30 publication

7/27/2019 30 Publication

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TRAINING NEW MENTORS

NA TIONA L

C ENTER

Public/Private Ventures Office of Juvenile Justice andDelinquency Prevention

Big Brothers Big Sistersof America

a publication of:

NorthwestRegionalEducationalLaboratory


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NWREL Executive Director/CEO:

DR. ETHEL SIMON-McWILLIAMS

National Mentoring Center Interim Director:

DR. REX HAGANS

Author:

LINDA JUCOVY@ P/PV

Editors:

SUZIE BOSS, MICHAEL GARRINGER

Graphic Designer:

MICHAEL GARRINGER

This project was suppo rted by Award No. 1999-JG-FX-K001 awarded

by the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinq uency Prevention, Office

of Justice Prog rams, U.S.Department of Justice.Points of view or opinionsin this document a re those of t he a uthor and do not necessarily represent

the o fficial position or policies of the U.S. Department of Justice.


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TRAINING NEW MENTORS

MARCH 2001

WRITTEN BY

PUBLIC/PRIVATE VENTURES

PUBLISHED BY

NORTHWEST REGIONAL EDUCATIONAL LABORATORYSNATIONAL MENTORING CENTER

with support from

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

Big Brothers Big Sisters of America


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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Linda Juco vy w rote Training New Mentors. She would like to t hank a number of people w ho mad evaluab le cont ributions to a n ea rlier version o f th is ma terial. They include Andrea Baker, formerly

of Northwest Reg iona l Educat iona l Lab orat ory (NWREL); Susan Weinberger, of the Mento r

Consulting Group; and Carrie Askin, of Wome n in Transition. Jea n Grossma n, of Pub lic/Privat e

Vent ures (P/PV), provided feedback on several versions of the t raining activities. Suzie Boss, of

NWREL, edited t his mate rial, an d Micha el Garring er, also a t NWREL, ha nd led the desig n an d pro-

duct ion. The JUMP t echnical assistan ce project is being man ag ed by Rex Hag an s, at NWREL; Jea n

Grossman , at P/PV; and Scott Peterson, at the Office of Juvenile Justice an d Delinq uency

Prevention.


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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Page

INTRODUCTION 1

TIPS FOR TRAINERS 3

TRAINING ACTIVITIES:MENTORSROLES AND EXPECTATIONS 7

TRAINING ACTIVITIES:SPEAKING OF TRUST 27


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The relat ionship bet we en a men tor and child or youth might seem to b e a nat ural connect ion,and thus, programs somet imes overlook the importance o f training. But like anyo ne stepping

into a new role, mento rs will be mo re likely to succeed if they pa rticipate in useful training ses-

sions. To b eg in to develop t heir training plans, programs ca n a sk themselves these q uestions:

! What informat ion d o ment ors need to a cq uire?

! Wha t skills training d o they ne ed?

! How much training should be req uired? Should there be o ptiona l training s,

as w ell?

! When should t he trainings ta ke place? Before the men tor a nd yo uth first meet ?

Early in their relationship? Ong oing throug hout their mento ring experience?

The follow ing ma terial focuses on training new mento rs, and includes sugg ested act ivities for

tw o w orkshops that, tog ether, ad d up to b etween five and six hours of training. Because the tone

of a mento r-youth relationship can be set q uickly during the first few meeting s, it is importa nt

tha t some training t ake place be fore the tw o be gin to meet . Thus, the a ctivities included here are

intend ed a s preservice training. The next t echnical assista nce pa cket in this series will discuss

ong oing training for mento rs, as we ll as oth er forms of program support.

WHAT ARE THE GOALS OF PRESERVICE TRAINING?

While the d eta ils of the t raining w ill nat urally vary depend ing upon the pa rticular program, theoverall goa ls are ge nerally consisten t across programs. Training should:

! Help participan ts understand the scope an d limits of their role as ment ors

! Help them develop t he skills and at titudes t hey nee d to perform well in t heir role

! Introduce th em to th e concept of po sitive youth d evelopmen t

! Provide informat ion ab out t he strengt hs and vulnerabilities of the children or

youth w ho a re in the program

! Provide information a bo ut program req uirement s and suppo rts for mento rs

! Answer q uestions

! Build t he confidence of participan ts

Training New M entors

INTRODUCTION


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The a ctivities included here w ill help prog rams accomplish these g oa ls and can be a da pted

easily to a dd ress individua l prog ram contexts. The ma terial also can b e supplemented w ith a dd i-

tional information a nd skills training. For example, programs might w ant to provide their new

mentors with a list of sugg ested act ivities that wo uld b e fun to d o w ith their mentees, or havemento rs role-play the ir first m eeting w ith their mentee in order to prepare them for tha t impor-

tant event.

In ad dition, tw o useful guides for mentors are available can be used to supplement a nd reinforce

the mat erial tha t is included here.They a re:

1. Buildin g Relationships: A Guide for New Mentors(2001). Includes 10 go od pract ices for

developing a trusting relat ionship. Produced b y Northw est Reg ional Educa tiona l Lab orato ry

(NWREL), Public/Privat e Vent ures, Office of Juvenile Just ice and Delinq uency Prevention, an d

Big Brot hers Big Sisters of America. Available th roug h th e Nat iona l Ment oring Center at

NWREL, 101 S.W. Main St reet , Suite 500, Port land, OR 97204. Phone: 1-800-547-6339.

2. How To Be a Great Ment or(1999). A g uide, in mag azine format. Produced b y Kaplan,

Newsweek, and the Nat ional Mento ring Partnership. Availab le throug h The Nat ional Mento ring

Partnership. Pho ne: (202) 338-3844.

The ne xt section includes t ips for trainers as t hey plan and conduct sessions for new mento rs.

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Goo d t rainers are facilita tors.Facilitate mea ns to make easier, and a fa cilita tor is act ually a:

! Coach

! Listener

! Learner

! Mana g er of group process

Facilitating sugg ests the idea of a collab orative relationship bet w een the trainer and pa rtici-

pa ntsa relat ionship tha t helps mento rs learn, rather than imposes learning upon th em.

Wha t follow a re some go od practices for facilita ting.

BEFORE EACH TRAINING SESSION

1. Think about principles of adult learning.

! Adults wa nt to see a reason for learning somet hingthe learning h as to b e app li-

cab le to their work or other responsibilities to be of va lue to them. They learn in

order to solve perceived problems.

! Adults are practical and g oa l-oriented . They focus on aspect s of a training tha t a remost useful to th em.

! Adult te aching should b e g rounded in learnersexperiences. Adults have

accumulated a foundat ion o f knowledge and life experiences that are a valuable

resource.They learn best w hen new informat ion and concept s are built on this

foundation.

! Adults learn best w hen t hey a re in a supportive environment. They w an t g uid-

ance, not compet itionthey do nt w ant to b e put o n the spot or feel like they

are being teste d. They learn best w hen the y are both psycholog ically and

physically comforta ble.

2. Know the training curriculum thoroughly.

! As necessary, customize activities and ha ndo uts so they b est ad dress charact eris-

tics of your prog ram, your specific g roup of mentors, and the strengths a nd needs

of t he children a nd yo uth t hey w ill be ment oring. Be prepa red to offer real-life

examples that illustrate your programs experiences.


TIPS FOR TRAINERS


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! Think ab out h ow you w ill facilitate t he session, an d b e prepared to make on-the-

spot a djustments if, for example, an a ctivity is not w orking we ll or you find you

need to spend more time on o ne act ivity a nd t hus have to shorten ano ther.

3. Select a space for the training that is physically comfortable and contributes togroup interaction.

! The roo m should be large eno ugh , but no t too large; private (people from out side

the g roup should no t be wa lking in and out); q uiet; and clean a nd w ell-light ed.

! Avoid a t raditional classroom set-up. Depend ing on t he size of your group, have a

ta ble large eno ugh for all the pa rticipants to sit around, or multiple tab les tha t are

sq uare or circular. If tha t is no t po ssib le, arrang e cha irs in a circlethis will fac ili-

ta te d iscussion.

! If small groups are go ing to b e meeting a s part of th e act ivities, make sure there

are nearby rooms available, or be sure the t raining room is large en oug h tha t

small groups can mee t w ithin it w itho ut distracting ea ch othe r.

4. Have everything ready.

! Copy ha ndouts.

! Gather a ny required materials and eq uipment: newsprint, markers, masking tap e,

name ta gs, and anything else you might need for the session.

5. Arrive early.

! If necessary, be sure the re a re signs just inside t he b uilding entrance t hat show

part icipa nts w here to go for the training session.

! Get to the training room a bout 30 minutes ahead of time to set up the area:

arrang e chairs, do a ny necessary advance w riting on the newsprint, and

check equipment.

! Be sure tha t refreshments (coffee, w at er, soft d rinks, etc.) are ava ilable.

! Greet participan ts as th ey arrive at t he training room.

DURING EACH TRAINING SESSION

1. Create a comfortable learning environment.

! Be sure the physical space is conducive to g roup learning a nd t hat participa nts

can hea r each other as they speak.

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! Creat e an a tmo sphere where participan ts are taken seriously and w here they also

can laug h. Think ab out w ays to inject humor into the training sessionsfor

example, using relevant ca rtoons as overhead s, or telling funny anecdotes ab out

experiences of mentors. People are usually most open to new idea s when th ey areenjoying them selves and feel comforta ble enoug h to risk making mistakes.

2. Pace the training appropriately.

! Encourag e the exchang e of idea s and informat ion w hile also keeping a ctivities on

track. Move things q uickly enoug h to keep participan ts from b eing bo red but

slow ly enoug h to ma ke sure they ab sorb wha t is being d iscussed.

! Allow time throug hout the session for participa nts to ask quest ions. Where appro-

priat e, involve the w hole group in answ ering q uestionsbut also have a feel for

w hich questions should be a nswered q uickly so the session ca n proceed.

3. Model good listening,feedback,and problem-solving skillsthe skills thatmentors need.

! Listen carefully and respectfully. Acknow ledge w hat peop le say even if you dont

ag ree. People need t o feel they are being listened to and that their ideas a nd

concerns are recog nized as wo rthy contribut ions.

! Mainta in eye conta ct w ith each p erson a s he/she speaks. Monitor your nonverbal

sign als as w ell as your verbal comment s.

! Respond b y guiding, not imposing. Be nonjudg mental. Repeat and ad dress key

points.

! Help part icipa nts develop co llabo rative problem-solving skills. Involve them in

answering other participant sq uestions, and have them w ork tog ether to arrive at

solutions t o prob lems.

4. Think about how people learn best.

! Keep this point in mind: People rememb er abo ut 20 percent of w hat they he ar, 40

percent of w hat t hey hear and see, and 80 percent of w hat they discover for

themselves.

! Use overheads and ne w sprints to h elp people see an d remember. New sprints are

also a useful too l for group t hinking a nd problem solving. Summarize major dis-

cussion po ints on a new sprintit dramat izes the variety a nd extent of the

groups thinking. Post the new sprint pa per on the w alls around the room so yo u

and your group can keep referring ba ck to, and expand ing upon, earlier idea s

and contributions.



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! Build in success. People learn best wh en t hey experience success freq uently.

Structure act ivities so participa nts end with a sense of accomplishment. Structure

the t raining session so it expan ds pa rticipa nts sense of accomplishment .

5. Be yourself.

! Know your limita tionsif you do nt know the a nswer to a q uestion, tha ts OK.

You dont need t o know all the a nswers. Just say you w ill try to find t he informa-

tion they req uested and g et ba ck to them. And then d o it.

! Have a sense of humo r.

AFTER EACH TRAINING SESSION

1. Get feedback from participants.

! Prepa re an eva luat ion form tha t asks for feedb ack on bo th the process and th e

content o f the training session. Distribute it at the end of the session, and ask

part icipants to co mplete it be fore they leave.

! Schedule abo ut five minutes at the en d of t he session for participan ts to com-

plete this task, so they do not feel rushed and have time to w rite tho ughtful

feedback.

2. Reflect on what worked well and what did not.

! Dont use the feedb ack forms to give yourself a rat ing. Instea d, use the informa-

tion to help you think throug h wh at w ell from the pa rticipants point of view,

wha t you need to mo dify ab out the content, and wha t facilitat ion skills you want

to w ork on.

! Along w ith participan ts feedb ack, g ive yourself your own feedb ack on the t rain-

ing. Think ab out t he situa tions whe n participan ts seemed involved, bo red,

stimulated, confused, ang ry, or having fun. Based on your self-observations, make

necessary ad justment s in session con tent and your facilita tion strateg ies.

3. Follow up on information you promised participants you would get for them.

! During the training session, keep a to-do list of information (or answ ers to q ues-

tions) tha t you tell part icipants you w ill obt ain for them.

! Try to g et the information, and then conta ct the participants w ho requested it. If

you cant find th e information (or the answ er to a q uestion), conta ct the pa rtici-

pan t to let him/her know ab out t he situa tion.

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This section includes m at erials to help you p lan a nd deliver an introduct ory t raining wo rkshop

for new m ento rs. The session is intend ed t o help new mento rs:

! Develop a realistic understand ing o f th eir roles

! Begin to explore effective approa ches to m ento ring

An ag enda for a three-hour training w orkshop a nd a pproximat e times for each a ctivity migh t

include t he follow ing :

ACTIVITY I. Icebreaker:Introductions (30 minutes)

ACTIVITY II. Roles of a Mentor (30 minutes)

ACTIVITY III. Overview of the Program (25 minutes)

break(15 minutes)

ACTIVITY IV. Children and Youth in the Program(30 minutes)

ACTIVITY V. Supporting Children and Youth (40 minut es)

ACTIVITY VI. Wrap-Up (10 minut es)

The b est t ime to g ive th is training session is befo re men tors have t he first meet ing w ith

their mentee.

Note : If you are unab le to schedule a t hree-hour training wo rkshop, this age nda can ea sily

be divided into tw o, 90-minute sessions.


TRAINING ACTIVITIES:

MENTORS' ROLES AND EXPECTATIONS


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ACTIVITY I.

ICEBREAKER: INTRODUCTIONS

OBJECTIVES:! To help part icipa nts beg in to know ea ch ot her and b ecome involved in the

session

! To provide an experience tha t is somew hat pa rallel to t he first meet ing w ith

their mente es

! To introduce t he idea of roles

LENGTH: Abo ut 30 minutes

MATERIALS INCLUDED:

!Hand out: Who I Am

YOU WILL NEED TO SUPPLY:

! Name t ag s (do n ot d istribut e them unt il the end of the a ctivity)

STEPS:1. Tell participants you wa nt t hem to introduce themselves to one anot her. Orga nize the g roup

into pairs. (Pair people who do not know e ach ot her.) Then d istribut e th e ha ndo ut Who I

Am. Ask each pair to use t he ha ndo ut a s a g uide for having a conversation in which they

introduce themselves and learn abo ut on e ano ther.Tell them t hat each person will then intro-

duce h is/her partn er to t he w hole g roup. Allow ab out 10 minutes for pairs to complete t heir

conversations.

2. Have ea ch person very brieflyallow ing ab out o ne minute per personintrod uce his/her

partner.

3. Lead a discussion a bout how this activity is similar to starting a new relationship w ith a

mentee. You ca n include t hese points:

How did it feel t o reveal t hings about themselves to a stranger?

Did their part ner do or say anything to help them open up? If so,what ?

What did they try to do to help their partner feel more comfortable?

What would t hey do differently if t hey did th is exercise again?

Note tha t t his exercise provides p ractice in sha ring informat ion w ith ano ther person a nd in help-

ing tha t person share informat ion w ith you. Those a re key first steps in b eg inning a relationship.

The exercise should a lso h ave h elped pa rticipants t hink ab out some o f th e roles they p lay in life.

For many of them, being a mentor will be a new role.

[Adapted from Big Brothers Big Sisters of America. (1991).Relationship Build ing. pp. 11-12.Volunt eer Educa tion

and Developmen t Manua l.]


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10

HANDOUT

Activity I: Icebreaker

WHO I AM

1. My name is

2. My most importan t role in life is as a

3. At work, I

4. My favorite w ay to spend my free time is

5. One thing a bout me tha t is important for people to know is

6. Some of the strengths tha t I will bring to a mentoring relationship are

7. One of my wo rries about b eing a ment or is

8. One thing I hope to g ain from being a mentor is

9. The most important thing I hope my mentee w ill gain is


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ACTIVITY II.

ROLES OF A MENTOR

OBJECTIVES:

! To iden tify q ualities of effect ive mento rs

! To explore roles tha t mentors can p lay in the lives of children and yo uth



! 3 X 5 index cards

! New sprint an d markers

STEPS:1. Give each participant an index card. Ask them to think ba ck to w hen they w ere a child o r

youth. (Suggest a n ag e rang e tha t is the same a s the ag es of the children or youth they w ill

be mento ring .) Ask them t o silent ly:

! Identify one person, preferab ly someone w ho is not a relative, who wa s a kind of

mento r for them

! Think about why that person w as important to t hem a nd t he result for them o f

that persons interest

! Reca ll the qualitiesof tha t person tha t mad e her or him so valued, and writedow n tw o or three of those q ualities on the index card

2. Have participants t alk briefly ab out t he mentor they identified a nd the q ualities they valued.

As they speak, list tho se qualities on the new sprint. When a q uality is repeated , put a ch eck

mark next t o it ea ch time it is mentioned. (For example, the first time some one says goo d lis-

tener, w rite t ha t phrase. Each time someone else identifies this qua lity in his or her mento r,

put a check mark by t he phrase.)

3. Review the items on the list. Note w hich were mentioned most often. Then have t he pa rtici-

pan ts identify which of th e q ualities migh t b e cat eg orized a s communicat ion skills, such as

listening, ta lking, asking q uestions, and b eing nonjudgmen ta l. (Lat er training a ctivities focusspecifically on helping mento rs develop co mmunication skills, but their importa nce should b e

empha sized immediately.)

4. Ask participan tsag ain thinking ba ck to t he person they ident ifiedto identify the rolesa

ment or can p lay in a childs or yout hs life. List their respo nses on t he new sprint . (These mig ht

include: friend, big b rother, big sister, positive role model, resource, guide.) Lead a b rief


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12

discussion a bo ut w hat e ach of th ese roles might involve. Be sure participan ts see that a men-

tor is NOTa pa rent, tea cher, or counselor.

5. Allow time for participan ts to ta lk ab out t heir hopes a nd con cerns in their new role. For exam-ple, w hich of the q ualities that t hey ad mired in their mento rs do t hey feel fairly confident

they possess? Which do t hey need to w ork on d eveloping ? What oth er concerns do they have

ab out t heir role?

As a transition to th e next activity, not e tha t program sta ff are there to provide support t o

the mentors.


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ACTIVITY III.

OVERVIEW OF THE PROGRAM

If you have no t ha d a separate orientat ion to present information abo ut the program, this is ago od point in the training session to cover the ma terial. (If your mentoring program is schoo l-

ba sed, be sure there is also a n orienta tion session tha t introduces volunteers to the schoo l w here

they w ill be meeting with t heir mente es.)

OBJECTIVES:

! To help mento rs feel connect ed to your program

! To b e clear ab out the programs requirement s and ground rules

! To und ersta nd the forms of support the program w ill provide for ment ors

LENGTH:Abo ut 25 minutes


! A han do ut: written mat erials that con ta in the informat ion you cover during

this act ivity


STEPS:1. Distribut e the ha ndo ut you ha ve prepa red. Then briefly describe yo ur programs history and

structure. This will help volunteers feel they a re part of the orga nization.

2. Discuss your orga nizations expecta tions of ment ors.This could include, for example: timereq uirements (bot h the freq uency of meetings w ith t heir mentee and the length of commit-

ment); telephone o r in-person meetings w ith the prog ram supervisor or school coordinato r;

requirement s for preservice and o ng oing training; any pa perwo rk tha t ment ors are req uired

to complete.

3. Describe t he support that mentors can expect from prog ram sta ff. Be sure mentors under-

stand how they can communicate w ith program staff, and that they feel comfortable doing

so. Include a description of community resources, if any, tha t are availab le for the ment ee and

mentee 's family, and the programs process for accessing tho se resources.

4. Discuss leg al/liab ility a nd confidentiality issues as they relat e to your prog ram.

5. Describe t he programs ground rules and the reason for each rule. (For example, your prog ram

might ha ve a rule ab out limits on g ifts to ment ees; or if you have a school-ba sed program,

your mentors migh t b e allow ed t o meet w ith t heir mente es only at t he school.) If you have a

site-ba sed prog ramat a school or some ot her institutionalso d escribe rules tha t men tors

must ad here to in relat ion to tha t site. (For examp le, they migh t be req uired to sig n in each

time they visit t he schoo l.)

6. Allow time for mentors to ask questions.



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ACTIVITY IV.

CHILDREN AND YOUTH IN THE PROGRAM

OBJECTIVES:

! To introduce t he con cept o f positive yout h d evelopmen t

! To p rovide informat ion ab out the children or yo uth w ho are enrolled in

your prog ram




STEPS:1. Write this stat ement on the new sprint:

Helping young people achieve their full potent ials is the best way to prevent them from becoming

involved in r isky behavior.

(The st at ement is from a brochure a bo ut the Nat ional Clearingho use on Families a nd Youth .)

Ask participan ts w hat they t hink this sta tement mea ns. Relate it to the me nto r roles they

iden tified during Activity II. Then ask them to keep t he sta temen t in mind as t hey h ear mo re

ab out t he children or youth they w ill be men toring.

2. Present informat ion th at w ill help your mento rs unde rsta nd cha racteristicsthe particularstrengt hs and needsof the children or youth w hom t hey w ill be mentoring. Depending on

your program, you may wa nt to d o the presentat ion in one of the follow ing w ays, or come up

with your own a lternat ive. (such as having a staff memb er make the presenta tion):

! If the ch ildren or youth in your program h ave special needs or some o ther

commo n charact eristicfor example, if they a re children in foster care, youth w ho

all live in th e sa me ho using project, youth living in a juvenile dete ntion fa cility,

children or youth w ith physical disabilitiesyou can a rrang e to have a n out side

presenter come to t he training session to ta lk ab out t he pa rticular challeng es the

children or youth face a nd the special strength s they po ssess. A social w orker

involved with foster care could, for example, ta lk ab out t he foster care system an d

its effects on children. Someone from the h ousing project's tena nt co uncil couldta lk ab out living in the project so t hat your mentors have a co ntext for under-

stan ding th eir mente es lives. If your program is school-ba sed, a sta ff member

from the schoo l or your prog ram's school coordinato r could m ake a presenta tion

ab out w hat life is like in the school.



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OR

! If the children or youth in your prog ram are all w ithin a particular ag e rang e, you

can invite someone w ho w orks with young people that ag e to t alk ab out youthdevelopment. For example, someone w ho w orks with youth at a local Boys and

Girls Club, Y, or ot her aft er-school or w eekend prog ram could ta lk ab out experi-

ences with, and observations of, children or youth of that ag e.

NOTE: Be sure that anyone you invit e to speak has the kind of posit ive,support ive

att itude toward children and youth that you want your mentors to have.Talk to

the person well in advance about t his training session and explain why you would

like him or her to speak to the group.You can also,i n advance,give the speaker a

copy of the agenda for the t raining so he or she can see how the presentation fi ts

int o the overall session.

OR

! Arrang e for a pa nel of th ree or four current or former mentors with your program

(or mento rs from a similar program). Among oth er topics, they could d iscuss their

initial expecta tions for the men toring relat ionship and how and w hy those expec-

tat ions may have changed over time, their challenges and rewa rds, and wha t they

have come t o understa nd a bo ut the children or youth. (As the trainer, you w ill

facilitate the pa nel discussion.)

Wha tever form of presenta tion you decide to use, allow plenty of t ime for q uestions after-

wa rd. As appropriate, return to the idea of roles and expectat ions. Note ho w important it is for

mento rs to un derstan d t hat their primary role is to b e a friendto support t heir mentee,

rather than ent ering t he relationship with th e belief that they a re go ing to transform him or

her. The presentat ion about t he children an d yout h in your program sho uld he lp new mento rs

beg in to see how important it is to t ake a g rad ual approach to developing the relationship

to t ake the time to allow their mentee to learn to t rust them.

3. Return to the o pening statement ab out helping young p eople achieve their full poten-

tials, and relate it to the information that has just been presented. Note t hat the idea in this

statement is the essence of a positive a pproach to yout h development.

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ACTIVITY IV.

SUPPORTING CHILDREN AND YOUTH

OBJECTIVES:

! To exam ine the co ncept of po sitive youth development in more det ail

! To explore w ays th at mento rs can contribute to positive youth development


MATERIALS INCLUDED:

! Hand out: Developmen ta l Assets for Children a nd Youth


! 3 X 5 index cards


STEPS:1. Copy one o r more of these q uotes (or other quot es that you like) onto the new sprint:

Few things help an individual more than to place responsibili ty upon him, and to let him know

you trust him.

Booker T. Washing to n

Treat a child as though he already is the person he's capable of becoming.

Haim Ginot t

If you have no conf idence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of li fe.Wit h confidence, you

have won even before you have start ed.

Marcus Garvey

Lead a d iscussion about t he q uote(s) as a wa y into ta lking ab out p rinciples of positive youth

development . Note t hat e xperts in positive youth development t alk ab out youn g peo ples

ba sic needsessential conditions tha t help yout h avoid risky behaviors, experience healthy

development , and achieve their full pot ential.

2. Distribut e the h and out Developmenta l Assets for Children an d Youth . Explain the con cept o fdevelopme nta l assets as described in the first tw o pa rag raphs of the han do ut. Then review

the list of a ssets. As you do, ask which of the a ssets could b e delivered by a mento r. You ca n

also ask w hich assets could be delivered, but p roba bly should not be, given the discussions

the g roup has been ha ving ab out m ento rs roles. For example, it is NOTa ment ors role to b e

sure the men tee ha s done his or her homew ork each d ay.



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3. Orga nize participants into pa irs, and give each pair an index card. Ask them to think ab out

everything th e g roup has d iscussed so far during th is training sessionincluding t he q uali-

ties and roles of ment ors, the children or youth enrolled in the prog ram, and positive youth

development . Then ask each pa ir to cho ose one of the d evelopmen ta l assets tha t mento rs canhelp deliver, an d de cide on t wo or three things a ment or could do t o accom plish that . They

should w rite these on the front of the ca rd. On the b ack of the card, they should w rite dow n

tw o or three things that, as mentors, they should avoid doing beca use they would b e counter-

productive. (For example, a men tor can p rovide suppo rt by b eing sure to meet reg ularly with

the mentee, by do ing fun activities with their mentee, and by being encourag ing a nd

positive. Criticizing o r lecturing the mentee wo uld be count er-productive.)

4. Have the pa irs present their can d o and should a void lists.As they do, compile tw o ma ster

lists o n t he n ew sprint. Where useful, have the g roup discuss individua l itemsbot h po sitive

and nega tive ones. For example,if a pa ir sugg ests that a ment or should a void b eing judgmen-

ta l, ask for examp les of situa tions wh en a m ento r's first impulse migh t b e to so und judg men-tal (if the youth reports bad grades or being in a fight, for example), and how those situat ions

could be han dled in a mo re positive, product ive wa y.

After the pa irs have finished presenting their idea s, review t he lists an d see if there is any-

thing that the participants wa nt to ad d, delete, or modify.

5. Display t his q uote (or anot her quot e you like) on t he new sprint:

Catch people in the act of doing something right .

Ken Blan cha rd, The One-Minut e Manager

Ask participan ts to think for a minute a bo ut some of t he ma ny small w ays th ey could catchtheir mente e in the act of doing some thing right. Then a sk for a few volunteers to g ive some

examples. Empha size the importa nt role that mento rs have in providing support a nd b uilding

their mentees self-esteem and self-confidence.

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HANDOUT

Activity IV: Supporting Children and Youth(4 pages)

DEVELOPMENTAL ASSETS FOR CHILDREN AND YOUTH

Developmen ta l assets are fact orsbo th external and interna lwhich decrease the likelihoo d

tha t young peop le w ill eng ag e in risky beha vior and increase th e chances they w ill g row up to

be hea lthy, caring, and responsible ad ults.

The following frame wo rk, developed by Sea rch Institute (a research and training orga nization in

Minneapo lis), identifies 40 assets o r facto rs that are critical for young p eoples grow th a nd devel-

opmen t. The first 20 of t hese a ssets are externalpositive experiences that children a nd youth

should be receiving. The ne xt 20 are internalq ualities tha t yo ung people should (with th e help

of adults, communities, and institutions) be de veloping w ithin themselves.

EXTERNAL ASSETSThe first 20 developmen ta l assets fo cus on positive experiences t hat young peop le should

receive from t he people a nd institutions in the ir lives. Four cat eg ories of external assets a re

included in t he framew ork:

1. SupportYoung p eople need to experience support, care, and love from their families, neighb ors, and

many o thers.They need orga nizations and institutions tha t provide positive, supportive envi-

ronments. The d evelopme nta l assets in this categ ory include:

! Fam ily suppo rtFam ily life provides hig h levels of love a nd suppo rt

! Positive family communicationYoung person an d his/her pa rent(s)

communicate positively, and young person is willing to seek advice and counsel

from parent(s)

! Other ad ult relat ionshipsYoun g person receives suppo rt from non -pa rent

adults

! Caring neighb orhoodYoun g person experiences caring neighbors

! Caring school climateSchoo l provides a ca ring, encourag ing environment

! Parent involvement in schoolingParent(s) are a ctively involved in helping

young person succeed in school



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2. EmpowermentYoung peop le need t o be valued by th eir community a nd ha ve oppo rtunities to cont ribut e to

oth ers. For this to occur, they must be safe a nd feel secure. The developmenta l assets in th is

category include:

! The co mmunity va lues youth Young person perceives tha t ad ults in t he

community value youth

! Yout h a s resourcesYoun g peop le are given useful roles in the community

! Service to ot hersYoung person serves in t he co mmunity o ne ho ur or more

per week

! SafetyYoung person feels safe at ho me, at school, and in the neighb orhood

3. Boundaries and ExpectationsYoung people need to know wha t is expected of them and whet her activities and b ehaviorsare in bound s or out of b ound s.The developmen ta l assets in this categ ory include:

! Family boundariesFamily has clear rules and conseq uences, and monitors the

young person's whereabo uts

! School boundariesSchool provides clear rules a nd conseq uences

! Neighb orhood bound ariesNeighbors take responsibility for monitoring young

peop les b ehavior

! Adult role mod elsParent (s) an d o ther adults model positive, responsible beha vior

! Positive peer influenceYoung pe rsons best friends mod el responsible behavior

! High expecta tionsBoth pa rent(s) and tea chers encourag e the young person to

do w ell

4. Constructive Use of TimeYoung peop le need constructive, enriching opportunities for grow th t hrough creat ive act ivi-

ties, youth programs, congregat ional involvement, and q uality time at home. The d evelop-

menta l assets in this categ ory include:

! Creative activitiesYoung person spend s three o r more hours a we ek in lessons

or pract ice in music, thea ter, or other arts

! Yout h programsYoung person spend s three o r more hours per wee k in sports,

clubs, or orga nizations at schoo l and /or in community orga nizations

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! Relig ious communityYoung person spends one hour or more a we ek in a ctivi-

ties in a relig ious institution

! Time a t hom eYoung person is out w ith friends w ith nothing special to do tw o

or fewer nigh ts per week

INTERNAL ASSETSA communitys responsibility for its youn g do es not end w ith the provision o f external assets.

There needs t o b e a similar commitment to nurturing the internalized q ualities that g uide

choices and create a sense of purpose and focus. Four categ ories of internal assets a re included

in t he framew ork:

1. Commitment to LearningYoung peop le need to develop a lifelong co mmitment t o educat ion and learning. The de vel-

opmen ta l assets in this categ ory include:

! Motivation for achievementYoung person is motivated to d o w ell in schoo l

! School engag ementYoung person is actively eng ag ed in learning

! HomeworkYoung person reports doing a t least on e hour of hom ewo rk every

school day

! Bonding t o schoolYoung person cares ab out her or his school

! Reading for pleasureYoung person read s for pleasure three or more hours

per week

2. Positive ValuesYouth need to develop strong values that guide t heir choices.The developme nta l assets in

this cat eg ory include:

! Caring Young person places high va lue on helping o ther peo ple

! Equality and social justiceYoung person places high value on promoting

eq uality a nd reducing hung er and poverty

! IntegrityYoung person act s on co nvictions an d stan ds up for her or his beliefs

! HonestyYoung person tells the truth even w hen it is not easy

! ResponsibilityYoung person a ccepts a nd ta kes persona l responsibility

! RestraintYoung person be lieves it is important not to be sexually a ctive or to

use alcohol or other drugs



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3. Social CompetenciesYoung peop le need skills and compet encies that e q uip them to make positive choices, to

build relat ionships, an d t o succeed in life. The d evelopmenta l assets in this categ ory include:

! Planning a nd d ecisionma kingYoung person know s how to plan a head andmake cho ices

! Interpersonal compet enceYoung person has empat hy, sensitivity, and

friendship skills

! Cultural compet enceYoung person has know ledge o f and com fort with peo ple

of different cultural/racial/eth nic ba ckground s

! Resista nce skillsYoung person ca n resist ne ga tive peer pressure a nd

da ngerous situations

!Peaceful conflict resolutionYoung person seeks to resolve conflict n onviolent ly

4. Positive IdentityYoung people need a strong sense of their ow n po wer, purpose, wo rth, and promise. The

development al assets in this cat eg ory include:

! Personal powerYoung person feels he or she has control over thing s tha t

happen to me

! Self-esteemYoun g pe rson repo rts having a high self-esteem

! Sense of purposeYoung person reports t hat my life ha s purpose

! Positive view of personal futureYoung p erson is optimistic about her or his

personal future

(Reprint ed with permission f rom t he Search Insti tu te.Copyrigh t 1997.All righ ts reserved.This list is an educa-

tional tool. It is not in tended to be,nor is it approp riate as, a scientific measure of the developmental assets of

individuals.)

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ACTIVITY VI.

WRAP-UP

OBJECTIVE:! To h elp participa nts t hink ab out how to apply their learning from the session


MATERIALS INCLUDED:

! Hand out: During This Session

! Evaluation Form

STEPS:

1. Distribut e the h and out During This Session. Ask participa nts to w rite d ow n tw o or threethings the y learned d uring t his session th at t hey w ill be a ble to put t o use as they b eg in their

mento ring relat ionship. Then ask for a few volunteers to sha re one of t heir items.

2. Distribute t he evaluation forms, and ask everyone to complete one and return it to you before

leaving.



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HANDOUT

Activity VI: Wrap-Up

DURING THIS SESSION

List tw o or three things you learned d uring this session t hat w ill help you wh en you b eg in your

new role as a mento r. Then explain howea ch w ill help.

1.

2.

3.

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EVALUATION OF TRAINING SESSION

Date:

1. What did you find to be mostuseful in th is w orkshop?

2. What did you find to be leastuseful?

3. Was there anyt hing you felt wa s missing from th is sessionanyt hing you w ould have liked t o

know mo re abo ut?

4. In wha t other wa ys could w e improve this session?

5. Please rate the following:

Poor Average Excellent

Effectiveness of tra iner 1 2 3 4 5

Training room 1 2 3 4 5

Training content 1 2 3 4 5

Training activit ies 1 2 3 4 5

Training materia ls 1 2 3 4 5

Overall ra ting 1 2 3 4 5

6. List ot her topics or concerns you wo uld like to h ave a dd ressed in upcoming training sessions.

7. Please use the back of this form for any add itional comments.



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This section includes m at erials to help you p lan a nd deliver a second training w orkshop fo r new

mento rs. The session, w hich is best g iven be fore mentors begin to mee t w ith their mentee, is

intended to help them:

! Develop co mmunication skills

! Examine approa ches for building trust w ith their mentee

An a gend a for a 2 -hour training wo rkshop, and approximate times for each a ctivity, might

include t he follow ing:

ACTIVITY I. Icebreaker:Are You Listening? (20 minutes)

ACTIVITY II. If You Want Easy Listening,Turn on the Radio (25 minutes)

ACTIVITY III. Communication Role-Plays(45 minutes)

break(15 minutesYou m ight wa nt to have t he b reak occur during Activity #3, aft er the pairs

have co mpleted t heir role-plays and befo re they present the role-plays to t he w hole g roup.)

ACTIVITY IV. Trust Comes First (25 minutes)

ACTIVITY V. Pushing the Envelope (10 minut es)

ACTIVITY VI. Wrap-Up (10 minut es)

This training session should be cofa cilitated with ano ther sta ff memb er or a current or former

mento r. As you prepa re for the wo rkshop w ith your cofacilita tor, you w ill w ant to d ecide on the

scena rio yo u are g oing to role-play in Activity II, If You Wan t Easy Listen ing, an d t he role ea ch o f

you is go ing to t ake.


TRAINING ACTIVITIES:

SPEAKING OF TRUST


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ACTIVITY I.

ICEBREAKER: ARE YOU LISTENING?

OBJECTIVES:! To ha ve participa nts beco me act ively involved in the t raining session

! To identify q ua lities of a g oo d listener



! 3 X 5 index cards


STEPS:1. Give each participant a n index card. Say you want t hem to reintroduce themselves to the

group, but first you w ant them to consider this:

Think ab out several specific one-to -one conversat ions you ha ve been involved in recently

with a friend, relat ive, or co-worker. Would you describe yourself as a goo d listener? Why? Did

you do a nything t hat mad e you a less effective listener?

Ask them to write on the front of t he index card o ne thing t hey do or one q uality t hey have

that makes them a go od listener. On the b ack of the card, they should w rite one t hing t hey

do or q uality t hey ha ve during conversat ions tha t interferes with listening w ell. They w ill be

sharing bot h of these q ualities with the g roup w hen they introduce themselves.

Allow a co uple of minutes for participan ts to write on their inde x cards.

2. Go a round t he room, having each pa rticipant introduce himself or herself and briefly state

their good listening and b ad listening q uality. As they speak, record their responses in t wo

lists (hea ded qua lities of go od listening and characteristics of ba d listening) on the

newsprint.

3. Ask participants, What is a go od listener? During the d iscussion, they should see tha t a goo d

listener helps the speaker feel comforta ble and clarify thoug hts an d feeling s.

Return to t he items you have just listed o n the n ew sprint, and have pa rticipan ts discuss howeach con tribut es to, or hinders,goo d listening. Ask if there are any items they wa nt to delete,

chang e, or ad d to the list.



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ACTIVITY II.

IF YOU WANT EASY LISTENING,TURN ON THE RADIO

OBJECTIVES:

! To hea r the d ifference b etw een suppo rtive a nd nonsuppo rtive commun icat ion

! To understan d the q ualities of active listening


MATERIALS INCLUDED:

! Han do ut: I Hear You



STEPS:1. With your cofacilitat or, do tw o role-plays of a conversation betw een a mentor and mentee. In

the role-plays, the mentee should be t he same a ge a s the children or youth in your prog ram

and have oth er conversationa l characteristics that realistically exemplify th ose real ment ees.

Use the same scena rio for bo th role-plays.You ca n use or mod ify the follow ing scenario, or

creat e one o f your own t o represent situations tha t ment ors in your prog ram will be

dealing with:

Your mentee is 13 years old.You have been meeting for two months.He is always poli te but is also

always very quiet. Today,when you meet, he is even quieter than usual and he seems uninterested

in doing anyth ing. Suddenly, he blurts out: I cant stand it anymore.My teachers are picking on

me.My mother ignores me.My brothers beating up on me. I'm going to run away from home.

In the first role-play, the mentor should display po or listening and oth er communication

skills. The mento r could, for example, be nonsuppo rtive by asking, What did you d o a t

school that g ot you in troub le? Or the ment or could cause the men tee to feel defensive by

saying, Your moth er isnt very nice to you. Or the m ento r could shut off comm unicat ion by

telling the mentee w hat to d o instead of listening and helping to d raw him out.

After the role-play, ask participa nts for feedb ack. As they speak, ad d items, as app ropriate, to

the go od and ba d listening lists that are on the new sprint from t he previous act ivity.

In the secon d role-play, the mentor should display effect ive listening a nd o ther

comm unicat ion skills.



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After the role-play, ask participa nts for feedb ack. Aga in, as appropriat e, ad d items to the

go od and bad listening lists on the newsprint.

2. Distribute the ha ndout I Hear You, and allow participants a few minutes to read it. Then leada d iscussion a bout items on t he ha ndout, asking for examples and encouraging participants

to a sk q uestions ab out a nything t hey don't understand . (Remember, you are modeling g ood

listening skills!)

3. Use the follow ing q uote (write it on the new sprint) to summarize this activity:

Easy listening exists only on the radio.

David Barkan

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HANDOUT

Activity II: If You Want Easy Listening(3 pages)

I HEAR YOU

People tend to t hink of listening as something pa ssive, or they tend not to t hink about it a t a ll.

But listening is ac tua lly a skilla valuable skill tha t can be practiced a nd learned.

One writer has compa red a listener to a cat cher

in a b aseba ll game.1 Observers w ho d ont know

a lot ab out b aseba ll might believe that a

catcher is doing not hing more than w aiting for

a p itcher to t hrow t he ba ll. They think tha t a ll

the responsibility rests w ith the pitcher, w ho is,after all, the one who is winding up and deliver-

ing t he pitch. In the same wa y, some people

believe t hat all the responsibility in communi-

cat ion rests with th e person wh o is talking.

In reality, thoug h, a g ood catcher is not a pa s-

sive target w aiting to receive the pitch. He or

she concentrat es on a pitcher's motions; tracks

the pat h of the ba ll; and, if necessary, jumps,

stretches, or dives to make the ca tch. Similarly, a

g ood listener actively tries to cat ch and under-

stan d th e speakers words.

The next sect ion of fers tips for act ive listen ing.

ACTIVE LISTENING IS THE MOST IMPORTANT SKILL OF A GOOD MENTOR

You cannot trul y listen t o anyone and do anything else at t he same t ime.

M. Scott Peck

When you talk with your mentee,try to remember to:

! Clear your mind of unnecessary thoug hts and distract ions, so you can g ive her orhim your undivided at tent ion.

! If your mentee is a child o r much smaller tha n you, sit w hen you t alk, so you a re at

ab out t he same level.


Nicole didn't talk at al l when I first met her.

The adul ts in the house where she lived

didn't t ake the time or have the time to tal k

to t he kids. I had to learn not to ask herquestions she could answer in a few words.

Instead of asking, How was school t oday?I

ask,What did you do in school?Or when

we go to the movies, I don't ask her if she

liked it but what her favorite part was.When

we're planning a meal,we go shopping

together and talk about what we're buying.

A ment or

1 Kavanaug h, J. (1998)Everyday Heroes: A Guidebook for Ment ors. Sant a Fe, NM: Wise

Men &Women Mento rship Prog ram, Los Sabios, and Injury Prevention and Emerge ncy

Medical Services Bureau, Public Health Division, New Mexico Departm ent of Health.


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! Make eye conta ct.

! Be aware of your bod y lang uag e.

! Pay at tention to your mentee's facial expressions, gestures, and bod y languag e.

! Read bet we en the lines for your mentees feelings. Learn to sa y,How did th at

ma ke you feel?

! Ask open -ended q uestions. Dont ask,How w as school toda y? Instea d a sk, What

did you do in school toda y? Then, as appropriat e, ask nont hreatening follow -up

questions.

! Paraphraserestat e in your own w ordswha t you th ink the child or youth ha s

said. When pa raphrasing is accurate, your mentee w ill feel understoo d. If it is off

the ma rk, it invites h er or him to clarify and a lso reminds you to listen mo re closely.

! Ask q uestions when you do nt und ersta nd.

! Put yourself in your mentees shoes, and try to und ersta nd t he w orld from her

or his perspective.

! Put aside preconceived idea s, an d refrain from pa ssing judg ment.

! Acknow ledg e tha t you are listening b y occasionally nodding your head a nd

saying thing s like, I see.

! Give your mentee t he same respect t hat you de sire for yourself when yo u are

talking to someone.

How to kill a conversation:

1. Tell the spea ker that the w ay he or she feels is wrong .Its silly to feel that w ay.

2. Dont look at t he person who is speaking t o you.

3. Sit slouched over, look distracted, drum your fingers on the ta ble, or use some other body lan-

gua ge t o sig nal to th e speaker tha t youre not really interested.

4. While the person is speaking, think ab out w ha t you're go ing to say in reply. Its not possible to

be forming your own w ords and concentrating o n the speakers at the same timeso the

response yo u're planning is unlikely to be very useful.

5. Be judg mental and challenging. Ask q uestions that put your mentee on the spot:Why didn't

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you do b ett er on the test? Why did you say tha t to h er? How could you possibly think

that?

6. Interrupt t he person w ho is talking. Finish his or her sentences.

Some additional ideas for killing a conversation on the telephone:

1. Be tota lly silent for minutes at a time wh ile your mentee is talking. Dont say,I see, or OK, or

ask any q uestions.That w ay, your mentee w ill wond er if youre even there.

2. Do something else while the conversation is taking place: wo rk at your computer, read your e-

mail, do dishes, fold laundry, pay bills.



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ACTIVITY III.

COMMUNICATION ROLE-PLAYS

OBJECTIVE:! To pract ice app lying ac tive listen ing skills by pa rticipa ting in role-plays


MATERIALS INCLUDED:

! Trainer Resource: Sample Role P lays

STEPS:1. Tell participants tha t now you wa nt them t o a pply some of the ideas they have been ta lking

ab out during this session by role-playing conversat ions with t heir mentee s.

Org anize pa rticipants into pa irs. Give ea ch pa ir one of t he scena rios from th e trainer resource

Sample Role Plays, or one of t he scenarios you ha ve creat ed.

Tell the pairs you wa nt t hem t o use t heir scenario a s the ba sis for tworole-plays of a conversa-

tion betw een the ment or and ment ee.The same person should play the mentor and the

same person th e mentee for bot h role-plays.

! In the first role-play, the mento r should display poo r listening an d ot her

comm unicat ion skills

! In the seco nd role-play, the mentor should display effect ive listening a nd o ther

comm unicat ion skills

! As time allow s, they sho uld then sw itch roles and do the role-plays ag ain

Remind pa rticipants tha t t here are many positive (as w ell as ma ny neg at ive) w ays to respond

to a situa tion. Goo d com munication skills should b e incorporate d into a persons own style,

not b e forced.

As the pairs are d oing t heir role-plays, you a nd your cofacilita tor should listen in on as ma ny

as possible. Each t ime after you listen to a role-play, you can a sk the pair a few q uestions to

help them reflect on t he experience. For the ba d role-play, for example, you can a sk thementee how the mentors wo rds o r actions mad e him or her feel. For the go od role-play,

you can ask the mentee wha t the mentor said or did that made him or her feel the mentor

could be trusted.

Allow ab out 20 minutes fo r the pa irs to co mplete t heir role-plays.



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2. Bring the w hole group b ack tog ether. Ask for a pa ir to volunteer to g ive their tw o role-plays.

After each of th e role-plays, have ot her participan ts give feedback on wha t the m ento r said

and did to block or to foster a conversation that wo uld build trust a nd help the mentee feel

comforta ble about t alking openly. Also encourag e the pa ir to t alk ab out ho w t he experiencefelt to them and wha t they might b e more awa re of now that they have done t he role-plays.

As time a llows, have oth er pairs present their role-plays an d receive feed ba ck.

[Adapted from Big Brothers Big Sisters of America. (1991).Volun teer Development Seminar, Communicat ion

Skills, pp. 17-18. Volunteer Educa tion and Developmen t Manual.]

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TRAINER RESOURCE

Activity III: Communication Role-Plays(2 pages)

SAMPLE ROLE-PLAYS

These scenarios are intend ed to give participan ts a n opportunity t o explore various w ays of

respond ing to their mente es, incorporating the co mmunication skills they ha ve been exploring

during t his training wo rkshop. You can cut t hese along the d ott ed lines and g ive one scenario to

each pair during Activity III, Communicat ion Role Plays. Or you might w an t t o create new scenar-

ios th at describe situa tions w hich more closely represent your pa rticular prog ram.

1. Your mentee is 11 years old. You have been meeting for more than tw o mont hs, and she has

never expressed an opinion a bout how you a nd she should spend your time toget her. Youalwa ys sugg est t he a ctivities.When yo u sugg est on e, she alw ays says, That 'll be OK. When yo u

suggest more than one a nd ask her to choose,she says,It d oesn't ma tter which one.When you

ask her to sugg est w hat she'd like to do, she says,Anything w ill be nice. You know it's impor-

tant for her to share in the d ecisionmaking; and in your meeting toda y, youve decided to try to

dea l w ith t his situa tion.

2. Your mente e is 13 years old.This is only your third meet ing w ith him. His family recently moved

and, as a result, he started g oing to this school just last mont h, after the school year had alread y

started. He had nt said much a bout school during your first t wo meetings.In fact, he ha dnt said

much about a nything. But tod ay w hen you meet, you immediately see that he has a black eye.You ask him wh at happened .Nothing, he says.I just go t into a fight in the cafeteria.

3. Your mentee is seven years old. You have b een meeting w ith him for six weeks, and he has

always seemed to enjoy your time tog ether. But w hen you meet with him toda y, it seems like

not hing can make him ha ppy. He doesnt wa nt to play computer games or read a story tog ether

or play ca tch, all things he usua lly enjoys. He fina lly agrees to w ork on put ting t og ether a Super

Monsters puzzle with you, but w hen the puzzle is halfway comp lete, he knocks all the pieces

ont o the floor and starts kicking them a cross the room.

4. Your mentee is 12 years old. During the first tw o mont hs of your relat ionship, things seemed t obe g oing well betw een you. But then she didnt show up for your last tw o meetings. You

phoned ag ain and set up a nother meeting, this time a rrang ing to pick her up in your car. She is

home w hen you a rrive there, and she gives you a b ig smile w hen she sees you. But youre upset

ab out t he missed meetings and feel you have to talk ab out it.



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5. Your mentee is 14 years old, and you have been meeting w ith her for three months. At your

meeting t od ay, she proud ly show s you the report ca rd she has just received. I didnt fail any-

thing, she says. You look at t he report card: She has just ba rely passed a ll of her classes. You

know she's smart and should b e do ing much bett er in school.

6. Your mentee is 14 years old, and you have been meeting w ith him for a mon th. On a Monday

afternoon, you meet him at school, and t he two of you are having a great time shooting hoops

and talking ab out w hat else each of you likes to d o to have fun.I had a great t ime this week-

end, he says.I went to a party w here this guy brought a ll this beer.

7. Your mentee is 15 years old, and you have b een meeting w ith him for three months. When you

see him tod ay, he ha s just go tten h is report card, and he is failing tw o subjects.I cant wa it until

Im 16, he sa ys.The first t hing Im g oing to do is drop out of scho ol.

8. Your mentee is eight years old, and you have been meeting for two mo nths. During t he first

half-hour of your meeting to day, you and she play hopscotch out side in the schoolyard. She

seems a bit q uieter than usual, but you do n't t hink much ab out it beca use she is very shy and

usually do esnt talk much when you are tog ether. Its cold o ut, and after a while the tw o o f you

decide to go inside to the school library to read a boo k. When you sit d ow n tog ether at the

tab le to read a nd she ta kes her coat o ff, you see that she has fresh, large bruises on both o f

her arms.

9. Your mentee is 14 years old, and you have been meeting for two months. The tw o of you have

just g one to a movie together, and you want to g o w ith her to get something to eat a nd ta lkab out t he movie.What time is it? she asks. When you t ell her, she says she has to g o ho me to

ba bysit for her sister and make dinner.Im a lread y late, she says.My mot hers go ing to scream

at me. Its not fair. Shes never home. She makes me do everything.

10. Your mentee is 14 years old. Youve been mee ting fo r three months, and you know he ha s a

hug e crush on a girl in his class. He t alks ab out her a lot and considers her his girlfriend. Your

mentee is small and shy, an d yo ure prett y sure th is is the first g irlfriend he's had. When yo u

meet t od ay, hes obviously do w ncast. What s the ma tte r? you a sk. He tells you his girlfriend has

started seeing a guy w hos 17, and she told your mentee,Why would I wa nt to go out w ith a

runt like you?

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Activity IV.

TRUST COMES FIRST

OBJECTIVE:! To a ppreciat e th e importa nce of ta king t he t ime to first b uild t rust w ith

their mente e

! To unde rsta nd w hat d oes and do es not cont ribut e to building t rust


MATERIALS INCLUDED:

! Handout:Building Relationships

STEPS:1. Empha size tha t being an a ctive listener is an essential qua lity for building a successful men-

toring relat ionship. How ever, it is not t he only one.

Ask participan ts to think ab out their own experiences in relat ionships they had w ith ad ults

(oth er than their parents) w hen t hey w ere children or youth .

How long did i t t ake for those relat ionships to form? How long, as a child, did it take them to trust

and feel at tached to the adult? How long, as a youth, did it take? Why did they begin to trust t hat

adul t? Did the trust remain? Did they ever begin to question it ? If so,why?

2. Distribute t he ha ndout Building Relationships, which draws to geth er much of wha t pa rtici-

pan ts have been exploring during t hese training sessions. Note t ha t the information on the

han do ut is based on research conduct ed a bo ut ment oring relat ionships in Big Brothers Big

Sisters agen cies from a round th e count ry. Allow participan ts a few minutes to read t he

handout.

Then lead a discussion a bo ut informat ion on the ha ndo ut. (Before the session, you could write

the h and out s key points on the n ew sprint a nd display t hem d uring the d iscussion.) Be sure

to relat e th e b ulleted items to the underlying principle of estab lishing trust. Allow pa rtici-

pants a mple oppo rtunity t o a sk q uestions and to d iscuss any confusion a bout, or possible

disag reement with, information on the hand out.



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HANDOUT

Activity IV: Trust Comes First(3 pages)

BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS

What makes a mentoring relationship successful?

The key to creating e ffective mentoring relat ionships lies in the d evelopmen t o f trust betw een

two strang ers of d ifferent a ges. Volunteers come t o mento ring prog rams b ecause they w ant to

help youth . Without esta blishing t rust, how ever, mento rs can never truly support the yout h with

who m they interact.

Estab lishing com munication a nd developing a relat ionship can o ften b e d ifficult processes.

Learning to trust, especially for youth w ho ha ve been let dow n before, requires timeyouth can -not b e expected to t rust their mentor simply beca use prog ram sta ff have put the t wo of them

together.

The mo st critical facto r in d etermining w heth er matche s develop into satisfying and effective

relationships charact erized b y high levels of trust is the a pproach o f the men tor. Mento rs w ho

follow a gradua l path in trust-building find tha t t he types of support t hey can offer, and are

accepted, broaden considerably once trust ha s been esta blished.

Effective mentors are more likely to eng ag e in the follow ing practices:

! They see them selves as friends rather tha n tea chers or parents, and define their

role as supporting t he youth in a variety of wa ys.

! They a re act ive listeners.

! They make a commitment to being consistent a nd d ependab le, to maintaining a

steady presence in the youths life.

! They und ersta nd tha t t he relat ionship may seem fa irly one-sided they ma y feel

like th ey a re doing all the w orkand they ta ke responsibility for keeping t he

relat ionship alive. For example, early in the relationship, youth o ften t est ad ults to

det ermine w hethe r they w ill act ually stick around. Successful mentors reg ularly

initiate contact and ensure tha t meetings are scheduled, rather than wa iting tohea r from youth.

! They involve the youth in d eciding how the pair will spend their time to g ether.

While youth are often reticent about expressing w ha t they w ant to do, successful

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mento rs ta ke the t ime to learn ab out t he youths interests and provide t hem w ith

options for how to spend their time, rather tha n planning everything w ithout

input from the youth.

! They pa y at tent ion to kids need for fun. Having fun to ge ther is a key part o fbuilding relat ionships, and it a lso provides yout h w ith valuab le oppo rtunities that

are otherwise often unavailab le to them.

! They seek and utilize th e help a nd ad vice of p rogram st aff. Successful mento rs

recognize that t hey dont have all the a nswers, and they value the support a nd

guidance tha t program staff can provide.

What stands in the way of a successful relationship?

Mento rs w ho focus first on b uilding t rust a nd b ecoming a friend t o the ir youth t end t o be m ore

effective than mentors who immediately try to chang e or reform the youth. Adults whose a tten-

tion is concentrated on reforming youth ofte n a re frustrated by t he yout hs lack of receptivity.

These mento rs make the mistake of pushing to o ha rd and too q uickly on t he ment ee's problems:

pressing them t o ta lk ab out sensitive issues befo re they a re ready, and ignoring t he youth 's

desire to help set th e a ge nda for the pairs act ivities. These ment ors fail precisely because t hey

are too focused on their ow n ag enda .

Less successful mento rs tend to d o t he follow ing.

They approach th e relationship with narrow, specific go als aimed a t cha ng ing the

youths behavior.

They have d ifficulty meeting w ith youth on a regular and consistent b asis, ofte n

deman ding tha t youth play a n eq ual role in initiating contact . Unsuccessful

mentors often complain tha t t heir mentees do no t ca ll them to schedule

meetings, or that youth fail to show up for meetings w hen they say t hey will.

They a ttem pt to instill a set o f values tha t ma y be d ifferent from o r inconsistent

with those the youth is exposed to at home.

They a ttem pt to transform or reform the youth by setting ta sks (for example,

focusing on doing schoolwo rk during their meetings) and ad opting a parental or

aut horita tive role in their interact ions w ith youth. For youth, the value of a mento ris often in having a supportive a dult who is not a p arent or teacherad opting

the po sture of these auth ority figures undermines the developme nt of t rust

between a mentor and youth.

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They emph asize beha vior chang es over developing mutua l trust an d respect in

the relationship. Mentors cannot force youth to chang e; too much focus on wha t

is w rong w ith a yo uth is more likely to turn him or her awa y from the m ento r.

Ado pting th ese ineffective strateg ies most oft en lead s to dissat isfaction w ith the mat ch and pre-ma ture termina tion. In a study of Big Brot hers Big Sisters of America, researchers found t ha t

more tha n 70 percent of the ma tches tha t included mento rs wh o to ok this reform the youth

approach met o nly sporadically, an d th e majority of t hose ma tches ended relat ively quickly. In

contrast, in mat ches where mentors ado pted the g rad ual trust-building a pproach, more than 90

percent met on a regular and consistent b asis for an extende d period o f time.

[Informat ion f rom Morrow,K.V.,& Styles,M.B. (1995).Building Relat ionships with Yout h in Program Setting s:

A Stud y of Big Brothers/Big Sisters. Philadelphia : Publi c/Private Ventures.]

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ACTIVITY V.

PUSHING THE ENVELOPE

OBJECTIVE:

! To h ave a firstha nd experience with a q uestion of t rust



! Envelopes a nd paper tha t, when folded, fits inside the envelopes

STEPS:

1. Tha nk pa rticipants for their contributions to this workshop an d say t hat there are just one ortw o more things you wa nt to do during this session.

Give each person a piece of paper and an envelope. Say that you w ant ea ch of them to write

dow n on the piece of paper one thing ab out themselves that they ha ve never told a nyone.

Then th ey should fold t he pap er, put it inside t he envelope, seal the envelope, and w rite th eir

name on the outside.

Allow a few minutes for them to complete th is ta sk. Then a sk them to pass th e envelopes

to you.

2. When you have the envelopes, act a s though you a re considering o pening t hemfor exam-ple, you might look quite interested in them, start to o pen one, and then stop. (Dont a ctually

open any of t he envelopes.) Your g oa l is to make th e pa rticipants feel sligh tly distrustful and

uneasy, or at least to make them w onder w hat's going on. While you a re do ing this, keep ta lk-

ing casually ab out me ntoring, tod ay s training session, or a similar topic.

After you have created a little tension an d uncerta inty, smile and return each o f the envelopes

to its ow ner.

3. Ask the g roup how they felt d uring this exercise. While they w ill probab ly talk freely about

itand ab out issues of trustbe sure the d iscussion a dd resses at least th ese points:

There are actua lly several aspects of t rust involved in this exercise.First, part icipan ts have to t rustyou enough t hat they are willing to wri te down something about themselves they have never to ld

anyone. (At least some people are likely to have writ ten something other than a profound personal

secret.) Then they have to trust you enough to put their names on the envelopes and pass the

envelopes to you.

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Part icipants should also talk about how they felt when you seemed like you were going to open

some of the envelopes. (Even if they wrote something other than a personal secret, your opening

the envelope would be a violation of confidentialit y and trust.)

Relate t he experience pa rticipan ts ha ve just ha d d uring this activity t o t he process of building

trust with th eir mentee.

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ACTIVITY VI.

WRAP-UP

OBJECTIVE:! To h elp participa nts t hink ab out how to apply their learning from the session


MATERIALS INCLUDED:

! Han do ut: During This Session

! Evaluation Form

STEPS:

1. Write this (or anot her quot at ion) on the new sprint, as a backdrop for the session's wrap-up:

No one ever li stened himself out of a job.

Calvin Coolidg e

2. Distribute the hand out During This Session, and ask participant s to write d ow n tw o o r three

things they learned during the session th at they w ill be ab le to put to use as they beg in their

ment oring relationsh ip. (These could be skills, at titud es, or anyt hing else.) Then a sk for a few

volunteers to share on e of their items.

3. Distribute the evaluation forms, and ask everyone to complete one and return it to you

befo re leaving.

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HANDOUT

Activity VI: Wrap-Up

DURING THIS SESSION

List t hree things you learned during this session t ha t w ill help you w hen yo u beg in your new

role as a mento r. They ca n b e skills, at titudes, or anyt hing e lse. Then e xplain howeach w ill help.

1.

2.

3.

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EVALUATION OF TRAINING SESSION

Date:

1. What did you find to be mostuseful in th is w orkshop?

2. What did you find to be leastuseful?

3. Was there anyt hing you felt wa s missing from th is sessionanyt hing you w ould have liked t o

know mo re abo ut?

4. In wha t other wa ys could w e improve this session?

5. Please rate the following:

Poor Average Excellent

Effectiveness of tra iner 1 2 3 4 5

Training room 1 2 3 4 5

Training content 1 2 3 4 5

Training activit ies 1 2 3 4 5

Training materia ls 1 2 3 4 5

Overall ra ting 1 2 3 4 5

6. List ot her topics or concerns you wo uld like to h ave a dd ressed in upcoming training sessions.

7. Please use the back of this form for any add itional comments.

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TRAINER NOTES:

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