45 RULES THAT GUYS WISH GIRLS KNEW > > 1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not > ask us. We refuse to answer. > > 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, Put it > down. > > 3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always > more attractive than short hair. One of the big > reasons guys fear getting married is that married > women always cut their hair, and by then, you are > stuck with her. > > 4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not > quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet > again! > > 5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, > expect an answer you do not want to hear. > > 6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live > with it. > > 7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless > you are prepared to discuss such topics as Angelina > Jolie's lips, the shotgun formation and Tiger > Woods. > > 8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the > changing of the tides. Let it be. > > 9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never > going to think of it that way. > > 10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything > you wear is fine. Really. Especially if we're already > late. > > 11. You have enough clothes. > > 12. You have too many shoes. > > 13. Crying is blackmail. > > 14. Your ex-boyfriend (or ex-husband) is an idiot. > > 15. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this > one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not > work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it! > > 16. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. > Mark anniversaries on a calendar. > > 17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are > bound to miss sometimes. > > 18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes > you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out > of thirty, would look good with your dress? >

> 19. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to > almost every question. > > 20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help > solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what your > girlfriends are for. > > 21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. > See a doctor. > > 22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. > > 23. Check your oil. > > 24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective > than deceived. > > 25. It is neither in your best interest or ours to > take the quiz together. > > 26. No, it does not matter which quiz. > > 27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in > an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 > days. > > 28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret > girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. > > 29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, > and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant > the other one. > > 30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is > genetic. > > 31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to > come out. > > 32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us > how you want it done; not both. > > 33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have > to say during TV commercials. > > 34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and > neither do we. > > 35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose > their right to complain about having their boobs > stared at. > > 36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut > blouses. We like staring at boobs. > > 37. The relationship is never going to be like it was > the first two months we were going out. > > 38. Men see in only 16 colors, like windows default > settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color. >

> 39. Pumpkin is also a fruit. > > 40. If it itches, it will be scratched. > > 41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for > you. > > 42. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY > stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement. > > 43. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our > lack of mind-reading ability is NOT proof of how > little we care about you. > > 44. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we > will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, > but it is just not worth the hassle. > > 45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will > briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But do > not worry; the fantasy includes you AND her together.