Well today many of the men in our church are gone at men's retreatand I wanted to preach a message that of course is for everyone buthas special application to women.

And I asked the women's ministry team what would be a good topicin this regard. Give me a sermon title. And they did. So here it is,"Dealing with Disappointment." This is perfect, becauseexperiencing disappointment is universal and we will all benefit fromthinking about this but this is an especially good topic for the womenamong us because there are unique pressures as a single lady or asingle mom or a working woman or a wife or mother that lendthemselves to very real disappointment. So we want to look at whatGod says about disappointment and how to respond to it.

What is it?First of all, let's define it. Disappointment, if you distill it into anequation is reality over expectations.

If you get one dollar but expected 100, you will be disappointed.Reality over expectations. That's disappointment. The larger thespread between those two values the more the disappointment.

Now just to round out the definition. Satisfaction is when realityequals the expectation and elation would be when the realityexceeds the expectation.

Now I think it's fair to add another variable here and that is love.

The more you love something the greater the disappointment will beif you do not acquire that thing you love. It's one thing to bedisappointed that the weather wasn't what you hoped. It's anotherthing to be disappointed that your children walked away from theLord. In both cases the spread between reality and expectations washigh but the disappointment is felt much more severely because youlove your kids way more than the weather.

So that's what disappointment is. It's a universally horrible feelingthat we experience when reality doesn't match expectations. TheProverbs speak to just how terrible this feeling is and where it canlead.

Disappointment is this sorrow of heart that crushes the spirit.

Man, nothing is more discouraging to me as a pastor than to seesomeone whose spirit has been truly crushed. This is wheredisappointment leads. The spark is gone from the eye. Something in

life has so deflated them, so defeated them, they have lost the will totry any longer. Whatever that thing that gave them vitality has beensapped out of the soul. This is where unchecked disappointmentleads. Disappointment is an emotional wedge that Satan will use toput lies into your mind that starts a progression.

Disappointment if left unchecked will lead to discouragement whichcan lead to disillusionment which can lead to depression which canlead to total defeat. Defeat is when you have absolutely surrenderedto the lie that God does not want your good. And if God is not for youbut instead is against you then what can I possibly do to reversethat? That is the lie that is believed by the person in defeat.

So disappointment needs to be seen as this emotional wedge - it'sthe tip of the spear - that opens up your soul and makes yoususceptible to believing a lie. Do you see how important it is to dealwith the tip of this wedge before you end up in depression anddefeat? So how do we deal with these very real feelings?

It's easy to think that the problem with disappointment is simplysetting too high of expectations. Or to say it another way, thesolution to disappointment is lowering expectations. Now to be sure,sometimes this is what needs to change. For example, you can seea person who is just so crushed and disappointed because theywent to a women's event and they were going expecting to make anamazing friend and yet nobody reached out to them and invited themto coffee. And it's easy to look at that person and you just want tosay, "Man, your expectations are just too high. There's nothingwrong with wanting a friend. Pray about that. But realize, people arebusy. It takes time. People have fears just like you have fears.People don't open up immediately. Life after college is not the sameas life in college. You have to be patient. You're probably going to

have to put in some effort and not expect that people are going tocome to you right away." And in this case the cause of thedisappointment might be setting expectations a bit too high.

But listen, the solution to happiness is not become Eore. Justassume your life is going to be terrible in every possible way. I'llprobably wake up with cancer and I'll probably go to work and bemaligned and mocked by all my friends and when I come home myhouse will probably be burned to the ground.

Well, that's one way to avoid disappointment but did you achievehappiness?

Certainly we don't want to set unrealistically high expectations.That's a recipe for disappointment. But setting artificially lowexpectations isn't good either. So is the goal to then set statisticallynormal expectations and hope for the best. Most people don't havean amazing marriage but it's not like it's going to be torture either soI'll set my expectations that my marriage will just be tolerable. Is thatthe solution?

That doesn't seem to work. And the problem becomes increasinglycomplicated when we talk about what I think is the most difficult kindof disappointment - that kind of disappointment that is a result ofwanting good things.

God I always expected that I would be able to have kids. Isn't thatsomething you want for me? Isn't that a good desire you placed inmy heart? Why is this so hard? I want kids so badly and yet wecan't have kids or we keep having miscarriages. And to kind of rubit in, we get these people asking ridiculously hurtful questions like,"So I notice you don't have kids. So when are you guys going tohave kids?" This isn't what I expected.

God I want to have a great marriage and yet my husband is sopassive. It's like he doesn't even care. He never engages me. He'soff in his own world. I expected to have a better marriage than this.Don't you want me to have a good marriage. This isn't what Iexpected.God I always expected that by the time I was 25 I'd be married.Well, I'm past that now and I have no prospects. I'm struggling withdisappointment with how my life is turning out.God I always expected that I'd live a relatively healthy life. Iassumed I'd have normal health struggles but I never expected itwould be this dominating and this debilitating. Don't you want me tobe healthy? This is not what I expected.God when I was younger I wanted to do great things for you. I hadvisions of being a missionary and selling my life out for you on thefield and now I'm just a mom stuck in a suburban neighborhoodstuck changing diapers and cooking and driving my kids around.This isn't what I envisioned?

You know what I'm talking about. Why is my life this way? Whywon't you answer this prayer? Why won't you change this situation?Why won't you change this person's heart? It's the setting in ofdisappointment that leads to really unhealthy places.

So what do we do with these feelings? Is this problem a result ofimproperly set expectations? What should our expectations in theseareas be? High? Low? Medium?

It's actually none of these.

The Bible's answer to this question works in a totally differentdirection. It reaches beyond the expectations. The Bible makes youask a question about your expectations. The Bible is less concernedabout the level of your expectations and more concerned about theroll those expectations play in your pursuit of satisfaction?

You see, it's often the case that really high expectations areconnected with a very strong belief that the fulfillment of thatexpectation is a prerequisite for happiness. Until I get this thing, Ican't be happy. And it's all very subconscious.

You were athletic and that provided you with a lot of satisfaction andso you just assume that your kids are going to be. Where did thathigh expectations come from? God wants you to assess the roll ofthat expectation in your pursuit of happiness. WHat if your kidsaren't athletic like you or smart like you or musical like you orpopular like you?

And while it's fine to want these things, it's not fine to think that youneed these things to be happy. You see we are all like Christian on ajourney to the celestial city. And God wants us to view all thecircumstances, all the people in our lives, all the the things thathappen to us as means to that end. And some of those things will beeasy and some of them will be hard but they are all part of the paththat lead to the goal. Some might be disappointing and some mightbe encouraging, but they are all part of the process of achieving thegoal. They are all working toward the same end.

Let me give you an example of what I mean. Let's say you go downto the Saturday market to sell your homemade jams. And you've putall sort of effort into the labels and packaging. And you make 100jars and you've got really good feedback on your jams and youexpect to sell out. And at the last minute you decide to bake a fewdozen cookies to fill up the table so there's not so much emptyspace but you're not really planning on selling all that many orfocusing on them in any sort of way. So you go to the market and itturns out that nobody cares about your jams but you sell out of yourcookies in the first hour. Everyone loves your cookies. So prettysoon you stop making jam and you now become the cookie lady.

You would never in a million years have guessed that you'd be acookie lady, but man it's really working.

Now in that case, your expectations were totally upended. Andmaybe there is some genuine disappointment that all that effort youput into the jams didn't pan out the way you thought, but that wedgeof disappointment can't penetrate. It can't progress todiscouragement and depression and disillusionment and defeat.Why? Because even though it wasn't the path you thought wouldtake you to the destination you still reached the destination, you stillhave a successful Saturday market.

It's kind of like taking a trip. Taking a wrong turn is discouraging butnot defeating. If it takes longer to get to your destination than youhad planned, it's discouraging but defeating. If your vehicle breaksdown, that's not what you expected, but it doesn't depress you ordefeat you. It will just take a bit longer. You just get back onto theright road and you set your mind on the goal.

And that's exactly how God wants us to think about thedisappointments in our life. The destination is our ballast. Thedestination allows you to maintain perspective. Focusing on thedestination, focusing on the hope, focusing on that thing that can'tchange and can't be taken away from us really stabilizes ouremotions when things are going crazy. We need to focus on thedestination and submit the journey.

Here's why this is so critical.

We are talking here about overcoming discouragement. And Moseshelps us avoid a really common error. There's a huge trap when itcomes to overcoming discouragement. What is it? You want to know

the biggest danger in talking about overcoming discouragement? It'sthinking you've fixed the problem if you are no longer discouraged.

You see, you haven't really overcome discouragement until youovercome the world. Being crushed by discouragement is just asymptom that you haven't overcome the world. But its so easy, soincredibly easy to think that by fixing the situational circumstancesthat cause discouragement, I've fixed the problem. You can fix all thesituations in your life that are causing discouragement and be justas enslaved to this world. No, it's just masking the symptoms. It'staking away the stressers that reveal the problem.

Overcoming the world means not being discouraged by the hardtimes but also not being overly elated by the good times. If thatsounds like I'm trying to make you into an emotional cyborg, you arewrong. If you think I'm trying to squash emotions, your wrong. That'snot it at all. It's actually the opposite.

Jesus makes this point so masterfully in Luke 10. Do you rememberwhen Jesus sends out his disciples into the world to preach and hegives them power to do amazing things. And the disciples comeback and they are on cloud nine. They are just absolutely trippingwith excitement.

Believe it or not, the disciples in this passage have the sameproblem that you or I have when we are disappointed anddiscouraged. It seems to crazy that they could even be relatedbecause the outward response is so different. But pay attention -Jesus doesn't see their excitement as a good thing. Jesus sees theirexcitement as evidence that they haven't yet overcome the world.Do you remember what Jesus said to them?

You see Jesus wants them to have emotion, he wants them torejoice, he just wants them to have properly placed emotion andproperly placed rejoicing. Don't rejoice in your abilities. Don't rejoicein your circumstances. Don't mourn you loss of abilities. Don'tmourn your circumstances. Rejoice that your name is written inheaven.

What is Jesus saying? The demons are subject to you this week,but what about next week? You healed someone this week, but youwon't always be able to heal. Eventually they will die. Then what? Doyou see what he is saying? If you make life about trying to live onthe high points, you are setting yourself up for severedisappointment, because life will let you down. If you make your lifeabout the absence of problems, if you say that I can only be happy ifthese situational things are in place, well then, prepare yourself to beunhappy. You might have moments of excitement. You might havemoments that thrill you but you will be let down. Guaranteed.

Now I don't know of anywhere in the Bible that does a better job of

explaining this concept than the life of Moses and particularly thesummary of the life of Moses in Hebrews chapter 11. And so I wantyou to turn there for Moment. Someday I really want to do a life ofMoses study because there is so much in the man Moses. But forour purposes today we are going to focus on the point Hebrews 11makes from his life.

The Man MosesNow Hebrews chapter 11 is this chapter we call the hall of faithbecause in it we see this portrait of what faith can accomplish in thelives of God's people.

And Moses is among those listed. In fact, he gets a bigger chunk ofHebrews 11 than any other character and rightly so because Mosesgets a bigger chunk of the OT than any other character. Moses is apretty big deal. And here's why Moses is such a helpful character forour discussion today. Listen closely here.

The reason I love the life of Moses so much is that he has theseincredible highs and incredible lows. I can't think of a man in theBible that experienced more extreme highs and more extreme lowsthan Moses. He experienced the absolute extremes in everypossible way. He experienced situations that would not justdiscourage you but depress and defeat you. He experienced thrillsso high that the average persons adrenal gland would fail. And yethe is not controlled by these circumstances.

Hebrews 11 tells us how he was able to maintain composure. Nowto really appreciate what Hebrews 11 says, we need to think just fora moment about the particulars of his life - really imagine some ofthese highs and lows in his life.

So retrace the life of Moment with me. For starters Mosesexperienced one of the most dramatic lifestyle shifts anyone canexperience. Moses life of course begins during this decree fromPharaoh that all baby boys in Israel are to be slaughtered. And soMoses' parents, fearing that he will be put to death, is put into abasket and he is discovered by Pharaoh's daughter and she raiseshim.

Now on a purely academic level, a lot of work has been done to tryto figure out who this lady is that draws Moses out of the water. Andit's very likely that this woman mentioned here is queen Hatshepsutof the 18th dynasty of Egypt.

And the reason this is interesting is that we actually know a lot aboutQueen Hatshepsut. She was very, very powerful. To say that Moseswould have grown up with privilege is a serious understatement. Togive you some idea of the kind of lifestyle Moses would haveenjoyed, here's a picture of queen Hatshepsut's palace.

So you can go here today and see all this. Now the identification ofthe exact queen is not critical. But this helps you get the pointdoesn't it? Moses had absolute premium access to all that Egypthad to offer. He is 40 years old. He's at the peak of his usefulness insociety.

He goes from being treated as royalty, treated with absolute respect,without having to lift his finger to do an ounce of menial work, havingeveryone obey every word he says because he sits in a position ofunbelievable power.... he goes from that to tending sheep in thewilderness which is the most despised possible occupationaccording to Egyptologists. You could not pick a more dishonoring,loathsome, scorn-inducing job than herding sheep. That would belike going from a CEO of a fortune 50 company to a minimum wageburger flipper.

Do you think that was a little discouraging to Moses. Do you think hesaid to himself in the many years wandering through sticks andthorns, this is not how I pictured my life turning out. God, why am Iout here in the wilderness? Now let's continue to think about theextremes he experienced.

HIGH - God appears to him in a bush that doesn't burn. I don't whypeople call it the burning bush. They should call it the non-burningbush. Anyway, think about that. That's amazing. Has that everhappened to you or anyone you know? Then, God tells him that he'sgoing to be given miracle working powers. He performs miraclesbefore the people and he's literally like a God to them. He can dothese amazing works. At the end of Exodus 4 when Moses getsdone performing his miracles before the Israelites the text says, thepeople bowed in worship. That must have been a high.

LOW - But then the very next chapter, Moses goes in and asksPharaoh to release the people and Pharaoh's magicians can do allthe same miracles. Bet he wasn't expecting that. And if that wasn'tbad enough, Pharaoh gets mad and punishes the Israelites. And theHebrews go to Moses and say, "Man you made a stink in Pharaoh'seyes. May God curse you, you idiot." How discouraging would that

be?

And then back and forth they go, they think Pharaoh's going to letthem go, they get all excited, then nope, he changes his mind. Againand again.

HIGH - But then finally he does let them go and they are free andthey pilliage the Egyptians and the plan worked and finally they haveescaped! They are free. God delivered them. What an exhilaratingmoment! And they stream out into the desert, but then they turnaround and their stomachs sink.

LOW - But then they see the dust cloud coming and they aredoomed. They turn to Moses and curse him again.

HIGH - But then you have this high among highs. HIGH of the REDsea opening.

LOW - 3 Days later they are grumbling

HIGH - MT Sinai LOW - Comes down the Mountain and the peopleare having a feast

Think of all things Moses saw. Rebellion of Korah where the groundliterally opens up and swallows people alive, water out of the rock,quail three feet high, manna, serpents who go through the camp andbite the people.

All these highs and lows. And Moses' Life actually ends on a low. Allof this life of yours. You started leading this people out of Egyptwhen you were 80 and now your 120 and you are on the brink of thepromise land but I'm not going to allow you to enter. Why? Because

you did not honor me in the site of the people.

Now, the point of all this is for you to feel the roller-coaster? Do youthink Moses struggled with disappointment? We don't have toguess. We know he did. It's recorded for us.

Now to be sure, Moses undoubtedly struggled through all of this. Tobe sure. But that emotional wedge could not penetrate because hehad a ballast. He had something to help give him perspective in themidst of the discouragement but also in the midst of the excitement.

We get this divine summary of his life in Hebrews 11 of what he wasthinking about, what gave him stability such that this emotionalwedge we talked about earlier didn't work its way into his life. Whatstabilized Moses such that disappointment didn't lead todiscouragement and depression and defeat.

Do you see what sustained him? It was the reward. He was lookingto the reward. This is particularly interesting wording given Moses'

background in Egypt. This verse uses the imagery of comparing.You have all the wealth of Egypt and you have the reproaches ofChrist. Which is more valuable?

You may have seen this famous picture of Egypt on final judgmentday where the gatekeeper takes your heart and he weighs it on oneend of the scale and there is a feather on the other. And you getaccess into the afterlife if your heart is lighter than the feather.

I can't help but wonder if Moses pulled up that painting in his mindand thought, "all the treasures of Egypt, the pyramids, the sphinx,the treasure of Luxor, gold, servants, sex, respect, power" vs."reproaches of Christ."

Which has more value.? Which has more weight? Which is worthmore? Because I want what is worth the most. I don’t want to settlefor tiny insignificant cheap treasure. I want vast treasure. Whatshould I choose? The reproaches of Christ!

Now if that is believed, you can endure anything. Sure I might haveto suffer a bit along the way and deal with the annoyances ofgrumbling and the annoyances of temporal disappointment but man,just look what awaits.

ConclusionNow I want to get really practical here. What does this mean in reallife to overcome discouragement or overcome disappointment bylooking to the reward?

Here's three applications for you.

When we look to the reward it fundamentally shifts the way we lookat every event that comes our way. This unmet expectation, thisdisappointment that intersects my life is not a lost chance atfulfillment, it's an opportunity to conform me into the shape of theperson I need to be in order to be fulfilled.

You see, sin ruins us in many ways, but one of the main ways itruins us is by changing even our ability to be fulfilled. It alters ourshape such that even if the water is flowing we can't capture it. Andit is often times the unmet expectations that God uses to reshapeus.

To use a training analogy, your coach knows what you need. If heputs you through uncomfortable drills it's because you need it. If youcome to practice expecting it to be easy and instead you get workedover, don't resent that unmet expectation, allow it shape you!

“When bad things happen, when difficulties come upon us, whendisappointments happen, real disappointments some of you arefacing right now, it's pretty rare for us to say, “What an opportunityfor me to become the kind of person I’ve always wanted to be, myloved ones always wanted me to be, and God wants me to be.”

We don't normally think that way which is why we are talking about itand suggesting it! I actually need a to be a person whose heart is ina different shape to really be fulfilled. I'm going to allow the Lord toshape me through this unmet expectation.

Often our disappointment betrays a belief that we possess of wherewe think happiness is to be found.

You see if you expect that situations or people are what you need tosatisfy then you will have soul-crushing disappointment becausethey can't. When you are young you will look forward and think, ifonly I had money, if only my kids were grown, then I'd be happy.And then sometime down the road you will realize you got all that.You got money and your kids are out to the house but your healthand vitality was taken away from you. What was it again I wanted todo when my kids were out of the house and I had money? I can'tremember. If only I had my health and my kids.

If you run around thinking that the only way I can be fulfilled is tomake sure my kids turn out. And so you rush them around to try anddevelop their musical gifts or their academic gifts or their athleticgifts and your scrambling trying to make all this stuff happen, thinkabout what you are doing. Your setting yourself up for deepdisappointment.

It's revealing something to you. Listen to those disappointments.Perhaps you are trying to find fulfillment in the wrong places. What ifall of your kids walk away from the Lord? That would be verydisappointing. But does that mean that you cannot find joy and cannever be fulfilled?

Think of how miserable Moses would be if he was thinking in termsof "if only"

if only the children of Israel would stop complainingif only they would stop grumbling and being so stiff-necked.if only they would have had faith. Now we have to wander around inthe desert for 40 yearsif only I could just have a permanent home in the promise land. Butinstead I have to wander around in a tentif only these people were more self-sufficient. I'm always trying to fixtheir problems.

What if your kids end up like Moses' kids. What if they don't make itinto the right schools or don't get good grades or don't becomeathletes or musicians? What if you get sick? What if you loose yourmental sharpness?

Here's what I think God is saying, repent of that. You don't need torepent of the expectation itself but of the belief that the realizedexpectation will bring you ultimate fulfillment.

The goal is to expect the destination and submit the journey.

This is not a mental trick word trick. Here's why this is revolutionaryin managing disappointment. Because it allows us to expect, actuallyexpect tremendous joy, overflowing satisfaction, extraordinarycontentment while being open to how and when God will providethat. One of the absolute keys to growing as a Christian is to expectthat you will be more satisfied in God if you do what he says. Buthow specifically that will happen is admittedly mysterious. TheBible's equation for joy and happiness and contentment is verycounterintuitive and difficult to anticipate so you have to be open tohow God is going to accomplish it but be very firm, rigid, stubborn,dogmatic that he will.

I don't expect that I will have kids or not have kids. To expect in thatarea would be presumptuous. But here's what you do expect. Iexpect that whether I have 1 kid, 10 kids or 0 that God will use thisas a tool to sanctify me, and it will be a platform out of which I canbring him glory such that I will be more happy in him.

You see we don't know what it is good for us. Can you just confessthat today? I don't know what I need, but God does and if somethinghard comes your way, something you don't expect, then your instinctresponse should be, this must be what God thinks I need.

This passage is saying, you have your plans and you know howthings ought to work, but you don’t know. You say, “This is going tohappen. That’s going to happen.” But you don’t know. You ought tosay, “Well, if it’s the Lord’s will.”

What does that mean? When things go wrong, we get angry ordepressed or frustrated or discouraged and we think we can't help it.But those feelings come from somewhere. You want to know wherethey come from? From this assumed omniscience - I know what isbest for me. In your heart you are saying, this circumstance is sohorribel. Wait a second, Why?

Well because things are turning out the way I expected.

Oh, you know? You know that these things must be in place for youto be fulfilled. How do you know? This passage says very clearlyyou don’t know. You’re upset, but you don’t know. Lay down theburden of thinking you know more than God. It’s such a relief. All thefreaking out we experience in life is coming from our certainty thatwe know. We don’t know. Be humble. It’s a deliberate act of humility.

medieval concept of we submit to the world vs we control the world.

Closing InvitationNewcomer lunch. Everyone is invited. What do yo