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Towards the Light

Towards the Light

A lYlystic Poem

By

Princess Karadja

New York

Dodd, Mead and Company

1908

Copyright, 1908

By Dodd, Mead and Company

LIBRARY of CONGRESS

rwo Copes Received

NOV 9 9Od

Copyflflt iìtry

CLASS XXc. No

The Untversity Press, Cambridge, U.S.A.

1Vote

'I'HIS poem which is now brought to theknowledge of the British and Americanpublic was originally written in Swedish.It was published in that language a fewyears ago and met with extraordinary suc-cess. Six large editions were rapidly soldout. German, Dutch, and Danish versionssoon appeared. French, Italian, and Rus-sian are to follow.

I have myself undertaken the Englishtranslation, but am indebted to severalfriends for many a valuable hint.

It is no easy task to handle poetry in aforeign tongue. I claim the indulgence ofmy readers for this first attempt at Englishblank verse.

PRINCESS KARADJA.

BOVIGNY CASTLE

Gouvy, BELGIUM

Preface

THE poem that I now publishwas composed under strange circum-stances.

On midsummer night, 1899, I wasalone in the chapel at Bovigny Castle,praying on the tomb of my husbandand eldest son, when I suddenlyheard a voice whisper: " Fetch penand paper."

I obeyed. My hand drew auto-matically a sun, and wrote the words

Mot Ljuset" (" Towards theLight") without help of my personalwill. When I took the pen in myhand, I had no idea about what 1 wasgoing to write, but nevertheless I

[ vii ]

Preface

wrote fluently hundreds of verses.I must have become entranced. . . . Itseemed to me that the temperature fellquickly. . . . I felt chilled, althoughthe summer heat was oppressive. Mysoul was detached, all my senses weresharpened and acquired an extraor-dinary lucidity. I was so distinctlyconscious of the spirit voices that itwas almost as f I had written underdictation.

Everybody who reads this poemmight probably believe it to be theresult of long religious meditation,but such is not the case. The soulwhose evolution is narrated was anutter stranger to me. Most of thethoughts contained in this poem werenot mine five minutes before I wrotethem down.

Preface

WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?

No satisfactory answer can be givento that question. Telepathy is theonly possible explanation of such phe-nomena. Telepathy - transmissionof thoughtmust take place in someway similar to wireless telegraphy.

Vibrations of thought flash throughthe ether as well as electric waves.This now little-known psychic forcewill probably be mastered in thefuture. Living men will then, with-out difficulty, be able to communicatewith their disembodied friends. Fiftyyears ago the idea that two peoplemight exchange thoughts at a distanceof a hundred miles, by telephone,would have been considered prepos-terous. For my part I am absolutelyconvinced that free intercourse be-

[ix ]

Preface

tween liberated spirits and incarnatedsouls is simply a question of time.

In every period of history each

new idea has to fight its way. Mostpeople consider everything that theyhave not, personally experienced tobe more or less incredible. I shalltherefore not be in the least surprisedif my statement concerning the originof this poem is doubted, contradicted,or ridiculed; but I have decided toendure with resignation the annoy-ances to which I may consequentlyexpose myself.

Nobody who is not willing to en-dure personal inconvenience for thesake of truth is worthy to bear witnessof eternal verities.

[x]

7owards the Lirht

7owards the Light

OH ! Watcher in the silenthours of night,

Art thou prepared to greet thynoiseless guests,

The messengers from distant spirit

worlds?On rapid wings they now are

speeding hither.They float around thee; canst

thou not perceive them ?Soon shall thy spirit's eye discern

their forms.[ '3 ]

Towards tile Light

Hark, child of earth! A chimeof silver bells

Descends to thee from starry

worlds above,While gentle fragrances enchant

thy sense.

The darkness dies.. .

. A radiantlight appears.

Behold the ambient flame en-circling thee,

That flame of living light - itis my soul!

My voice now whispers gentlyin thine ear

I too was once a mortal such asthou.

i: ' I

Towards the Light

I am not dead, although my dusthas lain

Deep in the silent tomb for manyyears.

I am not dead! My spirit stillis 1iing,

Serene and strong, robed in im-mortal garb.

I will to thee my earthly lifeunfold,

Then shalt thou comprehend thyfuture fate,

For I shall show thee all the pathI trod

From earthly darkness to thespheres of light.

[ '5]

Towards the Likht

Thou art a tool, chosen byHigher Powers,

To tell the world what thoushalt here behold.

The gift of words is thine; thoushalt express

My mighty thought, whichdominates thy mind.

Unknown to thee I hither ledthy steps;

Thy destiny I welded link bylink.

My hand, oh woman! chiselledout thy soul:

Resist thy Guide no more! Sub-

mit in peace!

[ o ]

Towards the Light

No blessed crop can grow onuntilled ground;

Deep furrows have been drivenin thy heart,

And now at last I sow: minehour has come!

May God in mercy overshadow us!I lift thy soul up to the source

of Light;Help others as I now am helping

thee.

Write down the message that Ibring to-night

With humble thanks because thyhand was chosen!

"Who art thou ?" - dost thouask. - I am a sinner,

[ '7]

Towards the Light

Who through repentance hasatoned his crimes.

My name on earth is utterlyforgotten;

My race is swept away from offits face.

I was a man who once had richpossessions

Alas! A sorry use I made ofall. .

No gentle memories of lovingdeeds

Survived me in the dismal hourof death.

Yet once I did possess a thousandtreasures -

Towards the Light

Rank, beauty, health and richesall were mine.

Men envied me as fortune'spetted child.

I deemed myself created to enjoy,And carefully fulfilled that

pleasant mission.

No broken sob could reach mydeadened ear,

Nor raise an echo in my emptyheart,

Where on a throne of ice myspirit dwelt,

Adoring as supreme Divinity,As centre of the world, as Lord

and God

i: ' ]

Towards tile Light

The only being whom I lovedMyself!

But years rolled on . . . ever thewell-known round!

Earth had no pleasure left for

me to taste.I was so weary that life's pageant

palled,

And duller, greyer, grew thelengthening days.

My selfish soul was filled withblank despair.

I grew to hate the joys that couldnot still

My craving after something I hadmissed,

[ 20 ]

Towards the Light

A precious something I had failedto win.

What might it be, I knew notonly this:

'Without it life was wasted, drearand void.

At last when I had emptied tothe dregs

Life's pleasure-cup, I longed fordreamless sleep.

The chill embrace of death wouldcool my brain. . .

Rest! Rest! Eternal rest - oh,priceless boon

I had no terror of the starlessnight,

[ 21 ]

Towards the Light

And scorned the thought ofcoming Judgment Day.

Annihilation seemed to me

elysian,

For I was weary - weary untodeath.

But in farewell I first wouldsummon round me

All that in former days hadcharmed me most:

Wine, women, music, light andfragrant flowers -

And so surrounded I would breathe

my last.

It was a merry night and I thegayest,

[ 22 ]

Towards the Light

Because Life's dreary farce soSOOfl would end.

was my last pride to smilinglyapproach,

Without a trace of fear, my yawn-

ing tomb.

The flickering lights burned low;the flowers drooped;

The hour grew late; my noisyfriends had gone.

One guest remainedI was alonewith Death

Whom I had dared to summonto my feast.

[ 23 ]

Towards the Light

A flasha shotthen deepestsilence reigned.

One thrill of anguish quiveredthrough my frame -

Then all was still! A sense ofdreary numbness

Crept slowly, surely over all mylimbs.

Around me deepest night .

Yea . . . ebon darkness.If death had come why did it

fail to bringThe blessed sleep for which I

yearned so long?When would oblivion sweep away

the past?

[ 24 ]

Towards the Light

Why this delay? At last a dawn-ing fear

Shook me that something wouldheginbut what?

I waited thus with panic-strickensoul. .

Death I had courted to escapemy thoughts;

I had destroyed myself; I mustbe dead!

I felt my body growing stiff andcold;

The heart had ceased to beat, thepulse stood still.

I was a corpse - mere matter -nothing more,

[ 25]

Towards the Light

A thing which surely was bereftof sense

Yetafter deathhow couldmy body think?

I was aghast, for now at last I

knew

That I had failed to murder allin me,

One part was leftmy thoughtwas still alive!

No mortal words can ever paintthe terror

That seized me when I graspedthat awful fact.

My senses seemed to whirl in

stormy chaos[26 ]

Towards tile Li,ht

What would myfuture be? Whenshould I know?

The night was dark; nowhere aray of light.

And I must wait . . . For what?I dared not guess.

Was it eternitywas it an hourThat I endured this torture of

suspense?

I cannot tell! It seemed a thou-sand years,

To be alive against my will!What doom

For me, who hoped the grave to

be the end!

[ 27 ]

Towards tile Light

Could there be truth, then, in1 i- 1,tne L'evn S cree

Of an avenging God, who, merci-less,

Condemns all sinners to eternalhell?

If so, I meant to bravely meetmy Judge,

And to receive erect the cruelsentence.

I courage felt to calmly all en-dure -

If but the torture of suspensemight end.

Still time went on. . . In vainI claimed my doom.

[ 28 ]

Towards the Light

No Judge appeared! A cry ofkeen distress

Broke forth at last, deep frommy frenzied heart;

I clamoured wildly: "Oh, havemercy, Lord!

A voice at once replied from outthe gloom:

"What is thy wish? Whatfavour dost thou claim

From God, whom thou hast allthy life denied?"

I murmured humbly: "Lord, aray of Light!"

[ 29 ]

Towards the Light

At once a flash of Radiance fellon me,

And I beheld myself! Oh, bittershame!

Most ghastly is that moment forthe man

Who lived in utter darkness hereon earth.

Pray for the blind, that theymay not despair

When after death at last theiropened eye

Shrinks from the sight whichthey are forced to see,

A human heart in hideous naked-ness!

Towards the Light

The angels of the Lord beholdit trembling,

And turn away at once theirshuddering glance.

In abject shame the soui attemptsto hide,

And, full of anguish, begs forsolitude.

God grants that grace. The soulis left alone -

Alone ith all the shadows ofthe past.

I saw my earthly life glide pastin vision . .

Scene after scene, fbrgotten longago.

[ 3' ]

Towards the Lzht

How blind - insanely blind, hadI not been!

The sight of all my crimes con-founded me.

They crushed my spirit with theirleaden weight. .

At last I whispered: "Punish me,oh Lord!"

The voice replied: "God claimsno penalty

Sin punishes itself. Each evilseed

Allowed to grow in wantonliberty

Must bear its bitter crop of painand woe.

[ 32 ]

Towards the Light

The angels of the Lord no angerfeel

At human crime; they see its

fruit arid mourn.Unhappy spirit, thou hast asked

thy sentence ILearn, then, that long ago thy

fate was sealed.'There where thy treasure is,

thy heart will be.'Thus spake the Christ. These

words contain thy doom.Each man has something which

he dearest holdsHis God, - a fellow-creature, or

himself.

On earth he is at liberty to choose

[ 33 ]

Towards the Light

A treasure to be kept eter-iially.

The soul can after death no moreabandon

What during life it found mostfit to love.

What was thy treasure? Hapless

fool - behold it!"

A flood of light streamed downand I perceived

A lifeless body stretched uponthe floor

Amidst a pooi of blood. It wasmy corpse.

"Behold thy treasure! Thoucanst claim no other.

[ 34 ]

Towards tile Lzht

Thou art compelled to keep thycherished God.

Thou tnad'st an idol of a lumpof clay,

No more to leave it is thy awfuldoom .''

No, no ! " I shrieked, " I willnot thus be fettered

Ah! Loose me from the body Idestroyed!

I love no more this thing. Ihate to see it.

Oh, set me free! In mercy breakmy chains!

"Hark! Thou hast entered spiritlife unbidden;

[ 35]

Towards the Light

No room with us was yet pre-pared for thee.

The threshold of Eternity no manMay cross before his final hour

has struck.The plans of God no mortal ever

altered:He is the Master over Life and

Death.There is a lesson all on earth

must learnAnd none may slip away, the task

undone;Nor lightly fling the human garb

aside,

Until the soul is fit to leave itsdwelling.

[ 36 ]

Towards tile Light

Woe to the man who scorns thegift of life,

Who, greatly daring Heaven,would extinguish

The spark Divine, which burnswithin his soul!

The deed is vain, he only makesmore sure

The fate he has created by his acts.

The sacred tie, uniting soul andbody,

Is only severed at the Lord'sCorn in and.

The will of thy Creator links thyspirit

Still for a time to this poor clay.. . Submit!

[ 37]

Towards the Light

Learn to abide in patience -captive soul

The day when liberty shall dawnC 1 'ior tnee.

"So hope remains? My punish-ment will end?

I am not chained for all eternity ?"

I cried aloud, all thrilled withgratitude.

The angel answered: "Everypain will end.

One sin alone can never be for-given,

The sin of pride that does notwish for grace,

[ 38 ]

Towards the Light

For then the spirit dooms itselfto darkness.

God's arms are ever open. Everysoul

That struggles bravely upwardsfinds the Light.

Though far the Goal yet it isreached at last !"

I murmured low: "Most merci-ful thou art.

Oh, glorious angel, let me knowthy name."

"Canst thou not guess it? OftenI approached

Thy stony heart and strove togain admittance,

[ 39 1

Towards tile Light

But was repelled as soon as I

drew near.I am the mournful angel men

call Grief!The Lord of Mercy sends me

down to earthTo show the way, which leads

men up to Him.I sow in sinful hearts contrition's

seed,

Then buds humility from burn-ing shame.

The yearning soul strives hard toleave the mire;

Though weak and trembling stillit bravely seeks

[40]

Towards tile Light

To climb the thorny path towhich I point.

Then hasten to his aid the RadiantH ost,

Who, in the name of Christ,work deeds of love.

Their gentle hands cannot removeall pain,

But they give strength to bearthe heavy cross.

They fill the weary soul withhope and courage,

And whisper promises of comingbliss.

The pilgrim soon is taught tofix his gaze

[ 4']

Towards the Lz,ht

Above the darkness of this presentworld,

Up to the distant home whereall is peace.

For thee there still remains thycrown to earn

Of Faith and Hope and Charityentwined.

These thou must tend and nourishin thy heart,

But first the arduous task of'Patience' learn!"

How desolate and cold the grave-yard seemed!

My only home in dismal winter-nights

[ .z ]

Towards tile Light

If I had better used the gift oflife

Preparing me a nest in faithfulhearts,

My frozen soul might now havebeen their guest,

And found relief and warmth atfriendly hearths.

Alas! On earth was none ofhuman kind

Whose grief attracted with mag-netic power

My wretched soul, by all aliveforgotten.

I was alone in solitary gloom,The one companion leftmy

lifeless frame.[ 43 ]

Towards the Light

Despairingly I searched a thou-sand graves

In hope to find another, living soul

Chained to the empty forms thatmouldered here

Beneath the snow. . . . Alas! Itwas in vain!

Each soul had left the worn-outshell of dust

In former days the object of itspride.

Each one had gladly flown. I

I aloneWas still a captive in this place

of dread,Indissolubly fettered to my

corpse.

[44]

Towards the Lzhi

No thing on earth e'er filled mewith such loathing!

My ghastly treasure! . . . Withintense disgust

Day after day I watched its slowdecay.

Sometimes the broken eyes wouldseem to weep

As though, attempting to expressmy grief,

They fain would bring me therelief of tears. .

One night I wandered round thedreary grounds

And reached the gate. Then inthe dismal darkness

[ 451

Towards tile Light.

I heard a broken sob, a feeblewailing.

Who could it be? Who brokethe ghastly silence?

A living being? If sowhycame he here?

It was a child, a small desertedchild,

Left here to perish in the wintersnow.

I felt compassion for the tinywaif

Who softly sobbed himself tosleep forever,

And anger 'gainst the motherwho could leave

[46 1

Towards f he Light

Her child alone to meet a frozendeath.

What punishment too great forsuch a sin?

What could atone for such a crueldeed?

In righteous wrath I cried:"Accurst be she

Who has abandoned this defence-.less child!"

Like clap of thunder rang theanswer forth:

"Man, who art thou, who darestthus call down

The holy wrath of God upon thysister?

[ 47 ]

Towards the Light

The sinner thou hast recklesslycondemned

Thou shalt behold! Repent thymalediction

Leave to thy God, the StrongAvenger's hands

The care of vindicating martyr'sblood!"

Beside me stood an angel. Sad

and sternI found his look, which seemed

to pierce my soul.He grasped the hand I tremblingly

outstretched,Then, swift as thought, he swept

away with me.[ 48 ]

Towards the Light

He took me to the city where Ilived

In former days. We reached aden of vice,

Where during life I was a con-stant guest.

At his command I entered it

again. .

How weird, how strange appearedthe house of sin

Aghast, I saw among the shame-less crowd

Unnoticed guests from silent spirit-

worlds

Stand dark and threat'ning closebehind the living.

[ 49 1

Towards the Light

I saw how evil souls with deadlyhate

Urge fallen men to ever darkerdeeds;

I saw God's angels struggling hardto save

The sparks of virtue, not extin-guished yet.

This noisy palace was a battlefield,

Where little recked the mortalsthat their fate

Hung on the silent fight 'twixtlight and darkness.

But many gloomy spirits, too, Imarked,

Who did not fight, but wanderedround the place

[ 50 ]

Towards tile Light

In dismal watchfulness and dumbdespair.

These were the souls, who oncehad thriven there.

Mortals, who spend their lives inwanton revels,

Mourn bitterly, when solemndeath appears,

And sternly summons them toleave this world.

They strive against their lot. . .

They fain would lingerStill on this earth, whose vilest

pleasures

Emprison after death their haplesssouls.

Towards tile Light

They have no strength to rendthe loathsome fetters,

That vice has forged. Earth'sjoys they still remember. .

Alas, poor slaves! They love andmiss them yet.

Their evil lusts remain and torturethem

Since they no longer can be satisfied.

Thus they remain until desire isdead,

Compelled to watch the sins ofliving men.

At length they loathe the verysight of vice.

Then slowly they forget theirlow delights:

[52]

Towards the Lzht

Unclean remembrances are sweptaway. .

The soul begins to long for purerair

And lifts its weary glance fromdismal earth.

Till lo! It sees a ray of distantheaven

And stretches unaccustomed armsin prayer. .

The heavy chains slip off: thesoul is free

Magnetic force attracts it up toGod.

When no regrets enchain the soulto earth

[ 3 ]

Towards the Light

Then it is lifted up by ardentlonging

To radiant spheres, that it can-

not approachUntil it learns that. Death means- Liberty.

I noticed then a spirit standingby,

With wistful gaze intently benton me.

How well I knew the form. . .

It was my mother!I flew to greet her with a cry of

joy,But she drew back avoiding my

embrace.

[ 54 1

Towards tile Light

On earth my mother's arms werenever closed

Against the son she tenderlyadored.

Now mournfully she pointedto the crowd

Surrounding us. . . . With burn-ing shame I cried:

Oh, Mother! Mother! Have Ibrought you here?"

She bowed her head in silent,tearless sorrow. . .

Then brokenly she whispered:"OIj, my son !

You were my idol - dearer thanmy God,

[55]

[ 6 ]

Towards the Light

Who granted me the gift ofmotherhood.

Enthralled by trammels of anearthly love,

No soul can rise. The tie mustfirst be broken

The clay we worship from itsaltar flung.

When death approached, I

yearned to stay with you.I had my wish! I was no longer

free.

My love had grown a chain at-taching me

Close to your side. Invisible Istood

Towards tile Light

And read within your heart yourguilty thoughts. -

I followed you with horror tothis place. .

My son! My son ! You weremy pride and joy,

But now my head is bent inshame for you.

You added grievous burden to mycross

By dragging me with you todegradation."

I stood amazed and overcomewith grief:

"Oh! Mother! Dearest mother- pardon me!

[ 57 ]

Towards the Light

I did not know. . . Oh! hadI only guessed

That your pure eyes could seemy darkest deeds,

My evil angel should not haveprevailed.

Nay, I had fought him then withmight and main.

No man on earth can surely beso fallen,

That he would plunge in vice, ifbut he knew

His mother's eyes could followhim. . . . Each one

Would shudder at the thoughtthat the departed,

[58 ]

Towards the Light

Dear to his heart, was thus com-pelled to be

A silent witness to his hiddensins

Atrocious is my doom! Yet -well deserved. .

But you! What crime is yours?Your love for me?

Are mothers punished for theirdeep devotion?

Unjust is He, who such a verdictpassed."

The shade of holy wrath, whichlong had darkened

My mother's tender features, van-ished now.

[ 59 ]

Towards tile Light

She gently smiled: "Do not soquickly judge

The sacred laws, you fail to un-derstand.

If keener pain is measured outto me

Than I deserve - I suffer not invain!

It is for your dear sake . . . I

murmur not.One day, my grief shall be your

gain, my child.When once you truly grasp the

love of Christ,Who suffered meek a thousand

pangs for us,

[ 6o ]

Towards the Ltht

Then, at the rnem'ry of yourmother's grief

You will adore the mercy of theLord."

"You love me still althoughyou now have gazed

Into the deep abyss, down whichI fell?"

I cried, all tremblingwith sur-prise and joy.

Then in a whisper soft theanswer came:

"I love you still - but now withtender pity.

My blind devotion helped to ruinyou.

{ 6t ]

Towards the Light

No mortal man is fit to be adored;I worship you no more! My

broken idolHas lost the power to enthral

my heart.Woe unto me! . . . I knew not,

in my blindness,

That women harm the men theylong to serve

By giving all and claiming noth-ing. Love

Must be the recompense of noblestrife;

A price to victory then it is

precious!

The love a man deserveshevalues high;

[ 6z ]

Towards the Liht

The love unearned, despises wan-tonly.

Once I was weak - the slave ofmy own heart;

Now I am strong: the ruler ofmy love.

It has no more the power to holdme down;

Strength from above is grantedit - to raise

"Oh, mother dear! Do notabandon me!

I am unworthy of your love"- I cried.

"But do not leave me, hopelessand alone!

[ 63]

Towards tile Light

You have your liberty: I still amchained. . .

Remain with me, though you atlast are free !

She answered gently: "Such asacrifice

Would bring no benefit to you,my son.

My mother-heart would gladlyshare your woe

If, by the sharing, I might rendyour bonds.

Alas! Each spirit has t6 fightalone

The strenuous battle with thelower self.

[ 64 ]

Towards the Light

No othqr back than ours maybear our load;

No human aid can drag for usour cross.

The only help I can bestow-is prayer.

Allow no hopeless sorrows to

consume you,Because I am compelled to leave

your side.My yearning lifts me upward:

you will followWhen you have learned to meekly

bear your fate.Be brave! For every victory you

gain

[ 6 ]

Towards the Light

You will receive sweet comfort1irom aDove.

My mother vanished. I was leftalone. .

No friend in all this crowd! I

felt myselfAbandoned, lost and utterly for-

lorn,'My heart was filled with bitter-

ness intense.Then to the angel at my side I

turned:"Behold! Oh Lord! Even my

mother shuns me. .

Let me return unto my lonelygrave!

[ 66 ]

Towards the Lz/zt

I will not linger in this noisycrowd:

Abhorrent to me is the sightof sin,

I suÆered less in my dark solitude."

"Remember thy companion atthy grave,"

The angel gently said. "Fulfilthy mission I

The child is still alive. Gofind its mother

And crush her with thy righteousmalediction

Behold the woman in that cornercrouching. . .

[ 67 ]

Towards the Light

Draw near! 'T is she - go andobserve her well."

In silence I reluctantly obeyed.The pangs of grief had cooled

my earlier wrathRevengeful thoughts within me

long had died.What could I have to do with

that poor creatureHer shocking sin was no concern

of mine.I could not clearly see the woman's

face,

For she had hidden it with bothher hands,

[ 68 ]

Towards the Light

And 'gainst the table restedwearily.

Exhausted, desperate, she seemedtobe

A wounded animal that yearns todie. .

She could not laugh, as others ofher trade,

Nor weep. . . . The fountain ofher tears had dried.

I watched the hapless creaturetill my heart

Grew soft to her. The angelwhispered low:

"This is the woman, thou hastdared to curse!

[ 69 ]

Towards the Light

Remembrance of her child nowtortures her. .

Behold her grief! What panghast thou to add

To crush more utterly that brokenheart?

Why art thou silent? Dost thoufear to judge

The fallen sister, who before theestands?

God's justice she shall not con-front alone:

There is a man whose sin is

greater still.

That babe a father had! It washis duty

[ 70 ]

Towards the Li/it

To give protection unto child andmother.

He cast them both aside! Thiscoward deed

For vengeance cries to heaven,though on earth

Such acts are not condemned byhuman laws.

God made man strong that hemight help the weak

Whom now he ruins, careless

of remorse.Behold this woman here, so deeply

sunken!There was a time when she was

sweet and pure;

[ 7' ]

Towards the Light

Her only treasure her chasteinnocence -

She, thoughtless, gave away withlavish hands.

The man she loved and trustedtook the gift

And in return gave lifelong shameand grief.

He needed ot her love. . . . Anidle hour

It gratified a passing whim no

more!Cold scorn and mockery assailed

her stepsWherever with her nameless child

she went.

[72]

Towards the Light

Each door was closed. . . . Thisone alone was open;

So in despair the little one she left.Who for this crime should justly

bear the blame?"

Impulsively I cried: "The heart-less father

He murdered both the motherand the child.

So base a scoundrel is not fit1 Ito live!

The angel murmured: "Look ather once more

And beg thy God to be a lenientJudge!"

[ 73 ]

Towards the Light

I looked and looked againwith wonder filled.

And suddenly it seemed to me Iknew her. .

Her bended form familiar wasto me.

I sought 'mid half forgottenmemories: 7

I must have known ier - surely,ah! But where?

She raised her face: I saw thepallid features. .

Oh God! 'twas shethe happy,playful child,

Whose rosy lips-alas-hadtempted me.

[ 74 1

Towa,!ds the Light

I recognised the spot beneath thecurls,

Where I had kissed her last withlanguid lips.

I sank together with a shudderingcry.

The angel sternly said: "Thouart the man!

The helpless infant, flung awayto perish,

Whom thou hast deigned to pityis thy son.

The tiny victim waits. . . . Come,

watch him die !

Once more I stood beside thelonely spot,

[75]

Towards tile Light

Where - on his bed of snow -the boy was resting.

He was alive as yet, a1thouh thebreathing

Could scarcely be perceived, sofaint it was.

I bent despairing o'er the pros-trate form

And cried aloud in bitter help-lessness

"Oh, could I purchase with athousand pangs

One hour of life - that life I

once disdained,How quickly I would fly to

summon help.

[ 6 ]

Towards the Lzht

My hapless child, thou wouldstnot perish thus!"

My sigh no echo raised. . . . Itdied unheard.

The howling gale alone gave meresponse

By heaping higher drifts ofglitt'ring snow

All round that fragile wreck ofhuman life.

The child would perish if nohelp arrived. . .

No hope was possible yet stillI hoped!

It could notshould not be . .

I must prevent[77]

Towards the Light

My crime from reaping such abitter harvest.

Alas I I had no power to help.I felt

My utter- nothingness. My verysoul

Rose up to God in ardent suppli-cation.

In that dark hoúr of anguishfaith was born -

Faith in the mighty Lord, whosehand can snatch

Away from death its victims. I

attemptedTo lift my being on the wings

of prayer,

[ 78 ]

Towards the Ligin'

Humbly imploring God to sparemy child.

I then perceived a multitude ofangels;

Their silver voices chanted"Pray as we:

Thy will be done in heaven andon earth,

Oh God of love, forever and for-ever!"

I sank again down from thedazzling worlds

To which my ardent thoughthad tried to soar;

Half blinded by the glories thereperceived

[ 79 1

Towards tith Light

I never dared to stammer forthmy prayer.

How dismal, cold and dark theearth appeared.

Poor child! Why had I wishedto chain him there?

No! No! I ought no longer toprevent

His pure, white soul from takinginstant flight

Straight to the arms of Christthe children's friend.

A martyr's crown waits thosewho meekly suffer

For others' guilt. . . . My sonhad won that crown.

[ 8o ]

Towards the Light

"Ah! What is this? Whencecomes this wondrous light

Which now illuminates the nightwith brilliance?

It emanates from me!" I sawa flame,

Which issued from my icy heart't was love.

That spark from heaven, kindledby my child,

Was fed with burning fuel ofrepentance.

All thrilled with joy, I felt astream of warmth,

Of radiant light, all through mybeing glow.

[ 8i ]

Towards the Light

At last I knew how sweet it is

to love,And felt most grateful to have

learned that lesson.

The end drew near. . . . A snow-white childish soul

Emerged from out its brokenfragile shell

And I drew back, not daring toapproach,

Lest he in terror should recoilfrom me,

And shun the father who hadgiven him

The wretched gift of life, - andnothing else.

[ 8z ]

Towards the Light

The child was gazing out.He felt alone

There on the threshold of thatunknown world

To which he had been sum-moned. Would he still

No father find, with shelteringarms outstretched?

On earth his greeting was a

mother's tears. .

Though innocent, he was thechild of shame.

He had been born. . . . Thatwas his oniy crime!

Was not that crime by deathatoned in full?

[ 83 ]

Towards the Liht

Now that to spirit life he hadreturned,

Was there no father who hisduty knew?

He looked around and then per-ceived at last

The flame, which from my soulleapt forth to meet him:

"1 missed thee, whom I neverknew on earth!"

He whispered, nestling in myhungry arms

"Oh father, where thou stayest,let me stay !

"No! No! Around me all is

cold and dreary. . .

[ 8 ]

Towards the Light

Poor child, I will not share withthee my woe.

My crime against thee would stillmore oppress me

If I delayed thy luminous ascent.Look up! Behold the thousand

stars of heavenThy home is there! Spread out

thy snowy wings!I love thee. Gladly will I now

renounceThe joy thy presence would have

given me.Farewell, we soon shall meet. I

follow thee,When in His mercy, God my

pardon seals."[ 8 ]

Towards the Light

The child then cried "See, seethy chain is broken!

Oh father! Thou art free! Whatblessed joy.

Now, hand in hand to heaven wecan rise

We two togetheralways.God is good!"

\Vhat glorious bliss it was at lastto fly

Away from cloudy earth in liberty

And to approach. the sun, whosegolden rays

Surrounded us with roseate bril-hancy.

Divinely fair is the eternal dawn,[ 86 ]

Towards the Light

Which greets the first ascensionof the soul.

Its wondrous splen dour mirrorsfaintly forth

The great Creator's own magnificence.

Praise, glory and thanksgivingunto God,

Who made the sun - an emblemof Himself.

The human eye cannot endureits radiance

When spirits lift their glance toit they tremble

And reverently bend in adorationOf that sun's origin, the Source

of Life.[ 87 ]

Towards the Light

Man can by virtue of his thoughtscreate

A tiny world of beauty for him-self.

The thoughts of God gave birthto lustrous heavens;

The stars are a reflection of Hisglory.

Life, Love and Light composethe Trinity.

A myriad sparks proceeded fromthat source.

Each spark must grow till itbecomes a flame,

Which through Eternity will notbe quenched.

[ 88 ]

Towards the Light

How is the soul to grow? Throughsorrow only,

For grief makes man grow greaterthan himself.

Affliction winnows tares from outthe wheat. .

The wheat grows up. . . . It isthe crop of God.

Behold the drops of rain, whichfall from heaven;

They mingle briefly with thedust of earth,

Until the sun recalls them fromthe clay,

And lifts each sparkling drop upto the skies.

[89 ]

Towards the Light

So shall at last each wand'ringsoul return

Unto the Source of Life fromwhich it flowed,

There to enjoy communion withthe Christ

And merge in perfect unison withGod.

There is no Paradise of idle rest,Where blessed spirits dwell in

aimless joy.The highest goal to which we

can aspireIs to resemble God. To reach

that endWe struggle upwards through a

million years.[90]

Towards the Liç/zt

Eternal hope brings us eternaljoy:

We paradise create within ourbreast.

When Sorrow comes to visit

human hearts,That Angel's mission is to sweep

the TempleWhere God Himself elects in

grace to dwell.We follow in the mighty steps

of GriefWith gentle tread and cool the

burning wound;We kiss away the tear which hides

the sky.[ 91]

Towards the Light

Another Angel comes. . . . Hisname is PEACE.

He finds in broken hearts a

resting place.

rFo ev'ry spot on earth whereprayers rise

We quickly fly and carry themto heaven,

Descending swift with blessingfrom above.

We watch in patience by the bedof pain

And guide the falt'ring steps ofinfant souls;

We fill the poet's dreams withwondrous beauty,

[92 1

Towards the Light

And bid him hear a strain ofangels' songs.

His silent sobs we melt inharmony. .

His highest thought is but a giftfrom us.

Say! Can there bea fairer paradise?

Can mortals dream a joy exceed-ing ours?

Like Christ, we always sacrificeourselves,

Yet keep eternally more than wegive.

Now dawn is near. . . . Thy lampis burning low

[ 93 ]

Towards the Light

Thy weary head sinks down inlassitude.

Thy task is done: Our spiritchild created!

Fruit of my thoughtit hasgrown up in thee;

In pain brought forth, but yet oflove begotten.

The seed he bears within is LifeEternal.

That seed will germinate in

bleeding heartsAnd ripen to a crop of richest

blessing.

BOVIC.NY CHAPEL, BELGIUM.Midsummernight, 1899.

[94]

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