51107®here to me 20pp a5 book is my blood, my flesh, my life, she is me and i am her. i am a man...

Here to Me

A collection of poems from HMP LewesMass Observation Archive project 2013

51107®Here to Me 20pp A5 Book 23/10/13 09:18 Page 2

Here to Me

The poems in this anthology are by the prisoners, HMP Lewes, whotook part in a creative writing project in the prison library. Workingwith Suzanne and Kirsty who are archivists of the Mass ObservationArchive and Observing the 1980s project through Sussex University,with Emma the prison librarian, and with poet Evlynn Sharp, eachprisoner uses self-reflection and writing as a way of sharing personalperceptions, memories, beliefs.

Copyright © HMP Lewes with the authors

Here to Me – writing by prisoners, HMP Lewes,And facilitators, Mass Observation Archive creative writing project

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproducedwithout written permission, except in the case of brief extractsembodied in critical articles, reviews or lectures

Published in Great Britain in 2013

Typeset by Woking Print

Designer Jarrod Pearson

Editor Emma Bach, Library, HMP Lewes

Printed and bound by Woking Print,The Print Works, St Johns Lye, Woking, GU21 1RS


Here to MeA collection of poems from HMP LewesMass Observation Archive project 2013

INTRODUCTION

During the creative writing project at HMP Lewes’ library, hundredsof books surround where prisoners, archivists, librarians and myselfwork. A look into the library’s collection would show how peopleimagine the world and themselves to be.

In our writing workshops, each prisoner also finds words to expressthe human realities of struggles, regrets, sadness, hope. Every poem in this book represents the imprint of past and present that shapes a way of thinking and understanding. There is a note of ambition here, suggesting the power of listening and the potentiality of change through writing.

Evlynn SharpPoetOctober 2013


PURPOSE– By Evlynn

Here to me is a secretA blank sheetHere

Here, a pen hovers In the between Of my questionYour ear

And the purpose Of this momentPassing across us hereIs the sound of paper

PlacelessStill, wordlessOut of memoryAnd whisper

Here HereHere…

2 Here to Me


THIS PAGE– By Stephen S

So my page could be blankWith the list of the important objects I have.

Important objects are for most those of valueBut for many are those that remind them of memories.

I suppose I had lots of memory reminders that have been lost,But if I forget about the objects

And focus on my memories then I’ve lost nothing.But the important objects can be things we need,

And I need my phone book So that I can contact those important to me.

It’s of no value to anyone elseBut that contact is priceless to me.

Here to Me 3


THE JOURNEY– By Matt

An endless journeyAround the shores of Blighty

And beyond.

Maybe togetherBobbing thru the waves,

Probably apartSinking to the bottom;

To find one would be a miracle,But I want them both.

They haunt my walksAlong the shore,

And make these jauntsAn endless chore,

But I find it hard to let goAnd move on,

And realise too lateThat the moment is

GONE.

4 Here to Me


EACH DAY– By Suzanne

Here to me is a warm embrace,Soft chubby arms flung wildly around my neck,A slobbery kiss planted on my cheek,As soft tendrils of curly fair hair tickle my face.

Here to me is a beaming smile,Which greets me each dayAs I collect my son from school.

Here to Me 5


MY DAUGHTER, THE GIFT– By Gavin

My daughter is the most important thing in the world to me,She shows me what unconditional love really means;

I am an armour who would stop at nothingTo destroy anyone who would try to harm her.

She is my blood, my flesh, my life,She is me and I am her.

I am a man who never had a father,Trying his best to raise a daughter,

Even though I’ve made mistakesAnd will probably make a few more,

I’ve made sure she knows for sureI love her with all my soul!

A few years ago,My child chose a silver locket for my birthday,

With a message that will keep me safe;I treasure the gift as if it was my child herself!

6 Here to Me


Trust in yourself,Your wonderful self,Your intuitionAbout what feels right for youAnd your loved ones.

The strong voiceAnd the humilityTo listen,Learn and reflect,To be with others.

Trust in yourself,Your wonderful self,To laugh with joyAnd cry when you need,To show yourself as you do.

What can I tell you?When you know so much.

Trust in yourself,Your wonderful self.Let that self shine.As you do.

Here to Me 7

LETTER TO MY STEPDAUGHTER– By Emma


Immeasurable her lossIn the sound of your voice Singing with her “Silent Night”Before the last New Year,Your final fathered note,And afterwards knowing,We cannot recover the first –

After –A father’s life, loved,Your life,Inch after inch,Undone.

Your precious wooden work-rulerContains metal hinges, inches like a life,

Lost measurements Of the height of your sonWhen you ran the race for himAt the Kirk’s annual outingMaybe in Saltcoats or Largs.

Years later, I find an old photo of youAt the starting lineup,The son in your shadowWaiting for his own memoriesOf yourself, our father.

Lost in the ruler, lengths and breadths,The width of a widow’s grief,

A life’s journey you share with your wifeWhere she has to let you go now As you’re gathered up in a stretcher,Borne away from the family you love.

Lost – in the glance betweenYour daughter and her father –Immeasurable the closenessAnd the distances across us –

8 Here to Me

MADE OF THE MEASURE For my Father– By Evlynn


Here to Me 9

LONG WAIT– By Nathan

I remember waitingWhere he said he’d be.

So long, the rain had gone thoughAll my clothes to my skin,

The cold hit meLike a slap to the face.

I remember I kept telling myself,He’s in traffic, he’ll be here soon.

My mum opened the doorAnd told me to come in,Get a bath, and thenCome down for dinner.

I asked for the next six to nine months,When’s my dad coming to get me?

To this day,He never has.

Was it somehow my fault?Or maybe he’s still too busy.

I had a letter some time agoFrom him.


10 Here to Me

I REMEMBER– By Graham

I remember sitting in the café, cup of coffee in hand,My father sitting opposite me,His mouth moving with words coming out.

I remember the line,The family don’t want to know you anymore,You are on your own from here.

I remember the feeling of hurt,From both him and me,How I had let them down, how he didn’t care.

I remember the tears in his eyesThat fell into the cup on the table,Making rings in his coffee.

I remember how quiet it got In the roomEven though we were both talking.

I remember the feeling of sorrow and lossAs he got up to walk away,Out of the door.

I remember how useless I feltAs he drove away, out of the car park,Out of my life.

I remember the first phone callAfter being put behind bars,

Hoping they would answer,His voice on the other end.


Here to Me 11

THINKING ABOUT LIFE– By Gordon

If you can’t see it move Doesn’t mean it didn’t move.

Don’t forget we are on the earth,And it moves around the sunEvery second;We also move with it.

This second where we areWill be very different toThe second after,So think again.


12 Here to Me

BEST FORGOTTEN– By Stephen N

Here to me is this moment in timeAs I refuse to accept the walls around me,This place of noise and aggression and frustrationAnd, yes, it must be said, inhumanity.

So, I am here; it’s a blink of my eye,One more notch of my personal experience,But a here to be forgotten,To be ticked off as part of another day,Nearer to my return to normality,When there will be many ‘heres’Some to be remembered,Some best forgotten.


Here to Me 13

LISTENING– By Kirsty

Here is,Being in the moment,

Present,Listening to the wind,

The leaves rustle,The birds chirp.

Feel the breeze On my skin.

Stand.Breathe.

Be still.


14 Here to Me

MIDDAY– By Graham

As the clock struck midday,I sat under the branch of an old oak tree,Its branches shading the dappled ground around me.

I remember drifting in and out of a sleepy dream,Then waking to stillness all around.

Hearing the rustle of leaves by my side,I turned my head slowly roundTo find a deer so closeMy breath could have mingled with its own.

I dare not move, not wanting to upsetThe balance of calm and aweAs we both caught each other’s eye,No movement on either side.

At last the patter of hooves on ground;The deer walked slowly by,Followed by one other,

My heart in my hand,I watched as they slipped silentlyInto the midday sun.


Here to Me 15

WEATHER– By Gordon

Weather is like a woman.When she is happy, she is sunny and warm.When she is cross, she is lightning and dark.When she is sad, she is raining and cold.When she is anger, she sends the hailstones to get you.She can change as fast as you turn the page of a book.And like a woman, change the mood,Unpredictable, just like weather.It is so.


16 Here to Me

OVERCOME– By Kirsty

The sea glistens,And the waves wash in,

You may have worries,Fears, anxietiesOr challenges.

But the waves will wash in,Again and again.

Worries will dissipateAnd challenges overcome.


I would write to my former self circa 1981.I would tell him the difference as I now see itBetween the presence of pleasure and happiness.

Pleasure – the things, the status, ambitionsWe pursue – is like a flash flood in the desert,

It leaves transient desert flowersAnd pools that go,And what is left is inert,Arid and dead.

Happiness is ‘the river’, it changesJust like the millions of molecules of water,

It changes in temperature,It may become polluted, overflow orDissipate with drought,But it will always have the characteristic of a riverNo matter how many times it is re-born.

I would also ask him to not bask in his clevernessBut seek wisdom

As knowledge speaks and wisdom listens,Don’t give answers to questions that are not asked,

Just learn to steer those you loveAnd yourselfThrough pain.Also remember that ‘Love’ is a verbAnd not just a feeling.Do ‘more’ loveAnd be less of a slave to feeling.That it is important to breathe and reflectAnd ‘be’ more and ‘do’ less.

Learning to acknowledge,Accept,Adjust.

A LETTER TO MYSELF CIRCA 1981– By John

Here to Me 17


Here to Me

Printing and binding by


51107®here to me 20pp a5 book is my blood, my flesh, my life, she is me and i am her. i am a man...

Documents