8/20/2019 What Makes a Happy Parent

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/what-makes-a-happy-parent 1/5

What Makes a Happy Parent?

By Emily Nauman

This article originally appeared on Greater Good , the online magazine of

the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley.

Does parenthood doom you to a life of stress and fatigue? Or are

children truly “bundles of joy”?

Some studies have suggested that parenthood hurts happiness; otherssuggest the opposite. o!ever" a paper recently published in the

 journal  Psychological Bulletin paints a more nuanced picture# Sometimes

parenthood is good for happiness$but not al!ays. %he authors suggestthat the right &uestion to as' is not !hether parenthood leads to

happiness but rather !hen and ho! it does or doesn(t. )onte*t is 'ey.

%o reach this conclusion" the researchers" led by S. +atherine ,elson

from the -niversity of )alifornia" iverside" revie!ed do/ens of studies"primarily of 0estern cultures. %he studies compared the happiness of

parents and non1parents" e*amined changes in !ell1being during thetransition to parenthood" and compared ho! parents feel !hile !ith

their children to ho! they feel during other daily activities.

%he upshot? 2t seems that being happy 3or not4 as a parent depends oncharacteristics of the parent and child" such as personality and age" as

!ell as details about their situation" li'e socioeconomic status and the

family(s structure.

What characteristics of a parent might influence their happiness?

%he research suggests that a parent(s age" gender" and parenting style"

and the !ay they form emotional bonds !ith others are all lin'ed to

happiness.

Age. 5or starters" middle1aged and older parents tend to be as happy or

happier than their childless peers" !hile parents younger than 67 seem

to e*perience less happiness. 5or instance" older parents report feelingmore mature" competent" and less stressed than younger parents" !hile

younger parents report more feelings of restlessness" isolation" andstress about finances. %he authors !rite that older parents may benefit

from having more emotional maturity" and more financial and material

resources" to cope !ith the stressors and strain of parenthood.

8/20/2019 What Makes a Happy Parent

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/what-makes-a-happy-parent 2/5

Gender. 5atherhood is consistently associated !ith more benefits to!ell1being" though the results for motherhood have been mi*ed. 5athers

also report that time spent !ith their child is primarily play and leisure

time$meaning that" at least in some cultures" mothers li'ely ta'e onmore child1rearing responsibilities than fathers" !hich could leave them

!ith more daily stress.Parenting Style. %he authors emphasi/e that more research is needed

in order to dra! strong conclusions about the relationship bet!een

parenting style and parental happiness. So far" the results are mi*ed#Some evidence suggests that parents are happier if they practice “child1

centric"” intensive parenting" meaning that they strive to be perfectparents" and may put their child(s needs above their o!n. But other

research suggests that such a parenting style is associated !ith lo!er!ell1being# Sometimes" according to the authors" intensive parenting

might e*acerbate stress and an*iety" !hile other times" intensive

parenting might enable people to derive meaning from caring for their'ids.

%hough more research is needed to e*plain this discrepancy" the authors

suspect that the child(s age might have something to do !ith it.

2ntensive parenting !hen children are young may re&uire more effortand vigilance" and thus be lin'ed to more stress" !hile child1centric

parenting of older 'ids could carry more re!ards.

Emotional onds. o! parents form bonds in relationships is alsolin'ed to !ell1being in parenthood. %his research dra!s upon decades of 

research on “attachment security"” !hich suggests that the bonds !eform !ith caregivers !hen !e(re children influence our relationships and

general !ell1being as adults# 2f !e don(t feel secure in our attachments

to childhood caregivers" chances are !e !on(t feel secure in our adultrelationships. 2n this case" parents !ho do not feel secure in

relationships seem to be more susceptible to declines in theirrelationship !ith their spouse during the transition to parenthood.

%hough more research is also needed here" the researchers suggest that

this marital decline could" in turn" lead to less happiness in parenthood.

What characteristics of a child might influence their parents!happiness?

8ost people !ho have ever spent much time around 'ids could tell you#

Some of them are easier than others. 9nd those differences" accordingto ,elson and her colleagues" can be strongly associated !ith parents(

happiness.

8/20/2019 What Makes a Happy Parent

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/what-makes-a-happy-parent 3/5

"emperament and Pro#lems. ,ot surprisingly" parents seem toe*perience lo!er !ell1being !hen they have a child !ith a difficult or

sensitive temperament$for instance" a child !ho has intense emotions

or cries a lot$but higher !ell1being !hen they have a child !ith an easytemperament$for instance" a child !ho adapts easily to ne! situations

and is often in a good mood.

9nd !hen adult children have problems such as a disability" drug abuse"or serious illness" their parents tend to e*perience lo!er !ell1being$

li'ely because of the stress and negative emotion that arises around

their child(s problem" and perhaps because of the tension that theproblem places on the parent(s relationship !ith their child.

$hild Age. 9 child(s stage of life seems to matter" too# Some evidence

suggests that parents of young children are less happy than parents of

older children. 2n one study" for instance" parents reported a boost in lifesatisfaction during pregnancy and immediately after the birth of a child$then sa! their life satisfaction decline through age five" at !hich point

it returned to pre1pregnancy levels.

)onsistent !ith that finding" studies have found that parents of young

children 3up to age seven4 report spending more time on house!or' andfeel less able than non1parents to complete tas's and meet their goals.

9s ,elson and her colleagues point out" having young children tends to

mean more sleep disturbance" more house!or'" and more distress$nota recipe for happiness. %hey also note that some research suggests

parents( !ell1being stays relatively lo! until their child leaves home.

o!ever" the research paints a different picture for parents once their'ids gro! up" particularly !hen they have positive relationships !ith

those 'ids. :arents also seem to fare better !hen their adult childrenprovide them !ith social support$and grandchildren. “%his evidence

suggests that if parents can !eather the stresses of raising young

children"” !rite the authors" “they !ill reap benefits !hen their childrenare relatively older.”

What a#out a family!s situation and conte%t are linked to aparent!s happiness?

9 family(s situation and broader conte*t$from their marital status to thestrength of their social net!or'$also seems lin'ed to parents( !ell1

being.

8/20/2019 What Makes a Happy Parent

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/what-makes-a-happy-parent 4/5

Social Support& Employment& and Socioeconomic Status. Overall"parents !ith greater sources of social support tend to e*perience

greater !ell1being. %he importance of being employed is less clear1cut#

esearch suggests that employment li'ely enhances !ell1being byoffsetting the financial strain of having a child" but reduces !ell1being by

adding a time strain that ma'es it difficult to balance home and !or'life. 2nterestingly" studies also suggest that people of higher

socioeconomic status benefit less from being parents because they often

have goals of personal achievement that conflict !ith the time burdensof parenthood.

Marital Status and $hild $ustody. 8arried parents also tend toe*perience greater !ell1being than single parents$li'ely" in part"

because of the social and economic support that often accompaniesmarriage.

:arents !ho do not have custody of their children also tend toe*perience lo!er !ell1being than parents !ho have custody. %his may

be because although parents !ithout custody do not have childrearingresponsibilities" they miss out on any benefits gained from parenthood"

li'e more social connections" and e*perience the pain of missing their

children.

'amily Structure. 5inally" some studies suggest that biological parents

tend to be as happy or happier than adoptive or stepparents" !hile

studies also suggest that adoptive and stepparents are happier duringthe transition to parenthood. %he researchers !rite that in becoming a

parent" adoptive parents may be more appreciative in gaining a childbecause of the uncertainty and stress that accompanies adoption.

8ean!hile" stepparents !ho gain a child have also just gotten married"

!hich may boost their happiness.

Ne( insights for parents& #ut no )#lanket ans(ers*

-nderstanding all of these factors does not simply reveal !hetherparents are in fact more or less happy than non1parents. 2nstead" argue

the authors" it can help us determine ho! best to help parents !ho need

it most.

 “5or e*ample"” they !rite" “mothers may find parenting more re!arding

in cultures !here the father shares e&ually in the responsibilities of childrearing" and the stressors of single parenthood may be attenuated if the

parent has the support of an e*tended family.” 

8/20/2019 What Makes a Happy Parent

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/what-makes-a-happy-parent 5/5

9nd as the authors point out" happy parents often mean happy 'ids#esearch has sho!n that happier parents engage in more positive

parental behaviors and also influence positive outcomes in their

children" li'e their child(s motivation" achievement" and relationships!ith peers.

But perhaps the greatest ta'ea!ay message from ,elson and her

colleague(s research is that" despite some popular beliefs that “allparents are miserable"” the truth is much more comple*.

 “Our revie! of the literature reveals the ha/ards of providing blan'et

ans!ers regarding the association bet!een parenthood and !ell1beingat the broadest level"” they !rite" “particularly !hen those ans!ers

involve comparing all types of parents !ith all types of non1parents.” 

eadings of prior research may have failed to consider some of the greatvariation among parents" they argue$and future research" they hope"

!ill help us “fully understand the banes and boons of parenthood.” 

Emily Nauman is a Greater Good Science Center research assistant.