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Youth Staff Training Program i Module 6: Communication

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Youth Staff Training Program ii Module 6: Communication

Module 6: Communication

Content Guide

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Youth Staff Training Program

Youth Staff Training Program iii Module 6: Communication

Youth Staff Training Program iv Module 6: Communication


Youth Staff Training Program v Module 6: Communication

Acknowledgments The Youth Staff Training Program is a series of self-study training modules that form the core of the Navy Foundation Training Program for Program Assistants working with youth in sixth – twelfth grades. The competency-based training modules equip Program Assistants with the skills and knowledge necessary to be successful working with youth and include real-life situations faced by middle school and teen youth every day. To promote training consistency across Child and Youth Programs (CYP), the module format and selected activities and content are patterned after similar series of training modules developed by Teaching Strategies Inc. used by military School-Age Care (SAC), Child Development Center (CDC), and Child Development Homes (CDH) Programs. We thank Teaching Strategies, Inc. for laying the groundwork and developing a self-study training format that supports Navy staff working across child and youth program areas. We also thank the Council for Professional Recognition whose “Functional Areas” form the basis of the “core competencies” for youth staff. Many people contributed to the concept, writing, and overall development of this training program. First, we would like to thank M.-A. Lucas, Director of Army Child and Youth Services, who recognized the impact staff have on the lives of military middle-school and teen youth and identified the need for quality training in the youth program. Special thanks to Mary Ellen Pratt, Chief of Army Child Development Programs / CYS Training Programs, Army Youth Modules Project Manager, for her guidance and direction throughout the development of the modules. We also want to recognize Roxanne Spillet, President Boys and Girls Clubs of America (BGCA) and Sarah Berry-Rabun, BGCA Youth Modules Project Manager, for their collaborative support on this project. In addition, we are appreciative of the encouragement and assistance provided by Kevin Montgomery, Chief of Army Youth Programs, for the development of The Youth Staff Training Program. Project content primary authors / editors: Karen Shannon, BGCA Consultant Chris Corrado, BGCA Director of Training & Professional Development

Donna M. McGrath, Army Youth Sports & Fitness Program Manager (Project Lead) Deb Marple, Army 4-H Coordinator, 4-H/Army Youth Development Project

In addition, the following served as primary authors for specific modules: Derry G. Koralek, DGK Associates (Safe) and, from the USDA/ Army Youth Development Project - Marcia McFarland (Professionalism), Dr. Jacqueline Scott (Social and Cultural; Guidance; Families, Communities and Schools) and Dr. Angela Huebner (Guidance). Content on Character Counts! and the Six Pillars of CharacterSM

1 was provided throughout the modules by Mary Jo Williams, Character Education Specialist, 4-H/Army Youth Development Project. Other contributing authors include: from Army CYS Headquarters – Nancy Campbell, Linda Harwanko, Maria Lopez Henderson, Kevin Montgomery and Mary Ellen Pratt, and from the USDA/Army Youth Development Project – Courtney Gaskins and Marianne Reynolds. We would also like to thank Army CYS Headquarters staff Virginia Brown, Nora Clouse, Bea Curl and Ingrid Osewalt for reviewing and providing feedback on the modules. This training program will allow staff to expand their knowledge about middle school and teen youth and their interests, challenges and overall development. Through the completion of the modules, staff will also have the opportunity to build skills in programming, communicating with youth and helping youth to grow and develop into productive citizens and leaders in their communities. Copyright 2006 AMWRF. All rights reserved. Photocopying or reproduction strictly prohibited except within the Department of Defense. 1 CHARACTER COUNTS! and the Six Pillars of CharacterSM are service marks of the CHARACTER COUNTS! Coalition, a project of the Josephson Institute of Ethics, www.charactercounts.org.

http://www.charactercounts.org/

Youth Staff Training Program vi Module 6: Communication


Youth Staff Training Program vii Module 6: Communication

Welcome to Module 6: Communication. Every single day, you draw upon communication skills to interact with youth and coworkers. This guide will show you the importance of practicing effective communication skills and modeling those skills for youth. The Table of Contents below will give you an overview of what you’ll be covering. Throughout this Content Guide, you’ll be directed to the companion Skill Building Journal. This journal contains a module checklist for you to use to chart your progress, pre-training assessment as well as worksheets for each of the activities in this guide. Together, the Content Guide and Skill Building Journal will help you identify opportunities for growth and put your new ideas into practice. After you move through this Content Guide and Skill Building Journal, your final step will be to complete this module’s knowledge and competency assessments. When you have finished this module, let your trainer know you are ready to schedule them. After you have successfully completed the assessments, you will be ready to begin a new module. Section Page 6.1 Introduction 1

Overview 1 Take a Closer Look 12 Self-Reflection 18

6.2 Pre-Training Assessment 20 6.3 Learning Activities 21

A. Basic Communication Skills 22 B. Creating an Environment that Promotes Effective Communication Skills 30 C. Using Your Knowledge of the Developmental Stages of Youth 35 Summarizing Your Progress 37

6.4 Resources 38

Six Pillars of CharacterSM 39 Feeling Words 41

Communication

Youth Staff Training Program viii Module 6: Communication


Youth Staff Training Program 1 Module 6: Communication

6. Communication

Program Assistants promote and practice effective communication by: • creating an environment in which youth have the opportunity to clearly express themselves; • demonstrating appropriate verbal and nonverbal skills; and • interacting with youth in ways that provide them with opportunities to practice communication skills.

Overview As an adult, you may sometimes wonder what you could possibly have in common with today’s youth. After all, they dress differently, have different interests and sound as though they speak another language! Even if you’re just a few years older than the youth in the Youth Center, you may feel as though you’re facing a generation gap. Yet as a Program Assistant, it is your job to bridge that gap, to connect with youth and to guide them in a direction that will enhance their lives. How can you make that all important connection? By asking and answering questions, sharing thoughts and feelings, interpreting verbal and nonverbal messages, showing empathy, demonstrating reflective listening, and providing acknowledgement through supportive comments. In short, through effective communication. Besides helping you connect with youth, effective communication skills give you the opportunity to serve as a role model for youth. You may not realize it, but all your daily communications, both verbal and nonverbal, make an impression on the young people around you. They see how you support their ideas; they watch how you respond to stressful situations; and they pick up on your body language when you’re pleased and when you’re angry. Because your speech and actions have such a big influence on youth, it is essential that you communicate your respect for others at all times. By modeling respect for those around you, you encourage youth to communicate respectfully as well. Respectful communication is especially important in today’s fast paced society, where many of our interactions with others are electronic and impersonal. Technology, particularly email, is a big part of modern life, especially for the young people you work with. But while technology makes many elements of day-to-day life easier or faster, it doesn’t lend itself well to developing communication skills. That’s because an email or an instant message doesn’t give young people the chance to practice listening, understanding body language or interpreting a tone of voice. Instead, it’s up to you and other adults to instill these essential communication skills in youth and to encourage respectful communication. Adults play a major role Why is it so important to learn to communicate with youth? Well, for one thing, clear and direct communication goes hand in hand with trust, respect and openness. Research indicates that adults can play a major role in keeping young people from using alcohol, tobacco or drugs just by listening! Young people are always sending both verbal and nonverbal messages that adults must interpret without asking too many questions. Your goal should be to create an environment where a meaningful exchange can take place and where you are able to listen clearly. As you build your own communication skills in this module, you will find yourself better able to communicate with co-workers as well as youth as you convey and interpret messages more effectively.

6.1 Introduction

Overview


What’s more, by learning to share feelings and ideas, you will be able to establish a more positive relationship with young people – and you may just discover that those youth you thought you had nothing in common with aren’t so different after all. What role does communication play in the Youth Center? As a Program Assistant, you draw upon communication skills on a daily basis. For example, communication skills:

enable you to help young people solve problems and conflicts; assist you in interpreting verbal and nonverbal messages; assist you in helping young people develop positive social relationships; and teach you various cultural, ethnic, gender, and peer influences on the communication styles of

young people. What’s more, how you communicate with youth affects their developing communication skills. Throughout this module, you will further develop your own communication skills and learn how to develop those skills in the youth you serve. Respect for youth As you consciously model communication skills for youth, keep in mind the Six Pillars of CharacterSM

1 developed by the CHARACTER COUNTS! Coalition1. The Six Pillars are trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring and citizenship (see Section 6.4 for a detailed description of each pillar). Making these six words and their meanings a part of your common language will encourage youth to communicate and respond as people of character. While it is important to actively communicate all six of the Pillars of CharacterSM, this module deals particularly with the pillar of respect. In communicating with youth it is important to remember the basic rules of respect: honor the individual worth and dignity of others; be courteous and civil; honor reasonable social standards and customs; treat others the way you want to be treated; accept differences and judge on character and ability; respect the autonomy of others; avoid actual or threatened violence; and be morally autonomous. Being respectful does not mean you always agree with what others say or do. It does mean, however, that even when you discipline or question you do so in a respectful way. What you say to young people and the intent of the message should always be respectful. Equally important is your respectful response to their nonverbal communications. Using the TEAM strategy Whenever you study character education, you will hear a lot about “modeling”. This doesn’t mean trying on the latest fashions for a quick walk down the runway – rather, it’s about always “wearing” good behavior and positive character traits. You’ll cover modeling and character education in more detail in the Personal, Character and Leadership Development module, but right now it is important for you to have a basic understanding of modeling and how it relates to your communication with youth.

1CHARACTER COUNTS! and the Six Pillars of CharacterSM are service marks of the CHARACTER COUNTS! Coalition, a project of

the Josephson Institute of Ethics, www.charactercounts.org.

http://www.charactercounts.org/

Overview


As a Program Assistant, you are always modeling. Youth pick up on your words, your actions, even your most subtle body language. As a result, you need to consciously edit your actions. If you are angry, for example, can you find a way to show your emotions respectfully? Think too about how you interact with different age groups at the Youth Center. Do you act and talk the same way to an 11-year-old as you do to an 18-year-old? Young people have different needs at different ages. By consciously demonstrating good behavior and attitudes in age appropriate ways, you become a role model for all youth. As you look for ways to communicate positively with youth, you may find the TEAM strategy of character education useful: Teach – At all times, it is critical to consistently teach the importance of character and to show how the Six Pillars of CharacterSM apply to common situations in the lives of young people. Enforce – Providing consistent and fair enforcement of program or event rules is another way to demonstrate the importance of the Six Pillars. By following rules, youth are encouraged to see that it is important to do the right thing. It also helps them understand that there is a big difference between what they feel they have the right to do and what is right to do. Advocate – Whatever the program, activity or event, advocating means you clearly and continuously communicate the importance that you and other staff attach to character and to what young people see and experience. Model – As a Program Assistant, you lead by example. You send a message as to what you value most by the choices you make and by your conduct. You and your co-workers must always be conscious of the messages – both verbal and nonverbal – that are sent. Healthy relationships with youth

Relationships flourish when you truly connect with young people, and there are many ways to begin building healthy relationships with youth. For starters, you’ll want to address every youth by name. This may seem simple, but it goes a long way toward letting each of them know that they are in an environment where they are respected and cared for – an environment where they are free to communicate their own thoughts, feelings and concerns. Recognizing each individual youth is also a way for you to model respect: in effect, you show youth that every single person is important. Another effective technique for building healthy relationships and modeling respectful communication is using the “5 A’s”: 2

Creating an environment in which youth have the opportunity to clearly express themselves.

acceptance; attention; appreciation; affirmation; and affection.

Youth are looking for these five actions/behaviors in their relationships with adults. If you can demonstrate the 5 A’s in your communications with youth, it will really enhance your relationships with them. In turn, when youth watch you model respectful behavior, they can learn to use the 5 A’s to improve their own relationships with friends. Here are some ways you might communicate (through a statement) each of the 5 A’s, and in turn what a youth might “hear” you say.

2 Effective Guidance and Disipline Workshop, Boys and Girls Clubs of America.

Overview


What you say… Action/behavior you are

modeling What youth hear…

“Don’t worry about having to miss the field trip. It’s OK.”

Acceptance I’m OK.

“I noticed you did a great job helping the Youth Council plan the dance last week.”

Attention I’m important.

“Thank you for helping Tia with her homework.”

Appreciation My efforts are worthwhile.

“I heard you got an A on your last math exam. Way to go!”

Affirmation I’m worthwhile.

“I think you are great. I’m glad I know you.” Affection Someone cares about me.

The power of positive messages

Why are the 5 A’s so important? Well, a large part of effective communication is having a positive relationship with the youth you are working with at the Youth Center. Society places a lot of emphasis on the mistakes and faults of young people. As a Program Assistant, you need to shift the focus away from a young person’s problems and misbehavior, and look at the positive things they contribute. Doing so reinforces the 5 A’s and helps create an environment in the Youth Center where adolescents are encouraged.

Demonstrating appropriate verbal and nonverbal skills.

The following is a list of positive statements that you can use when working with and encouraging young people: “You should be really proud of yourself!” “Thanks for helping; it took a load off me.” “Wait until I tell your dad how great you did!” “Look how far you've come!” “You'll make it!” “I have confidence that you'll make the right decision.” “I can see you put a lot of effort into that.” “Your mom’s going to be so proud!” “You are really talented in _____.” “It makes me so happy when you all listen to directions.” “I like the way you _____.” “I really appreciate you.” “You are making some incredible decisions.” Along with these powerful verbal statements, you can show youth that you care about them through nonverbal messages. Simple gestures such as a high-five or a smile can really help turn a youth around. A nod, a pat on the shoulder or a thumbs-up is also great ways of communicating positive messages through body language. You will learn more about verbal and nonverbal communication later in the module.

Overview


Communication: more than just talk Throughout your interactions with youth and co-workers, you are modeling good communication skills, fairness, respect, caring and trust. Along with the 5A’s, here are some general strategies to use when communicating with young people in the Youth Center. Notice that in these strategies, nonverbal communication – such as posture, facial expressions and eye contact – expresses just as much as your

spoken statements.

Interacting with youth in ways that provide opportunities to practice communication skills.

Strategy 1 – Greeting youth

Sometimes youth feel out of place in new situations, including visiting the Youth Center. As a Program Assistant, you have the opportunity to help youth feel at ease and comfortable with coming to the Youth Center, beginning with your greeting. Just remembering and using first names or chosen nicknames helps youth feel like they matter and puts them at ease. Being genuinely complimentary about such things as appearance (“I like that shirt”) helps as well, as do friendly questions about things that matter to the youth (“How’s basketball going?”). Finally, a handshake or other form of physical contact, such as a hand on the shoulder, if appropriate, is a nonverbal way of acknowledging youth.

Strategy 2 – Using silence

Youth are rarely given the opportunity to say what they feel because adults frequently cut them off. Try to over-listen and under-talk. Learning how to stay silent until a young person is finished expressing what they need to say is a very important skill to master. Staying silent can be very uncomfortable. It is difficult. But allowing adolescents to talk without interruption is a great gift. Listen, and be patient. The next time a young person wants to talk to you about something, practice being silent using nonverbal acknowledgements.

Strategy 3 – Paying attention

When talking with youth, it is essential that you give them your full attention, even when there are other things going on in the Center. Let them know they have your complete attention by using attending skills: make eye contact, watch your body language and tone of voice, and stay focused on the subject. Your goal should be to encourage youth to do the talking.

Here’s a broader look at the attending skills.

− Eye contact

Look at the person you are listening to. Consider standards from other cultures (for example, in Japan and South America direct

gaze is avoided). People’s pupils often dilate when interested or constrict when uncomfortable. A person may look away if uncomfortable with a topic.

− Body language

Face the person. Have an interested expression. Lean slightly toward the person. Keep your arms uncrossed.

Overview


Watch the other person’s body language: closed or uptight and moving away signals boredom, feeling ill at ease, or intimidation.

Allow personal space: in North America people like to be 5 feet from someone, while in the Middle East, it’s 6-12 inches. South Americans prefer 12 inches or less, while in England the distance is 8 feet.

− Vocal quality

Tone of voice affects others. Avoid a condescending tone. Show concern with your voice. Be clear. Watch for changes in the other person’s voice – a drop in tone could signal discomfort

with a subject. Hesitations could signal stress.

− Stay on the subject Staying on the subject shows you care. People tend to pick up on the topics they can relate to and often “hear” some topics

better than others.

Strategy 4 – Asking good questions

Another basic communication skill you can learn is asking good questions. There are two types of questions: open and closed. Open questions allow youth to answer in detail, while closed questions limit dialogue by allowing only “yes” or “no” answers. Like the attending skills, open questions signal to youth that you are truly interested in what they think and feel, and that you respect them as individuals.

Closed question examples: “Are you getting along with your friends?” “Did you figure out what you needed?” “Did anything happen?” “Have you experienced this before?” “Are you having a good day?” Open question examples: “Tell me more about your friends at the Youth Center.” “Wow, that must have been exciting. Tell me more.” “I'd like to know more about that.” “What might be some good ways to solve that problem?” “Tell me more about why you got so angry.”

Strategy 5 – Responding, validating and summarizing

Listening involves being able to pay attention to and understand what is being said, and then letting the individual know that you understand them by mirroring and reflecting the content back to them. While someone is talking to you, you can respond by nodding your head and looking directly into their eyes. It is then important to respond verbally after the young person has finished talking. Paraphrase what you have heard so that youth know that you have really listened:

Overview


Examples: “So what you are saying is _____.” “What I hear you telling me is _____.” “Sounds like you _____.”

After the young person has completed his or her thoughts and you have paraphrased and gotten clarification, you can then reinforce that the youth has made a good decision or redirect if they have not made a good decision. However you respond, always try to validate and summarize what the youth has told you.

Examples: “It really sounds like you were able to make a good decision.” “From what you have said, you still sound unsure about the decision you have made.”

Promoting communication skills in youth In all of the strategies above, you are demonstrating positive communication skills, and the youth you serve will model themselves on your example. However, you can also actively encourage youth to develop and practice communication skills on their own. In addition to the strategies you model on a daily basis, here are some ways you can provide opportunities for youth to practice communication skills.

Accept youth’s use of slang and popular expressions while serving as a model for standard use of English. Example: “Donna (15), I heard you say that this new band is “bad”. I agree with you. They are really a great band. What’s your favorite song?”

Ask youth to paraphrase what they hear. Example: “Sandy (12), what do you hear Beth (13) saying about why she’s upset?” Ask youth to interpret body language and gestures. Example: “What message am I sending when I tell you I feel OK, but I look down like this and fold my arms?”

Teach youth appropriate ways to use these skills with peers, parents and other adults. Example: “Joey (17), I’m sorry to hear about the arguments you’ve been having at the Youth Center. It sounds like every time Youth Center rules come up, everyone’s emotions flare. How do you think you could discuss rules calmly?”

Communicating despite conflict There will be times when you will need to discuss emotional topics or areas of disagreement with others in the Youth Center. How you handle these exchanges (whether they are with youth or co-workers) will influence young people just beginning to build their own communication skills. Here are some ways you can demonstrate appropriate verbal and nonverbal skills during potentially difficult discussions.

Overview


Use “I” messages to shift emphasis onto yourself so that the listener does not feel they are being blamed. Example: “Tammy (11), I feel frustrated when the CDs aren’t put away because one could get lost or broken.”

Paraphrase for clarification in conversations with other staff members and youth. Example: “Sarah (15), it sounds like you’re really frustrated because you feel like the other Youth Council members aren’t taking your ideas seriously.”

Pay attention to and accurately interpret others’ body language and gestures. Example: “Thomas (17), I noticed you were standing off from the group with your arms crossed instead of shooting hoops with the guys like you normally do. I’m here to listen if you want to talk about anything bothering you.”

Respond appropriately to others’ body language and gestures. Example: “Lori (12), you’re telling me nothing’s wrong, but you won’t look at me. I’m concerned about you. Why don’t we sit down and talk for a few minutes?” Provide consistency between body language and message. Example: “I need to tell Jon (17) that even though I’m disappointed in his behavior, I still care about him. But I’m so angry I’m still pacing around the office! I need to cool down a few minutes so I can send Jon the right message.” Avoid the use of sarcasm and put-downs. Example: “Tanya (11), I know you’re disappointed and hurt that Laura didn’t choose you to be in her group, but calling her ‘stupid’ isn’t going to help. Let’s come up with better ways for you to communicate with Laura?”

How to respond to challenging behaviors You’ll find that communication skills are not only useful when dealing with emotional topics, but also when dealing with negative behavior. How do you communicate when youth are acting out? Some verbal and nonverbal techniques you can use to address attention seeking behavior include mentioning the youth by name, giving attention for proper behavior and ignoring inappropriate behavior. Even with challenging behaviors, it is important that you consciously model the Six Pillars of CharacterSM. In fact, this may be the most important time to model character and respect! By speaking from a position of respect and trust during challenging or volatile situations, you show youth that character counts all the time – not just when it’s easy or convenient. Here are strategies for handling behavioral challenges.

Praise and encouragement work wonders with youth. Make it a personal rule to praise adolescents that are behaving well. Pay more attention to positive behavior than you do to negative behavior. What you pay attention to will strengthen, and what you ignore will weaken. Example: Two teens in the Center who often argue are getting along while playing a computer game together. Pay attention to and praise them while they are getting along, instead of waiting until a quarrel begins. When youth realize that you pay attention to positive behavior instead of negative behavior, the negative behavior will decrease.

Overview


Modeling the Six Pillars of CharacterSM – trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring and citizenship – is important in all your dealings with youth. These character words should be a common part of your language in communicating with youth. Example: “Thank you for respecting others ideas and opinions.”

An adolescent might simply need to be redirected to another activity if they are having problems. This works well with younger youth who may have shorter attention spans. Example: “Mary (11), it looks like you are really frustrated using the computer to research your science project. Let’s take a break and go to the gym and then we’ll come back and work on it together.”

Talk briefly to youth so they do not miss the main point of what you are saying. Try not to lecture. Use short sentences. Example: “Tony (13), I know you’re having fun playing computer games. But, remember the rules. Please save your game and pass the control to the next player. Then you can play later when it’s your turn again.”

Avoid using the words “no” and “don't” as much as possible. This helps youth feel like you are not constantly shutting them down. Example: “Marcus (15) and Trey (15), practice is over. Please put the basketballs away. We’re ready to get started with our Youth Council meeting. Thanks.”

Be as positive in a situation as you can. Try to make a positive comment first. Example: If youth are running in the building, instead of yelling “Stop running!” say, “I'm glad you have a lot of energy, but please walk in the Youth Center.”

Use the format "when you _____, then you can _____.” Saying “when” suggests that you expect youth to follow the direction, whereas “if” implies that youth have a choice. Example: “When you clean up the games room, then you can go to the Youth Technology Lab.” Say “I would like you to...” or “I need to...” when giving directions. Youth will respond more positively because they will feel like they were not ordered to follow the direction. Example: “I would like you to stop bouncing the basketball. When you stop, we can start our practice game.” If a youth is upset, allow them the space to be emotional. It is OK if they yell, as long as they are just venting. It is not OK if they yell at you directly. Example: If a youth needs to vent, make sure you talk in a quiet voice back to them. Say, “How can I help?” or “You seem very upset.” When there are Center activities taking place and they need to end, always give youth warnings or advance notice. Example: “I know everyone is having fun, but in five minutes we are going to switch activities. Get ready.”

Communicating expectations

As a Program Assistant, there are some techniques you can use proactively to communicate your expectations to youth. By modeling these techniques on a consistent basis, youth will know what you expect in terms of their behavior and will learn on a daily basis some important communication skills of their own. Again, this is a great time to model character. The more youth hear about

Overview


trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness and caring, the more they will demonstrate these traits. Here are some additional strategies to use when communicating with youth.

Be calm and use a regular voice.

No matter how angry or frustrated you get, never yell. This might be hard, but it is extremely important. Yelling hurts feelings, and yelling models inappropriate behavior and a lack of respect.

Be exact and specific.

Tell youth exactly what you would like them to do. For example, during homework assistance time, do not yell out, “OK, let's clean up.” Say, “It is time to put away your materials. We are going to the gym for a group meeting.”

Zero in on a youth’s actions and not on them personally.

When an adolescent misbehaves, it is the behavior that is bothersome, not the youth personally. Make sure that your comments reflect this. For example, if a teen talks back frequently or is mouthy, say “Joey (11), remember the Youth Center rules? Respecting staff is one of the rules that you came up with. When you speak that way to me, you are breaking one of the rules.”

State the consequences.

To prevent problems from happening, remind youth of the Youth Center rules and the consequences of breaking the rules. State the expectation and the consequence beforehand so youth know what to expect. Youth Center rules should be posted.

Follow through.

Do not make idle threats. If you tell a group of youth that they will lose their computer game privileges if they do not behave, and then they misbehave, be prepared to take away the privileges.

Handling anger – a special challenge On occasion, some youth may be quite aggressive in how they communicate with you. Sometimes parents, coaches and other adults may also express anger or feelings in a way that might make you feel verbally attacked. As understanding as you may be, and as good as your listening skills may be, when you are verbally attacked, you may find yourself getting angry. Individuals have the right to discuss concerns and complaints with you; however, you have the right to be treated respectfully. The following methods will help you handle a verbal attack focused at you:

Stay calm. Do not visibly show your anger. If needed, repeat to yourself, “stay calm, stay calm.”

Keep in mind that most times the anger shown by the other person may not be directed toward you but instead the situation that occurred.

If there is another staff person around, call them over and get their help.

If a youth is verbally attacking you, get them away from their friends if possible.

Overview


Take the person to a quiet place with another staff person present.

Always set limits and let them know the limits. Make sure you do not physically touch the individual. If they choose not to follow you and the other staff person, state firmly, “You have a choice to walk with us to a quiet area to resolve the problem or to leave the building.”

If possible, allow the person to vent, if it is a situation they are angry about. Don’t interrupt. If

they think you are not listening, they may get angrier. Let them know you are listening to what they are saying and that you want to help resolve the issue.

Don’t get into a yelling match with youth. Yelling accomplishes nothing. And yes, it is hard.

You now have a broad understanding of the ways communication skills are used to create a positive environment in the Youth Center, let youth know you care about and respect them, and teach youth character and strategies for communicating with others. You are beginning to see the powerful effect of positive communication on youth and the many ways your verbal and nonverbal messages model communications for youth. Your Youth Center environment should support positive communication with young people. Your own skills and behavior are key to creating this environment. Try to practice your skills in all your interactions with youth and co-workers.

Take a Closer Look

Take a Closer Look Now you have a broad overview of communication, but how do these concepts affect you as a Program Assistant? On the following pages, you’ll find situations you might encounter on the job. As you read the situations, think about how the Program Assistants are using communications skills to deal with specific challenges with youth. What are the staff members doing to model and promote effective communication with youth? Have you found yourself in similar situations? These examples are designed to help you create a positive environment for expression, demonstrate appropriate verbal and nonverbal skills and give youth more opportunities to practice their own communication skills. After you read each example, you will be directed to your Skill Building Journal to answer questions. Example 1 Creating an environment in which youth have the opportunity to clearly express themselves.

1. Address youth by name.

2. Use various communication techniques to enhance relationships with youth.

3. Understand the impact positive relationships with youth have on communication (i.e., attention, acceptance, appreciation, affirmation and affection.)

Jane (15) is the current Youth Council president. She is leading the group in planning a lock-in. This is the group’s reward for completing a very successful community service project. The Youth Council advisor, Mr. Ellis, has been the group’s supervisor for four months. The meeting begins with Mr. Ellis addressing the group. “You’ve all done a great job with the community service project,” Mr. Ellis says. “How do you feel about what’s been accomplished?” All the youth in the group begin cheering and clapping. “It was successful because we worked as a team!” Ray (14) says. “I want you to know how proud I am of you and how important you are to our community,” replies Mr. Ellis. “Your project was extremely successful and your efforts were worthwhile.” Jane thanks Mr. Ellis for his appreciation. The rest of the group continues to cheer and applaud. Once the group settles down, Jane begins discussing plans for the lock-in with the group. Ray raises his hand. “I’d like to be the person responsible for planning the lock-in activities.” Jane thanks him for volunteering. “What activities would the group like to plan for the evening?” asks Mr. Ellis. The group begins sharing ideas, and Larry (14) captures them in his meeting notes. Ray says, “I don’t plan on sleeping the whole night. Let’s plan 12 hours of activities!” The group snickers. Jane says, “We appreciate your enthusiasm, and everyone’s ideas are important to us. Let’s see


Take a Closer Look


what the rest of the group thinks.” LaTreese (16) says, “I have to have some sleep. We should limit what we’re doing.” The rest of the group agrees. Jane also agrees and gets the group to come to an understanding regarding what time to conclude the lock-in activities. The lock-in is planned and the meeting comes to an end. Everyone leaves talking about what fun the lock-in is going to be, except for Bill (15). Mr. Ellis notices that Bill, who is usually very talkative in the group, is standing off to the side not looking very happy. Mr. Ellis says, “Bill, I didn’t hear you say much at the meeting.” Bill doesn’t respond right away. Instead, he puts his head down and folds his arms. Mr. Ellis gives Bill time to think. Bill finally responds, “I don’t think my parents are going to let me go to the lock-in. I was mean to my little sister this past weekend, and they said I can’t go unless I apologize to her.” Mr. Ellis sits next to Bill at the table and says, “Why were you mean to your sister?” “My sister is always picking on me,” Bill replies. “I’m tired of it, so I yelled back at her.” Mr. Ellis doesn’t respond, but continues to listen. “I do really want to go to the lock-in,” Bill says quietly. “Maybe there’s a better way to deal with my sister that won’t get me into so much trouble.” “Maybe your sister just wants some attention. What are some other ways you could deal with your sister?” asks Mr. Ellis. “Well,” says Bill, “I could take more time to talk with her instead of us just yelling at each other.” “That’s a good idea, Bill,” says Mr. Ellis. “And we wouldn’t want to have the lock-in without you. Apologizing to your sister is the right thing to do – but for the right reasons and not just to go to the lock-in.” Bill smiles, and says, “You’re right. I’ll see you at the lock-in. Thanks for taking time to listen! I’m going to talk to my parents about a better way to get along with my sister and then apologize to her. I really do want to get along with her.”

What’s next? Go to the Skill Building Journal and answer the questions for Example 1 in Section 6.1, Take a Closer Look. When you are finished, return to this guide and continue on with Example 2.

Take a Closer Look Example 2 Demonstrating appropriate verbal and nonverbal skills.

4. Use I-messages, when appropriate, in conversations to deal with emotional topics or areas of

disagreement with other staff members and youth.

5. Use paraphrasing for clarification in conversations with other staff members and youth.

6. Attend to and accurately interpret others’ body language and gestures.

7. Respond appropriately to others’ body language and gestures.

8. Provide consistency between body language and message.

9. Avoid the use of sarcasm and put-downs.

Ms. Kim has worked in the Youth Program for five months. She is getting to know the young people who regularly come to the Center and is building positive relationships with them. Lately one girl, Maria (11), always seems to be getting into arguments with her peers. For what seems like the fifth time this week, Ms. Kim has to speak to Maria about yet another situation with Maria arguing. This time it’s in the Youth Technology Lab during homework help time. Ms. Kim and Maria step aside to talk. Ms. Kim comments on the argument. Maria says, “I never start arguments. You’re always blaming me.” Ms. Kim notices that Maria sounds very sad and looks like she is going to cry. Maria continues, “How come I always get into trouble and you never yell at the other girls? You must like them better than me.” Ms. Kim replies, “I hear you saying that I don’t like you, Maria. But I do.” She looks at Maria and gives her time to respond. Maria shakes her head and says, “I don’t think you do.” Ms. Kim replies, “I think you’re a great girl. I’m just concerned about your trouble with the others here.” Maria says, “I don’t do it on purpose.” Ms. Kim responds, “Is anything going on that you’d like to talk about?” Maria says, “I don’t know. I’ve just been cranky lately.” Ms. Kim sits down and invites Maria to join her. Ms. Kim says to Maria, “We all get cranky at times, but there is usually a reason for it. What do you think has been putting you in a bad mood?” Maria responds, “You know, since I moved here I feel like no one has really tried to get to know me. I feel so left out. I think that’s why I argue. It’s hard to keep moving from one place to another and make friends all over again, and the girls here just aren’t letting me be part of their group.” Ms. Kim replies, “How about doing something else other than arguing to be part of the group?”


Take a Closer Look


Maria asks, “Like what?” Ms. Kim thinks for a moment then says, “Some of the girls have volunteered to help decorate the Center for the dance this Friday night. I’m thinking that maybe if you help, they would get to know you and you would get to know them better.” “That sounds like fun,” replies Maria with enthusiasm. “Can you think of any other ways you could get to know the others?” asks Ms. Kim. Maria thought for a few moments, but didn’t respond. Ms. Kim wants to help Maria think of some other ideas and says, “What if you take more time to listen before you talk? That might help you get to know them better. Then maybe they will want to get to know you.” Maria replies, “I guess I could try that.” Ms. Kim says, “What else do you think you could do when you feel like arguing?” Maria starts discussing many ideas that might help her avoid arguments, while Ms. Kim nods and acknowledges her suggestions. Maria adds, “I could also talk to a staff person if I can’t resolve something. Could I come and talk to you?” Ms. Kim smiles and says, “Of course you can. You’re very important to me. You can talk to me anytime.”

What’s next? Go to the Skill Building Journal and answer the questions for Example 2 in Section 6.1, Take a Closer Look. When you are finished, return to this guide and continue on with Example 3.

Take a Closer Look Example 3 Interacting with youth in ways that provide opportunities to practice communication skills.

10. Accept youth’s use of slang and popular expressions while serving as a model for standard use of language.

11. Observe youth’s nonverbal cues and use the cues to ask questions about their ideas and feelings.

12. Ask open-ended questions to encourage youth to think and express their ideas.

13. Ask youth to paraphrase what they hear.

14. Ask youth to interpret body language and gestures.

15. Listen attentively to what youth have to say and show respect for their ideas.

16. Incorporate youth’s suggestions into programs or following up with appropriate resources following conversation.

17. Teach youth appropriate ways to use these skills with peers, parents and other adults.

While Mr. Pat is assisting in the gym, Jose (17) takes a basketball, throws it against the wall and walks away staring at the floor and muttering. Mr. Pat watches Jose walk across the gym and sit down on the bleachers with his arms crossed. Mr. Pat walks over to the bleachers and joins Jose. “What’s wrong?” asks Mr. Pat. Jose replies angrily, “This is lame!” “What are you trying to tell me, Jose? Sounds like you’re not happy with something around here, but I don’t know what that might be,” replies Mr. Pat. “I can’t stand it here. This place is no fun. All you have are rules, rules and more rules. I feel like I’m in jail, not a place for kids.” Mr. Pat says, “So you don’t feel like you have much freedom here? Any particular reason why?” “People are always telling me what to do,” answers Jose, “and I’m tired of it.” “Tell me what happened, Jose, and why you’re upset,” says Mr. Pat. Jose explains that he was told to leave the gym because the 12-year-olds were coming in for basketball practice. “When do we get to play?” Mr. Pat responds, “So you’re saying that you’re angry because you can’t play ball in the gym? It’s important to say what you’re feeling and what’s bothering you, Jose. Otherwise we can’t help.” Jose replies, “It seems that teens never have time to play in the gym.” Mr. Pat suggests they take a look at the gym schedule to see when teens are scheduled for activities.


Take a Closer Look


They both look at the bulletin board. “The practice is an hour long,” says Mr. Pat. “Then it’s open time for teens to play.” As they continue to examine the schedule, Mr. Pat says, “You know what? We always seem to have this problem during basketball season. There really isn’t much teen time. We can talk about making more time for teens at the next Youth Council meeting. I’d be very happy if you’d come to the meeting and bring up the issue of teen gym time. Will you come?” Jose says, “Yeah, I’ll come. I’d like to get us more gym time and if you think that me coming to talk about it would help, I will. I’d like to share my ideas.” “Great!” replies Mr. Pat. “And now, I think we could use your help to teach basketball to the 12-year-olds. I’ve seen you with your younger brother and sister. I think you’d be great coaching the younger kids. Would you help us out?” Jose nods, “Yeah, I’d like to help.”

What’s next? Go to the Skill Building Journal and answer the questions for Example 3 in Section 6.1, Take a Closer Look. When you are finished, return to this guide and continue on with Self-Reflection.

Self-Reflection


Self-Reflection Your own communication skills Do you ever have the feeling that some people don’t understand what you are trying to say? Do you ever meet people who don’t seem to listen when you’re talking with them? If so, you aren’t alone. Sometimes, the problem might be that you are not getting your message across, while at other times the other person simply isn’t listening. These sorts of misunderstandings happen all the time because very few people know how to communicate well. “Hey, wait a minute!” you might be thinking. “If almost no one communicates well, why is there so much pressure on me to communicate effectively?” Well, unlike the average communicator, whose poor communication skills don’t affect anyone else, how you interact with others directly impacts the youth you serve. How you communicate with youth models how youth should communicate with others. What’s more, how you communicate with your co-workers not only impacts your overall job performance, but again models communication skills for youth in the Center. Communicating well is sometimes complicated because messages can have so many different purposes,3 from giving information and expressing emotions to communicating needs. Just think of a typical day at the Youth Center: in any given hour, you might use communication to comfort (“I’m so sorry”), question (“What do you mean?”), quiet (“Shhhh!”), warn (“Watch out!”), or control actions (I think you should finish your homework”). Just as communication is used for different purposes, it can have a dramatically different impact on the listener depending on the message. Communication can be:

very helpful or positive: “It’s great that you got a good grade in that class. I know it’s been hard for you but you’ve worked hard and it’s paid off.”

very harmful or negative:

“You should’ve gotten a better grade. You have a problem with that class because you’re stupid. When are you going to smarten up?”

Can you imagine the effect of making that negative comment to a youth at your Center? It would destroy all the trust you have worked so hard to build. The youth in the Center trust you to respect and honor them, so you must look carefully within yourself to make sure that you always communicate with respect and model respectful communication skills. As you’ll see, how people communicate with each other has a huge impact on how individuals feel about themselves. When you have conversations with young people or co-workers, how you communicate can either enhance your relationship or be detrimental to it. That doesn’t mean you can’t express your feelings. What it does mean is that everyone needs to develop effective communication skills that accurately convey what they want or need to say. 3 Adapted from Patricia Kramer and Linda Frazer (1985), The Dynamics of Relationships, A Prevention Program for Preteens and Young People, Teachers Manual, Kensington, Maryland, Equal Partners.

Self-Reflection


Your listening habits An important part of being a good communicator is being a good listener. Do you have positive listening habits? Or do you find your mind wandering when someone is talking? Knowing where you can improve will help you on the job with the youth you work with. The worksheet that accompanies Self-Reflection will allow you to take a look at your own listening habits.

What’s next? Go to the Skill Building Journal and answer the questions for Self-Reflection in Section 6.1. When you are finished, return to this guide and continue on with the Pre-Training Assessment.


Before you can move forward in any area of life, you need to know where you stand. How could you begin improving your communication skills without a clear sense of what you need to work on? To give you that sense of where you are now, a pre-training assessment will help you look at how you currently communicate with youth. This assessment will measure the knowledge and skill areas that you will be studying, and it will help you pinpoint areas for improvement. Ultimately this assessment, and other checklists in the Skill Building Journal, will help you develop a plan for your own skill development. Don’t worry – this assessment is not a test. It will not be graded or judged. Rather, it is a tool for you, an opportunity to identify knowledge and skill areas that you may want to improve. As you answer the questions, be thoughtful and honest with yourself. That’s the only way you can get a true picture of your needs and create a useful plan of action for your professional growth.

6.2 Pre-Training Assessment

What’s next? Go to the Skill Building Journal and complete the Pre-Training Assessment in Section 6.2. When you are finished, return to this guide and continue on with the Learning Activities.


6.3 Learning Activities

Section Page

A. Basic Communication Skills 22

B. Creating an Environment that Promotes Effective 30 Communication Skills

C. Using Your Knowledge of the Developmental Stages of Youth 35 Summarizing Your Progress 37

See references below.4-5

4 The training material in the following activities include sections from North Dakota State University Extension Service Bulletin, Leadership Development Within Groups – Communicating Effectively, HE-499, September 1992, prepared by Marliyn Lesmeister. 5 The training materials in the following activities also include excerpts from Boys & Girls Clubs of America, Effective Guidance & Discipline, A Strategic Resource for Building Capacity, Facilitator’s Guide, December 1999.

Learning Activity A


A. Basic Communication Skills

In this activity, you will learn to: • use active listening skills that will make you a more effective communicator; • use nonverbal communication, called body language, to communicate with

youth;

• give feedback when you speak, from sharing information and ideas and making observations to expressing feelings and understanding others; and

• model effective communication skills for youth.

Communication affects every aspect of your work in the Youth Center. No matter what challenges you are facing in your work and no matter what personal problems the young people in your Center are experiencing, improved communication will help. In order to become the best possible Program Assistant, you’ll need to master the art of communication, and that means starting with the basics. This learning activity is divided into three parts, each focusing on basic communication skills that are critical in your role as a Program Assistant:

Part I – Role-modeling effective listening and communication skills: teaching youth good communication skills they can use for the rest of their lives.

Part II – Body language – check the message: noting verbal and nonverbal messages send

mixed signals.

Part III – Feedback: learning to listen and share without hurting others’ feelings. After you read each part, you will be directed to activities to complete in your Skill Building Journal. Part I – Role-modeling effective listening and communication skills Effective listening takes practice. In order to build upon your own communication skills, you first need to be aware of how well you listen and be willing to identify areas where you need to practice. Remember, in all your interactions with young people in the Youth Center, you have the opportunity to role model effective communication skills. Whether you are actively guiding youth in their Youth Center behavior, resolving conflicts, having informal conversations about program activities or simply listening to a teen who has had a terrible day, your ability to effectively communicate with youth has an amazing impact on how youth communicate with each other and with the world at large.

Learning Activity

Learning Activity A


Let’s take a look at 12 essential listening skills that you can effectively role model for the young people you work with on a daily basis.

12 essential skills for role-modeling effective listening

1. Stop talking. While this seems obvious, it is alarming how often adults who work with youth forget to do it. You can’t listen if you are talking. Be alert and listen!

2. Engage in only one conversation at a time. You may be able to hear what is being said by

more than one person, but you cannot effectively understand and respond to two conversations at once.

3. Ask questions. Ask questions to clarify anything that you are not sure you understand, and

to verify that you are hearing the message the sender intended. 4. Give the speaker time to talk without interruption. Wait until the person has finished

speaking before asking questions. 5. Concentrate on what the person is saying and ignore any distractions around you.

Actively focus your attention on the speaker and the words, ideas and feelings that are being related.

6. Be careful not to jump to conclusions about what is being said before people have

finished talking, or to allow preconceived concepts of the speaker to keep you from hearing what is being said. These judgments will cause you to tune out before receiving the complete message. Rather, you will be thinking, “Hurry up and finish,” or “I’ve got your point,” or “Yes, yes, I know what you mean, you can stop now.”

7. Avoid arguing mentally with the speaker while he/she is talking. When you do this, you

have stopped listening and are concentrating instead on how you are going to work your argument.

8. Focus on the main points that are being made. Concentrate on the key concepts the

speaker is making. 9. Listen to what is not said. Sometimes you can learn as much by determining what the

other person is leaving out or avoiding as you can by listening to what is actually said. 10. Listen to how something is said. If you concentrate solely on the words of a message, you

may miss the importance of the emotional content. 11. Don’t make assumptions – don’t assume that the speaker uses words the way you do.

Check with the speaker to verify his/her meaning. 12. Share the responsibility for communication. Only part of that responsibility is with the

speaker. As the listener, you have equal responsibility. Try to understand – and if you don’t understand, ask for clarification.

Like any other skill, from playing a sport to learning an instrument, perfecting your listening skills takes practice. Just knowing the appropriate listening behaviors doesn’t mean you are good at all of them. Everyone needs to practice these behaviors until they become second nature.

Learning Activity A


What’s next? Go to the Skill Building Journal and complete the worksheets for Activity A, Part I, in Section 6.3. When you are finished, return to this guide and continue on with Activity A, Part II.

Learning Activity A


Part II – Body language – check the message You may think that you communicate only with spoken words, but in fact you communicate with every part of your face and body. So too, do the people you communicate with. For this reason, understanding body language – facial expressions, gestures, eye contact and posture – is an important part of communication. At all times, even while you are speaking, you need to observe body language, because it can tell you if your listeners are interested, bored, confused or in disagreement with you. However, be careful! Don’t jump to conclusions about what you think you see. Rather, it is important to observe body language and use it as a checkpoint to see if you understand the message. For example:

“There has been very little reaction to this idea and I see some frowns.” How does the group feel right now?”

To better interpret body language, it is necessary to understand the ways in which verbal and nonverbal messages can overlap or contradict each other.

Verbal communication is the use of any kind of words, whether written, spoken, or even sign language. (You might think that deaf people only use gestures, but the signs they use when they talk are real words.) Verbal communication is everywhere. Conversations, the radio, television, computers, and music are all examples of verbal communication. People reach out to each other via telephones, instant messaging, and many other methods. When you listen to music, you receive some type of message from the people who wrote the song. Almost everything you do when in the company of others involves some kind of communication.

Nonverbal communication is the use of body language, facial expression, tone of voice and gestures. Think of ways you communicate using nonverbal communication. For example, raising your voice, tapping your foot or hand, waving and clapping are all ways you communicate nonverbally.

Cultural differences can often occur in nonverbal communication. The use and interpretation of nonverbal communication is different in each part of the world. Each person’s culture teaches the acceptable standards for nonverbal communication. For example, in the U.S., people usually stand apart, but in some countries people stand very close to each other when they speak. Also, in the U.S. it is generally rude to stare at another person, but in other countries this is considered a polite way of showing interest. Effective communication includes being sensitive to cultural differences in body language. Observe body language and then check the message that is being sent. Mixed messages often occur when people talk and their words don’t match their facial expressions or body language. This is confusing because “mixed” or “double messages” are being sent. For example, many people smile when they are angry or upset. It is very confusing to listen to someone explain how bad school went that day, but see the youth smiling at the same time! Or suppose a person is telling you how glad he is to see you, but is looking around the room or acting as if he wants to get away from you as soon as possible. Along the same lines, suppose your friend tells you that she wants to talk to you, but when you get together she keeps looking at her watch. Many people are not aware that they communicate with double messages. Can you think of any times that you might have sent a mixed message?

Learning Activity A


To send positive, assertive messages, your verbal and nonverbal actions should reflect confidence. To reflect confidence, you must be completely aware of your nonverbal messages. As you think about verbal and nonverbal communication, consider your role as a Program Assistant. When you give youth or co-workers mixed messages, it can complicate your relationship with the very people you are trying to establish a good and healthy relationship with. Being clear and confident in your messages is critical in establishing and maintaining relationships.

What’s next? Go to the Skill Building Journal and complete the worksheets for Activity A, Part II, in Section 6.3. When you are finished, return to this guide and continue on with Activity A, Part III.

Learning Activity A


Part III – Feedback How you give feedback when communicating with youth and co-workers is important. You want to be sure your feedback is constructive and not just critical. Sometimes it is much easier to tell others what you don’t like about them than to take the time to constructively state how you feel. Criticism usually hurts the person receiving it. If instead you can tell someone what you don’t like or what you are mad at constructively, your relationship will probably improve. There are many ways to send a message to the person you are communicating with that will keep the relationship sound. Here are some constructive ways to give feedback.

Use “I” messages

An “I” message allows you to tell people what impact their behavior has on you without judging them. At the same time, it lets them decide whether or not to change that behavior. In using “I” messages, you describe your responses and do not evaluate behavior or suggest changes. You are not forcing the listener to accept your ideas.

An “I” message has three parts:

1. a non–blameful description of the behavior in question (to let the youth know what is being discussed);

2. the tangible effect behavior has on you (not the other person); and 3. an indication of your feelings about the behavior.

“I” messages are often stated as:

I feel (describe YOUR feelings) When (give a unbiased description of behavior) Because (describe the tangible effect on YOU)

For example:

− “I feel upset when I’m interrupted while I’m talking to another person because I feel he/she isn’t listening to what I have to say.”

An “I” message is effective because it:

− reduces resistance and arguments; − avoids loss of self-esteem; − avoids some embarrassment; and − teaches that you are direct and open.

To help you with “I” messages, Section 6.4 in this guide contains a list of feeling words that you will want to review.

Practice active listening

Active listening is listening for feelings and not facts, and reflecting these feelings back to the person you are communicating with. This is feedback that lets the speaker know you are concentrating on their message. For example:

− “I see. It sounds like you are very angry right now.”

It also includes using “listening signals” or non-committal acknowledgments.

Learning Activity A


− “Oh, really?” “I see.” “You did?” “How about that?” This shows that you are really listening to what the person has to say.

Active listening also includes using your attending skills:

− eye contact; − body language; − vocal quality; and − staying on the subject.

Ask for more information

This helps others to expand on initial information. It tells the speaker you are interested in her/his thoughts.

− “That sounds interesting.” − “Tell me more.”

Paraphrase

Paraphrasing is saying what you think the speaker said. This gives the speaker a chance to confirm your interpretation or to clarify what was meant.

− “What I hear you saying is that although the plan isn’t finished, we should start marketing the workshop while the committee works on the details.”

Share information

Everyone’s input is important. Group leaders need to be as open and honest as other members.

− “I believe we need to move slowly and consider all possible options before we make a decision.”

Check feelings

It’s best to check to see if the emotion you think you see/hear is the correct interpretation.

− “Are you feeling frustrated? Would you like to talk about it?”

Report feelings

Tell others what your emotional state is at a given time.

− “It’s been a long day. I’m not productive any more because I feel tired. Could we talk about this at the next meeting?”

Offer or request more options

Even good ideas can be made better when more people are involved. Suggesting other options is helpful.

Learning Activity A


− “These are some great ideas here. Let’s see what else we can come up with. What are some more of our options?”

Offering constructive feedback rather than criticizing will help you improve your relationships with co-workers and adolescents.

What’s next? Go to the Skill Building Journal and complete the worksheets for Activity A, Part III, in Section 6.3. When you are finished, return to this guide and continue on with Activity B.

Learning Activity B


B. Creating an Environment that Promotes Effective Communication Skills

In this activity, you will learn to:

• promote effective communication skills with young people; and • use different techniques to encourage individual/group participation.

As you learned in Activity A, communication consists of a few basic skills: sending verbal and nonverbal messages, listening to verbal and nonverbal messages, and providing feedback. Sounds simple enough, right? But the exchange of messages is a little more complicated. Consider this: a person sends 300 to 1,000 messages a day, and probably receives just as many. All mixed up in that exchange are the messages the person intended to send, the messages that were actually sent, the messages the listener thinks he or she heard, the responses from the listener due to what he or she heard, and the reaction to the exchange of messages. Is it any wonder things get garbled along the way? As a Program Assistant, you need to cut through the communication confusion and promote effective communication in the Youth Center. If young people feel that they are being heard and understood, they will more readily come to the Center because they will feel safe to be themselves and to learn and try new things. So how can you let the youth you work with know that you are listening, that you care and feel that what they have to say is important? First of all, you can learn to listen at least as much as you speak. Good listening takes a lot of practice and concentration. After all, people think four times faster than another person can speak, so minds may tend to wander when someone is speaking. To counteract this, as you listen to the youth in the Center, you need to focus on their words, body language, intended messages and even unintended messages and try to listen without judging what you hear. Along with focused listening, your own verbal and nonverbal skills are important, as is your ability to clarify communication to avoid misunderstanding. But just as important as your own communication skills is your ability to teach communication skills to youth. Why is this so important? As a Program Assistant, you can use your knowledge of the growth and development of youth to teach the communication skills that will help youth become successful adults. Let’s take a look at how you, as a Program Assistant, can promote effective communication skills and create the kind of environment so important to the youth you serve.

Accept the use of slang and popular expressions, but role model more standard use of the language. Example: The teens were excited when a box of computer software arrived from Boys & Girls Clubs of America. Jerome (12) kept saying, “This is so bad, man!” (or whatever slang youth would currently use to describe something great). I want the teens to know that I understand their use of slang, but I also need to model adult language. Instead of commenting on the slang or encouraging it by responding with slang, I’ll say “I’m glad you like the supplies. They’ll help make our technology fair special!”

Learning Activity

Learning Activity B


Role model appropriate verbal and nonverbal skills. Example: I’ll ask Ella (13) to tell me how she felt about her drama club auditions. When she tells me, I will stop what I am doing, make appropriate eye contact, ask questions and give her my full attention so she knows I’m interested and prepared to hear all the she has to say.

Recognize and respond appropriately to the body language and gestures of others. Example: “Rashid (17), I know you said that nothing is wrong, but usually you’re with a group and today you’re sitting in the teen lounge alone looking at the floor. If you decide you want to talk, I’m available to listen.” Check to see that you understand what others have said by paraphrasing for clarification when in conversation with youth. Example: “Did I understand you to say the 4-H photography project meeting will be held tomorrow at 4:00 p.m., and you’ll bring the digital camera?” Use “I” messages to deal with emotional topics or areas of disagreement with youth. Example: “I get frustrated when sports equipment is not put away because it could get lost, stolen, or damaged and there wouldn’t be enough equipment for everyone to use.” Do not use put down responses or sarcasm. Example: Juan (14) just made a comment that made me want to say “What were you thinking?” Instead I asked, “What made you think that, Juan?” This kind of response will help me understand his point of view. Structure a space for communication that facilitates good visual contact and demonstrates interest and acceptance. Example: I need to talk to Greta (16) about her aggressive behavior towards others. I know she’s worried about her father getting deployed, which might have something to do with her attitude. I’ll find a quiet place for this discussion so we don’t have to have it in front of her friends. I’ll arrange the chairs so that we’re at eye level with each other and have equal status during the discussion.

Helping all members participate As a Program Assistant, you will often work with youth and other co-workers in small groups. Some of these groups will be gathered for simple information sharing, such as a meeting to discuss upcoming special events in the Youth Center. Other times, you may be assisting with Keystone Club, sports team meetings or conflicts that need to be addressed with youth in the Youth Center. No matter what the occasion, it is essential that you can communicate effectively as a group leader. The first thing you need to know is that a group is most effective when all members contribute. Being able to create an environment where youth feel safe to share thoughts and ideas in a group is an important part of your job. You’ll find that some members may be very quiet during a meeting, or a few members may dominate every group discussion. As a Program Assistant, you need to practice techniques that will encourage and make it possible for everyone to participate. Let’s take a look at some of the most effective techniques.

Brainstorming Brainstorming is the process of collecting as many ideas as possible in a short time. This can be done with a large group. Youth should be encouraged to list a quantity of ideas rather than

Learning Activity B


sorting out the quality ideas. “Freewheeling” is encouraged, and ideas don’t have to be practical. Here’s how to lead a brainstorming session:

a. Ask for a volunteer to write all ideas on a blackboard or flip chart, so group

members can see and hear ideas.

b. Review the rules of brainstorming with the group: List as many ideas as possible; Feel welcome to add ideas quickly; A key word from every idea will be noted; No judgment can be made about an idea; Wild ideas are welcome. Creativity is great!; It’s OK to expand an idea that’s already been mentioned; and Brainstorming will continue until no new ideas are added.

c. Help capture keywords from every idea that is mentioned and invite comments

from youth who have not spoken.

d. Stop the brainstorming session when no more new ideas are being added.

e. Take a break after brainstorming to allow youth to look at the list and discuss some of the ideas.

f. Establish a system for selecting the best ideas. Narrow the list to ideas that meet

specified criteria. The final solution may be a combination of ideas.

Round robin

The round robin is an easy way to include everyone in the group in a discussion. It can be used at the beginning of a discussion (if it’s likely that everyone already has an opinion about a topic) or at the end of a discussion when everyone has been informed about a subject. Here’s how to lead a round robin: a. Ask the group one question (e.g. “What kinds of activities should we do for the lock-

in?”).

b. Allow several minutes for group members to think. (You can ask each person to write comments on paper if you’d like.)

c. Before asking everyone to share their ideas, explain that they have the option to “pass”

without commenting. d. Have each youth take a turn sharing one of his or her ideas.

e. Once everyone has had a turn, continue to have each youth take a turn to share

another idea.

Note: Every person in the group must have the opportunity to share a response before any person can speak a second time.

Learning Activity B


Small group discussion A small group discussion is helpful when a topic is complicated or when there are many factors to consider. Some individuals are more comfortable speaking in a small group than in a large group. Communication in small groups can be more direct and productive than it is in a larger group. Here’s how to lead a small group discussion:

a. Divide the large group into small groups. Usually a group of four to six members is

best. More than that is a bit more difficult to manage.

Encourage new combinations of ideas by varying the makeup of the groups. There are several ways you can divide the large group into small groups:

- have youth select their own group; - group youth with the same birthday month; - form groups around a favorite color; or - distribute colored nametags and group individuals by nametag color.

b. Ask each small group to select:

- a group leader to keep the group on track; - a recorder to write down the group’s ideas; and - a timekeeper to let the group know when they need to finish the task.

c. Ask a question. Make sure everyone understands the question and purpose of the

discussion. d. Announce the amount of time small groups will have to discuss the question. A

minimum of seven minutes should be allowed.

e. Ask each small group to take a turn presenting their ideas to the larger group. Parliamentary procedure

Brainstorming, round robins and small group discussions are great ways to generate and explore ideas. But what happens when you need members to come to an agreement? One way to help Youth Center members come to an agreement is through parliamentary procedure. Parliamentary procedure is the formal way to implement majority rule decision-making in a group. If you choose to follow parliamentary procedure, consult Roberts Rules of Order for guidelines. Check with the 4-H Club at your Center. They will also have materials available on parliamentary procedure and other types of group decision-making. Be aware that majority rule decision-making is not comfortable for all people, especially in some cultures.

Keeping it simple in groups It would be great if all information were clear and easy to understand. However, this isn’t always the case, and communication is even more challenging in group settings. When you are talking one-on-one, you can attend to whether or not someone is listening and understands, but in a group, it is often challenging to ensure that everyone understands the information being communicated.

Learning Activity B


In any size group, information should be given in small bits and pieces. Don’t confuse youth or co-workers by offering more information than is needed. More information can be provided as group members learn and understand a basic idea. Along these lines, it helps to restate information to help group members recall what’s already been shared, and to keep your explanations as brief, creative and simple as possible. As a group leader, if you need to share complicated or complex information, these tips will help youth understand and remember what you have said:

Provide the group with a written outline of the information you are sharing. Example: The rules for a field trip should be both discussed and written out for the group so that everyone is clear about safety and expectations for the trip. Give the information in step-by-step, logical order. Example: Explain step-by-step how youth should sign up for activities in the Center. Check in with the group to find out if everyone understands the information you have shared. Example: You might say, “Would someone please tell us what the first three safety rules for our field trip are?”

Use different modes of communication to share the information. Tell the group, write it down and provide a demonstration. Example: In describing what to do in the event of a fire in the Youth Center, you might tell the group how to exit the area, provide a diagram of emergency exits and then do a fire drill to practice.

In all of your interactions with youth, remember to use the 5 A’s discussed in the overview: acceptance, attention, appreciation, affirmation and affection. In a group setting, this means making sure the environment sets the tone for youth to feel that they are accepted, that they have your attention, that they are appreciated, that they are affirmed and that you care about them.

Go to the Skill Building Journal and complete the worksheets for Activity B in Section 6.3. When you are finished, return to this guide and continue on with Activity C.

What’s next?

Learning Activity C


C. Using Your Knowledge of the Developmental Stages of Youth6

In this activity, you will learn to:

• use your knowledge of developmental stages of youth in order to be a better

communicator. As a Program Assistant, you know that an understanding of the developmental stages of youth enhances almost everything you do – and communication is no exception. The more you know about adolescent development, the better your chances will be for effective guidance and communication. When staff that work with young people are not knowledgeable about the stages of development, they may treat youth inappropriately or expect too much or too little, leading to negative relationships. For example, communicating effectively with a teen is much different than effective communication with an 11-year-old. A 17-year-old has a longer attention span than an 11-year-old and will be more interested in lengthy discussions. As a Program Assistant, you must build positive relationships with all youth and be sensitive to the developmental needs of different age groups. As a Program Assistant, you are working with various age groups, such as:

11-12 year olds; 13-15 year olds; and 16-18 year olds

In communicating with each of these age groups, it is important to note that while there are many similarities within each age group, there will be individual differences in stages of development. The knowledge of the general characteristics of youth will help you better communicate with adolescents as a whole, but it’s up to you to tailor your communications to meet individual youth’s needs. Some typical characteristics of 11-12 year olds

They need involvement with a caring adult. They look to adults for guidance and approval. They are developing decision-making skills. They need information for making decisions. They are learning to use good judgment. They verbalize freely, especially in small and familiar groups.

6 Adapted from Moving Ahead – Preparing the Youth Development Professional, A Comprehensive Training Curriculum for Youth Development Staff, (Marcia McFarland from material written by Groff, Judy, Training Trainers to Teach, North Carolina State University, Raleigh, NC). USDA/Army School-Age and Teen Project, 1995.

Learning Activity

Learning Activity C


They are able to perceive different points of view. They are making some movement towards taking responsibility for their own actions. They have the capacity to consider more information.

Some typical characteristics of 13-15 year olds

They seek acceptance and trust. They need more words. They may feel unable to say what they think and become frustrated:

“You don’t understand.” “I can’t say it right.” They look to peers more than parents. They are developing decision-making skills. They are beginning to think abstractly, and can focus on the logic or illogic of a situation. They can distinguish cause and effect, and can imagine consequences. They are constantly asking questions that are more abstract. “Why” is a key word again? They need information for making decisions.

Some typical characteristics of 16-18 year olds

They enjoy demonstrating acquired knowledge. Reading becomes an individual experience; selections will vary greatly from person to person. They develop or identify their own set of values. Their increased attention span allows for in-

depth discussion. Their concept of time has expanded to enhance planning events in the future. They can perform multiple tasks within a given time. Because they can imagine the impact of present behavior on the future, they can create new

possibilities from information. They are able to be creative in solving problems. They desire a role in determining what happens in their world. They dislike meaningless activity

and lose patience with “busy work.” They are striving toward independence and identity, and appreciate help with career/education

decisions. The vocabulary they may use is becoming similar to adults. Even though they are maturing, their

interests may differ from adults.

In the area of communication, you will need to tailor your strategies for different age groups, because every interaction is an important opportunity to model character, respect and positive communication skills. How you talk to a young teen is very different from how you interact with a teen in high school. Knowing more about the characteristics, thoughts, feelings and behaviors of youth at different ages and stages will help you determine general responses to particular age groups. However, there is no one size fits all. As with all areas of communication, you should be conscious of your verbal and nonverbal messages so that you can respond positively to each individual youth.

What’s next? Go to the Skill Building Journal and complete the worksheets for Activity C in Section 6.3. When you are finished, return to this guide and continue on with Summarizing Your Progress.

Summarizing Your Progress


Summarizing Your Progress You have now completed the learning activities for this module. Whether you are an experienced Youth Program Assistant or a new one, you have probably gained new information and developed new skills for guiding youth. Summarizing your progress will give you a chance to analyze what you have learned. A summary sheet has been provided in the Skill Building Journal to help you do this. Your final step in this module is to complete the knowledge and competency assessments. Let your trainer know when you are ready to schedule them. After you have successfully completed both assessments, you will be ready to start a new module. Congratulations on your progress so far.

What’s next? Go to the Skill Building Journal and complete Summarizing Your Progress in Section 6.3.


Section Page

Six Pillars of CharacterSM 39 Feeling Words 41

6.4 Resources

Resources – Six Pillars of CharacterSM


Six Pillars of CharacterSM

As a Program Assistant, you have the opportunity to teach and encourage the Six Pillars of CharacterSM – trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring and citizenship. Each of these character traits are described in very specific ways. Using these descriptions helps provide a consistent understanding for both adults and youth. Trustworthiness

• Be honest • Don’t deceive, cheat or steal • Be reliable – do what you say you’ll do • Have the courage to do the right thing • Build a good reputation • Be loyal – stand by your family, friends and country

Respect

• Treat others with respect • Treat others the way you want to be treated • Be tolerant of differences • Use good manners, not bad language • Be considerate of the feelings of others • Don’t threaten, hit or hurt anyone • Deal peacefully with anger, insults and disagreements

Responsibility

• Do what you are supposed to do • Keep on trying • Use self-control • Be self-disciplined • Think before you act and consider the consequences • Be accountable for your choices

Fairness

• Play by the rules • Take turns and share • Be open minded; listen to others • Don’t take advantage of others • Don’t blame others carelessly

Resources – Six Pillars of CharacterSM


Caring • Be kind • Be compassionate and show you care • Express gratitude • Forgive others • Help people in need

Citizenship

• Do your share to make your school and community better • Cooperate • Stay informed • Be a good neighbor • Obey the laws and rules • Respect authority • Protect the environment

Resources – Feeling Words


Feeling Words

The following list of feeling words will help with “I” Messages. A Accepted Accepting Accused Adamant Admired Adventurous Affected Affectionate Afraid Aggravated Agitated Alarmed Alienated Amazed Ambivalent Amiable Amused Angry Anxious Apathetic Appalled Astonished Awed Awkward B Bad Baffled Battered Beaten Beautiful Befuddled Betrayed Bitter Brave C Calm Capable Carefree Careless

Caring Caught Challenged Comfortable Committed Compassionate Competent Concerned Confident Confused Conscientious Crazy Crippled Critical Curious D Daring Dead Debilitated Defensive Defiant Delirious Depressed Desperate Destructive Disappointed Discontented Discouraged Disgusted Distant Distraught Disturbed Divided Doubtful Dubious Dumb Dutiful E Eager

Effective Embarrassed Emotional Empty Empathic Encouraged Energetic Enraged Exasperated Excited Exhausted F Fascinated Fearful Flexible Floundering Flustered Frightened Frustrated G Gloomy Good Great Grieving Guilty Gullible H Handicapped Happy Harassed Harried Hateful Helpful Helpless Hopeless Hopeful Horrible

Hostile Horrified I Ignorant Immature Inadequate Incompetent Indignant Ineffective Infuriated Interested Intimidated Involved Isolated L Lost Loved Liked M Melancholy Mixed emotions Motivated Mystified N Natural Nervous O Odd Outraged Overburdened Overwhelmed Overworked



P Pained Perplexed Perturbed Pensive Pity Positive Powerful Powerless Prepared Protective Provoked Puzzled R Rational Relaxed Religious Remorseful Resentful Resistive Right S Sad Scared Self-confident Sensitive Shocked Shunned Shy Sick Startled Superior Suspicious T Tense Terrible Terrified Timid Tired Tolerant Traumatized Turned in Turned off

U Uncaring Uncomfortable Understanding Uneasy Unfriendly Unhappy Unique Unprepared Unsettled Unsure Unwanted Uptight Useless V Vehement Violent Vulnerable W Weak Willing Wishing Worthless Worthy

youth staff training program module 6: communication · 2018-12-13 · overview youth staff...

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