the charity for bereaved children

WELCOMEWELCOME

Danny Nugus, Service Development & Training Manager, Winston’s Wish

UKASFP 2009 National ConferenceUKASFP 2009 National ConferenceKeele University 12Keele University 12thth June 2009 June 2009

Solution focused practice with young Solution focused practice with young people, bereavement and self-harmpeople, bereavement and self-harm

the charity for bereaved children

Comfort zonesComfort zones

Comfort zone

Stretch zone

Panic zone

the charity for bereaved children

Michael Rosen’s Sad Book

Michael Rosen

Illustrated by Quentin Blake

Walker Books Ltd, 2004

ISBN 978-0744598988

the charity for bereaved children

• 55 children a day are bereaved of a parent

• Every 22 minutes a parent dies – approx 24,000 newly bereaved each year, not counting other family members and friends

• 480,000 (4% of) children in the UK <18 y.o. have experienced the death of a parent or sibling

• A child is bereaved through murder or manslaughter every day – 800 such deaths in England and Wales each year

• Every 6 hours a child is bereaved of a close family member through suicide – 4 a day (1400/ year)

ChildChild Bereavement Bereavement StatisticsStatistics

the charity for bereaved children

• 41% of all young offenders have experienced bereavement

• Looked After Children are more likely to have experienced the death of someone close to them

• 47% of bereaved 18-year-old girls try drugs, compared to 20% of those living with both parents and 37% of those whose parents were separated

• Over 50% of children and young people bereaved of a parent show distress and depressive symptoms, and these may persist over time.

ChildChild Bereavement Bereavement StatisticsStatistics

the charity for bereaved children

If a bereaved child receives timely and appropriate support, all of the aforementioned risk factors are minimised.

In fact, with the right support, they are more likely to develop into resilient adults because of that life experience, not in spite of it!

Research on resilienceResearch on resilience

the charity for bereaved children

NEMI, by Lise NEMI, by Lise (Metro, 31.05.06)(Metro, 31.05.06)

the charity for bereaved children

Winston's Wish helps bereaved children and young people rebuild their lives

after a family death.

We offer practical support and guidance to families, professionals and to anyone

concerned about a grieving child.

We want children to avoid the problems that can occur in later life if they are unable to express their grief, and to develop their resilience and achieve

their full potential.

Bringing families Bringing families togethertogether

www.winstonswish.org.uwww.winstonswish.org.ukk

the charity for bereaved children

‘Gone’: Newsround DVDCase Studies – Learning from the real experts

• What SF principles/ assumptions are evident?

• What things applicable to grief (esp how children grieve &) fit best with a SF approach?

• What SF skills/ tools/ questions/ approaches could be used in supporting bereaved children?

• What else?

Listening to children’s Listening to children’s voicesvoices

the charity for bereaved children

Child bereavement theoriesChild bereavement theories & solution focused & solution focused

potentialpotential1. What are the challenges/ opportunities to SF ways of working?

2. What has worked for you/ your clients that you could apply to work with bereaved children/ yp, including those who self harm?

the charity for bereaved children

Oscillation

Loss Oriented

Intrusion of grief

Relinquishing-continuing-

relocating bonds / ties

Denial/avoidanceof restoration

changes

Everyday life experience

Restoration-oriented

Attending to life changes

Distraction from grief

New roles/identities/relationships

Grief work

Doing new things

Denial/avoidance ofgrief

The Dual Process The Dual Process ModelModel

Stroebe & Schut, 1999

Group 1Group 1

the charity for bereaved children

‘‘Growing around grief’Growing around grief’Tonkin, 1996 Tonkin, 1996

A. Grief can feel all consuming

It used to be thought that:

B. Grief should diminish over time

&C. Eventually become

encapsulated in a small manageable way

However...

D. Life experience can expand to accommodate the bereavement while making space for new things

“In some ways the pain of grief itself stayed much the same… But as time went on my world expanded so it felt less suffocating.”

Group 2Group 2

the charity for bereaved children

Continuing BondsContinuing Bonds

• Healthy grief does not require the grieving person to sever their bond with the person who had died in order to accommodate the loss in their life

• Relationships continue

• Bereaved remain psychologically and emotionally connected to the deceased

• Connection develops and changes over time

• These ‘connections’ provide solace, comfort, support and ease the transition from the past to the future

• This process is crucial in terms of self-identity

Klass, Silverman & Nickman, 1996Group 3Group 3

the charity for bereaved children

Is this solution Is this solution focused?focused?

the charity for bereaved children

Is this solution Is this solution focused?focused?

the charity for bereaved children

Butler, W & Powers, K (1996) Solution-focused Butler, W & Powers, K (1996) Solution-focused grief therapy. In Miller, Hubble & Duncan, grief therapy. In Miller, Hubble & Duncan,

Handbook of SFBT Handbook of SFBT (Ch10)(Ch10)• It is not techniques that do the therapy – collaboration is crucial in addressing bereavement

• To be with the client is the most important principle in SFBT

• Validate the client’s experience (Durrant, 1989) while pursuing

possibilities (“both/ and” perspective -Lipchik, 1993)

• Remember that the answer lies within – even in difficult and challenging issues like grief

• There is no real difference between SFBT with grief and SFBT with other problems

• Future-Oriented Questions, Exceptions and Coping, Scaling Qs, Process and Pacing, and Goals

the charity for bereaved children

Some other useful readsSome other useful reads

• Joel Simon – Solution-Focused Bereavement, 2007 SFBTA Conference Toronto, Canada http://www.sfbta.org/sfbta/handouts/Solution-Focused%20Bereavement.pdf

• Allan Wade (2007) Despair, resistance, hope: Response-based therapy with victims of violence; and ‘Small acts of living: everyday resistance to violence and other forms of oppression (1997).

• Matthew Selekman (1993) Pathways to Change: Brief Therapy Solutions with Difficult Adolescents. NY: Guilford.

• John Henden (2008) Preventing Suicide: The Solution Focused Approach. Chichester: Wiley.

• Yvonne Dolan (2000) One Small Step: Moving Beyond Therapy to a Life of Joy. NY: Haworth.

• Insoo Kim Berg & Therese Steiner (2003) Children’s Solution Work. NY: Norton.

• Who/ what else? …

the charity for bereaved children

ConsiderationsConsiderations• There is no right or wrong way to grieve

• It is an individual journey – experts in their own grief

• Grief is not a pathology – not a ‘problem’ to sort out

• Grief is a normal response to an abnormal set of circumstances – requires a normalising, non-prescriptive approach

• Children are more than their grief/ problems (ordinary children; extraordinary circumstances)

• Grief is a dynamic process – not a static state of being – always movement, coping, exceptions, potential for moving forward and considering possibilities

• Can learn from what helped/ helps to manage future difficulties (e.g. anniversaries, other losses, etc) – increase confidence; decrease

dependency

the charity for bereaved children

ConsiderationsConsiderations

• One doesn’t ‘get over’ grief – learn to live with, manage it, be in control of it and draw strength from it

• No-one wants to be stuck in grief – always goals/ hopes/ a preferred future that fit with above

• Talking about it does not make it worse – the worse thing has already happened

• Child needs reassurance that you can bear to listen (non-shocked, non-judgemental) and permission to share experiences openly if they choose

• Acknowledging pain and complexities of grief responses creates space and safety for exploration of future possibilities

the charity for bereaved children

ConsiderationsConsiderations

• Need to give back choice and control – especially at a time when it can feel like everything is out of their control. Children are empowered through information and involvement, not ‘protection’/ exclusion

• Acknowledging self-harm as a coping response can enable exploration of other possibilities/ safer coping mechanisms and create space for future-focus

• Choice re how they continue/ define/ utilise relationship with deceased in a way that’s helpful for them (e.g. If ‘miracle’ is dead person being alive; or suicide-bereaved fearful they’ll inevitably follow a similar path)

• Meeting others similarly bereaved can help to decrease isolation and promote understanding and opportunities for young people to learn from/ support each other

the charity for bereaved children

One thing that I will take awayOne thing that I will take away

with me today (and one thing I will with me today (and one thing I will

leave behind)…leave behind)…

Evaluation forms please

the charity for bereaved children

Thank You Thank You and and

Goodnight!Goodnight!