Writing words that people want to read

All material © Caroline Oubridge

Why are we here?

Today• What to do before you start writing

• The recipe to better writing

• Leave full of confidence and ideas

Your target audience?

Picture them:

• Who are they? – Be specific

• What interests or motivates them?

Before you write anything:

• Who is your writing aimed at?• What’s your point? • How do you want to come across?

YOU NEED TO SORT OUT YOUR BRIEFS!

A brief is:

A summary of:

•WHO aimed at?

•WHAT to say?

•WHY?

•WHEN done by?

•HOW presented?

Title? “Thank you”

Objectives? •To let donors know how their money has been spent•To say thank you and keep people interested •To encourage people to donate again

Target audience(s)?

•People who have given over £20 as a single donation•People who give regularly

Style and length?

Warm, positive and friendly with direct quotes from clients and project workers

4 pages A4

Main points?

•Our gardening projects have gone well•Clients are happy•There’s more we could do•We are developing and getting better all the time•Examples of success

Who else? Project workers and clients – when available?

When by? Easter – so to the printer for March 15th

A brief is:

A good way of staying in control

Writing for busy people

The inverted pyramid:

Bears House Vandalised, Blonde Girl Seen Fleeing A food stealing, furniture wrecking blonde burglar was found snoozing by Three Bears on return home from family walk. Girl chased from house but evaded capture.  

Wolf and Grandmother Killed in Bed Swap DramaGranny was a gonner but Lumberjack saved granddaughter from killer wolf. Cunning lupine who posed as old lady was no match for tree chopper’s axe.

Good writing uses:

• Short sentences

• Active language

• A direct style

• Words the audience will understand

• Clear formats

Long sentences:

If sentences are long and contain too many different points, perhaps because they introduce new ideas before they have properly dealt with the ones they started with, they take more time and attention to read and are likely to lose the reader’s attention.

Short sentences

Are punchy. They make an impression and are easy to follow.

ReadabilityRudolf Flesch (1911-1986)

Sentence lengthUnderstood by

30 words or more 5% of readers

17-19 words 75% of readers

7 words or fewer 95% of readers

Aim for sentences:

• Of different lengths.

• If they are all short. And punchy. It will read like. Being punched.

• Vary sentence length, but aim for average of 15-20 words.

Shorten these sentences

• Same general meaning

• Fewer words

“Over 150 local residents learnt about the hospice from workshops run by the staff. [14 words]

“In the New Year local students will be able to learn more about the support given to families by the hospice.” [21 words]

Shorter sentences

Active language:

• Two ‘voices’ in English: active and passive.

• Everyday conversation = active voice

• It flows better.

• It’s more engaging and is easier to understand

• AND USES FEWER WORDS!

Active v passive language:

Peter watched the television.

The television was watched by Peter.

I heard it through the grapevine.

It was through the grapevine that I heard it.

Active v passive language:

Active = the ‘doer’ before the ‘done’

Peter (the doer) watched (the done) the television.

I (the doer) heard it (the done) through the grapevine.

The riot was stopped by the police.

The mine had to be closed by the authority.

The lecturer was impressed by your essay.

The people on the beach were trapped by the tide.

The pills should be taken twice a day by the patient

The police stopped the riot.

The authority had to close the mine.

Your essay impressed the lecturer.

The tide trapped the people on the beach.

The patient should take the pills twice a day.

Please settle this account within seven days.

Do not smoke on this site.

This account must be settled in seven days.

Smoking is not allowed on this site.

• The passive is useful sometimes.

•To avoid sounding aggressive.

• To avoid blame

• Might just sound better

• But try to make 80 to 90% of your verbs active.

A direct style:• Imagine a visitor is thirsty.

•What would you say to them?

“Would YOU like something to drink?”NOT “Would THE VISITOR like something to drink?”

A direct style:

The hospice has developed a range of services.

We offer a range of services

The hospice aims to improve the lives of people who have a life-limiting or terminal illness

We improve the lives of people who have a life-limiting or terminal illness

Handyman: We need volunteers to help with dirty jobs. This could be tasks like clearing out our cellar, which would involve heavy lifting, as well as gardening. So if you feel you are up to the task and don't mind spiders please contact us.

A direct style:

Use words the audience understands:

• Simple everyday language is:•clear•quicker to understand • includes more people

And nobody likes a clever clogs

Everyday language?

Volunteers participate in orientation and specific training for the area where they help out.

Show don’t tell

• DON’T describe what you do• Allow your reader to experience it

Examples, feelings, expertise,

outcomes

This Christmas think of sewermenWho tremble in dismayWhen grease from goose and fatted fowlIs idly poured awayIt clogs the drains of LondonAnd it must be scraped away. (chorus)Put your fat in the rubbish in a binThrow it all inPut your fat in the rubbish in a bin

We work with people who live in disadvantaged areas. We help them to tackle some of the problems that undermine the quality of their lives, issues such as crime, drugs, unemployment, anti-social behaviour and educational under-achievement.

“I’d been using drugs since I was 12 and really couldn’t see a way out. CUP have helped me to think things through. It hasn’t been easy, but through them I’ve got coaching qualifications that show I can work hard and get somewhere.”

Capture the details – events

“We held a great event”

Capture the details

“I learnt some really useful new skills”

Alan – care worker

“It’s helped me to work out what to do next” Susi - jobseeker

Capture the details

“These are the groups of people that used our services”

Capturing the details

Jim lost his arm three years ago. “This service has helped me to….”

Capture what you do

• Photos• Opinions• Case studies• Interviews• How to….

Editing

• A different skill to writing• It is difficult to edit as you go• Put things aside, cool your

brain

Editing

• Go back to the brief• Sentence length?• Active, direct, everyday

language?

• Cut don’t add!

Before:The centre provides a venue for children to enjoy time and space in a location by both the seaside and the surrounding countryside.

After:At the centre children can enjoy the seaside and surrounding countryside.

Talk to yourself

• Read out loud – clunkiness will leap out

• Ask yourself “what do I mean by that?”

• If you don’t know nobody else will

Use clear formats

• Use lists and bullet points

• Short paragraphs

• Bite-sized is best.

Lists of three

• This, that and the other

• The good, the bad and the ugly

• Short, fat, hairy legs

• I came, I saw, I conquered

• Location, location, location

• Three bears, three little pigs, three blind mice

The process of writing

• Frustration• Doubt• Despair

Are ALL normal

Always go back to your brief

Action points

• What are you going to do differently?

• Three things?