Oktoberfest

Put on your fi nest Lederhosen. The Runner is celebrating all things oktoberfest.

VOL. 3 ISSUE 04 | OKTOBER 12 2010NEWS AND CULTURE FOR THE STUDENTS OF KWANTLEN POLYTECHNIC UNIVERSITY

GEEK’S CORNER: SWEATY GAMERS AND STEAMPUNK P 08

ECONOMIC CAFE: THE STATISTICAL VALUE OF HUMAN LIFE P 03

NEWS & POLITICS The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca page two | Oktober 12 2010 | vol. 3 issue 04

Hundreds rally at FNUC in support of its future FIGHT FOR EDUCATION

year, that number dwindled to 22,000 by 2006.

“There are at least 10,000 aboriginal students eligible to go to school and they are on the wait-list for funding and with the two per cent cap on tuition the problem is only compounded every year as more people apply for funding,” said Cassandra Opikokew, chairperson of the National Aboriginal Caucus of the Canadian Federation of Students.

She received funding from PSSSP in her undergraduate degree, but said her band doesn’t have the funds to help her in her current master’s program and the post-graduate degree she wants to pursue.

“[The cap] puts strain on the band council,” she said. “They have to pick, ‘OK, persons A, B, C, D, you get to go to university.’”

How PSSSP funding is distributed has become the centre of government scrutiny after the results of a departmental internal audit on the program were published last year. The audit found that a combined lack of program funding and lack of regulations on how bands use and distribute the funding has stinted the success of the PSSSP.

“The funding authorities

IALANNA ADAMKOTHE CARILLON

REGINA (CUP) — Hundreds of supporters roared, clapped, cheered and shook signs at First Nations University of Canada this week in support of indigenous educational rights.

“Raise those signs again, they tell the story of our country,” said Shawn A-in-chut Atleo, the national chief for the Assembly of First Nations, at the atrium of the First Nations University of Canada on Sept. 22.

The rally was part of a week-long, nation-wide campaign to raise support for the federal Post-Secondary Student Support Program, which provides financial assistance to First Nations and Inuit students, and to advocate for more operational funding for indigenous-run educational institutions.

The PSSSP program has seen its funding drop since a two per cent cap was placed on the program in 1996. Originally able to provide post-secondary funding for 27,000 First Nations treaty status students each

currently in use, coupled with the limited tracking of how funds are spent, do not support the sound stewardship of program funds,” the audit report concluded.

The Department of Indian and Northern Affairs itself is under a government ordered strategic review for 2010 to identify programs within the department that can be cut or have their funding reduced.

Guy Lonechild, chief of the Federation of Saskatchewan Indian Nations, is upset that programming and funding is being reviewed without the consultation of First Nation leaders.

“If there is any type of changes in policy, they need to talk to us about it and that is the message here today and that will be our message on Parliament Hill,” said Lonechild.

He is worried that educational programming will be cut in favour of general student financial assistance programs and policy changes will result in First Nations bands losing control over PSSSP funding.

“We are here to stand strong on Indian control of Indian education,” he said.

Atleo believes more funding, not funding cuts, is needed for a strong Canadian economy.

Lack of funding keeps 10,000 students from getting an education

“There is an educational and employment gap between First Nation and Non-First Nation people in Canada with only seven per cent of First Nations attaining a post-secondary education compared to the 24 per cent attainment rate for non-First Nation Canadians,” he said.

Citing a Canadian Centre for Living Standards study, Atleo said that if the gap were closed there would be an additional 65,000 workers in the economy, generating $179 billion in annual Gross Domestic Product by 2026.

“That’s a sound investment with a promising return for everyone.”

Atleo said part of the long-term government strategy to close the gap needs to involve more funding for First Nations-run educational facilities.

“We need to start investing not only in these students but institutions across this country.”

Indigenous-run institutions receive funding far below that of their provincial counterparts, said Atleo. An additional $300 million annually is needed for capital and operational costs to put First Nations-run schools on par with the rest of the country.

FNUC has felt the funding crunch the most with $12

million in provincial and federal funding pulled earlier in the year amid allegations of financial and administrative mismanagement. The majority of the funding has since been restored.

But, the federal government has only committed $4 million to keep FNUC operations going from Sept. 1 to March 31, 2011. The funding is also not given directly to the university, but is passed down through the Indian Studies Support Program with requirements for FNUC to meet milestones set out for administrative and financial changes.

Lonechild said that changes have been made and are continuing to be made at the university to ensure accountability. He said the current funding scheme is unfair, with the university “trying to stitch together programs and services and proposals” and a long-term federal commitment is needed.

“We need to ensure long-term sustainable funding is put into place when we have a strong board of governors put into place, which is happening in a few weeks’ time. That will be a good news story for everybody in the country when the federal government puts long-term funding back into the First Nations University.”

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SUNDAY TUESDAY FRIDAYMONDAY THURSDAYWEDNESDAY SATURDAY

WH@K

Kwantlen students and faculty get FREE event listings

on the monthly WH@K Calendar.

Send event information to news@runnerrag.ca»

Enjoy your turkey

as school is closed!

Green Wednesday! Come out for an informative movie followed by a lively debate of environ-mental issues. (Room 1325 – Langley)

EaglesSoccer:

Eagles vs Langara @ home (Newton Athletic Park)

Movie Monday’s: There will be popcorn! (Langley Campus) Music @ Midweek

Free concert at Langley Auditorium every Wednesday at 12:15.

Economics Cafe

@ Grassroots:

This week’s topic is “Why Governments typically fail”

Halloween:

Get your fright on.

Become a Lawyer Check out the info session at Surrey campus conference centre from 1:00pm – 3:00pm

ty

NEWS vol. 3 issue 04 | Oktober 12 2010 | page threewww.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

EconCafe, a new discussion series hosted by the Economics Department, kicked off its inaugural event last week. The topic of the first event was the monetary value of human life in regards to public policy.

Kwantlen’s EconCafe: Is a life worth $7 million?

I PAUL LI

Seeking to reach out to students outside the field, the Economics Department held its first “Economics Cafe” on Sept. 28th at the GrassRoots Cafe in Surrey. “We hope the EconCafe is enlightening and at the very least thought provoking”, said Donald Reddick, Kwantlen

Economics professor and leader of the discussion.

The event was jointly organized by the Economics Department and the Kwantlen Student Association. “The Econ department approached us about of the Cafe,” explained Ashley Fehr, director of Operations for the KSA. “They came up with the idea and the

topics. We assisted with the logistics of the event, including arranging for the venue and preparing the posters which were placed around campus.”

“The goal of the Cafe is to bring out focused discussion yet try to be as inclusive as possible,” continued Reddick. The first 20 minutes were spent with a short exposition of the theory behind statistical value of life and its implications, before moving up to the discussion. “As with all open attendance events, there is a balance that must be struck between informing those that have no prior knowledge of the topic at hand and the actual time allotted for discussions.”

The inaugural EconCafe started with a lively discussion of Statistical Value of Life (SVL).

The methodology for SVL, developed by Vanderbilt University Professor W. Kip Viscusi provides a statistical way of finding what society considers is the value of life. “Imagine the following analogy,” explained Reddick. “You’re inside a stadium along with 9,999 other people. And you’re all told that one person selected at random will die. How much would you pay to get out of the stadium? Let’s say that we ask what everyone is willing to pay and find that, on average, each person is willing to pay $700. If all 10,000 people pay- that is, no one is left in the stadium to die- then it means that statistically, the group was willing to pay $7 million to save a life.”

In the real world, it is not

ECONOMICS

DRESSING UP STREETER

as simple as asking people whether they’re willing to die. However, it is possible to calculate it from labour statistics- risky jobs do in fact pay higher wages than less risky jobs. That is why Alaskan king crab fishermen can make $1,000/day, or a why the median coal mine worker can make $22/hour, but a welder/solder in the same company that doesn’t spend as much time down the mine makes a median of $15.50/hour. While people might not be able to calculate their own risks or preferences exactly, statistics give us the power to analyze it across large populations.

“Bear in mind that value is not set in stone. The SVL can change across countries, and even within countries across age groups,” continued Reddick.

In Canada, the SVL is around $7 million. One of the interesting aspects of SVL is that, due to the manner in which it is calculated, older people tend to have higher values.

“SVL is calculated based on risk- how much we’re willing to accept to take on risk, or how much we’d pay to eliminate risk. As we grow older, we tend to be more risk averse- for example, we have families to take care of.” Wealth also factors in- people with higher incomes are willing to pay more to avoid risk- a key factor in understanding why safety regulations for plane travel are so stringent compared to safety on the road.

This has important policy

implications, particularly in areas where Cost-Benefit Analysis is a key factor in deciding on implementation. Reddick explained: “We can easily assess the costs of adding new traffic lights, or of safety regulations. But the benefits are measured in terms of life saved. How do we value that?”

Prior to SVL, one of the more common methods was potential earnings- how much would a person be expected to contribute to society? That methodology, however, meant seniors being valued at very low levels- especially past retirement. “Use of SVL has led to higher valuations of life for the use of cost-benefit analysis in policy.”

“I found the discussion pretty interesting”, said Robert Emanuel, who attended the Cafe and is a student of economics and political science. “Part of me would like to rebel against the idea of setting a dollar value on human life. However, part of me sees the need for such information when it comes to making rules and laws.”

The key is to “remember that the statistical value of life approach is not meant to value any one individual life. It is not about assigning values to determined people, but rather how much society is willing to pay to avoid the probability of one person dying. It is a tool to assist in policy making.”

The next EconCafe is tentatively planned for Tuesday, Oct. 26th. The topic “Why Governments Fail” will be discussed.

Economics professor, Don Reddick, led the discussion on the Statistical

Value of Life. Reddick has a bachelors and master in Economics from

Simon Fraser University, and specializes in economic development and

transaction cost economic. PAUL LI // THE RUNNER

In Photos: Oktoberfest On German culture Deutchland, the mysteriously land of lederhosen and sauerkraut, is known for many exports. One of our favorites is Oktoberfest. We at the Runner decided to ask you what you knew about German culture and Oktoberfest.

The Kwantlen Student Association recently threw a party to celebrate Oktoberfest, which celebrates Bavarian

culture and tradition through a people’s fair. The KSA’s event, held on Sept. 30, featured beer, sausage on special,

and a showing of “Beerfest: the movie.” Shawn Mitz was the lucky winner of the Tour of Germany courtesy of

Travel Cuts while Jennifer Prochazka walked home with a beer fridge from Okanagan Springs.

KASSANDRA LINKLATER// NEWS EDITOR

JETHRO BACHELOR OF ARTS: FOURTH YEAR

On Germany:

“Germany has an excellent soccer team. “

On Oktoberfest:

“You drink and you hang out. I don’t know much about Oktoberfest.”

TAWNYA MAHAYDENBACHELOR OF BUSINESS: SECOND YEAR

On Germany:

“They are apparently really cool people.”

On Oktoberfest

“A big massive drinking party that is absolutely freaking amazing.”

BUSINESS & POLITICS The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca page four | Oktober 12 2010 | vol. 3 issue 04

BUSINESS 101 TOPIC THIS WEEK: THE DECLINE OF HOUSING AFFORDABILITY 2

I PAUL LI

Owning a home in Canada is getting harder, according to a RBC Economics Research report. The quarterly report shows that their key RBC Housing Affordability Measures for Canada, which measures the percentage of household income taken up

by ownership costs, moved up between 1.1 and 2.1percent in the second quarter of 2010- the fourth straight increase.

The report also found that British Columbia is close to the all-time highs that were felt in 2008. Household incomes taken by ownership costs ranged from over 70% for two-storey homes to 65% for bungalows

and almost 35% for Condo units. The changes are mostly due from the effects of increases in the interest rates which compound with higher home prices relative to income levels.

“Home prices in B.C. have come under downward pressure recently,” said Robert Hogue, senior economist at RBC in a press release. However, “since the start of the year, higher mortgage rates in the second quarter boosted monthly mortgage servicing charges.”

The increased interest rates are the result of several consecutive increases in the key overnight interest rate by the Bank of Canada. The rate is one of policymakers’ key tools to manage the economy, with lower rates used to stimulate the economy and higher rates used to slow it down to prevent overheating. Since January 2010, the overnight rate has increased by 0.75%.

The increased overnight rates directly increase the mortgage rates offered by the banks to consumers, which has led to increased borrowing costs for new and existing mortgages.

The RBC Housing Affordability Measures compares the costs of a “standard” home, as opposed to luxury units, in terms of mortgage payments, utilities, taxes. These are compared against the median, pre-tax income of the population.

I PAUL LI

Since the Great Depression, society as a whole has realized that sometimes it is necessary to have the Government involved in the economy. In particular, we have come to see the Government as guarantor that certain prices move in desired directions. Thus, we expect wages to always go up, and we hope that the price of basic goods such as food and transportation go down. If the price of labour is too low, we demand minimum wages. If the price for food, or energy, or transportation goes up we ask for subsidies.

Housing, however, breaks this convention. Along with food, it is the one everyone needs- there are no substitutes for having a roof over you. And yet, perhaps it is testament to the times we live in that we tend to cheer when housing prices are going up, but cry, shout and protest when housing prices go down.

Weighing In: So what does this mean for you.

Opinion: Politics and the Media: Upholding the fourth pillar of democracy I PAUL LI Sept. 28 marked the 10th an-niversary of the passing of For-mer Prime Minister Pierre E. Trudeau. A “Champion of the Canadian federalism” to some, “most illustrious and infl uen-tial proponent of multicultural-ism as a Canadian identity” to others, and even “well-to-do hippie and draft dodger”, his fi ngerprints can still be felt over considerable portions of present day Canada.

Sadly, the same cannot be said of relations between poli-tics and the media. Flash back exactly 40 years - October 13th, 1970- and picture then Prime Minister Trudeau getting off his car, and being intercepted by the press. The impromptu interview lasts a few minutes during which the reporter ban-ters with the Prime Minister, questioning the Government’s actions reducing civil liberties. One of Trudeau’s answers has become a catchphrase ever

since: “Well, just watch me”.Now just a minute here. Did

a politician just say those four words out loud? On record? Even worse, on camera?

It is hard to see politicians be so candid nowadays, un-less it is in tightly controlled situations where the result can be screened and “contained”. Certainly not after they get out of a car. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’d be hard for the media to-day to reach high ranking poli-ticians in a similar manner. If anything, whenever the media gets to politicians today under uncontrolled circumstances, the two words that tend to come out of their mouths: “No comment” or the more verbose “We shall be releasing a state-ment shortly”.

Sadly, Canada is becoming a basket case scenario. The press’ access to the Prime Minister is strictly limited, and only hand-picked reporters are allowed to ask questions. Cabinet min-isters, let alone other federal

Meet the Kwantlen Political Science Society (KPSS). They have hijacked our political column. Every week they will talk about a different political issue and explain how it relates to you. Every week will feature a guest columnist. Check it out.

POLITICAL COLUMN

>>employees, are forbidden from speaking to media without prior authorization from the Prime Minister’s Offi ce. Noth-ing gets out without a carefully considered stamp of approval.

The problem is not con-tained at Federal levels, sadly. Just recently, the Wilderness Committee made a Freedom of Information request to the BC Government, seeking informa-tion with regards to budget cuts to provincial park rang-ers- sounds innocent, yes? The answer was that the request would be processed for the tidy fee of $9,000. Guess the in-formation wasn’t free after all.

How did things end up this way? True, we can all blame the arrogant, power hungry and overzealous politicians for this change. Yet, in a day where a single on camera... squeal... can doom careers (Howard Dean, anyone?), or a properly executed internet campaign can propel a relative unknown to the White House- perhaps

some politicians are just scared of the media. Politico pointed out last week that, save for Mitt Romney, every major potential U.S. presidential candidate from the Republican Party is now a paid contributor for Fox News. Want an inter-view with Sarah Palin? Mike Huckabee? Newt Gingrich? Ask Fox News fi rst- and get approval- or no interview.

Maybe we should blame the media and their “editorially-distorting fi lters”, as Chomsky once put it- corporate interests in other words. But perhaps we are all to fault as well. The me-dia can survive only as long as people are watching their pro-grams, reading their newspa-pers, checking their websites. If they survive it is because we, as a collective, have allowed it to do so by accepting distorted content and allowing ourselves to be spoon fed beliefs, argu-ments, “facts”.

If a democracy can be mea-sured by the strength of its free

media, then our democracies have been deteriorating. The media exists as a guarantor of the rights to freedom of speech, freedom of association, free-dom from oppression through ignorance. It is our one great tool to counter the tendency to secrecy and back-room deals that have ever pervaded hu-man organizations.

A free press- the fourth pillar of democracy- requires active participation by all. Ac-tively supporting independent media; actively demanding nothing but the highest stan-dards of ethics and veracity; actively demanding that the elected governments be trans-parent to their constituents. We owe to ourselves nothing less.

Paul Li is a student of Economics and Political Science. A member of the Kwantlen Political Science Society, he is a faithful adherent to the words of one wise man, who said “Everybody has a hidden agenda. Except me”.

COURTESY OF RBC ECONOMICS RESEARCH, ROYAL BANK OF CANADA 2010.

Home ownership will become increasingly difficult as interests rates

begin to rise. KNILE // FLICKR

>> Write for the business section? E-mail news@runnerrag.ca

SPORTS vol. 3 issue 04 | Oktober 12 2010 | page fi vewww.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

The Eagles new home is offi cially open for business

Kathleen Gratz takes a shot on goal as the Eagles put pressure on the Timberwolves. She later scored the goal which clinched the win in the Saturday Sept. 11 game. COURTESY OF KWANTLEN

IKYLE BENNINGCONTRIBUTOR

The new turf field was unveiled by Kwantlen president David Atkinson alongside Mayor Dianne Watts and MP Nina Grewal on Sept. 25.

The artificial turf field, which is located at Newton Athletic Park, contains a scoreboard, the Kwantlen Eagle’s logo in the centre circle and will include television lighting and storage compartments.

The total cost came out to $2.85m, and according to a Kwantlen press release, “Kwantlen contributed $1,050,000 to this project while the City of Surrey and the

federal government added $1,133,000 and $667,000, respectively, to support sports facilities and recreational activities in the community.”

Many people involved in the athletic department believe this was a wise investment and could be a step forward for our athletic teams. I, for one, am a little more skeptical.

Last year, Kwantlen played their home matches on the community turf field at Newton Athletic Park.

What does the new field bring that is so different?

Not a lot.A second turf field was

completed at the park a couple of years ago.

What would the Kwantlen soccer teams have to gain apart from first choice pitch times for practices and matches?

Was an open schedule worth $1.05m (especially when the construction is going on well past its due date)?

I understand that we should be proud of our women’s team for what they achieved last year, but our post-secondary institution has been around since the early ‘80s, and we just picked up our first athletic banner.

If the money was going to the athletic department, I think that it should’ve been invested into something which would make our student-athletes

perform at a higher standard, rather than hand them a new home.

You don’t have to look very far to see my point. The men’s soccer team lost on the new pitch 9-0 to Douglas on Oct. 2.

Currently, the team has conceded 27 goals in six matches while only scoring three.

Even though the ribbon was cut, the project hasn’t been completed.

The pitch itself has been ready for a while, but the surrounding area, including the 500-seat stands have not been installed.

During the home opener on Sept. 12, the referees were given

an empty shipping container as a change room and a place to put their bags.

Whether they are still using it, I cannot confirm.

But now, it is a race against the clock to get the surrounding area finished before Oct. 29, because Kwantlen is hosting the 2010 BCCAA Provincial Soccer Championships (most likely due to the fact that the university was adding a third turf field at Newton Athletic Park).

And wouldn’t it be grand if the 500 seats on the west side of the field were not ready by the time the Provincial Championships began on the 29th?

Varsity Soccer: Women soar while men struggle in the nestI CHELSEA JEWELL

After a string of wins, Kwantlen Women’s Soccer was ready to take on two top rival teams, Thompson Rivers University Wolfpack and the University of British Columbia-Okanagan on home turf last weekend.

Game one was a quick start with an utterly fantastic first half for the Kwantlen Eagles. With quick pressure up front by Kathleen Gratz, Shanay Sangha and Christina Henderson, TRU was put on their heels from the get go. With a few fumbles in the net a goal seemed close by and a penalty kick was an obvious choice to award once the TRU goalkeeper struck down Henderson on a dirty play to protect an empty net, but no call from the referee. Tensions rose and both teams upped their aggressiveness and prepared for the rest of the half.

With approximately five minutes in the half, Gratz, a

well known forward amongst the league of freshmen, scored her second goal in three games. Kwantlen left the first half with a great finish, with TRU’s bench sitting quite angered and a little less enthusiastic.

The second half led to a firm start by the Eagles and the ball kept rolling. Goalkeeper Melina Gomez made some significant saves to maintain her third zero in a row. A well organized midfield played by Meghan Nillson and Tara Mackrigiannis, a strong defensive line and a rock solid keeper, Kwantlen claimed their third straight win, their third straight shut out and were one step closer to surpassing last year’s overwhelming success.

Sunday afternoon, under the spitting rain, UBCO Heat quickly brought exactly that to the Kwantlen field. The Eagles remained strong in the midfield and quick paced up front. Kwantlen forwards Dominique

Lang and Kathleen Gratz had an unbelievable work ethic, as well as amazing sideline saves by Christina Henderson on the right wing. First half concluded with a 0-0, and the pick up from spitting rain to pouring rain.

Evenly matched, within the midfield and forward lines, both defensive lines allowed no cracks and no real shots at either keeper, maintaining shutouts so far both ways. Until the 85th minute, a crazed scramble in the 18 yard-box left defensive line and goalie Melina Gomez quick on their feet. Melina making a first and second save, forward Lang making a striking splits save across the line and then one crack at it by UBCO, finally forcing the ball into Kwantlen’s net.

With a hard loss, the Kwantlen Eagles now drop to second in the nation. With this statistic, there is more to fight for, and the best of the Eagles has yet to come.

SPORTS: OPINION

EAGLES SOCCER

I DOMINIC SRAMATYSPORTS BUREAU CHIEF

The Kwantlen Eagles had a dis-appointing weekend matching up against the Thompson Riv-ers Wolf Pack and University of British Columbia Okanagan Heat.

The Eagles came into Satur-days game with plenty of opti-mism after a long week of hard work. Coach Ajit was feeling confident that the boys could come away with some points from the weekend affair.

The Wolf Pack were quick on the offensive scoring in the 8th minute. Justin Wallace, 17, put a perfect through ball into Jean-Marc Mancion, 20, who had only the keeper to beat and scored. The Eagles first chance came off Jethro Kambere cross to Malcom Sheepwash in the 18th minute.

TRU brought strong offen-sive pressure getting four shots on net before Kyle Fertile man-aged to score in 26th minute.

The Eagles gave it their best effort but they could notget past

the strong Wolf Pack defensive line. In the 80th minute the Wolf Pack put the last nail in the cof-fin with a goal from Noftal.

The Eagles came out Sunday looking for redemption. How-ever the home stand did not turn around for the bald birds. Kwantlen showed good pace earlier blocking off all four Heat attacks.

Vickey Parhar made a glori-ous run down the centre of the field drawing a foul just above the 18 yard box.

UBCO’s number 14 recov-ered the ball and scored the opening goal.

The goal did not steal the Eagles’ spirits.

They continued playing with a large amount of offensive pressure firing off the next four shots.

In the 78th UBCO scored it’s final goal by number 24. The Eagles are going into the week knowing what they need to do to get better.

The players are definitely starting to feel the pressures of being an 0-0-4 team.

EDITORIALpage six | Oktober 12 2010 | vol. 3 issue 04 The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

The Runner is student owned and operated by Kwantlen Polytechnic University students, published under Polytechnic Ink Publishing Society.

Vol. 3, Issue no. 04October, 12 2010ISSN# 1916-8241

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Distribution // The Now Newspaper

THE RUNNER ART

OPINION

Get over it: New drinking laws a good thing

ANTONIO SU // THE RUNNER

lMAE VELASCOARTS AND DESIGN BUREAU CHIEF

A new law–one of the strictest in the country–came into effect on Sept. 20, 2010. The new drinking and driving laws are in effect to reduce the number of injuries and deaths, which are especially high in B.C.

According to the law, if your blood-alcohol level is between 0.05 when blowing into a breathalyzer, you will be suspended from driving for three days and will face a fine of $250. On top of that, your car can be towed and impounded, which means you could be spending approximately $600

THE PRESIDENTS HEAD

MELISSA FRASER // THE RUNNER

David AtkinlopeDavid Atkinlope

altogether. According to an online calculator with the Canadian Automobile Association, a 120 lb woman who consumes two glasses of wine in two hours would have a blood-alcohol intoxication above 0.05. It would be the same for a 180lb man after four beers in two hours. It takes me about three to four drinks before I’m really hammered. If two drinks for a 120lb woman is 0.05, then the law totally took its toll. I think people are going to think twice about how much they’re drinking before getting behind the wheel. The attitude that

people should give toward it is “think twice”. This is definitely the point of the new law: stop drinking and driving. In a report on CTV, the owner, Todd Arbuthnot, of the Fox’s Reach pub in Maple Ridge said he was not getting as many customers as he was before. Being desperate for customers, he offered a free shuttle service from the pub to get his customers home safely. According to an article in the Metro, business for cab companies are surely “in the business.” No more complaints of boredom.

It’s going great for the cab drivers. MacLure’s Cabs

are saying that if you need a cab call twenty minutes in advance with the exact location and address. They also don’t recommend calling exactly at 2 a.m. especially since the clubs close during that time. If you want a cab and faster service call a bit earlier or book a time to be picked up. Please don’t drink and drive. If you repeatedly do it the laws are as severe as ever. It’s not a great plan at all since you’ll never know when a cop will randomly appear and the death and injury rate is high. If you do plan to party call a cab from your cell phone at #8294 and you’ll find a cab in your city.

As a Royal Roads Master of Arts in Leadership student I would be pleased to hear from any Kwantlen research assistants (RAs), either currently or having worked as an RA in the past three years.

I am conducting an action research project entitled “Research Assistants at Kwantlen Polytechnic University: Positioning and Training for Success” and am recruiting participants who are or were RAs for a small focus group in late October, 2010.

I am employed at Kwantlen as Operations Manager in the Library, but am conducting this research as a student in partial fulfillment of the requirements of the MA degree.

Call: 604-576-0904

KWANTLEN STUDENT VOLUNTEERSNEEDED

OKTOBERFEST vol. 3 issue 04 | Oktober 12 2010 | page sevenwww.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

LEDERHOSEN

ICARLIE AUCLAIRCONTRIBUTOR

There are misconceptions surrounding the Bavarian mystery that is Lederhosen.

Not many people know exactly where these leather luxuries originated or for what purpose they served. Some think of Sasha Baron Cohen’s fl amboy-ant Bruno and his sassy yellow version of the outfi t that was so tight one could probably guess his religion.

Perhaps Walt Disney’s ani-mated classic, Pinocchio, reso-nates in your mind. If you’ve seen the movie you might agree that, as the Disney machine tends to do with their attempt at portraying other cultures, they manage to extract any traditional or cultural relevance from the story.

Despite being set in Tuscany, Italy, Pinocchio’s red lederho-sen was my fi rst introduction to the traditional outfi t. Since then, in my mind they were forever known as “Pinocchio pants”–that is until I allowed myself to become better acquainted with the German culture.

For that reason, as well as the festive occasion that is Oktoberfest I have chosen to address this topic. Having said that, make sure you are aware

of certain linguistic pitfalls when it comes to this word; if you spell it Leiderhosen it is translated as “sadly-breeches” and I don’t know about you but I sure don’t want my breeches to be sadly, especially during Oktoberfest.

Basically, my intention is to cut through all the bull scheiße and do the German culture a little justice. For me leder-hosen have a certain campy, whimsical persona attached to them and whenever I think of the forest-green leather shorts attached to embroidered suspenders, I can’t help but laugh–seeing as they are usu-ally fi tted on a beer-guzzling husky male that looks as if he raided an oompa loompa’s closet. Nonetheless, through my experience in studying the language as well as work-ing in a German restaurant, I have realized the impact that these quirky looking shorts have had on German culture. Their role in Bavaria is basically comparable to that of the kilt in Scotland and the cowboy hat in the United States.

They originated in the 1830s, and were worn in the rural regions for hard physical work. And seeing as leather was more durable than any other textile garment, as well as being easier

to clean, it seemed the most ap-propriate thing to slap on your backside. Also the embroidery on the suspenders was the per-fect place for a man to express his background or membership within his community, not un-like today’s versions, that walk around in jackets with Porsche or Ferrari plastered across their backs. Thanks for that one, Germany.

Today, lederhosen are typi-cally only worn for leisure and traditional wear, and for the obvious Oktoberfest, which is a large pretzel-eating, polka ex-travaganza. It is mainly during this 16-18 day festival that the trusty ol’ leather britches are dusted off and put to good use.

Despite all of this, lederho-sen weren’t always the life of the pants party. During the 19th century they were considered uncultured peasant’s clothing, and only started to gain popu-larity in the 1880s when several clubs in Munich, and other large cities, devoted themselves to preserving traditional rural clothing. Now that you have been adequately informed on the topic, no German man, woman, or anyone else for that matter can accuse you of being culturally ignorant. If they do just call them a “schweinehu-nd” and see what happens.

Lederhosen: the pants behind the party

SUPERBOMBA // FLICKR

If husky-looking, beer-guzzling males who look as though they’ve raided an Oompa Loompa’s closet come to mind when you think of lederhosen, you may be missing out on an important history lesson.

BEER

ICARLIE AUCLAIRCONTRIBUTOR

My love for fl avored beer fi rst developed when I started a serving job at

the German infl uenced bistro, Uli’s Restaurant. I had heard some old-wives-tales in regards to this sweet colorful delight but I could never bring myself to believe such a fabricated fable was true. Some told me it came in strawberry, some claimed it came in raspberry, some were even bold enough to say there was a chocolate beer roaming around out there.

Of course, my fi rst reaction was to smack these fi lthy liars straight in their brazen mouths for spreading such lies about the dignifi ed world of beer. But once my reluctant lips hit my fi rst Lindeman’s Framboise (a raspberry Lambic beer from Belgium) the lies soon turned to love, and from that point on I

opened my mouth and heart to the very colorful, underground world of fl avored beers.

It turns out that Europeans have been fans of fruit-fl avored beers for centuries (of course those lucky bastards get to try everything fi rst). So, if it’s good enough for the Europeans then it’s defi nitely good enough for me.

Once I was introduced to this new genre of beer, it slowly started popping up everywhere I went. The Central City brew pub comes out with their an-nual Red Racer Pumpkin Ale every fall. The ale has a golden color and the fl avor is extremely subtle, which is a huge differ-ence from the Belgian fruit beers that taste more like fl avored iced tea than they do beer. I have also spied some interesting fl avor concoctions on the liquor store shelves, like banana bread beer, coffee porter and cookie ale (which make me want to

toss my cookies after one sip). All other beers aside, my

personal favorite is the Fruli strawberry beer. I fi rst experi-enced this glass of pink frothy sex when I visited the Belgian Vancouver favorite, Chambar.

Interestingly enough, it is one of the only Belgian fruit beers I have ever seen on tap. It is also one of the lightest in fl avour I have encountered. Fruli is a beer that could be enjoyed daily, but some of the heavier lambics can make you feel like you have scarfed down a thanksgiving dinner complete with dessert.

So, if you are growing bored of the silver bullet or tired of watching lame Corona commer-cials where a disgruntled wife shakes up her husband’s cool one as punishment for ogling a certain sexy passerby, then expand your brewskie palate and give one of these fruit beers a try.

“Waiter... why is there pink in my beer?”

ROLY MO //FLICKR

GEEK’S CORNER

IMAX HIRTZCONTRIBUTOR

U nwined On Howe was the place to be last Fri-day if one wanted to get

drunk and kill zombies in a public setting.

EXP Entertainment’s Oct. 1 free downtown public gaming event succeeded in bringing

page eight | Oktober 12 2010 | vol. 3 issue 04 The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

Members of the 501st Legion suited up at VCON. JARED VAILLANCOURT // THE RUNNER

(Left) Gamers enjoy one of several Xbox 360s around the room at Unwind On Howe. (Right) A gamer has the opportunity to test out the new Playstation Move. MAX HIRTZ // THE RUNNER

A homage to steampunk: The 35th annual Vancouver sci-fi and fantasy convention

Beer and kill a zombie

gamers together and giving them the things they like: video games, booze, puls-ing electronic music and free prizes.

The event, which ran from 6 p.m. to midnight, was a hit.

“I only had to wait about 45 minutes [to get in]… I got lucky, but I heard some people were waiting for like an hour

and a half,” said gamer Cam Braithwaite.

Ten gaming stations were scattered all around the dark lounge where people could play games like Dead Rising 2 and Halo: Reach.

Also present were older Nintendo favourites.

“I like Mario Kart quite a bit. It’s a classic,” said gamer

Jeffery Simpson, who was tweeting the event live on his iPhone.

The bar at the centre of the lounge was consistently busy selling red and blue gamer-themed drinks, and empty bottles of Kokanee could be found everywhere.

Food was also being served, although the waiters

GAMING

VCON

struggled to navigate through the sea of sweaty people.

Loud electro, chiptune and game remix music fi lled the room the entire night, making it nearly impossible to carry on a conversation.

Nobody seemed to mind, either because they were too drunk or too busy drilling holes in zombies’ heads.

IJARED VAILLANCOURT CREATIVE WRITING BUREAU CHIEF

“ From Alchemy to Zep-pelins was the theme of this year’s Science Fiction

and Fantasy convention, which took place in Richmond from Oct. 1-3. The convention was all about the little known genre of a special kind of science fi ction: Steampunk. For those of you who don’t know, Steampunk is Victori-an-era science fi ction. More eloquently, this means that Steampunk is the area of sci-ence fi ction that tries to answer the question; what would have happened if the steam engine continued to be developed and the gasoline engine failed to ever make it off the drawing board?

Most Steampunk epics are alternative history explorations that follow fantastical gadgets pioneered by eccentric victorian characters that often get into fascinating socio-technological adventures. “Steampunk needs historical accuracy like a dirigible needs a goldfi sh,” says Diana Vick, a visiting Steampunk enthusiast who also runs Steam-Con down in Seattle. Even though most Steampunk works are set in the 1800s and early 1900s, it’s all about the adventure of the Victorian high technology and the people who work tirelessly to develop it. “If you’re not having fun, you’re doing it wrong,” is the motto of the VCON, which was reinforced by esteemed Steam-punk author of Dreadnought, Cherie Priest. The convention is run by the fans for the fans. At a glance, it’s clear that the hundreds

who gathered at the convention knew what they were doing. From the art gallery to the semi-nars, from the book readings to the dealer’s fl oor, there was a distinct and palpable atmo-sphere of kinship and excite-ment that made it impossible not to have fun this weekend. Scientists associated with NASA came up to enjoy the convention, including Eric Choi, who co-edited and wrote

the short story, The Son of Heaven for the Chinese-Cana-dian sci-fi anthology The Drag-on and The Stars. The accom-plished engineer, who works for an electronic company that makes products for NASA, created an alternate historical tale in The Son of Heaven. The story is about a famous Chinese rocket scientist who gets caught up in American anti-communist hysteria in the 1950s. In addition to authors, sci-fi artists were prevalent at the

convention. From the eccentric and brilliant James Beveridge, whose fantasy pieces netted a handsome sum during the auction; to the reserved and comical Lynne Fahnestalk, whose creates pictures with hilarious play-on-words and silly juxtapositions. Fear no art! proclaims Fahnestalk, whose pieces include Toad-al Eclipse, which features robed toads praying to a blackened sun.

VCON was about more than just Steampunk. Members of the 501st Legion, a group of Star Wars fans equipped with realistic and painstakingly produced Stormtrooper armor, were also present to promote their charity events, and of course, possibly recruit. If you received an Imperial Citation, don’t worry – there’s no fi ne so long as you pledge your loyalty to the Emperor! “Quotes are so pretentious!” Danielle Stephens, the chair of

VCON for the fourth year, says with a smirk. Her attitude is spot on the money – the VCON is about celebrating things that are not of this world, and pretentiousness does not fi t in. Science fi ction has never been about what could be, but about what could be imagined, and VCON is the place where all these visions come together and reach out to the minds of oth-ers. Steampunk is an excellent

example of this ideology, which is why Danielle personally chose it as this year’s theme. “We’re all modern dream-ers,” says Heather Dale, a trav-eling musician and songwriter. Music is an important part of the celebration, and Dale’s self-titled fi lk, science fi ction folk music, band were special guests at VCON’s Friday concert. After 17 years of performances all around North America and Europe, her band still manages to capture the spirit and energy

that was prevalent this week-end. The convention attracted the stars themselves. Science fi ction veteran actor Robert Picardo arrived on Sunday for an impromptu seminar and autograph signing. Picardo is famous for his role as the Doc-tor on Star Trek: Voyager, and more recently for his role as Richard Woolsey in the Stargate series. Even though the sci-fi leg-end couldn’t stay for long, he did manage to let loose a few anecdotes, which recounted the glory of his long career. A lucky few even got to hear his own fi lk music as well as an auto-graph signing.

Some rising stars were also present at VCON. Soon to be big names, such as actor Dani-elle Golden and writer Alyssa Ciccarelli, had booths where fans and afi cionados could sample their newest media. Ciccarelli, who co-wrote an episode of the upcoming web-series Riese, spoke about the premise of the series, which follows a young girl who is on the run from a religious troop. Filmed right here in Vancouver, it includes some big names from the science fi ction com-munity. Golden, who is at VCON for the fi rst time, acts in the sci-fi channel hopeful Border Guardians of Ackernon, where she plays the role of a bold warrior-assassin who fi nds her-self custodian over a group of campers transported from our modern realm to her medieval one. While not a part of the TV guide yet, the series’ debut at VCON was sure to have perked some higher authority’s inter-est.

Video game enthusiasts get out to game at a public gaming event held at popular downtown restaurant

Merida Mexico: The split city

TRAVEL vol. 3 issue 04 | Oktober 12 2010 | page ninewww.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

MEXICO

lMATTHEW BOSSONSCONTRIBUTOR

Merida is truly a city of two distinctly different worlds. There is an

undeniable European feel to the city, largely because the majority of the buildings were built in a colonial Spanish style of architecture. This makes it unique and beautiful to explore. The second world has remnants of the ancient Mayan civilization, a culture that still fights to find its place in the modern world.

This struggling identity is what makes Merida such an amazing place to experience a unique and slower paced Mexican lifestyle.

Unlike its neighbour cities of Cancun and Playa Del Carmen, Merida is off the beaten track as far as travelling Mexico goes. Located in the Yucatan Peninsula, roughly a 5 hour bus ride from Cancun, it offers a far less touristy vibe. This was welcomed by myself after being stuck in the tourist-trap cities to Merida’s east, for here I felt I could explore the back streets and markets without the well seasoned hawkers bothering me. Of all the cities in the world I have had the pleasure of seeing I have to admit Merida is one of my favourites.

The amazing architecture is something worth seeing in itself; old limestone buildings, some hundreds of years old, are everywhere. Most were built by Spanish colonizers from stones stolen from Mayan cities and temples that stood where present-day Merida now stands. One such building is the Catedral De San Ildefonso, a large cathedral located in the downtown plaza. Construction began on the cathedral in 1561 and was finished in 1598. This is a must see for anyone spending any amount of time in Merida, its open to the public seven days a week from 6am-noon and 4-7pm.

If you enjoyed Catedral De San Ildefonso then you may

enjoy a day trip to the world famous Mayan ruins at Chichen Itza. Even for someone not interested in history, Chichen Itza is breath taking. The immense size of the ruins and the complex astrological understanding exhibited in many of the structures is something I found mind

boggling and definitely worth a look. The crowds at the ruins can get big, so I’d recommend checking it out early in the day or during the tourist off-season if possible. Highlights here include El Castillo, or the Pyramid of Kukulcan, which was built in 800 AD and stands 25 metres high. The great ball

court, Gran Juego de Pelota, is also something worth checking out while visiting Chichen Itza. It is one of the largest in Mexico and the largest of eight ball courts at Chichen Itza, highlighting the importance of sport to the ancient Mayan people.

If history and architecture

is not what you are looking for then possibly one of Merida’s clubs or bars is what you need to unwind. The night life in this city is no disappointment, with several major clubs and dozens upon dozens of pubs, there’s a watering hole for everyone. One of my top picks would be KY60, a nightclub located in the downtown core. It is open daily between 9pm-3am and offers free pool as well as all-you-can-drink specials starting at roughly one hundred pesos($10 CDN). If you’re not interested in clubbing, there are countless alcohol-serving restaurants and pubs throughout the city. Consume some liquid social-lubricant and these establishments are a great place to meet other travellers and local folks.

There are also plenty of opportunities to shop for unique Mexican handicrafts in markets and shops throughout downtown Merida. Aside from the regular goods you’d expect to find, like Mexican silver and tequila, you can purchase some of the best hammocks in the whole of the Americas. Not only do hammocks from the Yucatan exhibit the utmost quality, they are also extremely affordable. Some of the best quality, and priced, hammocks come from nearby prisons. If you aren’t up for such a depressing and intimidating trip to get your hammock then check out some of the local suppliers. Hamacas El Aguacate produces excellent hammocks at fair prices, no need to worry if you are being ripped off here.

Leaving Merida was the hardest part about travelling there. When I first visited Merida it was so hard to leave that I actually extended my stay by two days to enjoy more of city. I recommend anyone who goes here allots at least five days to exploring the city and its outlying areas. It’s a side of Mexico I think every traveller should see, it throws all conventional trips to Mexico out the window.

MATTHEW BOSSONS // THE RUNNER

THAILAND

lWILL JOHNSONTHE MARTLET

VICTORIA (CUP) - It could have been worse. I could have a curse word tattooed on my neck or a naked lady on my stomach. I have seen some truly atrocious misspelled translations and smudged artwork before. Google “bad tattoos” and you will be inundated with hundreds of images of horrifying ink work.So maybe I shouldn’t be too upset about the small tribal dolphin tattooed on my forearm. I wasn’t drunk. I was just in a weird mood during a rainstorm on Koh Phi Phi, a

tropical island off the west coast of Thailand. There are tattoo parlours pretty much every 20 feet and tourists flock in, drunk from the beach parties, to get Thai writing or elaborate dragons or some other cliché permanently etched on their skin. The places stay open until the early hours of the morning. I saw one girl with the Coca-Cola symbol on her ribs. Another person got “Spicy Red Curry 45 Baht” tattooed across his shoulders in Thai. When I asked him why he had his favorite menu item on his back, he asked me, “Why don’t you?” It was my second week in Thailand and I had been trying

to say yes, trying to keep my mind open to new experiences. So when a chubby guy asked me in thoroughly broken English if I wanted to get a bamboo tattoo, I shrugged.“Wha’ you want?” he asked.“A dolphin,” I said. My little sister has a dolphin tattoo, and that makes sense for her. Both of us were competitive swimmers when we were teenagers. I figured we could match. And you know what? I’ve always wanted to be the kind of guy who goes to Thailand and gets ill-advised tattoos. Now I am. It was an interesting experience, lying on my back, watching geckos slither across the bamboo thatching in the

ceiling. “Wha’? You no cry?” asked Boom, my artist, while he repeatedly stabbed me with a sharp piece of bamboo. When people look at the pictures, they all say the same thing: “You let that guy tattoo you?” In the pictures, Boom has a frizzy mop of hair trailing in all directions out of his bandana and a sparse little goatee. He’s about half my size and he’s not wearing a shirt. Neither am I, now that I think of it. And then of course there’s the fact the guy is named Boom. At first I didn’t believe him, thinking maybe I was mishearing him. “My name Boom, like Boom-Boom,” he said. Then he laughed.

So while that was a fun little adventure, now I find myself traipsing around town with a really fucking hokey, ugly, shoddy tattoo. Every time I lift my hand to my face or run my fingers through my hair or drape my arm around a friend, there it is: My little dolphin. So while I’ve chosen to not regret it, as a matter of principle, I’ve decided that I’m going to laser it off. And even though it will end up costing me hundreds of dollars to get rid of, I figure it’s worth the price. This is my body we’re talking about, after all. Some say I should keep it, to remind me of the experience, but I have a feeling it will be hard to forget.

The trip is over, but the tattoo remains

CREATIVE The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca page ten | Oktober 12 2010 | vol. 3 issue 04

SCI-FI

lJARED VAILLANCOURTCREATIVE WRITING BUREAU CHIEF

“Hello, Kevin.”Kevin jumped at the voice, looking around the

cramped compartment. It was diffi cult to move in his EV suit, especially with the bodies of his fellow crew brushing up against him.

He shoved the bodies away, fi nding that he no longer winced at the way they life-lessly bobbed against the walls in zero gee. In the small radia-tion safe room, it wasn’t long before he had to shove them away again

“Who’s there?” Kevin clicked his microphone as he switched on his helmet lights and peered into the mess of broken debris and frozen blood. “Who else is alive?”

“You know the answer to that, Kevin.”

He closed his eyes. The Pro-metheus was drifting into the sun, its fi ve-mile hull spinning like water caught in a drain. Four hundred and sixty-seven crew personnel and over three thousand civilians had all per-ished on what was supposed to be a standard solar slingshot on their way to Mars.

“I… the radiation,” Kevin realized. “I’m hearing things.” He chuckled and checked his heads-up display. Sure enough, the safe room was leaking; this close to the sun, it didn’t matter what kind of shielding the Prometheus possessed. The outer hull was surely melting by now.

He exhaled. The ship had collided with a comet on ap-proach to the sun. The little

ball of ice hadn’t been visible until just a few seconds before it struck the hull, the long fl are of its tail forming as both ship and comet hit the sun’s corona at the same time. Like a bullet through tissue, the comet had torn straight through the ship’s habitation ring, immediately killing half the crew and expos-ing the civilian population to the vacuum of space.

“Oh, dear God!” Kevin shouted as his eyes opened wide, sweat beading on his fore-head as he fought to keep images of the dying people out of his head. “No,” he grunted as he closed his eyes. “Don’t scream, please don’t scream!” he shouted at no one. “The air… there’s no air for you to scream,” he said calmly as he opened his eyes. Everything around him was blurry. “Please, stop screaming…”

“I hear you, Kevin.”He tensed and groped for

his hip, searching frantically for his scanner. Logic ran like coolant through the engine of his mind; there had to be another survivor. The voice was so clear and crisp, and the radiation wasn’t nearly lethal levels yet. He somehow man-

aged to miss the point that if the radiation getting into the safe room were on the rise, there soon wouldn’t be a safe room to be in.

“Who else is there?” he demanded. “Answer me!” he screamed as he tossed his broken scanner, not noticing it shatter against the nearest corpse as the motion sent him spinning. “Show yourself!” he shouted as he grabbed blindly

into the blur, fi nally wedging himself against the body of a midshipman and a pressure valve. He cried out and curled up, allowing the body to drift.

“Kevin. Do not be afraid.”He did not look up. Some-

thing brushed up against his EV suit, gently suggesting him against the bulkhead. He

sobbed as his radiation monitor began to beep in warning. The heat sensor had already begun screaming at him. He allowed both alarms to fade to a dim trilling in the back of his head.

“I did nothing,” Kevin con-fessed to the force holding him against the wall. “I could have saved some of them. I could have saved… uh…” he opened his eyes and stared through his fogged visor at the bloodstains

on his knees. “Her,” he decided, the name of

the woman he wit-nessed suffocating

as she scrambled for an EV suit

escaping him. “I could have saved her. She was so close.” He closed his eyes as the unbearable image of her expir-ing welled up. “I could

have helped, but I did noth-

ing.”“She forgives

you, Kevin.”“I’d like to believe

that,” Kevin replied, scoffi ng as he realized he was talking to a voice that was very probably in his head. “I never wanted this assignment. I wanted to serve on a war-ship. I wanted to be an offi cer.” He smiled as an image of the Intrepid, Earth’s fi rst interplan-etary warship, gently replaced the horror of that woman’s death in his mind. The Intrepid had been such a beautiful sight,

KEVIN DOOLEY // FLICKR

Oblivion

Don’t get loaded in Munich and expect a hook-up. Ever.

Though it is so famously one of Europe’s biggest celebra-tions of partying and drink-ing culture, Oktoberfest isn’t really known for sex like other events in other cities are. Cities like Las Vegas, or festivals like Mardi Gras are built on sex.

Sure, for Oktoberfest the women are decked out in the somewhat traditional dirndls, but when it comes down to

brass-tax, this is a party all about beer.

The festival is really old. It’s been around for like fi ve years at least. And through the years, men have been getting too plastered, gassy and burpy off of good German beer to seal the deal and take someone back to the hotel with them.

Sure I’m playing to stereo-types and gender-roles here, but let’s get serious, it’s a festi-val centered on drinking a shit-load of beer. It’s a mass of big tents and big tables designed to seat the maximum number of people for drinking purposes.

Have you ever smelled a dude’s breath after he’s been drinking beer all night?

And to keep all of this beer settled in, all kinds of heavy German foods like sausage are served up.

Anyways, I don’t know about you, but sex on a bloated stomach is a recipe for disaster.

How about this: hold on to your dirndls and lederhosen after the carnage of

Oktoberfest is over. Put it in the closet.

Then when you’re in the mood for some German type fun in the sack, bust it out and affect a cheap German accent and say all kinds of naughty zings to eachother.

But leave the beer in Mu-nich. No one likes a fumbling asshole and especially no one likes whiskey-dick. Trust me.

IJEFF GROATLIFESTYLE BUREAU CHIEF

This is Jeff Groat. He’s the Runner’s sex columnist. He has only one qualification for the job: his last name sounds like a dirty word. That’s good enough for us.

t> Follow on Twitter.www.twitter.com/groatinthesack

Oktoberfest: 1, getting laid: 0This is Kristi Alexandra. She loves music. She’s also a ginger. And she does have a soul. And she likes music with soul, too.

IKRISTI ALEXANDRACULTURE EDITOR

Band merch too much?

GROAT IN THE SACK JAMMIN’ WITH GINGER

Those of us lucky enough to have gotten into the sold-out Orpheum Theatre for

the Akronite garage-blues duo, the Black Keys, on Sunday Oct. 3, were pushed into the foyer of the packed venue where the obligatory merchandise table awaited our open wallets.

And, like any event that leaves an impression on us, we wanted a souvenir to commem-orate the rare occasion of the Black Keys coming to Vancou-ver. Namely, a tee shirt.

There were about six differ-ent tee shirts, ranging in style, cut and graphic, but what they all had in common was that they were cotton, cost about

$3 to make, and were grossly overpriced.

I need to ask why, if some of these fans had to pay up to $200 to see the soulful two-some, would the band gouge their loyal listeners–who’ve no doubt already bought most, if not all, of their albums–for a tee shirt that costs near nothing to make?

Being the overzealous fan that I am (yes, I own every album–on vinyl), I swallowed the price and bought two tee shirts. $60 later, I was the proud owner of two Black Keys shirts and an empty wallet. I won’t lie, even for my favourite band, $60 for cotton tees is a little much.

But then a friend made a point: what’s the cost of a life-long memory?

That old Woodstock tee might be worth over $100 now, but the experience? Priceless.

Thanks Mastercard!

glowing in the night sky like an angel, with vibrant platinum wings as gentle as they were deadly. He frowned. “How did I get here? Why the hell did I transfer to a colony ship?” Something gently brushed up against his other shoul-der, pressing with reassuring warmth.

“You are where you need to be, Kevin.”

He smiled and closed his eyes, allowing stray tears to gently lift from his face to splatter against his fogged vi-sor. The bulkheads had begun to sizzle as the ship melted around the safe room. His radiation alarm was a solid red, bathing everything in a lethal glow. Exposed fl esh boiled around him.

“Who’s out there?” he asked again. He saw one of the bodies drifting before him, the helmet a broken and bloody mess missing its visor. Underneath, the dead face of some woman stared blankly at him, her fl esh beginning to bubble and char. She smiled at him.

“You know who I am.” She said. Kevin watched as her face melted away. He blinked.

“I…” he said softly, ignoring his EV suit as it began to sizzle and crackle. He alarms melted away as specks of light began to bleed through the safe room bulkheads. He smiled. “I know you.” The empty EV suit before him reached out its arm, offer-ing its glove. He took it into his hand.

“Come home, Kevin.” He smiled at his death, reaching out to hug the EV suit.

A moment later, the Pro-metheus plunged into the sun.

PROCRASTINATION

GLEN O’NEILL- THE MARTLET

HOROSCOPE

WEIRD STUFF: STUFF IS WEIRD

Your body is creating and killing 15 million red blood cells per second!

The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad!

The Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts three naked men with their hands on each other’s shoulders!

Source: strangefacts.com

In a strange turn of events... Kudos Kwantlen

The other day I happened across some chicken fingers and fries in my friendly neighbourhood Sodexo cafetorium. After spending close to seven dollars on something I could get at KFC for less than half that price, I was surprised to see my food delivered in an environmentally friendly container. Back in the days of Chartwells, students were forced to eat from Styrofoam containers. It seems Sodexo has chosen to use recyclable material for some of their food containers. Bravo Sodexo.

P.S. We figured Sodexo could use some good press for a change, what with all their shenanigans and goings on.

I sent a bottle of sparkling apple juice to your house, did you get it?

Wearing lederhosen and a Darth Vader mask will take you far in life.

Emotional upset due to too much curry will cause you to make a mistake.

An older, more experienced individual may be able to shed some light on that itching sensation.

Don’t let someone else’s B.O. cause you to question what you are doing.

Be careful with hot objects and your elbows.

You have to do whatever it takes to relieve personal stress. Just don’t do it in public.

Don’t eat too much meat, it makes you sweaty.

Rethink your strategy. You know what I’m talking about.

Children will play an important role in your demise. Avoid at all costs.

LIBRASept. 23 - Oct. 22

SCORPIOOct. 23 - Nov. 21

VIRGOAug. 23 - Sept. 22

ARIESMar. 21 - Apr.19

TAURUSApr. 20 - May 20

PISCESFeb. 20 - Mar. 20

CAPRICORNDec. 22 - Jan.19

AQUARIUSJan. 21 - Feb. 19

SAGITTARIUSNov. 22 - Dec. 21

CANCERJune 21 - July 22

LEOJuly 23 - Aug. 22

GEMINIMay 21 - June 20

Happy Birthday: This is not a time to reflect on what you should have done but instead to learn from your past and not use glue on that part of your body again.

If you become too focused on boobs, you are apt to make mistakes.

RIP OFF KWANTLEN THE SMART ZONE

WONDERLANE // FLICKR

vol. 3 issue 04 | Oktober 12 2010 | page elevenwww.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

ADVERTISEMENT The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca page twelve | Oktober 12 2010 | vol. 3 issue 04

GRASSROOTSCAFÉ AND LOUNGE

PROUDLY STUDENT OWNED AND OPERATEDwww.kusa.ca/cafe

12666 72nd avenue, surrey, G building (across from the gym)uildenuenunu