WINNING WAYS

SPEECH & LANGUAGE THERAPY IN PRACTICE WINTER 201124

to have said, “There is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing choices.” I thought of this the other day when I got totally soaked by cold rain and hailstones when out on a summer walk!

We play so many roles in life: woman / man, sister / brother, worker, colleague, driver, friend. Choosing to be friendly, loving, compassionate in any given situation makes such a difference. Not many people get out of bed in the morning planning to be a wretch but many do retire having been a bit of a moody misery. That mismatch comes from being reactive to the day. PowerMorning Questions (Spring 08 issue) help you to be proactive and decide in advance that, no matter what happens, how you are going to be through it all is 100 per cent up to you.

The Authenticy key is really an essential part of life’s journey. Be yourself, and get beyond behaving as if the only thing that matters is what other people are thinking about you. Abraham Maslow asks us to “Be independent of the good opinion of others.” It sounds impossible, but is an aspiration worth pursuing. It is a great relief to know someone is as they seem, and that they can be trusted no matter what. It is also freeing, as it encompasses honesty and integrity. If you never lie, you never need to remember what you said - a brilliant thing as the years roll on!

The Action key in the end is vital. We can think and think all day long but - until we make that phone call, start that project, get into that wardrobe - nothing will change. And if nothing changes, nothing changes.

It is generally accepted that transitions cause stress. Transitions can be any event or non-event that results in changed relationships, routines, assumptions or roles. Awareness that one is either moving into, moving out of, or moving through a transition can be helpful in reducing the stress of it. Everyone has coping strategies for these journeys, some helpful and effective and some not. We need a twin-pronged approach: action and emotional acceptance.

Sometimes the ‘pull yourself together and move on’ approach is what is required and sometimes ‘tea and comfort’ is the right one.

One of the things I used to hate was saying goodbye. I can still be deeply touched when witnessing farewells

on screen, in airports or at railways stations. In equal proportion, I love greetings, welcomings and new beginnings.

Change means embracing beginnings and endings. With this in mind, I embarked on my final article for Speech and language Therapy in Practice, this wonderful periodical, so full of heart, wisdom, compassion, challenge and learning. In doing so, I have been looking back on the topics Winning Ways has tackled, and remembering the therapists I have worked with.

I started off with the basic idea of Life Coaching at a time when it was a fairly new phenomenon, talking about ‘work / life balance’. This was soon to morph into ‘life balance’, which makes far more sense, as it is crazy to think about ‘work’ and ‘life’ as if they are separate entities. Whatever is happening at the moment is our life. There isn’t another one parked alongside waiting for us to live it, just as there isn’t another planet parked alongside to hop onto when this one is spoiled. Over the years I have come to realise that, if we don’t use our own life, other people will - and then we feel used and unappreciated. Stepping up to the plate is part of the courage and challenge of living.

Then there was the series themed with the Keys for Effective Living. I still use these often:

• Awareness• Attitude• Authenticity• Action.These keys encompass so much of what we

need to tackle life’s daily challenges. Without Awareness there can be no growth. So much of how we interact with and deal with others is down to our conditioning. Awareness calls us to notice our conditioning - and we are then in a position to accept or reject it. What rules from our childhood are we still living by? What upset that occurred years ago are we still allowing to impact on our adult lives? What prejudices and resentments still get to block our joy?

The Attitude we take to any aspect of our lives is reflected in our interactions with others and life in general. Billy Connelly is thought

It is rarely either /or, but a sensible, sensitive and compassionate combination of the two.

During the last eight years, I have lost a sister and gained two daughters-in-law and three grandchildren. My mother has changed from a vibrant, funny octogenarian to a sleepy confused and cared for 96 year old. I have moved house, seen my husband through a double hip replacement, spent a life-changing month in Ethiopia, and had a book published. I have got to grips with social networking and my iPad, employed a personal trainer and bought a big fat hula hoop (for the fun of it and the waist benefits!)

So many changes and transitions. Many I was not even thinking about whilst they were happening. Living in the present moment is probably the best coping strategy there is, with little mantras like ‘This too will pass’ or ‘Whatever happens I can handle it’. We can simply appreciate each day for what it is, a unique moment in time which we will never have again.

Churchill said “History is just one damned thing after another”. Although this is true I always think he sounds a bit irritated by it. If we view events as one extraordinary thing after the other we move through life’s transitions with awe and wonder. That is probably what changes caterpillars into butterflies - and what a fun transition or even transformation that would be.

So this article comes with love to all of you, and with confidence that you will all deal expertly with your transitions. For my part, I have loved the writing and the contact that Winning Ways has generated. I am also immensely grateful to Avril who gave me this opportunity and has painstakingly edited the articles with tact and skill. I know she will miss her ‘baby’, but I also know that she will make a fabulous success of her next incarnation.

Transition timeLife Coach Jo Middlemiss on

From 2003 to 2010, Life Coach Jo Middlemiss generously wrote over 20 articles for the popular ‘Winning Ways’ in Speech & Language Therapy in Practice. As the magazine comes to a close, Jo reflects on the series and on the meaning and opportunities of life’s transitions.

With love,

Jo

Jo Middlemiss is a qualified Life Coach, who offers readers a complimentary half hour coaching session (for the cost only of your call). You can contact Jo on 07803 589959 or see her website www.dreamzwork.co.uk.