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IllustratedD.O.LD.O.L Volume 13 Issue #16

EASY BREES-EDREW BREES SETTING RECORDSWHILE WHITSON INC STILL LOSES.

November 4, 2015

Ladies and Gentleman we only have 4 more weeks left in the regular season and Week 8 only did more to muddy the playoff picture.

Halloween was this past weekend… and if you missed it, the Rock went as Popeye… Heidi Klum went as Jessica Rabbit… and this year’s Lunsford inc team went as…well… 2011, 2012, 2013 and 2014 Lunsford teams.

Visit http://www.dolhalloffame.com

This is the Week 9 Poll. Note: this will be what the playoffs go by, despite ESPN

1. Lowe, inc. (6-2) (BobZane) 2. WS, inc. (6-2) (Will) 3. TB, inc. (5-3) (Taf) 4. P-Dubb, inc. (5-3) (Preston) 5. Creel, inc. (5-3) (Creel) 6. T-Roy, inc. (4-4) (Troy) *******PLAYOFFS******** 7. Hath, inc. (4-4) (Bryan) 8. HH, inc. (4-4) (Hank) 9. A-Train, inc. (3-5) (Ashton) 10. Jake, inc. (2-6) (Jake) 11. Lunsford inc. (2-6) (Dreston) 12. Whitson inc. (2-6) (Whitson)

These power rankings are based on a highly complex mathematical system of picking the

top five teams despite their place in the polls/standings. Commissioner Hathaway and Co-Commissioner Bentley hold the

copyright on this complex formula.

1. T-Roy, inc. (Troy) 2. Taf, inc. (Taf) 3. Lowe, inc. (Bobzane) 4. P-dubb, inc. (Preston) 5. Hath, inc. (Bryan)

In this week’s Game of the Week Breakdown we saw Hath inc just devastated by an early game injury to starting quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick as Creel inc’s Farve and Carve squad handed Prestige Worldwide their 3rd straight loss. We caught up with former starting quarterback Russell Wilson after the matchup:

Wilson: “No disrespect to Hathaway but …. LOL… how ya like me now?” This is of course referring to Hath inc’s release of Wilson and replacement with Fitzpatrick right before Week 8 games. Nobody at Hath inc could be reached for comment.

It’s Lowe inc. that wears the lucky four-leafed clover on their helmets but it’s WS inc and Will Spencer who really should. Spencer’s luck continued in Week 8 as, thanks to a Greg Olsen holding penalty erasing a Hullett win, slid past Uncle Rico’s Highlight Tape by .1 points. The second game to come down to .1 points in as many weeks.

Will Spencer: “Luck has nothing to do with it, it was hard work by this team and I consider ourselves,and so should the rest of you, the favorite for a fourth DOL Championship.”

Christopher Walken High Score Award

Barry Lincoln (Troy) 157.9 (2nd this season)

Rambo Knife Award

Anglels with Filthy Souls (Taf) Beat by 51.4 points.

Charlie Weis Award

Prestige Worldwide (Bryan) leaving 59.3 points on the bench. (3rd Weis Award on the season)

Light’s Out Award

Favre and Carve (Creel) Pats Defense posted 14 points

Hath Inc eliminated in Week 8. Remaining

teams are:

Angels with Filthy Souls (Taf) Barry Lincoln (Troy)

Favre and Carve (Creel) Yippee Ki Yay Justin Tucker (Will)

Breez Nuts (Got ‘eem!) (Lowe) Shenanigans (Jacob)

Lightning DE rojo (Preston)

Speaking of horrible luck.. Leveon Bell led the way on the ever-expanding Week 8 injury list as yet another one of the top running back’s in the league goes down for what could be the season.

Other significant injuries include Hath inc’s Steve Smith and Ryan Fitzpatrick, TB inc’s Reggie Bush, A-Train inc’s Matt Forte and Eddie Royal, HH Inc’s Calvin Johnson and Creel inc’s Keenan Allen.

Whitson inc’s Drew Brees was not only the top performer of the week this week, but with his nearly 60-point performance set an all time record for points scored by a single person. Congratulations to Brees, despite the tough loss.

The lowe’s find themselves in uncharted territory this week, finally after nearly 10 years in the league, two runner up awards, 1 division championship and 4 ACC Championships… the Lowe’s… are NUMBER ONE. We caught up with co-head coach Zane Lowe for his thoughts on the newly found ranking.

Zane Lowe: “Our faithfulness in this league is finally paying off. It’s about time. We want to give thanks to our starting QB, the greatest QB of all-time… Tom Brady for carrying us this far.”

A win this upcoming week against a struggling A-Train inc team will solidify a playoff spot and send the Lowe’s back to the playoffs for the first time since 2012.

Congratulations to Troy Jordan on earning 75 regular season wins. He becomes the fourth person to earn the honor, but refuses to call the award the “Will Spencer 75 Wins Award” because he says Will is gay.

We would like to welcome analysts Paul Zanebaum and Ashton Kannel to debate the new social media debate of accusations of bias in reporting when it comes to the Blouses Division.

Ashton Kannel: “Thanks for having us on the show, although this is what I’m talking about right here, I feel like Paul’s picture is bigger than mine on the screen. Anyway, let me get right to it fans are absolutely correct in saying there is a Blouses division bias on the DOL network.

Paul Zanebaum: “This is absolutely Ludacris. The #1 team in the nation as well as the number 3, 4 and 5 teams are all in the Blouses division. This is just a case of jealousy and the fact that the #1 team in the shirts division and UNDESERVED #2 team in the country is a washed up Will Spencer led team who will fall in the rankings faster than an undefeated florida state team now that his best player is out.

Ashton: Will cannot help who he plays and he’s the top team in the division because he wins Paul. He wins.

Paul: Do you call a .1 win deserving of the top spot? He didn’t deserve that win and he doesn’t deserve a #2 ranking.

Ok, thank you both for joining here on the Blouses…..i mean…. DOL Network.

Lunsford inc has announced that it’s 2015 game attendance is down with every game being blacked out thus far this season. However, is also proud to announce that their upcoming matchup with #2 ranked, Will Spencer led Yipee Ki Yay Justin Tucker squad will be their first sell out game of the year. According to social media, the threat of seeing “Streaking Will” has been what has sold the majority of tickets.