yangonhashhouseharriers hash trash · yh 3 hash trash run no. 1570 date: 3 rd march 2018 page 3 of...

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MENS SANA IN CORPORE SANO( Physically knackered, mentally deficient )

UTTERLY MISMANAGED BY:

YANGON HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

HASH TRASH Motto: Truth is optional

MISMANAGEMENT COMMITTEE PHONE

Grand Master BoBo 09 253 836 423

Joint-Master Ain’t Ze Bush

Joint-Mattress Comatose

RA Smokeback Mountain

RA’s Ass Blah Blah

Hash Web Nerd El Puerco

Hash Cash Little Boy

Hash Moosic Maria Phallus

Hash Moosic’s Ass The Nigerian

Hash Sniff Tainted Shit

Hash Flash Sister Belinda

Hash Piss Raza Gaha Hasha

Hash Piss’ Wench Cat Walker

Hasherdabberer Broobs

Trail Master Gigolo Joe

“Strictly Distribution to Members Only” MEMBERS PARTICIPATE ENTIRELY AT THEIR OWN MENTAL, PHYSICAL AND ANY OTHER RISK.

YH3 meets at 14:45 every Saturday at main entrance to Yangon University on University Avenue, near Hledan Junction, and leaves for the run site at 15:00 prompt.

HASH FEES: Expat: 5000 Kyat Expat Horrors (Under 13): 2500 Kyat Nationals: 4000 Kyat National Horrors (Under 13): 2000 Kyat

RECEDING HARELINE:

Date: 3 March ‘18 Run No. 1570

Circle

RUN NO. DATE WHAT IS IT ABOUT? HARE / CO-HARE:

1570 3 Mar '18 Happy Families Run Family Tracey

1571 10 Mar '18 The Hồ Chí Minh Trail Prison Break

1572 17 Mar '18 St. Patrick's Day Run Leprecunt

1573 24 Mar '18 Hash Ball Warm Up Run Rudolph the Flasher

1574 31 Mar '18 March Fool's Run Le Pimp

1575 7 Apr '18 Jockeying for Position on the Ice Shamima and Dead Head

1576 14 Apr '18 Volunteer

1577 21 Apr '18 Ain’t Ze Bush and El Puerco

BRB FRB Run

YH3 HASH TRASH Run No. 1570 Date: 3rd March 2018 Page 2 of 12

All the lies fit to print. Members read at your own risk!!

ON ON ON ON ON ON ON ON ON ON ON ON ON ON ON ON ON ON ON ON ON

Up to two Hares run for free

For each Hash, up to two Hares/Rabbits will be allowed to run/walk for free. This is meant to encourage Hashers to volunteer to set Hashes and is recognition of the amount of work

involved.

Tales from the Trail

or WTF happened last week

Hash Re-Run No. 1570 (The Happy Families Run)

Hares: Jimmy Hendicks and Rudolf the Flasher Rabbit: Sew Sew Scandalous

Venue: Golf Driving Range, Jade Gardens Amusement Park, Bahan Township

Runners: 40

Weather: Nice and toasty, 36° C plus

Time/Distance: 1 h 12 min / 8.4 km inclusive of one Beer Stop.

The GM originally shamed the Tracey Family into agreeing to be the Hares for a run, waaaay back when dinosaurs still roamed the planet on Run 1514 when they promised to set

Run 1521 on 8 April 2017. Somehow, things got changed along the way and dates were

swapped and then postponed and then changed again until Jimmy Hendicks thought that he had played the game perfectly according to his bible, the UN Manual of Obfuscation, Dissemination and Discreet Abandonment of Agreed Goals and he relaxed thinking that

the GM had forgotten all about it. However, little does he know about the mind-bending memory of the GM when it comes to the subject of Hash minutiae and especially when it comes to the process of extracting teeth in order to find “volunteer” Hares. So, when the

GM casually brought up the subject, when looking for volunteers after Run 1562, Jimmy Hendicks and Sew Sew Scandalous looked like rabbits caught in the searchlights at the beginning of open hunting season. They did not have much option but to agree to set this

run but, being ever the master UN tactician, Jimmy Hendicks eventually saw a way to unburden some/most of the work and persuaded Rudolf the Flasher to renege on his

promise to set Run 1573 and join in as a co-Hare for this run. Sadly, Rudolf the Flasher was so traumatised by his decision to abandon his Haring duties for the run three weeks hence, that he brought forward his plans to leave the country so that he could escape

public censure of his dereliction of duty.

The Hares were expecting a relatively small turn-out because they thought that many Hashers would have taken the opportunity of going away for the long weekend that ensued

because Thursday and Friday were bank holidays (Full Moon of Tabaung and Peasant’s Day

respectively). However, although the turn-out was below average, it was not by much.

And so it transpired that Family Tracey (but without their plethora of Hash Horrors)

finally got to set a run with some not inconsiderable help from Rudolf the Flasher. The




run was advertised on social media to start from the Golf Driving Range/Ferris Wheel

opposite The Sedona Hotel but, as appears to be becoming normal these days, the Hares did not bother to come to the Meeting Point to announce this in person to those who did not know this information. For one such man in particular, 85-year old Returnee Jungle

Gymn, this almost ended in disaster because he was slightly late getting to the Meeting Point and saw the pack heading out of the gates in the Hash Beer Truck/taxis and almost had a heart-attack as he sprinted down the road just as fast as his 85-year old legs could

carry him. Luckily for him, he was seen just in time and he was bundled into the back of a taxi where he shared the rear compartment with the LPG bottle. (You would have thought that perhaps one of the younger, although possible not fitter, Hashers would have swapped

places with him and given him a seat inside the taxi — but this is the Hash after all.)

After the usual mismanagement ceremonies of signing-in all those who went direct to the start point were completed, the Hares announced that there would be a short intermission

because Sew Sew Scandalous had popped home to arrange some last minute details. However, the intermission was short lived and so Rudolf the Flasher was soon yelling On On and pointing the pack westward. The GM thought that this was rather odd because the

quickest way out of the park was in the opposite direction but who was he to argue? So he and Comatose set off as the FRBs and the pack trailed behind in their wake – or at least

most did; Iron Maiden and Gigolo Joe were a bit different and took the short route to the entrance gate.

It was they who led the pack out onto Kaba Aye Pagoda Road and Iron Maiden thought

that he knew where the trail must go and so he immediately sprinted across the road, as did Gigolo Joe. The GM, thinking that they had seen paper on the other side of the road was considering joining them when Rudolf the Flasher barked out On On towards the

lakeside path and so the GM did a quick mid-course correction and took over as FRB (or he would have been FRB if the Hare Rudolf the Flasher had not been leading from the front at that point). The Hare muttered the usual litany of Hare excuses: “There was plenty of

paper here this morning but they must have swept it up” which did not sound too promising since we were barely 100-m into the run.

Once paper was rediscovered, Rudolf the Flasher felt comfortable about dropping back

and so it was that the GM soon discovered paper indicating a right turn, off the lakeside perimeter walking track down to Kaba Aye Pagoda Road. Here he found Gigolo Joe who had

crossed back over the road to stay in contact with the pack but of Iron Maiden there was no sign. The first Check was found on the far side of the road and both Gigolo Joe and the GM decided that the most likely route was along Kanbe Road. Sure enough they found

paper and called On On and so led the pack for about 400-m to the next Check that was situated on the corner of Thukawaddy St.

Here Iron Maiden again made an appearance as he ran to the Check from the Thukawaddy

St. direction. Putting two and two together, he realised that the paper he had seen along the end part of that road had to be true trail. So he turned around and led the GM and Gigolo Joe back along the road to the park. At the park there was a paper mark to turn

right but Iron Maiden knew that there was no paper along the road heading west from the




park because he had run up it when he left the pack at the start of the run and so the

trail had to continue straight ahead, southward. He and the GM thus continued south but Gigolo Joe was being strangely strict about following the shreddie and so turned right although he must have realised that the trail would simply then cut through the park and

bring him back out to the same road again.

After passing the little triangular park, Iron Maiden and the GM picked up the shreddie trail leading along Pyin Nyar Waddy St. and so continued to the rear of The Sedona Hotel

where they found another Check. Here the GM turned left but Iron Maiden was not convinced of the efficacy of following him and so he elected to continue straight ahead in the direction of No. 1 Industrial Road (so called because the Ministry of No. 1 Industry

used to be located there until they pulled it down to build the Myanmar Plaza — plus the rest of the development being built by some huge Vietnamese consortium).

The GM duly found three blobs of paper and yelled On On and led the way to the next

Check that was situated less than 300-m later. He did not waste much time dithering about and continue straight ahead towards a little alleyway that he knew was ahead, expecting that the trail would lead on to the Gyo Phyu Pipeline. He found the paper as he

expected and called On On and was answered by Returnee Centrefold who was not far behind. Upon reaching Yan Nyein St. the GM found another Check but he was pretty

confident that, if he took the little foot lane directly opposite the Check, he would again

find shreddie that would take him to the style that crossed the pipeline.

However, confidence is a dangerous thing on a Hash and the Hares inevitably have a

different mind-set from the Hounds and so it proved in this case when the GM discovered an ‘8’ in front of the pipeline. Bugger! Back to the Check!

Centrefold, who appeared to have a child-like faith in the GM’s shreddie-divining

capabilities, was thus forced to turn around and the two of them returned to the Check in time to meet the first members of the following pack. Square Root went north but appeared not to be finding too much paper and so the GM went south — until such time as

Rudolf the Flasher called On On to the north. Square Root had seemingly run past a

turning to another walking lane but, when directed thence by the Hare, the pack eventually found the Gyo Phyu Pipeline although they were not required to run along it as has

happened so often in the past.

The pack then negotiated a series of old walkways that twisted and turned through an old

government housing complex until they emerged on Yankin Road where they found another Check. There was precious little Checking happening by the pack when the GM got there and, try as he may, he had a hard time persuading Alexa and her mate Dale that they were

unlikely to get to the Finish point if they just stood around chatting and waiting for Christmas. The GM headed across the road to explore along a side street but Square Root had got there long before him and was already some way up the hill when the GM got

there. Luckily for the GM, , he had therefore not proceeded far along the road when Rudolf the Flasher called On Back and pointed the pack northward along Yankin Road.




Just 50-m later, the pack turned off the main road and cut across a patch of rough ground

and continued eastward and soon thereafter found the Beer Truck in a nice quiet back street after about 2.9 km and 21 minutes of running.

The approximate route of Run 1560 [Scale: 1:20,000 or 5 cm h 1 km]

A five to six minute Beer Stop was warmly appreciated by the pack (warmly being an

apposite word in this case) but all good things must come to an end and so the pack eventually had to gird their loins once again and head on down the street before turning




right and climbing the hill once again. (Yes they do have hills in Yangon – just not very

many.)

Iron Maiden was the first to the next Check on Kyauk Kone St. but both he and the GM didn’t bother to slow down as they continued almost straight ahead along Mahar Bawdi St.

with the recently regilded, multiple-tiered roof of the monastery at the top of the hill reflecting the bright sunlight like some sort of inter-galactic beacon. Just before the next intersection, they found a cross instead of a third blob of shreddie, however, the

Hares had been too clever for their own good and just 10-metres further ahead another blob of paper could be seen. There seemed little point in turning back for a False Trail mark if, several hundred metres later, they were going to end up back in the same place!

At the next intersection, the trail turned right and then did a left and a right turn at the next two intersections and the two FRBs, having missed the little loop to the north back at the last Check, were well clear of the pack when they found the next Check as they ran

downhill along Maggin St.

Iron Maiden got there first and continued straight ahead but signalled that he had found a ‘8’ shortly before reaching Moe Kaung Road. So the GM doubled back a short distance

and turned down the parallel Zaburit St. and then took a right turn at the end of it so as to head downhill to Moe Kaung Road himself.

He half expected to see the pack chasing him because those who were a longish way

behind would have been able to see him as they navigated the previous left and right turns and so could have taken a useful shortcut. However, it appears that any SCBs were far

enough behind not to be able to catch up with the two FRBs and so, reunited again, they continued north along Moe Kaung Road and crossed the street just prior to reaching the large, eponymously named pagoda and entered a concreted alleyway. They then followed

shreddie around a few twists and turns heading vaguely eastward until they turned right and headed south for about 100-m and then found a Check at a T-junction. They both felt that the trail was most likely to go left at this point but a little over 100-m later they

found something that looked suspiciously like a cross. What was more surprising is that they also found Square Root ahead of them but how he got there is beyond the ken of the

GM because he and Iron Maiden had been well ahead of the pack ever since the Beer

Stop. The GM decided not to worry himself about such trifles and opted to head back a short distance and check another side road where he had also seen shreddie but Iron

Maiden decided to take a chance and keep going, hoping no doubt that the Hares would again have been too clever and that he would therefore stumble back on paper as long as he kept in the right general direction.

Sadly the GM could not find the magic third blob of shreddie but neither did he find an ‘8’ and so got to the point where at the next intersection he looked to his left and could see the pack heading along the marked trail to the Check. By the time that he had turned

around and retreated back to the Check, Rudolf the Flasher was shouting On Back and so

the GM and Square Root followed the pack westwards before diving left down an even narrower pedestrian alleyway about 150-m later.




The GM could hear Rudolf the Flasher frequently calling On On in a loud voice as he ran

ahead down the alley but the sound was echoing so much that, at the next intersection, he could not work out which way to turn. Luckily he chose the correct option and wiggled his way to the right until he eventually caught up with the Hare as he progressed southwards

along Dhamar Yone St., the link road between Moe Kaung and Aung Zaya Road.

At Aung Zaya Road, the Hare, Square Root and the GM ran in splendid isolation, which was somewhat surprising to the GM because the pack was ahead of him when he got the On

Back call at the previous Check. They then continued along Dhamar Yone St. on the far

side of the main road and soon after reaching the end of this road they found Beer Stop Number 2! The problem was that although the Beer Truck was present and correct, the

pack was not! Where had they gone? The GM assumed that they must have missed the left turn into the narrow alleyway because, when he got there, yall the locals at that point were trying to direct him to go straight as if they wanted the foreigners out of their territory

and back on a main road as quickly as possible.

The second Beer Stop turned out to be reasonably lengthy by dint of the fact that half the pack was lost and the half that wasn’t was feeling that some respite from the heat

would not go amiss. But lost or not, the pack gained a member here because Bananalyst showed up much to the GM’s surprise considering she was not present at the Start! It was

a good 10-min later that tired legs were again forced into action and once again the GM

and Iron Maiden (who had obviously decided that discretion was the better part of valour and abandoned his free-running to backtrack and follow the paper to the Beer Stop) led

the pack onward from the 5.7-km mark. The trail restarted by running down a short road to where a wooden shack proudly proclaimed that it was a Police Outpost and here the trail tacked right along a small leafy road that lay parallel to the nearby circular railway line.

At Bauk Htaw Station Road, the trail turned left and shortly afterwards the GM spotted shreddie on his right as if to indicate that the trail might follow a dirt road parallel to the railway line. However, the GM thought that this might just be an ugly ruse and so

continued to the railway crossing where he was expecting to see shreddie laid along the tracks in the direction of the nearby eponymous station. But he was being too clever by

half and shouts of On On came from those who had indeed turned right. A minute later he

found himself following paper and the rest of the pack along the platform of Bauk Htaw Station but anyone expecting a Yangon Hash railway line special was in for a

disappointment because the paper took the pack on a right turn away from the railway lines and along a much easier-to-navigate parallel road for about 100-m.

Turning right onto Pyi Tharyar St. the GM somehow got himself back in FRB position when

others went left and so he was the first to find the paper leading around the left turn at the following junction. He was also the one to be first to find the False Trail mark further along that road! As so often happens on the Hash, the first shall become last, and so he

played catch up as the pack continued ahead and so The Nigerian ended up leading the pack around the next left turn and onward for the next 250-m along Pyi Taw Aye St. At the end of this road, the trail veered right and crossed a wooden bridge over the Khunhnit

Pinlain Creek (that is used, together with another creek further to the north, to drain




Inya Lake when the levels rise too high in the wet season) and so entered into an

overgrown area that marks the northern extremity of a small market garden area. Unfortunately The Nigerian did not follow Rule Number One on the Hash (follow the paper) and merrily continued ahead when there was a clear marking to take a left turn

along an earthen track in the foliage. So the GM resumed FRB duties and guided the pack along an earthen path that twisted in and out of a series of small, dried ponds until he emerged at the far side at a small wooden bridge where he had to remind those following,

like Ryan, of Yangon bridge etiquette (WALK!). The bridge brought the pack back onto a road and so the trail never got to see the glories of the market gardens but instead traversed the quiet streets of the northern parts of Tarmwe Township and so followed

Tharyar Shwe Pyi St. southward to where the Myanmar Brewery has its marketing operation. Even three or four years ago, there was not much of anything along this road but now it is well built up and has its fair share of small factories, etc.

Here the trail turned eastward and headed towards a long, dilapidated, old, multi-storied apartment building, which it skirted to the south and then turned northward so as to come back on itself parallel to the railway line. Shortly thereafter, the GM successfully spotted

the paper that indicated that the trail actually crossed the tracks to the north of Tarmwe Station and so crossed into Thingangyun Township. At this point, although the pack didn’t

realise it, the run was all but over. A run around three sides of a square found the pack heading back towards the railway line again but before reaching it the shreddie trail

indicated a right turn. Heading up this quiet residential street the GM found lots of

nothing. “Shit,” he thought, “maybe the shreddie on the corner was not marking a turn.” So he went back while others stayed put or looked onward even further. The GM followed the only alternative route but there was no paper there either. And so he ran a short distance

parallel to the railway line and then returned to whence he had been when he lost paper. Having done a complete loop he was expecting to see the pack somewhere in the distance after they had found paper in his absence but the pack was nowhere to be seen.

The reason for that was because this was the end point and they were either on the roof of the apartment building outside of which the GM was now standing or they were waiting

off the road until the elevator was available to ferry them up. Sadly, with no Beer Truck

to mark the end point and no shreddie spelling out the words ON IN in two-metre high letters, it was not at all obvious that this was where the trail terminated.

And so, another well-marked trail had come to an end. Well done the Hares.

The Circle

Bit by bit everyone got to the roof where Rudolf the Flasher has a penthouse apartment

with a large terrace all around. Ryan, who made himself useful last week by carrying a damsel’s bicycle down the steps of a railway footbridge, made himself useful again this

week by helping to carry up the beer supplies when the Beer Truck finally arrived.

A nice breeze up at roof level helped people cool down with the help of a few quenching ales until the GM got his shit together and called for a Circle while Marie busied herself doing what she does extremely well – cooking a BBQ! Broobs couldn’t quite help herself and




so, against Hash etiquette, helped herself (if that isn’t an oxymoron) and grabbed a

barbecued leg of chicken to munch on while she observed the ceremonies.

§ First into the Circle were the Hares, Rudolf the Flasher, Jimmy Hendicks and Sew Sew Scandalous who were warmly praised for a well-set trail.

§ There were five Virgins to deflower but some were rather more bashful than others. Joy was a Filipina, who said Howard had made her cum but having been here for four years, she had obviously been playing hard to get; Dale hailed from Oregon and did

something with the Red Cross and was made to cum by Alexa; Carmel was another Filipina, who was also made to cum by Howard, and she worked for Oredoo; Byron was

yet another Filipino who was also made to cum by an obviously busy and now bi-

Howard, and he also worked for Oredoo; and finally there was Catherine who was somewhat reluctant to be in the Circle at all but she revealed that she was a “business consultant,” which could mean almost anything and that Broobs had made

her cum.

§ There were many Returnees but, under the circumstances, only those of great note got a mention: Centrefold returned to the fold after an absence dating from 31 May

2014; One Eyed Trouser Snake last ran on 9 Jan 2016; Ekci and Steve both last Hashed on 13 Nov 2016; Jungle Gymn was last seen on trail on 11 Mar 2017 and Alexa

made it into the list because she last appeared in 2017 on 2nd Dec. The GM was

reminded that he was remiss in missing out Margaret, the better half of Rudolf the Flasher, who last appeared on 21 Oct 2017 but, in the GM’s defence, she had only

done 4 runs and was thus one of those people who had not entered into his radar screen since he generally only remembers those with 5 or more runs as being classified as regular enough to be counted as a Returnee. But she joined the others

to do her penance anyway.

§ It was the last run of Rudolf the Flasher. He just missed out on his half-century and clocked up 47 Runs since 15 Oct 2016 (for a 62% success rate). And if one Hare

drinks … It was also the last run of Venera. She had only done run 11 runs since 21

Jan 2017 but she did spend the majority of that time in Kazakhstan or looking after the brood of Polar Bear and Loofer when she was here. We wish them both well.

§ It was Hinamatsuri or "Girl's Day" in Japan. The customary drink for the festival is shirozake, a sake made from fermented rice. Unfortunately we did not have any

Japanese present, which was just as well because neither did we have any sake. However, we couldn’t let the occasion pass without recognition and so Gigolo Joe was called in as a Japanese look-alike.

§ Bananalyst was charged for being a latecummer. She missed the start of the run and pedalled her bicycle to where she had seen shreddie in the morning and caught the

pack, locked up her bicycle and joined in. Better late than never one presumes.

§ Broobs was charged for eating in the Circle.




Prize giving

§ Following in the tradition of the last couple of weeks, a prize was awarded to a deserving Hasher of the Week. The GM awarded it this week to Loofer and Polar Bear for their selfless devotion to the Hash after missing out on their romantic

Valentine’s Day date without the three kids last week and attending the Hash instead. Well now they can have that romantic date (if they can find enough baby sitters) because they were awarded a free dinner for two at the Park Royal Hotel.

§ Comatose charged Centrefold and The Nigerian because the latter allegedly threw cold water over the former at the first Beer Stop and caused him to fall in a ditch.

WTF?

§ The Nigerian charged Rudolf the Flasher and Comatose added further layers but the GM missed the plot somewhere and all he remembers is that if one Hare drinks, then all Hares drink!

§ It was allegedly time to celebrate the birthday of Multiple Entry.

§ The GM charged One Eyed Trouser Snake for offences against humanity for his abominably, appalling sense of colour coordination and the committing of grievous

visual harm.

§ Comatose was a bit late in waking up and charged Ryan for his offence last week of

helping a damsel in distress.

§ War2 charged all the Walkers for complaining about the length of the run. It was decided that the Hash didn’t have enough beer supplies or mugs for all of them and a

token few were selected on sound scientific principles as being the most representative of their class: Little Boy, Ship for Brains, Howard, Ekci and Steve.

§ Comatose charged her other half, Le Pimp, for not doing the trail because, at that

moment, he was at the 70-km point on the 100-km Trans Lantau Ultra Marathon. Loofer was brought in as a look-alike and Comatose also took a Down Down for the family honour.

Announcements

Little Boy announced that the Hash Ball will be held on 24 March. He is now collecting Hash Fees of K 45,000 per person for dinner and free flow booze. Dress Code is Hash

Formal. More details will be made known as time moves inexorably on.

The On On On

Rudolf the Flasher arranged for Marie to cook up a superb BBQ on his rooftop terrace. She prepared some beautifully marinated meats plus sweet corn (best accompanied by much cold beer). He also presented the Hashers with a free commemorative T-shirt each,

“May you run like a Springbok, roar like a lion and have the strength of a tiger,” summed up the characteristics of the Hares.

Just in case that wasn’t enough, The Friendship was also frequented on the way home!




Future Regional Hash Events:

Interhash 2018 Nadi, Fiji 25 to 27 May 2018 80th Birthday of Mother Hash Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia 14 to 16 Sep 2018 Mekong Indochina Hash XX Nha Trang, Vietnam 21 to 23 Sep 2018

The 1570th Run in Pictures

© Raza Gaha Hasha

Bye, bye from me. See you

in Kazakhstan

… others For some it was easier than for … The Walkers at the Start before they started complaining

NEGST FULL MOON HASH

Friday, 16th March 2018

by Bio Cock

Venue: TBA

Time: 6:45 PM for a 7:00 PM start

Cost: K 15,000 or thereabouts

I wonder what it will be like on the Hash

when I get old?

I’m only here for the cash.




Hash Humour I went to the liquor store on my bicycle on Tuesday

afternoon. I bought a bottle of Jack Daniels and put it in

the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to

myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would

break. So I drank all the Jack Daniels before I cycled

home.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell

off my bicycle seven times on the way home.

21 today! Hares

Food, wonderful food!

Hash mailing list If you would like to be placed on the Hash mailing list for occasional updates of Hash and various other social activities in Yangon, please send e-mails to both:

[email protected] and

[email protected]

Any little candid secrets you’d like to share with the members? Let OnSec know, he’s very discreet.

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