f i ve years fo r h im to f ina l l y a l l ow her to even ge t a d r i ve r ’s l i cense , and tha t was on l y because she needed to ge t to her j ob as a shor t -o rder cook a t a ca r r you t to b r ing in ex t ra money fo r the fami l y. My mom worked cease less l y dur ing tha t t ime. Out o f the 365 days there a re in a year, my fa ther spent 265 a t the cas inos in A t lan t i c C i t y. On the ra re occas ions he d id come home, he ’d d raw the cur ta ins and fa l l as leep un t i l he was re juvena ted enough to once aga in que l l h i s insa t iab le appe t i te . A l l o f th i s w i thou t a t race o f remorse o r murmur o f apo logy. My mother worked so hard and endured so much su f fe r ing to suppor t us in h i s absence tha t I t ru l y be l i eve she los t a l i t t l e b i t o f her co re se l f , the par t o f her tha t once d reamed o f l i v ing an idea l l i f e in

Amer ica . A f te r two years in the i r new home, she and my fa ther had me. She wanted so bad l y to move her fami l y in to a rea l house in a c lean ne ighborhood in wh ich d rugs and v io lence weren ’ t so p reva len t , bu t she had no cho ice bu t to s tay. We s imp l y cou ldn ’ t a f f o rd i t , espec ia l l y no t a t the ra te a t wh ich my fa ther was los ing money p lay ing h is favor i te games, B lack jack and Texas Ho ld ’Em. I t seemed the longer he l i ved in Amer ica , the worse h is gambl ing add ic t ion became. The Amer ican cas inos were jus t too much o f a tempta t ion , espec ia l l y f o r an immig ran t l i ke my fa ther who never saw any th ing tha t came c lose to the i r g randeur when he l i ved and gambled in Korea . He fe l l and he fe l l ha rd , l os ing s t reams o f cash , a lways w i th the menta l i t y tha t he cou ld w in i t a l l back and then some. Tha t was ra re l y the case and in the end , h i s l i f e became a t ragedy. We s tayed in P ioneer C i t y f o r ano ther decade o r so , dur ing wh ich , my mom became pregnant w i th her l as t ch i ld , Sarah . My mom’s wors t memor ies o f my fa ther a re when she was p regnant w i th my l i t t l e s i s te r. A month be fo re she was due to g i ve b i r th , my mom became f ran t i c w i th wor r y because my fa ther had empt ied ou t the i r en t i re bank account and had been gone fo r over a week . She dec ided to t rack h im down in o rder to sa l vage any money tha t hadn’ t a l ready been los t to the cas inos . She tucked my o lder s i s te r and me in the car and we made the four-hour r ide to A t lan t i c C i t y. The on l y p rob lem was tha t she had never been to New Jersey be fo re and cou ldn ’ t read the road s igns . She made my ten year o ld s i s te r read them and somehow, we sa fe l y made i t to the gambl ing cap i ta l o f the Eas t Coas t . She was ab le to f ind my fa ther and d iscovered tha t he had , thank fu l l y, no t squandered a l l o f our money. Th is was the l i f e tha t my mom led . She was the t igh t rope wa lker in a never-end ing ba lanc ing ac t . My fa ther was the uns toppab le gus t o f w ind tha t near l y pushed her o f f the p recar ious w i re many t imes .

Bad Memor( ies)y Even now, i t ’s d i f f i cu l t f o r me to remember a lo t f rom my ch i ldhood. I on l y have vague, fuzzy reco l l ec t ions and they a ren ’ t p leasan t ones . I can eas i l y remember the perpe tua l f i gh ts my mom and fa ther go t in to . I remember the sc reaming and the curs ing , the end less s leep less n igh ts . I remember my s i s te rs and I a lways be ing a f ra id o f how the f igh t wou ld end . Perhaps I have an inheren t l y bad sense o f memor y o r I don ’ t want to remember because i t ’s jus t too pa in fu l . Fo r now, one way tha t I ’ ve been ab le to augment my memor y i s by ask ing my mom spec i f i c ques t ions , a p rocess tha t I know i s pa in fu l f o r her too .

Barr iers Those tumul tuous fami l y t imes on l y se r ved to compound the bar r ie rs I f e l t were a t work in my l i f e , o f ten leav ing me in a d ra in ing s ta te o f hyper-consc iousness . Home was a cons tan t source o f anx ie ty. The on l y p lace I fe l t some sor t o f s tab i l i t y was a t schoo l and even i t fa i l ed me somet imes . As a shy, As ian g i r l go ing to a p redominant l y -b lack schoo l , I was an easy ta rge t f o r

“That’s i t . You’ve got to l ive your

l i fe with the same annoying

pers istence as the weed.”

rac is t a t tacks . I knew tha t I l ooked d i f fe ren t , bu t I cou ld speak Eng l i sh per fec t l y, so why d id they s t i l l chan t “Ch ing-chong-chang?” Un fo r tuna te l y, my p ro f i c iency w i th Eng l i sh came a t the cos t o f l os ing my ab i l i t y to speak Korean f luen t l y. Th is d i sconnec t w i th my “e thn ic tongue” fos te red a na tu ra l d i sengagement w i th my cu l tu re . Many t imes , I f e l t l i ke an ou ts ider, l ook ing in to two separa te wor lds , bo th o f wh ich I d idn ’ t rea l l y be long . The Korean communi t y, espec ia l l y the o lder genera t ion o f immig ran ts , d idn ’ t embrace me because I cou ldn ’ t unders tand them. Nor cou ld they unders tand me. The Amer ican communi t y, i t seemed, wou ld a lways see the d is t inc t i ve As ian fea tu res o f my face f i r s t and t rea t me accord ing l y. My mom, o f course , had i t worse . A t l eas t I cou ld speak the language. Ever s ince my fa ther had p roh ib i ted her f rom tak ing ESL c lasses , she had never had the oppor tun i t y to l ea rn Eng l i sh . A t her j ob , she had been ab le to ge t by fo r the most par t w i th a bas ic unders tand ing o f necessar y words and phrases l i ke “hamburger w i th cheese” o r “wes te rn ome le t p la t te r. ” There was , however, one inc iden t in wh ich she came home in tea rs . Apparen t l y, a cus tomer had become fu r ious a t her inab i l i t y to f luen t l y speak Eng l i sh . He had o rdered a “ha l f cheese-s teak ,” wh ich meant 8 inches a t her de l i . He had assumed tha t a “ha l f ” meant 6- inches and became angr y a t my mom when she cor rec t l y charged h im fo r an 8- inch sub . Wi th a nas ty tone and mean eyes , he bera ted , “Can’ t you unders tand any Eng l i sh , gook?” As a l i t t l e g i r l , my mom had heard enough s to r ies about the Korean War to know wha t “gook” meant . I t was one o f the few t imes tha t I had ever seen her c r y. Bu t l a te r tha t n igh t , she asked me to teach her how to exp la in , in Eng l i sh , tha t the i r de l i on l y made 8 and 12- inch subs . She wanted to c la r i f y the mix-up w i th the same cus tomer tha t had g i ven her a hard t ime. I s low ly rec i ted a s imp le s ta tement and she spent the en t i re n igh t memor i z ing and per fec t ing a sen tence o f 15 words to use the nex t day.

Three Brown Sui tcases On her f o r t i e th b i r thday, my mother f ina l l y dec la red to herse l f , “Th is i s no t my l i f e . ” A year and a ha l f be fo re th i s day, i t seemed l i ke my fa ther had le f t us fo r good. We had no idea where he was and whether o r no t he was s t i l l a l i ve . We jus t assumed tha t he was most l i ke l y a t the cas ino , h i s favor i te p lace in the wor ld , an un fo r tuna te v ic t im o f se l f - in f l i c ted d isease . S i x months la te r, my mom met and began da t ing ano ther man. He was an Amer ican lawyer named Tom, one o f her cus tomers a t the car r you t she had been work ing a t f o r ten years , s i x days a week , 12 hours a day. She had never p lanned on be ing w i th ano ther man, bu t he made her genu ine l y happy and the i r re la t i onsh ip b lossomed. A l though many o f her f r i ends and fami l y d i sapproved , I had seen f i r s thand how t i red and lone l y my mom was and I cou ldn ’ t b lame her a t a l l f o r fa l l i ng in l ove w i th a man tha t was no t my fa ther. On her b i r thday, my fa ther re tu rned as i f he had been gone fo r mere l y a day as opposed to the 545 days he had t ru l y been absent . Deep down, we shou ld have

known be t te r. He was l i ke a pes te r ing rash tha t wou ld never l eave us a lone even i f we d i l i gen t l y heeded a l l o f the doc to r ’s o rders : wash w i th warm wate r and soap; app l y a soo th ing o in tment on the in fec ted a rea ; and most impor tan t l y, res i s t the tempta t ion to sc ra tch ! No mat te r wha t , he ’d a lways re tu rn to cause more angu ish . Tha t day was d i f fe ren t . As soon as he marched th rough the door, my mom asser t i ve l y to ld h im to leave and never come back . They a rgued in tense l y f o r qu i te some t ime un t i l she cou ldn ’ t take any more and f i e rce l y exc la imed, “ I ’ ve met ano ther man.” The look on my fa ther ’s face was one o f sheer shock ; h i s se l f i sh mind cou ld never have p red ic ted th i s . He had f ina l l y l os t and w i th th ree musty b rown su i tcases in tow, he was gone and ou t o f our l i ves fo r good.

“Live Your L i fe L ike a Weed.” There ex i s ts a cer ta in res i l i ence tha t an immig ran t must exh ib i t i n o rder to sur v i ve . My mother has g rac ious l y passed on to me tha t immig ran t sense o f de te rmina t ion , tha t des i re to l i ve ano ther day in hopes o f see ing a be t te r day. Consequent l y, th i s memoi r i sn ’ t so much about me as i t i s about her because who she i s has unden iab l y shaped who I am. In wr i t i ng i t , I d i scovered tha t I cou ldn ’ t te l l my l i f e s to r y w i thou t f i r s t exp la in ing who my mother i s and the demand ing l i f e tha t she led . I rea l i zed tha t our s to r ies were too beaut i fu l l y in te r tw ined to be separa ted . The obs tac les she endured , as a s ing le mother ra i s ing th ree ch i ld ren on her own and as a s t rugg l ing immig ran t in an o f ten c rue l count r y, I endured w i th her. I wou ldn ’ t have i t any ano ther way ; as she lea rned and g rew f rom l i f e ’s exper iences , so d id I . Tom and my mom cont inued to see each o ther un t i l , a few years ago , he b roke up w i th her. The re la t i onsh ip had become too much fo r h im and he s imp l y wanted the easy way ou t . My mom was devas ta ted bu t no t once d id she le t her sadness overcome her. I ns tead , she tu rned to re l ig ion to “be t te r” herse l f . She te l l s me tha t God i s the so le reason why she has been and i s s t i l l ab le to ge t th rough l i f e , bu t I know tha t a l o t o f i t has to do w i th her inner s t reng th . I t i s th i s s t reng th tha t took her fami l y ou t o f P ioneer C i t y in to a c leaner, sa fe r ne ighborhood. I t i s th i s s t reng th tha t p reven ted her f rom e laps ing in to depress ion and se l f -p i t y. I t i s th i s s t reng th tha t pushed me to move 400 mi les away f rom home to a t tend Bos ton Co l lege , to pu t myse l f ou t there a t a l l t imes even i f i t ’s scar y and overwhe lming . Recent l y, wh i le we were garden ing in our ya rd , I remarked a t how d i f f i cu l t i t was to remove the weeds . They were reso lu te in the i r pos i t i on in the d i r t , cha l l eng ing me to ano ther t i r i ng game o f tug-and-pu l l . Even i f you manage to pu l l i t ou t , ano ther weed invar iab l y pops up a mere week la te r. My mom, in her sage- l i ke vo ice , rep l i ed , “Tha t ’s i t . You ’ve go t to l i ve your l i f e w i th the same annoy ing pers i s tence as the weed.”

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I t ’s ra in ing aga in . I t ’s a lways ra in ing . The g rey expanse o f sky weeps fo r scorched ear th ; howl ing tears f rom the sky sp la t te r on our faces . I t ’s l i ke the heavens knew we needed i t ; the ra in I mean. I t was the ra in

tha t poured down in unre len t ing to r ren ts accompan ied by the cacophonous w ind and vo lup tuous thunder. Wet i s no longer mere l y a word , bu t a s ta te o f be ing . Dr y ceases to ex i s t , f o r wha t i s d r y when ever y th ing i s sodden in l i qu id? When i t ra ined in Tha i land i t was a so rd id a f fa i r. Peop le f l ee as i f daggers a re pe l t ing towards them f rom above . Wha t was I do ing here? I was in Tha i land because o f God. Tha t God was the reason I d id a lo t o f th ings . I ’ ve known God my who le l i f e , bu t i t wasn ’ t recen t l y un t i l I REALLY s ta r ted l i k ing God. I remember when I f i r s t met God.

Dear God,H i God Mom says I have to ta lk to you and s tu f f so OK bu t I don ’ t know wha t to say. Umm God p lease take care o f my fami l y and my f r i ends and Br ian . He ’s my dog ! OK!

Bye !

Dear God,Sor r y God, I asked Mom and she sa id I can ’ t say bye to you , bu t ins tead I have to say Amen. And she sa id I shou ld thank you fo r f ood because you g i ve i t to us and I never knew tha t be fo re . Thank you fo r bo logna sandwiches !

Amen.

I never rea l l y took my fa i th se r ious l y a t f i r s t . I t was someth ing tha t my mom and dad to ld me to do so tha t was tha t . Bu t THEN I f ound ou t tha t God cou ld g ran t w ishes . L ike a gen ie . Or a s lo t mach ine .

Dear God,You a re a g rea t God. P lease take care o f my fami l y and f r i ends and keep us hea l thy. P lease he lp me to ge t an A on my Soc ia l S tud ies tes t and p lease make Timothy s top g i v ing me Ind ian burns and bu l l y ing me. And p lease p lease PLEASE le t my mom say yes so I can go to S i x F lags p lease p lease PLEASE ok in Jesus ’ name I p ray

AMEN.

Dear God,You a re a g rea t God. P lease take care o f my fami l y and f r i ends and keep us hea l thy. God p lease g i ve me in te rne t and cab le TV and a N in tendo 64 because a l l the o ther k ids have one ! P lease ! Thank you !

Amen.

A PRAYER FOR THE RAINby Samuel Cho (LSOE 2013)

A f te r a few years o f hav ing a persona l San ta C laus tha t d idn ’ t a lways de l i ve r, I was ready fo r someth ing more . I f i na l l y accepted Jesus as my persona l sav io r, bu t wha t d id tha t even mean? I was a t a re t rea t and there was a lo t o f c r y ing and the l i gh ts were d im and the mus ic was loud and I th ink I j us t d id i t to f i t i n . Bu t l i f e jus t con t inued in the fash ion i t a lways had . Church on Sundays . Forge t about i t on the weekdays . In co l l ege , peop le cha l lenged me to th ink about wha t i t rea l l y meant to l i ve my fa i th ou t . I began to rea l i ze tha t Chr i s t i an i t y wasn’ t a se t o f ru les to fo l l ow bu t a L IFESTYLE. To t rea t ever yone w i th respec t and love o thers . And so I dec ided to go on a seven week ser v ice t r ip to Bangkok , Tha i land , and l i ve and work in the s lums.

Dear God,I rea l l y don ’ t know wha t to expec t . I know tha t you ca l l us to no t keep our fa i th to ourse l ves . Because we have been so loved by You , we must l ove o thers- th rough ac ts o f se r v ice

and k indness and jus t i ce , and to u l t ima te l y share the Good News o f Chr i s t . So as I embark on th i s j ou rney I p ray tha t You w i l l gu ide me and wa tch over me, and jus t l e t my hear t be open to peop le and new exper iences .

Amen.* * * * *

I cou ld te l l you about wha t I ’ ve lea rned , bu t remember ing i s a lways d i f f i cu l t . Wi thdrawing a memor y f rom my memor y bank i s a l ready hard enough. Dus t ing i t o f f and po l i sh ing i t i s ano ther tempta t ion , to shed the memor y in a new l igh t f o r some se l f i sh , per verse end . Then you have to cu t and shear the inev i tab le l i n t o f b ias tha t co l l ec ts on the memor y ; fa l se images o f wha t we w ish and don ’ t w ish . I t ’s a p rocess , no doubt . Bu t I mus t . Fee t s lap the uneven rocky g round. Sore . The fee t a re a l ready b lack w i th re fuse and f i l th . Ca l l oused . Th is word i s a euphemism to descr ibe the tough lea ther y sk in enve lop ing the ch i ld ren ’s fee t . We’ re in the s lums. We’ re in the th ick o f i t now. My f r i end and I a re exp lo r ing the s lum ne ighborhood la te a t n igh t when we f ind a b road a l l eyway w i th dozens o f ch i ld ren mov ing about . Then the sme l l h i t s you . I t ’s qu i te un l i ke any th ing tha t I ’ ve ever sn i f fed . Perhaps once when I took ou t the t rash back home in comfor tab le suburb ia , bu t tha t was temporar y, nea t , san i ta r y, sa fe . Th is odor i s pungent , o i l y, th ick . Ro t ten eggs , mo ld ing nood les , decay ing mea t , d iapers fu l l o f human was te , vomi t , bags o f used to i l e t paper, and gnawed ch icken bones . L ike an og re ’s ve rs ion o f a feas t , the p i l e s i t s there in the open lo t wh i le thousands o f maggots and cockroaches wr igg le joy fu l l y in an insane f renzy. There a re no dogs o r ca ts on top o f tha t p i l e . Even they know where dea th res ides . Ins tead there i s a hunchbacked woman, p ick ing th rough the feces and ta t te red shopp ing bags in o rder to f ind some recyc lab les tha t she can t rade in fo r a few penn ies so tha t maybe she can buy some food to feed

her ch i ld ren w i th . Nex t to the dumpste r a re the ch i ld ren , who by v i r tue o f hav ing g rown up in the s lums, a re qu i te used to a i r ta in ted w i th raw sewage. They jump and laugh and sc ream and curse a t us , smi l ing because they want to p lay w i th us . None o f them are wear ing shoes . Some are no t wear ing pan ts . One fa l l s in to a c rev ice f i l l ed w i th “wa te r” tha t f i l t e rs th rough the ne ighborhood, as res iden ts dump ever y th ing f rom mi lk to soapy wa te r to u r ine . Th is i s the i r sewage sys tem. Th is i s the i r l a t r ine . The ch i ld ge ts up and laughs . Then he s t re tches ou t h i s a rms ask ing me to p ick h im up . There a re a lways reach ing hands . There a re a lways long ing eyes tha t want a hug o r a touch . I choke . The sme l l o f garbage i s ge t t ing to me. I want to l eave . Bu t then the boy gen t l y p rods me, one f inger in my r ibs , the o ther in my consc ience . H is eyes sad l y s ta re me down. Don’ t you know tha t I ’m human too? Don’ t you know, Sam? These k ids p lay here ever y day. They b rea the

th i s and l i ve th i s ever y day. You can s tay a l i t t l e wh i le l onger. So I do . I l e t them c l imb me. I become the de fac to hugg ing mach ine . I am t i red . I am s t inky. They shout a t me in Tha i , the i r co lo r fu l i n tona t ions jump ing a t me l i ke sparks f rom a f l i n t . I don ’ t know wha t you ’ re say ing bu t I unders tand your l ong ing . They have l i ce . Bu t they s t i l l need someone’s a f fec t ion . They s t i l l want the th ing tha t ch i ld ren need bu t cannot read i l y rece i ve in the s lums fo r va r ious reasons , the same reasons th ree year o ld ch i ld ren a re ou t p lay ing nex t to the dumpste rs a t e leven o ’ c lock a t n igh t . I t ’s ge t t ing la te , so we beg in to t rudge o f f . Bu t as we s low ly back away they run a t us , sc reaming the i r names and po in t ing to themse lves . Wha t a re they do ing? I l ook to my f r i end in con fus ion . They become louder, and I f i na l l y unders tand . They a re shout ing the i r names a t us . Begg ing us no t to f o rge t . Begg ing us to remember tha t they a re a l i ve and they a re no t jus t faces , bu t humans w i th d reams and fears and ta len ts who a re no more nor l ess wor thy than anyone e lse in th i s wor ld . I k i ck a t the g round, b rea th ing heav i l y. Tears s t ream down my cheeks , bu t I angr i l y w ipe them away. Wha t k ind o f a God i s th i s? What k ind o f a God a l l ows pover t y to des t roy an en t i re c i t y? Wha t k ind o f a God le ts ch i ld ren g row up w i thou t runn ing wa te r, educa t ion , o r l ove? I began shak ing w i th rage . I wanted H im to own up to h i s respons ib i l i t i es and b r ing jus t i ce . Jus t i ce to end one o f the la rges t sex indus t r ies a round the wor ld wh ich the government a l l ows and encourages because p ros t i tu t i on accounts fo r th i r t y percen t o f the revenue Tha i land rece i ves f rom tour i sm. Jus t i ce to humble a na t ion where most ch i ld ren d rop ou t o f schoo l a t the age o f ten because they cannot a f fo rd to suppor t a co r rup t educa t iona l sys tem and br ibe the i r teachers . Jus t i ce fo r s tudents tha t was te e igh t hours o f the i r l i f e a day on t ranspor ta t ion because o f the end less

“ I choke. The smell of garbage is getting to me. I want to leave. But then the boy gently prods me, one finger in my ribs, the other in my conscience.”

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t ra f f i c . Jus t i ce to end the pover t y wh ich d r i ves man to h is l owes t f o rm, begg ing fo r change and work ing men ia l j obs , wh ich des t roy any capac i t y to en joy l i f e . So I go t down on my knees and p rayed an angr y p rayer.

Dear God, P lease l i s ten to me. P lease l i s ten to us . P lease l i s ten to the sounds o f your peop le c r y ing ou t f o r f reedom. F reedom f rom wha t? F rom the cha ins . The cha ins o f pover t y, the cha ins o f hunger, the cha ins o f depress ion and the demons o f a lcoho l and pa in t th inner. LORD, i f you a re t ru l y God, then DO SOMETHING and end the su f fe r ing o f th i s wor ld .

Amen. I l a y in my co t in the dark , l ook ing a t the cor ruga ted t in roo f , fee l ing tha t hear t -wrench ing hope lessness and I d r i f ted o f f s low ly to s leep . And then I woke up to the sound o f ra in smash ing ever ywhere a round me. I t sounded l i ke cymba ls and t rumpets . I t sounded l i ke g ian ts were c rash ing hammers

on the roo f ever y second. The sound o f ra in was magn i f i ed a t l eas t a mi l l i on t imes by the t in roo f , wh ich ac ted as a per fec t ins t rument o f sound in tens i f i ca t ion . Bu t I was s t range l y comfor ted by i t . The ear th was d r y and in need o f wa te r, and God de l i ve red . The ra in swept away a l l the rubb ish and f i l th , swept away the fa l l en leaves and the an ima l feces , swept away the pa in and the anger. B l i ss . And then God spoke and I l i s tened.

Dear Sam, Don’ t you know tha t I am a Per fec t God? I d id do someth ing about a l l the su f fe r ing and ev i l i n the wor ld . 2 ,000 years ago I sen t my Son to d ie on the c ross so tha t a be t te r wor ld can be ach ieved . Jesus was born no t an emperor, no t a k ing , bu t as a carpente r ’s son in Be th lehem, the backwaters o f the wor ld . Doesn ’ t tha t te l l you wha t k ind o f peop le I am look ing a f te r? Doesn ’ t tha t te l l you who I have cas t my lo t w i th? The wayward , the b roken , the marg ina l i zed . Don’ t you know tha t I am Jehovah J i re i? The God-Who-Prov ides? I f I g i ve ra in fo r the p lan ts and an ima ls o f the wor ld , how much more w i l l I l ook a f te r you , my g rea tes t c rea t ion? Don’ t you know tha t I am Jehovah N iss i? The God- Is-My-Banner? Tha t I g i ve you the s t reng th and the purpose and the v i s ion to car r y ou t my p lans? Ever yone i s fea r fu l l y and wonder fu l l y made, do no t doubt

wha t you can and cannot do . And don ’ t you know tha t I am Jehovah Sha lom, God o f Peace? I p romise tha t the K ingdom o f Heaven i s near, tha t heaven on ear th i s one day poss ib le . Imag ine a wor ld where democracy f l ou r i shes in ever y count r y, . where governments work toge ther to e rad ica te pover t y, where genoc ide becomes an an t iqua ted word . A wor ld where peop le a re no longer absorbed in themse lves , a wor ld where b roken re la t i onsh ips a re hea led . I p romise th i s wor ld to you , I g i ve you a par t in b r ing ing th i s wor ld in to l i f e . Fo l l ow me and you w i l l have purpose and pass ion . Feed my sheep and fo l l ow me.

* * * * * There i s app l i ca t ion here . There i s a way to respond to God’s message, God’s ca l l i ng . And i t ’s ok i f you don ’ t be l i eve in God. A l l you have to do i s be l i eve in human d ign i t y - tha t we a l l have in t r ins ic and per fec t wor th tha t CANNOT be de te rmined by ou ts ide fac to rs . We must p rac t i ce So l ida r i t y. Th is means no mat te r wha t someone says , no mat te r wha t someone does , no mat te r wha t the co lo r o f the i r sk in o r the f l avo r o f the i r sexua l i t y o r the c lo thes they wear o r how much money they make, we must accept them and love them jus t l i ke our Lord in Heaven rece i ves us w i th a se l f l ess and uncond i t i ona l l ove . So look a t your b ro ther, l ook a t your s i s te r. Whether he i s the f r i end tha t you ’ve known fo r years and years , the p ro fessor tha t g i ves you less than favorab le g rades , the jan i to r tha t c leans the c lass rooms la te a t n igh t , the homeless men and women begg ing fo r a sc rap o f b read , the d rug add ic t po ison ing h is mind and dreams, the p ros t i tu te work ing in Tha i land , the p r ies t in the Va t i can , the con-ar t i s t , the despo t , the mar ty r, the s inner, the sa in t - ever y human be ing i s our b lood , our fami l y, to be loved and accepted-uncond i t i ona l l y. Th is i s the f i r s t s tep- to rea l i ze we a re a l l pa r t o f the LARGER human fami l y. Fo r how can we care about our b ro thers and s i s te rs i f we don ’ t cons ider them our b ro thers and s i s te rs? And a f te r you f ind ou t about th i s th ing ca l l ed SOL IDAR ITY, you can move on- f ind a cause tha t keeps your fe l l ow bro thers and s i s te rs in the muck and F IGHT to f ree them. But perhaps th i s ca l l i ng i s no t f o r you . Perhaps you w i l l wake up one morn ing , a morn ing tha t i s fa r, fa r away f rom today, and your ha i r w i l l be ba ld ing and you w i l l have a vague uneas iness about b i l l s to pay and papers to f i l e . Perhaps you w i l l b r ie f l y reco l l ec t once upon a t ime ago you c r ied ou t aga ins t in jus t i ce , bu t today you jus t c r y ou t dur ing soap operas . Perhaps i t i s inev i tab le tha t the ma jo r i t y o f us w i l l succumb to the a lm igh ty do l l a r and suburban bourgeo is ie d ream. But we few who have been ca l l ed by Chr i s t march to a d i f fe ren t d rummer. We l i ve by a d i f fe ren t c reed . And you may f ind the t r i v ia l i t y tha t once p lagued your ex i s tence w i l l van ish l i ke shadows a t dawn, fo r a be t te r day, a b r igh te r tomor row.

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