the sketches of seymour (illustrated), part 5

8/12/2019 The Sketches of Seymour (Illustrated), Part 5

1/43

The Sketches of Seymour (Illustrated), Part 5.

Robert Seymour

The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Sketches of Seymour (Illustrated),Part !, by Robert Seymour

Th"s eBook "s for the use of anyone any#here at no cost and #"thalmost no restr"ct"ons #hatsoe$er! %ou may co&y "t, g"$e "t a#ay or re'use "t under the terms of the Project Gutenberg "cense "ncluded#"th th"s eBook or onl"ne at ###!gutenberg!net

T"tle The Sketches of Seymour (Illustrated), Part !

*uthor Robert Seymour

Release +ate uly -., /001 2EBook 3 4156

anguage Engl"sh

7haracter set encod"ng *S7II

888 ST*RT 9: T;IS PR9 E7T G S>ET7;ES 9: SE%?9ET7;ES B% SE%?9


2/43


3/43

#"ndo# #as graced #"th a fe# sam&les of common confect"onary, celebratedunder the s#eet names of lolly&o&s, Buona&arte s r"bs, and bulls 'eyes!

In one &ane, by &erm"ss"on, #as &laced the s"gn board of my honored&arent, "nform"ng the read"ng &ubl"c, that

Re&a"rs #ere neatly e ecutedF

In my m"nd s eye ho# d"st"nctly do I behold that humble sho& "n all thegreenness and beauty of "ts Saturday morn"ng s d"s&lay!

=or can I e$er forget the k"nd dum&y motherly ?rs! ames, #ho so often&atted my curly head, and &resented me #"th a #elcome sl"ce of bread andbutter and a dr"nk of m"lk, "n$ar"ably re&eat"ng "n her homely &hrase, Aach"ld and a ch"cken "s al ays a &"ck"n A''and declar"ng her bel"ef, thatthe brat got scarcely enough to Akee& l"fe and soul togetherA''the realtruth of #h"ch my cra$"ng stomach "n#ardly test"f"ed!

Talk of the char"t"es of the #ealthy, they are as a"ry noth"ngs "n the

scale, com&ared #"th the unostentat"ous sym&athy of the &oorF The former only g"$e a &ort"on of the"r e cess, #h"le the latter #"ll"ngly d"$"dethe"r humble crust #"th a fello# sufferer!

The agreeable rout"ne of breakfast, d"nner, tea, and su&&er, #as unkno#n"n our frugal establ"shmentC "f #e obta"ned one good meal a day, under any name, #e #ere truly thankful!

To g"$e some "dea of our stra"tened c"rcumstances, I must relate onesol"tary "nstance of d"s&lay on the maternal s"de! It #as on a Saturdayn"ght, the a"r and our a&&et"tes #ere e ually keen, #hen my s"re, ha$"ngune &ectedly touched a small sum, brought home a cou&le of &ound of real

E&&"ng! * scream of del"ght #elcomed the sa$ory morsel!

* f"re #as k"ndled, and the meat #as &resently h"ss"ng "n the borro#edfry"ng'&an of our landlady!

I #as already "n bed, #hen the unusual sound and sa$or a#oke me! Irolled out "n a t#"nkl"ng, and s uatt"ng on the floor, #atched thecul"nary o&erat"ons #"th greedy eyes!

ATom,A sa"d my mother, address"ng her s&ouse, Aset o&en the door and$"nder, and let the ne"ghbors smell $e has someth"ng res&ectable for once!A

7;*PTER! III!''9n Tem&erance!

AI #ou dn t l"ke to shoot her e actlyC but I $e a blessed m"nd to turnher outFA

*rmed #"th the author"ty and e am&le of loyalty, for e$en that reno#nedmonarch''9ld >"ng 7ole''#as d"urnally #ant to call for

A;"s &"&e and h"s glassA


4/43

*nacreon to those of more modern t"mes, #ho ha$e celebrated the $"rtue of

A@"ne, m"ghty #"neFA

"t "s not to be mar$elled at, that men s m"nds ha$e fallen $"ct"ms to thefasc"nat"ons of the ju"ce of the &ur&le gra&e, or y"elded to the allur"ngtem&tat"ons of the e$"l s&"r"t!

It "s a lamentable truth, that not#"thstand"ng the laudable and #holesomee ert"ons and admon"t"ons of the Tem&erance and Tee'total Soc"et"es, thatthe &eo&le of the


5/43

the truth!

?y father remonstrated "n $a"n'the &ass"on had already taken too dee& aholdC and one day he #as suddenly summoned from h"s #ork #"th thestartl"ng "nformat"on, that ?other ?ull"ns ''(so the k"nd ne"ghbour &hrased "t) #as s"tt"ng on the ste& of a &ubl"c house, "n the suburbs,com&letely tost"cated!

;e rushed out, and found the tale too true! * br"cklayer "n thene"ghbourhood &ro&osed the loan of h"s barro#, for the &oor senselesscreature could not #alk a ste&! Plac"ng her "n the one'#heel'carr"age,he made the best of h"s #ay home, am"d the jeers of the mult"tude!?oorf"elds #as then only &art"ally co$ered #"th housesC and as he &asseda dee& hollo#, on the s"de of #h"ch #as &laced a not"ce, "nt"mat"ng that

AR


6/43

AI #ant a'lad,A cont"nued heC A#hat do you say''#ould you l"ke to ser$eme A

AIf I could get any th"ng by "t!A

A+'me, "f that a "nt blunt!A

A%es, s"rC that s #hat I mean!A

A?eanF mean #hat A

AIf I could get any blunt, s"r!A

;ereu&on he laughed outr"ght, at #hat he cons"dered my read"ness,although I merely used the cant term for Amoney,A to #h"ch I #as mostaccustomed, from my educat"on among the schoolmasters of the r"de!

A;ere, take my card,A sa"d heC Aand tell the old codger, your father, to

br"ng you to my off"ce to'morro# morn"ng, at ele$en!A

A@ell, blo# me,A e cla"med my fr"end the ostler, A"f your fort"n arn tmadeC I shall see you a t"&'to& sa#yer''may I ne$er touch another tannerFDy, I remembers "m T"mm"s h"sself $os noth"n but a grubby boy''?other T"mm"s the #asher'#oman s son, here "n #hat'd $e'call' em'court''$en he$ent to old ar$"s fust! ;e s a &r"me feller tho , and no m"stake''andthof he s no gentleman born, he &ays l"ke one, and $ot s the d"fference A

The ne t morn"ng, &unctual to the hour, I #a"ted at h"s off"ce, #h"ch #as"n a large bu"ld"ng adjo"n"ng the Stock E change, as full as a do$e'cot,#"th gentlemen of the same feather!

A9FA sa"d he, eye"ng my &arent, Aand you re th"s cha& s father, are you@hat are you A

A* boot and shoe'maker, s"rC and my *ndre# "s an honest lad!A

A:or the matter o that, there s l"ttle he can &r"g hereCA re&l"ed myelegant and "ntended master! ABut h"s tongs''eh''old fello#''can t your"g h"m out a l"ttle A

?y father &leaded &o$ertyC and at last he barga"ned to ad$ance a gu"nea,and deduct "t out of my #eekly'#ages of t#o and s" &ence, and no board!

?y father #as glad to make any terms, and the affa"r #as conse uentlysoon arranged! I #as u"ckly f"tted out, and the ne t morn"ng attendedh"s orders!

I had, ho#e$er, l"ttle else to do than #a"t "n h"s off"ce, and run to theStock E change, to summon h"m #hen a customer dro&&ed "n! I had muchle"sure, #h"ch I trust #as not #holly thro#n a#ay, for I &ract"sed#r"t"ng on the back of the stock'rece"&ts, of #h"ch a uant"ty hung u& "nthe off"ce, and read all the books I could lay my hands onC although, Imust confess, the ch"ef &ort"on of my kno#ledge of the #orld has beender"$ed from obser$at"on!

AThe &ro&er study of mank"nd "s man!A *lthough u"ck "n tem&er, and rude "n s&eech and manners, T"mm"s #as


7/43

and he #as certa"nly not one of those #ho do a good deed, and

ABlush to f"nd "t fame!A

;e not only em&loyed my father to make h"s boots, but recommended h"m toall h"s fr"ends as a Agood'f"t,A and &rocured the old man some e cellentcustomers! *mong h"s ac ua"ntance, for he had fe# fr"ends, #as Tom@all"s, a fat, facet"ous man, about forty, #"th #hom he #as al#ayslunch"ng and crack"ng h"s jokes! 9ne day, #hen the stocks #ere AshutAand bus"ness #as slack, they started together on a s&ort"ng e curs"onto#ards the romant"c reg"on of ;ornsey'#ood, on #h"ch occas"on I had thehonour of carry"ng a #ell'f"lled basket of &ro$"s"ons, and the "n#ardsat"sfact"on of mak"ng a good d"nner from the remnants!

They k"lled noth"ng but t"me, yet they #ere e ceed"ngly merry, es&ec"allydur"ng the d"scuss"on of the &ro$"s"ons! The"r laughter, "ndeed, #asenough to scare all the b"rds "n the ne"ghbourhood!

A "m, "f you #anted to correct those shee& yonder,A sa"d Tom, A#hat sort

of tool #ould you use A

A*n e#e't#"g, of course,A re&l"ed my master!

A=oC that s de$"l"sh good,A sa"d @all"sC Abut you a"n t h"t "t yet!A

A:or a cro#n you don t do a better A

A+oneFA

A@ell, #hat "s "t A

A@hy, a Ram'rod to be sure''as #e re s&ortsmen!A

?y master agreed that "t #as more a&&ro&r"ate, and the good'natured Tom@all"s flung the cro#n he had #on to me!

A;ere s another,A cont"nued he, as ?r! T"mm"s #as just ra"s"ng a bottleof &ale sherry to h"s l"&s''AI say, "m, #hat b"rds are #e most l"keno# A

A@hy s#allo#s, to be sure,A u"ckly re&l"ed my &atronC #ho #as really, onmost occas"ons, a match for h"s croney "n the subl"me art of &unn"ng, andmak"ng conundrums, a fa$our"te &ast"me #"th the #"ts of the Stock

E change!

7;*PTER D!''The Stalk"ng ;orse!

ARetr"but"$e ust"ceA

9n the same land"ng #here T"mm"s (as he termed "t) held out, #ere f"$eor s" closets n"ck'named off"ces, and three other boys! 9ne #as the

ne&he# of the before'ment"oned @all"s, and a $ery "m& of m"sch"efCanother, only a boy, #"th noth"ng remarkable but h"s stu&"d"tyC #h"le thefourth #as a scrubby, stunted, fello#, about s" teen or se$enteen years


8/43

"rregular cro& of l"ght ha"r, most unsc"ent"f"cally cut "nto tufts!

;e, by reason of h"s sen"or"ty and h"s gra$"ty, soon became the oracle of the &arty! @e usually found h"m seated on the sta"rs of the f"rst floor,lost "n the &erusal of some ragged book of the mar$ellous school''scra&sof #h"ch he used to read aloud to us, #"th more unct"on than &ro&r"ety,"ndulg"ng rather too much "n the note of adm"rat"on styleC for #h"ch hesoon obta"ned the name of 9ld Em&hat"cF''But I must confess #e d"d obta"na great deal of "nformat"on from h"s select read"ng, and #ere tolerablygood l"steners too, not#"thstand"ng h"s &ecul"ar del"$ery, for someho# hea&&eared to ha$e a &ermanent cold "n h"s head, #h"ch somet"mes thre# atone of "rres"st"ble r"d"cule "nto h"s most &athet"c b"ts!

;e bore the scr"&tural name of ?atthe# and #as, as he "nformed us, ahor&han ''add"ng, #"th a &art"cular &athos, #"thout father or motherF

;"s melancholy #as, I th"nk, rather attr"butable to b"le thandest"tut"on, #h"ch he su&er"nduced by feed"ng almost ent"rely on

second'hand &astry, &urchased from the l"ttle e#'boys, #ho ha#k aboutthe"r tem&t"ng trash "n the $"c"n"ty of the Bank!

?atthe#, l"ke other youths of a &oet"cal tem&erament, from Petrarch do#nto ord Byron, had a &ass"on!

I acc"dentally d"sco$ered the object of h"s &laton"c flame "n the &ersonof the l"ttle grubby'g"rl''the ser$ant of the house'kee&er''for, as the&ro$erb truly says,

A o$e and a cough cannot be h"d!A

The tender &ass"on f"rst e$"nced "tself "n h"s del"cate attent"onsC''nor #as the u"ck'eyed ma"d slo# to d"sco$er her con uest! ;er &enetrat"on,

ho#e$er, #as greater than her sym&athy! @"th a tact that #ould not ha$ed"sgraced a &ol"t"c"an''"n a better cause, she adro"tly turned thes#ell"ng current of h"s lo$e to her o#n &ur&oses!

*s the on#ard flo#"ng stream "s made to turn the #heel, #h"le the m"ller s"ngs at the #"ndo#, so d"d she a$a"l herself of h"s strength to do her #ork, #h"le she ga"ly hummed a t"me, and sadly hummed &oor ?atthe#!

There be"ng nearly th"rty off"ces "n the bu"ld"ng, there #ere of course"n #"nter as many f"res, and as many coal'scuttles re u"red! @hen theeyes of the de$oted ?atthe# gaHed on the object of h"s heart s des"reto"l"ng u& the #ell'sta"r, he felt he kne# not #hatC and, #"th a heart

&al&"tat"ng #"th the a&&rehens"on that h"s &roffered ser$"ce m"ght berejected (&oor deluded mortalF), he begged he m"ght ass"st her! @"th aglance that he thought suff"c"ent to "gn"te the "nsens"ble carbon, sheacce&ted h"s offer! ;a&&y ?atthe#F''he gras&ed the handles her #armred'hands had touchedF''7old'blooded, un"mag"nat"$e be"ngs may der"de h"senthus"asmC but after all, the sent"ment he e &er"enced #as s"m"lar to,and u"te as &ure, as that of Tom ones, #hen he fondled So&h"a @estern sl"ttle muff!

But, alasF''

AThe course of true lo$e ne$er d"d run smooth!A

T#o months after th"s e$ent, h"s ?ary marr"ed the baker s manF''


9/43

@all"s s ne&he# had se$eral t"mes "n$"ted me to &ay h"m a $"s"t at h"suncle s house, at 7rouchendC and so once, dur"ng the absence of thatgentleman #ho #as rural"H"ng at Tonbr"dge, I trudged do#n to h"s $"lla!

=oth"ng #ould su"t ?aster ohn, but that he must ha$e out h"s uncle sgunC and #e certa"nly shot at, and fr"ghtened, many s&arro#s!

;e #as just &o"nt"ng at a fresh uarry, #hen the loud cro# of a cockarrested h"s arm!

AThat s +odd"ngton s game un, I kno#,A sa"d ?aster ohn! A@hat d yeth"nk''"f he d"d nt &"tch "nto our dungh"ll the other day, and la"dh"m dead at a blo#! I o#e h"m oneF''7ome along!A I follo#ed "n h"sfootste&s, and soon beheld 7hant"cleer cro#"ng #"th all the ostentat"onof a $"ctor at the hens he had so ruthlessly #"do#ed! * clothes'horse,#"th a ragged blanket, screened us from h"s $"e#C and ?aster ohn,&utt"ng the muHHle of h"s gun through a hole "n th"s no$el ambuscade,d"scharged "ts contents &o"nt blank "nto the &rocla"mer of the morn''and

la"d h"m lo#!

I trembledC for I felt that #e had comm"tted a foul murder! ?aster ohnny, ho#e$er, der"ded my fears''called "t retr"but"$e just"ce''and

"gnom"n"ously cons"gned the rema"ns of a game'cock to a dungh"llF

The affa"r a&&eared so l"ke a co#ardly assass"nat"on, "n #h"ch I #as(though un#"ll"ngly'') &art"ce&s cr"m"n"s ''that I #alked a#ay #"thout&artak"ng of the gooseberry'&"e, #h"ch he had &ro$"ded for our su&&er!

7;*PTER DI!''* 7omm"ss"on!

A9chF th"n, Paddy, #hat s the bothurat"onC "f you carry me, don t I carrythe #h"skey, sure, and that s fa"r and a ualFA

I #as early at my &ost on the follo#"ng morn"ng, be"ng &art"cularlyan "ous to meet #"th ?r! @all"s s sca&egrace ne&he#, and ascerta"n#hether anybody had found the dead body of the game'cock, and #hether an"n uest had been heldC for I kne# enough of the #orld to dra# my o#nconclus"ons as to the result! ;e, although the &r"nc"&al, be"ng a

relat"$e, #ould get off #"th a lecture, #h"le I should &robably be k"ckedout of my &lace!

In a fe$er of e &ectat"on, I hung o$er the ban"sters of the geometr"calsta"rcase, #atch"ng for h"s arr"$al!

@h"le I #as thus occu&"ed, my ner$es Ascre#ed u&,A''almost to crack"ng,?r! @all"s s off"ce'door #as thro#n o&en, and I beheld that $erygentleman s round, &leasant &hys"ognomy, embro#ned by h"s tra$els,star"ng me full "n the face! I really lost my e u"l"br"um at thea&&ar"t"on!

A9hF''"t s you, "s "t,A cr"ed he! A@here s my rascal AA;e s not come yet, s"r,A I re&l"ed!


10/43

AThat fello# s ne$er at hand #hen I #ant h"m''I ll cash"er h"m by JJJ!A;e slammed to h"s o#n door, and''o&ened "t aga"n "mmed"ately!

AT"mm"s come A demanded he!

A=o, s"rC I don t th"nk he ll be here for an hour!A

ATrue''I m early "n the f"eldC but #hat br"ngs you here so soon ''somem"sch"ef, I su&&ose!A

AI m al#ays early, s"r, for I l"$e hard by!A

A;aF''#ell''I #"sh''!A

A7an I do anyth"ng for you, s"r A I en u"red!

A@hy, that s a good thought,A sa"d he, and h"s countenance assumed "tsusually bland e &ress"on! A et me see''I #ant to send my car&et'bag, anda message, to my housekee&er!A

AI can do "t, s"r, and be back aga"n "n no t"me,A cr"ed I, elated atha$"ng an o&&ortun"ty of obl"g"ng the man #hom I had really some cause tofear, "n the cr"t"cal s"tuat"on "n #h"ch h"s ne&he# s thoughtlessness had&laced me!

In my eagerness, ho#e$er, and not#"thstand"ng the &ol"t"cal acuteness of my manoeu$re, I got myself "nto an a#ful d"lemma! ;a$"ng rece"$ed thebag, and h"s message, I #alked off, but had scarcely descended a doHensta"rs #hen he recalled me!

A@here the de$"l are you go"ng A cr"ed he!

ATo your house, s"r,A I "nnocently re&l"ed!

A@hat, do you kno# "t, then A demanded he "n sur&r"se!

;ere #as a &os"t"on! It #as a m"racle that I d"d not roll o$er thecar&et'bag and break my neck, "n the confus"on of "deas engendered byth"s s"m&le uery!

I could not l"e, and e$as"on #as not my forte! * man or boy "n the #rongcan ne$er e &ress h"mself #"th &ro&r"etyC an o&"n"on "n #h"ch Ku"nct"l"analso a&&ears to co"nc"de, #hen he asserts''

A9rator &erfectus n"s" $"r bonus esse non &otest!A

I therefore summoned u& suff"c"ent breath and courage to ans#er h"m "nthe aff"rmat"$e!

A*nd #hen, &ray, #ere you there A sa"d he!

A%esterday, s"r, your ne&he# asked me to come and see h"m!A

AThe "m&udent l"ttle blackguard A cr"ed he!

AI ho&e you a"n t angry, s"r AA*ngry #"th you ''no, my ladC you re an act"$e l"ttle cha&, and I #"sh


11/43

ha$e a l"ft both #ays!A

9ff I #ent, as l"ght as a balloon #hen the ro&es are cut!

I e ecuted my comm"ss"on #"th d"s&atch, and com&letely #on the fa$our of ?r! @all"s, by return"ng the money #h"ch he had g"$en me for coach'h"re!

A;o# s th"s ''you d"dn t tram&, d"d you A sa"d he!

A=o, s"r, I rode both #ays,A I re&l"edC Abut I kne# the coachmen, andthey ga$e me a cast for noth"ng!A

A


12/43

&ers&"r"ng ardour!

I #atched h"s countenance! AThat ll do''you re a br"ckF I ll make a manof you''dJJJ me!A

:rom th"s day for#ard I had the honour of kee&"ng h"s books, and mak"ngout the accounts! I #as already a &erson of "m&ortance, and certa"nlysome ste&s abo$e the boys on the land"ng!

I d"d not, ho#e$er, obta"n any ad$ance "n my #eekly #agesC but onAgood'daysA got a douceur, $ary"ng from half a cro#n to half a so$ere"gnFand looked u&on myself as a made man! ?ost of the rece"&ts #ent to myfatherC #hate$er he returned to me I s&ent at a ne"ghbour"ng book'stall,and "n the course of t#el$e months I &ossessed a l"brary of most amus"ngand "nstruct"$e l"terature,'';ea$en kno#sF of a most m"scellaneouscharacter, for I had no one to gu"de me "n the select"on!

*mong ?r! T"mm"s s numerous cl"ents, #as one ?r! 7ornel"us 7robble, a manof most e traord"nary d"mens"onsC he #as also a AchumA of, and fre uently

made one of a &arty #"th, h"s fr"end ?r! @all"s, and other croneys, to#h"te'ba"t d"nners at Black#all, and other "ntellectual ban uets! Infact, he seldom made h"s a&&earance at the off"ce, but the $"s"t ended "nan engagement to d"ne at some Acrack'houseA or other! The cost of theAfeed,A as ?r! T"mm"s termed "t, #as generally dec"ded by a toss of Abestt#o and threeCA and someho# "t "n$ar"ably ha&&ened that ?r! 7robble lostCbut he #as so good'humoured, that really "t #as a &leasure, as ?r! @all"ssa"d, to AgrubA at h"s e &ense!

They n"ck'named h"m ?a "mo Rotundo''and he #ell deser$ed the t"tle!

A@here s T"mm"s A sa"d he, one day after he had taken a seat, and &uffed

and blo#ed for the s&ace of f"$e m"nutes''A7uss them sta"rsC they ll bethe death o me!A

I ran to summon my master!

A;o# are you, old fello# A demanded ?r! T"mm"sC At"& us your f"n!A

AKueerFA re&l"ed ?r! 7robble,''ta&&"ng h"s breast gently #"th h"s fatf"st, and &uff"ng out h"s cheeks''to "nd"cate that h"s lungs #ered"sordered!

A@hat, bello#s to mend A cr"ed my accom&l"shed &atron'' +JJJ me, ne$er

say d"eFAA ust come from +octor S&ra#les says I must take e erc"seC no maltl" uor''noth"ng at breakfast''no lunch''no su&&er!A

A@hy, you ll be a skeleton''a transfer from the consol"dated to thereduced "n no t"me,A e cla"med ?r! T"mm"sC and h"s fr"end jo"ned "n thelaugh!

AI #as a'th"nk"ng, T"mm"s''don t you belong to a cr"cketclub A

ATo be sure!A

''A9f jo"n"ng you!A


13/43

carry any th"ng there! I m u"te the cock of the #alk, and no m"stake!=e t Thursday s a f"eld'day''I ll "ntroduce you! ordF you ll soon ber"ght as a tr"$et!A

?r @all"s #as summoned, and the affa"r #as soon arrangedC and I had thegrat"f"cat"on of be"ng &resent at ?r! 7robble s "naugurat"on!

It #as a bro"l"ng day, and there #as a full f"eldC but he conductedh"mself manfully, not#"thstand"ng the jokes of the club! ;e battede ceed"ngly #ell, Acons"der"ng,A as ?r! @all"s remarkedC but as for theAruns,A he #as com&letely at fault!

;e only attem&ted "t onceC but before he had ad$anced a yard or t#o, theball #as caughtC and the ag"le &layer, str"k"ng the #"cket #"th ease,e cla"med, am"d the laughter of the s&ectators''A9utF so don t fat"gueyourself, I beg, s"r!A

*nd so the match #as concluded, am"d cheers and shout"ng, "n #h"ch therotund, good'natured no$"ce jo"ned most heart"ly!

7;*PTER DIII!''The ;unter!

A;unt"ng may be s&ort, says I, but I m blest "f "ts &leasure!A

T#o days after the cr"cket'match, ?r! 7robble &a"d a $"s"t to my master!

A@ell, old fello#, dJJJ me me, "f you a"n t a trum&''ho# s your #"nd A

''k"ndly en u"red ?r! T"mm"s!

ADastly better, thank yeC ho# s @all"s and the other fello#s ''&r"mes&ort that cr"cket"ng!A

A%esC but, I say, you ll ne$er ha$e a run of luck, "f you st"ck to the#"cket so!A

ATrueC but I made a h"t or t#o, you must allo#,A re&l"ed ?r! 7robbleCAthough I m afra"d I m a sorry member!A

A* member, "ndeedF''no, noC you re the body, and #e re the''members,A

re&l"ed ?r! T"mm"s, laugh"ngC Abut, hallooF #hat s that &atch on your forehead''b"n a f"ght"ng A

A=oC but I $e been a hunt"ng,A sa"d ?r! 7robble, Aand th"s here s thefru"ts''%ou kno# my gray A

AThe nag you s#o&& d the bay roadster for #"th Tom Bro#n A

A;"m,A ans#ered 7robble! A@ell, I took h"m to ;ertfordsh"re @ednesdaylast''A

A;e took you, you mean!A

A@ell, #hat s the odds A


14/43

#"tness!A

A@ell, ho#some$er, there #as a good f"eld''and off #e #ent! The le$elcountry #as all &r"meC but he took a hedge, and nearly julked all thel"fe out o me! I lost my st"rru&, and should ha$e lost my seat, had ntI clutched h"s mane''A

A*nd ke&t your seat by ma"n force A

ADery good!A

A@ell, a#ay #e #ent, l"ke ohnny G"l&"n! ;unt"ng may be s&ort, says I,but I m blest "f "ts &leasure! Th"s "nfernal horse #as al#ays fond of shy"ng, and no# he s go"ng to shy me offC and, ecodF no sooner sa"d thandone! 9$er h"s head I go, l"ke a rocket!A

A "ke a foot'ball, you mean,A "nterru&ted ?r! T"mm"s!

A*nd, as luck #ould ha$e "t, tumbles "nto a d"tch, &lum& #"th my head

ag"n the bank!A

ABy j"ngoF such a run u&on the bank #as enough to break "t,A cr"ed mymaster, #hose &ro&ens"ty to crack a joke o$ercame all feel"ng of sym&athyfor h"s fr"end!

AIt broke my head thoughC and #arn t I "n a &rec"ous mess''that s all''u&to my neck, and no m"stake''and black as a ch"mney's#ee&''such mudFA

A*nd only th"nk of a man of your &ro&erty "n$est"ng h"s substance "n mudFThat "s a good unF''*ndre#,A sa"d he, Atell @ally to come here!A Isummoned h"s crony, and sat myself do#n to the books, to enjoy the

s&ort"$e sall"es of the t#o fr"ends, #ho roasted the fat buck, the"r lo$"ng com&an"on, most unmerc"fully!

A%ou sly old badger,A cr"ed @all"s, A#hy, you must ha$e &"cked out thed"tch!A

A=o, but they &"cked out me, and a &rec"ous f"gure I cut''I can tell you''I #as dr"&&"ng from to& to toe!A

ADery l"ke dr"&&"ng, "ndeedFA e cla"med ?r! T"mm"s, eye"ng h"s fatfr"end, and burst"ng "nto an "mmoderate f"t of laughter! The meet"ngended, as usual, #"th a bet for a d"nner at the APloughA for themsel$es

and the"r fr"ends, #h"ch ?r! 7robble lost''as usual!

7;*PTER IL!''* Ro# to Black#all!

To be sold, #arranted sound, a gray'mare, $ery fast, and carr"es a ladyCl"ke#"se a bay'cob, u"et to r"de or dr"$e, and has carr"ed a lady

Steam'boats d"d not run to Green#"ch and Black#all at th"s &er"odC and

those #ho resorted to the #h"te'ba"t establ"shments at those &laces,e"ther a$a"led themsel$es of a coach or a boat! Be"ng no# transformed,by a l"ttle &ersonal mer"t, and a great fa$our, from a full'gro#n


15/43

fr"end ?r! @all"s, offered me, as a treat, a ro# "n the boat they hadengaged for the occas"onC #h"ch, as a matter of course, I d"d not refusemak"ng myself as s&ruce as my l"m"ted #ardrobe #ould &erm"t, I trotted atthe"r heels to the foot of ondon'br"dge, the &o"nt of embarkat"on!

The &arty, "nclud"ng the boatman, cons"sted of e"ght soulsC the t"de #as"n our fa$our, and a#ay #e #ent, as merry a com&any as e$er floated onthe bosom of :ather Thames! ?r! 7robble #as the ch"ef mark for all the"r sall"es, and "ndeed he really a&&eared, from h"s s"He, to ha$e been"ntended by =ature for a Abutt,A as ?r! @all"s #"ckedly remarked!

A%ou told, me, 7robble, of your hunt"ng e &lo"t "n ;ertfordsh"re,A sa"d?r! @all"sC AI ll tell you someth"ng as bangs that hollo#C I m sure Ithought I should ha$e s&l"t #"th laughter #hen I heard of "t! %ou kno#the old frum&, my *unt Betty, T"mm"s A

ATo be sure''she #"th the ten thousand "n the threes,A re&l"ed ?r!T"mm"sC Aa #orthy creatureC and I m sure you adm"re her &r"nc"&al!A

A+on t I,A cr"ed @all"sC and he #"nked s"gn"f"cantly at h"s fr"end!

A@ell, #hat d ye th"nkC she, and ?"ss Scragg, her toady, #ere "n thecountry t other day, and must needs amuse themsel$es "n an a"r"ng u&on acou&le of &rads!

A@ellC they #ere canter"ng along''do"ng the handsome''and had just cometo the border of a &ond, #hen a donkey &o&s h"s "nnocent nose o$er afence "n the"r rear, and began to heeha# "n a most melod"ous stra"n!The nags &r"cked u& the"r ears "n a t#"nkl"ng, and made no more ado butbolted! Poor aunty tuggedF but all "n $a"nC her bay'cob ran "nto the#aterC and she lost both her &resence of m"nd and her seat, and &lum&ed

s#ash "nto the &ond''her r"d"ng hab"t s&read"ng out "nto a beaut"fulc"rcle''#h"le she lay s uall"ng and ba#l"ng out "n the centre, l"ke al"ttle &"ece of beef "n the m"ddle of a large batter'&udd"ngF ?"ssScragg, mean#h"le, stuck to her graymare, and #ent bum&"ng along to theadm"rat"on of all beholders, and #as soon out of s"ght luck"ly a josk"n,#ho #"tnessed my dear aunt s "mmers"on, ran to her ass"stance, and, #"ththe hel& of h"s &"tch'fork, safely landed herC for unfortunately the &ond#as not abo$e three or four feet dee&F and so she m"ssed the chance of be"ng an angelFA

A*nd you the transfer of her threesF''#hat a &"tyFA sa"d the sym&ath"H"ng?r! T"mm"s!

A@hen I heard of the acc"dent, of course, as "n duty bound, I #rote anan "ous letter of affect"onate en u"ry and condolence! *t the same&er"od, see"ng an ad$ert"sement "n the T"mes'' To be sold, #arrantedsound, a gray'mare, $ery fast, and carr"es a ladyC l"ke#"se a bay'cob,

u"et to r"de or dr"$e, and has carr"ed a lady ''I #as so t"ckled #"ththe co'"nc"dence, that I cut "t out, and sent "t to her "n an en$elo&e!A

APr"meF by o$eFA''shouted ?r! 7robble''ABut, I say, @all"s''you shouldha$e sent her a duck too, as a symbol"cal memor"al of her acc"dentFA

7;*PTER L!''The P"c'="c!


16/43

''had just s&read out the"r &rog on a clean table'cloth, #hen they #erealarmed by the a&&roach of a co#!

APeo&le should ne$er undertake to do a th"ng they don t &erfectlyunderstand,A remarked ?r! 7robble, Athey re sure to make fools othemsel$es "n the end! There s Tom +a$"s, (you kno# Tom +a$"s ) he sal#ays &utt"ng h"s not"ons "nto &eo&le s heads, and turn"ng the laughaga"nst em! If there s a d"tch "n the #ay, he s sure to dare some of h"s com&an"ons to lea& "t, before he o$ers "t h"mselfC "f he f"nds "tsafe, a#ay he s&r"ngs l"ke a greyhound!A

AE actly h"m, I kno# h"m,A re&l"ed ?r! T"mm"sC Athat s #hat he callslearn"ng to sha$e u&on other &eo&le s ch"nsFA

AE cellentFA e cla"med ?r! @all"s!

A;e s a $ery de$"l,A cont"nued ?r! 7robbleC Aal#ays &ro&os"ng some fun or other P"c'n"cs are h"s del"ghtC but he al#ays lea$es others to br"ng the

grub, and br"ngs noth"ng but h"mself! I hate P"c'n"cs, s uatt"ng "n thegrass don t su"t me at allC #hen once do#n, I f"nd "t no easy matter toget u& aga"n, I can tell you!A

;ereu&on there #as a general laugh!

ATalk"ng of P"c'n"cs,A sa"d ?r! T"mm"s! Arem"nds me of one that #as heldthe other day "n a meado#, on the banks of the ea! The &arty,cons"st"ng of lad"es only, and a l"ttle boy, had just s&read out the"r &rog on a clean table'cloth, #hen they #ere alarmed by the a&&roach of aco#! They #ere &resently on the"r &"ns, (co# d, of course,) and sheeredoff to a res&ectful d"stance, #h"le the co# #alked le"surely o$er the

table'cloth, smell"ng the mater"als of the feast, and &o&& d her clo$enfoot &lum& "nto a currant and ras&berry &"eF and they had a &rec"ous dealof trouble to dra# her offC for, as Tom +a$"s sa"d, there #ere some$eal'&att"es there, #h"ch #ere, no doubt, made out of one of her cal$esCand "n her maternal sol"c"tude, she com&letely demol"shed the &lates andd"shes, lea$"ng the affr"ghted &arty noth"ng more than the broken$"ctuals!A

A@hat a larkFA e cla"med ?r! 7robbleC AI #ould ha$e g"$en a gu"nea toha$e #"tnessed the fun! That co# #as a trojanFA

A* star "n the m"lky #ay,A cr"ed ?r! @all"s!

@e no# a&&roached the PloughC and ?r! 7robble ha$"ng sat"sf"ed theboatman, ?r! @all"s ga$e me half'a'cro#n, and bade me make the best of my#ay home! I &ocketed the money, and resol$ed to go on the h"gh#ay, andtrudge on foot!

A*ndre#,A sa"d my #orthy &atron, Ano# don t go and make a beast of yourself, but #alk stra"ght home!A

A*ndre#,A sa"d ?r! @all"s, "m"tat"ng h"s fr"end s tone of admon"t"onC A"f any body asks you to treat em, boltC "f any body offers to treat you,retreatFA

A*ndre#,A sa"d ?r! 7robble, #ho #as determ"ned to &ut "n h"s oar, and ro#"n the same boat as h"s fr"endsC A*ndre#,A''A%es, S"rCA and I touched my


17/43

#ords! A*ndre#,A re&eated he, for the th"rd t"me, Aa$o"d e$"lcommun"cat"on, and get thee gone from Black#all, as fast as your legs cancarry you''for, there s $"lla"nous bad com&any just landed here''#"ckedenough to s&o"l e$en the "mmaculate ?r! 7ornel"us 7robbleFA

7;*PTER LI!''The ourney ;ome!

AStarboard, Tom, starboardFA''A*ye, aye'starboard "t "sFA

I found myself u"te "n a strange land u&on &art"ng #"th my master andh"s fr"ends! It #as #ar't"me, and the &lace #as l"terally s#arm"ng #"th

jack'tars!

Tak"ng to the road, for the foot#ay #as u"te cro#ded, I soon reachedPo&lar! ;ere a large mob "m&eded my &rogress! They a&&eared all mo$ed

#"th e traord"nary merr"ment! I soon d"st"ngu"shed the objects of the"r m"rth! T#o sa"lors, mounted back to back on a cart'horse, #ere steer"ngfor Black#all! * large horse'cloth ser$ed them as a subst"tute for asaddle, and the merry fello# beh"nd held the re"nsC he #as smok"ng ashort &"&e, #h"le h"s mate #as mak"ng an obser$at"on #"th h"s s&y'glass!

AStarboard, Tom, starboardFA cr"ed the one "n front!

A*ye, aye'starboard "t "sFA re&l"ed h"s com&an"on, tugg"ng at the re"n!

A;olloo, messmateF #here are you bound A ba#led a sa"lor "n the cro#d!

ATo the &ort o Black#all,A re&l"ed the steersman! ABut #e re go"ngu"te "n the #"nd s eye, and I m afeared #e shan t make "t to'n"ght!A

A* ueer craft!A

A@erry,A re&l"ed Tom! A+on t ans#er the helm at all!A

A*ny grog on board A demanded the sa"lor!

A=ot enough to #et the boats#a"n s #h"stleC for, da e see, mate, there sno room for sto#age!A

ASh"$er my t"mbersF''no grogFA e cla"med the otherC A#hy''you ll founder!If you don t s&l"ce the ma"n'brace, you ll not make a knot an hour!;ea$e to''and let s dr"nk success to the $oyage!A

A@"th all my heart, mate, for I m &rec"ous krank #"th tack"ng! arboard,Tom''larboard!A

A*ye, aye''larboard "t "s!A

A=o#, run her r"ght "nto that ere s&"r"t'sho& to lee#ard, and let s ha$ea bo#l!A

Tom tugged a#ay, and soon Abrought u&A at the door of a #"ne'$aults!A et go the anchor,A e cla"med h"s messmate''Athat s "t''co"l u&!A


18/43

A;ere, mate''here s a &"cter of h"s royal majestyA''g"$"ng the sa"lor alongs"de a ne# gu"nea''Aand no# tell the ste#ard to m" us a jorum asst"ff as a nor #ester, and, let s all dr"nk the >"ng s health''God blessh"m!A

A;oorayFA shouted the del"ghted mob!

The"r uondam fr"end soon d"d h"s b"dd"ng, br"ng"ng out a huge ch"na'bo#lf"lled #"th grog, #h"ch #as handed round to e$ery soul #"th"n reach, and&resently d"s&atchedC''t#o others follo#ed, before they A#e"ghed anchor and &roceeded on the"r $oyage,A cheered by the ragged mult"tude, among#hom they la$"shly scattered the"r changeC and a most r"otous andr"d"culous scramble "t &roduced!

I #as much &leased #"th the no$elty of the scene, and esca&ed from thecro#d as u"ckly as I con$en"ently could, for I #as rather a&&rehens"$eof an attem&t u&on my &ockets!

@hat strange be"ngs are these sa"lorsF They ha$e no care for the morro#,

but s&end la$"shly the hard'earned #ages of the"r ad$enturous l"fe! Toone l"ke myself, #ho early kne# the $alue of money, th"s thoughtlesse tra$agance certa"nly a&&eared unaccountable, and nearly all"ed tomadnessC but, #hen I reflected that they are somet"mes "m&r"soned "n ash"& for years, #"thout touch"ng land, and fre uently "n &er"l of los"ngthe"r l"$es''that they ha$e scarcely t"me to scatter the"r #ages and&r"He'money "n the short "nter$als #h"ch chance offers them of m" "ng#"th the"r fello#'men, my #onder changed to &"ty!

A* man "n a sh"&,A says +r! ohnson, A"s #orse than a man "n a ja"lC for the latter has more room, better food, and commonly better com&any, and"s "n safety!A

7;*PTER LII!''?ons"eur +ubo"s!

AI sha nt f"ght #"th f"stesses, "t s #ulgarF''but "f he s a m"nd toanyth"ng l"ke a gemman, here s my cardFA

The lo$e'lorn ?atthe# had de&arted, no doubt unable to bear the s"ght of that sta"rcase #hose boards no longer resounded #"th the sl"&'sla& of the

sl"&&ers of that hy&ocr"t"cal beauty, Ah"s ?ary!A @"th h"m, the romanceof the land"ng'&lace, and the s uad, had e$a&oratedC and I had nosym&ath"es, no &ursu"ts, "n common #"th the rema"n"ng AboysA''myne#ly'ac u"red &ost, too, nearly occu&"ed the #hole of my t"me, #h"le mydes"re of study "ncreased #"th the ac u"s"t"on of books, "n #h"ch all my&ocket'money #as e &ended!

9ne day, my good fr"end, ?r! @all"s, entered the off"ce, follo#ed by ashort, shar&'$"saged man, #"th a sallo# com&le "onC he #as dressed "n ashabby frock, buttoned u& to the throat''a rusty black s"lk neckerch"ef su&&ly"ng the &lace of sh"rt and collar!

;e stood just #"th"n the threshold of the door, hold"ng h"s na&less hat"n h"s hand!


19/43

?r! @all"s ad$anced close to h"s elbo#, and s&oke "n a #h"s&erC but Iobser$ed, by the d"rect"on of h"s eyes, that the subject of h"scommun"cat"on #as the stranger!

A;aFA sa"d ?r! T"mm"s, A"t s all $ery #ell, @alley''but I hate allforr"nersC''#hy don t he go back to :rogland, and not come here, &alm"ngh"mself u&on us! It s no go''not a scudd"ck! They re all a &arcel ohumbugs''and no m"stakeFA

*s he uttered th"s grac"ous o&"n"on suff"c"ently loud to str"ke u&on thetym&anum of the &oor fello# at the door, I could &erce"$e h"s dark eyesgl"sten, and the blood t"nge h"s #oe'begone cheeksC h"s l"&s trembled#"th emot"on there #as an e$"dent struggle bet#een offended gent"l"ty,and urgent necess"ty!

Pr"de, ho#e$er, ga"ned the masteryC and ad$anc"ng the r"ght foot, hera"sed h"s hat, and #"th &ecul"ar grace bo#"ng to the t#ofr"ends''APardon, ?ons"eur Dall"s,A sa"d he, "n tremulous accents, AI am

de tro&C &erm"t, me to $"sdra#A''and "nstantly left the off"ce!

?r! T"mm"s, startled by h"s sudden e "t, looked at ?r! @all"s for ane &lanat"on!

ABy JJJFA e cla"med ?r! @all"s ser"ously'' Ayou $e hurt that &oor fello# sfeel"ngs! I #ould sooner ha$e g"$en a gu"nea than he should ha$e heardyou! +ubo"s "s a gentlemanC and altho he s com&letely stum&ed, andhas nt a &lace to &ut h"s head "n, he s tenac"ous of that res&ect #h"ch"s due to e$ery man, #hether he ha&&ens to be at a &rem"um, or ad"scount!A

AGo "tFA cr"ed ?r! T"mm"s, colour"ng dee&ly at th"s mer"ted re&roof''AIf th"s a"n t a reg lar sermonF I d"dn t mean to hurt h"s feel"ngs, dJJJ meC I m a reg lar ohn Bull, and he should kno# better than to be &o&&edat my bluntness! +JJJ me, I #ouldn t hurt a #orm''you kno# I #ouldn t,@all"s!A

There #as a tone of contr"t"on "n th"s rambl"ng a&ology that sat"sf"ed?r! @all"s of "ts truthC and he "mmed"ately entered "nto an e &lanat"onon the :renchman s s"tuat"on! ;e had kno#n h"m, he sa"d, for se$eralyears as a tutor "n the fam"ly of one of h"s cl"ents, by #hom he #as muchres&ected a hea$y loss had com&elled them suddenly to reduce the"r establ"shmentC +ubo"s had entreated to rema"n #"th h"s &u&"l''refused to

rece"$e any salary''and had e$en ser$ed h"s old &atron "n the ca&ac"ty of a men"al, adher"ng to h"m "n all h"s m"sfortunes, and only &arted #"thh"m, reluctantly, at the door of the debtor s &r"sonF

A+"d he do that A sa"d my masterC and I sa# h"s eyes mo"sten at therelat"on! A* :rench mounseer do thatF Game''dJJJ meFA''and l"ft"ng thel"d of h"s desk, he dre# out a f"$e &ound noteF A;ere, @all"s, t"& h"mth"s fl"mseyF Tell h"m''you kno# #hat to say''I m no s&eech"f"er''butyou kno# #hat I mean!A I almost jum&ed u& and hugged my master, I #as soe c"ted!

The ne t day ?ons"eur +ubo"s aga"n made h"s a&&earanceC and ?r! @all"s

had the &leasure of behold"ng ?r! T"mm"s and h"s gall"c fr"end on thebest terms "mag"nable!


20/43

take lessons "n the Afore"gn l"ngo,A by #ay of g"$"ng h"m Aa l"ft,A as?r! T"mm"s e &ressed "t! I remember h"m #"th feel"ngs of grat"tudeC for I o#e much more than the kno#ledge of the language to h"s k"ndness and"nstruct"on!

*s for ?r! T"mm"s, he could ne$er suff"c"ently a&&rec"ate h"s #orth,although he un"formly treated h"m #"th k"ndness!

ATalk of ref"nement,A sa"d he, one day, #hen d"scuss"ng +ubo"s mer"ts#"th ?r! @all"sC AI sa# a b"t to'day as bangs e$eryth"ng! * cadger s#ee&"ng a cross"ng fell out #"th a dustman! @asn t there some s&"cy ja#bet#" t em! @ell, noth"ng #ould su"t, but the dustman must ha$e a go,and &"tch "nto the cadger!

A+JJJ me, #hat does the co$e do, but he outs #"th a b"t of d"rty&asteboard, and he says, says he, AI sha nt f"ght #"th f"stesses, "t s#ulgarF''but "f he s a m"nd to anyth"ng l"ke a gemman, here s my cardFA@asn t there a roarF I lugg d out a bob, and flung "t at the $agabondfor h"s #"t!A

7;*PTER LIII!''?y Talent 7alled "nto *ct"$e Ser$"ce!

A*r n t you glad you a"n t a black'a'moor A

AI should th"nk so,A re&l"ed h"s sooty brother, Athey re s"ch ugly#arm"nts!A

;a$"ng to del"$er a letter, conta"n"ng an account and a stock rece"&t,to one of ?r! T"mm"s s cl"ents, res"d"ng at the #est end of the to#nC "ncross"ng through one of the fash"onable s uares, I obser$ed a flat'facednegro ser$ant "n l"$ery, stand"ng at the door of one of the houses!

T#o ch"mney s#ee&ers #ho ha&&ened to be &ass"ng, sho#ed the"r #h"te teeth"n a contem&tuous gr"n at the *fr"can!

ABob,A I o$erheard one remark, Aar n t you glad you a"n t ablack'a'moor A

AI should th"nk so,A re&l"ed h"s sooty brother, Athey re s"ch ugly

#arm"nts! ?aster s daughter, #ots come from board"ng schoolF says thes"ght of ems enough to fr"ghten one "nto con#uls"onsFA

*lasF for the &rejud"ce of the #orldF ;o# much th"s "gnorant remarkrem"nded me of my &atron s unfounded hatred of all Aforr"ners!A It #as&rec"sely the same sent"ment, d"fferently e &ressed, that actuated thethoughts and o&"n"ons of both!

I must, ho#e$er, do ?r! T"mm"s the just"ce to say, that he made am&leamends to ?ons"eur +ubo"s for the affront he had so thoughtlessly &utu&on the #orthy :renchmanC and d"d all "n h"s &o#er to obta"n h"m &u&"ls!

The conse uent change "n h"s dress and manner, h"s am"able conduct, andgentlemanly de&ortment, at last com&letely #on u&on the esteem of thebo"sterous broker, #ho s#ore, (for that #as generally h"s elegant manner


21/43

#ere "t not for h"s fore"gn accent, he should ha$e taken h"m for anEngl"shman born''really bel"e$"ng, that there #as no $"rtue "n the #orldbut of Engl"sh gro#th!

I had no# been abo$e t#el$e'months "n h"s off"ce, and although I hadrece"$ed but a moderate com&ensat"on for my ser$"ces, yet the $ast"m&ro$ement I had made (thanks to the "nstruct"on of ?ons"eur +ubo"s,)#as more $aluable than gold! ?y father also, though but scant"lyfurn"shed #"th book'kno#ledge, had, ne$ertheless, the good sense toa&&rec"ate and encourage my &rogressC he #as #ell a#are, fromobser$at"on, that kno#ledge "s &o#er, and #ould fre uently uote theold sa#,

A@hen house, and land, and money s s&entCThen larn"ng "s most e cellentA''

and s&ared all the money he could scra&e together to &urchase books for me!

9ne day ?r! 7robble came "nto the off"ce #"th an o&en letter "n h"s hand!A;ere,A''cr"ed he, AI $e rece"$ed a rem"ttance at last from that, Germanfello#''t#o good b"lls on the f"rst house "n the c"ty''but I can t maketo& nor ta"l of h"s r"gmarole! +o you kno# any cha& among your ac ua"ntance #ho can read German A

A=ot I,A re&l"ed ?r! T"mm"s!

A@"ll you allo# me, ?r! 7robble A sa"d I, ste&&"ng for#ard! ATh"s letter "s #r"tten "n :rench, not German, S"r,A I obser$ed!

A@hat s the d"fference to me, ?aster *ndre#C "t m"ght as #ell be "n #"ld

Ir"sh, for the matter o that!A

A*ndre# can read the l"ngo,A sa"d my master!

AThe de$"l he canFA e cla"med ?r! 7robbleC AI dare say I shall be able tomake "t out,A sa"d IC Aand "f not, ?ons"eur +ubo"s #"ll be hereCto'morro# morn"ng, and you can ha$e "t by t#el$e o clock, s"r!A

A*"n t that the t"cket A e cla"med ?r! T"mm"s, del"ghted at the sur&r"seof h"s fr"endC Ayou don t kno# ho# $astly cle$er #e are, old fello#!A

?r! 7robble, much grat"f"ed at th"s "nformat"on, &laced the letter "n my

handsC and, lea$"ng me to take a lunch at Garra#ay s #"th ?r! T"mm"s, Ieagerly sat about my task''and luck"ly "t #as not only &la"nly #r"tten,but the subject'matter by no means d"ff"cult, be"ng rather com&l"mentarythan techn"cal! By the t"me they returned, I had not only translated,but made a fa"r co&y of "t, "n my best hand!

A7ome, that "s cle$er,A sa"d ?r! 7robbleC Alet me see, no#, #hat shall Ig"$e you A

A=oth"ng, S"r,A I &rom&tly re&l"edC AI am ?r! T"mm"s s clerk''and allthat I kno# I o#e to h"s k"ndness!A

I sa#, #"th &leasure, that th"s com&l"ment #as not lost u&on my master!?r! 7robble #as really a gentleman "n feel"ng, and therefore d"d not


22/43

sa"d, AI thank you, ?r! *ndre#''I shall not forget your ser$"cesCA andde&arted e$"dently much &leased #"th my &erformance!

7;*PTER LID!''* +"lemma!

AEE ca#nt go# back, cause they locks the gates,A

A@ell, can #e go for#ard, then A''A=oa, ee ca#nt, cause the roads areunder #aterCA

AEE ca#nt go# back, cause they locks the gates,A sa"d a bum&k"n on theroad's"de to a 7ockney'&arty "n a one'horse cha"se!

A@ell, can #e go for#ard, then A demanded the an "ous and #ear"edtra$eller!

A=oa, ee ca#nt, cause the roads are under #aterCA re&l"ed the josk"n,#"th a gr"n!

Th"s #as certa"nly a s"tuat"on more r"d"culous than "nterest"ngC and Ism"led #hen I heard the story told, l"ttle sus&ect"ng that :ortune #ouldone day thro# me "nto a s"m"lar d"lem"na''so bl"ndly do #e mortals hugoursel$es "n the su&&osed secur"ty of our tact and fores"ght!

A;o# d ye do, ?r! *ndre#,A sa"d ?r! 7robble, #hen he had seated h"mself,and suff"c"ently "nflated h"s lungs, after the fat"gu"ng o&erat"on of mount"ng the sta"rs!

A@here s T"mm"s ''tell h"m I #ant a #ord #"th h"m!A

I u"ckly summoned my &atron, and follo#ed h"m "nto the off"ce!

A@ell, old &uff and blo#FA e cla"med ?r! T"mm"s, #"th h"s usualfam"l"ar"ty!

A@hat s "n the #"nd @ant to sell out The f"$es are fallen three &er cent! s"nce :r"day! *ll the 7hange "s as busy as the de$"l "n a h"gh#"nd!A

A=o''no more dabbl"ng, T"mm"s,A re&l"ed ?r! 7robbleC AI lost a coolhundred last accountC I #ant a #ord "n &r"$ate #"th youA''and he glancedto#ards meC u&on #h"ch I se"Hed my hat, and took u& my &os"t"on at my old&ost on the land"ng! ;o# #ere my feel"ngs altered s"nce I f"rst lo"teredthere, l"sten"ng to the mar$els of &oor ?atthe#F

I #as lost "n a &leasant re$er"e, #hen the shar& $o"ce of ?r! T"mm"srecalled me!

A*ndre#,A sa"d he, Amy fr"end 7robble #ants a clerk, and has cast h"s eyeu&on you! @hat do you say A

I scarcely kne# #hat to say! 9n one s"de stood my master, to #hom Ireally o#ed so much''on the other h"s fr"end, #ho offered me a &romot"on,#h"ch I felt, on many accounts, #as most attract"$e! AI should ha$e no


23/43

s"r''but''I ha$e rece"$ed so many fa$ours from you, that I m afra"d Im"ght seem ungrateful!A

The good'natured ?r! @all"s ha&&"ly ste&&ed "n at th"s moment to myrel"ef!

A=onsense,A re&l"ed ?r! T"mm"sC Athe stock "s del"$ered to the h"ghestb"dderC here 7robble backs e"ghteen sh"ll"ngs a #eek aga"nst myhalf'a'cro#n'take h"m!A

I st"ll felt some hes"tat"on, although "t #as e$"dent, from h"se &ress"on, that ?r! T"mm"s $alued the ser$ant much less than the ser$ant$alued the master!

A9nly look here, @ally,A cr"ed heC Ahere stands *ndre#, l"ke an assbet#een t#o bundles of hay!A

ARather l"ke a bundle of hay bet#een t#o asses, I th"nk,A re&l"ed ?r!@all"sC and good'naturedly ta&&"ng me on the shoulder, he cont"nued''A

acce&t ?r! 7robble s offer, ?aster *ndre# you re much too good for T"mm"s''he can soon get a grubby half'cro#n boy''but you may #a"t a longt"me for such an el"g"ble offer!A

AE"ghteen sh"ll"ngs a #eek,A sa"d ?r! 7robbleC #ho, I must confess,#"thout any &art"cular stretch of self'esteem, a&&eared an "ous to engageme'', Abut I shall #ant secur"ty!A

That #ord Asecur"tyA fell l"ke an a$alanche on my mount"ng s&"r"t, andcast me headlong do#n the "mag"nary ascent my busy thoughts had cl"mbedtoF

A:"$e hundred &ounds,A cont"nued ?r! 7robbleC Ad ye th"nk''ha$e you anyfr"ends A

A=one, s"rC my father "s a &oor man, and u"te unable!A I could scarcelys&eak''l"ke the dr"$er of the one'horse cha"se, I could ne"ther ad$ancenor recede!

AThe father,A sa"d ?r! T"mm"s, A"s only a &oor shoe'maker''a good fello#tho ''an e cellent f"tFA

A%ou mean to say,A cr"ed ?r! @all"s, A"t #ere bootless to seek secur"tyof the shoe'maker!A

* laugh ensuedC and, not#"thstand"ng my ag"tated feel"ngs, I could notforbear be"ng t"ckled by ?r! @all"s s humour, and jo"n"ng "n themerr"ment!

Th"s sally ga$e a most fa$ourable turn to the d"scuss"on! A7ome,A sa"d?r! @all"s, AI ll stand t#o hundred and f"fty''and you, T"mm"s, must gothe other!A

A=oC dJJJ me, he may bolt #"th the cash'bo , and let me "n, &erha&s,Ae cla"med ?r! T"mm"s! I burst "nto tearsC I felt, that from my long andfa"thful ser$"ces, I deser$ed a better o&"n"on''although I had no r"ght

to e &ect so great a fa$our!Rude as he #as, he felt some com&unct"on at ha$"ng #ounded my feel"ngsC


24/43

th"nk, for a moment, that @ally should get the start of h"mC no''I #as anhonest cha&, and he d &ut h"s f"st to double the amount to ser$e meCA andthen bade me As"t to the books,A and make all s uare before I cut myst"ck and thus ha&&"ly concluded th"s most momentous change "n myc"rcumstances!

7;*PTER LD!''*n 9ld *c ua"ntance!

A9nly three hol"days left, and st"ll th"s &laguey glass says $ery#etC ''I can t bear "t''I can t''and I #on t!A

;o# "m&at"ently d"d I count the m"nutes t"ll the off"ce #as closed, for I longed to commun"cate the glad t"d"ngs of my good fortune to my #orthyfather! The old man #e&t #"th joy at the &ros&ect, and ass"sted me "nrear"ng those beaut"ful fabr"cs termed castles "n the a"r!

;"s o#n trade, by the recommendat"on of the rough, "ll'mannered, butgood'natured ?r! T"mm"s, had #onderfully "ncreasedC and, by mak"ng sometem&orary sacr"f"ces, he #as enabled to g"$e me an a&&earance moresu"table to the ne# &os"t"on "n #h"ch I #as so une &ectedly &laced! In anarro# alley, on the south s"de of the Royal E change, on theground'floor, I found the count"ng'house of ?r! 7robble!


25/43

AGood hea$"nsFA e cla"med he, #"th h"s #ell'remembered nasal t#angC Aareyou''A

A%es!A

A@ell, I declare no# you $e gro#ed "nto a gentleman! I should nt''Ireally should nt''A ;e d"d not say #hat he really Ashould notA''bute tended h"s hand!''A;o&e you a"n t too &roud to shake hands #"th an oldfr"end ''A

I shook h"m heart"ly by the hand, and made some en u"r"es touch"ng h"sh"story!

Poor ?atthe# seated h"mself #"th all the ease "mag"nable, and la"d h"sknot bes"de h"m, and began, after the manner of h"s fa$our"te heroes, toAunbosom h"mself!A

A%ou $e a father,A sa"d heC Abut I m a hor&han, #"thout father nor

mother''a houtcastFA''and he sunk h"s head u&on h"s bosomC and I obser$edthat h"s scrubby cro& #as already becom"ng th"n and bald!

AS"nce I left the &lace "n the lane, I $e b"n a'go"ng''do#n''do#nA''andhe nearly touched the floor #"th h"s hand! AThat gal, ?ary, #as the ru"nof me''I shall ne$er forget her!''?y ho&es "s sunk, l"ke the sun "n theocean, ne$er to r"se ag"nFA I #as rather amused by th"s romant"c, though"ncorrect, f"gureC but I let h"m &roceed AI $e got se$eral &laces, butlost em all! I th"nk there s a s&ell u&on meC and #ho can struggleaga"nst h"s fate A

I tr"ed to console h"m, and found, u&on a further confess"on, that he had

flo#n to s&"r"ts Ano# and then,A to blunt the shar& tooth of mentalm"sery!

;ere, then, #as the ch"ef cause of h"s #ant of success, #h"ch he bl"ndlyattr"buted to fate''the common fa"l"ng of all #eak m"nds! :or my &art,not#"thstand"ng the "m&er"al author"ty of the great =a&oleon h"mself, Iha$e no fa"th "n :ate, bel"e$"ng that the effect, #hether good or bad,may "n$ar"ably be traced to some cause "n the conduct of the "nd"$"dual,as certa"nly as the loss of a man, "n a game of draughts, "s theconse uence of a A#rong mo$eA by the &layerF''*nd &oor ?atthe# saccusat"on of :ate &ut me "n m"nd of the school'boy, #ho, dur"ng a #et$acat"on, rushed $"nd"ct"$ely at the barometer, and struck "t "n the

face, e cla"m"ng''A9nly three hol"days left, and st"ll th"s &laguey glasssays $ery #etC ''I can t bear "t''I can t''and I #on t!A

I d"d all "n my &o#er to comfort the l"ttle &orter, e hort"ng h"m tod"l"gence and sobr"ety!

A%ou #ere al#ays a k"nd fr"end,A sa"d he, &athet"callyC Aand&erha&s''&erha&s you #"ll g"$e me someth"ng to dr"nk your health, for old'ac ua"ntance sake!A Th"s une &ected turn com&elled me to laughter!I ga$e h"m s" &ence!

*lasF ?atthe#, I found, #as but a &"ece of coarse g"ngerbread, tr"cked

out #"th the +utch metal of false sent"ment!


26/43

7;*PTER LDI!''The oss of a :r"end!

AI say, ma am, do you ha&&en to ha$e the ha"r of *ll round my hat I$ears a green $"llo# A

I #as startled by the batho'romant"c sent"ment of ?atthe#, some#hat "nthe same manner as the young lady at the bookseller s, #hen she #asaccosted by a mus"cal dustman, #"th''AI say, ma am, do you ha&&en to ha$ethe ha"r of *ll round my hat I $ears a green $"llo# A

But, ho#e$er r"d"culous they may a&&ear, such "ncongruous characters areby no means car"catures''nay, are Aas &lent"ful as blackberr"es,Aes&ec"ally "n the lo#er grades of soc"ety!

I #as "ndulg"ng "n a re$er"e of th"s sort, #hen ?ons"eur +ubo"s, my k"ndand gentlemanly tutor, abru&tly entered the off"ce! I felt &roud "nha$"ng obta"ned h"s fr"endsh"&''for he #as to me a m"ne of #ealth, and

a&&eared master of e$ery subject u&on #h"ch my cur"os"ty &rom&ted me to"n u"re, #h"lst the #orthy :renchman #as so flattered by my s"ncereres&ect, that he took a del"ght "n "m&art"ng h"s kno#ledge to so #"ll"ngand d"l"gent a scholar!

?r! 7robble had &rom"sed that I should cont"nue my stud"es, be"ng much&leased #"th the &roof I had been fortunate enough to g"$e h"m of my&rogress, generously offer"ng to defray the charges of tu"t"onC and Ifound "n my ne# &lace, e$en more t"me than #hen "n the em&loy of ?r!T"mm"s for, "ndeed, half'a'clerk #ould ha$e been suff"c"ent to ha$econducted the #hole bus"ness!

I #as no less sur&r"sed at the unusual abru&tness of a&&roach, than atthe e traord"nary e c"tement a&&arent "n the manner of ?ons"eur +ubo"sCfor he al#ays boasted of h"s coolness and &h"loso&hy under allc"rcumstances!

APeace, &eaceF'' mon cher am" ''&eace "s &rocla"mA''cr"ed he, ra"s"ng h"shat and h"s eyes to the d"ngy ce"l"ng of our off"ce''AGrace a +"euF''letyran =a&oleon''le charlatan est ren$erse de son &"edestal''ou", monele$e''I $"ll see, aga"n once more my dear :ranceFA

;e gras&ed my hand "n h"s ecstasy, and tears f"lled h"s eyes too$erflo#"ng! I had heard rumours of the restorat"on of the Bourbons, but

I had not ant"c"&ated the loss of my "nest"mable tutor!I #as almost ashamed of my self"shnessC but $an u"shed my feel"ngs so far as to congratulate h"m on h"s &ros&ects, #"th as much cord"al"ty anda&&earance of truth as I could assume!

AI trust, ho#e$er,A sa"d I, Athat restored to your country, and your fr"ends, you #"ll f"nd that ha&&"ness you so much deser$e! Go #here you#"ll, you #"ll be follo#ed by the regrets of your Engl"sh fr"ends!A

A*hF les *ngla"sF'' comb"en ''ho# motch reconna"ssance A sa"d he, AI$"ll ha$e for themF I sall them forget ne$areFA

?r! 7robble "nterru&ted our collo uy! A*ll r"ght t other s"de thechannel, ?ounseer,A cr"ed be, elatedC A#e $e l"cked Boney he s done u&C


27/43

''only he s mak"ng money "nstead of honeyFA

;e shook hands #"th ?ons"eur +ubo"sC and congratulated h"m u&on therestorat"on of ou"s the E"ghteenth!

I ment"oned to h"m ?ons"eur +ubo"s "ntent"on of &roceed"ng "mmed"atelyto :rance! A;e s r"ght,A cr"ed heC Alet e$ery man st"ck to h"s >"ng andh"s countryC and I sayA''he suddenly checked h"mself, and beckon"ng meas"de, cont"nued "n an under tone''A*ndre#, you understand th"s ?ounseer better than I doC he a&&ears a good fello# "n the ma"n "f he should #anta l"ft, to f"t h"m out for the $oyage, or any th"ng of that sort, tellh"m 7orny 7robble #"ll lend h"m a hand, for old ac ua"ntance sakeC Ishan t st"ck at a matter of forty or f"fty &ound''you understand''&ut "tto h"m, as a matter of bus"nessC for that ll su"t h"s &roud stomach best,&erha&sA''then, turn"ng to ?ons"eur, he sa"d, AE cuse #h"s&er"ng beforecom&any, ?ounseer +ubo"s! Good morn"ng!A

ABon jour, ?ons"eur,A re&l"ed +ubo"s, mak"ng my obese go$ernor one of h"smost graceful bo#s!

I #as h"ghly grat"f"ed at be"ng selected as the med"um of th"s generousofferC #h"ch ?ons"eur +ubo"s rece"$ed #"thout hes"tat"on, as one #ho"ntended to re&ay "tC but, at the same t"me, #"th the most gratefulackno#ledgments of ?r! 7robble s cons"derate k"ndness!

7;*PTER LDII!''Promot"on!

AI, th"nk there must be someth"ng #rong about your ro#"ng,A

A?y ro#"ngFA cr"ed IC AnonsenseF''"t s because you don t steer r"ght!A

AI remember, #hen I #as a young man, I once took a fancy to ro#"ng,A sa"d?r! 7robble one day to me! AI #asn t then u"te so round as I am at&resent! 7ous"n Tom and I h"red a #herry, but someho# #e found #e d"dn tmake much #ay! Tom #as steer"ng, and I took the sculls, s"tt"ng my backto h"m l"ke a gabyFA

AI, th"nk there must be someth"ng #rong about your ro#"ng,A sa"d Tom!

A?y ro#"ngFA cr"ed IC AnonsenseF''"t s because you don t steer r"ght!@ell, at last a #aterman came alongs"de, and gr"nn"ng (the fello#couldn t hel& "t) good'naturedly, &o"nted out the cause of our d"lemmaCat #h"ch #e both laughed heart"ly! E$er s"nce that t"me I $e been of o&"n"on, that unless &eo&le, #ho ro# "n the same boat, understand eachother, they ll ne$er get along''A

I sm"led at th"s lengthy &rologue, not conce"$"ng to #hat "t could&oss"bly lead!

A=o#, ?r! *ndre#,A resumed he, AI mean to be $ery "ndustr"ous, and de$otea #hole day to g"$"ng you an "ns"ght "nto the bus"nessC after #h"ch I

e &ect you ll &ull a#ay, #h"le I only steer, #h"ch #"ll su"t me to a T'',you understand!A


28/43

taskC and I soon ac u"red suff"c"ent kno#ledge "n the bus"ness, as notonly to ro# "n the same boat #"th h"m, but, #hat #as st"ll more agreeableto my &atron s "ndolence, to manage the AcraftA #"thout h"s ass"stance!

S" months after the de&arture of ?ons"eur +ubo"s, he sent a rem"ttance,#"th "nterest on the amount, ad$anced by ?r! 7robble, #"th a long e&"stleto me, stat"ng, that he had entered "nto &artnersh"& #"th h"s elder brother, and commenced the bus"ness of a banker, under the f"rm of A+ubo"s :reres,A at the same t"me "nform"ng me that they #ere alreadydo"ng a large stroke of bus"ness, and #anted an agent "n ondon,re uest"ng me to "nform h"m "f "t #ould be agreeable to ?r! 7robble for them to dra# u&on h"s res&ectable house!

I sa# at once the ad$antages of th"s corres&ondence, and so #armlysol"c"ted ?r! 7robble to accede, that he at last consented, &ro$"ded Iundertook the #hole management of the affa"r!

The Engl"sh #ere no# da"ly flock"ng to Par"s, and the money re u"red for the"r la$"sh e &end"ture "n the gay ca&"tal of :rance com&elled the"r

a&&l"cat"on to the bankers!

?essrs! +ubo"s :reres had the"r share of th"s lucrat"$e bus"ness, and, asthe"r agents "n ondon, #e necessar"ly became &art"c"&ators "n the"r large transact"ons!

In three months these o&erat"ons had "ncreased so enormously, and the&rof"ts #ere so cons"derable, that ?r! 7robble not only ad$anced mysalary, but consented to engage the ass"stance of t#o jun"or clerks! I#as no# a man of some cons"derat"on! I #as the sen"or clerk of theestabl"shment, although the youngest of the three!

In t#o years I found myself at the head of s" clerks, and had as muchbus"ness as I could &oss"bly manage!

?y star #as "n the ascendant! I had not only more money than I re u"redfor my e &enses, but #as enabled to ma"nta"n my &oor old father, #hoda"ly became more and more "nf"rm!

I rented a small cottage at the rural $"llage of ;ackney, but my labour occu&"ed me early and late, and "t #as only on a Sunday I could reallyenjoy my home!

Three years after u"tt"ng the off"ce of ?r! T"mm"s, I had the

"ne &ress"ble &leasure of em&loy"ng h"m to &urchase stock for h"s errandboyF I #as &roud as a k"ng!

AI sa"d that boy #ould turn out #ell,A sa"d the good'natured ?r! @all"sCAhe al#ays had a good &r"nc"&le!A

A*nd no# b"ds fa"r,A sa"d ?r! T"mm"s, Ato ha$e both &r"nc"&al and"nterest!A

?r! 7robble ha$"ng lately had a large &ro&erty left h"m "n ;ertfordsh"re,rarely came to the off"ce abo$e once a' uarter, to settle accounts!

A* good d"$"dend''a $ery good d"$"dendFA sa"d he, u&on rece"&t of thelast uarter s &rof"ts! ABut, ?r! ?ull"ns, I cannot forget that th"sbus"ness "s your ch"ld!A


29/43

A*nd I m ha&&y to say a thr"$"ng one,A I re&l"ed!

A*re you sat"sf"ed''&erfectly sat"sf"ed A demanded he!

ABeyond my #"shes, s"r!A

AI am not,A sa"d he shortly!

A=o, s"r A e cla"med I, #"th sur&r"se!

A=o, S"rFA re&eated he! AThose #ho so# should rea&! I $e noch"ldren''I m an "dle fello#'a drone, s"r''and #on t consent to consumeall the honey! +on t s&eak, s"r''read thatFA and he &ulled a &archmentfrom h"s &ocket!

It #as a deed of &artnersh"& bet#een 7ornel"us 7robble, of odge,;ertfordsh"re, Es u"re, and the &oor cobbler s son,

*=+RE@ ?< I=S!

* RIG?*R9 E!''P*RT I!

A+e omn"bus rebus!A

The e$en"ng "s calm''the sun has just sunk belo# the t"les of the house,#h"ch serenely bounds the $"e# from the u"et att"c #here I #"eld theanser"ne &lume for the delectat"on of the &ens"$e &ubl"c''all nature,

etc!''the sky "s dee& blue, t"nged #"th mello#est red, l"ke a learnedlady del"cately rouged, and ready for a l"terary so"ree''the s#eet'$o"ced&ot'boy has commenced h"s rounds #"th Aearly beer,A and #"th leathernlungs, and a so$ere"gn contem&t for the enactments of the ne# &ol"ce'act''greasy $arlets &rocla"m to the hungry ne"ghbourhood''ABaked shee&sheads, hotFA''9F sa$oury morselF''?ay no leg"slat"$e measure e$er s"lenceth"s &er"&atet"c &ur$eyor to the &oorF or &re$ent h"s call"ng''may thetag'rag and bob'ta"l ne$er reject a shee& s headF

AI ne$er sees a shee& s head, but I th"nks on you,A sa"d ?rs! S&r"gg"ns,#hose &hys"ognomy #as as yello# and as #r"nkled as a duck s foot!S&r"gg"ns #h"&&ed h"s horse, for they #ere dr"$"ng "n a one'horse cha"se,

#"th t#o boys, and an "nfant "n arms''S&r"gg"ns #h"&&ed h"s horses&"tefully, for ?rs! S! s sarcasm "ns&"red h"m #"th a s&lenet"c feel"ngCand as he durst not chast"se her, the an"mal rece"$ed the benef"t of her "m&etus! S&r"gg"ns #as a fool by nature, and self"sh by d"s&os"t"on!?rs! S! #as a shr"$elled shre#, #"th a Ab"t o moneyCA''that #as the ba"tat #h"ch he, l"ke a hungry gudgeon, had se"Hed, and he #as hookedF TheAs&ousalsA had aston"shed the $ulgar''the l"ttle n"ght"ngale of T#"ckenham #ould ha$e only sm"ledC for has he not s#eetly sung''

AThere s#"ms no goose so grey, but soon or lateShe f"nds some honest gander for her mateCA

and her un"on #as a $er"f"cat"on of th"s flo#"ng cou&let! *t d"fferent t"mes, #hat d"fferent mean"ngs the self'same #ords obta"n!


30/43

as regards man and #"fe, "s e &la"ned ASe&arat"onCA or, l"ke a sh"& #hen"n d"stress, the A


31/43

notor"ous at all the meet"ngs! In fact I ne$er sa# h"m out of thesaddle he "s a &erfect l"$"ng s&ec"men of the fabled 7entaur''full of anecdotes of fo 'chases, and stee&le'chasesC he amuses me e ceed"ngly! Ilast encountered h"m "n a green lane near ;ornsey, mounted on a roadster ''h"s Ab"t o bloodA had been sent for#ard, and he #as le"surely mak"ngh"s #ay to the a&&o"nted s&ot!

AI #as "n Buck"nghamsh"re last #eek,A sa"d heC Aa f"ne turn out''such af"eldF I got an "nfernal to&&er tho ''smashed my best t"leC tell you ho#"t #as! There #as a h"gh &al"ng''&ut S&"tf"re to "t, and she took "t "nf"ne styleC but, as luck #ould ha$e "t, the gnarled arm of an old treecame #ho& aga"nst my head, and bonneted me com&letelyF Thought I #asbra"ned''but #e d"d "t cle$erly ho#e$er''although, "f e$er I made a lea&"n the dark, that #as one! I #as at fault for a m"nute''but S&"tf"re #asall al"$e, and had "t all her o#n #ay #"th some d"ff"culty I got my nobout of the bea$er'tra&, and #as "n at the deathFA

I laughed heart"ly at h"s a#k#ard d"lemma, and #"sh"ng h"m &lenty of s&ort, #e &arted!

Poor RoryF he has suffered many a blo# and many a fall "n h"s t"meC buthe "s st"ll "ndefat"gable "n the &ursu"t of h"s fa$our"te &ast"me''sotrue "s "t''that

AThe &leasure #e del"ght "n &hys"c s &a"nCA

h"s days &ass l"ghtly, and all h"s years are lea& yearsF

;e has lately "nher"ted a cons"derable &ro&erty, accumulated by a m"serlyuncle, and has most a&&ro&r"ately &urchased an estate "n one of theR"d"ngs of %orksh"reF

@"th all h"s lo$e for f"eld's&orts, ho#e$er, he "s no better Athebetter,A says he, A"s often the #orseC and I $e no not"on of los"ng myacres "n gambl"ngC bes"des, my ch"ef a"m be"ng to be cons"dered a goodhorseman, I should be a consummate fool, "f, by my o#n folly, I lost myseatFA

* RIG?*R9 E''P*RT III!

A9derunt h"larem tr"stes!A

The sad only hate a joke! =o#, my fr"end Rory "s "n no sense a sadfello#, and he lo$es a joke e ceed"ngly! ;"s anecdotes of the turf are all racyC nor do those of the f"eld less deser$e the meed of &ra"seF

ord :JJJJ #as a dandy s&ortsman, and the butt of the regulars! ;e #asdescr"bed by Rory as a A#alk"ngst"ckA''slender, but $ery AknobbyA''#"th a&a"r of mustaches and an eye'glass! ;a$"ng lost the scent, he rode oneday sl"ck "nto a gardener s ground, #hen h"s &rad rammed h"s h"nd'legs"nto a brace of hand'glasses, and h"s fore'legs "nto a tul"&'bed! Thehort"cultur"st and the haughty ar"stocrat''ho# d"fferent #ere the"r

feel"ngs''the cucumber coolness of the n"l adm"rar" of the one #aslud"crously contrasted #"th the "nd"gnat"on of the aston"shed cult"$ator of the so"l! A;a$e you seen the hounds th"s #ay A demanded ord :JJJJ,


32/43

A;oundsFA b"tterly re&eated the gardener, clench"ng h"s f"st! A+ogs, Imean,A cont"nued ord :JJJJC Ayou kno# #hat a &ack of hounds are''don tyou A

AI kno# #hat a &u&&y "s,A retorted the manC Aand "f so be you don tbudge, I ll s&"le your s&ort! But, f"rst and foremost, you must lug outfor the damage you ha$e done''you re a tres&asser!A

AI m a s&ortsman, fello#''#hat d ye mean A

AThen s&ort the blunt,A re&l"ed the gardenerC and, clos"ng h"s gates,took ord :JJJJ &r"soner nor d"d he set h"m free t"ll he had re"mbursedh"m for the m"sch"ef he had done!

Th"s #as justC and ho#e$er "llegal #ere the means, I a&&lauded them for the end!

9ur fr"end BJJJd, that "ncorr"g"ble &unster, sa"d, Athat h"s horse had

&ut h"s foot "n''and he had &a"d h"s foot"ng,A

BJJJd, by the bye, "s a non&are"lC #hether horses, guns, or dogs, he "sal#ays Aat home A and e$en "n yacht"ng, (as he truly boasts) he "s ne$er Aat sea!A R"d"ng #"th h"m one day "n an omn"bus, I &ra"sed thecon$en"ence of the $eh"cleC A*n e cellent $eh"cle,A sa"d he, Afor &unn"ngCA''#h"ch he &resently &ro$ed, for a do#ager ha$"ng flo&&ed "ntoone of the seats, declared that she Ane$er r"d $"thout fear "n any of them omn"bus th"ngs!A

A@hat "s she talk"ng about A sa"d I!

A+e omn"bus rebus,A re&l"ed he,''Atruly she talks l"ke the f"rst lady of the landC but, as far as I can see, she &ossesses ne"ther the carr"agenor the mannersFA

A7an you read the motto on the 7onductor s button A I demanded! A=oCA here&l"ed, Abut I th"nk noth"ng #ould be more a&&ro&r"ate to h"s call"ngthan the monk"sh &hrase'' &ro omn"bus curoF A

*t th"s juncture a jolt, follo#ed by a crash, announced that #e had losta #heel! The +o#ager shr"eked! A@e shall all be k"lled,A cr"ed sheCA9n y to th"nk of meet"ng $un s death "n a common omn"busFA

A?ors commun"s omn"busFA #h"s&ered BJJJd, and''''I had #r"tten thus far, #hen s&"t''s&"t''s&lutter''&lo&F''my end of candle sl"&&ed "nto the black"ng bottle "n #h"ch "t #as Asusta"ned,A andI #as left to adm"re''the stars of n"ght, and to obser$e that A7harles s#a"n #as o$er the ch"mneyCA so I thre# do#n my &en''and, as the house #asa'bed''and I am naturally of a Aret"r"ngA d"s&os"t"on, I sought my&allet''dream"ng of l"terary fameF''although, "n the matter of #hat m"ghtbe "n store for me, I #as com&letely "n the darkF

*= I=TER7EPTE+ ETTER :R9? +I7> S *??ER T9 ;IS :RIE=+ S*? : %>E!


33/43

e&&"n'toosday

my dear sam

" $e rote th"s ere for to let you no " m "n jolly good health and hartyas a br"ck''and ho&e my tul"& as your as $ell''''read th"s to sal #hocan t do the same herself see"ng as her ed"cat"on a"ntt b"n "n that l"ne''''g"$e her my lo$e and tell her to take care o the k"ds!''''" $e got as"lk $"&e for sal, tell herC and suff"ng for em all, for " $e made a

lent s&ec o the #oy ge and bagg d some t"n too " can tell youC and $ont$e ha$e a blo# out $en " cums amung you''''na&&s''''that s the ass''''"s&art"cklar $ell and as dun h"s dooty l"ke a r" lar fl"nt''''

" rode too races ar needn t say as " $un em for na&&s "s a houtanhouter an no m"stakeF

lorkF d"dn t " make the nat"fs stareF and a g"ntlum as $os by, $antedto oan "m an oferd any blunt for "m but #alkerF says " there a"nt s"cka ass as th"s ere han"mal "n the hole country''''bes"des he s l"ke as

$un o me oan famly, for " $e brot "m u& "n a manner from the t"me he $osa babbyF''''he s u& to a mo$e or too and kno#s my $o"ce j"st for all the#orld l"ke a 7hr"ssen!

Red'nose B"ll $ot had a nook em do#n here br"ngs th"s and he ll tell youall about the noose''''" shall foller "n about, a $eek or so''''tell salto kee& u& her s&err"ts and not to lush $"th Bet''''" dont l"ke that ereooman at all''''a "dle #agabone as "s go"ng to the


34/43

''''$"ch " takes "t $os more nor he co d say, for h"s $as noth"n more nor a borrod un and "f " dont m"stake he $os a $"techa&ler''''" th"nk "$eseed "m a sar$"n out s$"&es and blue ru"n at the g"n's&"nners corner osummerset street or &ett"cut lane''''dunno #"tch!

''''sam, " hates &r"de so " cuts h"s cum&ny''''" says says "''''na&&s "tdont f"t you a"nt a nunter you re o ny a racer and that cha&s afeard h"s&rad $"ll be s&"led a kee&"ng cona&ny #"th a ass''''least#ays " m o thesame o&"nyon "n that res&ec consarn"ng meself and''''so " shall m"HHle!

''''a true g"ntlum as "s a g"ntlum, sam "s as d"frent to these herestuck'u& fellers aH a so$r"n "s to a coronashun co&&er $ot s on y g"lt!

$ell l"e turns hof o$er the left and $"&s u& h"s an"mal try"n to get u& atrot''''bobb"n u& and do#n "n h"s sturru&s and bum&"n h"sself to make asho#''''all flummeryF''''he takes the m"ddel o the f"eld to h"sself, and" co my " for a houtlet and s&" s a ga"t''''that s the t"cketF says "Cso l"t"ng the bacca and blo#"n a cloud I trots along, and had j"st cum

to the ga"t $en turn"n round to look for the g"n's&"nner, blo# meF sam,"f " d"dn t see the co$e aga"n heels o$er head o$er an edge''''l"ke atumler at bartlmy fareC''''$"le h"s &reshus hann"mal $as a tak"n "t cooly"n the meddoF

A$at a rum cha&A''says ", a larf"n reddy to bust''''A$at a rum cha& togo o$er the edge that $ayF $en here s a r"glar ga"t to r"de throughFA

''''and so, " dru$ on, but someho#, sam, " coudn t hel& a th"nk"n as&ra&s the #aggerbun lead broke h"s nek''''st"f as "t $asF and so " sa"dto na&&s''''Ana&&s,A''''says "''''Alets go and look arter the #arm"ntfor char"ty s'sakeA

''''na&&s $ots as good'natur d a ass as h"s master, d"dn t make noobstacle and so $e $ent'''

''''my "F''''sam, " d a stood a >er$orten and three outs ad you a b"nthereF''''there $as my jentlum u& to h"s nek "n a duck&ond''''look"n asm"serr"bble as a stray o mutton "n a batter &udd"n

Ahal&F hal&FA says he, a s&"tt"n the green $eeds out of h"smouth''''Ahal& me, faller, and " ll stand a bobA or summat to that efeck!

''''but " couldn t hold out my f"n to h"m for larf"n''''and na&&s begun a

bray"n at s"ch a rate''''$"ch struck me as "f he $as a larf"n too, andmade me larf #usser than e$er''''

''''$ell, at last, " contr"$"s to lug h"m out, and a &reshus f"gger hecut to be sure''''he had ker$"te a ne# sute o black mud, $"ch d"dn tsmell &art"clar s$eet " can tell you!

''''Aa"n t hurt yoursef A says ", Aha$e you A

''''AnoA''''says he''''Abut " m dem #et and utterably s&"ledA''''or $ordsl"ke that for he che#d em so f"ne " couldn t r"ghtly h"t em!

''''ater " d scra&ed h"m a l"ttle desent, and he d t"& d a hog''''$"ch$as rayther hansum''''" a d h"m $ere he d left h"s t"le


35/43

oyster Ayes your castorA''''says ", Ayour bea$er your hat!A

A9hFA''''says he, & "nt"ng d"smal to the &ond''''Agone to the de$"l dJJJ meFA''''so $"th that he takes out a red and yuller $"&e, and t"es "t abouth"s hed, look"n for all the $orld l"ke a a&&le'ooman!

''''as he had come do#n hansum " "n coorse ofer d to ketch h"s &rad $"ch$a n t much d"ff"culty''''and u& he jum&s and le&&ed #"th a s uosh "ntothe saddle''''and r"d of $"thout as much as say"n by your lea$e goodluck to you or anyth"nk else''''

'''$ell, th"s here $os the end and u&shot o that day s fun for I $os toolate for the start by ten m"nn"ts''''" sa# em go"n "t at a d"stance so" takes a s"ghtF''''but " had too much $alley for na&es to &ut "m to "tso as to get u& $"th em''''or he m"ght a done "t &ra&sF'''

''''" $e l"$ed l"ke a f"ght"n cock and am as fatt as butter''''but therace "s go"n to beg"n "n a hour and " must go and ketch na&&s #ho s agraH"n on the commun and looks oncommun $ell''''so no more at &resent

from,

%ours, my &r"me un,

d"ck stammer!

End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Sketches of Seymour (Illustrated),

Part !, by Robert Seymour

888 E=+ 9: T;IS PR9 E7T G S>ET7;ES 9: SE%?9


36/43

subject to the trademark l"cense, es&ec"ally commerc"alred"str"but"on!

888 ST*RT :< I7E=SE 888

T;E :< PR9 E7T G


37/43

#hat you can do #"th th"s #ork! 7o&yr"ght la#s "n most countr"es are "na constant state of change! If you are outs"de the


38/43

re uest, of the #ork "n "ts or"g"nal APla"n Dan"lla *S7IIA or other form! *ny alternate format must "nclude the full Project Gutenberg'tm

"cense as s&ec"f"ed "n &aragra&h -!E!-!

-!E!O! +o not charge a fee for access to, $"e#"ng, d"s&lay"ng,&erform"ng, co&y"ng or d"str"but"ng any Project Gutenberg'tm #orksunless you com&ly #"th &aragra&h -!E!N or -!E!5!

-!E!N! %ou may charge a reasonable fee for co&"es of or &ro$"d"ngaccess to or d"str"but"ng Project Gutenberg'tm electron"c #orks &ro$"dedthat

' %ou &ay a royalty fee of /0 of the gross &rof"ts you der"$e from the use of Project Gutenberg'tm #orks calculated us"ng the method you already use to calculate your a&&l"cable ta es! The fee "s o#ed to the o#ner of the Project Gutenberg'tm trademark, but he has agreed to donate royalt"es under th"s &aragra&h to the Project Gutenberg "terary *rch"$e :oundat"on! Royalty &ayments must be &a"d #"th"n 40 days follo#"ng each date on #h"ch you

&re&are (or are legally re u"red to &re&are) your &er"od"c ta returns! Royalty &ayments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project Gutenberg "terary *rch"$e :oundat"on at the address s&ec"f"ed "n Sect"on 1, AInformat"on about donat"ons to the Project Gutenberg "terary *rch"$e :oundat"on!A

' %ou &ro$"de a full refund of any money &a"d by a user #ho not"f"es you "n #r"t"ng (or by e'ma"l) #"th"n .0 days of rece"&t that sMhe does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg'tm "cense! %ou must re u"re such a user to return or destroy all co&"es of the #orks &ossessed "n a &hys"cal med"um and d"scont"nue all use of and all access to other co&"es of

Project Gutenberg'tm #orks!

' %ou &ro$"de, "n accordance #"th &aragra&h -!:!., a full refund of any money &a"d for a #ork or a re&lacement co&y, "f a defect "n the electron"c #ork "s d"sco$ered and re&orted to you #"th"n 50 days of rece"&t of the #ork!

' %ou com&ly #"th all other terms of th"s agreement for free d"str"but"on of Project Gutenberg'tm #orks!

-!E!5! If you #"sh to charge a fee or d"str"bute a Project Gutenberg'tmelectron"c #ork or grou& of #orks on d"fferent terms than are set

forth "n th"s agreement, you must obta"n &erm"ss"on "n #r"t"ng fromboth the Project Gutenberg "terary *rch"$e :oundat"on and ?"chael;art, the o#ner of the Project Gutenberg'tm trademark! 7ontact the:oundat"on as set forth "n Sect"on . belo#!

-!:!

-!:!-! Project Gutenberg $olunteers and em&loyees e &end cons"derableeffort to "dent"fy, do co&yr"ght research on, transcr"be and &roofread&ubl"c doma"n #orks "n creat"ng the Project Gutenberg'tmcollect"on! +es&"te these efforts, Project Gutenberg'tm electron"c#orks, and the med"um on #h"ch they may be stored, may conta"n

A+efects,A such as, but not l"m"ted to, "ncom&lete, "naccurate or corru&t data, transcr"&t"on errors, a co&yr"ght or other "ntellectual&ro&erty "nfr"ngement, a defect"$e or damaged d"sk or other med"um, a


39/43

your e u"&ment!

-!:!/! I?ITE+ @*RR*=T%, +IS7 *I?ER 9: +*?*GES ' E ce&t for the AR"ghtof Re&lacement or RefundA descr"bed "n &aragra&h -!:!., the ProjectGutenberg "terary *rch"$e :oundat"on, the o#ner of the ProjectGutenberg'tm trademark, and any other &arty d"str"but"ng a ProjectGutenberg'tm electron"c #ork under th"s agreement, d"scla"m alll"ab"l"ty to you for damages, costs and e &enses, "nclud"ng legalfees! %9< *GREE T;*T %9< ;*DE =9 RE?E+IES :9R =EG IGE=7E, STRI7T

I*BI IT%, BRE*7; 9: @*RR*=T% 9R BRE*7; 9: 79=TR*7T EL7EPT T;9SEPR9DI+E+ I= P*R*GR*P; :.! %9< *GREE T;*T T;E :9 9@=ER, *=+ *=% +ISTRIB


40/43

because of the efforts of hundreds of $olunteers and donat"ons from&eo&le "n all #alks of l"fe!

Dolunteers and f"nanc"al su&&ort to &ro$"de $olunteers #"th theass"stance they need, "s cr"t"cal to reach"ng Project Gutenberg'tm sgoals and ensur"ng that the Project Gutenberg'tm collect"on #"llrema"n freely a$a"lable for generat"ons to come! In /00-, the ProjectGutenberg "terary *rch"$e :oundat"on #as created to &ro$"de a secureand &ermanent future for Project Gutenberg'tm and future generat"ons!To learn more about the Project Gutenberg "terary *rch"$e :oundat"onand ho# your efforts and donat"ons can hel&, see Sect"ons . and 1and the :oundat"on #eb &age at htt& MM###!&glaf!org!

Sect"on .! Informat"on about the Project Gutenberg "terary *rch"$e:oundat"on

The Project Gutenberg "terary *rch"$e :oundat"on "s a non &rof"t0-(c)(.) educat"onal cor&orat"on organ"Hed under the la#s of the

state of ?"ss"ss"&&" and granted ta e em&t status by the InternalRe$enue Ser$"ce! The :oundat"on s EI= or federal ta "dent"f"cat"onnumber "s 41'4//- 1-! Its 0-(c)(.) letter "s &osted athtt& MM&glaf!orgMfundra"s"ng! 7ontr"but"ons to the Project Gutenberg

"terary *rch"$e :oundat"on are ta deduct"ble to the full e tent&erm"tted by

The :oundat"on s &r"nc"&al off"ce "s located at 1 O ?elan +r! S!:a"rbanks, *>, 55O-/!, but "ts $olunteers and em&loyees are scatteredthroughout numerous locat"ons! Its bus"ness off"ce "s located atN05 =orth - 00 @est, Salt ake 7"ty,


41/43

@h"le #e cannot and do not sol"c"t contr"but"ons from states #here #eha$e not met the sol"c"tat"on re u"rements, #e kno# of no &roh"b"t"onaga"nst acce&t"ng unsol"c"ted donat"ons from donors "n such states #hoa&&roach us #"th offers to donate!

Internat"onal donat"ons are gratefully acce&ted, but #e cannot makeany statements concern"ng ta treatment of donat"ons rece"$ed fromouts"de the

Professor ?"chael S! ;art "s the or"g"nator of the Project Gutenberg'tmconce&t of a l"brary of electron"c #orks that could be freely shared#"th anyone! :or th"rty years, he &roduced and d"str"buted ProjectGutenberg'tm eBooks #"th only a loose net#ork of $olunteer su&&ort!

Project Gutenberg'tm eBooks are often created from se$eral &r"nteded"t"ons, all of #h"ch are conf"rmed as Publ"c +oma"n "n the

htt& MM###!gutenberg!net

Th"s @eb s"te "ncludes "nformat"on about Project Gutenberg'tm,"nclud"ng ho# to make donat"ons to the Project Gutenberg "terary

*rch"$e :oundat"on, ho# to hel& &roduce our ne# eBooks, and ho# tosubscr"be to our ema"l ne#sletter to hear about ne# eBooks!


42/43
http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_31/linguas/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_31/linguas/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_31/linguas/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_31/linguas/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_31/linguas/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_31/linguas/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_31/linguas/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_27/historia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_27/historia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_27/historia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_27/historia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_27/historia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_27/historia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_27/historia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_26/geografia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_26/geografia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_26/geografia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_26/geografia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_26/geografia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_26/geografia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_26/geografia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_25/geociencias/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_25/geociencias/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_25/geociencias/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_25/geociencias/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_25/geociencias/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_25/geociencias/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_25/geociencias/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_24/fisica/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_24/fisica/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_24/fisica/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_24/fisica/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_24/fisica/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_24/fisica/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_24/fisica/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_23/filosofia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_23/filosofia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_23/filosofia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_23/filosofia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_23/filosofia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_23/filosofia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_23/filosofia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_22/farmacia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_22/farmacia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_22/farmacia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_22/farmacia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_22/farmacia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_22/farmacia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_22/farmacia/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_21/engenharia_aeroespacial/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_21/engenharia_aeroespacial/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_21/engenharia_aeroespacial/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_21/engenharia_aeroespacial/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_21/engenharia_aeroespacial/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_21/engenharia_aeroespacial/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_21/engenharia_aeroespacial/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_21/engenharia_aeroespacial/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_21/engenharia_aeroespacial/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_20/educacao_fisica/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_20/educacao_fisica/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_20/educacao_fisica/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_20/educacao_fisica/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_20/educacao_fisica/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_20/educacao_fisica/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_20/educacao_fisica/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_20/educacao_fisica/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_20/educacao_fisica/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_19/educacao_-_transito/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_19/educacao_-_transito/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_19/educacao_-_transito/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_19/educacao_-_transito/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_19/educacao_-_transito/1http://www.livrosgratis.com.br/cat_19/educacao_-_transito/1http://www.livrosgrat

the sketches of seymour (illustrated), part 5

Documents