CUKC CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY 

KARATE CLUB–– www.cukc.org ––

5 October 2009 –– Issue 3

Malcolm,  page 7The techniques and benefits of supplementary training with kettlebells, tyres, bands, chisha, etc.

Competitions,  pages 2­3Kyu Grades and club comp, photos from the Shotokan Cup, plus a preview of the Northern Regions match.

Features,  pages 6 & 8The very best in amateur journalism that CUKC has to offer. Which is excellent I’ll have you know.

MEDAL

A note from the PresidentIt is odd to think that just two short

years ago I was standing bright eyed and bushy tailed in front of the CUKC stall at the freshers fair, writing down my email address.

I walked into that hall without any intention of taking up karate. Indeed, I probably wasn’t considering taking up karate even as I wrote down that email address. I did it just so that these overly energetic people in silly white pyjamas would let me leave. Yet finding myself at a loose end on the Sunday afternoon after the fair, I made my way to Fenner’s Gym to check out the fresher’s demo.

Yes, they looked a bit odd in their silly costumes and yes, they were making some very strange noises and yes, Steph the president was on crutches. But despite how alien it appeared to me, it looked like they were having fun and that Sensei Richard bloke looked like someone I could respect. Fine, I thought, I’ll give it a go. It’ll keep me fit, if nothing else.

Fast forward two years and now I’m president of the club (without the crutches). Karate has not only made me fitter than I’d anticipated, but made me stronger, faster and calmer. After a productive day’s work there is no better way to unwind. After a disheartening day of failure, there is no better way to alleviate the frustration than punching a few good friends. For me, karate is not only a pulse quickening, white knuckle edge-of-your-tatami sport, but a well needed complement to academia.

However, when it’s week five and that dissertation is yet to be finished, it’s cold a raining outside and you ache from head to foot from the previous training session, reasons for continuing with this sport can be easily forgotten. The fact that you continue fighting on week on week is testament to perhaps the most admirable quality karate can develop in a person – endurance. A CUKC member will pick themselves up after a punishing training session and come back for more. They will see defeat as an opportunity to improve, and victory as an opportunity to improve others. A CUKC member will fight exhaustion and pain to gain this victory.

The strength of mind developed in the dojo is a strength of mind that can be applied anywhere. To be inspired to learn from your mistakes and to work all the harder because of them is perhaps the most valuable quality of all in a competitive environment such as Cambridge. So keep fighting.

I look forward to seeing all of you at training!

Jonty Fairless, CUKC President 2009-10

Upcoming in CUKC...Saturday 11 October Fenner’s

Club Demonstration – White pyjamas, show-stopping displays, and a truck-load of attitude will be the themes of the day as the club takes you on a whistle-stop tour of karate in all its incarnations: gradings, competitions, fitness, suppleness, and self-defence. There’ll be drinks and a chance to meet the committee and existing club members afterwards.

Saturday 24 October Chesterton Sports Centre

CUKC vs KUGB Northern Regions – a brand new fixture for 2009. The cream of Cambridge talent take on a new squad from the north of England in three rounds of kumite matches. The standard at this competition will be high; this is the one to show your friends how impressive competitive karate can be. The Captains will be selecting teams early in Michaelmas. See page 2 for more information.

Saturday 7 November Kelsey Kerridge

Ian Willis – Ian Willis 5th Dan has produced many national and international champions out of the famous Ashington dojo in Northumberland. He comes to Cambridge to share some of his considerable experience and expertise in two 2-hour sessions.

Saturday 21 November Chesterfield

KUGB Student Nationals – a big championships, and one for the whole squad, from first-time competitors to old-timers. Expect to come face-to-face with many of the best Shotokan students from around the UK.

Thursday 3 December Fenner’s

Bob Poynton – termly guest instructor session with Sensei Bob Poynton 7th Dan.

Thursday 3 December Fenner’s

Michaelmas Grading – with Sensei Bob Poynton.

Thursday 3 December Fenner’s

End-of-term social – kick-start the festive season, although we hope not literally, with the ever-glamorous, ever-debauched, and ever-sold-out end-of-term social.

More details on all of these events and others can be found on the website, www.cukc.org.

2 ––  COMPETITIONS  –– October 2009 –– Issue 3www.cukc.org

Kyu Grades Round­upSeven CUKC kyu grades travelled to North Wales to represent Cambridge at the annual KUGB Kyu Grades Championships, and they brought home a host of medals, as we’d expect from such a classy group of individuals. Of particular note was Tegwen, who became women’s senior kyu grade grand champion, winning both kata and kumite, and Ed, who not only was fighting for Cambridge for the first time, but won his first fight and was pivotal in the men’s team’s progression to the final. There’s a full report on the website.

KUGB Kyu Grades Championships (26 April, Prestatyn)

Tegwen Ecclestone Women’s Senior KumiteWomen’s Senior Kata

1st1st

Jonathan Fairless Men’s Senior Ippon Kumite =3rdAntony Tran Men’s Senior Ippon Kumite 2ndEdward Boardman, Jonathan Fairless, Antony Tran

Men’s Team Kumite 2nd

Club CompetitionThe annual club competition held in the easter term just past was yet another great CUKC event, providing some excellent

karate from all. The competition featured new faces and old faces alike and was broken down into black belt and kyu grade events, with the winners shown in the table below.

We'd like to extent a massive thank you to the referees present on the day, without whom the event wouldn't have been a success. I'd like to thank all those who took part in organising the competition as well, I'm sure everyone will agree it ran smoothly...sort of, and finally all the competitors who had taken the time out of a very busy term to take part in the last CUKC competitive event of the season.

Men’s dan grade kumite Paul SmithMen’s kyu grade kumite Kai ChaiWomen’s all grades kumite Gemma CoughlinMixed dan grade kata Petre NicolescuMixed kyu grade kata Tegwen Ecclestone

CUKC vs Northern Regions Squad Saturday 24 October – Chesterton Sports Centre, Gilbert Road, Cambridge – 3-5pm

Get your pompoms, face paint and Cambridge blue underwear ready for 24th October! Cambridge are hosting a kumite match against Matt Price’s Northern Region Squad. The Captains will be selecting our best five men and four women to compete in a gruelling 3 rounds of kumite. Students and non student, new members and old members will be eligible to compete and we hope to set the competition season off with a bang. A great opportunity for squad members to gain kumite

experience against some excellent opponents. After the huge support at Varsity last year we hope that club members not competing will be equally enthusiastic with their support. As usual there will be a fantastic social to follow the event. As an added incentive to get behind the event, there will be a raffle drawn on the day. Look out for information about buying tickets to be in with a chance of winning one of CUKC’s brand new hoodies signed by the legendary Matt Price!

Contact the Captains (Nim and Steph) for more details of the event, training and selection. Madeleine Wood

October 2009 –– Issue 3www.cukc.org ––  SHOTOKAN CUP  –– 3We couldn’t bring you a report of the Shotokan Cup, but anyway, you’d much rather see  some snaps from our resident photographer, Petre Nicolescu, wouldn’t you?

4 ––  NEWS  –– October 2009 –– Issue 3www.cukc.org

Kyu and Dan grading newsListed on the right are all of CUKC’s successful kyu-graders from

Easter Term 2009.Since it is quite a while since the last newsletter, this is our first

chance to mention in print that in October 2008 Madeleine Wood took and passed her sandan grading under the watchful eyes of Andy Sherry, Bob Poynton and Frank Brennan. She is the first female student 3rd dan in the club’s history. Congratulations Maddy! Here’s a photo of her after the grading looking fresh as a daisy (third from left).

Easter 2009

Edward Boardman (Emma)Maria Godoi Millan (Fitz)Martin Worthington (John’s)

5th kyu

Ahmed Al-Shabab (Christ’s)Majiek Cabaj (Fitz)Kai Chai (Darwin)Sarah Samad (Emma)Antony Tran (Jesus)Victoria Turner (Emma)

4th kyu

Daniel Diggins (Emma)Jonathan Fairless (John’s)

3rd kyu

Jennifer Bottomley (Queens’) 2nd kyu

Tegwen Ecclestone (Queens’) 1st kyu

Congratulations to all of you.

Beyond the bubblePaul Smith prattles affectionately about karate news from beyond the walls of Fenner’s.

Karate doesn’t often make the news. It may be one of the most popular participation sports in the world, but here in the UK we don’t have many options if we want to keep abreast of what’s happening. Typing ‘karate’ into Google News throws up a tedious article about the world’s youngest female black-belt having arrived in the UK, and her ‘sparring’ with the BKF champion. There's a cute video at http://tinyurl.com/y9pxdp7. Articles like this do nothing to impress the fact that karate is a serious sport requiring supreme athleticism to reach its upper echelons, and everything to encourage the view that karate is a mysterious – and possibly spurious – art that ordinary people wouldn’t understand. Of course karate isn’t alone in receiving this patronising treatment in the media; my own subject, maths, attracts similarly vacuous articles about five-year-olds achieving A* GCSEs while standing on their heads and burping to the tune of Disney’s ‘It’s a small world’. It’s only a

matter of time before one of these kids gets their A* by dictating answers while simultaneously performing Unsu.

Karate did hit the headlines earlier this summer. Jacques Rogge and his merry men of the IOC Board decided that golf and rugby sevens were the new sports most suitable for inclusion in the 2016 Olympic program, ahead of karate, squash and a few others. Golf is, of course, a sport that champions the Olympic ideals of inclusiveness and amateur sport, and it’s heart-warming to see rugby sevens, a sport played by exactly thirteen people across the world, gaining long overdue recognition from the IOC. Meanwhile Antonio Espinos, the President of the WKF, has miraculously held on to his job, and is passing the time by shouting at the IOC. ‘The number of candidates has by far exceeded the number of available slots, and the path towards Olympic inclusion has been lengthy and rather costly. The process has left several demoralized and financially exhausted IFs, which have

been forced to decelerate or even paralyze their solidarity programs for years.’ What?

Something cheerier is in order. How about this. Last month the KUGB England men’s team (John James Bruce, Chris Cray, Michael Davison, Antony Duffy, Dean Field, and Liam O’Grady) defended their team title at the WSKA world championships in Mexico. Even better, in the men’s cadet kumite, England took three of the four individual medals and the team title – what a stunning result. The team will now be looking forward to November and the ESKA European championships in Poland.

Now, a news article by me wouldn’t be complete without some Matt Price news, and I’m not going to disappoint. Together with Nick Heald and the Leeds Karate Academy he has recently opened a beautiful new dedicated dojo in Leeds. There are jaw-dropping pictures at http://tinyurl.com/ydfcgj4. Still not a patch on Fenner’s, though.

October 2009 –– Issue 3www.cukc.org ––  SENSEI & CAPTAINS  –– 5

Lessons from the pastAn expression I have borrowed and used on occasions is that, ‘the achievements of one generation stand on the shoulders of the

previous generation’. What does it mean in the context of the karate we practise at CUKC?

In the 70s as a young and impressionable chap I was inspired, motivated and terrified by some of the competitors of that era. I keenly observed for myself some spectacular acts of skill and bravery. I can remember in a European championships Bob Poynton, sporting considerably more hair, scored on Leslie Jensen, a Swedish competitor, with a spinning jodan ura mawashi geri, after the bell but before the referee shouted yame. The ensuing debate about the validity of the technique overlooked the spectacle of Leslie standing a whisker short of seven feet being kicked in the head. Because of the very physical nature of the encounters and the absence of gum shields and hand mitts there were inevitably frequent injuries. Kumite

competitors concentrated more on power and speed and less on the use of body and foot movement in order to disguise an attack or to avoid one.

There are many testosterone-fuelled apocryphal stories of encounters when, despite pretensions to the contrary, control appeared to be of secondary importance. What was of fundamental importance then, and I would suggest is equally relevant today, is the way in which a karateka behaves in challenging times. That is something we can and do train.

A good instructor will balance the need for the development of technical competence against the need for that competence to be tested and developed ‘in extremis’. Adherence to our code of conduct in the dojo and the competition area provides vital protection for the individuals and more importantly the reputation of karate beyond the dojo.

Karate is a scientific way of training the body and the mind. Perversely some of the very physical activities we undertake in the dojo have more to do with mental training and I would suggest that the mental toughness you develop during regular training at CUKC is of value to you outside the dojo.

Some lessons I have learnt:• broken bones and lost teeth are not

badges of honour and can generally be avoided.

• continuous repetition of movements without understanding and insight is of little value but repetition with understanding and commitment is the basic building block for further development.

• we can warm up, stretch and train in ways that preserve our joints and soft tissues over the longer term ( trust me – this will become more important to you!).

• there is no substitute for regular training in the dojo. However if that is not possible then even a little solo stretching and training is better than none.

• despite the pressures you face as a student with studies, exams and life in general, you will never have a better opportunity to train, compete and socialise with members of the karate world and CUKC in particular. Life just gets more complicated.

Make good use of this opportunity. The standard of karate taught at CUKC and in the Karate Union of Great Britain compares favourably with the best karate clubs across the world.

Sensei Richard PooleCUKC Chief Instructor

Captains’ logCaptains Steph McTighe and Nim Sukumar talk training and competing. All the usual, really.

Hiya, we’re Steph and Nim, and we’re your captains for this year! It’s our job to make sure you all get the best out of training and we’re going to do our best.

If you’ve never sparred before but fancy giving it a go, come along on Mondays. The first few Mondays of term one of Nim and I are going to try and get there a little early so you can meet us and have a chat. The first competition of term is Student Nationals on 21 November, and there’s no reason you can’t aim for that if you want to! Kata training on Thursdays is good for

everyone but especially those who want to compete in kata.

Competition can be really fun, and don’t be scared off by the super keenos, they will support you if you go along to compete! The team atmosphere is really great and you get to know people really well when you train and compete with them – often you don’t find that out until you go. For those of you who are nervous – don’t forget we all started out that way. I took up kumite for fun, and as a shy green belt never would have competed if not for an experienced captain’s kind words.

For experienced people new to the club – we have a lot going on! This term there is a match with Matt Price’s Northern Regions squad on 24 October, Student Nationals on 21 November, and we’re hoping to get the team kata for Varsity (next term) going really soon, so watch out for that!

The Varsity match is the highlight of the year, and takes place in Lent term.

We have had everyone from green belts to 3rd Dans on the squad in recent years so keep training and don’t worry we’ll be watching. We’re hoping to have a real emphasis on personal development and we’ll be keeping an eye on you all for squads but also to help you figure out what to work on.

Karate is use it or lose it! Whatever your goals – grading, winning medals, improving your fitness, strength and technique – it requires hard work so let’s get going! We’re looking forward to another successful year with CUKC.

If you have any questions about training or competing, please get in touch with one of us: Steph (sm508, 07739881458) and Nim (ns444, 07920093887).

6 ––  RAMBLINGS  –– October 2009 –– Issue 3www.cukc.org

Kata and the descent into moral nihilismJonty Fairless (Leader of People, Philosopher, Role Model) cogitates for a moment

I walk to the bar and reflect. My aching quads and shredded feet remind me of the difficulty of leading by example. My aching head reminds me of the mound of admin left to be done. Finding a way to organise and then publicise events, stash and regular sessions through an engaging medium can be tough. Yet all these responsibilities are eclipsed by my most difficult role; being the only philosophy student in CUKC. As such I am solely responsible for the club’s philosophical well-being. The bright brand of knowledge can be a heavy burden to bear.

I am approached by an anxious CUKC chemist and a weeping CUKC Ph.D. student. They have but one question on their lips; ‘we can’t stand it any longer! Please, just tell us–’ they beg as they grasp at me, desperation leaking from their dewy eyes, ‘how appropriate does Bernard Williams hold it to use the martial artist’s performance of kata as an analogy for the effect upon an individual’s moral compass of the realisation of moral non-objectivity?’

I sigh, sip my beer, patiently draw my thoughts away from Sensei Matt Price’s Northern Regions squad vs CUKC tournament, being held at Chesterton Sports Centre on 24 October, and settle on the barstool. Addressing the crowd of upturned eager faces that have rapidly gathered around my feet, I remark, ‘It’s quite simple really. It’s all there in Williams’ (1985) reflections on the subject.

‘Kata, like learning to play a piece on the piano, is a process of familiarisation of one’s body with a series of blocks and attacks – a series of movements. Proprioceptive instances crystallised in the mind and sewn together by muscle memory through repetition supposedly allow the martial artist to perform a kata with a certain stillness of mind.’

I pause for a second, resting my elbow on the bar, remembering the feeling of performing a new kata at the weekly Thursday evening Kata class from 8pm onwards. I am stirred from my daydream as warm spillage on the bar top begins to seep into my exquisitely made stylish CUKC hoody,

recently purchased from the vice president, Thibault.‘In the same way,’ I continue, ‘the moral objectivist will

claim that act of moral decision making is performed with an similar stillness of mind, with reference only to the moral facts. This assumption rest heavily on the ineffable magnetism of morality. Just as a distraction in the dojo can disrupt a martial artist’s kata performance, so does the moral objectivist believe that the revelation of the essentially non-moral basis for all moral decisions will similarly disrupt ethical practice, leading eventually to moral nihilism.’

A man from the back of the bar raises his hand and aims a question over the heads of the assembled audience. I am suddenly reminded of Sensei Ian Willis, that renowned teacher from the North East coming to give a couple of guest instructor sessions on 7 November in Kelsey Kerridge, with seniors training at 2pm and juniors training at 4pm.

‘Surely Williams wouldn’t make such liberal comparisons between two such dissimilar subjects? Kata and ethical practice are very different things,’ he says.

‘You’re right,’ I reply, ‘to make the above analogy is to oversimplify the situation. Unlike the unsettling nature of distractions to a martial artist, the realisation of moral non-objectivity is, Williams claims, incorporated into the moral practice of an agent. In this way, it inherently modifies it. As such, Williams believes that it is inappropriate to use the martial artist’s performance of kata as an analogy for the effect upon an individual’s moral compass of the realisation of moral non-objectivity. To do so would be to fail to understand the nature of moral practice and the persistent magnetism of morality, even in the face of non-objectivity.’

After a brief moment of silence, a quiet sigh of enlightenment washes over the room. I turn back to the bar, satisfied that these karateka will once again be able to sleep at night. With one duty dispatched for the evening, I return to my pint and to my thoughts of administration and advertisement. There are some problems philosophy cannot solve.

Madeleine Wood talks guest instructors

Every year CUKC organizes an array of guest instructor sessions, and this year will be no different. For those of you who have yet to make to a guest instructor session here’s a few words to remind you what you’ve been missing out on. This is an opportunity to train with some of the best instructors in the country and learn new ways to approach your karate. Often a chance to focus on karate away from the grading syllabus and try out new things, as well as perfecting techniques you may have been practising for years. These instructors come from all over the country (sometimes further) so it may be a very long time before you get to train with them again.

It’s amazing how different instructors inspire different people. If you ask some of the older club members who their favourite guest instructor is you will undoubtedly get a different response from each of them. So don’t miss these opportunities to find your idol! Look out for information about upcoming guest instructors on the website, and of course their associated socials!

Dance like nobody’s watching

October 2009 –– Issue 3www.cukc.org ––  MALCOLM  –– 7

Supplementary training

From top: Turkish get-up; clean; windmills; press.

By Malcolm Howlett_______________________________

Over the summer, initially disturbing the tennis players on Trinity Old Fields before progressing to frightening my elderly neighbours in my garden, a motley bunch of people have been observed pushing, pulling, lifting, and occasionally dropping, various odd shaped weights. This was because Paul Smith, Maddy Wood, Steph McTighe, Lia (my wife) and I have been making various strange noises whilst aiming to improve our functional strength.

Functional strength is, quite simply, improving your strength to perform a function. In many ways it can be considered a new fad, but is what has really been going on for decades (if not centuries). It’s not about building large body building muscles (we can’t all look like the ladies’ squad, folks), but rather about honing the muscle to improve strength and also, more importantly, getting the muscles to work together more efficiently.

Much of what we have worked on over the summer has been the core muscles, of the thighs, glutes, and abdominal area (bums, legs, tums in some areas) with an aim to get these working together and more explosively. These are the areas that are actually being used when the oft used phrase ‘use your hips’ is instructed (well they are when I do them). So exercises such as the ‘swing’, ‘clean’, ‘squat’ and ‘press’ have been used to try to work these areas, with a particular favourite of Paul’s being the ‘windmill’ (not a euphemism for his running style) and occasionally the Turkish Get-up (this, you’ll be glad to hear, does not involve a belly dancer’s costume).

Whilst we have made use of kettlebells, brick filled tyres, and chishi (known as the concrete lollipop by some), which generally aren’t available to students in College, most Colleges have some form of gym with free weights and medicine balls, or you can gain resistance using bungee ropes or even old bicycle inner tubes (a resource of abundant supply in Cambridge, especially if you ask for some old ones when buying a set of bike lamps from a bike shop). The sessions don’t need to be long, maybe half an hour or so, two

to three times a week. The idea is to increase the loading of the muscles over what they would usually work for a short period of time, rather than the aim to do more units (such as increasing the number of press-ups you can perform). Whether you define a set sequence or randomly select what your going to do for each session depends on your personal psychology. A set sequence gives the advantage of you being able to measure your improvement, but can let you fall into the trap of getting good at doing the sequence rather than really gaining strength.

In a short article I cannot go into detail so all I can do is advocate you doing some research or if available gain tuition into a few exercises (a Google moment for the phrases ‘functional strength’ and ‘core stability’ can be quite illuminating) and working on them. With care the strength gained can:• Help you improve your technique;• Make others work harder to stop your

technique;• Help you prevent injury whilst

performing technique;• Make you realise why you have to

work on your control when sparring.It should also be noted that:

• There is very little evidence that weight training per se slows you down;

• It is actually a traditional way of training in karate, as many styles emphasize such training as part of their method. There are pictures of Gichin Funakoshi using chishi and geta (iron sandals).

Since I started work with kettlebells and various odd weights, I’ve noticed a definite difference in strength but also understanding of how the technique works. It also, bizarrely, has helped my flexibility a great deal [mine too - Paul]. Like so many things I wish I’d started it earlier, though it should be noted that so far its effect on my punting abilities have been negligible.

One final piece of advice, if you see a small Arnie Schwarzenegger-like figure with a determined look, bouncing the men’s squad off the walls in Fenner’s, my advice is to greet them with a ‘My goodness Maddy, you’re looking well today’. Trust me, it’s the safest option.

8 ––  RAMBLINGS  –– October 2009 –– Issue 3www.cukc.org

Concentration during trainingBy Tegwen Ecclestone____________________________

October 2008, I left a dojo exhausted in an entirely new way. I had spent the last two hours giving the session my exclusive attention. Every neuron and every muscle fibre had joined me in the quest to remember the combinations and ‘NOT RELY ON MY NEIGHBOUR’. I had learnt far more than normal in those two hours. Whilst this was partly down to Sensei Brennan’s excellent tuition, I knew I would excel in my training if only I could concentrate to that extent without his formidable presence.

I am a long (long, long, long) way from mastering my focus, but I have found there are some simple ways for those who have not yet obtained black-belt-level concentration to maximize their attention span.

The first is to remove unnecessary distractions. For example, if your hair gets in your eyes plait it tight to your head or cut it so short you don’t need to. For very long hair a single plait down the back works well for everything except ushiro geris, where it will whip around and hit you in the face. Eating before training not only provides vital energy but also prevents food fantasies kicking in during important demonstrations.

Tegwen always strives to help other people concentrate during training.

Similarly, make sure you are properly hydrated (I recently spent the best part of a Billy Higgins session dreaming of ice cold orange juice…). However, beware! Eating too close to training can turn the “And bounce” part of Sensei Richard’s warm-ups into an uncomfortable experience, and vital concentration power is wasted on not throwing up.

A further pointer is to get it right ‘under the gi’. A third dan female sensei, who shall remain anonymous, has often encouraged the women of the club to wear thongs under their gis, as less material can result in more comfort. Equally, a good sports bra makes all the difference – female karateka may find their concentration impaired if they are trying to hold their gi top together mid-fight.

The underwear concern is not restricted to women. To circumvent any speculation I took my investigations outside the CUKC sphere. One young fighter confided his preference was for boxers: ‘My personal favourites are tight spandex boxers, which help wick sweat away and help to dry, so there is less chafeage and “they” don’t swing too much.’ Meanwhile a seasoned kata champion, who would rather be known as ‘Little Old Feller’, divulged: ‘My choice is tight jersey shorts – nothing too loose. I imagine that would be like training without a bra!’

It can also help to identify your weak spot. Mine is 9pm. For others it occurs when they are out of breath or injured. One source confided that they lose their focus when opposite someone they consider an easy opponent.

Whilst it is extremely challenging to master the powers of attentiveness, it is certainly an essential skill. A moment’s absence of concentration can cost you a fight (or the correct turning on the way to the competition). A sneaky peak at the clock or your Sensei’s glistening six-pack may result in an entire exercise being misunderstood. The ideas outlined above are merely suggestions for those who, like me, find focus almost as tricky as karate itself. But you have to start somewhere!

Smith's Theorem; or, The Law of One Counter

Paul Smith shares something that’s been troubling him. No not the onset of gingerness…

‘Attacking side, you have four attacks, and each of them can be any single punch. Defending side, you just have to get out of the way.’ Get out of the way. I can do that. I may not be Usain Bolt, yet, but with a fist flying towards my face those legs come into their own. ‘On exactly one of the attacks, defending side, you must spike your attacker.’ Ears prick. A flash of angst sweeps through the sweat-clouded air as nervous karateka look round for confirmation or encouragement, but none is forthcoming. ‘Spook them. Move them.’

On occasion at squad sessions we are given a drill of this form. The attacking side has a fixed number of attacks; let's say four for convenience. The defending side always has the option to get out of the way of the attack, but on exactly one of the four attacks he must spike the attacker. Now, obviously the defender can't leave the spike until the last attack, because the attacker then knows it's coming, and the defender needs the element of surprise on his side. So the defender must spike on one of the first three attacks. But the attacker is wise: he knows the defender must spike on one of the first three attacks, so obviously the defender can't leave the spike until the third attack, because by then the attacker will know it's coming. So in fact the defender must spike on one of the first two attacks. But, as before, the attacker knows this, so if the defender leaves the spike until the second attack the attacker will be expecting it, which is no good for the defender. Therefore the attacker must spike on the very first attack. But the attacker will be expecting this too, so the defender is doomed.

Theorem: In a drill where the defender has precisely one counter-attack, the defender is doomed.

Here is an alternative drill format. Let us bravely suppose the attacker has n attacks and is capable of making random decisions. Instead of fixing the number of counters at one we insist that the average (or expected, for the mathmos) number of counters should be one, and we achieve this by asking the defender to choose randomly, on each attack, whether to counter or not, with probabilities 1/n of countering and (n-1)/n of getting out of the way, each time independently of the other attacks. With this new format, at the end of the drill, the defender may find he has countered once, twice, up to n times, or not at all; but – crucially – we expect him to have countered once on average, and the attacker has no way of predicting when and if the defender is going to counter.

October 2009 –– Issue 3www.cukc.org ––  SURVIVING CUKC  –– 9

Ten top tips for freshersWe asked CUKC veteran Madeleine Wood if she could impart some of her famous worldly wisdom to the freshers. Concerned by the results, we asked non-sociopath Jonty Fairless to even things up.

1. Get your money’s worth: the best thing about karate is hitting people so never waste an opportunity to get an extra hit in, useful phrases include: ‘sorry, I can’t count’ and ‘sorry I forgot you weren’t meant to do that’ or pull completely blank face and let people believe you’re stupid/don’t understand instructions/don’t speak English.

2. Know your martial arts films: it is not necessary to have seen Karate kid, but if you haven’t seen Kung Fu Panda, there is something wrong with you.

3. Don’t wear make up to training: as you sweat you WILL inadvertently wipe your face on your gi and next session when you turn up with mascara on your gi people know that that gi has not been washed. Furthermore, one missed age uke and waterproof, make-up-remover-resistant bruise-coloured eye shadow is free of charge.

4. Learn when it is a good time to give in: come to morning training, buy a badge, come to socials and guest instructor sessions. Do you really want to spend your life making up excuses/running away from committee?

5. Left and right are effectively the same: except one is right and one is wrong. I am almost always wrong and when you are training with Sensei Poynton it’s safe to say that everyone is wrong at some point, just don’t let it get you down, other things in karate are more important (see point 1).

6. Say goodbye to skinny fit Levis: you may not think you want thighs like Arnold Schwarzenegger, but it’s worth starting the bunny hops/duck walking/squat mae-geris earlier rather than later. If not, you’ll spend a large amount of your time in Cambridge walking down stairs sideways.

7. Learn when to keep your mouth shut: any indication to an instructor that an exercise is particularly painful will only encourage them to do it more often – it’s not that they are mean, they just like to see you suffer (it’s for your own good, pain is your friend, and it’s no coincidence that pain rhymes with gain).

8. Keep well away from gumshields: time at CUKC directly correlates to number of organisms living on your gumshield.

9. Understand the rhetorical questions: are you coming for a drink after training? There is no need to waste your breath trying to come up with an excuse, you will end up

going whether you want to or not. And it’s good for your karate (see point 4).

10. Some of us can’t count, it’s not just that I wanted an excuse to hit you one more time.

1. It’s always nice to feel loved and accepted in a society, but sometimes love hurts. Avoid members of the karate club who consider practising karate an appropriate way to express affection.

2. Also, why not get your moneys worth by just buying a blanket fee card? It means you pay one fee at the start of term and get to go to as many sessions as you want. You really can hit a lot more people that way. Spread the love.

3. Do wear deodorant to training. Some people are purists, and say you shouldn’t. But they also say that you should never clean your gumshield. Most of us aren’t purists.3a. And wash your gi, for goodness sake. What on earth are all those black smudges? Mascara? 3b. Here’s a free washing tip for gis (especially if you are a red belt): wash you gi and belt separately. You will not inspire fear in your opponent if you’re fighting in pink.

4. Committee members are all there for one reason: peer pressure. As such, they are bitter and twisted people. Spend too much time with them, and they will make you their president.

5. Karate can wear you out physically and emotionally. We’ve all felt like throwing in the towel at some point or other. Don’t give in; everyone in the club is in the same boat! The shared experience of communal suffering is the strongest social glue there is.

6. Arnold Schwarzenegger runs California. You can too. Embrace the thighs.

7. Learn when to open your mouth: no instructor will pick on you for being too keen. When asked to jump, leap. When asked to shout, scream your lungs out. When asked to duck walk, be the duck.

8. The official line from CUKC as to how to harden the sole of the foot and prevent blisters is ‘train more’. Another official line is, apparently, ‘pain is your friend’. The ‘official line’ comes from old black belts who stopped having blisters 28 years ago, and may not be representative of all club members. Do keep on training, but why not try applying surgical spirit to the sole of your foot to harden the skin? After about two weeks applications twice a day, you’ll be able to train pain free!

9. You will enjoy practising karate so much more if you get to know the people you’re practising with. You may even come to appreciate the subtle nuances of love hidden in a punch from Maddy.

10. Mental age is inversely related to karate experience.

10 ––  TEST  –– October 2009 –– Issue 3www.cukc.org

Dr Tran’s Personality Test: Which Shotokan kata are you?Choose the answer which most closely matches your own opinions and you can quickly find out which kata is the personification of you!

What is your preferred means of transport?

A. I got a really good deal on a second hand bike from someone in my college. After giving it a new seat, breaks, gears, tires, and a paint job it’s as good as new!B. My skateboard takes me wherever I want to go – and gets me plenty of stares whilst doing so! Don’t forget to check out my customised polyurethane wheels!C. Trains are fast, efficient - and British! Takes me back to a time when I was just a young boy riding through the country...D. Walking gives me a chance to reflect on my life and of those around me. It also gives me calves the size of tree trunks!

What do you eat for breakfast?

A. I’d rather have a bowl of Coco Pops! Chocolate for breakfast? I see no downsides!B. Have you heard the benefits of eating grapefruit every day? It provides masses of vitamin C, lowers cholesterol and even does the whole antioxidant thing!C. I like oatmeal with a pinch of salt. Gives you the energy you need to keep going all day! If you close your eyes and pinch your nose whilst eating it goes down a treat. D. Through strict practice, I have learnt to overcome primal urges such as “breakfast”. I found it really hard going at first, but then I discovered cigarettes!

What is your favourite Cambridge nightspot?

A. You’ll always find me in Cindies on Wednesday nights – How can anyone ever get sick of Summer of ’69?!B. Kambar is the one. Totally retro decor and the best music in town! C. The Prince Regent is a real man’s pub. Check out the conservatory area for a quiet drink away from those pesky kids!D. When I get a chance I like to go up to Castle Hill. On a clear night you can see for miles! Just don’t mind the folk who come here for some jogging...

What is your dream holiday destination?

A. Going large in Ibiza, nothing better! The sun, the sea, and the scantily clad women make it a holiday to remember. Ibiza makes all other places look about as fun as a visit to the UL.B. Amsterdam – Europe’s fun-town! There are so many freaks here that I have no problems fitting in! Is it still cool to smoke weed if it’s legal? The rebel in me is totally confused....C. My family own a summer house in Cornwall and we’ve been going there for years on end. Two weeks of nostalgic bliss every time! I see no reason to go elsewhere – change is bad!D. Kyoto. This place is bustling with tranquil temples and spiritual energy - you’ll come back a brand-new, enlightened individual! If you look hard enough you might even find a few geishas...

What is your favourite drink?

A. I love a bit of Southern Comfort and Lemonade. Actually tastes nice – unlike beer!B. That’s got to be a White Russian! I heard the lead of Franz Ferdinand drinks them all the time; if it’s good enough for him it’s good enough for me!C. Pint of your finest Bitter, please - there’s no room for sissies here!D. Alcohol poisons the body – and the mind! Red Bull on the other hand – can’t get enough of it...

What is your favourite martial arts film?

A. Karate Kid is one of the all time greats – wax on, wax off! I heard they teach that crane technique in the local karate club...B. Ong Bak is a truly authentic martial arts film, untarnished by Hollywood and corporatism! You just know Tony Jaa is the real deal. And what a classical tale - nothing like a good old rescue-the-stone-Buddha’s-head story!C. Enter the Dragon has all the things I look for in a film: action, drama and Chinese guys beating the crap out of each other! The delicious hall of mirrors scene is icing on the cake.D. Memoirs of a Geisha – truly an insight into a wondrous art. Geishas can stop a man in his tracks with a single look – I’d like to see Bruce Lee achieve that! Now, if only I could get enough interest to start the Cambridge University Geisha Society...

From left: Karate Kid’s Daniel La Russo (Ralph Macchio) assumes the crane kick stance, probably the most famous karate non-technique ever; Ong Bak’s Ting (Tony Jaa) wallops someone in the head, just for a change; Enter the Dragon’s Lee (Bruce Lee) is definitely not posing in this iconic shot; and some ladies from Memoirs of a Geisha, whom I don’t know, stand around looking serious.

Find out which Shotokan kata you are on the next page…

October 2009 –– Issue 3www.cukc.org ––  FUN!  –– 11

It’s the moment of truth for Dr Tran’s Personality Test. So, which Shotokan kata are you?

Mostly A…

You are Kihon Kata! As the first kata taught to karateka, you are friendly but lack foresight in your actions. Your desires are simplistic in nature (indeed your name itself translates as ‘basic’), and you find yourself constantly underestimated and left out of the glory. Your air of innocence is often a redeeming quality, and occasionally even the most advanced karateka will humble himself before you. Worry not young grasshopper, your Karate journey has just begun and you have plenty of room to grow!

Mostly B…

You are Tekki Shodan! Meaning ‘iron horse riding, first level’, you are taught to those wishing to advance to 3rd kyu (brown belt). You are often seen as an outcast to your peers, with movements radically different to what they have seen before. You are a rebel without a cause, and always look for opportunities to ‘stick it to The Man’. Your audience is very much polarised, split into two distinct ‘love’ and ‘hate’ groups. Your parents hope you are just going through a phase, but you know it as a way of life!

Mostly C…

You are Bassai Dai! Meaning ‘to storm a castle (major)’, you are a well-rooted kata repeated several times throughout the brown belt syllabus and above. You are traditional, stubborn, and probably vote Conservative. You are often described as a ‘safe pair of hands’, commanding respect from a wide range of practitioners. You think that the younger generation are all going to hell and spend your evenings sitting on your porch telling them to get off your lawn.

Mostly D…

You are Unsu! An advanced kata only practised by those well into the dan grades, your movements are at least as mysterious as your name (‘cloud hands’). Just when people think they have you figured out, you do a crazy spin jump and leave them in awe. You have freed yourself from all physical attachments, and have devoted your life to the perfection of character. You have studied eastern philosophy in detail, and have even started writing some of your own! You win all the competitions you enter, and indeed, win at life itself.

Mixture of two or more…

You broke the quiz! No really, your personality is so special that you can only discover which kata you are through extensive Karate practice (preferably at the local club). There are at least 26 katas within the Shotokan system, each with their own distinctive personality; perhaps one of those would suit you better? You are a unique and beautiful snowflake (just like everybody else)!

Cap’n Steph McTighe reveals her kumite secrets

1. If you’re lacking in aggression, think about your ex-boy/girlfriend or that annoying housemate who keeps stealing your bananas, and smacking them in the face with every punch.

2. If you’re a lower belt: think about how cool you’ll look if you beat that black belt, and how little you have to lose so just go for it!

3. Iif you’re a higher grade: just how goddamn embarrassing is it going to be if you get beaten by a little green belt – you have everything to lose so don’t mess it up!

4. Keep your eyes open – it really does help.5. If you have a problem with control, try punching a wall –

anyone who saw me do this last term will know how effective it is…ouch.

6. Leave your ego outside the dojo in training – the goal is to learn not just to win, try new things!

7. Three little saviours for injuries: ice, ibuprofen and tubigrip!8. Walk up to the mat with confidence and bow in an

intimidating way (practice in front of the mirror). At least then you have a few seconds of looking cool before it all falls apart…

9. Beware girls wearing make-up.10. If all else fails – HANDS ONLY!!

By Petre Nicolescu

12 ––  BACK PAGE  –– October 2009 –– Issue 3www.cukc.org

Crossword Set by Shorty

Send your solutions to webmaster@cukc.org. The first correct solution received by the editor wins a mystery prize.

Across8 Base for attractions that don't

start (6)9 Won judo bout? How utter

rubbish (8)10 As red-faced batsman might

exit at 4 25? (4,4)11 Passive lacking point, one-

love, shabby on the books (10)

12 Snag craving for lots of booze (6)

14 It doesn’t matter that worker accepts job that causes illness (8)

15 Refuse to see about non-scoring style (7)

17 Get involved, but not to find success here a target for 4 25? (5,2)

20 Calm Poole’s in a dizz about Greek character (6,2)

22 Wayward peacekeepers definitely going topless (6)

23 Referee has curious factor of 11 (10)

24 Phonecard hinders learner from being this to 17? (4)

25 See 426 A bit of a bash in ’er eye? (6)

Down1 Brazenly, (at the Live, say),

have a small slurp (2,6)2 See 103 Snack that’s missing from 4

25 (6)4, 25 Means of keeping fit, as

we’re told undergrads are in the vac? (7,8)

5 Stance on height? Thibault to oust learner (8)

6 Tit, possibly: English queen on Cambridge fighter (10)

7 Refrain from spittin’ off the tongue (4,2)

13 Poynton: one-time star in the mix, built at 4 25 (4,6)

16 Arrange for little one to abandon treatment (6,2)

18 Misjudged l-limited edition (3-5)

19 Wise-guy at Cambridge first, takes time to eclipse (7)

21 Enemy material (6)22 Rebel against a trophy, say?

(6)24 Steph’s civilised alternative

to 4 25 at 4 25 (4)

And finally...Don’t forget the website, www.cukc.org – one of the most comprehensive sports websites in Cambridge, with news and events, training times, the grading syllabus, who’s who, results as far back as 1988, and hundreds of photos and videos. Plus there’s the group on Facebook – just search for ‘CU Karate Club’ – and the YouTube channel, cukarate.

Write to us. Send letters to webmaster@cukc.org. We might even publish them.

This newsletter was brought to you by Paul Smith, Chris Andrews, Tegwen Ecclestone, Jonathan Fairless, Malcolm Howlett, Stephanie McTighe, Petre Nicolescu, Richard Poole, Nim Sukumar, Antony Tran, and Madeleine Wood.

Kakuro

Rules can be found by recourse to Google.

Set by Chuckles

8 6 12 8

5 6

21 24 14 33 20 12 29

24 24 28

13 6 7 4

11 10 23 5 10

12 9 9 3 9

7 8 8 30 3 17 11

7 12 3 21

6

12 27 16

4 15 35 14

6 10 16

7 23 7 8 13 24

12 14 14 14

10 11

14 4 12 21

10 29 12 16

37 40

32

6 16 17

4 3 6 17 9 12

4 35 4

11 6 18 14

8 12 16 24

3 8 20 7 8

4 6 13 4 5

6

3 5 7 12 6

14 10 5 7

11 22 10

16 8

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

8 9

10 11

12 13 14

15 16 17 18

19

20 21 22

23 24

25 26