Toxic childhood

„ABCXXI – All of Poland Reads to Kids” Foundation

In today’s world the number of children having problems with their emotional health, learning and behavior continues to

grow.

Children are unhappy and undertake, at an ever younger age, actions

that are harmful and dangerous for their health and life, as well as commit acts of vandalism and violence.

Children are not born worse than 30-50 years ago, but live in a toxic world created by adults.

WhWhat at destroydestroyss childhood? childhood?

• Economic engagement by both parents, who have no time to establish bonds with a child, protect the child against social toxins and expand its resources (breaking the evolutionary continuum)

• Technological advances – commonly accessible electronic media

• Lifestyle changes – brake up of families, lack of solidarity between generations, traditions, cultural information and values not passed down, attack on family values; stress, social pressure to pursue careers, make money and offer variety of extracurricular activities to ever younger kids, „rat race”

• Changed childhood concept: instead of protection – „preparation” for difficult and unpleasant life by proving kids with access to the dark side of the adults’ practices; sexualization of children

• Changed value systems – consumption-oriented, materialism, pleasures, entertainments, individualism and achievement of egoistic objectives; a child is a distant priority.

• Mass culture filled with agression, vulgarity, sexism, pornography.

Breaking the evolutionary continuum – distorted bonds

» Human children are born prematurely – – due to the upright body posture and the size of an infant’s brain (head), children cannot be delivered later. Human infants are the least independent of all mammals.

» Over the first year a child needs to be carried and has to stay close to its mother – it needs her warmth, feeling of security, touch of her skin, and movements similar to those in the womb.

» The bond is an evolutionary mechanism that guarantees child’s survival.» The child needs one, same, loving person, atuned to its needs, to take

care of it for the first three years. The mother is predisposed by hormones to take best care of a child on a continuous basis.

» At birth, children’s brains and needs are the same as they were in the Paleolithic period, when separation from the mother meant rejection and sure death. Today, small children also perceive separation and loneliness as a threat of death, hence they react with crying and despair. The trauma boosts production of cortisol, the stress hormone, that damages the brain tissue.

Breaking the evolutionary continuum – Breaking the evolutionary continuum – distorted bondsdistorted bonds

» Children who are carried continuously are calmer, do not cry, get familiar with the language and the world from a safer position of their mother’s arms, quickly become independent and responsible.

» Contemporary civilization damages children’s brains and mentality – – premature „abandonment” of children is commonplace, mothers do not carry their children, they return to work soon after their birth; it is the boys whose minds and souls suffer the most.

» Prematurely separated children (due to a separate bed and room, nurseries, loneliness) suffer from emotional disorders, have trouble calming down, concentrating and learning, experience difficulties in establishing healthy, close relations, can be aggressive, self—destructive, fascinated with evil.

Contemporary children do not receive what is necessary for their healthy development:

Bond with and love of parents, Parents’ time and attention,Emotional supply, Good behavioral role models, Proper system of values,Stimulation for mind and heart, Opportunity to succeed in the „good”

sense of the word.

Contemporary children receive too much of what is harmful for them:

Lack of bondLack of bondinging, , LLoneliness, stress,oneliness, stress,Neglected Neglected emotional emotional needs, needs, Pressure exerted by parents, school, peers, Pressure exerted by parents, school, peers,

massmass culture,culture,Poor education and bad role models,Poor education and bad role models,Excessive amount of entertainment that steals Excessive amount of entertainment that steals

the the time for time for personal personal development,development,Demoralization by visual media, video games, Demoralization by visual media, video games,

porn porn industry.industry.

Contemporary children suffer from emotional anemia.

„It takes a village to raise a child”- African saying

It’s getting ever more difficult to be a child!

It is also ever more difficult to be a parent, as the „village” that helped raise children is no longer there – the parents are missing their support network.

Features of contemporary childhood:

LLoneliness – separate bed and room, oneliness – separate bed and room, nurserynursery, hours spent , hours spent alone at home, lack of parents’ attention, even if they are alone at home, lack of parents’ attention, even if they are present,present,

AAnger and outrage – nger and outrage – a a result of lack of love (time, attention),result of lack of love (time, attention),

SSadness,adness,

PPoor language skills, lack of willingness oor language skills, lack of willingness and ability and ability to read, to read, poor thinking, problem-solving and focusing skills, poor poor thinking, problem-solving and focusing skills, poor social skills,social skills,superficialsuperficial knowledge, knowledge,

BBoredom and inability to find something interesting to do,oredom and inability to find something interesting to do,

AAnxiety and fear caused by terrifying images delivered by the nxiety and fear caused by terrifying images delivered by the media,media,

LLack of real ack of real meaningful meaningful life contacts is substituted virtually, life contacts is substituted virtually,

Features of contemporary childhood:

BBeing overloaded (by excessive amount of information, knowledge that is noteing overloaded (by excessive amount of information, knowledge that is not adequate to age, too many duties, pressure exerted by parents and peers),adequate to age, too many duties, pressure exerted by parents and peers),

Poor ability ofPoor ability of concentrationconcentration, poor control of stimuli,, poor control of stimuli,

BBeing absorbed by oneself – narcissism (result of neglecting the child’s needs),eing absorbed by oneself – narcissism (result of neglecting the child’s needs),

DDeficits in understanding and applying moral ruleseficits in understanding and applying moral rules and values and values,,

EEmotional disorders, neurological diseases, addictions,motional disorders, neurological diseases, addictions,

DDemoralization,emoralization,

IImproper nutrition, lack of physical activity and sleep – all resulting in physical mproper nutrition, lack of physical activity and sleep – all resulting in physical and mental development disorders,and mental development disorders,

EExtreme attitudesxtreme attitudes of parents of parents – lack of freedom and excessive control – lack of freedom and excessive control of a child of a child or complete lack of control.or complete lack of control.

Family-related reasons behind children’s problems:

» lack of time for children, parents have other priorities, are often immature and irresponsible,

» everyday life chaos, lack of structure, » lack of parental skills – too many demands or a permissive approach,» physical, sexual, emotional violence, » decomposition of the family, overloaded single parent – lack of energy for

the child,» disappearing mutli-generation families, lack of support from the outside,» moral relativism, consumerism, hedonism,» too much media and negative impact of the media and the mass culture on

the family; children used as a tool for satisfying parents’ needs and ambitions (pressure to achieve in school and in sports, „little miss” contests),

» lack of physical activity, junk food, shortage of sleep,» lack of good role models,» lack of father.

Influence of the media and mass culture on childhood degradation

» children have an easy access to terrifying and demoralizing content

» too many hours in front of a screen – physical, mental and social development disorders

» the media draw children away from studying and perfecting their skills, e.g. playing an instrument, reading, pursuing a hobby and other valuable activities; no time to practice sports and to sleep

» the media steal the time required to establish close bonds with family and friends; contacts through the social media and text messages are superfluous and illusive

» the media promote a system of anti-values based on appearance, strength and possessions; bad behavior models are promoted

» the media cause complexes about one’s own appearance – eating disorders, mood depending on appearance, obsession with fashion, expensive brands

» sexist and macho attitudes among boys, promiscuism among girls

Civilizational progress benefits adults, but Civilizational progress benefits adults, but harms children!harms children!

„If we fail to stop the toxic influence that technical and economic development exerts on our children, the next generations will not be able to continue with the task of sustaining and developing the civilization!”

Sue Palmer, author of „Toxic Childhood”

Without a long and good childhood no human can become a mature, responsible, emotionally healthy and independent individual.

We continue to shorten the childhood (crèche instead of house care, kindergartens for 2-year-olds, schools for 5-6-year-olds, access to improper „adult world” content)! RESULT: event 35-year-old adults are immature, irresponsible, dependent and unwise.

Protection and proper course of childhood should become an absolute priority for parents, politicians and the entire society!

The mission of parents and other adults The mission of parents and other adults caring about children – eliminating or caring about children – eliminating or reducing, in a radical manner, the impact reducing, in a radical manner, the impact that the toxic character of contemporary that the toxic character of contemporary culture exerts on children. culture exerts on children.

Detoxication of childhood should be a task Detoxication of childhood should be a task for the entire society, including males and for the entire society, including males and politicians. politicians.

Investing in physically, emotionally and Investing in physically, emotionally and mentally healthy children is a must. It is the mentally healthy children is a must. It is the best investment in our future!best investment in our future!

WHAT SHOULD BE CHANGED:

Every parent should be acquainted with children’s development-related needs such as:

» the need of bonding, encoded by evolutionthe need of bonding, encoded by evolution

» emotional needs and ways of satisfying theemotional needs and ways of satisfying themm

» proper upbringing methodsproper upbringing methods

» spending time with children, while pursuing valuable spending time with children, while pursuing valuable activitiesactivities

» the need to develop children’s language and mental skills the need to develop children’s language and mental skills ffrorom the moment they are born, through conversations and m the moment they are born, through conversations and daily reading, teaching moral values and offering daily reading, teaching moral values and offering role role modelmodelinging

WHAT SHOULD BE CHANGED:

Parents should be informed and aware of:

• the need to provide full-value nutrition and physical activity required for the brain to develop

• the need to allow children play freely in a safe environment without constant supervision of adults,

• the need to reduce the impact of the media, use them responsibly and in moderation, not sooner than at the age of 2-3

Raising social awarenessRaising social awareness

• about threats posed to childhood by mass culture and the contemporary life style

• about importance and necessity of:

- supporting families

-- raising children based on moral values, being aware that all our behaviors and attitudes are models that will be copied by our children

- cleaning the public space from demoralizing and hostile content – in the

media, advertisements, entertainment;

- counteracting misogyny and pornography that can be easily accessed by children over the internet

- winning activists, journalists and politicians to help achieve the aforementioned objectives.

»

Recommended reading

Ross Campbell – How to Really Love Your Children Sue Palmer – Toxic Childhood; Detoxing ChildhoodSteve Biddulph – Raising BoysJackson Katz – The Macho ParadoxMary Pipher – Reviving OpheliaNatasha Walter – Living Dolls. The Return of SexismDr M. Gigi Durha – The Lolita EffectMartin Large – Set Free ChildhoodReiner Patzlaff – Frozen StareChristine Hoff Sommers – War Against BoysCol. Dave Grossman, Gloria DeGaetano – Stop Teaching Our Kids to KillJames Garbarino – Raising Children in a Socially Toxic EnvironmentLeonard Sax – Girls on the Edge