E R

With t support a l of th may b possibl

CO v e r 170 Students f rom Imperial

attended the Students' U n i o n lobby

of Parliament yesterday afternoon.

The lobby was supported by the

Rector and the College's Govern ing

b o d y a n d m o s t d e p a r t m e n t s

cancelled lectures, tutorials and

l a b o r a t o r y sess ions to enable

students to take part i n the action.

O n e M P c o m m e n d e d a l l the

students present as ' w e l l - behaved'

and saying that he felt the afternoon

had been 'carefully organised. '

Before the lobby M r Peter Brooke,

Chairman of the Conservative Party

and M P for Westminster N o r t h ,

addressed the College o n the issue

of student loans expressing the

G o v e r n m e n t ' s v i e w p o i n t . H e

argued that the loan system was

justified, claiming that it reduced the

pressure on parental contributions

and w o u l d increase the number of

students entering higher education

as a result. H e rejected the views of

several students w h o stated that

school-leavers w o u l d be deterred

f rom entering higher education as

a direct consequence of the loan

system.

C h a i r m a n of the meeting, N e i l

M c C l u s k y noted that a survey

carried out at Edinburgh University

conc luded that 40% of school-

leavers w o u l d be discouraged f rom

entering universities or polytechnics

under a loans scheme. M r Brooke

felt this survey was biased by

students' wishes to affect the future

of the loans scheme. 'Faced wi th the

same questions once the loan

scheme is i n act ion, ' he cla imed,

' t h e y w o u l d p r o b a b l y • vote

dif ferently. '

The Government ' s reference to

the S w e d i s h system of loans i n its

White Paper was raised by a number

of students. O n e student said that

i n a s u r v e y c a r r i e d o u t b y

Gothenburg Univers i ty , 65% of the

i lowest socio-economic group, w h o

I had the relevant qualifications, were

Butcher, Baker, Candlestick Maker

deterred f rom going to university

because of the S w e d i s h loans

system.

M r Brooke refused to accept

predictions about the effects a loans

system w o u l d have and said 'the

test w i l l be i n how many people w i l l

take u p the loans w h e n they are

available.' One student commented

'It is r i d i c u l o u s to a l l o w o u r

education system to suffer in the

same way as the Swedish one before

we take any action to remedy the

situation. '

M r Brooke i n s i s t e d that no

condemnation of the system w o u l d

be fair unt i l it had been tried.

It was suggested to M r Brooke

that an increase of 1% i n the upper

tax bracket w o u l d 'more than

provide for the £108M needed to

restore grants to the 1979 level, i n

real terms. ' M r Brooke replied that

a large number of people in the

higher tax bracket are not graduates

and as such w o u l d object to paying

for further education.

IC U n i o n President, N i g e l Baker

said afterwards, 'I thought that the

meeting was a success because it

al lowed the students a chance to

question the Government first­

hand . I do not think that we

changed his m i n d , but at least we

had a go. '

The responses f rom M P s at the

Parliamentary lobby were mixed.

G r a h a m Riddick, Conservative M P

for the Colne Valley, claimed that

the implementation of student loans

w o u l d m a k e s t u d e n t s m o r e

responsible about entering higher

education because they w o u l d 'have

to think about the money first . ' H e

refused to accept one students'

claims that loans would discriminate

against students from low-income

f a m i l i e s . H e a r g u e d that the

incentive of good jobs after leaving

u n i v e r s i t y w o u l d ' m o r e t h a n

compensate' for the expense of the

course. Different views were voiced

by another Conservative M P , M r

Tony Speller, w h o impl ied that the

concept of students being seen to be

paying for further education was a

g o o d v o t e - w i n n e r a m o n g the

w o r k i n g classes.

A number of other Conservative

M P s were sympathetic to the views

of students a n d expressed an

interest in m o d i f y i n g the loans-

scheme proposal as it stands. M r

Stephen Day, Conservative M P for

Cleesdale, said he w o u l d attempt to

increase the hardship f u n d and M r

Richard Page, another Conservative

M P was particularly sympathetic

about the specific problems that

w o u l d be encountered at Imperial

and other L o n d o n colleges.

M r Page whose son is o n a

product ion engineering course at

continued on back page

ISSUE 824 20 JAN 1989

s

nf

r Dear Bill,

I am wri t ing to y o u in response to the article

in last week's FELIX , entitled ' V i e w from a

Bridge' , w h i c h 'passes judgement' on the U n i o n

President, Nige l Baker. I am not a 'Bakerite' , I

am onlv wr i t ing to point out a few factual

inaccuracies in the article, and do not want to be

i n v o k e d i n a bickering match between U n i o n

big-wigs.

In his article M r Harbour-Bridge says that ' M r

Baker informs his C o u n c i l of his actions rather

than asking their opinion in advance'. This is not

true. At the C o u n c i l meeting of 21 November

1988, w h i c h I attended, approximately one-and-

a-half hours were devoted to the President's

report. This was because M r Baker had asked for

C o u n c i l ' s v iews on several matters. These

inc luded rent levels, intercollegiate halls, the

value of sub-wardens, student loans, timetabling,

to name but a few. The reason for the debate on

each of these issues was so the President could

present the U n i o n ' s v iew, and not his personal

v i e w , at forthcoming committees, meetings and

discussions.

I seem to remember that last year M r Harbour-

Br idge presented a paper to the College

G o v e r n i n g Body proposing a reorganisation of

the College timetabling system. This paper was

not presented to Counc i l at the time so the

proposal put forward was the personal one of M r

Harbour-Bridge. What right does the U n i o n

President have to present personal papers to

G o v e r n i n g Dody without first consult ing the.

students—those people w h o elected h i m and who.

ultimately w i l l be affected?

I believe that most students w o u l d rather see.

the U n i o n Office r u n as an 'efficient package'.

Surely the more efficient and organised the U n i o n

Office is, the more efficient and effective the.

whole Student U n i o n w i l l be, which is beneficial.

to everyone. W e should be grateful that the.

President is not continually at loggerheads w i t h ,

his Deputy . The sabbaticals should work as a.

team, w i t h the President, according to the Job.

Description instigated by M r Harbour-Bridge last,

year, ' responsible for the overall effective,

organisation of the U n i o n ' .

Once the office closes at 5.30pm the President,

and indeed the other sabbaticals, are stil l ,

accessible, each one of them having a telephone,

i n their rooms. It is not part of the President's.

Job Description to spend every evening in the

U n i o n Bar.

T h r o u g h the r u n n i n g last term of A l c o h o l

Awareness Week and the Welfare Survey and

this term's A i d s and Sexuality Week, M r Baker,

has demonstrated that he actually cares about the.

students w h o elected h i m . Was it his fault that

75% of IC students couldn' t be bothered to f i l l ,

i n and return the Welfare Survey? A l s o o n the

subject of Welfare, the U n i o n does have a Student

Welfare Officer and the Welfare Committee d i d

meet last term. A Welfare A d v i s o r , a member of

the permanent U n i o n staff, has been appointed

and should be assuming responsibilities any time

n o w . It takes time to appoint the right staff,

particularly to the post of something like Welfare

A d v i s o r . Indeed i n M r H a r b o u r - B r i d g e ' s

reorganisation of the U n i o n last year he said that

the Union was 'massively understaffed', so when

staff are appointed the right choice is essential.

M r Baker does care about accommodation and

is currently involved in assessing the value of sub-

wardens. The rent levels currently being charged

for College halls were agreed during M r Harbour-

Bridge's year as President, so w h y d idn ' t he do

anything about it? A n d on the subject of the

merger wi th St M a r y ' s , w h y wasn't a merger

agreed last year?

I believe that the article written by M r Harbour-

Bridge is a case of 'sour grapes' as a result of

probably a few things. Firstly M r Baker's attempt

at a vote of no confidence i n M r Harbour-Bridge

at a Counc i l meeting last term, and secondly M r

Baker is more popular and is doing a better job

than M r Harbour-Bridge ever was or ever d i d .

Okay , M r Baker's 'public image' is not as great

as M r Harbour-Bridge's was, but M r Harbour-

Bridge got his 'public image' through his

'relationship' wi th the FELIX Editor. O h , by the

way, what d id M r Harbour-Bridge actually do for

Joe Student during his year as President?

Yours, name not withholding,

Chris Greenwood (Elec Eng 2).

c

Dear Bill,

I w o u l d like to reply to the anonymous letter

i n last week's issue. Hopeful ly we can put this

issue to bed once and for al l .

1. The money in question is not for my benefit,

it is for Indsoc w h i c h doesn't receive an S C C

grant.

2. W e were specifically told before the Fair that

Indsoc w o u l d be given a cut of the profits. W e

were complaining because this was i n question.

3. In four days we raised £500 for Rag and

£8,000 for the U n i o n and £2,000 for Indsoc. Very

arrogant I must say.

4. W h y won ' t y o u let your name be printed?

Fr ightened that somebody else w i l l bitch

anonymously at you?

S / McCall.

sy

Dear Bill,

I have just seen an envelope addressed to m y

colleague Ian Morr i s , I C U H o n Sec, w h i c h has

. been posted wi th a first class frank on it. Nothing

extraordinary about that, except w h e n y o u

consider that it has been posted from College

itself, instead of being sent in the internal mai l .

A s someone w h o is responsible for U n i o n

finances, Nineteen pence wasted by College may

seem a trivial amount to quibble over, but I

wonder if this is just the tip of the iceberg?

Yours sincerely,

Charles Brereton ICU Deputy President

st

Dear Editor,

I a m w r i t i n g concern ing the p r o p o s e d

expansion plans for Imperial College Radio,

which 1 note have not been discussed w i t h me.

O n Friday evening, January 13, I received

notice f r o m S y d n e y H a r b o u r - B r i d g e that

comments and amendments to his suggestions

should be received before Wednesday January 18.

I take this to mean that the lastest date for

submission is Tuesday. The notification of this

leaves me two College days in w h i c h to prepare

submissions.

I suspect it is unl ikely to have escaped M r

Harbour-Bridge's notice that this leaves very little

opportunity for the members of IC Radio to

formulate a reply to proposals that are universally

held by them to be very damaging. G i v e n that

the earliest possible time that I could call a general

meeting of the station is Thursday January 19,

I must ask that the deadline be extended.

Failure to do this w i l l result in the members of

Imperial College Radio being al lowed no say in

the future of the C l u b to w h i c h they belong. In

such circumstanes, many of them are unlikely to

w i s h to continue provid ing a service to their

fellows.

A s a consequence of this, and i n the light of

the unconstitutional discussion of Imperial

College Radio at the last meeting of the

Publications' Board, I must inform y o u that

failure to extend the deadline w i l l leave me w i t h

no alternative other than to table a motion of no

confidence in the C h a i r m a n of the Board.

Yours sincerely,

Nigel Whitfield, Station Manager.

yX

Dear Bill,

First of all may I congratulate y o u o n print ing

the opin ion article by Sydney Harbour-Bridge.

Even though the article is obviously critical about

m y bias towards Ents (1 was Ents Secretary last

year!), the criticism is constructive and has

prompted me to act o n a number of ideas that

I had shelved for the time being. I therefore

apologise for not having invested enough time

in certain areas.

W i t h respect to your Editorial , however, I feel

that such negative and fruitless criticism wi l l only

serve to alienate people rather than encourage

them to correct any mistakes they may have

made. I k n o w that a certain amount of ' them and

us ' inherently exists between F E L I X and the

U n i o n Office but if we all try to shed our o w n

self-advancement and consider h o w best to

project the U n i o n , progress w i l l be made and the

student populus w i l l see that we 're not so

immature as to wreck the U n i o n f rom w i t h i n

when external influences are having a pretty good

g°-

Yours sincerely,

Ian Morris, ICU Hon Sec.

Page 2 FELIX January 20 1989

x

l A Farewell to democracy • On Monday, the Union Council will consider a proposal

to abolish the Union General Meeting. The proposal has been put forward by the

St Mary's merger working party. It has to be one of the most absurd and dangerous

proposals that this Union has ever considered, all the moreso because, on the surface,

the move appears to quite innocuous.

The problem which has been hindering merger between IC Union and St Mary's

medical school is the question of the Union General Meeting. The difficulty is that

the time table at St Mary's Medical School does not allow their students time to

attend Union General Meetings at Imperial.

The working party's solution to this problem is to abolish UGM's altogether leaving

Council as the only decision making body. Such a move would mark the end of

democracy within the Union.

The Union General Meeting is the only forum in which ordinary students possess

to challenge or question the actions of their elected Union Officers. It is the only

forum which students have for raising motions on subjects they believe and it is

the only forum they have for discussing issues which are important to them.

Without UGM's this Union would be governed by a clique of self seeking individuals

whose interests lie more in making a name for themselves than in the long term

good of the Union. Elected officers would not be accountable to the students who

elected them and the Union would be one stage further removed from the students

it represents, as if it isn't far enough removed already.

In many ways the abolishion of UGM's marks the culmination of the attitude which

has been prevelent throughout the Union this year; a move away from consultation

and towards decision making behind the closed doors of the Union Office. Take the

recently appointed Welfare Adviser for example. Nigel Baker deserves a pat on the

back for persuading the College to pay for a full time Welfare Adviser. But he was

wrong not to bring the matter to the attention of Council or the UGM, particularly

when it is possible that cuts in Clubs and Sociecies budgets may be needed to provide

the Welfare adviser with the £7000 resource budget she needs to carry out her job.

(The Union forgot to pass the relevent UFC minutes through the last Council.) No

doubt someone will raise the matter at Monday's Council, but now that the adviser

has been appointed it is rather too late to discuss the merits or otherwise of having

a full time adviser.

The proponents of abolishing the Union General Meeting argue that students will

still be able to raise motions at Council and point out that they will be able to ask

for speaking rights. They argue that such a system is good enough for The University

of London Union in their General Union Council (GUC) and so it should be good

enough for IC.

There are two points to bear in mind. Firstly, to be considered by the proposed

new council, a motion would have to have 150 seconders, as opposed to our current

UGM system where only one seconder is required. It is fairly obvious that this will

make it very difficult for students raise motions at all. Emergency motions, which

need to be draughted and submitted in a hurry will, of course, have no chance

whatsoever.

The second point is that the GUC consists of delegates representing constituent

Colleges which have there own UGM systems ie the position of GUC is inherently

different from that of Imperial and St Mary's.

Alternatives ? I am not pretending that there will be an easy solution to the UGM

problem. It may mean negotiating with the authorities at the Medical School to ask

them to reschedule lectures and holding UGM's on alternate sites, for example.

What I do know is that this Union should be striving to become more democratic

not less so. Even if retaining UGM's does damage democracy by making it difficult

for St Mary's students to attend it is preferable to do this than to destroy democracy

completely by aboloshing UGM's.

Cheese & Wine Tonight at 7pm in the FELIX Office. Everyone is welcome. There

will be a small financial contribution required.

Thanks to Dave, Sez, Rob, Doug, Romin, Andy, Jason, Wouter, Summit, Liz, Paul,

Adam, Saya, Syd, Penny, Roy, Hal, Nik, Wendy, Walter, Rose, Dean, Ents, SF Soc

and Third World First for collating last week, anyone I have forgotten and all this

weeks collators. Staff Meeting today 12:30.

s A N N O U N C E M E N T S

• Japanese Society: Please contact

K Yokota , M e c h E n g P G (ext

6265), or K Kameko, Physics

U G 2 , for details.

• Greater L o n d o n C l u b . Trip to

Ronnie Scotts today (Friday).

Cost £5 to see A r t Blakely and

the Jazz Messengers. Meet 8 p m

at U n i o n Snack Bar.

• G L C trip o n M o n d a y (23rd Jan)

to see W o g a n . Meet 8pm U n i o n

Snack Bar. 30 places.

• G L C trip to Jongleurs o n Friday

27th Jan. £4, includes transport

there and back. O n l y 30 places.

• G i r l s tennis team practice starts

again this Sunday from H a m to

l p m at IC courts. Expect to see

all the old members there and

any newcomers welcome too.

F O R S A L E

• Openreel Vi" '4-track' s o u n d o n

sound recorder. N o r m a l , X2, X4

cassette spds. £60 inc luding

leads. Bass guitar, 2 pickups .

£35. Contact C W o n g (Physics 2).

• V a u x h a l l Cavalier 1300 Saloon,

B Reg. £2250. Contact A d r i a n

Hicks via Dramsoc 3531 or Elec

E n g U G pigeonholes.

A C C O M M O D A T I O N

• First week of MarcVi—shared

accommodation available i n

Bayswater. Contact A Tamdj idi ,

A e r o 3 or phone 724 6553.

• 1-4 people in Hamlet Gardens .

Available f rom 22/3/89. £38 per

week (rent rebate available).

Contact Christ ine Tuckett (Life

Sci 2) via Biology pigeonholes.

P E R S O N A L

• Wot no Z e v Greenjacket

• Babs—Don't forget our secret

meeting on Wednesday 2.15pm

outside the bookshop.

• I haven't seen P a m since the

Dirty Disco. . .honest .

• S m a l l lonely pine tree seeks

companion for lasting

friendship—Beit Q u a d .

• What 's green and smells of

cucumber?

• H o w l o n g is your cucumber?

• Lost : Smal l , furry, black hat,

prefers dark corners, liable to

bite. Reward . Return to F E L I X

Editor.

• Beware the R C S U dream ticket.

• iNot if y o u don' t take y o u r

boots off y o u don't , luv D .

• We're not having that as

President.

• M o n d a y 23rd is approaching

fast.

• C a n y o u stand the suspense?

• Wanted dead/alive person to

share room, either sex, w o u l d

consider inflatables. Box 725.

• Surrogate father available,

cheap rates. Contact B i l l T want

to have your babies' G o o d w i n .

• W a n t e d : Legal advice

concerning forthcoming lawsuit .

A p p l y N o r m a n Rat (Deceased).

• Saucy Susan reveals a l l . The

hottest sex line i n I C o n 3521.

• Chemis t ry 1 claims another

vic t im! The Penthouse C l u b .

• T h e E E C wine lake, the E E C

butter mounta in , n o w the R C S

mustard lake and the R C S onion

mountain .

• M o n D i e u ! C'est beaucoup de

onions!

• W h y aye yer bugger! D 'yer

w o n ter, buy s u m onions?

• W i l l Steph 'Ballcrusher' Snell

be taking part i n the wrest l ing i n

the Great H a l l o n the 26th?

• T i m the Toyboy

Dave the Face

P a u l the E u n u c h !

• P h a l l i x s w o r d : Flamey. Y o u r

bodies i n overdrive, but y o u

m i n d ' s in reverse. Extasis or

Joanie, w h i c h is worse? Beware

of 12 bar; H e ' s the curse. The

Last M a i n Block.

• P h a l l i x s w o r d : Twelve Bar

Extasis Baffled Flamey w i t h a

move Ray hadn' t seen in the

back By G o d . The N e w Breed:

The Last M a i n Block.

• W a n t to w i n a bottle of wine?

O r even join the b l i n d tasting

team? Then come along to the

U D H on Tuesday at 6pm.

• If y o u ' v e heard of M u f f i n the

M u l e , here comes Robin the

M u l e . A s k H e l e n for details. . .

• D i d Rick Ast ley m o d e l himself

on Steve, come along to

C o m p u t i n g 2 n d year a n d see for

yourself.

• Q . H o w do y o u get 24 people

i n a 17 seater van?

• A . D o it o n a Thursday.

• Desperate comput ing second

year seeks intelligent t h i r d year

for a lasting copy of Pascal

Compi ler . See Zmaccw41.

January 20 1989 FELIX Page 3

n So y o u are i n your f inal year n o w ,

eh? What are y o u going to do

afterwards? D o n ' t k n o w ? G o o d ,

y o u are just the person w h o ' l l make

a good accountant. But I 'm afraid

that if y o u started your academic life

by being sacked f r o m your first

kindergarten, then please continue

f i l l i n g i n those S A F ' s for

engineering f irms. In less tactful

circles, y o u ' l l be k n o w n as a

kindergarten drop-out .

Yes, sir, this career is for the h i -

fliers. That means quite a lot of you ,

j u d g i n g f r o m the n u m b e r of

engineering students going into

accountancy.

' S o w h y s h o u l d I be a n

accountant?', a clever dick amongst

y o u asks. 'I don ' t want anything to

do w i t h those, Uerggh , yuppies ! ' ,

says another. V e r y true. "They are

b o r i n g ' . True. True. ' C o u n t i n g

b o o k s , m a c h i n e s , m o n e y or

whatever it may be that other

people have, is not m y idea of a

career'. H m m , y o u might have a

point there. 'What?! Three more

years of s tudy. N o thanks, I've had

enough of three years here'. Alright,

A l r i g h t ( w i l l the c lever d i c k s

amongst y o u shut u p so that I can

get on w i t h m y article here?).

So there might be a few, h o w shall

I put it, setbacks i n this. But there

is one th ing that w i l l totally eclipse

that v i z . Loadsamoney! !

Y e p , folks, there's gold i n them

thar ' filofaxes.

A n d for those do-gooders out

there w h o might be incl ined to

question the ethics and related

rubbish of this k i n d , then I 'd like to

quote an authority o n moral ethics,

that great bastion of capitalism, the

idols of y u p p i e s (whose name has

currently stepped on a banana skin

i n m y brain) 'greed is good ' . That

s h o u l d put to rest any moral

maelstrom that has ever sprouted i n

y o u r m i n d . ( A h yes! It was G o r d o n

Gekko . )

So h o w do y o u go about jo ining

this noble profession? This article

w i l l tell y o u all y o u need to -know

and more.

First of a l l , y o u ' v e got to decide

w h i c h f i r m to apply to. That, of

course, w o u l d be the f i r m w i t h the

biggest salary and benefits. Let us

say that it falls to the chartered

accountancy f i r m B r o w n , B r o w n ,

B r o w n , B r o w n & B r o w n . One thing

one must k n o w is that accountancy

firms only take those bozos w h o are

passionately interested i n joining

them so if y o u do not fall into that

special category of bozos, w h o

k n o w their Ernst & Whinney ' s f rom

their Peat M a r w i c k ' s , then apply to

the lot a n d be p a s s i o n a t e l y

interested i n joining any f i rm w h o

bothers to call y o u for an interview.

The initial part of the application

f o r m r e g a r d i n g y o u r p e r s o n a l

history should be easy enough. In

passing,' I 'd just like to point out

that it pays to be economical w i t h

the truth. I 'm not asking anyone to

lie (shock, gasp, horror!), I 'm just

initiating y o u into a few facts of life.

If y o u f i n d yourself unable to

f in ish this port ion, w i t h enough

spice to pale Madras Vinda loo i n

comparison, then I 'm afraid you are,

as the saying goes, u p the spaghetti

junction without a steering wheel .

Y o u might as w e l l crash out n o w .

A n d then comes the hard part,

f i l l ing i n those s tupid questions,

along the lines of ' W h y do y o u want

to be an accountant', 'What is your

career plan?' etc. Don ' t despair, the

majority of students hit against a

blank brain at this point. The correct

procedure, or so I ' m advised by a

fr iend, is to f i n d out w h o is the

literary buff i n your year f rom the

departmental grapevine. Then y o u

have to pile h i m w i t h enough free

beers/Mars bars ('Investing i n the

future') to become matey. W h e n

y o u feel y o u have reached the stage

where y o u and h i m are a couple of

real good pals, like what's-his-name

and who-was-i t i n the Bible, then

y o u have to delicately introduce h i m

to your little problem. Ten minutes

later, your problem's solved. Eleven

minutes later, y o u d u m p h i m .

N e x t , to e n s u r e a g o o d

recommendation, you have to get i n

the good books of your tutor. Be

generous w i t h the butter. It's just

too b a d if y o u ' v e spent a

considerable port ion of your time

here, avoiding them i n the lifts and

corridors. Put the good old stone on

the heart and get o n w i t h it.

Write a covering letter in the

bestest of your wri t ing and English,

r e m e m b e r i n g to r e m o v e a n y

dr ipping nosegoo and beer or curry

stains f rom the paper and the

application form, and post it to the

relevant geezer at B r o w n , B r o w n ^

B r o w n , B r o w n & B r o w n .

T h e poet W o r d s w o r t h has

recorded h o w his cardiovascular

system was apt to leap u p w h e n he

beheld a rainbow in the sky and this

could be h o w your system behaved

w h e n y o u beheld the letter from the

abovementioned gang about two

weeks later. If you 've fo l lowed m y

advice y o u w i l l f ind w i t h i n a note

registering you to call on them at the

relevant time and date.

The interview is your important

chance to strike 'em dead w i t h your

charisma and knowledge. It is

important here to dress w e l l .

Intelligent as y o u are, y o u can see

that a bimbo—call h i m Bimbo I—

w h o wants to impress another

bimbo—Bimbo II—starts at a serious

disadvantage if he is wearing a

crumpled shirt and a jean w i t h a

stylish tear o n the knee. Y o u need

to put the PR smile on the face, even

if the amount of cologne the

h o n o u r a b l e i n t e r v i e w e r s are

wearing, gives rise to emotions

possibly comparable to Jack the

Ripper .

Y o u h a v e to c o n v i n c e the

interview panel that y o u are the

person they've been looking for all

these years. Don ' t hesitate to tell

them h o w hard y o u had to work to

get your 3 A ' s . S h o w them your

entrepreneurial spirit by giv ing

details of the security service that

y o u introduced, for a fixed sum (or

i n ten easy instalments), for lower-

formers at your school against the

bul ly (the fact that the bul ly was

y o u r s e l f is c o m p l e t e l y a n d

absolutely irrelevant). A n d what

about the time w h e n y o u smuggled

a few books f rom Foyles and sold

them to friends w h e n y o u and your

bank manager were having a little

misundestanding. Every bit helps.

A n d again if y o u have fol lowed

m y advice then i n a week's time

again, y o u w i l l receive a letter from

B r o w n or B r o w n or B r o w n or

Brown—or it may even be B r o w n -

informing y o u of their decision and

w i s h i n g y o u good luck i n your job

hunt ing 'Bashibazzoks, n i n c u m -

poops, tenapins, troglodytes, dipso­

maniacs, filibuster' y o u quote the

great Captain Haddock expressing

your feelings. ' * © * * ! ? © * * ! ' y o u

quote yourself, expressing your

feelings a little more i n depth.

W e l l d o n ' t be too h a r d o n

yourself. Remember all great (and

very rich) m e n were initially either

r i d i c u l e d or rejected by their

societies. So continue applying, y o u

are b o u n d to hit it lucky at one time

or another.

R

R It is probably true to say that we

have all adjusted to l i v i n g i n a

technological wor ld in which science

has gone domestic, business has

gone c o m p u t e r , a n d p e r s o n a l

attention i n banks has gone to the

four winds . It is also true to say that

Walter has adjusted less wi l l ing ly

than most; even he, however, is

n o w used to bar codes, keypads,

and inserting his card w i t h the black

stripe facing d o w n and to the right.

Notwi ths tanding this, the latest

electronic attempt on his sanity has

come dangerously close to success.

The device i n question is the P s i o n

Personal Organiser 2. Walter w o u l d

like to point out that he personally

does not o w n one of these horrors,

but s o m e o n e of h i s c lose

acquaintance does, and is rapidly

making himself unbearable; the air

around h i m is punctuated w i t h an

endless series of beeps and whistles.

Look! If y o u press this button it

turns itself into a helicopter.

W h i l s t o n the subject of

t e c h n o l o g y , those l a d i e s a n d

gentleman of Imperial College Radio

have hit the headlines for the second

time i n only six years w i t h their

staunch resistance to the idea of

radio commercials. This is one of

those occasions where Walter really

doesn't understand the workings of

the collective m i n d of Imperial

College U n i o n . It seems obvious

that a precondit ion of accepting

advert is ing is that someone is

listening to it that w i l l be i n a

position to spend money as a result

of it. Students? Imperial College

Radio? Think what y o u are saying.

M i n d y o u , w h e n someone does

listen - or read - the power of the

press becomes obvious, as i n the

case of the Caterpillar Cafe, so

named after a story appeared i n

F E L I X highl ight ing the presence of

a certain animal i n the chi l l i . To

think that Nigel Baker didn't believe

us .

O f course, we all k n o w y o u

shouldn' t believe everything y o u

read i n the press. Certain persons

of s m a l l c redence h a v e e v e n

extended this to the sayings of our

C o l l e g e Secre tary a n d l o c a l

diplomat, John Smith. Walter w o u l d

suggest that it might be time to start

l istening, for the fo l lowing reason:

John S m i t h w i l l soon be leaving us,

and it is tempting to speculate that

the good gentleman may have a few

things to say before he goes.

Skeletons f rom the college closet,

perhaps? W e l l , we live i n hope.

Page 4 F E L I X January 20 1989

s

n

•

wN e w locks were introduced i n the

U n i o n B u i l d i n g over the Christmas

. hol idays i n an attempt to increase

security a n d reduce the large

number of thefts taking place.

U n i o n Deputy President Chas

Brereton w h o was responsible for

the scheme told F E L I X that he

suspected that many of the pieces

of stolen equipment i n the U n i o n

h a d been lost to unscrupulous staff

and student members w h o have

copies of the o ld ' A r t h u r ' R37

master key. H e added 'It is quite

possible that ex-staff are coming

back and using keys to obtain

equipment f rom w i t h i n the U n i o n

B u i l d i n g ' . H e claimed that there

were 'masses' of the keys going

r o u n d and he blamed this o n the

fact that the locks have not been

changed since 'before he was born ' .

The n e w A S S A 6000 keys have

proved successful so far according

to M r B r e r e t o n w h o a d d e d

'however , the doors of the U n i o n

are so bad that if someone wanted

to enter the b u i l d i n g it w o u l d be

easier to knock the doors d o w n

rather than touch the lock . '

The n e w keys to the external

doors have been issued only to the

sabbatical officers and the U n i o n

Manager, D a v i d Peacock. Chairmen

of clubs and societies, and other club

members deemed to require a key

by the U n i o n President w i l l be given

keys to their storerooms. Entry to

the m a i n U n i o n B u i l d i n g between

the hours of 11.30 p m and 6 am w i l l

be via the Beit security staff subject

to clearance by M r Brereton and

Sherfield security.

Bruce Kent, the former Chairman of

the C a m p a i g n for N u c l e a r

Disarmament w i l l be speaking at

College on Thursday 26th January.

M r K e n t , a f o r m e r R o m a n

Catholic priest, w i l l be addressing

Imperial College Methodist Society

i n M e c h E n g 220 at 1pm. '

oThe U n i o n Snack Bar (now officially

renamed the Caterpillar Cafe) has

been designated a non-smoking

area. '

Or ig inal ly a U G M decision f r o m

last year, the s m o k i n g ban was also

decided u p o n at a U n i o n Catering

Committee Meet ing . The meeting

I also noted a 21% drop i n lunchtime

I sales c o m p a r e d to the '87-'88

season.

8

I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n has

appointed a new Welfare Adviser ,

Yve Posner.

The cost of the new appointment

w i l l be met by the College and the

U n i o n are h o p i n g to persuade the

College to contribute a £7000 annual

welfare budget. If this move is

unsuccesful the money w i l l be

raised by cutting back expenditure

on clubs and societies, according to

U n i o n President N i g e l Baker.

M s Posner w i l l be able to advise

students o n housing benefits and

landlord/ tenant relations, as well as

legal, consumer and immigrat ion

problems. She w i l l also provide

assistance with letter writing, phone

calls and fil l ing in forms. She w i l l be

available for consultation from 1pm

onwards from Tuesdays to Fridays

in the Welfare Office in the U n i o n

Building, formerly the Jazz and Rock

C l u b .

Forms, leaflets and reference

books w i l l also be available from the

Welfare Office.

M s P o s n e r has ten years

experience in welfare and benefit

work inc luding seven and a half

years working for the D H S S , a year

as leader of the Haringey private

sector housing benefit team and

eighteen months as a Welfare

Officer for Islington C o u n c i l .

r s

Students may lose some of their

protection against eviction and may

have to pay higher rents as a result

of the first stage of the 1988 Hous ing

Act w h i c h came into effect last

Sunday.

T w o n e w f o r m s of tenancy

agreement have been produced:

long term 'assured tenancies', and

'assured shorthold tenancies' which

are for fixed periods, some as short

as six months . Both increase the

landlords ' power by a l lowing the

landlord to set rents at 'market

levels' and, unlike current contracts,

to apply to the court for eviction if

the terms are broken or if the tenant

is more than three months i n

arrears.

Landlords are also permitted to

charge 'key money ' for taking u p or

renewing a contract.

M o s t s tudents ' landlords are

expected to opt for six month

assured shorthold tenancies. These

wi l l give the tenants only six months

guaranteed residence, after w h i c h

the landlord has the right to evict.

A n y contract entered into before

last Sunday w i l l still be covered by

the old act. The new regulations are

only l ikely to come into effect w h e n

contracts are renewed or n e w

contrac ts e n t e r e d i n t o . T h e

tenancies w i l l be administered by

R e n t A s s e s s m e n t C o m m i t t e e s

w h i c h have replaced the more

powerful Fair Rent Office. The

committees have no power over

new contracts but they can attempt

to block excessive rent rises.

m\

N O S M O K I W G ,

!

January 20 1989 FELIX Page 5

l

E L L E R T R A V E L L E R T R A V E L L E R T R A V E L L E R T R A V E L L E R T R A V E L L E R T R A V E L L E R T R A V E L L E R T R A V

kImagine standing alone on West

34th Street i n d o w n t o w n

M a n h a t t e n , rucksack o n back,

o v e r w h e l m e d by the h u m i d i t y and

pace of the Big A p p l e , armed only

w i t h $250 and a w o r k visa. The

prospect of surv iv ing for three

months i n this rat race looks bleak

and terrifying. Yet this is h o w I and

3,999 other Brit ish students began

what is probably the best experience

of our lifetimes.

A s I sailed on the ferry towards

Martha ' s V i n e y a r d Island, I really

began to feel the excitement i n what

I was do ing . There o n the hor izon

lay the silhouette of the V i n e y a r d ,

where a n e w job, a new home and

a whole new circle of friends was

wai t ing .

Three m o n t h s earl ier I h a d

secured a job i n a sandwich/ice

cream shop. W h e n I walked in there

for the first time, I was surprised to

f ind the shop full of British students

also w o r k i n g there and after five

minutes I felt completely at home.

It is impossible to describe the

10V2 weeks I spent on the Island i n

a few paragraphs. Students f rom

the whole of N e w England had

gone there to work for the summer,

and the atmosphere was incredible.

T h e r e w e r e e n d l e s s p a r t i e s ,

midnight s w i m m i n g trips i n the

local lagoon; jeep rides around the

is land; l y i n g o n the golden beaches

just became a daily duty . It seemed

as though I was making new friends

every day. Amer ican students are

social animals and quickly make you

feel as though y o u have k n o w n

them for years.

Hal f way through m y stay, I

changed jobs, not because I didn ' t

l ike the other one, but I wanted to

have a different atmosphere. M y

second job was i n an amusement

arcade, and I was the only Brit

w o r k i n g there. It meant I really had

a taste of w o r k i n g in Amer ica .

The end of the Amer ican summer

is marked by Labor Day. The

summer work had dried u p and it

was time for me to set out u p o n the •

second half of m y summer. I had

one month before I had to return to

England, so I bought a thirty day

Greyhound bus pass, and set out to

see Amer ica .

It is quite impossible to appreciate

the size of Amer ica w h e n y o u live -

i n England . Bus trips of fifteen

hours, w h i c h d i d n ' t seem to take

y o u any distance w h e n y o u looked

at the map, became the n o r m . But

each journey was different and

never boring. The largest proportion

of the G r e y h o u n d ' s c l iente le

seemed to be British students, single

parent families and wierdos (the

latter being the biggest category).

I travelled 5,000 miles all together.

The highlight of the month was

Statue of Liberty

Grand Canyon

definitely the G r a n d C a n y o n . The

sheer p r o p o r t i o n s are b e y o n d

imagination (one mile deep, four

miles wide at its narrowest point

and 217 miles long). The scenery is

breathtaking, no camera could ever

capture the beauty of the painted

rock set against a clear blue sky.

Another place which stands out in

m y m i n d , almost as a complete

contrast, is Las Vegas. The sight of

rows and rows of middle aged

Americans hypnotically p u m p i n g

quarters into the slot machines is

both amusing and sad. The blinding

neon and glitzy casinos at nighttime

are replaced by tacky buildings wi th

overweight signs d u r i n g the day.

D u r i n g m y last week I went u p to

Canada, and got a small taste of this

huge country. The cities of Toronto

and Montreal are so vastly different

f rom their U S counterparts, that

they could be 1000 miles apart rather

than two hours drive. They are

clean, fr iendly and safe, and I left

w i t h the feeling that I 'd like to

spend a lot more time exploring the

rest of Canada i n the future.

I w o u l d definitely recommend

everybody to go to Amer ica at least

once i n t h e i r l i v e s . B u t t h e

experience is greatly intensified by

staying out there for three months

working and is ideal for students. If

y o u w o u l d l ike more information

write to B U N A C , 232 Vauxhal l

Bridge Road, L o n d o n .

T e x t i C h r i s S h a w

P i c t u r e s : J a c k i e G o d f r e y

Page 6 F E L I X January 20 1989

RThe Charter makes the following calls; A Bill of Rights guaranteeing the following freedoms; • Right of Assembly •Freedom of Association •Freedom from Discrimination •Freedom from detention without trial •Guarantee of trial by jury • Guarantee of privacy •Freedom of expression

The Charter also calls for the establishment of;

•Open Governmment and freedom of infomation •Election by proportional representation • A non-hereditory House of Lords •Executive Power under Parliament •Legal remedies for abuses of power •Reform and guarantee the independence of judiciary •Incorporate universal Citizenship in to the Constitution

Charter 88 is a ca l l for the

i n t r o d u c t i o n o f a w r i t t e n

const i tut ion for B r i t a i n that w o u l d

guarantee c i v i l l iberties i n the f o r m

of a B i l l of Rights . It's signatories

bel ieve that f reedom c o u l d be

curtai led i n this country, writes

R o b i n D a v i s o n .

Is Britain free f r o m threat to

liberty? Generations of Britons have

g r o w n u p expecting to live i n one

of the w o r l d ' s most free countries,

but if asked what their c iv i l liberties

were they could give no reply . This

is because we have no writ ten

cons t i tu t ion , e x p l a i n i n g exactly

what are our rights .

Britain's Parliament is k n o w n as

the ' M o t h e r of Democracy' , our

reputation for an impart ial and fair

judiciary second to none, and our

liberty is the envy of the w o r l d . This

is a prevalent attitude but is

dangerously complacent according

to the signatories of the Charter 88.

The Charter, calls for civil liberties

to be guaranteed by a B i l l of Rights

o n a model that is similar to the one

w h i c h exists i n A m e r i c a . In the

Uni ted States all legislation is tested

for u n c o n s t i t u t i o n a l i t y b y the

Supreme C o u r t , the equivalent

body i n Britrain w o u l d be the House

of Lords .

Britain is unique in

having 300 years of

Parliamentary

democracy

Charter 88 was l a u n c h e d i n

conjunction w i t h the New Statesman

and Society and the Electoral Reform

Society. It is endorsed by 250

c e l e b r i t i e s ; these are m o s t l y

journalists, authors, writers, artists

a n d p o l i t i c a n s w h o c o u l d be

d e s c r i b e d as l i b e r a l - l e f t w i n g

intellectuals and are concerned that

the per iod the present Government

has been i n power has left c iv i l

liberties undefended.

The advantages of a wri t ten

c o n s t i t u t i o n are that the

'entrenched' clauses can only be

changed by long and protracted

ammendment. A n y Government in

power w o u l d f ind it hard to change

the document because it w o u l d have

to be passed by an independent

body. Their idea is that, like i n other

countries, the writ ten constitution

w o u l d have an 'aura of magic '

w h i c h w o u l d make it sacrosanct.

The motives of this group appear

honourable, they seem to w i s h to

p r e s e r v e f r e e d o m , e n h a n c e

democracy and are very liberal and

E u r o p e a n i n n a t u r e . T h e

disadvantage of a constitutional

change of this nature is that changes

to it can long and protracted. In

A m e r i c a , fo r e x a m p l e , e q u a l

opportunities leglislation has not

been introduced, because all 50

states have to agree to it. Britain,

though not a federal state , could

pass such laws i n one Parliamentary

term.

H o w has Bri ta ins ' u n w r i t t e n

constition come into being ? W e are

unique i n Britain i n having had 300

years of parliamentary democracy in

w h i c h the network of laws that

preserve our liberty have been

formulated. It is f rom the ' G l o r i o u s

R e v o l u t i o n ' of 1688 that the

principles of a democratic monarchy

have been estal ished, but the

signatories of the charter c laim that

power of the monarchy was only

shifted f r o m the hands of an

absolute monarch to a parliamentary

oligarthy. They assert that Britain

has a long history of freedom

documents, for example the M a g n a

Carta, signed by K i n g John and the

peoples ' charter of 1838.

Critics, have claimed that by

apeing the name of the Charter 77

movement i n Czechoslovakia, a

freedom and civi l rights Covenant

the written

constitution would

have an 'aura of

magic'

the signatories do no justice to their

case. Condi t ions here are so m u c h

better than i n the Eastern Block so

as not bare comparison.

The Independent newspaper i n an

e d i t o r i a l p r o p o s e d that the

European Convent ion on H u m a n

Rights could be incorporated into

the legislature. This w o u l d be a

shortcut to achieving the same

objective. The E u r o p e a n C o n ­

vention was d r a w n u p after the

Second W o r l d War i n a manner

such as to be acceptable to the 21

members of the C o u n c i l of Europe.

It has several ' let-out' clauses that

w o u l d make it more acceptable to

g o v e r n m e n t , for e x a m p l e ,

interference w i t h the exercise of a

right can be sanctioned, ' i n the

interests of national security, public

safety or the economic wel l being of

the country ' .

The Charter also expresses the

need for electoral reform to a system

of proportional representation and

in doing so has only recieved w a r m

support f rom the Labour Party.

Roy Hattersley, Labours deputy

leader, wri t ing i n the Guardian

claims that Charter 88 diminishes

the importance of positive aspects

of freedom. H e claims, focusing

attention o n loss of freedoms, that

state interference of civil rights is not

enough, for example, the right to a

basic ' l i v i n g ' wage. H e cites T H

Green w h o defined freedom as 'a

positive power or capacity of doing

or enjoying something worth doing

or enjoying' . Green was discussing

the Irish L a n d Act last century that

prevented landlords and tenants

freely s igning agreements i n w h i c h

t h e y w e r e u s u a l l y r u t h l e s s l y

exploited. H o w e v e r the charter has

genera l ly r e c e i v e d c ro s s -par ty

support.

The New Statesman and Society

documents 88 cases where they

believe i n d i v i d u a l freedoms have

been lost i n the last 100 years. The

Britain has a long

history of freedom

documents

most recent of w h i c h is the loss of

the 'right to silence' i n N o r t h e r n

Ireland's trials, but others just f rom

1988 include the ban of interviews

of paramilitary supporters on radio

and television.

The supporters of Charter 88 do

not believe that their demands w i l l

be met immediately they consider

that change of this magnitude

w o u l d take over 25 years to

complete, however the discussion of

H u m a n Rights is their immediate

objective. Perhaps it should be

remembered that few people ever

miss their liberty unt i l it is taken

away f rom them.

January 20 1989 F E L I X Page 7

The wodge of paper you are now holding in a pair of sweaty hands reaches you via the undying (hmmm.. .almost) enthusiasm of the FELIX staff. A merry band of men (and women), we are led by our illustrious leader,Goodwin, FELIX Editor extraordinaire, in a spacious open-plan office in the corner of Beit Quad.

I

H

This is where it all starts... Research is the central activity of

the news-team. The team is headed by a man w h o always has

his head i n the clouds, Dave Smedley, (a great c loud of fag

smoke fol lows Dave r o u n d wherever he goes) backed up by

Sez W i l k i n s o n , Rob Davison , and anyone else close enough to be

asked to write a news story.

M u c h to the annoyance of various people in College and the Union ,

these brave souls trek all over the campus to interview notables and

generally be nosey about things that aren't their business. H a v i n g

d u g u p enough scandal to make a reasonable story, the reporters

sit at a word-processor and write their various pieces, usually

cont inuing late into Thursday evening in order to ensure that the

news is ' N e w s ' and not ' O l d s ' .

by Steve Meyfroidt

G

This step, completely unnecessary most of the time (oh aye, tell

us another), means persuadinjyigrneone to read through the

typeset, carefully h i g h l i g h t i n g ^ p j | g errors, spelling mistakes,

etc. The text is returned to flm typesetter operator w h o

di l igently weeds out all the mista ias .

In fact, this process usually takes two or three cycles to remove

all the errors, and even then, the o d d one manages to slip thrugh.

N o one's perfect.. .

The nasty camera i I %

G

Hand-written or word-processed text needs to be presented in

a f inal , printed form; the typesetter, a k i n d of h igh-powered

computer/laser-printer is used for this. D u r i n g the week, the

typesetter is operated by Rose Atkins , whose delicate fingers

tickle the keyboard all day long; but w h e n she flits off at 5.30 the

rest of us are left to grapple with the beast ourselves, w h i c h usually

results in miles of wasted typeset paper. It's quite fascinating to see

the thing set an entire two-page article onto a single line. Fascinating.

But completely useless.

The typesetter terminal acts in a similar way to a normal w o r d -

processor, albeit rather crude in many respects. The clever bit lives

in another box to w h i c h the terminal is attached; it takes a text file,

complete w i t h embedded control codes to determine fonts (type­

faces), point sizes (text size is measured i n points), and other clever

things, and 'prints ' it onto photographic f i lm. The f i lm is developed

in a processor which dunks the f i lm into various chemical baths and

then dries it ready for use.

E

The process camera is an essential piece of machinery to the

production of FELIX. A n d it knows it. That's w h y it enjoys

breaking d o w n or re-programming itself at the most critical

periods of activity. . .

Dur ing the final stages of Union Handbook production last summer

the thing took it u p o n itself to collapse before m y disbelieving eyes.

The first time I 'd used it by myself. W i t h 30 or so jobs to get done.

A n d it decides to blow itself up . D|ve Smedley (the Handbook editor

at the time) was mi ldly peeved; not only d i d he go u p the wal l , he

c lung to the ceil ing and stayed there unti l the repair-man had been

two. days later.

A n y w a y , w h e n it decides to work, the process camera w i l l reduce

or enlarge artwork, and also produces the 'dot-screened'

photographs y o u see reproduced i n F E L I X . (Photographs need to

be converted into dots before pr int ing; look closely at a 'photo o n

this page and y o u ' l l notice the dots.) A s its name suggests, the

camera uses photographic methods, although the paper used is

developed automatically i n a processor to give a f inished 'photo '

in about a minute. (The 'photo ' is usually called a 'bromide' . )

The camera is also used later o n i n the production process to make

the pr int ing plates used by the pres-s - see below.

P

Each page of F E L I X is la id out and stuck d o w n on 'paste-up'

sheets. These sheets are pre-printed w i t h a ' g r i d ' that defines

the position/width/depth of the columns of text, and, in theory,

they ensure that al l text is straight. Lengths of typeset w i t h

accompanying bromides are stuck d o w n o n the sheet w i t h ' C o w

G u m , ' w h i c h fills the office wi th solvent vapour . C o u l d it be this

solvent that causes people to get ' h o o k e d ' on produc ing FELIX?

A. pot of glue

G

By ment ioning the press (or ' l i tho ' , since it uses lithographic

processes to transfer the image to paper), I a m immediately

r isking this week's F E L I X . The litho is very sensitive, and if

1 slag it off too m u c h , it w i l l take one look at the stack of nice

clean paper wai t ing to be fed into it, grab as m u c h of it as it can,

shred it into confetti, then distribute the confetti about its internals.

A t this point , D e a n w o u l d try to restrain the beast, whi le ty ing his

shoe-laces together to create a make-shift noose.

The l i tho's temperamental nature is the reason that Dean listens

to Radio 4; the soothing sounds of Joe G r u n d y in The Archers, and

the useful advice given on Woman's Hour seems to calm the litho

somewhat.

However , by the time our news-team has pasted up the front page

o n Thursday night, D e a n has usually gone home, leaving Bi l l to

persuade the litho to print the last side. Bil l hasn't quite got the right

technique, and often upsets the poor litho by playing 'tasteless' music

such as Bob D y l a n ' s Dear Landlord whi le operating it. By this time

of night the machine is really knackered, and to taunt it wi th Dear

Landlord is just too m u c h . Bye bye says l i tho. O h * * * * says B i l l . . .

G

The completed paste-up sheets are spirited away by D e a n

Vaughan, our ever-so-sligh '

room. Relieving his grubby j

he uses the camera, Deaf

produce a special negative that

plate-maker.

Plates are not made of finest bone china. They are flexible a l u m i n i u m sheets, carrying an image of the page to be printed" o n their surface.

azy printer, to the camera :s of their coating of ink while

Jbses the paste-up sheet to

a a plate w h e n fed into the

Bill not smoking

G

i o u ' l l notice that the pages of F E L I X are fo lded. This job is

supposed to be done by a marvelous piece of technology called,

not surprisingly, the folding machine. W i t h a combination of"

pulleys, levers, and r u b b e & w l p l s (I k i d y o u not!), this marvel

of modern science manages to fold the printed pages i n half.

Sometimes. This is another temperamental machine, and it often

spits out the main screw h o l d i n g it together just so that it can have

a rest. W e do try and keep it all in one w o r k i n g piece; the amount

of sellotape used to do this is enormous. . .

G

After being folded, the pages are put inside each other to make

whole FELIXes . This is called collation. I don' t really want

to publicise this too much, but on Thursday nights, we have

a collation party. O p e n to everyone. Completely free. Lots

of f u n . The reason I don' t want to publicise this weekly event?

Because I don' t want everyone to rush d o w n , gatecrash it, and drink

all the free booze. N

Alone figure trundles across the campus. H e pushes a shopping

trolley before h i m and looks immensely t ired. S topping, he

stoops d o w n over his trolley, picks up a heavy pile of paper

and shambles over to a table. The pile is dropped and the

. mysterious figure droops back j o h i trol ley. . . W h o is the figure,

. and what is he doing?

Wel l , it's Bi l l on a Friday morning. The trolley contains thousands

of copies of F E L I X w h i c h are deposited at strategic places for

. thousands of students to pick u p o n their way to first lecture. Perhaps

i n future y o u w i l l realise the effort that goes into pro d uc ing F E L I X

every week. Y o u might even want to come d o w n and help! If so,

drop in one day; y o u might even enjoy i t . . .

Someone strange

Andv Clarke

Sez Wikinson

DAVE S�����

Y ��� ��� ��� �����D ave, being N e w s Editor, is an

excellent source of gossip. H e ' s

always ready to throw really wicked

(crucial, man!) pieces of sarcastic wit

into conversation.

H e ' s also a l w a y s p r e p a r e d to

reminisce about the good o ld days

w h e n he was Broadsheet Editor and

h a d to collate all night because no

one could be bothered to he lp . . . I

k n o w h o w he feels.

BILL G�����

N ������� ������is F E L I X editor: obvious by the

haggard, w o r r i e d expression he

usual ly carries around w i t h h i m

w h i l e t r y i n g to h o l d the office i n

some k i n d of order. Sometimes he

hides this expression under his

' l o v e l y ' hat, and gets pissed to

forget that F E L I X exists.

If y o u need to f i n d B i l l , look for

s o m e o n e w e a r i n g a hat a n d

swearing at the U n i o n , C o u n c i l ,

U F C , P u b B o a r d . . .

by Steve Meyfroidt

WENDY KITE ������� ������W e n d y joined the F E L I X at the

start of the year and has risen to the

exalted heights of Features Editor.

Just to make a change, she justifies

this position by being good at it; her

nice smile, sense of h u m o u r and

ski l l at m a k i n g coffee are entirely

incedental.

STEVE M�������

T ������ ������S t e v e ' s function i n F E L I X is not

clearly defined, w h i c h means that

he gets his nose into everything. H e

produces arty layouts, in depth

articles and rude features about

other FELIX staff members. Cheers,

Steve, the cheque's i n the post. (I

didn't write this - Steve)

z WARREN �� ��� !���"��#$%&'s official title is 'Business

Manager ' . She hassles Bi l l all day

long, w h i c h is alright because he

enjoys it. L i z is the one w h o sends

out invoices and tries (desperately)

to make the books balance and ends

meet (that's e n o u g h cl iches! ) .

A n y o n e k n o w where we can find an

o d d £5,000 for a n e w f o l d i n g

machine?

D'(G KING

THE )*���"��+*��Doug likes his cameras, he does.

I ' m sure his conversations make

sense, but all this talk about f45 and

a u t o m a t i c s h u t t e r s p e e d

differentiation by a z o o m lens heat-

sink selector makes no sense to me.

The staff w o u l d love to have a

serious talk w i t h the person w h o

puts the psychedelic patches on his

jeans.

DEAN VAUGHAN ���*� �+������Dean is the second permanent staff

member i n F E L I X . A right-on rebel,

h e ' l l talk politics al l day if y o u let

h i m . H e also sings. L o u d l y . A n d

often.

R,

B D-.�/�N ��� ��� )� ���. A p a r t f rom his official title, Rob

also acts as N e w s Features Editor .

Starting on FELIX this year, Rob has

easily s l ipped into first place i n the

fashion stakes wi th an undisputable

good taste i n cravats.

ANDY BANNISTER !���� �++���A n d y ' s namesake gives support to

people going upstairs. A n d y gives

support to anyone i n the office. H e

writes occasional pieces and gives

invaluable help w h e n bits of the

extremely dodgy F E L I X equipment

fal ls apart . H e is also w i t t y ,

attractive and modest, and he didn' t

write this bit, honest.

R01E ATKINS 23+� ����� �+������Rose, a permanent staff member,

is h u m a n , a point y o u might be

doubting after looking at the 'photo.

Page 10 F E L I X January 20 1989

n

Charles Brereton

A s D e p u t y President, Chas has

taken responsibil i ty for Academic

Affairs , Overseas Student Welfare,

f inancial estimates and overseeing

the work of the Finance Officer and

U n i o n Manager i n areas of Bar,

Snack Bar, U n i o n B u i l d i n g and

other trading outlets.

Regarding Academic Affairs, Chas

was supremely qualif ied having

been the Academic Affairs Officer

and i n v o l v e d i n this area for three

years p r e v i o u s l y ; e v e n so he

appears to have been almost totally

ineffectual. It was h o p e d that by

splitt ing the sabbatical jobs and

reducing the amount of w o r k to be

done by all of them it w o u l d al low

the sabs to succeed i n a few areas

rather than dabble i n a number.

Academic Affairs was an area which

desperately needed attention and in

which Chas could shine. A t the end

of last year a sabbatical passed Chas

the idea that students could be

made £55 better off by shuff l ing

term dates and suggested that Chas

looked into it. A few months later

and Chas has achieved nothing;

lucki ly N i g e l took over the idea and

results are n o w being seen.

The College has laid d o w n limits

for time-tabled hours of under­

graduate courses and although a

number of timetables w h i c h break

these l imits have been submitted to

Chas n o t h i n g has been done.

O n e of the most important areas

i n Academic Affairs concerns those

students w h o fail and w h y . M u c h

discuss ion has taken place o n

Col lege committees about this

matter, but n o one has any facts to

go by . In last year's annual reports

Chas was passed responsibility for

r u n n i n g a non-graduate quest­

ionna i re , yet w h i l e N i g e l has

managed to survey every College

student for Welfare, Chas has not

been able to track d o w n the few

w h o failed and I wonder if he w o u l d

k n o w what to ask them if he d i d .

In the area of Overseas Students

Chas was passed responsibil ity for

the T h i r d W o r l d First student

scholarship. A large amount of this

s c h o l a r s h i p h a d a l ready b e e n

secured, but some crucial matters

needed w o r k . Six months have

elapsed and Chas w o u l d appear to

have done nothing . W e are n o w

reaching the stage where we may

lose the g r o u n d previously gained

and the programme instigation date

w i l l definitely be put back, if it starts

'Chas Brereton: almost totally ineffectual?'

at a l l .

Whi ls t the rents i n halls of

residence were being discussed at

an important U G M last term, it was

proposed and eventually passed

that Overseas Student fees should

subsidise H a l l rents. This is quite

obviously discrimination against

O v e r s e a s S t u d e n t s , yet C h a s

Brereton's voice was not heard o n

the matter. The vote was w o n by

only one vote: Chas voted in favour

of the mot ion .

C h a s ' s w o r k i n the U n i o n

Bui lding has been outstandingly bad

and I shall save m u c h of it for other

articles, but it is exemplified by the

case of the Central Staircase toilets.

The toilets were large, underused

and m e n only, so an expensive

alteration programme, to split them

into men 's and ladies' was started.

College pushed the work through at

the most difficult time of the year so

that the ladies ' w o u l d be available

for F r e s h e r s ' W e e k . H a v i n g

organised this w i t h help f rom the

U n i o n Manager, Chas failed to

notice a lack of towels, paper

dispensers or soap on either the

plans or the finished item: these

toilets were almost unusable at the

beginning of term and, despite

m a n y c o m p l a i n t s , u n t i l

approximately two weeks ago.

In overviewing the work of the

U n i o n Manager the D P must make

sure that the short term interests of

the student are balanced properly

against f inanc ia l gain so that

students w i l l benefit in the long

term. I w o u d suggest that up unt i l

n o w Chas has failed in this aspect

for both the students and the U n i o n ,

but that's another story.

F inal ly , according to his job

description, Chas is responsible for

security; there has been a n e w

security lodge built i n the foyer of

the U n i o n Building to house a guard

promised by the College. That lodge

has been unfi l led for three months

n o w and last week S T O I C was

broken into at a cost of several

thousand pounds .

O n the other h a n d Chas was the

only sabbatical that worked over the

Christmas vacation, he took office

earlier than the other sabs and has

dedicated his year to the U n i o n .

Chas is an extremely amicable and

friendly person w h e n he is not on

his h igh horse about being D P and

I believe he still could do the job

well . In his first month or so in office

he worked alongside of me and I

f o u n d h i m an excellent Deputy

President. Chas does need guidance

(often away from games machines)

and advice; his fellow sabs do not

have the grounding in the necessary

areas to help h i m out at the

moment. Nigel Baker does not have

an understanding of balancing the

interests of the students, even if he

d i d r u n a bar, and Ian Morr i s has

never r u n a bar. A s a team they

could manage to f i l l in all their

i n a d e q u a c i e s . It m i g h t m e a n

w o r k i n g after 5.30pm, even w h e n

there are not meetings, or o n

weekends, but it definitely means

working together, encouraging each

other and not saying 'that's his job,

he's to blame' .

. Sorry boys but it had to be said.

P H O E N I X

IPhoenix is the literary magazine of

Imperial College. It was founded i n

1886 by H . G . W e l l s under the title

The Normal Schools Science Journal

and n o w stumbles into its 102nd

year w i t h me as newly appointed

editor. After an experiment last year

w i t h a smaller issue published every

term, it n o w returns to its original

format of a s l im, glossy book

published once a year, which I hope

w i l l appear d u r i n g the summer

term. A s for contents, it 's really

d o w n to y o u ; p o e m s , prose ,

photographs, drawings, serious or

not so, I a m w i l l i n g to accept

anything of what I consider a

literary nature. One hopes this w i l l

be art i n the broadest sense of the

w o r d . Y o u have u p u n t i l Easter to

do something w h i c h y o u can send

i n ( a n o n y m o u s l y or u n d e r a

p s e u d o n y m if y o u wish) via the

pigeonhole i n the FELDC Office or to

me via Chem/Biochem 3 or Linstead

H a l l . If y o u w a n t to d iscuss

something w i t h me or perhaps are

more interested i n the product ion

side of the magazine I w o u l d be only

too happy to talk to y o u , remember

y o u have nothing to lose.

R<?y

OF I M P E R I A L C O L L E G E

ARE YOU COLOUR BLIND?

If you are, or think you may be, please contact Tony Marland or Julie Savage on int. 6705 or through the Biophysics Department (Physics). We desperately need you to help in a simple,

painless experiment. FREE cup of coffee to all who join in

January 20 1989 FELIX Page 11

n

T

SIf y o u are bored or confused by

the rhetoric being blasted about o n

student loans do not fear, this article

is designed to i n f o r m the majority

of students as to what is actually

h a p p e n i n g i n the campaign against

loans.

Firstly, a few questions have to be

answered, the most important being

w i l l a c a m p a i g n against loans

actually achieve anything? That is,

once the D E S and the Government

have set their minds o n the idea is

there anyth ing anyone can do to

stop them. Past cases show there is:

the best e x a m p l e b e i n g the

proposed changes i n g u n Laws after

the Micheal R y a n affair. A l l political

parties a n d 80% of the electorate

were b e h i n d the legislation. But

then the G u n Lobby stepped i n i n

what has become" one of the most

notorious bits of lobbying out: the

Government then dropped the b i l l .

The W h i t e paper o n student loans

hardly has the same support to start

w i t h .

Secondly, should we actually try

to block the white paper? Ignoring

the ideological arguments as to

whether or not the Government

ought to be committed to ful ly

f u n d i n g s t u d e n t s i n h i g h e r

educat ion or whether alternative

sources of f u n d i n g should be found

for students, the figures behind the

white paper are based o n averages.

The average student being male,

w h i t e , an undergraduate at a

provincial university, whose parents

h a v e c o m b i n e d e a r n i n g s of

somewhere i n the region of £19000

and w h o gets £214 a year over and

above what he s h o u l d do f rom his

parents. H e also spends £20.50 a

week rent (86/87 prices) and spends

the hol idays at home. The average

student w o u l d not be too adversely

affected by the proposals i n the

white paper except that they' l l walk

out of higher education o w i n g the

government a round £1,600.

O f course if you're not the average

student (ie you ' re i n L o n d o n , a

w o m a n , a postgraduate, o n a part-

time course or y o u receive no

parental support) the chances are

y o u w o u l d be much worse off under

the proposed system. It has been

said that postgraduate grants w i l l

not be frozen but postgrads w i l l not

be entitled to any benefits w h i c h

sort of kicks part-time courses in the

goolies. Natural ly I don' t have to

point out that rents around South

K e n s i n g t o n are not £20.50 o n

average. F r o m the paper that Ian

Morris presented to governing body

last month (which was based on the

Research Service L t d " U n d e r ­

graduate Income and Expenditure

S u r v e y " , w h i c h is what the white

paper is based on) the average

L o n d o n student w o u l d be £1,510

worse off(on top of what they w o u l d

owe the Government) at the end of

their course, ie w i t h total debts of

more than £3,000 over and above

the normal figures now. If y o u went

to an institute outside L o n d o n this

w o u l d be nearer £1,600 (90/91

levels).

E v e n if y o u think loans are the

best t h i n g since s l iced bread ,

actually reading the white paper

shows it is a seriously flawed

d o c u m e n t ( i r respect ive of i ts

ideological basis) and should not be

presented to parliament, this is w h y

we should campaign against it.

What is b e i n g done:

What the U n i o n is doing : A s has

already been mentioned our H o n

Sec has submitted a paper to

G o v e r n i n g Body about the L o n d o n

factor, i n principal this w i l l be

ratified w h e n they have checked

that he is not a creative accountant.

A w o r k i n g party from G o v e r n i n g

body w i l l then be set u p to decide

IC policy o n the L o n d o n factor

among other things. Otherwise the

U n i o n is doing what it has been

mandated to: departments are being

pol led o n the proposed half day

s h u t d o w n o n the 19th. So far all

years pol led have said yes to it

( G e o l o g y l , Life Sci 1, M e c h E n g 3

& 4, Elec E n g 3 & 4, C h e m E n g 4,

Maths 1, C h e m 1, Physics 3, D O C

2 as of 2 p m T u e s d a y ) . A l l

departments w i l l have been pol led

b y W e d n e s d a y . A l s o o n the

Thursday of the 19th the RT. H o n .

Peter Brooke, M P for Westminster

S o u t h a n d C h a i r m a n of the

Conservative Party w i l l come and..

give a short talk f o l l o w e d by

questions o n his v iews on loans.

This wi l l be at 1pm and U n i o n cards

w i l l be needed for entrance.

A petition is being sent r o u n d and

should be w i t h your D e p Reps (if

y o u haven't seen it please hassle

them). This w i l l be handed into

Parliament on the afternoon of the

s h u t d o w n , so please sign it. A l s o if

you are concerned about the current

proposals (if y o i i are a first year y o u

should be) write a letter to your o w n

M P or the D E S and this can be

handed i n at the same time (meet

Parliament Square 3pm).

O n the external front, U L U are

organising a march o n the 1st

F e b r u a r y (the last d a y of

submissions o n the white paper)

w h i c h our exec are going on . The

march is from Finsbury Circus i n the

Ci ty (Moorgate tube) to Shorditch

Park (the centre of the universe, but

the only route the police w o u l d

al low the march to go without

invoking the public order bill) . A n d

if you're really keen we need

stewards o n the day, see me if

you 're interested. The N U S are

nationally organising a march o n the

25th of February f rom Victoria to

K e n n i n g t o n Park where there w i l l

be a 'festival ' like at the end of the

anti apartheid march (I reckon we

ought to supply a beer tent). C o ­

operation w i t h the N U S is r u n n i n g

into problems (from their end, U L U

have also had some problems w i t h

the N U S exec about the 1st of

February), so no more details are

k n o w n .

The N U S is also trying to organise

a national s h u t d o w n on the 16th of

February and are l iasing w i t h the

A U T , N U P E etc about it. O u r

participation i n this w i l l probably be

decided at the U G M o n the 31st.

Finally U L U are trying to come u p

w i t h possible alternative proposals

to increase access to h i g h e r

education, w h i c h the white paper

does not do. Of course if you get the

c u r r e n t m a x i m u m p a r e n t a l

contribution of £4,900 this probably

doesn't concern y o u .

Hal Calamvokis GUC delegate,

ULU FCC.

4567A

sd

O n M o n d a y Gri f f Rhys Jones made

his debut w i t h the Royal Opera at

Covent G a r d e n Yes, y o u d i d

read it r ight . . . . ser iously!

In d i s t i n g u i s h e d opera t i c

company the irrepressible M r Jones

delighted a first night audience by

his recreation of the comic role of

Frosch, the jailer, i n a production of

Johann Strauss' popular opera, 'Die

Fledermaus' . The role of Frosch (a

speaking only part, I should add!)

is traditionally taken by a comedian.

In England Cl ive D u n n , A r t h u r

Engl i sh and even Frankie H o w e r d

have played the (usually drunken)

gaoler. H o w e v e r , i n this new,

Engl ish version, by writer John

Mort imer (of Rumpole fame), Frosch

stands o n an is land of disgruntled

and holier-than-thou sobriety i n a

sea of champagne and h i g h j inks.

This treatment w o r k e d wel l despite

obvious first night nerves and those

of us in the cheapest seats enjoyed

the jokes about our 'restricted v i e w '

of the stage and the unscrupulous

C o v e n t G a r d e n ' C h a m p a g n e

pushers' charging £4 a glass and £25

a bottle.

Purist concerns that the Viennese

flavour w o u l d be lost i n an all

E n g l i s h i n t e r p r e t a t i o n w e r e

outweighed by some good one-

liners in the new translation and

hilarious use of the controversial

subtitles w h e n two imposters were

speaking cod French. O f course,

w h e n singing i n a language that the

audience understands, extra effort

i n enunciation is necessary so the

a u d i e n c e does u n d e r s t a n d !

Generally the dict ion was good as

was the comic riming. Best all round

was the w o n d e r f u l Thomas A l l e n

(newly C B E ) . H o w e v e r , there was

no weak l ink i n the soloist line u p .

N o t a b l y , Cla i re P o w e l l (Prince

Orlofsky) managed a difficult part

w e l l . The A m e r i c a n , Carol Vaness,

as Rosalinde was definitely a case of

'She w h o must be obeyed' . L i l l i a n

Watson's Ade le was as impish as

she had been on the Coliseum stage,

though not always i n tune, but

Denis O ' N e i l was an entertaining

and convincing Italian (Welsh!)

tenor both theatrically and vocally.

In conclusion, the 'bat's revenge'

was an unqual i f ied success and I

look forward to seeing it later in the

r u n w h e n it has settled d o w n . By

n o w y o u should be convinced, so I

advise y o u to get d o w n to the box

office i n Floral Street.

R e m a i n i n g performances: Sat

21st, Tue 24th.

Page 12 F E L I X January 20 1989

s

THE SPORE PAGE

Irrelevant picture 899:;<=L

t

This was undoubtedly the best

performance of the season and

keeps IC first on course for their best

season ever. >?@>ABT

and S imon Evans got through to the

quarter finals and Caroline Bott to

the ladies finals, she put u p a good

fight and eventually came sixth.

The foil on Saturday saw 4 m e n

and 3 ladies i n action. A l l the m e n

made it through to the t h i r d r o u n d

jwith G u l l y Burns on top form and

Caroline to the ladies quarter finals.

Selina W a r d got to the ladies semis,

whi le L i z Clark went on and came

5th i n the finals.

Finally the sabre. A d a m Sadler

w o n a bout but both he a n d Ian

Draper were knocked out i n the first

r o u n d . Dave Matthews went on to

the quarter finals. In the ladies both

Caroline Bott and Selina W a r d were

knocked out i n the semis. L i z Clark

w o n the go ld very convincingly i n

the f inal .

Special congratulations go to

S i m o n for dar ing to preside the

ladies sabre. Thanks to Dave and

Ian for getting us there—somehow! CDE<CH

g t

@C ?<F@9Tune i n to IC Radio every M o n d a y

morning from 8am to 9.15am for the

freshest start to the week. Fi l led

w i t h m a n y of the regular features

f r o m last year i n c l u d i n g the

infamous 9.05 classic, this w i l l prove

a tasty sandwich i n the lunchbox of

life.

This is a w a r n i n g for all y o u

people out there. Watch out! A l s o

this is a reminder to listen to IC

Radio every Thursday at 1pm for the

'Fast Trouser Show' . A s usual it wi l l

be smattered w i t h a spr inkl ing of

M i k e ' s H a n d y T i p s , m e d i a

muddles , and competitions galore

where mugs can w i n a signed

l imited edit ion poster and even an

a l b u m — w i t h an occasional ' G a r r y

G r e e n ' p o p p i n g u p here and there,

y o u can be assured of a really good

read of your favourite textbook.

Remember no FT, no comment.

P S . A n FT t ip : If y o u are having

p r o b l e m s w i t h y o u r f latmates

barging into your room w h e n you're

busy, try p lay ing Wet Wet Wet.

Guaranteed to send every dr ip

r u n n i n g . <EF@9C9C

The A u d i o Society has two main

functions, to promote good hi-f i and

to r u n a b u y i n g c l u b g i v i n g

discounts on records, tapes, C D ' s ,

etc. The first objective is achieved

t h r o u g h d e m o n s t r a t i o n s b y

manufacturers a n d by lending the

S o c i e t y ' s o w n e q u i p m e n t to

m e m b e r s . M o s t of the

demonstrations w i l l be of British h i -

fi since it's usually much better than

the majority of Japanese hardware

that f loods the market.

There's little to say about the

b u y i n g club except that we get

records and pre-recorded tapes for

£5 or £6, C D ' s for about £9 and good

discounts o n blank tapes, videos,

accessories, etc. Orders can be made

o n Tuesdays and Thursdays in the

U n i o n S C R (first floor of Union) at

12.30pm, and collected o n the

fo l lowing Thursday.

The first demonstration for this

term w i l l be given by L i n n o n

Tuesday January 24. They w i l l be

s h o w i n g of f s o m e of the i r

equipment, probably the Sondek

LP12 and A x i s turntables and their

amplifiers and loudspeakers. The

demo w i l l be held i n the H o l l a n d

C l u b funct ion r o o m at 7.30pm. To

get to the r o o m y o u must go

through the H o l l a n d C l u b and out

the exit at the back.

A n y o n e interested i n the Society

is welcome to come along to any of

the meetings on Tuesdays a n d

Thursdays i n the U n i o n S C R or

come to the demonstration next

week.

IC—4

Southampton—3

IC stormed into the last 16 of the

U A U w i t h a scintillating display of

'total football ' that left h ighly rated

Southampton shell-shocked. Back at

full-strength for the first time in six

weeks and determined to improve

o n the dismal form of recent weeks,

IC started strongly and were two up

w i t h i n f i f teen m i n u t e s after

spectacular strikes from Pip Peel and

Byron W o o d . Southampton then

began to wake u p and pul led one

back but fell two behind again on

the half hour w h e n Paul O l d e n

drilled home a header from a corner.

Southampton pressed forward once

more and ensured an exciting

second half w h e n they sprung the

IC offside trap to score on the stroke

of half-time.

The pace of the game quickened

somewhat after the interval and

there were chances at both ends but

the score remained the same unt i l

twenty minutes from the end w h e n

a Southampton free kick, albeit

deflected, f o u n d its w a y past a

rather static S i H o l d e n . W i t h the

scores n o w level IC heads d i p p e d

temporar i ly , but captain N i g e l

Coll ier rallied his men, first hit t ing

the bar w i t h a delicate lob and then

beating four men and d u m m y i n g

the keeper to resotre the lead. W i t h

t en m i n u t e s s t i l l r e m a i n i n g .

Southampton threw everything

forward but were thwarted by sol id

defending and a vital save f rom Si

H o l d e n in the last minute to atone

for his earlier error.

t

This term's indoor nets commence

on Thursday January 19th at 7-8pm,

and continue every Thursday of this

term.

It is n o w important for all serious

cricketers to attend these nets, a

very full fixture list is already

planned, coupled w i t h this, an

indoor tournament is also confirmed

for this term.

There is room for about twenty

people to attend each week. To give

some idea of h o w many to expect it

w o u l d be very helpful if people

could s ign u p ont he Cricket

noticeboard (between the U n i o n Bar

and the U n i o n Snack Bar).

for all net sessions meet i n the

M e c h E n g Foyer at 5.45pm, or

indicate o n the noticeboard if y o u

intend to go direct. 8BG>@GG

nW e arrived i n A b e r w y s t w y t h after

an eventful journey d o w n the M 4

and over the mountains and headed

out for a chippie and pub i n true

fashion.

The epee on Friday held several

surprises—a couple of star turns

failed to shine, however, Ian Droper

The Squash C l u b w i l l be h o l d i n g a

k n o c k o u t c o m p e t i t i o n w i t h

Amer ican scoring (all can compete

o n an equal basis). Sponsorship for

this has not yet been f inalised, but

may be forthcoming f rom G o u d i e

International, the team's sponsor.

The c o m p e t i t i o n w i l l be h e l d

t h r o u g h o u t t e r m , w i t h s o m e

Wednesday afternoon court time

put aside specifically for i t . A n y

members that are interested should

s ign the sheet o n the Sports Centre

noticeboard w i t h both name and

membership number.

To change the subject, Stuart

Farrar, the G o u d i e representative

and coach is offering coaching to

members. Standards can vary f r o m

intermediate to team standard. It

takes the form of practicing routines

i n groups of four per court, and is

r e a s o n a b l y f i tness b a s e d (as

opposed to receiving intensive

technique tuition). Cost w i l l be

about £20 w i t h places strictly

l imited, g iven on a first-come first-

served basis . Those interested

should sign the list o n the Sports

Centre noticeboard (name a n d

number) and turn u p at 5.45pm,

Friday 20/27 January w i t h kit and a

cheque book.

D C L U B ' S EDITOR

Ask in FELIX for details

January 20 1989 F E L I X Page 13

s

s n

A guide to events i n and around

I C .

FRIDAY

Consoc Meeting 12.30pm

ME569.

Friday Jamaa Prayer 1.00pm

Southside G y m .

Christian Union

Meeting 5.30pm

308 H u x l e y . Time for prayer,

w o r s h i p and discussion.

Poetry Readings 6.30pm

Univers i ty of L o n d o n School of

Or ienta l a n d Afr i can Studies

R o o m G57.

G L C Club Outing 8.00pm

Meet i n U n i o n Snack Bar for trip

to Ronnie Scotts. U n l i m i t e d

places.

Fencing Club 12.30pm

U n i o n G y m . M eet ing also at 6

o'clock.

S A T U R D A Y

Karate 10.00am

Southside G y m . Beginners

welcome. B u i l d your fitness and

•confidence.

IC Kung Fu 4.30pm

Southside G y m . Beginners

a lways welcome.

Southside Bar

Birthday Party 8.00pm

Everyone welcome to celebrate

eight years of d r i n k i n g i n

Southside.

S U N D A Y

Sunday Service 10.00am

Sherhe ld B u i l d i n g . R o m a n ,

Cathol ic C h a p l a i n to preach at

West L o n d o n Chapla incy

C o m m u n i o n .

Sunday Mass '...11.90am,

West L o n d o n Catholic

Chapla incy , M o r e House , 53

C r o m w e l l R o a d . A l s o at 6 p m

(fol lowed by bar supper). A l l

welcome.

Wargames l.C'.'pm

Senior C o m m o n R o o m . A l l

Welcome.

CHEESE

mm PARTY

Hi EM OFFICE IWpm TODAY (Friday)

small financial contribution EVERYONE WELCOME

Kung Fu 4.30pm

U n i o n G y m . Beginners welcome.

R C S U Night in

the Bar 7.00pm

Union Bar.

M O N D A Y I

Rock Soc Meeting 12.30pm

Southside Upper Lounge. A n y o n e ;

interested in any form of rock music

c o m e a l o n g .

Artsoc Meeting 12.30pm

U n i o n S C R . Sign up for shows.

M e m b e r s h i p £ 2 .

Yacht Club Meeting 12.30pm

U p s t a i r s i n S o u t h s i d e .

W.I.S.T. Meeting 12.30pm

G r e e n C o m m i t t e e R o o m . A l l

w e l c o m e .

Audiosoc Meeting 12.30pm

U n i o n S C R . Cheap records a n d

tapes etc .

Roman Catholic

Mass 12.40pm

M e c h E n g 702. Mass fo l lowed by

l u n c h . 5 0 p .

Ski Club Meeting 12.45pm

Southside Lounge. Interested in

learning to ski? Already hooked?

Want to try racing? Come and f i n d

out m o r e .

3rd World First 1.00pm

4th Floor, Env Tech, 38 Prince's

G a r d e n s .

Beatles Hour 1.00pm

For all the best Beatle and Beatle-

related material on C d wi th Spenser

L a n e .

I C C A G Meeting 12.45pm

R a g O f f i c e . A l l w e l c o m e .

Recitation of

Holy Qur'an 1.30pm

9 Prince's Gardens (Basement).

Basketball Club 5.30pm

Volleyball Court (behind Chemistry

B u i l d i n g ) . A l l w e l c o m e .

Improvers Ballroom 6.00pm

J C R . 80p.

Beginners Rock

V Roll 6.45pm

U D H . 80p.

"Advanced Ballroom 7.00pm

J C R . 80p.

Karate 7.00pm

S o u t h s i d e G y m . B e g i n n e r s

welcome. Bui ld your fitness and

c o n f i d e n c e .

G L C Club Outing 8.00pm

Meet U n i o n Snack Bar. 30 places for

t r i p to see ' W o g a n ' . F R E E .

Latin American

Dance Class 8.00pm

U D H . Cha, Samba, Rumba, etc. 80p

T U E S D A Y

C U Prayer 8.15am

308 H u x l e y . For those w h o think

prayer is more important than sleep.

F r e e .

Boardsailing Club 12.30pm

S o u t h s i d e L o u n g e .

Q u r ' a n T r a d i t i o n

of Prophet 1.30pm

9 P r i n c e ' s G a r d e n s .

A m n e s t y M e e t i n g 5.30pm

B r o w n Committee R o o m (top floor

U n i o n B u i l d i n g ) .

Medi ta t ive Prayer 5.45pm

C h a p l a i n ' s Off ice , 10 Pr ince ' s

Gardens. Come and join us for

some peace and quiet. See West

L o n d o n C h a p l a i n c y .

W i n e Tast ing 6.00pm

U n i o n D i n i n g H a l l . B l i n d tasting

c o m p e t i t i o n .

Beginners B a l l r o o m 6.00pm

J C R . 80p. A l l w e l c o m e .

Judo 6.30pm

U n i o n G y m . A l l grades. N o more

c o m p l e t e b e g i n n e r s .

Karate 7.00pm

S o u t h s i d e G y m . B e g i n n e r s

welcome. B u i l d your fitness and

c o n f i d e n c e .

Intermediate Ba l l room 7.00pm

J C R . 80p.

C a v i n g Club M e e t i n g 7.00pm

Southside Upper Lounge. Everyone

interested s h o u l d come a long .

A u d i o s o c Demonstration..7.30pm

H o l l a n d C l u b F u n c t i o n R o o m .

Demonstration by L i n n Products

L t d .

Improvers B a l l r o o m 8.00pm

•JCR. 80p.

M o u n t a i n e e r i n g

Club Meeting 9.00pm

S o u t h s i d e U p p e r L o u n g e .

B e g i n n e r s a l w a y s w e l c o m e .

W E D N E S D A Y

Caving Club Meeting 1.00pm

Hamsoc Meeting 1.15pm

T h i r d Floor of U n i o n Bui ld ing .

Amateur Radio Society regular

w e e k l y m e e t i n g .

Intermediate Rock

' n ' Roll Class 2.15pm

U D H . 80p.

Jazz Dance Class 3.15pm

U D H . 80p .

Karate 3.30pm

S o u t h s i d e G y m . B e g i n n e r s

welcome. B u i l d y o u r fitness and

c o n f i d e n c e .

Open Circle Study 4.30pm

9 Prince's Gardens. See Islamic Soc.

Kung Fu 7.30pm

U n i o n G y m . G r a n d m a s t e r C K

C h a n g ' s c lass .

Basic Christianity 6.30pm

Senior C o m m o n R o o m , 7th Floor.

A meet ing h e l d by Univers i ty

Christ ian Outreach examining the

l i fe a n d c l a i m s of Jesus .

T H U R S D A Y

Fencing Club 12.30pm

U n i o n G y m . M eet ing also at 6

o ' c l o c k

ICYHA Meeting 12.30pm

Southside Upper Lounge. Everyone

w e l c o m e .

Audiosoc Meeting 12.30pm

U n i o n S C R . Cheap records, tapes

e t c .

Ski Club 12.45pm

S o u t h s i d e L o u n g e .

Debating Society 1.00pm

R o o m 341 M a t h s ( H u x l e y ) .

Arabic Lessons 1.30pm

9 Prince's Gardens. See Islamic Soc.

Prayer Meeting 5.30pm

C h a p l a i n ' s O f f i c e , 10 Pr ince ' s

Gardens. A l l Christ ians i n College

are welcome to come a n d pray for

the work of Christ ians i n College.

Judo 6.30pm

U n i o n G y m . N o more beginners.

Soup Run 9.15pm

Meet Week 's H a l l Basement (back

b y 1 1 p m ) .

S

X

Collation's lots of fun If you're not a current bun Lots of bits of paper That taste like chocolate wafers Bill will give you wine If we finish up on time.

-a very famous poet.

fm

Page 14 FELIX January 20 1989

n

nss

Student Loans . By the time this

comes out I w i l l have met wi th Pete

Mee, the College's Registrar, to go

over the figures presented in my

paper on the effect of student loans

o n those s t u d y i n g in L o n d o n .

Subsequent to this, a G o v e r n i n g

Body w o r k i n g party is being set u p

to assess h o w best to defend

students in L o n d o n against this and

a mult i tude of other ' s ins ' .

C a r n i v a l . M a y 1 apologise to

anyone w h o couldn' t get in o n

Friday evening. Unfortunately we

had sold out to the fire capacity limit

by 9.45pm and had to al low ticket

holders only to enter.

This gave rise to a number of

problems, namely people trying to

break into the b u i l d i n g from the

back and trying to force the front

gates open. Due to these actions, a

number of complaints have been

lodged which may jeopardise future

bar extensions and/or prevent us

from h o l d i n g Carnivals again.

Thanks to everybody that helped,

particularly Chas Brereton and Jon

Denham for manning the gates and

to the W i n g C h u n security for what

must have been a trying night.

Industr ia l Relat ions Commit tee .

The IRC are meeting (for the first

time) on Wednesday January 25 to

decide its aims etc.

W r e s t l i n g . Tickets priced £2.50

and £4 (ringside) are available from

m y office. Please support this event

as all profits w i l l be going to charity

as w e l l as being a dead good laugh.

D o n ' t forget the Superbowl o n

Sunday in the Lounge at 9.30pm

and the Scotland, Wales Rugby

International tomorrow in the Snack

Bar at 2 p m .

n s

D P ' s bit for Felix

1) Key system: A s y o u may k n o w ,

we have had a new key system

installed i n the U n i o n Bui ld ing .

Clubs and Societies who as yet

haven't conatcted me as regards

getting keys for their members

should do so as soon as possible. A

£25 refundable deposit is payable for

E A C H K E Y issued.

2) Bar Prices: A s a result of the

recent pay awards, which were up

to f 2 % , it has been necessary to

increase beer prices by about 3p per

pint. U n i o n Bar prices are still

substantially cheaper than the local

pubs.

3) Lecturer Questionnaire: This w i l l

be r u n again this term as last year.

Your Departmental Rep wil l arrange

specific dates and times for y o u to

fill in the forms. U n l i k e last year,

which was just a pilot run to test the

mechanics of ru nning a College-

wide lecturer questionnaire, and the

results of which were only issued to

staff members, this year results w i l l

be publ ished in fu l l .

4) Security in the U n i o n Bui ld ing :

A s a result of recent thefts from club

storerooms and lockers, I w i l l be

instigating random checks of U n i o n

cards and C l u b membership cards

(where appplicable). Please ensure

that y o u have your card on y o u at

all times. Your co-operation is

appreciated.

Charles Brereton, Deputy President

S

s A new year, a new term and a new

case of listeria for that coq au v i n

you thought w o u l d keep from last

term. So far there has been a lot

happening RCS-wise . The most

important new change is the sad

departure of Professor John Albery

as Dean of the Royal College of

Science. Prof A l b e r y is off to

pastures new i n Oxford , he has

been a popular Dean bringing new

light to both the R C S U handbook

and i n compering the Smoking

Concert last year. H e has been

replaced by Professor Jim Barber of

Pure and A p p l i e d Biology, we are

all looking forward to meeting and

w o r k i n g w i t h Prof Barber and w i s h

h i m as much success as Prof Albery

as Dean.

If y o u were at the Carnival on

Friday you w i l l have noticed R C S

cooking burgers again, it proved to

be a successful night wi th the rain

holding off unti l four seconds after

the last burger had been sold!

However , we are still looking into

selling 351bs of onions and about

fifteen jars of D i j o n mustard ,

a n y o n e interested? Last week

should have seen the R C S Rag Tour

(Northern), unfortunately due to

lack of drivers last weekend it has

had to be postponed unti l the first

weekend in February.

That is what has happened but

what have we got in store for the

rest of this term? O n February 10th

we w i l l be holding the A n n u a l R C S

Dinner , there w i l l be a celebrity

guest speaker and tickets w i l l be

going on sale soon, priced just

under £20. A l s o on sale this term

wi l l be tickets fro the highlight of the

year, the S i lwood Ball on M a y 5th,

the price of these w i l l be £55.

Finally, near the end of this term

wil l be the R C S trip abroad, this year

we are going to Amsterdam, it's an

amazing city so do save up your

pennies and be sure to go on this

one.

So, unt i l next time, this is Dave

the V P signing off.

s

o The C & G Casino at the Carnival last

Friday was a great success—over

23,000 gambling chips were given

away or 'bought'—the tables were

crowded all night and at one point

we even had to limit entry as the

C a s i n o was so p o p u l a r . T h e

fol lowing people w o n prizes:

Grant Barta ( A I F S ) - W a l k m a n

with radio (score 2123)

Craig Ridderkhof (Physics 1)—

W a l k m a n (score 2100)

John Sears (ME1)—Champagne

(score 1205)

J Derry (CE2)—Jim Beam W h i s k y

(score 1205)

Margaret M u r p h y ( A I F S ) - £ 1 0

record token (score 1135)

The prizes can be collected f r o m

Wendy (ICU). Br ing some ID.

Finally, thanks to everyone w h o

helped out.

Chris Home, C&GU Ents.

PS. We're getting some square

chips next time so there wasn ' t any

point i n keeping the o ld ones!

H

ICRFC IN LAST 16 OF THE U A U

1st X V vs, N E W C A S T L E 2nd X V vs C A R D I F F

C & G 1st X V vs E X E T E R

AT HARLINGTON (NEAR HEATHROW)

Y

FREE TRANSPORT

MEET BEIT QUAD 12.30, BUS LEAVES 1.00 MR & FOOD AVAILABLE IN CLUE HOUSE

COME AW CHEER US TO VICWRY, WE'RE PLAYING FOR YOU

January 20 1989 FELIX Page 15

s

I C U L o b b y

c o n t i n u e d

Imperial, noted that Mr Baker's

plans were particularly unfair in that

they did not differentiate between

universities inside and outside

London. Mr Robert Rhodes-James,

Conservative MP for Cambridge,

wholeheartedly supported the

lobby. He claimed to be one of the

few Tory back-benchers who are

fighting the loan system and said

that with student support in the

form of letters and lobbies a reversal

of the scheme may be possible.

Lynne Golding, Labour MP for

Newcastle-Under-Lyme, claimed

that although the Labour Party

sympathised with students there is

'nothing they can do.' She said,

'Mrs Thatcher will push it through

anyway,' and described the scheme

as 'depressing'. A number of other

Labour MPs expressed their support

for the student action and said they

would attempt to block the paper.

ICU Hon Sec Ian Morris, whose

report 'Student Loans: The London

Factor' initiated much interest in the

loans issue by Imperial students,

was very pleased with the event and

said it would 'do a lot more good

than the N U S march last

November.'

UStewart Jackson announced his resignation from his position as President of the University of London Union

(ULU) at an Emergency General Union Council (GUC) on Wednesday. His resignation was followed by a vote

of no confidence in Mr Jackson in a move designed to clarify the position of U L U with the University of London.

Mr Jackson was accused by

members of G U C of having no

respect for his executive, the

Consituent Colleges and G U C .

In a short defensive speech, Mr

Jackson admitted to claims that he

had made 'political capital' from his

position as President. He claimed

that U L U was 'a politically bankrupt

organisation.'

Responding to accusations that he

had failed to support U L U ' s

campaign against Student Loans he

said that the Union should be

'realistic' in its approach. 'I haven't

sold anyone out on Student Loans,'

he added later.

As one of four Conservative

Student Union Presidents in the

country, Mr Jackson told the

meeting, 'You're bound to be

frustrated by 10 years of Tory

Government.' He claimed that, as

a left-wing dominated group,

Student Unions will be wiped out

by the Government. 'They'll say

you've got no political credibility,'

he said.

ULU's executive is reported to

have been furious at Mr Jackson's

Jackson out, Jones in

interview in last Friday's Times

Higher Education Supplement

(THES).

Without informing other members

of the U L U executive, Mr Jackson

told THES of his intention to resign,

saying that 'being a Conservative in

student politics is like being a fox at

a beagle hunt.'

Mr Jackson retains his

membership as student

representative on several London

University Committees including

Court and Senate since he is

registered with them in name,

rather than under his post.

sl

A motion calling for the abolition of

Union GeneBd Meetings (UGM's)

has been put forward to Monday's

Union Council for discussion. The

motion has been tabled by the

working party looking into the

problems of merger between

Imperial College Union and St

Mary's Hospital Medical School

Union and is designed to overcome

the difficulties students from St

Mary's would have attending

U G M ' s at the Imperial site.

The motion states that Council, as

opposed to U G M ' s should become

the supreme decision making body

of the Union. Under the proposal,

non-Council members will be

allowed to submit motions to

Council provided that they have 150

seconders. Elections for Union costs

will be carried out by 'election

meetings' held at Imperial and St

Mary's. Non members of Council

will be permitted to observe Council

meetings and to request speaking

rights.

Deputy President Chas Brereton

told FELIX that the working party

had considered a number of

alternatives to abolishing U G M ' s

including holding separate C C U

U G M ' s and alternating the site of

U G M ' s between IC and St Mary's

but had rejected them as

impractical.

'If we had U G M ' s only at IC we

would be accused of being

undemocratic' he said.

Mr Brereton went on to say that

the requirement for motions to have

150 seconders would give proposals

'more credibility.' He added that the

problem of Union Officers not being

accountable to ordinary students

could be 'easily alleviated by

ensuring that officers' reports are

pinned up on a notice board.'

The motion also calls for the St

Mary's residence, Wilson House, to

be prioritised as accommodation for

medical students with the rest of

IC's accommodation being

prioritised for non medical students

and calls for representation for St

Mary's and the other CCU's on

ULU's General Union Council

(GUC).

If the motion is approved by

Council it will be forwarded to the

next Union General Meeting for

discussion.

BRITISH RED C R O S S SOCIETY

IMPERIAL COLLEGE

First A i d Course

A standard First Aid Course under the Health and Safety at Work Act will be held on Monday 23rd January 1989. If you are interested, come along to the

Holland Club at 6pm Hope to see you then.

Roger Serpell, Group Leader

FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publication BoardSandis printed by the Imperial College Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London, SW7 2BB (Tel 01-589 5111 ext 3515). Editor: Bill Goodwin. Business Manager:Liz Warren. Advertising Manager: Nick Jones. Copyright FELIX 1988 ISSN 1040-0711.

W E E K 2 3 4 6

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Superbowl

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Bar Quiz B H J 1

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20 2 22 End of Term

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Rugby International

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Rugby Internationa!

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