yes - book

1

Rafaela Gonçalvesby

Fundação Instituto do Livro de Ribeirão PretoRibeirão Preto - SP

2015

1st Edition

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But my story doesn´t start here. It all

began on June 12, 2002, the day of my 16th birthday,

to be more exact.

4

ISBN 978-85-62852-34-3

Catalogue record

Gonçalves, Rafaela

Yes, 1st edition, Ribeirão Preto - SP, 2015

148 pages 160 x 210mm

1.869.91 Brazilian Literature. Poems, Chronicles and Stories

by Vanessa Gallo GonçalvesTranslated

TITLEYES

AuthorRafaela Gonçalves

Graphic projectFundação Instituto do Livro de Ribeirão Preto

IllustrationRafaela Gonçalves

Final ArtPortaldeia Graphic Design

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Table of Contents

Introduction.............................................................................................15

June 12.....................................................................................................19

The proposal.............................................................................................25

The first three hours.................................................................................29

The dream.................................................................................................33

The theft and three more hours .... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..................................39

And a feeling is born..................................................................................45

Hugo..........................................................................................................4 9

Revelations................................................................................................5 3

The first time.............................................................................................57

The 27th: party and disappointment........................................................61

The Overcoming........................................................................................65

Hope: a change.........................................................................................69

July 26.......................................................................................................73

Hi,Trix!.......................................................................................................77

Emma talks................................................................................................81

Éric............................................................................................................85

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New student.............................................................................................89

Bê, will you date me?...............................................................................93

Reunion....................................................................................................97

Hugo.......................................................................................................101

The first night with her...........................................................................105

Somewhere out there............................................................................109

Éric´s return............................................................................................113

Dad?.......................................................................................................117

Goodbye.................................................................................................121

Accident..................................................................................................125

Mourning................................................................................................129

A new me, a new Hugo .... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .............................133

The Prom................................................................................................137

A fresh start............................................................................................141

Finally.....................................................................................................145

7

Acknowledgements

To my parents, who have never

allowed me to live a reality like

the one in my book; to Einstein

school and mainly to teacher

Magel for the brilliant idea of the

Project; to Camila and João Vitor,

that have encouraged me from

the beginning; to my friends and

in particular to André, Tâmisa,

Júlia, Victória and Nagib, who

have supported me; to my family,

which I can’t live without; to

Dulce and Cris, those whom I

a d m i r e f o r t h e i r i n n a t e

competence; to Rosangela

Pásseri, Edwaldo Arantes and the

book institute, that believed in

me and made this dream come

true; to my grandfathers, who

didn´t have the opportunity to

read YES, and to all those who

read and opined during the

production process for a better

story.

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Prologue 1

How many are the tricks of love?

How can someone find himself beyond good and evil, or beyond

the incidents of fate?

Rafaela Gonçalves presents, through her writing, the tricks and

the setbacks that fate can play.

A story that holds the reader’s attention from beginning to end,

with the narrative focus centered on the character named Beatriz and her

expectations and anxieties.

It discusses the most significant values in such a “material”

world. The author manages to highlight how important a family is, its

affective ties and affection itself, having someone to rely on and to take us

when facing the challenges of life.

A touching story, thought-provoking, sensitive!

The book manages to gather the perfect ingredients contained

in the best novels ever written.

Congratulations to the author for the inspiration and creativity,

and also to the teacher who dared to instigate students to produce high

quality literary texts.

Cristiane Framartino Baloch

Historian, Writer (author of the following books – Sol Noturno, Flor de Antares, Rompendo o

Casulo e O menino e o mistério do arco-íris).

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Prologue 2

The challenge of writing is wonderful. A country is made effectively with education, with knowledge. While reading this book, which wasn’t even ready yet, I clung to the story and the course of each situation when, suddenly, I found myself saddened by the difficulties; injustices and griefs of the narrator. I was happy with her achievements, cheering and celebrating with her. Anyway, that’s the beauty of a book. I was surprised at the author’s narrative. Who knows if this is her start of a promising career in the world of letters?

But regardless of that, what counts is all the work involved in the writing, thinking and creating processes. And how interesting an author´s role must be! It is the moment of a challenge: the blank page, a profusion of ideas and the need to overcome the abyss there is between thoughts, mental creation and the materialization of all that.

Finally, I can’t neglect talking about how interesting the miscellany of feelings which the human soul permanently experiences is. Love can be where hatred is, betrayal can be where there is trust. A small gesture of attention or affection happening to a life which is rich in experiences can be the source of a movie plot.

This story can be considered the story of so many of us. And shall we all know, as Rafaela does, that each story has its sorrows and its passions, but we can always believe and rewrite because whatever is done with the heart is capable of transforming things. If Rafaela managed to evoke my curiosity in every chapter progressed; my sadness for the sorrows of the character; my rooting for her; my joy, Rafaela is one of those people who have a rich soul. And those who are like that should always challenge a blank sheet.

Dulce NevesJournalist and President of Fundação Dom Pedro II

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“Happiness can be found even in darkest of times, if one

only remembers to turn on the light”-J.K. Rowling

15

Introduction

Yes, I, Beatriz, I saw it. I felt it. I was there when it happened.

Today I know that what I did was the right thing to do. If I have any regretst?

No, not at all, to be honest. Anyway, I got to know a new me… And a new him.

I was always that girl who never raises her arm during class to

ask a question, the one who goes to parties and hides by being on the phone

all along, the one who easily gives in when having an argument (not for lack

of arguments, but out of shame to continue and worrying about everyone

stopping to watch), who spends hours and hours of her vacation reading.

I’ve always been an unhappy person, like an everyday machine

that is slowly dying, day after day, hour after hour, not enjoying my own life.

But that night, gee... It was the best night of my life, I did it all

for love and this is what matters in the end, right?

But my story doesn’t start here. It all began on June 12, 2002,

ththe day of my 16 birthday, to be more exact.

19

June 12

-Wake Up Beatriz! Breakfast is on the table, honey.

-I'm coming!

I woke up prepared that day, after all it is not always that you

turn 16, it was the time of my life and I wanted to make the most of it.

I got out of bed a bit dizzy and walked straight to the bathroom.

I took a long cold shower, combed my long red hair, got dressed, put my Ray

Ban on and came down for breakfast.

Ms.Lurdes * is very kind and has always kept me company since

my parents abandoned me due to work. She has been with us all my life. She

is my second mom, if not the first because she spends much more time with

me than Emma, my mother.

My parents have never been present in my life, all they think

about is money to support me so I can have a better life, but I have always

wondered: "What´s the use of so much money when I don't have love?".

The truth is that I would rather be living under a bridge, without food and

having nothing to wear but getting all paternal and maternal love in the

world. I have not seen my parents since I was five years old but I have got

tons of money in my bank account.

So I went to school and, as expected, only my two friends

Camila and Estela and the teachers of the second year of high school wished

me a happy birthday.

I've been very grateful for having Cá and the Sté as friends.

Without them I would be completely displaced at a school where I am bullied

because of a mere genetic flaw that caused me a green eye (as green as the

lushest forest), and a brown one (as brown as…who knows… earth maybe).

I´m used to being called silly nicknames - not that it doesn´t hurt me, but I

ignore it and move on, always. I hear it all, "bicolor", "glass eye", "inhuman",

NOTE = * although in English Mr. and Ms. are used on a last- name basis, in Brazil it is used

on a first- name basis

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"virus", "forgery", " from the peddler, "false advertising", "fly" (due to the

fact that I have always worn sunglasses for school), "bug", and the worst of

all, the classic, all-time favorite: "badly done" or "system failure". Another

thing that I don't like at all is when they emphasise the "z" in my name:

Beatrizzzzzzzz.

I sat down on the fifth desk at the window row, my favorite

place in the classroom because no one bugged me and I could sleep in peace

since I stay up late every night fantasizing about a life that's not mine,

wondering how my life would be if it weren't so apparently "perfect", yet,

without love. What it would be like to have a happier life; my parents loving

me for who I am and feeling proud of ME instead of themselves for being

able to buy me whatever I want, but don't need.

Evanesceu school is not up to snuff ... I study in the reality of my

town, where everything that I see every day are - fights over foolish things;

elites; lazy teachers who just don't care about really teaching and won´t give

a damn about the students and their future.

Quantum physics was the first class of the day.

is an old, tall, really overweight bald man who wears glasses. In addition to

going to school in a BMW to show all his “modesty”, he was boring and didn't

teach at all.

Honestly, I have never flunked a grade only because my parents

have always made generous "donations" for the school at the end of the

school year. If it weren't for that I'd probably be in the fifth grade now, not for

being a bad student, but for having terrible teachers.

After taking a long 2-hour nap during class it was time for the

break. I headed to meet my two best and only friends because we studied in

different classes. I wasn´t keen on walking along school by myself.

As soon as I found them, we walked together to the cafeteria. A

nauseating smell of fried food invaded the place. The special was feijoada, by

far my least favorite food.

We sat at a table in the back and started talking about many

things, as usual. I was always very happy being with them, but when I looked

ahead my happiness faded away and I felt a chill because the whole football

team was walking towards us. That was sure trouble.

Teacher Horácio

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As they got closer, they started calling me those nicknames and

also the emphatic "Zzzzzzzz" sound, like a fly. They have no idea how hard my

life is. If they knew I believe they´d stop doing this childish thing, or maybe

not since they are just stupid.

It all happened too fast. As soon as Camila looked at me and saw

me shrinking she stood up sharply. She is my most easy-going friend,

although it isn´t that obvious. She looked into Hugo´s eyes, the captain of the

football team and got pissed at him.

Estela, however, is more protective and when noticing that

Hugo and his friends weren't going to stop anytime soon, she attacked the

whole team.

"You take all your words back now, you jerks!", she cried out so

loud that the whole cafeteria heard and joined around shouting "Fight!

Fight! Fight! ".

I was shocked! They had never done anything like that to

defend me. I didn't know what to do, didn't know happen

so I ran for help.

I found the adviser and explained it briefly to him to save time.

We returned to the cafeteria.

The first thing I saw was a hairy fat Hugo over my friend. There

was no doubt – I started fighting, too.

By the time I realized what had gone on, Camila, Estela, Hugo

and friends and I were of the spiritual adviser being

longly and boringly lectured.

I'm not sure how it all ended but the final decision of the

was that everyone involved would have to fulfill community service

for school for three months, 3 hours a day from the following day on.

We missed the third class so we went to the schoolyard to see

what the next ones would be. A double class of geography and one of art

history. To make my day even better the bell rang and I waited for my driver,

Dany, at the usual spot by the tree across the street. He arrived early and

wished me a happy birthday. By then, I had already forgotten what day it was.

We had lunch at Burger King (always on my birthdays I had

lunch there because every other day of the year I was forced to eat very

what was going to

seated in the room

Principal

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refined, home made meals - and to be honest I found them disgusting), we

came back home and I got to sleep a little.

I had a strange dream. I was in a labyrinth and I had to find my

parents but they were running away from me, trying really hard to mislead

me. I saw a key and, as I took it new and loving parents showed up and

"adopted" me.

I woke up scared... And disappointed because it had been only a

dream.

I had to go back to school at 16:00 because I had volleyball class.

Karina, the volleyball teacher was hypocritical and unfair. As in

every training she separated the best players from the worst, like me, of

course. She told our group to do some different stuff while she trained the

best ones. At the end of the training she separated the same two teams again

and we had a match, as in every class. It has always been the same – I believe

you can guess who the winners and losers were, right? I just kept practicing

volleyball weekly because I didn't practice any other sports.

I've always wanted to take pole dance classes. Different from

what it seems it is not only a sexual form of dance. It is a very cool dance style

that can give you a very fit body, as well.

At night I went home, had dinner and I fell into a deep sleep...

My birthday party would be in two weeks. It would be on a

Thursday and all the halls had been reserved before.

What a beautiful 16-year-old-birthday. I've spent my whole life

hoping that at 16 my life would be better but I am living proof that willing is

not enough. I can't change my reality, I can't choose to be popular or to have

parents that love me, to have friends, to be a normal girl, to have ordinary

eyes, not to suffer bullying and be a normal person.

That was what I thought.

25

The proposal

Friday 13. The alarm was screaming incessantly and there was

no one to silent it then, as always, I got up and shut the bright object up. I showered, combed my hair, got changed and had breakfast with Ms. Lurdes. I was about to leave home when I remembered my glasses. God forbid I go to school not having them!

I walked to school that day. I remember seeing many of my mom's friends on the way there, all smiling and walking their daughters to school. I have never known what it is like to have that feeling. After all I've always had a driver, Danny, a really nice guy, actually.

I came to school and immediately started looking for Camila and Estela.

I'm not sure how it happened, but in one sweeping motion I was knocked on the head and found myself wrapped in darkness. I was carried to a room. I did not struggle nor did I scream for help. Somehow I knew it would be useless. When the bag, that had a musty smell was taken off me, the light hurt my eyes. It was very bright in the room. I found myself sitting in front of the most annoying and spoiled girls on Earth, the most popular girls in Evanesceu.

That could only be a joke on me. What exactly could they want from me? There was nothing that I owned that they wouldn´t have twice as much unless, of course, a great emptiness that was exclusively mine.

My doubt was suddenly answered as if they had read my mind. -Here is the deal,” fly”, you're going to do something for us.

Don't even bother refusing it. If you don't do it we will find a way to make your mediocre life even worse. You're going to steal the keys to the back pool of Evanesceu. We will be testing your competence, we want to observe if a prissy girl can someday be a rebel ... It is our sociology research and you're the perfect guinea pig. If you fulfill this task and do not open that big mouth of yours we will make all the students leave you alone for one whole month.

Would you believe that all that came out of the mouth of a

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peroxide blonde named Mackenzie? The proposal seemed tempting, imagine how cool it would be

not to be bugged for 30 full days. Very, very tempting. -Why don't you do it yourself? – I asked. -Well, that's O.VI.OUS! -Mackenzie said with pauses exactly as I

wrote along with the stupid habit of snapping her fingers four times in a "Z" hand movement in the air -we can't take risks. You're the Principal´s apple of the eye and the poor llittle girl at school. We don't have a good reputation

. It will be much easier for you than for us. -And how should I do that? I asked somewhat anxious, I´ve got

to admit it.-That is up to you, smart-ass. Turn around! -completed Monica,

Mackenzie´s right arm. I went back to school and missed the first class, as usual.

I coudn´t stop thinking about the proposal/threat, it was too tempting. And scary. I have never done anything wrong, I've always been a girl who does not break the rules.

"Damn!" I thought as I remembered about the community

service after school. The bell rang and I went straight to the beach where we should

collect as much trash as possible.

with Principal Lauli

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The first 3 hours

Once there, I realized not only a few incompetent from the

football team were missing, as well as Estela. Where could she possibly be? I ignored the fact and started the long process of garbage collecting that would only end in 3 whole hours.

Hugo was the last to arrive. He was all tidy as if he would go to a restaurant in a few minutes. He faced me, whispered a few words to his friends and everyone started laughing. What a jerk! - in my humble opinion. Three hours later Lauli, the Principal announced:

- It´s time to form pairs for the next meetings. From tomorrow on, you will do more difficult things so you need to be more efficient. I want you to cooperate and work together.

I immediately grabbed Camila´s arm who, on her turn, grabbed Estela´s who grabbed mine. We laughed.

No, ladies ! - shouted the Principal. I will choose the pairs. And she faked an evil laugh, something like "mua-ha-ha-ha-ha".

-Estela will be with Bruno, the co-captain of the team, Camila and Junior, Tulio and ... And she continued to pair us up when a chill ran down my spine: "Beatriz, you will pair with Hugo. Good luck to you all and have fun, if you can "and laughed malevolently once again.

What do you mean? I will have to spend three months, 3 hours a day in the company of Hugo? She has got to be kidding!

I turned around just in time to see a big smile of satisfaction on Hugo´s face. What a nightmare!

I offered a ride to Estela and Cá, who accepted it and accompanied me to the exit. I had forgotten what had happened before class. Soon I realized it before my eyes.

"What's the matter, Bê?" Then I took a deep breath and told them everything. I could not

hide it from them, they were my only friends and I have always prized truth. They were surprised. "Why would someone like Mackenzie ask you for help, Bê? - not putting you down. And why the keys?

33

The dream

I was around 30 years old. It was a blazing sun, the birds were singing in tune and everything seemed very calm. I was more than happy for the first time in years, my handsome husband (husband?! ...) waved at me with that lively smile I had fallen for. Further ahead a mirror reflected a wonderful woman in simple but cozy clothes, holding a blonde dark-eyed child whose eyes were as dark as two blackberries dressed in a yellow suit, the color of happiness which matched her slight smile that exposed the only two milk teeth in that little delicate mouth. Her laughter was contagious, it was music to my ears. I was startled to realize that the woman reflected in the mirror was no one rather than myself only prettier, more mature and happier.

I looked around and noticed that I was in a beautiful flowery field and a big simple wooden house was the only construction site at view. The sky was clear and blue showing no clouds and there was a huge lake, incredibly clean, full of fish and seaweed and it stretched around the area. I couldn't recognize the place and didn't even have a chance to. Suddenly, a hurricane appeared from the middle of the house and took everything away - the house, the lake, the birds, my husband and my daughter, all my happiness. It was dark and sad and depressing.

I woke up drenched, I didn't know if from sweat or tears and screaming, too. Ms.Lurdes was beside me with a rosary in one hand and a thermometer in the other.

-Thanks God! My Lord, Amen, Amen! You scared me, girl! I wasn´t able to wake you up, I almost had a heart attack! You wouldn´t stop screaming, you were sweating, crying and just wouldn´t wake up at all!!!

-Take it easy Ms.Lurdes, I'm fine! It was nothing but a nightmare ...

-You've been awfully quiet for the past days, what's been going on, honey?

I stopped to think for some moment. If she knew about it

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would it change anything? I wonder if she could help me with something… after all she was the closest to a mother figure I have had. Would she understand it? Did she share the same love I felt for her? She had no children, by the way.

Oh, Ms. Lurdes, I will tell you what's going on with me since you are asking. In fact, I don't even think I know for sure. It may seem insincere and dramatic but no, it's not. My life sucks! I don't have a mother nor a father which to me is everyone´s right to. I don't have a mother to share secrets with nor a father to tell me stories to sleep. Do you know how hard it has been to grow up watching everyone around me being loved but me? My parents never seemed to care about me, they barely know me. They disappeared from my life when I was only 4 years old just thinking about money and work. And to make matters worse, this is not my only problem. In addition to the absence of my parents the school is the place that I hate most in this world and I will tell you why. I suffer bullying every day and that´s not fair. Am I to be blamed for having different color eyes? That for sure was not my choice! It has been 14 years of school, 14 years of suffering in a place where there is not a shred of fairness. It is a private school, which means I pay to go out there and hear words that hurt and that no one in their right minds would like to hear. Teachers, coordinators and directors don´t care about us, students nor about our future and much the less about me. They are hollow and pretend to do things for the "best of the school " because all they worry about is image. Everything repeats itself every single day. Not even on my birthday I had some peace. All they got me was three months of community service for trying to break up a stupid fight. And guess who my partner is for the next 90 days? Simply Hugo, the captain of the football team, the most disgustingly spoiled and heartless brat at school.

Ms. Lurdes didn't say anything, I felt that she didn't know what to say. I felt guilty for having blown up at her because she had nothing to do with my problems. Over the course of my speech/outburst the rave made my blood boil and I gradually started to shout. For a few minutes we were staring at each other. Uncomfortable moments passed by, however I was relieved to finally get it all out of my system. She hugged me and kissed my forehead like a real mother. She dried out my tears – I hadn't realized I was crying until that moment – and she left for the kitchen to make a carrot cake with chocolate

35

icing, my favorite.My first memorable moment of love with her was comforting.

In fact it would have been with anyone else, I think. My mother, as far as I can remember, had never done anything like that. I had no anger, no resentment, no sorrows stored inside me in relation to my parents. Wait a moment! You liar! Yes, I did have all those feelings kept inside me but I noticed that such bad feelings had finally been softened.

39

The theft and 3 more hours

My party would take place in exactly 14 days, June 27 and I was very excited and to be honest scared, too ... What if no one showed up? I wasn't very popular but everyone likes to party! Why not go, then? Ms. Lurdes and I were programming every little detail so that everything came out perfect. That party could be my salvation! Everyone would stop annoying me if I looked at least a little bit cool, right? But anyway, this was not my only concern. Apart from that I still had to find a way to steal the keys to the pool in Evanesceu. Suddenly, I had a brilliant idea and put the plan into action.

- Excuse me, Ms. Lauli - the Principal of the school - I would like to talk to you about an important matter. (I didn't know what I would tell her but I needed time!)

- Yes, Miss Carvalho. Follow me to the teacher's room, please. We walked up to the last room in hall D and when she unlocked

the door Estela shouted from afar: "Principal, Principal. There is a food fight in the cafeteria. I thought you should know ... "

-Miss Carvalho, you can enter the room and wait for me. I won't be long. And as for you Miss Esteves, show me where such "war" is.

I winked at Estela as we had planned and she winked back, as well. I ran inside the room and locked the door so no one could see

what I was about to do. If I were the key to the swimming area where would they store me? I know this is a dumb question but it was worth a try. I opened the top drawer of the desk of the Principal and I came upon dozens of keys. What would I do now? Luckly, all of them were tagged and in less than 5 minutes I found it: "swimming pools". I closed the drawer in time to see the Principal away, furious at having discovered that everything was a lie.

- So Ms. Lauli, on second thought I have just solved my problem. Thank you anyway!

And I ran not to miss the first class after the break. Mission successfully accomplished! I found Estela laughing and Cá totally lost, not aware of what was going on. She arrived late so I didn't tell her about the plan.

40

At 17:00 I had to go back to school. Everybody was already present except Hugo, as usual.

-Today and probably until the end of this month you will participate in a new project. It is called "happily ever after". But what is this project? I can answer that question. Each pair will be in charge of an elderly at a nursing home called "The Peaceful Corner". You will have to take care of them and show them the true value of happiness. Every day at 17:00 hours a van will depart from Evanesceu with all the students. I need the authorization of your parents or guardians until tomorrow at our next meeting.

As soon as the Director ended the speech Hugo arrived. He didn't know what to do so Ms. Lauli told me to brief him on the activity and I did. His reaction could not have been different, he made a little joke with friends and we were headed for "The Peaceful Corner".

We got there and the first thing we did was the selection of the elderly. Hugo and I were in charge of an old lady named Julia. She was 60 years old and that day we got to know her life story. She had been a teacher for 40 years, she had finished her university course very early and got married at the age of 31. She had five children, three girls and two boys. The girls became models in Russia having left home when they were 18 in order to pursue their dreams and, thereafter they never returned to the comfort of their parents ' home. One of the children died of leukemia at the age of 14 and the other son was admitted to a rehabilitation clinic. Her husband had died of natural causes and she preferred to live in this home along with her “new family”. I felt bad for her. Can you imagine being virtually abandoned by your family and everyone you love? I know what it's like to have basically no one, but having no one at all? That must be very sad ...

During the three long hours of community service something struck me. The way that Hugo acted was impressive! I had never thought of him as a not so bad person. He took care of Julia as if she were his own grandmother. He really seemed to be interested in the stories of the elderly lady.

Julia had incredibly blue eyes, pale skin and short grey hair. She was a little cranky and sad but the circumstances themselves have explained why. I felt I needed to help her see life with new eyes. I feel really good when I

41

help someone because I imagine and feel the pleasure and the happiness in being helped, in having someone who cares.

Oddly enough, we were not unkind to each other at all! I guess he was too busy to finally leave me alone.

In the evening we sat down - Ms. Lurdes and I - to arrange the last details of the party. Everything was coming out perfectly just as I had always dreamed of. The place, the dresses, the cake, the sweets, the attractions, the country music band, the Dj's, the guests. All perfect.

Ms. Lurdes was truly dedicated to both - my party, as well as me. Every night she came and kissed my forehead and covered me with the blanket before I fell asleep.

45

And a feeling is born

Each and every encounter with Ms. Júlia brought us closer – Hugo; the funniest and most complaining old lady I've ever seen and me. We helped Julia fix her small room. She had objects that carried very good memories and, at every recollection of her memory she would tell us the story related to it. It was exciting to see a person who had all the reasons to be the saddest person in the world now carrying some joy in her eyes from remembering good times. I think this is the worst defect of the human being, being unable to find the bright side of a bad thing but she did and I took this as a life lesson.

During one of the meetings I think she noticed the way I looked at Hugo - like a "a little girl in love", according to her and from that day on I kept talking to her about him. After all, whom else would I talk to about this kind of thing? I was not sure about my feelings for him at that time. A different feeling began to grow inside me, something strong, but I was not sure yet whether it was something good or bad.

Sometimes, late at night I would find myself thinking about him, looking up at the stars and counting them in order to sleep.

It was strange. He was a different Hugo along those 3-daily-hours. He was good and protective, not a bully who did everything possible to get everyone's attention.

One day Ms. Júlia and I had a conversation that affected me: -Listen, Bê, I have a lot more experience than you. I can

recognize the passion in the eyes of a little girl when I see it. That glow in your eyes when you see your first love. You know, you can fool everyone but not me. when I fell in love with my beloved João. I denied it to everyone who asked me if what I felt for him was something more than just friendship. Today I realize that I just postponed the inevitable and that was bad because I spent two long years of my life without him by my side, to love me and care for me. Look at me: if you like him why don't you open your heart to him? You are so beautiful inside and out.

That was what happened

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-Thanks Jú, but no. I am not pretty ... I'm weird, actually. Have you ever noticed that my eyes are different? And again if he does not feel the same what would the point be? I do not know how I feel about him, it is all very complicated.

-Beatriz Carvalho don't you talk like that about your beautiful eyes. It is not a defect or a flaw, it's a mark. They make you unique. Look around, everyone has their own marks which make them unique. Some have this internally and others like you have it externally. Don't be fooled by what people say about you, honey. You know who you are and that's what matters most.

I remember the day that we became true friends, Hugo and I ... Suddenly he was my best friend and the only person to know that was Ms. Júlia.

The following day to which Júlia had found out about my feelings she taught us to dance in the old-fashioned way. It was funny because Hugo was a little clumsy and I myself was not really a dancer ... It was on that very day that I became certain of my feelings. I started to see him as part of my future which maybe would not be as bad as the and hardly worse. I guess I was in trouble deep…

present,

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Hugo

I started visiting Ms. Júlia more often. She had become a true friend to me and, as time went by I started to love her as if she were my own grandmother.

Júlia was a very astute old lady. She always knew the right thing to say. And I noticed that while she spent time with Hugo and me she stopped complaining so much. The day I met her I could tell that was her mark. But today this defect is only a hack that was open and that was finally healing.

Hugo got back. He had gone for Ms. Júlia´s milk. I looked into his eyes and lost myself. I got lost and when I came back to reality it was time to go.

Love is something strange. When you least expect you fall in love for someone you least expect, too. If I could choose I would choose to fall in love with someone more at reach and not for someone so unattainable like the leader of the football team.

He looked at me and realized I had been facing him for a long time and he noted some kind of sadness in my eyes which I couldn't hide.

-What happened, Bê? (Yes, he called me Bê!) - Nothing, Hugo. I'm just going to the restroom and I´ll be right

back. On my way back I heard a piece of conversation between Hugo

and Ms. Júlia. -Hugo, if you feel that for her how come you never showed her?

The two of you would be so happy together, so perfect! Just not as perfect as my dear João and me, she teased. And just between us, a bunny has told me that maybe this feeling is mutual between the two ...

- A bunny? Hugo asked. - I meant a litte bird.- replied the old lady. They laughed a little and I entered the room. I´ve got to admit I

had a smile on my face. Was that really happening? Was he really in love with me? Oh, my gosh! I was in heaven.

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When returning to the group of students, he grabbed my arm and pulled me behind the back end of the bus. I was almost out of breath, what was he doing?

-Beatriz Carvalho, I'm completely in love with you. I was completely bowled over. What do you mean he suddenly

decides to say that? - Are you listening to me, Bê? I also had never imagined that

someday in my life this would happen, but it's happening now, right now. He got closer. Our lips were centimeters apart. I couldn't feel

my legs anymore. It seemed like I had one thousand and two butterflies in my stomach. I could not believe that. How could it be possible that the hatred that once blinded me had turned into love in such short time?

He kissed me deeply as if he didn't want to let me go anymore. It was a passionate kiss. It started slowly. However, it grew stronger and more passionate. And in the middle of the kiss he stopped, looked me in the eyes and said:

-I love you like I never did before. Weird, isn't it? We laughed and I put my arms around his neck and kissed him

again. It was my first kiss. After all, who would want to kiss the "fly" from school? And I could not complain about anything, everything was flowing just perfectly. It was as if the stars had come down from the sky to shine only for us. It was already 8:00 p.m..

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Revelations

The next day nobody knew about Hugo and me. I woke up

excited and realized that it was the first time that I was going to school in joy. I took a quick shower, had breakfast and for the first time in history I put some makeup on and got all dressed up to go to Evanesceu. I was so head over heels that I almost forgot to take my glasses. I knew I was with Hugo now but that wouldn't stop the other students from annoying me… would it?

I gave Ms. Lurdes a goodbye kiss and saw a beautiful smile on her face. I told her everything that had happened and she was really happy for me. Gosh, I love her!

Dany took me to school and as soon as I came into the room the nickname calling started again. I sat at my usual place, happily and decided that nothing would ruin my rare good mood. Suddenly, Hugo appeared. I guess I had never noticed how handsome he was. And I realized at that moment that he had been losing weight and becoming more muscular.

Without any hesitation he came up to me and kissed me in front of everyone. When the kiss ended I looked around and the scene made me laugh. Everyone was staring at us startled, petrified. Even students from other classes came to witness the moment. Was the kiss that long?

- Hey guys! A shut mouth catches no fly. You can close yours now. – I said.

I don't think anybody saw this coming, not even myself to be honest. I never spoke in public.

The teacher came in and started class. It was chemistry class and at each equation on the board I looked at Hugo and he looked back at me. It was amazing how we were getting along.

After the first half of classes we finally had the first break."Oh my gosh! I didn't tell Sté and Cá about Hugo! ", I thought.

And then I spotted them ahead, in shock. I looked down and realized that I was holding hands with Hugo and signalized them "I´ll explain later".

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I sat at the table of the football team for the first time in my life and felt guilty about my friends not being with me.

The whole team was in silence staring at us and I felt somewhat uncomfortable. Hugo looked up at me and took my glasses off, slowly and carefully. For the first time in years I was not wearing them. I felt helpless and everybody began to laugh and call me names. A tear trickled down my left eye but I didn't want anyone to see me cry, then I ran towards the restroom as quickly as possible.

Only when I got to the door of the restroom I realized that Hugo had run after me. He grabbed my arm before I turned the doorknob and kissed me. It was a very emotional kiss. Tears filled up my eyes and ran down my cheeks. I didn't hold back. I just wrapped my legs around his waist and he held me up easily as I was too skinny.

He looked me in the eye and said: "don't worry about what others say or think about you. You are beautiful, at least for me and that's what matters, right? "

-Right.I only answered that one word and kissed him again.Unexpectedly, he let me go and knelt in front of me. He took my

hand and pulled a box out of his pocket.-Beatriz Carvalho, will you be my girlfriend? I want to be yours

and only yours. And you, from the moment you accept it, you will be mine forever and there will be no turning back.

-Only yours.He put the ring on my finger so delicately that I didn't even

recognize him. We kissed again and went to class.I spent the entire class watching every detail of my new ring.

They were both perfect, the ring as well as my Hugo Oliveira. I didn't even know if everything I was living was a dream or real life.

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The first time Hugo and I went to the movies that day. We wanted to see the

new movie of "Harry Potter" saga. I had already read the book and that specific one had become one of my favorites.

Before entering the room, Hugo stared at me bearing an odd and questioning look on his face.

-What happened, love?I was just thinking how lucky I am to have such a rare jewel as a

girlfriend. Thank you, Bê. You have really made me a better man. I didn't know what to do besides smile and kiss him.That's right, Bê. Everyone calls you "Bê". It's very cliché, so can I

call you rare?I laughed and agreed. I loved the movie, although I missed some parts: it's inevitable

when you have someone like Hugo by you. We had dinner at McDonalds and he gave me a ride home, after

all he has a driver's license. I know what you're thinking, but how? The truth is that Hugo is already 18 years old* . He flunked the second grade of elementary school and the second grade of high school. Lest he repeat one more time I promised to help him study from that moment on and he agreed to it, even though I wasn't one of the brightest students at school.

Still in the car I thanked him for the ride and I got into my house. I closed the door to my room and fell asleep, not even getting changed.

I slept till the following day. It was 14:30 of a sunny Saturday. I checked my phone and read the good morning text from Hugo. I texted back saying I had just woken up and was about to take a shower.

Tuesday 27 was the day of my party. Ms. Lurdes would talk with the Principal so that I could get to school a bit later than usual on the day after it because we were sure as hell I would go to bed late. That felt great because I wouldn't get up early and go to class, as much as now I had a good

NOTE = * in Brazil the driving age is 18.

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reason not to complain.I met Hugo at lunch time and we ate at a new restaurant that

had been opened near my house. While walking along the sidewalk we talked about the holidays

when I found out he was going to travel. I was sad, yet ok with it. At night I invited him to come over for dinner and he accepted it. "Ding dong". -I got it! I shouted to Ms. Lurdes and headed for the door. It was Hugo,

of course and he had brought flowers. I kissed him and left to put the flowers in a vase with cold water.

I introduced him to Ms. Lurdes who would also have dinner with us. They got along very well and I was happy about that.

After dinner, we took the dishes to the sink and then we went up to my room.

We sat on the bed and I turned on the T.V. to any channel and turned to him. We kissed for a long time. I realized he was trying to take off my blouse and I was ok with it.

-Are you ready for this? If not I will understand. After thinking a bit I said that I was ready, in fact. He was very careful and took care of me like no one had ever

done. He asked me constantly if it was all right and was so kind and gentle. It was already midnight and he needed to leave. We dressed up

and I walked him to the door. -Good night, my love. -Good night, rare.

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The 27th: party and disappointment

I woke up super excited! IT WAS THE 27th!! It was the day of my

party, the most important day for me. Yet, I had no idea what was about to happen.

I arrived at the beauty parlor at 18:00 for makeup, hair and manicure because I wanted to be ready at 21:00 sharp to arrive at the party location ahead of time to see if everything was perfect.

When they were done I looked at myself in the mirror and OMG! I was gorgeous. I felt gorgeous for the first time in my life and I would not care about what people said about me. That was my night and nobody would ruin it.

The party began at 22:00 and soon the guests started to arrive. I was very happy to see that a lot of people had come.

There was a different click to every single guest that came into my night of dreams. The flash had already blinded me when he arrived. He was amazing in that black pinstripe suit and a purple handkerchief in his coat pocket. He kissed me as if no camera or even a guest were present there. I stumbled and dropped my speech paper on the floor. Coincidentally, Hugo also dropped some paper. We picked them up quickly and I continued with the photo session.

It was midnight and there I was, up on the stage in front of a live audience with a microphone in my right hand and the speech paper on the left.

I started to read it out loud: "I Hugo Oliveira Nunes agree to the terms of this bet that establishes...". My voice failed and I stopped reading it aloud but kept reading it silently to myself.

What? The whole thing was a farce? Hugo has never liked me and I was a fool to fall for him! Gosh, why so evil?

The name of the one responsible for printing the bet was at the bottom of the page: Mackenzie. So, she and he had a bet in which if Hugo were able to have me fall in love with him before the party he would win a month of free meal. That explained the pink paper, the same color as mine.

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I was incredulous. It was as if my whole world came crashing down in front of me and my hands were tied, holding me back from picking up even a single crumb.

Up until then I hadn't realized the silence that had grown in the ballroom. I looked for Hugo in the crowd and he was reading my speech. The speech in which I thanked my friends Cá and Sté for never having left me. I was also grateful to Ms. Lurdes and Dany, whom had always been present and especially to Hugo for being the "best boyfriend in the world" and taking me in like no one ever did before.

A tear ran down my face just at the thought of the intense satisfaction he was feeling at that moment and many other tears ran down along with the first one.

Before I´d realised it, I was running out of the room and Hugo was running after me, desperate. I kept running as fast as I could but he was, without a doubt more athletic and fast so he caught up with me easily and grabbed my arm.

I wanted to beat the hell out of him but I was aware that this would not work.

Hugo tried to explain himself by saying that at first it really was just a bet, but then he had "fallen in love for real". I burst out laughing. He didn´t get what was going on, he had no reaction. I quit laughing and slapped him in the face (it burned my hand, I admit it and I´m glad I did it), and ran without direction. I was destroyed inside and out and once again I felt all alone in this immense world.

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The Overcoming

After that disaster I didn't go to school because I spent two

whole days crying. I Just couldn´t help it because when I finally calmed myself down I would look at something and this something reminded me of him. Then I got back to crying and screaming in anger. Ms. Lurdes got scared and decided it would be better to leave me alone so I could take a deep breath and move on.

How could I never have suspected it all? It all happened so fast, so impossible to happen but I fell in love with the one guy who claimed to also be in love with me. I hated myself at that very moment. I had had enough of blaming him for everything. It was my fault as well for being so naive, so dreamy.

I woke up on Friday in the worst mood of my entire life. I was forced to go to school, the place that I found repugnant. I got out of bed feeling that it was yelling for me to come back to it and went straight to the bathroom. I showered, brushed my teeth and put my sunglasses on. I wore my black shirt on which it read "F *** the world"; my black military jeans and my black vans. All black, matching all my feelings.

I came to school and no one seemed to notice me. It was as if I didn't exist.

I went to my art history class and Hugo was by the door. When he spotted me he ran towards me and kissed me.

-Good morning, rare. That insolent brat! He thought that after everything he´d done

we'd still be together? How petulant! It was a total lack of respect for me."What are you doing? We are-not-together-anymore!” I

shouted and the whole school stopped to watch the spectacle. He looked at me with an innocent look and tried to explain

himself for the umpteenth time. "If what you're telling me is true, why the hell were you carrying

that deal in your pocket on the day of my party? Were you showing that your

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mission was accomplished? Did you want your reward? Well, your reward is here… " - and I showed him the middle finger, not caring about all the teachers around us watching the show.

"The paper was with me because I was going to cancel the bet", he tried.

"I see… apparently it didn't work, did it?" I spoke in a low tone and walked out.

The school was amazed, shocked, still and puzzled. I think no one had ever imagined that “poor Beatrizzzzzzzz” would have the guts to face anyone at school.

Camila and Estela, who had been kind of missing, came after me to comfort me.

"Come on Bê, we were worried about you! You were gone for three days, totally vanished! " - said Sté looking me in the eye and Cá completed by hugging me:" we missed you ".

"I missed you, too". We cuddled and class finally began. I would have the damn

community service with Hugo that afternoon. Three long hours with him? Seriously? I didn´t deserve that…

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Hope: a change

That afternoon Hugo did not attend the nursing home. He

didn't visit Júlia.I told her everything, absolutely everything that had happened

since the last time we met and she couldn't believe it just as I couldn´t in the beginning. She made a dubious face waiting for a "I´m kidding!” when I finished talking, but unfortunately she also realized that this time would be different and that she would not hear such words.

A tear trickled down my face but I swore I wouldn't cry for a bum who couldn't be honest. Julia wiped the fugitive tear and hugged me for the first time. It was comforting to feel those weak and docile little arms wrapped around me.

I went home and out of curiosity I looked at the school calendar. The next morning would be the last day of school before the holidays. I would have peace and time to recover myself 100%.

I wouldn't be that helpless girl who feared everything and everyone. I'd come back renewed. I had even been researching about a surgery that would bring my eyes back to normal. They would be green and green only. No one else would be able to compare me to a monster or a mistake. I would be a new me, I would be the real me and no one would stop me.

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July 26

July 26. A day of revelations.

I got home after spending the afternoon at the spa to the most

unexpected thing I'd ever seen: Hugo with a red folder in his hands beside Ms. Lurdes.

Apparently they hadn't noticed my presence. However, suddenly Hugo raised his head, came right towards me and briefly summarized the issue that would take all afternoon to be questioned about in my room: "I know the truth about your mother."

I laughed, after all it could only be a joke. How does he suddenly discover something that I took my whole childhood to accept? I thought for a moment and started going up the stairs. I turned around and asked if he wouldn't come after me. He did not answer anything, excused himself to Ms. Lurdes- (that was cute!) -and followed me.

We sat on my bed facing each other and we stared for a few seconds. To break the tension I asked him to explain everything from the beginning until that very moment.

"Well, the thing is... the day I proposed to you I decided you deserved something more so I tried really hard to find out at least something about your mother or father." He paused to look into my eyes and try to figure out what was going on in my mind. He always did that. Noticing that I wouldn't open my mouth until he were finished, he kept talking. "I knew I had to do it, I just didn't know how to ... So I did lots and lots of research and got to the name of a hospital in California. "

At that point my heart stopped - California was exactly the place where my mother said (to Ms. Lurdes, of course, because we haven't spoken since I was 5, practically) she would be in an important Congress. "I couldn't go to California but I kept searching and found more and more names of hospitals in several parts of the world. Tokyo, Rome,

just

São Paulo,

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London, Texas... All places of high technology medicine. I came to the conclusion that she doesn't travel for business reasons, but because of health or lack of it. I couldn't even figure out what was wrong with her but I know that now she is hospitalised at Einstein hospital in Guarujá and will remain there until tomorrow, Bê. So I came here to ask Ms. Lurdes – who is responsible for you - for permission to take you there and talk to her in person,

I looked at Hugo incredulous. I had my mouth open for seconds in a row until I took the courage and said something: "How?" Hugo laughed and replied.

My parents have agreed to take us to Guarujá today if I got a 10 in math and, thanks to you I managed to. A deal is a deal and they are waiting for us so I want to know - are you coming with us? Because I'm going with or without you and for you.

I couldn't answer anything besides a choking "thank you". I felt my face wet just at the time that I wrapped my arms around Hugo´s neck and my face touched his shirt. It was our first hug after the breakup. I felt uncomfortable so I walked away.

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Hello, Trix!

The trip seemed endless! Ms. Paula and Mr. Victor didn't keep

silent all the way and each and every time I looked sideways I saw Hugo staring at me and pretending not to shortly after. I forgot my headphones so I tried to sleep but it was impossible with the car shaking at every hole on the road. Couldn´t Victor drive well? After stopping three times at three different stations because of the tiny bladder of Ms. Paula we arrived at our final destination, Einstein hospital.

Hugo's parents dropped us off at the door and went to lunch, then we got into the hospital and got a passcode for the visit.

After three minutes our passcode appeared on the black display in scarlet red. We got up and went to attendant number five.

"Good evening, can I help you?""Yes," we both answered but Hugo let me speak. "We came to

visit a patient named Emma Faleiros".After typing something on her computer the attendant told us

the way to the room and warned us that we would have only fifteen minutes. Before opening the door I felt my legs shaking and cold sweating. I asked Hugo, on a weak voice, to enter first and spend some time alone with my mother. After all, I hadn't seen her since I was five years old. Hugo agreed and I, superstitious that I am, entered the room on my right foot.

Wow, what happened to that mother I saw eleven years ago? My mother, my beloved and dear mother was lying with the

most unfortunate expression I'd ever seen. I couldn´t help but noticing her pale skin and the dark circles; her bones were about to tear her skin so skinny she was and all those cords and tubes attached to her.

I cried. I couldn't hold my tears. I had spent more than half of my life having hurt feelings against her and that day I found out she had never traveled for professional reasons, but for a cure.

I didn't know what was wrong with her (anorexia, maybe?), I didn't know what she had been going through all this time nor everything

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she had to abandon but I felt guilty, sinful for judging her and not even knowing about the real reason.

She opened her eyes and looked at me for the first time in more than a decade. Those beautiful green eyes that I used to love as a child were not so beautiful. They exhaled suffering; they exhaled exhaustion and it was when I noticed how much I missed her.

I got closer and felt a strong urge to kiss her forehead, but I couldn't. She had a lot of small cuts on her forehead, probably due to her very dry skin.

"Hello, Trix"Trix was my nickname as a child. She was the only one to call me

that and hearing it again was comforting, it reminded me that I actually had a mother, and not only in the past.

"Hi, mom"

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Emma talks

Remembering that I had little time, I finally asked her what I

wanted most: what her problem was and why she had never been present in my life.

"Trix, honey, when you were born your delivery was very complicated and I had sequels that hadn´t showed up until a short time before you turned five. When you were about five years and three months old, I felt my lungs burn and I blacked out. I woke up seven days later in a hospital in São Paulo. It was scary, I couldn't stop calling for you or your dad and no one would explain to me what was going on. Two days after many tests they told me what had happened but the doctors couldn't diagnose the problem. It was despairing. I knew you needed me and I needed you but they prohibited me from seeing you or even leaving the hospital because at any second I could have a stroke. According to the doctors nobody has an answer until today, but it is known that it is generalised. My heart can suddenly stop at any moment; my lungs may fail or else - my liver or kidneys or any organ in my body. After a long time in therapy I finally accepted that I would never see you again and quickly hired Ms. Lurdes who has been a friend of mine since childhood. She´s the only one to whom I´d trust you and she agreed right away. She can´t have children, she is sterile so she took the opportunity to have a daughter. My life has been horrible. This disease eats me from inside out and there is nothing I can do, neither the doctors so that's why I´m all around. I still haven't given up on having a life by you and your father. One day we´ll be that united family that got stopped in time, and all because of me. "

She started to cry but I saw that the tears came out through extreme effort, making me imagine that the disease was indeed general.

She turned to me and said: "will you forgive me, my daughter? Mommy loves you very much and I can't even imagine how hard it must have been to live not knowing the truth ".

Even before I could answer, she let out a loud cry in acute pain,

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coughed up some blood, looked at me and tried to stretch her hand. Instantly, I raised my hand in her direction but it was too late... she had passed out.

I screamed loudly calling for doctors or anyone who could help her and, in the midst of my despair, Hugo entered the room and unable to understand what was happening, he hugged me hard.

The doctors came in and had us leave the room.

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Éric

I didn't sleep for two nights in a row. I just couldn't. I had finally

talked to my mom but at that point I didn't know if she was still alive or dead.

I didn't have time to ask why my father was gone, either. Had he been with

my mother to every country? Was he dead? I didn't know.

I heard my phone, checked the screen - "Hugo" - and I

answered.

I listened to him and I got to the conclusion that answering the

phone was a mistake. He wanted to meet with me at the square near my

place. What could he want?

I ran to the square hoping for more information about my

family, but all in vain. I was prepared to hear anything but what he had to say.

-Rare, I've been thinking a lot. I can't do it anymore. I can't do it

without you. I never thought I'd fall in love with you, were those

free meals ... I couldn't care less about that now, what I really want is you to

be my girlfriend.

I looked at him and realized he was getting closer to kiss me, but

I wouldn't give in.

He should have thought of that before signing the bet or having

told me as soon as he knew

I finished my words giving him a killer look. I turned around and

went home. Back then, all I wanted was for someone to walk me back home

and make me forget about Hugo.

I was so busy rearranging my thoughts that I bumped into

someone. I was lucky enough to bump into someone with good reflexes who

held me before I were able to break my teeth on the ground.

Hi, I'm Eric. Nice to meet you.

all I wanted

he had "fallen in love for real".

-You are very shallow. If you were smart enough, you´d have

canceled the bet long before that day.

-

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My Lord! What a gorgeous guy! He ought to be from out of

town, he had a strange accent but I didn't ask. I giggled and introduced

myself as well.Thanks for holding me. Well, I have to go. Goodbye. I waved

but he took my hand and while kissing the back of it (what a weird guy) he replied:

- I´m taking the other direction. I'm not going to be there to hold you again so take care. Goodbye.

-

He smiled and walked away.

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New student I was having a wonderful dream ... about Éric. I couldn't stop

thinking about him, was he from out of town? Kissing the back of a girl´s hand is quite unusual.

I woke up out of breath with the alarm clock screaming in my ears so I got up and I got ready for school.

When I got there, I took my usual seat and noticed a commotion outside the next room. Curious as I am I checked on what was happening.

Would you believe me if I said - yes, it was him. The guy in my dream was right there, talking with some wild girls in short skirts.

He didn't look too comfortable around them so I had the bright idea to take him away from them (and up to now I have no idea how I had the guts to do it).

-Éric, over here! Excuse me, girls. Hi Éric, do you remember me? Come on, let's talk!

He came after me and we went to the cafeteria, which was still closed.

- Are you new here at Evanesceu?-Yes, I am. And he smiled, showing all those teeth whiter than milk itself.We talked a bit and as soon as we heard the bell we said

goodbye and went to our rooms, which unfortunately were not the same.The class went by fast and I felt the look of Hugo over me

sometimes but I didn't look back.I spent the break with Éric, Camila and Estela. We found out

that, in fact, he wasn't from here. He was from New Zealand and he was on an exchange program. He was going to stay here for one year.

On the for my phone number, which I gave him and I headed home all excited!

«Bling", a new message: "Bê, how about going to the movies next Saturday?"

way out he asked

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Bê, will you date me? And it all began on that Saturday evening...He picked me up at home and we went to the movies. Up until

now, I don't know what movie we "watched" but it was wonderful.We had been spending time together for three months when,

suddenly, on October 7th, he proposed to me in the loveliest way possible.I went to his house that evening after school. At night he invited

me to sleep over so I called Ms. Lurdes and I told her I would spend the night out. We went to his room and I got scared at the view at first, but then I got it and I thought it was really cute.

The room was totally (and when I say totally, I mean it) full of pictures of me, by myself or with him. I looked at the bed and saw a red rose. I looked at him a little confused so he started talking.

"Bê, in my country we usually show love through a rose. Each petal represents something. "

And by pulling each petal off and throwing each of them on the bed he continued: "the first is for the first day I saw you; the second for how lucky I was to hold you in my arms,how naive of our destiny; the third is for when you helped me to get rid of those bitches in cleavages; the fourth is for our first kiss, and wow, what a kiss! The fifth one I dedicate to your beauty and your eyes that shine more than a constellation. The sixth is for tonight, which I hope you keep in your heart forever. The seventh, I love you. And the eighth one, the last of this delicate rose serves to ask you what I've been meaning to ask you for a long time. Bê, will you be my girlfriend? "

Without avail, a tear escaped and I quickly dried it up. No one had ever done that for me. I really loved him and as the answer to his question I pushed him over the bed, on the petals and kissed him as never before.

"Are you ready?"Little did he know how ready I was so, lost in his nasty words

that came soon after, I gave him my body for the first time and I let myself be loved, I let him taste everything he wanted to until I fell in a deep sleep in his arms.

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Reunion I realized that Hugo had been very weird since I started my

relationship with Éric. I understand that he wanted us to be back together, but I wouldn't. He should move on like I did.

Two days after Éric and I started dating I got a call in the middle of the night that scared me.

It was from the hospital and they were calling me there. According to the woman on the other end of the line it "was very important," so I immediately woke Dany up and asked him to drive me there.

When arriving at the hospital a woman recognized me (I don't know how) and asked me to enter room 5B. I didn't know what to expect.

When getting into the room I smiled and thanked God as never before in my life - it was my mom, smiling this time.

"Hi, sweety! I've got great news! It seems that by injecting stem cells in my body I got better. Doctors have performed tests along these three months and, provided that I come here every day, I will be able to finally go back home. "

And she broke down in tears of joy. She thanked God for answering her prayers and said she loved me and after hearing what she had just said I also didn't hold back, we cried together until I asked:

-When are you coming home?-Tomorrow, after the last medical exams.- See you at home then, mom.I kissed her forehead and hugged her gently afraid to hurt her

no matter how "well" she already was.When leaving room 5B I looked sideways and saw Hugo out on a

stretcher. I desperately asked the doctor what happened and he answered that Hugo had suffered a motorcycle accident.

I decided it would be best to visit him in the morning when he'd probably be awake again.

I couldn't sleep at all that end of night.

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Hugo The following day I went to the hospital in the morning to visit

Hugo, after all he had been my boyfriend so it was the least I could do. "Rare", he whispered, but he had his eyes closed. How could he

know? And as if he'd read my mind, as usual, he replied that my perfume was unmistakable.

"What happened?" I asked in a search for explanations.Sighing loudly, he replied:-Bê, I can't see you with another boyfriend but me. I got to

know about you and Éric last night and I went crazy. I took my neighbor´s motorbike, he always leaves the keys in the ignition and sped around, all alone at dawn and aimless. I know it wasn't the most sensible thing to do but when I think of you nothing else comes to my mind, it's like you're my reason to live and, yet, I have to see you with someone you have just met. It's too much for me and now I'm here and I will probably stay here for a while.

I lost control of my feelings and started to cry. I couldn´t figure out the reason for all those tears, they shouldn't be present at that time. I looked at him and I couldn't say anything, I couldn't. I simply turned around and even being able to hear Hugo screaming for me, I left the room.

I went straight home. I needed a break, my space,all alone at a place where nobody could annoy me or even influence me.

I spent most of the day thinking about Hugo and how much he got to me and how I had never really forgotten the first love of my life. But on the other hand, I thought of Éric and how good he was, all his qualities that made me smile every day.

I picked up the phone and called him asking to come to my house and in fifteen minutes he was ringing the bell. Ms. Lurdes answered the door and told Eric that I was in my room.

After excusing himself, he came in and I could feel my world getting better from one to one hunded per cent.

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The first night with her At 19:00 I heard the ambulance arriving and forgot to tell Éric

about my mother. I summed up the whole story (omitting Hugo, of course) and ran downstairs.

I was very happy to see her trying to walk on her own, even though with little success, so I wrapped my arms around her waist and helped her get to the dinner table.

Ms. Lurdes served dinner and my mom invited her to have dinner with us. I told my mom my story with Éric and she was so happy. In fact, Éric met my mother that day, a very special day for me.

Éric left and I helped my mother up the stairs and asked her to sleep with me that night. She agreed with a broad grin on her face, from ear to ear.

Before going to bed I told her the whole story because I had to omit things about Hugo due to Eric´s presence. I told her about all the suffering I had been through at school before Hugo and I dated and also about my party. I told her everything. We finally fell asleep.

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Somewhere out there I was almost asleep when a question that tormented my mind

hit me - where was my father?I felt bad about waking my mother up. After all, it was the first

quiet night of sleep in her own house. She deserved that I waited until morning, so that was what I did.

"Good morning, Bê".I heard my mom calling me and poking me lightly."Good morning, mom."We went to the dining room where the table was already set

for breakfast.As we were eating I thought it would be a good opportunity to

ask and she responded this way:-Well, hun ... when your father found out that he´d never see

me he got very distressed and went into depression. He entered the world of drugs and alcohol. He started drinking every day, up to the point when he had to be admitted at a clinic. That's what I heard, making me feel even worse because I felt bad about the person I loved. That´s alI I know. I don't know where he is but would love to. I still love him.

I looked down at my plate and made a promise to my mother that she would see my father again and I would find out what had happened to him.

I needed to reunite my parents, I was tired of a family torn apart. I needed a united family again, just like a real family should be. The only problem would be if my father had died. Otherwise, I would do everything to find him, I just didn't know exactly where and how.

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Éric´s return While I kept on searching time was flying by. I had asked Éric to

help me find my dad and he immediately agreed to it. He didn't have a father, either but his dad had already passed and, according to him he would do anything to have his father back and so he agreed to help me right away.

That task brought us even closer together and I couldn't imagine myself without him by my side. His return to New Zealand would be cruel. We had a conversation one day that hurt me too much, as if a piece of me was about to leave with him.

We were in my room that day, researching as on every other day since I decided to find my father. I looked at him and started talking. I said that I had lost track of time and I needed to know when he was going away so that I´d be able to put myself back together because I´d miss him a lot. He answered, looking down at his hands because, like me, he couldn't look me in the eyes at that time.

-Well, I was hoping I didn't have to go back. My life here has been the best in years. I met you and you were the first girl I fell in love with for real. Gosh, you have no idea how torn inside I am now. When I left home I swore to my mom that I would go back. She did everything possible to pay for my exchange program. My family doesn't have a good financial condition, you know? I had to work for a year in a CD store to pay for my portuguese classes and my leaving was really hard. I'd never spent more than a week away from my mother and, suddenly I was leaving for one whole year. I tried to make the best of it here because I know how hard my mom worked for me to come. I haven't spoken to her since the day I left there because international calls are very expensive. I need her again. I'm so sorry, Bê.

From the first word on I was ready for everything, except for that because I actually understood him. I had been through the same thing. I needed my mother and there she was at home with me. He deserved it, too.

-Éric, as much as it breaks my heart and as much as I'm going through another goodbye I do understand you. I know what it's like to need a

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mother. I spent 11 years away from my mother not even having a returning date scheduled. I know that you need to go back to her and you will. I want to keep in touch with you forever and as I know international calls are expensive I bought you this and I hope you like it.

I gave him a package. He opened carefully and removed the object from within. It was an IPhone.

-Well, I can't accept that. It is very expensive! And there I have no internet and no one to call.

-Eric, you deserve it. Plus, that's the way I found to keep in touch so you have to accept it. I don't want to lose contact with you, love. It comes with 3G service and I'll pay for it every month. You just won't be able to make calls, but we will still have facetime and whatsapp.

-It's perfect! We kissed and I finally got to stop crying, but I remembered the

main issue and asked what day exactly he would leave.I'm going to go back in two weeks.- That soon??-Yes., he choked his answer up. I knew he was sad, I didn't want

to make things worse.Suddenly, he shouted: "BINGOO!", which scared me. Then, he

asked me to look at the computer. He had found my father.

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Dad? My father was admitted to a rehabilitation clinic three years ago.

The clinic was called Therapeutic Hospital Life Group, since 1988. I looked for more information and found that the Inpatient Hospital was located in the municipality of Sorocaba, 80 km away from São Paulo between Castelo Branco and Raposo Tavares highways.

Perfect! It wasn't that far so I asked Dany to take us there on the following day. I asked Éric if he'd come along and he said he surely would. I was so happy that I would be capable of doing anything.

I asked Éric to sleep over that night so that we could leave and for other reasons, too. The night was perfect and my mom

agreed to stay with Ms. Lurdes. We woke up very early and left. When getting there I got all those

butterflies in my stomach, the same sensation as when I saw my mother for the first time in years. It was allowed only one visitor in the room at a time, so I entered. - Dad?

I entered the room and saw him sitting, he was reading. He turned to me and for a moment I thought he couldn´t recognize me. However, in a second moment he stood up and came straight to hug me. It was so good to have him around! I felt his perfume and I swear I was able to rememember it. I remember that as a kid I loved to sit on his lap and hear that husky voice that I was dying to hear again.

-My dear little bee, oh I have missed you so much all along these years!

Little bee was the nickname he had given me. Ever since I was a little girl I have always loved honey and it matched my name.

- I have great news, dad. Mom is back. She's home, at last! I talked to your Inspector and asked if you could go back. She thinks that you started all that process and ended up here because of the lack of my mother. She thinks that with her return you are safe and free. But I need to know it from you, Dad. Come home, please ...

I swear his eyes filled with tears, as well as mine and without even

earlythe morning,

in

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thinking much he replied that he surely would come back, that three years of abstinence were enough and that now he had no more reasons to go back to that life.

Éric was sitting in the waiting room and as soon as all the papers were signed and that my father was discharged I introduced them. They hit it off right from the start, after all they both understood how happy I was to have them around.

We got home and I remembered that my mom didn't know about the surprise. I asked to get in first to make sure that my mom was still sleeping. After being sure about it, I asked my father to sit at the table and I woke up my mom and Ms. Lurdes.

They came down the stairs and sat at the table. Suddenly, as in a perfect scene from a book, my father appeared with a frying pan in his hand and announced: "would anyone like pancakes?"

My mom looked at him and they both started crying. My father went up to her and they kissed and hugged, again and again. I looked at Ms. Lurdes and I saw how happy she was, just like me.

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Goodbye

It was Éric´s farewell party. He would leave the following day, in the

morning. After the farewell party that I threw him in my house, Eric invited

me to sleep over at his house and we had our best and most memorable night.

The next day we woke up and I could see the pain in his eyes, as I couldn't hide in mine.

We sat in the airport after checking in and waited for the flight. "Passengers number 5B, please board".I looked at him and couldn´t hold back my tears. We had, then, that talk. - I guess this is it... He agreed, head bowed.- Listen Bê, thank you for making this trip the best one I've ever done

in my life. You sure have been the best choice I´ve ever made and I'll never regret anything. I love you, my love.

The woman in the speaker announced again.-Éric, you have been the best boyfriend I've ever had. You gave me

your best when I needed and helped me a lot. I love you, too, and I still have hope that you will be back or that I´ll come and visit you.

We kissed deeply for the last time, not caring about the world around us. It was our moment and maybe the last one.

I waited for Éric to board and left, in tears.I cried and I cried in my bed and for the first time in more than a

decade my parents took me down. It felt really comforting.- Love you, guys!-We love you too, little one.

in and calmed me

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Accident

The next day I woke up to shouts, a quarrel . My parents were

fighting.I ran downstairs just in time to see my father leaving the house and

my mother crying for him. I ran after my father but he took the motorbike and I was not that fast. I came home and saw my mom on the couch, crying. I hugged her and I thought it wouldn´t be a good time to ask what

the fight was about so I made a cake for her and waited for my dad.We waited and waited and nothing... No sign of his return. We didn't

know what had happened and were worried.We slept very badly that night. We´d wake up to every little noise,

full of hope. I´d go up to my bedroom window and nothing.We received a call the morning after. I answered and listened

patiently till despair hit me.-This is officer Junior Rosa. I´m calling to tell you that last night,

Renan Carvalho, your father suffered a motorcycle accident and is in hospital here in town. I found your number in his wallet.

I dropped the phone on the floor and went straight to the hospital. I thought it was better for my mom to stay home, then Dany took me there.

I was desperate and soon they had me in the room where he was. What a horrible scene! I don't think I'd ever seen so much blood in

my life. He had one leg in a cast and a tube coming straight out of his throat. I got back to crying and leaned on the stretcher.

The doctor came in and I asked him about my dad´s condition.- , he broke his spine. If he survives, he will have to accept the

fact that his spinal cord has been severed injured. If he chances are he will be quadriplegic. Unfortunately, I can't say if he will wake up or not, I can´t predict. He´s been into a coma since he got here.

How would I break these news to my mom? Just now that the family was perfect.

Beatrizwakes up

126

I went to the police station asking for the report of what had happened and sheriff Neto explained it all to me:

-Your father was drunk and driving. He was probably very altered because he crashed against the wall of a parking lot. Maybe he was trying to park, but he was out of his senses for that. I'm very sorry about what happened.

I came back home feeling razed. Fate is unpredictable, isn't it?After getting home, I briefed my mother about the story, sparing her

from details. It was horrible.

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Mourning

On the next day I received a call from the hospital. My father had

passed away.It was very difficult for me and my mother. I booked the funeral for a

week ahead. That was the worst week of my life. Arranging my father's funeral was very difficult, but within that week my mother and I were slowly grasping the new situation. That was his destiny, it had happened anyway so we would have to relearn to live without him.

At his funeral my mother told me the terrible truth I certainly could have lived without.

-Trix, I need to tell you something. I hope it dies and stays here, along with your father. That morning, before leaving the house I´d told him the truth. Before you were born, before I married your father, before even seeing your father for the first time I fell in love with a man. I loved him and then I got pregnant. We were going to get married, but he had an accident and died. Desperate, I met your father and I pretended to be pregnant with his baby because I wasn't able to raise a baby on my own. I was also afraid of society judging me for getting pregnant of a man that wasn´t even my husband. I married your father and I fell in love with him. As much as he wasn't my first and greatest love I regret nothing. I love the man who's in there being buried, but the truth was born and it was you, sweetie.

I looked at her all confused, so she continued. You don´t have a blood tie with the father you knew. But your real

father died before I even had got married. I told that to your this morning and that was my biggest mistake. I just couldn't keep it inside of me, it was suffocating. Then, he picked up a bottle of whisky and left home. I'm sorry, Trix. It's all my fault! My second love is dead now and it is all my fault. Both dead in accidents. I hope one day you will forgive me.

I couldn´t believe what I was hearing. I was incredulous. So I turned to my mother and said:

- He will always be my father. to the coffin that still remained open. I kissed his

forehead and repeated the same words to him.

is that the baby

“father“

Then, I went up

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A new me, a new Hugo I wasn't sure if I was still angry or if I had overcome everything that

my mother had told me she´d done, but I moved on, I didn't want to lose my mother as well. The following day at school everyone already knew what had happened. For the first time everybody was looking at me with compassion. Hugo came up to me. He apologized for being a complete idiot and asked for a fresh start. I agreed with the idea but I made it clear that we were not dating, we were starting over and he had to take that.

I remembered the keys I'd never given to Mackenzie and decided to do the right thing. I gave them back to Principal Lauli. She got mad but she let it go because of recent events.

I spent the afternoon with and Sté and invited them to sleep over that night. I introduced them to my mother. I soon noticed they

very well, which made me very happy.I was really happy with our “pajamas party”, but at night Camila

and Estela started an odd chat:-Bê, have you ever considered dating Hugo again?I thought a bit and answered Cá that no, after all what he´d done

was unacceptable and I´d suffered too much, but Sté, who had no reasons to lie (after all, as soon as she knew what Hugo had done she was the first to feel like killing him), said:

-Bê, Cá and I heard a conversation between Hugo and Mackenzie. He was begging Mackenzie not to do something with you, which I didn´t hear well. He also asked Mackenzie to explain to you that he, in fact, had decided to cancel it all before but the deal was for her to tear the agreement apart at your party, he didn't want the prize or whatever. He loves you, Bê and if I were you I wouldn't waste the chance to have the guy you love because just between us, I know you never forgot him, not even when you

Such words made me think of Hugo no longer as the bad guy of the story. Maybe Sté was right. In fact, why would she lie about that to me?

I didn´t sleep well that night so I woke up with deep black circles. I woke up my friends and we got ready for school.

Cáwould

get along

dated Éric.

134

I couldn't feel mad at Hugo anymore, I saw him through eyes of compassion. I had been very unfair to him, I didn't hear his side of the story but I would not be so easy this time, not now that we had agreed to start all over. He'd have to win me over again.

We spent the break together and, for the first time I was getting to know his real essence. Not as the girlfriend who admires and sees no flaws, but as the friend I've never been.

I was very happy.

137

The Prom

Soon the prom would happen (I know what you're thinking, but I

don't know why my school was throwing a graduation party between the second and the third high school grades, maybe it was because we didn't have one at the end of the ninth grade), and I didn't have a date for the prom. I had never bothered about it, why was I so distressed now?

"Hey, big guy, have you already picked your next prey to invite as your date for the prom?" I asked pretending indifference and laughing, but the real purpose was to know who would be the unfortunate to be in my place.

"Ah, Bê, you know, right? I'm not going to hit on anybody at the prom ... "he paused and looked at me," and you, has anyone ever asked you? "

I was honest and said no (I used my best begging face - "invite me, please, please, please") and as expected, he invited me. Obviously, I said yes at the time and only later I realized how desperate I looked. How shameful!

The bell rang and I walked to the classroom with him. That day I couldn't think of anything else but what would happen at the prom.

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A fresh start

I woke up very happy, it finally was the day of the prom. I went out with my mother to buy my dress (I know I shouldn't have

left for the last minute) and to have my hair done; make-up; waxing ...Once ready, I looked at myself in the mirror for the first time. Wow! I

felt beautiful, perhaps even more than at my party. I had my hair curled and side-swept, I bought a red tube dress with a tail that dragged on, I was wearing a corset, high heels which were black just like my nails and my makeup that had shades of gold.

As scheduled, Hugo rang the bell at almost 8:00 p.m.. Before coming down the stairs to get the door my mother took a look at me and confirmed that, indeed, I looked gorgeous.

The ball wouldn't be only for students so my mother and even Ms. Lurdes and Dany, who have been my family for quite a while, got dressed. My mom was way healthier than the first time I saw her. She was wonderful in a black dress she wore. Ms. Lurdes was also very elegant and Dany was wearing a suit for the first time (around me, at least).

Hugo came in and when I heard the door close I went downstairs as carefully as possible. He looked like a god in a black pinstriped suit and a red tie, as the color of my dress (I swear the matching colors was a coincidence).

We took a picture of all of us together and after that we headed for the prom.

The school was very beautiful with decorations all over the place. We took the photo by the entrance and we were all out for fun.

Hugo got me some punch and we joined our group of friends. was wearing a black dress with shiny black pebbles and a loubotin, and was wearing a pink dress and black heels.

The night yielded several pictures.At around midnight Hugo called me because he wanted to "talk to

me", so I followed him.I didn't know where he was taking me and I even felt a little scared.

Cá Sté

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He covered my eyes during the way saying he had a surprise for me and when he took off his hands so that I could see, I couldn't believe it.

Júlia was there dressed in a very old ball gown for what it seemed. It was all about ruffles and tacky fluffy shoulders like in old movies.

"Júlia! It´s been so long! I'm sorry I stopped visiting you, " I said, really regretful.

"Bê, thank you for your consideration, I understand why you couldn't visit me. Hugo kept seeing and telling me everything that was going on. Bê, you have to believe him, he's a good kid and we both know how much he means to you. Just think about it. "

She hugged me hard and said she was off to enjoy the party.I looked at Hugo, "UN compassed". " Now what? ", I thought. He looked at me with those eyes I gradually fell in love with and did

what I've always loved seeing, he touched his neck in a way that showed he didn't know what to do.

I hate the fact that I have not forgotten him.I hate the fact that I'm madly in love with him.I hate the fact that he's centimeters away from me and...He kissed me.

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Finally

I'd never kissed like that. It was like I was making up for all the lost

time away from him. My legs were trembling and I couldn't breathe properly (and the corset didn't help much).

We got apart just enough our foreheads against each other and we both didn't open our eyes anytime soon.

He took my hand and asked me to follow him. I followed him, after all I no longer thought with my brain, I was

being moved by my heart, I was doing what I wanted at the time, following my emotions, following Hugo.

We climbed several flights of stairs. We climbed and climbed and climbed. I was very tired already.

Okay, okay, what was that? I watched the place but I had never seen anything like it. It was high, I could see my home from there, I could see a lot, in fact."Where are we?" it was the first question that came to mind but I

replaced it with a better one, "why did you bring me here, Hugo" I asked then."Bê, I had to go through all this to finally realize how much I'm in

love with you. I saw you leave me, I saw you suffering, which made me suffer even more and I couldn't figure out why, I saw you pull yourself together, you faced me and not embarrassed at all, I saw you happy with Eric, I saw you saying goodbye to him and here I am asking for another chance, asking that in the future one more of a "I saw" joins our story. "I saw you forgive me and say you still love me and say that you will take me back, and say that ..."

I put my finger over his lips prohibiting him to go on. I felt my cheeks burn, I realized I was crying but not out of sadness , but out of emotion.

It was at that moment that I realized how much I wanted to hear those words and how long it took me to realize that I would never forget him. And why try to forget him if I could have him?

Yes, Hugo. I am yours again.

to lean

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Format: 16 cm x 21 cm Typeface: Calibri, Arial Norrow 11 and 12

Supreme paper 300 g (cover)Off set paper 75 g (core)

yes - book

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