welcome parents! were glad you are back… loving solutions for tough kids aka parent project® jr....

WELCOME PARENTS!WELCOME PARENTS!We’re glad you are back…We’re glad you are back…

Loving SolutionsLoving Solutionsfor Tough Kidsfor Tough Kids

WELCOME PARENTS!WELCOME PARENTS!We’re glad you are back…We’re glad you are back…

Loving SolutionsLoving Solutionsfor Tough Kidsfor Tough KidsAKA Parent Project® Jr.AKA Parent Project® Jr.

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Loving Solutions Parent Project, Jr.

Unit 3 ObjectivesParents will be able to:

Develop effective I Love MessagesList the components of Active ListeningDiscuss the 5 Tips for parents to consider before

addressing problematic behavior.

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Before We Begin Unit 3: Roles

Group Facilitator:Group Recorder:Group Time Keeper:Group Cheerleaders/

Nurturers:

Each member now takes a minute to explain their assigned job description

to their group

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Ground RulesActive Listening: Only 1 group member speaks at a time.

Give your complete & undivided attention. Groups STOP individual conversations when large group activities begin.

Confidentiality: Confidentiality means, What is heard in the group, remains in the group.

Avoid Being Judgmental: Groups are not a place for judgment, criticism or confrontation.

Quantity vs. Quality: The more ideas the better. There are no right or wrong answers in brainstorming activities.

OK to Piggy Back: When a member can add to another member’s idea, they should do so.

Group Ownership: Once an idea or thought has been spoken aloud, it belongs to the group.

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Warm Up - Sharing our

Progress:

What was your child’s response to your new rules?

Were you able to develop a Negotiable Rule w/ your child? Please describe.

Did you find it necessary to use a Set-Time Out? Please describe it!

In your support groups, take a few minutes to share your stories from last week’s Home

Practice. Facilitator, make sure you hear from each group member.

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Group Activity 3.1Let’s Focus

INCREASED• Homework• ?• ?• ?• ?• ?• ?• ?

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DECREASED1. Lying2. ?3. ?4. ?5. ?6. ?7. ?8. ?


Encouraging:4 Step Process

• I Love:• I See (specific behavior):• I Feel:• Listen…

SPECIFIC praise works best!

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Group Activity 3.2: Encouraging

1. Tonya returns home from school on time.

I Love:

I See:

I Feel:

Listen…

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Group Activity 3.2: Encouraging (cont.)

2. Jim brings home a report card that shows his increased effort.

I Love:I See:I Feel:Listen…

Jim says, NO BIG DEAL. What last step will you add?

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Group Activity 3.2: Encouraging (cont)

3. Write YOUR child’s positive choice:____________________________________________.

I Love:I See:I Feel:Listen…

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Activity 3.3Why We Sometimes Don’t

1. Parent is too busy2. Parent feels hopeless3.4.5.6.7.

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Activity 3.4Messages

1.2.3.4.5.6.7.

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5 Steps to Active Listening

Step 1: Stop what your are doing

Step 2: Look at your child

Step 3: Listen to your child

Step 4: Rephrase or repeat

Step 5: Be empathic

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Large Group Activity 3.5Listening

Maria: Valerie & her friends are such jerks!Mom: It sounds like your friendship is a little bumpy right now.Maria: Yeah! They are such creeps.Mom: Getting along with others does take a lot of work.Maria: We used to be best friends; and now they just ignore me.

It’s like I‘m not even around.Mom: It is tough. Friends are important & when things aren’t

right it is frustrating. Maria: Sure is. No one to talk to; eating lunch by myself.Mom: Sounds like being alone is hard on you.(cont.)

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Large Group Activity 3.5Listening (cont)

Maria: I hate it. Having other kids at school see me eating lunch by myself. It’s embarrassing. I know they are all laughing at me.

Mom: Mom says nothing but gives her child a sympathetic look & nods her head.

Maria: I just want to have friends.Mom: I can understand how you must feel. Friends are

important. I too can remember feeling alone at school…

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Group Activity 3.6 Willingness to Listen

1. Brainstorm w/ the large group:a. The feelings of the child

b. The feelings of the parent

c. Why the role play worked out the way it did

d. How could the parent do it better

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Group Activity 3.6 (cont) Willingness to Listen

2. With your partner, answer the following:a. Would this child likely come to the parent

again for advice?b. Does the parent know if the child had a

similar problem?

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Listening encourages open communication; plus, by experiencing

active listening, kids are learning a critical life skill!


Group Activity 3.7

A. How did it feel to have someone doing nothing but listening to you?

B. How did you know your partner wanted to understand how you felt?

C. How did your partner show empathy for your situation and feelings?

D. How did your partner seek to clarify your meaning & feelings.

Step 5: Switch Roles & complete Steps 3 & 4.

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Activity 3.8Clarifying Questions & Feelings

1. Missy is caught with tobacco at school.

Questions:

Parental Feelings:

2. The school principal just informed you that Justin cursed at his teacher.

Questions:

Parental Feelings:

3. Bobby is caught stealing a candy bar at the corner store.

Questions:

Parental Feelings:

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Planning our Response

• Timing• Location• Minimize Interruptions• Develop a Plan• Prepare for your

Child’s Reaction

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Activity 3.9:Planning Timing:

What will you do to calm yourself? When will you talk to your child?

Choose a Private, Neutral Location: Where will you talk to your child?

Minimize Interruptions: What will you do to ensure that you are not disturbed?

Develop a Plan/Outline (Organize thoughts) What do you want to say to your child? What questions do you want to ask? What are your feelings about the behavior?

Prepare yourself for your Child’s Reaction: What are the possibilities?

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Redirecting6 Step Process:

I Love: tell them how much you careI See: name a specific behavior I Feel: watch out - if you use more than one

word, it’s probably a lecture vs. a feelingLISTEN: Shhhh….I Want: clarify the specific ruleI Will: list all the things you’ll do to help them be

successful following the rule

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Group Activity 3.10Putting it Together

Scenario: Henry receives a Progress Report for not turning in homework.

True Problem Parent Feelings Effect on Parent? ? ?

I Love Message to Henry:I Love…I See…I Feel…LISTEN/QUESTIONSI Want…I Will…

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Group Activity 3.11Problems

Scenario at my house regarding a problem behavior:

True Problem Parent (MY) Feelings Effect on (ME) Parent? ? ?

I Love Message to MY child:I Love…I See…I Feel…LISTEN/ Clarifying QUESTIONSI Want…I Will…

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Our Child’s Reaction

Examples:Anger: Why are you always picking on

me?Denial: I didn’t do that!Blame: It wasn’t my fault. He started it.

(cont.)

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Our Child’s ReactionParents Should:Remain calm & listenReturn to the original reasonsClarify your expectations & rulesIdentify the consequences &/or provide more

structureEnd on a Positive Note: I know you are capable

& can do this. (cont.)

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Our Child’s ReactionParents Should NOT: Insist their child look at them Apologize for the confrontation Judge the child Preach or lecture Try to scare the child Compare the child to others Use sarcasm, ridicule or pressure

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Group Activity 3.13The Entire Process

Step 1: Timing

Step 2: Neutral Location

Step 3: Minimize Interruptions

Step 4: Develop a Plan/Outline: organize thoughts; what will I say - identify & list the:

True Problem Parent Feeling Effect on the Parent

(continued)

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Group Activity 3.13The Entire Process (cont.)

Step 4, continuedI Love Message to Keri… I Love I See (specific behavior) I Feel (limit to 1 or 2 words) LISTEN/ASK (listen first and then list clarifying questions you will

need to ask) I Want (specific Rule) I Will (all the things you’ll do to support your child’s success)

Step 5: Prepare yourself for your Child’s Reaction: What are the possibilities?

List how the child might respond to your conversation.

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Group Activity 3.14: She Refuses…

Working w/ your support group, help Andrea’s mom develop a plan to encourage Andrea to clean her room.

Now working w/ your group, decide whether getting Andrea to clean her room will be

easy stuff or tough as nails?

Why?

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Review Activity 3.151. Children are generally driven by ___________.2. Parents should ______ themselves before they

address problematic behaviors with their children. 3. Parents should always be calm when they

_________ their children about problematic behaviors.

4. Children may need a _____ - __________ Time Out, before they complete a task they see as work.

5. Parents should use _____ Love __________, to BOTH encourage their children’s positive choices as well as redirect negative choices.

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Most Powerful Ideas Learned in Unit 3:

• ?• ?• ?• ?• ?• ?• ?

• ?• ?• ?• ?• ?• ?• ?

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Home PracticeFind an opportunity to give your child an “I

Love Message” for a positive choice.If you need to redirect a negative choice,

use an “I Love Message.”Find an opportunity to practice Active

Listening w/ your child or your spouse.

Make sure you bring back your success stories to share with your

support group next week.

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Next Week …

Structuring for SuccessLearn how to make life easier around the house and

help your child improve school grades.

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Words of WisdomChildren often forget what we

say, but they never forget how we make them feel.

Author Unknown

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PARENTS, pay attention to what we are “telling”

our kids!

welcome parents! were glad you are back… loving solutions for tough kids aka parent project® jr....

Documents

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large group activities