wcwpds: conflict management – having challenging … · the first thing you will notice will be...

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WCWPDS: Conflict

Management – Having Challenging Conversations

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Understanding Organizational Conflict Activity: Examining a Workplace Conflict Instructions: Think of a conflict you are currently experiencing or have experienced in your workplace. Take five minutes to answer the questions below. Then take 10 minutes in your small groups to share your answers round-robin style. Spokesperson: keep track of any themes to share with the larger group.

1. Who is (was) involved?

2. What are (were) the issues?

3. What are (were) the costs of the conflict to you, the other party, and the organization?

Common Sources of Conflict Conflict in the workplace is inevitable. The individual talents, strengths, experiences, backgrounds, expectations and aspirations that make teams effective also cause disruption and challenge. Some possible sources of conflict include:

• Competing priorities • Unclear expectations • Differing personal values, cultures, beliefs, etc. • Taboos • Interpersonal style differences • Human tendencies: need to be “right”, self-preservation, self-serving fairness

interpretations, ego, etc. • Unclear or inaccurate perceptions • Inconsistent reward/recognition practices

2 © 2020 Effectability, LLC| www.effectability.net and University of Wisconsin-Madison Division of Continuing Studies

Spotting Sources of Organizational Conflict: Organization Design

What are some examples of organization design elements that can cause conflict?

Activity: Preventing Conflict Instructions: You have been asked by a group of new leaders for your advice about how to prevent destructive conflict. List some pieces of advice you will give them (come up with at least 5).

Break into small groups to create your list. Log your ideas on a Google Doc. Your team spokesperson will share this when we de-brief.

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The Brain Controls Emotions, Behavior, and Thinking

• Cerebrum

• Limbic system/Midbrain

• Brainstem



How Do You Know Your Lower Brain and Higher Brain Are Engaged? Lower brain: • Heart rate. Your heart beats faster to bring oxygen to your major muscles. In

the freeze response, your heart rate might increase or decrease. • Lungs. Your breathing speeds up to deliver more oxygen to your blood. In the

freeze response, you might hold your breath or restrict breathing. • Eyes. Your peripheral vision increases so you can notice your surroundings.

Your pupils dilate and let in more light, which helps you see better. • Ears. Your ears “perk up” and your hearing becomes sharper. • Skin. Your skin might produce more sweat or get cold. You may look pale or

have goosebumps. • Hands and feet. As blood flow increases to your major muscles, your hands

and feet might get cold. • Pain perception. Fight-or-flight temporarily reduces your perception of pain. • Common responses:

o Silence o Clam Up o Attack Back o Change Subject o Sarcasm o Cry o Yell o Hide Behind Rules Stone Wall o False Agreement o Run Away

Higher brain: • Focused • Active listening • Problem solving mode • Calm • Ask questions • Empathetic



Try These Strategies to Keep Your Cool • Script • Vent • Preempt • Breathe • Focus on the physical • Acknowledge and label your feelings • Take a break



Communication Styles

II Analytical

I Driver

III Amiable

IV Expressive



Drivers

Drivers are high achievers – movers and shakers who are definitely not averse to risk. They are extroverted, strong-willed, direct, practical, organized, forceful, and decisive. Look for people who tell it the way it is and are very persuasive. Watch out or you could be worn down and bowled over. Drivers are task- rather than relationship-oriented and want immediate results. Drivers are less concerned with how something is done, and more concerned about what is being done and what results can be expected. “What” is their battle cry. “What’s going on? What’s being done about it? What you should do is …!” Drivers can be stubborn, domineering, impatient, insensitive, and short- tempered, with little time for formalities or niceties. They can also be demanding, opinionated, controlling, and uncompromising – or even overbearing, cold, and harsh. Drivers appreciate power, control, and respect. Their pain is loss of respect, lack of results, and the feeling they are being taken advantage of. Drivers: Want to know “what” Want to save time Value results Prefer being in control, in charge, doing it their way Fear giving up control Are often extroverted but do not show emotions When communicating with Drivers: Focus on the task; talk about expected results Be businesslike and factual Provide concise, precise, and organized information Discuss and answer “what” questions Argue facts, not feelings Don’t waste time; don’t argue details Provide options Portrait of Drivers’ office Of course, it must be the corner office with two windows, but Drivers never look at the view. Pictures on the wall are of battlefields, maps, and boats. Drivers multi-task and can sign letters, hold interviews, and talk on the phone simultaneously. Office furniture contributes to the impression of power and control and is the most expensive available. The office may also contain flowers and plants, even exotic ones like orchids (carefully chosen to contribute to the impression of power), but Drivers don’t look after them. There’s an assistant to do that. There are often family portraits on the desk, but usually formal, not candid shots.. The office will probably be decorated by an interior designer and the colors of the office will be strong, power colors.



Analyticals Analyticals are polite but reserved, logical, fact- and task-oriented. Their focus is on precision and perfection. Other strengths include persistence, diligence, caution, and a systematic approach. Weaknesses involve being withdrawn, boring, quiet, reclusive, and even sullen at times. If they seem indecisive, it’s because of a need to assess all the data. Perfectionism can be a fault if Analyticals push it too far. They’re definitely not risk-takers. Analyticals need to be right, and won’t openly discuss ideas until confident in a decision. They value accuracy. Their pain is to be wrong and criticized. Want to know “how” things work Want to be accurate, have accuracy with others Value numbers, statistics, ideas Love details Fear being embarrassed or losing face Often introverted and hide feelings When communicating with Analyticals: Be systematic, thorough, deliberate, and precise; focus on the task Be prepared to answer many “how” questions; provide analysis and facts Don’t get too personal Recognize and acknowledge the need to be accurate and logical; don’t rush unnecessarily Expect to repeat yourself; allow time for evaluation; use lots of evidence Compliment the precision and accuracy of the completed work Portrait of Analyticals’ office The first thing you notice will probably be the glasses. Analyticals will have worn out their eyes from constantly reading everything. On the wall you may see a framed degree, but the chief decoration will be charts, figures, and graphs of every kind. Analyticals may not seem very friendly, will often greet you skeptically, and don’t want to share much – especially anything personal. There will be no flowers or plants; for Analyticals, they belong in greenhouses. There may only be business-related information on the desk, and that will be carefully arranged. It’s not a power office, but it definitely will be functional. As for color, black and white will do nicely.



Amiables Devoted, consistent, dependable, and loyal. Amiables are hard workers and will persevere long after others have given up. They are team players, cooperative and easy to get along with, trustful, sensitive and good listeners. Working in groups with cooperative individuals, Amiables try to avoid confrontation. They enjoy company, perform best in a stable environment, and often have a stabilizing effect on others. Weaknesses include indecision and an inability to take risks. Amiables are often too focused on others, conforming, quiet, and passive. They often won’t speak up for themselves, are too compliant and nice, and often painstakingly slow to make decisions. Amiables like stability and cooperation. Their pain is change and chaos. Want to know “why;” why am I doing this? Want to build relationships Love to give support to others Value suggestions for others Fear losing trust or having disagreements Tend to display emotions. Often introverts When communicating with Amiables: Be relaxed and agreeable Maintain the status quo Be logical and systematic Create a plan with written guidelines Be prepared to answer “why” questions Be predictable Agree clearly and often Use the word “we” Don’t push; don’t rush Compliment them as team players; be a good listener Portrait of Amiables’ office The first thing you will notice will be pictures of loved ones on the desk: husband, wife, family, favorite pets. They’ll be in a candid style, and Amiables love to talk about them. On the walls will be colorful photos of landscapes, waterfalls, birds, and sunsets. You’ll find flowers or plants that are growing well and office colors that are harmonious and restful. Amiables will almost certainly be dressed in colors that match. Furniture will be fashionable, but not overwhelming. Files are present, but usually kept out of the way. If you’re a little late, Amiables won’t mind. They tend to stay with organizations for a long time. Amiables like company, newsletters, picnics, gatherings, and retirement parties.



Expressives Expressives, verbally adept personalities, are engaging, accommodating, supportive of others, persuasive, socially adept, and relationship- rather than task-oriented. They love to be one of the gang, and are always ready for something new and exciting, especially if the gang is ready to participate. Additional strengths include enthusiasm, diplomatic skills, and the ability to inspire others. Weaknesses involve impatience, a tendency to generalize, verbal assaults, and sometimes irrational behavior. Expressives can also be egotistical, manipulative, undisciplined, reactive, unorganized, and abrasive. Expressives readily exchange information and life experiences. Their main need is to be appreciated and accepted. Expressives appreciate recognition and approval. Their pain is isolation and lack of attention. Want to know “who;” who else is involved Value appreciation, applause, a pat on the back Love social situations and parties Like to inspire others Fear being rejected When communicating with Expressives: Focus on developing a relationship Try to show how your ideas will improve his or her image Be enthusiastic, open, and responsive Relate to the need to share information, stories, and experience Be forthcoming and willing to talk Ask and answer “who” questions Remember to be warm and approachable at all times Work to minimize their direct involvement with details or personal conflicts Portrait of Expressives’ office In short, it’s a mess. Expressives love favorite sayings and have them plastered on the wall or sitting on the desk. Files are never in a filing cabinet. Rather, they’re piled all over the office in stacks. But don’t be misled. Expressives know exactly where everything is and can find virtually anything by its location. Office colors will probably be loud and lively. If there are flowers or plants, they’re likely dead – either talked to death or lacking water. Expressives’ greatest reward is personal acknowledgment from others, and examples of this will be displayed. Expressives are excitable dreamers, with lots of ideas and projects, but without the time to follow them up.



Style-to-Style (Flex) Communication

Style to Style

Driver

Expressive

Amiable

Analytical

Ana

lytic

al t

o

Am

iabl

e to

Exp

ress

ive

to

D

river

to

• use your natural style

• don’t let egos clash

• be prepared for a tough

contest to win another

DRIVER to your side

• be open and friend ly

• take time to socialize

• show personal benefits

and recognition to

persuade the

EXPRESSIVE

• slowd o wn , give support

and assuranc e

• don’t stress variables or

alternatives

• bring commun ic ation to a conclusion

• make decisio ns easy for

the AMIABLE and

reassure the decision

• answer question s the ANALY T ICAL will have

• provide more facts than

you want to • encourag e evaluation

• be patien t

• to close, present facts,

allow evaluation then be

firm, polite and decisiv e

• be formal & to the point

• keep distanc e; no

touching

• don’t joke or waste time

• let driver feel impo r tan t

• avoid being apologetic

• don’t feel rejected by

bluntness of the DRIVER

• don’t comp ete for

recognition

• stick to business

• be sure to focus on a

commitm en t to action

• earn their trust

• don’t overly socialize

• give plenty of support

material

• give assuranc e and testimonials

• be polite and reassur in g

• be factua l; give more facts

than you like

• don’t try to impress an

ANALYTICAL

• don’t bluff answer s

• to persuade - be direct

and confident after all

questio ns are answer ed

• be yourself, be confiden t

• recognize and accept

the DRIVER’S forceful

style

• get to the point sooner

and more forcefu lly

than you feel

comfo r tab le with

• accept their openness &

friendliness

• don’t let them waste a lot

of your time

• don’t give too many

details

• conclud e by appealing to

their ego – quicker than

you like

• will relate well with other

AMIABLES

• speak confiden tly and assertively

• don’t wait for them to be

totally comfortable with

decisio ns , reassure that

it’s the right one

• answer question s

confidently

• give the facts they want

• refuse to let their

skeptic is m discourag e you

• don’t try to impress a

DRIVER with excessive

facts and figures , give

botto m line answers

• concentr ate on high

points

• appeal to the ego, not on

the merit of the proposal,

service

• be friend ly and fun

• get excited about new

ideas

• sell to the person not the

features

• don’t bog them down with

details

• close before you feel all

the necessary facts are

disclosed

• be friendly; earn

AMIABLE’S trust

• slow down on the facts

and let AMIABLE digest

them

• avoid gettin g too detailed

• conclud e with assuranc e

• keep control

• be thorough and detailed

• present both sides

• close earlier than you feel

comfortable



Resolving Conflict The four main approaches to resolving a conflict

Negotiation. This is a back-and-forth communication designed to reach an agreement when you and the other side have some interests that are shared and others that are opposed.

Mediation. This is a dynamic, structured, interactive process where an impartial third party assists disputing parties in resolving conflict through the use of specialized communication and negotiation techniques.

Arbitration. This is a private process where disputing parties agree that one or several individuals can make a decision about the dispute after receiving evidence and hearing argument.

Litigation. the process of resolving disputes by filing or answering a complaint through the public court system.

Pitfalls to Avoid When Resolving Conflict 1. Getting hung up on what is “fair”

2. An “us versus them” mentality.

3. Not relying on facts.

4. Not focusing on mutual interests.

5. Not following up afterward.

6. Not accepting responsibility for your actions.

7. Focusing on the people, not the problem.

8. Not being clear about exactly what outcome you want.

9. Escalating tensions with threats and provocation.

10. Allowing emotional reactions to get in the way

What pitfalls do you tend to fall into?



Preparing to Resolve a Conflict: Understanding Conflict Management Modes Each of us has a preferred method of dealing with conflict. Some of us routinely and consistently avoid conflict; others of us habitually fight for what we believe is the outcome we desire. While these approaches may be comfortable and natural for us, they are only appropriate and effective in certain situations. When we rely on one or two modes exclusively and don’t adapt our conflict management approach situationally, conflicts can drag on, cause deep resentment, mistrust, or hostility and cost the organization time, productivity and ultimately dollars.

In 1974, Ken Thomas and Ralph Kilmann, after several years of research, published an assessment that helped people identify their preferred conflict management mode. They postulated that people tend to have a preferred conflict management mode that they go to habitually rather than consciously selecting the most appropriate mode for the situation based on their level of assertiveness and cooperativeness.

Source: www.kilmanndiagnostics.com


http://www.kilmanndiagnostics.com/


Activity: Conflict Management Modes Quiz Instructions: Some characteristics of each of the five conflict modes are listed below. In groups of 2, match the appropriate conflict mode with the characteristic.

A. Competing D. Collaborating C. Compromising B. Avoiding E. Accommodating

_____ 1. Not worth the time and energy to you

_____ 2. Takes a long time

_____ 3. Your values/desires aren’t as important as the other party’s

_____ 4. Acknowledge you made a mistake/decide it was no big deal

_____ 5. Effective when the other person or party has a better plan or solution

_____

6. Considered an easy way out when you need more time to collaborate to find a better solution

_____ 7. Delay your response instead of voicing concerns

_____ 8. Results in a “lose-lose” approach

_____ 9. Create room for multiple ideas

_____ 10. May be appropriate for emergencies when time is important

_____ 11. Requires time and effort from both parties

_____

12. Try to find fast, mutually acceptable solutions to conflicts that partially satisfy both parties

_____ 13. Identify underlying concerns of a conflict

_____ 14. Takes on a “win-lose” approach where one person wins and one person loses

_____ 15. Assert own views while also listening to other views and welcoming differences

_____ 16. Does not rely on cooperation with the other party to reach outcome

_____ 17. Seek a “win-win” outcome

_____ 18. Put relationships first, ignore issues, and try to keep peace at any price

_____ 19. Appropriate temporary solution

_____ 20. Can create some space in an emotional environment

_____ 21. Build emotional capital for the bigger fight



Preparing to Resolve a Conflict: Choosing the “Best” Style

Competing (Direct style)

• When time is of the essence • You have the data to proceed • You’re OK with relationship damage

Collaborating (Expressive style)

• You have the time and energy • Seeking long term success • Want to boost engagement, morale

Avoiding (Analytical style) • Not worth the time and energy to you • It really doesn’t matter in the long run • Save energy for the bigger fight.

Accommodating (Amiable style) • Your values/desires aren’t as important as the

other party • Want to improve or maintain a relationship • Build emotional capital for the bigger fight.

Preparing to Resolve a Conflict: Gathering the Facts It’s important to ask good questions to gather information prior to engaging in a resolution conversation to:

• Gain a clearer understanding of the issues

• Clarify/challenge assumptions

• Give the other person an opportunity to give their side of things

• Show you’re listening

• Show you care

• Gain information about what the other party might be willing to agree to

• Encourage the other person to reflect

• Establish common ground and gain understanding of mutual purpose

Activity: Asking Questions to Gather Facts Instructions: In your small groups, generate a generic list of questions you might ask to help you better understand the nature of a conflict. For example, “How long has this been going on?”.



The Conflict Resolution Process

1. Open the conversation in a way that demonstrates mutual purpose.

Examples:

• “We both want the project to finish on time and not burn out our staffs, right?” • “A good quality product is something important to both of us.” • “You’ve said work life balance for your team is important to you. It’s important for my team

too.” 2. Confirm or gather additional information. Ask good, probing questions to get a crystal clear vision

the other person’s position and interests, what they might be willing to give up or compromise on and what success looks like for them. Below are some questions you might use.

Examples: • “What are you willing to consider or open to discussing?” • “Are you more concerned about “x” or “y”?” • “What alternatives have you seen or considered in the past?” • “What have you seen work here at our organization or elsewhere?” • “What if [scenario you would like to propose]? What about this would you be willing to

consider?”

3. Drop your anchor. If appropriate, drop your anchor (the point at which you’ll start the negotiation). Example: “I’d like to use a spreadsheet to keep track of staff utilization.”

4. If necessary, generate alternatives. Start with a list of your interests and create a list of criteria that reflects them. Brainstorm a list of options that meet those criteria and evaluate them using a grid or other tool.

5. Come to an agreement. If you can’t easily come to an agreement, identify areas where you both agree and if necessary, negotiate some items separately. Another option is to pilot or test one alternative for a period of time and then test another alternative.

Follow-up Activities • Document the information shared and decisions that were made

• Follow up at an agreed-upon time to see how the resolution is working for both parties.

• If possible, use objective measures to evaluate the effectiveness of the solution.



Activity: Resolving a Conflict Instructions: In groups of two, read the two conflict scenarios below and answer the questions. Scenario 1: Your co-worker is often late to work, leaves early and is more casual about deadlines than you are. He also tends to not respond to emails, phone calls or other attempts to get and give information in a timely manner. You two are responsible for a deliverable on a project that is now behind schedule. 1. What information do we need to find out before we talk with our coworker? 2. How might we open the conversation with our coworker? 3. What possible alternatives or options might we offer? Scenario 2: Your manager tends to get very involved with your work, asking what you are doing at various intervals throughout the day, asking why you are working on A vs. B, asking why you did one thing but not another. This isn’t something you find helpful. 1. What information do we need to find out before we talk with our coworker? 2. How might we open the conversation with our coworker? 3. What possible alternatives or options might we offer?



References “An Overview of the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI).” Our Mission. Kilmanndiagnostics, n.d. Web. Jan. 2015. www.kilmanndiagnostics.com.

Covey, Stephen R. and Rebecca R. Merrill, “The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything”, Free Press, 2008.

Horsager, David, “The Trust Edge: How Top Leaders Gain Faster Results, Deeper Relationships, and a Stronger Bottom Line”, Free Press, 2012.

Kouzes, James M. and Barry Z. Posner, “Credibility: How Leaders Gain and Lose It, Why People Demand It”, Jossey-Bass, 2011.

Merrill, David W. Merrill and Roger H. Reid, Personal Styles & Effective Performance, CRC Press, 1999

Patterson, Kerry, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler, Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High 2nd Edition, McGraw-Hill, 2011.

Ritchey, Tom, I’m Stuck, You’re Stuck: Break Through to Better Work Relationships and Results By Discovering Your DiSC Behavioral Style, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc., 2002.

Shell, G. Richard, “Bargaining for Advantage: Negotiation Strategies for Reasonable People”, Penguin Books, 2006.

Thomas, Kenneth and Ralph Kilmann, “Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument”, CPP, 2002.


http://www.kilmanndiagnostics.com/

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