week one: video notes - amazon s3 · week four: video notes. rely is the feeling of _____ that...

Week One: Video NotesHOSTS: Everyone in your group should have received a link today to take a pre-series survey. Please make sure everyone completed it, and forward them your link if they did not receive it.

In Matthew 22:34-39, Jesus summarized all of the law and prophets in just

two relationships: your relationship with _____________ and your relationship

with your _____________________.

By definition, a relationship is just a _______________________.

There are three laws of relationships:

Law #1: _________________________________________

Law #2: _________________________________________

Law #3: _________________________________________

RelationshipGoals_Married.indd 17 8/9/17 9:51 AM

Discuss as a group:

1. Go around the circle and share what you hope to

gain out of this series.

2. John and Morgan shared that a common

misunderstanding is that relationships should just run

themselves. Why do you think so many people have

this misconception about marriage?

3. We want you to become comfortable interacting

with the RAM (Relationship Attachment Model) chart,

so take it out and adjust how you think each bond

would be affected by the following life events. Hold it

up for the group to see after the host reads each one

out loud:

a. You get married and head off on your

honeymoon

b. You have your first baby

c. Your kids are all at home and busy with many

activities, while job demands keep increasing

d. You become empty nesters as your youngest

goes off to college


4. What are some other normal things that happen in the course of a

marriage that will create fluctuations/imbalances? Depict those on the

RAM.

5. Now, use your RAM chart to portray the fluctuations/imbalances that

are the most challenging for your current stage of life. Why?

6. How do you keep your marriage from getting stuck in a relationship

imbalance?

7. What will help you to regularly talk about any fluctuations or

imbalances in your relationship, and positively move toward

strengthening those areas in the immediate future?

Add some sparkWrite him/her a love letter. Send it

via snail-mail. #NVgoals


Week Two: Video Notes

In order to keep staying in the know, you need to have open

__________________________ and ______________________________ conflict

resolution.

To capture the real meaning, I Peter 3:7 (Phillips) states: “… you husbands

should try to understand the wives you live with ...” What this verse literally

means is that a husband is responsible for creating a sense of understanding

in his relationship with his wife. In other words, a husband should be

thoughtful, considerate and make his wife feel understood.


OPEN communication has four depths:

Observations and ___________________________________

Perspectives and ____________________________________

Experiences and ____________________________________

Needs and __________________________________________

There are six essential skills for building open

communication and for working through any

misunderstandings or conflicts.

Skill # 1: Genuine _________________________

Skill # 2: Respectful _______________________

Skill # 3: Active _______________________________

Skill # 4: Mutual __________________________

Skill # 5: Meaningful ______________________

Skill # 6: Forgiving ________________________


Discuss as a group:

1. What did you learn about communication and

conflict resolution when you were growing up?

2. Assertiveness is defined as asking for what you

want and need in a relationship. Why do you think

respectful assertiveness is a challenge for many

people?

3. Take out your RAM chart and use it to help explain

a time in your relationship when your “KNOW” got

out of balance, how it affected your other relationship

bonds represented in the RAM, and what you did

about it.

4. Within your schedule and pace of life, when would

be the best times to have huddles with your spouse?

5. How does a person learn to share at an emotional

level if they really don’t know what they are feeling

most of the time?


6. When you consider the four levels of OPEN conversation in marriage,

what level is the most challenging for you and why?

1. Observations/facts: “What is going on”

2. Perspectives/opinions: “What I think about what is going on”

3. Experiences and emotions: “What I feel about what is going on”

4. Needs/relationship responses:“What I feel and need from you

about what is going on”

7. Read the following passage out loud from Psalm 139 (NIV):

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when

I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You

discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with

all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it

completely.

What does it mean to you that God knows you so personally and

intimately?

8. Some conversations are more difficult than others, so which skill

would most help you improve your communication with your spouse

and why?

1. Genuine humility

2. Respectful assertiveness

3. Active listening

4. Mutual affirmation

5. Meaningful apologies

6. Forgiving closure


Week Three: Video Notes

Trust is a feeling of ______________________ that comes from what you

________________ of your spouse.

Your trust-picture can prompt a bad attitude toward your spouse when you

focus on the ________________________.


Unchecked bad attitudes can ripen into ______________________.

You can say that you live with two spouses … the spouse who

lives in the ___________________, and the spouse who lives in

your ____________________________.

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:5 (NIV) that we should keep

no record of __________________.


Discuss as a group:

1. What is something you do that triggers a pet peeve

your spouse has?

2. Trust is a feeling of confidence that comes from

what you think of your spouse … your attitude toward

your partner. Take out your RAM chart and use it to

help explain the ways your relationship is affected

over time if TRUST stays out of balance.

3. The words “always” and “never” often amplify the

negative and creates a caricature out of the other

person. In what situations do you tend to escalate to

“always” and “never” thinking?

4. What does it mean to be responsible for your

attitude? Why is your attitude in marriage so

important?


5. How do you change the mental picture or attitude you have of your

spouse from negative to positive?

6. An important way to realign your attitude is to focus on the positive

ways you are blessed by your spouse. Share with your group one

strength of your partner and how that strength blesses your life. (Please,

be sure to stay positive and not say or even insinuate anything negative

about your spouse.)

7. What would it look like in your relationship if you consistently

amplified your spouse’s good traits in your mind?

Add some sparkAttend church regularly. Share what

you’re learning over lunch. #NVgoals


Week Four: Video Notes

Rely is the feeling of _________________________ that comes from what you do

for your spouse, and what your spouse does for you.

This session focuses on two areas of reliability: the _________________ and the

__________________ of a reliable partner.


The qualities of a spouse you can rely on include being

consistent, available, responsive and _________________.

When you apply the Golden Rule to marriage, it means that

you become the _______________________ of your spouse.


Add some sparkWatch a chick flick with her. Really.

No sports on the phone! #NVgoals

Discuss as a group:

1. In many relationships, opposites attract. In what

ways is this true in your relationship?

2. As a group, brainstorm 10-15 needs and wants that

husbands and wives hope their spouse will fulfill.

3. Did you grow up in a home in which your needs

(i.e., attention, affirmation, affection) were validated?

How does that affect you today?

4. What is the best way to communicate to your

spouse if your needs are not being met? If you

wanted to represent this on the RAM chart, what

would the levels look like?


5. In the CARE acronym (Consistent, Available, Engaged, Responsive),

which one is the most difficult for you and why?

6. What are some specific ways to be a student or a connoisseur of your

spouse’s unique needs?

7. Now for some good, old-fashioned accountability. Take out your

calendars and each couple will individually schedule a time to do a

couples huddle this week. (Take a few minutes to do this.) Go around the

circle and share the day and time you scheduled.


Week Five: Video Notes

There are two major outcomes from a godly commitment in your

marriage: ___________________ and ____________________.

God loves us all, even if we have gone through a divorce. Yet God

__________ divorce and the ways that it causes so much pain and

brokenness.


It takes this persevering power of commitment to pull you

through any difficulties you face in your relationship, as well

as the work of _________________________.

Reconciliation almost always requires both

___________________ and the rebuilding of ____________.

Becoming one flesh indicates that neither time nor space will

separate you from the ________________ of your partner.


Discuss as a group:

1. As you think back on your wedding day, what is one

of your favorite memories?

2. Do you think people enter into marriage with a

lower level of commitment today than they did in

years past? Why?

3. Most people in our culture have been touched by

divorce in some way. How has divorce affected you

and/or your family?

4. What are some of the struggles that married couples

face that challenge their commitment to each other?


5. How do you go about rebuilding trust in a relationship once it

has been broken? Use your RAM chart to explain what will help a

relationship to heal.

6. Why do you think couples are often reluctant to get help when they

are struggling in their relationship?

7. What has been a challenge that you and your spouse have overcome

together?

Add some sparkGive an unexpected back rub without

asking for one in return. #NVgoals


Week Six: Video NotesHOSTS: Everyone in your group should have received a link today to take a post-series survey. Please make sure everyone completed it, and forward them your link if they did not receive it.

All touch, both sexual and affectionate, is _____________________.

The most common challenge married couples experience in their sexual

relationship is ____________________.


The sex drive refers to the ___________________ of your desire for

sexual activity.

Sexual arousal refers to the ___________________ of your feelings of

sexual excitation.

It is important to learn how to step into the sexual act when not in

the ________________.

The Bible, in 1 Corinthians 7, emphasizes the importance of

__________________ fulfillment in the sexual relationship in

marriage.


Discuss as a group:

1. What messages did you receive about sex when you

were growing up?

2. The Bible has a lot to say about sex. Why do you

think God cares about our sex life in the first place?

3. What expectations or misconceptions did you have

about married sex prior to tying the knot?

4. Use your RAM chart to explain how the quality of

the other four bonds affect the TOUCH bond, and how

the level of your TOUCH impacts the other four bonds

in your relationship.


5. How do you think sex is similar to or different than the other needs

people have in their marriage?

6. How do you think the prevalence of sexual messages and internet

pornography has affected marriages today?

7. What emotions do you think people feel when they are not on the

same page with the TOUCH bond in their marriage?

8. Sometimes couples can have difficulty in their sexual relationship

that they just put up with. So what are some ways couples can resolve

struggles they have in this area of their marriage, e.g., struggles with

frequency, loss of desire, conflicting expectations, etc.?

Add some sparkRead the Bible together. Start with

something easy — not Leviticus.

#NVgoals


week one: video notes - amazon s3 · week four: video notes. rely is the feeling of _____ that...

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