WHAT IS

CONFLICT? From the dictionary:

Friction or opposition resulting from actual or perceived

differences or incompatibilities.

Origin

Late Middle English: from Latin conflict- ‘struck together, fought’,

from the verb confligere, from con- ‘together’ + fligere ‘to strike’; Conflict is drama, and how

people deal with conflict shows

you the kind of people they are

Stephen Moyer

The sources of conflict

Control over resources

Interdependent work; individual approaches

Differences in goals

Communication problems

Differences in perceptions and values

Work environment

Difference in personality and attitude

Unclear authority structures…. And so onEuropass Teacher Academy - Conflict Management

WHY

CONFLICT IS

USUALLY

CONSIDERED

A BAD THING

We have a negative attitude toward conflict primarily because we

haven’t learned constructive ways to deal with it–in fact, the

converse is true: we have learned destructive ways of handling

conflict.

As children, as students and as employees (and too often as spouses)

we have experienced losing in a conflict because parents,

teachers and bosses use/d their power to win at our expense.

Even though we know the feelings of resentment, anger, dislike, even

hostility that we experience as a result of losing, the win-lose

posture is deeply ingrained and when we get in positions where we

have power over people, we often choose to win at their expense.

Linda Adams, President of GTI

https://viaconflict.wordpress.com

WHY

CONFLICT

CAN

ACTUALLY BE

A BENEFIT

1. It raises and address problems

2. Conflict contributes to social change ensuring both

interpersonal and intergroup dynamics remain fresh and

reflective of current interests and realities

3. Conflict serves to “discourage premature group decision

making,” forcing participants in the decision making process

to explore the issues and interests at stake

4. Conflict between groups produces intra-group unity as the

conflict provides the opportunity for increased intra-group

cooperation while working towards the group’s common goal

for the conflict’s outcome

5. Helps find benefits from diversity

https://viaconflict.wordpress.com

WHEN IN CONFLICT, WE HAVE 5 BASIC

CONFLICT-HANDLING POSITIONS WE CAN

CHOOSE:

1. In Avoiding, neither you nor I satisfy our concerns.

2. In Accommodating, I satisfy your concerns at the

expense of my own.

3. In Competing, I satisfy my concerns at the expense of

yours.

4. In Compromising, we both give up half of our

concerns in order to satisfy the other half.

1. In Collaborating both you and I approach the conflict

as a mutual problem, allowing us to discover

alternatives which satisfy all of our concerns.

The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict

Mode Instrument

thomas kilmann tool

SO, WHAT’S YOUR CONFLICT

MANAGEMENT STYLE?

THE WORLD’S

BIGGEST EYE

CONTACT

EXPERIMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSLJ3JDIDgY

AN EASY-TO-REMEMBER 5-STEP PROCESS THAT

CAN APPLY TO CONFLICT:

1. Step away

2. Prepare

3. Focus on the problem, not the person

4. Meet face-to-face and keep eye-contact

5. Seek a WIN/WIN solution

THE C.A.L.M. MODEL:

C - CLARIFY the issue

A - ADDRESS the problem

L - LISTEN to the other side

M - MANAGE your way to resolution

Aldo Civico, Phd Anthropologist,

founder of the International Institute for Peace

“I remember the time I went to see a guerrilla leader in a high-security prison in Colombia.

I wanted to explore with him the conditions for cease-fire negotiations between his group

and the government. When we met, he was very guarded, almost aggressive. I could tell he

didn’t trust me at all. I was coming on behalf of an American academic institution, and he

suspected I was affiliated with the CIA. I knew I had to shift his perception, if I wanted to

have the chance for an open conversation about the possibility for ceasefire talks.

To produce that shift, I used an Italian technique. He had a small kitchen in his

cell, and I suggested I teach him how to make a Bolognese pasta and that we

cook together. We did, and we bonded. A few months later, I was one of the

facilitators of ceasefire negotiation between the government and the leader's

guerrilla group”.

Rapport

RAPPORT BUILDING IS AT THE ROOT OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

Rapport building might be required within your family, for your spouse or children.

You can avoid conflicts with your spouse or better understand the thought processes of your

child once a good rapport is developed. It is very important in professional life as well, for getting along

with superiors, teammates and subordinates. Rapport building is vital to group meetings, discussions or

decision-making, where a good rapport can avoid conflicts, misunderstandings and arguments.

Lisa Christiansen, PhD.

HOW TO BUILD RAPPORT TECHNIQUE:

THE MATCHING AND MIRRORING METHOD

-Body postures and gestures

-Rhythm of the breath

-Energy level

-Tone of voice

If you take the lead, find out if the other person will follow.

You can do something different, such as scratching your

ear, shifting into a new position or changing your pitch or

tone of voice. Once a good rapport has been built, the

other person will unconsciously follow you. He will try to

match your action, by shifting position or changing his tone

as well.

When these tests are successful, it indicates that a solid

rapport has been built.

Mirroring and matching are two techniques used to gain rapport at the unconscious level. This is possible by

becoming like the person with whom you need to make a connection. They involve:

THE 3 DON’TS OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Blaming Judging Getting overly Emotional

CONFLICT SCENARIOS GAMEGet into small groups of 4 or 3

people, consisting in 2 or 3 actors

and 1 observer.

Each group will receive a paper

with a “conflict scenario” and a

Role Play Graphic Organizer.

Act out the scenario and try to

resolve the issue, either with the

C.A. L. M. model, the 5 steps process

or the Rapport technique if possible.

How would you mediate/solve a conflict without

blaming, judging, getting overly emotional?

SCENARIO 1

T graduated from high school a year ago and lives at

home with his parent, P. T needed a year to figure out

what to do with life. As the year has unfolded, T has

been spending more and more time in front of the

television, going out until all hours, and sleeping in

late. P has not said anything about this behavior,

hoping that eventually T would figure things out. T has

a part-time job (two nights a week at a restaurant,

waiting tables), but does not contribute to the

household expenses. P agreed that T could have a year

to save money before having to contribute. T does

work around the house, but often has to be asked or

reminded. P would like T to start acting more like an

adult, but every time they discuss this topic, they have

an argument. Now the year is coming to a close and P

asked T to sit down and discuss what is going to

happen next. T got upset and said that it was unfair of

P to start charging room and board. Discussions have

stalled, with T becoming more resentful and P feeling

unsure how to handle the whole situation.

SCENARIO 2You will play the role of three people in an elevator that

suddenly stops.

Each character has a particular attitude:

1. Aggressive: He/She is a compulsive smoker and he/she can’t

spend more time without his/her cigarette;

2. Assertive: He/She hates cigarette smoke and he/she can’t

bear anyone smoking around him/her;

3.Passive: He/She only smokes when he/she is nervous.

Try to solve the situation.

Who can be in conflict at school?

• Student vs. Student

• Group of students vs. Individual student

• Teacher vs. Student

• Teacher vs. Teacher

• Teachers vs. Administration/Management

• Teachers vs. Families

• Families vs. Families

• Families vs. Administration

Please provide one or more examples of strategies used in your

classroom to prevent and/or deal with conflict.

Conflict Resolution as part of a class system

Establish and post steps for conflict resolution in your classroom.

Review them often.

Encourage students to first find a solution on their own before

requesting an adult’s help. An adult might interfere or not fully

understand. “Whoever has the problem has the solution.”

Discuss the possible consequences of different behaviors.

Use role plays for more “advanced” groups.

How can you help your students?

Some practical ideas

24

25

26

ACTIVE LISTENING

A BAD

LISTENER

What’s wrong in this

conversation?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sr1uS8KZbto

We often take listening for granted, as something easy and natural.

But real genuine listening it is something that needs to be learned and practised every day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=3&v=saXfavo1OQo

“We were born with two ears and one mouth so that we can hear twice as much as we speak”

1. Ask open

questions

2. Summarise

3. Reflect

4. Clarify

5. Give words of

encourageme

nt

6. React

NOW IT’S YOUR TURN!

1. Think about one problem you are dealing with and get into pair

2. Take turns of 2 minutes to talk about it with your mate

3. When it is your turn to listen, do it practicing the previously

mentioned tips

4. Try to give truly helpful responses!