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WORKSHOP ON BUILDING RAPPORT

BRUCE BONNETT I. What is “rapport”? “Rapport: the operator/client relationship, in which the client has faith and confidence in the operator, and the operator has concern for the client.” https://hypnosis.edu/glossary/r “Rapport is about the ability to relate to others and develop a trusting and understanding relationship. It is about being in “sync” being on the same “wavelength” as the person you are talking with.” https://www.bartleby.com/essay/essay-1The-building-of-rapport-is-often-FKC9Y66JTC “Put simply, rapport means getting on well with somebody. We often say that rapport is when two people “are on the same wavelength.” It is the key to any effective communication and when it comes to therapy, good rapport is essential.” http://www.selfhypnosis.com/rapport/ II. Why is rapport important? “strong rapport built with a client is the key to a successful and positive outcome. For hypnotherapy to be successful the client needs to recognize that you are honest, kind and caring and will then grow to trust you, relax and have the ability to build a good rapport. This will allow the therapist access to the subconscious.” https://www.bartleby.com/essay/essay-1The-building-of-rapport-is-often-FKC9Y66JTC “If you find that some of what your hypnotherapist says objectionable, then this will tend to keep your conscious mind more active than it would otherwise be. You then start to filter the messages that are trying to be delivered to your subconscious and this can reduce the effectiveness of the session. In addition, if

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the hypnotherapist doesn’t have good listening skills then he or she may miss vital clues about your core values and may use a one size fits all approach.” https://www.hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk/hypnotherapist-articles/rapport-with-your-hypnotherapist “the probability of a script being accepted by the client’s subconscious and conscious mind usually increases proportionally to the efforts the practitioner puts into factors like. . . rapport. . . [I]f there is no rapport between the client and the themselves – even the best session may fail to bring the desired outcome.” http://www.hypnotherapy.co.za/nonvoc/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/July-2013-AHA-Claudia-p20.pdf III. How to build rapport A. Listen and make client feel comfortable “Looking someone in the eye and truly listening to them is extremely effective. People know when you are listening and when you are not. When you make someone feel comfortable, you can then ask them questions about their life. You can join in their beliefs systems and talk about your mutual views of the world. By doing so, you build better bonds with them.” http://www.selfhypnosis.com/rapport/ B. Unconscious Communication “Hypnosis and rapport are about communication with the unconscious mind. When you show a person’s unconscious mind that you understand it – the unconscious responds very favorably. One of the ways to communicate this message of understanding to the unconscious is to communicate outside of your client or subject’s conscious awareness. A good example of something that goes on outside of a person’s awareness is breathing. So, if you send a message to the unconscious that you’re paying attention to this unconscious process (breathing), the unconscious mind begins to listen closely and feel as if you are its friend. Gesturing, other body movements and tonality are typically unconscious and are also important in generating rapport. If a person comes to you with a desire

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to stop smoking, and smoking helps them to relax, you need to be able to create a post hypnotic suggestion which will help them relax without the cigarette. The more you say the word “relax” just the way they said it to you, the more powerful the suggestion will be. . . If they point to their heart when they mention the word courage, point to your heart when you speak about that same thing. Yes, you can also generate rapport with your language and tonality. If your client is describing a feeling, and describes it as “yucky,” when you mention that feeling back to them make sure you use the phrase “yucky” with the same tone of voice and inflection.” http://www.hypnosis101.com/nlp/rapport/instant-rapport/ C. Pacing and Leading; Matching and Mirroring “The most frequently promoted technique for establishing rapport is known as pacing and leading. It refers to observing aspects of a person’s body language and emulating it in a subtle manner. At first, you follow – that’s the pacing part of the equation. Once you have got into a kind of dance, where you’re both making pretty much the same movements, then you start to initiate movements that will lead to relaxation and feelings of comfort, like settling back in the chair, for instance. That’s the leading part of it.” http://www.selfhypnosis.com/rapport/

“Another way to improve rapport is to know how to use Matching and Mirroring. This is a technique that when done correctly, will help your subject feel more comfortable very quickly Matching and Mirroring is when you mimic the actions, body language, hand gestures and signals to create an unconscious connection with another person. This needs to happen on an unconscious level for it to work. Once a person realizes on a conscious level that you are mirroring them it can cause them to feel annoyed and uncomfortable around you. They may even feel that you are making fun of them.” http://conversational-hypnosis.com/articles/a6.html

Bruce’s note: There is not uniform opinion about whether “mirroring” and “matching” a client’s body language, etc. is productive.

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Some believe studies do not prove the effectiveness of such techniques and that focusing on them diverts attention from listening closely to the client. See: https://www.adam-eason.com/do-we-need-matching-and-mirroring-for-effective-rapport-in-hypnotherapy-sessions/ “I very much lean towards the idea that matching and mirroring is no more effective at building rapport than simply being an open, genuine and well socialised human being. Since becoming a student, I have worked on this several times in several situations. I tend to find that as I am trying to match and mirror it is sometimes detrimental to rapport because I am so busy doing this that I actually fail to pay attention to the meaning that the speaker is communicating with me regardless of whether i hear the words. In this respect, I feel that the speaker might perceive me as being disengaged or disinterested. However, when I let myself go naturally… well I seem to be able to create rapport quite easily. . . I think establishing balance is the key. If it feels unnatural, it will look unnatural.” https://www.adam-eason.com/do-we-need-matching-and-mirroring-for-effective-rapport-in-hypnotherapy-sessions/ D. Enter the client’s world “Whenever you want to connect with somebody . . . The simplest approach is to talk about the interests and experiences of the person you are talking with, even if you don’t share them. Utilizing the interests of the person you are talking with is an easy and very powerful way of getting them interested in the conversation you are having with them. The late, great Milton Erickson, perhaps the greatest clinical hypnotherapist of all time, emphasized the vital need to enter the client’s world and not inflict psycho-babble on them. In order to influence and heal them, you need to learn – and utilize – their language, their perspectives, and their understanding, rather than drag them into your way of thinking or seeing. For example, a smoker who is prone to angry outbursts could be led to direct their anger towards the cigarettes. To a computer programmer with a phobia, I might talk about the need for some new software to replace the old.

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To someone who was into hang gliding, I might speak about rising above and beyond anxiety until it was barely visible.” https://www.unk.com/blog/build-rappport-with-difficult-clients/ E. Disclose some personal information about you and find commonalities “Search for Commonalities This is a brilliant rapport builder and one I frequently used when I was in sales (in a highly ethical manner of course). It works best when you are in the other persons environment and you can look for signs of things or interests they like that you also like.” https://www.adaringadventure.com/10-ways-to-build-rapid-rapport/ “Disclosing personal information is also another way to build rapport. But be careful with this one. Too much disclosure, done too early and for the wrong reasons can easily backfire.” https://www.mastersincounseling.org/how-to-build-rapport-with-clients.html “One way to develop this trust indirectly is for you to share personal experiences in an informal and friendly way, this builds rapport. It is unwise to share information about any personal problems that you may have as this will reduce your patient’s confidence in you. However, you can share personal strategies or resources used to overcome a problem.” https://britishhypnosisresearch.com/developing-trust-in-hypnotherapy/ “Therapists often disagree on what amount of self-disclosure is appropriate. As with most aspects of counseling, there is no clear-cut “right” or “wrong.” As a therapist, you will need to evaluate for yourself the pros and cons to decide how much of it to integrate into your practice. To aid in that decision, I have created a pro/con list for you: Pro. Self-disclosure can help to reduce the power differential between you and the client.

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Con. The client may become too comfortable with you and begin to view you as a friend instead of a professional helper. Pro. Self-disclosure can increase trust in the counseling relationship. Con. Poorly timed or executed self-disclosure can increase distrust. The client may question your motives, or see you as getting too involved. Pro. The client may feel less alone, knowing the helper has the same issue. Con. The client may feel that helper is impaired. Pro. The client may feel more understood, knowing the therapist has similar experience. Con. The client may feel that the therapist is not listening, that they are more focused on their own issues than those of the client. If you do decide to self-disclose, be brief. Say what you need to in the most concise manner possible, limiting the details of your disclosure to what is most likely to benefit the client.” https://www.mastersincounseling.org/self-disclosure-what-you-need-to-know.html F. Without revealing identifying information, talk about clients you have helped with similar issues – or research you have reviewed about similar issues See: Research Articles AHA Articles Libraries The AHA Online Media Libraries are for AHA Members Only.

Research Articles

https://hypnosis.edu/aha/articles/

1. Academic Performance and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

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2. Addictions and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

3. Agoraphobia and Social Phobia/Panic Attacks and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

4. Allergies and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

5. Alzheimer’s Disease/Dementia and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

6. Anti-Aging and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

7. Arthritis and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

8. Asthma and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

9. Auto-Immune Disorders and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

10. Bedwetting and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

11. Blood Pressure (Hypertension) and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

12. Bruxism (Teeth Grinding/Jaw Clenching) and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

13. Burns and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

14. Cancer and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

15. Cataracts and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

16. Claustrophobia and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

17. Control of Bleeding and Hemophilia and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

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18. Diabetes and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

19. Erectile Dysfunction and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

20. Fear of Dentist and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

21. Fear of Injections and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

22. Fear of Swallowing/Choking and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

23. Fertility, Childbirth and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

24. Fibromyalgia and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

25. Glaucoma and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

26. Guided Imagery Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

27. Headaches and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

28. Healing and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

29. HIV/AIDS and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

30. HPV (Human Papillomavirus) and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

31. Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

32. Multiple Sclerosis and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

33. Mutism and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

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34. Pain and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

35. Parkinson’s Disease and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

36. Pathological Gambling and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

37. Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

38. Plastic Surgery and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

39. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

40. Psychogenic Vomiting and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

41. Recall/False Memory and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

42. Sleep Problems and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

43. Smoking Cessation and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

44. Sports Performance and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

45. Stress and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

46. Strokes and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

47. Stuttering and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

48. Tinnitus and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

49. Tourette’s Syndrome/Tics and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

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50. Trichotillomania and Hypnosis Production Date: Tue, Jan 2, 2018

IV. How NOT to build rapport “. . .common mistakes when building rapport. . . . Trying Too Hard a common mistake people make is trying too hard using the same method that has worked for others. This sends signals out that you’re desperate which will make the subject feel under pressure or uneasy. Differentiating ‘Deep Rapport’ With ‘Wide Rapport’ Most people will try and establish what is called ‘deep rapport’ with who they’re speaking to. They will try to magnify a shared experience for example, a love for fast cars. Many hours could be spent speaking to them about this, but this isn’t a good thing because the experience is confined to only that. This is where ‘wide rapport’ comes in. It’s a method of giving your subject different experiences of yourself in various environments. Lack of Genuine Interest One of the most important parts of building rapport is sensing what your subject is feeling. In order to do that, you need to pay close attention and have a genuine interest for what he’s saying and doing. I can’t stress how important this is because once you have real interest, your entire body language changes. Your pupil dilation changes, your level of focus increases, your body movements are different and you begin to communicate at a subconscious level.” https://www.hypnosisunlocked.com/the-5-most-common-mistakes-when-building-rapport/ Example of trying too hard: [Kinde?]

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“Presidential candidate Ted Cruz was in the gym where they filmed much of the movie ‘Hoosiers,’ and he was referring to the scene where coach Norman Dale has his players use a tape measure to show that the rim is the same height in Indianapolis as it was in little ol’ Hickory. ‘The amazing thing is,’ Cruz said, ‘that basketball ring in Indiana, it’s the same height as it is in New York City and every other place in this country.’ Basketball ring. He called it a basketball ring. It’s hard to know exactly where ‘basketball ring’ falls in the list of awkward sports talk by politicians. At first glance, it seems like THE most awkward because, honestly, nobody on planet earth has ever referred to a ‘basketball ring’. Put it this way: My 14-year-old daughter laughed, and she actively loathes sports.” https://sportsworld.nbcsports.com/ted-cruz-basketball-rings/ “A word of warning though, don’t pretend you’re into bungee jumping if you get vertigo climbing into a Hummer, or that you’re a vegetarian with half a hamburger stuck to your front teeth, because people have a much stronger innate sense of being bullshitted than you may imagine.” https://www.adaringadventure.com/10-ways-to-build-rapid-rapport/ V. Humor? (if used correctly) Building Rapport with Humor “Humor is perhaps the saving grace of civilization. I think we’ve all had the experience of being in a tense situation where a joke has suddenly changed the mood or having someone in our lives we disliked intensely – until they made us laugh and we suddenly saw them as human beings instead of simply obstacles or enemies. Humor is one of the most powerful tools we have in our arsenal of communication, because it is the easiest and most effective way to build a rapport with someone. Three Steps to Rapport

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Humor has a variety of functions when we’re seeking to make a connection with someone. We use jokes and humorous remarks in three basic ways in order to establish rapport: 1. To Demonstrate Understanding. We often use humor in order to show someone or a group of people that we are aware of the situation. When you’re put in charge of unhappy employees, for example, a joke can often show them that you know how bad the circumstances are, but that you’re all in the same boat. Or a joke can sometimes demonstrate that you understand someone else’s situation in a non-threatening manner. 2. To Humanize. Often when we don’t know each other, being on opposite sides of an issue or situation makes us view the other person as some sort of horrible robot. This is both an instinctive animal reaction to perceived threats and a defense mechanism that allows us to be hard-hearted to our enemies. A joke can force people to see you as a person, someone who deserves empathy. Politicians use humor in this manner all the time! 3. To Defuse Tension. Even if you don’t have animosity towards the other person, often in a tense situation tempers flare. Humor can take a tense situation and turn it around instantly. If you’ve ever found yourself about to get into a fistfight, you know that atmosphere of dread and tension – and perhaps you’ve also experienced that sudden release when someone makes a funny remark about what’s happening – and suddenly a fight seems impossible where just moments before it seemed inevitable. Humor is a powerful tool, but it’s like a tool with no instruction manual. Sometimes the hardest part is not in knowing when to use humor, but how in the world to be funny!” https://www.onehourtranslation.com/translation/blog/building-rapport-humour

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VI. Rapport Building Script from Harvard Scale Harvard Group Scale of Hypnotic Susceptibility1 , Form A Rapport-Building

Before we begin the hypnosis part of the experiment I'd like to take just a couple of minutes to introduce ourselves to you, talk some more about hypnosis and the research project.

First, let us introduce ourselves. I'm John Kihlstrom, a professor in the Department of Psychology, and it's my laboratory that does this research. In the rear of the room are some other people involved in the laboratory -- you might be working with one or more of them later in the semester: from my left to my right [name individuals].

I'm sure that all of you have had some contact with hypnosis at some point in your lives. You may have been hypnotized yourself or know someone who has. Certainly, you've read about it, or seen it in the movies. We are interested in hypnosis as a means of studying basic psychological processes -- how people perceive, think, and remember; the relations between behavior and experience, and between personality and social processes.

As I'm sure you know, hypnosis has a number of clinical applications as well. It's often used by physicians and dentists to help control pain, by psychotherapists to help people relax and free up the flow of ideas and memories. We hope that by finding out more about hypnosis, what it can do and what it can't, who can be hypnotized and who can't, we can help clinicians to use hypnosis more appropriately and effectively in their practice. But we are strictly a research outfit, and don't do any therapeutic work ourselves.

Probably the single most important thing about hypnosis is that it reflects an ability that people have. Hypnosis is a skilled activity, very much like playing the piano or tennis. What that means is that probably everyone can experience hypnosis to at least some degree, with practice. But some people experience hypnosis quite readily, while others need some practice than others. And even with a great deal of practice, some people can have many experiences, and others only just a few. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle, between these extremes. But the important thing to realize is that hypnosis is an ability, a capacity, that normal people have.

Because of this fact, the role of the hypnotist is actually very limited. The hypnotist functions as a sort of a coach or tutor, whose role is to assist people to experience hypnosis -- to do something that they're perfectly capable of doing on their own, if only they knew how. It doesn't really take any skill to induce hypnosis. Of course, it takes a great deal of skill and training to use hypnosis appropriately in a clinical or research situation, but hypnosis itself is quite simple: the subject does all the work.

The proof of this is the hypnotist you'll be working with today. The voice on the tape you'll hear belongs to the most experienced hypnotist of all time. He's a former Boston radio announcer whose only qualification was that he lived next door to the researchers who developed this procedure. But he's never had any training in hypnosis, and he's never hypnotized anyone in

1 Hypnotic susceptibility measures how easily a person can be hypnotized. Several types of scales are used; however, the most common are the Harvard Group Scale of Hypnotic Susceptibility and the Stanford Hypnotic Susceptibility Scales. The Harvard Group Scale (HGSS), as the name implies, is administered predominantly to large groups of people while the Stanford Hypnotic Susceptibility Scale (SHSS) is administered to individuals.

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person; but by virtue of this tape, which has been use for more than 20 years, literally tens of thousands of people like yourselves have been able to experience hypnosis.

What's going to go on? The tape presents a kind of a "script" for a hypnotic experience. It begins with an induction procedure that asks you to get as comfortable as you can, to relax, focus your eyes on a target, and pay close attention to the voice. Eventually you'll probably close your eyes, and at that point the tape will go on to give you some suggestions for the kinds of experiences that hypnotized people can sometimes have.

What we'd like you to do is to take each suggestion, work with it, and see what happens. Some of you will experience many of the things that are suggested, others will experience only just a few, and most of you will fall somewhere inbetween. We are interested in the entire range of response to hypnosis -- we're are as interested in people who experience lots of the suggestions as we are in those who don't experience much of anything. So just concentrate on having the experiences. Don't push an experience that isn't happening, but don't hold back on it either. Just let things happen as they happen, because we're interested in whatever you experience.

Let me say something more about the purpose of this experiment. We sometimes call hypnosis a "special state of consciousness", but it isn't really all that different from certain experiences that each of you have had in the ordinary course of everyday living. Hypnosis is a lot like those occasions when you're reading a book or watching a movie, and you get really absorbed in what is going on, perhaps you identify with one of the characters and feel what they feel. You're not paying too much attention to other things that are going on, so that they don't distract you from the imaginative experience that you're having. Hypnosis is largely a matter of focusing your attention on one particular thing, to the exclusion of everything else. In these studies, we are interested in determining how hypnosis related to other instances in everyday life where attention is intensely focused in this manner.

Finally, let me say again that we don't use hypnosis as a tool for changing people. In fact, hypnosis is a particularly bad technique for controlling behavior and changing people. People can't be hypnotized against their will, and even if they're deeply hypnotized they can't be led through suggestion to do things, and experience things, that they don't want to. It goes without saying that we won't be asking you any personal questions while you're hypnotized -- we're not going to be prying into your deepest, darkest secrets. And we won't ask you to do anything that might embarrass you -- we won't ask you to run around like a chicken or anything like that.

But at a somewhat different level, we want you to be assured that you'll leave the experimental session the same person as you were when you arrived. You won't have any fewer problems or hangups than you did before -- but you won't have any more, either. You'll be somewhat richer for the experience -- you'll be better informed about hypnosis, and you'll have three points toward your extra credit, but I'm sorry to say that if you couldn't play the piano before you came in, you won't be able to play like Rubenstein after you leave.

We'll have a chance to talk more about hypnosis after you've had a chance to try it. But before we begin the next phase, I'd be pleased to address any questions that any of you might have about hypnosis, the laboratory, or the experiment. Anything at all? [Answer all questions before proceeding.]

All right, you'll be having your eyes closed for some time during the hypnosis. For that reason, we suggested that those of you who wear contact lenses might want to remove them before the session. If you wish to remove your lenses, but haven't already done so, this is the time to do it. If you forgot your case, and they're hard lenses, we have some tissues here that you can wrap them up in. We also have some wetting solution that you can use to get them back in. If you

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should leave your lenses in, and for any reason they get uncomfortable, just open your eyes, blink to wet them a little, and then close your eyes and go back into hypnosis. This won't detract from the experiment in any way.

One thing that really gets in the way is chewing gum. It is very hard to concentrate on being hypnotized when you're trying to remember where your gum was last time you noticed it. For that reason, we ask -- actually, we insist -- that you dispose of your gum for the rest of the experiment. Again, we have some tissues that you can use if you need them.

All set? All right, you won't be doing any writing during the tape, so you can put your materials down on the floor where they won't get in the way. Make yourselves comfortable -- but not too comfortable. The tape will talk to you for a while before it gets down to business. https://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~jfkihlstrom/PDFfiles/Hypnotizability/Rapport.pdf

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KEEP PRACTICING!

If Bruce sees you are not using the practice time in this workshop to practice, he will assume you have mastered all of the techniques in this handout. So, do not be surprised if Bruce then calls you up to the front of the class and asks you to demonstrate to the class one of these techniques!!!

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APPENDIX: MORE EXAMPLES OF BRUCE’S CLIENTS CLIENT RAPPORT APPROACH Does standup comedy Use standup comedy video clips

on YouTube in session Fertility/trying to achieve pregnancy

Talk about other clients helped with same issue

Artists Talk about father (artist) and other artist clients and Janet Echelman YouTube talk

Studying for exam All the exams Bruce has taken and passed; other clients he helped with exams and studying

Wants to proofread documents better for work

Funny story about Bruce’s promotional “give a way” that said “hypnotherapist”

Client works for movie studio Talk about recent films Client wants to overcome jetlag Talk about flights to and from

Tokyo Client mentions her dog Talk about Bruce’s dog