when tragedy strikes - finding security in a vulnerable...

When When TTragedyragedyStrikesStrikes

Finding Security In A Vulnerable World

by Tim Jackson

AAre you near a TV?” was the question my wife blurtedout when I picked up the phone. “No,” I responded,

somewhat surprised that I didn’t get the usualupbeat greeting from her. I was working at my desk as Iwould be on any normal Tuesday morning. “Get to one!” sheinsisted. “Two planes have just hit the World Trade Centertowers in New York. They think it might be terrorists!”

Moments later I was huddled around a small TVmonitor in a cramped video editing suite with a few co-workers. We stared in stunned silence as the images of United Flight 175 and American Flight 11 slashing intothe two towers were replayed again and again. As we triedto absorb the enormity of what was happening, the southtower collapsed in a cloud of smoke and rubble. A shorttime later the north tower collapsed into itself. One momentthey were there. Then they were gone, taking with them anunknown number of lives. For the rest of that day andmany more to follow, I was glued to every newscast to learn as much as I could of the fate of those caught in whatcertainly has become one of the most surreal events I have

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© RBC Ministries. All rights reserved.

ever seen. The horrificimages I witnessed areforever etched in mymemory.

The world changed thatday for all of us. And notjust for those in the US.Terrorists served notice on9/11 that there is no placeon earth that is truly safe.If the last remainingsuperpower in the worldcould be hit with such adevastating blow, we’re allvulnerable. As one notedbereavement specialistremarked: “Whether or notwe suffered a personal orperipheral loss, we have all lost something veryvaluable. We have lost our illusion of safety.” 1

When tragedy strikes,safety evaporates. Securityis undermined. Uncertaintyabounds. Fear invades.Human frailty is exposed.Faced with our ownmortality, our vulnerabilitybecomes an impenetrable fog that engulfs the human

heart. But tragedy is not exclusively the result of terrorism. It can strikeunannounced from justabout any direction.

Individual losses of allkinds can change the livesof those who are directlyaffected. But some events by their unexpected andhorrific nature inflicttrauma on wholecommunities.

While I was writing this booklet, I got a phonecall telling me that thehometown in which I hadbeen raised had beenshaken with tragic news.The body of a 26-year-oldniece of a family friend wasfound by fishermen in alocal lake. She’d beenstrangled.

Tragedy strikes thedeepest when it hits wherewe least expect it, rippingapart our sense of securityand shaking us with feelingsof loss and vulnerability.

What are we to think

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and feel when our own lives are touched by eventsof cataclysmic proportions?Will we lose all hope? Orwill we experience, as othershave, that there are ways tosurvive and even grow inthe face of natural disasters,catastrophic accidents, andviolence?

Natural disasters aresudden, destructive eventsresulting in widespread andcatastrophic loss of life andproperty. Events like:• tornadoes ripping

through towns in the US heartland

• mudslides entombing awhole village in CostaRica

• an avalanche burying atown in the Swiss Alps

• torrential flooding inCambodia

• typhoons in Malaysia• wildfires in the

Canadian Rockies• hurricanes in the

Caribbean• volcanic eruptions

in the Philippines• earthquakes in Turkey,

India, and IranCatastrophic

accidents are unexpectedand unintended eventsresulting in injury, loss,and damage. They are oftencaused by negligence ormechanical failures.• automobile accidents• plane crashes• work-related accidents• home fires• drownings

Violent tragedies arethe result of intentionalviolence that targets anindividual or group,such as:• assaults• arson• kidnappings• murders• terrorist attacks• hostage situations• wars• genocide• torture

In spite of all our effortsto make the world a safer

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place for ourselves and our children, it is marked by violence, disasters, andcatastrophes. In 2003 therewere 380 recorded naturaland man-made catastrophesworldwide that claimed thelives of 60,000 people.Sigma, a Swiss firm thatresearches natural andman-made disasters,published figuresdocumenting 2003 as theseventh highest loss of life in over 30 years. TheDecember 2003 earthquakein the Iranian city of Bam,in which 41,000 people were killed, was the mostdevastating—the fourthlargest since 1970.

A flurry of questionsassaults us in the wake ofsuch devastation: What dowe have left when so muchhas been lost? How do wehandle such tragedy? Howcan we survive? How do wefeel? How are we supposedto feel? Will we ever feelsafe again? Will things ever

be normal again? How canwe help each other throughtragic events?

Many of us question howwe would handle facing ourvulnerability in the middleof a disaster. That’s part ofthe attraction to films likeTitanic.

Titanic remains thelargest-grossing movie of alltime, partly because it’s atragic love story set duringa well-known disaster at seathat had both internationalsignificance and individualimpact. That’s true of alltragic events. We see themas huge events, bigger thanlife. But cataclysmic earth-shaking events are made upof many smaller, but no lesssignificant, stories of realpeople discovering in themidst of uncertainty whatmatters most for those who remain.

Tragedy has a way ofbringing out the worst andthe best in us. The sameevents that bring looters into

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a devastated neighborhoodbecome the occasion forothers to reach out to helpone another as they neverhave before. How we respondtells a lot about ourselves.

Some CommonCharacteristicsOf Tragic Events

WWhen we think of atragedy, we don’t

think of someonewho has lived a full life and dies in his mid-ninetieswith family and friendssurrounding his deathbed.That’s a painful loss to be sure, but we wouldn’tdescribe it as tragic. It was expected. The outcomewas predictable.

But the loss of life orproperty resulting from ahorrific accident, an act ofviolence, or a naturaldisaster is what we usuallythink of as a tragedy. It wassudden and unexpected.Life was going along so

well, normal by thestandards of most, and then it was abruptlyinterrupted and foreverchanged without warning.

Like a bomb blast in abusy shopping mall or anearthquake that rumbleswildly, the devastation froma disastrous event spreadsout for miles in everydirection.

Joanne Jozefowski has identified some common characteristics ofcatastrophic events that aremore likely to precipitatetraumatic grief reactions.2

As you review this list, thinkback over how many of thesecharacteristics were presentin events that you’ve directlyor indirectly experienced.

They AreUnexpected. They strikeout of the blue, unleashingtheir fury without warning.We feel stunned andshocked, blindsided by asucker-punch that leaves usdazed and disoriented. We

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feel overwhelmed andwoefully unprepared.

They AreUncontrollable. Theevent not only takes us bysurprise, but it is beyondour ability to prevent,change, or manage. We feelpowerless to stop it once it starts and vulnerablebecause we know wecouldn’t have prevented it from happening.

They AreUnimaginable. Thedevastating fallout from atragic event is beyond ourcomprehension. We simplydon’t have a normalcategory for processing whatwe’ve experienced. We see itwith our eyes, but we justcan’t believe it’s reallyhappening. It’s this surrealquality of a tragedy thatleaves us stunned by whatwe previously would havecalled “unthinkable.”

Many people havedescribed watching theevents of 9/11 unfold on

live TV as a surrealexperience. The imagesseemed more like those from an action film than thereal-life horrors of crashingplanes and collapsingbuildings. Thousands ofpeople just like us got up to go to work that morningand never came home.

They AreUnprecedented. Nothinglike this has ever happenedto us personally before. Weoften don’t know what to door how to respond becausewe’ve never faced anythingquite like this. Withoutsomething to compare it to,we often feel lost, strugglingfor direction.

They Leave Us Uncertain AndVulnerable. In theaftermath of a tragedy,life’s fragility is glaringlyapparent. No one fullyunderstands the extensiveand long-term impact atragedy will have on us,our family, our livelihood,

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or our future. We feel torn between hope and fear, despair and disbelief.We don’t want to give uphoping, and yet we’re afraidto allow ourselves to dreamor long for anything oranyone ever again.

One of the long-termeffects of surviving a tragic event is the lingering feeling of our own vulnerability.

For the first 18 days ofOctober 2002, nothing wascertain as a pair of snipersterrorized the areasurrounding Washington,DC. Their deadly shootingspree left 10 people dead,3 critically wounded, andmillions traumatized.The randomness of thevictims (without regard for age, race, or sex), theordinariness of the locations(malls, gas stations, parkinglots, schools), and thedevastating lethal outcomehad everyone looking over their shoulder, not

knowing who would be next.I had a sense of what

those in the communitywere feeling when I heardthat one of the femalevictims had been gunneddown outside of the exactstore where my sister-in-lawhad been shopping just afew hours earlier.

In a world of pronounceddanger and uncertainty, onething is certain—we’re all atrisk. All the gun legislation,homeland security, and hi-tech surveillance equipmentcannot guarantee absolutesecurity against terroristattacks. Effective geologicalresearch cannot prevent adevastating earthquake.Doppler radar and satelliteimaging cannot hold backsurging floodwaters, still ahurricane, or stop a deadlytornado. The issue isn’t ourability to research andpredict potential disasters;it’s our inability to preventand protect ourselves andloved ones from them.

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How Do We ExperienceOur VulnerabilityWhen TragedyStrikes?

II didn’t lose anyone in my family on 9/11,yet I felt stunned

and vulnerable. But LisaBeamer did lose someone.Her husband Todd was oneof the passengers on the ill-fated United Flight 93. Lisadescribes her initial feelingsafter she heard the newsover the TV that Todd’splane had gone down in aPennsylvania field.

I made my way to mybedroom and sat downon the edge of the bed,staring out the window in a near-catatonic state. I didn’t move;I didn’t speak. It was as though time had cometo an abrupt halt, and Ino longer existed. In adesperate, futile attempt

to make sense of it all,my heart and mind hadtemporarily shut down.I was numb. I could seeand hear, yet I simplycontinued to starestraight ahead.3

What Lisa experienced is normal. For someone whohas been blindsided withthe fateful news of a tragicloss or who has survivedgoing through a disaster,confusion and disorientationare normal.

Some of the mostcommon feelings thatassault us in the aftermathof a tragedy are:

Shock. The initial highvoltage jolt of a catastrophesends our whole system intoa natural and necessaryself-protection mode. Shockis a form of emotionalnumbness that sets inimmediately after wewitness, survive, or receivethe news of a tragic event.It’s the emotional circuitbreaker that trips to protect

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us from a massive overloadthat could result in totalshutdown and the inabilityto function.

Shock is experienced asgoing through the motionsbut not feeling fully presentin the moment. Some peopledescribe it as an out-of-bodykind of experience, observingthemselves without beingable to respond. Othersdescribe it as being in slowmotion. They hear and seeothers around them, feel theurgency of the moment, buteverything has drasticallyslowed down. Sounds aremuted and may seemdistant. Every movementfeels agonizingly slow andlabored.

Shock is the body’s firstline of defense against theoverwhelming chaos of atragedy. It’s a short-termemotional disconnect,allowing us time to slowlyabsorb what has happened.But it can’t prevent the hurtforever. The pain returns.

Pain. In spite of all ourbest efforts to prepare for it,nothing can shield us fromthe searing pain that ripsthrough us after a tragedy,especially if we’ve lostsomeone close to us. Ajagged hole has been torn in our hearts.

The anguish, thishemorrhage of the soul,seems unbearable andinescapable because of theunexpected and permanentloss of people and things wehad come to know, love, anddepend on. This agony is acruel irony because there isa direct correlation betweenthe depth of our anguishand the depth of ourattachment to what we’velost. If we love deeply, we’llhurt deeply when we losethose we love. C. M. Parkeswrites, “The pain of grief isjust as much a part of life asthe joy of love; it is, perhaps,the price we pay for love,the cost of commitment.”4

We writhe in pain when

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someone precious to us hasbeen snatched from us. Andthen fear sets in—the fearof living in a world of risk,danger, and uncertainty.

Fear. Fear and panicdescend on those who aredesperately struggling tofind solid footing after beingrocked by a disaster. In thisstage of vulnerability, peoplegrapple with thoughts like:• Am I going to make it

through this?• What am I going to do

without him or her?• Will I ever be able to

work again?• What am I going to tell

my friends and familyabout this?

• How can I go on livingwithout my best friend to share it with me?

• Will my life ever benormal again?

• Will I ever laugh again?• Will I ever be able to

forget what I’ve seen?Whenever we go through

a tragic disaster that wipes

out life as we know it, thefear of not surviving becomesa primary preoccupation.Living without the securityof precious loved ones andfamiliar surroundings seemsnot only impossible butunthinkable. And the dreadthat it could happen again—another fire, flood, tornado,earthquake, assault, attack,or accident—fuels our fears.

The unfairness of thewhole situation leads us to anger.

Anger. “This can’t behappening to me! It isn’tfair! What did I do todeserve this?” are normalresponses from peoplestruggling to find meaningin the turmoil of a disaster.

Remember, anger over a tragic loss is to beexpected. Plans and dreamshave been shattered. Thelandscape of the future hasbeen forever altered. Whatwas once normal, expected,and often taken for grantedis gone, wiped out in a

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few brief moments.Normal is no longer

normal. Everything haschanged. And we don’t likethe changes. We want lifeback the way it was. Andbecause we can’t have itback, we get mad.

While all struggle andloss provoke anger at somelevel, tragedy intensifies theanger of those who survive.Whenever someone can beidentified as the cause ofthe tragedy, the angerbecomes much morecomplex. The demand forjustice and revenge againstthose responsible for ourpain and fear increases thenormal level of anger thataccompanies a painful loss.

Abandonment. Thoseleft to pick up the pieces oftheir lives after a disasteroften feel abandoned andalone. Their loved ones,their home, their town, theirplace of employment, theirlife as they knew it mayhave been wiped out. Now

they feel the burden ofgoing it alone.

For those who experiencea disaster firsthand and liveto tell about it, there is alsoa separateness that feelsstrange and unwanted.They may be the object of media attention they feel is undeserved. They’reuncomfortable with the“hero” label. All they didwas survive, while otherswho experienced the samedisaster died.

Some of the anger in theinitial stages of traumaticgrief can also be attributedto a feeling of abandonment.This is especially true in thecase of loved ones who leftcritical details undone beforetheir deaths. Financialquagmires, insufficientinsurance, no will, or nosound estate planning oftenadd to the bereaved one’sfeelings of abandonment.

One widow’s outcry was,“He’s gone and has left meto sort through the mess. He

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got off easy. Now I’m stuckdealing with it all alone.”

Isolation. When hit by a tragedy, we often feelalone and isolated by asilence that grips our hearts.We don’t feel like talkingbecause we think: “No onecould possibly understandwhat I’m going through.How could they? Theyhaven’t walked in my shoes.They haven’t seen what I’veseen. They don’t have a cluewhat I’m feeling. No one canfully understand my pain,loneliness, and fear!”

People often withdrawfrom friends and family whocould be a valuable sourceof comfort in those crucialfirst stages of sortingthrough the rubble of adisaster. But often the sheermagnitude of the shock,pain, fear, and anger sooverwhelms the survivorthat a self-imposed form ofexile somehow seems best.

Being Overwhelmed.A catastrophe hammers us

with a barrage of feelingsthat just don’t seem to quit.Like being in the ring witha heavyweight fighter whorelentlessly pummels hisopponent with his left jabsand sets him up for thecrushing blow of his righthook, tragedy has a way ofknocking us off balance andthen slamming us to themat. We’re left reeling fromthe blows, emotionallybattered and stunned.

An Inability ToFocus. The cumulativeeffect of emotional overloadis an inability to focus onbasic necessities. Survivors,rescue workers, and thosegrieving the loss sometimesforget to eat, sleep, changetheir clothes, comb theirhair, or take care of thebasic needs of daily living.Normal functioning islabored at best and oftenfeels impossible and futile.“Why bother? Everything is ruined anyway.”

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Tragedy:What ItTakes From Us

TTragedies provoke a profound sense ofdisruption. All that

we once thought safe,secure, and stable seemsgone. Things we’d hoped for,dreamed about, and countedon have evaporated beforeour eyes. The course of lifethat we had charted forourselves has been abruptlyand radically diverted intoharm’s way. It’s not merelya feeling that the wheelshave fallen off but that theyhave been torn out fromunder us and we areplummeting over a cliff.

We experience ourvulnerability most acutelythrough the series of lossesthat follow in the wake of a tragedy.

Loss Of Safety. Theworld isn’t a safe place. Mostof us know that, but few ofus live as if it’s true. Instead,we tend to cultivate a level

of self-delusion, convincingourselves that we’re reallysafe from harm. Tragedyexposes the undeniablereality of just howvulnerable we really are.

Herman Melville wroteabout this lack of safety inhis classic, Moby Dick:“All men live enveloped inwhale-lines. All are bornwith halters round theirnecks; but it is only whencaught in the swift, suddenturn of death, that mortalsrealize the silent, subtle,everpresent perils of life.”5

While sorrow, suffering,struggle, loss, and griefshould be expected in a flawed and fallen world, most of us workexceptionally hard to avoidrisk and ensure personalcomfort. The gale-forcewinds of tragedy shred thegossamer veil of safetywe’ve erected to deal withthe daily anxieties of life.

Melville’s words echoJesus’ warning to His

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closest followers. He didn’twant them to be lulled intobelieving that living in thisworld would bring safety or security. On their lastevening together, whileassuring His disciples thatHe would not leave themalone, He said, “In thisworld you will have trouble”(Jn. 16:33).

The word Jesus used for“trouble” has to do with thepressure we feel in the midstof affliction, oppression, andintense distress. The apostleJohn would later use thissame word to describe theworst time of “tribulation”that mankind will ever face(Rev. 7:14). It’s a form oftrouble that isn’t merelyannoying or distracting; itdiscourages, derails, anddisables us when we get hitwith it. Jesus knew that wewould face many threats toour safety and security thatwould cause us to buckleunder the pressure.

Tragedy exposes just

how unsafe we really are,and it reminds us that we’renot in control.

Loss Of Control.Tragedy can shatter theillusion of being in controlin this dangerous world. Ifthere’s one thing the eventsof September 11, 2001, havetaught the world, it’s thatno one is ever really incontrol. Not only is this trueof catastrophic events withwidespread global impact,but it’s also true of themillions of less publicizedindividual tragedies thatoccur every day.

The ominous power of a natural disaster—atyphoon, tornado, hurricane,flood, or earthquake—likefew other events in ourlives, forces us to face theunavoidable and starkreality that we have little ifany control over the thingsand people that matter themost to us. No matter howdeeply we love our family or friends, our love will not

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protect them from harm,pain, or death. The controlwe believed we once hadquickly evaporates underthe scorching heat of tragiccircumstances. When wefinally surrender to thetruth that life is dangerous,death is sure, vulnerabilityis inescapable, and there islittle we can do to makemuch of a difference, wefind ourselves desperatelyneeding answers for our lost confidence.

Loss Of Confidence.Philip Yancey writes, “Doubtfollows pain quickly andsurely, like a reflex action.”6

Tragic disasters candismantle our confidencethat we can adequately dealwith anything life throws atus. Although we may haveconfidently managed ourlives in the past, tragedyforces us to question ourability to handle much ofanything.

Victims of disasters,assaults, wars, or accidents

are haunted by doubts and “what if ’s.” The detailsleading up to, during, andafter a tragic event seem toreplay endlessly: “What if Ihadn’t gone to work thatday? What if I had? What ifI had left early? What if Ihad gone in late?” A survivorrelentlessly sorts throughscenarios, hoping to findsome overlooked shred ofevidence that could havebeen used to avert thedisaster. But when none isfound, confidence disappearsalong with a loss ofperspective.

Loss Of Perspective.People with little or no faithoften find themselves facedwith spiritual choices theyhad not considered before.At first, when things areclearly out of control andoverwhelming, they tend toinstinctively pray for helpand intervention to a Godthey may not know. Then,after some distance fromthe shock of it all, they

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begin just as predictably to blame God, or at leastquestion His presence orabsence in the tragedy.

Yancey writes, “Sufferingcalls our most basic beliefsabout God into question.”7

That’s true for people of faithas well as those with only acasual acquaintance withGod. Followers of Christ areinvited by Him to believethat God is good and delightsin giving good gifts to Hischildren (Mt. 7:11; Lk. 11:13).

The undermining impactof a disaster, however, is thatit can push us headlong intodoubts about God and Hisgoodness that we thoughtwe’d settled long ago.

When we’re squeezed by the vice-grip of tragedy,a core question erupts.Larry Crabb asks, “How do we trust a sometimesdisappointing, seeminglyfickle God who fails to do forus what good friends, if theycould, would do?”8 After all,we assume, He’s God, He’s

in charge, yet somehow Hefailed us.

The Bible tells aboutpeople of deep faith whobattled with doubts aboutGod after suffering tragiclosses:• Job demanded an

audience with God toargue over the loss of hisfortune, family, andhealth (Job 13:3–14:1).

• Asaph expressed hisbitterness to God overHis apparent indifferencetoward the prosperity of the wicked whencompared to thesuffering of the faithful (Ps. 73).

• Jeremiah voiced hiscomplaint that hissuffering was a directresult of God’s deception(Jer. 20:7-18).

• John the Baptistexpressed uncertaintyabout Jesus’ identity as Messiah when underthe duress of unjustimprisonment (Mt. 11:2).

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• Even Jesus, when facingthe darkest hour of Hissuffering, asked to bereleased from it (Mt.26:39,42). And He feltabandoned by His Fatherwhen He took on the sinsof the world (Mt. 27:46).When confidence is lost

and perspective is skewedby tragic events, despairsets in and steals hope.

Loss Of Hope.Tragedy hammers hope thehardest. And hope is whatkeeps us alive. Despair canset in when dreams areshattered (Prov. 13:12). Theagony that life will never bethe same again compels usto ask the question: “Whybother going on when what Ideeply want is gone? Whenmy spouse, my children, myhealth, my career, my home,my life are all gone, what’sleft to live for?”

Viktor Frankl, a survivorof the Nazi horrors of WWII,wrote: “Despair is sufferingwithout meaning.”9 When

we’re overwhelmed bytragedy—our confidenceshattered, our securitythreatened, and ourperspective distorted—it’s often impossible to seeany meaning or positiveoutcome from our pain.

Initially, that’sunderstandable. But facing life and facing lossisn’t an event, it’s a journeyof the wounded to liveagain. Scarred, but stillstanding.

Tragedy: WhatIt Leaves Behind

TTragedies not only take from us, they alsoleave us with scars we

never wanted in the firstplace—like survivor guilt,traumatic grief, and acuteand post-traumatic stressdisorders. Let’s look at howeach of these scars affectsurvivors of tragedies.

Survivor Guilt. Forthose who live through a

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horrific disaster in whichothers around them areseriously injured or killed,they and their families oftenfind it hard to celebratetheir survival while othersare grieving their losses.

Frequently, survivors arehaunted by a gnawing senseof guilt about being alive.Instead of being grateful,they feel extremelyambivalent. “How dare Icelebrate when others aregrieving?” “Why did I livewhen so many around medied?” “Why didn’t I do moreto save the others?” This isespecially true when theirsurvival seems to have hadmore to do with coincidencethan some conscious choiceon their part.

Some have even gone sofar as to adopt the irrationalbelief that somehow theirsurvival was at the expenseof others who were lost.Men can especially feel“cowardly” if in theirattempts to save their

own lives, they believe theymay have harmed others.

This false guilt fuels anunhealthy sense of shame,inadequacy, and self-contempt that shatters asurvivor’s self-confidence.

For those who survive atragedy, the joy of being alivecan seem inconsistent withthe sadness over those whodied. Gratefulness for lifecan breed guilt. “How can Ibe happy when others diedand their families are sad?”This dissonance complicatesthe rebuilding process forsurvivors, their families, andfriends. And it often leads totraumatic grief.

Traumatic Grief. Alltragedies imply loss. Lossesof any kind provoke grief.Grief is the painful processof adjusting to life withoutthe things and the peoplethat we cherish in it (seeHow Can I Live With MyLoss? CB921). But the shockwave of an unexpected andtragic loss catapults those

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left behind into anintensified level of griefknown as traumatic grief.

Joanne Jozefowski writes,“Traumatic grief is a directresponse to disastrous eventsthat threaten our own safety,security, and beliefs aroundwhich we structure andorder our lives.”10

Those who lose a loved one, a home,or a community throughtraumatic circumstances are more likely to needprofessional help in dealingwith their grief. The moreviolent, horrific, andunexpected the loss, themore complicated andprolonged the grief.

People who grieve welldon’t hurt less. Instead, theyuse their pain productivelyas an opportunity to growthrough it rather than justgo through it. And thatprocess requires time.

Grief is not an event; it’sa journey. Life will never bethe same again, but it can

be good again. Our journeythrough grief sometimesreveals things we neverwould have seen without it.

Jesus told a story about two houses built ondifferent foundations (Mt.7:24-27). Both houses werehit with the same torrentialrainstorm that producedflash flooding and gale-forcewinds. One crumbled, butthe other didn’t. The onebuilt on a foundation ofsolid rock endured thestorm while the one built on sand was destroyed.

Tragedy has a way ofexposing our foundations.No matter what the cause, how we weather the storms of life will ultimatelydepend on the foundation onwhich we’ve built our lives.

The Bible provides twofoundational truths we canrely on while walking thepath of traumatic grief:• Tragic struggles and

losses, no matter whatthe source, are often

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opportunities for growth(Rom. 5:3-5).

• Even in the middle oftragic struggles, God ispresent and able to dosomething good for us,no matter how much ourcircumstances may seemto indicate otherwise(Jer. 29:11; Rom. 8:28).Some of the choices

we make in the process ofworking through our griefcan slowly bring meaningand hope back into our lives.No one chooses grief, buteveryone eventually chooseshow to respond to it.

For some, tragic eventslead to complications thatrequire special help. That’swhen the resources andtraining of professionalcounselors can be helpful.

Acute StressDisorder (ASD). Withina month of being exposed toa traumatic, life-threateningevent that provoked feelingsof intense fear, helplessness,or horror, some people

experience difficultyadjusting to normal life.This readjustment periodmay last from 2 days to amonth.

Some indicators thatprofessional help may beneeded to work through theaftermath of a trauma are:• numbness, detachment,

or absence of normalemotions

• reduction in awareness of one’s surroundings,like “being in a daze”

• loss of interest in orparticipation insignificant activities

• estrangement ordetachment from others

• inability to recallimportant aspects of the trauma

• persistent reliving of the trauma throughrecurrent images,thoughts, dreams,illusions, or flashbacks

• avoidance of any potentialreminder of the trauma

• anxiety or increased

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arousal indicated by difficulty sleeping,irritability, poorconcentration,hypervigilance,exaggerated startleresponse, or motorrestlessness.Unfortunately, the media

blitz covering tragic eventsamplifies our exposure totrauma well beyond thescope of those directlyinvolved in them. Adultsand children alike can beindirectly traumatized bythe horrific images ofviolence, disaster, andaccidents instantaneouslybroadcast into our homes24/7 via the electronicmedia. This can result insymptoms of acute stress.

These symptoms impair our ability tofunction normally, causingsignificant distress in ourrelationships.

Post-TraumaticStress Disorder(PTSD). According to the

National Center for PTSD,approximately 17 millionpeople living in NorthAmerica are exposed totrauma and disasterannually. Of those, about25-30 percent developchronic PTSD or otherpsychiatric disorders.11

Most of us are aware of PTSD from the strugglesAmerican vets brought back from the horrors of theVietnam War. PTSD is aprolonged adverse reactionto acute stress brought onby exposure to extremelytraumatic events involvingactual or threatened death,serious injury, torture, orconfinement. The samebasic symptoms for ASDapply to the diagnosis for PTSD.

In short, PTSD is ASDon steroids. It is a moreprotracted and intensifiedform of acute stress, lastinglonger than a month, and if chronic, can plague asurvivor for years. The

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onset of this disorder can bedelayed for up to 6 monthsafter the trauma—untilsomething triggers thedisturbing memories of the event.

PTSD causes significantdisturbance, distress, orimpairment in all areas ofthe survivor’s life—socially,occupationally, relationally,and spiritually.

When distressfulreactions begin to infiltrate and inhibit ourdaily functioning at home,school, or work, we need to take steps to seek help.That’s when professionalcounselors trained in grieftherapy and trauma forASD or PTSD can helpsurvivors and their families.A process of telling theirstory, appropriate grief,anxiety reduction, stressmanagement, and ongoingsupport helps them liveproductive and healthy lives in spite of the painfulmemories of past traumas.

Tragedy: WhatIt Can Teach Us

MMost of us wouldprefer to avoid a tragedy. That’s

normal. But terror-management specialistsargue that a confrontationwith tragedy and death has “the potential to be aliberating and growth-enhancing experience.”12

Their conclusions agree withthose of the ancient writer ofEcclesiastes. He recognizedthe value in facing tragedyand death:

It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house offeasting, for death is thedestiny of every man; theliving should take this to heart (Eccl. 7:2).Tragedy, especially one

through which we face ourown mortality, often forces usto challenge untested beliefsabout our purpose andsignificance in the world.

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Like no other event in life, itdemands that we reevaluatehow and why we live the waywe do. Like it or not, deeplyheld convictions are mostoften strongly forged in thefurnace of trauma andoverwhelming adversity.

Learning throughtrauma is especiallyarduous because it demandsmuch more than seeingreality clearly. It demandsadmitting and acceptingreality at its ugliest. And it’s often in the midst ofthat ugliness that we learnthe most crucial lessonsthat form the foundationsfor the rest of our lives.

What Matters Most.Like sailors using the NorthStar to navigate and aligntheir ship in the rightdirection, traumatic crisesoften force us to check ouralignment to what mattersmost. We can be so easilydistracted by the cares andconcerns of daily living that we lose the larger

perspective on what givesus meaning and purpose inthis dangerous world.

In the final analysis,it all boils down to what we believe provides eternalmeaning and significance in life. According to theBible, it comes from ourrelationship with God andour relationship with othersthrough Christ.

Knowing And LovingGod. Jesus distilled all the writings of the OldTestament down to twofundamental commandsthat help us maintain agodly perspective on life,even when tragedy strikes.The first is found inMatthew 22:37-38.

“Love the Lord your Godwith all your heart andwith all your soul andwith all your mind.” Thisis the first and greatestcommandment.Loving God is the

fundamental relationshiparound which all others

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must align. This is notoptional. It is essential.If any other relationship,no matter how important itis, assumes God’s primaryposition of being our NorthStar, every other relationshipwill be doomed to failure. Wecan make it our goal to trustand to please Him (2 Cor.5:9,15). Otherwise, nothingelse really matters.

Once our relationshipwith God is set in place,we are free to reorient the remainder of ourrelationships around Him.

Loving Others. Jesuscompleted His thought inverses 39-40:

The second is like it:“Love your neighbor asyourself.” All of the Lawand the Prophets hang onthese two commandments.Who is most precious

to us? Our spouse? Ourchildren? Our parents? Our friends? All otherrelationships are most fullyenhanced by our love for

God that overflows into our love for others. In fact,genuine love for others is our deepest expression of obedient love for God(Rom. 12:9; 1 Pet. 4:8-11;1 Jn. 3:11-18).

What Doesn’tMatter Much At All.Tragedy teaches us totrivialize the trivial. In spite of what popularculture tells us, what doesn’tmatter much at all in thefinal analysis is our agendaand our stuff.

Our Agenda. What dowe cherish the most? Often,what gets exposed in timesof tragic loss is the fact thatwe are devoted to runningour lives according to ouragenda rather than God’s.We often pray for Him tocooperate with our plans to fulfill our dreams rather than humblysubmitting our hearts to follow His call.

When tragedyunexpectedly interrupts,

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our agenda is clearly seenfor what it really is—ourfoolish plans.

Our Stuff. What we also discover, much to ourchagrin, is how much time and energy we wastemajoring on the minors andminoring on the majors. Ourpriorities are often out ofwhack. We may pay lipservice to the importance of loving God and lovingothers, yet we invest most of our time, talents, andresources building our networth, planning our nextvacation, and saving forretirement. While these aregood things, our passion tosee people grow in Christgets lost in the scramble toget ahead.

Painful clarity comes in times of tragic upheaval.In the good times when weare satisfied with how wellthings are going, we tend to forget the Lord, just as Israel would do afterentering the Promised Land

(Dt. 6:10-12). God desiresour heartfelt devotion intimes of triumph as well astragedy. Unfortunately, Heoften needs to use tragicevents to get our attention.

If we allow God to teachus through our tragedies,then He can equip us to live more confidently in a dangerous world.

LivingConfidently In A DangerousWorld

IIn his book The SurvivorPersonality, Al Siebertwrites, “People seldom

tap into their deepeststrengths and abilities until forced to do so by a major adversity.”13

Writing almost 70 years earlier, Virginia Woolfwould have agreed: “Life . . .is arduous, difficult, aperpetual struggle. It calls for gigantic courageand strength. More than

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anything, perhaps, creaturesof illusion as we are, it callsfor confidence in oneself.Without self-confidence weare as babes in the cradle.”14

These sobering words of vulnerability are lacedwith encouragement. Theyaren’t sappy sentiment butreflect a firm grip on realityentwined with hope, likeJesus’ final words to Hisdisciples on their last nighttogether. Before He prayedfor them and then went to the cross, Jesus taughtthem:

I have told you thesethings, so that in Me youmay have peace. In thisworld you will havetrouble. But take heart! I have overcome theworld (Jn. 16:33).These words were

both a sober warning andan encouragement to thedisciples who would soon be facing extremepersecution, adversity,and trauma. Although

they had no clue what the next few hours, days,or years would hold forsome of them, Jesus waspreparing them for whatwas ahead. He knew Hisdeath would dismantlethem. He knew they wouldbe oppressed, afflicted,distressed, and pressuredfrom all sides. Troublewould be the norm for them. But He didn’t leave them there alone.

He offered them hope.What He shared with themwas to bring them peace in the midst of their runthrough the troublinggauntlet of life. Paul, a laterdisciple, would describe thispeace as transcending allunderstanding whileguarding their hearts andminds in Christ (Phil. 4:7).

Peace in the midst oftumultuous trouble wasJesus’ encouragement—anew kind of normal. Courageto remain faithful was Hiscommand. And a Comforter

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to be their constant innersource of strength was Hisprovision (Jn. 16:7-14).

And then, after He hadtaught them, Jesus led theway through the gauntlet ofagony, grief, and sacrificialsuffering ahead of them andus. He paved the way for usto overcome in a dangerousworld filled with tragedyand trouble.

Run The GauntletWell. Athletes who excel in any sport have to faceinjury and pain. The sameis true of those who haverun through the gauntlet of life. Tragedies leave us scarred. No one getsthrough unscathed.We all live with scars of the traumatic battles we’ve endured. And though we may walk with a limp as evidencethat we’ve paid the priceand run the race, we canwalk with confidencebecause our hope in Godhas been strengthened

through adversity.Survivors who have

grown through tragedy aremore humble and hopefulbecause of what they haveendured. And they can trulysing with the psalmist:

God is our refuge andstrength, an ever-presenthelp in trouble. Thereforewe will not fear . . . . TheLord Almighty is with us;the God of Jacob is ourfortress (Ps. 46:1-2,7).Remember, we can use

the painful resistance oftragedy to strengthen ourfaith for the path ahead.

Focus On What YouStill Have. People whomature through tragedyhave learned and nowbelieve that trauma,disaster, and even deathwill never have the finalword. They still do grieveover what they’ve lost, buttheir grieving, as well astheir living, is entwinedwith hope (1 Th. 4:13)because they focus on

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what they still have and can never lose.

These hopeful survivorsnot only honor those theyhave lost, but they live tolove and enjoy those theystill have. With Christ asour hope in times of tragedy, all is never lost.

We do have a tendency,however, to lose focuswhenever we encountertrouble. The writer ofHebrews reminds us thatwhen adversity distracts us from our focus on Christ,we will grow weary and loseheart (12:2-3).

This pattern of losingfocus is especially prevalentafter a catastrophic disaster.We must be careful not tolose our focus on Christ.When we keep our eyes onHim, we will be able to singwith the psalmist in Psalm119:71, “It was good for meto be afflicted so that Imight learn Your decrees.”

While much in life canhurt us deeply, no tragedy,

not even death, can stealour hope in Christ orseparate us from His love(Rom. 8:35-39).

Honor Those You’ve Lost. Many people honor their lovedones by using their memoryas a springboard to dosomething positive thatgives encouragement tothose still living.

In memory of herhusband Todd, Lisa Beamerstarted a foundation to helpkids who lost parents in theattacks of 9/11. She alsowrote a book about herjourney through traumaticgrief. She accepts invitationsto share her story and toencourage others in theirtragedy. It wasn’t a platformshe wanted, but it is aplatform she’s been willingto use to redeem a tragicloss that at one pointseemed unredeemable.

Connect With OtherSurvivors. One of themost successful ways that

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survivors of trauma arehelped is to be connectedwith others who sharesimilar experiences.

Survivors need to talk.They need to tell theirstories. They need to knowthat someone listening trulyunderstands their invisiblewounds—the horror, terror,isolation, guilt, loneliness,rage, and grief that theybear.

They also need to listen.They need to hear othersurvivors talk about theirstruggles to make sense outof a senseless event. Theyneed hope to be able to livewell in spite of their scars.

How To Help

PPeople experiencetrauma in varying

degrees. There are theprimary survivors who havelived through the epicenterof the trauma. There are thefamilies of survivors. Thereare the grieving families ofvictims who died. There are

the families who survivedbut lost everything. Thereare the safety and rescueworkers and the debrieferswho are also traumatized bywhat they see and have todeal with at a disaster site.There are those in themedia who cover the stories,and those who are indirectlytraumatized when they hearthose stories recounted.

Recognize that you arenot called to help everyone,but you may be able to helpsomeone. While some helpdoes require specializedtraining, a willingness to be used of God to “carryeach other’s burdens” (Gal.6:2) is what’s needed.

Consider the followingways that you may be ableto help those who are goingthrough a tragedy:

Give Them Time. Donot require anything from asurvivor or family member ofa survivor, especially in theinitial stages of dealing witha trauma. Give them the

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time and the space to grieve.Allow them to process theirhurt while you try to see,hear, and feel their pain withthem. Without any kind ofjudgment on your part, letthem know that it is okay tofeel whatever they arefeeling. This is crucial totheir journey through thetraumatic valley of pain.

Philip Yancey describedone survivor’s comments:“I needed time to digestwhat was happening in my life and to absorb thechanges . . . . Perhaps the greatest way to givesuffering people time isbeing patient with them—giving them room to doubt,cry, question, and work outstrong and often extremeemotions.”15

Don’t Try To Fix It.Nothing you do can fix theproblem. You can’t changehistory, raise the dead, orrestore what’s been lost.

Just sitting with thosewho are in pain can be

encouraging to them. Nothaving anything to say isokay. Nothing will eliminatethe pain, but a touch or ahug reassures them of yourpresence and gives them ataste of the presence of theGod of hope in you (Col.1:27). Never underestimatethe power of your presence.

Weep With Them.One of the most preciousgifts we can offer to peoplewho have tragically lostloved ones is the gift of ourtears. We need to listen tothem share their pain, toshare their tears, to grievewith them over what theyhave lost, and to rejoicewith them over what theystill have (Rom. 12:15).

Meet ImmediateNeeds. People in theinitial stages of trauma areso distraught by the painthat they often forget totake care of themselves—toeat, to change their clothes,to take a shower, or even tosleep. Decisions that

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previously would have beenalmost second nature arenow totally forgotten.

Assisting those in griefwith funeral arrangements,sorting through paperwork,collecting DNA samples to identify a loved one,choosing clothes for thefuneral, transportation offamily members, ironing ashirt or dress for thefuneral, and many otherimmediate needs can helpkeep them from feeling soalone during those painfultasks.

Pray With Them And For Them. In someof the stages of trauma,people often find they justcan’t pray. Interceding onbehalf of those who aretraumatized, grieving, andbrokenhearted is a privilegewe dare not overlook. Andimagine the encouragementwe bring to those who feeltoo exhausted to pray whenthey hear us bring theirname to the throne of God.

Our UltimateRefuge & Hope

WWhere do we find unshakable

confidence to go onwhen tragedy strikes? KingDavid, a man familiar withtragedy throughout his life,wrote:

Find rest, O my soul,in God alone; my hopecomes from Him. Healone is my rock and my salvation; He is myfortress, I will not beshaken. My salvationand my honor depend on God; He is my mightyrock, my refuge. Trust in Him at all times, Opeople; pour out yourhearts to Him, for God isour refuge (Ps. 62:5-8).David’s exhortation 1,000

years before Christ is stilltrue today.

The only refuge for thebattered and brokenheartedis a relationship with theGod who has shown how

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deeply He loves and caresfor us (Rom. 5:8).

Jesus invites us to a lifeof confidence and hope, evenwhen faced with loss:

Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in Me (Jn. 14:1).Trusting in Jesus means

depending on Him for whatcan never be lost (Jn. 1:12;3:16; 10:10). His life, death,and resurrection assurethose who trust Him thatthey will receive His grace,mercy, peace, forgiveness,eternal life, and unfailinglove (Rom. 8:31-39).

No matter what we may lose in this life, Jesus’assurance of His abidingpresence now and Hispromise of an eternal homewith Him in heaven canbecome our unshakablefortress of hope and peacein times of trouble.

Endnotes1. Joanne T. Jozefowski, The PhoenixPhenomenon (New Jersey: JasonAronson Inc., 2001), p.229; 2. Jozefowski,pp.230-231; 3. Lisa Beamer, Let’s Roll!(Wheaton: Tyndale House Publishers,2002), pp.10-11; 4. C. M. Parkes,Bereavement: Studies Of Grief In AdultLife, 3rd ed. (New York: InternationalUniversities Press, 1998), pp.5-6;5. Herman Melville, Moby Dick (NewYork: Viking Penguin, 1851/1986), p.387;6. Philip Yancey, Where Is God When ItHurts? (Grand Rapids: Zondervan,1990), p.77; 7. Yancey, p.77; 8. LarryCrabb, Shattered Dreams (ColoradoSprings, WaterBrook Press, 2001), p.34;9. Yancey, p.200; 10. Jozefowski, p.230;11. Disaster Mental Health Services:A Guidebook For Clinitians AndAdministrators, p.2; 12. Pyszczynski,Solomon, & Greenberg, In The Wake Of 9/11 (American PsychologicalAssociation, 2002), p.139; 13. Al Siebert,The Survivor Personality (New York:Berkley, 1996), p.7; 14. Virginia Woolf,A Room Of One’s Own, 1929/1981,pp.34-35, as quoted in In The Wake Of 9/11, p.71; 15. Yancey, p.202.

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Author Tim Jackson is alicensed counselor in Michiganand works in the RBC biblicalcorrespondence department.Managing Editor: David Sper

Cover Photo: CorbisScripture taken from the New International Version®. NIV®.Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, byInternational Bible Society. Used bypermission of Zondervan. All rightsreserved.© 2004 RBC Ministries,Grand Rapids, MI. Printed in USA.



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when tragedy strikes - finding security in a vulnerable...

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