Slide 1

Welcome to the Open Sky Webinar We will begin at 6 pm see you soon! We will begin at 6 pm see you soon! Slide 2 Boundaries, Manipulation, and Love: Effective Parenting Presented by Jonathan Mitchell, MA, LPC, Clinical Therapist Slide 3 Boundaries let people know they are safe even if it may be an uncomfortable experience. Slide 4 Slide 5 Slide 6 When we hold boundaries with infants, children, and teenagers, they can relax into their lives and explore appropriately. Slide 7 Anger is an appropriate and healthy response to a boundary if someone is NOT angry because of boundaries this can be concerning. Slide 8 Slide 9 So what about manipulation? What happens when my child tries to manipulate me? Slide 10 Manipulation = Request for a Boundary Slide 11 Boundaries form the identity of oneself. Slide 12 Without them, the search for identity can continue and lead to problems Slide 13 What happens when my child does not adhere to the boundaries I have created? Slide 14 Slide 15 Slide 16 What is my childs underlying desire in pushing back against me or the boundary? (or Why is my son/daughter driving me crazy?!) You may ask yourself: Slide 17 1. (Re)Defining who he/ she is 2. Emotional safety (trust) 3. Feeling closer to you Because there is a need for: Slide 18 Challenges in families become un-navigable when the relationships become diffuse. Slide 19 A Challenged Family Dynamic Intimacy as an Infant, Child? Break in Relationship (Early Teens?) Diffuse Relationship Low Trust Finding Other Trusted Relationships Elsewhere (e.g., Computer, Friends, Drugs) Open Sky Slide 20 Challenges arise where hardship is encountered (e.g., trauma, death, loss, divorce, sickness). Challenges arise where hardship is encountered (e.g., trauma, death, loss, divorce, sickness). In these times, the intimacy of relationships is challenged. In these times, the intimacy of relationships is challenged. If these circumstances are navigated successfully meaning, everyone feels closer afterwards trust is established. If these circumstances are navigated successfully meaning, everyone feels closer afterwards trust is established. If not, relationships lose intimacy and holes can form both within oneself and in a relationship. If not, relationships lose intimacy and holes can form both within oneself and in a relationship. Developmental Holes Slide 21 Not only for your kidsbut for yourself! Not only for your kidsbut for yourself! If a relationship has become strained with your child there is often a high correlation between the age your child is struggling and what happened to you at that age. If a relationship has become strained with your child there is often a high correlation between the age your child is struggling and what happened to you at that age. As humans, we are naturally made to be in relationship. When we find ourselves unable to be in relationship (i.e., parent effectively), something has happened which stops us from being able to regain relationship. As humans, we are naturally made to be in relationship. When we find ourselves unable to be in relationship (i.e., parent effectively), something has happened which stops us from being able to regain relationship. Relationship is Natural Slide 22 What stops your child from feeling close to you? Slide 23 Clearly, your child may be engaged in behaviors or lifestyles that limit their ability to feel close to you. Clearly, your child may be engaged in behaviors or lifestyles that limit their ability to feel close to you. However, it has not always been this way. However, it has not always been this way. They began engaging in these patterns because they struggled with something at some point and found solace in them. They began engaging in these patterns because they struggled with something at some point and found solace in them. So, the question remains, how have you, as a parent, stopped your child from trusting you/feeling intimate with you? So, the question remains, how have you, as a parent, stopped your child from trusting you/feeling intimate with you? Without this kind of self reflection/personal therapy, your child and your family remain at high risk for returning to old patterns. Without this kind of self reflection/personal therapy, your child and your family remain at high risk for returning to old patterns. What stops your child? Slide 24 How do I regain intimacy with my child? Slide 25 The Road to Intimacy Contact Slide 26 This is the ability that I have to be in relationship both with myself and others at any given time. This is the ability that I have to be in relationship both with myself and others at any given time. This means I have the ability to be aware of how I am feeling at any given moment feelings, not thoughts or ideas. This means I have the ability to be aware of how I am feeling at any given moment feelings, not thoughts or ideas. Contact Slide 27 The Road to Intimacy Contact Connection = Contact over time Slide 28 The Road to Intimacy Contact Connection = Contact over time Relationship = Connection over time Slide 29 The Road to Intimacy Contact Connection = Contact over time Relationship = Connection over time Intimacy = Relationship over time Slide 30 What can I DO? Slide 31 Take ownership for how you may have not supported trust and intimacy with your child. Slide 32 Practice self-reflection through your own therapy and with your Open Sky therapist be curious. Slide 33 Hold boundaries with your child while at Open Sky, (e.g., aftercare decisions, confrontations regarding past behavior) while remaining loving and caring. vs. Slide 34 The reasons why young people struggle in their lives is often myriad and complex. The reasons why young people struggle in their lives is often myriad and complex. There are many things parents can do to direct, influence, and model positive change for their kids. There are many things parents can do to direct, influence, and model positive change for their kids. Whats the bottom line? Slide 35 Covery, S. (1997). The 7 habits of highly effective families. St. Martins Griffin: New York. Covery, S. (1997). The 7 habits of highly effective families. St. Martins Griffin: New York. Frreman, D. (2012). Contact and relationship (lecture). www.gestaltoftherockies.com. Frreman, D. (2012). Contact and relationship (lecture). www.gestaltoftherockies.com. Gibbs, N. (2009). The growing backlash against overparenting. Time, November 30, 2009. Gibbs, N. (2009). The growing backlash against overparenting. Time, November 30, 2009. Gottlieb, L. (2011). How to land your kid in therapy. The Atlantic, July/August 2011. Gottlieb, L. (2011). How to land your kid in therapy. The Atlantic, July/August 2011. Levine, M. (2006). Price of privelege. Harper Collins: New York. Levine, M. (2006). Price of privelege. Harper Collins: New York. Pozatek, K. (2010). The parallel process: Growing alongside your adolescent or young adult child in treatment. Lantern Books: Herndon, VA. Pozatek, K. (2010). The parallel process: Growing alongside your adolescent or young adult child in treatment. Lantern Books: Herndon, VA. Schneider, W., T. Cavell, & J. Hughes (2003), A sense of containment: Potential moderator of the relation between parenting practices and childrens externalizing behavior, Development and Psychopathology 15, 94-117. Schneider, W., T. Cavell, & J. Hughes (2003), A sense of containment: Potential moderator of the relation between parenting practices and childrens externalizing behavior, Development and Psychopathology 15, 94-117. References & Resources Slide 36 Thank you! Jonathan Mitchell, MA, LPC Clinical Therapist for Adolescent Boys Jonathan Mitchell, MA, LPC Clinical Therapist for Adolescent Boys jonathan@openskywilderness.com jonathan@openskywilderness.com jonathan@openskywilderness.com Please keep this browser window open. When the presentation is complete, it will take you to a short survey for todays webinar. Please keep this browser window open. When the presentation is complete, it will take you to a short survey for todays webinar.