Trish Boylan

The Unauthorized Biography

Editor’s Notes (Please Note We did not have access to many pictures of Trish here during the publishing of this work so substitutes, reasonable and unreasonable – mostly

unreasonable- substitutes were used from clip art. They will be tagged as Trish to remove confusion)

Trish

On April 19, 1982 after approximately nine months of eager anticipation, Trish arrived via stork. She was a cute baby, much nicer than her parents could have imagined when they ordered her out of the catalog from Sears and Roebuck. Sears and Roebuck Catalog

Re: Baby 1579231

Sex Requested: Female

As a baby, her mom liked to hold Trish and Trish liked to stick her hands in her mouth and pull people’s fingers.

Trish

Trish

As she grew she became more adventurous and started doing things like crawling while naked, playing with mobiles, riding giraffes, dressing up like a shepherd and climbing trees.

Trish

Trish

Trish

Trish

Trish

It was Trish’s love of pulling fingers that first moved her towards walking. She found that her parents would let her pull two fingers at once if she was trying to stand or walk.

TrishAt the age of 18 months it was discovered that Trish’s feet were fully grown.

Trish

Trish

Fake Flag of Poland Circa 1986

From an early age Trish enjoyed reading, celebrating her cultural heritage, dressing up for Halloween, and preparing for Spring Break in college.

TrishTrish

Trish

Trish was growing up and she was soon going to school where she learned important facts about her hometown of New Haven which claims to have invented the hamburger, “New Haven Style Pizza”, the cotton gin, the corkscrew, lollipops, the Frisbee, and the question mark….

Trish

During her childhood Trish developed many of her best friends. She would also would sit around during recess at school and let a girl attempt to coerce her into joining a cult.

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Cathy

Trish

Sandy Jackie

TrishMonica

Trish

Growing up Trish went away to high school which was a harrowing experience. It is during high school that most serial killing starts. At least that is what I learned from horror movies. (Please note that there may not have been any actual serial killers in white masks. That may have been the movie Scream but it is obvious from the picture of Trish on the right that high school was scary.)

Trish

High School wasn’t all bad. Trish also studied, rowed crew, played squash, met one of her best friends, Adriana, and eventually graduated.

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Adrianna

After High School, Trish went to jail. Actually, it may have been Yale, I should have paid better attention to this part of the story.

During these years she either hung out on the library steps or in her cell.

Trish spent four years either

Studying or doing laundry for other inmates

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Trish

?

?

Four years later Trish was either paroled or graduated!!!!

Trish ?

With this period of her life over Trish moved to Louisville, Kentucky. (Note that moving across state lines does indicate that she likely was not paroled making it more likely that she went to Yale and not jail.)

While in Louisville Trish met Jonathan, possibly the best person in the world. His intelligence, attractiveness, sense of humor, athletic ability, and ability to make things fun are unmatched by anybody else in this world. After the incredibly lucky event of meeting Jonathan for the first time they started dating and fell in love.

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Trish

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Jonathan

JonathanJonathan

After Trish almost

died at the bottom of

the Grand Canyon on a

camping trip out West,

Jonathan took

advantage of this

emotional vulnerability to

actually get this wonderful

woman to marry him

Trish

Jonathan

There is some debate on when they got married but state records in Connecticut show that Jonathan and Trish were actually married on June 8th not June 7th as initially claimed by Trish.

JonathanTrish

They then went on their honeymoon which was said to be an amazing time. Eventually they had to put their clothes back on and get back into life. They continued to travel and enjoy themselves.

Jonathan

Trish

Next Trish decided to go back to school and get a graduate degree at Wharton (possibly because she didn’t have the college experience because she was in jail?). It was two years of partying, studying, and partying.

Trish

During this period of time she also left a swath of destruction in her wake including overthrown dictators (Egypt), hurricanes (Outer Banks), earthquakes (Japan), and dead bodies (Cornwall).

At this point the story is still to be continued. What will the future bring? Will Trish ever grow out of corny jokes or baby socks? Will anybody be willing to travel with Trish and Jonathan given their record for disaster? Only time will tell.

One thing is for certain. She will continue to make other women jealous with her good looks, intelligence, personality, and her wonderful husband. Another thing that is certain is that Trish and Jonathan will continue down the road to happily ever after.