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We hold these truths to be self-evident:

That leftenant is an intrinsically superior pronunciation;

That buttons are in all cases superior to zippers;

That cotton and wool are in all cases superior to artificial fab-

rics;

That books should be composed of pages which can be turned

rather than screens to be swiped;

That it is no dishonor to be termed old-fashioned; That contemporary modes of feminine dress are to be saluted,

and those of male dress to be eyed skeptically;

That urban life in these United States would be much improved

by the re-introduction of horses;

That it was a grave error on the part of the Framers to omit

privacy from their enumerated list of natural rights;

That it was a yet graver error on their part to make no clear

provision eliminating chattel slavery;

That despite that and other errors, the founding documents of

this country are marvels of vision and endurance;

That this future is good and I consider myself quite privileged to

experience it.

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