xplore ebook making positive changes

Xplore eBook

Making Positive Changes 1. Plan To Relax by Angelina Eynon 2. Personal Branding by Yu Dan Shi 3. Earning What You Deserve by Diana Ryall 4. Effective Social Networking by Katie Bruton 5. Boots On or Off

by Jill Hannaford 6. You Won’t Know Yourself… Or Will You?

by Claudia Cannone 7. Let Yourself Soar by Joanne Allen

Angelina Eynon Yu Dan Shi Diana Ryall Katie Bruton

Jill Hannaford Claudia Cannone Joanne Allen

© Xplore For Success 2009

TAKING A BREAK – HOLIDAY OR “HURRY DAY” …PLAN TO RELAX By ANGELINA EYNON Senior Associate, Xplore For Success

About The Author

ANGELINA EYNON Senior Associate, Xplore For Success Angelina Eynon is a facilitator and coach with nearly 20 years experience of working in blue chip corporations and professional service firms in both Australia & the United Kingdom. The majority of her career has been in change management and communications consulting in-house in financial services, and more recently in leading international management consultancies (Accenture and PA Consulting).


Telephone: 02 9660 4526 Facsimile: 02 9660 9651 Email: [email protected] Website: www..xplore.net.au …………………………….

With the Christmas/Holiday/New Year period hurtling towards us it’s all too easy to get caught up in the busy-ness and speed. For years I’d say to myself, “I’ll stop over Christmas,” and I would, except my ‘stopping’ would often involve eating and drinking too much and rounds of social busy-ness, cramming in “must-do” visits with family and friends.

Sometimes we’d have two or three visits in a day and arrive home early evening with an over-wrought young child, two equally unhappy parents and flop into a chair thinking, ‘this is not a holiday!’

I had years of coming into mid January/early February, starting work again and feeling like I hadn’t really had a break. I’d also beat myself up and feel disappointed that I’d wasted another holiday – didn’t get those books read I’d wanted to or the scrap-booking project that’s been sitting there for four years! I’d promise myself that the next holiday I had would be a ‘real’ break.

I shared this conundrum with a wonderful mentor and she asked me a great question: ‘What does a ‘real break’ look like for you?’

I was challenged by her question but gave it some thought and came up with some answers, (and these answers, of course, change given the time of year, how busy I am at work, what is happening with my family, etc).

No sooner had I shared some of the answers, however, and I already had great reasons and excuses for why these things could never happen for me: ‘I’m a mum,’ ‘I can’t get babysitting,’ ‘My husband doesn’t like going there,’ etc, etc, (and blah, blah, blah!).

What my mentor then suggested was that I make it simpler: what were the small things over time that would make the whole break great? And also, what would make a great break for everyone else in my family and how could we work it out so that everyone got to do some things they liked and needed.

So my husband and I sat down and discussed the 3-5 things, (for each of us, individually), that we felt were ‘must dos’ to come away feeling that we’d had a great holiday.

For example, for my husband on our last holiday it was:

• Go for at least 3 runs per week • See a movie with you (me) • Take our daughter bike-riding at least once each week • Get to sit and read for at least an hour every day

Mine were:

• Go for a walk alone at least twice a week • Have a dinner out with my husband at least once • Take our daughter to the museum • Read for at least an hour per day • Get a massage

© Xplore For Success


We then talked about how we would support each other so that each of us got what we needed, for example:

• I would organise a babysitter for one night so we could go to dinner and a movie

• My husband would take my daughter riding so that I could read • I’d take my daughter to the park so he could read

I must admit that when the idea of ‘planning’ my holiday was put to me, I was pretty cynical: I am not the most structured of people, I love spontaneity and I love the idea of relaxing on my holidays – which to me seemed to contradict scheduling my holidays, (when so much of my working year is scheduled).

However, my experience of going through this process before holidays has actually given me (and my family) MORE freedom and opportunity to relax during our holidays.

We are all clear about each other’s expectations and we support each other in ensuring we each get the break we need and deserve. We don’t schedule to the day and hour but we do talk about some possible ‘whens’ and ‘hows’ and we check in with each other over the holidays to make sure we’re all on track.

Tips for a great break

• Plan to relax. If you are in the habit of operating in a fast and scheduled way in the workplace, you may find it hard to ‘just relax’ in a healthy and energising way. A holiday plan does not need to be a strict schedule of what you’re doing on which day, it can be as simple as your five bullet points.

• Know your answer to the question: What would make a great break for me? And have a better answer than: Bali or a French Chateau.

• What are the 3-5 must-do things that will make your next break ‘great’ for you? Remember to be realistic and easy on yourself.

• Discuss this with your partner/family/people you are holidaying with. Set up the expectations and understand what others’ expectations are too. There are not too many of us who are accurate mind readers!

• Make agreements on how you can support each other to have a great break. Reciprocity makes the world go around!

• Check in with each other over the course of the holiday. Make sure you are all getting what you need.


WHAT IS YOUR PERSONAL BRANDING STRATEGY? By YU DAN SHI Senior Associate, Xplore For Success

About The Author

YU DAN SHI Senior Associate, Xplore For Success Yu Dan is a highly accomplished leader, coach, trainer, and marketer. She has a strong academic background including MBA, Computer Science and Coaching. This background, combined with Yu Dan's 15-year corporate experience in both Australia and Asia, gives her an insightful and practical understanding of the issues faced by corporate executives and team members at all levels. She speaks both English and Mandarin fluently.



Every great company has a branding strategy before they launch their products into the marketplace. What about you? Do you have a personal branding strategy when you start off your career, look for your next promotion, apply for a new job or transition into a new profession?

Every great brand has its own brand identity. Apple is known for their innovation, Louis Vutton is known for their quality, BMW is known for their precision. What is your brand identity? What are you known for? If you only have 60 seconds to make a great impression in a networking function, what three words would you like people to use to describe you afterwards? And is the impression you are trying to make relevant to your next career step?

For example, if you have been a lawyer for 15 years and you are looking to transition into a Career Consultant position, do you know the difference between these two brand identities? How different and in what way and why? For instance, your previous brand identity could be “highly intellectual and straightforward”, and in your new role although these qualities are still important, the brand identity might become “approachable and empowering”.

Or if you have been a marketing manager for last ten years and want to move up to the Director level, have you analysed what is required for you to get there besides the knowledge and tenure? Have you identified what image and language you should start to adopt so you have a higher likelihood to be promoted? For instance, your previous brand identity could be “creative and hands on”, and the new brand identity could be “strategic and analytical”.

Every classical marketer has been trained to use Brand metrics, 4P strategy and SWOT analysis as a starting point to devise a branding and marketing plan. Let’s have a look how you can use a similar approach to create a personal brand and marketing plan for yourself?

The most basic brand metrics are brand awareness, image and consideration. Brand awareness in other words, means among the targeted groups you have chosen, how well known are you? Brand image represents the brand identity I mentioned previously. One way to test whether what you are trying to portray matches people’s perception is to ask for feedback. Brand consideration tells you the % of people who would consider you for the next job or promotion. Sometimes you might have very high awareness but a very low consideration rate. When that happens, you perhaps either are targeting the wrong group or making wrong impressions.

4P represents product, promotion, place and price. In career planning, you are the product. What is your promotional strategy? There are some great tools available such as the professional network site LinkedIn which can serve as your promotional channel. Place means distribution, besides self-promotion, who else can promote you? Perhaps it is time to look for some people who are willing to support and champion you among their networks. Price is your personal worth. Salary is an obvious way to measure your personal worth.

Sometimes women don’t negotiate salary hard enough as we view the opportunity and learning itself more important. However if you don’t negotiate the right price, then you are underselling yourself and that may create an impression that you are not as marketable. If you are looking for a very steep pay rise, then it



is very important for you to make sure you can speak and present yourself at that level, you might want to do some role plays with more senior people to get a feel first.

For some people, you might reach the stage of your life that you would like to take a career break and look for jobs with less pay and less demands – the same principles apply, you need to adjust your brand image. Otherwise, you will always end up getting higher pay and more demanding roles.

SWOT represents strengths, weakness, opportunity and threats. For every position and profession you are going for, it is important to do a customized SWOT analysis. Let’s explore these one at a time. When you love doing something you are good at, that something becomes your strength. If you are good at something you don’t enjoy, that is just a skill. If you love doing something but you are not very good at it, that is just an interest. Only when interest and skill overlap, does it become your strength. Weakness could mean your skill gap or personal flaws that might prevent you from achieving your potential.

Based on strength-based positive psychology, you will become a more productive and fulfilling person if you are fully aware of your strengths and use them as often as you can. It is a lot easier for human beings to excel at what we are already good at than eliminate our weaknesses. So while being aware of our weaknesses is necessary, you perhaps want to spend at least 80% of your energy in maximizing your strengths.

In addition to the strengths and weaknesses self-assessment, it is equally important to be aware of what external opportunities and threats there are. This awareness will place you in a much more advantageous position in an ever changing marketplace. For example, do you know which industry sectors are booming in the next 12 months? What skills might become less important moving forward? What qualifications and knowledge will be in the most demand in the next 2 years?

Finally, what is your brand value? Is what you are doing now or in the future aligned with your intrinsic value? When we try to strive for goals that are aligned with our real value, not only will we have a higher chance to achieve the goal, but also feel more satisfied and have a higher level of wellbeing both psychologically and physically. By nature, we human beings are goal organisms; it means that we constantly set goals for ourselves. Many people work hard towards their goals, only to realise it is a "Hollow Victory". So before you set off to conquer your next career goal, ask yourself “what is my value? Is this really important to me in both the short-term and the long-term? Am I really doing this for myself?”


EARNING WHAT YOU DESERVE By DIANA RYALL Director, Xplore For Success

About The Author

DIANA RYALL Managing Director, Xplore For Success Diana Ryall was Managing Director at Apple Computer Australia from 1997 to 2001. While holding this position, the company was recognised by Hewitt Associates as 'Employer of the Year'. Diana stepped down from that position at the end of 2001 to expand her involvement in those areas in which she is passionate: inspiring leadership, supportive workplace cultures and the success of women.



There is no doubt that the data shows that women in Australia do not receive the same remuneration as men performing the same role. In fact that difference today is about 17% and research shows this often begins in the first work year. I am not suggesting that earning more and more money is a recipe for happiness but I do believe that all people should be paid at the level of their job and this should not vary by gender. In this article, I will discuss why I believe remuneration varies by gender, why this matters to women, and suggest some ideas of what can be done so that 2010 starts to close that gap for all women in Australia to set the scene for a more inclusive and equal work place. Background We already know that in Australia we have made enormous strides in the education of women over the last 50 years. In fact, women on average achieve better results at school and university. The graduates from our universities are 57% women. They represent the majority of graduates in accounting, finance, law and several other faculties. In these faculties women have been in the majority for over 10 years. Women are still under represented in Engineering, Science and some other faculties and one wonders why. With data like this women should be rising through the ranks in our legal firms, professional services and banks rapidly bringing more diverse perspectives into decision-making and strategic directions. And yet, that is not occurring at more than a snail’s pace. Why does it happen? In their first job, many women are looking for the job and assume that the remuneration they are offered will be fair and equitable. In many cases it is for the first 3 to 5 years at least, however, there is room for negotiation yet many women don’t ask. When offered a package, have the confidence to ask if this is fixed or is there room for negotiation. Don’t forget that a package is made up of more than the base pay; there may be a bonus or other advantages such as training courses, etc. Once in the workplace many women hesitate to raise the issue of remuneration. From the HBR article (“Nice girls don’t ask” – L. Babcock, S. Laschever, M. Gelfund, D. Small) men mention and question remuneration four times as often as women. When pools of funds for increases are limited (which isn’t that always) it is tempting for managers to support the noisy and valued employees more than those who give the message that they are happy with the remuneration. What about the salary freeze? Well most men I have encountered then ask how they could be rewarded in other ways. Some possibilities are training support, additional leave, access to equipment, phone bills, etc.



The other factor that affects remuneration is the assessment of value that an organisation places on your work or outcomes. Does the work that you complete affect the key organisational outcomes and can you confidently articulate how you add value? Who knows what you do and what you have achieved each week, each month and each year? It is up to you to ensure that those around you – not just your manager, are aware of your achievements and how they support the organisation and its goals. This is not a conscious decision by managers and organisations to pay women less; it is just that the squeaky wheel may get more oil! Why does it matter? There are a number of reasons why I believe remuneration matters. This is equally true for men and women, however at this time it is more likely to be women who are paid significantly less. Firstly, we all like to feel that we are treated fairly and that our work is valued within the organisation. If we don’t feel that, we are likely to spend valuable time feeling poorly and this will affect our attitude, our output and the quality of the work we do. After some time of feeling undervalued, you are likely to consider changing to another organisation or doing something entirely different. This can have a detrimental effect on your career or you may find that the same problem arises at the next place of employment. Secondly, you may reduce your career opportunities. When employees are considered for promotion it is reasonable that a manager would assume that the higher paid candidate has more experience or more skills. Therefore, if you have allowed your remuneration to lag behind others of similar experience you are less likely to be seriously considered for the promotion. Thirdly, you may limit the promotion prospects of those that report in to you. If you are paid 17% below another manager who is doing a parallel role, then your team’s remuneration is limited by this gap. Therefore, those in your team with career aspirations may understand that because you are not paid to market their own remuneration is also capped. Fourthly, it has been shown that women are far less established financially and that their standard of living in retirement is likely to be much lower. Thus by allowing a remuneration difference to be in effect for 30 years or more, the superannuation that you may have accrued will be significantly lower than that of an equivalent male. What can you do to change the future for you and for all women in Australia? Firstly, find out what your role is worth in the market place. There are several ways of doing that and they depend on your ability to network and to prioritise your network. You may have friends that are prepared to share at least the general value of their package with you and you can determine if you are at least in the ball park.



However, there will be better sources such as industry associations and recruiting/search firms to establish your worth in the market place. A number of industry groups publish information about base salaries and packages. It is important that you consider both parts of your remuneration. Search firms have a wonderful knowledge of industry sectors, specific organisations and job roles and their respective remuneration plans. Several search firms have commented to me that when they call many women to discuss an opportunity the woman is often too busy ‘in their role’ or ‘currently happy in their role’ and will say goodbye. Compare this with the normal male approach that may also be ‘happy in their role’ and will make the time to meet to discuss the opportunity and use this meeting as an opportunity to find out more of what is happening in the market place. They are then far more ready to have a conversation with their manager about their level of remuneration. Secondly, it is important that your manager understands that remuneration is important to you. This can only be achieved by discussing the subject. Not every conversation needs to be a serious one. However, your manager needs to know your financial security is important and that you expect to be paid to market if you are achieving your performance indicators. When you are given a compliment about a great success you can say ‘thank you’ and then with a smile add a comment about ‘let’s put that in the salary increase file’. Ask your manager what skills you need to focus on to achieve the next level in your career. When offered a promotion, ensure you bring up the question of money and remember it is easier to get the increase before you settle into the job. So often remuneration increases are handled on an incremental system once you are in the job. Also, when you are asked to take on additional responsibility it is reasonable to ask about an increase. Another possibility is an acting position, can you arrange an additional payment for the time you are taking on the additional responsibility. Treat your remuneration as a top-level project. Research the facts, make the case and follow up. Ask your manager - are they confident you are paid to market and that they are focused on equal pay for equal work? Thirdly, if you know you are underpaid and you have had a serious conversation with your manager about this to no avail then it is time to either raise this with a more senior manager or go back to the search firms to seek your next opportunity. If you are offered a new position by another organisation make sure this time you have done the homework and be clear that you would not be moving if the remuneration were not to market. Making the comment that you are currently earning ‘x’ with no suggestion of what you expect is a weak form of communication. Perhaps you could say you wouldn’t consider moving without a 15% increase. If you are offered a promotion in-house or externally make sure that your remuneration takes into account the additional responsibility.



Conclusion Every woman has in my view the responsibility to seek the remuneration that they deserve for the job they do. This is not a ‘nice to do’ but key to the success of the women who follow you and to those around you. As a final comment, money does not make one happy but not being paid what you deserve is bound to make you unhappy.


EFFECTIVE SOCIAL NETWORKING By KATIE BRUTON Senior Associate, Xplore For Success

About The Author

KATIE BRUTON Senior Associate, Xplore For Success Katie Bruton is a freelance marketing consultant with over 10 years experience as a marketer in a variety of industries. Katie started her career at an award winning experiential marketing and events agency in the UK, before moving to Australia and into a marketing manager role for a recruitment group. She now consults to SME’s and is currently working with Xplore, contributing to the business with her wide range of marketing skills.



We all know that we should be maximising the potential of social networks, but how many of us are actually doing it?

More and more people are making decisions and getting information from conversations taking place on social networking sites, online tools that help people connect with others who share similar interests, or with those who are interested in exploring new interests and activities.

Part of the success of social networks can be attributed to the “six degrees of separation'' phenomena that means the distance between any two individuals in terms of direct personal relationships is relatively small.

Sometimes it can be overwhelming and difficult to know where to start. So in the words of Sister Maria... “Let’s start from the very beginning, a very good place to start!” Firstly you need to identify your objectives.

What do you want to get out of social networking? Do you want to network personally or professionally or both? How much time do you want to invest in your social networking?

Think of your social networking profile as an online version of the professional networking you might do offline, like attending a conference or a seminar. You can connect with peers or potential business contacts, while having the advantage of being able to see their connections — which are not always visible in, say, real life or through exchanging business cards.

You will then be able to identify which social networks are relevant to you and your objectives.

Many of the first generation of social networks were about putting your email contact list online and connecting to the contacts of your contacts. LinkedIn is an example of this kind of "friend of a friend" network. The generation that followed these were designed around the idea of sharing — people connect to one other through a shared interest in video (YouTube), or photos (Flickr), or other content (Twitter). Then came the generation of social networking sites that combine the friend-of-a-friend networking with social sharing (Facebook).

So, where to start? How to choose? Wikipedia's list of social networking websites is an excellent free resource, providing up-to-date data on over 100 services that anyone can join. Both personally and professionally there are many networks out there, which in general, fall into two categories:

1. Generalist Social Networking Sites

These larger social networking sites — which include Facebook, LinkedIn etc — attract a wide, more general audience. Each of these communities targets a slightly different demographic, but also includes many sub-groups where people can network around particular interests. Given their popularity, fast growth, and current size, many of your existing or potential contacts may already be actively using these services, making them a good place to start.



2. Niche Audience Social Networking Sites

These social networking sites are designed to attract a niche audience, be it a particular demographic or topic of interest. More and more niche-audience social networks are cropping up. A niche network may appeal to you depending on your personal interests and/or line of work.

Choose wisely. If you don't have the time to invest in a social network, move on. Do your homework before you jump in head first!

Don’t spread yourself too thinly; it may not be necessary to maintain a profile on every single networking site out there. Choose where you really want to develop your network and where you really want to interact with the people who matter the most to you. Spreading attention and energy across a number of sites may result in a diluted presence on each of them rather than a strong presence on one. Focus, it's better to do one site well than to do many sites poorly.

Let’s look at some of the more popular social networking sites/tools out there:

LinkedIn

For professional social networking LinkedIn is the place to be. The key with LinkedIn is to have an up-to-date profile. This is your online resume. Connect with all the people you know personally and professionally and then start to strategically connect with the people they are connected to. Remember always to send a personalised invitation to connect so that people know whom you are and why you want to connect with them.

If you have a particular interest then check to see if there is a group for you to join. If there isn’t, then start one yourself. You’ll soon find yourself connecting with more people that have the same interests as you. Also, search for groups that are relevant to your profession to join.

Blogs

Start a blog, become an expert and use your knowledge. Industry secrets don't exist anymore; if you try and keep them to yourself someone else will trump you. We're operating in a knowledge-based economy. Be the fountain of knowledge, be prolific and people will turn to you, and when they turn to you, you can start relationships with them. If you can't write, podcast it. If you can't talk, make videos out of it.

Figure out whom the key influencers are for whatever it is you’re interested in personally and/or professionally. Read their blogs and leave comments on them regularly. They'll get to know who you are and you can start a two-way conversation.

Twitter

Start a Twitter account and talk about the things that interest you – at work or privately. The more topical the better - it keeps people interested and they'll stay tuned. Follow people on Twitter who talk about things you talk about. Give value and make them glad someone like you took the time to follow them and start a conversation.



Facebook

Some people choose to use Facebook purely for personal networking, others for a mixture of personal and professional networking. There is certainly an argument for using your personal contacts for new opportunities and to widen your network but there are boundaries that should not be crossed. Opening up your personal life to colleagues, potential employers or potential clients can be risky. After all, most people view Facebook as an open book to share photos of wild nights out and relationship meltdowns!

Once you have chosen the sites that you want to build your social network on there are a few things to consider...

Invest time in yourself first. To be able to share what you know with others you need to keep investing in learning and growing. If you lead yourself forward, people will respond and mentor you.

Invest time in your network. While most online social networks cost nothing for you to join, keep in mind that creating a strong online presence on one can require an investment of up to one hour a day, especially in the beginning when you are learning how to use the site, setting up your profile, and making friends. If you're unprepared to make this commitment, you may want to reconsider using these tools.

Keep in mind that there is a fair amount of trial and error with using social networking sites, and you may not see results right away. There is a learning curve; don't expect immediate results for at least three months, whatever your objectives may be. Take the time to build your profile correctly and learn the ropes of what works and what doesn't.

Establish a routine, if you’re not careful you can get easily distracted. This is an easy trap to fall into. If you don't organise your time well, establish a disciplined work routine, or have some specific goals in mind when you visit a social networking site (and particularly if you are managing more than one), you will waste time.

Work in your own time. Don't feel like you need to keep your profile updated every minute or have to add people to your list of friends the moment they ask. Unless your job responsibility is Online Community Manager, you don't need to spend your entire work day on MySpace for example. Set a regular schedule for updating content, 'friending' people, or finding new contacts with similar interests. Use your existing time management systems that work for you, just include social networking into your diary as you would other tasks.

Sometimes, friends come to you, but other times you'll have to do your own outreach to add new friends to your contact list. This is a critical part of the workflow; to reap the benefits of using social networking tools, you need to build your network. That said you want to avoid random or open-ended outreach, which can distract you and waste time. A strategic way to build your network is to use a "friend-of-a-friend" approach.



Think about who will be seeing/reading what you put out there. If you want to be an expert on a particular topic then keep focused on that topic, try not to deviate and stay away from commenting about what you ate for breakfast! If you want to demonstrate your knowledge to potential employers (your online portfolio) then again, make sure you stick to your topic. If you’re doing it for fun then sticking to a particular topic is not necessary. Of course you should always remember to be yourself at all times but be aware that your online profile can be as damaging as it can be rewarding. Keep in mind that the goal is not necessarily to amass a large number of friends, but to build meaningful relationships. The task of approving people as friends shouldn't be viewed a mechanical task of simply clicking a button to add them to your list. It is important to get to know the people in your network. What are their interests? Why did they befriend you or join your group?

So how can your social networks feed back into your organisation in a meaningful way? If you are engaged with what your organisation is doing online then others will follow. If your social network trusts you then they will engage positively in conversations about your organisation too. Take part if your organisation has a blog or other online communication tools, this will build your profile internally and demonstrate your knowledge of your area of expertise.

Listen to what people are saying about your organisation. Discuss it internally if there are areas where you could make improvements or how you can deal with negative comments. Become an advocate for your organisation when you feel it is appropriate to be. If you are always ‘singing their praises’ then people will start to feel as though your comments are not genuine.

Suggest groups that your organisation could be part of to build their brand profile and connect with their audience.

Above all, enjoy social networking. Have fun getting involved with online conversations and making new connections!


BOOTS: ON OR OFF? BY JILL HANNAFORD Senior Associate, Xplore For Success

About The Author

JILL HANNAFORD Senior Associate, Xplore For Success Jill Hannaford is a highly experienced facilitator and communicator who brings unique professional skills and experience to Xplore. Jill has worked for over twenty years in the areas of community planning, consultation and project management and her specialisation and expertise lie in public participation. Through her academic qualifications (BSc and MURP) and broad business experience in town and social planning, Jill has become a leading community engagement and participation practitioner.



GHD, a global multi disciplinary professional services firm has an active Women in GHD Committee. Jill Hannaford in the Chair of the Sydney Women in GHD Committee. Jill is also a Senior Associate with Xplore for Success. Here, Jill shares with us, as a case study, the outcomes of a panel discussion on the question that many women wrestle with at work: “Boots On or Off?” The aim of the session was to explore when panellists have opted to use ‘combat boots’ and how they did this effectively, and when they chose to take a soft approach yet still achieved what was needed? The panellists were:

• Fiona Court, Manager Infrastructure Communications NSW Roads and Traffic Authority

• Megan Motto – CEO, Association of Consulting Engineers, Australia

• Sam Mostyn – Sustainability Consultant and member of multiple Boards.

AFL Commissioner

• Melinda Dodson – Principal Architect with GHD and President of the Australian Institute of Architects.

In every day activity we need to make judgment calls on how we deal with specific situations. Sometimes we need to be assertive and at other times a soft approach can work best. Whether the context of our interaction with others is in person during meetings, over the phone or via email we need to be able to influence others and still build sound relationships. This applies whether we are dealing with a work colleague, an external client or someone from our industry network. When do we want to influence others? We could want to do this when we are dealing with specific project or management tasks, during personal development discussions or negotiations related to pay and benefits, as team leaders or when we are trying to get across our technical ideas to others. Displaying personal leadership and being able to build credibility rather than lose it is critical to influencing others. The discussion by the panel was around the need to be firm and logical and to be authentic. To not become a bully in any circumstance and to be brave, active and ready to take a stand if you need to. Be ready to pull the boots on but don’t make them steel capped!



Some of the key things the panel explored were: Influence When seeking to influence, avoid management speak and jargon, be very careful with the tone of email. If you have a big argument to win, practice, do a dry run. Remember there is a big difference between being confident about your point of view and making someone feel belittled or ridiculed. If the later occurs you will not have influenced. Your most effective influence is your authenticity. Authenticity Be genuine, deliver when you say. Act with integrity and avoid office politics, they have no place in a positive workplace. Have a can do attitude and be true to yourself and that attitude will get you were you want to be without the boots. Distinguish yourself by being authentic. Gender differences A key point the panellists all made was "Remember; men are as different and challenging as women." Too often women act as if they are the outsider; become an insider by expecting to be there. If need be, ask to be treated as an equal, not as e.g. the only woman at the table. When seeking to influence and get the outcome you need, the panellists suggested voice training, not all, but a lot of women need to lower the tone of their voice and in fact have more control of their voice in situations where they need to build or maintain their credibility. Some useful tools instead of the boots So to have influence in the workplace and to be true to yourself without feeling like you have lost control of, or become too emotional during a situation or negotiation, our panellists had some tips; • Be proactive about your career. Take some risks, learn as you go. You don’t

need to be 100% ready for that next role. • Remember to lower the tone of your voice – consider Voice Training – be

assertive, calm and controlled • Consider the power of questioning; a good question can sometimes take the

heat and emotion out of a situation and give you time to think through the direction you want the conversation to go.

• Make logic your friend: do your research. You are more likely to be logical if you are prepared.

• Know your audience and adapt your behaviours to suit them. If you want to influence, use the key message up front and always remember the bottom line.

• Engage people at every opportunity, compliment them on their arguments. • Disarming with respect is the strongest argument we have; there's no place for

bullying

eBook Series 2Making Positive Changes For 2010



And finally, Boots: On Or Off? What did our panellists think? • Boots on as a last resort; • Boots on, deceptively; • Boots are always on, but boots on with aggression is NEVER the right way.

As women we have abilities and qualities to achieve in other ways. • Boots and all; and • Boots off, there are better ways.


YOU WON’T KNOW YOURSELF… OR WILL YOU? By CLAUDIA CANNONE Senior Associate, Xplore For Success

About The Author

CLAUDIA CANNONE Senior Associate, Xplore For Success As an independent facilitator and communications consultant Claudia Cannone brings to Xplore over 15 years experience in Human Resource Development. Claudia's extensive Human Resource expertise was gained in one of Australia's largest banking institutions and has centred on the key effectiveness areas of Human Resource advisory services, Management Consulting and most recently training and facilitation in her key role as National Training Manager Card Services which involved Life Coaching for middle management and executives.



Sitting at my team meeting I hear, “Claudia, you could do a spiel on being a mum and how it feels to have your last ones off to school next year and your journey getting there’, said my very supportive boss, Di Ryall (and no she didn’t make me put that in about her...I’m lucky it’s actually true...but as she would say ‘this isn’t about her it’s about ME...and yes it’s about you’. That is, the women in this world who like me have ridden this rollercoaster of having children. Yes, I said it, rollercoaster and I know you may be thinking of a more descriptive adjective to put in here but as I say to my participants in our Xplore courses, ‘This is a ‘G’ rated program so we’ll just say ‘fantastic’ with a smile, strained in just the slightest way. And now as the guilt sets in about writing this, let me justify myself as I feel of course as a mother I must do. When my son was exactly one year old I found out I was pregnant again. At the time, I was very sick for 3 months and crying for two weeks because I was sick of being sick and couldn’t imagine having to look after two babies who were under two years of age. So off I went to the doctor for my first appointment. Sitting in the surgery I remember trying to feel less guilty about not being able to enjoy this pregnancy. Of course I was grateful that I was pregnant I knew I was – I had many good reasons to be so. That is, I couldn’t fall pregnant for years hence why I didn’t expect to fall pregnant so soon. Also, when my son was born he was rushed to the special care unit as he was black not blue. I wasn’t allowed to hold him, no visitors were allowed as the doctors tried to work out if his traumatic birth had rendered him brain damaged. I had asked the medical staff numerous times to change his lying position and they refused. So after the doctor said he now thought he had suffered brain damage while in the womb I asked him what had to happen for him to believe this wasn’t true. He simply replied, ‘he needs to stop screaming’. So I set to work; I had carpel tunnel in my hands and so constantly dropped everything but I marched into that special care nursery with my husband and said to him, ‘if you don’t move him, I will’. I guess he could see I wasn’t budging this time and he started to do this at which point the Nursing Staff powered in. We explained that we would take full responsibility for this action and we would sign whatever they needed but my son WAS going to be moved onto his tummy. The ‘miracle’ happened half an hour later, that is, my son stopped screaming. The doctor said it was mother’s instinct but I knew it was simple logic, assertiveness and sheer determination. I felt good and a bit angry but most of all relief and for the first time felt what it really meant to be a parent, that is, to use what we know and think, to make the right decisions for them and not to be intimidated by those who are supposed to know more. This lesson was one I was going to have to put into play later on. So sitting in that doctor’s surgery reliving all of this I tried to summon some inner strength to get over this awful sickness and exhaustion.



The doctor jokingly said, ‘Jump up on the bed, we better check there’s not two in there’! I told the doctor that this wasn’t funny at all. He proceeded to get the ultrasound going and I watched him go white as he looked on the screen. ‘Oh God’ I thought, ‘that’s what you get for whingeing, I’ve miscarried’. I had miscarried twice before and I knew the drill, it wasn’t just the process that made me feel hurt it was that I felt so bad at my thoughts of wishing I hadn’t gotten pregnant so soon. Why does mother guilt have to be so heavy? The doctor took a big breath and said ‘well....there are two in there’. OH MY GOODNESS! I thought he is an absolute nut, what a stupid thing to say, was he just EQ intolerant? Well, needless to say, once again I said... ‘That just isn’t funny ok’?’ I had reminded him earlier that my son still hadn’t slept through the night yet and I had only just finished breast feeding AND I was starting a brand new job with Xplore that exact day, so why was he mucking around like this? Truly! Suffice to say my reaction was not one of ‘wow, that’s great’. It was more around...’oh my goodness, if I thought I couldn’t manage with two children under two years of age how on earth could I manage with three?’ I do wish my response was different but again I was being honest with me. I left the doctor’s a bit of a mess actually, but then something kicked in and I felt a surge of strength and pure determination, I could do this! So I kicked into Scarlet O’Hara mode and got organised and excited. I couldn’t believe it as I had always wanted twins and here they were - how lucky was I? I thought it uncanny that I had miscarried a singleton, then miscarried twins and then had a single child and now was having the twins. My obstetrician was going to treat this as a normal pregnancy and yet once again ‘mother’s instinct’ kicked in. So, after defying him I sought people who would help me. If I had obeyed the doctor’s request to ‘leave it alone and stop going overboard’ my children would not be alive today. I had a gut feeling that I needed to do more about these twins who were diagnosed as mono-amniotic. This meant they shared the one sac and this happens in only 1 in 60 000 pregnancies. After finding people who confirmed my suspicions they also confirmed that the twins only had a 50% chance of survival and that it is rare for these twins to survive past 30 weeks. If someone had asked me if my top signature strengths were bravery or love of learning I would have answered, goodness no! However, this is what I love about Martin Seligman’s work on Values in Action, as one of the theories is that you will pull on the strengths you need when you most require them. And I can tell you that I look back and would like to think that I did show bravery to defy that doctor and those around me. Ask me now about twins and I can run off a myriad of facts. So yes, your strengths will come out when you need them. Knowing this about the twins meant the goal changed once again from ‘how am I going to cope with three kids under two’ to “how will I keep these babies alive and deal with the fact that they may not make it?” I needed to keep positive as, after all, I had a 14 month old toddler who needed me as well. So, once again I decided to put in some strategies. I became quite pragmatic and decided that no matter what I would make it



through and I learned a lot about myself during this time. Deep down I decided everything would be ok and I chose a fairly ‘cold’ approach but one necessary at the time. Firstly, I decided to find out if they were girls or boys, my reasoning was that if I was only going to have the chance to get to know them while in the womb I wanted to know them as much as possible during this time. I found out they were beautiful girls. My next strategy (the defence mechanism perhaps) was that I did visualise a beautiful nursery with twin cradles but I also had quietly chosen ’heaven’ names should they not make it, along with choosing the warming flowers that would surround them on the day we said goodbye. I feel lucky because I am often conscious of not wanting to regret important things so I didn’t want to look back on this pregnancy and regret my state of mind in it especially when I needed to feel deep down that they would make it. So whenever asked about being pregnant with twins I would give the beautiful positive response and not let on to strangers what was happening... I believe this ‘fake it till you make it’ and focusing on what you do want, not what you don’t, went a long way to fulfilling my goal of enjoying the pregnancy and staying positive, calm and determined. I went into hospital when I was 27 weeks as my small one wasn’t growing and I was monitored every day to see if they were still alive. On some days the nurse’s couldn’t find both heart beats so I would be rushed to ultrasound only to hear a sigh of relief from the nurses as they quietly wiped away their tears. I was put into the high risk pregnancy ward in hospital for three weeks and during this time I got to know some amazing women with stories of their own. During our ‘party nights’ through shared chocolate biscuits and pretend wine, I realised what a truly exceptional breed we are. I watched these women bond as they laughed together and cried together – sharing caring and supportive words day after day. After three weeks of this, the smaller twin’s heartbeat was very slow. I will never forget the doctor rushing into theatre looking quite anxious while the nurses tried to calm me down while they swiftly prepared me for surgery. How wonderful though as Lily and Lauren were born 10 weeks early however of course with the not uncommon complications of premature bubs. They appeared on a show called Medical Rookies which highlighted the complications. PS. Can you believe I had time to put on lipstick then! Yes it’s been tough - my son has a lazy eye and was diagnosed with auditory processing issues and told he may never read, my daughters were breath holder’s and fainted around 4 times a day until they were four, plus my Lily couldn’t hear properly. Yet you could hear me saying with a big warm smile “well...I have a son who can’t see that well, a daughter who can’t hear that well and my daughters faint around 8 times a day between them but we’re all fine”. Because we were, we were alive and could afford our treatment and so much more. And there it was, my key strategy, I found something to be grateful for everyday...yes I was even grateful that I could afford decent toilet paper! How else could you put up with the mess?!



And now after nearly six years my babies are off to school next year. Oh my goodness.....why am I teary writing this? What’s this emotion really about? Is it just about missing them or is it more than that? The answer is simply yes I will miss them so much and yet a big part of this emotion is attributed to a celebration that we made it, we made it... My goodness it’s been hard and yes full of life’s experiences I would never want to be without and a whole lot I would not wish on anyone except those that think that I should ‘not stress’ (who are these people who say this when you’re stressed the most?). But as the law would have it (not me of course) they need to go to ‘big’ school. Ok...and now the excitement sets in... Oh is that bad I ask myself... is this what all women feel? And yes, you’re nodding I can see, it’s ok you say, it’s ok to want your own time. We know all this rationally and yet some of us still think there should be a part of us that would sacrifice all for these beings. I do have a lot of questions, I also have decided on some answers or things to do that have helped getting through this all encompassing time. I wanted to feel good about being a mum and not let those negative feelings set in. So: Every night before going to bed I think of three things I did well. Not the big things but I start off with my morning and simply go through it slowly thinking of them all and yes before I know it I have 13 things and think “Oh my Goodness, I was a supermum today!’ And yes you were too we just need to acknowledge the things we do every day that are tiny and monotonous and the fact that we still do them. I hug my children, friends and colleagues for a full 7 seconds (Rosie King taught us this at the 2008 Happiness Conference) it releases endorphins and feels just wonderful. I hide chocolate in my cupboard that I WILL NOT share – no, not even with you unless of course it’s too early for a good glass of my dad’s vino! I have no guilt about this – none! Recently, we got stopped at the shops by someone asking if the girls were going to big school and after my reply she told me I wouldn’t know myself. This comment didn’t sit right with me as I feel the opposite, so my reply was....’actually I am going to get to know myself’. I simply realised how ‘giving’ of myself I have been, how engulfed with these gorgeous beings and how....excited I was to have some of ‘me’ back. I have learned a lot about me and yet there’s a lot of the ‘old’ me I want back... I really thought I would be a mess, what would I do, what would be my purpose for all those hours...and then I remembered something the Dalai Lama had said on his last visit to Australia, he was asked ‘what is the meaning of life’? He answered ‘happiness and usefulness’. ‘Simple’, I thought, as I calmed down and thought of the endless possibilities of fulfilling my new added purpose...wow shopping in peace now there’s a purpose! It’s true, even in the shopping department haven’t we at times felt guilty about buying stuff for ourselves, but never for our kids? I am pleased to tell you that in the Emporium Summer 09 magazine it mentions research conducted by Dr Ran



Kivetz at Columbia University who has found that although people sometimes feel guilty straight after buying something, over time that feeling goes away quite quickly! I could do so much... I could:

• Meditate, go on a retreat • Learn something like jewellery making? • Have coffee with girlfriends (in peace) • Read a book about nothing • See a movie that is M rated • Have an adult conversation with a coffee by the pool without interruption • Take a long lunch at the local TAFE where the apprentice chefs are

practicing At Xplore we talk about finding space in our day for the things we love and I am looking forward to doing that in simple, small ways. Oh the list is so long and that‘s the key I think...to have options, be a bit unstructured, to have days that aren’t split hour per hour, minute by minute, to fill the emotional bucket ready to pour out even more love when they get home from kindy. So with my tool box in hand for everyday I then look to the future....wow, what will I do with all that time... the excitement is engulfing. Better go now though, need to iron those uniforms!


LET YOURSELF SOAR By JOANNE ALLEN Senior Associate, Xplore For Success

About The Author

JOANNE ALLEN Senior Associate, Xplore For Success

Joanne Allen has more than twenty years experience enhancing human performance in medium and large organisations across three continents. Joanne is now principal consultant of her own firm specialising in organisation development, facilitation, team dynamics and coaching. Joanne also conducts career resiliency programs as a Senior Associate with Xplore. She finds these programs eminently satisfying working with participants to set goals and draft plans moving lives and careers towards individual definitions of success and achievement.



Close your eyes for a moment. Picture yourself high in the sky, floating directionally but effortlessly in a hot air balloon. Consider what you are hearing? Silence......... and the occasional blast of hot air from the burners into the envelope of the balloon that are keeping you airborne. Think of this if you will as a metaphor for life. Imagine if most of the time you were cocooned in a blanket of quietness, calmness, and peace with only periodic interference from what you needed to keep you safe, alive, satisfied and always moving. How would you feel and what could you achieve? In this day and age, there are more and more demands for our attention. Mobile phones, Blackberry-like devices, i-Pods, playing chauffer to meet the demands of our children’s hectic activity schedules and of course, work, work and more work making it possible to find ourselves drifting from one meaningless, energy-zapping activity to the next without taking stock of what really matters. When did you last take the time to evaluate what consumes your time, energy and thoughts? Are these the things that are really valuable and important to you? Read on for some tips and techniques on how to quieten the constant ‘noise’ that distracts you from what brings you happiness, satisfaction, fulfilment and joy. It’s time to get focused. What Happens When We Focus? When we focus on something, we put this thing at the centre of our conscious attention. This is a purposeful thought process involving a commitment in energy and effort. We consciously reject extraneous stimuli from both internal and external sources of distraction. Consider the act of threading a needle. To successfully thread the cotton through the tiny hole at the end of the needle, everything other than the end of the cotton, the needle and the process of connecting the two must be ignored. If we do not have the ability to focus in this way, then our actions will not result in the outcome we are seeking. To better understand what happens when we focus and ‘think’, it is useful to consider how the brain works. It has long been understood that the left hand side of the brain deals with logical and rational thinking and the right hand side deals with creative, imaginative and intuitive thinking. Often the two sides of our brain do not interact to best effect. The left and rational side can dominate closing down our ability to consider possibilities and the right side can make us act impulsively without assessing consequences and outcomes. Studies have shown that we automatically discount about 90% of incoming information so that we can focus on the 10% that is actually important to us. (Paula Harvey, 2009). The more information that we are bombarded with, the harder it is to identify what these things actually are. Less optimal thinking can occur when the brain is under time pressure or when there are excessive distractions and concentrated attention is difficult to achieve. We lose our ability to focus. If we can minimise the distractions in our life and create opportunity for contemplation and reflection, we can get both sides of the brain working in harmony, and what a powerful result. Greater focus is facilitated by having greater mental clarity. Robert Kokoska (2006) suggests obtaining mental clarity is assisted by taking care of the body by being healthy, rested and in shape so that the mind can function optimally. Secondly he suggests that organisation in our minds and lives by getting control over the mundane aspects with simple schedules as well as de-cluttering is helpful in getting



‘clear-headed’. These are things well within our control to change that can help minimise the distractions impacting on the things in our lives that are most beneficial to us. What to Focus on? When we focus our attention, we are more likely to have the outcome we are seeking. The question to then ask oneself is what should I focus on? The answer to this question will be different for each person. It is useful to take a step back and reflect on what provides personal fulfilment in life, where fulfilment is defined by what gives us gratification, satisfaction, happiness, joy, pleasure and contentment. What motivates you? What makes you appreciate yourself? “All of us need to look inside and be able to like what we see.” (Thomas Lipsitz, 1991) For most of us, the answer to this question will require contemplation and assessment. The author has developed a Fulfilment and Importance Matrix to assist in this process.

To effectively use this matrix, start by making a list of what occupies your time, energy and thoughts. Consider everything from relationships to work to family to routines and every task, activity and thought process in between. Be as specific and detailed as possible. Assess each item on the list in terms of importance to you, defined by your own measure of what constitutes importance at this time in your life. Assign each item on the list a low or high importance rating. Then consider the fulfilment you derive from this relationship, task, routine, thought or activity and similarly capture a rating. Please note that your assessment of importance and fulfilment may change over time and for this reason, be prepared to

Fulfilment and Importance Matrix

(Joanne Allen, 2009)



revisit this Matrix at least on an annual basis or when your personal circumstances or situation changes. Where the item is low importance and low fulfilment ask yourself, why am I spending time, energy and focus on this item? Ask yourself; is there a possibility for me to ‘Dump’ this from my life? In ‘Dumping’, we create greater capacity to focus on the more valuable and rewarding parts of our life. Are you ‘carrying’ friendships that are draining and add no value? Are you working on projects that are unsatisfying and meaningless in terms of meeting your goals and objectives or those of your employer? Is your brain consumed with thoughts and worries over things that may never happen? Identify what these things are that are unnecessarily weighing you down and make a plan to ‘Dump’ them as soon as possible. Where the item is high in importance but low in fulfilment is there an opportunity here to ‘Invest’ resulting in a rise in the fulfilment rating. Clearly, taking out the garbage is very important but not very fulfilling so probably best not to spend time assessing what can make this activity more fulfilling (whistling whilst you work perhaps – after all it worked for the Seven Dwarfs!). However, consider if you had a struggling relationship with an important work colleague that is negatively impacting you and/or your career in some way. This is an example where if you were to make an ‘Investment’ turning this into a more productive and functional relationship, then the fulfilment rating would naturally go up. For items that are not high on importance but provide high levels of fulfilment, here is an opportunity to ‘Enjoy’ the activity, relationship, task etc. Things that are enjoyable give us energy and make us happy. These are naturally good outcomes for the mind and body. Depending on your own definitions, in this category you might consider things like sporting interests, hobbies, creative pursuits and relationships that are appropriate for a point in time and not likely to be enduring. Finally, where the rating of fulfilment and importance are both high here is your chance to ‘Indulge’. This is where you should be focusing most of your time and energy. In this quadrant you may have items such as significant relationships, health and fitness, career, finances, volunteer activities, spiritual life and other pursuits and interests that you are truly committed to. Look for opportunities to do more of the things listed against ‘Indulge’ to help you ‘soar’ in 2010. Remember that this is your assessment of what constitutes importance and fulfilment for you. If others feel inclined to comment on what is in each quadrant, be prepared to thank them politely for their interest, make a change if you think it makes sense but otherwise be resolute. Get Organised Now you have greater clarity about what you need to ‘Dump’, ‘Invest’, ‘Enjoy’ or ‘Indulge’. The next step to quieten the ‘noise’ from those things that distract us from achieving greater fulfilment in life is to make a plan and get organised. As Gabriel J. Adams (2007) says “In order to live the life you choose, there must be structure.

eBookMaking Positive Changes



Your life must have order if you want to succeed.” (For anyone with an understanding of the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, you may guess that the author has a clear Judging preference).

David Allen, author of “Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity” says that we use our minds in the wrong way, concentrating on reminding and remembering rather than taking action. He suggests that if we can get control over the mundane things, this frees up our minds to focus on accomplishing higher level enterprises.

Here are a few ideas from David Allen (no relation to the author by the way) to get you started.

Tame the Paper

Use in-baskets at home for bills/notices etc and work through the tray regularly

Write a Commitment List

Each week write a list of all your commitments for the week, work through them and review the list at the end of the week. Only carry over to the next week what is really important.

Automate, Eliminate, Delegate

Look at what you can have happen automatically (like paying bills), what is on the ‘Dump’ list that has to go and who you can enlist for support.

De-Clutter

Go through the cupboards and surfaces in your home and work environments and be ruthless (I did this recently at my parent’s home and realised that I was holding onto my Uni text books that are 20 years old – pass me the recycling bin bag please!)

Here are a few more ideas from the author to get you thinking.

Schedule in Quiet time

Diarise time in your week where you can take stock of how your week has been and how you are tracking against your ‘Dump, Invest, Enjoy and Indulge’ lists – Think big picture (this is not time to think about how you are going to get that work project completed or how you are going to get the kids sports socks laundered for the next day).

Create SMART goals to achieve the life you want

Visualise the life you want in every area and build small and incremental goals that will move you towards your vision

My old boss used to tell us ‘’what gets measured gets done” so make sure your goals are Specific, Measurable, Attractive, Realistic and Timely

Are You Ready to Cut the Rope?

Now you have some new information and tools to help you focus on things that are of greater value to you. The New Year is upon us. Are you ready to cut the rope and allow your hot air balloon to take flight, enjoying a more fulfilling and meaningful life in 2010?


About Xplore For Success

Xplore is about professionals, their workplace, self-awareness and ultimately about opening the doorway to

personal success.

Today individuals face enormous career challenges. Xplore provides the opportunity to unleash the potential of

each individual through a range of unique programs, relevant workshops and professional coaching developed

specifically for today’s workplace by some of Australia’s most successful and experienced professionals.

These exceptional experiences deliver opportunities for individuals at all levels of professional development to

build and expand their professional and personal skills. Each program covers a wide and specifically relevant

range of topics that are able to recognise and acknowledge the essence of each individual’s professional and

personal development.

Xplore’s leaders bring to these programs an outstanding chance to share their experiences and skills as well as

facilitating the development of each participant’s personal goals and vision.

Xplore offers a distinctive range of programs that challenge, motivate, inspire and educate professionals in the

modern workplace.


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