5 Tips for Talking To Your Spouse about Divorce

Be CertainBefore you talk to your spouse about getting a divorce, make sure that’s what you want. As divorces become less and less taboo, people often get caught up in their emotions and get divorced before they’re ready. This is a big (and often expensive) decision to make so before you actually talk to your spouse about it, try to consider all your options. Decide if the issues that are making you want a divorce are permanent. Consider how this will affect your family and if that’s something you’re willing to risk. 

Talk to A LawyerIf you’re sure you want a divorce, it’s never a bad idea to talk to a lawyer first. Most places you will be able to find a lawyer who offers some sort of free consultation if you don’t already have one on retainer. This is especially important if you expect your spouse to react badly to the suggestion.

Obviously it will be a difficult conversation, but if your spouse is likely to be angry and act rashly, getting a lawyer’s advice before you start could be critical for your case. A lawyer will be able to offer advice specific to your case that advice you find online won’t be able to provide. 

Set Aside TimeWhen you bring up getting divorced, make sure you have some time to talk to your spouse about it. This can be difficult, but it’s important to make the other party feel like their opinions are being heard. If you tell them on your way out the door, they may feel like you are trying to shut down their reaction. Divorces are always easier when they are done amicably so just by listening to their reaction, you might lessen the burden. Let them know you care about their feelings without making any promises about the future. 

Leave Out The DetailsYour spouse may want to talk about the specifics of the divorce. The emotional impact will be huge, but they will begin wondering about how things will be sorted materially as well. They will likely ask you questions about alimony, child support, and the division of your estate. Though you probably have some ideas about how these things should be sorted, it’s best not to discuss them until a lawyer is present. If your spouse attempts to discuss these issues just let them know that you’re not ready to talk about it. 

Don’t BargainMany people will try to bargain their way out of a divorce they don’t want. Whether this means offering incentives to stay or deterrents to leave, it’s best to avoid conversations like this. If your spouse tries these methods, let them know you have made up your mind and the details can be decided later.