warning to young ladies: if you wear tight …...2015/01/01 · s 8am - 4pm hennessy’s sales...

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE COUNTY EDITIONGreAT rATes - GreAT resuLTs - CALL TOdAy! (815)751-1286

LOOk FOR OuR NExT ISSuE ON FEbRuARY 46

If you are age 7 - 107. . . Enjoy Your FREE Copy Of The Orange Peel Gazette

Advertising: Michelle (815)751-1286 Email: [email protected] Mailing: PO Box 703, DeKalb, IL 60115

OORANGERANGE PPEELEEL GGAZETTEAZETTE OFOF KKANEANE CCOO

AcceptingE SCRAP

• Aluminum • Brass • Copper • Stainless Steel • Steel • Iron• Insulated Wire • Batteries • Aluminum Cans• Siding 336 East Sullivan •Aurora

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STATE CERTIFIED SCALESCONTAINER & TRUCKING SERVICES

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forFerrous &

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1 Block E. of Rt 25 on Sullivan

Since 1988

Your Success...Is Our Business!For Advertising: Michelle (815)751-1286

Email: [email protected]

KANE COUNTY EDITION

FREETAKE ONE

OORANGERANGE PPEELEEL GGAZETTEAZETTE“The Hottest Little Paper In Town!”

January 21, 2015 Volume 9, Issue 9

853 E. Wilson St - Batavia

20%OFF

ANY SERVICE

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View the latest issue ofThe Bridal Guide at

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Wishing You A Joyous New Year!

Bad Hair DayOn his wedding day, everything went wonderful.

Nevertheless, Luke thought that everyone must haveseen his toupee. The next day, his youngest daughter sees his worried look and says, “What’s the matter,daddy? Why are you looking so down?”

“I'm not really sad, darling,” Luke replies, “It’s just that I’m sure everyone yesterday saw that I was wearing a wig.”

“No they didn’t, daddy,' she says, 'No one I toldknew.”

Be WarnedA sign was place at the entrance of the large

machinery plant. It said

"WARNING TO YOUNG LADIES:If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery.If you wear tight clothes, beware of the machinist."

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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE COUNTY EDITIONAdverTIsING sTArTs AT jusT $22.00 Per Issue

TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I SAW YOU IN THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.”

Looking for direction in thisvolatile market?

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Divorced BarbieA man was driving home one evening and real-

ized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn'tbought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran tothe toy store and he asked the store manager "Howmuch is that new Barbie in the window?" The Manager replied, "Which one? We have, 'Barbiegoes to the gym' for $19.95 ...

'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95 ...

'Barbie goes shopping for $19.95 ...

'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95...

'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 ...

and 'divorced Barbie' for $375.00."

"Why is the divorced Barbie $375.00, when allthe others are $19.95?" dad asked surprised.

"divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken'sHouse, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."

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FOR ADVERTISING, CALLMICHELLE AT (815)751-1286Page 3

Precision Health Care CenterDr. J. David TejadaChiropractic Physician

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GENTLE CHIROPRACTIC CAREACUPUNCTURE • THERAPEUTIC MASSAGE

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I Will Bring The Grooming Salon To Your Driveway!That’s rights!

No More dropping off and picking up your pet!No More waiting hours for your pet to be done!No More cages or noisy environment for your pet! No More wet feet on your car seats on bad weather days!

Instead:you schedule an appointment for your pet. I come to your house in my fully equipped mobile grooming salon. Your cherished pet will then have my undivided attention...right then and there! After your dog or cat has been bathed and full groomed, it will be returned right back to your home; without ever having to leave your driveway or your street!

Lisa Leady, Certified Master GroomerAward winning pet stylist. Ranked one of the top ten pet

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Ellen Violet Designs▪ Baptism & Communion Gowns

(Made from Wedding Dress or New)

▪ Graduation T-shirt Quilts

www.EllenVioletDesigns.com

(630)465-2954by appointment only

Bridal & PromAlterations St. George Church

St. George Hall ▪ 667 Sheridan St ▪ Aurora

Sun., February 8St. George Church

Romanian Sausage Sale

Pick up time:1-5 pm. Advance orders a must. Call or text

(630)768-4851 or (815)739-2818,Calls only to (630) 898-4143

Sat., February 14Youth Group Spaghetti Supper

$6 donation; Carry-out available.serving from 5-6:30pm

Tickets at the door or call(630)851-4002

Lamaze Class A couple just started their Lamaze class and they

were given an activity requiring the husband to wear abag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like tobe pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad."

The instructor then dropped a pen and asked thehusband to pick it up.

"you want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husbandasked.

"exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his

wife and said, "Honey, would you pick up that pen forme?"

Life Is Like a FountainThe rabbinical student is about to leave for America.

When he asks his mentor for advice, the rabbi offers anadage that, he tells the student, will guide him for therest of his life. “Always remember,” the rabbi saidsagely, “life is like a fountain.”

deeply impressed by his teacher’s wisdom, the student departs for a successful career in America.

Thirty years later, he learns that the rabbi is dying,so he returns for a final visit.

“rabbi,” he says, “I have one question. For 30years, whenever I was sad or confused, I thought aboutthe phrase you passed on to me, and it has helped methrough many difficult times. But to be perfectly frank,I have never understood the full meaning of it. Nowthat you are about to enter the realm of truth, tell me,dear rabbi, why is life like a fountain?”

Wearily, the old man replied, “All right, so it’s notlike a fountain.”

Colon My ten-year-old granddaughter asked me what a

colon was. I explained that it was a part of the bodythat food goes through before being eliminated.

Then she asked me what a semicolon was. I told her,"It's a colon the size of a truck, with eighteen wheels."

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THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTEPage 4

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE COUNTY EDITION“THe HOTTesT LITTLe PAPer IN TOWN”

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ORANGE PEELGAZETTE

Under New OwnershipUnder New OwnershipBURGERS - GYROS - RIB TIPS - HOT DOGS - SANDWICHES

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Want to appear inthe next issue

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Check out our Double Action and

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Doors Open at 5pmBullseye Game at 6:50pm

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TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I SAW YOU IN THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.”Page 5

First 2015 Show: Feb 28 - March 1April 4-5 May 2-3 June 6-7 July 4-5

Aug 1-2 Sept 5-6 Oct 3-4 Oct 31-Nov 1 Dec 5-6

For More Information - Call

(630)365-6315

Early Bird Game 6:30pm

Regular Bingo 7:00pm

ELBURN LIONS PARK500 S. FILMORE ST

Food & Beverages AvailableFor Purchase.

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Old Coach Works Restoration

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Body Repair-Painting-Electrical Repairs1206 Badger St ▪Yorkville, IL

(630)553-0414 www.oldcoachworks.com

Coming HomeA man at work decided to show his wife how much

he loved her, and before going home, showered, shaved,put on some choice cologne, bought her a bouquet offlowers.

He went to the front door and knocked. His wife an-swered the door and exclaimed, "Oh no! This has been aterrible day! First I had to take Billy to the emergencyroom and get stitches in his leg, then your mother calledand said she's coming for 2 weeks, then the washingmachine broke, and now this! you come home drunk!

Report CardLittle johnny's father said, "let me see your report

card."johnny replied, "I don't have it.""Why not?" His father asked."My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his

parents."

Only In AmericaOnly in America......do banks leave both doors open andthen chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousandsof dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in thegarage.

Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.



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Emergency Room A woman is rushed to the hospital in critical

condition. Her husband waits patiently in the waitingroom. After a few minutes, the doctor comes out andasks the assistant for a wrench, which understandablyconcerns the husband.

Then, after a couple more moments, the doctor re-enters the room this time asking for a screwdriver.

The man grows worried and begins to pace in circles. Then, a little later, the doctor bursts through thedoors screaming for a hammer.

At that, the husband, in a state of frenzied terror,runs up to the physician and asks, "doctor, what theheck is wrong with my wife?"

"I don't know," replies the flustered doctor, "I can'tget my darn bag open."

Are You All Right? Toward the end of our senior year in high school,

we were required to take a CPr course. The classesused the well known mannequin victim, resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of most models, this resusci-Annie was only a torso, to allow for storage ina carrying case.

The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the dolland asked "Are you all right?" He then put his ear overthe mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing.

suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed,"she said she can't feel her legs!"

Thoughtful HusbandA man wanted to buy a present for his wife, so he

went into a pet shop and paid a hundred bucks for amynah bird. It was a very special bird, which couldspeak six languages and recite the alphabet backwards.

He had the bird sent to his wife, and later on hecalled her up to ask her: "How did you like the bird?"

"Fine," replied his wife. "It’s baking in the roasternow."

Many girls marry men just like their fathers,which may explain why many mothers cry

at weddings.


ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE COUNTY EDITIONCONNeCTING CusTOMers ANd BusINesses. . .THAT’s WHAT We dO BesT!

Discount Grocery Outlet

847-836-8000

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Real Estate Ad Phrases(What They really Mean)

CHARMING - Tiny. snow White might fit, butfive of the dwarfs would have to find their own place.see "Cute," "enchanting," and "Good starter Home." MUCH POTENTIAL - Grim. steer clear unless

you have a lot of money and believe your blind datesreally did have nice personalities. see "ready torehab," and "Fixer upper." UNIQUE CITY HOME - used to be a ware-

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shelving with little holes - the kind your dad used tostore tools on in the basement. DARING DESIGN - still a warehouse. COMPLETELY UPDATED - Avocado dish-

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The Mora Farm is a place where you can get away from it all and enjoy the beauty of the Illinois countryside.

Experience the tranquility, harmony and beauty of a place

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The New CoffeemakerMy cousin elly is the world's worst at getting

instructions mixed up. When she got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffeemakers. It had all the latest gadgets on it...

salesman riley carefully explained how everythingworked: how to plug it in, set the timer, go to bed, and"upon rising the coffee is ready".

A few weeks later elly was back in the store andriley asked her how she liked the coffeemaker.

"Wonderful!" she replied, "However, there's onething I don't understand. Why do I have to go to bedevery time I want to make a pot of coffee?"

Contemplative VicarA vicar was talking to one of his parishioners. He

said "When you get to my age you spend a lot moretime thinking about the hereafter." "Why do you saythat", inquires the parishioner. The vicar replies "Well,I often find myself going into a room and thinkingwhat did I come in hear after."

Webster's Dictionary Like a lot of husbands throughout history, Webster

would sit down and try to talk to his wife. But, as soonas he would start to say something, his wife would ask,"And what's that supposed to mean?"

And so, Webster's dictionary was born.

Number of MarriagesWhile filling out their marriage license, after the

blank for number of marriages, the groom answered: "First." The bride entered the word: "Last."

Dear Abby DEAR ABBY: "P.O. in New jersey" was angry be-

cause her sister-in-law purchased an identical weddingdress after seeing hers. Here's another way she couldhandle the situation:

The wedding day was fast approaching. everythingwas ready and nothing could dampen jennifer's excitement, not even her parents' nasty divorce. Hermother had finally found the perfect dress and felt shewould be the best-dressed mother of the bride ever!

A week later, jennifer was horrified to learn her newyoung stepmother, Barbie, had purchased the samedress. she asked Barbie to exchange it, but Barbierefused. "Absolutely not! I'm going to wear this dress.I'll look like a million bucks in it."

jennifer relayed the conversation to her mother,who graciously replied, "Never mind, dear. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day, not hers."Two weeks later, another dress was finally found.When they stopped for lunch that day, jennifer asked,"What are you going to do with the first dress? Maybeyou should return it. you don't have any place to wearit."

Her mother grinned and replied, "Of course, I do,dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!"

-- judITH, HOusTON Abby's response:

DEAR JUDITH: I like her sense of humor.

Archeologist"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman canhave; the older she gets, the more interested he is inher," said mystery author Agatha Christie, who wasmarried to one.

ORANGEPEEL

GAZETTEOF

KANE CO


Visit Chell Desmond or email at [email protected]

Motorcycle Scooter ATV Utility Vehicle

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call: 847-697-2250

Join the MV Transit TeamSeeking Professionals interested in a rewarding

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Apply at: MV Transit1896 Suncast LaneBatavia, Illinois 60510or 630-406-5124 Ext: 101

eeO/AA employer

Ask about our $500.00 Sign On Bonus

Start the New Yearwith

-

- - - -

-

- - - -

On-SIte cOmpUter GUy, Inc.HELPING BUSINESSES TAME TECHNOLOGY!

“Where No Geek Has Gone Before!”®www.onsitecomputerguy.com

102 W Lincoln Ave ▪ Hinckley, IL

(815)286-3800 Toll Free 877-242-7480

Bonded & Insured (8733)

▪ Tree Trimming▪ Tree Removal▪ Cabling & Bracing▪ Storm Damage▪ Firewood

Certified Arborist On SiteOver 25 Years Experience

630-752-TREE

The arborist who cares.

760 Heartland Dr. • Sugar GrovePhone: 630-466-8346

www. joedir tsorganics .com

Indoor Garden CenterProviding a full range of Hydroponic & Organic

Gardening Products

Indoor and OutdoorSizes start at 8x20 for $75/moVideo surveillance & secure lot

(630)264-3800Email: [email protected]

First month FREE with 6 month rental

New Contract Only, Expires 2/15/15

LUNDYLUNDY

STORAGESTORAGE

111 N. Main St (Rt 47) • Elburn • 630-365-9700228 S. Randall • S. Elgin • 847-697-COIN(2646)

Coins • Gold • Silver & Sterling • Vintage Jewelry • Watches

$www.tricountycoins.com

HONeSt DiSCreet

2-GreatLocations

“The little store that pays you more!”


InfluenzaPeter came down with the flu and was forced to

stay home one day. He was glad for the interlude because it taught him how much his wife, sally, lovedhim.

sally was so thrilled to have him around that whena delivery man or the mailman arrived, she ran out andyelled, 'My husband's home! My husband's home!'

A Terrible AccidentThere was a married couple who were in a terrible

accident. The woman's face was burned severely. Thedoctor told the husband they couldn't graft any skinfrom her body because she was so thin. The husbandthen donated some of his skin; however, the only placesuitable to the doctor was from his buttocks.The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all this was a very delicate matter!

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. she lookedmore beautiful than she ever did before! All her friendsand relatives just ranted and raved at her youthfulbeauty! she was alone with her husband one day andsaid, "dear, I just want to thank you for everything youdid for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!"He replied, "Oh don't worry, Honey, I get plenty thanksenough every time your mother comes over and kissesyou on your cheek!"

Another Mother-in-Law JokeIn the morning the day after I was married, the

phone rang. 'reverse charges call from jackie', said theoperator. Will you accept the charges?'

I couldn't think of anyone that I knew who wascalled jackie; so I said no and put down the phone.

A moment later, the phone rang again. 'Hi, Margaret, it's jackie', said a familiar voice, 'your mother-in-law.'

“Weinberg’s Second Law”If builders built buildings the way programmers wroteprograms, then the first woodpecker that came along

would have destroyed civilization.

BuYiNG & SeLLiNGtriCOuNtY COiNS & COLLeCtiBLeS


FOR ADVERTISING, CALLMICHELLE AT (815)751-1286 Page 10

*

phone (630) 801-8888 520 W. Galena Blvd Fax (630) 566-3755 Aurora, IL 60506

ABC Accounting, Inc.

Formerly ABC Accounting & Income Tax

15% OFF YOURPURCHASE

With this ad, not to be combined with any other offer

The Hope Chest The Hope Chest Resale StoreResale Store

36 N. Lincoln Ave., Aurora(630)892-4239 Ext 234

All proceeds benefit the many programs of Wayside Cross Ministries

3450 Montgomery Rd, AuroraMontgomery & Frontenac near White Eagle

(630)820-0447

New Bed Frames, Mattress & Box SpringsMen, Women and Children’s Clothing

Furniture ● Appliances ● Household Goods Antiques and Collectibles

chiropractor physical therapy Orthopedics pain managementpain relief neck painBack painLower Back painmassage therapeutic massage Sports medicineSports InjuriesAuto Accident Workers comp

neck

eLBOW

WrISt

BAck

HIp

LeG

new complimentary 17-point FASt-reLIeF Screening

Detailed, 17-Point evaluation of your pain - So important because many problems are

misdiagnosed. For a limited time, this service is complimentary. No risk or obligation. We’ll answer any questions. We’re not

promising a cure or claiming to be superior, we simply believe that our clinic is built

on helping people feel better.

dr. Oki villarreal, d. C.

HealthSource of Aurora1695 n. Farnsworth Ave, Aurora

(630)898-6111 www.healthsourceofaurora.com

Read the latest issue on-line atw

ww

.OrangepeelG

azettekaneco.com

You're Lost Between the Baby Boomand Gen-X If .

1. you remember when jordache jeans with a flat handle comb in the back pocket was cool.

2. In your class picture you were wearing an Izod shirt with the collar up.

3. you know by heart the words to any Weird Al yankovic song.

4. you ever rang someone's doorbell and said "Landshark!"

5. Three words: ATArI, Intellivision and Coleco, sound familiar.

6. you remember the premier of MTv, in fact, you remember the Friday Night videos before the days of MTv.

7. A predominant color in your childhood photos is plaid.

8. While in high school, you and your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play Prince's "1999" until you passed out partying.

9. you remember when music that was labeled alternative, really was alternative. And when alternative comedy really was funny.

10. you took family trips BeFOre the invention of the minivan.

If your wife laughs at your joke,it means you either have a good joke,

or a good wife.



The BachelorsTwo confirmed bachelors sat

talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I couldnever do anything with it." "Too much fancy work in it,eh?" asked the other. "you said it. every one of therecipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish."

‘

Matt Gavin16119 Chicago road sandwich, IL 60548

Phone (815) 786-2242Cel (815) 405-9988Fax (815) 786-2296

Gavin Woodworking, Inc.Furniture Refinishing - Repairing

Special Wood Products - Chair CaningGeneral Machining - General Painting

Join the world’s largest school bus company.Great pay, Great people, Great place to work. It’s a great job!

▪ starting Pay $13.00/Hour ▪ No experience Necessary▪ Flexible Hours ▪ Paid Holiday▪ Health Benefits ▪ Paid Training▪ No Nights or Weekends required

call today! 630-978-3284 ext 13

HOURSTues/Thurs 9am - 9pm Wed 9am - 8pm

Fri 8:30am- 4pm Sat 8am- noon

210 MAIN STREET

MAPLE PARK

PEG’S ON MAIN

(815) 827-3051

VISIT OUR GIFT SHOPFOR CARDS, HOME DECOR & GIFTS GALORE

Full Service Hair Salon for Men & Woman

Color - Cuts - Perms - Gift Shop

Beautiful Styles for the New Year!

Murphy's Laws for Parents 1. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on

sale next week. 2. Leakproof thermoses - will. 3. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the

grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

4. The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over whose day it is to take out the trash ends.

5. The shirt you child must wear today will be the only one that needs to be washed or mended.

6. Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing.

7. The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look. (Tom's note: Isn't everything ALWAys in the last place you look? I mean, you don't keep looking once you've found it, do you?)

8. sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician enters the treatment room.

9. refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator.

10. your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers.

630-844-446822 East State Street North Aurora, IL

Open Daily10am - 5pm

Visit Us For Great Valentine’s Day

Gifts andPresident’s Day

Sales

Vintage Vintage ▪▪ Garden Garden Boho Boho ▪▪ Antiques... Antiques... You will love this Shoppe!

PINBALL MACHINES

COIN OPERATEDARCADE GAMES

DART MACHINES

IN HOME REPAIRSBUY & SELL

HOME AMUSEMENTS

(630)742-2472


Opee Gazette says: Let’s Play!Who Wants To Be A Zillionaire?

HOURSMon-Sat

5:30am-10pm Sunday til 9pm

Happy New Year!

Family Restaurant

(630)892-11001700 S. Douglas Rd

Montgomery

TRUCK & TRAILER REPAIR● Vehicle Maintenance● Vehicle Repair● On-site Service● Emergency Road Service

1250 Route 34 Oswego, IL 60543 www.RWS-Express.com Email: [email protected]

(630)851-2222

Looking for a GreatPart-time Job? Become a School Bus

Driver

$500 SIGN-ON-BONUS for non CDL holders.$1,000 SIGN-ON-BONUS for fully licensed CDL holders

*Inquire for details*

• Competitive Pay• Charter Work Available• Training Provided• Morning, afternoon &

evening hours

Apply online: www.durhamschoolservices.com/careers/or Apply in person:1019 Jericho Rd.Aurora, IL 60506(630) 892-3050

Looking for a GreatPart-time Job?Become a

School Bus Driver$500 SIGN-ON-BONUS fornon CDL holders$1,000 SIGN-ON-BONUS forfully licensed CDL holders

*Inquire for details*

▪ Competitive Pay▪ Charter Work Available▪ Training Provided▪ Morning, afternoon &

evening hoursApply online:www.durhamschoolservices.com/careers/or Apply in person:1019 Jericho Rd.Aurora, IL 60506(630) 892-3050

$675,000 Question...This is another name for the event heldevery four years that includes competitions in winter sports such as skiing, ice skating, and bobsledding?A) Winter Time B) Winter OlympicsC) Winter Break d) Wintergreen$676,000 Question...This is a period of recess or vacation during the winterterm at school, which usually includes the winter holidays?A) Winter Time B) Winter OlympicsC) Winter Break d) Wintergreen$677,000 Question...some say that this Life savers flavor gives off a small blue spark when crunched between teeth? A) Winter Time B) Winter OlympicsC) Winter Break d) Wintergreen$678,000 Question...Finish this song lyric: “Walking in a winter...”A) Wonderland B) solstice C) Party time d) Frosty land$679,000 Question...This might be done to a car or house, to prepare it for winter weather? A) Winterize B) Winter solsticeC) Winter Palace d) Winter coat$680,000 Question...This building in st. Petersburg, russia, was built as thewinter residence of russian czars?A) Winterize B) Winter solsticeC) Winter Palace d) Winter coat$681,000 Question...This outer garment is worn to keep a person warm?A) Winterize B) Winter solsticeC) Winter Palace d) Winter coat

(Answers below - See you next issue!)

TheWinter Quiz

Answers: $675 - B; $676 - C; $677 - d;$678 - A; $679 - A; $680 - C; $681 - d.

Some Daffy DefinitionsADULT:A person who has stopped growing

at both ends and is now growing in the middle.BEAUTY PARLOR:A place where women

curl up and dye.CANNIBAL: someone who is fed up with people.CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before

they are born and after they are dead.COMMITTEE:A body that keeps minutes

and wastes hours.DUST:Mud with the juice squeezed out.HANDKERCHIEF: Cold storage

Chore List My parents are both busy professional people and

have trouble finding time for chores and home maintenance. On weekends they each make a list ofthings to be done. Father's list is never completelycrossed off, but Mother's always is. Puzzled, I askedher how she managed that.

"simple," she answered with a satisfied grin. "I dothe chore first, and then I put it on the list and cross itoff!"

50th AnniversaryA couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th

wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices atear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, 'No, I was thinking about the timebefore we got married. your father threatened me witha shotgun and said he' d have me thrown in jail for 50years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've beena free man!'


FOR ADVERTISING, CALLMICHELLE AT (815)751-1286 Page 14


Hetts Auto SalesLooking for a quality used

vehicle? All our vehicles aresafety inspected, have a

carfax report and many arepriced in the

$3000 - $8000 range. viewour inventory at

www.hettsautosales.comHetts Auto sales is located

in downtown Oswego by ther/r tracks, “Our

mission is to give you apleasurable buying

experience” and remembered and john are your friends

in the car business.Hetts Auto Sales

69 W. Washington St. (Rt 34)Oswego, IL 60543630-554-9339

www.hettsautosales.com

AutOmOtiVe

BuYiNG

CASH PAIDWWII, WWI

Military uniforms,photos, weapons, medals,patches, helmets, posters,

souvenirs, & older firearms.630-215-3664

Garage Doors by Curtsales and service

We sell CHI doorsLift Master Openers(630)276-3453

GArAGe DOOrS

ANtiQueS HeLp WANteD

experienced Window Cleanerresidential/CommercialMust be self motivated,

have vehicle & some english. starting at $15 +

benefits. Call (630)464-7500

residential & Post Construction Cleaning

Full and Part time hours.Must have car & experience.

Northwestern suburbsHourly $14 + benefits.

Please call (630)540-9627

$125 Mixed Face Cord$150 Oak/Hickory

Free delivery & stack(630)907-0775

FireWOOD

THE PICKER SISTERSestate & Moving sales

Antiques and Collectiblessally (630)945-6158

visit MANTIQUES SHOP721 s. Lake st, Montgomery

(630)429-0760Buy ▪ sell ▪ Trade ▪ Find

Let's Make 2015 Best year!Work Home:FT/PT

Will train: Travel AgentsFor Interview 630-766-8231

Lanza Masonry Inc.Brick, Stone, Tile

Pavers Retaining Walls 847-833-3384

mASONrY

mOViNG

WEBMARC DOORSresidential & CommercialGarage doors and openerssales and service. FamilyOwned and operated in

Kane Co. Webmarc doorsA Mark of excellence.

24Hr service (847)888-2212

Bill’s Custom ServicesInterior/exterior

Painting & drywall etc.Wallpaper hanging/removalOver 20 years experience

Free estimates/Insured(815)482-4155

pAiNtiNG

J & L BUILDERSBasement Finishing

Kitchen & Bath remodelingFlood damage repair

your Complete remodelingservice. Free estimates

(630)334-1322J-LBUILDERS.COM

remODeLiNG

RON’S QUALITY PAINTINGInterior - exterior

Affordable & CleanOver 25 years experienceFree estimates - Insured

(847)489-9907

Mike’s Home Improvement20 yrs. exp. No job too

small. ref avail. Qualitywork. reasonable rates. Free

estimates. [email protected]

HOme imprOVemeNt

Need help on your nextmove? you provide the

home, Pod, storage or office& we'll provide the movers!!

Call Mark at Move Assist (630)788-5886 or visit

www.suburbanchicagomovers.com

CeLL pHONe

Feel like your cell phonecompany is taking you for a rIde each month. They are!

Time to say enough!www.controlcellphonecost.com

visit the link and sign-upToday. email:

[email protected] a team member will

answer all questions.Or call a team member at

(630)978-3456

Next Issue:February 4

Ad Deadline:

January 23

ADVERTISE IN THE ORANGEPEEL

GAZETTECall Michelle at(815)751-1286



Wanted to buy junk -Cars, Trucks, Farm

equipment/Machinerysemi-Trucks Trailers

Free Pick upCASH ON SPOT!(847)456-0974

Cash Paid for Old Fishing/Hunting

equipmentCall Tim (630)327-1557

Information gathered herein is from sources considered reliable. Accuracy however cannot be guaranteed. All humorous stories and

jokes appearing here are intended for entertainment purposes only andare not meant to disrespect or harm any group or individuals. Ads appearing in this paper are not to considered as an endorsement or validation by Orange Peel Gazette for products or services offered.

WANteD

815-756-9019 1-800-832-2489

BE PREPARED FOR THE SNOW

M.A.R.S., Inc.Starters - AlternatorsStarters - Alternators

GeneratorsGenerators

100% New Motorsfor Snow Plows & Salt Spreaders

We can increase voltage & amperage at low rpm

on most vehicles

Welcome Home provides people who have moved with useful community information and FREE gifts from localmerchants: all to help you become familiar with the area.

Call or Text For a Visit -Elburn - St. Charles Batavia - North Aurora Geneva/Mill Creek Batavia/Mill Creek

Polly Ruzic - 630-365-5990 Jennifer Zack - 630-229-2001

Moved Recently?We would enjoy meeting you!

- www.welcomehomebatavia.com -

The Elgin High School Parent Teacher Organization Presents

~The 42nd Annual ~Collectibles & Crafts

FLEAMARKETSunday, March 8 9am - 4pm

RaffleFood & Bakery

Elgin High School1200 Maroon Drive ~ Elgin, IL

Admission: General . . . . . . . . . . . .$2.00Early 8:00am . . . . . . . .$5.00Students/Seniors . . . . .$1.00

Dealer Information 847-697-3677

Over170 Booths

Newlywed Repairs A man came home from the office and found his

new bride sobbing convulsively. "I feel terrible," shetold him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a bighole in the seat of your trousers."

"Oh, just forget it," consoled her husband."remember that I've got an extra pair of pants for thatsuit."

"yes, I know. And it's lucky you have!" said thewoman, drying her eyes. "I was able to use a piecefrom them to patch the hole!"

AGUAS REMODELINGAll Kinds of repairs;

electrical - WallsBathrooms - KitchensWater Heater repairs

from $150.00Habla Espanol

(847)809-1102 jesus

remODeLiNG SeCretAriALSerViCeS

Make our office-your office!Two gal office dedicated to

your business needs. Personalized services such

as phone answering, payroll,taxes, receivables, payables,bookkeeping & more. Weattend to the details-using

our time, equipment & expertise - so you can focus

on your success !! Confidentiality assured.

Affordable fees. since 1997 (630)896-4423 Office Mate

731 s. river st. - Aurora

reSume WritiNG

New Career for 2015!resume Critiqued & Written

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warning to young ladies: if you wear tight …...2015/01/01 · s 8am - 4pm hennessy’s sales...

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