TIFFANY'S HOUSE, 10PM

TIFFANY (21) enters, frantic, preparing the finishing touches for her first party. She fills a half full punch bowl with lemonade and tops it off with a half bottle of vodka*. Other empty bottles of clear liquor sit near the punchbowl. In her efforts to place bags of snacks on the table, she accidentally kicks it:

TIFFANY

Ow! Stupid son of a . . . .

She pushes past the pain and continues in her preparations: chips on the coffee table, plastic cups on the drink table, and the music player ready to go. As she takes a seat to catch her breath, there's a knock at the door. She looks at her phone:

TIFFANY (CONT'D)

There's another 30 minutes until the party.

As she answers the door, LESLIE pushes by her. Clenching a fantasy/sci-fi novel to her chest, she walks toward the opposite end of the room and continues to look around.

TIFFANY (CONT'D)

Um . . . hello.

LESLIE

Hey.

TIFFANY

You're uh . . . a little early aren't you? There's another

half an hour until it's supposed to start.

LESLIE

That's not what the invite said-

TIFFANY

What?!

TIFFANY scrolls furiously through her phone, then stops and looks in horror:

TIFFANY (CONT'D)

Oh no! I put 10:30 instead of 11:30!

(Pauses)

Either way, you're still really early-

LESLIE

Yeah, I just wanted to make sure I got a seat.

TIFFANY

Oh. Well, I have the couch here-

LESLIE

No, that's too close.

TIFFANY

Too close to what?

LESLIE

The action.

TIFFANY

Action?

LESLIE

Interactions, drinking, throwing up-

TIFFANY

Okay, okay, I'll go see if I can find a stool or

something-

LESLIE

Something with a back would be nice.

TIFFANY

Of course it would-

LESLIE

. . . and if it reclined-

TIFFANY

Yeah, don't get your hopes up.

TIFFANY exits, and LESLIE stands and flips through her book. A few minutes pass before there's another knock at the door. LESLIE looks around sheepishly, before finally answering the door. ABIGAIL and LANCE push in,

followed by BRIDGET.

ABIGAIL

. . . red means you're taken,

LANCE

Green means single and ready to mingle

ABIGAIL

And I'm not really sure what yellow means.

BRIDGET

So that's a 'Stoplight Party'?

LANCE

It's just a fun way to see who you can get drunk and cop a feel without feeling too guilty about it.

LANCE and ABIGAIL laugh and high-five

BRIDGET

Well whatever this is, it's pretty dead.

ABIGAIL

Oh hey Lauren,

LESLIE

It's Leslie

ABIGAIL stares at LESLIE for a few seconds, then turns her attention back to her friends.

ABIGAIL

Whose house is this anyway?

TIFFANY enters with a small stool* for LESLIE. She gasps when she sees the other guests.

TIFFANY

Who let you in?!

LANCE

Lexie did.

LESLIE

It's-

BRIDGET

Now just so everyone knows, I'm driving tonight, so I need to watch how much I drink.

TIFFANY

You mean, 'I shouldn't drink', right?

BRIDGET

No.

TIFFANY

Okay then. Well go ahead and help yourself to the lemonade, it's all liquored up and ready to be consumed! Just try not to spill, or I guess if you do it'll be easy to clean so whatever!

LANCE

(accepting a drink from TIFFANY)

Okay . . .

Another knock on the door. At this time BRIDGET moves over to the punch bowl and pours two glasses. She chugs both, then refills them: one for her, and one for ABIGAIL.

TIFFANY

(to herself)

Okay, Tiff, just calm down, it'll all be okay. Remember the most important rule: get everyone wasted. You can do this.

TIFFANY goes to the door, but runs over and nervously pours the last of the vodka into the punch bowl. She quickly primps herself before opening the door, letting in CHAD, CINDY, ADAM, COREY, and various other party guests. It's important that COREY and another male guest are wearing yellow shirts. The various guests mingle about, some getting drinks, some snacks. After a few minutes of settling, the main cast members make their way to the front of the stage.

CHAD

WOOP WOOOOOP! NOW it's a PARTAY! What's up home dawgs?!

BRIDGET

Look Chad, you can call us people or you can call us 'dawgs', but we're not both. Would you like to stay here with us, or find a party with actual dogs?

CINDY

Neanderthal.

(pushes past CHAD)

CHAD

Whoa, whoa, whoa, ladies. Just trying to lighten up the partay. (Approaches ADAM aggressively) Sup, bro? Catch you at the beer pong table later?

ADAM

I don't see any beer, looks like we're havin' lemonade tonight. Unless you brought a case?

CHAD

Nah, man I don't buy my own.

ADAM

Don't? Or can't? How old are you, anyway?

CHAD and ADAM lock stares for a few seconds, then CHAD nervously darts toward the punch bowl.

ADAM (CONT

(Shaking his head)

Damn unders.

LANCE, who has been primping himself in front of ABIGAIL, silently prepares himself to approach ADAM, something he's clearly done before yet fails to conquer.

LANCE

(in a clearly deepened voice) Hey, uh, sup Adam?

ADAM

(Trying to be polite) Hey Lance, how's it goin'?

LANCE

Oh you know, just gettin' my drink on.

ADAM

I see that, I was actually just heading to grab a drink myself-

LANCE

(nervously and quickly) Here take mine! I'll just run over and grab another

one it's not like I have cooties or anything.

ADAM

Um . . . no.

LANCE

(in his normal voice) Piss.

ABIGAIL turns, drink in hand, from talking with a guest and nearly bumps into CINDY.

ABIGAIL

Oh! Sorry Cindy-

CINDY

Tempest.

ABIGAIL

What?

CINDY

My name is Tempest.

ABIGAIL

Okay, 'Tempest'. I don't see much color on you, how am I supposed to know if you're looking for some other vampire to spawn with?

CINDY

(lifting her sleeve, revealing a green armband) Here.

ABIGAIL

Shocker. Maybe if you didn't wear such freaky boots-

CINDY

I'm like a storm. Like the wrath of furies.

ABIGAIL

Right. Just, comment on my outfit so I can end this conversation.

ABIGAIL (CONT'D)

What a bi-

From the back of the room, TIFFANY pulls COREY away from the crowd

TIFFANY

Are you DEALING?! In my HOUSE?!

LESLIE shows obvious disconnect from her reading to TIFFANY's comment

COREY

What? No, Tiff I wouldn't do that to you! But if you were interested in such things I not going to say that I couldn't obtain such things-

TIFFANY

COREY.

COREY

Alright, alright.

COREY (CONT'D)

Sup.

LESLIE ignores him.

COREY (CONT'D)

Hey?

LESLIE looks up, and then checks behind her to see if he is really speaking to her. While looking behind her, COREY takes the textbook from her lap.

COREY (CONT'D)

'Middle School Aliens', eh? Didn't really peg you for this type.

LESLIE

Can I have that back please?

COREY

Why would you bring-

LESLIE

Look, just give me the damn book, okay?

COREY shows a surprised expression and LESLIE takes it back from him.

LESLIE (CONT'D)

I'm . . . I'm sorry

COREY

(with a suggestive grin) No, no, you're okay. You just seem a little wound up

is all.

LESLIE

Yeah,

COREY

(holding out his hand) Let me, uh, help you out with that . . .

As LESLIE stands, TIFFANY, obviously happy with the turnout of her party, comes to the front of the stage, holding a party cup and a plastic knife. After several seconds of attempting to toast with these utensils, she finally yells:

TIFFANY

So, hey everybody, I'm glad you all could come tonight. It's been a great turnout for a stoplight party, and uh, I want us to really keep "Go-ing" at it and not

"Stop "having fun. So, let's raise our cups high and, put metal to the pedal...I mean, pedal to the metal, sorry 'bout that...and floor it!

ALL

Cheers!

All party guests take a drink from their cups except for CHAD, who tries to discreetly pour his drink back into the punch bowl. After a few seconds of guests laughing and chatting after the toast:

BLACKOUT

TIFFANY'S HOUSE, 12:30AM

When the stage is lit again, it's obvious that a party has been going on. There are various cups and snacks scattered about and the furniture may be facing other directions. BRIDGET is passed out sitting up on the couch, while CHAD is slumping over her lap. ABIGAIL is on the other end of the couch sipping a drink and clearly not having a good time. ADAM and LESLIE are sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table, ADAM

talking to her and looking at her book, LESLIE eating snacks off of the floor. COREY is in LESLIE's previous seat, texting on his cell phone. TIFFANY, CINDY, and LANCE are all off stage.

After a few moments, CHAD jumps up from his 'drunken stupor'-

CHAD

Whoa, dudes! I'm like, totally wasted right now! How are you-

He's talking to BRIDGET, but she's completely unresponsive. Without missing a beat, he turns to ABIGAIL:

CHAD (CONT'D)

I'm like, totally wasted right now! How you doin', Abby?

ABIGAIL

I've had just about enough of you 'bro'.

She palms his face and pushes him backwards into BRIDGET, who falls over the side of the couch/to the floor. It catches everyone's attention in the room, but nobody reacts.

CHAD

Hard to believe anyone's had enough of the Chad-man. (chuckles) Me thinks the lady might be wasted.

ABIGAIL

(slurring some of her words) Yeah? Well, I thinks you need to back the FRAT up

before I wedge a shot glass down your FRAT throat. That's all we've heard all freakin' night is you flappin' your frat gums.

CHAD

The Chad-man hasn't exactly seen the lady's lips stop flappin' this evening either. If you can't handle me, no, you can't handle this kind of environment, you need to stop boozing so hard! You're like, totally zonked out of your gourd, bro. I'm checkin' outta here,

so deuces, bitch.

ABIGAIL slaps CHAD across the face. After seeing his reaction. She pulls him in and kisses him shortly before pushing him away. She then grabs him by the collar . . .

ABIGAIL

You're coming with me. Now.

. . . and drags him out of the house. While he's walking:

CHAD

Whoa! Wait! Wait! I think I'm gonna need some more booze, bro!

A few moments pass before CINDY stumbles in from the other side of the stage. She's wearing a black skirt and green bra, but nothing else. She squints as the looks across the room, but soon notices COREY and begins to straddle him (with every line she becomes more and more drunkenly awkward and promiscuous):

COREY

Hey! Whoa! What? What are you doing?

CINDY

(slurring her words a lot, but not enough that the audience can't understand her)

God ol' Tiff back there didn't have any black shirts that didn't show my boobs off to the whole world.

COREY

. . . and this outfit doesn't?

CINDY

(focusing on his face)

You. Silence. Kiss my face.

COREY

If you haven't noticed, I'm not wearing green.

CINDY

So? What does yellow mean?

COREY

It's complicated-

CINDY

But come on, aren't I sexy?

COREY

Oh you're something alright-

She moves in to kiss him but he turns his head, directing the kiss to his cheek. At the same time, TIFFANY enters, CINDY's jacket in hand.

TIFFANY

Cindy? Where did- (nonchalantly, as if she's not surprised) -uh . . . whatcha doin?

CINDY

(searching for the location of CINDY's voice, and then finding it) That's not my name.

TIFFANY

Okay, 'Tempest', why are you almost naked?

CINDY

(as she gyrates and rubs across COREY) I cannot be tamed! I'm the force you're scared to

face. The lust (licks COREY's face) you cannot escape. The taste you cannot fathom-

COREY

The crazy bitch in my junk?

CINDY

And it's all thanks to this beautiful nectar!

As she downs a cup she finds strewn about, she throws it to the floor. She goes to kiss COREY once more, but stops abruptly. She looks as though she's going to be sick and quickly (and awkwardly) jumps off of COREY and runs to where she entered at the beginning of the scene.

TIFFANY

What the hell just happened?

COREY'S guest enters, looking behind him to watch CINDY.

COREY'S GUEST

Hey Tiffany, that half-naked vampire chick just barfed in your washer.

TIFFANY

Dammit.

COREY'S GUEST

So, did I miss anything?

COREY

Nope, sure didn't.

COREY kisses his GUEST on the cheek.

COREY (CONT'D)

And uh, I'll hit you up later, Les!

COREY and his GUEST leave. Focus is now on ADAM, sitting on the coffee table and LESLIE, who is sitting cross-legged on the floor eating Cheetos.

ADAM

(Looking at her book) So, this is yours, right? I saw you reading it earlier.

LESLIE ignores him.

ADAM (CONT'D)

Is it any good? Last book I read was The Invisible

Man.

LESLIE

It's okay. It's pretty shallow. Cheetos have more substance than that book, if you really want the truth.

ADAM

Well, I mean, you were reading a alien novel, so...

LESLIE

So...what? What's wrong with aliens?

ADAM

Don't you read anything else?

LESLIE

Well, yeah.

ADAM

Like?

LESLIE

I read Atwood's Blind Assassin last week. It was so raw, so deep, so . . .trippy.

ADAM

Trippy?

LESLIE

Yeah, 'cause it like weaved in and out of different stories and stuff.

ADAM

(Holding up a Cheeto as if inspecting it) But was it better than the Cheeto?

LESLIE

Huh? Oh, no. Man, I don't know what's up, but I usually hate these things and now they're like amazing. Kinda like this cat. I usually hate cats, but this one is super friendly and I like it.

ADAM

What cat?

LESLIE

This one! (Roughly scratches the floor)

ADAM

Well, you've obviously been hanging out with Corey, because you're stroking the carpet. Be glad, though, because doing that to a cat may rip its skin off.

LESLIE

You don't know what you're talking about. You high? Everybody gets so messed at these parties nobody knows what they're talking about anymore.

ADAM

(Looking around) Yeah, I've noticed.

LESLIE

You know...Cheetos are a lot like people.

ADAM

What?

LESLIE

They're really artificial, but super addictive. They also make you sick after eating too many.

ADAM

Yeah, I've always felt that way about eating too many people, too. I'm glad I've found someone to share that sentiment with - I thought I was the only one who felt that way.

As he's laughing, LESLIE stares at him deadpanned. He stops and the two stare at each other for an uncomfortable amount of time. Finally, without breaking eye contact, Leslie picks up a Cheeto and eats it, crunching as loud as she can. As soon as this happens, LANCE enters dramatically wearing short black sweatpants (belonging to TIFFANY) a black tank top and black lipstick. ADAM and LESLIE watch the entire situation in silence. As LANCE enters:

LANCE

I will NEVER love again.

TIFFANY

(Following right behind) Give me back my pants!

LANCE

(Acting more and more overly dramatic with every line spoken) My future is dark and filled with despair-

TIFFANY

Oh God.

LANCE

You don't know what it's like to have your cute little heart ripped out and stomped on.

TIFFANY

That is absolutely accurate.

LANCE

All I do is my best to be kind to the poor and ugly, and all I get in return is heartache!

TIFFANY

(To herself) Can't imagine why. (To LANCE) There, there Lan-

LANCE

No! (dramatic pause) Call me Leo-

TIFFANY

Alright I'm not dealing with this crap anymore.

LANCE

All I do is love this (points to ADAM while seductively approaching him)

beautiful, sexy specimen of man but he constantly plays with my emotions! (He kneels on the coffee table over ADAM) Well, Mr. Perfect Everything, this stupid themed party and cheap booze won't change anything! I will always lov-OUCH!

Offended by LANCE's description of her party, TIFFANY now has LANCE by the hair.

TIFFANY

Listen, crazy pants. My booze may be cheap, but this party theme was NOT. STUPID.

In a rage, TIFFANY rips LANCE to the floor, knocking him out. ADAM, who's been watching in horror, and LESLIE, who's been watching with little to no emotion, now rise and slowly back toward the door.

ADAM

Yeah, so we're just gonna-

TIFFANY

GET. OUT.

ADAM leaves immediately, but LESLIE stays put.

TIFFANY (CONT'D)

DID. I. STUTTER?

After LESLIE exits, TIFFANY begins to gain her composure. She takes a few deep breaths and pushes her hair back. Just as she's starting to seem relaxed, a retching noise (made by CINDY) is heard offstage.

TIFFANY (CONT'D)

Oh for the love of -

She walks offstage toward to help CINDY. After a few moments, BRIDGET raises her head from the floor:

BRIDGET

(slurred) Guys let's do shots!

CAST

TIFFANY CLINE (21)

The Host

LESLIE STOUFFER (18)

The Nerd

ABIGAIL REEVES (21)

The Prep

LANCE TISHLER (21)

The Sassy Gay Man

BRIDGET GARZA (20)

The Designated Driver

CHAD RAY (18)

The Frat Boy

CINDY ADAMS (20)

The Goth

COREY KRANE (19)

The Stoner

ADAM GRIGGS (20)

The Tough Guy

COREY'S GUEST (19)

The Extra

COSTUMES

TIFFANY, Scene 1: Yellow dress, black flats.

TIFFANY, Scene 2: Same

LESLIE, Scene 1: Green hoodie, jeans, tennis shoes, glasses, ponytail

LESLIE, Scene 2: Yellow tee, no ponytail

ABIGAIL, Scene 1: Red top, black leggings, Ugg Boots,

ABIGAIL, Scene 2: Green Cardigan/Sweatshirt

LANCE, Scene 1: Entirely green atire

LANCE, Scene 2: Black tank top, black sweatpants, black tattoo, green socks

BRIDGET, Scene 1: Red top, any other attire (not red)

BRIDGET, Scene 2: Same attire, askew and possibly missing/torn

CHAD, Scene 1: Khaki or salmon shorts, green polo, Sperry's, sunglasses

CHAD, Scene 2: Same

CINDY, Scene 1: Black jacket, black shirt, black pants, black boots, green armband, black makeup

CINDY, Scene 2: Black shorts/skirt, green bra, green wristband

ADAM, Scene 1: Tighter green shirt, nice jeans, dress shoes

ADAM, Scene 2: Same

COREY, Scene 1: Casual wear, yellow ballcap (backwards)

COREY, Scene 2: Same

19