The Ridge

ReportFebruary 2014

Take the Dad-Q Quiz

This month, I am giving you some time to spend getting to know more about your daughters and one of the better resources to help you along the way. Joe Kelly, The Dad Man, has a great website (www.joekelly.org) for you to explore where you can perhaps pick up some tips on being a good dad during the tween and teen years. So you know that I am not leading you down a path where you would rather not go, here is a quiz from his website that I strongly encourage you to take. Don’t worry; only you will know the results.

The quiz continues with many more personal questions. Once you are done, the score is tallied, and you can see where you fall in the spectrum and find suggestions that might help or encourage you to pay more attention to the special role you play in the life of your daughter. Scientific American Mind (May/June 2010) tells us that there are three times as many stay-at-home dads today than there were only a decade ago and that the single-father household is the fastest-growing household type in the U.S.

Joe’s “10 Tips for Dads” are also instructive. The 10th tip — Learn from Other Fathers — is one Forest Ridge could help with if there is an interest. If having opportunities for dads to get together with other dads is of interest to you, let me know. And, if at some point, you think having Joe Kelly here on campus would be helpful, let me know that, too. Part of our work as an academic community is to provide continuing education opportunities for our “older students” (having just turned 50 I can say that with a straight face), which in turn helps all of us better tend to the needs of our girls — your daughters.

Researcher and author JoAnn Deak, Ph.D, speaks of the importance of adults as “neurosculptors,” summarizing her perspective on the role teachers and parents and other adults play in children’s lives in this way: “Every interaction a child has in the course of the day influences the adult that child will become.”

So I encourage you, dads, to take the quiz, check out the resources and make the most of the short time you will have with your “little girls.” You will thank yourself when they are young adults.

Mark Pierotti Head of School

The Dad-Q Quiz Often Sometimes Hardly Ever

I can name her 3 best friends 1 2 3

I know my daughter’s goals 1 2 3

I comment on my wife/partner’s weight 1 2 3

I’m physically active with my daughter (shoot hoops, jog, etc.) 1 2 3

I make dinner for my family 1 2 3

I talk to my daughter about managing money 1 2 3

I spend 1/2 hour, 1-on-1with her, doing something we both enjoy 1 2 3

I talk to other fathers about raising kids 1 2 3

I talk to other fathers about raising daughters 1 2 3

I restrict her activities more than I do/ would for a son 1 2 3

I talk to my daughter about advertising 1 2 3

I tell my daughter what her strengths are 1 2 3

Dads,

By popular demand — your wives asked me — I am sending along a Ridge Report quiz from a few years ago that has become a favorite.

2 The Ridge Report

Among the most frequently asked questions my team

and I receive is the one about timing: when to start

the college process; when to decide which 11th- and

12th- grade curricular options to pursue; the right

time to take advantage of the Women as Global Leaders

trip experiences.

Given the complexities of daily life, the timing for these

conversations is personal and unique to each family. In

the high school we therefore see our mission to be the

lessening of the tension that occurs when external

deadlines and pressures collide with individual families’

needs. We prefer a team approach to effectively address

as many questions as possible.

Our college counseling team, for instance, has been

meeting one-on-one with juniors and their parents.

Counselors are also scheduling informal morning and

afternoon coffees geared toward 9th- and 10th-grade

parents, and soon members of the class of 2014 will be

engaged in conversations with their counselors as they

take the step toward committing to a college or university.

On the instructional side, Ms. Ballé and I meet

individually with families or small groups to offer

information and guidance around curricular options and

choices based on each individual student’s curiosity and

strengths. Again, the purpose is to inform and to share

options and opportunities, both short term and long term.

We work in concert with college counseling, looking at

each student’s possible path and involving her, together

with her family and her teachers, in any discussion and

decision-making.

As a culture we are used to accessing information the

moment we seek it. There is comfort in knowing and

understanding, especially given the demands families face

on a daily basis. As a school our desire is therefore to help

navigate the various paths leading toward discernment

while being mindful of that tension between the deadline

and the family’s organic process of decision-making.

Dr. Carola Wittmann Director of the High School

timing . . .It’s all about (personal)

“I can’t possibly think about high school already — but I feel

like I should,” a current seventh-grade parent shared during a

morning breakfast in the FRidge. Seated at the same table, a

ninth-grade parent made an appointment to sit down and

discuss a course of study, specifically her freshman daughter’s

11th and 12th grade curricular options.

So, in the end, the answer might be: The “correct”

time is the deadline, but it is up to each family to

determine the “right” time to have the meaningful

conversations that lead to successful choices.

The Ridge Report 3

The Power of Belief: Mindset and Success by Eduardo Briceño (www.youtube.com/watch?v=pN34FNbOKXc&list=PLNmKy7txCg734kgZkgEh3AeBORWbbhajW&feature=player_detailpage)

Christine Witcher, math and science teacher, writes, “Briceño’s TEDx Talk video (based on his book) outlines the vital importance of creating a growth mindset for yourself. By understanding that mindset and success are fundamentally connected, I changed the whole way I approach math and science education. The way I communicate success is no longer, “Did you get the right answer?” Now, it’s, “Did you improve your skills? Can you communicate your thinking?” By coaching this mindset for my students, I notice that I am adopting it myself. I have been trying new things and am excited rather than discouraged by challenges and setbacks.” Math teacher Palie Cantu echoes this recommendation, saying, “This is the TEDx Talk I showed the 6th-grade students on parent visit day. I also highly recommend Carol Dweck’s book on the same subject, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, because it articulates well what I know from my life and the lives of the children I teach: Our mindset (fixed or growth) has a huge impact on our success in school and life. Children (and many adults) do not realize that intelligence is not a fixed measure. If I am regarded as smart because math comes easy to me, what does it mean when it doesn’t come easy? If I have a growth mindset, I understand challenge as something that is good and helpful in making my brain grow and develop. What we say to children can help them develop a growth mindset. Listen to what your daughter says: Does she have a growth mindset or a fixed mindset? Learn to help her develop more of a growth mindset by reading the book and watching the video!”

Science World Report: Learning New Language Has Significant Impact on Brain Structure(www.scienceworldreport.com/articles/9183/20130831/learning-new-language-has-significant-impact-on-brian-structure.htm)

Kari Levin, Japanese and fine arts teacher, recommends this article from Science World Report. She writes, “I chose to share this article with parents because it shows that there really is a place for international language in the middle school curriculum. Language study contributes to neural pathway development after infancy the way that math or music does. As the article highlights, in addition to the obvious cultural benefits of learning new languages, there are concrete and significant neurological benefits as well.”

Love and Logic(www.loveandlogic.com/)PE teacher Laura Finlon has used simple ideas from the Love and Logic program, both as a parent and as a teacher. She says, “I learned it’s OK to pause in the heat of the moment, to say to your child, ‘I’m going to get back to you in the morning.’ This gives a parent time to give a better response to her child without being ruled by emotion. Parents can be consistent with their values and give their kid time to think about what happened and the choices she made.”

New York Times: Admitted, But Left Out(www.nytimes.com/2012/10/21/nyregion/for-minority-students-at-elite-new-york-private-schools-admittance-doesnt-bring-acceptance.html?pagewanted=all&_r=3&)

Brigida Swanson, art teacher, writes, “In December, I attended the National Association of Independent Schools People of Color Conference along with several other faculty, staff and students from Forest Ridge. One of the most powerful articles recommended to me at the conference was “Admitted, but Left Out” by Jenny Anderson of The New York Times. This article is a frank examination of the intersections of race, privilege and assumptions within independent schools. I learned that my past experiences as a multiracial student weren’t too different from what many of our students of color experience today. In spite of, or perhaps because of, the challenges Anderson so clearly articulates, I’m hopeful that I can make at least a small difference in our community through my efforts to act with honesty, purpose and an open mind when it comes to issues of diversity and marginalization.”

NurtureShock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman

“Both as a parent and as an educator, I recommend the book NurtureShock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman,” writes Sara Konek, seventh-grade team leader and science teacher. “This book made me stop and think about some of the most basic small things we adults often say to children, like statements of praise, without having any idea how profound or inconsequential the impact can be. Some of the advice given in the book seems counterintuitive, such as the admonition against teaching children that behaviors like lying are wrong because it actually seems to increase the behavior. The book is very approachable, with each chapter focused on a different aspect of child development — sleep, “educational” television, etc. Some of the research they used can be debated, but just having the conversation about some of these issues is worth the read!”

Jenny McGovern Middle School Academics Dean

What have you read lately that transformed the way you think about an issue, an idea or

the way you approach your work? We all have books, TED Talks or magazine articles that

get us thinking and talking. This month members of our middle school faculty would like

to offer to the wider community some of the people and ideas that have influenced us

recently. We hope you’ll find something to capture your thinking and that you will share

the inspiring resources that have influenced you.

What are you reading?

4 The Ridge Report

A Prayer We Can All ShareFrom Forest Ridge parent Molly McConkey: “I ran across this prayer for a life well-lived, courtesy of the Huffington

Post, and thought it worth sharing. The author, Erin Dymowski, has a blog aptly named “Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms.” I look forward to sharing this with my daughter on her 16th birthday.”

Dear Son,Today you turn 16. You are no longer a child, but nearly a man. And as much as I celebrate the ever-more-amazing you, I want to wrap you up in super-duper, extra strength bubble wrap and keep you safe and sound as you navigate the next few years. In light of the obvious practical issues with doing this, I offer this prayer instead.

May you always remember to silence your phone before you drive. My heart couldn’t take a last text from you about what you want to eat for dinner. And furthermore, may other cars steer clear of you on stormy nights, in winter storms, in summer downpours and on sunny days. May every road you travel bring you safely back to us in one piece. If you decide to skydive, hang glide, scale huge mountains, wrestle alligators or fly a small Cessna, may you have every bit of luck to get you back home and the good sense to know that your mother doesn’t need to know about that craziness until long after the fact.

May you make good decisions every time. But when you make the bad ones, may you be given a moment of grace so that the consequences aren’t life-altering, heart-breaking or soul-crushing. May you appreciate this moment then for what it was: a gift and a chance to grow. May you understand why we will feel the need to take away the car/phone/television/computer to help you learn this lesson.

May you pick a college that we can all afford that gets you where you want to go. May you be blessed with friends there who will help you bridge that last important step to full manhood. May you appreciate the wonderful opportunities college affords. And may you have a ridiculously good time there. Bills and responsibilities and weekly paychecks will all come soon enough, so have fun. Just not the kind of fun that requires bail money. May you have the wisdom to know the difference.

May you forgive us our trespasses. These are the years where we are revealed fully to you, for good or ill. May we measure up to the job we were striving to do. If you ever suspected we are winging this parenting thing, you were only partially right. We took our job very seriously — read the parenting books, asked for guidance, fretted about travel teams, laid down technology rules and saved for college tuition — but we wonder often whether all those decisions were setting you on the right path. Throw us up a flare once in a while to let us know things are going well on your end. And know fully that every mistake was one of the heart. You’ll see someday just how blind and crazy love can make you.

And speaking of love, take your time. True love is worth the wait. May you find someone who loves you, not like we do, but completely, honestly and deeply. May your future partner be your friend, too, who can help you on your way. There is nothing like a partner who can help you laugh through life’s hiccups, hold the bucket through life’s illnesses and grab the tissues through life’s disappointments and heartbreaks. And, as a bonus, may you find someone who happens to think that I am great, too. I don’t want to have to beg you to visit, so find someone who loves your family as much you do.

May you pick a job you love that makes enough money so you can move out of the basement, but not so much that you are trading happiness for a fat paycheck. Money is great. We are big fans of money, but it pales in comparison to time with the people you love.

Oh, and here’s prayers for a life well-lived: Be all in. Explore, read, see the world, get involved, defend a cause, right a wrong, step out of your comfort zone, sing, dance, make a fool of yourself, swim, run, hike, watch sunsets, play games and look at stars.Live long and prosper, sweet boy. The best is yet to come. Love, Mom (Erin)

Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sisterhood-of-the-sensible-moms/

Prayer for My Son on His 16th Birthday

The Ridge Report 5

IntegrationPassion for change + Leadership Flex =

Kisha X. Palmer Director of Women As Global Leaders

In the world of Women as Global Leaders, February is the month to prepare our 36 Forest Ridge and Atherton students and seven faculty and staff members for our Peace and Reconciliation experience in Israel over Midwinter Break. This is the time the entire class hums with anticipation of the unknown thrill of travelling and learning together in a place both holy and familiar. We have spent the last four months in team preparation. We have prepared ourselves with our geography, our political and historical timelines and, most importantly, we have learned about ourselves and each other as we explored concepts of diplomacy, the value of conflict and the boundaries of culture and identity in our daily lives. February is also the month to embrace our community commitment to integration and everything it entails.

As you may have read in the Winter 2013–2014 issue of Mes Amis, this is an exciting cusp for Forest Ridge as we commit fully to the practice of integrating the value of Women as Global Leaders into the everyday fabric of our school. As we set our vision to what integration feels and sounds like in our classrooms, on campus between buildings, in conversation with others, I am reminded that the integration of an idea or an initiative requires incredible passion and strength of leadership. This shouldn’t feel like a discovery to me, since I work daily with students and faculty to find ways to integrate their experiences of leadership in new and meaningful ways. But it is a huge aha moment nevertheless, and I ask myself why?

In meditating to find a foothold of understanding of why integrating a value within a community is a process, a metaphor presented itself. Making dough for bread means combining flour, along with yeast and warm water and time. When everything has been integrated, the bread is ready to be baked. The integration of a value into a community is much the same; it takes time for the new idea or system to rest and take hold within a framework. In addition to time, full integration requires a community’s willingness to make connections where previous connections did not exist. It requires leaders willing to be vulnerable and open to the idea that they can be influenced, impacted and changed by integration and, ultimately, strengthened by virtue of their ability to flex. In our school environment, this means that faculty members have to flex the leadership of their classrooms in order to integrate female leadership capacity building as it presents itself in their curricula. As administrators and educators, we must demonstrate passion about the possibilities of integration and embrace each other’s styles and ideas. We must be willing to be changed so that we can model the kind of flexing that is integral to global leadership.

This perspective on leadership flex combined with passion in order to fulfill the dimensions of integration is what I hold in my mind’s eye this February as I work with the Peace and Reconciliation, Resources and Sustainability, Global Health and New Technologies teams. We are striving to offer global leadership experiences that everyone can integrate into their personal, professional and academic lives upon their return.

I hold this perspective as we prepare a round of exciting speakers for our second annual TEDxForestRidgeSchool conference. The theme of this year’s event is “Passion for Change.” It will be held on Friday, March 7, and I offer it as we continue to ask ourselves: What does integration of Women as Global Leaders at Forest Ridge look like, and how can I flex my leadership and add my passion to this endeavor?

February is a short

month with a fat

agenda. This is the

month that makes all

the other months in

the academic year

tremble with fear and

high anxiety. The

goals declared in

January find

themselves a little

worn and bruised

from so much

reconfiguring, and

the 11 remaining

months of the

calendar year seem

infinite and too short

all at once.

6 The Ridge Report

Dr. King was the son and grandson of Baptist preachers, and prayer at mealtimes and before leaving for school was emphasized in his childhood home. As a young, married father, he continued prayer traditions at home with his own family.

Dr. King’s personal devotional life was very instrumental in giving him the courage and determination to fight for justice. He would take personal prayer retreats and retreat to a hotel room or pastor’s study to pray, meditate and plan his next sermon or civil rights activities.

Public prayer also was central to him because he understood prayer as a form of creative energy, a way of motivating, affirming, reaffirming and empowering people in the context of the struggle for equal rights.

In that spirit, we didn’t just talk about prayer in the service, we prayed! We explored four contemplative prayer styles. Each grade level in the middle school was assigned a prayer style to investigate, and high school students chose from among the four options. Here are the four prayer styles we considered and a little bit of information about each one:

Espacio. Espacio is a Spanish word that means space. Espacio is a moment of silence, or space, in which our hearts and minds can take a break from the everyday noise around us. Many Sacred Heart schools practice espacio on a regular basis. Some schools have a short, daily moment of espacio, maybe a minute or two, in which the entire campus stops for a moment of silence. Other schools pause for espacio once a week for a time of prayer and meditation.

This weekly space in the schedule is designed to offer a break from the regular, busy timetable of the day and to prepare a space in our hearts and minds for active listening to the Holy Spirit in our midst. More high school students signed up for this prayer style than for any other!

Guided Meditation. A guided meditation is a relaxation and visualization experience. Students read a short passage and are encouraged to visualize what was happening in the story. The intention is for the passage to lead them to greater awareness of the direction they are heading personally and spiritually.

Walking Meditation. Forest Ridge students are familiar with a form of walking meditation we participate in every spring: the labyrinth. Walking meditation is a great way to connect your body and mind through prayer. Before they began, students heard a passage from Buddhist monk and activist Thich Nhát Hahn about the importance of breathing and walking slowly and gently on the Earth.

Tirage. Tirage is a French word meaning drawing or lottery. It also means to withdraw wine from a barrel so it can be tasted or sampled. Students were invited to draw a piece of paper from a pile of quotes from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. In the tradition of this activity, it is believed that the message one draws is the message that is meant for them. When returning to their seats, students were asked to look at their messages and ask, “Why is this message meant for me today? Do I agree with the words in front of me? How do these words affirm me? How do these words challenge me?”

On Jan. 15, Forest Ridge celebrated its annual People Who Make a Difference prayer service. This all-school gathering is an

opportunity to recognize the lasting legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and its effect on our nation. This year, we focused on prayer.

Dr. King’s Christian faith played an important part in his daily life and served as a source of strength in both good times and bad.

It was a great day! Students and adults alike welcomed the opportunity to slow down for a few moments to explore their personal spirituality. Following the prayer experiences, some groups had time to discuss how they were going to make Martin Luther King Jr. Day a “day on, not a day off.” Students had many good ideas for serving their community, from making sandwiches to cleaning out closets at home and donating clothes they no longer wear. My hope for all of us is that we continue to use prayer as a way to communicate with God about what God wants for our lives and as a source of strength in the rough times.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and PrayerTanya Lange Campus Minister

The Ridge Report 7

Thank you to Chef Ron, Chef Gary and the FRidge team for reorganizing the previously cancelled (remember that snow day?) Christmas Luncheon into a fabulous impromptu feast for the faculty and staff upon their return from Christmas Break on Jan. 8. The meal of osso buco, eggplant/quinoa lasagna, salads and sides was out of this world. We were thrilled we could treat the Forest Ridge faculty and staff to a much-deserved gourmet lunch.

The anticipation is mounting as volunteers put the finishing touches on our annual Forest Ridge Auction. With online

bidding launched, volunteers are finalizing details for the big night on Feb. 7. We would like to thank the team of volunteers that has been working so hard to organize and plan the event. We look forward to having our community come together in support of girls education. The High School Father/Daughter Laser Tag event held Jan. 31 was a great success. Who knew racing around campus in the dark could be so much fun! Thank you, Roopa Pai and the team of volunteers for making this event great for dads and daughters alike.

Feb. 6 - PA General Meeting, 1:00 – 2:30 p.m. in the Ackerley Conference rooms. This meeting, and all PA meetings, are

open to all FR parents.

Feb. 7 - Forest Ridge Auction – Explore! at the Westin Hotel in Downtown Bellevue.

Feb. 10 – 14 - Love your Library Week, chaired by 6th-grade parent Melissa Hoff.

March 3 - Apple Brunch for faculty and staff, hosted by the 6th-grade class.

It Takes Teamwork – Just Ask the Seahawks!

We’ll just start by saying, “GO SEAHAWKS!” It seems to be the most pervasive phrase in Seattle these days. The recently completed championship season has been a great example of teamwork:

for the Super Bowl Champion Seahawks as well as for those of us here at Forest Ridge.

The following PA-sponsored and noteworthy events take place in February and March:

Please let us know if you are interested in joining our team! The nominating committee is busy collecting names of parents interested and willing to volunteer for positions and events in the 2014–2015 school year.

Parent Association Co-PresidentsMolly McConkey frpahspres@forestridge.orgRoopa Satagopan frpamspres@forestridge.org

Roopa Satagopan and Molly McConkeyParent Association Co-Presidents

4800 139th Avenue SEBellevue, WA 98006-3015

Non-Profit Org.U.S. Postage

PAIDSeattle, WA

Permit No. 6781

A special Thank You for making the

Expl reAuction

A great success!