thriving as an introvert

8/13/2019 Thriving as an Introvert...

1/9

Nancy Okerlund Introvert Energy ww.IntrovertEnergy.com

Thriving as an Introvert in

the 21st Century

By Nancy Okerlund

Ive readThe Introvert Advantagebut I

find no advantage in being an introvert,said Sarah, frustrated. Her new job

teaching, research and administration at

a large university was big, exciting,demanding and taking over her life.

She greatly admired her boss. Peoplesee me as his sidekick but the model hes

mentoring is extreme extrovert, highly

charismatic. Its not who I am. Onepart of her thought the best she could do

was find some new ways to cope with

being an introvert.

But coping is below Sarahs standard, so

she decided to take on the challenge of

creating her own leadership style,authentic to who she is as an introvert.

One morning, months into her process

Sarah said, happily, Im allowingmyself tobe an introvert. She had been

working diligently: becoming more

aware of the traits of introverts, learning

about how to take care of her energy,getting really good at saying no to

things, developing her unique ways of

meeting the challenges of her work.And the advantages ofbeing herselfas

an introvert were becoming apparent.

A few months later, as she and herextreme extrovert boss discussed her

performance review, he said, Youreone of the top 5 to 7 faculty in this

department and youve done it in one

year. And you can say no and no and no

and it wont affect that.

Introverts experience life quite

differently than extroverts but mostpeople dont realize it. Because of the

widespread use of the Myers-Briggs

Type Indicator (MBTI), many peopleknow that a key difference between

introverts and extroverts is in how we

get our energy. As introverts, we drawour energy from the internal world of

ideas, impressions, feelings. Extroverts

get their energy from the external worldof people, places and things.

What most peopledontknow yet is that

this key difference is physical: werehardwired to be either introverts or

extroverts and we experience life as an

introvert or an extrovert very physically.

Heres something else not widely knownby introverts: were surrounded by

extroverts! Research says about 75% of

people are extroverts and the UnitedStates is a very extroverted society. The

American way wasnt designed with

introverts in mind. Becoming moreaware of what it means to be an introvert


2/9


2

might not have occurred to you as a high

priority. But turning yourself into what I

call a conscious introvert cantransform your life, as it did Sarahs.

Read on!

Introvert Hardwiring Simplified

Everyone is born with an introverted orextroverted temperament and it doesnt

change at will. As introverts, our brains

and bodies are wired differently thanextroverts. To take a brief visit into the

fascinating world of brain physiology,

the dominant pathway of blood flow inthe brains of introverts is longer and

more complex than the main extrovertpathway. And the key brain chemical

(or neurotransmitter) that travels on thepathway is acetylcholine. For extroverts

the dominant neurotransmitter is

dopamine. These two chemicals havevery different characteristics.

Another important hardwiring differencebetween introverts and extroverts is that

they use different sides of the autonomic

nervous system. Introvertspredominately use the parasympatheticor put on the brakes system; extroverts

use the sympathetic or give it the gas

system. Introverts have more bloodflowing to the front of the brain;

extroverts have more blood flowing to

the back.

No one is either completely introverted

or extroverted but just as were dominant

with the left or right hand, were alleither dominantly introverted or

extroverted.

But so what?! How do these invisible

physical differences between introverts

and extroverts translate into daily life?

Some examples:

Introverts longer brain pathwayrequires more processing time than

extroverts but it integrates complex

intellectual and emotionalinformation better;

Its harder for introverts to move our

bodies because we predominate onthe side of the nervous system that

requiresconsciousthought;

We use our long-term memory more

often than short-term, which requiresmore retrieval time;

We speak after collecting, processing

and drawing conclusions about our

thoughts and feelings; We tend to be very observant and go

deeply into our interests; We tend to be hesitant in unfamiliar

situations;

We need a low-stimulation

environment to recharge our energy.

All these ways of behaving are

consistent with how our bodies areorganizedas introverts. But we live in a

world that isnt geared toward our ways.

Life in an Extroverted World

Not only are 75% of people extroverts,but the United States reflects the

extrovert majority. Extroverts, with

their shorter brain pathway anddominance of the neurotransmitter

dopamine and the sympathetic nervous

system, naturally seek lots of external

stimulation. Extroverts need action.They operate on a quick reward system,

tire of the familiar easily, talk and think

at the same time, and like a broad focus.

American society supports the extrovert

way. As Marti Olsen Laney writes inThe Introvert Advantage,America was


3/9


3

built on rugged individualism and the

importance of citizens speaking their

minds. We value action, speed,competition, and drive. Its no wonder

people are defensive about introversion.

We live in a culture that has a negativeattitude about reflection and solitude.

Getting out there and just doing it are

the ideals. The negative attitudeextends to introverts in general, with

numerous misconceptions, including that

introverts are unfriendly, withdrawn,

lacking social skills, party poopers, shy,and nerds, and they dont like people.

The pace of life in the 21st

century is

faster than ever and showing no signs ofslowing. We live with more

information, more technology, morechoices, more challenges, more

decisions, more stress than ever before.

As introverts, we feel overwhelmed withthe pace, overwhelmed with the

complexity of the stimulation. We

struggle to keep our batteries charged.We struggle to express ourselves

authentically. We often think theres

something wrong with us because wedont seem to be in sync with the crowd.

Our valuable ideas get lost in the rush

or we dont express them at all. We

wonder if the misconceptions are true.

Some of us unconsciously try to be

extroverts. Others withdraw more thanwed prefer. Or we do both. Whatever

our strategies, as introverts we cope with

a challenging environment. Whatsbeyond coping? Whats involved in

thriving feeling at ease in the world

and functioning at our natural, optimaleffectiveness?

The Opportunity for Thriving

Its a curious thing that even though

most people are familiar with the words

introvertand extrovert, this aspect of our

temperament isnt well understood. Theterms were first used by the psychologist

C. J. Jung in the 1920s in his theory

about personality types. During the1950s Katherine Briggs and Isabel

Briggs Myers used Jungs work as a

foundation for their own research anddeveloped the Myers-Briggs Type

Indicator. Millions of people every year

take the MBTI, which has definitelyincreased our general awareness about

introverts and extroverts.

Now were in yet a new era ofunderstanding. Brain research has

documented the biological reality of

introversion and extroversion, that beingan introvert or an extrovert is a very

physical experience. Marti Olsen

Laneys work synthesizes the brainresearch, provides a comprehensive

profile of the introvert experience, and

describes the challenge of being anintrovert in an extroverted society.Scholars and practitioners of the MBTI

continue to offer new interpretations and

applications of that tool. New ground inawareness has been broken.


4/9


4

As a society, the potential for

understanding the dynamics of both

introversion and extroversion, anddeveloping them fully, is stronger than

ever before. But whats involved in

thriving as an introvert feeling at easein the world and functioning at our

natural, optimal effectiveness? What

would it mean for you?

Thriving as an Introvert

Thriving as an introvert isnt business as

usual we live in a world that mainly

doesnt recognize or value ourexperience. Thriving as an introvert

calls for changes that I considertransformative: big change. Reframing

how you see yourself. Understandingnew information. Understanding old

information in a new way. From this

new perspective, finding new ways tobehave, new ways to be an introvert. Its

transformative change, but its within

your reach.

Reframe: Being an Introvert is an

Asset

Like my client, Sarah, you may not think

of your introversion as an advantage.

Even if you dont pay much attention tothe stereotypes about introverts, even if

you feel quite alright about who you are,

its a powerful practice to be moreconscious of the strengths of introverts.

Thats the first step in the reframing

work. InThe Hidden Gifts of the

Introverted Child, Marti Olsen Laneyoutlines a set of twelve introvert

advantages for parents to nurture in

their introverted children. As you lookat the list, think back to your childhood

and see which of these introvert

characteristics you identify with andhow they looked in you as a kid.

Introverts have rich inner lives;

Introverts know how to smell the

roses; Introverts have a love of

learning;

Introverts think outside the box; Introverts excel in the creative

arts;

Introverts have a high emotionalIQ;

Introverts are gifted in the art of

conversation; Introverts enjoy their own

company;

Introverts are refreshingly

modest;

Introverts develop healthy habits; Introverts are good citizens; Introverts are good friends.

What did you notice about yourself? If

you read the list in extrovert mode, you

skimmed it quickly and vaguelyidentified with some or many of the

characteristics. Give yourself

permission to go back, slow down into amore naturally introvert pace, and find at

least five on the list that you easily know

about yourself or make you curious. Seewhat memories or questions they

stimulate. Then spend a few moments

looking at all the characteristics, as a

whole, and notice the strength, depth andbeauty of this profile of introverts.

George is a very sensitive introvert whoheaded a medium-size division in a large

organization. As we began looking at

who he is as an introvert, it wasnt hardfor him to recognize himself in the

profile and to own and appreciate his

many strengths. (After all, introverts arewired to be self-aware.) What was

challenging was to trust that he could

stop second-guessing his natural


5/9


5

introvert style (while swimming in a sea

of 75% extroverts!)

Week after week he experimented with

being more himself, and admiring it. He

began to notice how good it felt and oneday said, I think Ive had a shift in my

brain: what Ibringto this job is the

thing, its not the job Ido. Hisconfidence allowed him to gracefully

move into a new challenging leadership

position in the organization. Not long

after he started the new job, one of hiscolleagues said, When you speak,

something happens thats a good thing

your message is always listened to

carefully.

Reframe: Introvert Bodies Really Do

Work Differently

The second part of the reframing process

is to understand and trust the newinformation about the hardwiring, the

physical design, of introverts and

extroverts. Its as important asdeveloping a more positive perspective

about introverts and it doesnt mean

becoming an expert on the brain andnervous system.

After years of being self-conscious about

my habit of relying heavily on flip charts

when making presentations, I nowunderstand and trust that it has to do

with my complex retrieval system and

my adapting to intense stimulation andnot with lack of preparation. Knowing

that my nervous system is more naturally

oriented to stillness than movementmakes me compassionate with myself

about not jumping out of bed in the

morning, frisky as a kitten.

An introvert friend of mine has a

husband who loves to talk. When she

comes home after a work day thats been

filled with talking, she says, Im sorry,my brain chemicals are gone and itll

take some time for them to be replaced.

Once you have a basic idea about the

physiology of introverts and start being

curious about how your body functionsin your daily living, insights come.

Reframe: The World is Full of

Extroverts

Heres the third part of reframing: startassuming most people around you may

be extroverts. (Remember, the ratio is 3

to 1.) Typically people dont identify as

introverts or extroverts temperament ismainly invisible. Experiment with being

more aware of it.

On a Saturday evening not long ago I

went to a backyard birthday party.

About 25 people already beyond myparty comfort level and I knew very

few. At some point I decided to do an

innie/outie scan and realized I couldeasily pick out the handful I suspected

were introverts. That didnt

automatically erase all my discomfort

but I felt a sense of kinship with the


6/9


6

quieter ones and got into an interesting

conversation with one of them, off in a

corner.

Make Re-energizing Serious Business

One of my clients wondered, How do I

build in down time so its just part of my

life, so its not negotiable? Right nowits negotiable. If theres one thing

introverts may know about ourselves its

where we get our energy from. The

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator makes itclear: introverts get their energy from

the inner world of ideas, feelings,

impressions. We define ourselves on the

basis of our inner world and it gives usenergy.

Its one thing to know and quite another

to take care of. To maintain our best

energy, itsessentialthat we stay

connected with our inner life. Butremember, an extroverted society loves

doing. These days ours is moving so

fast that even extroverts, who thrive onexternal stimulation, are feeling over-

stimulated. Chances are good that

youre not getting enough down time.

For the past year or so, one of my clients

has been on the track of what she calls

her natural rhythm, experimenting andwatching herself to learn how to create

her right balance of inward and outward

time. One morning she said, Imspending more time in my yard, not

working, just being there. Not only have

you encouraged me specifically to dothat, our work lets me be okay with it

and know that its anecessity. I spent

several hours there yesterday, readingand watching the birds.

Another client, who works in a highly-

charged, stressful environment, has

come to recognize that playing solitaire

for hours isnt laziness or procrastination

- sometimes its exactly what she needs,to recuperate from days of meetings.

This is a very individual and fluidprocess whats right one day may not

fit the next and involves being

determined and being tuned into yourbody in a concrete way. But the benefits

are big. When we work well with

protecting our energy, our introvert

advantages are more naturallyavailable.

Intentionally Develop Introvert Ways

of Being in the World

Some years ago I realized Idunconsciously been trying to be an

extrovert. It hadnt worked, of course.

It was a big relief to figure that out but I

noticed I didnt magically know how tobe an introvert either. Now that the

physical dimension of introversion and

extroversion has been confirmed byscience, its easier to imagine the

possibility of an introvert or extrovert

way of doing something. Cultivatingyour unique, introvert ways of being in

the world, like managing your energy, is

an ongoing process, and a very

important aspect of thriving in anextroverted world.

It involves experimenting. Now that Ivestopped trying to be an extrovert, I

notice my natural pace is slower than the

worlds. One of my experiments is toget better at slowing down. When do I

need to ignore my slower pace and stay

with the crowd? What helps meremember I usually have a choice?

What happens around me when I decide

to slow down? (And the report from the


7/9


7

slow down front thus far is: very good

idea!)

Once you begin giving yourself

permission to live more intentionally as

an introvert, the possibilities areeverywhere - at work, socially, in your

intimate relationships, in your

relationship with yourself. One of myclients, in a work setting where she was

frequently asked for on-the-spot input,

developed the habit of telling people

shed get back to them after shedthought about it.

A seasoned introvert I interviewed

described how shes learned to acceptdinner invitations in part based on the

number of people wholl be there, nomatter how many of her favorite people

are included, because of the toll it takes

on her energy to be in too large a group.

It can be as simple as feeling good about

going to movies by yourself. Going to

the movieswith somebodyis about asAmerican as anything a very common

way for people to socialize. For an

introvert, going with one other personmight be very pleasant. But remember

that our introverted brains are constantly

processing external stimulation and

relating it to our inner selves. Imaginecoming out of a stimulating movie by

yourself, no conversation needed, quietly

allowing the experience to settle in asyou gradually re-orient yourself to the

outside world.

The challenge is to understand our gifts,

give ourselves permission tobe them,

pay attention to our energy and maybeeven start educating people around us

about this aspect of ourselves. The

reward is ease.

See Extroverting as a Skill, Not a Life

Sentence

The good news is that introverts have all

the equipment we need to extrovert-

its just not our predominant mode.Thriving as an introvert includes being

comfortable using extrovert skills, which

is quite different from living an extrovertlifestyle.

Before I became conscious about my

introversion, I almost always felt out of

place and I was confused by it. Itseemed as if Id been sentenced to a life

of mysterious discomfort. Recently I

spent several hours tabling a booth at

an Earth Day celebration, talking to lotsof people about a subject I didnt feel

expert at. I knew it was going to take a

lot out of me and it did but I feltcomfortable being uncomfortable; I was

choosingto extrovert and I was

impressed with how well I did it.

All the strategies Ive suggested for

thriving as an introvert reframing how

you see yourself, protecting your energy,developing your unique introvert ways

are individual, multi-faceted processes.

Its anartto thrive. Developingextroverting skills is no different.


8/9


8

Here are a few suggestions:

Explore Your Own ToleranceAll people hold the introvert/

extrovert continuum within us. Our

home place on it is determined byour genes, our physical make-up. As

introverts, some of us are at the

extreme end of the continuum, othersare more toward the center. Our life

experiences also influence how we

relate to a given environment. What

may be excruciatingly uncomfortablefor one introvert may be hardly

noticeable to another. Have fun

paying more attention to whats easy,

whats challenging for you.

Learn to Speak ExtrovertLearning to speak extrovert is a

very useful skill. Extroverts tend to

think out loud, speak in shorter

sentences, use a faster, more forcefulstyle than introverts, switch subjects

often, and dont always attach great

meaning to what theyre saying.Consciously practicing that style of

communicating can give you easier

reception in extrovert settings.Doing it in small, low stress doses

when youre feeling energized is a

good way to start.

Trust That You Know Enough

As introverts were naturally

reflective and prefer to go in depth.A related challenge is that you may

have a tendency to assume you dont

know enough about something, nomatter how much experience or

expertise you have. In more

introverted situations, like one to oneconversations, it probably feels

comfortable to acknowledge that.

But the thought of exposing your

self-perceived lack of preparation to

the larger world may feel so

uncomfortable that you stay silent in

group discussions or turn downopportunities to make presentations.

Experiment with the possibility that

you do know enough (because itsprobably true!) and start taking some

manageable risks.

Recuperate Before and AfterPlan to make breathing space both

before and after something you

consider extroverting. Even going toa concert or a baseball game that you

know youll enjoy immensely will

use lots of energy. Especially with

pleasurable activities, it may seemindulgent to be rested before you go

and to make less demands on yourenergy the day after, but for

introverts its basic self care.

Do It in Reasonable DosesWith any behavior that could be

considered extroverted being in

crowds, going into unfamiliar places,making presentations in front of

groups, doing lots of activities one

after the other the basic guidelinesare to be conscious that youre doing

something challenging, do it in

reasonable doses, take good care of

your energy before and after, and becompassionate and understanding

with yourself.

What we gain from developing our

extroversion is more choice, more

freedom of movement.

The Gifts of Introversion

The gifts of introversion are many.

Introverts are likely to be responsible,

flexible, independent, studious andsmart. We have a strong ability to


9/9


9

concentrate, are good observers, feel

experiences deeply and comprehend the

vastness of any subject. We maintainlong-term friendships and work well

with others, especially one to one.

Were creative, willing to makeunpopular decisions and, because of our

keen observation, understand the

complexity of the world and people. Andwe have the capacity to bring a slower

pace to life.

Envision a world where this combinationof traits is held in high esteem. Envision

yourself flourishing in this environment.

The world is longing for more introvert

energy. Cherish yours and share it whenthe moments are right.

About the author:

Nancy Okerlund, MA, owner of

Introvert Energy, is a certified

professional coach. Since 1998 Nancyhas been using personal/professional

coaching as a vehicle for facilitating

transformative changes in her clientslives.

You can contact Nancy by visiting her

website at www.IntrovertEnergy.com.There you can subscribe to her free bi-

weekly online newsletter,The Introvert

Energizer, and explore the world of theconscious introvert.

2007 Nancy Okerlund

thriving as an introvert

Documents