the parody magazine issue 1

1The Parody Magazine

Issue 1 Volume 1

April 2013

FIRST ISSUE

Magazine{parody}TheIssue 1 Volume 1

Alex HezikThe Story ofa Blue Star Girl

Legends of the White Squirrel Can you find these creatures on campus?

The Real Story Behind the DUC RenovationRead the secrets behind the closed gates

The Parody Magazine2

Hidden secrets at the DUC RenoYou’ve seen it all over campus. You’ve heard the rumors. It is now time to figure out what is going into this massive project.Page 3

Dear Reader,

As you come across this magazine, you might notice its cover reads “The Parody Magazine.” That is be-cause it is just that.

This publication was created to take what could potentially be news and portray it in a softer and less serious light. It also serves as an example for what not to do in a news story.

As a cautious reminder, parody in-volves some real truth, but tends to skew ideas out of proportion. Do not take the stories that you read se-riously.

All people involved in this publica-tion have been counciled appropri-ately before they were featured.

If you want to know the real truth behind the stories presented here, please look them up at credible news sources or ask the people them-selves.

Without further adeu, enjoy!

SOWHATREALLYHAPPENED?

A Note from the Editor

Michael Tucker

Western KentuckyUniversity

Contents

Finding the white squirrelWhat is really the legend of Colo-nel Blanco? Find out more about WKU’s illustrious white squir-rels.Page 6

Western student gets a chance at drum corpsFor all you band enthusiasts out there, here is a story of a student getting into Blue Stars, a division of Drum Corps International. Read what Alex Hezik had to do to get there and what she expects out of the experience .Page 4

Cover Photo: Alex Hezikby Michael Tucker

Photo by Michael Tucker

Photo by Michael TuckerPhoto by Michael Tucker


The truth about the DUC renovationStudents living in the vicinity of the Dero Downing University Center on the campus of Western Kentucky University have become irritable from frequently waking up early as a result of the mysterious sounds of drills, hammers, and construction trucks.

These sounds have been going on for nearly a year according to reports.Eyewitnesses indicate that the noise begins at around 5:30 in the morning and continues nearly 12 hours later.

The Parody Magazine looked into the issue and discovered that the 43-year-old building has been undergoing a renovation for the same duration as the sounds have been reported. Stu-dents and others making their way through the area were surprised to learn this. “I take that route to class every morning, but I never thought to look closely at DUC to see what was going on,” said Shouta Brown, a senior at WKU.

According to the College Heights Her-ald, a student newspaper at WKU, work began on June 26, 2012. It is unknown at this time how long that there had been a desire to renovate the building and increase tuition for students to cover the costs.

On the WKU website, there is a link to a page on the DUC renovation that provides additional information about the project. The projected cost is $50,000,000, an amount that could also cover other and more useful items on campus. Such examples in-clude creating new housing and park-ing to combat shortages of both that are continually complained about.

Once completed, DUC is poised to have many new features. Among them are new building systems, a 24-hour study area, new food facilities and a new recreation center. How-ever, there is speculation that there will be some other features that have not been revealed. Views into the

construction site have been blocked by fencing and black tarp since the project began.

Some possible hidden features in-clude a private waterslide for admin-istrative officials at the old Avenue of Champions entrance, underground bomb shelters, and a fine dining restaurant at the top floor.

DUC is expected to be completed by July 2014, leaving over another year of construction and frustrated cam-pus-goers.

Construction workers continue building this mysterious steel structure at the DUC entrance facing the Avenue of Champions.



Alex Hezik

Staying Alive in Drum Corps



Alex Hezik

Staying Alive in Drum Corps

This year, Hezik tried out to be a part of the Blue Stars Drum and Bugle Corps, a division of Drum Corps In-ternational, or DCI.

According to DCI’s website, drum and bugle corps are an “intense, choreographed musical experience staged on football stadium fields by students achieving high levels of ex-cellence in performance.” DCI is similar to marching band, but with more casualties.

Those involved with the program spend the summer traveling around the country and performing a show that changes from year to year. Prior to and in between performances, par-ticipants spend hours outdoors in the blistering summer heat, painstaking-ly perfecting the show.

Why did Hezik decide to get involve with this catastrophic program? “I wanted large muscles. Oh, and to ex-pand my musical horizons,” she said.

The preparation for DCI is nearly as intense as the program itself.

Hezik told The Parody Magazine that she had to run several miles every week to help her deal with the strenu-ous marching involved with the pro-gram.

She had to regularly do music assign-ments that tested to see if she could

Sophomore Western Kentucky University student Alex M. Hezik of Campbellsville, Ky. has recently sold her soul to a program that just might take her life...

competently play the music for the show. Hezik’s instrument of choice is the mellophone. “It’s my shiny com-panion, especially when I’m down. He cheers me up,” she said.

In addition, she had to attend camps every few weeks with other DCI par-ticipants to get an early start of per-fecting the show.

To become a part of Blue Stars, Hezik had to attend audition camps that tested her skills. “We had to keep going until we fell over begging for mercy. I almost lost my legs, but it was worth it,” she said.

Hezik expects to gain valuable expe-riences and knowledge while in the program, as well as a “perfect tan.”

She will leave a few weeks following the end of the spring 2013 semester and return just in time to continue her obession with the annual camp for the WKU marching band.

“Catch me on tour or catch you lat-er,” she said.

You can see Hezik and the Blue Stars performance by going to the DCI website and looking for the perfor-mance schedule.



The legend of the albino squirrels

Travellers through parts of Western Kentucky University have reported spotting a few squirrels with white fur among the colonies that already run rampant across the campus.

No one seems to know where the squirrels came from or much about them in general. “They are mys-terious creatures from a far away land,” said freshman Cameron Mur-ray-Hicks.

One speculation of the squirrels’ ori-gion it is simply a genetic mutation. The more popular explanation is that the squirrels came from another plan-et on a tiny spaceship and crashed near campus.

There have been sightings of the creatures in various locations across campus. Reports indicate that the

squirrels could live in the Centenni-al Mall area, where there is already a large concentration of regular squir-rels. Other places of interest include the McLean Hall lawn and behind Pearce Ford Tower.

Some have dubbed the squirrels with the collective name, “Colonel Blan-co.” This name has become a part of culture on WKU’s campus. It is even so popular that it appears on apparel sold at the WKU Store.

The Parody Magazine took a trip to the McLean Hall lawn and was lucky enough to capture a picture of one of the squirrels after hours of stalking the area.

“Colonel Blanco” sits comfortably in one of the trees in the McLean Hall lawn.


Graphics fromClker.com

Where do you think “Colonel Blanco” comes from?

Comment your answers on the post with The Parody Magazine on SoWhatReallyHappened.wordpress.com!

Reader Poll

Michael TuckerEditorPhotographerReporter

CONTENT IN THIS MAGAZINE IS MEANT TO BE PARODY AND DOES NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT MY VIEWS. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS MAGAZINE SERIOUSLY.

the parody magazine issue 1

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