高考英语作文评分标准 第五档 ( 很好 ) ； (21-25 分 )

1. 完全完成了试题规定的任务。 2. 覆盖所有内容要点。 3. 应用了较多的语法结构和词汇。 4. 语法结构或词汇方面有些许错误 , 但为尽力使用较复杂结构或较高级词汇所致 ,具备较强的语言运用能力。 5. 有效地使用了语句间的连接成分，使全文结构紧凑。 6. 完全达到了预期的写作目的。

What is a good passage?How can I get a higher mark in writing?

遣词造句： 遣词炼语 用词准确，得体 选词高级 用词多样 避免重复

连词成句 完整，连贯，简洁 强调，多样

打破汉语思维 使用表达感情的句式 句式多样，复杂得体 学会变通表达

衔接过渡（ P34 ） 使用过渡性词汇 使用过渡性句子 使用代词

润色提升 巧设开头和结尾 准确地道的表达（同义词，限定词，习惯搭

配，避免口语化，避免啰嗦） 优化句式表达（长短结合，主被动结合，非

谓语动词和从句结合，插入语，名言警句）

Objectives: 1, learn to write a long and advanced

sentence by combining two or more simple sentences.

2,learn to write a long sentence by adding more to a simple sentence.

3,practise writing a short passage by using the techniques mentioned in class.

rewrite the sentences

lengthen the sentences

practice

1,He was born on August 21st, 1986 in Jamaica. He is 1.96 meters high/ tall. He’s a track and field athlete.

Born on August 21st, 1986 in Jamaica, he is a

track and field athlete with a height of 1.96 meters . 2,There is a big tree between the two buildings. The big tree struggles all the way to get more

sunshine.

Between the two buildings grows a big tree which struggles all the way to get more sunshine.

3,Playing computer games does harm to teenagers’ health. It also has a negative effect on their studies.

Not only does playing computer games do harm to teenagers’ health but also it has a negative effect on their studies.

4,They didn’t give up,

they tried their best to find a way out.

They tried their best to find a way out instead of giving up.They never gave up but tried their best to find a way out.Never did they give up but tried their best to find a way out.

5,There are many places of interest in Guangzhou. Tourists from home and abroad come to visit them

There are so many places of interests in Guangzhou that they attract tourists from home and abroad.

The places of interest in Guangzhou are so attractive that a lot of tourists from home and abroad come to visit them.

So attractive are the places of interest in Guangzhou that a lot of tourists from home and abroad come to visit them.

6,The reform and open policy came into effect./ was carried out/ was put into effect.

It has changed greatly/ a lot It has taken on a new look Great changes have taken place

Great changes have taken place in Guangzhou since the reform and open policy was put into effect.

The last 30 years has witnessed the big changes in Guangzhou since the reform and open policy was put into effect.

It is since the reform and open policy was put into effect that great changes have taken place.

1 ，使用非谓语，定语从句， with 结构 , 对简单句中的主语 , 宾语或句子进行修饰。

2 ，用并列连词把两个简单句连接起来，如 and not only –but also , not/ never----but , neither---nor either or , not that---but that 等等。

3 ，判断两个简单句的关系，使用相关的连词连接，并在此基础上进行改造为倒装句，强调句，省略句 , 感叹句， it 的句型等。

Summary Practice makes perfect. 熟能生巧I found my wallet lost. I felt anxious and worried.

I found my wallet lost, anxious and worried.Having found my wallet lost, I felt anxious and worried.My wallet lost, I felt anxious and worried.I felt anxious and worried with my wallet lost.I found my wallet lost and I felt anxious and worried.When I found my wallet lost I felt anxious and worried.Only when I found my wallet lost , did I feel anxious and worried.It was when I found my wallet lost that I felt anxious and worried.How anxious and worried I felt when I found my wallet lost.Can you imagine how anxious and worried I felt when I found my wallet lost.

1. 利用句型There is no doubt / no denying that ……It is obvious/ evident/ clear that----It goes without saying that…It is conceivable that---It occurs / comes to me that---It is known to us that ---What is the most important is that---What surprises/impresses / interests / excites me most is that ---The reason why -----is that -----It was /will be-----before—Find it necessary/ important/our duty--- to do sth. Sth enables sb. to doAn advantage of --- is that ---By----- we can----The more---- the more---- It is high time that we should…

方法——添加与所给信息有关的前因后果及条件，目的等内容 , 可以是各种状语从句，定语从句， 非谓语等等。

2 、附加成分作解释说明

例一：这样更方便照顾父母。 拓展：因为父母越来越年迈。 原因

as they are getting older and older.

例二：因广告过多， 影片放映晚点 。

拓展：这导致观众不耐烦甚至恼火 。后果

which made audience impatient and some of them even annoyed.making audience impatient and some of them even annoyed.

It will be much more convenient to look after your parents

There were too many advertisements that they delayed the time of showing the film,

I searched the information about weather, hotels and train tickets on the internet.

补充目的状语 I searched the information about weather, hotel

s and train tickets in Beidaihe on the internet so that\ in order that they could enjoy a good pleasant journey.

补充时间状语 Before they started their travel , I searched t

he information about hotels, train tickets and weather on the internet

3. 加谚语 (Proverb)锻炼对学生有好处 It is good for us students to take exercise..

As the saying goes, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” It is good for us students to take exercise.

集中注意力于学习We should focus our mind on our studies.

As the saying goes, “No pains, no gains.” We should focus our mind on our studies...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

青少年应尽我们所能保护环境拯救地球 We teenagers should do what we can to protect the environment and save the earth.

4. 举例说明

I have varied interests.

For example, we can use recyclable bags instead of plastic bags, refuse to use single-use products, plant more trees and save water and energy.

For instance, I love singing and playing the drums as well as soccer.

On Saturday morning, I searched some information for their trip in advance on the internet,

such as weather, hotel and train tickets.

珍惜每一滴水Let’s cherish every drop of water to protect our valuable water resources, Otherwise, maybe the last drops of water will be our tears.

As middle school students, we also have a part to play. Do remember: we are not saving water , we are saving our own life. With everyone doing his bit, we can make a big difference.

5. 结尾提出倡议或号召

“ 短话长说”方法：

1. 利用句型

2. 附加成分作解释说明

3. 加谚语 (Proverb)

4. 举例说明 5. 结尾提出倡议或号召

2012 湖北 某中学学生李华 ----- 给编辑写封信 ---- 对现在

使用的英语材料的看法： 话题广泛 图片丰富 有助于提高学习兴趣

适当降低词汇难度

1.我是李华， 我是一名中学生，我写信来表达 我对现在使用的英语材料的看法

2. 材料有很多优点：材料的话题广泛； 材料的图片丰富，有助于提高我们的学习兴趣

3. 材料也有不足之处：贵社应适当降低词汇难度

4. 祝贵社事业蒸蒸日上，越办越好。

1. I am LiHua.

I am a middle school student

I am writing to say something about the textbooks

I am Lihua, a middle school student. I am writing to

talk about the textbooks

As a student reader, I am writing to express my opinion on the English textbooks published by

your house

2. 材料有很多优点：材料的话题广泛；

材料的图片丰富，有助于提高我们的学习兴趣

The textbooks have many advantages

There are many topics

There are many pictures

The textbooks help to improve our interest in study

First of all, there are a wide range of topics covered in them, which keeps us well- informed. Besides, we students are very fond of the beautiful and colorful pictures along with the texts. Because of them, we are becoming more and more interested in English.

3. 材料也有不足之处：贵社应适当降低词汇难度The textbooks also have disadvantages. you should reduce the difficulty of the vocabularies

However, the textbooks also have its disadvantage.For example, many of us find it hard to understand some words and expressions, which, in fact, adds to our reading difficulty. I sincerely hope that you can use some easier ones instead in your later work.

May your publishing house develop better and better

Dear Editor,

As a student reader, I am writing to express my

opinion on the English textbooks published by your

house.

First of all, there are a wide range of topics

covered I n them, which keeps us well- informed.

Besides, we students are very fond of the beautiful

and colorful pictures along with the texts. Because

of them, we are becoming more and more interested

in English.

However, the textbooks also have its disadvantage.For example, many of us find it hard to understand some words and expressions, which, in fact, adds to our reading difficulty. I sincerely hope that you can use some easier ones instead in your later work.

May your publishing house develop better and better

Dear Editor,As a student reader, I am writing to talk about the English textbooks published by your house. These books have many advantages. One of them is that we can find a lot oftopics, such as science, culture and history. These topics, I think, are very popular with us students. What’s more, along with the texts are many beautiful and colorful pictures, which can help us understand English better. Even the students who used to dislike English have turned out to be interested in the subject. However, some of the texts have too many new words and expressions which are too hard for us. Therefore, I ‘d like to suggest changing them into easier ones, Best regards, Li Hua

第一节：情景作文（ 25 分）假设你是红星中学高三一班的学生李华，近日你班同学参加了世界自然基金会 WWF组办的“我为哥本哈根减斤碳”活动，大家开始在日常生活中减少能源、纸张等的消耗。请根据以下四幅图提供的信息，给某英文杂志写一篇以“ Low – carbon Living” 为题的英文稿件，介绍你们参加此次活动第一天的具体做法。

注意： 1．信的开头已为你写好。 2．词数 120  Recently, my classmates and I participated i

n the activity of Low – Carbon Living organized by the WWF.

 

go to school on foot or by bike   walk or ride a bike to school

turn off/switch off lights and computers 

 write on both sides of paper before disposing

Use environmentally friendly /recyclable bags

审题：1 ，第一人称2 ，过去的时态3, 时间顺序4 ，内容要点Part2:(1)步行或骑车上学 go to school on foot or by bike  (2) 关灯、关电脑 turn off/switch off lights and computers  (3)纸张两面用 write on both sides of paper(4) 使用环保购物袋Use environmentally friendly /recyclable bagsPart3:自己的感想和体会

1．步行或骑车上学 Go to school on foot or by bike We chose to go to school by bike or on foot. We walked or rode a bike to school, Instead of taking buses or cars, we went t

o school by bike or walked to school.

We choose to go to school by bike or on foot. only in this way can we save a lot of energy and reduce the air pollution.

As we know, the cars gives out much carbon dioxide, which is bad for our earth. So we all went to school on foot or by bike in the morning.

We went to school on foot or by bike instead of taking a bus. As we know, the fewer buses we take, the less carbon dioxide was produced.

We went to school on foot or by bike instead of taking a bus, which is a good way to save energy.

拓展句子

2．关灯、关电脑 Turn off/shut off/switch off all the lights and

computers.

拓展句子 We made it a habit to turn off all the lights and computers

when we were about to leave the classrooms.

Before we left the classroom, we made sure the lights and the computer were switched off.

It is known to us all that saving electricity is important. Thus, we turned off the lights during the daytime. At the same time , we switched off the computers after playing.

To save a mass of energy, we encouraged all the students to turn off the lights and computers before we left the classrooms.

Since we have become aware of the importance of saving electricity , we began to turn the lights and computers off before we left the classroom.

3．纸张两面用 Use /write on both sides of each piece of

paper before disposing.

拓展句子 In order to make full use of paper, we began to w

rite on both sides. We reduced the use of paper by writing on both s

ides of paper. So precious is paper that we can’t waste it.

We encouraged everyone to use both sides of paper. As we know, paper is made from wood, so saving paper equals protecting trees.

We used both sides of paper. An advantage of it is that it can decrease the use of energy as paper is made from trees.

Everyone did all they could to save paper by using both sides of paper.

4．使用环保购物袋

Use /carry the environmentally-friendly bags

拓展句子 Instead of using plastic bags, we all take/carry an

environmentally – friendly bags when we went shopping.

while shopping, we no longer used plastic bags but carried environmentally friendly ones.

When we went to do some shopping , we used environmentally-friendly bags instead of plastic bags which are harmful to the environment.

结尾（自己的感受） Though our efforts are small ,we believed that what we did can

bring the world more fresh air and have more resources saved.

The less energy we use, the better life we will have. We will call on people around us to live with low –carbon. Let’s have a low-carbon life.

With the development of economy, we should pay more attention to the environmental protection and energy saving so that we may be able to live happier and longer.

Actions speak louder than words. Let’s try our best to protect our planet.

What we did today is of great help to the environment. As a result, if everyone does a bit, it will make a big difference.

ASSESSMENT

structureIs the essay divided into parts?

Does each part have a topic sentence?

contentAre all the details stated?

Is everything to the point(切题 )?

Language

Does the writer use any linking words?

Are there any spelling mistakes?

Is there any advanced vocabulary（高级词汇） ?

Are there any good sentence patterns（句式） ?

Let’s improve it:

Low – carbon Living Recently, my classmates and I participated in the a

ctivity of Low – Carbon Living organized by the WWF.

_________________we chose to go to school by bike or on foot rather than by bus or car.( 要点一 ) _____________________we made sure the lights and the computer were switched off.（要点二） In order to make full use of paper, we began to write on both sides _______________________（要点三） ___________________, we no longer used plastic bags but carried environmentally friendly ones.（要点四）

I think what we did on that day was meaningful, which can help us to form a good habit. We should also call on the people around us to do something for low – carbon living. Only in this way will the earth be a good place to live on.

On the first day,

Before we left the classroom,

when we are doing our homework.Besides, while shopping