What is integrity?● Being honest, trustworthy, and incorruptible 诚

实，值得信任，廉洁● Maintaining steadfast adherence to a strict code of moral, ethical, or artistic values 恪守道德、 伦理、 或艺术价值观● Being consistently truthful and fair 一贯诚实和公平 ● Following your convictions, rather than reacting in the heat of the moment 忠实你的信念，而不是一时冲动后的反应 ● Demonstrating that you can be counted on and trusted 证明你可以依靠和信赖 ● Being truthful and sincere 真实与真诚

Quotations

“Strive to be first: first to nod, first to smile, first to compliment, and first to forgive.” (Unknown) 争做第一 : 第一点头、 微笑，赞扬，和原谅（自己的判断，思想）

“Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day.” (Sally Koch) 帮助人，从小事做起

“Though we all have the fear and the seeds of anger within us, we must learn not to water those seeds and instead nourish our positive qualities—those of compassion, understanding, and loving kindness.” (Thich Nhat Hanh)

争做第一（ 不仅是随从者）第一个表态，赞成、 微笑，赞扬，和原谅。帮助别人，从小事做起。人性都有弱点（胆怯，害怕，气愤）， 但需要浇灌和培养的是人性善

良，同情，理解和关爱的情操。

What does integrity look like/sound like? 行为

● Thinking about the best option or solution to a problem and discussing different opinions until a solution is found （帮助解决问题，通过协商，找到解决的途径。● Telling the truth, even if it means admitting a mistake or knowing that it may not be accepted by others 讲真话，有时甚至于别人不支持时，敢于认错。 ● Having the courage to do the right thing, even if it may mean losing a friend, a job, or the acceptance of a peer group 敢于坚持对的，有事要付出代价（ 丢工作，失去朋友，失去圈内人的支持）● Acting and speaking in ways that reflect your own values 操守（讲，做）自己的信念和价值观。● Keeping a promise （ 遵守诺言）● Not making promises that can’t be kept （ 不说不兑现的诺言）● Accepting the consequences when a mistake is made 做错事要敢于承担● Not abusing a position of power for your own interests 不以权谋利

What is a bully? （恶霸，恶棍，以“强”凌“弱”。以伤害他人为乐。 （ no sense of integrity at all)

Personality: jealous, obsessive, compulsive, paranoid, instinctive aggressive counter-attack, inability to trust, liar, need to control others, manipulative, gathering of trivial or circumstantial “evidence” to support their jealous beliefs also feature. narcissistic tendencies, attention-seeker （ 嫉妒、 强迫症、 强迫性、 偏执、 本能的侵略性反击，不信任，不诚实，需要控制他人，掌握他人，玩弄他人，双重人格，收集微不足道或间接证据来“证明”和支持他们的嫉妒原因。）自恋倾向，引起他人注意。

Why （后天因素 ) Feeling powerless./Low self-esteem./Trying to get admiration and attention from friends./Fear of being left out if they don’t join in./Not understanding how someone else is feeling./Taking out their angry feelings./A culture of aggression and bullying/ignorance/neglected

感到无能为力 / 自卑 / 试图从他人获取钦佩和注意 / 害怕被冷落 / 不理解别人的感觉 / 发气泄愤怒的情绪 / 文化的侵略和欺凌 / 被忽略

BULLYING BEHAVIOUR IN SCHOOLS intent to harmconscious, willful, deliberate and repeated hostilephysical intimidation or assault; extortionoral or written threats; teasing putdownsname-calling threatening looks, gestures or actions; cruelrumors; false accusations; and social isolation.

Procedures学校： take immediate, appropriate steps to intervene inform teachers, the principal or their parents home/school communications be investigated fully 、 identify relevant family issues. Sanctions/intervention record/Administrative Procedure Programming shall be implemented ask for a copy of the school bullying policy so that you can go through it with your child孩子自己： Using their awareness to notice a problem situation and move out of reach. Telling someone to stop. Asking to join the game or conversation in a friendly, confident way. Leaving and finding someone else to play with. Interrupting busy adults and being persistent in asking for help with a safety problem别人： speak up, reach out, leave to get help

If your child is bullying others…1.Stay calm 。 Get the fact. Care not upset2.redirect this behavior and become positive leaders. 3. face age-appropriate consequences. Rather than

lecturing.4.practice skills. Never tell the child(bully or being bullied)Do not blame the child for being bullied. Even if

he or she provoked the bullying, no one deserves to be bullied.

Do not tell the child to physically fight back against the kid 。

Parents should not contact the other parents involved.

Follow-up. takes consistent effort to ensure that it stops. (bullying is repeated)

Cases of bullyingTake off a child's jacket or shoes and refuse to give the

clothes back to the child during recess all in the name of "fun".

Insist during recess that the victimized child pretends to be a dog, or other subservient role, while the other kids chase, tackle, hold down, or force the child to do something against his will.

Make fun of a child's height, weight, level of intelligence, or other personal attribute and then insist that she was only joking when the victimized child cries or tells an adult.

Ask the same child to watch over his rock collection or other personal item during recess so he can play with his friends.

Insist on choosing the game, making fun of other kids, or getting other children to bully the child on his behalf.

More questions to ask:Who are your child's friends and what does he/she

like about them?What does your child think about the bullying victim?Is your child is afraid of anyone else? There is often a

ringleader and children go along with him/her because they are afraid they may be the next target if they don't

Has he/she dropped old friends and got new ones?What games do they play at school and who decides

who can join in?Could your child be upset because of a change in

family circumstances, separation, bereavement, a new baby? If your child being bullied as well?

Do you share blamed?Some things to think about:Do you encourage your children to stand up for

themselves and could their assertiveness be construed as bullying? 曾鼓励过孩子要为自己站起来，而可能被他们误解为去欺负他人呢？

Are you confrontational? 你当面对质吗？Are you critical of teaching staff in front of your child? 当

孩子面批评老师吗？Do you try to work with the school on problems? 您尝试与

学校一起处理问题吗？Do you tell your children to hit back? 你告诉孩子还手打过去吗？Are you aggressive if another parent complaints to you

about bullying? 如果由家长投诉欺负人，你是不是很狂躁？Do you give your children space to talk about things that

may be upsetting them? 你给孩子空间去讨论引起他们不按的事情吗？

Qualities of the TARGET: popularity (this stimulates jealousy in the less-than-popular bully) competence (this stimulates envy in the less-than-competent bully) intelligence and intellect honesty and integrity (which bullies despise) you're trustworthy, trusting, conscientious, loyal and dependable a well-developed integrity which you're unwilling to compromise you're always willing to go that extra mile and expect others to do the same successful, tenacious, determined, courageous, having fortitude a sense of humour, including displays of quick-wittedness imaginative, creative, innovative idealistic, optimistic, always working for improvement and betterment of self, family, the employer,

and the world ability to master new skills ability to think long term and to see the bigger picture sensitivity (this is a constellation of values to be cherished including empathy, concern for others,

respect, tolerance etc) slow to anger helpful, always willing to share knowledge and experience giving and selfless

difficulty saying no diligent, industrious

tolerant strong sense of honour irrepressible, wanting to tackle and correct injustice wherever you see it an inability to value oneself whilst attributing greater importance and validity to other

people's opinions of oneself (eg through tests, exams, appraisals, manager's feedback, etc) low propensity to violence (ie you prefer to resolve conflict through dialogue rather than

through violence or legal action) a strong forgiving streak (which the bully exploits and manipulates to dissuade you from

taking grievance and legal action) a desire to always think well of others being incorruptible, having high moral standards which you are unwilling to compromise being unwilling to lower standards a strong well-defined set of values which you are unwilling to compromise or abandon high expectations of those in authority and a dislike of incompetent people in positions of

power who abuse power a tendency to self-deprecation, indecisiveness, deference and approval seeking 自贬、

优柔寡断、 顺从和批准寻求的倾向

low assertivenessa need to feel valuedquick to apologize when accused, even if not guilty

(this is a useful technique for defusing an aggressive customer or potential road rage incident)

perfectionism higher-than-average levels of dependency, naivety and guilt a strong sense of fair play and a desire to always be reasonable high coping skills under stress, especially when the injury to health becomes apparent

a tendency to internalize anger rather than express it

How to teach your kid?Learning life skills of assertiveness rather rather than aggressive or

submissive ( 自信）Teach how to stand-up for themselves and others （practice integrity （ beliefs/morals/ethical)use their voice to create the change they desireTeaching children to break away from the group （摆脱集团）allow others take the lead.Respect boundaries （ privacy ）Teaching children to say “NO”Encouraging children to use “I” statementsRecognize and react quickly to the dangermaking friends and learning to get along

Myths and misperceptions

Right or Wrong? There's no bullying here Ignore it Stand up for yourself Victims of bullying don't know how to defend themselves verbally or physically Victims of bullying become too flustered to deflect bullies with humour Victims of bullying typically do not retaliate Bullying toughens you up Bullying is a rite of passage we all have to go through Bullying is part of life, you've just got to accept it There's no law against bullying so it must be OK People who get bullied are wimps/Only weak people are bullied Bullies prey on the weak Victims are unlikeable Victims lack social skills Victims are afraid to go to school Everyone is capable of bullying Children who are bullied grow up to be tougher people/Playing violent video games makes children violent We operate a no blame approach here We follow the academic model of classifying victims of bullying as passive victims, provocative victims,

colluding victims, and false victims Children who are bullied are passive Children who are bullied are shy loners You're too sensitive Bullies are popular children/Bullies have high self-esteem You'll never get rid of bullying so let's concentrate on teaching victims how to assert themselves

Dear Mr Jones,

I have been dealing with Ms Smith over the bullying of my daughter Mary by Jane Brown. Despite discussing this with the class teacher/head of year, bullying is still going on.

Can you please let me know what strategy you can introduce to resolve this problem and how it will be monitored? Is it possible for you to increase supervision at the time most of the bullying happens (at break/ in the playground/ in the corridor/ in the changing room).

Can I please have a copy of the school bullying policy? Please put a copy of my complaint onto Mary's file together with your written response.

Yours sincerely, Your Name...