the warbler - winchester creek country club

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DEADLINE for next issue is September 15th

Warbler

Vol. VII #5 24 August 2010

PO Box 58, 566 Walker Road, Waynesville, NC 28786 828-456-5240

The

WCCC

Inside This Iissue

What’s Cookin’? & Autumn Dance.....2

Contributions..throughout******************

President’s Corner......1

PRESIDENT’S CORNER

John Harvey

published each month during the season and once in the winter

Directory, Editor, Ads, Didja Know, Members, & Question............3In Memoriam & Thanks.4

Bandstand Days & ? Answer.........6

******************

While the summer heat wave won’t break, keeping us close to our air conditioners and fans, Club activity has been really good through mid-August. Our Tuesday night dinners and bingo and Friday night events have attracted large numbers of members and guests. We have heard many positive reviews on the menus and feedback on our July 16 family-style diner with Steve Whiddon entertaining us on the keyboard, and the July 30 Thanks-Giving dinner to promote and benefit the Haywood Christian Ministries. I compliment the Friday Night Committee and our kitchen chair for their creativity! The Haywood Christian Ministries was delighted to receive a monetary donation, hundreds of pounds of food and “lots of stuff” left over from the Club yard sale. Lisa James, Executive Director, was on hand on July 30 to accept many donations, and was delighted the Club will continue the food drive through August. HCM especially needs flour, sugar, cornmeal, and cooking oil. Please make note of some up coming events in addition to Tuesday night dinner that are planned, and jump in for some good food and fun with your friends. • Friday Night Dinner on August 27 - Mardi Gras in the Mountains • On Friday, September 3 at 7 PM - the Second Annual Fall Dance, with Steve Whiddon on the keyboard and Angie Toomey singing beautiful love songs to dance to • On September 10 and the 24 - Friday Night Dinners • And on September 12 Sunday - Champagne Brunch With the hot weather, the pool has had a steady flow of swimmers—I estimate two to three times more than usual. Thanks to Mother Nature, the temperature of the water has stabilized around 80-82 degrees making the water perfect for swimming. I recommend you pack up some beverages (no glass in pool area) and snacks, and visit the pool late in the afternoon for a little fun. You will be pleased how comfortable and relaxing your experience will be! The Yard Sale on Saturday, August 7 was a big success, due mostly to a strong outpouring of volunteers to setup, price, sell, clean-up, etc. With +/-30 hard-working volunteers we grossed $1,972, selling an array of “stuff” donated to the cause over 14-month period. Yes you read right–14 months. We put the word out last summer, and collected and collected until our basement was full. When the dust settled and after expenses of $208 for newspaper ads, signs, markers, labels, etc, we made a net profit of $1,764. As you can tell, there are lots of good things going on at the Club. Your support and participation in Club activities is much appreciated. And, we are all grateful to our member volunteers who serve on the Board and work on committees and events to make this a great Club. Mary-Phyllis and I look forward to seeing you at the Club!

John

Website............2 & 4

“Waynesville Weekly” Ad.....................5

page twoThe Warbler

What’s Cooking? at WCCC... ...by Suzanne Stello, your Kitchen Coördinator


TUESDAY NIGHTS...will continue with great buffet meals, super salad bar, and bingo for everyone. “Catfish night” was on August 17, a crowd favorite; you can expect more great Tuesday night buffets for the remainder of the season. You will receive an email of meal selections the week prior to the event, and Merry June Burwell will continue to take reservations at 452-2761. Cost is $16. FRIDAY NIGHTS Your Friday Night Committee is busy planning the rest of the

season. August 27 will be New Orleans Night featuring red beans, rice & sausage, and shrimp creole. Start off the evening drinking a HURRICANE, a favorite New Orleans drink—a specialty of the house of Pat O’Brien in the French Quarter. Bring your rum (the recipe calls for dark rum) to add to the hurricane mix, which will be provided. Maxine Lackey heads up the calling committee for this event. Expect your caller, and make your reservations for this evening of fun. Don’t forget to wear your beads! To kick off football season, September 10 will be a Tailgate Party, so wear your team colors and get ready for football season. Cheer, stand up, and holler, or sing your fight song for your favorite team. Bring your flags, banners, blankets, table cloth, signed football, or whatever you would take to tailgate at the football stadium. September 27 is to be announced...a special night is being planned. SUNDAY CHAMPAGNE BRUNCH The Champagne Brunch on August 22 was another scrumptious buffet, with champagne donated by George & Midge Farling. Thanks again to the Ressigs and Kiesters for donating champagne for the July brunch. Watch for an email the week prior to each Brunch announcing our delicious menu. Reservations can be made by responding to the email you receive or by talking to Suzanne Stello at 452-4078, or leave her a message about the number of reservations you need. At this time, Suzanne is stepping in to help Barbara Merkle, who will not be taking calls for Brunch. Remember, bloody mary setups are on the menu, so don’t forget your vodka or it will be a “Virgin Mary.”

The purpose of the Club’s website is two-fold: to recruit new members, and to simplify the transfer of information among members. As part of its plan to solicit new members, the Club wishes to create a strong web presence that attracts new members. The Club also wants to advertise its property as a potential venue for small gatherings, including weddings, family reunions, and business and non-profit meetings. We are also interested in the possibility of creating an online community forum for members. This password protected forum could allow members to stay abreast of the Club’s business and offerings, share information, RSVP for events, sign-up for volunteer opportunities, and commit to procuring wish-list items required for the Club’s maintenance. For recruitment purposes, the website will offer information to the public that will include information about the Club, its amenities, membership options and venue rental policies. A private password protected members’ area will allow members to stay abreast of the Club’s business, activities and events. This will likely start out as a newsletter, image galleries, and sign-up sheets—then expand into a full community forum where members can interact with each other online. There are four phases of developing your website: the design phase, the installation phase, the content generation phase, and ongoing maintenance. To make this all happen, we are working with Christie Osborne, “Insight4Web,” <[email protected]>. Christie and her husband, Dustin, live in Walker-in-the-Hills on Walker Road. She has seven years experience working for and running non-profit organizations. She holds a B.A. in history from Mills College, and an M.A. in history from Western Carolina University. While a graduate student, Christie helped launch and <administer digitalheritage.org>. As a small business owner, Christie is committed to helping small businesses and non-profit organizations use the internet to meet their business and project goals.

...John Harvey

WEBSITE 101

Two gentlemen in their eighties were sitting on the end of a pier, fishing...Harry: Do you remember when we were on active service in W.W.II?Bill: Sure do.Harry: Remember they used to give us some stuff in our tea to suppress our sexual urges?Bill: Yes. It was bromide or saltpeter or something. Why so you ask?Harry: I think it's beginning to work.

When asked by a young patrol officer, “Do you know you were speeding?” this 83-year-old woman talked herself out of a ticket by stating, “Yes, but I had to get there before I forgot where I was going.”

Since his proofreader is enjoying a leisurely two-week cruise down the Rhine and Mosel rivers, your editor is solely responsible for any errors in this issue.

*

page three

Editor’s Corner

The Warbler is YOUR newsletter. We will supply items gleaned from books, articles, internet, and life in general, but this is primarily YOUR publication. Please send by email, snail-mail, telephone, or by slipping it into the envelope under the club bulletin board, anything that would interest us all. Officers and committee chairs are especially requested to let us know what’s happening. News of who’s sick, passed on, or new to our membership is always welcome. We reserve the right to perform minor surgery in the interest of clarity and taste. And this Didja know that... column is supposed to contain NEWS of our membership. Your editor can’t manufacture this stuff, so please supply him with tidbits about what’s happening!

Bill Stecher

Phone = 828-456-9925 Cell phone = 828-550-2952 Email = [email protected] snail-mail: 249 Avery Patrick Lane Waynesville, NC 28786

The Warbler

QUESTION of the MONTH:

Answer on page six

Didja know that...

Willie’s Warblings

Members’ News

PLEASE REPORT ALL DIRECTORY CORRECTIONS TO THE Warbler EDITOR

Warbler Advertising Rates(A) 1/4 (quarter) page copy ad in one Warbler for $30 an issue. (B) 1/4 (quarter) page copy ad in two Warbler issues for $25 an issue.(C) 1/4 (quarter) page copy ad in three or more Warbler issues for $20 an issue.

FOR RENT: large house on Walker Road. 5 BR / 3.5 BA. Fully furnished and equipped. Large yard, screened porch and patio. $1200 per week. Reply to 813-879-0244 or <[email protected]>.

There is an eight-letter two-word expression used to describe a good lad. If you remove the first two and last two letters, and rearrange the remaining, it forms a word meaning bad lad. What is it?


1. Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.2 Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.3. Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Three Pieces of Advice from Mark Twain

Urgent Warning for NEXT THURSDAY! Aliens are coming to Earth next Thursday. Their mission is to abduct all good-looking, sexy old folks. You will be safe; I’m just writing to say goodbye!

Pink Luncheon Pat Keister, Maggie Hartley, and Maxene Lackeyinvite the women of WCC to be their guests on Monday September 20 at 12:00 noon for a luncheon to raise money for the women of Haywood County who are being treated for cancer and can not afford either transportation or personal items. Please join us for lunch at the Club, and open your hearts and pocketbooks!

Joke of the Year Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.

page fourThe Warbler

...courtesy of Jim Shultz

...courtesy of George Farling

CorrespondenceNew Additions

In Memoriam We note with sadness the death of Mary Wheeler’s step-grandson, Frank Donofrio, 35, last month in St. Petersburg, FL. He was a lover of scooters [owned a fleet of them], but his prime passion was tattooing, and he was fortunate enough to have made a brilliant career of this art-form for 20 years. His customers [often celebrities—one was Paris Hilton!] came to him from around the globe, or sent him airline tickets to fly to them. His warm personality and sensitive friendliness will be missed. Our sympathy goes to Mary and his family.

1. TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: “If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. ABOUT TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"4. LOGIC: “Because I said so, that's why." 5. MORE LOGIC: "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. IRONY: "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.." 8. SCIENCE of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. CONTORTIONISM: "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10. STAMINA: "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. WEATHER: "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. HYPOCRISY: "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!" 14. BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!" 15. ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. ANTICIPATION: "Just wait until we get home." 17. RECEIVING: "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. MEDICAL SCIENCE: "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way." 19. ESP: "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. HUMOR: "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 21. HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT: "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22. GENETICS: "You're just like your father." 23. MY ROOTS: "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. WISDOM: "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." ...and my favorite:25. JUSTICE: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !"

My mother taught me...


WEBSITE WEBSITE WEBSITE VISIT OUR WEBSITE,under construction but up and running!We’re at both <winchestercreekcountryclub.com> and<winchestercreekcountryclub.org>. Let us know if you would like to work on a website committee. Experience on websites not necessary. Contact: • John Harvey <[email protected]> • Bill Stecher <[email protected]> or • Christie Osborne, Web Lead Consultant <[email protected]>

THANK YOU FOR GIVING YOUR TIME! IDEAS! LABOR! at the WCCC YARD SALE August 7:John Kearney, Dave VanVleet, Gordon Kiester, Mary Haslam, Ingrid Bliwernitz, Pat Kiester, Kathy Astley, Merry June Burwell, Gerald Benton, Bob Burwell, Gwen Benton, Bob Merkle, Malena Nichols, Judy Carruthers, John Beane, Marilyn VanVleet, June Merkle, Helen Kennedy, Bill Lackey, Maxene Lackey, Anne Budde, Neil Budde, Tom Edwards,, Rick Stello, Suzanne Stello, and Mary-Phyllis Harvey. This list was compiled from sign-in sheet at event. Thank you ALL MEMBERS for your “14-months’ worth” of donations of goods for the Yard Sale! I believe every club member had a hand in the sale and I can’t thank you enough.

John Harvey

Just a little something for you to ponder: This year August has five Sundays, five Mondays, five Tuesdays, all in one month. It happens once in 823 years.WeI figured you were wanting to know this information!Oh, and exactly 06 minutes and 07 seconds after 5 o'clock on Aug 9 of this year it was 05:06:07 08/09/10. This will not happen again until the year 3010. And you thought August was just hot and boring!

page fiveThe WarblerVol. VII #5 24 August 2010

The Friday night committee will still be collecting food donations for the Haywood Christian Ministries until the end of August. Members can bring their items to the club whenever it is convenient for them, or they can call me at 452-9633 and I will arrange for pickup. The Ministry is asking for FLOUR, SUGAR, CORNMEAL, and COOKING OIL. These items, used in cooking, are in short supply.A HEARTFELT THANKS to everyone who has shown wonderful generosity and spirit already! ...Maxene Lackey

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, “Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way/” The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, “First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness, and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?” Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, “Uh...no, I didn't know that.” “Secondly,” says the lawyer, “did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair, and is unable to support his wife and six children?” The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again. “Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another who has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?' The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, “I'm so sorry, I had no idea.” And the lawyer says, “So...if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?”

A Couple of Lawyer Stories

A Mafia godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Enzi, has cheated him out of 10 million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place: it was assumed that Enzi would hear nothing that he might have to testify about in court. When the godfather goes to confront Enzi about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks is that he embezzled from me." The lawyer, using sign language, asks Enzi where the money is. Enzi signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about." The godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Enzi's temple and says, "Ask him again!" The lawyer signs to Enzi, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Enzi signs back, "OK. You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Bruno's back-yard in Woodbridge!" The godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

How to Get Sick Leave I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted a bit crazy, he might tell me to take a few days off, so I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss might give me a few days off. A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked me what I was doing. I told him I was a light bulb. He said, “You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.” I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the boss asked her, “and where do you think you're going?” She said, “I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark." ...courtesy of Maxene Lackey

“Waynesville Weekly” Ad

page six

...courtesy of Betsy Stecher

The Warbler

Tennis, anyone ?

If you have an idea, suggestion, compliment, or complaint for the Board, an officer, or a committee, you may email it to the editor, or use the suggestion box in the hall at the Club. You may remain anonymous!

Answer to QUESTION of the MONTH on page three

altar boy -> brat

On a chain of ten beautiful, deserted islands in the middle of the South Pacific, the following people are stranded: Two Italian men and one Italian womant, two French men and one French woman, two German men and one German woman, two Greek men and one Greek woman, two British men and one British woman, two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman, two Japanese men and one Japanese woman, two Chinese men and one Chinese woman, two Irish men and one Irish woman, and two American men and one American woman. One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a ménage à trois. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman. The two Greek men are sleeping together, and the Greek woman is cooking and cleaning for them. The two British men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the British woman. The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island. The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions. The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, liquor store, restaurant, and laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply more employees for their stores. The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few pints of coconut whisky. However, they are satisfied because the British are not having any fun. The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn't they bring a darn cell phone so they could call 911 and get them all rescued off this god-forsaken deserted island in the middle of freaking nowhere so she can get her nails done and goshopping.

Cultural Differences Explained

A blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass. She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to WalMart*! Why WalMart*? HELLOOOOO! WalMart* is the largest re-tailer in the world!

...courtesy of George FArling


page sevenThe Warbler

The Psychologist and the Proctologist

...this page courtesy of George Farlling

Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a small-town and put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors." The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read, "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Catatonics and High Colonics." No go. Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives." Thumbs down again. Then came "Minds and Behinds." Still no good. Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." Unacceptable again! So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts." Not a chance. "Nuts and Butts?" No way. "Freaks and Cheeks?" Still no go. "Loons and Moons?" Forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends." Everyone loved it!

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT? 1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. 2. While doing this, draw the number “6” in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction, and there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again!

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at WalMart*, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded, and a real credit to the company, obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies. One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome." "Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it." ''Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?" ''They said, ‘Good morning, Admiral. May I get your coffee, sir?'''

Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher, and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese? Dear Abby, What can I do about all the sex, nudity, fowl language and violence on my VCR? Dear Abby, I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.. Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive, and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him. Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again. Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?v Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out? Dear Abby, My 40-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy. Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months, and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober. Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause. Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

Remember, all these people can vote!

DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER THE FOLLOWING:


page eightThe Warbler

---------->>>>>

...this column courtesy of George Farling


A man in a grocery store tried to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant explained that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persisted and asked to see the manager. The boy said he'd ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, “Some jerk wants to buy half a head of lettuce.” As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “...and this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.” The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.Later the manager said to the boy, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on theireet here. Where are you from, son?” “Canada, sir,” the boy replied. “Well, why did you leave Canada?” the manager asked. The boy said, “Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there.” “Really?” said the manager. “My wife is from Canada.” “No fooling!” replied the boy. “Who'd she play for?”

A FAST ESCAPE

Comparing Airplanes and Women...1) Airplanes usually kill you quickly - a woman takes her time. 2) Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch. 3) Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go." 4) Airplanes don't object to a preflight inspection. operation. 6) Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations. 7) Airplanes can be flown any time of the month. 8) Airplanes don't come with in-laws. 9) Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flown before. 10) Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time. 11) Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes. 12) Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines. 13) Airplanes expect to be tied down. 14) Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills. 15) Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong. 16) However, when airplanes go quiet, just like women, it's usually not good.

A lady goes to her priest one day and says, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquired. “They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'” “That's obscene!” the priest exclaimed, Then he thought for a moment. “You know,” he said, “I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and yours are sure to stop saying..that phrase...in no time.'” “Thank you,” she responded. “This may very well be the solution.” The next day she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: “Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?” There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, “Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!”

A Classic Tale of Two Parrots

No one believes seniors...everyone thinks they are senile. For example: an elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Andy had carved “I love you, Sally.” On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money—fifty thousand dollars! Andy said, “We’ve got to give it back.” Sally said, “Finders keepers.” She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. “Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?” Sally said, “No”. Andy said, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic. Sally said, “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile.” The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said: “Tell us the story from the beginning.” Andy said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday...” The first police officer turned to his partner and said, “We’re outta here!”

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room.As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, “I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller, too.”

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