the personal experience of the foreign correspondent

THE PERSONAL EXPERIENCE OF BEING A FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT

Ma rk Bra yne

Supe rviso r: Que ntin Stimpso n

Sub mitte d in pa rtia l fulfilme nt o f the

MA Tra nspe rso na l Co unse lling a nd Psyc ho the ra p y

CCPE in assoc iation with De Montfort Unive rsity

July, 2000

(C o p y 1).

ii

Abstra c t

In this study, fo rme r Re ute rs a nd BBC fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nt Ma rk Bra yne

c o nside rs the pe rso na l e xpe rie nc e s o f jo urna lists fro m the pe rspe c tive o f

e mo tio n, c re a tivity a nd me a ning . No w tra ine d a s a tra nspe rso na l

psyc ho the ra p ist, Bra yne dra ws o n his o wn 20-ye a r c o rre spo nde nt c a re e r

in Ea ste rn Euro pe a nd China during the Co ld Wa r to se e k a n

unde rsta nd ing o f the link b e twe e n pe rfo rma nc e a nd the le g a c y o f

c hildho o d ; wha t mo tiva te s the fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nt; ho w

c o rre spo nde nts e xpe rie nc e the Se lf in the ir wo rk; a nd the sp iritua l

d ime nsio n to the jo urna listic c ra ft.

Using a ma inly He uristic re se a rc h a ppro a c h (Mo usta ka s, 1990), Bra yne

inte rvie we d nine se rving fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nts in de pth. He c o nc lude s

tha t while jo urna lists pe rsua de the mse lve s fo r mo st o f the time – a nd

te a c h o the rs who fo llo w o n b e hind – tha t the y a re in the b usine ss o f

re po rting fa c ts so b e rly, d ispa ssio na te ly a nd fa irly, mo st a re in fa c t

mo tiva te d b y a c o mple x c o c kta il o f pe rso na l a mb itio n, d a ma g e d se lf-

e ste e m, c hildho o d e xpe rie nc e s, a dd ic tive pa tte rns – b ut a lso b y pa ssio n

a nd ide a lism. And while mo st a c kno wle dg e a n o nly limite d a wa re ne ss

o f the sp iritua l, a lmo st a ll re po rt e xpe rie nc e s o f insp ira tio n b e yo nd the

ra tio na l whe n c o ve ring a ma jo r sto ry o r up a g a inst a de a d line .

Limita tio ns o f the study a nd re c o mme nd a tio ns fo r furthe r re se a rc h a re

a lso e xp lo re d .

Ma rk Bra yne , The Pe rso na l Exp e rie nc e o f the Fo re ig n Co rre sp o nd e nt

iii

Conte nts

ABSTRACT........................................................................................................ II

CONTENTS...................................................................................................... III

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ................................................................................. V

INTRODUCTION............................................................................................... 1

REVIEW OF LITERATURE................................................................................... 6

Intro d uc tio n ................................................................................................................ 6

The Old Pa ra d ig m ..................................................................................................... 6

The Shifting De b a te ................................................................................................... 9

The Jo urna list’ s Own Vie w ...................................................................................... 13

The O utwa rd ly Fa c tua l........................................................................................ 13

The Pe rso na l:......................................................................................................... 15

The No ve l:.............................................................................................................. 15

Jo urna lism a nd Psyc ho the ra p y............................................................................. 16

The Muse a nd Pe rfo rma nc e .................................................................................. 20

Truth a nd the Sto ryte lle r.......................................................................................... 21

The Sp iritua l Dime nsio n ........................................................................................... 24

METHODOLOGY ........................................................................................... 27

Princ ip le s ................................................................................................................... 27

The Pra c tic a l Ste p s .................................................................................................. 32

THE DATA ....................................................................................................... 37

Intro d uc tio n .............................................................................................................. 37

Who a re We ? ........................................................................................................... 37

Pe rfo rma nc e a nd the Le g a c y o f Child ho o d .................................................. 37

Why Do We Do It? ................................................................................................... 40

Ma king Se nse ........................................................................................................ 40

To Se e k the Truth .................................................................................................. 40

Pe rso na l G ro wth a nd the De sire to b e Se e n .................................................. 41

Eg o a nd the Ad d ic tive Buzz............................................................................... 43


iv

Id e ntity ................................................................................................................... 44

Ho w d o We Exp e rie nc e the Se lf? ......................................................................... 45

The Exp e rie nc e o f Emo tio n ................................................................................ 45

Dista nc ing ............................................................................................................. 46

Te a rs ....................................................................................................................... 48

De la ye d Emo tio n ................................................................................................. 49

“ Flo w” ..................................................................................................................... 50

The Sp iritua l Dime nsio n ........................................................................................... 51

Pe rso na l Tra nsfo rma tio n...................................................................................... 51

The Tra nsc e nd e nt ................................................................................................ 53

SUMMARY, IMPLICATIONS AND OUTCOMES.............................................. 55

The Inte g rity o f the Da ta ........................................................................................ 56

Limita tio ns ................................................................................................................. 57

Ca ta lytic Va lid ity a nd the Wa y Fo rwa rd ............................................................. 57

Co nc lusio n ................................................................................................................ 59

REFERENCES .................................................................................................. 61

APPENDIX 1 – THE TABLE .............................................................................. 65

APPENDIX 2 – ROMANIA FOOC .................................................................. 67

APPENDIX 3 - A CHILD OF THE COLD WAR................................................. 69

APPENDIX 4 - MASTER LETTER....................................................................... 71

APPENDIX 5 - PARTICIPANT RELEASE AGREEMENT..................................... 75

APPENDIX 6 - QUESTIONS ............................................................................ 77

APPENDIX 7 – SELF INTERVIEW WITH SUPERVISOR....................................... 79

APPENDIX 8 – GOLEMAN, REINVENTING THE NEWS................................... 89

THE CONTEMPLATIVE MIND IN SOCIETY...................................................... 90

The Co nte mp la tive Mind : Re inve nting the Ne ws .............................................. 90

Wha t Do e s Psyc ho lo g y Kno w Ab o ut the Co nte mp la tive Mind ? .................... 91

Co nte mp la tio n a s a Do ma in o f Skill..................................................................... 92

Re inve nting the Ne ws............................................................................................. 93


v

So me Re la te d Q ue stio ns To Po nd e r..................................................................... 95


v

Ac knowle dg e me nts

The fo llo wing pa g e s e nc a psula te a jo urne y tha t b e g a n ne a rly 50 ye a rs

a g o o n a No rfo lk fa rm, ta king me to a ll c o rne rs o f the wo rld , a nd de e p

into my o wn psyc he . The c o nc lusio ns a re my o wn. But the re a re ma ny

who ha ve a c c o mpa nie d me o n the wa y. I a c kno wle dg e with g ra titude

the pa tie nc e a nd fa ith o f my BBC c o lle a g ue s a nd b o sse s, who thro ug h

the re c e nt ye a rs o f tra ining a nd strug g le – so me time s thro ug h g ritte d

te e th – g a ve me spa c e . In pa rtic ula r I wish to tha nk my b ro the r Hug h

a nd my mo the r Audre y – a nd Ag ne s a s my muse . At the CCPE, this

pro je c t wo uld no t ha ve flo wn witho ut the insp ira tio n a nd do g g e d

suppo rt o f Ang e la , She ila , Ia n, Va l a nd Ka thy. Pe rha ps mo st impo rta nt

a mo ng my jo urna listic me nto rs, Jo hn ha s b e lie ve d in me . Espe c ia lly,

ho we ve r, I wish to de d ic a te this wo rk to Kurt Sc ho rk o f Re ute rs, d ie d

Sie rra Le o ne , Ma y 2000.

I c o nfirm tha t this is my o wn wo rk.


1

Introduc tion

It is the jo b o f jo urna lists to write a b o ut the e ve nts a nd the pe o p le the y

o b se rve . On o c c a sio n, jo urna lists write a lso a b o ut the ir pro fe ssio n.

Ho we ve r, wha t jo urna lists ve ry ra re ly write o r ta lk a b o ut is the impa c t o n

the mse lve s, a s vulne ra b le ind ividua ls, o f the wo rk the y d o . This study

ta ke s a te nta tive ste p into tha t vo id . It a ims to use the a utho r’ s o wn

e xpe rie nc e o f jo urna lism, a nd o f psyc ho the ra py, a s a n instrume nt to

he lp illumina te the la rg e ly unse e n a nd una rtic ula te d inte rna l wo rld o f

the fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nt.

We ste rn jo urna lists a re tra ine d to sta nd b a c k fro m the e ve nts the y

o b se rve . The BBC’ s Pro duc e r Guide line s fo r e xa mple stre ss o b je c tivity

a nd b a la nc e .

Re po rting sho uld b e dispassio na te , wide -rang ing and we ll-info rme d…

A re po rte r may e xpre ss a pro fe ssio na l, jo urna listic judg e me nt, b ut no t a

pe rso na l o p inio n… Audie nc e s sho uld no t b e ab le to g aug e fro m BBC

pro g ramme s the pe rso na l vie ws o f p re se nte rs and re po rte rs. (BBC

Pro duc e r Guide line s, 1996, p .16)

At the sa me time , the wide r e mo tio na l c ulture within Eng lish-la ng ua g e

jo urna lism is o ne o f wha t mig ht b e te rme d ma c ho se lf-suffic ie nc y.

Ric c hia rd i (1999) no te s tha t re po rte rs who ha ve c o ve re d g rue so me

sto rie s fe a r tha t a dmitting to a ny me nta l d istre ss ma y b e vie we d a s

we a kne ss. Knig htle y a rg ue s tha t the c o rre spo nde nt’ s “ sprint a lo ng the

ne a r e dg e o f de a th” a nd his (o r he r) re sulta nt e mo tio na l e ng a g e me nt

with da ng e r a nd e xc ite me nt sta nds in the wa y o f the truthful re po rting o f

wa r (Knig htle y, 1999, p .69). He ife tz o b se rve s tha t jo urna lists c a n b e g o o d

a t ma king a llie s a nd kno wing pe o p le . But the y a re o fte n iso la te d a nd

“o ut o n a limb ,” e xpe rie nc ing wha t He ife tz te rms a n a lmo st g ra tifying

lo ne line ss tha t c o nfirms the y must b e do ing so me thing re a lly impo rta nt.

(He ife tz, 1997, p .63).


2

The c o ntra st with o the r fie lds o f huma n e nde a vo ur is sta rk. In the tra ining

a nd the wo rk o f music ia ns, write rs a nd a rtists fo r e xa mple , so c ia l

c o nve ntio n ha s lo ng a llo we d a n o pe n d isc ussio n o f the pe rso na l a nd

e mo tio na l. In mo de rn ma na g e me nt tra ining to o , “ e mo tio na l

inte llig e nc e ” (Go le ma n, 1996) ha s b e c o me so me thing o f a ma ntra . (A

re c e nt a rtic le in the Ha rva rd Busine ss Re vie w de sc rib ing the link b e twe e n

e mo tio na l lite ra c y a nd g o o d le a de rship is sa id to ha ve g e ne ra te d the

g re a te st le ve l o f re a de r inte re st o f a ny re c e nt c o ntrib utio n. (Go le ma n,

1998, 1999).)

Ho we ve r, ve ry little o f this a ppro a c h ha s, a s ye t, filte re d thro ug h into

e ithe r the e duc a tio n o r the da y-to -da y pro fe ssio na l a wa re ne ss o f mo st

We ste rn jo urna lists. As Fie lds o b se rve s re g a rd ing po st-tra uma tic stre ss,

...many jo urna lists b e lie ve the y are no t suppo se d to b e amo ng the

traumatise d. De sp ite g ro wing e vide nc e and ac c e p tanc e in the

industry that traumatic stre ss is a ffe c ting jo urna lists, the industry c ling s to

imag e s o f va liant re po rte rs unsc a the d b y e ndle ss ho rro rs and

c a tastro phe s. (Fie lds, 1999, p .16).

Jo hnso n po ints o ut in the sa me issue o f The Quill (Jo hnso n, 1999, p .16)

tha t, in the a fte rma th o f vio le nc e , vic tims a nd re sc ue wo rke rs a re like ly

to re c e ive c o unse lling . Jo urna lists, he no te s, a re no t – a nd a re the re fo re

le ss like ly to de a l with the ir o wn tra uma . Eve n FBI a g e nts, it se e ms, a re

mo re like ly tha n jo urna lists to b e o ffe re d c o unse lling a fte r stre ssful

e xpe rie nc e s. (Ne uffe r, in Nie ma n Re po rts, 1999, p .24).

Ho we ve r, ta b o o s in jo urna lism a re no w b e ing c ha lle ng e d . The Unive rsity

o f Wa shing to n in Se a ttle (Ric c hia rd i, 1999) ha s e sta b lishe d a Jo urna lism

a nd Tra uma pro g ra mme to inve stig a te the impa c t o n ind ividua ls o f

c o ve ring wa rs a nd d isa ste rs. The re is a g ro wing re c o g nitio n tha t re po rte rs

ne e d spe c ia lise d tra ining if the y a re to wo rk in ho stile e nviro nme nts

(Ric c hia rd i, 1999; Wa lsh, 1999). De b a te ha s b e e n jo ine d in the Unite d


3

King do m a b o ut the p la c e o f e mo tio n in ne ws re po rting , trig g e re d fo r

e xa mple b y the wo rk o f BBC c o rre spo nde nt Fe rg a l Ke a ne (1996) a nd

a rg ume nts in fa vo ur o f a “ jo urna lism o f a tta c hme nt” fro m fo rme r BBC

wa r c o rre spo nde nt Ma rtin Be ll (Euro pe Me d ia Fo rum, 1997).

It is a g a inst tha t b a c kg ro und tha t this re se a rc h se ts o ut to inve stig a te

ho w c o rre spo nde nts e xpe rie nc e the c o ming to g e the r in the ir live s o f the

pe rso na l a nd the pro fe ssio na l – a nd , with tha t, the e xte nt to whic h o the r

jo urna lists inve st, a s I ha ve do ne , the e ve nts the y c o ve r with pe rso na l

sig nific a nc e .

I wishe d a lso to inve stig a te the a c tua l pro c e ss o f writing , a nd whe the r

o the r jo urna lists sha re my e xpe rie nc e o f e nte ring a t time s into wha t

Ste ve ns c a lls a n a lmo st tra nc e -like sta te in o ur c re a tive wo rk, in whic h

we find o urse lve s se rving a s a kind o f c ha nne l in to uc h with a de e pe r,

inde e d a rc he typa l, a wa re ne ss o f wha t is unfo ld ing (Ste ve ns, 1996,

p .286).

The initia l inte nt ha d b e e n to fo c us o n the e xpe rie nc e o f Me a ning (c f.

Fra nkl, 1984) fo r fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nts re po rting the g lo b a l e ve nts o f

the pre -Mille nnia l de c a de . Ho we ve r, a s I imme rse d myse lf mo re de e p ly

in the issue – a nd g uide d b y Mo usta ka s’ wa rning s a g a inst sub the me s

tha t c o nta in inhe re nt a ssumptio ns (Mo usta ka s, 1990, p .42) – I re a lise d

tha t I must no t a ssume fo r o the r jo urna lists a ny pa rtic ula r e xpe rie nc e o f

me a ning , no r inde e d limit the sto rie s c o ve re d to tho se o f a ny pa rtic ula r

pe rio d . Ta king pre vio us He uristic re se a rc h q ue stio ns q uo te d b y

Mo usta ka s a s a mo de l, I de c ide d to ta ke a mo re o pe n a ppro a c h, a nd

a sk q uite simply:

“What is the pe rso na l e xpe rie nc e o f b e ing a fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nt? ”


4

By hig hlig hting the inte re st in pe rso na l e xpe rie nc e , I wishe d to e xc lude

to o stro ng a fo c us o n o ur jo urna listic c ra ft a s suc h. And b y c ho o sing

fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nts ra the r tha n re po rte rs o f do me stic a ffa irs, I wa s

se e king sub je c ts with c a re e rs c o mpa ra b le with my o wn. I c ho se

the re fo re a q ua lita tive a nd prima rily He uristic re se a rc h me tho do lo g y,

a llo wing , a s o utline d b y Bra ud & Ande rso n (1998) a nd Mo usta ka s (1990),

fo r the e xp lic it use o f my o wn e xpe rie nc e a s b o th re se a rc h to o l a nd filte r

fo r inte rpre ting the da ta .

Ce ntra l to my a ppro a c h wa s the a ssumptio n tha t jo urna lism is a n

impo rta nt fie ld o f huma n a c tivity. Ca re y a rg ue s, fo r e xa mple , tha t “ the

a dve nt o f ma ss c o mmunic a tio ns re pre se nts the g re a te st c ha ng e in

huma n c o nsc io usne ss tha t ha s ta ke n p la c e in re c o rde d histo ry” (Ca re y,

1989, p .xxxiv). If ma ss me dia a re impo rta nt to huma nity’ s unde rsta nd ing

o f itse lf, it c o uld b e a rg ue d tha t se lf-a wa re ne ss o n the pa rt o f the

re po rte r is a n e sse ntia l c o mpo ne nt o f a jo urna lism tha t is a b le to re fle c t

a n a uthe ntic p ic ture o f huma n e xpe rie nc e . In the la ng ua g e o f

psyc ho the ra py, “pro je c tio ns c ha ng e the wo rld into the re p lic a o f o ne ’ s

o wn unkno wn fa c e ” (Jung , 1983, p .92). Or in the simple r wo rds o f o ne

pro mine nt c o rre spo nde nt a nd fo rme r ho sta g e in Le b a no n Te rry

Ande rso n, to b e a b e tte r jo urna list o ne ne e ds to b e a b e tte r pe rso n

(Ande rso n, 1999).

It is my the sis tha t a jo urna list who is no t se lf-a wa re risks misre pre se nting

wha t he o r she o b se rve s. Re -re a d ing my o wn re po rts fro m the pa st

de c a de , no ta b ly my na ive ly ro se -tinte d re po rting o f the Ro ma nia n

re vo lutio n in De c e mb e r/ Ja nua ry 1989/ 90 (Appe nd ix 2; Bra yne , 1995), I

c a n fo r e xa mple se e ho w a la c k o f c o nsc io usne ss a ro und my o wn

pe rso na l e mo tio n a t the time , a nd my inve stme nt in pa rtic ula r po litic a l

o utc o me s, to so me e xte nt c lo ude d my a b ility to unde rsta nd wha t wa s


5

re a lly ha ppe ning . Co ve ra g e o f the Tia na nme n Sq ua re de mo nstra tio ns

o f 1989 in China o ffe rs a furthe r e xa mple , whe n We ste rn jo urna lists

o the rwise c o mmitte d to pro fe ssio na l o b je c tivity a nd impa rtia lity fo und

the mse lve s swe pt up b y the e upho ria o f the mo me nt, d ivid ing the

p la ye rs implic itly, if no t in a s ma ny wo rds in the ir re po rting , into the Go o d

(the stude nts) a nd the Ba d (the Co mmunist a utho ritie s). (Gitting s, 1994;

Bra yne , 1994).

But e nc o ura g ing jo urna lists, with the ir re luc ta nc e to de lve to o de e p ly

into the ir o wn pe rso na litie s, to wa rds a g re a te r se lf-a wa re ne ss is no t e a sy.

This is re fle c te d in a d e e p -se a te d sc e ptic ism a mo ng mo st in the

pro fe ssio n to wa rds psyc ho the ra py a nd c o unse lling . (Wa lsh, 1999). Afte r

ne a rly 30 ye a rs wo rking in inte rna tio na l ne ws, a nd no w with a n

a dd itio na l fo rma l tra ining in tra nspe rso na l psyc ho the ra py, I b ring

pe rha ps a n unusua l pe rspe c tive to the a na lysis o f jo urna lism. I a lso b ring

wha t is e ve n to me a t time s a n unc o mfo rta b le inte nsity o f pe rso na l

e ng a g e me nt, a s re fle c te d in my o wn inte rvie w c o nduc te d a s pa rt o f this

pro je c t (Appe nd ix 7).

With this re se a rc h, I the re fo re ho pe fo r thre e thing s:

0to he lp le g itimise within the jo urna listic c o mmunity a mo re o pe n

a nd ho ne st d isc ussio n o f the ro le o f pe rso na lity a nd e mo tio n;

1to ma ke a mo de st c o ntrib utio n to a de e pe r a ppre c ia tio n o f

jo urna lism a mo ng psyc ho the ra p ists;

2a nd in a mo re priva te se nse to inte g ra te mo re c lo se ly my o wn

jo urna listic a nd psyc ho the ra pe utic pe rso na litie s, b o th fo r myse lf

a nd in the e ye s o f my c o lle a g ue s in b o th pro fe ssio ns.


6

Re vie w of Lite ra ture

Intro duc tio n

Ve ry little ha s b e e n writte n ye t a b o ut jo urna lism fro m a

psyc ho the ra pe utic , le t a lo ne a tra nspe rso na l, pe rspe c tive . The fo llo wing

re vie w lo o ks the re fo re a t thre e ma in c a te g o rie s o f lite ra ture o n the issue :

0 d isc ussio ns in pro fe ssio na l jo urna listic pub lic a tio ns a nd the Eng lish-

la ng ua g e pre ss;

1 stud ie s in psyc ho lo g ic a l a nd psyc ho the ra pe utic pe rio d ic a ls;

2 a nd (b rie fly) pub lishe d b o o ks, b o th b y jo urna lists the mse lve s a nd

b y o the rs, inc lud ing psyc ho the ra p ists, a b o ut issue s o f me a ning a nd

e xpe rie nc e to uc he d o n in this surve y.

The Old Paradigm

As o utline d a b o ve , the a rc he typa l jo urna list in the We st ha s tra d itio na lly

b e e n e xpe c te d to rise a b o ve his o r he r fe e ling s.

Philip Jo ne s Griffiths, de sc rib e d a s o ne o f the b e st pho to g ra phe rs o f the

Vie tna m wa r, no te d tha t while it is impo ssib le to a vo id fe e ling s o f

invo lve me nt, “yo u ha ve to ste e l yo urse lf a nd do yo ur jo b , ta ke yo ur

pho to g ra phs. It’ s wha t yo u’ re the re fo r.” Cla re Ho lling wo rth o f the Da ily

Te le g ra ph, o ne o f the 20th c e ntury’ s b e st kno wn wa r re po rte rs in the

Eng lish la ng ua g e , re c o rds ho w, a s a jo urna list in the Se c o nd Wo rld Wa r,

she wa s a ttra c te d b y the ta c tic a l side o f the fig hting , a dd ing “my

e mo tio ns we re n’ t re a lly invo lve d .” Julia n Pe ttife r o f the BBC, simila rly

q uo te d in Knig htly (1982, p .374), c o mme nts tha t “ the re is simply no po int


7

in a rg uing whe the r [a ] wa r is rig ht o r wro ng . Yo u’ re a lwa ys le ft with the

fa c t tha t it’ s the re a nd it’ s yo ur jo b to c o ve r it.”

The re c a n a rise a mo ng jo urna lists a lmo st a c a ute risa tio n o f e mo tio n –

c a ric a ture d in Edwa rd Be hr’ s a ll-to o -p la usib le sto ry o f the “unmista ka b ly

British TV re po rte r” in the Co ng o o f 1960…

…le ading his c ame raman and sundry te c hnic ians like a p la to o n

c o mmande r tho ug h ho stile te rrito ry. At inte rva ls he pause d and

sho ute d, in a ste nto rian b ut g e nte e l BBC vo ic e , ‘ Anyo ne he re b e e n

rape d and spe aks Eng lish? ’ (Be hr, 1981, p .136)

In the la st de c a de o f the 20th c e ntury, the ima g e o f the fo re ig n

c o rre spo nde nt b e c a me inc re a sing ly a sso c ia te d with wa r a nd d isa ste r –

to the e xte nt tha t a re c e nt c o ve r sto ry in the Ra d io Time s (Aug ust 1999)

de p ic te d se ve ra l o f the BBC’ s mo st pro mine nt c o rre spo nde nts a rtfully

a rra ng e d , c e ntra l fig ure in a fla k ja c ke t, a ro und o ne o f the Co rpo ra tio n’ s

a rmo ure d re po rte rs’ La nd Ro ve rs.

Altho ug h this is pe rha ps b e g inning to c ha ng e , the e xisting pa ra d ig m

do e s no t ye t e nc o ura g e d isc ussio n o f the e mo tio na l d ime nsio n o f the

jo urna list’ s c ra ft – le t a lo ne the sp iritua l. As Fie lds no te s in a re c e nt e d itio n

o f the Ame ric a n jo urna l o n writing The Quill,

Pe rhaps jo urna lism’ s vio le nt histo ry and iro n-wille d ste re o type s pe rvade

the mo de rn pe rc e p tio n that g o o d jo urna lists a re impe rvio us to the

e mo tio na l stre sse s o f the ir p ro fe ssio n.

Jo urna lists, he q uo te s a n Ame ric a n jo urna lism pro fe sso r a s sa ying , ha ve

to ke e p the wo lve s a t the do o r. “Be c a use if we le t the m in, who kno ws

wha t we ’ ll se e .” (Fie lds, 1999, p .16.)

In o ne o f a numb e r o f ma instre a m Ame ric a n tra ining ma nua ls a b o ut the

jo urna list’ s c ra ft, Mc Intyre pro mise s to c ha lle ng e the jo urna lism stude nt

“with so lid , funda me nta l ne wswriting te c hniq ue s, a nd c ruc ia l info rma tio n


8

a b o ut the wo rld o utside tha t stude nt’ s imme d ia te e nviro nme nt” . But he

ne g le c ts a t a ny po int, in a wo rk tha t ra ng e s fro m inve stig a tive re po rting

to milita ry insta lla tio ns, to me ntio n the issue s o f e mo tio n o r fe e ling .

(Mc Intyre , 1991).

Fulle r, in Ne ws Value s (1996), a c kno wle dg e s tha t jo urna lists ma y de ve lo p

stro ng fe e ling s a b o ut sub je c ts in whic h the y b e c o me imme rse d . But

b e yo nd stre ssing the ne e d fo r se lf-re stra int, fo r inte lle c tua l ho ne sty a nd

fo r mo de sty o f judg e me nt a b o ut fa c ts, he do e s no t furthe r inve stig a te

the ro le o f the re po rte r’ s pe rso na l re spo nse .

In a 210-pa g e b o o k e xp lic itly de d ic a te d to inte rna tio na l ne ws a nd

fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nts, He ss (1996) no te s in the ve ry la st pa g e s ho w

so me c o rre spo nde nts e xpe rie nc e ma rita l o r fa mily d iffic ultie s, a nd c a n

find ho me c o ming d iffic ult a fte r lo ng ye a rs in the fie ld . But a g a in, the

b o o k le a ns to wa rds fe e d ing the c lic hé a b o ut the c o rre spo nde nt’ s

“ ro ma ntic ” a nd “g la mo ro us” life style (p .113), a nd do e s no t de lve

de e pe r.

A mo re re c e nt pub lic a tio n (Go ff, 1999) de vo te d so le ly to c o ve ra g e o f

the 1999 Ko so vo c o nflic t – po ssib ly o ne o f the mo st e mo tive sto rie s fo r

Euro pe a n jo urna lists in re c e nt ye a rs – e lic ite d c o ntrib utio ns fro m se ve ra l

le a d ing fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nts. Ma ny we re willing to ve nture stro ng

vie ws o n the rig hts a nd wro ng s o f wha t ha d ha ppe ne d , b ut fe w spo ke

o f the ir de e pe r pe rso na l fe e ling s. Virg inie Jo ua n a nd Mo g e ns Sc hmidt

fro m the Ne the rla nds (p .261) no te ho w the Ko so vo wa r e mpha sise d the

ne e d fo r fa irne ss, a c o nsc ie ntio us se pa ra tio n o f ne ws a nd c o mme nt,

a nd a “d ispa ssio na te a nd the re fo re pro fe ssio na l a ppro a c h” . Ro ma in

Gub e rt o f the Fre nc h we e kly Le Po int (p .446) re c o rds ho w this c o nflic t

wo uld re ma in “a ve ry mo ving pe rso na l a nd pro fe ssio na l e xpe rie nc e .” Bill

Ne e ly o f ITN (p .459) write s tha t b e ing a suppo se d ly e xpe rie nc e d


9

jo urna list do e s no t pro te c t fro m the sho c k o f ma n’ s inhuma nity to ma n,

no r fro m b e ing c a ug ht up in the e mo tio ns o f the mo me nt. The y do no t

e la b o ra te , b ut g o o n, a s jo urna lists g e ne ra lly do , to o b se rva tio ns a b o ut

the sto ry itse lf.

The Shifting De bate

The re a re tho se in the pa st de c a de who ha ve a t le a st b e g un to a sk

q ue stio ns a b o ut the na ture o f ne ws. Ma rtyn Le wis (1993) – muc h de ride d

(a nd misq uo te d ) a t the time b y mo re tra d itio na lly-minde d jo urna listic

c o lle a g ue s – no te d ho w po sitive o r “g o o d” ne ws is syste ma tic a lly

ig no re d b y the jo urna listic pro fe ssio n. He urg e d tha t it wa s time fo r a ll in

te le visio n ne ws jo urna lism...

... to c hang e o ur thinking and judg e me nts; [...] to re mo ve the

disto rtio ns in the mirro r that we ho ld up to the wo rld.

But the q ue stio n o f the re po rte r’ s pe rso na l e xpe rie nc e g e ne ra lly re ma ins

una ddre sse d . Ho w ha ve the y c o pe d e mo tio na lly? And wha t impa c t ha s

tha t ha d o n the ir pro fe ssio na l o utput? Fe rg a l Ke a ne e spe c ia lly ha s b e e n

o ne o f the first British jo urna lists to “ c o me o ut” , a s it we re , a s a

c o rre spo nde nt with no rma l huma n e mo tio ns, writing po we rfully (1996) o f

the b irth o f his so n in Ho ng Ko ng a nd ho w this put him in to uc h with his

o wn c hildho o d e xpe rie nc e s with a n a lc o ho lic fa the r. Ke a ne ha s

c o ntinue d to use his o wn fe e ling re spo nse a s a to o l to c o nve y the

me a ning o f wha t he re po rts to his re a de rs a nd vie we rs – a nd the

re spo nse fro m muc h o f the jo urna listic fra te rnity ha s b e e n o ne o f

pa ssio na te de nunc ia tio n fo r his suppo se d we e p ine ss a nd te a r-je rking

(e .g . Ve ste y, 1999; Se xto n, 2000).

Wha te ve r so me c o lle a g ue s ma y think o f this a ppro a c h, Ke a ne a nd

o the r c o rre spo nde nts who o n o c c a sio n a llo w the ir e mo tio ns to sho w


10

ha ve to uc he d a pub lic c ho rd . Ke a ne no te s (1996, p .9) ho w, within

minute s o f the b ro a dc a st o f his o rig ina l Le tte r to Danie l e nd ing , the Fro m

Our Own Co rre spo nde nt o ffic e a t the BBC wa s inunda te d with c a lls

re q ue sting tra nsc rip ts a nd c o p ie s o f the ta pe . It is a dyna mic whic h I

fo und c o nsta ntly a ffirme d in my o wn wo rk a s fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nt. The

p ie c e s o f re po rting whic h ha d the g re a te st impa c t o n my liste ne rs we re

tho se into whic h I inje c te d a n e xp lic it e le me nt o f pe rso na l e xpe rie nc e –

mo st no ta b ly with a re po rt fro m Be ijing in 1987 whic h use d the b irth o f my

da ug hte r in Ho ng Ko ng a nd o ur sub se q ue nt fe rrying into China o f mo re

tha n 800 d ispo sa b le na pp ie s (fo r the se we re unkno wn in China a t the

time ) a s a pe g o n whic h to ha ng a d isc ussio n o f ho w the Chine se b ring

up the ir o wn c hildre n.

The re fe re nc e to pe rso na l e xpe rie nc e do e s no t ne e d to a ppe a r se lf-

indulg e nt. Eve n c ritic s o f Ke a ne ’ s a ppro a c h we re wa rm in the ir p ra ise fo r

a re c e nt a rtic le b y wa r re po rte r Ma g g ie O ’ Ka ne (2000), who use d a

frig hte ning e nc o unte r with a ma le stra ng e r in the wo o ds o f Ha mpste a d

He a th while wa lking he r ne w b a b y to c o nve y ho w she ha d no w truly

unde rsto o d , fo r the first time , the “pure , te rrib le fe a r o f b e ing una b le to

pro te c t yo ur c hild ” o f wo me n who se suffe ring she ha d re po rte d fro m

Ko so vo .

The fo rme r BBC wa r c o rre spo nde nt a nd no w British MP Ma rtin Be ll – while

no a dvo c a te o f e mo tio na l indulg e nc e – ha s ra ise d the c ry fo r a

“ jo urna lism o f a tta c hme nt” , a rg uing tha t

Yo u c anno t b e ne utra l b e twe e n g o o d and e vil... Yo u do no t re po rt the

p lig ht o f re fug e e s o r what is no w e uphe mistic a lly c a lle d an “ e thnic

c le ansing ” o r the killing o f inno c e nt p e o p le in the same to ne and te rms

that yo u wo uld a ro ya l to ur o f a flo we r sho w o r an e xc hang e o f

parliame ntary insults. Yo u re fle c t the fe e ling s a s we ll a s the fa c ts. [...] It

is no t e no ug h to b e a de tac he d o utside r prac tising what I c a ll


11

“b ystande r’ s jo urna lism”. We share a re spo nsib ility fo r [the wo rld]. (Be ll,

1997, p .13).

Be ll’ s a rg ume nts, a s with Ma rtyn Le wis, ha ve unle a she d muc h de b a te .

Jo hn Humphrys o f the BBC’ s To da y pro g ra mme , fo r e xa mple , re spo nd e d

with a sha rp c ritic ism o f wha t he te rme d e mo tive re po rting , a nd a c a ll

fo r the “o ld , c o o l, d ispa ssio na te style , no w so o ut o f fa shio n” .

The o nly imp e ra tive [in re p o rting ne ws] is that we g e t the fa c ts rig ht.

No thing e lse matte rs a s muc h. (Humphrys, 1999).

A de b a te ha s a lso b e g un in the Unite d King do m a nd in the Unite d Sta te s

a b o ut wha t, a lso c o ntro ve rsia lly, is b e c o ming kno wn a s “pe a c e

jo urna lism.” Ja ke Lync h o f Sky Ne ws (1999) ha s, fo r e xa mple , po we rfully

q ue stio ne d a jo urna lism whic h b e lie ve s in the e xc lusive sa c re dne ss o f

fa c ts.

Re po rte rs are suppo se d to re po rt the fa c ts, b ut e xpe rie nc e a t the

ne wsfac e sho ws us that fa c ts, fa r fro m b e ing ac c o mplishe d

inde pe nde ntly b e fo re we arrive to c o ve r the m, are inc re asing ly

c re a te d fo r us to c o ve r, se rving a n ag e nda far re mo ve d fro m q ua int

no tio ns o f info rming the pub lic . The re is no ro le a s “me re ly o b se rve rs”

le ft – we are a lways a lre ady pa rtic ipants whe the r we like it o r no t. (p .6).

Ve nturing a sho rt d ista nc e into wha t mig ht b e te rme d the sp iritua l

d ime nsio n o f jo urna lism, to wa rds a mo re ho listic a nd inte g ra tive

a ppro a c h, Lync h furthe r q ue stio ns dua listic We ste rn unde rsta nd ing s o f

ne ws whic h d ivide the wo rld into Le ft a nd Rig ht, Bla c k a nd White ,

He a ve n a nd He ll, Mind a nd Ma tte r, the inne r a nd o ute r life – a n a ppe a l

to wha t he c a lls “ two -ishne ss” whic h ma instre a m We ste rn c o nsc io usne ss

ta ke s fo r g ra nte d a s c o mmo n se nse (Lync h, 1999, p .11).

The sp iritua l d ime nsio n re ma ins a ta b o o in mo st ma instre a m jo urna listic

d isc o urse , a ltho ug h Jo a n Ko nne r, until re c e ntly De a n o f the Co lumb ia

Sc ho o l o f Jo urna lism in Ne w Yo rk, ha s writte n a ppro ving ly (Ko nne r, 1998)

o f a re tre a t he ld in the US in 1998 b ring ing to g e the r se nio r me d ia


12

re pre se nta tive s to c o nside r jo urna lism a nd its pra c tic e fro m a sp iritua l

pe rspe c tive . The a utho r o f Emo tio na l Inte llig e nc e Da nie l Go le ma n,

himse lf a jo urna list, ha s c ha lle ng e d the mo de rn wo rld ’ s c o ntinue d , b ut in

his vie w no w e vo lutio na rily ina ppro pria te , fa sc ina tio n with “ limb ic ne ws”

– ne ws o f thre a ts a nd tra g e d ie s whic h a ppe a ls to the a nc ie nt pa rt o f the

sa va g e b ra in tha t rule s e mo tio na l life , a nd so o the s it with “ re lie f in the

fa c t tha t it ha ppe ne d the re , no t he re .” Wha t is ne e de d , sug g e sts

Go le ma n, is a c o nte mpla tive jo urna lism; a n inve stig a tive mo de , fre e o f

prio r c o mmitme nt to a ny po int o f vie w, whic h wo uld te a se o ut the

“pa tte rn tha t c o nne c ts” e ve nts to a la rg e r we b o f me a ning . (Go le ma n,

1998, p .4).

If tha t summa rise s so me o f the c urre nt inte lle c tua l d isc o urse a ro und

Eng lish-la ng ua g e jo urna lism, the re is so me e vide nc e , a s no te d in the

Intro duc tio n, o f a g ro wing inte re st in the issue o f the jo urna list’ s pe rso na l

e xpe rie nc e . The BBC – pro mpte d b y the de a th o f a numb e r o f jo urna lists

in se rvic e in the mid -1990s in the Ba lka ns a nd So uth Asia – no w ha s stric t

tra ining re q uire me nts fo r sta ff e nte ring into wha t a re te rme d ho stile

e nviro nme nts, suc h a s Ko so vo , Sie rra Le o ne o r Che c hnya . Tha t tra ining

inc lude s a n intro duc tio n to the psyc ho lo g y o f po st-tra uma tic stre ss. The

Unive rsity o f Wa shing to n in Se a ttle ha s e sta b lishe d , a s no te d a b o ve , a

pro g ra mme lo o king into ho w ind ividua ls e xpe rie nc e wa r a nd d isa ste r.

The Sc ho o l o f Jo urna lism a t Mic hig a n Sta te in the Unite d Sta te s ha s wha t

it c a lls a Vic tims a nd Me d ia c o urse to tra in stude nts, instruc to rs a nd

wo rking jo urna lists to q ue stio n no tio ns “ tha t fe e ling to o muc h c o uld g e t

in the wa y o f b e ing o b je c tive .” (Ric c hia rd i, 1999). The ma g a zine o f the

Na tio na l Unio n o f Jo urna lists in the Unite d King do m ha s a lso no w c o me

o ut vig o ro usly in suppo rt o f suc h tra ining . (Ire da le , 1999).


13

The Jo urnalist’s Own Vie w

Le t us turn no w to c o nside ring ho w jo urna lists the mse lve s pro c e ss the ir

pe rso na l e xpe rie nc e s o utside the da y-to -da y b usine ss o f re po rting .

Fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nts a re pro lific write rs o f b o o ks. But o nly ve ry ra re ly

a re the y re a dy to de lve de e p ly into the ir o wn e mo tio na l a nd sp iritua l

re spo nse to wha t the y e xpe rie nc e o n the ro a d . Bo o ks b y fo re ig n

c o rre spo nde nts mig ht b e b ro ke n do wn into thre e ma in c a te g o rie s – the

o utwa rd ly fa c tua l a nd a na lytic a l; the pe rso na l; a nd the fic tio na l. I will

c o nside r a ve ry sma ll se le c tio n a s illustra tio n.

The Outwa rdly Fa c tua l

Edg a r Sno w, a the n yo ung c o rre spo nde nt wo rking fo r se ve ra l Ame ric a n

ne wspa pe rs, is pe rha ps the a rc he typa l re po rte r-b e c o me -histo ria n. With

his Re d Star Ove r China in 1937, Sno w a le rte d the We ste rn wo rld to Ma o

Tse -Tung ‘ s Co mmunists pre pa ring fo r pe a sa nt re vo lutio n fro m the ir b a se

a t Ya n’ a n. In lo ng c o nve rsa tio ns thro ug h the nig ht, Sno w to o k do wn

Ma o ’ s sto ry. He a c kno wle dg e d tha t he wa s pre se nting this a c c o unt

fro m Ma o ’ s pa rtisa n po int o f vie w, b ut stre sse d tha t his ro le wa s ma inly

tha t o f sc rib e , “ simply [writing ] do wn wha t I wa s to ld b y the e xtra o rd ina ry

yo ung me n a nd wo me n with who m it wa s my privile g e to live a t the a g e

o f thirty a nd fro m who m I le a rne d (o r ha d the c ha nc e to le a rn) a g re a t

de a l.” (Sno w, 1972, p .20-21).

In fa c t, it ha s b e e n a rg ue d tha t Sno w wa s fa r fro m d ispa ssio na te – a nd

tha t his judg e me nt o f Chine se c o mmunism wa s, o f c o urse , pro fo und ly

influe nc e d b y his o wn pe rso na lity. Simo n Le ys (1974), in his da mning

c ritiq ue o f Ma o a nd the Cultura l Re vo lutio n, ho lds a na ïve Sno w pa rtly


14

re spo nsib le fo r the We st’ s fa ilure fo r so ma ny ye a rs to unde rsta nd d e e pe r

truths a b o ut Ma o .

An inte re sting pa ir o f c o ntra sts o f jo urna lists c o ve ring the sa me sto ry

invo lve s o ne BBC c o rre spo nde nt pre se nt a nd o ne pa st. Jo hn Simpso n’ s

a c c o unts thro ug h the 1990s o f the g re a t g lo b a l e ve nts o f the pa st

de c a de a re po we rful p ie c e s o f re po rta g e a nd a na lysis, a llo wing fo r a n

e le me nt o f pe rso na l re spo nse to wha t he ha s o b se rve d . In De spatc he s

fro m the Barric ade s, c o ve ring the e ve nts o f 1989 fro m Tia na nme n

Sq ua re to the de mise o f the Ce a use sc u re g ime in Ro ma nia , Simpso n

q uite fre q ue ntly no te s his o wn e mo tio na l sta te – ho w he fe lt g uilty (p .107)

o ve r o rde ring his c a me ra te a m o ff Tia na nme n Sq ua re a s the Pe o p le ’ s

Lib e ra tio n Army wa s c lo sing in; ho w he wa s mo ve d to fla sh a vic to ry sig n

to Chine se stude nt pro te ste rs a s the y pre pa re d to fa c e do wn the a rmy;

ho w a ng ry he fe lt a t the wa nto n de struc tio n o f the Unive rsity Lib ra ry in

Buc ha re st (p .222). In The Ho use o f War, c o ve ring the Gulf c o nflic t in 1991,

Simpso n inse rts o ne b rie f psyc ho lo g ic a l insig ht, no ting (p .378) ho w

g o ve rnme nts (in this c a se , Kuwa it’ s), like ind ividua ls, “a re lia b le to

b e c o me wha t the y fe a r.” Ho we ve r, the re is little e xp lic it d isc ussio n o f

ho w Simpso n is re spo nd ing e mo tio na lly to the sto rie s he c o ve rs, o r in

pa rtic ula r ho w tha t mig ht a ffe c t his a na lysis.

Misha Gle nny, in c o ntra st, ha s a lwa ys b e e n a mo re o ve rtly e mo tive

jo urna list. In 1992, he pre d ic te d in a p ie c e fo r Fro m Our Own

Co rre spo nde nt ho w Bo snia wa s he a d ing to wa rds te rrib le b lo o dshe d .

(Gle nny, 1992). He wa s c ritic ise d within the BBC fo r b e ing o ve rly

dra ma tic – b ut pro ve d if a nything to ha ve unde rsta te d his c a se .

Gle nny’ s e mo tio nal unde rsta nd ing o f the sto ry c o me s a c ro ss in his b o o ks

a b o ut the Ba lka ns, fo r e xa mple The Fa ll o f Yug o slavia . He ta lks a b o ut his


15

o wn “unswe rving c o wa rd ic e ” (p .9, a nd a g a in p .93), a nd e xp lic itly

a c kno wle dg e s (p .170) the po ssib ility o f e vil a t wo rk in the Ba lka ns.

The Pe rsona l:

The re a ppe a r to b e ve ry fe w b o o ks b y jo urna lists whic h g o de e pe r into

the write r’ s e mo tio n. But o ne suc h is My War Go ne By, I Miss it So b y

a no the r pro mine nt British ne wspa pe r re po rte r o n the Ba lka ns, Anto ny

Lo yd . Lo yd is b ruta lly – a nd unusua lly – ho ne st with the re a de r a b o ut his

o wn e xpe rie nc e o f d rug a dd ic tio n, a nd ho w he ha nd le s his fe a r a s he

tra ve ls the wa r zo ne s o f Bo snia a nd Che c hnya . An e nc o unte r with a pa ir

o f Dutc h a nd Irish me rc e na rie s pro mpts him to o b se rve , spe a king a s

muc h o f himse lf a s o f tho se o f who m he write s, tha t

The re was little re a l diffe re nc e b e twe e n the m and anyo ne e lse who

g o e s to war vo luntarily. [...] Me n and wo me n who ve nture to so me o ne

e lse ’ s war thro ug h c ho ic e do so in a varie ty o f g uise s. UN g e ne ra l, BBC

c o rre spo nde nt, a id wo rke r, me rc e nary: in the fina l analysis the y a ll

want the same thing , a hit o ff the ac tio n, a wa lk o n the dark side . It’ s

just a q ue stio n o f ho w slic k a c o ve r yo u g ive yo urse lf, and ho w far yo u

want to g o . (Lo yd, 1999, p .54).

It is b y no me a ns a re c ipe fo r a ll jo urna lism. But it c o uld b e a rg ue d tha t

b y b e ing o pe n a b o ut the ir o wn fe e ling re spo nse s, c o rre spo nde nts suc h

a s Gle nny a nd Lo yd – a s inde e d Ke a ne - a re a b le to c o nve y to the ir

re a de rs a nd liste ne rs a n e mo tio na lly mo re a uthe ntic a nd insig htful

p ic ture o f the live d e xpe rie nc e s a b o ut whic h the y re po rt.

The Nove l:

Fo r the sa ke o f c o mple te ne ss, it sho uld b e re c o rde d tha t the fina l g e nre

o f writing b y fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nts is the no ve l. But the se te nd , it

se e ms, to b e la rg e ly thrille rs o f g re a te r o r le sse r q ua lity a ime d a t a irpo rt

b o o ksto re s, ra the r tha n p ie c e s o f pro fo und lite ra ture . And ho we ve r


16

te mpting , it is no t my purpo se he re to c o nside r the use s o f fic tio n fo r

jo urna lists inte nt o n pro c e ssing the ir pe rso na l e xpe rie nc e .

Le t it b e no te d o nly b rie fly, the re fo re , ho w fo r e xa mple Tim Se b a stia n,

fo rme r BBC c o rre spo nde nt in Wa rsa w a nd Mo sc o w, ha s turne d himse lf

into a spy write r o f so me re pute (Se b a stia n, 1988, 1989). Nik Go wing , a t

o ne time simila rly c o rre spo nde nt in Po la nd , ha s turne d his e xpe rie nc e s

into a ra the r mo re pro fo und b ut still c o mme rc ia lly fo c use d wo rk o f fic tio n

in The Wire . (Go wing , 1989). And mo re fa mo usly, o f c o urse , Fre de ric k

Fo rsyth, like myse lf a fo rme r Re ute r c o rre spo nde nt in Ea st Be rlin, pro ve d

himse lf a fa r b e tte r thrille r write r tha n re po rte r with his se rie s o f no ve ls

b e g inning with The Day o f the Jac ka l.

Jo urnalism and Psyc ho the rapy

Chuc k Sude tic o f The Ne w Yo rk Time s wa s o ne o f Ame ric a ’ s mo st

re spe c te d re po rte rs o n the Bo snia n wa r. But, a s He ndric kso n write s, with

his midd le c la ss, Ca tho lic Ame ric a n upb ring ing , Sude tic wa s una b le to

c ry. He wo uld re turn to his Be lg ra d e fla t fro m his re po rting a ssig nme nts

o n the killing in Bo snia , a nd c o uld wa lk rig ht pa st his wife a nd the b ig

“We lc o me Ho me Da ddy” b a nne r o n the fro nt do o r.

Within a day o r so he c o uld smash dishe s and slam do o rs and stare like

a zo mb ie a t mo vie re nta ls b e fo re it was time to g o b ac k o ut o n the

ro ad and into the war. But he c o uldn’ t c ry in the se re prie ve s. Cry o ve r

a ll the g uilt and stre ss and he lp le ssne ss and frustra tio n inside him.

(He ndric kso n, 1998).

Sude tic , a s q uo te d b y He nd ric kso n, de sc rib e s Bo snia a s a g e no c ida l

ma dne ss whic h wa s to him b o th a dd ic tio n a nd ma nia , simplifying his life

a nd g iving it me a ning .


17

Julia n Bo rg e r is a no the r c o rre spo nde nt pro fo und ly a ffe c te d b y c o nflic t -

in Bo snia a nd b e fo re tha t in So uth Afric a . The wa y he lo o ks a t it,

He ndric kso n q uo te s Bo rg e r a s sa ying ,

is yo u so rt o f g a the r this human o b lig a tio n. Yo u ac c umula te it. Yo u take

this human o b lig a tio n o n yo ur sho ulde rs and do no thing with it e xc e p t

to write o ut yo ur sto ry. It may b e a wo nde rful sto ry b ut tha t do e sn’ t

a c c o unt fo r the pe rso na l po rtio n o f the c umula tive o b lig a tio n o n yo ur

sho ulde rs. Yo u’ re le ft with a ll this a c c umula te d g uilt. It’ s like a c rust yo u

c arry a ro und. (OnLine te xt).

One e a rly insta nc e o f o pe n d isc ussio n o f jo urna lists’ pe rso na l e xpe rie nc e

o f wa r wa s in 1994, whe n a g ro up o f fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nts, ma inly

Ame ric a ns a nd Euro pe a ns, re fle c te d a t a ro und ta b le in Na iro b i ho w

the ir fe e ling s o f life ha d c ha ng e d a fte r suc c e ssive Afric a n a ssig nme nts

(Ro se nb la tt, 1994). Eve n b e fo re the Rwa nda n g e no c ide , ma ny ha d

witne sse d a ppa lling sla ug hte r, in Ca mb o d ia a s we ll a s Afric a .

Ro se nb la tt o b se rve s thre e sta g e s o f e mo tio na l re spo nse . In the first,

re po rte rs re spo nd to a tro c itie s with sho c k a nd re vulsio n a nd pe rha ps a

twing e o f g uilty e xc ite me nt tha t the y a re se e ing so me thing o the rs will

ne ve r se e – pe rsua d ing the mse lve s tha t the me re te lling o f the wa r sto ry

is va lua b le . In the se c o nd sta g e , the a tro c itie s b e c o me fa milia r a nd

re pe titive . Emb itte re d a nd sp ite ful, re po rte rs g e t b o g g e d do wn in the

ro utine ne ss o f the suffe ring – a nd ne ithe r c a re no r b e lie ve tha t the ir

re po rts will ma ke a ny d iffe re nc e . In the third sta g e , a rg ue s Ro se nb la tt,

jo urna lists c a n mo ve into de spa ir a nd a lmo st b e yo nd re de mptio n,

fling ing the mse lve s into life -thre a te ning situa tio ns; a sta g e whic h he

de sc rib e s a s pa ra do xic a lly sa dde r a nd wise r, wo rse b ut ye t stra ng e ly

b e tte r. (Ro se nb la tt, 1994).

Ro se nb la tt’ s is a jo urna listic , philo so phic a l a ppro a c h, b ut in the lite ra ture

o f psyc ho lo g y o r psyc ho the ra py the re is ve ry little a na lysis o f jo urna listic


18

e xpe rie nc e . An e xte nsive da ta b a se se a rc h fo und o nly a ha nd ful o f

a rtic le s, the o ne mo st c lo se to the sub je c t o f this inq uiry b e ing a n

e xp lo ra tio n o f jo urna listic pe rso na lity c ha ra c te ristic s pub lishe d in the

Unite d Sta te s in 1997 a nd b a se d o n a simila rly sma ll sa mple to tha t

inve stig a te d fo r this pa pe r. In a Gro unde d The o ry study, Anne Ove rto n

Ma rsha ll c o nduc te d se mi-struc ture d inte rvie ws with e ig ht jo urna lists

wo rking fo r a va rie ty o f print a nd b ro a dc a st me d ia o utle ts a ro und Sa n

Fra nc isc o . She ide ntifie d he r sub je c ts’ c o re pe rso na lity a s tha t o f the

o utside r, na ming o the r c a te g o rie s a s: wa nting to kno w; c o nc e rns a b o ut

po we r a nd c o ntro l; wa nting to b e se e n (a ke y c o nc lusio n to e me rg e

a lso fro m this study); a nd ma inta ining se lf-e q uilib rium. All he r sub je c ts

sho we d e vide nc e o f ha ving b e e n ma rg ina lise d in a fa milia l, so c ia l o r

c ultura l se nse – a c o nc lusio n tha t wo uld a pp ly to so me o f the c o -

re se a rc he rs in this pro je c t, inc lud ing myse lf. Inte re sting ly, Ma rsha ll

sug g e sts a s he r c o nc lud ing hypo the sis tha t “ jo urna lism pro vide d a sa fe

e nviro nme nt in whic h jo urna lists c o uld d e ve lo p in te rms o f re la tio ns with

o the r pe o p le while e ng a g ing in a ntic ipa to ry so c ia lisa tio n pre pa ra to ry to

e nte ring the ma instre a m.” (Ma rsha ll, 1995.) She wa s e vide ntly no t

pa rtic ula rly impre sse d b y the e mo tio na l ma turity o f tho se she

inte rvie we d .

A furthe r e xp lic itly psyc hia tric study o f jo urna lists wa s pub lishe d 10 ye a rs

e a rlie r in Isra e l. (Ye ho shua , 1985). This c o nside re d the re la tio nship

b e twe e n a nxie ty a nd the e g o o f jo urna lists, a nd c o nc lude d tha t the re

wa s a n ide o lo g ic a l c o ntra c t b e twe e n me d ia a nd the pub lic in whic h

b o th c o llude d in a ma nipula tio n o f re a lity.

My o wn surve y, a nd inde e d my o wn e xpe rie nc e o f jo urna lism, c o nfirms

the physio lo g ic a lly a dd ic tive na ture o f o ur c ra ft. This wa s unde rline d in a

study o f suic ide a nd jo urna lism in the Unite d Sta te s (Pra tte , 1992) whic h


19

no te d ho w the a dre na line flo ws g e ne ra te d whe n jo urna lists a re o n

de a d line o r in the g rip o f a b ig sto ry wo rk like a n drug inje c tio n. A la te r

a rtic le in the sa me jo urna l, Edito r & Pub lishe r, c o nfirms the physic a l e ffe c t

o f stre ss, no ting tha t a te st o f 200 o r so jo urna lists sho we d tha t mo re tha n

ha lf ha d sig ns o f wha t wa s te rme d re pe titive stre ss syndro me , a

c o nd itio n in whic h me d ic a l stre ss ha s re pe a te d ly na rro we d a pe rso n’ s

b lo o d ve sse ls to b e lo w 30% o f the ir o rig ina l size , whe re the y lo se the ir

a b ility to o pe n b a c k up . Mo re tha n ha lf o f this g ro up we re o n the ir wa y

in the a rtic le ’ s wo rds to e xpe rie nc e e mo tio na l pro b le ms, mo o d swing s,

me mo ry lo ss, c ha ng e s in sle e p pa tte rns, a nd po ssib ly e ve n e a rly de a th

thro ug h stro ke o r he a rt a tta c k. (Fitzg e ra ld , 1995).

Ka lte r no te s simila rly ho w, with wha t is de sc rib e d a s the ir ha rd -kno c k life

o f inte nse c o mpe titio n, lo ng ho urs, de a d line pre ssure , physic a l da ng e r

a nd ra g ing a mb itio n, jo urna lists ma y b e e spe c ia lly susc e ptib le to

psyc ho lo g ic a l b urno ut, a nd he a sks whe the r the y ha ve a stra te g y fo r

c o p ing .

Unfo rtunate ly, many jo urna lists still wo n’ t admit the y’ re b urning o ut o n

the jo b [...]. The c ulture o f b ravado that fans the flame s a lso

disc o urag e s the m fro m slo wing do wn o r se e king c o unse lling . The y must

b e se e n as warho rse s, impe rvio us to trauma, fa tig ue and fe ar, le ap ing

to answe r the c a ll. (Ka lte r, 1999, OnLine te xt).

A Ca na d ia n surve y no w in pre pa ra tio n (Fe inste in, 2000), a ltho ug h

psyc hia tric ra the r tha n psyc ho the ra pe utic in fo c us, will ta ke wha t

psyc hia trist Antho ny Fe inste in te rms wa r c o rre spo nde nts a s its sub je c t

(a nd the re fo re b e ra the r na rro we r tha n this surve y.) But with p la ns to

q ue stio n up to 200 jo urna lists a nd pro duc e rs wo rking in fo re ig n ne ws, this

pro mise s to g e ne ra te a la rg e r b o dy o f da ta o n po st-tra uma tic stre ss

tha n a ny a c a de mic re se a rc h pro je c t to da te .


20

In te rms o f pure ly psyc ho the ra pe utic writing , it is wo rth re c o rd ing thre e

furthe r a re a s o f d isc o urse : tho se o f c re a tive insp ira tio n; the q ue stio n

whe the r the re c a n b e a n o b je c tive truth; a nd the sp iritua l d ime nsio n o f

the huma n c o nd itio n. Give n tha t the se a re la rg e to p ic s, I sha ll a llude

o nly b rie fly to so me o f the pub lishe d thinking re le va nt to the find ing s o f

this surve y.

The Muse and Pe rfo rmanc e

The ro le o f insp ira tio n a nd the muse ha s b e e n muc h de sc rib e d in

ma instre a m lite ra ture a s we ll a s a c a de mic re se a rc h. Write rs, po litic ia ns,

sc ie ntists a nd pub lic fig ure s thro ug h the c e nturie s ha ve re c o rde d ho w

the ir live s we re influe nc e d b y the “pro phe tic vo ic e ” , the inte rve ntio n o f

a “Hig he r Po we r” , a t its mo st simple b y the e xtra o rd ina ry c o inc ide nc e .

(Ing lis, 1987). Mo za rt no te d ho w his b e st music a l ide a s wo uld flo w whe n

he wa s o n his o wn, “Whe nc e a nd ho w the y c o me , I kno w no t; no r c a n I

fo rc e the m.”

A Co urse in Mirac le s (1975), a n e xtra o rd ina ry wo rk o f sp iritua l re ve la tio n,

wa s ta ke n do wn in inne r d ic ta tio n o ve r a pe rio d o f se ve n ye a rs b y He le n

Shuc ma n, a pro fe sso r o f me d ic a l psyc ho lo g y in Ne w Yo rk. In Anna

Kare nina , Le o To lsto y de sc rib e s Le vin’ s a lmo st mystic a l e xpe rie nc e o f lo ss

o f se lf in the mo wing o f ha y, whe re the le ss he tho ug ht a b o ut wha t he

wa s do ing , the b e tte r his wo rk wo uld g o (To lsto y, p .273). Athle te s c a ll this

sta te o f he ig hte ne d a wa re ne ss a nd a ttune me nt b e ing “ in the zo ne ” . In

psyc ho the ra py, a s inde e d in Da o ist te a c hing s (Ka pra , 1983, p .128), it ha s

b e e n c a lle d “ flo w” , (Cisksze ntmiha lyi, 2000) – a c o nc e pt I ha ve fo und

use ful in this re se a rc h to de sc rib e the jo urna listic e xpe rie nc e o f re po rting

a ma jo r sto ry. Ab ra ha m Ma slo w (1968) de sc rib e s suc h e xpe rie nc e s o f

he ig hte ne d a wa re ne ss a s “pe a k mo me nts” .


21

The ro le o f c re a tive a nd e mo tio na l insp ira tio n ha s b e e n muc h

re se a rc he d in re la tio n to a rtists, write rs a nd music ia ns, fo r e xa mple b y

Lund a nd Kra nz (1994). The y re g iste re d ho w a music ia n’ s e mo tio na l sta te

de pe nds o n the pe rfo rma nc e . If it g o e s we ll, the re will b e a se nse o f

e xhila ra tio n a nd e xc ite me nt whic h c a n la st da ys o r e ve n we e ks. But

a fte r tha t pe rio d , a nd de finite ly if a pe rfo rma nc e is fe lt to ha ve g o ne le ss

we ll, a pe rio d o f de p le tio n a nd me la nc ho ly is o fte n de sc rib e d .

Jo urna lists a lso pe rfo rm. Ho we ve r, psyc ho lo g y a nd psyc ho the ra p y

jo urna ls in the Eng lish la ng ua g e a ppe a r no t to ha ve fo rma lly re se a rc he d

the issue o f jo urna listic c re a tivity a t a ll. The Ame ric a n Jo urna lism Re vie w

ha s g ive n the q ue stio n a n a ne c do ta l tre a tme nt b a se d o n a sma ll

unspe c ifie d numb e r o f ind ividua l inte rvie ws. Ste pp dra ws pa ra lle ls

b e twe e n the jo urna list’ s e xpe rie nc e a nd tha t o f c re a tive write rs, in a

wa y tha t finds e c ho e s in ma ny o f the sta te me nts o f c o rre spo nde nts

inte rvie we d fo r the c urre nt pro je c t.

Whate ve r the y c a ll it, write rs re c o g nise mag ic whe n it jo lts the m. The

mo me nt c an b e sho rt and pre c ise , an ide a fla shing into the ir he ads as

the y stand in the sho we r, c ruise a lo ng the fre e way o r flip thro ug h a

no te b o o k. Or it c an last lo ng e r, a mag ic a l transpo rta tio n into a

c re a tive zo ne whe re wo rds and ide as po ur smo o thly into the pa tte rns

o f lite ra ture , a writing fre nzy that se ts in unanno unc e d a nd fle e s

witho ut warning in an e xaspe ra ting po o f. (Ste pp , 1998, OnLine te xt.)

Truth and the Sto ryte lle r

The ro le o f the jo urna list a s sto ry-te lle r in a tra nspe rso na l se nse is a lso o ne

tha t ha s to da te re c e ive d sc a nt a c a d e mic a tte ntio n. Knig htly (1975)

sub title s his still se mina l b o o k The First Casualty a b o ut fo re ig n re po rting

with the wo rds “The Wa r Co rre spo nde nt a s He ro , Pro pa g a nd ist a nd Myth

Ma ke r” . But with his use o f the wo rd myth, he me a ns fa lse ho o d , ra the r


22

tha n a n a rc he typa l o r psyc ho lo g ic a l truth in a ny Jung ia n se nse (Jung ,

1978).

Dunwo o dy (1999), in he r surve y o f the re la tio nship b e twe e n ne w sc ie nc e

a nd jo urna lism, no te s tha t

...in a g lo b a l c ulture that re lie s he avily o n sto ryte lling as an arb ite r o f

what is impo rtant and what is no t, the mass me dia re ig n as o ur

princ ipa l sto ryte lle rs.

Ho we ve r, he r re se a rc h do e s no t de lve into the pe rso na l ro le o f the

write r. Go o dwin (1996) write s a b o ut wha t she te rms ‘ wo rldma king ’ ,

no ting tha t “ the wo rld c o nsists o f the sto rie s tha t we te ll a b o ut it” . But in

he r inve stig a tio n o f re la tio nships b e twe e n na rra tive a rts a nd he a ling , she

e xc lude s jo urna lists fro m the c irc le (six in numb e r) o f ‘ na rra tive

pra c titio ne rs’ inte rvie we d , c o nsisting o f a psyc ho the ra p ist, te a c he r,

write r, a c to r, sto ry-te lle r a nd o ra l histo ria n.

Go o dwin do e s no ne the le ss ra ise a q ue stio n a lso c e ntra l to jo urna lism,

na me ly whe the r the re is a Truth “o ut the re ” , in the style o f the X-File s,

wa iting to b e unc o ve re d . “The re is no suc h thing ,” write s Go o dwin, “a s a

sing le ‘ true ’ de sc rip tio n, the o ry, b e lie f, mo de l o r c a use . Ea c h o f the se

c a n a s e a sily b e de sc rib e d a s ‘ the ne a re st a me na b le illumina ting lie .”

Mo st jo urna lists a re still tra ine d to b e lie ve – a nd o n the e vide nc e o f this

surve y c o ntinue in la rg e me a sure to ho ld – tha t the ir ta sk is to unc o ve r

this e lusive Truth with a c a p ita l T. The po st-mo de rn a rg ume nt tha t truth is

a so c ia l, pe rha ps e ve n a pe rso na l, c o nstruc t is a s ye t little d isc usse d

within the jo urna listic fra te rnity. And ye t the se ide a s ha ve b e e n in the

pub lic do ma in a t le a st sinc e the la te 1960s.

Altho ug h he d id no t fo c us spe c ific a lly o n the me d ia , Fo uc a ult (1977) a s

o ne o f the fo re mo st philo so phe rs o f this ne w pa ra d ig m dre w c o nc lusio ns


23

fro m Euro pe ’ s po litic a l turb ule nc e in 1968 a b o ut the c ha ng ing ro le o f the

inte lle c tua l. Whe re o nc e tha t inte lle c tua l “ spo ke the truth to tho se who

ha d ye t to se e it, in the na me o f tho se who we re fo rb idde n to spe a k the

truth,” se rving a s “ c o nsc io us, c o nsc io usne ss a nd e lo q ue nc e ,” the

inte lle c tua l wa s no w se e n in Fo uc a ult’ s vie w to b e a n a g e nt fo r a

“ syste m o f po we r whic h b lo c ks, pro hib its, a nd inva lida te s” d isc o urse a nd

kno wle dg e . (Fo uc a ult, 1977, p .207).

Fo uc a ult a lso q ue stio ns the ro le o f the a utho r (o ne mig ht sub stitute he re

the te rm c o rre spo nde nt), o f who m it use d to b e tho ug ht tha t he “ is so

d iffe re nt fro m a ll o the r me n, a nd so tra nsc e nde nt with re g a rd to a ll

la ng ua g e s tha t, a s so o n a s he spe a ks, me a ning b e g ins to pro life ra te .” In

fa c t, sug g e sts Fo uc a ult, the a utho r is me re ly “a c e rta in func tio na l

princ ip le b y whic h, in o ur c ulture , o ne limits, e xc lude s a nd c ho o se s.”

Fo uc a ult c ha lle ng e s he a d -o n the no t infre q ue ntly g ra nd io se se lf-ima g e

o f the jo urna list a s purve yo r o f o b je c tive truth a nd insig ht.

The le sso n o f the po st-mo de rn a rg ume nt, fo r psyc ho the ra p ists a s we ll a s

jo urna lists, is o ne o f humility. As Ba de r po ints o ut fo r pra c titio ne rs o f

Tra nsa c tio na l Ana lysis,

We use d to fo o l o urse lve s into thinking that o ur ana lytic a l ne utra lity and

tra ining g ave us a c le ar le ns thro ug h whic h to vie w the patie nt’ s

p syc ho lo g y; no w we ’ re b e ing fo rc e d to fa c e the e p iste mo lo g ic a l fa c t

that o ur le ns is disto rte d b y o ur psyc he s and o ur the o rie s. (Bade r, 1997).

Fo r psyc ho the ra p ists tra ining in the la te 20th c e ntury a nd e a rly 21st, this is

no w c o re te a c hing . But if o ne we re to sub stitute “ sto ry” o r “po litic a l

de ve lo pme nt” fo r “pa tie nt’ s psyc ho lo g y” in the a b o ve e xc e rpt, a nd

pre se nt it to mo st jo urna lists, mo st wo uld pro b a b ly still b rid le a t the

implic it a c c usa tio n o f d isto rtio n.


24

The Spiritual Dime nsio n

Amo ng the the me s tha t ha ve e xe rc ise d me in the ye a rs sinc e I c e a se d

b e ing a n a c tive fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nt ha s b e e n wha t mig ht b e te rme d

the sp iritua l d ime nsio n to o ur c ra ft – the e xpe rie nc e o f g o o d a nd e vil

a nd the se a rc h fo r tra nsc e nde nt me a ning . Ag a in, I ha ve b e e n a b le to

find ve ry little writing e ithe r b y jo urna lists o r a b o ut the m whic h e mb ra c e s

the se issue s. Mo st wo rking jo urna lists, o n muc h a ne c do ta l e vide nc e a s

we ll a s tha t e me rg ing fro m this re se a rc h, a ppe a r to b e re la tive c ynic s

whe re ma tte rs o f fa ith o r sp iritua lity a re c o nc e rne d . And ye t the y

e xe rc ise e no rmo us re spo nsib ility fo r the sp iritua l we ll-b e ing o f the p la ne t.

Ke a ne (1999), Gutma n (He ndric kso n, 1998) a nd Gle nny (1992A, 1992B),

o pe nly a c kno wle dg e the e xpe rie nc e o f e vil. But the y a lso re c o g nise , a s I

fo und in my o wn c a re e r, ho w ha rd it is to c o nve y this a ppro pria te ly to

o ne ’ s liste ne rs o r re a de rs.

This b rie f surve y o f pub lishe d thinking a ro und jo urna lism a nd the pe rso na l

ra ise s a numb e r o f issue s. The re is wha t mig ht b e te rme d the e g o tistic a l

a nd se lfish a ppro a c h to jo urna lism tha t le a ds to b lindne ss thro ug h

pre sume d b ut una tta ina b le ne utra lity; o r to the inc lusio n in re po rting o f

ina ppro pria te fe e ling s a nd judg e me nts. Alte rna tive ly, the re is wha t I

wo uld a rg ue is the mo re pro fe ssio na l a ppro a c h, using a wa re ne ss o f

fe e ling to c ra ft a re po rting style tha t is a ppro pria te b o th to the

c irc umsta nc e a nd the a ud ie nc e .

The q ue stio n is a lso ra ise d , whe re is the e xpre ssio n, o r

a c kno wle dg e me nt, o f the sp iritua l in the re po rting we g e ne ra te a nd

c o nsume ? And whe re is a n a wa re ne ss a mo ng jo urna lists o f the huma n

will to me a ning – de sc rib e d b y Fra nkl (1984, p .121) a s the prima ry

mo tiva tio na l fo rc e in ma n? As Tho ma s Mo o re puts it in Care o f the So ul,


25

The stuff o f the wo rld is the re to b e made into imag e s that b e c o me fo r

us tab e rnac le s o f sp iritua lity and c o nta ine rs o f myste ry. (Mo o re , 1992,

p .301)

It is my ho pe tha t this re se a rc h mig ht e nc o ura g e jo urna list re a de rs to a n

a wa re ne ss o f c o mple xity in the ir c ra ft tha t ha s b e c o me , a s we ha ve

se e n a b o ve , c o mmo npla c e a mo ng write rs a nd a rtists, a s o f c o urse

a mo ng psyc ho the ra p ists.


27

Me thodolog y

Princ iple s

The unde rlying a ppro a c h fo r this pro je c t ha s b e e n He uristic , a s de fine d

b y Cla rk Mo usta ka s to de sc rib e q ua lita tive re se a rc h b a se d o n “ se lf-

se a rc h, se lf-d ia lo g ue , a nd se lf-d isc o ve ry” (Mo usta ka s, 1990, p .11). I ha d

in a se nse b e e n living this q ue stio n, “Wha t is the pe rso na l e xpe rie nc e o f

b e ing a fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nt? ” fo r ma ny ye a rs b e fo re e mb a rking o n a

pa th o f c o nsc io us pe rso na l de ve lo pme nt. The He uristic a ppro a c h ha s

a llo we d me b o th to c a te g o rise a nd ma ke se nse o f this e xpe rie nc e fo r

myse lf, b ut a lso to c o mpa re a nd c o ntra st it with the e xpe rie nc e s o f

o the r, ma inly b ro a dc a st, jo urna lists.

In c o ntra st to q ua ntita tive a ppro a c he s to re se a rc h, a nd a lso to mo st

phe no me no lo g ic a l fo rms o f q ua lita tive inq uiry, a s fo r e xa mple in

Gro unde d The o ry, my o wn pre suppo sitio ns a nd b ia se s a s inq uire r we re

no t b ra c ke te d o ut. On the c o ntra ry. As Mo usta ka s (1994) de sc rib e s it:

The se lf o f the re se arc he r is p re se nt thro ug ho ut the pro c e ss, and while

unde rstanding the phe no me no n with inc re asing de p th, the re se arc he r

a lso e xpe rie nc e s g ro wing se lf-aware ne ss a nd se lf-kno wle dg e (p .17).

One o f the ma in re a so ns fo r this c ho ic e o f princ ipa l a ppro a c h la y in the

e c ho e s I ha ve e xpe rie nc e d b e twe e n He uristic s a nd the wa y I c a me to

unde rsta nd my o wn pra c tic e o f jo urna lism – in whic h the se lf o f the

re po rte r/ re se a rc he r b e c o me s a s it we re a so unding b o ard , a c hanne l o r

me dium , fo r a n intuitive unde rsta nd ing a nd a ppre c ia tio n o f me a ning in

the sto rie s b e ing g a the re d a nd re la te d . The He uristic a ppro a c h

furthe rmo re a llo ws – a nd e ve n, within b o unds, e nc o ura g e s – the use o f

the pro no un “ I” (Ro se , 1998, p .106).


28

As Mo usta ka s (1990) puts it:

In the He uristic p ro c e ss, I am c re a ting a sto ry that po rtrays the q ua litie s,

me aning s and e sse nc e s o f unive rsa lly uniq ue e xpe rie nc e s. Thro ug h an

unwave ring and ste ady inward g aze and inne r fre e do m to e xp lo re

and ac c e p t what is, I am re ac hing into de e pe r and de e pe r re g io ns o f

a human pro b le m o r e xpe rie nc e and c o ming to kno w and unde rstand

its unde rlying dynamic s and c o nstitue nts mo re and mo re fully. The

initia l “data ” is within me . (p .13).

Ce ntra l to the He uristic a ppro a c h is the a ssumptio n tha t the re se a rc he r

ha s ha d a “d ire c t, pe rso na l e nc o unte r with the phe no me no n b e ing

inve stig a te d ” a nd tha t he / she is willing to de mo nstra te a “pa ssio na te ,

d isc ip line d c o mmitme nt to re ma in with a q ue stio n inte nse ly a nd

c o ntinuo usly until it is illumina te d o r a nswe re d” (Mo usta ka s, 1990, p .14-

15). Tha t in a se nse wa s inde e d my e xpe rie nc e o f re po rting b e twe e n

1974 a nd 1992, first fo r the Re ute rs ne ws a g e nc y a nd the n fo r the BBC,

fro m the So vie t Unio n a nd fo rme r Co mmunist Ea ste rn Euro pe , fro m the

Ba lka ns, fro m China a nd fina lly a s BBC Wo rld Se rvic e d ip lo ma tic

c o rre spo nde nt.

But if He uristic s ha s b e e n the fo unda tio n o f my a ppro a c h, I ha ve a lso

b e e n g uide d b y write rs suc h a s Cla ra Hill (q uo te d in Mc Le o d , 1994,

p .186) who de sc rib e the ir o wn re se a rc h a s ‘ tra ns-the o re tic a l’ , d ra wing

o n a g e ne ra lly inte g ra tive a ppro a c h re spe c ting the re le va nc e o f a ll the

ma jo r the o re tic a l o rie nta tio ns. In pa rtic ula r I ha ve a lso ta ke n into

a c c o unt Bra ud a nd Ande rso n’ s d isc ussio n o f inte g ra l inq uiry, in whic h

the re se a rc he r b e g ins with a q ue stio n o f b urning inte re st a nd

impo rta nc e – a n a re a o f inq uiry tha t is he a rtfe lt a nd sig nific a nt – a nd

the n se e ks a s c o mple te a n a nswe r a s p o ssib le

...using a ll re le vant me tho ds, appro ac he s, info rmatio n, and me ans o f

kno wing , unde rstanding , and e xpre ssing what has b e e n le arne d.

(Braud & Ande rso n, 1998, p . 58)


29

In my a ppro a c h to the g a the ring o f da ta , I d re w o n the sug g e stio ns o f

Kva le (1996) re g a rd ing the “ se mi-struc ture d life wo rld inte rvie w”, who se

purpo se he de sc rib e s (p .5) a s “ to o b ta in de sc rip tio ns o f the life wo rld o f

the inte rvie we e with re spe c t to inte rpre ting the me a ning o f the

de sc rib e d phe no me na .” I a lso dre w o n my o wn pro fe ssio na l e xpe rie nc e

a s b o th jo urna listic inte rvie we r a nd the ra p ist – no ting Kva le ’ s c o mme nt

tha t “muc h is to b e le a rne d fro m jo urna lists a nd no ve lists a b o ut

c o nve ying the se tting a nd mo o d o f a c o nve rsa tio n.” (p .133)

As my re se a rc h pro g re sse d , a nd pa rtic ula r in the pre se nta tio n o f the

da ta , I re a lise d , ho we ve r, tha t I ne e d e d to stre tc h my de finitio ns, a nd

a llo w fo r mo re tha n a n e le me nt o f b ric o la g e (Mc Le o d , 1996, p .313,

q uo ting De nzin a nd Linc o ln),

That is, a p ie c e d-to g e the r, c lo se -knit se t o f prac tic e s tha t p ro vide

so lutio ns to a pro b le m in a c o nc re te situatio n... If ne w to o ls have to b e

inve nte d, o r p ie c e d to g e the r, the n the re se arc he r will do this. The

c ho ic e o f whic h to o ls to use , whic h re se arc h prac tic e s to e mplo y, is

no t se t in advanc e .

A pure ly He uristic a ppro a c h to c re a ting the re se a rc h ma nusc rip t wo uld

(Mo usta ka s, 1990, p .53) ha ve re q uire d ind ividua l a nd c o mpre he nsive

de p ic tio ns o f the e xpe rie nc e a s a who le , two o r thre e e xe mpla ry

ind ividua l po rtra its a nd a c re a tive synthe sis. I ha d a lso c o nside re d

a na lysing the da ta b y me a ns o f phe no me no lo g ic a l re duc tio n a lo ng the

line s use d b y Ma rc a ndo na to u (1998) in he r study o f sile nc e . But I c a me

to b e lie ve tha t it wo uld b e mo re true to the ma te ria l to le t the

e xpe rie nc e s spe a k fo r the mse lve s, a lo ng the line s e mplo ye d b y Giffo rd -

Ma y a nd Tho mso n (1994) in the ir re se a rc h into de e p sta te s o f

me d ita tio n.

I ha ve a lso b ro ug ht to b e a r o n this pro c e ss le sso ns fro m inno va tive ne w

fo rms o f pro g ra mme -ma king o n ra d io , illustra te d in the BBC Wo rld


30

Se rvic e ’ s ye a r-lo ng se rie s o f five -minute da ily inte rvie ws o n ind ividua l

e xpe rie nc e s o f the 20th c e ntury b ro a dc a st thro ug ho ut 1999 unde r the

title My Ce ntury. Unde r this a ppro a c h, the re c o rde d a nd pe rso na l

e xpe rie nc e s o f ind ividua l inte rvie we e s a re c a re fully e d ite d a nd c o lla te d

in so und , b ut the n pre se nte d to the liste ne r with a s little me d ia tio n a s

po ssib le fro m a pre se nte r o r pro duc e r. The input o f the pro duc e r ha s o f

c o urse b e e n c ritic a l in the se le c tio n, d istilla tio n, e d iting a nd o rde ring o f

the e xpe rie nc e s. But the liste ne r is a b le to re la te d ire c tly to the live d

e xpe rie nc e o f the inte rvie we e . It ma ke s fo r c o mpe lling ra d io , a nd a s I

wo rke d o n the inte rvie w tra nsc rip ts fo r this re se a rc h, the c o nvic tio n g re w

tha t a simila r a ppro a c h wo uld mo st a c c ura te ly c o nve y to the re a de r a n

a uthe ntic impre ssio n o f my sub je c ts’ e xpe rie nc e s. De sp ite Kva le ’ s

re c o mme nda tio n (1996, p .266) tha t q uo te s sho uld no t ma ke up mo re

tha n ha lf the te xt in a c ha pte r, my o wn c o mme nts ha ve the re fo re b e e n

ke pt to a minimum.

Whe re the He uristic a ppro a c h was c e ntra l wa s in the re se a rc h de sig n

a nd a c tua l da ta -g a the ring . In this c o nte xt, Mo usta ka s (1990, pp . 15-27)

se ts o ut six pha se s: initia l e ng ag e me nt; imme rsio n into the to p ic and

q ue stio n; inc ub atio n; illuminatio n; e xp lic a tio n; a nd c re ative synthe sis.

In the first sta g e o f initia l e ng ag e me nt, Mo usta ka s se e s the re se a rc he r

se tting o ut to d isc o ve r within him o r he rse lf the pa ssio na te c o nc e rn, the

c ritic a l inte re st o r a re a o f se a rc h, tha t is c rying o ut fo r a n a nswe r. In the

c a se o f this re se a rc h, this invo lve d strug g ling fo r so me mo nths – in

d isc ussio n with fe llo w stude nts, in me d ita tio n, a nd in the writing o f a

jo urna l – with va rio us po ssib le the me s. Ho we ve r, a s ha s b e e n

a ppro pria te ly re ma rke d (Hile s, 1999), it is in the e nd no t so muc h a

pro c e ss o f the re se a rc he r c ho o sing the q ue stio n, b ut the q ue stio n

c ho o sing the re se a rc he r. Afte r a numb e r o f fa lse sta rts, it b e c a me c le a r


31

tha t this re se a rc h must se rve to b ring to g e the r my pe rso na l e xpe rie nc e

o f jo urna lism a nd o f psyc ho the ra py – ro und ing o ff a 10-ye a r jo urne y in

whic h the two ha d so o fte n se e me d to b e inc o mpa tib le o ppo site s.

The ne xt pha se , tha t o f imme rsio n, invo lve d living the q ue stio n “ in

wa king , sle e p ing , a nd e ve n dre a m sta te s” (Mo usta ka s, 1990, p .28). It

wa s a t this sta g e tha t I wro te my o wn Myth (Appe nd ix 3), se e king to

b ring to g e the r my e xpe rie nc e o f jo urna lism a nd pe rso na l g ro wth a nd

g ive it c o he re nt me a ning .

Intuitio n ma ke s, in Mo usta ka s’ wo rds, imme dia te kno wle dg e po ssib le

witho ut the inte rve ning ste ps o f lo g ic a nd re a so ning , re q uiring the

re se a rc he r, a s the pro je c t pro c e e ds, to ma ke shifts to me tho ds a nd

d ire c tio ns in the se a rc h fo r sub sta nc e a nd me a ning (Mo usta ka s, 1990,

p .23). I ha d initia lly inte nde d to ta ke a pure ly He uristic a ppro a c h, b ut a s

the re se a rc h unfo lde d , I a llo we d intuitio n to d ic ta te e a c h ne xt ste p – the

struc ture o f the surve y, the d ire c tio n o f q ue stio ning , a nd the a ppro a c h

to a na lysing the da ta . I fo und myse lf d isc a rd ing p la ns fo r a g ro up

wo rksho p , a c kno wle dg ing the re luc ta nc e o f mo st o f tho se inte rvie we d

to spe a k o f pe rso na l issue s in a sha re d se tting . I a lso re so lve d no t to

fo llo w Mo usta ka s in c o mpiling c o mpo site de p ic tio ns o r inde e d a

c re a tive synthe sis o f c o rre spo nde nts’ e xpe rie nc e – b e lie ving tha t to do

so wo uld vio la te the uniq ue ne ss o f e a c h ind ividua l’ s sto ry. In a se nse

the n, this re se a rc h ho no urs mo re the sp irit tha n the le tte r o f the He uristic

a ppro a c h.

With the sta g e no w se t, illuminatio n – de sc rib e d b y Mo usta ka s (1990,

p .29) a s the c luste ring o f q ua litie s into the me s tha t he lp to wa rds a ne w

a wa re ne ss – invo lve d d istilling do wn the re po rte d e xpe rie nc e s o f the

sub je c ts. All inte rvie ws we re tra nsc rib e d b y myse lf, a n impo rta nt pa rt o f

wha t Mo usta ka s c a lls fo c using , na me ly ho ming in o n the ke y a nd mo st


32

re le va nt a ve nue s o f inq uiry. This a llo we d unde rlying the me s in the writte n

ma te ria l to c o a le sc e a nd da nc e to g e the r until – with the he lp o f

c o mpute r so ftwa re a llo wing me to c ut, sto re , pa ste a nd e d it e sse ntia l

pa ra g ra phs – the y e me rg e d to fo rm a c o he re nt a nd o rde re d a c c o unt

o f wha t it c a n me a n to b e a fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nt.

In wha t b e c a me the fina l pha se , tha t o f e xplic a tio n, the ma te ria l wa s

e xa mine d a nd e xpe rie nc e d in o rde r to d ra w o ut a c o mpre he nsive

unde rsta nd ing o f the do mina nt the me s. As o utline d b y Mo usta ka s, this

invo lve d the re -liste ning to , the re -re a d ing a nd re -e xpe rie nc ing o f the

ma te ria l – a pro c e ss whic h o ne mig ht a lso c o mpa re with tha t o f

a lc he my, with the e xp lic a tio n c o rre spo nd ing to sub lima tio o r a d istilling

o f the e sse nc e .

The Prac tic al Ste ps

Mo usta ka s ta lks o f tho se inte rvie we d fo r a n He uristic e nq uiry a s c o -

re se arc he rs, a llo wing fo r a n inte nse invo lve me nt o f e a c h ind ividua l a t a ll

sta g e s o f the pro je c t a s me a ning a nd c o nc lusio ns unfo ld . In fa c t, a s I

suspe c te d wo uld b e the c a se , no t a ll my c ho se n pa rtic ipa nts wishe d o r

we re a b le to de vo te tha t a mo unt o f time o r c o mmitme nt to the pro je c t.

Thirte e n wo rking c o rre spo nde nts we re a ppro a c he d , b y te le pho ne a nd

e -ma il, a nd no ne turne d do wn the o ffe r to b e inte rvie we d . In the e ve nt,

nine o f the se we re q ue stio ne d o ve r a pe rio d o f fo ur mo nths, in fa c e -to -

fa c e se mi-struc ture d inte rvie ws e a c h la sting b e twe e n o ne a nd two

ho urs. While it wo uld ha ve b e e n q uite po ssib le to inte rvie w a g re a te r

numb e r o f jo urna lists, I wa s g uide d a mo ng st o the rs b y Po tte r a nd

We the re ll (1987, p .160) tha t the suc c e ss o f a study is no t in the le a st

de pe nde nt o n a la rg e sa mple size , b ut tha t “10 inte rvie ws mig ht pro vide


33

a s muc h va lid info rma tio n a s se ve ra l hundre d re spo nse s to a struc ture d

o p inio n po ll.”

Six o f tho se inte rvie we d we re ma le a nd thre e we re fe ma le – ve ry ro ug hly

c o rre spo nd ing to the b a la nc e o f g e nde r within the Eng lish-spe a king

fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nt c o mmunity. Tho se inte rvie we d ra ng e d in a g e

fro m e a rly 30s to mid -50s – a g a in, a fa ir re pre se nta tio n o f the g e ne ra l

a g e ra ng e o f Eng lish-la ng ua g e re po rte rs o f fo re ig n ne ws. All we re dra wn

fro m a n e duc a tio na l b a c kg ro und in the British Isle s.

As e nvisa g e d b y Mc Le o d (1996, p .311) whe n q ua lita tive re se a rc he rs

dra w o n the ir o wn ne two rks o f a c q ua inta nc e s fo r inte rvie we e s, a nd

g ive n tha t Eng lish-la ng ua g e fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nts a re a c o mpa c t a nd

fa irly tig ht-knit g ro up , issue s o f c o nfide ntia lity d id a rise . Furthe rmo re , I wa s

a wa re a s I de sig ne d the pro je c t tha t I wo uld b e ta lking to so me

ind ividua ls who ha ve a re la tive ly hig h pub lic pro file in Brita in, a nd who se

pe rso na l tho ug hts mig ht b e o f inte re st to the pre ss. Afte r a n initia l

b lunde r in whic h o ne pa rtic ipa nt wa s ina dve rte ntly ide ntifie d to a no the r,

I wa s c a re ful to e nsure tha t no ne o f tho se invo lve d we re na me d in

c o nve rsa tio n, e ithe r with the c o rre spo nde nts the mse lve s o r with my

supe rviso r o r fe llo w stude nts.

I a lso to o k pa ins to e nsure tha t writte n do c ume nta tio n sho uld no t

ide ntify ind ividua ls to o e a sily. At the ve ry first sta g e o f tra nsc rip tio n, (c f.

Kva le , 1996, p .172), I so ug ht to d isg uise b io g ra phic a l o r pro fe ssio na l

de ta ils whic h wo uld ha ve to o e a sily ide ntifie d who wa s spe a king . In the

pre se nta tio n o f da ta , I ha ve in so me insta nc e s a lte re d pe rso na l

b io g ra phic a l d e ta ils. As the pro je c t ne a re d c o mple tio n, I a lso de c ide d

no t to inc lude in the a ppe nd ic e s tra nsc rip ts o f a ny o f the inte rvie ws

o the r tha n my o wn, a wa re ho w e a sy it wo uld b e fo r third pa rtie s, e ve n


34

with a ma sking o f ide ntifying de ta il, to re c o g nise ind ividua ls with q uite

hig h pub lic pro file s.

We ll b e fo re the inte rvie w, e a c h pa rtic ipa nt wa s se nt a n e xp la na to ry

le tte r (Appe nd ix 4) a nd a ske d to sig n a pro c e ss c o nse nt fo rm (Appe nd ix

5), d ra wn up o n the b a sis o f the e xa mple s sug g e ste d b y Mc Le o d (1990),

Mo usta ka s (1990) a nd Bra ud & Ande rso n (1998). Ea c h wa s a lso se nt

c o p ie s o f two ke y d o c ume nts to stimula te the ir e ng a g e me nt – o ne my

o wn Myth, se tting o ut the pe rso na l me a ning tha t I ha d fo und in the wo rk

o f a c o rre spo nde nt (Appe nd ix 3), a nd the o the r the tho ug htful

c o ntrib utio n o f Da nie l Go le ma n (Appe nd ix 8) to the de b a te a b o ut

re de fining ne ws fro m a c o nte mpla tive pe rspe c tive .

I wa s a wa re tha t this sha ring o f my o wn pe rspe c tive a t suc h a n e a rly

sta g e mig ht b e se e n b y mo re tra d itio na l a c a de mic s a s risking a dva nc e

c o nta mina tio n o f the e vide nc e . Ho we ve r, g uide d a g a in b y Bra ud &

Ande rso n (1998, p .21) a nd b y Mo usta ka s (1990), I truste d tha t this

a ppro a c h wo uld se t o ff re so na nc e s within my c o -re se a rc he rs tha t mig ht

fa c ilita te a de e pe r sha re d unde rsta nd ing o f the q ue stio n. In the e ve nt, I

se nse d tha t ind ividua ls we re no t a t a ll de fle c te d fro m the ir o wn

e xpe rie nc e b y kno wing o f mine , b ut ra the r the re ve rse .

In o rde r to c la rify my o wn pe rspe c tive a nd the a ve nue s I wishe d to

e xp lo re , I spe nt so me we e ks b e fo re the inte rvie ws re -re a d ing my o wn

BBC re po rts fro m the 1980s a nd e a rly 1990s, inc lud ing fro m China a nd

Ro ma nia , a s we ll a s o n the fa ll o f Co mmunism in 1989, the Gulf Wa r in

1991 a nd the c o lla pse o f the So vie t Unio n in 1991. I the n imme rse d myse lf

in my no w e xte nsive pe rso na l jo urna l b e g un in 1992 a s I c e a se d to b e a

wo rking c o rre spo nde nt a nd e mb a rke d o n my e xp lo ra tio n o f

psyc ho the ra py a nd dre a ms.


35

The q ue stio ns a ro und whic h I re so lve d to struc ture the inte rvie ws

e me rg e d fro m a c o mb ina tio n o f this re a d ing a nd in me dita tio n, a nd

we re sig nific a ntly re vise d (Appe nd ix 6) in the lig ht o f a first p ilo t se lf-

inte rvie w c o nduc te d with my supe rviso r (Appe nd ix 7). In pa rtic ula r, the

ide a wa s dra wn fro m this o f sta rting e a c h inte rvie w with simple q ue stio ns

a b o ut the inte rvie we e ’ s c hild ho o d . Altho ug h the inte rvie ws we re no t

inte nde d to b e the ra py se ssio ns, it wa s impo rta nt tha t the y d id no t

b e c o me , a s mig ht e a sily ha ve ha ppe ne d , a c e re b ra l d isc ussio n o f the

jo urna listic c ra ft. A ve ry pe rso na l q ue stio n a t the o utse t he lpe d se t the

c o nte xt fo r de e pe r re ve la tio ns tha n mig ht o the rwise ha ve b e e n

a c hie va b le , with ind ividua ls who in the ir ma jo rity (five o ut o f nine ) ha d

e ithe r no pe rso na l e xpe rie nc e a t a ll o f psyc ho the ra py, o r a t the mo st

(two o ut o f nine ) a fe w se ssio ns o f c o up le c o unse lling se ve ra l ye a rs

e a rlie r. Two c o -re se a rc he rs ha d b e e n in the ra py fo r a n e xte nde d pe rio d .

The c o nduc t o f the inte rvie ws wa s la rg e ly pe rso n-c e ntre d (Ro g e rs, 1961),

fo llo wing ra the r tha n d ire c ting the inte rvie we e into wha te ve r

e xpe rie nc e s se e me d mo st impo rta nt fo r the m – within the c o nte xt o f a

lo o se struc ture o f q ue stio ns o f pa rtic ula r inte re st to myse lf. As Kva le

o b se rve s,

The mo re spo ntane o us the inte rvie w pro c e dure , the mo re like ly o ne is

to o b ta in spo ntane o us, live ly, and une xpe c te d answe rs fro m the

inte rvie we e s. (Kva le , 1996, p .129).

In tra nsc rib ing the inte rvie ws, c o nve ntio ns we re la rg e ly o b se rve d a s la id

do wn b y Pa rke r (1992). Sinc e I ha d c o nduc te d the inte rvie ws, ha d

c la rifie d a nything unc e rta in a s the inte rvie w pro g re sse d , a nd wa s

tra nsc rib ing the m myse lf, the re wa s no ne e d fo r ro und b ra c ke ts to

de no te do ub ts a b o ut a c c ura c y. Pa rke r sug g e sts using e mpty sq ua re

b ra c ke ts, thus [ ], to de no te o mitte d ma te ria l. Ho we ve r, my wo rd

pro c e sso r wo uld re g ula rly b re a k the line in the midd le o f suc h b ra c ke ts,


36

so I inc lude d thre e full sto ps [...] whe re ma te ria l ha d b e e n le ft o ut.

Sq ua re b ra c ke ts we re a lso use d to ind ic a te c la rific a tio n o f a nything

whic h mig ht c o nfuse the re a de r. On ra re o c c a sio ns whe re the y we re

ne e de d (b ro a dc a st jo urna lists a re c o nd itio ne d no t to spe a k a c ro ss a n

inte rvie we r o r inte rvie we e ...) I use d sla she s (/ hmm/ , like this / ye s/ ) to

ind ic a te no ise s a nd wo rds o f a sse nt. Wo rds o r phra se s pa rtic ula rly

stre sse d b y the spe a ke r we re unde rline d .

In the full tra nsc rip ts, I inc lude d a ll he sita tio ns a nd re pe titio ns. In the

se le c tio n o f e xc e rpts in the pre se nta tio n o f da ta , ho we ve r, q uo te s ha ve

b e e n tid ie d up whe re this se e me d a ppro pria te witho ut inte rfe ring in the

me a ning , a s sug g e ste d b y Kva le (1996, p .267). In so me insta nc e s, whe re

de e pe r e mo tio ns we re b e ing to uc he d a nd the ind ividua l wa s find ing it

d iffic ult to a rtic ula te his o r he r fe e ling s, I le ft the se in the ir o rig ina l fo rm.

Fo r ve rific a tio n a nd tria ng ula tio n, c o p ie s o f the tra nsc rip ts – a nd o f

ma nusc rip t d ra fts a t va rio us sta g e s – we re se nt to tho se c o -re se a rc he rs

willing to o ffe r the ir fe e db a c k a s the pro je c t de ve lo pe d . Co mme nts

we re inc o rpo ra te d a nd o b se rva tio ns a nd q uo te s e d ite d a s a ppro pria te .

To he lp se c ure a pe rspe c tive o n the ra ng e o f ma te ria l, ke y a spe c ts o f

e a c h inte rvie w a nd inte rvie we e we re summa rise d in a ta b le , fo r e a sy

c o nsulta tio n. (Appe nd ix 1).


37

The Da ta

Intro duc tio n

The e xpe rie nc e o f the jo urna listic c ra ft a mo ng tho se inte rvie we d wa s

ve ry va rie d , b ut a numb e r o f c o mmo n the me s d id e me rg e , unde r fo ur

ma in he a d ing s:

0Who Are We : Pe rfo rma nc e a nd the Le g a c y o f Childho o d ;

1Why Do We d o It?

2Ho w Do We Expe rie nc e the Se lf? a nd

3The Sp iritua l Dime nsio n.

As o utline d in the c ha pte r o n Me tho do lo g y, I ha ve so ug ht in the

pre se nta tio n o f the da ta tha t fo llo ws to inte rfe re a s little a s po ssib le in the

c o rre spo nde nts’ o wn po rtra ya l o f the ir e xpe rie nc e .

Who are We ?

Pe rforma nc e a nd the Le g a c y of Childhood

Of the 10 c o rre spo nde nts invo lve d in this study, myse lf inc lude d , o nly

thre e ha d a c tua lly se t o ut to b e jo urna lists. So me ha d wa nte d to b e

write rs o r no ve lists; o ne ha d wa nte d to c ha ng e the wo rld a s a n a id

wo rke r; o ne c o uld ha ve b e e n a ny kind o f pub lic pe rfo rme r.

With a ll c o -re se a rc he rs, c hildho o d e xpe rie nc e s ha d a de te rmining

impa c t o n the kind o f jo urna list e a c h ha d b e c o me .

I have a lways b e e n a so rt o f sub ve rsive I suppo se , a re b e l. A sub ve rsive

a t sc ho o l, a sub ve rsive with o ur c urre nt o rg anisa tio n. I like to say that


38

the e mpe ro r has no c lo the s. I c an b e q uite b lo o dy-minde d, and I do n’ t

like autho rity. Partic ularly whe n yo u c an find autho rity with its pants

do wn, the re is a c e rta in de g re e o f Sc hade nfre ude .

Thro ug h a ll the re ra n a stre a k o f de te rmina tio n.

The re are diffe re nt thing s that I tap b ut I’ ve a lways c o nsc io usly tappe d,

o r fo und myse lf tap p ing , I think, that se lf-c o nfide nc e , b ut a lso a

stub b o rnne ss, mayb e b lo o dy-minde dne ss is to o stro ng a wo rd, b ut in

that yo u have to b e fa irly stub b o rn to g e t to the b o tto m o f thing s.

One c o rre spo nde nt who ha d tho ro ug hly d islike d a s a c hild b e ing

o rde re d a b o ut b y a b o ssy e lde r b ro the r re ma ins we ll into midd le a g e

c he e rfully re sista nt to ma na g e me nt e ffo rts to re g ula te his ho urs, o r ma ke

him wo rk shifts.

I wo uld re g ard it a s b e ing o n an e xte nde d stude nt vac atio n re a lly.

That’ s ro ug hly ho w I’ ve a lways fe lt tha t wo rk is. It’ s ve ry muc h what I did

whe n I was a stude nt. Stuc k my no se into thing s that inte re ste d me and

did it whe n it suite d me and didn’ t take to o muc h no tic e o f what o the r

pe o p le tho ug ht was the appro pria te o r the rig ht way o f do ing so . Do e s

that c o me o ut o f the c hildho o d o r a re a ll c hildho o ds a b it like that? I

suspe c t a ll c hildho o ds are a b it like that.

Six c o rre spo nde nts ha d strug g le d in c hildho o d with issue s o f se lf-e ste e m,

b a la nc e d in mo st b y wha t b e c a me a b urning de te rmina tio n to

suc c e e d .

I’ m ve ry c are e rist, ve ry amb itio us. That’ s ano the r o f my me mo rie s a s a

b o y, wanting to b e Prime Ministe r and ab so lute ly c o nfide nt tha t I was

g o ing to b e Prime Ministe r. [...] I’ m q uite e asily upse t. But a t the same

time I’ ve g o t q uite a ste e ly ne rve whe re I’ ll just do it, e ve n if it ang e rs

[my wife ]. Whic h isn’ t tha t o fte n. But if it do e s, I’ ll still do it.

Ano the r c o rre spo nde nt ha d g ro wn up with a lc o ho lic pa re nts a nd with

c o nsta ntly c ha ng ing e mo tio na l b o unda rie s. It le ft he r with,

...I think, a g e nuine se nse o f ang e r a t injustic e , and pe o p le who te ll lie s.

Yo u kno w, pub lic fig ure s who te ll lie s. I me an, a re a l ang e r a t that,

whic h is o b vio usly ro o te d in c hildho o d, yo u kno w, and the se nse o f

e mpathy with pe o p le who do n’ t… no t so muc h that the y do n’ t have a

vo ic e , b ut who are n’ t he ard, yo u kno w. The re ’ s a c le ar link.


39

Pa re nta l a ttitude s, a nd the pre ssure to pe rfo rm a s a c hild , c le a rly p la ye d

a n impo rta nt pa rt in se ve ra l c o rre spo nde nts’ de ve lo pme nt.

Dad was ve ry fo c use d o n ac a de mic ac hie ve me nt. I was unde r a lo t o f

p re ssure and ne ve r se e me d to b e ab le to e vo ke his sa tisfac tio n with

any o f my ho me wo rk o r my g rade s, o r my sc ho o l re po rts o r anything . I

re se nte d tha t, and I fo und it frustra ting tha t no thing I did e ve r se e me d

to a c tua lly e vo ke p le a sure , c o ng ratula tio ns, p ra ise , e ve n sa tisfa c tio n.

Afte r his de a th, I think I inte rna lise d the pre ssure to a c hie ve and do

b e tte r.

But o ne c o rre spo nde nt wa s drive n into a pe rio d o f de la ye d re b e llio n

e ve n b y a “g o o d” fa the r, who insiste d tha t his so n c ho o se a c a re e r in

the c hurc h:

He was a c hang e d man o n a Sunday. He was g re a t, b ut o n a Sunday

he was te rrib le . Yo u kno w, he wo uld c o me and dra g us a ll o ut o f b e d

and b e ra te us, and we we re n’ t a llo we d to p lay fo o tb a ll, we we re n’ t

a llo we d to watc h TV. It was ve ry o dd. He was a fantastic g uy mo st o f

the time , and he , he g ave us a lo t, and e nc o ura g e d us to g o to the

lib rary and a ll that stuff. But it re sulte d in q uite a re b e llio us pe rio d.

One fe ma le c o rre spo nde nt ha d b e e n b ro ug ht up a s a c hild to a rg ue

a nd ho ld he r o wn g ro und – no t e a sy, a s she sa w it, in a wo rld whe re

c hildre n a re tre a te d witho ut re spe c t. She ha d b e e n re lie ve d whe n

c hildho o d wa s o ve r a nd she “ c o uld g e t o n with b e ing a n a dult.” I

re ma rke d a s we ta lke d tha t she wa s p la ying with a ring o n he r fing e r. It

turne d o ut to ha ve b e e n the e ng a g e me nt ring o f he r no w de c e a se d

mo the r.

I’ m we ll aware that the re ’ s a lo t that I ne e de d to fulfil, o r wante d to

fulfil, [...] o f he r [my mo the r’ s] amb itio ns. She wo uld ne ve r say what

we re he r a mb itio ns fo r me , b e c ause she wo uldn’ t do that, b e c ause

she wo uld say tha t we sho uld do whate ve r we wante d to do . But o ne

c o uld te ll tha t that kind o f thing was what she was inte re ste d in.

In this c a se , this living o ut o f wha t the mo the r wo uld ha ve wa nte d fo r

he rse lf ha d me a nt thre e thing s: tra ve l, writing , a nd no t g e tting ma rrie d .


40

Why Do We Do It?

Ma king Se nse

Almo st a ll o f tho se q ue stio ne d fo und spe c ia l sa tisfa c tio n in the fo re ig n

c o rre spo nde nt’ s c a lling to ma ke se nse o f the wo rld .

I think the re ’ s a g re a t fe e ling o f sa tisfa c tio n, like so lving a c o mple x

mathe matic a l p ro b le m. It’ s a fe e ling that yo u have re c e ive d and

de c o de d and inte rpre te d a kind o f me ssag e fro m o ute r spac e a s it

we re , and made it ava ilab le to the wo rld. It’ s a kind o f fe e ling o f

unmasking , o r re ve a ling , o r disc o ve ring .

A c o mpe titive stre a k wa s, inte re sting ly, e vide nt in pe rha ps fe we r o f the

g ro up tha n o utside rs mig ht e xpe c t, a nd wa s no t re la te d to g e nde r: o ne

fe ma le c o rre spo nde nt wa s fo r e xa mple hig hly c o mpe titive . But a no the r

wa s no t.

I’ m no t inte re ste d in b e ing first. I’ m no t inte re ste d in e mb arrassing

so me b o dy. I’ m inte re ste d in unde rstanding what is happe ning , the

b ig g e r pa tte rns.

To Se e k the Truth

Jo urna lists a re tra ine d to b e lie ve in the ir ro le a s se e ke rs o f truth. And mo st

a ppe a r to b e lie ve tha t the ir wo rk c a n ma ke a d iffe re nc e to the wo rld .

It g ive s yo u a se nse o f a p lac e , yo u kno w, in the pa tte rn o f wo rld

e ve nts, a p lac e in c o nte mpo rary c ivilisa tio n, and I think an impo rtant

p lac e . [...] So I think that’ s what g ive s me as a jo urna list my, yo u kno w,

that, so rt o f, inc e ntive to g e t up o ut o f b e d and g o to wo rk. I think I’ ve

a lways manag e d to mainta in that fe e ling that this was so me thing

wo rth do ing , yo u kno w, thro ug h thic k and thin. And so to tha t e xte nt

I’ ve inve ste d my so ul in it, b e c ause if, yo u kno w, if I hadn’ t, the n I

wo uldn’ t do it and I wo uldn’ t g e t o ut o f b e d and g o to wo rk.

It is the fe e ling , sa id a no the r,

...tha t yo u are the wo rld’ s witne ss a t ma jo r histo ric a l e ve nts, and that

fro m yo ur ana lysis o r re po rting o f that e ve nt, yo u kno w, c o me s


41

ultimate ly the wo rld’ s unde rstanding o f it, and that b o unc e s b ac k o nto

the e ve nts the mse lve s and that c a n influe nc e tho se e ve nts itse lf.

The q ue stio n wa s d isc usse d in the lite ra ture re vie w a b o ve whe the r the re

is a truth “o ut the re ” wa iting to b e unc o ve re d b y jo urna lists. Mo st o f this

inq uiry g ro up b e lie ve d so .

I b e lie ve in trying to , yo u kno w, re po rt the truth as b e st o ne c an. And I

b e lie ve the re is an o b je c tive truth o ut the re whic h yo u g e t to b y

c o mple x me tho ds, and it’ s impo rtant to do that.

Ano the r phra se d it this wa y.

My vie w o f what we sho uld b e do ing is that we have an instrume nt fo r

te lling the truth, fo r g iving pe o p le a c c e ss to the truth, to ne ws that

matte rs, and it’ s a ve ry c le an, e asy, pure instrume nt.

One c o rre spo nde nt wa s c le a r, ho we ve r, tha t truth is re la tive .

The re is no suc h thing as ab so lute o b je c tivity. It de pe nds whe re yo u

c o me fro m. So whe re ve r I’ m re g iste ring thing s, I’ m re po rting o n thing s

as a white , middle -ag e d, middle -c lass we ll-e duc a te d wo man fro m

We ste rn Euro pe , with whate ve r va lue s I c o me with.

Pe rsona l Growth a nd the De sire to be Se e n

But if a missio n to influe nc e the wo rld wa s a n unspo ke n pa rt o f a t le a st

so me pa rtic ipa nts’ a g e nda , mo st o f the g ro up sa w the c o rre spo nde nt’ s

wo rk mo re a s a p la tfo rm fo r pe rso na l inte lle c tua l e nric hme nt.

I do n’ t think I have a kind o f missio nary stre ak in me the way so me

jo urna lists do , whe re the y have to te ll the wo rld urg e ntly ab o ut te rro rs

and ho rro rs that a re happe ning . I think mo re I want to c la rify fo r myse lf,

and the re b y c larify fo r o the rs.

Wha t wa s it, I a ske d a no the r, tha t d ro ve the jo urna list? It wa s, she sa id , a

q ue stio n o f...

...wanting to ke e p le arning ne w thing s, wanting to find o ut ne w thing s,

and b e mo re info rme d and to b e , I suppo se , impro ving myse lf. I do n’ t

think I c are to o muc h ab o ut o nly wanting to le arn thing s that I c an


42

the n re la te in my re po rts. I wo uldn’ t b e in the b usine ss if tha t was true .

Be c ause yo u do n’ t re la te e ve rything , the re ’ s no t ro o m.

He rs wa s a mo tive sha re d b y me n a nd wo me n in the g ro up . One ma le

c o rre spo nde nt c o mme nte d :

It’ s a ve ry priva te thing . I do n’ t have to te ll my frie nds ab o ut it. I do n’ t

have to have anyb o dy te ll me that I’ m do ing we ll, b ut I kno w what’ s

happe ne d in my pe rso na l de ve lo pme nt. It’ s part o f the b usine ss o f

le arning and de ve lo p ing , and b e ing ab le to say to yo urse lf, “ I didn’ t

use to b e ab le to do that.”

The re wa s a lso the mo tive a mo ng mo st o f se e king re c o g nitio n fro m

o the rs. One pa rtic ipa nt ha d g ro wn up with a se nse o f b e ing the

unde rdo g , b e lie ving tha t he c o uld rig ht wro ng s if he we nt into

jo urna lism. But

...the o the r [mo tive ] was a de sire to b e no tic e d, to b e se e n, to g e t

va lidity fro m pe o p le , se e ing what I did and te lling me I was b rilliant.

Ve ry, yo u kno w, ve ry de e p ro o te d.

The re we re , ho we ve r, g e nde r d iffe re nc e s in the g ro up in the e xpe rie nc e

o f e xte rna l va lida tio n.

One re aso n why I’ ve stuc k to fo re ig n ne ws is b e c ause it te nds to b e

se rio us. I like the fe e ling ab o ut what I’ m e ng ag e d in, and what o the r

pe o p le se e whe n the y se e me , and kno w that what I do is so me thing

whic h is se rio us. Mayb e it’ s to do with b e ing a wo man. I do n’ t want to

b e disc o unte d.

Ano the r fe ma le c o rre spo nde nt c o mme nte d :

I’ m q uite c o mpe titive a s a jo urna list, and that’ s partly to do with b e ing

a wo man. I’ m muc h, muc h mo re c o mpe titive with me n than I am with

o the r wo me n. I’ m pe rfe c tly happy if o the r wo me n g e t the sto ry first. I’ m

no t happy if a man g e ts the sto ry first. [...] I think it g o e s b ac k to the

e xpe rie nc e o f b e ing a c hild, and the inte nse irrita tio n o f no t b e ing

take n se rio usly b e c a use I was a c hild.

One o f the dra wb a c ks o f this re se a rc h wa s, whe n c o mpa re d to the

pro c e ss o f the ra py, the ve ry sho rt time a va ila b le fo r e a c h inte rvie w, a nd


43

the fa c t tha t fe w o f o ur numb e r we re use d to ta lking in de pth a b o ut

e mo tio na lly intima te issue s. But two pa rtic ipa nts, o ne ma n a nd o ne

wo ma n, we re striking ly b lunt a b o ut a b a la nc e in the ir wo rk b e twe e n

pro fe ssio na l a nd ve ry pe rso na l g ra tific a tio n.

It’ s ne ve r the sto rie s the mse lve s, yo u kno w. A sto ry o r an instant mig ht

b e sig nific ant to me o nly inasmuc h as it’ s e nab le d me to g e t o n a ir o r

whate ve r, no t the a c tua l sto ry itse lf. I do re main pre tty muc h de tac he d

fro m my sto rie s. I de a l with the m in a fa irly c linic a l and ana lytic a l so rt o f

way. The sto rie s a re a ve hic le fo r that, kind o f, a c hie ve me nt and

re c o g nitio n pac kag e .

The se c o nd o b se rve d tha t while it wo uld b e g o o d to sa y the re wa s a

pub lic se rvic e missio n a nd tha t a g re a t se rvic e wa s b e ing do ne to the

wo rld , a nd g re a t injustic e s re ve a le d , tha t wa s no t re a lly true . In ho ne sty,

it wa s a q ue stio n o f a mb itio n a nd c a re e r.

I do n’ t partic ularly c a re ab o ut [the sto rie s’ ] g lo b a l sig nific anc e . I c are

ab o ut the ir sig nific anc e to me , a ) my c are e r and b ) my family. I

suppo se I se e the m as c o mmo ditie s in a way no w, whic h isn’ t to say

I’ m no t mo ve d and a ffe c te d b y thing s whe n I g e t the re . But princ ipa lly

I se e the m and I re me mb e r the m in te rms o f what the y’ ve do ne e ithe r

fo r my c are e r, o r fo r me and my family, po sitive ly and ne g a tive ly.

Eg o a nd the Addic tive Buzz

The se c o mme nts sha de into wha t so me pa rtic ipa nts re a lise d c a n b e the

a dd ic tive na ture o f the c ra ft, o r the “b uzz” c re a te d b y a jo b we ll do ne ,

b y the a c hie ve me nt o f e xte rna l re c o g nitio n, o r b y the c o mb ina tio n o f

b o th. One no te d the g ra tific a tio n o f b e ing se e n a s supe rhuma n, de fying

o the rs’ e xpe c ta tio ns o f o the rs o f ho w ma ny ho urs c o uld b e e ndure d

witho ut sle e p , numb e rs o f sto rie s file d in ha lf a n ho ur, “yo u kno w, c a using

pe o p le to sto p a nd sta re in a ma ze me nt.”

I ne e d stimula tio n a t a fa irly hig h le ve l and fa irly c o ntinuo usly. So I

suppo se that what is driving me is a c o mb inatio n o f a ne e d to a c hie ve ,

a ne e d to have that a c hie ve me nt re c o g nise d b y o the rs, and a lso the


44

ne e d fo r that b uzz fro m dang e r, me nta l stimula tio n, the kind o f

stimula tio n yo u g e t fro m the unfamilia r, the ne w.

One pa rtic ipa nt with e xpe rie nc e o f the ra py sa w fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nts

a s a “b unc h o f ne uro tic b a sta rds,” a “ se a o f pe o p le to rme nte d b y

e mo tio ns” , who c o ve re d wha t wa s e sse ntia lly pe rso na l a mb itio n a nd a

ne e d fo r e sc a pe with e ithe r a missio n to sa ve the wo rld , o r to b e a t the

o ppo sitio n. This wa s, he sa id ,

...the c apac ity to live in what is e sse ntia lly an unre a l wo rld, o r a wo rld

that is no t true to yo ur o wn ne e ds, yo ur o wn ne e ds as a human b e ing . I

me an, yo u want the fuc king hit, and the e xc ite me nt and the b uzz, b ut

yo u do n’ t ne e d it. Only the addic t in yo u ne e ds it. Trip le A – a lc o ho l,

adre na line , appro b a tio n. The re ’ s no thing like a fire fig ht to take yo u o ut

o f yo urse lf, yo u kno w, no thing .

Ide ntity

Clo se ly linke d to the a dre na line rush o f da ng e r a nd re po rting unde r

pre ssure is the q ue stio n o f pe rso na l ide ntity. Co rre spo nde nts, a s o utline d

in the lite ra ture re vie w, te nd to b e c o nsume d b y the ir wo rk, e ve n a t the

e xpe nse o f he a lth a nd pe rso na l re la tio nships. But the re is a pa y-o ff.

I o fte n say, and pe o p le have sa id this to me as we ll, mayb e I’ m no t

q uite sure who I am. In so me ways I’ ve g o t a stro ng pe rso na lity, I kno w

whe re I’ m c o ming fro m. But in o the r ways I’ m, kind o f, a b it lo st. [...] I

think that to an e xte nt the jo b and partic ularly [my pre se nt po sting ] is a

c ruc ia l part o f my ide ntity, my pe rso na , and I think I wo uld have so me

kind o f ide ntity c risis if I we re n’ t to b e do ing it. [...] So mayb e it’ s

so me thing I hide b e hind to a c e rta in e xte nt.

Ano the r put it thus.

Pe rhaps this who le jo urne y has b e e n a pro o f to me that I do e xist. And

that... the se me mo rie s, ho we ve r e phe me ra l and ho we ve r diffic ult it is

fo r me to e xpre ss the m so me time s o r to write ab o ut the m o r to put

the m into print o r o nto the a ir... tha t it is a se arc h fo r myse lf.


45

Ho w do We Expe rie nc e the Se lf?

The Expe rie nc e of Emotion

Tra d itio na lly, jo urna lists a re tra ine d to se t the ir e mo tio ns to o ne side in

the ir wo rk. Pe rha ps tha t is o ne re a so n why Fe rg a l Ke a ne ha s a ro use d

suc h d isc o mfo rt a mo ng ma ny o f his wo rking c o lle a g ue s a b o ut his o pe n

d isc ussio n o f e mo tio na l e xpe rie nc e .

I’ m slig htly c are ful o n this te rrito ry, sa id o ne , b e c ause I am an anti-

Fe rg a l Ke a ne re po rte r. I do no t b e lie ve that it is g o o d to sho w o ne ’ s

o wn e mo tio n in re po rting a sto ry. I think that my jo b is to re po rt o the r

pe o p le ’ s e mo tio n. No w the re may b e an e mo tio na l c o nte nt to what I

do [….]. But I wo uld no t fo r a mo me nt dre am o f writing o r b ro adc asting

what I happe n to fe e l, b e c ause I think tha t tha t is insulting .

Ano the r, a c kno wle dg ing so me a wkwa rdne ss a ro und a c kno wle dg ing

the jo urna list’ s inte re st in re po rting d istre ss, vo lunte e re d the c o mme nt

tha t he wa s no t a he a rt-o n-sle e ve re po rte r.

I do write a b it o f tha t so me time s, b e c ause I am so me time s mo ve d.

Mayb e it’ s whe n I think ab o ut thing s I’ ve se e n mo re I am mo ve d b y

the m. But I suppo se princ ipa lly it’ s… We ll, what I say to p e o p le is, to b e

ho ne st, I’ m b usy, kind o f, g e tting the sto ry and wo rrying ab o ut the

lo g istic s, and g e tting b e tte r p ic ture s. And it’ s… Yo u kno w, b ad ne ws is

g o o d ne ws. And so yo u so rt o f… Whe n yo u’ re se e ing so me thing

g hastly, yo u’ re thinking in o ur sic k so rt o f way, “Go d this is b rilliant

p ic ture s! And this is a b rilliant sto ry!”

I ta ke it a s a xio ma tic tha t c o rre spo nde nts a re no rma l se ntie nt b e ing s,

a nd do , o f c o urse , e xpe rie nc e fe e ling s in full me a sure . The q ue stio n is no t

whe the r the y ha ve fe e ling s. It is wha t the y do with the m. Ag a in, the

e vide nc e sug g e sts jo urna lists find ve ry d iffe re nt wa ys o f c o p ing .

I think I’ m ve ry third pe rso n in re po rting . I do n’ t p e rso na lly e ng ag e . I

do n’ t p ut myse lf the re . I’ m no t the p e rso n in the sto ry. I’ m the p e rso n

o utside wa tc hing it. [...] I think that part o f this is that whe n thing s are

ve ry diffic ult, o r ve ry e mo tio na l, I’ m ac tua lly trying to ke e p myse lf o ut o f

it, b e c ause I do n’ t want to b e in the re . I do n't want to c arry awa y

tho se e mo tio ns. I find the m to o pa inful and to o diffic ult.


46

This d ise ng a g e me nt wa s e c ho e d b y a c o rre spo nde nt with e xpe rie nc e

o f wo rking in the Midd le Ea st a nd o f c o ve ring the Ira q i po iso n g a s a tta c k

o n Kurds a t Ha la b ja .

I think [my fe e ling s] we re so me ho w sub sume d into , yo u kno w, fe e ling s

o f, so rt o f, a kind o f, pro fe ssio na l fe e ling s. I think this is the way a lo t o f

jo urna lists de a l with this. The e mo tio ns that the y fe e l ab o ut an e ve nt

the y, kind o f, manag e to suppre ss the m b y c o nve rting the m into

jo urna listic e ne rg y.

The implic a tio n he re is tha t e mo tio ns a ppro pria te ly e xpe rie nc e d a nd

pro c e sse d c a n b e a n impo rta nt e le me nt o f the c o rre spo nde nt’ s wo rk.

If yo u do n’ t have any kind o f e mo tio na l re spo nse , sa id a no the r, ho w

c an yo u unde rstand o r ide ntify with, e ve n if it’ s o nly fo r five minute s,

the se pe o p le yo u’ re re po rting o n? If yo u do n’ t have any, if yo u c anno t

e nte r the ir skin a t a ll. But I a lso think it’ s imp o rtant a fte r I do that to p ull

b ac k.

A furthe r c o rre spo nde nt with e xpe rie nc e o f c o ve ring the Bo snia n wa r

a nd the sie g e o f Sa ra je vo ha d trie d to g e t into the Se rb ia n psyc he .

I think yo u c an g e t c lo se r to a sto ry if yo u’ re e mo tio na lly invo lve d in it.

The se a re n’ t sc o rp io ns in a ja r tha t o ne is watc hing fro m the o utside . I

think if yo u want to kno w what pe o p le think yo u have to g e t in the ja r

with the m and no t sc re w the lid do wn. The disadvantag e is that it’ s a

stra in to g o b ac k a fte rwards, and write it o b je c tive ly.

Dista nc ing

One o f the striking c o mmo n the me s o f this re se a rc h wa s ho w tho se

inte rvie we d de a lt with the te nsio n b e twe e n find ing the mse lve s invo lve d

in sto rie s a nd trying to sta y a t a d ista nc e . One te le visio n re po rte r dre w

o n a me ta pho r use d b y a numb e r within the g ro up to de sc rib e

me mo rie s o f c hildho o d , a s if vie wing a mo vie .

I g o o n sto rie s and fe e l the y’ re a b it like a film se t so me time s, whe re ,

yo u kno w, it lo o ks g re a t o n TV and yo u’ re filming it. And 99 pe r c e nt o f

the time that’ s fine . Yo u film it, b ut the c o ntradic tio n is that the b e tte r


47

the film se t, the mo re c hanc e it is that yo u’ ll b e e mb ro ile d in it. And,

yo u kno w, I a lmo st fe e l like it’ s a , I do n’ t kno w, like a b it o f pape r

sc e ne ry. And sudde nly yo u b urst thro ug h it. And the re ’ s g uns g o ing o ff

and e ve rything , and that lo o ks g re a t until o ne o f the m hits yo u. So yo u

so rt o f fe e l like yo u’ re distant fro m it, and ye t yo u’ re invo lve d in it.

The sa me c o rre spo nde nt a rtic ula te d a fe a r – a nd a g uilt - tha t if he

a llo we d himse lf to b e dra wn pe rso na lly into the huma n dra ma s he wa s

witne ssing , he wo uld b e una b le to ke e p wo rking . He ha d b e e n a mo ng

tho se who re po rte d the ma ss de a ths a mo ng re fug e e s fle e ing Rwa nda in

1994. And while he ha d wa tc he d o the r jo urna lists inte rve ning to he lp

c a se s o f ind ividua l suffe ring , he ha d ha d to ho ld b a c k.

I didn’ t want to b e , so rt o f, inte rrupte d [in my wo rk]. I didn’ t want to

sto p and so rt o f, I me an… Be c a use o nc e yo u start sto pp ing the n yo u

ne ve r sto p sto pp ing , if yo u kno w what I me an. But whe n so me b o dy

do e s do that, yo u fe e l, I think, “That sho uld have b e e n me re a lly. It

sho uld have b e e n me fe e ling that, kind o f, stre ng th o f e mo tio n, that I

just want to just sto p wo rking and g e t o n with saving so me b o dy’ s life ...”

In a pa tte rn tha t is fa milia r in the ra py whe n c lie nts a re unc o mfo rta b le

with a c kno wle dg ing the truth o f the ir fe e ling s, ma ny o f the

c o rre spo nde nts in this surve y so ug ht unc o nsc io usly, with the use o f the

pro no un yo u, to imply in the inte rvie w tha t the ir e xpe rie nc e s we re

unive rsa l, a s o ne put it in whe n ta lking a b o ut a ma ssa c re o f Pa le stinia ns

in Le b a no n. (To illustra te this po int mo re c le a rly, so me o f the surro und ing

d ia lo g ue is inc lude d .)

Always, yo u kno w, a s I me ntio n with that partic ular e ve nt, yo ur fe e ling s

ab o ut what’ s happe ning are so me ho w mixe d up with fe ars fo r yo ur

o wn sa fe ty, b ut a lso c o nc e rns ab o ut ho w yo u’ re g o ing to do yo ur jo b

ab o ut ho w yo u’ re g o ing to po rtray it, and ho w yo u’ re g o ing to pre se nt

it.

Q . I just no tic e yo u’ re using the wo rd yo u….

A. Altho ug h it’ s an e xpe rie nc e c o mmo n to o the rs to o ...

Ano the r e xa mple invo lve d a c o rre spo nde nt who ha d c o ve re d the fa ll o f

Co mmunism in Ce ntra l Euro pe .


48

By the e nd o f the c o mmunist p e rio d, to kno w that yo u’ d do ne a g o o d

re po rt o fte n me ant that e ve ryo ne dislike d yo u. It me ant that the

autho ritie s dislike d yo u, and it me ant a lso that the de mo c ra tic

o ppo sitio n so me time s dislike d yo u b e c ause the y e xpe c te d yo u to side

with the m ag a inst the wic ke d to ta lita rian sta te . But yo u didn’ t do that.

Yo u trie d to no t ste e r b e twe e n the m e ve nly, whic h is ano the r fo rm o f

disto rtio n. Yo u trie d to lo o k the m in the e ye and find o ut who was

te lling the truth.

Q. I no tic e yo u’ re using yo u a g a in.

A. So rry… it’ s a turn o f phrase . Ye s, it is a distanc ing . The se a re q uite

hard thing s to ta lk ab o ut.

Q . Ye s, the se a re q uite ha rd thing s. Wha t a re yo u fe e ling a t the

mo me nt?

A. I’ m fe e ling q uite e mo tio na l ab o ut this.

Te a rs

De sp ite the d islike o f so me fo r a ny e mo tio na l style o f re po rting , o f the 10

sub je c ts o f this surve y, o nly thre e sa id the y ha d ne ve r c rie d in re la tio n to

a sto ry. The se we re a nxio us no t to le t te a rs inte rfe re with the wo rk.

I think, yo u kno w, in a way it c o me s b ac k to this b usine ss o f saying ,

lo o k, it’ s my jo b to te ll the sto ry, no t to g e t in the way o f the sto ry. The re

wo uld b e no thing wro ng with c rying , b ut the n usua lly yo u’ ve g o t to g e t

fro m A to B, yo u’ ve g o t filing to wo rry ab o ut… I’ ve c e rta inly b e e n ve ry

mo ve d, I’ ve b e e n c ho ke d I’ m sure , I me an, inte rvie wing pe o p le

who ’ ve ha d te rrib le sto rie s to te ll.

Ano the r c o rre spo nde nt who ha d no me mo ry o f c rying re la te d this to his

upb ring ing .

I suppo se I’ m… I do fe e l I’ m a ve ry c lassic Eng lish pub lic sc ho o l, stiff

uppe r lip , take q uite a lo t to make me c ry in a pe rso na l, yo u kno w,

se nse . ...At fune ra ls, no t that I’ ve b e e n to ve ry many, I c an sudde nly

fe e l myse lf we lling up , and the n, so rt o f, fig ht it. Um, b ut I do n’ t, yo u

kno w, it’ s q uite , it do e sn’ t c o me e asy to me , yo u kno w, e mo tio n I do n’ t

think… pro b ab ly… ne ve r has.

But this wa s b y no me a ns a unive rsa l pa tte rn. Ano the r c o rre spo nde nt

a c kno wle dg e d c rying o fte n o ve r his wo rk.


49

I c rie d whe n a man was te lling me a t 3 o ’ c lo c k in the mo rning in his fla t

what had happe ne d during the de mo nstra tio n. I c rie d o ut o f so me

se nse o f p ride that he was risking his life to te ll me the sto ry. [...] I c rie d

a ll the time during the Bo snian war. [...] I try and hide the te ars during

an inte rvie w b e c a use it’ s q uite e mb arrassing to we e p during an

inte rvie w, b ut I think I’ m q uite an e mo tio na l p e rso n and I find that q uite

a stra in.

It is no t a lwa ys the o b vio us tha t b ring s te a rs to the c o rre spo nde nt’ s e ye ,

b ut ra the r the e xpe rie nc e tha t so me ho w to uc he s the ind ividua l’ s

pe rso na l d ra ma . One fo rme r Mo sc o w c o rre spo nde nt re c a lle d visiting

the Ba ltic re pub lic s. He r a c c o unt is wo rth q uo ting a t so me le ng th fo r its

illustra tio n o f b o th the d ista nc ing me c ha nisms de sc rib e d a b o ve a nd o f

ho w pro fe ssio na l a nd pe rso na l c a n inte rtwine fo r a re po rte r in

une xpe c te d wa ys.

We we re ta lking to a ll so rts o f diffe re nt pe o p le , and the re was o ne little

o ld man who o nly had o ne le g , and the y we re making so up o ut o f

po ta to skins, and it was a ll ve ry to uc hing stuff and g o o d pac kag e

mate ria l, and yo u’ re in that p ro fe ssio na l mo de whe re yo u think, ‘ tha t’ ll

make a g o o d so undb ite and a g o o d strip line and I’ ll g e t the m to pe e l

po ta to e s and so o n.’ And we we re o ut o n the stre e t and this wo man

c ame up to me . She had white ha ir die d b rig ht o rang e the way q uite

a lo t o f So vie t wo me n use d to , and she just to ld me he r sto ry. She was

Je wish. He r e ntire family had b e e n kille d [in the war]. She had b e e n

b ro ug ht up spe aking Yiddish b ut was se nt to live with an unc le . She

had to spe ak Ukra inian and whe n the war e nde d the y we re a ll

shippe d o ff to Sib e ria and she had to spe ak Russian. Whe n the y fina lly

g o t b ac k fro m Sib e ria , she marrie d, I think, a Be larus b o y, and the y

we nt to live in Minsk. And she had to le arn Be larussian. And he was in

the army, so the y had mo ve d to Esto nia . He had die d a nd she was le ft

and no w, Go ddam it! she had to le arn Esto nian, and she was we e p ing

b y this po int. It was just awful and the re was no thing I c o uld do to he lp

he r, I c o uldn’ t make he r life b e tte r. But I c o uld have b e e n he r.

De la ye d Emotion

A numb e r o f pa rtic ipa nts spo ke o f e xpe rie nc ing e mo tio n so me time

a fte r the a c tua l witne ssing o f vio le nc e .


50

What upse t me was he aring this 15-ye ar-o ld b o y wa iling like an animal

b e c ause he had b e e n [the re ] and fo und so me o f his b ro the rs’ c o rpse s

[...]. And the distre ss, animal-like wa iling o f this b o y g o t into my he ad.

And I c rie d, no t b e c ause o f the massac re , b ut b e c ause o f the ag o ny,

pa in, and distre ss o f this p e rso n. I me an, the wa iling re a lly kind o f g o t

inside my he ad. I c o uldn’ t g e t it o ut o f my he ad, and that was what

made me c ry.

Ano the r ha d this sto ry.

I do n’ t fe e l I’ m a c o ld, une mo tio na l pe rso n a t a ll, a c tua lly. And I do g e t

e mo tio na l ab o ut thing s. I me an, I did the [….] ra il c rash, and I didn’ t

se e any o f the b o die s the re b e c ause we we re ke p t away. But I was

the re e ve ry day, and I saw the re la tive s c o ming , and that didn’ t

partic ularly mo ve me . And ye t, I was driving a lo ng o n the radio , and

he ard a pho ne inte rvie w with, I think it was a prie st o r so me b o dy. And it

just, kind o f, se nt shive rs do wn my sp ine . And I sudde nly fe lt like

q uive ring with e mo tio n ab o ut the who le thing .

Rwa nda wa s fo r ma ny c o rre spo nde nts a de e p ly d isturb ing e xpe rie nc e .

I re me mb e r c o ming b ac k fro m Rwanda , sa id o ne . So me b o dy g o t me

a pre se nt o f Go re c ki’ s Third Sympho ny whic h I hadn’ t b e e n ab le to

liste n to b e fo re I we nt away, and I put it o n in the sitting ro o m, and I just

sa t the re and we p t. We pt.

“Flow”

One o f the ke y c o nc lusio ns o f this re se a rc h is fo r me the pa ra lle l

b e twe e n wha t mig ht b e te rme d c re a tive flo w a mo ng jo urna lists a nd

tha t e xpe rie nc e d – a nd fa r mo re wide ly re po rte d – b y a rtists, write rs a nd

sc ie ntists. Mo st o f tho se inte rvie we d fo r this surve y re c o rde d e xpe rie nc e s

o f insp ira tio n whe n re po rting ma jo r sto rie s. It is fro m this po int in the

c o nside ra tio n o f the ma te ria l b ro ug ht up b y my re se a rc h tha t I se nse the

c o nc lusio ns a re b e g inning to mo ve into the re a lms o f the tra nspe rso na l. I

will p re se nt the se e xpe rie nc e s unme d ia te d , a s the y te ll the ir o wn

pe rsua sive sto ry. Ea c h o f the fo llo wing q uo te s is fro m a d iffe re nt

ind ividua l.


51

We we re the first o utside jo urna lists to b e the re , and the re was

de a dline pre ssure , and the re was lo g istic a l p re ssure and the re was

c o mmunic a tio ns pre ssure , and a ll the se thing s. And I fe lt tha t so me ho w

the e ve nt itse lf flo we d thro ug h me o nto the pag e . Whe re as a t o the r

time s o n muc h mo re insig nific ant and b ana l sto rie s I’ ve sta re d a t the

c o mpute r ke yb o ard fo r a lo ng time witho ut re a lly b e ing ab le to write

anything ab o ut it a t a ll.

I do n’ t q uite kno w what’ s g o ing o n (strug g le s fo r wo rd s.) No that’ s rig ht.

But mo stly what happe ns is that o nc e I g e t g o ing , tha t’ s a lrig ht, and

the thing has its o wn struc ture .

If I fe e l I’ m writing we ll, it just c o me s o ut, yo u kno w. And I so rt o f fe e l,

“Whe re did that c o me fro m? ” And I’ m so me time s slig htly surprise d o r

e ve n amaze d that I c an just put it to g e the r. And that if I ana lyse it to o

muc h it wo uld pro b ab ly sto p .

I suppo se whe n it’ s a t its b e st it’ s just, so rt o f, c o ming o ut re a lly. It’ s just,

so rt o f… Yo u’ re no t ve ry c o nsc io us, just a so rt o f funne l re a lly. It’ s

a lmo st like so me b o dy e lse spe aking and it’ s just c o ming o ut o nto the

pag e .

It’ s so rt o f o rg anic , in tha t I’ m q uite o fte n aware tha t a ll so rts o f thing s

are g o ing o n in my he ad partic ularly whe n I’ m stuc k. I me an, I q uite

o fte n g e t stuc k a t the b e g inning . But the re is a c tua lly so me thing g o ing

o n while I’ m stuc k, I kno w that, and I have to g e t the b e g inning rig ht.

Um, and, I me an, it’ s slig htly diffic ult to ta lk ab o ut it...

The e g o disappe ars, b e c ause yo u are just the pure me sse ng e r, and

yo u’ re a ve sse l, and so yo ur o wn do ub ts o r e g o are no lo ng e r in the

way. No rmally e ve rything is filte re d thro ug h yo ur se lf, so the re ’ s a

c e rta in amo unt o f re inte rpre ta tio n o r se le c tio n that g o e s o n in what

yo u do . At tho se mo me nts the se lf re tre a ts, and yo u are like a c le ar

pane o f g lass b e twe e n o ne thing and ano the r, just g o e s thro ug h.[...].

Like surfing a wave .[...] Yo u’ re so aware , and thinking so c le arly and so

fa st.

The Spiritual Dime nsio n

Pe rsona l Tra nsforma tion

Jo urna lism, a nd my c o ve ra g e o ve r the ye a rs o f Ea ste rn Euro pe , China ,

a nd o f Co mmunism’ s e nd , a ppe a r to me no w, lo o king b a c k a fte r ne a rly

a de c a de o f invo lve me nt in psyc ho the ra py, to ha ve b e e n a n


52

inc re a sing ly e xp lic it jo urne y o f he a ling a nd sp iritua l g ro wth. (Appe nd ix

7). But do o the r c o rre spo nde nts e xpe rie nc e the c ra ft a t a ll simila rly?

Cle a rly, muc h d e pe nds o n the inc lina tio ns o f e a c h ind ividua l. Jo urna lists,

like fa rme rs, b ric kla ye rs, po litic ia ns o r sho pke e pe rs, a re a va rie d g ro up .

This wa s b o rne o ut in this re se a rc h. Did this g ro up se e o ur pro fe ssio n in

a ny wa y a s a he a ling e xpe rie nc e ? One wa s e mpha tic in he r re spo nse .

No / ve ry firmly/ , no t a t a ll. No . It’ s so me thing to do , it’ s so me thing I

q uite like do ing , b e c ause it’ s inte lle c tua lly stimula ting . But, no , the re ’ s a

lo t o f he a ling that ne e ds to b e do ne , b ut jo urna lism a in’ t g o ing to do it

fo r me .

Ano the r pa rtic ipa nt, with e xpe rie nc e o f the Rwa nda n g e no c ide , wa s

a ske d if jo urna lism ha d c ha ng e d he r.

Ye s, o f c o urse , b ut the n life wo uld have c hang e d me . Eve n if I’ d b e e n

a pro fe ssio na l flo we r arrang e r, tha t pro b ab ly wo uld have c hang e d me

to o , wo uldn’ t it? But I do think that I have se e n the wo rst o f the wo rld

and I do think tha t I have se e n the wo rst o f human b e ing s. And tha t,

tha t, tha t c le arly has to c hang e yo u in a q uite p ro fo und way. Or

c le arly has c hang e d me in a pro fo und way. But it has no t turne d me

into a mise rab le ne rvo us wre c k, and I do n’ t q uite unde rstand why no t.

Fo r o ne c o rre spo nde nt, jo urna lism ha d inde e d b e e n a pe rso na l jo urne y.

The jo urne y I’ ve made was the jo urne y I had to make . The re was no

o the r jo urne y fo r me . And it fo rc e d me to c o nfro nt myse lf. The e xtre me s

o f b e ing a fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nt did fo rc e me , the y pushe d me

furthe r into myse lf than anything e lse I c o uld have do ne , c o nc e ivab ly

have do ne . I mig ht have live d a q uie t life o n a sub urb an e sta te

drinking myse lf to de a th, and c o nvinc ing myse lf that it was a ll a lrig ht

re a lly. I wasn’ t ab le to do that. I had to c o nfro nt my e mo tio ns, I re a lly

did. War fo rc e d me to re a lly c o nfro nt my o wn e mo tio ns. It a llo we d me

to e sc ape fro m the m fo r a lo ng time , b ut in the e nd I had to c o nfro nt

the m

A numb e r in the g ro up , no ta b ly the wo me n, fe lt tha t the

c o rre spo nde nt’ s c a re e r ha d g ive n the m a pe rso na l c e rta inty whic h the y

ha d pre vio usly la c ke d .


53

If I think o f the p e rso n who [first] we nt to Mo sc o w and I think o f what

I’ m like no w, it is a ll summe d up b y o ne wo rd whic h is c o nfide nc e . I

think I had ve ry, q uite lo w se lf-e ste e m. [...] I think that having b e e n a

fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nt has transfo rme d me in a way that I wo uld ne ve r

have b e c o me if I hadn’ t do ne that jo b . Ve ry de e p ly and

fundame nta lly. Quite sc arily a c tua lly. And what I wo nde r is, wo uld I

have , wo uld I have b e e n transfo rme d if I hadn’ t do ne this, wo uld I

have kno wn, wo uld I have g a ine d that se lf-kno wle dg e if I hadn’ t had

this jo b .

The Tra nsc e nde nt

To wha t e xte nt, the n, ha d tho se inte rvie we d dra wn c o nc lusio ns fro m

the ir wo rk a nd life e xpe rie nc e whic h the y wo uld re c o g nise a s sp iritua l?

All we re a ske d d ire c tly whe the r the y sa w the mse lve s a s sp iritua l in a ny

wa y. Only thre e e xp lic itly a nswe re d ye s. Two sa w the mse lve s a s mo re

ra tio na l tha n sp iritua l, a ltho ug h e ve n a mo ng tho se re sista nt to the se

c o nc e pts the re wa s a lo ve fo r e xa mple o f re lig io us music a nd , in two

c a se s, fo r Ortho do x c hurc h ritua l. One pa rtic ipa nt de sc rib e d himse lf a s

supe rstitio us, ne e d ing fo r e xa mple to ta ke ve ry pa rtic ula r ro ute s a nd to

to uc h ve ry pa rtic ula r thing s – “ thre e pa rk b e nc he s a nd a little sig n” – o n

his da ily jo g . Ano the r –with the sa me inte re st in c yc ling a s myse lf - sa w

himse lf a s sp iritua l b ut no t in a c o nve ntio na l wa y.

I do like to think that I have a mo ra l dime nsio n. I’ m no t a lways g uide d

b y it, b ut the re a re thing s I want fro m life that a re sp iritua l thing s. My

inte re st in c yc ling is an a lmo st sp iritua l thing a t time s, yo u kno w, I’ m

q uite happy to g o away o n my o wn. And that is a ve ry re viving

e xpe rie nc e .

Just a s jo urna lism ha d mo ve d o ne inte rvie we e fro m a n ide a listic yo uthful

de sire to “de stro y the Ya nke e impe ria list p lo t” to midd le -a g e d c ynic ism,

a no the r ha d fo und the re se rve o f his yo uth if a nything c o nfirme d b y his

c a re e r.

Ce rta inly in my c ase it has made me e ve n mo re o f a re la tivist than I

was b e fo re . Tho ug h I think I was a lways a b it o f a re la tivist. It’ s made


54

me ve ry sc e p tic a l o f ide o lo g ie s and syste ms o f b e lie f and re lig io ns,

e ve n mo re sc e p tic a l than I was to start o ut with

As o utline d in the lite ra ture re vie w, the pub lic a nd inde e d se lf-ima g e o f

jo urna lists a ssume s a de e p sc e ptic ism to wa rds issue s o f sp iritua lity a nd

fa ith. This wa s b o rne o ut in this re se a rc h. Only o ne pa rtic ipa nt, o ne o f the

two (b e side s myse lf) with e xpe rie nc e o f de e p the ra py, sa w a hig he r,

sp iritua l po we r a s c e ntra l to his life .

I have lo st the illusio n, o r have surre nde re d, the illusio n that I c an

c o ntro l what happe ns as a re sult o f the c ho ic e s I make . Be fo re , I was

o n fuc king auto p ilo t. I wasn’ t making c ho ic e s, I was just rampag ing ,

trying to c o ntro l. I c an’ t live like that no w

Altho ug h pe rha ps le ss fo rc e fully e xpre sse d , tha t ha s b e e n my

e xpe rie nc e o f b e ing a fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nt. But fro m this sa mple ,

tho se e ng a g e d o n a n e xp lic it sp iritua l pa th a re in a mino rity.


55

Summa ry, Implic a tions a nd Outc ome s

As this d isse rta tio n wa s b e ing c o mple te d in la te Ma y 2000, ne ws c a me

fro m Sie rra Le o ne o f the de a th o f o ne o f the g re a te st wa r

c o rre spo nde nts o f the pa st de c a de , Kurt Sc ho rk o f Re ute rs. Sc ho rk, a n

Ame ric a n, c a me to jo urna lism la te , a g e d 40. He ma de his na me in

Bo snia , wo rking the re lo ng e r tha n a ny o the r wa r re po rte r, a nd the n in

wa r zo ne s a ro und the wo rld . Ne ws o f his de a th, in a milita ry a mb ush,

sho c ke d the fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nt c o mmunity a s muc h a s a ny

jo urna listic killing o f re c e nt ye a rs, a nd pro mpte d q ue stio ns o f the kind

tha t tha t ha ve b e e n ra ise d in this study – why d o pe o p le do this?

Julia n Bo rg e r, himse lf a ve te ra n o f ma ny c o nflic ts, re c a lle d (Bo rg e r, 2000)

tha t if it wa s the e xtre me s tha t d re w Sc ho rk to Kurd ista n a nd Bo snia , it

wa s the huma n a nd mo ra l impe ra tive s whic h ma de him sta y. Ma g g ie

O ’ Ka ne re c a lle d in a c o mpa nio n a rtic le a c o lle a g ue ’ s c o mme nt so me

ye a rs e a rlie r fo llo wing the de a th o f the Irish c rime re po rte r Ve ro nic a

Gue rin: “We a re drive n b y e g o , inse c urity a nd so me time s a de sire to do

so me b it o f g o o d .” (O ’ Ka ne , 2000).

In a se nse , it is a c o mme nt whic h summa rise s the c o nc lusio ns o f this

re se a rc h. Like We ste rn jo urna lists in g e ne ra l, fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nts

pe rsua de the mse lve s fo r mo st o f the time – a nd te a c h o the rs who fo llo w

o n b e hind – tha t the y a re in the b usine ss o f re po rting fa c ts. So b e rly,

d ispa ssio na te ly, fa irly. Be hind tha t we ll-inte ntio ne d a nd undo ub te d ly

ho ne st fa ç a de , my o wn susp ic io n, c o nfirme d b y this surve y, wa s tha t

mo st a re in fa c t mo tiva te d b y a c o mple x c o c kta il o f pe rso na l a mb itio n,

da ma g e d se lf-e ste e m, c hildho o d tra uma , a dd ic tive pa tte rns – b ut, to

b e fa ir, a lso b y pa ssio n a nd ide a lism.


56

The Inte grity o f the Data

In c o nc lud ing this re se a rc h, I c o nside re d ho w to d isc uss a nd summa rise

its find ing s. In a He uristic se nse , the mo re I imme rse d myse lf in this

d ile mma , the mo re re luc ta nt I b e c a me to d ra w up a ny g e ne ra l

hypo the sis b e yo nd tha t la st se nte nc e a b o ve . I se nse d the impo rta nc e o f

a llo wing the pa rtic ipa nts to spe a k with the ir o wn d istinc tive vo ic e s –

stre ssing tha t d ia lo g ic a l a spe c t o f q ua lita tive re se a rc h e mpha sise d b y

Stile s o f c o nve ying the “ se nse tha t the pa rtic ipa nts ha ve b e e n a c tive ly

e ng a g e d in the re se a rc h pro c e ss,” a nd tha t “ the ir vo ic e s c a n b e he a rd

c le a rly.” (Stile s, 1993).

Altho ug h the fo c us wa s d iffe re nt a nd the me tho do lo g y mo re jo urna listic ,

the unde rlying pa tte rn do e s e c ho tha t no te d b y Ma rsha ll (1995) in he r

Gro unde d The o ry inve stig a tio n o f the jo urna listic pe rso na lity – find ing in

the jo urna list a n o utside r c o nc e rne d with po we r a nd c o ntro l, wa nting to

b e se e n, b ut a lso b ring ing a n e xpe rie nc e o f b e ing ma rg ina lise d in so me

wa y in his o r he r fa mily, so c ie ty o r c ulture . I ha ve fo und so me o f my

e xpe c ta tio ns c o nfirme d – no ta b ly in the a re a o f “ flo w” a nd inspira tio n.

Othe r a ssumptio ns, e spe c ia lly tho se o f a tra nspe rso na l na ture a ro und

sp iritua lity a nd me a ning , p ro ve d to b e ra the r le ss unive rsa l, a ltho ug h

ma ny o f tho se inte rvie we d fo und the c o rre spo nde nt’ s c a re e r in so me

se nse to ha ve b e e n a jo urne y o f pe rso na l g ro wth.

Ho we ve r, g ive n tha t se lf-a na lysis is no t ye t pa rt o f the jo urna listic

pa ra d ig m, I d id no t fe e l it wo uld b e a ppro pria te to push c o nc lusio ns to o

fa r. The pa ra lle l he re is with the e a rly sta g e s o f the ra py, whe n it is still so

impo rta nt fo r the the ra p ist to re ma in o pe n to the c lie nt’ s e xpe rie nc e

a nd to a vo id re a c hing o r, a b o ve a ll, vo ic ing a firm vie w o f wha t tha t

me a ns. At this sta g e o f wo rking with the c o rre spo nde nt’ s psyc he a nd


57

se lf-vie w, I b e lie ve tha t it wo uld in fa c t b e c o unte r-pro duc tive to g o

b e yo nd the te nta tive c o nc lusio ns a rtic ula te d a b o ve .

Limitatio ns

Tha t de c isio n no t to inte rpre t the find ing s furthe r, de sc rib e d b y Wo lc o tt

(1994) a s the third g o a l o f q ua lita tive da ta a na lysis (a fte r de sc rip tio n a nd

a na lysis), is o ne o f the limita tio ns o f the pre se nt re se a rc h. Ano the r

limita tio n la y in the c ho ic e o f c o -re se a rc he rs – a ll o f the m fro m a n

Eng lish-la ng ua g e e duc a tio na l a nd e thnic b a c kg ro und . Furthe rmo re ,

with my ve ry pe rso na l pe rspe c tive o n this re se a rc h q ue stio n, I wa s a wa re

o f the risk o f pro je c ting my o wn e xpe c ta tio ns a nd unde rsta nd ing s o nto

the e xpe rie nc e o f o the rs – in itse lf, o ne o f the limita tio ns o f the He uristic

re se a rc h a ppro a c h. (Mo usta ka s, 1990). It is pa rtly fo r tha t re a so n, a nd

o ut o f re spe c t fo r the pa rtic ipa nts in this re se a rc h a nd the ir da ta , tha t I

de c ide d to b ring a g o o d de a l le ss o f my o wn e xpe rie nc e into the

pre se nta tio n tha n I ha d p la nne d . The re a de r is re fe rre d to Appe nd ix 7 fo r

my o wn se lf-inte rvie w fo r a n insig ht into ho w jo urna lism b e c a me fo r me a

fo rm o f sp iritua l jo urne y to wa rds se lf-d isc o ve ry.

I b e c a me a c ute ly a wa re a s the pro je c t pro g re sse d ho w little time wa s

a va ila b le fo r e a c h inte rvie w – a nd ho w, with o nly nine c o rre spo nde nts

ta king pa rt, this wa s a ve ry sma ll sa mple . To mo st o f tho se who wo rke d

with me , the se we re issue s the y ha d ne ve r b e fo re d isc usse d , a nd the re is

a limit to ho w de e p o ne c a n g o in just 90 minute s fro m a sta nd ing sta rt.

Catalytic Validity and the Way Fo rward

All o f my c o -re se a rc he rs a ppe a re d to find the ir inte rvie w e nlig hte ning ,

a nd , re a d ing the tra nsc rip t, in so me c a se s e ve n surprising . As o ne

c o mme nte d , “ I g e t the impre ssio n tha t we a re a ll mo re a like tha n we


58

mig ht ha ve tho ug ht.” Ano the r re me mb e re d fe e ling q uite d ra ine d

a fte rwa rds, “pe rha ps b e c a use I ha d ne ve r trie d to c re a te a na rra tive o f

my o wn e mo tio na l life like tha t b e fo re .” Ano the r wa s surprise d – a nd

p le a se d - tha t a ll se e m to sha re suc h c o mmo n re a c tio ns o r e xpe rie nc e s.

She wo nde re d if the se c o mmo n thre a ds c a me fro m b e ing fo rg e d b y the

sa me e xpe rie nc e o f b e ing c o rre spo nde nts, o r b e c a use a ll c a me fro m

e sse ntia lly fro m simila r b a c kg ro unds. A furthe r c o -re se a rc he r

c o mme nte d : “Ab o ve a ll, tha nk yo u fo r do ing this. Fo r me , the va lue o f

wha t yo u ha ve writte n is tha t it he lps to he a l the d ivide , b e twe e n myse lf

a s a jo urna list, a nd myse lf a s a re a l (o rd ina ry, c o wa rd ly, b ra ve ) pe rso n.”

To kno w tha t e ve n o ne o the r pe rso n ha s do ub ts a b o ut jo urna lism, a nd

trie s to fo rmula te the m a nd dra w c o nc lusio ns fro m the m, wa s, he wro te ,

so o thing , a nd pa rtic ipa tio n in the re se a rc h ha d he lpe d him b e

re c o nc ile d with wha t wa s a q uite lo ne ly pro fe ssio n. (Appe nd ix 1).

Stile s (1993) ta lks o f c a ta lytic va lid ity a s a wa y o f te sting whe the r

re se a rc h ha s he lpe d o r e mpo we re d the pa rtic ipa nts – g iving the m a

vo ic e to re fle c t o n the e xpe rie nc e o f b e ing a pa rtic ipa nt a nd wha t tha t

ha s me a nt fo r the m. The fe e db a c k q uo te d a b o ve sug g e sts tha t this ha s

b e e n a n impo rta nt a spe c t o f this re se a rc h, a nd tha t do o rs ha ve pe rha ps

b e e n o pe ne d tha t wo uld a llo w this kind o f inve stig a tio n to b e ta ke n

fo rwa rd . Fo r e xa mple , this mig ht invo lve ind ividua l the ra pe utic c a se

stud ie s o ve r a lo ng e r pe rio d , o r ide a lly a g ro up stud y o f sha re d

e xpe rie nc e s. The re re ma ins muc h to b e d isc o ve re d a b o ut the pe rso na l

e xpe rie nc e o f the jo urna list a nd ho w tha t impa c ts o n his o r he r writing .

The re is a lso muc h wo rk to b e do ne o n b uild ing jo urna listic a wa re ne ss o f

the link b e twe e n psyc ho lo g y a nd inte rna tio na l po litic s, no ta b ly in the

ro le o f the ind ividua l in a po sitio n o f le a de rship . Alic e Mille r (1990) ha s

writte n po we rfully o f this fro m a psyc ho the ra p ist’ s pe rspe c tive . But the


59

wo rk o f mo st fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nts still te nds to fo c us o n the sympto ms

ra the r tha n the c a use s o f c o nflic t, a s ro o te d in the psyc he o f ind ividua ls

a nd so c ie tie s. Pe rha ps, e c ho ing Fie lds q uo te d a b o ve , jo urna lists mig ht

b e wa ry o f ta c kling the se issue s fo r fe a r o f wha t the y mig ht d isc o ve r

a b o ut the mse lve s.

The pe rso na lity o f fo re ig n c o rre spo nde nts, a nd , in a tra nspe rso na l se nse ,

the q ua litie s the y ma nife st in the ir wo rk, is a lso a n a re a tha t ne e ds furthe r

study. It wo uld ha ve b e e n use ful to a sk the sub je c ts o f this re se a rc h to

c o mple te a Mye rs-Brig g s style q ue stio nna ire a s to the ir Jung ia n type .

Using my e xpe rie nc e a s a pra c tising psyc ho the ra p ist, I se nse d tha t mo st

we re fo r e xa mple Intro ve rts, p ro b a b ly with Thinking a s the ir do mina nt

func tio n. But I wa s o b vio usly no t a b le to c o nfirm this with the c e rta inty

ne e de d in fo rma l re se a rc h.

Othe r po ssib le a re a s o f a sso c ia te d inve stig a tio n tha t c a me to mind

inc lude the ro le o f the jo urna list a s myth-ma ke r a nd sto ry-te lle r;

jo urna lism a s c o mmunity-b uild ing ; the liste ne r’ s, vie we r’ s o r re a de r’ s

re spo nse to e mo tio na lly e xp lic it re po rting ; the ro le o f e mo tio na l

inte llig e nc e in jo urna listic tra ining ; pa ra lle ls b e twe e n jo urna lism a nd

the ra py; the ro le o f the Fe minine in the psyc he o f the re po rte r; the

d iffe ring e xpe rie nc e s o f c o rre spo nde nts fro m d iffe re nt so c ia l, e thnic a nd

c ultura l b a c kg ro unds.

Co nc lusio n

Pe rha ps, like psyc ho the ra p ists 50 ye a rs a g o , mo st jo urna lists a t the

b e g inning o f a ne w c e ntury still a ppe a r to se e the ir pro fe ssio n mo re a s a

pursuit o f the o b je c tive a nd ra tio na l tha n a s a n a rt fo rm. And ye t,

Antho ny Sto rr’ s de finitio n o f a suc c e ssful re la tio nship b e twe e n the ra p ist


60

a nd pa tie nt/ c lie nt c o uld a pp ly e q ua lly to the wo rk o f a g o o d

c o rre spo nde nt’ s re la tio nship with his sto ry.

The the rap ist has to wa lk a tig htro pe b e twe e n o ve r and unde r-

ide ntific a tio n with his pa tie nt. If he so o ve r-ide ntifie s with him as to lo se

his po we r to c ritic ise , he will no t b e ab le to se e ho w the patie nt sho uld

c hang e . If he re mains as c ritic a lly de tac he d as if he was pe rfo rming a

sc ie ntific e xpe rime nt, he will no t b e ab le to unde rstand his pa tie nt a s a

pe rso n o r appre c ia te the diffic ultie s whic h he fa c e s. It is b e c ause o f this

that the prac tic e o f psyc ho the rapy will a lways re main mo re o f an art

than a sc ie nc e . (Sto rr, 1990, p .68).

If this re se a rc h ha s c o ntrib ute d in a sma ll wa y to stre tc hing tha t b ro a d e r

a wa re ne ss o f the c o rre spo nde nt’ s a rt, it will no t ha ve b e e n in va in.


61

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Be st o f Fro m Our Own Co rre spo nde nt. Vo l. 3. Lo nd o n. Bro a d sid e Bo o ks.

G LENNY, M. (1992B). The Fa ll o f Yug o slavia : The Third Ba lkan War. Lo nd o n. Pe ng uin.

G O FF, P (Ed .) (1999). The Ko so vo Ne ws and Pro pag anda War. Lo nd o n. Inte rna tio na l

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G O LEMAN, D. (1999). BBC le c ture a nd p e rso na l c o mmunic a tio n with the a utho r.


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G O WING , N. (1988). The Wire . Lo nd o n. Hutc hinso n.

HEIFETZ, R. Sta ying Alive . Co p ing with stre ss in jo urna lism. Nie man Re po rts, Fa ll 1997, Vo l

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HENDRICKSO N, P. (1998). Witne ss to the Unima g ina b le . The Washing to n Po st. 1998, No v

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HESS, T. (1996). Inte rnatio na l Ne ws and Fo re ig n Co rre spo nde nts. Wa shing to n. The

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INGLIS, B. (1987). The Unkno wn Gue st. Lo nd o n. Cha tto & Wind us.

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WO LC O TT, H.F. Writing up Qua lita tive Re se a rc h. Lo nd o n. Sa g e .

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Israe l Jo urnal o f Psyc hia try & Re la te d Sc ie nc e s. 22, 315-324.

65

Appe ndix 1 – The Ta ble

I’vie w

numbe r

Ge nde

r

Se t out

wa nting to to

be journa list?

Why be c a me

journa list

Ke y c hildhood

influe nc e s

Expe rie nc e

of c rying in

re la tion to

story?

Spiritua l,

in own

te rms?

Expe rie nc e

of the ra py

Fe e dba c k?

0 (se lf) M No . But

inte re ste d in

ra d io

p ro d uc tio n

Lo ve o f

la ng ua g e s. But

a s und e rsto o d

in re tro sp e c t:

Me a ning ;

Co mmunic a tio

n;

So ul

c o nne c tio n

Mo ving fa rm

a g e d thre e ;

Dista nt fa the r;

Ove rb e a ring

mo the r;

Pa re nts’ d ivo rc e

Ye s Ye s Ye s NA

1 M No . Wa nte d to

b e no ve list

Re b e llio n

a g a inst

a utho rity.

Wo rking c la ss.

Bo rn a t ho me

a nd sta b le fa mily.

C lo se stud e nt

d a y frie nd ship s.

Ye s Ye s No Above all, thank you for doing this. For me, the value of what you have written is that it helps to heal the divide, between myself as a journalist, and myself as a real (ordinary, cowardly, brave) person.

2 M No . Stumb le d

into jo urna lism.

Wa nte d to write .

Putting wo rd s

to g e the r to

ma ke se nse .

Fa c ilita ting the

wo rld ’ s

und e rsta nd ing

o f itse lf.

Po we rful a nd

c o mp e titive

mo the r.

Pe ne tra ting

g ro wn-up ta lk.

No No No No p ro b le m with sc rip t. Fo und it fa sc ina ting .

Oug ht to b e writte n a s a b o o k

3 F No . Ha d no t

b e lie ve d wo uld

b e ta ke n o n a s

jo urna list.

Wa nting to

le a rn a nd b e

ta ke n se rio usly.

Co nne c ting

b ig g e r

p a tte rns.

Pa re nts

a c a d e mic s.

Be g a n a s

“ sp e c ia l” , b ut

the n o ne o f ma ny

c hild re n

Ye s Ye s, within

limits

No Surp rise d - a nd p le a se d - tha t a ll se e m to sha re

suc h c o mmo n re a c tio ns/ e xp e rie nc e s. Re c a lle d

b e ing sha ke n o ut o f se lf d e nia l b y the ra p ist frie nd

who

o b se rve d , "Yo u kno w yo u've b e e n q uite

tra uma tise d b y wha t yo u've e xp e rie nc e d

a nd yo u d o n't re a lise it."

4 M Ye s. Curio sity. To Po ve rty. Bo ssy Ye s No No Ag re e d tha t g o o d summa ry.


I’vie w

numbe r


66

Ge nde

r

Se t out

wa nting to to

be journa list?

Why be c a me

journa list

Ke y c hildhood

influe nc e s

Expe rie nc e

of c rying in

re la tion to

story?

Spiritua l,

in own

te rms?

Expe rie nc e

of the ra py

Fe e dba c k?

imp o se a n

o rd e r o n

ra nd o m

e ve nts.

e ld e r b ro the r

Ind ulg e nt, la id

b a c k fa the r.

5 F Ye s Ac hie ve me nt; Fa the r ve ry

p re ssurising , a nd

ne ve r sa tisfie d .

Re c o g nitio n;

Ca re e r

a dva nc e me nt;

Ma king se nse .

Ye s No Ye s De ta ile d a nd he lp ful e d iting o f tra nsc rip t.

Imp o rta nc e o f ma sking .

6 F No . Fo rme r a id

wo rke r.

Curio sity.

Co nne c ting

with stra ng e rs.

Re sp e c t a s a

wo ma n.

Unsp o ke n

mo the r’ s

a mb itio n. Bro ug ht

up to a rg ue .

Ye s No No “ I g e t the imp re ssio n tha t we a re a ll mo re a like

tha n we mig ht ha ve tho ug ht..”

7 M No . Co uld ha ve

b e e n la wye r just

a s e a sily.

Buzz fro m

p e rfo rma nc e .

Ca re e r a nd

e g o .

La rg e ho use in

c o untrysid e , a nd

ra the r lo ne ly,

wo rk-fo c use d

c hild ho o d .

No No No “ It's a ll re a lly fa sc ina ting stuff, a nd I'm fla tte re d to

se e yo u find

my tho ug hts inte re sting e no ug h to p ut in – I

a lwa ys think I'm a b it d ull. No thing I wo uld a d d o r

sub tra c t.”

8 M Ye s. Be no tic e d .

Rig ht wro ng s.

Vio le nc e ,

a lc o ho lism, la c k

o f e mo tio na l

b o und a rie s.

Ye s Ye s Ye s Ang e r a t fa ilure o f c o lle a g ue s to und e rsta nd

imp o rta nc e o f e mo tio n

9 M No . Wa nte d to

b e write r.

Pe rfo rma nc e .

Buzz. Le a rning

fo r o ne se lf.

Afric a a nd o p e n

sp a c e s. Curio sity.

Fa the r ke e n fo r

c hild re n to d o

we ll, b ut he a vy

p re ssure in

p a rtic ula r

d ire c tio n.

No No , b ut

a wa re o f

o the r

d ime nsio ns.

No Q uite d ra ine d b y inte rvie w, a nd fa sc ina te d b y

sc rip t. Mo st a ffe c te d b y re a d ing tra nsc rip t o f o wn

inte rvie w. “ Ha d ne ve r p ut to g e the r e mo tio na l

na rra tive o f life like tha t.”

67

Appe ndix 2 – Roma nia FOOC

Despatch N Monday 17:15 Jan 1, 1990 Hdline: Romania's revolution

Cue : We begin with Romania, and a revolution that will go down as one of the turning points of Europe's history. 1989 saw the most fundamental changes in Europe since the second world war, as communist regimes one after the other dissolved in the face of people's power. The last of the dictatorships to crumble, that of the Ceausescus in Romania, did so with horrifying violence – but with a new government in Romania now pledged to hold free elections in three months time, the new decade begins possibly with greater hope than any the continent has ever seen. Mark Brayne, diplomatic corr of the BBC's world service, saw in 1989the eruption of people power in china, crushed ; six months later he witnessed the victory of the Romanian people. This is his report.

For someone like me brought up in the cosy liberal traditions of post-war British consensus, it's difficult to conceive of absolute right or absolute wrong. There are after all two sides to every argument. Or are there? As the door closes on forty years of communism in Eastern Europe, I'm not so sure. For what the people of Romania have just experienced has been to my mind a confrontation between the power of good and that of absolute, indeed biblical evil. What Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife Elena unleashed on their people has few precedents in history – the impoverishment of a nation and finally the slaughter by machine-gun of thousands of innocents, a killing far greater in scale than that even that of Tiananmen Square in China last June. Even for someone who doesn't believe in political violence, it's difficult not to share the view of so many Romanians that Ceausescu was evil -- and that with his security police still fighting the people to free him, there was, last Christmas Day, no alternative to his execution. The choice for Romania was absolute-- and at the start of the new decade, the people of this extraordinary, brave nation have taken a stand as few before them, for decency and justice and against an odious dictatorship. Europe both East and West may consider itself in Romania's debt.

As you recover from your peaceful British Christmas and New Year with family and friends, that may all sound a trifle emotional, perhaps a little over the top. But to have been with the people of Romania these past 10 days as they have stood, and died, as one, has been the most powerful experience in many lives here. A few particularly uplifting incidents stand out. Dinner with new friends for example on Christmas night as it was announced that the Ceausescus had been executed -- my hosts stood to toast the end of the nightmare. In the Romanian tradition we first tipped a little of our wine onto the floor -- to remember the dead. It was an intensely emotional moment. On New Year's eve, as midnight approached, the radio and television of now free Romania fell silent for one minute, remembering the martyrs of Timisoara, Bucharest, Sibiu and so many other cities. At one of the many, many


68

parties of celebration in Bucharest, men and women alike were convulsed with sobs as they hugged and kissed to welcome the new decade. Another new friend, a waiter here at my hotel, was insistent that I visit his family and meet the son and the daughter of whom he was so terribly proud. Never before had he dared invite a foreigner to his home; the Securitate secret police would have interrogated him and stripped him of work. Once again, as we toasted Romania's new freedom, it was all we could do to hold back the tears.

I tell these stories because what Romania has experienced is something more fundamental even than the revolutions of the last months in Czechoslovakia, in East Germany, in Poland. Here with the overthrow of the Ceausescus, one of the most vicious dictatorships the modern world has known, Communism is, in a word, dead. There are no compromises to be made in Romania with an apparatus resisting the loss of its power and privilege. There is no party to be renamed; that has been completely destroyed. Romania can in other words set about building a genuine liberal democracy with concessions to no one. In the economy too, the prospects for Romania look possibly more promising than for any other nation in Eastern Europe. Obsessed with independence, the dead dictator starved the people but he paid back all debts to the West. Unlike for Poland and Hungary and even for East Germany, there will be few reservations in the West about credit for Romania. And for all the horror of the Ceausescu years, this country has natural resources, and scenery, and fertile agricultural soil that could make it a land of great richness.

The people of Romania, flushed with the victory of their revolution, certainly seem determined to make that happen. For the speed with which the veneer of totalitarianism has been stripped away is difficult to believe -- but it's revealed a mature, cantankerous no doubt, but self-aware society ready and determined to assume responsibility for its own destiny. There'll be problems of course -- the exercise of democracy and freedom, as so many Romanians have been telling us, cannot be learned overnight. And there are strains already very plain between the ordinary people who have suffered so terribly and those, mostly decent men and women, who made their compromises with the old regime. But ultimately, the emperor Ceausescu was seen to have no clothes --and the instant the people in their desperation were willing like the little boy in the fairy tale to stand up and say so, and not to flinch even when gunned down and crushed by the armoured might of the Securitate, the nightmare was over. In Romania the people, with the help of their army, have been victorious -- in China last spring, after the comparable euphoria of Tiananmen Square in May, the army sided with the oppressors. From Pyongyang and Peking to the capitals of Africa and Latin America, the message of Romania's revolution should make dictators around the world sleep a little less easy in their beds.


69

Appe ndix 3 - A Child of the Cold Wa r

Onc e up o n a time – whic h is no t ho w myths sta rt, b ut this is p a rt myth, p a rt

fa iry-ta le – the re wa s b o rn in Lo nd o n a c hild o f the c e ntury. The ye a r wa s 1950

– e xa c tly ha lf wa y thro ug h tha t c e ntury. It wa s a time o f tra nsfo rma tio n – o f

wa te rshe d b e twe e n a n o ld wo rld o f ho t wa rs fo r c o lo nia l d o mina tio n, a nd a

ne w wo rld o f c o ld wa r fo r g lo b a l id e o lo g ic a l sup re ma c y. Lo o king b a c k, the

e nd o f o ld e mp ire s. Lo o king a he a d , the p ro sp e c t o f d e c a d e s o f strug g le

b e twe e n Co mmunism a nd the id e a ls o f ind ivid ua l lib e rty.

Our c hild o f the c e ntury wa s b o rn with – like Ka y in the fa iry ta le o f the Ic e

Q ue e n – a sha rd o f id e o lo g ic a l g la ss b e d d e d d e e p in his he a rt. His missio n,

a ltho ug h it to o k him ma ny ye a rs to und e rsta nd this, wa s to b e the he a ling o f

his o wn d ivid e d so ul mirro re d in the he a ling o f a d ivid e d Euro p e .

It se e me d tha t Fa te ha d c ho se n Ma rk fo r this jo urne y. Fo r it wa s the c a se tha t

b o th Ma rk’ s p a re nts we re the mse lve s c hild re n o f the imp e ria l p a st. His mo the r

b o rn to a se nio r c o lo nia l a d ministra to r in Ind ia . His fa the r the so n o f a

me ssia nic Eng lish c ivil se rva nt in tha t sa me c o untry, who se visio n wa s the

e nlig hte nme nt o f the Ind ia n c o untrysid e . Ma rk’ s fa the r a nd mo the r ne ve r

ma d e a ha p p y ma rria g e , the ir o wn c hild ho o d s to o to rn b y the e mo tio na l

ra va g e s o f e xile , o ne to a lo ne ly b o a rd ing sc ho o l in Eng la nd a t six, the o the r

to Austra lia in wa rtime e va c ua tio n.

So tho se p a re nts re tre a te d d e e p into the Eng lish c o untrysid e to te nd the la nd ,

a nd Ma rk g re w to b e a tro ub le d b o y – lo ng ing fo r he a ling b ut unkno wing ho w

to find it.

It c a me to p a ss tha t Ma rk’ s p a re nts se p a ra te d , a nd Ma rk wa s se nt a wa y to a

lo ne ly b o a rd ing sc ho o l. He d id no t kno w ho w, b ut his d e e p e st wish wa s to

c o mmunic a te , to le a rn a nd sp e a k the truth he wa s se e king . And so he c a me

to stud y mo d e rn la ng ua g e s, a nd to visit a nd lo ve G e rma ny. Thus we re the

Euro p e a n se e d s nurture d tha t mig ht o ne d a y b ring he a ling to his so ul within

the he a ling o f Euro p e . Ma rk le a rne d to sp e a k G e rma n, a nd Russia n, a nd to

lo ve the sha d o w ha lf o f Euro p e – the Ea st G e rma ns, the Russia ns, the

Hung a ria ns; lo ng ing fo r the lig ht to shine a c ro ss a nd thro ug h the c o ntine nt’ s

d ivisio ns.

Ma rk stud ie d in Mo sc o w. He b e c a me a jo urna list, no t kno wing a t this time o f

the me a ning o f this c a lling to c o mmunic a te . He wo rke d in Ea st G e rma ny, in

Mo sc o w, in Yug o sla via , in Hung a ry, in Ko re a , in China – se e king to te ll the

wo rld o f the d e e p e r truths o f p e o p le s who m the We st b und le d to g e the r a s

c o mmunists. But within him, tha t sha rd o f g la ss p ie rc e d e ve r mo re p a infully, a s

Ma rk so ug ht witho ut kno wing it the G e rd a o f the fa iry ta le , the fe minine

p rinc ip le whic h wo uld b ind his wo und s a nd o p e n his he a rt. He wa s to ld tha t

his re p o rting wa s p o we rful a nd tha t it to uc he d his liste ne rs’ live s. Witho ut

kno wing why, he re c o g nise d a nd und e rsto o d the me a ning o f the sto rie s he


70

wa s c o ve ring o f d ivisio n a nd a lie na tio n – sto rie s tha t e c ho e d his o wn

unsp o ke n d ra ma within.

And so it c a me to p a ss tha t in 1989, Ma rk witne sse d the e xp lo sio n o f jo y a nd

p o p ula r p o we r tha t p re c e d e d the te rrib le c a rna g e o f Tia na nme n Sq ua re in

China . He tra ve lle d to Ro ma nia to c o ve r the re vo lutio n the re . Fro m Lo nd o n

he c o ve re d the fa ll o f the wa ll, a nd the e nd o f c o mmunism fro m Be rlin to

So fia . And a s the d ivisio ns o f Euro p e c a me c ra shing d o wn, a nd la te r a s the

We st we nt to wa r in the G ulf, it se e me d a s if c o mp le xe s whic h the Co ld Wa r

ha d sup p re sse d d e e p in the g lo b a l p syc he b e g a n to he a ve to the surfa c e

a nd into c o nsc io us a wa re ne ss – p e rha p s with the jo urna list a s unwitting

the ra p ist to the liste ne r.

And so in tho se d a ys wa s a lso the ve il re nt whic h ha d so lo ng c o ve re d o ve r

the wo und s in Ma rk’ s he a rt. He fo und himse lf turning to the c hurc h a nd , in

time , to me d ita tio n. He b e g a n to stud y p syc ho the ra p y, a nd just a s Euro p e

itse lf b e g a n the lo ng a nd p a inful p ro c e ss o f wo rking thro ug h a nd re nd e ring

c o nsc io us the p a in o f the Co ld Wa r p a st, Ma rk d re a me d o f d ivid e d c itie s a nd

o f c o untrie s re nt b y the a g o nie s o f c o mmunism a nd the tra nsitio n to fre e d o m.

He d re a me d o f a d ivid e d Ko re a , in whic h he fo und himse lf strug g ling to find

his wa y to the c a p ita l o f the so uth, Se o ul (So ul..) He d re a me d o f the c ra shing

d o wn o f g la ss a nd ste e l to we rs in Ea st Be rlin – symb o ls o f a d ying id e o lo g y

a nd the te a ring a p a rt o f his o wn so ul. He d re a me d o f c hurc he s b e ing b uilt in

a Mo sc o w me ssily fre e d fro m c o mmunism. In his sle e p , he we p t d e e p ly a s he

wa tc he d Ortho d o x p rie sts in Le nin’ s to mb sa nc tifying the b o d y o f the a the ist

fo und e r o f the So vie t sta te . He le a rne d , slo wly, to e xp e rie nc e his o wn

e mo tio ns a nd to re c o g nise a nd ho no ur the fe e ling s o f o the rs.

The se we re no t e a sy ye a rs. As Euro p e b a ttle d with the re mna nts o f the o ld

syste m in Yug o sla via , so d id Ma rk b a ttle fo r me a ning a nd p urp o se – in his

wo rk, in his re la tio nship s. And so it c a me to p a ss, a t the e nd o f the d e c a d e ,

tha t in Ko so vo , Euro p e to o k a d e e p b re a th a nd fa c e d up to the e vil tha t

p e rsiste d a t its he a rt – jo urne ying b a c k to the p ro vinc e whe re the c yc le o f

vio le nc e ha d b e g un a s the ic e o f the c o ld wa r ha d b e g un to me lt. It wa s a

jo urne y e c ho e d , a g a in a nd unc a nnily, in the c o mp le tio n fo r Ma rk o f a c yc le

o f re la tio nship , a s the se e d s o f se p a ra tio n p la nte d e xa c tly 10 ye a rs b e fo re in

Ro ma nia p ro d uc e d the ir lo ng -rip e ning fruit in the e nd ing o f a ma rria g e .

At the thre sho ld o f 50 ye a rs a nd o f a ne w mille nnium, the c ha lle ng e no w

b e c a me o ne o f knitting to g e the r the thre a d s o f inne r turmo il a nd o utwa rd

c ha ng e – a b ring ing to g e the r o f jo urna lism a nd p e rso na l me a ning .

Jo urna lism, it se e me d , ha d a fte r a ll b e e n mo re a sp iritua l q ue st tha n a me re

c a re e r.


71

Appe ndix 4 - Ma ste r Le tte r

De a r xxx

First o f a ll, tha nkyo u o nc e a g a in wa rmly fo r b e ing willing , a s we ha ve

d isc usse d , to ta ke p a rt a s c o -re se a rc he r in my p syc ho the ra p y MA p ro je c t –

a nd ma y I no w c o me b a c k to yo u with so me mo re writte n d e ta il?

Inc lud e d with this le tte r is so me initia l e xp la na to ry p a p e rwo rk, with so me

q ue stio ns, id e a s a nd tho ug hts, a nd a lso a le tte r – c a lle d a p a rtic ip a tio n-

re le a se fo rm – whic h e xp la ins the g ro und rule s a b o ut c o nfid e ntia lity a nd so

o n, a nd la ys d o wn my o wn c o mmitme nts to c o nsult a nd c he c k b a c k with yo u

a t a ll sta g e s.

To re c a p : the Ma ste rs I’ m p ursuing is in Tra nsp e rso na l Pysc ho the ra p y, a t the

Ce ntre fo r Co unse lling a nd Psyc ho the ra p y Ed uc a tio n (C CPE) in We st Lo nd o n.

The q ue stio n I wa nt to inve stig a te is summa rise d ro ug hly thus:

“ Wha t ha s b e e n the e xp e rie nc e o f p e rso na l me a ning fo r fo re ig n

c o rre sp o nd e nts c o ve ring the g lo b a l e ve nts o f the p re -Mille nnia l d e c a d e ? ”

It’ s a ve ry b ro a d q ue stio n a llo wing fo r a who le ra ng e o f e xp e rie nc e s to

e me rg e , d e p e nd ing o n wha t the p ro c e ss o f re p o rting ha s me a nt fo r yo u o ve r

the p a st 10 ye a rs. Ind e e d , I fully e xp e c t the q ue stio n itse lf to ma ture a nd

c ha ng e a s the re se a rc h unfo ld s. If yo u kno w a nything a b o ut a c a d e mic

me tho d s, the a p p ro a c h I’ m ta king g o e s und e r the title He uristic Re se a rc h –

whic h a llo ws the re se a rc he r the ind ulg e nc e o f using the p e rso na l p ro no un

a nd his/ he r o wn life e xp e rie nc e . Use ful fo r b isho p s a nd ha c ks….

Ca n I a t this p o int c o nfirm a g a in the a b so lute c o nfid e ntia lity o f this re se a rc h? I

a m ke e p ing a ll my c o mp ute r file s p a sswo rd p ro te c te d , a nd a ll c o ntrib utio ns

und e r lo c k a nd ke y a t ho me . I will b e ve ry c a re ful no t to d ivulg e to a nyo ne ,

e ithe r tho se invo lve d in the p ro je c t o r my sup e rviso r a nd fe llo w MA stud e nts,

the id e ntity o f a ny o f my c o -re se a rc he rs. In the fina l write -up , id e ntitie s a nd

sto rie s will b e fully d isg uise d , a nd I p la n to ma ke sure yo u ha ve e ve ry

o p p o rtunity a s we g o a lo ng to c he c k tha t yo u’ re c o mfo rta b le with ho w tha t

sid e o f the p ro je c t is b e ing ha nd le d .

I wo uld like to stre ss tha t if a t a ny p o int yo u fe e l unc o mfo rta b le a b o ut yo ur

c o ntinue d p a rtic ip a tio n, I will e ntire ly und e rsta nd if yo u wish to p ull o ut. I

wo uld the n re turn to yo u o r d e stro y a ll ta p e d , tra nsc rib e d o r writte n-up

ma te ria l re la ting to yo ur p a rt.

So , ho w d o I e xp e c t the re se a rc h to unfo ld ? At the c o re o f the g a the ring o f

info rma tio n I wo uld like to a sk yo u to jo in me fo r a n inte rvie w/ d isc ussio n o f


72

b e twe e n o ne a nd two ho urs, whic h – a s I think I e xp la ine d o n the p ho ne - I

wo uld like to a sk yo ur p e rmissio n to ta p e re c o rd . I will tra nsc rib e the inte rvie ws

myse lf, a nd use the m a nd o the r re se a rc h d a ta in c o mp iling the fina l

d isse rta tio n b y e a rly July 2000.

I a lso ne e d to stre ss, a s yo u will re a lise , tha t the inte rvie ws will no t b e

c o nstruc te d in a ny wa y a s the ra p y se ssio ns. No r a re the y inte nd e d to fo c us o n

the kind o f tra uma tic stre ss issue s whic h c o me up o n ho stile e nviro nme nt

tra ining c o urse s. I vie w the m ra the r a s o p p o rtunitie s fo r e xp lo ra tio n a nd

d isc o ve ry. Ho we ve r, it is p o ssib le tha t d iffic ult o r c ha lle ng ing issue s mig ht a rise ,

a nd if a nything d o e s e me rg e whic h yo u mig ht wish to e xp lo re furthe r, I sha ll o f

c o urse b e ha p p y to ma ke sug g e stio ns ho w yo u mig ht d o this, a nd fa c ilita te

a ny intro d uc tio ns whic h yo u fe e l mig ht b e use ful.

I will b e in to uc h b y te le p ho ne / e ma il sho rtly to find a time tha t is c o nve nie nt,

a nd wo uld like to c o mp le te inte rvie ws if p o ssib le b y Christma s. My sug g e stio n

a t the mo me nt wo uld b e to me e t a t the CCPE itse lf, whic h is e a sy to find ne a r

Little Ve nic e just no rth o f Pa d d ing to n Sta tio n.

It wo uld b e he lp ful to me if yo u c o uld a t this e a rly sta g e think a b o ut ho w yo u

ha ve e xp e rie nc e d b e ing a c o rre sp o nd e nt a t a s d e e p a le ve l a s yo u fe e l

c o mfo rta b le with. Ob vio usly, the mo re p ro fo und a nd in a se nse mo re

p e rso na l the e xp lo ra tio n, the mo re va lua b le will b e the d a ta tha t e me rg e s.

(Fo rg ive p le a se my use o f re se a rc h ja rg o n, b ut a c o p y o f this le tte r will ne e d

to b e a p p e nd e d to the fina l p ro je c t, a nd it’ s imp o rta nt a s I a m d isc o ve ring to

p la y b y the rule s o f a c a d e mic re se a rc h, la ng ua g e , lite ra ture re fe re nc e s a nd

a ll…)

As a stimula nt to tho ug ht, a nd fo r b a c kg ro und , I’ m e nc lo sing with this le tte r

thre e d o c ume nts. The b lue o ne e xp la ins the c o nte nt o f the c o urse o n whic h I

ha ve b e e n e mb a rke d the se p a st fo ur ye a rs a t the CCPE. The se c o nd is a

p a p e r e ntitle d Re inve nting the Ne ws b y the a utho r o f the b o o k Emo tio na l

Inte llig e nc e Da nie l G o le ma n – a fo rme r jo urna list himse lf with who m I’ ve

sp o ke n a b o ut this p ro je c t.

I a lso e nc lo se a p ie c e whic h I wro te e a rlie r in 1999 fo r my c o urse , in the fo rm

o f a myth a b o ut my o wn p e rso na l jo urne y, a nd ho w my invo lve me nt in

p syc ho the ra p y ha s flo we d fro m the e xp e rie nc e s a c a re e r a s a fo re ig n

c o rre sp o nd e nt. It is, a s yo u will se e , q uite ra w a nd fra nk – a nd in the sp irit o f

the a p p ro a c h to re se a rc h whic h I a m ta king , I ho p e it mig ht trig g e r so me

re fle c tio ns fo r yo u b e fo re we me e t, o n the d iffe re nt wa ys jo urna lism a nd

me a ning inte rtwine fo r yo u. Ind e e d , if yo u fe e l mo ve d to d o so , I wo uld b e

d e lig hte d if yo u fe lt a b le to c o ntrib ute a writte n myth o f yo ur o wn.

Myth o r no , it wo uld a lso b e ve ry he lp ful if, b e fo re we me e t, yo u c o uld think o f

a sto ry o r d e ve lo p me nt yo u ha ve c o ve re d a s a jo urna list whic h to uc he d yo u

a t d e e p le ve l, a nd in wha t wa y. Pe rha p s yo u c a n re c a ll so me d re a ms whic h

illustra te tha t? If yo u ha ve a ny e ntrie s in a p riva te jo urna l, o r p o e ms o r

d ra wing s o r a ny o the r fo rm o f e xp re ssio n whic h e nc a p sula te in so me wa y


73

yo ur e xp e rie nc e o f b e ing a c o rre sp o nd e nt d uring this p a st e xtra o rd ina ry

d e c a d e p le a se d o fe e l fre e to b ring the se to the p ro je c t.

Ma ny tha nks o nc e a g a in fo r b e ing willing to ta ke p a rt in this. I ho p e tha t yo u

will find it a s inte re sting a nd re wa rd ing a s I c e rta inly e xp e c t it to b e . Fro m my

re se a rc h o f p ub lishe d lite ra ture so fa r, I ha ve c o me a c ro ss ve ry little , if a ny,

writing whic h g o e s into the d e e p e r p e rso na l e xp e rie nc e o f the c o rre sp o nd e nt

b e yo nd the usua l a ne c d o ta l “ wha t wa s it like …? ” So I ho p e the re ma y b e

so me thing o f b ro a d e r va lue tha t mig ht e me rg e

I g re a tly lo o k fo rwa rd to e xp lo ring the q ue stio n with yo u.

With wa rm re g a rd s

Ma rk Bra yne


75

Appe ndix 5 - Pa rtic ipa nt Re le a se Ag re e me nt

I a g re e to p a rtic ip a te in a re se a rc h stud y o f “ Wha t ha s b e e n the e xp e rie nc e

o f p e rso na l me a ning fo r fo re ig n c o rre sp o nd e nts c o ve ring the g lo b a l e ve nts o f

the p re -Mille nnia l d e c a d e ? ” I und e rsta nd the p urp o se a nd na ture o f this stud y

a nd I a m p a rtic ip a ting vo lunta rily. I g ra nt p e rmissio n fo r the d a ta to b e use d in

the p ro c e ss o f c o mp le ting a n MA d isse rta tio n a nd in a ny future p ub lic a tio ns.

I und e rsta nd tha t a ll info rma tio n a b o ut my p e rso n a nd the d e ta ils o f my

p a rtic ula r e xp e rie nc e s will b e a p p ro p ria te ly d isg uise d in o rd e r to e nsure

c o mp le te c o nfid e ntia lity; tha t a ll re c o rd e d o r writte n c o ntrib utio ns will b e ke p t

e ithe r in p a sswo rd -p ro te c te d c o mp ute r file s o r und e r lo c k a nd ke y a s

a p p ro p ria te ; a nd tha t the y will b e e ithe r d e stro ye d o r re turne d to me a t the

e nd o f p ro je c t. I furthe r und e rsta nd tha t I ma y withd ra w fro m this re se a rc h a t

a ny time a nd tha t a ny ma te ria ls I ha ve c o ntrib ute d will simila rly b e e ithe r

d e stro ye d o r re turne d to me witho ut b e ing use d in a ny wa y in the p ro je c t.

I a g re e to me e t fo r a n initia l inte rvie w o f b e twe e n o ne a nd two ho urs a t a

time a nd p la c e to b e a g re e d . If ne c e ssa ry a nd a g re e d , I will e nd e a vo ur to

b e a va ila b le fo r a n a d d itio na l inte rvie w. I g ra nt p e rmissio n tha t fo r no te -ta king

p urp o se s the inte rvie w(s) will b e ta p e -re c o rd e d .

___________________________ _______________________

Re se a rc h Pa rtic ip a nt / Da te Ma rk Bra yne / Da te


77

Appe ndix 6 - Que stions

Ba c kg round:

• First me mo ry. Ho w, b rie fly, wo uld yo u c ha ra c te rise yo ur me mo rie s o f e a rly

c hild ho o d .

• Fa mily b a c kg ro und , p a re nts to g e the r/ se p a ra te d , a t wha t a g e , sib ling s

a nd whe re p o sitio ne d in fa mily.

• In wha t wa y d o the se c o nne c t fo rwa rd to yo ur b e c o ming a jo urna list.

De e pe r que stions:

• Do yo u ha ve a se nse o f wha t d rive s yo u a s a c o rre sp o nd e nt?

• Wha t d o yo u se e a s yo ur p e rso na l g o a ls/ missio n, if a ny, in b e ing a fo re ig n

c o rre sp o nd e nt.

• Ha ve yo u ha d e xp e rie nc e s d uring yo ur wo rk o ve r the p a st d e c a d e - e ithe r

b e ing p re se nt a t a sto ry o r writing a b o ut it a fte rwa rd s - whic h se e me d

e ithe r a t the time o r in re tro sp e c t imb ue d with p a rtic ula r p e rso na l

me a ning fo r yo u?

• Exa mp le s? One o r two ? With fo llo w-up q ue stio n in wha t wa y the se we re

sig nific a nt e xp e rie nc e s.

• Ha s jo urna lism c ha ng e d yo u. Ho w d e e p ly? And in wha t wa y?

• Wo uld yo u d e sc rib e yo urse lf a s sp iritua l in a ny wa y? Is the re a c o nne c tio n

the re with yo ur jo urna lism.

• Ha ve yo u e ve r c rie d in a sso c ia tio n with a sto ry? Whe n a nd why?

• Ha ve yo u ha d d re a ms tha t re la te to yo ur wo rk o r the sto rie s yo u c o ve r? If

so , c o uld yo u d e sc rib e the m?

• Ha ve yo u e ve r e xp e rie nc e d in yo ur writing a nd re p o rting wo rk so me thing

b e yo nd yo u whic h se e ms to sp e a king thro ug h yo u?

• Intuitio n. Ha ve the re b e e n o c c a sio ns – p le a se d e sc rib e – whe n yo u ha ve

so me ho w kno wn intuitive ly the me a ning o f a d e ve lo p me nt o r sto ry whic h

yo u ha ve witne sse d .

• Ha ve yo u e xp e rie nc e d a se nse o f e vil a nd / o r g o o d , so me thing

tra nsc e nd e nt whic h surp rise d yo u ye t se e me d inc o ntro ve rtib le ? Ha ve yo u

fe lt a b le o r sa fe to re fle c t tha t in yo ur re p o rting ?


78

• Ha s the wo rk o f the fo re ig n c o rre sp o nd e nt fo r yo u b e e n in a ny wa y a

he a ling e xp e rie nc e – a nd if so , ho w.

• Po e ms/ d ra wing s/ jo urna l e ntrie s?

• Willing ne ss to ta ke p a rt in a g ro up wo rksho p ?

Ma rk Bra yne 30 Oc to b e r 1999


79

Appe ndix 7 – Se lf Inte rvie w with Supe rvisor

Q. I wo nde r if c o uld te ll me so me thing ab o ut yo ur c hildho o d e xpe rie nc e ,

e arly c hildho o d e xpe rie nc e , first me mo ry.

A. My ve ry first me mo ry? / Pa use s/ . Is wa lking d o wn the la ne o utsid e

the fa rmho use in no rth No rfo lk whe re we live d fo r a b o ut thre e ye a rs in

the e a rly 50s a nd lo ng ing fo r my fa the r who ’ d g o ne o ff to the lo c a l

ma rke t to wn. I wa s to d d ling d o wn the la ne ho p ing to find him. It wa s

a ha p p y me mo ry.

Q. What ag e ?

A. This wo uld ha ve b e e n two -a nd -a -ha lf a nd thre e , a nd the re a re

me mo rie s the re o f wa llo wing in mud in the fa rm, ye s ha p p y

me mo rie s, sa fe me mo rie s. But lo ng ing fo r fa the r.

Q. So whe re was he ?

A. He wa s o ut o n the fa rm mo st o f the time . / Laug hs./ And in la te r

ye a rs he wa s o ut o n the fa rm a ll o f the time . It wa s a d ra ma tha t

c a me to b e e na c te d muc h mo re vivid ly la te r in c hild ho o d , b ut it is

inte re sting tha t my ve ry first me mo ry is o f my fa the r no t b e ing the re .

Q. Whe re wo uld Mum have b e e n?

A. Mum wa s lo o king a fte r the p ig s. Do ing the wa shing , fe e d ing the

c hic ke ns, just sa fe ly the re . / Grunts/ . She ’ s to ld me sinc e tha t we use d

to wa nd e r ro und – my b ro the r wa s b o rn a t the fa rm - witho ut na p p ie s

o r tro use rs, just shitting whe re ve r the mo o d to o k us. Also we we re a t

o ne with the a nima ls. It wa s a ve ry e a rthe d e xiste nc e .

Q. That b ro the r, was he yo ung e r, o lde r?

A. Yo ung e r. I’ m the o ld e st. […] Afte r we mo ve d to the ne xt fa rm, my

first me mo ry a t the ne xt fa rm is o ne o f e xtre me unha p p ine ss, so the re

wa s a sub sta ntia l c ha ng e , a hug e shift in my e mo tio na l we ll b e ing

b e twe e n the two fa rms a nd with the a rriva l o f the third c hild .

Q. Can yo u say so me mo re ab o ut that? What the c hang e was?

A. The c ha ng e wa s my fa the r d isa p p e a re d o ut o f my life , b e c a me

o b se sse d with the fa rm. He d isa p p e a re d o ut o f my mo the r’ s life . I

d o n’ t wa nt to sa y to o muc h a b o ut tha t b e c a use it will c o me in la te r


80

o n. But I’ m ve ry a wa re tha t re le va nt to the me a ning o f jo urna lism,

ve ry re le va nt, is this se nse o f b e ing lo st, this tra uma tic mo ve a t thre e -

a nd -a -ha lf, c o inc id ing with the mo ve to a b ig e c ho ing c o ld e mp ty

fa rmho use in the b le a k No rth No rfo lk c o untrysid e , the lo ss o f my fa the r

o ut o f my life a lmo st c o mp le te ly, the a rriva l o f a no the r b ro the r

c o mp e ting fo r my mo the r’ s a tte ntio n. My mo the r b e c o ming

d e sp e ra te ly unha p p y a t my fa the r fa iling to a c kno wle d g e he r a s a

wo ma n, a nd this d e sp e ra te lo ne line ss in this e c ho ing fa rmho use . So

the c o ntra st b e twe e n tho se two fa rms wa s ve ry sig nific a nt.

Q. Are the y still to g e the r?

A. No , the y d ivo rc e d whe n I wa s 11. Hmm, inte re sting . Tha t e c ho e s in

with the se a rc h fo r me a ning in jo urna lism, the se a rc h to ma ke se nse

o f the wo rld . And the re a so n p e rha p s tha t I b e c a me a jo urna list wa s

to inve stig a te , to find o ut ho w thing s wo rke d a nd to find tha t sa fe ty,

tha t c la rity tha t I a b so lute ly lo st a t the a g e o f thre e , fo ur.

Q. I kno w yo u’ ve b e e n in the rapy a lo t, do yo u want to say tha t a t this po int,

yo u’ ve do ne a lo t o f wo rk o n this, it’ s e vide nt, ho w it’ s he lpe d the me aning -

making pro c e ss? If it has.

A. Oh it ha s hug e ly. Ye s. [...] I we nt into the ra p y a fte r c o ming o ff the

ro a d . I c a me o ff the ro a d a s a c o rre sp o nd e nt in 1992. All my c o -

re se a rc he rs a re still o n the ro a d , so the y still a re c o rre sp o nd e nts. But I

c a me o ff the ro a d , sto p p e d b e ing a fo re ig n c o rre sp o nd e nt, c a me

b a c k to wo rk in the UK fo r fo ur ye a rs b e fo re c o ming o ff the ro a d a s a

c o rre sp o nd e nt b e c a use I wa nte d to p ut d o wn ro o ts, to p ro vid e ro o ts

fo r my c hild re n, to p ro vid e sta b ility fo r my c hild re n. I wa nte d to p ut

the m into d a y sc ho o l b e c a use I ha d b e e n se nt a wa y to b o a rd ing

sc ho o l a nd ha d n’ t ha d sta b ility. Tha t’ s why I sto p p e d b e ing a

c o rre sp o nd e nt, b e c a use b e ing a c o rre sp o nd e nt in ma ny wa ys

p e rp e tua te d this ro o tle ssne ss tha t ha d to d o with, I g ue ss, the mo ve

b e twe e n the tho se two fa rms a nd the b re a kd o wn o f my p a re nts’

re la tio nship . So in my jo urna lism I wa s ne ve r sa tisfie d with just te lling

the sto ry in two d ime nsio ns, I a lwa ys wa nte d to g o d e e p e r into the

sto ry to wo rk o ut wha t the sto ry me a nt fo r the p e o p le invo lve d in it,

the p la ye rs, the o rd ina ry p e o p le . I ha d a p a ssio n fo r ta lking to

o rd ina ry p e o p le , a nd I g ue ss tha t se a rc h fo r me a ning re fle c te d my

o wn se a rc h fo r p e rso na l me a ning . And whe n I tra in jo urna lists, a nd

whe n I ta lk to fe llo w jo urna lists, I’ m p a ssio na te a b o ut jo urna lism tha t

g o e s b e yo nd the re p o rting a nd se e ks to c o nve y the d e e p e r me a ning

o f wha t’ s ha p p e ning to the liste ne r a nd to re a lly c o mmunic a te ,

c o nne c t in with the liste ne r.

Q. Want to try and to uc h the m?


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A. To mo ve the m, ve ry muc h so . Whe re I ha ve b e e n mo st e ffe c tive a s

a jo urna list a nd a lso p e rha p s a t my mo st d a ng e ro us in te rms o f lo sing

e mo tio na l b a la nc e – a nd it’ s a ve ry fine line b e twe e n the two – is

whe re I ha ve b e e n d e e p ly to uc he d b y a sto ry, e ithe r b y the d ra ma o f

the sto ry itse lf o r b y the a wa re ne ss o f wha t this me a nt fo r the

ind ivid ua ls who se live s it wa s to uc hing , whe the r it wa s the Ro ma nia n

re vo lutio n o r tra ve lling a ro und China ta lking to p e a sa nts o ut in the

sa nd y wa ste s o f the No rthe rn p ro vinc e s living in c a ve s. I wa s a lwa ys

ve ry mo ve d , ve ry mo ve d b y the p e rso na l c o nne c tio n with the p e o p le

I wa s ta lking to . And I think tha t p e rha p s whe re I wa s e ffe c tive a s a

jo urna list wa s in tha t c o nne c tio n tha t I wa s a b le to ma ke , tha t so ul

c o nne c tio n I wa s a b le to ma ke , b o th with the p e o p le I wa s

inte rvie wing a nd re p o rting a b o ut a nd in a se nse in the wa y I wro te

a nd the n wo rke d up the sto rie s a nd c o mmunic a te d tha t with the

liste ne r. The so ul c o nne c tio n o n the o ne sid e with the p la ye rs b ut a lso

o n the o the r sid e with my a ud ie nc e . Tha t wa s whe re my jo urna lism

c a me a live , tha t wa s whe re my jo urna lism ha d me a ning fo r me a s

we ll…

Q. Yo u’ ve me ntio ne d so ul q uite a b it. It p ic ks up a sp iritua l e le me nt, a flavo ur

ab o ut what yo u do . Can yo u say mo re ?

A. Ye s o ne thing I a m b e c o ming a wa re o f is tha t I c a n’ t limit this to the

la st d e c a d e , lo o king a t the who le p ro c e ss o f b e c o ming a nd b e ing a

jo urna list, so I’ ll ha ve to c ha ng e the q ue stio n… So ul…. And sp iritua l

a wa re ne ss in my jo urna listic wo rk. / Po nde rs/ .

I b e c a me aware , I jo ine d the Churc h o f Eng la nd , in 1992 a fte r I c a me

o ff the ro a d . Tha t wa s the b ig a nd e xp lic it a nd c o nsc io us mo ve o ff

the ro a d into a sp iritua lity tha t I o wne d p ub lic ly b y g o ing to c hurc h,

b e c o ming a me mb e r o f the c hurc h c ho ir, b y sto p p ing b e ing a

c o rre sp o nd e nt, c ha sing fro m p re ss c o nfe re nc e to p re ss c o nfe re nc e .

But b e fo re tha t I wa s ve ry a wa re o f sp iritua lity, whic h I c o uld n’ t ha ve

p ut a na me to in my wo rk, fo r e xa mp le re p o rting Tia na nme n Sq ua re ,

Tia na nme n Sq ua re a nd the d e mo nstra tio ns a nd up surg e o f p o p ula r

se ntime nt in Be ijing b e fo re the ta nks we nt in. The re wa s so me thing

a b o ut the c o lle c tive unc o nsc io us o f Chine se p e o p le b e ing e xp re sse d

o n the stre e ts, a nd a se nse o f ye a rning , lo ng ing fo r c ha ng e . It wa s a

ve ry inte nse sp iritua l e xp e rie nc e , I no w re a lise , lo o king b a c k.

[...] Co ve ring Tia na nme n Sq ua re a nd ind e e d c o ve ring the Ro ma nia n

re vo lutio n a t the e nd o f tha t ye a r we re fo r me inte nse ly sp iritua l

e xp e rie nc e s. And I wa s ve ry a wa re o f tha t sp iritua lity e ve n if, a s I sa id ,

I c o uld n’ t p ut a na me to it.

That naming pro c e ss, whe re have yo u g o t to with that, is it mo re firme d up?


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A. It’ s no t firme d up in the se nse tha t I c o uld p ut my b e lie fs o r my

und e rsta nd ing o f sp iritua lity in a b o x with a p a rtic ula r d o g ma tic la b e l

o n it. But I’ m a c ute ly a wa re o f d ivinity. I’ m a c ute ly a wa re o f p urp o se

in life , a nd I se e tha t p urp o se b e ing wo rke d o ut, wo rke d thro ug h in

g lo b a l e ve nts. [...] If yo u c o mp a re the wo rld no w with whe re it wa s 20

ye a rs a g o , I b e lie ve tha t we a re witne ssing a muc h hig he r le ve l o f

g lo b a l c o nsc io usne ss. And jo urna lists in g e ne ra l a nd I in my o wn wa y

ha ve b e e n ve ry muc h p a rt o f tha t re nd e ring c o nsc io us o f d a rkne sse s,

o f d a rk c o rne rs, o f p la ne ta ry ne uro sis. It’ s a lo ng -te rm p ro c e ss.

Q . Do yo u have any se nse o f whe re it’ s g o ing ?

Of whe re it’ s g o ing ? Ye s, a c tua lly, I d o b e lie ve tha t we ’ re mo ving

to wa rd s ultima te ly a kind o f sha re d p la ne ta ry c o nsc io usne ss, whic h

d o e sn’ t e xc lud e , in fa c t a b so lute ly e mb ra c e s the ne c e ssity o f,

c o nflic t, b ut ultima te ly it mig ht a llo w fo r the wo rking thro ug h o f

c o nflic t in ne w wa ys whic h e xc lud e vio le nc e , b e c a use o f the le ve l o f

c o nsc io us a wa re ne ss, a nd o f a lte rna tive s, a nd I think we ’ ve se e n tha t

in We ste rn Euro p e . I think in a wa y the tra uma , the c a tha rsis o f Wo rld

Wa r Two a nd the sta sis o f the Co ld Wa r we re wo rking s thro ug h o f a

kind o f p la ne ta ry c o nsc io usne ss. [...] And jo urna lists I se e [...] a s

wo rke rs a t tha t c o a lfa c e o f p la ne ta ry c o nsc io usne ss.

Q. Re fle c ting o n so me thing yo u sa id the re ab o ut te nsio n – my wo rd, no t yo urs

- b e twe e n whe re yo u are c o ming fro m in the se thing s and whe re just ho w

muc h yo u c an o r c an’ t say. I wo nde r what’ s that’ s like . Whe n yo u say c are ful

ab o ut just ho w muc h yo u say, frame it up .

A. Hmmm. So me time s ve ry d iffic ult, so me time s b e ing a wa re o f g o o d

a nd e vil, o r e le me nta l fo rc e s a t wo rk a nd kno wing tha t I c a nno t

re fle c t tha t in my jo urna lism. Fo r two re a so ns; o ne b e c a use it’ s a g a inst

BBC g uid e line s, b e c a use we d o n’ t e xp re ss a n o p inio n a b o ut thing s

b e ing g o o d o r b a d . But se c o nd ly, a nd muc h mo re imp o rta ntly,

b e c a use it wo uld b e c o unte rp ro d uc tive . Be c a use it’ s a b it like in

the ra p y. Yo u c a n’ t te ll in the the ra p y wha t’ s g o ing o n fo r the c lie nt.

The c lie nt ha s to find o ut him o r he rse lf, a nd und e rsta nd it fro m within.

And it’ s in a se nse – it’ s inte re sting this, I’ ve ne ve r tho ug ht o f this

b e fo re – in a se nse with o ur a ud ie nc e s, a s jo urna lists o f c o nsc io usne ss,

if we te ll the a ud ie nc e s e xp lic itly “ This is G o o d . This is Evil” , it is in fa c t

p ro fo und ly c o unte rp ro d uc tive , b e c a use the y will a g re e o r d isa g re e

with wha t yo u’ re sa ying a c c o rd ing to the ir o wn re la tive ly lo we r le ve l

o f c o nsc io usne ss. I sa y tha t witho ut b e ing jud g me nta l a b o ut whe re

p e o p le a re , b ut it wo uld se t up re sista nc e s.


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Fo r insta nc e , I b e lie ve tha t in Yug o sla via the re ha ve b e e n fo rc e s o f

g o o d a nd e vil a t wo rk. It wa s the sa me in Rwa nd a . Che c hnya is a

little b it mo re me ssy, b ut the re a re fo rc e s fo r g o o d a nd e vil in the se

c o nflic ts, whic h a re wo rking the mse lve s thro ug h. But to ha ve la b e lle d

Milo se vic , who m I inte rvie we d in 1990 a nd who m I e xp e rie nc e d a s a

p ro fo und ly e vil ma n, to ha ve la b e lle d him e vil o n a ir wo uld ha ve no t

d o ne the c a use , if it is a c a use , a ny g o o d a t a ll. In fa c t o ne o f my

c o lle a g ue s d id sta rt ta lking ve ry e xp lic itly o n a ir a b o ut the te rrib le

thing s tha t we re g o ing o n a nd wha t wa s like ly to ha p p e n ne xt. And in

e ffe c t his e mp lo yme nt with the BBC c a me to a n e nd , b e c a use it wa s

fe lt tha t he wa s g o ing o ve r the to p . And a ltho ug h in fa c t e ve rything

he sa id turne d o ut to b e a n und e rsta te me nt - it wa s a c tua lly muc h

wo rse tha n he p re d ic te d - the p la ne t, the BBC , o ur a ud ie nc e s, o r

e d ito rs, the o rg a nisa tio n, we we re no t re a d y to he ar tha t a t tha t

sta g e , so it wa s a c tua lly c o unte rp ro d uc tive . So it c a n b e ve ry

frustra ting , kno wing so me thing a nd no t b e ing a b le o r no t fe e ling it

a p p ro p ria te to sa y it.

Q. Having to sit with it?

A. To sit with it.

Q. Like the sile nc e that is the rapy.

A. Ye s, like the p ro c e ss, a b so lute ly, sit with the kno wle d g e o f wha t’ s

g o ing o n fo r the c lie nt, a nd to sit. This is ve ry inte re sting . I think I sa id a t

the e nd [o f my myth], jo urna lists a s the ra p ists to the wid e r c o mmunity.

Yo u c a n’ t d o the wo rk fo r p e o p le , fo r yo ur a ud ie nc e s, b ut wha t yo u

c a n d o is c re a te a c o nta ine r, g ive the m the to o ls to re a c h the ir o wn

wisd o m, a nd I d o b e lie ve tha t the re is a d e e p e r sha re d wisd o m tha t

e ve ryb o d y is ta p p ing into , so I ha ve a kind o f inte rna l o p timism tha t if I

d o my jo b a s a jo urna list, o r fa c ilita te the jo b o f jo urna lists in a wa y

tha t ha s inte g rity, ho ne sty, o p e nne ss, fa irne ss, tha t this will o f itse lf

p ro d uc e /g ig g le s/ p ro g re ss. Pro g re ss o f c o nsc io usne ss, a stre tc hing o f

c o nsc io usne ss, with ve ry stro ng the ra p e utic p a ra lle ls. [...]

Q. And a lso a link, re a lly, ta lking ab o ut.. Yo u me ntio n the e le me nta l fo rc e s,

tha t yo u’ ve b e e n to uc he d b y what yo u witne sse d, fo r me c asts me b ac k to

whe re we c ame in with the fa rmyard, ye s, I g ue ss that had an e le me nta l fe e l

to it, wande ring aro und witho ut a nappy o n, ve ry g ro unde d in to uc h with the

we a the r, na ture fa rming . A the me .

A. Ye s the re is a the me he re . Be ing a so n o f the so il a s we ll a s a so n o f

the c e ntury, I’ m ve ry muc h a so n o f the so il, o f e a rth a nd wa te r, o f

mud , a nd I ha ve a c e rta inty a b o ut the g o o d ne ss o f c re a tio n, the

fe rtility o f c re a tio n, g ro wing up o n a fa rm, so wing se e d s, the c yc le o f

the se a so ns, the ha rve st. I use d to a d o re ta king p a rt in the ha rve st,


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d riving tra c to rs, wa llo wing in the g ra in a s it c a me o ut o f the c o mb ine

ha rve ste r into the tra ile r. I use d to a d o re tha t, running g ra in thro ug h

my ha nd s a s a c hild . It’ s g ive n me a d e e p se nse o f inte rna l se c urity,

whic h I think wa s a kind o f p o int o f re fe re nc e in my jo urna lism whic h I

ne ve r d o ub te d . [...]

Q. It so unds as if it c an a lmo st b e an e mb o die d e xpe rie nc e ? In yo ur g uts.

A. [...] The re we re ma ny p o ints thro ug h my jo urna listic c a re e r whe re I

fe lt in to uc h with a kind o f mystic truth. It’ s o ne o f the re a so ns I c a me

o ff the ro a d , b e c a use I c o uld n’ t e xp re ss tha t truth in just d a ily

re p o rting , a ltho ug h it’ s so imp o rta nt fo r jo urna lists to b e in to uc h with

tha t truth so tha t the ir re p o rting sho uld b e a uthe ntic a nd rig ht fo r

whe re the p la ne t ne e d s to g o in te rms o f the re sp o nsib ility tha t the y

ha ve . Ce rta inly tha t BBC jo urna lists ha ve o r I b e lie ve ha ve .

/Lo ng sile nc e ./

Q . I g e t a ve ry c le ar se nse that yo ur so rt o f passio n ab o ut what yo u do , that it

stirs and mo ve s yo u a nd disturb s yo u, p e rha ps c o uld sa y so me mo re ab o ut

that, and the e ffe c t it’ s had o n yo ur c are e r a s a jo urna list.

A. The ultima te e ffe c t tha t it ha d o n my c a re e r a s a jo urna list is tha t it

sto p p e d me b e ing o ne , a nd to o k me o ff the ro a d . Whic h wa s so

a we -insp iring a nd no thing c o uld c o mp a re with tha t a fte r tha t. But

jo urna lism…

Q. What happe ne d in Ro mania?

A. We ll wha t ha p p e ne d in Ro ma nia ….. / thinks/ It wa s a t the e nd o f

tha t e xtra o rd ina ry ye a r tha t ha d se e n the wa ll c o me d o wn in Be rlin,

whic h ha d se e n the ve lve t re vo lutio n in Cze c ho slo va kia , the fa ll o f

Zhivko v in Bulg a ria , tha t a d ve nt o f no n-c o mmunist g o ve rnme nts in

Po la nd a nd Hung a ry, a nd I’ d b e e n d e c la re d p e rso na no n g ra ta in

Ro ma nia se ve ra l ye a rs e a rlie r fo r so me re p o rting I d id o n Ce a use sc u.

Who m I a lso e xp e rie nc e d a s e vil, a ltho ug h I c o uld n't ha ve a p ut a

na me to it in 1982, whic h wa s the la st time b e fo re 1989 tha t I ha d

visite d Ro ma nia . But I’ d ha d a se nse in Ro ma nia o f inc re d ib le

ric hne ss, o f inc re d ib le d e p th, o f c o untrysid e , o f c o lo ur, a se nse o f

histo ry, a se nse o f Euro p e , c ra mme d , a ll o f the c o mp e ting p a rts o f

Euro p e , the sp lit p a rts o f Euro p e c ra mme d into o ne c o untry, Ro ma nia

a s a mic ro c o sm o f Euro p e . It’ s g o t Pro te sta nts a nd Ortho d o x, it’ s g o t

Sla v a nd Hung a ria n a nd Ro ma nc e , so me Se rb ia n sp e a ke rs, it’ s g o t

the Da nub e , the g re a t Euro p e a n wa te rwa y. It’ s g o t mo unta ins, it’ s

g o t p la ins. It’ s g o t the Bla c k Se a . It’ s g o t a Ro ma n histo ry. It’ s g o t

d e e p c o nne c tio ns with the Ea st tha t d id n’ t g o thro ug h the

Enlig hte nme nt. It’ s rig ht o n the c usp o f Ea st a nd We st, in te rms o f its


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p e o p le , in te rms o f its g e o g ra p hy, its to p o g ra p hy, its c o untrysid e , its

c o lo urs, its mine ra l we a lth, its we a the r. The who le o f Euro p e is in

Ro ma nia .

And I e xp e rie nc e d in Ro ma nia whe n I we nt the re tho se first time s in

1981 a nd 1982, I e xp e rie nc e d it a s a c o untry o f e no rmo us we a lth a nd

d e p th. I fe lt insp ire d b y Ro ma nia a nd the Ro ma nia ns I ha d me t. And

the n b y the e nd o f 1989 I ha d no t b e e n to c o ve r a ny o f the

Re vo lutio ns. I’ d no t b e e n the re a t the Be rlin Wa ll; I’ d no t b e e n the re

whe n the ta nks mo ve d o nto Tia na nme n Sq ua re b e c a use I’ d le ft a

fe w d a ys e a rlie r. I’ d no t b e e n in Hung a ry. I’ d no t b e e n o n the stre e ts

o f Pra g ue whe n the y we re to p p ling the c o mmunist p a rty the re . So

Ro ma nia wa s the first o f the b ig c ha ng e s in 1989 [in Ea ste rn Euro p e ]

whic h I e xp e rie nc e d p e rso na lly. Ad d to tha t the inte nsity o f my

p re vio us e xp e rie nc e o f Ro ma nia – a nd Ro ma nia a s a c o untry (this is

inte re sting ), Ro ma nia is a so c ie ty, a c o untry o n the e d g e , a lmo st o n

the e d g e o f e xiste nc e . Pe o p le we re d e sp e ra te ly sup p re sse d . The re

wa s ve ry little in the sho p s. It wa s a strug g le fo r e xiste nc e a t a

p hysic a l, fo o d , b ut a lso a t a sp iritua l le ve l, b e c a use the y we re b o xe d

in, so liste ne d to , ma d e sma ll b y the p e tty-mind e d ne ss o f the

d ic ta to rship the y live d und e r. And I re a lise a c tua lly just ta lking a b o ut

this tha t I’ m a p e rso n o f the e d g e . I’ m a p e rso n o f the so il, b ut I’ m a lso

a p e rso n o f the e d g e . G ro wing up in No rth No rfo lk, o n the c o a st, o n

the la nd , the c usp b e twe e n the to wn a nd the c o untry, b e twe e n la nd

a nd se a , b e twe e n wa te r a nd e a rth…

Q. Ele me nta l…

A. Be twe e n a ir a nd fire . I a m a p e rso n a b so lute ly o f the e d g e . I’ m

a lwa ys inve stig a ting the e d g e . I’ m no t a c o mfo rta b le p e rso n. I’ m no t

c o mfo rta b le with the sta tus q uo . I’ m a lwa ys strug g ling to ma ke se nse

o f thing s, a nd Ro ma nia is tha t so rt o f c o untry. It’ s tha t so rt o f p la c e

whe re yo u fe e l o n the e d g e . It’ s a c o untry o f ra w e xtre me s. So to

e xp e rie nc e the re vo lutio n, whic h wa s a re vo lutio n o f e xtre me s,

b e c a use it wa s the first in Euro p e a t whic h se rio us vio le nc e wa s

unle a she d , la rg e numb e rs o f p e o p le we re kille d , I tho ug ht it wa s

se ve ra l 10s o f tho usa nd s to sta rt with, it turne d o ut o nly to b e

tho usa nd o r so a lto g e the r. But I sa w d e a d b o d ie s, I wa s sho t a t, I

e xp e rie nc e d d ra ma tic fire fig hts, the Na tio na l Lib ra ry g o ing up in

fla me s in c e ntra l Buc ha re st, a nd my re p o rting wa s infuse d with a

se nse o f [...] insp ira tio n. Extra o rd ina ry.

I wo uld sit in fro nt o f my typ e write r a nd wa tc h the sto ry write itse lf. It

wa s q uite a we -insp iring , a nd q uite frig hte ning a t time s. And it wa s

so me o f the b e st jo urna lism I’ ve d o ne , e ve r. I’ ve re a d tho se sto rie s

a g a in. It wa s ve ry ra w, it strip p e d a wa y the c o ve rs o f my so ul, it

e xp o se d me . I fe lt e xp o se d a nd so me ho w se e n a t the sa me time .

And a b le to c o nve y tha t e xp e rie nc e o f the re vo lutio n a nd this


86

e xtra o rd ina ry se nse o f lib e ra tio n a nd e xhila ra tio n tha t the Ro ma nia ns

ha d a t lo sing Ce a use sc u a nd find ing the ir o wn truth. I fe lt a b le to

c o mmunic a te tha t to my liste ne rs with [...] insp ira tio n, insp ire d writing

[...]. Tre me nd o us sp e e d , und e r tre me nd o us p re ssure , rig ht o n the

e d g e , o f time p re ssure s, o n my o wn to o witho ut a b ig BBC te a m,

o p e ra ting o n my o wn whe re I fe e l mo st c o mfo rta b le .

It just strip p e d the sc a b s o ff my b ro ke n he a rt. It o p e ne d my he a rt, it

re a lly o p e ne d my he a rt a t the e nd o f ‘ 89, a nd I’ ve use d the a na lo g y

o f the fa iry ta le o f Ka y a nd G e rd a , the ic e sha rd , whic h ha d

p e ne tra te d my he a rt. And my who le jo urne y ha d b e e n trying to he a l

tha t b ro ke n he a rt. And it so ha p p e ne d tha t a s I le ft Buc ha re st a fte r

two we e ks a s the re vo lutio n ha d wo n, it wa s b e g inning to g e t a little

b it me ssy a nd a mb ig uo us, a nd I wa s lo sing inte re st fa st, I ha ve to sa y,

in the me ssy p o litic s o f it a ll. Be c a use the ra wne ss wa s p a st. The ra w

e le me nta l fo rc e s tha t ha d b e e n a t wo rk to o ve rthro w Ce a use sc u

we re g iving wa y to a muc h na stie r infig hting , p o litic a l, in the ne w

p o litic a l a re na . The o ld c o mmunists we re trying to c o me b a c k to

p o we r thro ug h the Na tio na l Sa lva tio n Fro nt. It wa s g e tting q uite

me ssy. But o n the tra in o ut o f Buc ha re st o n to Bud a p e st… /c hang e s

ta c k/

No w Bud a p e st, Hung a ry is a c o untry tha t me a ns... so me thing I still

d o n’ t und e rsta nd . Its la ng ua g e is unlike a nything e lse a nywhe re o n

e a rth, a c o mp le te ly d iffe re nt se t o f rule s, a nd I a d o re the la ng ua g e ,

a b so lute ly a d o re the la ng ua g e . I’ ve stud ie d it, le a rning to

c o mmunic a te , trying to le a rn to c o mmunic a te in a la ng ua g e I d o n’ t

und e rsta nd , whic h wa s Hung a ria n the n a nd whic h wa s a lso the

la ng ua g e o f a uthe ntic e mo tio n in myse lf, o f re la tio nship , I wa sn’ t a b le

to d o it. Wha t c a me to g e the r o n tha t tra in wa s the lo ve o f Hung a ria n,

the ye a rning to c o mmunic a te in a la ng ua g e tha t I wa s trying to le a rn,

b o th Hung a ria n a nd my so ul la ng ua g e , the lo ng ing fo r my he a rt to

o p e n a nd the se nse o f e xhila ra tio n b e ing o n the e d g e , o b se rving a nd

re p o rting o n this c la sh o f e le me nta l fo rc e s, a lmo st Fa ustia n in its … On

the Bro c ke n wa tc hing Wa lp urg isna c ht..

And I me t a g irl. A Ro ma nia n Hung a ria n in who m I fe ll [...] in lo ve . She

wa s my G e rd a . So e ve rything c a me to g e the r sud d e nly. [...] So the

jo urna lism, the p e rso na l jo urne y, the y c a me to g e the r fro m d iffe re nt

d ire c tio ns in this e xtra o rd ina ry e mo tio na l e xp lo sio n whic h I c o ntinue to

wo rk thro ug h, a nd this is ve ry ne a rly 10 ye a rs a g o .

[...] Tha t ha s b e e n my jo urna listic jo urne y, b ut it ha s a lso b e e n my

p e rso na l jo urne y, me a s a c hild o f the 20th c e ntury, o f the p o st-

c o lo nia l e ra , a nd a b so lute ly a c hild o f the Co ld Wa r, whic h ma rke d

me a nd whic h a lso e xp re sse d my o wn d e e p e st truth. The me lting o f

the ic e , the ic e sha rd in my he a rt b e ing the e q uiva le nt o f the fa lling o f

the Be rlin Wa ll. [...] I’ m d rive n to ma ke se nse o f this, just a s I wa s d rive n


87

to ma ke se nse o f tha t mo ve b e twe e n the two fa rms a t the b e g inning

o f the 1950s. I d o n’ t kno w if tha t ma ke s se nse . It c e rta inly ma ke s se nse

fo r me . I’ ve ne ve r p ut a ll o f the se thing s to g e the r q uite in this wa y.

Q. So unds ve ry muc h as if the strug g le c o ntinue s, ye s, to make se nse o f a ll

this.

A. Ye s, o f whic h this p ro je c t is a ve ry imp o rta nt p a rt, b e c a use I wa nt

to se e ho w the jo urna lism fits in with this. No w, wo uld I ha ve

e xp e rie nc e d the sa me if I ha d b e e n a nuc le a r p hysic ist, o r a

b ric kla ye r? Wo uld b ric kla ying ha ve ha d this p ro fo und me a ning fo r

me ? Is it b e c a use o f who I a m – it o b vio usly is b e c a use o f who I a m –

b ut d o e s jo urna lism, d o e s wha t we a re c a lle d to d o in the c o nte xt o f

p la ne ta ry c o nsc io usne ss, is o ur c ra ft c ha lle ng ing e a c h o ne o f us to

a sk o urse lve s the se d e e p q ue stio ns to find me a ning , no t just me a ning

o f inte rna tio na l re la tio ns, the e nviro nme nt, o r e thnic riva lrie s in

Rwa nd a , b ut o ur o wn p e rso na l me a ning ? Are we b e ing p ro p e lle d a s

jo urna lists, ha ve we g o ne into jo urna lism b e c a use we a re se e king this

me a ning , ho we ve r unc o nsc io usly, a nd the n a re we p ro p e lle d b y

wha t we witne ss a nd the re p o rting tha t we d o d e e p e r into tha t

jo urne y, b a c k into o urse lve s, in the se nse tha t d o we a s jo urna lists

c o me o ut fro m a p la c e o f strug g le with me a ning , b e c o me jo urna lists

a t so me le ve l in o rd e r to a nswe r tho se q ue stio ns? And ha ving fo und

so me kind o f a nswe r o ut the re thro ug h the jo urna lism, a re we the n

c a lle d to c irc le b a c k into o urse lve s, to inte g ra te tho se truths, insig hts

we ’ ve g a ine d in the o ute r wo rld , to inte g ra te the m into o ur o wn

he a ling , a nd to b e c o me who we a re me a nt to b e c o me with

jo urna lism a s a to o l, a nd jo urna lism whic h is in itse lf the se e king ,

re sp o nsib le jo urna lism o f the BBC kind , whic h ho we ve r imp lic itly is a lso

se e king to he lp the wo rld b e c a use o f wha t the wo rld ne e d s to

b e c o me ?

And tha t und e rlie s o ur BBC jo urna lism, tha t we d o b e lie ve in truth a nd

justic e , a kind o f o ve ra rc hing se nse o f truth a nd justic e , a nd fa irne ss

a nd e q ua lity, a nd fa ir d e a ling . And tha t’ s no t b e c a use it’ s writte n

d o wn in o ur c ha rte r, o r b e c a use it’ s writte n d o wn in the ma nife sto o f

a ny p a rtic ula r p o litic a l p a rty, b ut b e c a use it re fle c ts so me kind o f

d e e p e r c re a tive truth, so me kind o f d e e p e r sp iritua lity, a ltho ug h mo st

jo urna lists wo uld n’ t wa nt to la b e l it sp iritua lity. But I b e lie ve it is a

sp iritua l q ue st, it is a sp iritua l c a lling . [...]

Q. What ab o ut c rying the n?

A. I c rie d in Ro ma nia . It wa s o n Christma s d a y. I’ d he a rd the c hurc h

b e lls, b e e n to c hurc h. I wa s no t a n e xp lic it c hurc h g o e r. I’ d a lso he a rd

the so ng o f Ro ma nia ns Awa ke b e ing b ro a d c a st o n the ra d io , a nd this

wa s the a nthe m o f the re vo lutio n. I c a me b a c k a nd re p o rte d this. I

g o t Lo nd o n to p la y in so me so und , a nd I kne w tha t I wa s g o ing to


88

b urst into te a rs whe n I he a rd this so und b e ing p la ye d in fro m Lo nd o n,

so I sla p p e d my c he e ks, wa she d wa te r o n my fa c e , to try a nd sto p

myse lf fro m c rying , a nd whe n the music c a me fro m Lo nd o n, I just

ma na g e d to g e t to the e nd o f the d e sp a tc h, wo und the vo lume

d o wn a s q uic kly a s I c o uld so tha t I wo uld n’ t c ry o n a ir, a nd the n

ho wle d , a nd so b b e d a nd so b b e d fo r a b o ut five minute s.


89

Appe ndix 8 – Gole ma n, Re inve nting the Ne ws

Daniel Goleman is a psychologist who has reported on the

behavioral and brain sciences for the Ne w Yo rk Time s since 1984:

He has been a senior editor at Psyc ho lo g y To d a y and taught at

Harvard University Dr. Goleman's newest book, Emo tio na l

Inte llig e nc e (Bantam Books, September, 1995) argues that human

competencies like self-discipline, persistence, and empathy are of

greater consequence in most of life than IQ and that we ignore the

national decline in these competencies at our peril.

Other recent books include Mind Bo d y Me d ic ine (Consumer

Reports/ St. Martin's Press), The C re a tive Sp irit (Dutton), Vita l Lie s,

Simp le Truths: The Psyc ho lo g y o f Se lf-De c e p tio n (Simon and

Schuster), and The Me d ita tive Mind (Tarcher).

Born in Stockton, California, Dr. Goleman attended Amherst College,

where he was an Alfred P. Sloan Scholar, and graduated Magna Cum

Laude. His graduate education was at Harvard, where he received

his M.A. and Ph.D. in clinical psychology and personality

development. Dr. Goleman now lives in the Berkshires in

Massachusetts with his wife Tara Bennett-Goleman, a

psychotherapist. He has two grown sons.

© The Contemplative Mind in Society, 1996


90

The Conte mpla tive Mind in Soc ie ty

The Co nte mplative Mind: Re inve nting the Ne ws

Da nie l Go le ma n

Just what do we mean by the term "contemplative mind?"

We originally turned to the phrase as a more culturally palatable stand-in for

"meditation." In retrospect, I think that the choice i s salutary, opening up

the scope for our deliberation.

In its original, literal sense in the Latin, the roots "con" + "templum" indicated

the act of thoughtful observation involved i n marking out the grounds for a

temple; in its deepest sense it connotes an awareness directed toward a sacred end. Contemplation sacralizes the ordinary divining its deepest dimensions. .

In classical Western thought - from Philo and the Greek Fathers of the early

Church, through Aristotle and St. Augustine --the contemplative life has been

contrasted with the active life. But the Oxford English Dictionary notes a

14th-century work urging, "Meld the works of active life with the works of

contemplative life," a stance much in the integrative spirit of our current

mission.

My understanding is that "contemplative" refers to a spectrum that spans

thoughtful reflection, pondering and consideration, and outright meditative

states that transcend all thought. This span might begin with perceptions and

reflections that are more "spacious" than is ordinarily the case, relatively free

of limiting psychological coordinates such as role, culture, or political

leanings. It includes prayer in the deepest sense -- seeking surrender to or a

union with a larger presence - but not in the mundane sense of asking for

something worldly, as in prayers of petition. It also covers the many

meditative modes, such as mindful observation of the flow of experience from

a neutral stance in awareness; rapt attention, absorption, and one-pointed

concentration; immersion in utter inner silence and stillness. And its fruition

is in bring these modes or their after-effects into daily life, integrating the

contemplative and the active.


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What Do e s Psyc ho lo gy Kno w Abo ut the Co nte mplative Mind?

Most of the relevant research has been on meditation, particularly

Transcendental Meditation, Zen, Vipassana, and, increasingly, Tibetan

Buddhist practices. The bulk of meditation research has focused on two kinds

of changes: state effects, which occur during the practice itself, and trait

effects, changes that persist well beyond the meditation session, transforming

the meditator.

Among the most general, well-documented state effects are a "hypometabolic"

state of physiological relaxation and slowed metabolism, a heightened self-

awareness, and feelings of calm. Among the main trait effects are improved

concentration, empathy and perceptual acuity, a drop in anxiety and stress

symptoms, an overall improvement in psychological and physical health or

alleviation of many symptoms in. the chronically ill, and more effective

performance in a broad range of domains from sports and academic test-

taking to creativity The results of a meditation technique depend to some

degree on the specifics of attentional strategy or other methods employed; for

example, studies of Tibetan tumo, a method that focuses on the selfregulation

of internal energy patterns, find resulting changes like a rise in metabolism

and core body temperature.

Some meditation findings are tentative, with smoldering methodological

debates challenging them - most recently in a skeptical report on exceptional

performance prepared for the military. But a meta-analysis of meditation

findings published recently in the American Psychologist concluded that it

produces a significant improvement in many of these dimensions.

These questions of method aside, the findings are for meditation per se, which

is only one band of the contemplative mind as defined here. There has been

virtually no research on related questions, such as the benefits of solitude and

retreats, or the nature and effects of semi-meditative states such as spacious

reflection, introspection, prayer or contemplation of a text. And the question of

what such a contemplative mode might bring to life's activities is virgin

territory for scientific research. If that were to be pursued, though, some basic

questions might be tackled at the outset.


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Co nte mplatio n as a Do main o f Skill

One question for exploration might be, what makes someone able or adept at

contemplation? Put differently, what elements need be taught to help people

become more contemplative?

Seeking too mechanistic an answer to the question may seem somewhat

antithetical to the contemplative spirit itself, but many classical sources give

matter-of-fact accounts of the key elements. For example, the core

contemplative "skills," according to the Visuddhima g g a (a 5th-century

meditation text with which I have familiarity) include:

1. mindfulness, bringing a careful, ongoing awareness to the present

moment;

2. the ability to detach from normal modes of cognition and perception

- to suspend ordinary trains of thought - and sustain this mindful

attention;

3. concentration, being able to become absorbed and let go of

distracting thought;

4. equanimity, an evenness in place of normal reactivity;

5. energy, zest and pleasure in this endeavor.

Other questions might include a catalog of ways to enter contemplative states

and a mapping of the contemplative mind; its consequences for health and

well-being, performance, relationships, etc.; and pathologies of the

contemplative path or the effects of its lack.

Over the last few years there has been a gathering initiative to investigate and

foster what might be called "emotional intelligence," effective emotional habits

and harmonious social relationships. It has advanced on several levels:

studies of the neuroscientific underpinnings of emotional life; pinpointing the

key emotional skills (self-awareness, self-control, empathy, expressiveness,

peacemaking, etc.); and identifying how deficiencies in these core skills play a

role ,in a range of problems, such as rising rates of teen depression and

divorce (now two in three for newlyweds), addictions, and violence. Finally, the


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initiative is promoting a full kindergarten to high school curriculum in

emotional literacy as a primary prevention effort.

Could there be a parallel research strategy and social initiative for the

contemplative mind? Can the core contemplative abilities be identified and

inculcated? Can more opportunities for experiencing a contemplative mode be

made available or encouraged? What difference would it make?

Re inve nting the Ne ws

A telling question is how a contemplative mode might transform a given

endeavor. As a case in point, consider what the contemplative mind might

offer journalism.

"The function of news is to s function of truth is to signalize an event,” Walter Lippman once observed. “The function of truth is to bring to light the hidden facts to set them into relation to each other and to make a picture of reality.” In this sense, I propose that a contemplative mode could move news closer to the truth.

What's considered Big News - the front-page-headline and evening-network

lead stories that galvanize attention, that everyone sees - is essentially what is

of burning interest to the limbic system, the ancient part of the brain that

rules emotional life. As a thoughtful TV producer put it, "News is what's

dangerous to people" - even if the danger is by proxy. The limbic system scans

whatever happens for signs of danger; a looming threat triggers an "orienting"

response, arousing rapt attention - but the potential threat registers only long

enough to ensure that it is of little importance. Once the potential threat is

safely understood as nothing of immediate alarm, the brain habituates to it,

tuning it out. The limbic brain is ready to fixate on the next potential threat.

The reality depicted in this way is a continuous stream of threats faced and

averted.

This fascination with limbic news has a potent evolutionary history; it aids

survival by warning of danger. But it means that the single largest category

of stories in the news are of threats and tragedies near and far - a formula

that, paradoxically, is soothing to the savage brain, which finds relief in the

fact that it happened there, not here. Once reassured that there is no

immediate personal risk, the limbic brain turns away.

The major headlines follow much the same dynamic: as each crisis

dominates the news it grabs huge amounts of print and air space - then,

once the crisis's half-life has expired, fades away, to be replaced by the next.


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Ethnic war in Bosnia gives way, to ethnic slaughter in Rwanda, followed by

nuclear weapons in North Korea, which is followed by tyranny in Haiti,

which is overtaken by the refugee flood from Cuba....

Limbic news conveys an endless string of disconnected incidents in isolation

from context - and so devoid of meaning. As it is now, the nightly litany of

sub-Saharan famines, ethnic hatreds ripened into civil war, children shooting

children, and so on, add little or nothing to our understanding. They are bits

of information without meaning, data points removed from the larger, hidden

patterns that give them context. A contemplative journalism might reflect on

the conditions that underlie those incidents, teasing out what Gregory

Bateson called "the pattern that connects" the event to a larger web of

meaning.

Consider an investigative mode that might be called "the position of no

position"; a completely open, spacious inquiry into a state of affairs, free of

prior commitment to any point of view - a contemplative mind. Such a deeply

reflective look at events could produce a very different version of "news." The

contemplative journalist might notice key relationships and changes that are

typically beneath our everyday threshold for perception. One example of this

mode is Rachel Carson's 1962 New Yorker articles which became The Silent

Spring; by observing closely the changes in a single pond, she sounded a

warning on global environmental calamities.

Joan Konner, now dean of the Columbia School of Journalism, once proposed

an entirely original kind of news show, one much more in keeping with this

wider perspective. She envisioned a "preventive journalism," one that

"searches in advance for the hidden forces of change so that society can

protect itself from the ambushes of history."

A contemplative news would stretch the assumptions of the conventional

"beats" of journalism, and add several entirely new ones. Among the beats

that are missing from our daily news:

- Va lue s a nd me a ning . For example, the Dalai Lama speaks of the four

billion souls who hold to no traditional faith; what values guide this mass -

where do they find meaning?

-Id e a s, im a g ina tio n, the c re a tive sp irit. A medley of new ways of thinking,

seeing, doing; visions of the possible.

The p la ne t. A chronicle of the slow processes that are transforming the

earth, and the human activities that foster them.

-O ur c o lle c tive so c ia l a nd e m o tio na l e c o no m y. For example, instead of

the normal business report, a deeper look at how trends and events, like


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recessions or a wave of mergers and cutbacks, affect the well-being of the

people they touch.

-Huma n c o nne c te d ne ss. Our relationships - family, work, community,

gender, generations - and the forces at work to change them.

-Ne ws o f the sp irit a nd so ul. Not about religious events, but about the

spiritual impulses that animate them. "Care of the Soul" might be a daily

column.

-Da ily life d isse c te d . This would uncover the invisible links between how

each of us lives and the vast consequences of these collective decisions

when repeated by millions, - e.g., the negative impact an the planet of our

habits of consumption.

Besides adding a wider range of beats, the form of the news might change,

Right now the closest approximation of contemplative news is in "back-of-

the-book" essays and some feature stories; contemplative news would

feature more such reportage - more thoughtful, at that - and give it

prominence rather than relegating it to the back pages. Beyond that, the

"news" might blend with the arts -- visual, dance, poetry, song -to the extent

that these forms explore and articulate our collective condition. And, in its

substance, the news might merge with disciplines like history and political

science, philosophy and ethics, so c io lo g y and psychology, anthropology and

evolutionary biology - wherever the deeper understanding of events is to be

found.

So me Re late d Que stio ns To Po nde r

-in what others ways might a contemplative mode reinvent the news, or the

media in general?

-How can the contemplative mode get better press?

Mainstream American culture is more apt to view the lone pilgrim as isolated

and lonely, rather than as seeking the splendors of solitude; to see time

spent in contemplative pursuits as "wasted" o r "unproductive;" to see

retreats as frivolous or eccentric. What role might media play in altering this

image?

-What might the contemplative mind bring to other professions? How would it

transform teaching, business, medicine, law, grantmaking?


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-Where are contemplative role models in our culture? While Eastern cultures

and Western mystical and monastic traditions offer ample exemplars of the

contemplative mind, they are scarce in lay society in the West. The seeker

alone in nature is one archetype, exemplified by Thoreau at Walden Pond; if

there is a root text for considering the contemplative mind in American

society, it might be Thoreau's Walden. One historical lineage for this

tradition would certainly hark back to Emerson, Thoreau, and the

Transcendentalists. Where are others to be found, and who are they?


the personal experience of the foreign correspondent

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