Tor EchoMonday, April 1, 2013 Spring 2013 - Issue V

President Anderson Changes His Mind

Vegetarian Hot Dog Day 2013

In an exclusive telephone inter-view with Tor Echo, President John Anderson announced “I’ll be back!” indicating that he has changed his mind and plans to remain as Pres-ident of Alfred State College. To show that he was adamant in this, President Anderson quoted from the most meaningful film ever made by the former Governor of Califor-nia to deliver this stunning reve-lation. He also informed Tor Echo that he never actually really all the way wanted to leave. Displaying his usual wit and whimsy, the Presi-dent used an Arnold Schwarzeneg-ger voice throughout the telephone interview. “Vell, I vas nevah going

anyvair. It was all an April Fool’s joke! Ha ha ha ha!” (In the interests of journalistic honesty, this reporter must report that President Ander-son’s imitation of “The Governator” was, at best, awful.) When asked what he told Whatchamacallet Uni-versity down there in Pennsylva-nia when he decided to stay here, President Anderson said that he explained he would miss the lovely winters here in Allegany County, “And how can I leave da Veinie Boo-bies from BB Shennanigan’s, eh?”

Tor Echo says, “You’re the Man, John Anderson!” (But work on that Arnold impression, okay?)

-- Continue reading on Page 5

Some of you may be wonder-ing what the hell is a vegetarian hot dog. Well it is a hot dog produced completely from non-meat prod-ucts. The Hot Dog Day Committee has decided that it would be best for this years Hot Dog Day to only sell vegetarian hot dogs. They are low-er in fat, calories, and contain no cholesterol, and little to no saturat-ed fat, compared to hot dogs from animal meats. Typically preferred by people following a low calo-rie, low fat or low cholesterol diet.

What does this mean for us stu-dents? Basically if you want a REAL hot dog on Hot Dog Day you are go-ing to have to go buy a grill and your own pack of hot dogs. The commit-tee believes that there are numerous health benefits to becoming a veg-etarian and that the town of Alfred should be introduced to them. We could all be a little healthier right?

Of course the hot dog eat-ing contest will only consist of vegetarian hot dogs. We hope that everyone is prepared!

Read the issues and more Online! www.torecho.wordpress.com

2 Tor Echo MondAy, AprIl 1, 2013

Movie Review: Animal House II – the Double-secret, 3-D, Imax Director’s Cut

Sebastian FergusonHello my readers. Today I am

going to tell you about the most de-pressing, gritty and realistic movie you will ever see: “A Goofy Movie.” Yeah, happy April Fool’s day every-one. When I received word that this month’s issue was going to be April Fool’s themed, I actually had a real struggle, which isn’t what your ex-pect from someone who reviews Animation. After all, everyone will say that cartoons are nothing but childish fun, but in reality, you won’t find any pure comedy like what you find with Ben Stiller or Will Farrel.

Animated films already have the luxury of crazy looking designs, un-realistic actions and effects, that you will no doubt get a real laugh from any of them. Especially a Walt Dis-ney inspired one. And with Goofy, the second most iconic and oldest character Walt Disney ever created, one would guess that a movie about him would be just goofs. Strangely, even I was under the persuasion that it wouldn’t be anything but a com-edy. So I guess you could say I got April Fool-ed by myself this time.

“A Goofy Movie” is an incredi-bly heartfelt and down to earth film, using realistic drama and cartoon escapades in changeably. The movie doesn’t just star Goofy, but his son, Max, as well. We learn right away that Max is ashamed of his father, being reminded of his lineage by the genetic HYUK that was passed down to him. He has a thing for a cute girl at his high school. But strangely enough, this girl is both realistically attractive for a Dog-

girl, but also realistically normal. What I mean is she isn’t a super model. And the movie goes so far as to outright tell us that she likes him back already. But Max, being the son of Goofy, is a little dense as well. Must be another family trait.

But rather than focus the movie on Max trying to win the heart of a girl he likes, we get Goofy, worried about getting pushed away by his son, taking him away for the summer on a Fishing Trip. Wanting to make sure the girl of his dreams doesn’t think he is a jerk for abandoning her at a party, Max lies and tells her he is going to a concert halfway across the country. Realizing that the concert will be played at the par-ty, Max has to find a way to get him and his dad to the Concert so that he doesn’t lose his chance with her.

Now, this feels incredibly nat-ural throughout the film. The ani-mators did an excellent job detail-ing the expressions in this. We can honestly tell that Goofy is saddened, or happy, or even the anger he feels of being betrayed by his son. Max’s problems are clearly stated and they are real problems. Goofy is a goof who wants to understand his son, and Max wants to be cool have noth-ing to do with his uncool dad. What parent or child doesn’t feel this way?

There are a few musical num-bers, but with Walt Disney, that’s kind of the norm. You expect a Dis-ney movie to have musical scenes. And there aren’t that many for those who don’t like them. The songs have a purpose, and they have some reasoning as well. One of the huge

numbers comes from Goofy just making up a tune as they are driv-ing, trying have some fun with his son. But as the number of singers grows, we end the number with the entire freeway singing, but it builds so naturally that, coupled with the cartoons singing, it feels right in place. This is used again when Max, trying to make peace with his dad, starts singing. The two start a beau-tiful duet that I feel personifies how a father and son feel about each oth-er. And as one who lost his dad, this is a song I would listen to over and over again, just for that feeling alone.

There’s no real antagonist in this movie, though Pete could be count-ed as one. Pete is Goofy’s co-worker who is much richer than him. Pete doesn’t really show any affection for his son, believing that all a kid needs to do is respect their father. Which opens a nice debate between them, should a kid treat his father as their best friend, or should they treat them as an authority figure. In the end, all we know is that both are valid methods sense both of their kids are pretty decent human(?)s who don’t try to get in trouble.

But Pete doesn’t show up that much in the movie, though for an hour and 15 minutes this film doesn’t give much room to have anything really. It is short, and if you are in need of some kind of family bond-ing experience, this is the best you’ll find. A lovely story telling of a father and son, learning to live life together.

Happy April Fools!

3 Tor Echo MondAy, AprIl 1, 2013

Grin and Bear It - in E.J. Brown HallRon Rhoades

Reports abound of a recent scary situation in E.J. Brown Hall. Upon exiting their classrooms on a recent Wednesday, students were confronted by a large bear strolling the halls with a sign around its neck. With a big “bear grin” on its face, the bear roared greetings at each student as they attempted to sneak by. At one point the bear stood tall on its hind legs, which had the effect of quick-ening the pace of many a student.

Asked to comment on the sign around the bear’s neck, one student replied: “It’s the same sign we all saw

in E.J. Brown Hall all of this past February - ‘Smile, Greet, and Walk Tall.’” Another student reported that the bear had retreated to the E.J. Brown cellar, ostensibly to hibernate and to dream up more “scholarly” success tips, while being serenad-ed by pre-1990’s music emanat-ing from the bear’s prized iPhone.

Late Breaking Update ... Profes-sor Grillo was reported to not hes-itate as he seized the iPhone from the growling bear, due to the phone’s use during class time. But then, from the cellar of E.J. Brown Hall, Professor Grillo was said to be mo-

mentarily frustrated when he could not find any windows to eject the phone from. Professor Grillo’s fa-mous yell was still heard when, un-daunted, he rushed up the stairs to the 4th floor with the bear’s iPhone, opened a window, and tossed it out while shouting, “No. 17, coming down.” The bear, saddened by the loss and destruction of its iPhone, was heard to grumble, “All the good music was written before 1990.” Students tried to console the bear by playing the recent song, “Keep Your Head Up,” but to no avail.

WETD Spotlight

Howdy everyone, my name is Troy Brown, but most people call me Brownie. I am a freshman here at Alfred

State, working on receiving my associate’s degree in biology, as well as bachelors in Forensics, concentrating

on drug chemistry. I have been a member of WETD starting this semester, and am currently on the Board of Directors as the Secretary. I plan on continuing this role for as long as I can. I am also the President of Peet Hall,

and plan on keeping that position through my college experience as well. My interests outside of WETD and classes include Frisbee, singing, and watching movies. When it comes to music, I enjoy playing a variety, but

typically punk, rock and country take priority.

Power DE:Rangers

4 Tor Echo MondAy, AprIl 1, 2013

Art World Stunned by Find at Alfred State

Twitter Announces New Policy

Alfred State & Alfred University Merger

Modern art lovers were thrilled to hear that a long lost Jackson Pol-lack splatter painting was found in a storeroom off the former of-fice of Neil Benedict in MacKen-zie East (or maybe South) (who knows?) on the campus of Alfred State College. Entitled “Upstate Cow” (see photo), the painting has been missing since the mid-1950s when it was sold by Pollack him-self to (according to Pollack’s hand-written receipt) “some hick with a pick-up truck” for $300. The piece is now worth approximately $70 gazillion or 666,666,666,666.66 Eu-

ros (as if we’d ever let it out of the country). The magnificent work

was “composed” (as Pollock liked to call his process) on a four foot by eight foot sheet of outdoor ply-wood, using ordinary house paint.

When asked what will be done with the art treasure, an anon-ymous ASC administrator said, “Well, we’re not sure. Our first thought was to hang it in the new student center, so it was stored over in that building. Unfortunately, due to an understandable but unfortu-nate misunderstanding, the paint-ing was used as part of the roof of the building and has been tarred over. There’s a 50-50 chance, of course, that the tar is on the back side of the artwork, and soon we will relocate the masterpiece or there will be hell to pay, I can tell you.”

It has come to a point where State University of New York (SUNY), wants Alfred State to merge with Alfred University. What does that mean of all of us that are currently attending this wonderful college. First is that we will no longer be paying state tuition. Hello private university! Why would they do this? Apparently, it will be more bene-ficial especially for the small town of Alfred. We all know that every-

one already confuses both colleges. Those outside of the area already think the colleges are combined. Lets just make it official. It is obvi-ous that most students from Alfred State don’t get along with those from Alfred University and vice versa.

You all may be wondering when this will be in effect. Sourc-es say that the merger will take place over the summer. We all will not be moving over to Alfred Uni-

versity, however both campus’ will be utilized. Construction to mod-ify Alfred State’s campus will take place immediately after graduation.

Enjoy the rest of the semes-ter as an Alfred State student; you will be the last students to ever at-tend the college. We will be sure to keep you updated as we become more away of the situation. May-be this will be a good thing for us as students and the community.

Tired of all those vow-els clogging up your tweets?

Twitter announced a solution late Sunday night, saying it will shift to a two-tiered service, dubbing its basic, consonant-only plan “Twttr.”

Late Sunday night, Twit-ter tweeted out, “Trd th nw Twt-tr yt? Mr tm fr mr twts!” (Trans-lation: Tried the new Twttr yet? More time for more tweets)

The social media service says for a mere $5 a month, you can keep your vowels by using the premium “Twitter” service.

“We’re doing this because we believe that by eliminating vow-els, we’ll encourage a more effi-cient and ‘dense’ form of commu-nication.” the company said on its blog. “We also see an opportunity to diversify our revenue stream.”

5 Tor Echo MondAy, AprIl 1, 2013

RetractionThis reporter thought of sev-

eral follow-up questions to ask President Anderson about his Presidential flip-flop, and so we hit star-69. We were, needless to say, amazed when we were immediate-ly connected with former Gover-nor Schwarzenegger himself in his Governor’s Library at the Gold’s Gym in west Hollywood. The buff

and affable Arnold was still laugh-ing at yours truly. “I pranked you! I pranked you!” he admitted, guffaw-ing madly. “Und Maria Shriwer say Mr. Uniwerse has no sense humor! Ha ha ha!” Well, does Tor Echo have egg on its face or what? We do hope that The Terminator didn’t notice our gibe at his Arnold impression.

Happy April Fools! - ed

April Fools?

Leadership vs. Management

Lila CampizYeah Yeah Yeah. It’s April Fools

Day. Big woop right? Everyone is pranking everyone just because it’s the one-day you could get away with it. It is a good thing that Tor Echo would never prank the student population here at Alfred State… or would we? Of course, we are jump-

ing in on the fun. It has become a bit of a tradition, and plus it gives us staff members to go crazy (with reason) and come up with the most random articles for just one issue. We hope that everyone enjoys this issue. It only happens once a year!

Like always I want to get out there that, we are always looking for

new writers. You can jump in at any-time or even send us anything at any time. All submissions will be con-sidered but they might not always be published right away. Take a chance and send us something, it would not hurt. In addition, you will have your name in print. How awesome is that?

When Noah heard the weather forecast he ordered the building of the ark. --- that was Leadership

Then he looked around and said, “Make sure the ele-phants don’t see what the rabbits are up to.” --- that was Management

Sponsored by Student Senate – your activities fee at work!

ORC

Outdoor Recreation Club

offers

White Water Rafting/Caving Trip Albright, WVA

April 19-21, 2013

Cost for Trip: $25/AS student w/college ID (cash only) + meal

punches (cost includes transportation, campground, rafting, wetsuit, food, and fun!)

Sign-up:

Wednesday, April 10, 2013 7 p.m.

ORC Rental Room, MacKenzie Complex

No Experience Necessary!!

Questions call Andy at 4329 or Kathy at 4228

O U T D O O R R E C R E A T I O N CLUB

Relay For Life 2013Fri., April 5 at 6 p.m. in Orvis Gym

Sign-Up online: http://www.relayforlife.org/