Presented by NAIW (International)Written by: Chris Kelly-Storbeck, CPCU, CPIW, DAE Janet M Stambaugh, AIM, CPCU, CPIW

Come into collision or

disagreement, be contradictory,

at variance, or in opposition;

clash

Controversy, quarrel: conflicts

between parties

Discord of action, feeling, or

effect; antagonism or opposition

Incompatibility or interference

The Way I See It

The Way You See It

The Way It Is

Disagreement resulting from differences in:

Attitudes

Beliefs or Perceptions

Needs

Values

Power

Feelings and Emotions

Personalities

SpontaneousAdaptiveDefiant

ControllingNurturingReasoning

Attitudes, Beliefs & Perceptions, Needs, Values, Power, Personality Differences

Poor communicationMembers not involved in decision

makingRumor millResources are insufficient

Attitudes, Beliefs & Perceptions, Needs, Values, Power, Personality Differences

Personal chemistry

Leadership problems

Stepping on toes

Power struggle

The Crusade

The Contest

The DisagreementThe Problem

Symptoms: Differences and conflicting

goals exist Feeling of discomfort in each

other’s presence Short lived anger Denial of hostile feelings

Symptoms: Objectives of conflicting parties

tend toward self-protection Elements of shrewdness and

calculation Language shifts from specifics to

general Hostility, negative humor, and

derision are present

Symptoms: Shift from self-protection to winning Objectives become more complexPeople begin to take sides, seeking

victoryOvergeneralization, distortionPersonal attacks are common

Symptoms: Objectives change from winning to

wanting to hurt and/or get rid of others

The issue is more important than the good of the group

Being right and punishment become themes

Language often becomes ideology

<Brain

Identify your “hot buttons”Manage your behavior

Change your expectationsAccept people the way they arePresume a positive intentionAsk for helpDo not react to other’s behaviorTake responsibility for your own

feelings

Take notes with permissionMaintain good eye contactAsk questions – Clarify issuesStay curious

Now why did you do that

That wasn’t very smartYou know better than

thatWhat were you thinkingDon’t be sillyWhy didn’t you

Young people have no respectThey should know betterIt’s just a minor problemIf these people could just talk

right

I am so clumsyI can’t do thatI am just no good at thatI never understand these thingsThis is typical of something I would

do

ImpatienceSarcasm and ComplainingJargonExplaining too muchDiscounting compliments Avoiding responsibility

Avoid responsibility by blaming others for

Your Feelings

Separate people from the problem

Focus on facts not emotionsInvent optionsUse objective criteriaConsider consequences