welcome to hypocristan – the express tribune blog

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10/5/2014 Welcome to Hypocristan – The Express Tribune Blog http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/21989/welcome-to-hypocristan/ 1/20 By Fazal Abbas Published: April 27, 2014 Daily Express The Express Tribune Urdu E-Paper English E-Paper Watch Express News Live Subscribe Welcome to Pakistan Welcome to Hypocristan Tweet 68 6 21 CommentsShare this Print Email 222 Like

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Page 2: Welcome to Hypocristan – the Express Tribune Blog

10/5/2014 Welcome to Hypocristan – The Express Tribune Blog

http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/21989/welcome-to-hypocristan/ 2/20

“Kaleem Sahib, how are y ou? I am fine jee, thanks to Allah (swt). Sir, please do not worry . Your file will beprocessed soon. Sir if y ou scratch our back, we’ll scratch y ours,” Usman say s while looking at Jamal.

“Feudalism is the root of all evil in our country, baita,” Ms Naheed, who runs a renownednon-government organisation (NGO), explains to Saleem, a friend of her son.

“The worsening moral, social, economic and political crisis Pakistan is going through isdue to the elitist mentality of the powerful feudal lords. They deny children the right toeducation and treat them like slaves.”

Saleem jots down the key points of the discussion. He has to submit an article on ‘Feudalism in Pakistan’ for thecampus magazine next week.

As soon as she finishes her sentence, they hear the sound of breaking glass.

Ms Naheed gets up and opens the door of the guest room to see what has happened.

Slap!

“Jahil, ganwaar larki!”

(You illiterate, uneducated girl!)

Saleem hears Ms Naheed y elling.

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10/5/2014 Welcome to Hypocristan – The Express Tribune Blog

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“Do y ou know how expensiv e that glass was? Clean this mess. I shall talk to y our mother about this.”

Ms Naheed comes back into the room and sits on the sofa.

“Sorry baita, kam karnay wali bachi thi. Aik bohat mehenga glass tor diya usne,” she explains.

(Sorry son, it was the domestic help. She broke a v ery expensiv e glass.)

Saleem nods and closes his notebook.

_______________

“Yaar, this bribe-taking culture has to end,” say s Waqas, sitting in the passenger seat of the car.

“Absolutely ,” replies Ahsan, while honking the horn continuously for the v ehicle in front of him todriv e faster.

“Did y ou know, two day s back, Raza had to pay Rs2,000 just to get his FIR registered for his stolenmotorcy cle?”

Ahsan accelerates and crosses the square while the signal is still red. The traffic police officer, who is standing alittle further from the square, motions him to stop on the side of the road.

“Sir, y our license please?” asks the officer.

Ahsan pulls a wallet out of his pocket, takes out the license and giv es it to him.

“What happened, Sir?” asks Ahsan.

“You broke the traffic signal. It will be a fine of Rs500. You can collect y our license from the MallRoad police station after depositing the fine,” replies the officer, while filling out the challan (ticket).

Both Ahsan and Waqas step out of the car.

“Wait sir! Please, don’t! Idher hi settle kar letay hain na (let’s settle it here only ),” Ahsan requests theofficer while searching for money in his wallet.

__________

Nav eed and Mazhar enter the univ ersity cafe. They look around and spot a v acant table in a corner. After sittingthere, Mazhar wav es his hand to call the waiter.

“Jee sir, what would y ou like to hav e?” asks the waiter.

“Two anda-shami burgers and two mango shakes,” replies Mazhar, in a questioning tone whilelooking at Nav eed, who nods in agreement.

Nav eed leans forward on the table.

“So, like I was say ing, western countries hav e alway s conspired to destabilise our country . Theycan’t stand the sight of a dev eloped and progressing nation like ours. They hav e no respect for us andthink we all are terrorists. Our politicians hav e turned into western minions. The y outh of thiscountry has to work hard and lead to bring change,” Nav eed say s passionately .

After a while, Mazhar’s mobile phone rings.

“Hello? Hi Murad. How are y ou? I am fine, thanks. Acha? That’s good. Yeah, we’ll be there. Thanks!”

Mazhar ends the call.

“Murad was say ing that the United States Agency for International Dev elopment (USAID) is

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organising a job expo in the univ ersity coming Monday . We hav e to submit our resumes by Friday .The representativ es of different companies will offer jobs and will interv iew the candidates,” he tellsNav eed excitedly .

“That’s great yaar! Let’s apply for it. It will be a dream come true if we get jobs and settle in theUnited States,” replies Nav eed, a smile spreading across his face.

__________

There’s a knock on the door.

“Janab! Please come in Ansari Sahib, hav e a seat,” Muhammad Wajih, Editor of Super Newspaper,greets Kamran Ansari.

“What would y ou like to hav e? Chai, coffee?” asks Wajih.

Ansari sits on the sofa, placing his mobile phone on the table.

“I’ll hav e coffee please. Thanks,” he replies.

After telling the domestic help to make two cups of coffee, Wajih sits down.

“Sir, y our column y esterday was a brilliant one. You exposed all the politicians whoperformed Umrah on gov ernment expenses. The news is all ov er the channels,” he compliments.

Ansari leans back on the sofa, crossing one leg ov er the other, with satisfaction and glee clearly v isible on his face.

“Thanks Wajih Sahib. It really was a tough job. You know, to contact the sources and getting thenames of all of those inv olv ed, I had to search a lot! I hav e also been inv ited to tonight’s primetimeprogram on Bash News,” replies Ansari.

The phone rings. Wajih picks up.

“Hello? Jee I am speaking. Acha. Oh! Thanks a lot jee, Thanks a lot!”

Beaming, Wajih puts down the phone.

“Sir, it was a call from minister sahib’s office. My name has been included in this y ear’s free Hajjscheme for journalists by the gov ernment. Allah (swt) ka lakh lakh shukar hai,” Wajih tells Ansari.

Ansari gets up and embraces him.

“Many congratulations! You are v ery lucky !”

_________

“I was hit here, right on the head, by a police man during the protest,” say s Falak Qureshi, a lawy er,walking in the corridor of his office building with Annie Mehtab, reporter Go Newspaper, during aninterv iew.

They enter the office.

“We sacrificed a lot and put in loads of struggle for the success of the Lawy ers mov ement for therestoration of judiciary . Judiciary is free in this country now,” say s Falak while opening the door ofhis room.

The secretary stands up and greets them both.

“Sir, Murtaza Sahib is waiting for y ou in the conference room,” he informs Falak.

“Ms Annie, I am sorry , I hav e to meet my client first. I shall be back shortly . Please hav e a seat and

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enjoy a cup of tea,” say s Falak.

He directs the secretary to arrange tea for her and leav es.

Falak enters the conference room and greets Murtaza.

“Murtaza Sahib, I got y our message in the morning. You don’t need to worry . We are going to win,”he assures Murtaza.

Murtaza hands ov er the brief case to him.

“I thought it would be better if I see y ou in person. I hav e arranged the ‘offer’ we talked about in themorning,” he replies.

Falak, smirking, opens the brief case, looks inside and then closes it.

“Murtaza Sahib, there is nothing to worry about. I hav e spoken to judge sahib. You know,judge sahib and I go back a long way . He accepted the offer and I assure y ou we will win this case.”

_________

“See, an operation against the terrorists will only complicate the problem. Talks are the only solutionto this issue. They are our own people. What if the operation fails? They will lose their tempers andhit back harder, which will be dev astating for the country ,” Fakhar explains to Mujahid whilesitting in the TV lounge.

Mujahid nods.

“You are right. And these so called liberals support the military operation, which is really absurd,”he replies.

Breaking news is announced on TV:

“Fiv e people hav e been killed by unidentified gunmen in targeted killings in different parts of thecity ”.

Fakhar increases the v olume.

“Ev ery one knows who these bloody unidentified people are. These killers and looters hav e destroy edthe peace of the city . The Rangers and Army should carry out operations here. It’s the only solution.These killers should be hanged till death,” exclaims an irked Mujahid.

_________

Jamal Khalid, assistant director at a gov ernment department, enters the room of Usman Majeed, director of thesame department.

“Come Jamal, hav e a seat. Hav e y ou read today ’s newspaper? See this? Another corruption scandal!These politicians hav e ruined this country ,” say s Usman while passing the newspaper to him.

“These corrupt and greedy men hav e no regard for the welfare of the common man and areinterested only in filling their own pockets.”

The secretary knocks the door and enters.

“Sir, Mr Kaleem is on the phone,” he say s to Usman.

Usman picks up the call.

“Kaleem Sahib, how are y ou? I am fine jee, thanks to Allah (swt). Sir, please do not worry . Your file

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will be processed soon. Sir if y ou scratch our backs, we will scratch y ours,” Usman say s while lookingat Jamal.

Jamal nods with a grin on his face.

—————

Welcome to Hy pocristan, a country where hy pocrisy thriv es.

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Fazal Abbas

A chartered accountant practising in Lahore prov iding assurance and business adv isory serv ices. His interestsinclude politics, history , sports, music and mov ies. He tweets as @fazalwarraich (twitter.com/fazalwarraich)

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49 Comments The Express Tribune Blogs Fazal Abbas

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Maheen • 10 days ago

Favorite

222Like

55kLike

Page 7: Welcome to Hypocristan – the Express Tribune Blog

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• Reply •

Maheen • 10 days ago

Some of us overseas Pakis try and bring back what we learnt living abroad... like holding

on to a piece of trash until we sport a dustbin (small example.... but puts the point across)

or wearing seatbelts..... or letting someone cross the road for a change rather than tearing

at them at a faster speed.

unfortunately, the corruption does notlet us come back. Nothing in pakistan gets done

without bribes.... and if we dont pay, we never get the work done.... or have to wait for an

insane number of years for something that takes a few minutes if you pay under the table :

(

2

• Reply •

Jawad Ul Hassan • 11 days ago

great write boi...

• Reply •

Kamran Hayder • 11 days ago

Well written. I am happy to see someone from my CA community as blogger on ET ;-)

7

• Edit • Reply •

Fazal Abbas • 11 days ago Kamran Hayder

Thanks Kamran

1

• Reply •

Haris Javed • 11 days ago

When somebody from your own walk of life does something extraordinary, it makes you

feel proud! And Mr Fazal Abbas it is really pleasing for me to see this blog coming from a

member of ICAP! A very fine job!

14

• Edit • Reply •

Fazal Abbas • 11 days ago Haris Javed

Thanks a lot Haris.

• Reply •

RGK • 11 days ago

Great Job Mr. Fazal Abbas

2

• Edit • Reply •

Fazal Abbas • 11 days ago

Thank you every one for comments and feedback. Much appreciated.

2

raj • 11 days ago

Excellent article. Things we need to avoid if we want to thrive as a united nation which,

unfortunately, seems far on the cards

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• Reply •

• Reply •

Name • 12 days ago

Nice presentation! What is your opinion about Nawaz Sharif & Punjab sucking up the

entire country's resources?

• Reply •

Adpran • 12 days ago

Just few days ago in Youtube I wrote a comment for Dil Dil Pakistan video "I am

Indonesian, but I love this song. And let me say .... Pakistan Zindabad!" .

But now I find a Pakistani himself call his country as Hypocristan???

Ironic.

• Reply •

Supriya Arcot • 12 days ago

And life goes on ...

• Reply •

MAK • 12 days ago

Spot on Mr Fazal, but we Pakistanis love to live in denial

4

• Reply •

kiki • 12 days ago

Article was excellent but disagree with the title!!!

• Reply •

Syeda KAzmi • 12 days ago

an honest portrayal of our society..

3

• Reply •

Necromancer • 13 days ago

Overwhelmingly Excellent.

7

• Reply •

Paradox • 13 days ago

Welcome to the Land of the Pure.

8

• Reply •

Ahsan Bhai • 13 days ago

Pakistan isn't hypocrite but people the people are ۔ ۔ ۔ ۔

2

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• Reply •

Jehanzeb Mahar • 12 days ago Ahsan Bhai

You mean the soil, water and atmosphere of pakistan are not hypocrites?

2

• Reply •

Baluch • 13 days ago

A very good read mr Fazal, I want to add something as well. If you see a Pakistani in

another country, they will start following the rules like no corruption, traffic rules etc. But

when the same Pakistani comes back to his own country, they change back to their old

routine and when you ask them why do they do, this is their reply "Jaisa dais waisa bais".

Such a shame. When I stop at a red traffic light, my friends will be like wth am I doing, go

ahead you are in Pakistan. I mean what is that suppose to mean

22

• Reply •

TDot • 9 days ago Baluch

I was born and raised in North America and I only visited Pakistan for the first

time recently since then, I've visited Pakistan 5 times in the last three years. When I

first visited, I treated people the same as how I would here in North America.

People would take advantage of me - financially, snicker, be two faced. This

observation is based on my experiences with family members, friends of family

members, shop keepers, taxi/rikshaw drivers, street beggers, tailors and the list goes

on. The more I came to Pakistan the more I saw this and the more I saw this the

more my behavior became as if I was a local Pakistani.

2

• Edit • Reply •

Fazal Abbas • 11 days ago Baluch

Spot on Mr Baluch.

• Reply •

Narenjan Kumar • 13 days ago

Simply Brilliant! It felt like a Manto Masterpiece!

This is our reality!

4

• Reply •

Malik Abdul Rehman • 13 days ago

wannabees, wannabees everywhere

• Reply •

Aleem Zubair • 13 days ago

Although I agree with most of what the author saab is trying to say but I don't like the title

of the blog. Despite all these hypocrisies, I love Pakistan and this title is kinda hurtful is all.

2

Name • 12 days ago Aleem Zubair

If you love someone you tell them the truth. If you love pakistan then you know it

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• Reply •

If you love someone you tell them the truth. If you love pakistan then you know it

is the truth and you should do something to change it - starting with yourself.

6

• Reply •

Talha Rizvi • 13 days ago

So true. By the way Indian trolls should mind their own country before jumping like

vultures on this blog.

2

• Reply •

Hamza • 13 days ago

Good article. This is one of the biggest problems of our people. There is only one corrupt

PM of Pakistan and there are millions of corrupt Peons. Those Peons do more harm to the

economy than one PM can do. Fix yourself and the society will automatically head in the

right direction.

4

• Reply •

Ali Hamza • 13 days ago

Brilliant and true to the core!!!

3

• Reply •

Parvez • 13 days ago

Do you know that if you say NO I WILL NOT PAY and follow procedures, your work

WILL GET DONE It will be more time consuming and a bit traumatic but it will get done

and the feeling at the end, would be worth it..........so the blame first rests on the giver of

the bribe.

3

• Reply •

asma • 13 days ago

Mr Author,based on the behaviour of less than 1% population of "illeterate" elite class, u

have no right to name or i may say "abuse " our mother land, coz no matter what our

parents are, we accept them.. When writing an article, remember that it is being read

world wide, so dont set bad examples for others.

1

• Reply •

abubakar • 13 days ago

Doomed to failure; we

• Reply •

Kamran • 13 days ago

Charted Accountants are big hypocrite than anyone eles

1

Kamran Hayder • 11 days ago Kamran

Will you please explain? How can you call a whole fraternity of Chartered

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• Reply •

Will you please explain? How can you call a whole fraternity of Chartered

Accountants as hypocrite?

5

• Reply •

UsmanSk • 13 days ago

Bla bla bala, Moral of the story, "All problems in the world is due to the Pakistan". Fed up

with this mindset

• Reply •

Jehanzeb Mahar • 12 days ago UsmanSk

Nobody here is talking about the rest of the world. The author just wants to tell you

about the reasons for problems of pakistan

6

• Reply •

H.M.T. • 13 days ago

Would have been a good article if it weren't for the comedically high levels of hyperbole.

• Reply •

Fahad Khan • 13 days ago

According to the author's fictional piece, hypocrisy only exists/thrives in Pakistan and

nowhere else in the world.

1

• Reply •

Name • 12 days ago Fahad Khan

If the rest of the world is bad , then we are justified to be bad ? Rest of the world

has pigs as pets inside thjeir homes. Why don't you?

1

• Reply •

Gp65 • 12 days ago Fahad Khan

Did the author say anywhere tat Pakstan is the only ountry which has hpocrisy?

No. Please read the artile one more time. It simply is an attempt at introspection,

which is a good thing.

3

• Reply •

Hamza • 12 days ago Fahad Khan

We should only be concerned about what's happening in our country and not the

whole world

How difficult is that for you to understand?

9

Sanya • 13 days ago

What a common phenomenon shared, Hyprocisy. It is the mindset that needs to be

changed and specially the mentalities of people here in Pakistan. We talk about change but

the change begins with an individual and thats what needs to be understood.

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Page 12: Welcome to Hypocristan – the Express Tribune Blog

10/5/2014 Welcome to Hypocristan – The Express Tribune Blog

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the change begins with an individual and thats what needs to be understood.

2

• Reply •

Hassan Abbas Waraich • 13 days ago

Excellent analysis, we as a society are use to of putting our wrongs on others. When it

comes to develop as a society; we fail miserably. Moreover the idea of highlighting empty

talk is quite fascinating.

A good read overall, good job.

4

• Reply •

Usman • 13 days ago

Hypocrisy at it's best but limited to everyday life - talk about hypocrisy level in religion

which of course you can't since media is itself so biased :)

5

• Reply •

MHZ • 13 days ago

How dare write anything against Pakistan?

Pakistan is a lovely nation. I would never speak anything against Pakistan or leave it.

Meanwhile, let me write a condemnation note to Tribune blogs from "Dubai".

Good write up.. We need to judge our own actions now.

12

• Reply •

Dante • 13 days ago

It's about time you head back to your motherland, Mother America.

• Reply •

economist • 13 days ago

Thumbs up bro

3

• Reply •

Muhammad Ali • 14 days ago

Excellent article. We really are hypocrites. Always criticising others but end up doing

exactly the same. Writer should also have touched the religious hypocrisy. Nevertheless

excellent work. A creative way of expressing the idea in short dialogues.

14

• Edit • Reply •

Fazal Abbas • 11 days ago Muhammad Ali

I have some ideas on the said topic. Hopefully will try to write on it in future.

WHAT'S THIS?

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Page 13: Welcome to Hypocristan – the Express Tribune Blog

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