VOLUME 46ISSUE No. 4

OCTOBER 16, 2015

EditorsRamzi Haddad ’16

Tripp Miller ’16George Ahlering ’16

Layout EditorIan McClellan ’16

Faculty ModeratorMr. Woodcock

Contact:theprioryrecord@gmail.com

314-434-3690 ext. 221

The Record DisclaimerThe Record is the official stu-dent publication of Saint Lou-is Priory School in St. Louis, Missouri. It is produced by students/staff members. Its purpose is to inform students of events in the community; to encourage discussion of local, national, and interna-tional issues; and to serve as a training ground for budding journalists, photographers, and graphic designers. The Record accepts contribu-tions from all members of the Priory community, in-cluding students, faculty, and alumni.The Record will not publish content considered legally-unprotected speech, including but not limited to: libel, copyright infringement, unwarranted invasion of pri-vacy, or material disruption of the educational process. Student editors apply pro-fessional standards to the production of the newspaper and are solely responsible for all content, both explicit and implicit. Letters to the Edi-tors are always appreciated. Feedback not intended for publication is also welcome.

Hey guys, it’s Brum Brum here, I’ve been a fan for some time now. I have a Dr. Rund and Dr. Holden poster hung up in my room. Anyway, I have a problem in my love life. As I’m sure you know, Homecoming is tomorrow. One small problem… I haven’t asked anyone yet. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of lady friends to choose from. I just couldn’t figure out who to ask and now it’s almost too late. So I’m in some serious need of Love Doctor advice,

thanks guys!- BrumBrum5

Doctor Holden: Glad you came to us BrumBrum5, it’s not too late yet! So you’ve just gotta call up all your lady friends and find one thing out: who’s willing to pay for your pre-dance dinner. Everyone loves dancing but what’s even better is a first class meal for free. And let the ladies know that you plan on going somewhere fancy. If they’re paying for you, Mcdonald’s is not on the menu. Another added bonus is when your parents give you a little extra money to pay for you and your date’s meal, you get to pocket that to pad your wallet a little bit. It’s a win-win for both parties: you get a nice free dinner and money, and the lady friend gets to go to homecoming with BrumBrum5. But time is ticking; I say you start calling all your ladies at X period.

Good luck!

Doctor Rund: Wow Brum Brum lets be honest here, you're afraid to talk to girls . . . So there is only one solution: You must go stag. When you go stag you gotta look fly. Look good = feel good = ladies. Simple equation and it works every time. So now you walk in, you get that nod from Mr. Finan and its go time. First stretch a bit cause your gonna be dancing all

night long, and remember pulling a quad is always a no-no. Then go up to that babe that was staring at you while you were stretching in the corner and start twerking, cat daddying, doing the dougie, or whatever is in your arsenal of dance moves. Dancing is the key to success on homecoming if you like it or not. In my recent studies of love a dancer is 5 times more likely to have success then a non dancer. But, If the girl is not feeling you go up to the next girl. I guarantee at least 5 girls all over you by the end of the dance. My main advice is go up to LeCraeChris’s girl, rumor is she's not too happy with him. This should help BrumBrum5, take

it from a two time lovers choice award winner.

Esteemed Doctors,I want to keep this on the DL… but I have a problem that only you two can help with. I had a date to Homecoming, however, things didn’t quite work out. Anyways, to make a long story short, I decided to un-invite her (power move, I know). Now I’m stuck going stag, and I am really scared that people will make fun of me for not having a date. How do I pull this off? Also, what do I do at the non-existent after party? I feel like I want to try to flirt it up with a lady, but don’t want to offend

anyone. Help me out.-Jorge A

Doctor Rund: Thanks for contacting us about this sensitive topic, I’m sure it was hard for you to do. Let me be the first to tell you that going stag is just about

the coolest thing you can do. First, let me ask you....what is a stag? Sure, a stag is a male deer, but let’s look deeper into this meaning. A male deer is often hunted and is seen as a beautiful creature. Once you touch the dance floor this Saturday night you too will be hunted by all the ladies....because, by going stag you are showing all the beautiful ladies that you are confident and that no woman can hold you down. The goal is the play hard to get. And everyone knows the ladies want what they can’t get. So once word spreads that you uninvited your original date… let’s just say every lady will be looking your way when the slow music starts to play. But, because you are drawing so much attention from the ladies it is likely one of your fellow Priory students will try to make fun of you. If this happens I want you to look his date right in the eyes and say, “if a fat man puts you in a bag at night, don’t worry I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas” then give her a slight wink. She’ll wish she would have gone to the dance with you instead, thus humiliating

that chump. Now with regards to the after party: everyone can agree that the best part about going stag is that every lady could be your lady. But I want to make one thing clear....when it comes to getting that beautiful girl you have no friends, only enemies. A stag is like a lone wolf, he either lives or dies alone, there is no other wolf in his pack. So if you see a girl checking you out but she’s with your friend Tony Kraus (hint hint) then it’s time to ask yourself....wait who is Tony?! But this tactic is only effective if you are bigger than the girl’s date. Not even a wolf goes messing around with a lion… aim for the kitty cats. But no matter what you do keep it safe and have

fun.continued on page 4.

The Love DoctorsDr. Andrew Rund L.o.V. ‘16 with Dr. Holden Caulfield Ph.L ‘17

Another return of the critically acclaimed relationship advice, and emotional guidance professionals, The Love Doctors.

H O M E C O M I N GH O M E C O M I N G 2

Words that Rhyme With Orange:

3

By Matt Braddock ‘16Staff Writer & Social Savant

Homecoming is tomorrow, and if you don’t have a date yet, I would talk to Connor Wright. He probably has a social connection to any girl, from 7th grader to juniors in college, meaning the options are far and wide. Some of us planned ahead and texted our dates an invitation. Connor Wright made a mural of his date’s grandpa. Texting is acceptable, too. I’ve never asked a girl to a dance outside the friendly confines of my own telephone. I think one time I called a girl. It was weird. I’m never going to do it again. “Hey.” “Hey!” “So homecoming?” “What?” “Oh never mind” “Wait Matt what?” “It’s not meant to be.” “OK.” “OK. Bye” “Bye”I actually didn’t take that girl to homecoming. I haven’t ever talked to her again. I don’t want to. She probably feels the same way about me. As they say, “que sera sera”. (That was a good reference). So you’ve texted your date. Congrats. Where’s the pre-party? A house? A country club? Brio? Don’t have your pre-party at Brio. There’s no good place to take pictures and they’ll charge you a 85% gratuity if your party is over 5 people. Pre-parties are actually the worst thing. This leads into some good points to touch on. Homecoming can be divided into three parts: pre-

party, dance, and afterparty. The dance and afterparty are fairly straightforward. You can be as awkward or as suave as you please. Patrick Charles, God bless his soul, can dance. I cannot. There’s no way for me to look better than him at the actual dance. My genetics don’t allow it. The same goes for afterparties. You can have a knack for social situations and be really good at pool and ping pong, or you can stand awkwardly in the corner and pray for your mom to come pick you up ASAP. You can only change your pre-party awkwardness levels by your actions. Something about the event disregards all genetic predestination for awkwardness in your soul and allows you to attempt seem “normal” for an hour. You can be the guy with the perfect corsage that matches her shoes or the guy that spills his spaghetti on her dress. That one is up to you guys. On that note, welcome to my second social instruction manual of the year, How to not be the worst date ever (at the pre-party. Because nothing else is controllable. Except the pre-party. The pre-party is controllable.).

1. Buying a corsage is tough. Let your mom do it. Moving on.

2. Guys need to pay for the meal. It’s simply the polite thing to do. That being said, make sure you have enough money, and more importantly, ALWAYS order second to your date. I was at Cardwell’s with $50 and got a $32 dollar steak because my date said she was only going to get a $13 salad. I comfortably handed the waiter my menu and watched my date order some shrimp dish. The dish was $28 and I was $10 in the red, so I made her change her order. It was awkward. Don’t make these mistakes guys. Also,

if they have a salad course, you’re going to have to step up and eat the salad. I hate salad, but I also hate being the weird guy on the end of the table who doesn’t touch the salad.I ordered a chicken strawberry salad from Brio once and it was the worst thing ever. I ate it though, because I owed it to my date.

3. Pictures could happen either before or after the meal. First, try not to look super awkward while putting your date’s corsage on, and smile into a camera while your date inevitably pierces through your skin when applying your boutonniere. As for group photos, all one has to do is not be the worst looking person in the group at the time the picture is taken. One mom is going to propose a silly picture at the end, so be silly. You’re supposed to be having the time of your life. Act like it.

4. Parents are tough. You need to impress your date’s parents, but not so much that you seem perfect and fake. I usually lean towards the unimpressive side of the scale. For example, a mom asked me at a dance just last weekend, “How did you pick out that blazer, with that tie, and with that shirt?” I didn’t have an answer. My mom was out of town so I took my clothing liberties and wore a Scooby-Doo tie. It did not impress. The sad thing about that story is that moms aren’t usually hard to wow. You actually only have to say one sort-of-funny joke that gets a chuckle and they’ll give you their best wishes. Dads are a whole different story. I’ve never seen one wield a shotgun and tell me to have his daughter home by 11, but I have been called “not smart enough to get into SLUH” and “a silly looking guy” by some slightly rude fathers. I don’t

think there’s a way to actually impress your date’s father, but it’s important that you be somewhat likable so he doesn’t publicly roast you. Of course, this leads into the unwritten rules of how to not look like an idiot in front of a grown man. Firstly, don’t screw up the handshake. Handshakes are all about being an alpha male. Dads expect to be the alpha males and need your respect. In most cases, just let him be the top dog, but if you are the one Priory guy who has such prowess that their date’s father deems himself inferior and immediately lets his guard down (looking at you Rund), do whatever you want. However, if you’re not a 6’ 5” stud muffin QB you’ll need to practice handshaking. Find a buddy to work with, or try a doorknob. You can even go crazy in church and experiment with new grips and pressures. The goal is to have an incredibly average handshake- no one likes a guy with a flimsy handshake, but don’t give her father a super overdone handshake where you grip his hand too hard and pump more than twice (Andrew Stange). Don’t pretend to be more mature than him, he probably has more kids than you. Don’t grab his elbow, and don’t compliment his wife (probably Andrew Stange). Maybe fit a Cardinals reference into the conversation. Everyone in St. Louis seems to like the Cardinals, so if he doesn’t socially open up to baseball statistics grab your white flag and call the conversation a failure. If you are in dire need of help, practice with Mr. Heuls. I think he’s the only faculty member who is invested in my articles enough to devote his time to the cause. Furthermore, if my memory doesn’t fail me, he has a daughter or two, so he’s been in this position before.

H O M E C O M I N GH O M E C O M I N GHomecoming

4H O M E C O M I N GH O M E C O M I N G

5. OK, so you’ve talked to your date’s mom and dad, taken some pictures, and had a nice meal. Here’s a transition from HC part I to part II: the drive. This is broken up into two subsections for non-drivers and drivers. Starting with the freshmen and sophomores who can’t drive, here’s my advice: figure out way before the dance what friend’s parent will drive you. You don’t want your own parent driving you. If your parent requires that he or she is the chauffeur, find a friend and his date so more people

will be in the car. This way, you can sit in the front seat on your phone, the girls can talk, and your friend can sit in the backseat on his phone. Ideally, you will get a ride in a friend’s car, so you can make fun of the fact that your friend’s mom or dad is driving. The girls will get a kick out of that because you’re teenagers who don’t need parents. For the upperclassmen, it’s your call. If you think you do better driving alone with your date singing Matchbox Twenty songs then do that. If you would rather sit in the backseat and make sarcastic comments about how bad your friend is at driving, do that. Just make sure you don’t overdo either of these. Don’t

sing a song out of your range, it’ll look stupid. You may think it’ll be like Liam Hemsworth singing “She Will Be Loved” to Miley Cyrus in The Last Song, but it probably won’t be as cute. He’s hard to compete with. (If anyone knows what scene I’m referencing please tell me at school. I don’t want to be the only person who remembers that movie.) Similarly, don’t make too many loud comments from the backseat because you’ll look silly.Although I’m sure you’ve all caught on by now, the main goal of homecoming is to not look silly. Your actions at the preparty set the tone for the whole night. Play to your social strengths, don’t slow

dance with anyone unless you’re overflowing with self confidence, cut down on the Pokémon references, and try to get home without feeling sad. If all goes right, you’ll meet the love of your life at homecoming. Or you can meet a girl who tells all of St. Joseph’s or Villa or Visitation or Nerinx or Cor Jesu or Rosati or Incarnate Word or Barat or MICDS or Burroughs that you’re weird and they shouldn’t talk to you, which is okay too. There are a lot of public schools in Saint Louis too. Homecoming: The love of your life is out there somewhere, but most likely not here, unless you’re Will Dohr. That kid has it figured out.

Homecoming

continued.

The Love Doctorscontinued.

Doctor Holden: Wow. I couldnt agree more with my fellow love doctor. However, I want to expand on the subject about going stag to a dance. Going stag means one thing in my eyes... freedom. You go where the night takes you. Theres no need to deal with fancy pictures, awkward moments at dinner, and making sure your hair is perfect. Its

clear to me that going stag has a sort of confidence that every girl wants in a man. However, as confidence is key in going stag I suggest you map out some prospects at the Bonfire the night before the dance. A simple approach is to go up to the girl and say, "Are you religious? Because you're the answer to all my prayers." if this doesnt work than I dont know what does. Now your all set for the big dance! In a recent

lab I did with Mr. Orlando we found that 99.9% of women want a guy that dances. This is where you channel your inner Justin Beiber and go off for the best 2 and a half hours of your life at the dance. When all the girls start dancing with you tell the DJ to turn on a slow dance song. This will make it clear that you can only dance with one girl and that girl that wants to dance with you is clearly the one. Then you figure out

where this girl is going after the dance, Its all on you from here, but make sure to get her number just in case you get lost. A way to do this is to say, "I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?"

Have a great Homecoming! And always contact the doctors if you need help!

How to be a Master of Uncomfortable Homecoming Conversation

By Tripp Miller ‘16 Editor & Resident Cringe Authority

The winds of autumn blow softly as you step out of your beige '99 Honda Accord, taking those daunting first steps from the comfort of your car to the monolith of your date's door. Your jacket looks sharp, you hair is washed (if you

haven't been awoken to the dangers of shampoo

and embraced the NoPoo life, that is), and you're brimming with anticipation for the night to come. Your hands tremble as you clumsily crush the flower's cute little box, but your confidence is able to override the general distaste Priory guys have for dances. This is the mark of a man who has mastered the

uncomfortable Homecoming conversation. Your date will swoon when you open your braces-filled mouth to sound out, in a sweet, decedent baritone, those immortal syllables: "Hey! So you're the girl I DM-ed on Instagram." Look, talking to girls was never your strong suite, and tonight isn't going to be some great departure from all those late night "pls respond" texts you sent in middle school. Its not about learning how to

converse like a functioning adult man, its about embracing the fact that you'll never really be able to speak to the fairer sex. Courage. You are the heir to the same American spirit that stormed the beaches at Normandy.So drop those lame lines. Laugh at your own jokes. Talk to her parents’ dog. You've got that.

5 H O M E C O M I N GH O M E C O M I N G

By George Ahlering ‘16Editoroof Ways to Impre1. FlowersYou have to buy sick flowers. Now, I know you actually don’t buy them, but you need take the credit for them. Tell your mom what her dress color is and she’ll take care of the rest. This is honestly crucial to impressing your date and making it a great night. Ever heard of “happy wife, happy life”? Yeah, well my motto for Homecoming is “happy date, you’ll be late (because your getting a goodnight hug)” aka your date is happy and therefore you are happy. The last thing you want is a grumpy date, no one wants a grumpy date and it all hinges on your ability to kill the flower game. 2. Killer PlaylistNow, honestly, I’m not a music guy. Apparently, my music choices are “that of a 12-year-old girl” (-Tripp Miller). This is why you, again, take credit for someone else’s work. Download Spotify, pay the $5 fee, and follow one of your musically-inclined friend’s

playlists. But, this is where your preparation comes in. You HAVE to prepare. Stalk her Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, whatever she has, you stalk it. You need to find out everything about your date, what music she likes, who her friends are, where she lives, etc. You use this information you gathered to make your best judgtment on what music she likes. For example, if she follows Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez on Twitter, don’t choose a rap playlist. In this situation, you would chose a pop playlist, not a rap playlist. Do not choose a rap playlist, no one actually likes rap, especially not girls. If you get the playlist down and she’s vibing and singing along to T-Swizzle or what have you, you’re right on target for a successful night. 3. Don’t Be AwkwardThis seems SO straightforward, but as a socially awkward person myself, I know how hard it can be. You have to focus. All of these steps play into this essential step of the process. End goal: a goodnight kiss

on the cheek. You CANNOT be awkward, look awkward, sound awkward, smell awkward, or even say the word ‘awkward’. REFER TO MATT BRADDOCK’S ARTICLE ON AVOIDING PRE-PARTY AWKWARDNESS. At the dance though, the stakes are even higher. We all know you want to mosh with your boys and bask in the sweaty goodness that is your friends. However, don’t leave your date stranded. Your ratio of bro-chill to lady-pulling needs to be 4:1. For every 4 minutes of moshing with the dudes, one minute paid to your date. This will ensure that she knows you’re there and it makes them think you actually care about the experience they have. Don’t be awkward. 4. Have An AfterpartyThis piece of the puzzle really shows your date that you actually do have friends, a fact that she has most likely doubted since you first met. Apparently, the entire senior class has no friends. Because only true friendships yield afterparties. HINT HINT: someone from the

Priory community step up and host a soiree of sorts. Heck, at this point if the Monastery hosted a gathering, my date and I would be in attendance. Now we all understand, parties are difficult because you have to find a happy medium and be able to control the party. You definitely don’t want a party that wrecks your house and breaks a piece of your mom’s fine china. Anyways, an after party is essential because, let’s be honest, the actual dance isn’t that fun. The fun part is getting to stay out late and hang out with your friends in formal attire. 5. End It WellGentleman (and I use that term loosely), please end the night well. If you follow these steps you’re sure to get a hug and maybe, just maybe, a goodnight kiss on the cheek. Get your date home safe and in time for her curfew. Don’t make the ride home awkward, again utilize your killer playlist so you don’t have to sit in silence, and you’re golden.

5

5 Ways to Impress Your Date

By Ramzi Haddad ‘16Editor & Licensed Pyro-Technician

The Bonfire is coming up tonight and it will be the social event of the summer (not even joking around). There will be live music, fun tailgate games, snacks, and of course, a big hulking fire. This year’s fire tells a special tail. Have you ever heard the saying, “If a tree falls in an empty forest and no one can hear it hit the ground, did it actually make a noise?” This year’s bonfire solves this

ancient riddle. Every piece of wood in the bonfire was taken from a tree that fell in the woods when no one was looking or listening. As a part of President Obama’s new initiative, No Tree Left Behind, all of these fallen heroes are being salvaged and used for better purposes. They speak in various ways through their recycled assignments. In tonight’s fire they will be crackling with witty one-liners and ashy views on foreign policy. It has also been reported that they will be giving a

smokey Halloween story to the crowd. The No Tree Left Behind initiative is stemming off of the previous initiative, Branching Out: America’s Limbs Repaired. In this project, old tree limbs that fell off of trees were duct taped back onto their old trees. The repaired trees asked to be treated just like every other tree stating, “It’s the rings on the inside that count, not the scars on the outside.” This year be mindful of our Bonfire and the

second chance it has been provided. This should serve as inspiration for you to go out on a limb and branch out to a fellow classmate. I pine for the opportunity to say something sappy to a fellow oak tree, but just keep in mind the nuttier the better, pinecone.

BONFIRE

6A T H L E T I C SA T H L E T I C SCross Country Continues Record of Success

By Jake Drysdale ‘16XC Co-Captain For the second straight year, Priory XC won the team championship and Jake Drysdale finished 1st overall @ the Priory Invitational Cross Country meet on October 3rd supported by so many parents, teachers, family, friends, and, yes, fans. Special thanks to Fr. Paul, Fr. Benedict, Fr. Francis, and all from Priory XC. On a cool and windy Saturday, Priory XC finished with a near-perfect score of 18 points. Jake Drysdale won the race in a time of 17:36, Thomas Lowell took 2nd in 17:43, Luke Lissner finished 4th in 18:13, George O’Sullivan placed 5th in 18:37, Kyle Flores claimed 6th with 18:42, Anthony O’Sullivan finished 8th in 18:57, and Greg Rolwes rounded out the Varsity to take

11th with 19:13. The Priory JV team also took first as a team, with Joseph Pollnow (19:28) finishing 1st overall and Jacob Conard (19:45) 2nd overall in the JV race. Priory XC followed up their wins @ the Priory Invitational by road-tripping early the next Saturday morning to the highly competitive 41st Potosi Invitational. For the first time in almost a decade, 5 Priory runners broke the 18 minute mark with Jake Drysdale finishing in 17:11 (14th out of 123), Thomas Lowell running a 17:21 PR (17th), Luke Lissner crossing the line in 17:31 for a PR (25th), Alex Lowell running a PR of 17:55 (34th), and Drew Sewall finishing strong in 17:59 for a PR and 40th place. George O’Sullivan ran a PR of 18:03 to take 42nd place.

The JV also ran strong: Anthony O’Sullivan was 8th (out of 60) in 18:47, Joseph

Pollnow 9th in 18:50, Andrew Latuda was 10th in 18:51, Greg Rolwes 12th in 18:56, Jacob Conard 14th in 19:01, Brian Koch 15th in 19:04, and Robbie Frei 36th in 19:51. Only 17

seconds separated our JV 1st and 6th runners, a remarkable achievement.

With the Metro League and District Championships ahead, Priory XC continues to work hard, run fast, and finish strong!

By Mark Ciapciak ’17 & Chris Holland ‘16Fútbol Aficionados

GET HYPED! The Rebels have a fantastic opportunity to take down their perennial rival, John Burroughs, this coming Tuesday. The last time the Rebels squared off against the Bombers, Priory students were still wiping the dust off their calculators and adjusting to waking up five hours earlier than usual. It was a day to forget. To the Rebels’ dismay, Burroughs took an early 1-0 lead and finished the game with a 2-0 victory. Perhaps

the lapse in focus was a result of changing sleep schedules. Driven by their burning desire for revenge, the Rebels will be well-adjusted, fired up, and ready to go on Tuesday. The Rebels match up well with the Bombers and it will be a hard-fought, close match. With exciting attacking seniors such as Chris Holland, Will Dohr, and George Ahlering playing in what could be their last home soccer game in a Priory uniform, there will surely be no disappointment. You also can’t forget about our key defensive seniors like Adam Ezzlegot, Michael Donovan, George O’Sullivan, and Drew Sewall who have all

had sensational seasons and will not disappoint in this one. The difference in the game could very easily be who is more motivated and there is no better means of motivation than fan support! This is a must win match for the Rebels who look to enter the post-season flying high. To mirror the fiery words of Will Ferrell in Kicking & Screaming: “All right, Rebels. Let’s get ready to play, huh? I don't want to see any laziness here. If we win this, we're going to Hooters. If we get a big lead, we gotta pummel these guys, pummel them at all costs. Dominate, and hammer them. I want you to play dirty, if you have to, but don't get caught.

Mike Donovan, that's easy for you. Just chop-block 'em in the back of the knee. That will work well. George Ahlering, you're big. Don't be afraid to throw the elbow. If you break someone's collarbone, that's a good thing, that's what the medic's for. Otherwise he's just sittin' around. All right! You hear me!” Please come out and be loud this Tuesday, October 20 at Priory for what will be, to this point, the most exciting game of the season. In the wise words of Andrew Stange, get rowdy and be prepared to “Jumpman, Jumpman, Jumpman”, because the Rebels are “up to somethin’ ”.

Fútbol Update

7 O D D S & E N D SO D D S & E N D S

By Jake TottlebenStaff Writer & Survivor

Beach House is at it again. For years the infamous indie group, composed of Victoria Legrand and Alex Scally, has been supplying the musical community with their fix of dream pop. Releasing their first album in 2006, Beach House quickly earned praise from die hard music fans and the music review website “Pitchfork.” Since their initial release Beach House has given us four more albums, including Bloom, commonly thought as their best album. Depression Cherry, the fifth studio

album, brings us the Beach House sound we all know and love. As far as continuity, Depression Cherry isn’t all that different from the other Beach House albums. This of course isn’t a bad thing. I must say, I would be a little upset if they dramatically switched up their music writing style. You listen to Beach House for the chilled synth and Victoria Legrand’s outstanding voice. That is what they give you on Depression Cherry. Victoria is as good as ever and Alex delivers the signature Beach House synth sound that we are used to, several simple layered loops over a drum track. Beach

House’s only real change with this album is their message: they become far more blunt. The name, Depression Cherry, gives a good hint to how the album feels. Alex and Victoria make you sad, but all right with it. “Space Song” and “Sparks” conjure images of a lonely beach house during the winter. A man sits inside, sips a cup of coffee and watches snowfall onto the beach. He remembers swimming and playing in the sand over the summer. Beach House is the bleakness that was once something else, something more hopeful like an empty summer home. Coming to

terms with sadness is what Depression Cherry is about and it’s done well. Beach House will never make sadness feel clichéd and that’s what makes them great.

Overall it was a great album, but it was what I expected. 8/10

Depression Cherry Album Review

By Ian Newman ‘19Engaged Reader

Donald Trump, the billionaire businessman turned GOP Presidential candidate, is arguably the most polarizing figure in American politics. Despite this, he continues to lead the Republican field while taking personal shots at practically anyone and everyone. Just for reference: he called illegal immigrants rapists and drug dealers, insulted John McCain's military service as a prisoner of war, mocked Jeb Bush for being "low energy" and made fun of female candidate Carly Fiorina's face. That's just a few of the many, many things he's said, but yet he continues to lead in polls - in no small part because he believes what he says, and voters like a sincere political candidate, rare as they are. As a former celebrity-turned-political candidate, he was already a media sensation well before his presidential announcement. Even after he

became a candidate the media continues to cover him like a celebrity, protecting him from some of the criticism that an average candidate is subjected to. Hopefully the media will wake up and start to cover Trump as a candidate, and not the comedian they would like him to be. The other major factor supporting Trump’s campaign is his status as a political outsider. This factor goes along with his sincerity: people like the fact Trump's outside of Washington and not dependent on other people and their money.The man can't be bought, and people like that because it is proof that Trump's not influenced by special interest groups like other politicians. Another more interesting reason is his dominance. Whether or not you agree with the man and his policies, there is no denying he knows how to command a room. The debate stage is an excellent example: Trump steps on that stage as if he owns it. While some may that's

more pride than dominance, he certainly wins debates considering his poll numbers. Not only that, they way he talks is dominant: he doesn't read off a teleprompter (like some presidents), he doesn't have political advisors or even a real campaign operation because he doesn't think he needs any of that. This being said, the fact he doesn't have a real campaign operation will definitely catch up with him if he actually wins the Republican nomination and goes on to a general election. As for electability, just about everyone would tell that there's no way he'll win, but the analysts always forget one time honored truth: the “Average Joe” votes for the person that will make his life better. Donald Trump, for all his experience in the area, certainly could help business in America. With the growth of business comes jobs and prosperity, something voters desperately crave considering the real unemployment rate of 10.5 percent (as given by Bernie Sanders).

Attack ads are the filth of the political world, but for some reason they are also by the far the most effective. This is because people tend to think that if you’re playing defense you're losing, which is generally true. Donald Trump never plays defense, and thusly is always winning. Trump is always attacking someone or something- practically everything he says could be an attack ad. The man is Teflon Don precisely because he always attacks and never stops attacking. The success of the Donald is largely down to who he is; no one should get away with what he does, but he somehow is able to. He continues to defy the laws of political gravity, but how long before that catches with him? Hopefully it does because we could definitely use something to check the frenzy around him and allow other, less dominant and bombastic candidates a say. As always, may cooler heads prevail.

In Defense of Donald; Re: The Donald’s Ticking Time-Bomb

8O D D S & E N D SO D D S & E N D SThe Senior Class’s Dance Pictures to be Remebered