An EpilogueBy Taylor Feld

Note: The symbol / indicates a line pickup in the middle of the previous line. Brackets like [this] indicate parts of thoughts that aren’t spoken aloud.

It is three o’clock in the morning.

Five passengers ride together in a train car. Most sit; perhaps one stands and grips a support pole. All sway to the movement of the train, which is conveyed minimally.

Two siblings, OLDER and YOUNGER, hover over a card game. A college STUDENT looks down at their phone, maybe texting or searching through their music library. An INTERN pours over notes. A CARPENTER looks out the window.

As the audience enters the theatre and takes its seats, the passengers should already be riding the train. Even once the audience has settled, the train rolls on, its passengers not speaking except perhaps the siblings.

After a time, the college STUDENT puts earbuds in their ears and presses play. We hear a soft song of importance which complements the steady movement of the train. It’s the STUDENT’s favorite. We listen for a handful of moments.

Soon, the other passengers begin glancing in passing toward the STUDENT. There is a period where no one wants to say anything. Eventually, the INTERN turns to the STUDENT.

INTERN. Earbuds.

STUDENT. (taking an earbud out) Pardon?

INTERN. Earbuds.

The STUDENT looks down and notices that their earbuds are not plugged into their phone, and they have been playing the song through the speaker to the entire train.

STUDENT. Oh, sorry.

INTERN. S’okay.

STUDENT. Sorry.

INTERN. It’s fine.

The STUDENT plugs the earbuds in and the song stops abruptly, leaving us in the soundscape of the train, which now feels barren. The OLDER and YOUNGER siblings finish their card game.

OLDER. I win!

YOUNGER. Okay. (scooping up the cards) Blackjack.

The YOUNGER sibling deals. The OLDER sibling ponders their hand.

OLDER. Hit me.

YOUNGER. You sure?

OLDER. Hit me.

The YOUNGER sibling deals a card.

OLDER. Crap.

The OLDER sibling reveals their hand. Well over 21.

YOUNGER. Ha!

OLDER. (reaching for deck) Alright.

The INTERN’s phone rings. The OLDER sibling deals.

INTERN. (answering) Yeah.

The YOUNGER sibling ponders their cards.OLDER. So…?

INTERN. Slow down, / slow down. He said what?

YOUNGER. Gimme a second.

INTERN. Shit. (beat) Shit, okay.

YOUNGER. Hit me.

The OLDER sibling deals a card.

INTERN. Look, this isn’t on me. I swear I left it on his desk, I --

YOUNGER. Hit / me.

INTERN. Listen. Will you listen to me for a second please?

YOUNGER. Hit.

INTERN. Okay. I’m gonna fix this. I’m gonna -- (They’re cut off by whoever’s on the other line.)

OLDER. Done?

YOUNGER. Just gimme a second.

INTERN. I’m gonna go back to the office and fix this, alright? I’ll catch the next train back.

YOUNGER. Hit.

INTERN. Great. Thanks. Bye. (hangs up)

YOUNGER. Alright.

The YOUNGER sibling reveals their cards. Perfect 21.

YOUNGER. Ha!

OLDER/INTERN. Goddammit.

YOUNGER. Noooooo dishes for meeeeee.

As the siblings talk, the INTERN rifles with urgency through their briefcase, searching for something, growing increasingly desperate.

OLDER. Poop patrol is still on the table.

YOUNGER. No! You lost that bet.

OLDER. No. (beat) When?

YOUNGER. Back at grandma’s house. When she was watching her murder show.

OLDER. I don’t remember that.

YOUNGER. Yes! Yes, we were playing cards and she was watching date [something]. Dateline!

OLDER. Oh, [shit,] yeah. Okay. Yeah, I guess I remember that. But we’ve been away for like three weeks.

YOUNGER. Mm-hm.

OLDER. So that’s a lot of dog poop, that’s like. Accumulated.

YOUNGER. Mm-hm.

The INTERN’s struggle with their briefcase escalates as they’re unable to find what they’re looking for.

OLDER. Mercy.

YOUNGER. No way, the deal was you do it by yourself.

OLDER. What if I do the backyard and you do the front yard?

The YOUNGER sibling basks silently in the OLDER’s bargaining.

OLDER. C’mon, they hardly ever poop in the front yard. I’d have to do the hot spot back behind the rhododendron and all you’d have to do is like, that one little patch.

YOUNGER. Hmm.

OLDER. Please.

YOUNGER. Yeah fine.

OLDER. Oh, thank you, benevolent victor!

YOUNGER. (laughs)

In their struggling, the INTERN accidentally dumps the contents of their briefcase, which spill and splay out over the floor.

INTERN. Come on!

They drop to their knees, scooping up papers. Other passengers might move to help, and the INTERN might give them hurried thanks. Still not seeing

what they’re looking for in the mess, the INTERN pulls out their phone and dials.

INTERN. (into phone) Hey? Yeah. Yeah, I know, I know, I’m sorry I just don’t know what to do. I don’t --

The INTERN sits back and abandons their papers momentarily, lost and panicked.

INTERN. I forgot -- Yeah, I forgot to put it on his desk -- Well, he needs it tomorrow morning and now I can’t even find it anywhere, I have no idea -- all my notes --

Now, seeing a stranger’s distress, the passengers have certainly begun gathering papers. All except perhaps the CARPENTER.

INTERN. All my notes --

The STUDENT gets a call.

STUDENT (answering the phone). Hey -- / What’s wrong?

YOUNGER (whispering to OLDER) What’s wrong?

OLDER. (whispering) How should I know? Get that one over there.

They point, and their sibling scrambles to retrieve an errant paper. The train enters a tunnel.

STUDENT. (into phone) Oh my God.

OLDER. (to YOUNGER) It’s okay. It’s a short tunnel, we’ll be out soon.

YOUNGER. Yeah.

INTERN. (into phone) I can’t calm down! Don’t tell me to calm down! I’m over! / I’m over, because of this.

STUDENT. (into phone) Okay, okay, listen. I’m on my way.

OLDER. (accidentally tearing a paper in half) Crap. Sorry.

INTERN. (to OLDER) What the hell?

OLDER. I’m sorry, / I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to -- (offering paper to INTERN) Here.

STUDENT. (into phone) Okay, just -- I’m almost there --

The OLDER extends their arm over their sibling, who’s still bent and gathering, towards the

INTERN. The OLDER sibling and the STUDENT say “here / there” together. And at that moment:

The train stops, sharply and violently. They are all jolted and thrown and the papers swirl around them. A breathless, tense silence as they collect themselves.

STUDENT. (into phone) Are you still there? INTERN. (into phone) Hello? Hello?

They both get no response.

STUDENT. Okay.

YOUNGER. (to OLDER) What happened?

OLDER. I dunno.

INTERN. Oh God.

A silence.

STUDENT. Okay. Okay, let’s just [check the doors] --

As the STUDENT walks to a far side of the car and peers through the window overlooking the connection between train-cars, the INTERN takes out their phone.

STUDENT. Can’t see anything out there.

They try the door and can’t get it open. Someone does the same to the door at the other end, with the same result.

INTERN. No signal.

Those who have phones check them. None of them have a signal either. Maybe some of them move around, trying to get one, with no success.

INTERN. (this is too much) Oh my God. Oh my God, this is hilarious. Wow. Wow!

YOUNGER. (to OLDER) What do we do?

OLDER. Just --

STUDENT. (to YOUNGER) Don’t worry, they’re gonna come get us.

INTERN. Not before I lose my job. (laughing) You can’t make this shit up, I swear to God. This is fantastic. (beat) I haven’t slept in three days.

The INTERN crosses downstage to the sliding door through which they boarded the train and attempts to pry it open with their hands.

OLDER. Excuse me. What are you doing?

INTERN. “What am I doing.” I’m getting out of here. Salvage what’s left of my life.

OLDER. Just wanted to say I’m sorry about your paper.

INTERN. Not a problem.

It is a problem. The door isn’t moving at all, but the INTERN persists.

OLDER. I didn’t mean to tear it.

INTERN. Yeah. (fed up with the door) Motherf… (noticing YOUNGER) father.

STUDENT. It’s not gonna open.

INTERN. No... [shit] kidding.

YOUNGER. (trying to stay calm) It’s dark.

OLDER. Here.The OLDER sibling pulls out their phone to turn on the flashlight.

OLDER. Crap. Dead.

YOUNGER. It’s too dark.

OLDER. Hold on. It’s okay. I --

The CARPENTER has produced a flashlight from their toolkit and taps it against the OLDER sibling’s shoulder.

OLDER. (taking it) Oh, thanks. (giving it to YOUNGER) Here.

The YOUNGER sibling takes it and turns it on.

OLDER. Hey, (pointing to chin) shine it here.

The YOUNGER sibling shines the flashlight up on the OLDER sibling’s face from under their chin. The OLDER sibling makes a silly face. The

YOUNGER sibling laughs and shines it under their own chin, making a silly face.

OLDER. Pfft. Amateur.

The OLDER sibling takes the flashlight and shows the YOUNGER sibling how a real pro does it. This one is truly their best silly face.

OLDER. (holding the face) Take some notes.

INTERN. (to CARPENTER) Hey, do you have anything in there that can get this door open?

STUDENT. Look, there’s no need to go smashing through doors. Whatever happened is being fixed and we’re just going to make everything harder for the people fixing it if we go prying open doors.

Pause during which the INTERN tries and fails to stay cool.

INTERN. I have three hours to get a little bundle of papers onto my boss’s desk before he gets to the office and then leaves for a meeting that will determine the fate of two multi-billion dollar corporations -- a meeting whose outcome hinges on a presentation given by that boss, which in turn hinges on -- you guessed it -- the little tiny precious freaking God-bless-America bundle of papers which has now apparently disappeared right off the face of planet Earth. I will no longer have a career after tonight. And plus! Plus! I feel the beginning of a migraine right here, right behind this eye, like goddamn tweezers on my optic thing -- nerve -- and ya know now that I’ve acknowledged it it’s probably inevitable and I am so tired and so far from fine. I want to open the door.

Tiny beat.

STUDENT. And my uncle is dying. Just… calm down.

INTERN. Don’t -- [tell me to calm down I fucking hate it when people tell me to calm down]! (reconsidering) Sorry. I’m sorry.

STUDENT. It’s okay.

INTERN. Sorry.

STUDENT. It’s fine.Beat.

YOUNGER. I wanna go home.

The STUDENT considers the YOUNGER sibling for a moment before making a decision.

STUDENT. Okay. (to CARPENTER) Do you have a crowbar or not?

The CARPENTER rummages around in their toolkit and soon produces a crowbar.

INTERN. (taking it before the STUDENT can) Thank you.

The INTERN crosses again to the DS sliding door and starts trying to pry it open.

INTERN. (with great effort) Okay it’s -- it’s really --

STUDENT. Here --

The STUDENT helps the INTERN by pulling on the crowbar as the INTERN pushes the same side. They try for a time without success, and soon both the YOUNGER and the OLDER siblings have joined them, and eventually the CARPENTER also joins. They all exert as much force as they can on the crowbar until finally they pry the door open enough to get their hands between the door and the frame. Together, with tremendous effort, they slowly and forcibly slide the door halfway open.

Suddenly, as they pull, something gives way and the door flies the rest of the way open, throwing the passengers off-balance with the sudden lack of resistance. The passengers stumble, maybe some of them topple. With the door open, the interior of the train is suddenly lit.

The INTERN is the first to recover. They stand at the front of the group in the doorframe. Therefore, they are the first to gaze out beyond the door.

Beyond the door is nothing. Not darkness, not even void, but true, complete

nothing.

The passengers all follow the INTERN’s gaze outward and do not look away. A long silence. The YOUNGER sibling clicks off the flashlight.

YOUNGER. Huh.

OLDER. So.

Another silence.

STUDENT. So. So… that’s that.

A pause.

OLDER. There’s nothing.

YOUNGER. Wow.

STUDENT. I don’t -- I don’t know what -- I’ve never seen anything like that.

OLDER. That? That isn’t anything.

STUDENT. Yeah. (beat) Guess we’re the only anything left, huh?

YOUNGER. Wow.

A pause.

OLDER. Well. No more poop patrol, I guess.

Suddenly, the INTERN grins.INTERN. Oh my God. Oh my God.

They are the first to turn away. They pick one of their papers off the floor.

INTERN. I don’t need this.

They let the paper fall. They kick at the papers.

INTERN. I don’t need this.

They keep kicking, and soon, they are stomping on and throw up and tear apart their papers, dancing and delirious with the high of having so much weight removed all at once, saying and shouting something like,

INTERN. I don’t need this. Oh my God, I don’t need this, don’t need this, don’t need this, won’t need this anymore, and screw this one in particular, and this one, and THIS ONE, AND I DON’T NEED THIS ONE, AND I DON’T NEED THIS ONE, AND I DON’T NEED THIS ONE! I’M DONE! I’M DONE! I’M OVER!

They rush back to the door and shout out into the nothing,

INTERN. SO SUCK ON THAT!

A loaded silence. And then the INTERN laughs.

INTERN. So I’ve fired myself. How are you fine strangers?

And maybe now some of the others laugh, too.

OLDER. What is happening?

INTERN. I have no idea.

STUDENT. Some kind of cosmic glitch.

YOUNGER. So we’re alone?

OLDER. (to YOUNGER) It’s okay.

INTERN. Guess someone tried turning it off and turning it back on again. Welcome to the infinite weekend.

YOUNGER. Oh man!

INTERN. Oh yes.

STUDENT. I am never going to have to sit through a commercial again. Ever.

INTERN. Well I turned out to be the sexiest person out of my entire graduating class. Take that, assholes.

STUDENT. What a coincidence. I’m also the sexiest person out of my entire graduating class.

INTERN. You know what? I nominate our friend with the crowbar for President. Of the world.

STUDENT. All in favor say “aye!”

VARIOUS. Aye!

INTERN. Motion passes! Congratulations!

The INTERN shakes hands with the CARPENTER. Suddenly, a look of gigantic realization crosses the OLDER sibling’s face.

OLDER. (in reverent whisper) No more laundry.

STUDENT. Oh my God. No more laundry.

YOUNGER. Guess what?

INTERN. What?

YOUNGER. I’m the fastest runner in the world.

INTERN. Oh, no.

YOUNGER. Yeah. I’m pretty sure I’m the fastest runner in the world.

INTERN. I think I’m the fastest runner in the world.

STUDENT. Uh-oh.

INTERN. Whatcha gonna do about it, kid?

YOUNGER. You’re only, like, ten years older than me or something.

INTERN. Maybe. I’m definitely ten times faster.

YOUNGER. Alright, alright. Race me.

INTERN. You better believe I will.

YOUNGER. Alright!

INTERN. Alright!

OLDER. Alright! Whoever runs from here…

The OLDER siblings starts at one end of the train car and jogs to the other.

OLDER. ...to here...

They jog back.

OLDER. ...and back the most times in one minute is the fastest runner in the world.

INTERN. Solid.

YOUNGER. Let’s go.

OLDER. I’ll time you.The OLDER sibling takes out their phone, only to be reminded that…

OLDER. Right. Still dead.

STUDENT. (handing theirs over) Here, use mine.

OLDER. (taking it) Alright. (setting up the timer) Gimme just -- a -- second. Okay! On your marks. Get set. Go!

They take off, kicking up papers and calling out the count of how many trains-lengths they’ve run as they go. It is mad-dash, sprinting mayhem. The OLDER sibling watches the race intently, keeping time. Amidst shouts of “One! Two! Three laps! Four!” the CARPENTER begins folding a piece of paper.

STUDENT. What’re you doing?

The CARPENTER shows the STUDENT what they’re folding.

STUDENT. Ah, origami. Cool. (beat) I dunno how to fold any animals or anything but I remember how to make one of those fortune-teller things. An old elementary school staple. Hold on.

They begin to fold a fortune-teller as the racers shout.

STUDENT. Not that we really need to know our fortunes. Our futures. You know, now that -- all this… Man, what I wouldn’t’ve given for some foresight before getting on this train. If I’d known this was gonna happen, I would’ve -- (pause) I would’ve -- I don’t know. I would’ve, just -- Hurried up and get on with it! Done more, finished more, just get off my ass and go do it. I start so many things I never finish, and I tell myself “oh, that’s fine, you’ll finish things after you graduate, after you’re in real life.” You know? The same things I told myself in high school. “Oh, after you graduate. Wait for real life.” Just… hemorrhaging time. (beat) Could’ve finished my book or something, if I’d known. It was gonna be for middle schoolers, like Magic Treehouse. You know Magic Treehouse?

The CARPENTER shakes their head. The racers have lost count, but they keep running anyway.

STUDENT. Well, doesn’t matter. My story, it was like -- these two kids who grew up together. They find these magic marbles in the woods, and the marbles are the perfect distraction. Like, they can toss one out in front of someone and the person fixates on it and can’t do anything else until they retrieve it. Like Atalanta and the golden apples. You know Atalanta?

The CARPENTER shakes their head. At this point, the racers have started joyfully counting thousands of laps. “One thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three!”

STUDENT. It’s a Greek myth. My mom and I used to listen to these Greek myths on tape during long car-rides. Atalanta was my favorite, but my mom always… (a sudden, sharp inner pain) Anyway, the point is, these two kids get up to all kinds of mischief with these marbles. I wrote this one part where they use them to sneak into a museum after it’s closed, like the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. Do you [know the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler] -- nevermind. They sneak into this museum, and they get into all these antics, ya know, typical kid story stuff. Like they find this tapestry depicting two figures that look suspiciously like them and they solve this ancient Mesopotamian riddle and at one point they have to hide from a security guard in sarcophaguses -- sarcophagi? -- sarcophagi, yeah. And they eventually get caught by the security guard but the best part is --

Just as the STUDENT is getting excited about their story,

OLDER. Time!

And the runners both collapse, giddy with tiredness. Maybe the others applaud.

INTERN. I lost count.

YOUNGER. Me too.

STUDENT. (to CARPENTER) Anyway, that was the book I would’ve finished if I’d known this was gonna happen. Woulda, coulda, shoulda. (holding up fortune-teller) Finished folding. Still needs fortunes.

The CARPENTER isn’t finished. They continue to fold.

OLDER. (getting everyone’s attention) Okay. Alright, so. (grabbing a pen and a piece of paper from the floor) “Fastest runner in the world: undecided.”

INTERN. What’re you doing?

OLDER. Gotta document for posterity. “President of the World: --” (to CARPENTER) Hey [what’s your name] --

STUDENT. Oh! Put “Things We Aren’t Gonna Miss” on there.

INTERN. Yes! Savor freedom from the crappy things in life.

OLDER. Nice, yeah. (narrating as they write) “Things We Aren’t Gonna Miss.” Okay we’ve got: “laundry, commercials…” Oh! “Grades…”

INTERN. My job.

STUDENT. (encouraging) Yes!

OLDER. “My job.”

YOUNGER. Slow walkers. In the hallways.

INTERN. Oh my god, yeah.

OLDER. “Slow walkers.”

INTERN. Oh! When you call customer service, and you’re just so tired and you’re trying and trying to get a real, live human being on the line so you can like -- be free -- but all you keep getting is some asshole robot voice, no matter what you do, over and over and over --

STUDENT. Sisyphean.

INTERN. Yes, whatever that means!

OLDER. “Asshole robot.”

YOUNGER. (laughing) “Asshole robot,” yeah. And bread getting moldy!

OLDER. “Moldy…”

YOUNGER. And the dentist!

OLDER. “Bread… dentist…”

STUDENT. Doing the dishes. Allergies!

INTERN. Long lines.

YOUNGER. Buffering!

OLDER “Dishes...”

STUDENT. When you can’t get the USB to go in the thing!

YOUNGER. Yeah!

OLDER. “Allergies...”

INTERN. I’ll tell you one thing I’m really not gonna / miss...

OLDER. “Lines.”

INTERN. ...and that’s those / goddamn --

CARPENTER. I’m gonna miss my family.

A sudden, sobering silence. Everyone’s minds shift to what they will miss.

OLDER. Yeah.

The OLDER sibling slowly, almost ceremonially tears the list up and lets the pieces float to the floor. Or maybe they crumple it up and throw it into the nothing. Or maybe they do something else. No matter what, it’s a cleansing.

They take another sheet and write on it. With tape from the toolkit, they tape it to the back wall of the train, revealing its words: “THINGS WE’VE LOVED.” They all look at the sheet taped to the wall.

OLDER. For posterity.

The OLDER sibling then takes a small can of paint from the toolkit and a brush and paints their answer(s) on the back wall of the train. The other passengers follow suit. Some answers are heavy, some are light, ranging from family members’ names to things like “mint chocolate chip ice cream.” Maybe some are drawings. Maybe they are different every performance. All are specific.

They pay silent respects. Then, eventually,

YOUNGER. Does anyone wanna see a card trick? I know this pretty good one.

The YOUNGER sibling grabs the cards and shuffles them. They sit on the floor, and the rest of the passengers sit around them.

YOUNGER. So. (fanning the deck) Pick a card.

The CARPENTER does so, and the YOUNGER sibling performs some variation of a card trick called “The Lie Detector.” This trick should be easy to find online. They perform with understated confidence. It is genuinely entertaining, to us and the passengers. They finish the trick, holding up a card.

YOUNGER. (to CARPENTER) Is this your card?

The CARPENTER nods.

YOUNGER. (tossing the card to the ground) I know.

INTERN. Woah!

The CARPENTER resumes their folding.

STUDENT. How did you --

YOUNGER. Sorry, I’ve taken the magician’s oath.

STUDENT. Pardon?

OLDER / YOUNGER. “A magician never reveals their secrets.”

STUDENT. Oh. (with mock formality) Pardon me, my mistake.

YOUNGER. Our grandpa was a magician.

OLDER. He’s not dead or anything, he just doesn’t do shows anymore. He still gets, like magician magazines and stuff, though. He’s still in “the Brotherhood.”

INTERN. Our grandfathers have something in common, then. Both worked with playing cards. Only difference is, yours made the cards vanish and mine made the money -- (makes a “poof, gone” motion with hands)

STUDENT. I never knew my grandfather. (beat) It isn’t like, a sad thing, it’s not like (melodramatically) “I never knew my grandfather.” I just didn’t.

The YOUNGER sibling does a fancy shuffle of the cards.

INTERN. Huh. Cool. How much time do you spend on this stuff?

YOUNGER. Not that much. OLDER. A lot.

INTERN. Gotcha.

YOUNGER. I just learn from videos online.

INTERN. You’ve gotta send me some links. Been meaning to pick up a new hobby. I mean, I’m swimming in free time here.

STUDENT. (holding up fortune teller) Hey, what should I write in here?

OLDER. Oh man, I remember those things!

INTERN. Fortune tellers!

STUDENT. Yeah. I dunno what fortunes to write.

YOUNGER. Can I do it?

STUDENT. Sure.The STUDENT hands over the fortune teller.

STUDENT. I’ve got all the numbers and stuff, I just need the fortunes.

The YOUNGER sibling scoops up a pen and writes as the others talk.

OLDER. I am having serious middle school flashbacks.

INTERN. “Flashbacks!” C’mon, middle school couldn’t’ve been that long ago for you. (laughs) Talking like you’ve been through a war. (silly voice) “Back in my day…”

OLDER. You must not have gone through middle school.

They laugh.

OLDER. I mean, not to be all dramatic, but like. Noooooo thank you to middle school.

STUDENT. No kidding.

The STUDENT shuffles the deck.

STUDENT. (to YOUNGER) I’m not as good at this as you are.

YOUNGER. (concentrating on writing) Mm-hm.

INTERN. Ha! Humble!The STUDENT fans the deck.

STUDENT. (to INTERN) Pick a card.

They do.

STUDENT. Five of diamonds.

OLDER. (looking at card over INTERN’s shoulder) Nope.

STUDENT. Well, it was worth a shot. That would’ve been pretty cool if I’d been right, huh?

INTERN. “Woulda, coulda, shoulda.”

STUDENT. Yeah.

YOUNGER. Hold on -- almost -- done! (holding fortune teller out to STUDENT) Pick a number.

The STUDENT picks a number and the YOUNGER sibling counts out as they flip the fortune teller.

YOUNGER. Pick a color.

They repeat the process, with the YOUNGER sibling spelling the chosen color aloud as they flip.

YOUNGER. Pick a number.

STUDENT. That one.The STUDENT points to a number and the YOUNGER sibling unfolds the corresponding fortune and reads aloud. This process should occur naturally every performance. Below are some numbered options for fortunes and ensuing dialogue, but the director may also write their own fortunes and dialogue. Or they may write the fortunes and leave the dialogue up to improv. Either way, the script picks up after the options at the “~” symbol:

1.

YOUNGER. “All your base are belong to us.”

INTERN. Oh my God.

OLDER. Little nerd. Oh, I’m so proud.

STUDENT. What? I don’t get it.

INTERN. “All your base are belong to us.”

STUDENT. Yeah but what?

OLDER. (relishing the exclusivity of the joke) “All your base --”

STUDENT. Okay, fine, I don’t wanna know anyway.

2.

YOUNGER. “Stop being afraid of the dark.”

INTERN. Well that’s easy. Done.

YOUNGER. Lucky.

INTERN. It’s just something you grow out of. Don’t worry about it.

YOUNGER. Yeah, maybe. I hope so.

Beat.

OLDER. Hey. Wanna know a secret?

YOUNGER. Yeah.

OLDER. I still have that nightlight. I still use it.

YOUNGER. What? The Monsters Inc. one?

OLDER. Uh-huh.

YOUNGER. You told me you didn’t need it anymore!

OLDER. I still get a little spooked sometimes.

STUDENT. Hey, you wanna know a better secret?

The YOUNGER sibling nods.

STUDENT. Everyone gets a little spooked sometimes.

3.

YOUNGER. (vaguely following the rhythm of “Rapper’s Delight”) “I said hip, hop, the hippie to the hip-hip-hop…”

YOUNGER and OLDER. (joining in) “...you don’t stop the -- rock it to the bang-bang boogie, say up-jumped the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat.”

The siblings high-five.

INTERN. (laughs) Classic.

STUDENT. (to YOUNGER) You’re a funny kid, you know that?

YOUNGER. You sound like someone from a movie.

STUDENT. Yeah, well so do you.

~

INTERN. My turn.

YOUNGER. Okay.They repeat the selection process, starting with numbers, then colors, then numbers again. This time, no matter what, the YOUNGER sibling reads:

YOUNGER. “You are going to be okay.”

An earnest pause.

At this moment, the CARPENTER, who has been sitting off by themselves, finishes their folding. They hold a completed origami scorpion. They sit still and look at it for a moment. Then they come to a decision.

CARPENTER. Okay.

They place the scorpion down and walk to the door. They are about to step out. The others notice, but don’t know what to do. The YOUNGER sibling moves forward swiftly and places a hand on the CARPENTER’s arm.

YOUNGER. Wait.

The CARPENTER waits.

YOUNGER. Will you teach me to make one of those?

The CARPENTER waits.

YOUNGER. Please? Will you teach me?

The CARPENTER waits.

YOUNGER. Please don’t go.

The CARPENTER decides. They step back and the INTERN scoops up a piece of paper for them to use.

INTERN. Uh, here. You can -- (looking at paper) oh my God.

OLDER. What?

INTERN. This is my report.

OLDER. Yeah?

INTERN. This is it, this is the thing. The thing I was looking for. This is it. Oh man, that’s hilarious. (beat) Here ya go!

They hand it over gleefully. The CARPENTER takes it. The OLDER and YOUNGER siblings pick up pieces of their own and all three of them go off to sit huddled, an impromptu but important lesson. The INTERN is still laughing off the irony.

INTERN. That’s just hilarious.

STUDENT. (half to themselves) “People who steal trains must have a loco-motive.”

INTERN. What?

STUDENT. A loco-motive. Like, you have a motive to commit a crime.

INTERN. Oh my God.

STUDENT. And also “loco,” like “crazy” in Spanish. A loco-motive. That one’s been simmering since I boarded.

INTERN. That’s so bad.

STUDENT. (gleefully) I know.

INTERN. I’m spending the last days of the universe with a bunch of magicians and pun enthusiasts.

STUDENT. Aren’t you lucky?

INTERN. I guess so.

The STUDENT looks out at the nothing.

STUDENT. Hey. You familiar with the astronaut effect?

INTERN. I don’t think so.

STUDENT. It’s when astronauts go up in space and look at the Earth from up there for the first time. This huge sphere sitting there below them, housing billions of lives. And basically, the effect is that they’re hit with a metric shit-ton of perspective. They feel -- I don’t know how the article explained it -- they feel… I don’t know. I guess I’m trying to say that looking out there, being here, being in this just --

INTERN. Makes me feel really small and really big at the same time.

STUDENT. Yeah. Perspective.

INTERN. Astronaut effect?

STUDENT. Yeah.

INTERN. Huh.

A pause. The INTERN feels a sudden need.

INTERN. Wanna hear a joke?

STUDENT. I have a feeling you’re about to expose yourself as a massive hypocrite, oh ye, hater of puns. Go ahead.

INTERN. This isn’t a pun, it’s a joke.

STUDENT. Tomato, to-mah-to.

INTERN. Who are you? Seriously. “Tomato, to-mah-to.”

STUDENT. What about it?

INTERN. “Sisyphean.”

STUDENT. So?

INTERN. “Woulda, coulda, shoulda.”

STUDENT. What do you [mean] --

INTERN. Nevermind, sorry. I forgot for a second that you’re dying to hear my joke. Shouldn’t keep you waiting.

STUDENT. God.

INTERN. Okay, so here it is. Three friends die in a car accident -- actually... (chuckles) let’s make it a train crash.

STUDENT. Wow.

INTERN. Three friends die in a train crash! And they go up to heaven, and once they get there there’s an orientation. And the three friends are all asked, you know, “At your funeral, when you’re in your casket and your family and friends are all gathered around in mourning, what would you like to hear them say about you?” You following me?

STUDENT. Yeah.They are following, but just barely, as they are watching the origami lesson.

INTERN. Good. So the first friend says, “I would like to hear them say I was one of the great artists of my time and a true family man.” And the second guy says, “I want to hear them say I was a wonderful husband and a visionary teacher who changed the lives of many children.” And then they ask the last friend, and he says, (beat) “I would like to hear them say… ‘LOOK, HE’S MOVING!’”

A moment of hesitation.

STUDENT. (mercifully) Funny.

INTERN. “LOOK HE’S MOVING!”

STUDENT. I heard you.

INTERN. I’m just wondering why you’re not currently peeing your pants. Do you have some kind of bladder thing going on? Or are you dehydrated or something?

The STUDENT is distracted.

INTERN. Hey. C’mon, you don’t know me, my singular personality isn’t supposed to have lost its novelty yet.

No response.

INTERN. Hey.The STUDENT doesn’t respond. They are too caught up in a faraway pain. Tentatively, the INTERN puts a hand on the STUDENT’S shoulder. Then, they pull the STUDENT into a long hug -- inevitable, necessary for them both, the kind you hold on to. In both their chests, their lungs feel heavy.

STUDENT. What is happening? I mean, what the hell happened? What are we going to do? (beat) What are we doing?

INTERN. I don’t know. I don’t know.

OLDER. (softly, to YOUNGER) I’m sorry.

YOUNGER. Why?

OLDER. I just am -- for everything I’ve ever -- I could’ve -- / I could’ve yelled less, I could’ve --

STUDENT. I could’ve written a book.

YOUNGER. No. INTERN. I know.

OLDER. I just --

YOUNGER. It’s okay.

STUDENT. I could’ve -- I could’ve --

YOUNGER. It’s all okay.

INTERN. “You are going to be okay.”

YOUNGER. Hey.

INTERN. (to STUDENT) You know something?

OLDER. Yeah?

YOUNGER / INTERN. I’m scared.

OLDER / STUDENT. Me too.

INTERN. I’m so scared.

STUDENT. I know.

INTERN. Know what’s weird? When I first looked out there, I was happy. For a second.

OLDER. I wanted to go to college. I just wanted to figure it out -- I wanted to figure out what I want.

YOUNGER / STUDENT. Yeah.

INTERN. Astronaut effect.

OLDER. But that’s not going to happen now.

INTERN. And now it’s gone. And I just need to live with it, / and I need to be okay with not being happy, right now, at this second.

OLDER. And that’s okay.

YOUNGER. “You are going to be okay.”

STUDENT. You did your best.

INTERN. Yeah.

STUDENT. I did my best.

INTERN. Yeah, you did.

At this point, the YOUNGER has resumed folding a paper scorpion. The CARPENTER resumes their original position, the one they sat in while the train still moved, gazing out the window. The STUDENT sits down in front of the door, gazing out at the nothing. A silence. Eventually:

INTERN. This is wild.

STUDENT. Yeah.

INTERN. This is really something.

Another silence.

STUDENT. (scooping up deck of cards) Hey. (fanning them) Pick a card.

The INTERN picks a card.

STUDENT. Five of diamonds.

INTERN. (grinning) Yep.

STUDENT. What? Really?

INTERN. Yeah, really.

STUDENT. You’re lying to me.

INTERN. No, I swear.

STUDENT. Let me see.

INTERN. Nah.

STUDENT. If it’s the five of diamonds, let me see it!

INTERN. C’mon. [Just let yourself have this one.] Trust me.

STUDENT. But -- okay. Yeah. (smiling) Five of diamonds. (to YOUNGER) Sorry, kid. Guess there’s a new magician in town.

A small pause.

They all settle into comfortable positions. Stillness.

The STUDENT puts in earbuds and presses play. This time, they are plugged in, and only they hear the song.

After a time, the YOUNGER sibling finishes folding. They cross to the CARPENTER.

They delicately hand the paper scorpion to the CARPENTER, who accepts it like they know precisely its significance -- the last gift for all time. A smile.

YOUNGER. Here. (pause) It’s okay. (beat) It’s [all] okay, right?

No one has the answer, so no one wants to speak. Eventually, the CARPENTER pauses folding for a moment and says the truth.

CARPENTER. I don’t know.

The INTERN taps the STUDENT’s shoulder. As they turn, the INTERN slowly takes the earbuds out of the STUDENT’s ears and unplugs them from the phone. We hear the familiar song.

We listen with the passengers. After some time, the STUDENT begins to messily sing along, tentatively, then swelling. Gradually, one by one, the other passengers join in, gathering around the STUDENT in front of the door. The lights begin to slowly fade along with the music from the phone, but they keep singing, and as they sing the passengers notice the fading light, the receding world, but do not stop singing as there is a moment of thrilling fear, then of being together, then of acceptance.

Left without the music, they all continue to sing with apocalyptic abandon. After the blackout is complete, they sing for a few moments longer before falling silent,

leaving us behind.