THE WEEK MAGAZINE THE LYRIC OF THE WEEK ROLING STONES BY PASSENGER Sometimes I feel I’m going nowhere Sometimes I’m sure I never will She said it’s ‘cos I’m always moving I never notice ‘cos I never stand still Sometimes I feel like I’m falling Falling fast and falling free She said my darling you’re not falling Always looked like you were flying to me But I fear I’ve grown a rolling stone inside of me She said oh don’t you know The rolling stones stop at the sea And that’s where I’ll be Sometimes I’m sure I know no one A thousand faces but no names She said my love you do know someone Oh and i know you back just the same But I’m scared I said, what if this stone don’t slow down Oh just be aware she said What goes up will come down And when you do I’ll be around Oh when I’ve dragged this rolling stone across this land I’ll make sure I leave this stone in her hand For we both know too well the rolling stones turn in to sand If they don’t find a place to stand

THE ARTICLE OF THE WEEK Bringing a Daughter Back From the Brink With Poems FEB. 26, 2015

Credit Brian Rea When George W. Bush was re-elected in 2004, my 13-year-old daughter, Marisa, was so angry that she stopped wearing shoes. She chose the most ineffective rebellion imaginable: two little bare feet against the world. She declared that she wouldn’t wear shoes again until we had a new president. I had learned early in motherhood that it’s not worth fighting with your children about clothes, so I watched silently as she strode off barefoot each morning, walking down the long gravel driveway in the cold, rainy darkness to wait for the bus. The principal called me a few times, declaring that Marisa had to start wearing shoes or she would be suspended. I passed the messages on, but my daughter continued her barefoot march. After about four months, she donned shoes without comment. I didn’t ask why. I wasn’t sure if wearing shoes was a sign of failure or maturity; asking her seemed like it could add unnecessary insult to injury. But all of her rebellion that year wasn’t quite so harmless. I feared she was acting out in dangerous ways. As we walked through the grocery store one day, she reached out for an avocado, causing her sleeve to fall back, revealing a scary-looking scab on her wrist along the meridian where a watchband would be. I grabbed her hand. “Oh, Marisa. You must be in a lot of pain.”

She looked away, saying nothing. I tried to squelch a wave of nausea, chilled by the knowledge that my daughter was harming herself. I did what parents do: I engaged with professionals and took their advice. Marisa went to a counselor alone, and we went to a different one together. I felt a pit of horror in my stomach as a psychiatrist told me, in front of Marisa: “She shouldn’t be left alone, and she shouldn’t be allowed to handle anything dangerous. No knives. If you have any medication in the home, keep it locked up and away from her.” Later that evening we were unloading the dishwasher together, her on one side, me on the other. I unconsciously passed her a sharp knife to put away. “Mom, are you sure you can trust me with this?” she said jokingly. I had held it together pretty well up to that point, at least in front of her, but started sobbing uncontrollably when she said that. She looked surprised, and gave me a hug. “I’ll be O.K.,” she promised. I started Tuesday Night Dinners, to which I’d invite everyone we knew who would be fine with the chaotic scene of a weekday family dinner. Sometimes three people would show, sometimes 20, and we would eat the kind of simple food that a working mother can throw together between getting home at 5 p.m. and having people arrive at 5:30. Continue reading the main story The parents of her friends would come with their teenagers, and at least for that one evening the house was lively with people. I wanted life to come to her. I wanted her to float on the current of rich connections. Other evenings were filled with sullen, delicate silences punctuated by minor conflicts: me resisting the urge to ask how she was doing, because I was afraid of what I might learn, and her courageously struggling to understand teenage-hood. As she played the guitar in her bedroom, I tried not to lurk outside the closed door, but when the music stopped, I had to breathe through my panic, wondering if she was still safe. It wasn’t clear to her whether she should bother growing up. She would ask me, “Do you like your life?” Her tone implied judgment of my life without her having to spell it out: You drive, work in a cubicle, do chores and are terminally single. What’s the point? One day my son came home from school talking about vandalism that had occurred at the elementary school. “Someone spray-painted stuff all

over the schoolyard,” he said. “Things like, ‘Too many Bushes, not enough trees.’ ” I glanced sideways at Marisa. She met my eyes and looked down, confirming my suspicions. I’m no fan of vandalism, but I was actually glad to learn she cared that much about something. It turns out, she did the deed with a boy, who was caught and required to pay a fine. I asked my daughter to call the boy’s family and confess, which she did, and offered to pay half the fine, which they accepted. I started leaving poems in her shoes in the morning. She had used the shoes as a form of quiet protest, so I decided I would use them to make a quiet stand for hope. When one of your primary strategies as a parent involves leaving Wendell Berry’s “Mad Farmer Liberation Front” in your child’s shoe, it’s clear things aren’t going well. What I wanted her to know is: People have been in pain before, struggled to find hope, and look what they’ve done with it. They made poetry that landed right in your shoe, the same shoe you didn’t wear for four months because of your despair. Before she went to school in the morning, I wanted her to read the poem “Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver that talks about not having to be good and not having to walk on your knees for miles, repenting. As Ms. Oliver writes, “You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” Or this, from Mr. Berry: “Be joyful, though you have considered all the facts.” Continue reading the main story Would that matter to her? Would she get my message that the world loved her and she should really try to start loving it back? I wasn’t going to talk her out of how dire things were on the planet, but could she, even so, find reasons to put shoes on each day? Raising a child who had no hope for the future seemed like my biggest failure ever. I normally don’t invite poetry into my daily life. As an ecologist, I embrace science. But all I had to offer her at that point were the thoughts of others who struggled to make a meaningful life and had put those thoughts into the best, sparest words they could. It suddenly struck me — I the one who loves science, data, facts and reason — that when push comes to shove, it was poetry I could count on. Poetry knew where hope lived and could elicit that lump in the throat that reminds me it’s all worth it. Science couldn’t do that. I believed, inexplicably, that it was urgent to deliver the perfect words in

her shoe each day. It felt like her life depended on it. One day I called in late to work so I could purchase scissors and a glue stick from a gas station minimart. I took the supplies and a stack of discarded magazines into a cheap Mexican restaurant to drink bad coffee and assemble poems in the form of a ransom note, as if my daughter had been kidnapped and I had to disguise the writing to get her back. I frantically searched for the word “bones” so I could nod to her budding sexuality with Roethke’s “I knew a woman, lovely in her bones,” but superstitiously didn’t want to clip the word “bones” from a grizzly headline. I hoped no one would ask why I was late, because I had no idea where to begin, how to explain. For a few weeks she didn’t comment on the poems. She had to know I was doing it because she had to remove the poems from her shoe before putting them on in the morning. I felt encouraged, though, when I’d find a well-worn, many-times-folded poem in her pocket as I did laundry. As the days grew longer, she became more involved in life. She made plans, took up running, planted seeds, decorated her room. I could see that her putting on the shoes wasn’t defeat, but maturity. At some point, I knew she had come out of a long dark tunnel. I also knew it wouldn’t be her last tunnel. The most optimistic people often struggle the hardest. They can’t quite square what’s going on in the world with their beliefs, and the disparity is alarming. She was temporarily swamped at the intersection of grief over a bleak political landscape, transition to a mediocre high school, and the vast existential questions of a curious adolescent. In retrospect, my poetry project was a harmless sideline that kept me benevolently out of her way as she struggled not just to see the horizon but to march bravely toward it. A few years ago, she was interviewed to join a group of students on a long trip to Sierra Leone. The professor explained that it was likely to be a very difficult time, far from home, with physical and mental hardship. “What would you do,” he asked Marisa, “if you get to the abyss, and it begins talking?” “Well,” she replied, “I would have a lot of questions for the abyss, indeed.”

THE WEEK SELF-HELP POST WRITTEN BY: MARC CHERNOFF 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you. As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back. Here are some ideas to get you started: Reminder: Enter your email to get new articles like this delivered for free. 1- Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to

spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And

remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.

2- Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.

3- Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. (Read The Road Less Traveled.)

4- Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.

5- Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.

6- Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.

7- Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.

8- Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes,

have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.

9- Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.

10- Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. (Read Stumbling on Happiness .)

11- Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.

12- Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.

13- Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

14- Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.

15- Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.

16- Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”

17- Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.

18- Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.

19- Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.

20- Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.

21- Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.

22- Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.

23- Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. (Read Getting Things Done.)

24- Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.

25- Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.

26- Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.

27- Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.

28- Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.

29- Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.

30- Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

THE WEEK’S TALE

In a mother’s womb were two babies. One asked the other: “Do you believe in life after delivery?” The other replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.” “Nonsense” said the first. “There is no life after delivery. What kind of life would that be?” The second said, “I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths. Maybe we will have other senses that we can’t understand now.” The first replied, “That is absurd. Walking is impossible. And eating with our mouths? Ridiculous! The umbilical cord supplies nutrition and

everything we need. But the umbilical cord is so short. Life after delivery is to be logically excluded.” The second insisted, “Well I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here. Maybe we won’t need this physical cord anymore.” The first replied, “Nonsense. And moreover if there is life, then why has no one has ever come back from there? Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery there is nothing but darkness and silence and oblivion. It takes us nowhere.” “Well, I don’t know,” said the second, “but certainly we will meet Mother and she will take care of us.” The first replied “Mother? You actually believe in Mother? That’s laughable. If Mother exists then where is She now?” The second said, “She is all around us. We are surrounded by her. We are of Her. It is in Her that we live. Without Her this world would not and could not exist.” Said the first: “Well I don’t see Her, so it is only logical that She doesn’t exist.” To which the second replied, “Sometimes, when you’re in silence and you focus and you really listen, you can perceive Her presence, and you can hear Her loving voice, calling down from above.” - Útmutató a Léleknek THE WEEK’ SPORTS

PARAGLIDING IS THE SPORT OF THE FUTURE!

Never Land Paragliding is a full service Paragliding School specializing in one on one instruction and group tandem flights. USHPA Certified Instructors and Tandem Pilots insure the safest, yet most exhilarating experience you can imagine. Located in the San Bernardino Mountains, an hour from Los Angeles. Close to the 15, 210 and 215 freeways. Lessons Tandem Lessons Flying tandem is a great way to taste the sky for the first time, or even to sharpen up your skills if you are already flying solo. All our tandem pilots are USHPA certified tandem instructors. Fly Down We fly down from 4,000 feet and enjoy the views along the way. A good way to experience the magic of free-flight for the first time. Flights last about 15-20 minutes. Also makes a great gift. - $125 Soaring Flight We launch from 4,000 feet with the emphasis on soaring. We fly in the ridge lift or catch thermals to stay aloft or even to climb higher. Soaring flights last from 30 minutes to over an hour depending on conditions. - $200

Solo Flight Lessons So you want to fly on your own. We can get you there. Pay As You Go Lessons occur in three phases. 1 Training Hill 2 Tandem Flights 3 Mountain Solos 1 - The Training hill, where you learn how to set up, hook in, and handle the glider on the ground. Once you have the skills to handle the glider on flat ground, you learn to launch and land the glider by flying down the training hill. The lessons last from the time the wind picks up until the sun goes down. Typically from 4pm to sunset. Most students take between 3 and 5 training hill lessons to gain the skills needed to move on. The cost for these lessons is $180 per day and includes all the equipment needed to fly. (Glider, harness, helmet, radios) 2 - Tandem Flights, where you learn more about developing a flight plan, flying the glider and setting up and flying landing zone approach patterns. The cost is $180 for tandem flights and most students take between 1 and 3 tandem flights to demonstrate the skills needed to fly solo. 3 - Solo Flights, where you finally get to fly free, by yourself. Your first flights will be in smooth air, generally at the end of the day, within a few hours of sunset, with an instructor communicating via radio. As you get more experience, you will learn to soar, using both thermals and ridge lift. Once you have the experience and the skills, you can take paragliding in any direction you would like. You can fly high and check out the amazing views, you can race others, you can fly great distances, or even perform aerobatics. The sky is the limit. (Sorry, I felt I just had to) The cost for these radio flights is $100 including all the equipment. Unlimited Lessons Unlimited lessons include equipment use (glider, harness, helmet and radio) for the first 2 months while you get your own set of wings. Lessons start on our super soft grass landing zone, progress to the training hills, and then it’s off to the top of the mountain. There is some weather and airspace knowledge to learn, and even some written tests as you get your ratings, but you will have conquered the material by the time you get there. The cost is $1,200 for unlimited lessons to your P2.

Combo Flight Lessons Combo Lessons include a Tandem Flight Lesson and Training Hill Lesson and costs $250. We go fly tandem, and then you give it a go at the LZ / Training hill. We offer significant discounts on gear purchases if you take lessons with us as you will be saving the abuse on the school gliders. THE WEEK HUMOR