week 2 transcript - amazon s3 · change." before you begin, the points i want to take you...

Overcome Anxiety and Depression

...with Jonathan Doyle

jonathan_doyle.co @jonathandoylecowww.fbjonathan.com

Well, hey there! Welcome back! Jonathan Doyle with you once again. This is Part 2 of "Overcoming

Anxiety and Depression" and I really hope you're going to find this a very useful master class. I hope

you got a lot out of it last week. If you got anything out of last week, at least let it be that you're not

alone, that your journey is one that many of us share and many of us are still walking because isolation

is so powerful when you experience anxiety and depression you can so easily fall on the trap of believing

that you're the only person that's really suffering at this level. So, be encouraged. A lot of us are doing

this work. A lot of us have come through the worst of it. Yes, it's a companion and we got to stay on

guard but life can get really good. And I hope you got that encouragement from last week.

So this week, we are really going to press on into the master class. This week is going to be all about

"the how to". I really believe that if you follow these steps, then, you can get some serious mastery over

what's happening for you. So, as I was preparing my notes, I thought it's important to say that this is just

my path. So, what I'm going to share with you is what worked for me. But honestly, I think this will work

for most people. I really do. I got a lot of self belief about what happened to me and the support that I

got and the system that I worked and that I continue to work and I really do believe that it will work for

you if you work it.

You may remember the famous quote from the old network marketing days like Amway where they used

to say that the system will work if you work the system. So, what I'm going to give you I truly believe will

work but I want you to step up, okay? You've come this far, you've paid money to do this. Honor

yourself enough to put these steps into place, to value yourself enough. And part of that journey of

anxiety and depression will be about learning to value ourselves differently. That's going to be a big

part. We'll talk about that in a few moments. But work this system, okay? I want to get tough on you for

a moment. Listen to this a few times. Read through the strategy and the notes and the other things that

I provide. Go through the journal activities and then stay with us in the ongoing community. I'm going to

keep putting content in this space and I'll keep providing more and more stuff for you but keep working

that system, right? Because you know people that have been through say Alcoholics Anonymous, is not

like they go through it and go, "Wow! I'm cured now! I never need to do it again!" People can keep going

to AA for like 50 years because they're like, "I still need to work this system. I still need to get the

inputs."

So today, I hope will be a big breakthrough day for you day where you felt somebody handed you a

toolbox and say, "Hey, if you do these things, if you investigate these possibilities, you can see a big

change." Before you begin, the points I want to take you through, I really want to come back to this

bedrock principle please seek input from professionals. In no way, am I setting myself up as the

anxiety guru. In no way am I replacing proper therapeutic care. If you're a therapist listening to this,

please be assured that my heart is to say, "Anybody listening to this... really pressing on and getting the

proper support that they really need." So, get that input from professionals. Don't allow yourself to miss

out on that.

Week 2 Transcript




So, are you ready? Let's do this! Let's begin. I hope you're in a really in a good space, you've got

yourself some privacy in a good spot. Maybe headphones in, some note taking stuff if you want to do it

that way... we learn so much when we note take, we really engage with the content. Grab yourself a

pen or a piece of paper if it's handy and let's begin.

Let's go with point number 1 and I've mentioned it initially but we're going to really go deeper on it now.

Point number 1 is: Get the support you need or what I call "The Principle of 7". It's going to become

clear why I call it that. The first thing I need you to understand is that your journey out of depression and

anxiety is exactly that a journey. You're leaving one place with all its familiarity, even if that familiarity is

toxic, even if feeling terrible or anxious is awful. Well, you know what, it's familiar, isn't it? And to go

somewhere else means you're going somewhere new. And the metaphor I want to give you is when we

travel to a new place, one of the best ways to both get there and to experience the new place is with a

guide. So, getting the support you need from a professional, some of you would go, "I've already got

one of those." I want to talk a little bit more about it. It'll make sense. But I want to argue that the

journey that we're taking together requires a guide and I am playing that role now in this program as a

catalyst. The more I thought about it, I'm the catalyst. That's what I want to be. I don't want to be a

therapist. I want to be a catalyst someone that just triggers your process and really get you to step up

into the freedom that you deserve. But then you're going to need a guide.

Now, the good news is that in terms of overcoming depression and anxiety, this is an awesome moment

in history. Why? Because there are so many incredible guides out there. For most of human history

there was... until William James really there was no psychologists. All the insights we have now that

have come through all the great psychiatrists and all the therapeutic models and positive psychology...

this will sound crazy but you're kind of lucky that if you have depression and anxiety, you've been lucky

enough to have it at a time in history where there is more help than ever before. For so much of human

history, if you suffered with depression and anxiety people thought that you are just sick or crazy or even

worse. People think it was spiritual stuff going on or something really wrong with you. Even if it wasn't

that bad, it was just like, toughen up. Toughen up! Get over this! Get out of there and just get up there

and do it! But the great news is now that you don't have to walk on broken legs. You don't have to

muscle up, you don't have to figure it all out yourself. You don't! There are so many great people and

you can now access that help. And as I've said to you several times, you've got to fight back against this

stigma of getting the support you need. Because as I've said several times in that last week's module, if

you had a broken leg, first thing is you wouldn't be at home trying to fix that puppy yourself, would you? I

mean, you wouldn't be at home going, "Oh, I can figure this out!" Yeah, I mean chronic pain. And I've

got no access to morphine. I've got no knowledge of bone structure but I'm just going to fix my own. No

way, it's crazy! You'd be straight to the hospital getting the support you need. So, what you're dealing

with depression and anxiety is a deep, mental, spiritual, emotional, psychological wounding and don't put

it off. Let's get the help you need.




Now, let's talk about this Principle of 7. Here's how this emerged for me is that I'd be speaking at a

conference, somebody would come up and they'd share that they were dealing with depression or

anxiety or some issue and I'd say, "Who's taking care of you? Are you seeing a counsellor or

psychologist?" And people would always say, "Ah look, I saw one but it was just... I saw one for a while

and it didn't really work out." And time after time, I discovered that people were like...seeing a therapist

and they didn't connect or click and they didn't seem to get a result, so then, they just stopped. They just

didn't make another appointment, they didn't go back.

When I wrote in my first book, I talked about the Principle of 7, which was: Have you seen 7 therapists?

Have you tried 7 different people? Because I think that by the time you get to 7, then you've got a real

chance of finding the right person. Because this is crucial principle of rapport. One of the great

psychological thinkers used to say that in the presence of rapport, anything is possible. Rapport you

know that feeling you get when you just connect with somebody? Think of a friend you've got that it's

just really easy and you laugh and it's just you both spark off each other. Once you have that rapport in

that sort of really close therapeutic relationship, amazing stuff can happen.

So, if you're listening to my words going, "Oh look, I've seen someone, it hasn't worked." Then, keep

going with this Principle of 7. So, in the country where I'm recording this, the government is very

supportive of this process. If you see your local doctor, you can get a mental health plan. And that

mental health plan will usually give you 6 or so free consultations with a fully qualified clinical

psychologist or psychologist or counsellor. And then if you get a mental health plan you can even

access another 6. The model in this country at the moment is you can get 12 free sessions with a really

gifted clinical psychologist by just seeing your local doctors. I don't know if you've done that first, but if

you haven't and especially I'm talking to the men here listening to this because we're really bad at this.

Get the help. I don't want to drive you crazy by repetition but get the help. You're going to be one of 3

groups. If you've got a somebody at the moment that's really awesome and is working with you, keep

going, keep showing up. Never putting this session off. Keep turning up. I want to encourage you

because often it takes time.

You need a whole bunch of time just working with them. When I was working with this amazing clinical

psychologist who transformed my life, I reckon 3 years. 3 years I had an acute phase and my

depression was at its worst and then, they got me through that acute phase and then slowly got me

better. I reckon I'll be seeing them for years. As I stand here in this studio now, I can promise you I saw

them last week. Am I experiencing chronic depression? Not at all. Am I experiencing anxiety? No. But

it's just to constant what we call a "check up from the neck up". A health check from my neck up. How

am I thinking? How are my relationships? How am I tracking? If you don't want to see a clinical

psychologist or a psychiatrist then you might want to see a pastor, at a Church or in your spiritual

tradition, or a counsellor. Some of those who are really qualified, don't just see anybody. Really check

on their credentials and get that help. So, that's Point 1 is to really reach out and get the help that you

really deserve and that you need. This is a guide, right? This is the person who's really going to walk

with you on this journey.




Point 2. We're going to talk about this really important point and I'm so desperate not to sound repetitive

when I keep saying it's really important because everything I'm sharing here is really important. Number

2. I'm going to talk to you about the "Transformative Bridge of Selfcare". Now, this was really the

essence of the therapeutic model that I worked through. Now, I know there's other ones. So, I'm not

telling you this is the only one or the perfect one but I think what I learned in this model would transfer

across probably any model and it's in many ways just really basic common sense. So, what I learned in

that transformative change in my therapeutic model was I had to be taught how to care for myself

compassionately. So often with depression and anxiety, the thinking is so toxic you get so down on

yourself and if you come from a trauma background there's this deeply internalised, traumatised self.

So, me coming from that background of being traumatised as a child, you often lock up psychologically

around the age of that trauma. So, there's this deep internal trauma experience. And often if you've

come from that background we have what we call an "internalised perpetrator". We keep retraumatising

ourselves. We choose bad relationships or jobs that are stressful and we keep thinking that l'll go into

the circumstance this time but somehow it will be different. And this retraumatising happens.

When I was creating the notes I had this really cool way of framing this was I thought to myself, people

with depression and anxiety are often incredibly good at treating themselves incredibly bad. Often when

we have depression and anxiety we don't eat properly, we don't care for ourselves, we don't lavish

attention and care on ourselves. And I can promise you, this is like for some people, this is so hard.

Even for you now, you might be listening to me going, "Really? What are you talking about? You think I

have to really care for myself?" And I go, "Yes." In fact, one of the biggest steps through this is to

deeply deeply care for yourself. What I did is for years, I smashed myself trying to earn my way out of a

shattered selfworth. Because of the abuse and the trauma background, there's this deeply wounded

internal self. So, I had a skill, I had a talent, which was what? I could speak on stage and I could just do

it really well. I can do it better than most people and everybody validated it. So, I'm like, "Oh, wow!

Validation!" So, I pushed myself and smashed myself to get more of that validation. And in the process

I exhausted myself, I burned out.

Being on stage, that was my way. But other people have other ones. Some people go for sexual

relationships or for making money. We all find these ways to get the validation that really needs to come

first from ourselves. The therapist that I worked was funny at times... had to teach me the most basic

things. And this would sound crazy. I had to be taught that going to the bathroom when I really need to

go is important. I'd be speaking on stage and I drink 10 liters of water and I'd be, "Get off stage." and I'd

be like, "Where's the bathroom?" But people want to talk to me and I'd just think, "Oh no! I must stay."

And I'd be really uncomfortable and I just would put everyone else first or I wouldn't eat properly. I'd be

just sucking down coffee all the time and not eating properly. My psychologist had to teach me these

basic steps of basic selfcare, which was really new for me. And I was an intelligent, mature adult and I

had to be taught some of the kind of things you have to teach a child. Care for yourself. Slow down.

Eat properly. Do you find yourself sometimes rushing. There's always times when were busy, right?

There's always times when we've got a lot on and we got to get it done. But when that rushing, all that

urgency, all that lack of selfcare becomes a way of life, that's crucial. It's going to harm you. If you want

to get out of anxiety and depression listen to this carefully, you are going to have to become an absolute

specialist at selfcare. And it will come in the small moments. It won't come in taking yourself to Las

Vegas or sometimes it might be treating yourself to a holiday somewhere great but much of the time it

would be the small things. You know what? I need 10 minutes to eat. I need to sit calmly and just

breathe. I need to go and watch this movie. I need to just have some fun. You have to teach yourself

these things.




There's a great big body of evidence coming out on compassion, selfcompassion. And in the

resources that I'm going to start sending you regularly, I'm going to send you a great TED Talk that I

watched just a couple of weeks ago. I think it's Kristin Neff who specialise in selfcompassion. I want to

talk about Brene Brown's work on vulnerability and compassion. One of the great things in the video that

I watched from the TEDX Talk was she said often this internalised perpetrator we fail at something. If

you've got depression don't you feel terrible about yourself so much of the time? If you're a man, you're

like, "I should be better, I should do this." If you're a woman, "I should be perfect and I should make

everyone else happy." This internalised perpetrator beats the hell out of us. And in this video, Dr. Neff

simply said, "You wouldn't treat a friend like this." Think about how you treat yourself sometimes in your

current journey with anxiety and depression. If you had a friend that came to you and said, "I'm really

suffering." How would you treat them? And this is a confronting question: are you treating yourself the

same way?

I'm several years into this now and I'm really really doing this. In my notes here, I talk about start

showing up in your own life. Dump the passivity. Often when we live with anxiety and depression, we

get really just passive and we can't. You've got to start to fight for yourself. If you're in a real clinical

stage of depression, you might need some help. We'll talk about medication in a few minutes. But, get

up and start the fight for your life. Be compassionate towards yourself. Become your own biggest

advocate. Become a specialist in selfcare.

Here's a way to think about it: what if no one comes to the rescue, are you prepared to come to your

rescue? If no one comes to the rescue, if nobody... I'm here trying to be a voice to serve you, but we

may not get to meet. And I may not get to counsel you. I'm not a qualified counselor. But are you going

to show up for you? Are you going to show up for you? Are you going to start in this small moments to

treat yourself with compassion and kindness in the little details, the little details? that long extra shower

when you want it. Buying yourself that little gift. The way that you would treat a wounded best friend or

child that way.

So, our first 2 points: Get the guide you need. Number 1: Find the clinical support and the guide that

you need. Number 2: The Transformative Bridge of Selfcare. You are going to a new place and that

new place is going to require a new you. You see, anxiety and depression aren't like the flu. It's not like

you've got a virus and then it gets cured or a bacteria that we hit with antibiotics and it goes away.

Anxiety and depression are deeply structural ways that we've learned to be in the world. And you're

going to a new place. And you're not going to be that person anymore. Yes, you'll bring that but the

learning and the knowledge and the wisdom that's come through your pain, but you're going somewhere

new and you're going to have to transform into a new place. It's transformative change through the

bridge of selfcare and finding the guide that you need.




One of the things I have to share with you that was truly transformative for me, that began to lift me out

of my depression was I started playing golf. It's not about golf. It could be about croquet or knitting or

bird watching but you have to find something that deeply connects with your heart and start to do that

thing. I had grown up with golf as a kid and I always just love the beauty of golf courses, the greenness

and the aesthetic beauty of a really beautiful golf course and the solitude. I used to love the solitude.

Just being out there on my own with no one around. And I can promise you as I began to move out of

depression, I would often go to the golf course everyday. Now you got to have time for that and that I

made time. I'd race out of work and it was in summertime the days were longer and I would go and

sometimes just quick 9holes. But something happened to me out there. There was a peace and a

stillness that just soaked into my soul day after day and my depression began to get partially healed

through that. Through doing something for myself that really blessed my spirit and really sowed into the

core of what I loved to do.

So, what is that thing for you? And when I ask you that question, your perpetrator self would usually go,

"Oh, that's ridiculous. I can't do that." When you hear all that stuff, the accusation voice, you know it's

not your deeper self speaking. Your deeper self always speaks in joy, excitement and I know if you're in

depression and anxiety right now, you go, "Haven't felt that emotion in so long." But you will when you

begin to find the thing that gives you that recovery and that healing. What is that thing for you? C'mon

seriously think about it now. What have you always loved that just blesses you and just is joy for you?

You've got to get joy. You've got to see that when you're in depression it's just so lifeless and so hard.

You've got to be an advocate here. This isn't going to fall into your lap. You've got to choose it and do it

and you might just spend some money or time to do it but I really want you to get there. It's crucial part

of this transformative bridge to selfcare. That's Point 2.




Now, we're going into Point 3 and it's going to freak you out because a whole bunch of you are going to

go, "Oh no, not that one!" But yes! Ready? We're going to talk about health and fitness. I'm going to

talk about how truly powerful it is in transforming anxiety and depression. Now, my way of addressing

this is really on the extreme side. So, I'll say this at the start and I'll remind you as we go through. What

I'm going to suggest, you must get checked out by your doctor. Don't just run out on this audio and go

on just do exactly what I'm doing because you may harm yourself. But here's what I do. Health and

fitness or I subtitled this: Going really really fast until I outran depression. So, here's what I did. I got

really hooked on road cycling and some of you would go, "What? One of those lycra guys?" I'm like,

"Yes. One of those lycra guys." So, I got into it because my brothers had been years before and I live in

a city with a great great cycling culture. And here's what I did. I began to ride and when I started I'd

always keep pretty fit even through depression I'd been a runner. And I hated running. Sorry for you

runners out there I never enjoyed it. I did it for 20 years. I'd come home and my wife would say, "Hey,

was that a good run?" I said, "Karen, I've told you before, I have never had a good run in my life." I've

just had ones that hurt less than the previous one. But I really got into cycling. Why? The speed, the

breathing, the cold, the wind on my face and a whole bunch of other things. But here's what was the

most important part as I began to really get fit... I began to train at a very high level so my heart rate

and my brain chemistry and my breathing really got jacked up.

What I began to notice was that every morning starting my day with really intense exercise honestly

began to change my brain chemistry. And I heard something a couple of weeks ago that I hadn't really

understood before. Because you hear about adrenaline junkies but I hadn't heard about the impact of

endorphins. I knew what endorphins were and I heard of what a runner's high but I didn't really realise

that endorphins come from pain. When your body goes through pain it releases endorphins. It's a kind

of natural opiate in the body. So, as I trained hard... I'm talking like trained really hard with really good

people. I got fitter and fitter and faster and faster and I'm currently as I record this, I am doing about 4

500 kilometres a week on the bike. But my days begin with this ritual and this high heart rate, pushing

myself physically, high endorphins and what happened was that my brain chemistry began to shift and

there was this snowball effect where my days began with a sort of enlivened state. And that float through

into my thinking and then began to float through into the rest of the day.

If you come back to what I shared in the first module Tony Robbins' model of state, language and

focus. I was in depression so my breathing was down, my body posture was down, my language was

awful, my focus was on how terrible life was. So, as I began to get really fit, my state changed, my

physiological state changed. So, my brain chemistry was a bit different, my breathing was different, my

chest was open, I was pushing my body and that state change happened first. The state change led to

language changes, "This is awesome. I love cycling. How good is it to be alive?!" And then my focus

slowly began to shift. Is cycling the only thing that got me out of depression? No. I told you at the start

of this module, it's all of these steps but I will say to you that this was a really really big one. Now, if

you're listening to me rave on about cycling, you might go, "But I don't like cycling or yoga or yak

wrestling or whatever sport somebody comes up with." You go, "I don't like it." But I go, "Guess what?

You'll like something." And I want you to find your thing.




In the previous step, we talked about finding the thing that really restores your spirit in the selfcare

model. But this time, I want you to find the physical activity that you've loved and you might be really out

of shape at the moment. You might be really struggling with depression or anxiety. You might not be

able to leave the house. But you can find something, a treadmill or skiing. I don't know where you live so

it could be anything but you've got to find something. I'm going to suggest to you that you need to get

your heart rate high and I want you to see a doctor before you start anything. Heart rate's important

because you know croquet would fit into the previous step about selfcare if you love croquet but croquet

is probably not going to fit into the health and fitness model too well. Because I do think that you need to

do something that pushes you. And this is relative, right? I've got really really fit so I can mix it up with

some really good athletes. But you might be older than me or you might be younger but not as fit. So,

find your thing. C'mon you got to do this. Remember I said, if you don't work, the system won't work if

you don't work the system. And I'm going to list a whole bunch of steps in the documents so you can

start to brainstorm some things you like to do. If you find exercise hard, I've done a whole other podcast

on my website on how do you do that because so many people like, "Uhh dude, I'm so busy and the

kids..." The first thing about getting fit is you got that snowball thing again. Once you get a bit of

momentum, once you start, you'll find that you just get momentum and you keep going.

The other thing you can do is what we call scoring it. So you think about how you see a movie. Imagine

a really big action adventure, Hollywood blockbuster that had no music that was dead silent. It's a

different experience, isn't it? So, when you add things to an experience, it embellishes it, it makes it

richer and more enjoyable. So, if you had music, big orchestral sweeping panoramic soundscapes during

the movie it really changes how we interact with it. So, when it comes to exercise it's called "scoring".

You might need to add music or people or location. You add these variables until you find... I can

promise you, I don't think there is a person alive who if you play with the mix you will eventually get it. So

for me, cycling is about all the physical side but literally, before I came to the studio this morning, I caught

up with all my friends, we rode, bit of a long ride together and then we all go to this great cafe, it was a

beautiful social element. These are my friends now. So, you got to score it. Don't you dare brush this off

and go, "I don't do exercise." Well, you know you don't probably do the exercise you need to do but you

can do it. So, think about it. What is it for you to get your heart rate up or you can at least 5 days a week,

I'm usually 6, the pay off is massive. Energy level's up. I can promise you, if I go on a bike I do 110k. I

come back and it is literally like I'm just on something. I'm just so chilled. The kids don't get to me. The

stresses don't get to me. You don't have to do 110 kilometres a day to get that. But you'll need to do

something to get the similar kind of experience.

The other thing I want to say to you is that this needs to be longterm. I don't want this just to be

something that you start and then literally, it never happens again. So, make sure that you find the thing

you can do longterm. So, that's the fitness side of it. C'mon think about it. Get into the pdfs after this

and document what you're going to do.




The next key thing is obviously around diet. All the therapists would tell you this is really important. You

don't have a Ferrari and run it on standard petrol or diesel, right? You run it on the right fuel. One of the

big things to get out of anxiety and depression will be to really honor yourself with the proper diet. Now,

this is a little bit like the selfcare stuff but I'm putting it in with the exercise side. Why? Because as I got

very fit I just naturally started to eat better. Why? Because when you're really fit, if you're eating badly, if

you're eating the wrong things, it affects how you train. So, this beautiful kind of symbiosis emerges

where because you are fitter and healthier that you start to eat better.

Now, please if you're struggling right now with depression and you're maybe overweight and you haven't

done anything in ages, don't be overwhelmed by what I'm saying. So much of the time, you know, the

only thing you need the first step. That first step might be going to a sporting store and buying some

gym clothes or just making the decision to find a gym. If you go to a gym, please listen to my other

podcast on Diet and Exercise but you'll get a trainer and train the trainer. So, say to the trainer, "Hey, I'm

dealing with depression, I'm coming back into this, I think my heart rate needs to come up but I need you

to bring me there slowly but get started." So then on it to finish up talking about this diet stuff... the big

one for me was alcohol. I managed my anxiety and my depression with alcohol. As I said in the previous

module, I wasn't an alcoholic, I had problem drinking. I drank everyday for 10 years and I just numbed

out. I just took the edge of it every single day so that I didn't have to really deal with it. My day was just

measured out with caffeine in the morning, get through the day and then drink alcohol as early as

possible in the afternoon to get through the afternoon and evening. As I got fitter, and even before that

alcohol was gone... I really got to encourage you, if you're struggling with depression and anxiety, you've

really got to check the whole journey with alcohol. And I was lucky enough to work with an incredible

counsellor who just in one session was able to give me a paradigm that powerfully shifted and I'll share

that with you now.

Basically, I shared with you that my abuse background came when I was 10. This was the experience

with sexual abuse. I was working with a therapist around the time that I was traveling a great deal and I

was doing all these travel and I was everyday I'd be back at the airport lounge drinking, getting on the

plane, drinking on the plane and she said to me, "I want you to imagine that your sitting in the airport

lounge and a man your age walks in and looks really stressed and angry and behind him his dragging a

10year old boy and this little boy is scared and is crying and this too he drags the boy up to the bar, he

orders 2 beers, he turns around sticks one of these beers in the little boy's hand and says, "Now, drink

this and and shut the hell up!" And then there was this incredible moment of silence. When I suddenly

looked up to her and I said, "That's what I'm doing, isn't it?" And she looked back at me and said, "That's

exactly what you're doing." She helped me realised that I was anesthetizing and dragging out that

internalised wounded 10year old child. You might be doing it for food, or sex, or the internet, or alcohol

or some other drug but often drugs... I knew a great man who worked with addicts for years and he said,

"Jonathan, drugs medicate pain."




Once we understand that we don't need to anesthetized ourselves anymore... that we can get the

support and the help we need to get through, then we can begin to move those things out of our lives. It's

called leverage. So, if something in your life around diet has to go such as alcohol, then the question is:

how do you do it? I think one of the most powerful ways is what I call "leverage". Leverage is like if you

want to move a big weight, you got to get leverage and get something under and jack it out of the way.

For me, it was my marriage and my children. I remember one day I was drinking pretty heavily and

there was a sporting game on and I was arguing with Karen and I walked out of the house and I

suddenly realised that this just had to stop. And yes, it was that moment with the therapist but it was also

wanting to fight for my kids. I don't want my kids to see this. I don't want my children to see this

everyday... to come home and grow up out of son and my son now he's like 7 but he was younger then,

I'm like, "Do I want him to see this everyday? Do I want him to grow up with a father who's not present?

Who just checks out all the time?" And I had a reason and I don't want to judge you if you're struggling

with the substance at the moment, in no way at all am I judging you. I'm just saying find the leverage

that you need to honor yourself and honor the people that you care about.

Diet and exercise. Selfcare. Honor yourself. Heal that wounded self. Honor yourself enough to eat

well, to eat properly. I got to tell you that, I still enjoy cheesecake. In case I'm sounding like a puritan, in

case I'm sounding like I've got this all figured out, you put cheesecake near me, bad stuffs going to

happen. And I'm also officially banned from Easter. In next Easter, I'm going to the Himalayas and I'm

sitting in a cave because what I did to chocolate this year was just not right. So, please I still have my

failings but in general, the pattern of selfhonoring and selfcare and diet and exercise, so please be

encouraged again. I can promise you this works. If you really get fit. If you really start to exercise... big

changes, big big changes. I see so many people who were just dealing with this stuff, who were really

out of shape or carrying tons of extra weight. If you've got depression and you're also dealing with being

really overweight or unhealthy, then you're going to judge yourself even more. So, start that journey.

And like getting a therapist, get the physical support you need. Trainors and you go, "I can't afford one."

And I go, " You know what, if you can't afford it..." I always say you know, every time I buy a new bike, I

spend a lot of money on bikes, Karen's like, "You can't spend that much." I'm like, "Kars, it's cheaper

than a heart attack." My grandfather died at 44 of heart attack and I'm like spending money on getting

ourselves well and getting ourselves in optimal states is worth every damn cent. What's it worth if you

get fit and healthy and beat depression and anxiety and get a promotion? What's it worth if you find a

new career because you overcome these things? Please spend the money on yourself in these crucial

areas.




Let's go to Point 4. All of these work. They're in no particular order. All of these matter. You put them

together, they will do amazing things. Number 4 is what I call simply Inputs. Start surrounding yourself

with awesome inputs. That just means when you're dealing with depression and anxiety, so much of our

selftalk, our internal dialogue is judgmental, critical, it is fatalistic or in global thinking. Global statements

is like, "Everything's terrible. I just can't do it." We use this kind of internalised language and often we will

listen to music that depresses even further. We just don't have the inputs coming into our life. What I

discovered was that if I could change some of the inputs that were coming at me regularly, then maybe

that would help. So, I became obsessed. I'm still obsessed. Everyday, podcasts, audio books, music... I

surround myself every damn day with positive inputs and content all the time. People like Joyce Meyer,

Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn. I bet you'd go, "Tony Robbins, I don't like him or I don't like her." You know

what, haters are always going to hate. It doesn't matter who I like what matters is who you like and who

inspires and encourages you. I read great books about people that have done amazing things. I am

crazy for this stuff. And people go, "Oh, that's all fluff. That's all service." And I go, "No, it works." If you

surround yourself with positive inputs, music, audio, podcasts, interviews, it begins to change you. If you

saw my office... my office is just plastered wall to wall with awesome quotes. In Instagram, I post them

sometimes. I just constantly feed myself with great stuff. I'm reading awesome books as I'm in the

studio. Coming in the studio, I've been reading an amazing book on Grit and Perseverance. Constantly,

just soaking myself in really good content.

The philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche, famously said, "If you stare at the abyss long enough, the abyss

stares back." And often in depression or anxiety we stare at what's terrible. We're just so transfixed on

what's not working. So, advocate for yourself. Make a decision today. And it won't be instant. You'll

listen to Tony Robbins or someone and you'll go, "I didn't do anything." And I go, "Again, well I didn't do

anything today, but if you do it enough and you stay hooked in and plugged into that more positive

content, it really creates change." I became a maniac. I really did especially on this idea of state and

physiological state. I would often come into my office with no one around and practice breathing and

expansive body postures and I would speak out positive things over my life. Big affirmations. And

someone would go, "That's just ridiculous." And I'd go, "Well, you know what? I don't have depression

anymore! You know what? I wake up everyday pretty pumped!" And sometimes life's harder than other

days but 99% of the time, I am alive and happy with good relationships and feeling really positive and I

don't have panic attacks. So, obviously something I did worked, right? It's not like magical fairies just

came out of the clouds and made it disappear. I worked this system. And on that stuff on inputs and

body posture and stuff and state, when I flew back from the United States just a few weeks back, on the

plane back I read cover to cover Amy Cuddy's book, "Presence". And I'll put that into the resource list.

She's showing a huge amount of research on how body posture and breathing and how we stand

physically and how we own our space and speak up for what matters to us transforms us. So, it's not me

having a feel good rant, it's like serious global clinicians doing high level research going this stuff works.

Improve your inputs. Stop sitting on the couch watching dark stuff. I'll be honest with you, stop doing

that. Stop sitting on the couch watching reruns of murder and horror, death and negative stuff. It's a

pretty creative culture we're living in. There's plenty of stuff on TV, you can probably watch something a

little more light. But surround yourself with these inputs. That's Point 4.




Point 5. Let's talk a little bit about medication. So, the use of medication in the therapeutic model... it's

obviously a huge area of study but I want to give you just a few hard points. First thing is I didn't use

medication. I always had a kind of internal resistance to it. Do not be guided by that. That was my

sense and my response. My journey with that was I really wanted to get to the bottom of it and I was

concerned that if I used medication I wouldn't get to the bottom of it. That's actually wrong because what

medication can do especially if you are in an acute phase... so, if you're in chronic depression or chronic

anxiety, medication can definitely give you some breathing space and some clarity while you go to work

on a therapy and these other steps.

So, all I'll say about medication is get advice. And there's a certain kind of advise that I want you to get

because you might agree that sometimes they hand out this stuff too easily. There's plenty of doctors

unfortunately that would just go, you walk in and you'd go, "I'm feeling depressed, they'd go, "For how

long?" and you'd say, "X" and they just give you tablets and then that's it. A great doctor is going to

really investigate. They're going to do some tests first to rule out any medical causes and they're going

to set you up with somebody to walk that journey. So, if you're on medication and you're not being

supported, I want you to change that. Go to a different doctor and say, "Listen, this other doctor put me

on this. I want it reviewed and I want to get connected to a really good psychologist." And they'll connect

you to somebody and remember the Principle of 7 if you don't connect with that psychologist, go back

and ask for another one.

And I want to tell you one exception though, I said I never took medication and I want to tell you one

exception. I struggled for 20 years with fear of flying paralysing fear of flying. Now remember, this is

somebody who flew probably 4 days a week. 4 days a week I'll be flying somewhere in a country

overseas to speak at an event. And every time, I was dealing with terrifying panic and fear of flying.

Really bad. It would dominate me days before a big trip and I would just be: look, I don't want to go on

about it but if it's 1100 scale of fear of flying, I spent most of my life past 80. Somewhere between 80

100 at different times. Now what I did, because I'm pretty motivated so I read everything. I read

everything I could find. I bought every book. I worked through all of these models. I've tried meditation,

breathing and I've got to tell you nothing worked. Honestly, nothing worked. What I do know now is that

really fear of flying is often around control and fear of being out of control, which again fits into that

trauma model and abuse model where your control and your power is taken away. So, you get very

afraid of situations where you're not in control. Often, the fear of flying is embedded there. But

eventually, this one beautiful doctor, she's an amazing woman, she's retired from being a doctor now but

she had such a special role in my life, an amazing woman, such a beautiful heart and such a care for me

had a huge impact when I was in acute depression. She was the one that got me connected to the

therapist that eventually did so much in my life. Now, once I went and told her about the fear of flying

and how many years I had been dealing with that, she just stopped and said, "No, no, no, no, no. No

more. We can't have that anymore." And she prescribed some tablets for me to use when I was meant

to fly and I was supposed to take one tablet at a time and I didn't even took half of the time but it

changed everything. It really did. It simply relaxed me into the raw edge of the fear and those tablets

along with all the other work I was doing meant that the fear of flying essentially disappeared. So, I have

flown to the US and back twice in the last few months and I'm just totally fine.




I can say that medication worked for me in that acute phase. So, please talk that through with your

doctor. Find out if it's right for you. Talk to people but don't rule it out. But also, don't just jump on it

immediately if the doctor isn't supporting you properly. So demand right? This is advocacy. You've got

to step up and fight for yourself because unless you've got a great GP no one's going to fight for you. A

really good doctor and a real good therapist will fight with you. But you've got to find them. Don't settle

for less than that. You deserve this. So, fight for the care you deserve.

So, let's do a couple more things. We're getting towards the end. So, we've looked at a bunch of

strategies so far and don't freak out and go, "Hang on, but what if I don't get cured of this today?" You're

probably not. You're going to have to work this system for a while and I'm going to keep supporting you

with ongoing content There's a big part of this deal is that every time I find stuff, I'm going to record new

stuff, I'm going to keep putting it out, emailing you as soon as it's ready. I'm going to keep giving you my

best for as long as I can.

I just want to talk about other inputs and strategies. This is Point 6: Other Inputs and Strategies. Other

things that I found helpful or that I'd tried overtime... there's a system called, "IRest". And it's been used

with a lot of success in veteran's hospitals, so people dealing with posttraumatic stress disorder from

battlefield conflict. Check out if you're interested. IRest it's a mediation process. They'll be other ones.

Also, imagine you've heard of CBT: Cognitive Behavior Therapy. There's also ACT, which is really been

getting a lot of clinical success. ACT is often called, "Acceptance, Commitment, Therapy". What I love

about ACT is it doesn't try to change what you're actually experiencing. It goes, "You're going to feel this

fear. You're going to feel this experience. You're going to commit to the decision that you need to make

and you work through it." It's a really good model. If you haven't heard of things like IRest, CBT

(Cognitive Behavior Therapy) or ACT, start to ask about them. This is what I probably didn't know

because I didn't have the resource like the one I'm giving you. Keep going until you find what works.

Luckily that the therapist I worked with was so good, she was like, "Try IRest." I tried IRest and it didn't

really work for me." Read some book on ACT and she was always open and she was like, "Maybe this,

maybe this, maybe this." Ask questions, find out about different models. You deserve this and if you

keep going you'll find the key. You'll find the particular model that unlocks your panic and your anxiety

and your depression and you can get healed and get free. Keep hunting. You don't have to live like this.

It's not the way that you have to live.

What I want to do now is just talk a little bit about this is Point 7: Find a person to really walk this

journey with you and by that I don't mean the therapist. I mean like a spouse, a partner, a best friend, a

family member. This step's important. Have somebody that you're walking the process with and they're

aware of your journey... maybe get them to listen to this. I humbly ask you don't forward this content to

other people without them paying for it. If you do that, then I don't get to create this stuff and people

don't get helped. So, if it's an immediate close friend, family member, sure. But get them to listen to it.

Get them to hear the journey and start talking.




I want to give you a sort of clarification here, they're not to become your therapists. So, my wife, it wasn't

her job to be my therapist. It was my therapist's job to be the therapist. It was my wife's job just to be an

advocate with me and to hear about the journey and to walk through it with me. Really after doing my

program, after doing these 2 modules and the ongoing stuff, make sure you've got someone constantly

that you're sharing this journey with, who's checking on you, seeing how you're going and who's doing

the journey with you, learning a little bit about what you're learning so that they can speak some of the

same language. So, who's that person for you right now? Who is it? Who is that person that you need

to get them to listen to this? You need to get them to be a part of this journey?

So, there's 7 basic steps and I will give you this on the pdfs and you can listen to this again. But I am

sincere, I think if you do these 7 steps, you can get free of depression and anxiety. I mean that. I

honestly didn't put this together so that I could make some money on the internet. I was like, "While I

lived with this for over 25 years and if I knew this system, if somebody who'd have come to me and said:

Jonathan, I know you are really suffering right now, this seems impossible to overcome but I want to give

you a system. And if you work this system and do these steps you'll get changed."

I want to give you the quick preliminary steps. I'm going to put this in the pdf but just very quickly now

hear them again. There's one thing I haven't mentioned let's do this as Point 1 in this little preliminary

steps ending module part here. I want to give you a vision for change. One of the things I've learned as

a coach is that questions are powerful. If you ask yourself good questions, you know you often get much

better answers. So, when you're depressed you go, "Why am I so useless? Why can't I do what other

people do? Why do I always feel..." The minute you have those condemning questions, if you ask a

dumb question, your brain will always accommodate a dumb answer. I mean, there's no way to sugar

coat that. If you ask the wrong question, your brain will go, "Uhhh, it's because you're this. Because

you'll never amount to anything." The perpetrator self will put it's hand up inside you and go, "It's

because of this! Because no one will ever like you... because you can't keep a relationship... because

you drink too much." Remember I said, the minute you hear accusation and blame, it's the wrong voice.

But I want to ask you a great question. I want to ask you about a vision for change. I want to ask this

question, "What could things be like for you?" This will be in the journal. "What could things be like for

you if you were free of this?" You got to hold onto that. "What would your life be like if you could

overcome this?" "What is it currently costing you?" "What is it costing you at the moment in

relationships, in money, in time?" Another question, "How can you get leverage?" "Who are you fighting

for?" "What is your compelling reason to want to get better?" Could just be personal. When you think of

that big picture vision, it's like, "I want to be free, I want to be happy. I don't want to be anxious. I don't

want panic. I don't want depression." Then, we'll use something called "chunking" and I'll put this in the

notes. Chunking is when we either break something into a bigger part or smaller part.

We talk about a thing called "chunking up". Chunking up means get your big picture vision. The big

picture vision of what your life could be like. How you could feel. That's your top level chunked up

vision. And then we chunk down to what I call the next actionable steps. I don't want you to leave this

program without chunking down to the next actionable steps and I'll put that in the pdf. What is the next

thing you can do today? What phone call do you need to make? What information do you need? What

person do you need to contact? What doctor do you need to go and visit? What music do you need to

buy? What gym do you need to join? What food do you need to throw out? So, we go from the top level:

What life could be like at the top level for you? And then we start going to the actionable steps.




Add a little bit of So, the motivation question: Is this overwhelming...this whole thing? How do you start?

The question is just start. I've recently read a great book about how the US Marines teach motivation

and decision making and a big part of it is giving people choice and getting them to take the first step.

Take the first step. What is the first thing that you need to do that if you did it that would make the

biggest difference? Now, I'm happy to work with you as a coach. I take a very small number of people

but I do work with people in a coaching perspective. So, I can if you want to contact me through

Facebook or through the website or any other way, we can talk about the possibility of me helping you

get those actionable steps in place.

So, get started. On the exercise on selfcare, maybe the next actionable step is that today you walk

200 meters or you run 1 mile or 1 kilometer or you do something. You get started. I want to tell you it

is truly the snowball at the top of the hill. Once momentum starts, once you get that first win, then it

begins to give you momentum. Momentum's so powerful.

What happens from here? So, you can listen to this again. Step 1. Use this audio as often as you like.

I can promise you again that there are some audios in my life that I've listened to so many times that I

can pretty much have memorised the entire thing. And those principles are deep in my life and I fall

back on them and I memorise them. So, listen to what I've shared with you in this second module a few

times. Listen to it. You internalise the messages over and over again. Use it as often as you like.

Number 2. Do the pdf journal questions and build yourself a plan. But, if you're really depressed that

can be hard because you'll feel lethargic. Print out the pdfs and then go to a great cafe. Go

somewhere you like to be a positive environment. If you're really depressed don't do it sitting in a

place where you're naturally depressed because you'll have associations linked to that physical space.

Find a good space that's airy, light, you feel good, maybe have a hot shower or do some exercise and

then start to build a plan that I'll put for you in the pdf questions.

Step 3. I've just mentioned, tell the person close to you what you're going to be doing and how you're

going to start to turn this around and encourage them to listen to this.

Number 4 is I'm going to start sending you regular links to resources, videos, books. So, I'm not going

to abandon you, right? I'm going to keep sending you stuff once a week or once a fortnight. I'll keep

sending you out stuff and I want you to stay on it. Keep learning, keep listening, keep reading, keep

growing and growing and growing until you're like I am now, alive, through the worse of depression and

anxiety, enlightened in terms of knowing your triggers and what can make you relapse, so keep feeding

yourself this great content.

Please come across and follow me on social media. The links are pretty much everywhere... Instagram.

Come across to the Facebook page. Post on that page. Share comments about victories that you've

had, small wins. As I've mentioned you get personal coaching with me but from here, I guess print the

pdfs now. Make a decision about where you're going to do the actionable steps because I can promise

you the system will work if you work the system. If you get the help, if you improve the X, if you do all

these different steps, I really believe the system will work if you will work this system.




I guess, the last thing I want to say to you is that you deserve this. I hope we get to meet. I hope

sometime there'd be a conference or an event and we can meet because you're damn heroic. If you've

come this far, you have at least stood up once in your life for yourself. You've spent some money and

some time and going, "You know what, this is not OK. I'm not living with this anymore. I'm doing this for

the people that I love. I'm going to get better." And it's going to be a tough road and there'll be hard

days and I'm not creating this perfect world where it's just going to end tomorrow but it will end. It will

end. And you'll carry the wounds and there'll be moments where you're tempted and pain happens but it

won't be as bad as it is right now. I want to be that encouragement for you. You deserve this. So, get

started now. Whatever that means for you, the next steps, the pdfs, the action plan, listen to this again,

ring a doctor, get some extra, whatever it is, get started. Do not leave hearing my voice now without

starting that first step.

If you found the program helpful, I'd love you to recommend it to people. As I've said humbly, please

don't share it because then I'd loose the revenues and I can't create more content. So, please

recommend it to people you know who've had the journey. Just tell them to go to jonathandoyle.co and

they'll find it there.

Please email me. Get in touch with me. Let me know if you want personal coaching with me. But let

me know how you go even if we don't work together. Just let me know how you went and what's

changing for you. I'd love to hear from you.

So, my friend, bless you. Wherever your spiritual journey is, I hope that God, the universe, however you

conceptualise it, partners with you and blesses you on this journey because you are not made for this.

You are not made for depression. You are not made for anxiety. You are made for freedom. You are

made for excellent relationships and you're allowed to be happy. You deserve this.

I'm Jonathan Doyle and I really look forward to serving you going forward from here and I look forward

to hearing from you very soon and stay tuned, lots more content coming your way. I'm Jonathan Doyle

and I'll speak with you again very soon.

week 2 transcript - amazon s3 · change." before you begin, the points i want to take you...

Documents