WHATTOSAYWHENYOUTALKTOYOURSELF

ShadHelmstetter,Ph.DOtherbooksbyShadHelmstetterAvailablenoworcomingsoonine-bookformat:TheGiftWhoAreYouReallyandWhatDoYouWant?TheSelf-TalkSolutionSelf-TalkforWeight-LossChoicesWhattoSayWhenYouTalktoYourKidsYouCanExcelinTimesofChangeReceiveShadHelmstetter’s“Today’sSelf-Talk”DailySelf-Talkandmotivationsenttoyouviaemail:www.shadhelmstetter.com/selftalkFollowShadHelmstetteronFacebook:www.facebook.com/shadhelmstetter

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WhatToSayWhenYouTalkToYourSelfDigitaleditioncopyright©2011byShadHelmstetter.All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in anymanner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of briefquotationsembodiedincriticalarticlesorreviews.Publishedine-bookformatbyParkAvenuePress362GulfBreezePkwy.,104,GulfBreeze,FL32561

ISBN-139780983631200(EPUB)ISBN-139780983631217(KINDLE)ISBN-139780983631224(MOBIPOCKET)ISBN-139780983631231(SONYREADER)Published in mass market paperback edition by Pocket Books, a division ofSimon&SchusterInc.ISBN:0-671-70882-1

This book is dedicated, in loving memory, to my parents, Fred and NoraHelmstetter—tomymother,whotaughtmepersistenceandperseverance,andtomyfather,whotaughtmethatthereisalwaysabetterway.

TABLEOFCONTENTSChapterOneLookingforaBetterWay

ChapterTwoTheAnswers

ChapterThreeWhatWorksandWhatDoesn’t

ChapterFourNewDiscoveries

ChapterFiveWeLearntoBelieve

ChapterSixTheWall

ChapterSevenPassingItOn

ChapterEightTheSelf-ManagementSequence

ChapterNineTheFiveLevelsofSelf-Talk

ChapterTenTheProblemwithPositiveThinking

ChapterElevenTheMotivationMyth

ChapterTwelveNotHypnosis—NotSubliminal

ChapterThirteenIfItIsn’tSimple,ItWon’tWork

ChapterFourteenTheNewTechniques

ChapterFifteenWhateverYourNeedorPositioninLife

ChapterSixteenChangingHabits

ChapterSeventeenChangingAttitudes

ChapterEighteenSolvingProblemsandAccomplishingGoals

ChapterNineteenInternalMotivation

ChapterTwentySituationalSelf-Talk

ChapterTwenty-OneGettingStarted

ChapterTwenty-TwoCreatingYourOwnSelf-Talk

ChapterTwenty-ThreeToChangeorNottoChange

INTRODUCTION

ToTheDigitalEditionAlthough this edition ofWhat to Say When You Talk to Your Self has beenupdatedtomakeitcompletelyfreshandcogentfortoday’sdigitalreader,fromthefirsteditiontonow,itisremarkablehowsolidlytheconceptofSelf-Talkhasnotonlywithstoodthe testof time,buthasalsoprovedhowincredibly,vitallyimportantSelf-Talkisineachofourlives.In fact, thediscoveries in the fieldofmind/brain science thatmade the first

edition of this book possible have expanded—or rather exploded—into everyareaofourculture.Injusttwenty-fiveyears,theconceptof“Self-Talk”itselfhasgrownfroma relativebreakthrough in the fieldofpersonalgrowth, toabroadandenlighteningunderstandingofhumanbehavior,andhowitworksinthelivesofeveryoneofus.Today, most people in our computer world now understand that we get

“programmed” from birth on, throughout life, and that we end up living outthoseprograms—forbetterorforworse.Butwhathasn’tchangedisthatmanypeople—who want to do better in life—still struggle to get rid of the oldprogramsthatarenegative,orharmful,orareholdingthemback.And in that quest, I can assure you that this updated editionwill guideyou

well.ThecompletestoryofSelf-Talk,howwegetprogrammedandwhattodoaboutit,isallhere,fullyintactandreadytohelp.Presenting this new edition also gives me the opportunity to recognize the

many tens of thousands of readers, inmany languages around theworld,whohavereadthisbookinitsprintedformat,andwhohaveattestedtotheefficacyandthepracticalsimplicityofmakingthenewSelf-Talkapartoftheireverydaylives.Ifwhat ismagic todaybecomes thescienceof tomorrow, thenwhatwas the

“magic of Self-Talk,” just a few years ago, has now become the science of awholenewwayoflife.ShadHelmstetter,Ph.D.May,2011www.shadhelmstetter.com

http://www.shadhelmstetter.com

CHAPTERONE

LookingforaBetterWay

Youareeverythingthatis,yourthoughts,yourlife,yourdreamscometrue.Youareeverythingyouchoosetobe.

Youareasunlimitedastheendlessuniverse.Life,formostofus,shouldbeprettygood.We have all heardwhat life is supposed to offer: endless opportunities, the

fulfillment of our dreams, and a chance to live each day in away that bringshappiness and success.Most of uswant and need at least a successful job orcareer,agoodfamilylife,andreasonablefinancialsecurity.Weexpectthatfromlife.Weknowdeepinsidethatwedeserveourfairshareandwehaveeveryrighttoattainit.Why are some people, day to day, happier, more productive, and more

fulfilled than others?Whatmakes the difference? Is itKismet, a kind of fate,whichinsomemysteriouswaychartsourdestinyandleaveslittleofthesteeringofourcoursethroughlifeuptous?Isthecontrolofourlivesinourhandsorisn’t it?Andifwecan,orshould,

controlourlives,whatgoeswrong?Whatholdsusback?Ifwetrulywouldliketo do better, be thewaywe reallywould like to be, and be happier andmoresuccessfuleverydayineveryareaofliving,whatisthewallthatstandsinourway?

ANUNLIMITEDLIFEOFPRACTICALPOTENTIALImaginelivingalifewhichdidnotgiveintothebarriersandthebattlements,thehasslesandthehurdlesofeverydayliving.Imaginealifefilledwiththevitalityof achievement and theenrichmentofdaily self-fulfillment.Tome, for a longtimethatkindoflifesoundedlikeanimpracticaldream,acardboardboxfilledupwithdaydreamsandwishes.Tolivealifeofhope,promise,expectation,andachievementwas to live the life of someonewho livedonly in thepagesof abook.WhenIwasquiteyoung,Ihadasoaringimagination.LongbeforeIlearned

whatwecouldnotdo,IdreamedofdoingwhatIknewwecould.Iremember,as

a young boy, lying onmy back in the cool,wet grass late at night,mymindsinkingintothedepthsof thecrystal-clearstars thatblanketedthesummerskyaboveme. I could reachoutand touch those stars. I could imagineanydreamandseeitcometrue.Itwasonly later thatmydreamsgaveway tomorepracticalconsiderations.

Star-filled heavens, dew-soaked grass, and princely dreams of imaginarykingdoms bowed to more rational requirements. As I began to pursue myeducation inearnest, Ibegan to learnwhatwecouldnotdo. In time Ibecamemoreintentonstudyingthelawsandthelimitsofman,thanonlearningthefar-reachingextremitiesofmankind’spotential.I learnedallof the“shoulds”,“musts”,and“cannots.”Iwastoldthat itwas

bad tohaveyourhead in the cloudsand itwasgood tohaveyour feeton theground.SoIextractedmyheadfromthemagicalexcitementoftheuniverseandgotdowntobusiness learningabout themorepracticalmattersofsurvivalandacceptance.FromtimetotimeIhadthenaggingsuspicionthattherewasmoretoallofthisthanwasmeetingtheeye—Ijustcouldn’tseeityet.ItwasyearsbeforeIdecideditwastimetostopandlookat thestarsagain.

But I did.The result of that one small decision changedmydirection andmylife.By the time I stopped and sank once again, upwards, into the stars, I had

completed a twenty-year odyssey which took me from the backroads of afarmlandvillagetothetoweringofficesofNewYork’sMadisonAvenue;fromaquietcountrysideofwheat fields to thenegotiating tablesof three-piece-suitedattorneys andwell-groomedmarketers.My odyssey tookme to snow-coveredMidwesterncollegecampuses,andtopalm-linedstreetsofWesternuniversities.Somewhere,duringthattime,Ibegantowonderanddreamagain,asIhadas

ayoungboyyearsbefore.Whatifwecould?Iwondered.Whatifwecouldfindwhat’sstoppingusandturnitaround?Whatifthereisananswerandnooneelsehaslookedintherightplace?Whatifanyofus,atanytime,couldreachupandtouchthestars?I began the first part of my search by studying “human behavior.” That’s

somethingyoucangetadegreeinwithouteverreallyfiguringitout.It isalsosomethingthatolderpeopleseemtoknowmoreaboutthanyoungerpeople.Nomatterhowmanyeducationaldegreesmyprofessorscouldprofess,Isuspectedthat some of the older, wiser people I knew had figured out what humanbehaviorwasallaboutlongbeforeweweretaughtcoursesinthesubject.Inextstudiedmotivationalmarketing.Thatteachesuswhatmakespeopledo

whattheydoevenwhentheydon’twanttodoit.WhenIcompletedmycoursework, it was my final opinion that you can never really get anyone to do

anythingtheydon’twanttodounlessyouuseforce.Idecidedthatinmostofthefreeworld,“force”iscalledadvertising.IntimeIfoundmyselfwalkingthehallwaysofacademicpsychology.It isa

good field and it deserves our respect.A lot of people have lived richer livesbecausesomeonewhocaredtookthetimetolisten.EventuallyIembarkeduponajourneyofmyown.Nowhereinmystudiesof

mathematics,business,religion,orpsychology,hadIfoundaconcretesolutiontothequestionofhowtheaverageindividualcouldtouchallthestarsinhisorher heaven and still keep both feet on solid ground. I knew there had to be abetter way, something that was obvious, perhaps, something that might havebeen overlooked. I believed thatmastering one’s futuremust surely startwithmanagingone’s“self.”Andifwecouldaccomplishthat,wecouldmanageandmasteratleastapartofwhatwecall“life.”AsIcontinuedtostudytheinnerworkingsofthehumanmind,Ibegantolook

fortheanswers—the“solutions”whichothersmostcertainlymustalreadyhavefound.Ifounddozensofanswers.ButIdiscoveredonlyonesolution.

CHAPTERTWO

The“Answers”

There isalwaysananswer,ofcourse.Therearecountlessself-help“answers,”whichanyofuscanfindinanybookstore.Ifwearetobelievewhatwereadonthedustjacketsofself-helpbest-sellers,allanyofushastodoisreadtherightbookand,beginningtomorrow,wewillbeabletochangewhatwewouldliketochange,livebetter,andfindtheachievementeachofusisseeking.Having spent more than twenty years studying most of the literature of

“success,” I have found a consistent, unfulfilled promise—the promise of oursuccess,waitingjustaroundthecorner.IhavelearnedthatIcanbehypnotized,processed,orreborn(andnotjustin

thereligioussense).IknowthatIcanattendseminarswhichwillgiveme“theanswer.”Icanbecomeagoal-setteranda“trueachiever.”Icanlearntoorganizemyday,setmypriorities,andaccomplishmorethanIeverdreamedpossible.Ican learn to “think positively,” bemore creative, relate to others and become“centered.”Ihavelearnedthatsuccessismineforthetaking;allIhavetodoisaccept my destiny of achievement and greatness. I have read great words ofwisdomandbeentoldthatIcanchangeanythinginmylifeIchoosetochange.AsmuchasIhavebeenastudentofsuccess,Ihavealsobeenaskeptic.For

many years I read and studied and listened. And I wondered: If there are somany“keys”tosuccess,whyaren’ttheyworking?Whyarethereshelvesfullofself-help best-sellers? It seemed tome that if the bookswereworking as theyought to work, we wouldn’t keep needing new ones. If there are so manyanswerstoourquestionsaboutwhattodotomakelifebetter,whyhavesomanypeoplefailedatmakingthesegreatideaswork?Oriftheyworkforatime,whatmakesthemstopworking?Haveyoueverattendeda“peprally”orameetinginwhichsomeonegavea

rousingmotivationalspeech?Whydidn’titlast?Haveyoueverbeeninspiredtochange,toachieve,andthenstopped?Wheredidtheinspirationgo?Theproblemisnotwith thebooks.Theproblemisnotwith theseminarsor

withthemotivationaltalks.Therearealotofself-helpideasandtechniquesthataregood.Theyshouldwork—andtheycould.Buttheydon’twork,ortheydon’tkeepworking,becauseofsomethingthatallofusoverlooked:That’snothowthebrainworks.

Thehumanbrain, that incrediblypowerfulpersonal computer control centerthateachofushas, iscapableofdoingforyouanythingreasonablethatyou’dlikeittodo.Butyouhavetoknowhowtotreatit.Ifyoutreatitjustrightandcarefullygiveittherightdirections,itwilldotherightthing—itwillworkforyouintherightway.Butifyougiveyourmentalcomputerthewrongdirectionsitwillactonthosewrongdirections;itwillcontinuetorespondtothenegativeprogrammingthatyouandtherestoftheworldhavebeengivingitwithoutevenbeingawareofit.

THE148,000“NO’S!”I’llgiveyouanexampleofsomeofthenegativeprogrammingmostofushavereceived.During the first eighteen years of our lives, if we grew up in fairlyaverage, reasonablypositivehomes,wewere told“No!”orwhatwecouldnotdo,morethan148,000times!Ifyouwerealittlemorefortunate,youmayhavebeen told “No!” only 100,000 times, or 50,000 times—howevermany, it wasconsiderablymorenegativeprogrammingthananyofusneeds.Meanwhile,duringthesameperiod,thefirsteighteenyearsofyourlife,how

often do you suppose you were told what you can do or what you canaccomplishinlife?Afewthousandtimes?Afewhundred?Duringmyspeakingengagementstogroupsacrossthecountry,Ihavehadpeopletellmetheycouldnotrememberbeingtoldwhattheycouldaccomplishinlifemorethanthreeorfourtimes!Whateverthenumber,formostofusthe“yes’s”wereceivedsimplydidn’tbalanceoutthe“no’s.”Theoccasionalwordsof“belief”werejustthat—occasional—andtheywerefaroutweighedbyourdailydosesof“cannots.”Thisnegativeprogrammingthatweallreceived(andstillreceive)hascometo

us quite unintentionally. It has come to us from our parents (who wanted toprotectus); ithascome tous fromourbrothersandsisters, fromour teachers,ourschoolmates,ourassociatesatwork,ourlifemates,advertisingofallkinds,themorningpaperandthesixo’clocknews.Leading behavioral researchers have told us that as much as seventy-seven

percentofeverythingwethinkisnegative,counterproductive,andworksagainstus.Atthesametime,medicalresearchershavesaidthatasmuchasseventy-fivepercentofallillnessesareself-induced.It’snowonder.Whatiftheresearchersare correct? Thatmeans that asmuch as seventy-five percent ormore of ourprogramming is the wrong kind. Until very recently no one understood wellenough the human mind—how it really works. The result was that withoutknowingwhattheyweredoing,andwithusnotrecognizingtheimmenseeffect

this“casual”programmingwashavingonus,“they”havebeenprogrammingusinthewrongway.Everythingandeveryonearoundus,withoutbeingawareofit,hasbeenprogrammingus.Unfortunately,mostofitwasthewrongkindofprogramming—andwetookit

toheart.Yearafteryear,wordbyword,our life scriptswereetched.Layerbylayer, nearly indelibly, our self-images were created. In time, we ourselvesjoined in.We began to believe that what we were being told by others—andwhatwewere tellingourselves—was true.Nomatterhow innocentlygivenorsubtly implied, we began hearing the same words and thoughts repeatedly;hundreds,eventhousandsoftimesweweretold,orwetoldourselves,whatwecould not do, could not accomplish. Repetition is a convincing argument.Eventuallywebelievedwhatotherstoldusandwhatwetoldourselvesmost;webegantoliveoutthepictureofourselveswehadcreatedinourminds.Intimewebecamewhatwemostbelievedaboutourselves.Andinsodoing,

we created a wall, which for most of us will stand invisibly but powerfullybetween us and our unlimited futures for as long as our old programmingremainsinforce.Unlesstheprogrammingwereceivediserasedorreplacedwithdifferent programming, it will stay with us permanently and affect and directeverythingwedofortherestofourlives.Fortunately,thatdoesn’thavetobethecase.

THEENDRESULTOFYOUROWNTHOUGHTSIwasquiteyoungwhenIfirstheardtheBiblicalpassagewhichreads,“Asamanthinketh, so is he.” I recall shakingmyhead, thinking that couldnotbe.Howcouldwepossiblybewhatwethink?Afterall,isn’tourphysicalselfonethingandourprivatethoughtanother?LittledidI(ormostofusthen)understandthattheBiblicalpassagehadhit thenailof truthsquarelyon thehead. Itwouldbeyearslater,however,aftermuchresearch,andfollowingthediscoveriesthroughwhichmodern-dayneuroscientistshadbeguntounlockthesecretsofthehumanmind,thatIwouldcometoknowjusthowcorrect—howscientificallycorrect—thatBiblicalpassagehadbeen.In the last two decades we have learned more about the workings of the

humanbrainthanwasknownthroughoutallhistorypriortothattime.Wenowknowthatbyan incrediblycomplexphysiologicalmechanism,a jointeffortofbody, brain and “mind,” we become the living result of our own thoughts.Throughscientificdiscoverywehaveprovedtherelationshipbetweenourown“mentalprogramming”andwhetherwewillsucceedorfailinanyendeavorwe

undertakeinlife,fromsomethingasimportantasalifetimegoaltosomethingassmallaswhatwedoinasingleday.Haveyoueverconsideredjusthowmuchofwhatyoudo—howyouact,how

successful you are—is dependent on the conditioning, the programming youreceivedfromothersandontheconditioningyousubsequentlyboughtandkeptgivingyourself?Itisvirtuallyimpossibleforanyofustodoanything,nomatterhow insignificant,without being affected by our conditioning. Every step youtake,moveyoumake,orwordyousayisaffected.It follows that if every action you take, of any kind, is affected by prior

programming,thentheendresultsofyouractionsareequallyaffected—inshort,how successful you will be at anything is inexorably tied to the words andbeliefsaboutyourselfthatyouhavestoredinyoursubconsciousmind.Andwhatisstoredthere,formostofus,wasdecidedforusbysomeoneelse.Think for a moment what you might do differently tomorrow if you were

someone else— someone whose programming was different from yours. Orwhatmight you do differently if you had been brought upwith a completelydifferent,morepositivesetofattitudesandbeliefsandfeelingsfromthosewhichyou may have now—attitudes and beliefs and feelings which in every casewould assure you of having an abundance of self-belief, enthusiasm, andachievement?

WHATCOULDYOURFUTUREHOLD?Ifyouhadjusttherightkindofsuccessfulnewmentalprogram,wouldyoubedoingthesamethingforalivingthatyouaredoingnow?Wouldyoubedoingyour job in exactly the sameway?What aboutyourpersonal life?Wouldyouchange anything, improve anything?Would you have reached anymore goalsthanyouhavereached?Wouldyouhavemoremoneyinthebankoranymorefinancialsecuritythanyouhavenow?Whataboutyourday-to-daylife—wouldit be less frustrating and more rewarding? And, with different preparation orconditioning,whatcouldyourfuturehold?Woulditbethesameasyourfutureholdsforyoutoday,orwoulditbebetter?What if eachandeveryday, from the timeyouwerea smallchild,youhad

been given an extra helping of self-confidence, double the amount ofdetermination,andtwicetheamountofbeliefintheoutcome?Canyouimaginewhat tasks you might accomplish more easily, what problems you wouldovercome,orwhatgoalsyoucouldreach?Afterall,success,ultimately,isuptotheindividual. It isn’t thepen—it’s thewriter; it isn’t theroad—it’s therunner

thatcounts.Whyisit,then,thatsomeaccomplishnearlyanytaskmoreeasilythanothers,

achievetheirgoalsmorereadily,andlivetheirlivesmorefully?Coulditbethatthosewhoappeartobe“luckier”thantheresthaveactuallyonlygottenalittlebetter programming, or perhaps have learned how to erase their old negativeprogrammingandreplaceitwithsomethingbetter?Afterexaminingthephilosophies, the theories,andthepracticedmethodsof

influencing humanbehavior, Iwas shocked to learn the simplicity of that onesmallfact:Youwillbecomewhatyouthinkaboutmost;yoursuccessorfailureinanything,largeorsmall,willdependonyourprogramming—whatyouacceptfromothers,andwhatyousaywhenyoutalktoyourself.Itisnolongerasuccesstheory;itisasimple,butpowerful,fact.Neitherluck

nordesirehas the slightest thing todowith it. Itmakesnodifferencewhetherconsciouslyacceptitornot.Thebrainsimplybelieveswhatyoutellitmost.Andwhatyoutellitaboutyou,itwillcreate.Ithasnochoice.At the time I first recognized that this one simple clue could lead to a

breakthrough in individual attitudeandperformance,mostofwhatwe thoughtweunderstoodaboutthehumanbrainwaslittlemorethanspeculation.Medicalresearchersandmind/brainscientistshadnotyetexploredormappedthemazesofthebraintotheextenttowhichtheyhavetoday.Fewofthebrain’scomplexelectrochemicalmysterieswere fully understood.Even today the brain is onlyjust beginning to give up its secrets. Each day more progress is made andresearchershavelearnedtoanticipateanunendingdramaofnewdiscoveries.Therewas good reason formy excitement overmy own rediscovery of the

ancienttruthwhichtoldusthat“whatwethinkiswhatwebecome.”Thereweretensofthousandsofdevoutbelieverswho,throughonereligionoranother,wereprofessingthesame“truth.”Tothemitwasinevitable,Isuppose,thatscientificresearchwouldonedayprovetheirclaim:thatwecontrolwithourownmindsmost everything in our lives, including our health, our careers, our personalrelationships,andourfutures.Buttomeitwasthescientificunderstandingofhowtheprocessworkedwhich

so ignitedmy interest.What if, Iwondered,wecouldbegin tounderstand theworkingsofthemindsothoroughlythatwecouldactuallylearnhowtochangeoroverrideouroldprogrammingandreplace itwithaspecific,word-for-wordnewprogram?Andwhatifwecoulddoitinsuchawaythatwecouldaffectandimprove our attitudes and our behavior fast!—not through years of difficultstudyortraining,buteasilyandsimply,anytimewechoseto!That is exactly what the brain will do. An understanding of that simple

function of our own personal computer—the human brain—is what has been

missing from most of the books and most of our motivational talks. Anunderstandingofthatonesimplerequirementofourmentalmachinerycanhelpusmakeasimplebutvitalchangeinhowweacceptprogrammingfromothers—and,moreimportantly,whatwesaywhenwetalktoourselves.

CHAPTERTHREE

WhatWorksandWhatDoesn’t

Thediscoveryofanynewthingofvalue isa timeofexcitement.And like thedreamswe had as children, of finding chests of gold doubloons and pricelessjewels, there is a part of us that keeps seeking the treasure. But instead oflookingforrubiesandgold,Ifoundmyselfsearchingforasingle,importantkey—onethatwouldunlockadoorIknewmustleadtoabetterlifeformany.IwassearchingforsomethingthatIsensedhadbeenmissingfromthebooks

andmessages and solutions of somanywho had come beforeme. It becameobvious tome that if the final solutions to a better life, more happiness, andpersonal fulfillment had already been discovered, then something vital wasmissing;something thatwassoessential, so important to thewholeprocessofachieving success, thatwithout it, theother solutionswouldnotwork, at leastnotforanylengthoftime.I began to recognize that this “missing ingredient” could be the gluewhich

would, for the first time, bind all the other elements of success and self-fulfillmenttogether.One look around told me that my first assumptions were correct: even the

best-selling success “solutions” were able to create lasting changes in only ahandfulofthetensofthousandsofpeoplewhotriedthem.Theywouldworkfora timeand then theaverage individualwould revert tohisoldways.After thefirstexcitementofthebrandnewself-beliefwearsoff,thedreamssoongivewaytotherealitiesofeverydayliving.Sincetheoldprogrammingcontrolsthehabits,itistheoldhabitswhichonce

again take over. The new goal of conquering the world and making greatchanges (whichsoundedsogood in thebook) is left tobe tackledagain someotherday. Iwouldprefer tobemoreoptimistic, buthowmanypeopledoyouknowwhoreallyhavetheirlivestotally“together”(whichmeanssomethinglikebeing “successfully successful”), day after day, year after year? It has beenprovedthatitisnotimpossibletoliveafullandrewardinglife,dayinanddayout—it’sjusthighlyunusual.Soeventhoughweweretoldthatanyofuscouldlivehighlysuccessfullives,

andweweregivenspecificinstructionsastohowtogoaboutit,veryfewofusactuallyhavedoneit.Atleastnotforlongerthanafewweeksorafewmonths.

Thenit’sbacktothe“old”way,justlikebefore,livinglifeaswealwayshave,maybegettingalittleaheadorgettingby,andwonderingwhywearen’tdoingaswellaswethinkweshould.Eventheverybestideaswhichwefoundinbestsellingbooks,eventheones

that lookedlike theywouldworkforcertain,wouldworkforawhileandthenslowlylosetheirimportanceinourlives.Excitingideas,greatbreakthroughsandinspirations for the mind which seemed to offer so much, became once readbookssittingforgottenonashelf.Could it be, Iwondered, that themissing ingredient I soughtwas somehow

connectedtoourindividualprogramming?Inordertolearnthatanswer,andinorder to learnwhatdoeswork, Idecided that itwouldhelp to firstunderstandwhatdoesnotwork—andwhy.

ONTHETRAILOFASENSIBLESOLUTIONOf all the self-help concepts I haveuncovered, the concept of “programming”thebrainwithamoresuccessful“newpicture”ofyourselfisthemostsensible.Iamnot the firstbehavioral researcheror author to figure thisout.OthershavecometothesameconclusionsasI,thatwhateveryouputintoyourmind—inonewayoranother—iswhatyouwillgetbackout—inonewayoranother.Although not every writer in the self-development field has arrived at the

sameconclusions(onlybecausetheywerelookingattheprobleminadifferentway),therearethosewhohavewrittenbooksandshownmillionsthewaytoabetterlife—ifnotpermanently,atleastforatime.Andwhiletheywereleadingotherstowardhappinessandamoreabundantlife,Iwasbusywatchingthegreatphilosophies of success. In time I began to analyze why only a few of thesuccessprinciplesworkedandwhymostdidnot.I studied the philosophies of success, analyzed the lists of instructions—the

“how-to’s” of making more money, being better managers, losing weight,overcoming depression, getting a better job, setting goals, living with others,managing time, or just generally “beingmore successful.” I tried the successtechniques formyself and talked to dozens of others frommanywalks of lifethathaddonethesame.Italkedatlengthwithmanyoftheleadersofthesuccessindustry—corporationswhosebusinessitistosellussuccess.I talked to the customers who attended the seminars, bought the books, or

listened to the cassettes. To learn what really “worked,” and what did not, Iimmersed myself in the world of success, examining every facet of thatfascinatingfieldfromtheinsideout.Iconsultedwiththeleadersoftheindustry.

Iexaminedtheirmethods,theirsystems,andtheir“solutions.”Duringthoseyearsofobserving,practicingthetechniques,andanalyzingthe

results of others, I continued to askmyself the question: If there are somanygoodsolutions,whyaren’ttheycreatingpermanentchangesinourlives?Asanexample,whydosomanypeoplewhoreadabookonsomethingasworthwhileas “positive thinking” decide to start thinking differently, but still end up, sixmonths later, thinking justas theydidbefore they read thebook?Eventually Icametosomeclearconclusionsabout“self-improvement”:1)Mostoftheauthorsareontherighttrack.Forthemostpart,theyappeartobesincere,caringindividuals—trulybelievinginthebestforeveryone.

2)Ifyoufollowtheiradvice,mostofitwillhelp.3)Ifyoustopfollowingtheiradvice,invariablyitwillstopworking.Someofthe“success principles” I studied work longer (without continued effort) thanothers. However, nothing you read once is permanent; none of the self-helpprogramscontinuetoworkbythemselvesorwithoutconstantreinforcement.

THIRTYYEARSOF“HOW-TO’S”Youmayormaynotbeawareofthekindsof“self-help”conceptsIamtalkingabout.Incaseyouhaven’tspentalotoftimereadingself-helpliteratureduringthe last twentyor thirtyyears, Iwill summarize itsmostpopular teachings foryou.Theliteraturesaysthatifyouwanttobemoresuccessful,youshould:BelieveInYourselfKeepYourPrioritiesStraightTakeResponsibilityForYourselfCreateYourOwnFutureFocusOnWhatYouWantLearnToVisualizeTheOutcomeOfYourGoalsNeverLetAnyoneControlYourDestinyForYouBeCreativeThinkBigControlStressBeAggressiveAndAssertiveThinkPositivelyChartYourOwnCourseSetSpecificGoalsAndReviewThemOften

Spend Some Time Each Day Improving YourMind, Review Your Results AndReadjustAsNecessaryBeTolerantDoEverythingWithLoveDon’tHateHaveCourageRecognizeThatMostOfWhatWeBelieveAboutLifeIsAnIllusionBeHonestWorkHardBelieveMoneyIsGoodAndItWillComeToYouHaveFaithIfYouAgreeToDoIt,EnjoyItBeStrongShowAffectionManageYourTimeDressRightLearnToSellYourselfTakeTimeOffBelieveInA“HigherSelf”EatRightLivePrudentlySeekTheAidOfOthersWhoAreInSympathyWithYourGoalsGiveAssistanceToOthersKeepMotivatedMeditateBeOptimisticTrustOthersAndBeWorthyOfTrustRecognizeThatSuccessIsMoreThanMoneyBeKindSeeThe“BigPicture”TakeCareOfTheDetailsGetOrganizedDon’tProcrastinateStayInControlKeepFitSeeProblemsAs“Opportunities”LearnEverythingYouCanAboutYourJobDon’tBeAfraidOfSuccessBeGenerousToOthers

BelieveInGodReachALittleHigherThanYouThoughtYouCouldSetYourSightsTakeActionNeverGiveUpIfyoudoallthat,Ihavebeentold,youwillbe“successful.”Evenbeingskeptical,Ihadtoagree.Ifyoucombinedthebestofalltheself-

helporself-improvementteachingsavailabletous,itiscleartheyhavegivenusmostofthe“keystosuccess.”Ifthatistrue—andIbelievethatitis—thenwhat’swrong?Iftheprinciples,

andinmanycaseseventhedetailedinstructions,areallclearlyoutlinedforus,whydoweneedmorebooks,moresolutions,andmorereminders?Inarecentyearitwasestimatedthatmorethanabilliondollarsworthofself-

help materials were purchased in the U.S. alone! With all of that, what ismissing?What is themissingkey?Whatwouldcomplete thepuzzleandoffereachofuslasting,individualsuccessandfulfillment?

THEMISSINGINGREDIENTSInmyanalysisofwhatworkedandwhatdidnot,Ifoundthreeingredientswhichareclearlymissingfromalmostalloftheliterature:1) The first missing ingredient is permanence. All “external” solutions aretemporary.Eventhebestof the ideasworkonlyfora time.Withoutconstantattention and effort, even the most exciting success breakthroughs run theircourseandeventuallyenduponourlistof“goodideas”and“goodintentions.”Few,ifany,offerbuilt-inwaystokeepthemworking.Ihaveyettofindabookthatwill jumpdownoff the shelf and tapyouon the shoulder eachmorningandsay,“Hey!Rememberme?RememberwhatItaughtyou?Whyaren’tyoustilldoingit?”

2) The second ingredient missing from most of the success literature is aknowledgeofthephysiologicalprocessesofthehumanbrain—basedonwhatwenowknowaboutactualmind/brainfunctions.Withoutanunderstandingofthe actual process by which the human brain accepts information(programming) and, in turn, responds, directs and controls us, it would bedifficult (or impossible) to create any success plan that worked and keptworkingindefinitely.

Thebrainrunstheship.Ifyouwanttomakeapermanentchangeofanykind,you’vegottofollowtherules.Ifyouwanttomakeachangeandmakeitstick,you’vegottodoitthewaythebrainworks.

3)The thirdmissing ingredient,and themost importantofall, isanew,word-for-word set of directions, new programming to the subconsciousmind (thecontrolcenterofthebrain).Thatmeansaspecific“programmingvocabulary”which isworded ina specificway, thatanyonecanuseatany time, toeraseand replace the old negative programming with positive, productive newdirections.

The only solution which includes all of the three missing ingredients issomethingcalledSelf-Talk.Thinkforamomentaboutsomeofthethingsyouwouldliketoaccomplishor

achieve in your life—or even those smaller things you would like to changeaboutyourliferightnow.Yourobjectivecouldbetoearnmoreincome,haveabetter family life, improveyourskills,dobetter inschool,dobetteratwork—anythingatall.Whatevermeans you choose tomake the change, unless you first begin to

changeyourold“programming,”theyearsofconditioningthatkeepsyoudoingittheoldway,thelikelyoutcomeisthatwhatyouwanttoaccomplishwillnotwork—orwillnotlast.

CHAPTERFOUR

NewDiscoveries

Duringthelastdecades,neuroscientistshavelearnedthatmuchofwhatwehadsuspected about the human brain is true:The brain operates verymuch like apersonal computer. It’s not that simple, of course. For one thing, the brain ismanytimesmorepowerful,inmostrespects,thanthemostpowerfulcomputerswe have yet created. Even though the adult human brain weighs only aboutfifteenhundredgrams,aboutthreepounds,andlooksmorelikealumpofgraycauliflowerthanadesktopcomputer,thebrainfunctionsinsomeimportantwaysmuchliketheman-madecomputerswhicharepatternedafterit.In non-technical language, a computer has three basic parts: a screen, a

keyboardortouchscreen,andaharddriveorprogramdisc.Thescreeniswhatwe use to visually display what we are programming into the computer. Thescreenalsodisplaystheresults—theinformationwewantthecomputertostoreforus.The keyboardor touch screen iswhatwe use to type in the directions and

informationwegivetothecomputer.Andtheharddriveis thestoragedevice,ontowhichwerecordtheinformation.Whateverwerecordorprogramwillstaythere forever unless someone changes it by erasing the old information andleavingitblank,orbytypinginnewinformation.Eachofus,alongwithourbrain,hassimilarparts.Inus,thecomputer’sscreeniscomparabletoourappearanceandouractions

—whatwe“display”totheworldaroundus.In a human being, the computer keyboard is the same as our five senses.

Anythingwehear,see,taste,touch,orsmell—andanythingwesaytoourselves—is“programmed”intoourbrainthroughourkeyboard:ourfivesenses.Apersonalcomputerusesaharddrive(orothermemorydevice)torecordthe

program and the information which the keyboard feeds to it. In the humancomputer,theharddriveisoursubconsciousmind.Everythingweexperienceisrecorded—programmed—intooursubconsciousminds.Inourcomputeranalogy, it ismost important tounderstand thatwhatever is

programmed into your own personal “mental” computer is permanentlyprogrammed. That is,whatever programming you have received up to now isjustasimportantandjustaspermanentasany“program”whichhasbeentyped

intothemostpowerfulman-madecomputers.

THECONTROLCENTERTohelpsimplifythecomplexprocessofhowandwhytheprogrammingofthehumanbrainaffectsusasmuchasitdoes,let’stakeaquick,imaginarylookintothebrain’scentralcontrolroom.That is thepartof thebrainwherecommandsarereceivedandwherealltheordersarehandedout—thepartofthebrainthatmakes us feel good, work hard, and get things done. Or when not so welldirected, itmakes us slow down, fear the outcome, and stop dead-still in ourtracks.Imaginestandinginthecontrolcenterofthebrain,infrontofawallwhichis

completelycoveredwithliterallytensofthousandsoflightswitches.One section of switches controls our moods. Another section governs our

health.Anothergroupofswitchescontrolsouremotions,another,ourplanningfunctions,anotherourhopesanddreams.Anothersectionisresponsibleforhowwe act, how we move, sit, stand, walk, look, speak, react and respond.Everything about us—our memory, our judgment, our attitude, our fears, ourcreativity, logic,andspirit—iscontrolledbytheswitchesinourmentalcontrolroom.Whenanycommandistransmittedtothecontrolroom,theproperdirections

are sent to the appropriate panels of switches.Within a fraction of a second,someofthoseswitchesareturnedofforturnedon.Within the brain itself, a network of tens of billions of neurons, and

electrochemical switches calledneurotransmitters, telegraphmessages to everypart of the brain, selecting just the right section of switches, which in turnswitchespartsofus“on”andpartsofus“off.”Thebrain’sinfinitesimallysmallchemicalreceivingcentersrespondtoalmost

imperceptible electrochemical signals which deliver nearly unmeasurable buthighlypotentchemicalsubstancestoourbrain,ourcentralnervoussystem,andtoourbodies—whichinturncontroloraffecteverythingwedo.It is the brain’s responsibility to take care of us. It does so by constantly

monitoringourneedsanddirectingthevariouspartsofoursystemstotakethenecessary action. The brain automatically responds to every one of ourunconsciouselectrical/chemicalmentalandphysicalcommands—thosethatareprincipallyconcernedwithkeepingusalive.

THEBIOCHEMICALELECTRICALIMPULSESCALLED

“THOUGHTS”But the brain responds, also automatically, to another kind of command—another exceptionally compelling electrical impulse which also turns theswitches in thebrainonoroff.Thoseelectrical impulses, thosespecialmentalcommandswhichdirectandcontrolus,arecalledthoughts.Every thoughtwe think, every conscious or unconscious thoughtwe say to

ourselves,istranslatedintoelectricalimpulseswhich,inturn,directthecontrolcenters in our brains to electrically and chemically affect and control everymotion,everyfeeling,everyactionwetake,everymomentofeveryday.Whatever “thoughts” you have programmed into yourself, or have allowed

others to program into you, are affecting, directing, or controlling everythingaboutyou.Fromthedaywewereborn,wehavereceivedastaggeringamountofprogramming. It would require an immense computer just to compute thenumberofindividualpiecesofinformationwereceivefromtheworldaroundusin just one year. Someof the programming is obvious, butmuch of itwe areneverevenawareofreceiving.Theobviousprogramsare thosecomments,questions,andstatementswhich

aremadetousdirectly.Wearetoldbyourparents,andotheradults,whatwecanandcannotdo.Wearetoldwhatwearegoodatandwhatwearenot.Wearetoldhowwe look.Weare toldwhat to expect,what tobelieve in, how to act, andwhattodoornottodo.Because,startingoutaschildren,completelydependentonothers,itisimportanttooursurvivaltolistenandtobelievewhatotherssay,welearntoacceptwhatotherstellus—andwelearntobelieveit.

CHAPTERFIVE

WeLearntoBelieve

Whatadultstellusaschildrenhasanincrediblyimportanteffectonus.Itformswhatwebelieveaboutmostofwhatisgoingonaroundusandalmosteverythingthatwecometobelieveaboutourselves.Istillrememberthetimewhen,asagrade-schoolstudent,Iwantedmorethan

anythingIcouldthinkoftoplayamusicalinstrumentandbeamemberoftheschool band.Alongwith ten or twelve other students frommy school class, Idecidedto tryoutfor theband.Afterbeinghandedacompletelyalienmusicalinstrumentandtryingtogetittomakemusicinfrontofthebandinstructor,myclassteacher,andtheotherstudents,Iwasdismissed.IknewthatIhadnotdonewell.Butitwasanhourlater,afterthelaststudent

of the day had performed, that I overheard the band director tellingmy classteacher thatnotonlycouldInotplay in theband,but Ihadnomusicalabilityand would never be able to play a musical instrument! What incredibleprogrammingforatwelve-year-oldboywhohadhisheartsetonlearninghowtoplay!It worked. I heard, from someone else, that I had nomusical ability and I

believedit.IacceptedasfactthatIhadnomusicaltalentandthatIneverwould.Itwasn’tuntilyears later that I finallygotupenoughcourage to rent apiano,learnsomenotes,andplayitwhennoonewasaroundtoremindmethatIcouldnotplay.Itookyearstoundothatprogram—eventhoughitwasanentirelyfalseprogram tobeginwith. I learned, after some twenty frustratingyears, that ourschoolbanddirectorwaswrong.AndIhadbelievedhim.Here isanotherexample, in theopposite.YoungMichael,whoat theageof

sixoftenvisitedtheelderlygentlemannextdoorforafternoonchats,wassafelyoutofsightbutwithinhearingdistanceatthetopofthestairsoneevening,readyforbed,whentheneighborstoppedby.LittleMichaeloverheardtheoldmantellhismotherthatMichaelwasverycreative,andheknewthatMikewouldgrowuptodothingsthatwerecreative.Decadeslater,MikeVance,throughhispersonalconsultingandhisworkwith

major corporations and organizations throughout the world, had gone on tobecome one of the premier creativity trainers in the United States! LittleMichael,byaccident,overheardonesmall“program”abouthimself.Andlittle

Michaelbelievedit.Unfortunately,littleofourownprogramminghasdoneasmuchonourbehalf.

Can you imagine the number of times some child has heard the innocent butthoughtless words, “you’ll never amount to much,” or was told “that sport,”“that career,” “thatmate,”Or “that dream”was not right for him or her? Justimaginewhatoureagerandopenyoungmindsperceivedandbelieved.

UNCONSCIOUSCONDITIONINGFROMOTHERSSome of our programming is obvious. It stands up, gets our attention anddemandsourresponse.Butmuchofourprogrammingisnotnearlysoapparent.Mostofithasbeenmuchmoresubtle.Every day each of us receives an endless stream of commands, directives,

controls, inducements, and expectations from others. Everything around usnudges, demands, or persuades. Even as adults we are met with a torrent ofinfluences,mostofwhichwearenotevenaware.Weareshipswithcountlesscaptains,all seeking todirectuson theirowncourses, for theirownpurposes,oftennotevenknowingtheyareleadingourshipsastray.As long as you and I allow others to program us in a way that fits their

choosing,weare,withoutadoubt,outofcontrol,captivetothewhimsofsomeunknown destiny, not quite recognizing that what hangs in the balance is thefulfillmentofourownfutures.Whydosomanytherapiststaketheirpatientsbacktoatimeintheirchildhood

whentheproblemwascreated?Becausethatiswherethebeliefsbegan.Thatiswhere the fear, the trauma,or the self-identity firstbegan to takehold.Outofthoseearlyyears,eachofus formedacompositepictureofourselves. Itmadelittledifferencewhetherthepicturesofourselveswhichwecreatedweretrueornot.Ourexperiences,ouracceptanceofwhatweheardfromothersandwhatwetoldourselvesbecamethefoundationforthementalprogrammingwhichdirectsustoday.Ofcourse,notallofourpastprogramminghasbeenthewrongkind.Someof

ithasbeenverygood.Mostofushaveexperiencedtheloveandcaringofothers.Andmost of us havebeen touched from time to timewithvisionsof positiveself-belief. We have had parents who countered their misgivings withencouragement.We have had coaches, teachers, and friendswho expected thebest.Aswegrew,allofus,fromtimetotime,havehadoursuccesses.Butatourbest,wehavebeen livingwithonlyapartofour life’sprograms

workingforus.Imaginewhatyoucoulddoifyoucouldoverridetheprograms

inyoursubconsciousmind, those thatstillworkagainstyou,andreplace themwith a refreshing new program of absolute belief—an almost unconscious,automaticnewprogram thatwouldgo towork foryou—replacing thebarrierswitharefreshingnewlookatthelifeyouhaveinfrontofyou.Ionceaskedawomanwhohad lostahundredand twentypoundswhatshe

feltlikeaftersucceedinginhergoaltolosetheweight.Heranswerwas,“Ifeellike I’ve lost a hundred and twenty pounds!” I understoodher joy. Sometime,whenyouareatahealthspaorgymnasium,goovertotheweight-liftingsectionandtry topickupahundredand twentypounds!Imagine losing,evenforoneday,allof theextraweightofself-doubtanddisbeliefwecarrywithus.Thinkhowfastyoucould run!Thinkwhatyoucoulddo,beginning tomorrow, if theshacklesofbadhabits,oldconditioning,andself-doubtweresuddenlygone!Asyoumayhaveguessed,Ihaven’tledyouthisfaronlytotellyouthatthis

kindof freedom is impossibleorbeyond the reachofanyofus.Notonlycanyouachieve that freedomforyourself,butweareabout tosee that thereareafew,practicalstepsyoucantaketomakethefreedomofaself-directedmindapermanentpartofeverydayofyourlife.You already have all of the necessary equipment. You were born with

everything you needed to live your life in amost exceptional andworthwhileway.Itmakesnodifferencewhatyouhavethoughtorwhatyouhavedoneinthepast.Fromthisdayon,youcan,ifyouchoose,changealittletogainalot.

YOURPERSONALON-BOARDCOMPUTEREarlierwediscussedhowmuchoftheprogrammingwhicheachofusreceivedwasthewrongkind;thatasmuchasseventy-fivepercentormoreofeverythingthatisrecordedandstoredinoursubconsciousmindsiscounterproductiveandworksagainstus—inshort,weareprogrammednottosucceed!Let’ssaythatIcalledyouthiseveningandtoldyouthatIhadjustchartereda

jetairlinertogotoEurope,andIwasinvitingyouandyourfamilyorfriendstojoinme!WeareallgoingtoflytoEuropeforafabuloustwo-weekvacation(allexpensespaid,ofcourse)!But now let’s say that just as we are boarding the plane, we overhear the

navigator talking to thecaptain.Wehearhimtell thecaptain that theon-boardcomputer—thecomputerthatfliestheplane—isprogrammedwrong;ithasbeenprogrammedso that seventy-fivepercentof thedirections thatwill control theplanearethewrongdirections!Ifyouknew that the airplane’son-board computerwasprogrammedwrong,

whatwouldyoudonext?Youwouldgetoff theplane!Youcertainlywouldn’twanttobeonanairplanewithabadcomputerprogram.Youwouldknowthattheplanewouldhavetodooneoftwothings:itwouldeitherlandinthewrongplace(notahappythoughtwhileflyingovertheAtlantic)oritwouldcrash!And that isexactly thekindofprogrammostofushave.Nowonder things

don’twork!Nowonderwedream,hope, try, struggle,getby, fall shortof themark or fail! No wonder we would like to get more out of life, solve someproblems,orreachsomegoals—butcan’tseemtobeableto.We’vegotabadprogram!We have been trying to achieve our goals with our own onboardcomputerpre-programmedtoholdusback!Doyouwanttolivewithabadprogram?Doyouwanttogothroughtherest

ofyourlifeliterallyatthemercyofaprogramyoudon’twant?Youdon’thaveto.Youcanoverridealmostanyconditioningyouhaveeverreceived,inanypartofyour life. Itmakesabsolutelynodifferencewho,where,what,why,orhowyou have been in the past. It makes no difference what you believed aboutyourself orwhat othersmay have believed about you. Itmakes no differencewhat circumstances lifemay have tossed in your lap.You can put yourself incontrol.Nowit’syourturn.Youcanreprogram.Youcanerasetheoldnegative,counter-productive,work-

against-youprogrammingandreplaceitwithahealthy,new,positive,productivekindofprogramming.And it’s easy.Eraseand replace.Allyouhave todo islearnhowtotalktoyourself.

ANEWSETOFDIRECTIONSIfwechangeourattitudesandourbehaviorjustbychangingourprogramming,thennoneofushavetocontinuestrugglingthroughlifewithourold,negativeprogrammingdraggingusdownorholdingusback.Ifwecanjustlearntogivespecific,productivenewdirectionstoourminds,thenwehaveachancetomakethingswork—andkeepworking.When I recognized thatwe couldmake a change in our lives bymaking a

change inourprogramming, Isawfor thefirst time,acrack in thewallof the148,000negatives,doubts,anddestructivedisbeliefsthateachofushadbuiltupin frontofus. Ibegan tobelieve thatwhatwasholdingusback,defeatingus,coulditselfbedefeated.Ibegantorealizethatanexcitingnewfuturewasabouttobecomeavailabletoanyonewhowasstandingbehindthewall,waitingtogetthrough.Whatanexcitingdecisionitistobreakthroughthatwall!Anyofuscandoit.

Oncewerecognizewhattherealwallis,wecangetpastit.

CHAPTERSIX

TheWall

Allofustalktoourselvesallofthetime.Ourself-talkmaybeinspokenwordsor unspoken thoughts. It can take the form of feelings, impressions, or evenwordlessphysicalresponses,theclutchinthestomachthatcomeswhenwearesurprised or afraid, or the rush that comes with excitement or joy. We arethinking machines that never shut down. From childhood on we have beenwatching, listening to, sifting, sorting, analyzing, judging, cataloging, andstoringeverythingthatgoesonaboutus.Mostofourself-talkisunconscious;wearenotevenawareofit.Attimesour

self-talkcomes in feelings thatcan’tquitebeput intowords.Atother times itcomesinlittleflashes,flickersofthoughtswhichneverquitecatchfireorglowbright enough or last long enough to become ideas, clearly thought out andunderstood.All of our thoughts, all of the pictures in our minds, are always tied to

somethingelsethatwealreadyknowabout.Ifyouaregivenanewthoughtoranewpicture,oneyouhavenever thoughtaboutor imaginedbefore,yourbrainwillimmediatelyfindsomethingelseinyourmindtotiethenewinformationto,togiveitsense,tohelpyouunderstand.Every new thought you think has to have some old thoughts to stick to, a

proper place to fit. When you are told something new, your brain will, in afraction of a second, scan through literallymillions of mental filing cabinets,filled with every idea or thought or impression you have ever stored. In thatsame fraction of a second, based on the information already stored in yourmentalfiles,yourbrainwillsendyouaninstanttelegram,tellingyouhowtofeelaboutthisnewthought,whereitshouldgetfiled,andwhetheryoushouldacceptit,believeit,keepitanduseit,ordisapprove,disbelieve,andthrowitout.Themorewebelieve about something, themorewewill accept other ideas

whicharesimilar.Themorefileswehave inourmental filingcabinets,whichtell us something about ourselves, the more we will attract and accept otherthoughtsandideaswhichsupportandprovewhatisalreadystoredinourfiles.Themore you think about yourself in a certainway, themore youwill thinkaboutyourselfinthatsamecertainway!Themoreyouthinkaboutanythinginacertainway, themore youwill believe that that is how it really is. Themind

worksthatwaybecausethebrainalwaystriestotieanynewthingyouthinktosomethingyoualreadybelieve.Understanding thatmakes it easy to understandwhy it is hard to teach old

dogsnewtricks,changeourminds,orunstickourselvesfromthe ideaswearesolidlystuckin.Italsotellsuswhythelongeryoubelievesomething,theharderitistochangethatbelief.Thelongeryouhaveboughtthethought,the“truer”itis.Inourmentalcontrolcenterswefilltooverflowingthefilesthatsupportwhat

we have told ourselves most, and we throw out anything that disagrees. Andmeanwhile,wekeepourselvesbusily,blissfullyignorantofsomethingaboutusthatcouldhavemadeadifferenceinourlives;somethingaboutourselvescalledthetruth.

ASELF-MADEWALLOFNEGATIVESELF-TALKThroughouttheyearsofsolution-seekinginmyquestforamorepracticalpathto lasting self-improvement, I noticed that while most self-talk is eitherunconscious or goes unnoticed, some self-talkwas glaringly obvious and, notsurprisingly, clearly self-defeating. Although some of the Self-Talk I heardpeopleusingwasconstructiveandbeneficial,mostof itwas theopposite—thekindofself-talkthatwascounter-productiveandself-defeating.Each timeIheardanexampleof thiskindof“negative”self-talk, Iwrote it

down.Intime,mylistincludedhundredsofself-talkstatementsthataremadebypeople—everyday.Mostofthepeoplewhousenegativeself-talkarenotawareofwhattheyaresaying.Andfew,ifanyofthem,areawareofthepoweroftheprogramming—thenegativeprogramming—theyaregivingthemselves.If everything you tell yourself about yourself becomes a directive to your

subconsciousmind, then anytime youmake a statement about yourself that isnegative you are directing your subconscious mind to make you become thepersonyoujustdescribed—negatively!Here are just a few examples of frequently used negative self-talk.As you

readthem,seeifyouknowsomeonewhosayssomethingsimilar,orifyouhavesaidsomethinglikeanyoftheseyourself:Ican’tremembernames.It’sgoingtobeanotheroneofthosedays!It’sjustnouse!Ijustknowitwon’twork!

Nothingevergoesrightforme.That’sjustmyluck.I’msoclumsy!Idon’thavethetalent.I’mjustnotcreative.EverythingIeatgoesrighttomywaist.Ican’tseemtogetorganized.Todayjustisn’tmyday!IcanneveraffordthethingsIwant.IalreadyknowIwon’tlikeit.NomatterwhatIdoIcan’tseemtoloseweight.Ineverhaveenoughtime.Ijustdon’thavethepatienceforthat.Thatreallymakesmemad!AnotherblueMonday!WhenwillIeverlearn!Igetsickjustthinkingaboutit.SometimesIjusthatemyself.I’mjustnogood!I’mtooshy.Ineverknowwhattosay.WithmyluckIdon’thaveachance!I’dliketostopsmokingbutIcan’tseemtoquit.Thingsjustaren’tworkingoutrightforme.Idon’thavetheenergyIusedto.I’mreallyoutofshape.Ineverhaveanymoneyleftoverattheendofthemonth.WhyshouldItry—it’snotgoingtoworkanyway!I’veneverbeenanygoodatthat.Mydeskisalwaysamess!TheonlykindofluckIhaveisbadluck!Ineverwinanything!IfeellikeI’moverthehill.Someonealwaysbeatsmetoit!Nobodylikesme.Inevergetabreak!ItseemslikeI’malwaysbroke!EverythingItouchturnstobleep.NobodywantstopaymewhatI’mworth.

SometimesIwishI’dneverbeenborn!I’mjustnogoodatmath.IloseweightbutthenIgainitrightbackagain.Igetsodepressed!Ijustcan’tseemtogetanythingdone!Nothingseemstogorightforme!I’mjustnotasalesman.That’simpossible!There’sjustnoway!Ialwaysfreezeupinfrontofagroup.I’mnothingwithoutmyfirstcupofcoffeeinthemorning.Ijustcan’tgetwithittoday.I’llnevergetitright!Ijustcan’ttakeitanymore!Ihatemyjob.Igetacoldthistimeeveryyear.I’mjustnotcutoutforthat.I’mreallyattheendofmyrope.Youcan’ttrustanyoneanymore!Ijustcan’thandlethis!Ineverseemtogetanyplaceontime.I’vealwaysbeenbadwithwords.IfonlyIweresmarter.IfonlyIweretaller.IfonlyIhadmoretime.IfonlyIhadmoremoney....andon,andon,andon.Imaginesittingdownatyourpersonalcomputerkeyboardandtypinganyone

of thosedirections into thecomputer.And imagine thatyourcomputerwilldowhateveryouprogramittodo.Thatisexactlywhatwedotoourpersonalcomputers!Nowonderthingsgo

wrong!Nowonderthingsdon’tworkoutright!Ifyourpersonalcomputer—theone that flies your plane—is programmed with the wrong information, youcannotpossiblybeassuccessfulasyouwouldliketobe—youcannotgetwhereyouwanttogo!

LIVINGWITHTHERESULTS

OnedayIwashavinglunchwithafriendofminewhoisamotivationalspeakerand author. We were sitting in a coffee shop located in a large Las Vegasconvention hotel. While we were waiting for our lunch, we were discussingnegative self-talk and commenting on howwe end up becoming the result ofwhatwesay toourselves.Duringourdiscussionaperfectexampleof just thathappened.As our waitress approached our table with both arms laden with plates of

food,shestumbledanddroppedanarmloadofhotfoodonthetableandfloorinfrontofus,andexclaimedloudly,“Oh,I’msoclumsy!”My friend and I had justwitnessed a firsthand example of the result of the

simplestkindofnegativeself-talk. Idonotknowhowmany timesbefore thatwaitress had told herself she was clumsy. But she had undoubtedly said it toherselfoftenenoughtobelievethatitwastrue,andtomakeithappen!Asanother example, let’s take somethingas commonas theproblemofnot

being able to remember names. For twenty-five years you may have said toyourself,“Icannever remembernames.”Thenoneeveningyougo toaparty.Youareintroducedtosomeonewhosenameyouwanttorememberandyousayto yourself, “I’m going to remember this person’s name.” What happens tenseconds later? You forget the name! Why? Because for the past twenty-fiveyearsyouhavebeen tellingyourself that that’swhatyou’lldo.Youhavebeenprogrammingyourselftoforget!Minutes later, at the party, you find yourself standing there, a little

embarrassed, mentally going through the alphabet, trying to remember theperson’sname.Andmeanwhile,whileyou’refeelingforgetfulandfoolish,yoursubconscious, feelingveryproud, issaying,“See, Ididwhatyou toldme to! Imadeyouforgetthename!”Ifyourself-talk, thedirectionsyougive toyoursubconsciousmind,willdo

that,don’tyousupposeitwilldowhateverelseyoutellittodo?Ifyouweretoreprogramsomeonestronglyenoughforthemtobelievethatitwassafetodriveuptoanintersection,andturnthewrongwayintooncomingtraffic,theywoulddoit!Thehumanbrainwilldoanythingpossibleyoutell it todo, ifyoutell itoftenenoughandstronglyenough!Ifyoutellitthewrongthingaboutyourself,thatiswhatitwillaccept—andactupon!Thesubconsciousminddoesnotseethedifferencebetweenthestatementthat

weareclumsyandthestatementthatwearegraceful,well-coordinated,andincontrol.Itdoesnotknowthedifferencebetweenbeingtoldthatwearepoor,andthestatementthatwearewealthy.Itacceptsourprogrammingjustaswegiveit.

Our internal programming mechanism treats anything we tell it with equalindifference.As a result,whenwecasually state, “Nomatterwhat I do, I justcan’tseemtomakeenoughmoneytomakeendsmeet,”oursubconsciousmindsays,“Okay,I’lldowhatyou’retellingmetodo.I’llmakesureyoucan’tmakeends meet.” In turn, it will unleash its powerful control over our mental andphysicalselvestoachievetheresultitwastoldtoaccomplish.Imet agentleman, recently,who Iwould consider tobe a fineman,but an

unfortunate one. After twenty years of marriage, raising several children intotheir teens, and building a profitable business, he lost hiswife to divorce, hischildren to thewife andhisbusiness tohispartners.What intriguedmeaboutthisman’sstorywasthathetalkedonlyofhisfailures,hisdefeats,hisdownfall,andtheproblemsheanticipatedforhisfuture.Itwassadtoseesomeonewithhisdepth, hiswarmth, and his capabilities completely subjected to the failures hehadlongagocreatedforhimselfinhisownmind.As was the case with that individual, through a complex process of

electrochemical physiological controls, our personal computer will affect andinfluencewhatwedoineveryareaofourlives.Itwilldirectlyaffecteverythingaboutus,fromhowwegetalongwithsomeoneathome,totheamountofmoneyweearn.Atypicalexampleofthisisourownself-acceptedbeliefsaboutourpersonal

financialcapabilities—orlimitations.Unlesswechangetheprogramwegavetoourselves, the one that told us we can’t seem to earn enough money, oursubconsciouswill successfully accomplish its programmed task of keeping usearning less thanwewould like.Hadwe given it the right programming, thatsamesubconsciousmind,insteadofkeepinguspoororofaveragemeans,wouldjustasgladlyhavemadeusrich.

CHAPTERSEVEN

PassingItOn

Becausewe learnedourprograms frompeoplearoundus, it isnatural thatwealso pass the same kind of programming on to others. Unless we learndifferently,weendupgivingthesameprogrammingtoourownchildren.Ihavecollecteddozensofexamplesofstatementsandcommentswhichlovingparentshave told their childrenwithout once realizing that theywere creating a self-beliefinthatchildthatwouldcreatefailureinsteadofthehappinessandsuccesstheyweretryingtobestow.Youmayrecognizesomeof theseexamples.Sincere, loving,caringparents,

teachers,andfriendshavetoldchildren:“You’re just no good at that,” “Your room is always amess,” “Can’t you doanythingright?”“You’rejustlikeyourfather!”(Whichalwaysseemstobesaidwhenthechildhasdonesomethingwrong),“Whycan’tyoubemorelikeyoursister(orbrother)?”“You’llneverbeanartist(orathlete,etc.),”“Youjustdon’ttry!”“Youneverlistentome,”“Itellyoutodosomethingandyoudojusttheopposite!”“Youneverstudy,”“Yourgradesareatrocious,”“Youtalktoomuch,”“You always hang around with the wrong kind of friends,” “You don’t evenknowwherehomeisanymore,”“You’relazy,”“Youdon’tcareaboutanyonebutyourself,”“You’redeterminedtocauseproblems,”“Youjustdon’t think,”etc.,etc.,etc.Andsomechildren,evenwhileyouarereadingthis,arebeingtold themost

assuredlydestructivewords,“You’llneveramounttoanything.”I suspect that some ofwhat is said to children and teenagers behind closed

doorsmaybeevenstronger than thefewexamplesIhave justgiven.Butwiththatkindofprogramming,even in itsmost innocentandcasual form,canyouimagine howmany times young, impressionable, unknowing children are toldthings which end up working against them—howmany times we type a badprogramintotheirpersonalcomputers?Of course, much of what we say is said for the purpose of giving a child

proper training,aproper“upbringing.”But insodoing,byusingwordswhichprogramthechildinthewrongway,weunwittinglyhelpthechildcreateaself-identity which believes that what we are saying is “the truth”—we create a

picture portrait of how the child sees himself or herself inside, and eventuallywillbecome.Thinkforamomentofthedreamsyouknowyoucouldhaveaccomplishedin

yourownlife;thinkofthetalentsandskillsalreadywithinyouwhichcouldhavebeendevelopedintolastingachievementshadyoujusthadtherightamountofself-belief—the belief that you could instead of the belief that you could not.Mostofus,ifgivenamagicwand,whichwhenwavedcouldfulfillanyofourdreams,wouldmostcertainlymakesomechangesinourlives.Allofushavehadthedreams.Allofusdeservetoseeourdreamscometrue.

Wereitnotforthebrickwallofbadprogrammingthatstandsinourway,eachofus, each day, would be living out more of those dreams, reaching heights ofattainmentweseldomevendreamof.Wearefortunatetobelivingatatimewhenwearebeginningtounderstand

what goes on inside that incrediblemechanismwe call a brain. By unlockingmoreandmoreofthesecretsaboutourminds,wehavelearnedthatwehaveapersonalvoteintheoutcomeofourowndestinies.Wehavelearnedthatwhatweputintoourbrainsiswhatwewillgetbackout.

We also have learned that the subconsciousmind is a sponge—itwill believeanythingyou tell it—itwillevenbelievea lie—ifyou tell itoftenenoughandstronglyenough.Theprogrammingpartofthebrainmakesnomoraljudgments;it simply acceptswhat you tell it. The desktop computer at the office doesn’tcarewhatisprogrammedintoit.Itneverquestionswhetheryouaretellingitthetruthornot.Itjustacceptsandactsuponwhateveryouprogramintoit.Itmakesno difference whether the things you have told yourself or believed aboutyourselfinthepastweretrueornot.Thebraindoesn’tcare!

THEMACHINETHATNEVERSLEEPSYoursubconsciousmindisworkingrightnow,dayandnight,tomakesurethatyoubecomeprecisely thepersonyouhaveunconsciouslydescribedyourself tobe.Ifyourprogrampicturesyouashavingtroubleearningenoughincome,yoursubconsciousmindisdoingeverythingitcan,rightnow,tomakesurethatyouhave trouble earningmoremoney. If youhave conditionedyourself to believethatyoucan’tsticktoadiet,youcanbesurethatyoursubconsciousmindwillmake sure that no diet will work for you—at least not for long! Yoursubconsciouscanonlydoforyouwhatyou(andothers)tellittodo.InapreviouschapterIsaidthatduringtheformativeyearsofourlives,each

ofus is told “no,”orwhatwecannotdo, tens of thousands of times.Eachof

those“cannots”wasadirectivetooursubconsciousminds.Andaswe,becauseofourconditioning,begantofollowsuitandsaysimilar

cannots to ourselves, we fell into the unconscious habit of programmingourselvesinthesamewrongwayasdidourparents,friends,andothersaroundus.Andrightnow,atthismoment,eachofoursubconsciousmindsisworkingtomake sure we become just as those tens of thousands of negative directivesprogrammedustobe.Sincethattime,ofcourse,wehavecontinuedtogiveourselvesnewprograms.

TheexamplesofnegativestatementsIgaveyouearlierareonlyafewleavesinaforestofnegativeself-talk.Infact,mostofouraverage,habit-formed,everydayself-talk is the kind that we don’t even notice. It is the kind that we say toourselvessilently,oftenwithoutwords.Muchofourself-talkismadeupofthequietnudgesof self-doubt, theunspoken fearsof little (orgrand) failures, andthenaggingdiscomfortofknowingthatthingsaren’tright.Whenwetalktoourfriends,itsometimesseemseasiertotalkaboutproblems

than about exciting potentials.Our daily conversation scripts often sound liketheywerewrittenbythesameeditorswhodesignthefrontpageofthemorningpaper.Welive,inourpoorlyprogrammedunconsciousminds,inthedisquietingshadow-world of uncertainty—believing that we should be achieving, but notknowingwhy,aftersomuchfrustrationandtrying,wearenot.Bythe timemostofusreachadulthood,wearesoconditioned to think ina

certainwaythatourpatternofself-talkbecomeshabit.Itisfixed.Andformost,itremainsthatway.Howwelookatlife,whatwebelieveaboutourselves,howwe view anything, and what we do about it, gets filtered through ourpreconceptions.Wehave toldourselves over andover, consciously andunconsciously,what

does not work. In the past, too often we learned to automatically believe theworstfirst,andthebestlast.Butnowwehavelearnedthatitdoesnothavetobethatway.Thereissomething,startingrightnow,thatyoucandoaboutit.Itisthekeytohowyoumanageyourself,andhowyouliveandmanagetherestofyourlife.

CHAPTEREIGHT

TheSelf-ManagementSequence

Thereisanaturalprocessbywhichsuccessorfailureinmanagingorcontrollingour lives takes place. The process consists of a sequence of steps. If we areaware of what the steps are, we can improve our chances and accelerate ouradvances. Ifwearenotawareofwhat iscausingoursuccess,or foiling it,weendupatthemercyofchance.Lifeisnotamatterofluckorfortune.Wearenotplaying our lives out at a gaming table. If we leave our lives up to chance,chancesare,we’llfail.Thatisbecausesuccessinself-managementisalwaystheresultofsomething

else,something that leadsup to it.Now,weknowthat thereare timeswhen itlookslikesomethinggoodthathappensisjustan“accident.”Buttherearethosewhowould argue thatnothingever happens by accident—that everything thatoccurs in our lives does so because of what wementally “create” to happen.Mostofwhatseemstohappentoyouhappensbecauseofyou—somethingyoucreated,directed,influenced,orallowedtohappen.Let’s take your personal successes or failures on average.Whether you are

examiningyoursmaller,everydayachievements,orthebiggermonthlyoryearlysuccesses, by and large, those achievements and successeswerenot accidents.Theyweretheresultofsomethingelse.Thesame is trueof those thingsyoudidwhichdidn’tworkoutsowell.On

average, the failures, too, were the results of something else—and thatsomething else, in most cases, whether you succeeded or failed—was you!Something you did (or did not do) was the cause of that success or failure.Here’showitworks.

THEFIVESTEPSTHATCONTROLOURSUCCESSORFAILURE

1.BEHAVIORThe step thatmostdirectlycontrolsour successor failure isourbehavior—

whatwedoordonotdo.Behaviormeansouractions.Howweact,whatwedo,eachmomentofeachday,willdeterminewhetherornotwewillbesuccessful

thatmoment or that day in anything that we do. The right series of the rightactionswillalwaysendupmaking thingsworkbetter than thewrongseriesofthe wrong actions. In most cases, if you do the right thing, you’re going toachievetherightresults.Thisstepinvolveseventhesimplestlevelofbehavior.Asanexample,ifyou

likeyourjob,dotherightthingattherighttime,andkeepatit,thereisagoodchancethatyourjobwilldowellforyou.If,ontheotherhand,youdonotlikeyourworkanddo thingswhichworkagainstyouon the job, itwon’tworkaswellforyou.Let’suseanotherexample.Ifastudentinschoolrefusestostudy,neverpays

attention,andmissesa lotofclasses (allbehavior),will thestudentdowell inschool? Probably not. If that student behaves in away that says “I don’t likebeing where I am,” his or her behavior will ultimately cause a problem. Thegoodgradeswon’tshowupandifsomethingdoesn’tchange,eventuallyneitherwillthestudent.Thesame is trueofyourhome life. Ifyoudon’t likewhereyouare inyour

homelife,whatwillyoudo?Ifyouarelikemostofus,inonewayoranother,your behavior, your actionswill alert those around you that you are unhappy.Theresultwillbeanunhappyhomelife,orataminimumyouwillhavetolivewithdisagreements,arguments,andunhappinessinoneformoranother.On the other hand, if your actions are thosewhichwork foryou instead of

againstyou,thelikelihoodisthatthingsaroundyouwillhaveabetterchanceofworkingforyouinsteadofagainstyou.Butitgoesfarbeyondthat.Howyoumanageyourself,whatyoudo,howyou

act, each and every moment, every word you speak, motion you make, andactionyou take,ordonot take,will determinehowwell anything inyour lifeworks for you. It does not take awizard to tell us thatwhenwe do the rightthings, there is always a better chance that thingswillworkbetter for us thanwhenwedothewrongthings.Butwhydowedowhatwedo?Whydowenotdo the thingsweknowwe

should,andsooftensayanddothingsthatweknowweshouldnot?Whatmakesus do what we do?What makes us act the way we act, behave the way webehave?Whydoweeverdoanything thatworksagainstus insteadof alwaysdoingexactlythatwhichworksforus?Isitbecausewedon’tknowanybetter?No.Weusuallyknowwhat’srightandwhat’swrong.Thereasonwedon’theedevenourownadviceisbecauseofsomethingelse

whichaffects,directs,influences,orcontrolsallofouractions.Thatsomethingthatmakesusdowhatwedoiscalledour:

2.FEELINGSEveryactionwetakeisfirstfilteredthroughourfeelings.Howwefeelabout

somethingwillalwaysdetermineoraffectwhatwedoandhowwellwedoit.Ifwefeelgoodorpositiveaboutsomething,wewillbehavemorepositively

aboutit.Ourfeelingswilldirectlyinfluenceouractions.Haveyoueverwatchedachildwhowasmadetoeatsomethinghedidn’tlike?Howdidheact?I’veseenchildrenwho lookedas though theyweregoing todie right thereon the spot!Butsetafavoritedessertinfrontofthesamechildandwhatwillhedo?Hemaylookasthoughhe’sgoingtodiveintoitheadfirst!Whatisthedifferencebetweentheonedishoffoodandtheother?It’snotthat

onetypeoffoodisbetterthantheother.Thedifferenceisinhowthechildhascometo feelabout the food.Theway thechild feltdeterminedwhatactionhetook.Inoneinstancehefoughtit;intheotherhehappilyateit.Ihaveafriendwhoseworstfearisthatofflying.Ordinarilysheislevelheaded

and possesses an even disposition. But because of her fear of being in anairplane,shewouldratherdriveacarfromherhomeintheMidwesttovisitherfamilyontheEastCoast,andlosetwoorthreedaysgettingthere,thanhoponaplaneandbewithher family in twoor threeshorthours.Whencircumstancesdemand thatshedoesfly,she losesherwell-mannered,even temperament,herstress level triples, her anxieties take over, and she gets sick even before theflightbegins.Is it theflying?No.It isher feelingsabout flying thatcauseher to react the

way she does. In this example, you’ll notice that, once again, it made nodifference if the individual’s feelingswere “rational”; her feelings nonethelessdirectlycontrolled,influenced,andseverelyaffectedthewoman’sactions.Yourfeelingsaboutanythingyoudowillaffecthowyoudoit.Itdoesn’thave

to be feelings of like or dislike, joy or fear; all of your feelings affect youractions. How you feel about your job, your mate, your family, money, yourhealth,yourself,yoursuccess,willdeterminehowyoubehaveineachoftheseareas.Ifyourfeelingsarepositiveandproductive,youractionswillfollow.Butwhatcausesyou tohave the feelingswhichare somuchapartofyou?

Didyouget thembyaccident?Whatcreates thewayyoufeelaboutanything?Chance?Never.Yourfeelingsarecreated,controlled,determinedorinfluencedbyyour:3.ATTITUDESYour attitudes are the perspectives fromwhich you view life. Some people

seemtohaveagoodattitudeaboutmostthings.Somepeopleseemtohaveabadattitudeabouteverything.Butwhenyoulookcloser,youwillfindthatmostofushaveacombinationofattitudes,somegood,somenotsogood.Whatever attitudewe have about anythingwill affect howwe feel about it,

which in turn determines how we’ll act about it and that in turn determineswhetherornotwewilldowell.Soour attitudesplayavery importantpart inhelpingusbecomesuccessful.Infact,aswecansee,agoodattitudeisessentialtoachievementofanykind!

Wesooftenhearofsomeonewhoissaidtohavea“badattitude.”Thetermisoften applied to youngpeople, especially to teenagerswho frequently get intotrouble,butweoftenhearitaboutadults,too.Theimplicationisalwaysthattheindividualinquestionisnotgoingtomakeitifhedoesn’tchangehisattitude.Iwouldagree.Withoutagoodattitude,aperspectivewhichallowsonetosee

theopportunitiesaheadandsethissightstoreachthem,heneverwill.Butevenmore important is the fact that inorder topossess thekindsof feelingswhichworkforus,we’vegottohavetherightattitudestostartwith!Butwheredowegetourattitudes?Arewebornwiththem?Ordotheyjust

appearoutofnowhere?Our attitudes are no accident. They don’t just happen. Our attitudes are

created,controlled,orinfluencedentirelybyour:4.BELIEFSWhatwebelieveaboutanythingwilldetermineourattitudesabout it, create

ourfeelings,directouractions,andineachinstance,helpustodowellorpoorly,succeedorfail.Thebeliefthatwehaveaboutanythingissopowerfulthatitcanevenmake something appear to be something different thanwhat it really is!“Belief” does not require that something be the way we see it to be. It onlyrequiresustobelievethatitis.Beliefdoesnotrequiresomethingtobetrue.Itonlyrequiresustobelievethat

it’strue!That’spowerfulstuff!Thatmeansmostofwhatrealityis,toeachofus,isbasedonwhatwehavecometobelieve—whetherit’strueornot!It ispossible that tomorrowmorning, insomeclassroominsomeunfriendly

foreignnation,therewillsitalittleboyorgirlwhoisbeingtaughtthatweareherenemy,andthatwearebad.Itisalsolikelythattomorrowmorning,insomeclassroom here in our own country, there will sit a young boy or girl whobelievesthattheothernationisbad.Itmakesnodifferencewhetheritistrueornot. It is what they believe. Andwhat they believewill affect their attitudes,feelings,andactions.Onedaywhen theygrowolder, theycouldshootateach

other.Toeachofthemitwouldberight.Itwouldbewhattheybelieve.WhenIwasachild,sittingonachurchbench,tryingtounderstandwhatthe

man in thepulpitwas talkingabout, I rememberhim tellingus to“believe.” Ididn’t knowhow todo that. I thought that somepeoplewere lucky and somewerenot.Somejustnaturallygottobelieveandsomedidn’t.Ididnotknowyetwhere belief comes from, and I certainly didn’t know the power that beliefwouldhaveinmylifeandthepowerbeliefshadheldinthelivesofeveryhumanbeingwhoeverhadlived.Asanexampleofhowimportantbeliefcanbe,imaginebelievingsomething

aboutyourself,somethingthatwasworkingagainstyou,butwasnottrue.Let’s say that you believed that you had trouble making friends easily, or

being accepted easily and naturally by others. You believed that you took asocial back seat to people who seemed to be more popular. As a result, youfoundyourselfstandingbackatsocialgatherings,self-consciousandunsureofwhat tosay.Atyourworkyouoftenmissedopportunitiesbecauseyoudidnotspeakup—evenwhenyourideawasbetterthantheideathatwasacceptedfromsomeoneelsewhodidspeakup.Let’ssaythatyouknewthatyouwantedtobeintelligent andwitty and fun,butyoubelieved that theoutsideyou just didn’tmeasureup.Sincewhateveryoubelieveaboutyourselfwillendupaffectingwhatyoudo,

youcanbesurethatifyoubelievethatyouarenotassociallysuccessfulasyouwouldliketobe,yourbeliefaboutyourselfwillturnouttobecorrect—whetheritwastrueornot.Mostsocialbehaviorisconditioned.Everysocialgrace,skill,andcomfortlevelthatwehave,successfulorunsuccessful,isbasedonwhatwebelieveaboutourselves.Ifyoutellyourselfthatyoucannot,whatcan theonlyoutcomebe?Weallhavethousandsofbigandlittlebeliefsaboutourselves.Someofthem

probablyaretrue.Isuspectthatmostofthemarenot.Butyourmindwillactasthoughtheyaretrueifyoubelievethem.Whatmakesusbelieve?Doourbeliefs justonedayspringoutofnowhere?

Wereourbeliefshanded touson thedayofourbirths, likebirthmarksofourheredities tobekept forever?Dowecreate themourselves?Wheredowegetthem? Our beliefs are not accidents of nature. Our beliefs are created anddirectedentirelybyour:5.PROGRAMMINGWebelievewhatweareprogrammed tobelieve.Ourconditioning, from the

day we were born, has created, reinforced, and nearly permanently cemented

most ofwhatwe believe about ourselves andwhatwe believe aboutmost ofwhatgoesonaroundus.Whethertheprogrammingwasrightorwrong,trueorfalse,theresultofitiswhatwebelieve.Itallstartswithourprogramming!Whatwehaveacceptedfromtheoutside

world,orfedtoourselves,hasinitiatedanaturalcause-and-effectchainreactionsequencewhichcannot fail to leadus tosuccessfulself-management,or to theunsuccessfulmismanagementofourselves,ourresources,andourfutures.Itisourprogrammingthatsetsupourbeliefs,andthechainreactionbegins.

In logical progression, what we believe determines our attitudes, affects ourfeelings,directsourbehavior,anddeterminesoursuccessorfailure:1.Programmingcreatesbeliefs.2.Beliefscreateattitudes.3.Attitudescreatefeelings.4.Feelingsdetermineactions.5.Actionscreateresults.That’showthebrainworks.Ifyouwanttomanageyourselfinabetterway,

andchangeyour results,youcandosoatany timeyouchoose.Startwith thefirststep.Changeyourprogramming.

CHAPTERNINE

The5LevelsofSelf-Talk

What is Self-Talk, and how does it work? The definition of Self-Talk can besimplystated:Self-Talkisawaytooverrideourpastnegativeprogrammingbyerasing or replacing it with conscious, positive new directions. Self-Talk is apracticalwaytoliveourlivesbyactiveintentratherthanbypassiveacceptance.With Self-Talk, we have away to give new directions to our subconscious

mindsbytalkingtoourselvesinadifferentway,consciouslyreprogrammingourinternal control centers with words and statements which are more effective,morehelpful toeverypartofus thatwewould like to improve.TheSelf-Talkstatementspaintanewinternalpictureofourselvesaswewouldmostliketobe.Self-Talk gives each of us away to changewhatwewould like to change,

evenifwehaven’tbeenabletodosointhepast.Itoffersusthechancetostopbeingtheoldselfandstarttobecomeadifferent,betterself,aselfwhichisnolonger the product of conditioned response, but governed instead by personalchoice.Actually, there are severalkindsof self-talk.Eachofus, eachday,mayuse

anyoffivedifferent levelsofself-talk.Each level isspecificanddistinct fromtheothers.Someofthelevelsworkforusandsomeworkagainstus.Themoreyou know about each of them, the faster andmore easily youwill be able tomasterusingtherightkindofSelf-Talkforyourself.

LEVEL1SELF-TALK—TheLevelofNegativeAcceptance(“Ican’t...”)

The five levels of self-talk start at the lowest, least beneficial level. At thebottomof the list—andthemostharmfulself-talkwecanuse—isLevel1, thelevelofNegativeAcceptance.Thatisself-talkbywhichyousaysomethingbadornegativeaboutyourself,andyouacceptit.Earlierwe discussed several dozen commonly used self-talk statements and

phrases.AllofthemwereLevel1self-talk.Thisleveliseasytospot.Itismostalwayscharacterizedbythewords,“Ican’t...”or“ifonlyIcould...”or“IwishIcould, but I can’t…” and so on. All Level 1 self-talk works against us. Andunfortunately,itisthemostfrequentlyusedself-talkofall!

“Ijustdon’thavetheenergyIusedto,”“Icouldneverdothat,”“Ijustcan’tseem to loseweight,” “Well...I just don’t know...,” “Today’s just notmyday,”and “I just can’t!” are typical of the kinds of doubts, fears, misgivings, andhesitationsweprogramourselveswithwhenwesayanyLevel1self-talkphrasetoourselves,outloud,silently,ortosomeoneelse.Remember,thesubconsciousmindislisteningandwaitingforourinstructions,anditdoesn’tcarewhatwetellit;itjustdoesit!Level 1 self-talk represents everything from our simplestmisgivings to the

worstfearswehaveaboutourselves.Itisourwayoftellingourselvestohesitate,questionourcapabilities,andacceptlessthanweknowwecouldhavedone,hadweonlygivenourselvesachance.Itisourwayoftimidlyhidingintheshadowsinsteadofboldlythrivinginthesunshine.ThereisnowaytoestimatetheamountofhavocandmisdirectionthatLevel1

self-talk wreaks in our lives. It clutters, blocks, and confuses. It turns self-assurance intoself-doubtandchaos. Itcripplesourbest intentionsandseducesusintobecomingsatisfiedwithmediocrity.Itistheheartofa“getby”attitude,itssubtlewhisperstellingustopassivelyacceptafatefarlessgreatthanwehadonce dreamed of attaining. It is the mythical Siren which draws us onto theshore,dashingourhopesonreefsofdespairandcomplacency.Imaginegoingthroughyourlifeusingthatkindofself-talkonyourself!When

youthinkaboutit,whywouldanyone(oncetheyknow)wanttouseanyself-talkthatwouldprogramthemtofailordolessthantheycould?Yet,thatisexactlywhatmostofushavedone.Itmakesnodifferencehowharmlessthewordsseematthetime,theyarethe

backbone of everything which works against us and stands in our way. Ridyourself of the negative “I can’ts” of Level 1 self-talk, and youwill have ridyourselfofyourgreatestfoe.

LEVEL2SELF-TALK—TheLevelOfRecognitionandNeedToChange(“Ineedto…Ishould...”)

Thislevelisbeguiling.Onthesurfaceitlooksasthoughitshouldworkforus.But instead, it works against us! In this level of self-talk we are stating toourselvesandtoothersourrecognitionofourneedtochange.Level2self-talkischaracterizedbywordssuchas,“Ineedto...”,or“Iought

to...”,or“I should...”Whydoes thatworkagainstus?Because it recognizesaproblem,butcreatesnosolution.Whenyousaytoyourself(ortosomeoneelse),“I really need to get more organized,” what are you really saying? You are

saying,“Ireallyneedtogetmoreorganized...butI’mnot!”Whenyoucompletethe sentence, it is always unconsciously ended with an unspoken, but stillprogrammed,Level1statementofnegativeself-talk!“I really should try to get to work on time.” “I’ve just got to lose some

weight!”“I’vegottodosomethingaboutthat!”“Ireallyoughttotakemoretimewith my kids.” “I know I should study harder.” Anytime you hear yourselftelling yourself any Level 2 self-talk, stop for a moment and complete thesentence—finish, out loud, the program you are actually directing to yoursubconsciousmind.Your self-talk then becomes, “I’d really like to earnmore income...but I’m

not!IwishIcould...butIcan’t!IknowIneedtotakecareofthat...butI’mnottakingcareofit.Ioughttocallhomemoreoften...butIdon’t.I’dlikethingstoworkoutbetter...buttheywon’t!”Those are the directives we unwittingly give to ourselves. Those are the

seemingly innocent but exceptionally effective programs we feed to the mostpowerful control center known toman. Instead of giving birth to dreams andaccomplishment, Level 2 self-talk creates guilt, disappointment, and anacceptanceofourownself-imagined inadequacies. Is thatgoodprogramming?No,itisnot.Willithelpussucceed?No,itwillnot.

LEVEL3SELF-TALK—TheLevelofDecisiontoChange(“Inever...Inolonger…”)

Level 3 Self-Talk is the first level of Self-Talk that works foryou instead ofagainstyou.Inthis levelyourecognizetheneedtochange,butalsoyoumakethedecisiontodosomethingaboutit—andyoustatethedecisioninthe“presenttense”—asthoughthechangehasalreadytakenplace.Level3ischaracterizedbythewords,“Inever,”or“Inolonger.”Inthislevel

yousay,“Inolongerhaveaproblemdealingwithpeopleatwork.”“Inevereatmore than I should.”“Inevergetupset in traffic.”“Ino longerputoffdoinganythingIwanttogetdone.”WhenyoumovetoLevel3,youareautomaticallybeginningtorephraseold

negative“cannots,”puttingthembehindyou,andstatingtheminapositivenewway that tells your subconsciousmind towake up, getmoving, andmake thechange.

LEVEL4SELF-TALK—TheLevelofTheBetterYou(“Iam”)

This is themost effective kind of Self-Talkwe can ever use. In our Self-Talkvocabularies,Level4isthekindofSelf-Talkthathasbeenusedtheleastandisneeded most. It is at this level that you are painting a fully completed newpicture of yourself, the way you really wanted to be, handing it to yoursubconscious,andsaying,“Thisisthe“me”Iwantyoutocreate!ForgetallthatbadprogrammingIgaveyouin thepast.This isyournewprogram.Nowlet’sgettoworkatit!”Level4Self-Talkischaracterizedbythewords,“Iam...”“Iamorganizedand

incontrolofmy life. I amawinner! I amhealthy, energetic, enthusiastic, andI’mgoingforit!Nothingcanstopmenow.IlikewhoIam.Iamintune,ontop,and in touch. Ihavedetermination,drive,andself-belief. Iam living the life Ichoose,andIchoosewhat’sright!”InsteadofstrugglingwiththepastLevel1Self-Talk,theLevel4Self-Talker

deals with problems and opportunities in a whole new, productive, self-activatingway.Thepastprocrastinator,whohadbeenprogrammedtoputthingsoff,nowsays,“IdoeverythingIneedtodowhenIneedtodoit.IenjoygettingthingsdoneandIenjoydoingthingsontimeandinjusttherightway!”Thepastproblem is turned around to begin creating ongoing daily success. Instead ofsaying, “I can never remember names,” the Level 4 Self-Talker automaticallysays, “I have a great memory! People are important to me and I am able torememberanynameIchoosetoremember,anytimeIwant.”Level4Self-Talk is thepositiveSelf-Talk that is theoppositeofLevel1. It

replaces helpless “cannots” with vibrant “Yes, I cans!” Level 4 Self-Talkinspires, encourages, urges, and implores. It tugs at our hearts, touches ourhopes,andpaintsinthepicturesthatcolorourdreams.Itexcites,demands,andpushesusforward.Itstrengthensthearmorofourspiritandhardensthesteelofourdetermination.ThisistheSelf-Talkthatchallengesustodobattlewithourfearsandendupthevictor.ItistheSelf-Talkwhichstirsustoaction,fillsusupwithself-belief,andplantsourfeetfirmlyonthesolidbedrockofsuccess.Name the adversary, state the problem, and you can find the self-talk that

created it.But for everyword of negative self-talk that has ever been uttered,thereistherightkindofSelf-Talktocounterit,reprogram,fixtheproblem,andmakeitright.There are hundreds of examples, already written, of this special, powerful,

reprogrammingLevel4SelfTalk:“Iamawinner!Ibelieveinmyself.IrespectmyselfandIlikewhoIam.Ihavemadethedecisiontowininmylifeandthat’swhatI’mdoing!”CanyouimaginegoingthroughtherestofyourlifewiththatkindofSelf-Talkonyourside?Thinkoftheprogrammingthatkindofdirectionwould create. It is yours for the taking. It is yours themoment you decide to

choose a betterway.You deserve the best out of life. Perhaps it’s time to dosomethingaboutit.

LEVEL5SELF-TALK—TheLevelofUniversalAffirmation(“Itis…”)

Oftenreferredtojustas“affirmations,”thislevelofSelf-Talkhasbeenusedformany years. It is Self-Talk that often speaks of a higher level of spirit, orconsciousness,thanwemighttypicallythinkaboutwhenwe’redealingwiththedemandsofourday-to-daylife.Level 5 Self-Talkmay sound something like this:“I am onewith the true,

healthy,qualitiesofmylife,andtheyareonewithme.Life,tome,isaplaceofjoy…serenity…peace…andhealthywell-being.”ThislevelofSelf-Talkcanbebeautiful,almostpoetic,anditisgenerallylife-

affirming,i.e.,“Lifeisupliftingandfulfillinginbody,mindandspirit.”Ratherthan identify specific problems or goals to target, Level 5 Self-Talk takes abroaderperspectiveoflife,asifseeingitfromahigheroverview.It is still important, however, thatwe take care today of the things that are

requiredtoday.SoIurgeyoutobegintousetheSelf-TalkofLevel3andLevel4.Ifit’sright,Level5willcomeinduetime.Fornow,learntheSelf-Talkthatwill get you towork on time, help you fix your family ties, give yourself theself-imageyoudeserve,andmakesureeachdayisworkingatitsbest.

YOUCANBEGINRIGHTNOWTherearetwolevelsofSelf-Talkwhichyoushouldlearnfirst—andtwootherswhich you shouldunlearn fast. Starting right now, themoment you recognizewhytheself-talkyouhaveusedatLevels1and2hasn’tworked,stopusingit!There’snoreasontouseitanylonger.Replacethosetwonegativekindsofself-talkwiththeSelf-TalkofLevels3and4.Ifyou’dliketostartworkingatitrightnow,rereadthesectiononLevel2and

startlearningSelf-Talkforyourself.That’stheSelf-Talkthatwillgetyougoing,changewhatyouwanttochange,andgetyouheadedonajourneythatwilltakeyou toward the fulfillment of your dreams and away from the frustratingroadblocksthathavebeenstandinginyourway.Inalaterchapter,youwillbegiven step-by-step directions on how to start using the new Self-Talkautomaticallyandunconsciously.Fornow, just listentoanythingyoumaybesayingtoyourself thatcouldbe

workingagainstyou,turnitaround,andstartusingtheSelf-Talkthatworksforyou.

TOHELPYOUGETSTARTED,ANDHAVESOMEEXTRAHELPALONGTHEWAY

I have included a link below thatwill allowyou to add your name and emailaddresstothelistoffriendsthatIsendemailsto,withdailySelf-Talkmessages,and continuing support and motivation. Each morning that I send a “Today’sSelf-Talk”message,you’llfinditinyourinbox,readytohelpyougreetyourdaywithagreatattitude,andthewordsofSelf-Talkthatwillhelpyoumakethatdayanevenbetterday.You canbegin receiving “Today’sSelf-Talk” evenbefore you’ve completed

readingthisbook.(Thereisnochargeforthisservice.)Itisfromme,connectingdirectlywithmyfriendsandreaders,givingyousomeextrabelief,andsomeofthebestwordsofSelf-Talk.You’llalsofindthatreading“Today’sSelf-Talk”willnotonlyboostyourday,

it will help you practice and improve your ownnew Self-Talk, as you beginchangingyourprogramsinthemostpositivepossibleway.Thelinktoimmediatelybeginreceiving“Today’sSelf-Talk”is:

www.shadhelmstetter.com/selftalk

http://www.shadhelmstetter.com/selftalk

CHAPTERTEN

TheProblemwithPositiveThinking

The concept of positive thinking is one of the better ideas to comeout of theself-help literature of the past sixty years. It is one of those potentially life-changing concepts, however,which sometimes seems towork better in theorythanitdoes inpractice. Ifyouwere towalkdownthestreet todayandaskthenexttenpeoplethatyoumeet,“Doyoubelieveinpositivethinking?”—mostofthemwouldsay“yes.”Somewouldsay,“Ithinkit’sagreatidea!Itdoesn’tworkforme,butIknowitworksforotherpeople.”Positivethinkingshouldworkforeveryone.Butifitshould,whydoesn’tit?Literallymillionsofpeoplehavebeenhelpedbyreading thegreatbookson

thinkingpositively.Manyofthosepeople,whentheywantedtosolveproblemsin their lives, turned to the pages of the books to find encouragement andsolutions, and they foundwhat they were looking for. I first read Dr. Peale’sgreatbook,ThePowerofPositiveThinking,whenIwassixteenyearsold,andlikemanyotherofthebook’sreaders,Ifounditwasabooktobereadmorethanonce.When I discuss positive thinking—what’s right about it and what isn’t—in

seminarsand trainingprograms, Iaminvariablychallengedbysomeone in theaudience who is a devoted believer in the concept. How could I possiblyquestionsomethingthatissoclearlypositive!?Afterall,don’tIteachaformofpositivethinkingmyself?The answer is that the popularly accepted form of positive thinking is an

excellent concept that goes a long way toward helping people readjust theirthinkinganddobetterintheirlives.Itisoneoftheanswerstohelpinguseffectamajorchangeinourlives.Almost.Itta